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20: Types 2, 3, and 4 - Experiencing Spiritual and Relational Growth with the Enneagram
37 Plays5 months ago
The Holy Week reflections Laura Fleetwood created on Jesus and how he exuded all of the 9 personality types from the ancient spiritual growth tool called the enneagram generated a lot of buzz. Jill Devine asked Laura to dig deeper and explain more about the enneagram and how it applies to our every day lives, as well as our spiritual lives.
In this week’s episode, Laura provides a general overview of enneagram types 2, 3, and 4 – the heart center.
Learn Your Own Enneagram Type by Taking this Free Assessment: https://coach.yourenneagramcoach.com/laura-fleetwood
Gospel-Centered Enneagram Explanations:
https://messiahstcharles.org/origins-download/
https://gcdiscipleship.com/article-feed/should-christians-use-the-enneagram
Enneagram Books:
Enneagram Coaching for Individual or Couple: Contact Laura Fleetwood at laura@seekingthestill.com
Normal Goes A Long Way Website: https://www.normalgoesalongway.com/
Normal Goes A Long Way Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/normalgoesalongway/
Normal Goes A Long Way Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Normal-Goes-A-Long-Way-110089491250735
Normal Goes A Long Way is brought to you by Messiah St. Charles: https://messiahstcharles.org/
Two Kids and A Career: https://www.jilldevine.com/podcast
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Transcript
Introduction to Seeking the Still Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
Seeking the Still is produced by Jill Devine Media. Welcome to the Seeking the Still podcast with me, your host, Laura Fleetwood.
Connecting Through Overwhelm
00:00:14
Speaker
In this safe space, we come together to seek the still amid chaotic lives. To get honest about what overwhelms us, to become connected to one another and to the divine, to step into who we were created to be. Always real, never perfect, and forever on your side.
Reflections on Holy Week
00:00:36
Speaker
Laura did these awesome reflections during Holy Week, and she explains why it all came to her in last week's episode, but it really showed Jesus and all of the types each day. It was so fascinating to me just to listen to those and go, oh. Wow. So we decided we're going to tackle them all. And today specifically two, three and four. So why are we starting with two, three and four and not one for that, you know, type A personality of mine who's like, no, it's goes in order. We're not skipping you ones. where We're going to get back to you. There's a reason.
Understanding Enneagram Centers
00:01:12
Speaker
So in the Enneagram, there are three centers of intelligence and this is like the default place in your body where each type, um,
00:01:23
Speaker
makes decisions out of and kind of is the central part of them in which they live. So for types two, three, and four, those have a heart center. So these are the feeling types. These types, two, three, and four, if there's if they're faced with a decision, they're gonna really tap into their emotions. And how do I feel about it? And that's probably the default dominating factor for how they will respond.
Decision-Making in Enneagram Types
00:01:51
Speaker
Types. five, six, and seven are the head center. So these types will spend a lot of time thinking and um being analytical about decisions and about life in general. And then types eight, nine, and one are the gut center. And so these are the ones that just have that gut instinct about life. If they're faced with a decision, they just will kind of say, I just know, like, I don't have to prove it. It doesn't matter how I feel, I just know.
00:02:21
Speaker
Now, in the Enneagram, the goal is to incorporate all three centers, right? So the challenge is for you, Jill, as a two, yeah to purposefully engage your heart, or sorry, your head and your gut, yeah and not just live out of the heart, but that's
Emotional Awareness of Types 2, 3, and 4
00:02:39
Speaker
gonna be your default. And so that's why I segmented them the way that we're going going to, so we could go by center of intelligence. Okay. Well, I know obviously it's easy to talk about me as a type two, but How would you characterize us heart feelings people with all the types? I mean, what do you see as a difference between twos, threes, and fours? Do you see a big difference in as far as the feelings and the heart? And I and i know everybody is different, but
00:03:15
Speaker
Obviously there's something that they answer differently or uniquely that classified them into type four or three or two. Sure. And actually we'll get into that when I cover each one. Okay. But um essentially they're all utilizing feeling or emotion. some of them may not be as aware of it. Oh, okay. So a type three usually isn't really aware of their emotions. They're stuffed down pretty far, but actually they're very emotional people. All right, well then let's just go. Start with type two. Okay, so a type two, and I recommend using the numbers because there are lots of different Enneagram tools out there and they all might have different adjectives that go with each number. that can kind of skew your perspective of it a little bit. So for example, the tool I use calls Type 2 the supportive advisor. Others might call it the helper. But if you just say Type 2, it doesn't rely on those additives. So Type 2 is the heart center. And with Enneagram, every type
00:04:29
Speaker
has a core fear that they're running away from, a core desire that they're running toward, a core weakness, and a core longing. And so these are really the the root aspects of each type. So we'll cover all of those for a type too type two. Type two's core fear is to be rejected or unwanted. So that is going to be at the root of almost everything in life. Am I worthy? um Am I significant? Am I worthy of love? they they They need that. The core desire is to be appreciated, loved, and wanted. So that's kind of at the center of everything. The core weakness of a type two would be that um they tend to deny their own needs and their own wants in order to meet the needs of others um in a way that they can be shown appreciation or love.
00:05:28
Speaker
and their core longing is that they want to be wanted and loved. So type twos are generally very thoughtful, generous, demonstrative, people pleasing, but the shadow side is that they can be um possessive or even a little bit um manipulative in that, and they're probably not aware of it, but they're doing things for others so that others will need them. So that they can feel appreciated and wanted. So that's the type two.
Growth and Stress Paths for Type 2
00:06:05
Speaker
um Type twos under stress move toward an unhealthy eight. And the eight is the very kind of like commanding personality. So that's a pretty big shift. Two who's normally very helpful to go to an unhealthy eight and then under growth and
00:06:25
Speaker
Health, a type two moves to the healthy side of type four. And that's on the Enneagram diagram, you'll see that there's two lines drawn from each number. One is the stress path and one is the growth path. So type twos I would describe as just really being able to love people, being driven um very much by their emotions. and to be aware of the fact that they're probably putting, if they're working out of their default, they're probably not putting themselves first when they should, and that that is not um a bad thing. That's not selfish for a two. it's It's actually something they need to do to stay healthy.
00:07:14
Speaker
Yep. All right. Type three.
Authenticity in Type 3
00:07:19
Speaker
All right. The type three, also the heart center. Um, my, my documents calls it this accessible achiever. These are our list makers. Okay. So a type three is very efficient, very accomplished. These are the people that you might see several degrees after their names, um very motivating and driven and very conscious of their image of how people bull see them. I describe type threes as chameleons. They can step into a room and be whoever that room needs them to be. Oh, yes.
00:08:00
Speaker
because they're they're very much aware of how do I need to fit in in this space? And um that can be a great thing and it can also be a shadow thing. ok So the core fear of a three is that um they would be incompetent or inefficient or not be successful. Failure is like the biggest fear for a type three. Their core desire is to have high status and respect to be admired, successful, and valuable. Okay, so they very much care what other people think of them. Their core weakness is deceiving themselves into believing that they're they only are the image that they present to others, that they don't have a ah true, authentic self.
00:08:52
Speaker
that all of these kind of facades that they can wear in the world are actually them instead of really discovering who they are. Remember I said the type three is a feeling feeler, but they don't know it. yep That's why. It's because they're so busy trying to present the emotions that people need them to have that that actually when you dig deep and ask the questions, they don't really know how they feel. even though they're feeling something, right they've just gotten really good at hiding it. And they the core longing is that they want to be loved and valued simply for being themselves and not these whatever they're showing to the world or these different personas that they may wear.
Personal Growth Through Enneagram
00:09:34
Speaker
I want you to jump into the type four, but but I'm trying to remember something that you had told me when we were talking about mine in particular, because some of the words that you're using to some people, probably the person who is that type, they're like, I don't feel that way like I don't want I'm not manipulating people. And it was interesting how you worded it to me. And not that it's I'm purposely trying to manipulate people like that is a that's a a big yuck for me. The Eddy Graham is so
00:10:13
Speaker
accurate that when you find your type, for sure, you are going to feel that tug of, oh my gosh, someone is looking in my soul. Yeah. And I don't want to admit that this may be at the root of some of my um less healthy behavior. So like it hits so hard. But in a way that most of the time you're unconscious of it, you're you're not purposefully Acting out of your shadow side, right right? You're not saying I want to deceive, I want to manipulate late this person so they'll give me a compliment. Like you're not thinking that, right but you may be under such stress and in such a place where because your core desire is to be needed yeah and and wanted, like your default is like actively seeking that in a way so that you'll feel good.
00:11:10
Speaker
It's not being sneaky and tricky. There's no good or bad Enneagram type. right it's just They all have a side in health and they all have a side in stress. yeah okay And so what we wanna do is learn our boundaries so that we can live more in our health side. So under stress, a type three moves toward the unhealthy nine, which is the peacemaker. oh And under growth, the type three moves toward the healthy tat type of a six, which is the loyalist. Okay, so that's, when we're talking about growth and stress paths, when you learn your Enneagram type, you're also going to want to study the numbers that are your growth and your stress points, because that will be kind of, you'll shift between those, depending on what's going on in your life.
Uniqueness and Struggles of Type 4
00:12:03
Speaker
Okay, type four is the romantic individualist.
00:12:08
Speaker
These people are often, not always, but are often the artists. Okay. Okay. So they're very authentic. They know their feelings. They like to sit in their feelings. They like to dwell in them. Um, creative, expressive, very deep and shadow side can be like temperamental. Okay. Okay. So they are very in tune with how they feel and what their emotions are because their core fear is that they would be inadequate or plain or mundane or flawed or insignificant.
00:12:47
Speaker
how okay So like these emotions are kind of a way of them saying, hey, I i matter you know because I feel this way. um Their core desire is to be a unique person, special, and to find their authentic self. Because of this, their weakness or their shadow side is that they might feel envy, like that something is missing inside of them that others possess, um or they might feel flawed in some way, that they're not unique, that they're not special. And they want their longing as they want to be seen and loved for exactly who they are, which is special and
Balancing Heart Types with Mind and Gut
00:13:26
Speaker
unique.
00:13:26
Speaker
Under stress, the type four moves to an unhealthy two. Um, and then under growth, they move to a healthy type one. Anything else you want to add on twos, threes, fours or our feelings and heart people? I would just say for you type twos, threes, and fours to, um, really purposefully engage your mind and your gut more. because that's not gonna come naturally to you. You're going to want to rely on on your feelings to to in how you respond to life and to people. And so sometimes just giving a pause and checking in with your other centers to say, okay, that's how I'm feeling, but what does my mind tell me about this? What do I know to be true? yeah And what is my gut telling me? like What is that? If I had to respond right away, what would that response be? and that will
00:14:23
Speaker
help you have a more well rounded view of whatever situation or person you're dealing with. And I can say that it's very difficult as a type two, but learning and have understood that the feeling is not always the thing. So Yeah, it's it it takes work, but it is definitely, it's okay to have your feelings and all that, but- Absolutely, that's part of your superpower yeah as a two, three, and four. Feelings are a superpower, but it can also be your shadow side. So what we're what's our best is also what makes us our worst. And that's part of the beauty of any gram is understanding how to how to balance that and to recognize when it's showing up in our life.
00:15:10
Speaker
So we need those type twos and threes, gosh, to to show empathy in the world yeah and to keep us connected to our hearts and to our feelings. We need that from them. And so all you type twos, threes, and fours out there, we love you for that. be still