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WTF news I did not see that coming
17 Plays20 days ago
Another Wednesday where we talk crazy news and of course don't forget the nsfw news
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Transcript
Introduction and Network Updates
00:03:05
Speaker
ah What's up, buddy? What up, man? So it is Hump Day. I love Hump Day. We are on the Nonsense Gold Network. Did you see the new logo I made? Up in your top corner there. Yeah, that's pretty cool, right? Yeah, I thought I thought. Oh, I bet. I made a new one, too.
00:03:36
Speaker
i thinking you got you just took the logo i already made and put a different flag behind it a better one a better one the one you did was really cartoonish but yes we are on i know it was like that on purpose i know i know i'm just i wanted to play i have all these pools i get i never get to play with so uh welcome everybody to what the fuck news all the news news that can be news and we're going to talk about it because it's out there. ah Remember to go ahead and check out bio.link slash nonsensical network. We can find everything we do, all the links to all our social media. And then of course the link to our merchandise, nonsensical dash nonsense.myspreadshop.com and spread us onto you. How are you doing? Click. How was your stay caged?
00:04:28
Speaker
I'm here. It was nice not to worry about you fuckheads for a week. I'll be honest with you. Hey, number one. Fuck you. We did a pretty good job. I got everything uploaded. I mean, it's back the last day. The last well, like was it was Monday? Yeah, Monday I upload. I got everything finally uploaded, including your show. So thank you very much. You're welcome.
00:04:57
Speaker
um the only The only regret I have about what I uploaded, when Blaze uploads Nonsense of Chill, he puts the ah ah thumbnail and I forgot until after. And I was like, oh no, whatever.
00:05:13
Speaker
so yeah you get But, they see? There you go. See things went flawless without you. Jeff did great. Thank you very much. I wouldn't say I've turned the audience against you, sir. I wouldn't say that I went flawless, but it, it went, you guys did something. I mean, you did do something and it went, I don't know about flawless, but, uh, you know, you did something just.
Show Management and Delegation
00:05:43
Speaker
No, no, I mean I would personally i would fucking kick I would personally never have somebody come on my show and and and spew anti-semitic Oh, yeah, because we've never seen an asshole or a penis when you're on here just I don't I don't let that stuff fly but Uh,
00:06:06
Speaker
yeah, that that was was a little an out out left field but uh, yeah today is what the fuck news we have um some new stories and and I gotta say I'm kind of enjoying the thumbnail made for tonight. um But I was I was kind of like I said with the the I guess I wouldn't say the biggest news but the the news of the day is this is your official first day back on the shows that you're on like this one and Saturday and stuff like that. Yeah, I was gonna say I had
00:06:42
Speaker
I did. I did Sunday show. Yeah. The football show and then I did last night's show. I had a really cool guest. and Nobody was going to do that show with you because no it would be funny for me to do it though. Like if you want to send me notes and I would have done and Sunday show. Oh, that would have gone off just swimming. Oh, well, I mean, **** you can. Football. You could have set up the studio and had Rick and Derek in there and you could have just sat back and I could have. I could have taken a nap the whole time. Yeah.
00:07:12
Speaker
but no so yeah I mean, technically I came back Sunday, but but it was ah it was nice. I needed it. I needed a little break and after almost four years and it's also nice that
00:07:29
Speaker
I mean, ah take I guess you guys could take this however you want to take it. I don't really mean for it to sound like an asshole or I don't really mean to come across like an asshole. But, you know, I slid you over into the driver's seat of this show. So basically my hands are off of this show. My hands are off a Monday. And of course, I didn't do anything on Friday. Really, I have my show on Tuesday. I have Saturday, Sunday and then cash a show. But I, you know, I'm not I'm not making a logo. I made you in cash. Uh, yes. yeah don like free time on the hand I But it looks cool. It looks cool. i You gotta get that. It's funny how cash's head fits over a stone cold's head perfectly. I'm just saying. I gotta, I gotta actually
00:08:21
Speaker
do some work for his show. I'm working on creating an actual new logo, like, yeah, memes, it little little fun memes and everything are fun. We have our actual show logos, which won't be going anywhere. But I got to touch up some stuff on his and I want to redo his intro and whatnot. I'm going to do the same thing for Glick's House of Music. I want to redo the intro and redo the music and Whatnot, but no I got more time to focus on on on my shows and the shows I host and like I said ah Whatever you guys do for the shows that I'm not hosting I Truly don't care if you if you make clips you make clips if you share me share them if you don't you don't if you if you promote them you you do if you don't i hey, you know what that's that's all you guys you know and I had to and I and I had to
00:09:18
Speaker
take my hands off of the stuff because it was a lot to handle and it was, uh, and the only way it was going to get done is if I just said, fuck it. I don't really care what y'all do. I'll worry about my shit. Well, you know, that like the, the day to day, the being on the show, that's the easy part. We can all admit that the, the uploading can be a bit of a pain in the ass. I actually, so the other day I downloaded an episode and I wouldn't put it up.
00:09:47
Speaker
And I realized it like it wouldn't let me put it on a Zencaster. I couldn't figure out what the fuck was going on. I downloaded the video, not the audio, like an asshole. Which you can upload video on to Zencaster.
00:10:00
Speaker
But you have to yeah you have to you have to have the premium membership on there and stuff like that. So which, you know, it's pointless for us to have because we're not uploading. We have a YouTube channel. Yeah. Yeah. We're uploading audio ah for for the Spotify's and stuff like that. But no, I mean, yeah, all in all. I mean, it was nice to not have to worry about anything for a week. Just kind of come home and do what I do. And like I said, you know, I I told you um was it Two weeks ago two weeks ago now, this is you're hosting this baby a I'm gonna I'm gonna do the proverbial turn my camera on and show up and that's it but that's You're gonna love it, but it's easy i will you do You do have you do have to still find those penis stories because I will know like know I'm still I'm still bringing a new I'm still bringing new story i
00:10:56
Speaker
ah you know, that's like, I don't have to worry about the one in the studio said like, I was literally out there playing Call of Duty until about 10 two. And I was like, I guess I could, I guess I could go get the studio now.
00:11:09
Speaker
I did upload music, which, you know, I will do that. You know, I will upload new music as i yeah because well. You know, yeah as, as the person that interviews all the musicians, it's kind of, like ipso facto but I already have the music on my laptop. Yeah. So I mean, I already have the music on my laptop. It takes 30 seconds. I told Chris, I, you know, I could either teach Chris how to get the music from the artist or I can go to his brand. He let me know what he wants. I probably already have it on my laptop and I can just upload it on his brand for him.
00:11:39
Speaker
So, um, but, uh, yeah, no, I mean, it it like I said, I just worry about Tuesdays and Saturday nights. I mean, Sunday is super easy, uh, because much like Tuesday is super easy for me because it's two things that I'm very passionate about sports and music. So, you know,
00:11:59
Speaker
but a lot less ah lot less stress and and everything like that. But yeah, I mean, this is, yeah, obviously, you know, for for tonight, I still have my news stories and whatnot. And and I still have plenty of penis stuff, penis related stuff ah saved. you you are You are the ipso facto penis master. I'm the penis czar, if you will. The penis czar, there you go. Well, speaking of promoting the network,
00:12:28
Speaker
um As opposed to reading it all the time, I made a little clip, buddy.
Program Rundown and Fantasy Football
00:12:32
Speaker
Check it out. yeah If your week feels dull, you're probably not tuning into the nonsensical network. Let's spice things up. Buckle up, because on Mondays we kick off with Chris's speedway stories and cold-blooded conversations.
00:12:43
Speaker
Fast cars and chilling tales, what's not to love? Next up, Lieutenant Dan, Connor, that is, brings you men caring for men. Yes, even tough guys need a little TLC. Tuesdays we've got Glick, our Sasquatch's second cousin, rocking Glick's House of Music. Tune in for some legendary jams. Wednesdays, Glick teams up with Jeff for WTF News. If it's weird, wild, or just plain wacky, they're on it. Thursdays, it's all about Jeff's garage. Think of it as a man cave with a microphone. Fridays, our resident stoner Blaze joins Jeff for nonsense and chill. Grab your snacks, it's movie night. Saturdays, start with Cass's and Cass's corner, where Mini Glick talks wrestling. Then it's the open door challenge on nonsensical nonsense with Glick and Jeff.
00:13:24
Speaker
Expect the unexpected. Finally, wrap up your week with unnecessary roughness on Sundays. Glick and the boys break down all things football. So tune in and join the madness. The nonsensical network where chaos meets comedy. Yeah, I wish I could get the A.I. to speak a little bit more excitedly, but I'm working on it. But since it is a news night, well,
00:13:53
Speaker
Yeah, go ahead. there That actually reminds me, it's something I'm going to have you guys ah do for me. um Make like a 15, 30 second little clip ah for your shows, actually you on camera, actually you talking, not, right not A.I., not animation, an actual fucking video that we can use. A.I. has got a better voice for me, buddy. Well, I mean, I just. There is that. I hate the sound of my own voice. I understand that 100 percent. But it's something I want to I want to do. And then I will have them separately and then I'll also have them. We'll mash them all together. Yeah.
00:14:48
Speaker
Yeah, then i'll I'll put them all together for it, but i'll I'll go a little bit more into. Damn, I won the wolf twice in one place. Um. I'll go a little bit more into detail with that, but that's something that I would like done sooner than later. Um, but, uh, before we dive right into the news, because just a real quick, uh, got lots of things happening, man, in our fantasy football league. And, uh, we've missed the last two.
00:15:16
Speaker
two weeks and I don't, I don't expect you to remember a real quick rundown of week 10. Um, I lost running your, your, your nemesis took you out. This was two weeks ago. You lost to Brian, uh, Derek, uh, lost to Connor. Uh, Cam was on a bye week. So of course he won and I knocked down Justin. Uh, and then last week and week 11.
00:15:46
Speaker
um I avenged you I avenged you little buddy and I beat the dog shit out of Brian 153 7 Justin was on a bye week Cam squeaked out past Derek and Connor edged you out by a measly seven points. Yeah so Which leaves the standings now? ahji I um standalone as the big dog in the yard, uh, eliminating my competition being Justin and, and, and then Brian was, was trying to edge up there. And, and so there's the definitive first through Brian tends to edge a lot. I'm just, yeah, I, I smacked him all the way, smacked him all the way down to fourth place, I think. Um,
00:16:42
Speaker
Jeff, unfortunately, you have been eliminated from playoff contention. There is no major comeback for you. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you still should pay attention to your, to your. No, I will. I actually just, I, I, I just realized I need to find a new tight end for this week because my tight end, the only time that I have is on a pie week. Every tight end I have is on a pie. Nice. I was going to say, you can still play. You can still, so you can still play spoiler.
00:17:12
Speaker
Uh, because you do play cam this week. Yeah. Uh, schedule. Let me see. Yeah. I played cam this week. You are. There you are. You play cam this week. He's, he's uh, well, yeah, you can play spoiler to cam. I think Derek's basically out unless he wins out and then do you get the bye week at the end of the season. So you'll get, you'll get, uh, you'll, you'll end up with, uh, with at least three wins this season.
00:17:43
Speaker
Actually, i ah as of right now, I got a 65% chance of beating camp. Yeah, until hes until he sets it. Yeah, exactly. I don't think he set his stuff up because he's projected at 66 points. I'm projecting to 87, and I still haven't found a tight end. So I'm assuming he's going to fix that here pretty soon. but no Yeah, you you are in 7th place officially eliminated from playoff. Derek is 6th place. And then there's a three way tie for third place. Both Connor or Connor, Brian and Cam. Are all seven and four, however. I'm. Only a not even. A half a point separates Brian and Connor.
00:18:36
Speaker
from fourth place. Cam is in third place. I am in second place or Justin's in second place. And then I am the top dog. I am the big dog at nine and two all alone in first place ah with match-ups this week, myself versus Connor. I have a question. Derek's on a bye week. Justin versus Brian and Cam versus you.
00:19:06
Speaker
I have a question. What is your question? Hypothetically, if you lost every game, me like, yeah, if you lost every game, it there's, no I mean, there's, I, obviously there's no way I can get into the playoffs, but, but like, if you lost a bunch of games, like, like, even like the question is if I beat you in a game that we're matched up in, even though I'm not ranked to become in playoffs, it will affect you.
00:19:35
Speaker
It could, but I'm, I'm basically at this point, I am locked into a playoff. And if I win this week, I'm absolutely 100% locked into a playoff position because the worst I would end up is 10 and three. I'm already at that point you playing this week. Uh, Connor, who after this we're gonna set up his so kind i like i'm gonna find a i'm gonna I'm gonna call you know,
00:20:05
Speaker
somebody famous that like, that knows football and have him call Connor. That's why I helped. He'll lose. You know, maybe if I set up, maybe if I set up yours, he'll lose. I don't think so, man. I got, I got a pretty, I got a pretty stacked, uh, uh, pretty stacked bench even still. I mean, you'd have to unload my team, but, um, yeah, so, uh,
00:20:35
Speaker
If I beat Connor this week, i'm I'm guaranteed locked in because worst case scenario, I, in the season 10 and four, uh, I would still have a better record than, uh, basically everybody else. Um, Justin's eight and three, uh, can, uh, Justin cam and Brian are all seven and four, but Justin and Brian are playing each other this week. And, uh, Connor and I are playing each other this week. So, um but, um,
00:21:05
Speaker
As of right now, if the playoffs started tomorrow or this weekend, it would be Cam versus Justin and Brian and I in the first round. For the winners bracket. OK, so not terrible. No, it's not technically still anybody's game. Yes, yeah, I mean take me there are five guys buying for play. I mean.
00:21:33
Speaker
We need some losses. Derek would have to win out. He could technically be vying for a playoff position too. um Right now I'm locked in. i I'm laser locked in. So I mean. And I'm not mad last year. Last year I went nine and five. And then yeah that's not terrible this year. However, I will not be taking a dive like I did in the championship last year. I agree. I don't think you should have to because last year you did for for.
00:22:02
Speaker
other reasons. Yeah, I did. I eliminated who needed to be eliminated and then I took a dive against Kush. So OG Kush was our winner last year or Doctor Kush, but I eliminated who needed to be eliminated. Suck it. golf you know You don't match up in a real fantasy football league. How you doing? this herere in tony how do i
00:22:31
Speaker
but I will I will say I will say uh I I have continued my streak in fantasy football. I'm on an eight week winning streak and um all uh and uh one of my uh Tony's league. Yeah, but you live and breathe **** football for like for fun. I've known you. Yeah, I mean, I don't necessarily live and breathe it but uh well, it's compared to me.
00:23:00
Speaker
I'm knowledgeable about it. I mean, that'd be like me saying that you live and breathe. Um, I'm on a seven game win streak in our league and I'm on an eight game win streak in my personal league. And I think I'm on a seven or eight game win streak in Tony's league. Uh, I am, uh, I am in second place in Tony's league currently. And my personal league, I am in first place, uh,
00:23:31
Speaker
and that one as well. That's the one that really matters because that's the one that's got money on the line. I was going to say, yeah, who gives a shit about our league at the end of the day? You want to win the money, but I will. I will. I think probably then you wouldn't really fuck with him. Tell everybody I help. Yeah. Jeff, help me pick every fucking the roster. Yeah, they'll be like, yeah, we know better than that. No, so I will I think I think what I want to do is I'm gonna go ahead and get one of those 3d printed Lombardi trophy things. Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep it. I'm just gonna like keep it at the house and every year I'll add the winner on to it and it'll be displayed like especially once I actually
00:24:24
Speaker
Uh, have like a quote unquote studio or office. It'll be on display behind me. And of course we'll make a post and everything like that congratulating the winner. And then I'm hoping next year we can fill the league. Um, and I've got a few people already. Uh, next year we can get a 12 team league. And, uh, if we do that, uh, we'll start, once we fill the league, we'll start doing prizes, uh, for the winter, like a little, like a little, uh, uh, prize package.
00:24:51
Speaker
Well, by next year, I should have my 3D printer as well. So I'll be able to, I want to learn how to anodize so I can make the 3D print look like metal. So, and then I'll gold play it because that would be cool. Yeah, because Nikki will be able to do like shirts and stuff for me that I can send out. That too. But anyways. In other news, ah our favorite state buddy, I'm telling you,
00:25:22
Speaker
So an irate Florida man, and that that is the title of the episode, the the article, an irate Florida man with a lengthy criminal record was cuffed and thrown out Uh, well, Compton taken to jail by police.
Bizarre News Stories
00:25:48
Speaker
I want you to guess why he was at a restaurant. So I'll give you that.
00:25:56
Speaker
Uh, Florida man, he got drunk, wasn't gonna pay his tab, decided to have sex with an alligator. punched I wish it I wish it was more more involved. took his But he took his weiner out. So apparently his wife was was complaining about his drinking. So he threw a plate of pasta at her. And and and said, and I quote, I'll drink as much as I want.
00:26:30
Speaker
I mean, my business lady old Nolan coins uh grew and ranged over some glaring highlights someone's glaring highlights you know obviously people weren't saying oh you're drinking too much calm down there buddy and he threw a plate of pasta at you know passed his wife's head and everybody thought it was at his wife but at a pass his wife's head at people yelling about his drinking and uh he's being held on a thousand dollar bond
00:27:03
Speaker
um
00:27:06
Speaker
And he's being charged with aggravated assault with a plate of pasta. I don't feel like he did anything wrong. People should really learn to mind their fucking business.
00:27:20
Speaker
welcome you know It's one of those things like if he's belligerent and acting like an ass, which I'm sure he was, and people are like, hey, it's a family joint, dude. You want to stop being an asshole?
00:27:33
Speaker
That's one thing, but it sounded like it wasn't necessary, it wasn't like it it's on a fucking Applebee's, you know?
00:27:43
Speaker
Which if it was an Applebee's, I'd expect it more often than not. yeah No, I still say mind your fucking business. Well. I decided to bring my lady out for a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. Well, she was complaining about his drinking as well. Well, she knows what she's gonna get when they get home.
00:28:02
Speaker
your has i
00:28:07
Speaker
Well, from one restaurant to another. A Florida mom tricked a man who was texting her 13 year old daughter to meet up at a Popeyes where he got shot by the police. So he was he apparently was texting his her daughter. Now, when when I say man, he was 18.
00:28:32
Speaker
So, man is, man child. I get it. At the end of the day, you know what? You're a pedo and you got what you deserve. I feel like all pedos should be shot on site. 18 and 13, there's no excuse for it. You're 18 and 13. No, there is none. So, she took her daughter's phone after she found out what was going on and started texting this guy and convinced him to meet up at a Popeyes where she called the police. Now, she and her kids came into the Popeyes. Of course, they didn't. He didn't recognize them, which I was like, wait, he's been texting this 13 year old for a while and doesn't recognize her when she walks in the door, but OK. Yeah. ah And he was high he was in the back of the Popeyes, you know, back section. And when the police pulled in, he had more than enough time to escape, but then started brandishing a firearm like he's waving around, you know, and he escaped from the cops, hid behind the Popeyes, pulled the gun on the cops and the cops shot him in the leg and the hand. And then he was found later on. and I think it was a in in a and a storm drain.
00:29:51
Speaker
good spot for everybody He's being held on a $700,000 bond he's being charged with an aggregated aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, lunaticious conduct with a person under 18, and unlawful use of a two way communication device. entirely So he didn't die when they shot him? No, they just shot him in the leg.
00:30:19
Speaker
Well, yeah, I waste the bullets kill Learn how to shoot somebody needs a lesson in how to shoot i think I mean if you're gonna shoot him in the leg at least hit the arteries so he bleeds out well, so According to the article. There's uh, it said there's something in the torso So he might have got hit in the torso, but he's he's still in the hospital yeah You know
00:30:47
Speaker
Well, in my opinion, all pitos should be dropped on site. Okay. um <unk> really blind And really the only exception there is like, if you're dating in high school and she's like, it's called the Romeo Juliet cross. She, you're 17. She's 16. And then she turned 17. You turn 18. Yeah. But 13, dude. Jesus. That 13, anything, anything. I'm sorry. This is just my opinion. If you're 18, anything under the age of Like, you know, that's, you know, better. you That's no blame on my opinion. I mean, I understand sometimes when you're in high school, you know, a sophomore or a junior will start dating a freshman or whatever, but yeah, I mean, that' you know, we just kind of make the exception at 16 and 18, but that's about as far as I'll go. Anything after that, you know, it's 13. That's middle school.
00:31:49
Speaker
Yeah. Well, you know, at 18, if you're talking to a 13 year old, uh, you know, who's to say in six years down the road, you're still not going to be talking to 12, 13 year olds. So why don't we just, why don't we just save the taxpayers a lot of money, save the police a lot of time and energy and just, well, it's a really cheap. I mean, at the end of the day, 26 cents, but um just saying yeah i mean I'm just saying, just saying.
00:32:17
Speaker
Um, I did find something that I think you out of all people would appreciate, but we all know how you love, you love Taco Bell. I got a quick little video. I got a quick 16 second video here that we need. This is something that is needed in every one of these locations. Check this out.
00:32:51
Speaker
Right. oh Yeah. Taco Bell in the bar. Yeah, let's go. I do want to say shout out to Taco Bell for bringing the 90s menu back. Got the Gordita, the Crunchy Gordita, and some other menu items from the 90s. What's up? Definitely. Guyita brought back the nostalgia, nostalgic cups and everything like that with the old school. i i can he The and the fuse. Yeah, with that the ah the old school logos and stuff like that. So, nice. I'm not that at all. Definitely made me a happy fat kid. Right. Well, let's take a real quick. Wait, you got some new music here for me, buddy. Yeah. Last three songs down there. Last three. Okay. So, we're going to start with Luke Angel here and this is 925.
00:33:45
Speaker
So we'll be right back after this, uh, Luke angels nine to five. I'm curious. I haven't heard this. So, uh, he was on the show last night. Awesome guest. He was fun. I passed out. I was going to watch and I passed out, but, um, yeah so we'll be right back in about three minutes, 58 seconds.
00:36:03
Speaker
Everybody at the diner
00:38:03
Speaker
I like that. I like that. That was good stuff. Sorry, I'm Luke Angel and nine to five. So the number is ninety five, not not nine to a zero. year well okay Like a maroon color. And whatever you want to do. You're 19. Yeah, it is actually like nine to five, like yeah was go say my but the number. Yeah, but it's it's it's written out nine. The number two, the number five. Oh, yeah.
00:38:37
Speaker
925. There you go. That's the way you can find it. I believe it's on Spotify as well. He's on all the platforms. Shout out to Luke. He was a fun guest last night. He came on and hung out with me. First guest back from break. So it was a good show. He was awesome. Awesome young man. Go see him if you're out there. It's here in Antonio. He'll be at the 502 bar. That's what I was going to ask. He's out in Texas.
00:39:06
Speaker
Yeah, he's out in San Antonio. He'll be at a, he'll be performing live. He's got his first headlining gig. I think he said, what was it? The 502 bar. And then right across the street. And I cannot remember the name of the diner. That video is actually shot in the diner. He works at he's a wise.
00:39:20
Speaker
wow but the bar is right across the street from there. So you can grab yourself a little something, something to eat before the show, go across the street on November 25th and see them live. And then, you know, if you're hungry, if there's to open after you see the show, after you've had a few beverages, go back over and get something to eat. That food looked good though. I'm just saying. there Yeah, they got, they got good food. So I have a question for you. Did you hear about what happened in the Southwest airlines?
00:39:53
Speaker
probably. Uh, yeah, the, the, the, the flight attendant to accuse the dad of sex trafficking. No, this is a bullet hits the Southwest airlines plane just before it was taking off from Dallas. So a bullet was fired and hit the Southwest airline, um, preparing for departure at Dallas airport on Friday. This is last Friday. Uh, the instant, uh, forced cancellation of the flight And the airline did say that no one was hurt. Everybody was safely departed, and they were eventually put on different flight. The police are still trying to find out who shot the gun, but the bullet struck near the cockpit. I don't think it was like intentional. is I think it was more like, a hey, I got a new gun. Oh, shit, it we're not old it just hit that plane. Let's hide this and never touch it again. of
00:40:52
Speaker
ah I'm just saying, you know, you, you kind of got your head on straight, maybe not get on a plane, at least not in Dallas. Everybody's got a gun, but, uh, yeah, I saw that and I was like, that's that's kind of messed up. And, um, the funniest thing I saw and I have to, so this, this, there's a kid. Oh, was that, did you say that was Southwest?
00:41:22
Speaker
Uh, I believe so. Yeah, I was going to say, yeah, there was, um, uh, one father has been accused of trafficking. You motherfucking ad. Uh, well, uh,
00:41:37
Speaker
My father was accused of trafficking his own daughter and has since demanded an apology from the airline. The airline in question Southwest southwest is yet to apologize for the ordeal, which saw Virginia dead. John Kerrigan get questioned at the Norfolk International Airport last month.
00:41:53
Speaker
Uh, Kerrigan was trying to disembark the plane with his 15 year old daughter and her 16 year old friend when the flight crew ah reportedly assumed that he was trafficking the two teenagers and notified security. ah The flight attendant, uh, reportedly approached the two children, questioned them about their relationship with Kerrigan, who was out of his seat using the plane's restroom. And she kept, and she kept asking, like they kept prodding the girls.
00:42:23
Speaker
oh like big world' running No, that's my dad and or that's my my my friend's dad. and Yeah, and they're like, are you sure? Yeah, you know, they kept asking ah if they were all right. And if we know you, Kerrigan recalled his daughter telling him ah three officers then escorted him down the aisle from the bat from his back seat all the way off the plane.
00:42:46
Speaker
that's That's. I see. I would want more than a, uh, than a, uh, I was understandably humiliated by the situation and has since demanded an apology. I want more than a fucking apology at that. I want every one of your jobs starting from the pilot. flaing two I want from the pilots that were on board all the way down to the poor son of a bitch who has to come and clean this plane after it lands. I want every one of you fired. Oh,
00:43:17
Speaker
He's debated apology from Salhu instead, instead of apologizing for their mistake, going, hey, or bad, we apologize. They offered him a $1,500 voucher as compensation. I'd have thrown that back in their face. He also claimed he received an email from Southwest, but there wasn't any sorry written in it. Yeah. So i've if all the guy is asking for is a fucking apology, me on the other hand, like you said, I'm suing the hell out of it.
00:43:46
Speaker
Oh, yeah. i will' give ah They won't give him an apology. I'm going after everybody's fucking job. I can go after because at this point in the game, first and foremost, I understand that people are trained to or have some training. You're not a trained expert. You don't know what you're doing. You don't know how to. Clearly, you don't know how to determine if somebody is being trafficked or not. um That's not your that's not your role. Instead, you can. That's not your job. but uh you know you're you're not a trained professional but at that point uh multiple times no a Paul it not even so much as an I'm sorry I'm going after everybody I want everybody's job I'm suing for a fuck ton of money and I'm making sure none of y'all ever work in the airline service again I don't give a damn if that puts you in the fucking poor house and you're living on the goddamn streets that is a serious goddamn offense to accuse somebody Well, well, here's my thing like let's say god forbid somebody else was actually trafficking somebody on that flight They were focused on him who was clearly, you know, not doing anything wrong. Yeah, and somebody else got away with it, you know And and like blaze said free flights for life. I'm calling that Fuck you. I want to own the airline. I want to ownline when i'm done I want heads. I want heads on a platter because
00:45:07
Speaker
in the day and age that we live in. This is the thing. This is the thing that people don't. And I think I do understand. I just don't think they give have a fuck. In the world we live in today, people are no longer innocent until proven guilty. You are guilty as sin as soon as somebody makes an accusation. And with every goddamn nosy son of a bitch everywhere you go with their fucking cell phones out,
00:45:32
Speaker
You know, some oh oh yeah this guy's trafficking. thatda Now this poor guy faces all over the goddamn internet. And before he even has a chance to get out and say, these are this is my daughter and her best friend, the the entire fucking internet thinks he's a goddamn sex trafficker. They're going after his livelihood. They're going after everything under the sun. And even after it comes out, oh, we may ah we made a mistake. Well, yeah well the guy's life is so fucking brutal.
00:46:00
Speaker
that that mistake shows up on page 14 of the newspaper where where his occusal is on front page fucking news. Nobody reads page 14. Let's be honest, you know. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Like it is not as I would. I'd be sitting there in the terminal going, I'm going to burn this motherfucker down. Yeah, umm I'm sorry. But as a flight attendant, that is not your job. You can call ahead and say, hey,
00:46:31
Speaker
We think this is going on, but even still, who in the hell are you to go question children? who That's the other thing. If I want to fight with my daughter or my children that are under age, first and foremost, who the fuck do you think you are to come talk to my child yeah without my permission or without me knowing it, trying to be all secretive and shit like that?
00:46:53
Speaker
Like you are not qualified to do this. This isn't infuriating to me. This is this is extremely, it really ruffles my feathers because, you know, like I said, it only takes one cell phone video to come out and this guy's life is ruined. And he didn't even try to go on vacation with his daughter and her friend. Yeah.
00:47:13
Speaker
Or they're trying to get back. They're trying to go to grandma's house or some shit like that. Yeah, you know because grandma's dying or something, you know? Yeah, you yeah drag him off a fucking plane and make him look like a goddamn criminal. Like he's doing something wrong. And then all you stupid sons of bitches just go go about your.
00:47:30
Speaker
daily life like nothing. And you just ran the risk of potentially ruining this guy's life. I'm sorry, but no, I don't want an apology. I want everybody on that flight fired. I want the security officers that escorted me off that flight fired. And I want a nice big fat paycheck at the end of the day because I want a lot of pain and suffering. I got a lot of mental, you know, English and shit like that. You know, I'm thinking I'm offended.
00:47:56
Speaker
I'm thinking, uh, something that starts with 10 followed by six zeros after might, might, might help me move on. Wait, wait, wait. After taxes, after taxes. Yeah. Yeah. After taxes, after taxes. Let's be honest, because remember the guy with Texas, the old tus game guy was. Oh yeah. Yeah. yeah It's just it's it's I don't know that I heard that news story today that it just made it really struck a nerve. You know, we lived in this world of all these false accusations and allegations and and and and whatnot. And there's no there's no repercussion. Yeah, like, you know, you you ruin somebody's fucking life and there's nothing you like there's no repercussion for it. I'm sorry. Well, but you know, blood.
00:48:55
Speaker
Yeah, because I mean, God forbid somebody at his guy's work finds out about it and they fire him because of it. Oh, I'm getting a payday. Yeah. Oh, then I'm going after my company. So are glad now I'm going after my company I work for. Yeah, I agree. Like, yeah, do it. Go ahead. Fire me. I dare you. I will never have to work again. I promise you that.
00:49:26
Speaker
Yeah, that that, well, speaking of dumb people like that. So a kid in, and I have to check here where he was.
00:49:37
Speaker
ah So a eighth grader was charged with a felony um after he bought his lunch at school.
Humorous Marketing and Data Insights
00:49:51
Speaker
um he was charge He was charged with counterfeiting.
00:49:57
Speaker
because he paid with a $2 bill. Now, you know as well as I do, the $2 bill is real. Yes. The entire school and the cops that came and handcuffed this kid did not know it was real.
00:50:15
Speaker
Once again, I'm getting paid. People are dumb. they They swore up and down and this kid's like, no, my grandmother gave me this. andre like Oh, so your grandma's making fake money. And they're like, he's like, it's fucking real. Yeah. It's like, yeah I don't know. I'm still dumbfounded by, you know, sometimes you had a cashier, and an old $20 bill and they're like looking at you and looking at it. And it's like,
00:50:45
Speaker
I've had my wallet for six months, yeah. you You can't be that dumb. Like you, you know, unfortunately, yes, humanity is fucked. We we we 100 percent live in goddamn idiocracy. That movie was a documentary and it's it it was it was ah it was it was it was. Yeah, everybody wants to jump on all the Simpsons predicted this the Simpsons predicted that no. Idiocracy. 100 notes are dumbest the hell out of that shit. We're in that way. No, but I mean,
00:51:15
Speaker
two dollars bills aren't new and they're they yeah they're not new Everybody knows what they, well, but they're not not untrackable. Here's the thing. They're not that rare. I have four of them that I got here. Yeah. I mean, they're not hard to come across and you can go to any bank and ask for them and ask for them. They are becoming very rare. They are starting to become rare at this point, but, um,
00:51:42
Speaker
But I mean, everybody knows. We talked about educated teachers that are older than you and I didn't realize this $2 bill was real. And it's like, how dumb can you get? It might have been that kid's parents. I'd have just lined up the entire staff and just, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. People are fucking dumb. Shout out to Georgia, by the way, because that's where that happened.
00:52:10
Speaker
um it's It's the educational system. Apparently, it's not what it used to be. Oh, God, no. No, because we have teachers that are too worried about trying to teach our fucking kids about ah homosexuality and transgender and and politics yeah and and internet not what they're going to school for. yeah groups You know, we we have teachers that have their own goddamn agendas and the agenda is educating our kids.
00:52:41
Speaker
Nobody gives a fuck about your your your religious beliefs, your political beliefs or your your sexuality or anything like that. Just just go fucking teach my kid how to read. Teach my kid how. Well, let's be honest. And and in this day and age, you're telling me none of those teachers thought to Google a two dollar bill.
00:53:07
Speaker
Yeah. and an eighth grader. So, so that whole, are you smarter than a fifth grader? These, these teachers are not. Yeah. Well, I mean, as, as, you know, there's an old running joke that the South is dumb. Well, stop in breeding. Stop fucking your sister down there, Georgia. Yeah, I agree. you guys wouldn't be sort Well, back to Florida. So a man in Florida,
00:53:34
Speaker
uh he was syringe-wielding florida man arrested for him and the tie the the the headline is hilarious syringe-wielding man florida man arrested for spraying mysterious liquid on girls butts at a rost discount store now you're heading to it just where i did too but uh so a this but but sean irby a 35 mary 35-year-old man ah is facing criminal charges after allegedly targeting women and and the girls in department stores in Miami. um Authorities first
00:54:18
Speaker
were alluded to this on June at a Ross dress and less store. According to the police, Urban approached a juvenile from behind and using a mechanical syringe, squirted an unloaded liquid onto her buttock while recording the vile act on his cell phone. Two months later, a similar report at Marshall's police uh approach the suspect and he did the same thing he's and it turns out it he you he was using and it says here it was uh it's a moisturizing lotion what he was he was sporting a moisturizer loaded onto their butts why
00:55:13
Speaker
But he didn't say why. However, police said Urban attempted to hide evidence while in custody. He made a recorded phone call to his father, instructed him to retrieve and secure hard drives from the family home. Police intercepted it the attempt, finding the hard drives exactly where dude told his dad where they were. Obviously, his dad was like, yeah, I'm not doing that.
00:55:38
Speaker
Uh, and they found multiple videos of him doing the same thing. Uh, but here's the crazy thing. This dude did this and wore the same hat each time.
00:55:52
Speaker
<unk>s check it Like he's like, they won't see me because of my hat, but I'm going to use the same hat every time you got like 50 hats, but I'm going to wear the same one. yeah Um,
00:56:04
Speaker
the the The girl he did it to in Ross, she was like 15. Well, they say underage. But from when I was reading it, it doesn't sound like she like she noticed because.
00:56:21
Speaker
um
00:56:24
Speaker
Like the other people in the store had to tell her, hey, you know, he squirted something on your ass. um he's being He was arrested on two mis misdemeanor battery accounts and tampering with evidence. ah He's held being held without bond and facing up to five years. And I hope he gets ever every bit of that five years. i don't get the I can understand if he was using another liquid, but I don't know why he was using a moisturizing lotion
00:57:01
Speaker
Unless he thought it was like a joke, like he was going to put it on a YouTube.
00:57:07
Speaker
You know what I mean? Because it's white. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't make a whole lot of. And the fact that he was recording it, maybe he was like, I'm going to be famous on YouTube. No, you're going to jail. You're an idiot. You're a You're a moron. You moron.
00:57:32
Speaker
Yeah, it's the stupidity of people. I mean, and don't be wrong, you and I have done a lot of dumb stuff. Walmart's still searching for us for batteries. But we didn't score anything on anybody. We just stole some batteries. Let's be honest.
00:57:50
Speaker
Walmart police. We're running from them. I got a one last story for you, and then we're going to go over a break. Uh, but there is a company in that is the marketing for this company is the funniest thing I've ever seen. And the video, as soon as it's done processing, I'm going to show you because I laughed so hard that I almost passed out. It sounds like the the marketing team is you and me.
00:58:30
Speaker
So I'm gonna play this because I think you're gonna kick out of it. There we go. There's a chocolate factory called Uranus Fudge Factory in Indiana, and the marketing's been taken over by a 12-year-old boy. Somebody needs to stop this. Right here you see Uranus Farms, fresh from Uranus to the table. When you walk up to the counter, they ask you, are you ready to have your fudge packed? Because we're professional fudge packers here.
00:58:52
Speaker
They sell beef jerky called Jerk Uranus. You can't beat the meat in Uranus. They sell a lot of memorabilia like shirts and hats. This one right here says Fudge Packers Union. Proudly packing fudge in Uranus since 2015. This one's great just worshipping alcohol right here with Uranus liquors. Poker in the front, liquor in the rear. Or this one, Uranus Gas and Lube Company. We pump it in the front and lube it in the rear.
00:59:17
Speaker
I don't know what this is referring to though. They have family friendly stuff like mini golf though. This one's called Putt Pirates, sink your balls into our putt holes. So that one's pretty good. The most family friendly area is probably the ice cream shop because I couldn't find anything bad in this place. And they sell hot dogs too, which they wash with Mr. Wiggle's magical miracle wiener washer because wetter weiners wiggle better. Wait a minute.
00:59:45
Speaker
ah teenager injuries ah I found that so funny that I thought you'd get kicked out of it and try washing it again. yes water so I mean, I don't know.
01:00:03
Speaker
Sorry. Uh, but yeah, it sounds like the marketing department is, uh, you and me, uh, a hundred percent honest because that is hilarious. My phone's ringing here.
01:00:17
Speaker
Let's turn it down. um But yeah, let's take a real quick break. And we're going to go with the this is Cali, the boot and rally. I spit fire. Cali and the boot and rally is the band. OK. OK. OK. So we're going to play that and we'll be right back.
01:03:39
Speaker
I know I know where you're going with it. Welcome back, everybody. Sorry, I had to get a phone call while we're doing that song. All right.
01:03:55
Speaker
ah That was Cali Cali, the boot and rally and Spitfire. I do like that. I did get to hear some of it. I didn't hear the whole thing because I had to take a phone call. But
01:04:08
Speaker
Welcome back everybody to what the fuck news where we're gonna talk about some just weird news I know We have the mandatory penis stories coming up and click you got a couple stories you're gonna be telling But before we do that Don't forget Mondays Speedway stories and cold blooded conversations Along with men caring for men Tuesdays is Glick's House of Music Wednesdays is this show what the fuck news? Coming soon On Thursdays, Jeff's Garage is coming back. I've got some interviews lined up. ah Saturdays, of course, we do, we're sorry, Fridays, we do Nonsense and Chill. This week, we are watching a new movie. We're going to be announcing that soon. I don't know if Blaze wants to announce it yet, but I still have to finish the movie. um And then Saturdays, we do The Open Door Challenge where we kind of
01:05:06
Speaker
Let the crazy people take over and. Happens what happens along with in the morning on Saturdays is Cassius Corner. Where Glick and his son cash talk raffling and then Sundays of course we end the week with unnecessary roughness. The foodie foot football butpa show where the boys talk football and their picks for. Next week. I guess because I don't know football so.
01:05:35
Speaker
Um, and don't forget bio.link slash nonsensical network. Everything we do is there, all our links to all our social media. And of course our link to our merchandise store, nonsensical dash nonsense dot my spread shop.com. And you can spread us on you with some of our merch, some of our merch, of course, being, we have some really cool shirts so far. Here is one and then the other.
01:06:02
Speaker
Uh, we got litties. Uh, I don't know if we're still getting ready to ramp up the, uh, the two hoodies for one or two, two, like, are we still doing that? Are we working on that? Uh, some time to get with Nikki and, uh, get up there and sit all way just you had all week. I wasn't doing, I wasn't doing podcast related stuff. I did. I did post. I did post a couple of clips and that's about it. And I worked online and I've guessed for my show again. understand understood But yeah, so that is my section. Of course, chicken I know you guys. What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but the oh you didn't Kelly, yeah so we are watching. le
01:06:57
Speaker
We are, we are watching grandma's boy on Friday. Um, I've never seen it. So I have to finish watching guys i started to watching. I got to finish it eventually. I'll probably watch the music video. She was awesome. Shout out to Kelly and the boots and rally. She was awesome. And Ohio girl, uh, she grew up, on a hi she's she's out in, uh, out in, uh, uh,
01:07:25
Speaker
Washington state, I think now, but I told her. She said, next time I come home to visit, I'll hit you up. I said, yeah, we'll go get some drinks or something. Tiny yeah tiny little thing.
01:07:36
Speaker
uh the uh the skateboarding what was she the skateboarding outlaw cowboy witch well that's a combo you don't see every day i'm just saying dude she she she always got her boots the cowboy hat on she loves the skateboard and she's into like the witchy got the type stuff folklore and everything like that uh she was a trip she was uh yeah uh no she's in washington now she was in colorado She'd been everywhere, man. Ohio, Florida, Colorado, Washington, yeah and weeks and weed Well, I do. I always have stories. Whether or not Jeff lets me get to him or not, that's beside the point. We got a whole other hour. But I got a line in under an hour so that you could do yours. Well, before we get to the penis report,
01:08:34
Speaker
everybody else's other favorite thing in the world. We're going to talk a lot about some sex.
01:08:52
Speaker
Because as we all know, the election is coming on, you know, everybody voted, everybody got out there and did their stings. And we all know i know where you're going.
01:09:04
Speaker
I know where he's going. One of our our friendly, you know, we're not the biggest fan of the website, but we we do enjoy what the website does. Pornhub has revealed each state's top election searches.
01:09:20
Speaker
um And the data compiled ah by Pornhub revealed that traffic was up 7% on average across the entire country on election night.
01:09:32
Speaker
as a Trump faced off against the Ugandan destroyer Kamala. I'm just saying, buddy. yeah Somebody look this up. I'm just saying. Yeah, the the adult website shared dirty data exclusively with the post, giving an insight into the minds and fantasies of our emirates, Americans, in the days before and after Donald Trump was named the country's 47th president.
01:09:59
Speaker
um Now, this isn't this isn't all 50 states, but they do have a good chunk of them. um Florida, Florida was was looking up maggot. So political based porn like the nailing, nailing, paling, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Porn parodies.
01:10:19
Speaker
ah Louisiana, no surprise. They were looking up golf. Not a mad at you. Not mad at you, Louisiana. so we Yeah, yeah up in the New England states um Maine was looking up a little ATM action. We'll ask the mouth action ah New Hampshire was looking up age gap. So like Stepmommy stepdaddy go go for Vermont was looking up best friend porn and
01:10:56
Speaker
Massachusetts. They're good people in Massachusetts. They were looking up babes. Huge boobs, huge boobs, to be exact. Rhode Island. They're there. Got some freaky shit going on up there. They were looking up from them. Dom. Female dominators. Connecticut. They were looking up lactation. Yeah, I can't get into that.
01:11:25
Speaker
Uh, the DC, uh, the district of Columbia, they were looking up coworker porn. Nice. Go Congress. Yay. New Jersey, looking up a little lesbian action. New Jersey. Shout out to Jersey.
01:11:45
Speaker
Yeah. shout up no no no surprise no No surprise here, but New York was looking up the Puerto Ricans. We know that the Puerto Ricans run rampant up in New York. So they, they got a specific. I'm going to say that Delaware and Maryland is fucking boring as hell so far. They're the two most boring estates that we're going to talk about. Delaware was looking up missionary porn and Maryland was looking up cute.
01:12:16
Speaker
so So you're saying the Amish got computers? I don't think there's many Amish's. I mean, like here you know Jeff,
01:12:27
Speaker
you know maybe maybe you're a little bit more, I don't know. It's probably a good close cut mixture here. We're pretty well versed in the porn categories. What is cute? Can't say I've ever opened up the old porn browser and just typed in cute.
01:12:42
Speaker
but i well i So from my understanding, yeah know um I'm telling this from a friend's point of view, it's good looking, you know the the there's two ways to look at it. There's there's they' as cute as in like, she's really cute, like girl next door kind of thing. And then there's the girl that is 20 but acts like she's 14.
01:13:10
Speaker
I don't know, man. It's boring waiting for the tally to come in. Gotta joint the doink. Yeah, I guess. I'm sure I contribute heavily to the search and help Kleenex. You know, we don't have we don't have a we don't have a tally for what North Carolina was looking up on that night. That's why he's untrackable.
01:13:34
Speaker
ah the the the The Amish and PA were looking up Tushy. That's just cute.
01:13:46
Speaker
that's just cute ah michigan Michigan was looking for suck my balls. Not to be confused with suck my dick and eat my asshole, but in the same realm. Shout out to Michigan, I guess. good uh tennessee there are some weird ones they were looking up uh waxing genitals i'm not judging whatever it gets you rocks oh i am i am i'm judging hard uh georgia was looking up panties because apparently there's a bunch of 13 year olds watching i was gonna say i mean i can go on to victoria website victoria secret website
01:14:27
Speaker
Yeah. My, uh, my old home state, uh, which hopefully one day I'll get back to it. I'm kind of curious to know. I mean, I guess I can kind of figure this out, but they were looking up secret. So like, probably like, like cheating, quote, unquote, cheating. Yeah. Yeah. Or again, step mom and step dad. Don't tell your dad. I feel like you're sleeping in your step mom. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or step brother steps, step bro action or sister or whatever.
01:14:56
Speaker
Yeah, Wisconsin, basically Canada, they were looking up swap, Illinois. You know what? That Wisconsin thing kind of makes sense, I'm just saying. Yeah, it is. ah Illinois is looking up shabby. Missouri is looking up blowbangs. What the fuck is that? like Instead of a gangbang,
01:15:23
Speaker
I'm assuming it's like 20 dicks at one time. you day Okay. Yeah. I mean, you should be familiar with sucking 20 dicks at one time. not lately just Taking a break. i would invite leaving my You couldn't come back to 10 instead of 20. That is the funniest shit I've ever seen on track. Well, rule 34 is the funniest shit you'll ever see. Uh,
01:15:53
Speaker
Ohio and Iowa. Oh wait. Sorry. I looked at that wrong. Ohio was looking up nymphos. Uh, I was looking up a good old fashioned rim job. Oh, thank you. Please. Uh, don't go near that area. Uh, Hey, we know what cherubishi and the Minnesotians was looking up. You need to know what Idaho, Idaho's not listed. Unfortunately.
01:16:22
Speaker
Yeah, I see. Uh, not that I see. Missouri was blow baying. Oh, Iowa was rim job. Minnesota was sloppy seconds. yeah che v she yeah that That kind of makes sense. i make You look like a sloppy second cuck little bastard. Um, speaking of cucks right next door, South Dakota was looking up amateur cuckolds. Uh, North Dakota, not a surprise to your native American.
01:16:50
Speaker
what Well, at what point do you go from amateur to pro? Well, I think when you're just starting to dabble dabble into the cup world, like if like, you know, maybe let's try this out kind of thing. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's totally amateur. You know, it's not like your, your wife has been plowed by.
01:17:08
Speaker
57 dudes and you stood in the corner and jerked off and cried while it happened and then come over. At that point, you're a pro. At that point, you're a pro. Nikki said, I need to know what my kid is going to get into. You're going to have to wait for a year. You'll have to wait for an hour.
01:17:30
Speaker
That's where you all, you all are out of potato. Uh, yeah, that's what I'm going hunting again. Um, Wyoming is looking up, uh, uh, car sex. Colorado, you guys, for being a bunch of high ass motherfuckers, this is boring. No nut November kind of defeats the purpose of no nut November. If you're looking up porn kind of feeds the person. Yeah, I failed. Um,
01:18:03
Speaker
New Mexico is looking up butt plugs.
01:18:08
Speaker
and the Question is, microwave or oven? it Depends on if you're in a hurry. Microwave if you need to do something. Have you got time to kill? Yeah, you can put in the oven. Take your time. Throw it in the oven. about and You got some time to kill? yeah New Mexico is looking up butt plugs.
01:18:28
Speaker
but more Arizona's on the same page as Iowa and they're looking up ass licking.
01:18:37
Speaker
lord Alaska's looking up cougars. Yeah. We know where you're looking up cougars. You got Palin out of Alaska. I'm not mad at it. I'm not mad at it. Yeah. No surprise coming out of Hawaii, but a hot Asian milks. Yeah. Not surprising.
01:18:57
Speaker
Because they're everywhere in Hawaii, by the way. ah California, thick and curvy. Shout out to Cali. Finally, Cali and I got something we got to agree on. I do know all about microwaving potatoes, but I'm not having sex with them.
01:19:15
Speaker
You're getting in my belly. Yeah, you do. Yeah. Never once has the thought crossed my mind to stick my wing on honey food. Eat three, fuck one.
01:19:27
Speaker
like You're going to get fucked tonight. You three are going to get eaten. I'm going to eat two. Never once in my life has the thought ever crossed my mind to stick my dick in any food of any type. Yeah, but potato would not be my first thought either.
01:19:44
Speaker
Mm hmm. You know, we're getting stronger. Mm hmm.
01:19:55
Speaker
Potato. Yeah, maybe we do apple pie. Or you know, it's looking up deeper. I'm caught as deep as I can. Oh, my God. Not my fault. You're watered out.
01:20:09
Speaker
yes I'm only three inches. I can't go that deep. Jeff, your favorite in Washington. We all know this is your number one. Transgender. Yeah, shout out to Washington. So yeah, West Virginia was looking up jiggly.
01:20:32
Speaker
I'm thinking that's along the lines of, I'm like right up like ride a more you do it's one no matter what ah Yeah, I mean that's that's all the states.
01:20:56
Speaker
Um, how long in this segment? Holy moly. so check if just check yes sir Just learning the porn is more popular. you so so check this So check this out. The 14 states that weren't included porn hub is currently blocked. I didn't know this in Alabama, Arkansas, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, North Carolina. You're not watching porn hub on trackable. Uh,
01:21:26
Speaker
Oklahoma, Texas, Utah, and Virginia. So those 14 states were not included in the data dump. Interesting. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know they were. Well, and by the way, um with a VPN, at least the one I have, it automatically puts you in Florida. So yeah. So yeah, anxious Americans in both red and blue states.
01:21:51
Speaker
both blue and red states blew off some steam on the big day before pulling a lever with website visits peaking, peaking between eight and nine a.m. in the morning. Holy shit. Most people haven't even had their first cup of coffee and y'all out there rubbing one out dirty fucking heathens. We love you here at the nonsensical network. You're our people.
01:22:18
Speaker
You did not.
01:22:22
Speaker
However, across the country, traffic plummeted 16% from 6pm to midnight on the evening of the election as residents shut off their x-rated entertainment to watch the results come in. That makes sense. That makes sense.
01:22:39
Speaker
These are our people, Jeff, just so you know. They're definitely my people. gonna rub one out before I go vote. I'm going to make a big decision today and I gotta have a clear mind and ah yeah got have a clear mind and do it. Apparently before people have their cup of coffee, they have to have a clear mind too. Yeah. Uh, in, in other porn news, uh, we all know the new, uh, wizard of Oz prequel movie is coming out wicked day yeah yeah Ariana Grande.
01:23:13
Speaker
uh well the porn uh a porn site traffic surges to a 12-year high after Mattel mistakenly prints URL on Wicked doll boxes uh Blaze did this one on last Wednesday uh they actually wrote they wrote out the website but Wicked is actually a porn site yeah Wicked porn it's actually a it's actually a porn movie studio yeah um But yeah, so yeah, I did see that online. and I was like, ha ha. That's funny. What's the name of that website? So shout out to shout out to Mattel. Wicked is Wicked is happy with you there. Definitely appreciate it. Start him young. Start him young. Fucking bit Mattel. I guess genres up.
01:24:11
Speaker
Um.
01:24:14
Speaker
do do so gotta leave your mind appreciate
01:24:22
Speaker
that's alert you good news um but hell' is it that
01:24:28
Speaker
I still don't get the whole looking up missionary thing. What is it? What are you four years old or ten years old? You know what? To to to each your own, we're not here to judge. We're not going to keep. I'm not judging.
01:24:43
Speaker
I'm not judging. i ja Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe these are some weird 50 shades of gray type motherfuckers. And maybe some, maybe missionary is like, it's not the norm for them. So they're like, with that's a good point because let's be honest, missionary is so 1990s. I mean, all the things you can do in bed.
01:25:10
Speaker
Yeah. To each, to each around, we're not going to porn shame anybody, you know, whatever they, uh, whatever the, those are people they're, they're watching the boy. I, I, because of California's porn, her search history, I'm letting them back into the 50 States temporarily.
01:25:33
Speaker
te think a chip or temporary uh yeah i'll i'll let them stay for a little bit longer just because yeah they they're they're not mad at the chubby girls i'm just saying wow in other news in other news of sex let's talk about sex baby let's talk about you and me let's talk about all the things
01:26:03
Speaker
A sexual perversion expert says these are the five weirdest fetishes he has ever studied.
Unusual Fetishes Discussion
01:26:14
Speaker
The weird world of sex can be bewildering even for an expert. Dr. Mark Riffins, a social psychologist who studies parapylia, a sexual trait known
01:26:27
Speaker
as a fetish and a new article for the conversation, reference a professor of behavior addiction at Nottingham, Trent university. My bad for saying no, being home wrong nobody fucking cares for anybody comes at me revealed the five most socks, shocking sexual obsessions he's ever come across in his, uh, in his research.
01:26:51
Speaker
uh paraphilias are typically accompanied by intense sexual arousal to unconventional or non-sexual stimuli such as uh enemas which is uh clizmophilia uh statues uh people are turned on by statues this no yeah i know yeah uh No, such as enemas. Yes. Clis, clis, clismophilia. I've never had an enema. So now, mind you, these are just examples. These are not the top five list. I'll let you know we get to the top five list. Statues, which is a gale, a gale of top phobia. Well, we talked about that one. I'm not trying to marry the Eiffel Tower. Yeah. Teeth, adontophobia, aphelia and vomit.
01:27:47
Speaker
metopphilia
01:27:51
Speaker
griffins whose new book sexual perversions and paraphilia and a to z is now available for preorder i don't what i want for christmas
01:28:05
Speaker
I'm going on Amazon right now. Right I like that a French little beer. I didn't pay for it. Grab me wild. You know what? I'm not mad. I just, I just finished all my free.
01:28:24
Speaker
Like you said, missionary is so Bronze Age. it um So, ah yeah, too many people, paraphilias may seem bizarre or socially unacceptable representing the extreme end of the sexual continuum. And in some cases, such as zoophilia, having sex with animals, or Jeff, again, one of your favorites, as we learned, necrophilia,
01:28:54
Speaker
ah Having sex with dead people Now as you claimed very boastfully and and Excitedly that you were gonna have your wife stuffed and been over so you could fuck her whenever you want when she's dead is saying I'm just saying i think necrophilia Man we're not again So we're always fashion we're not we' only not face cause I'll make sure it's yeah yeah oh like fuck he's legend feel serious let me put a smile on your face right
01:29:26
Speaker
ah We're not we're not we're not look we don't porn shame here. We don't kink shame here. We don't bet shame here either Whatever you're into each and although having sex yoga the most dead people Although having sex with animals and dead people are technically illegal. it's it's up There are some states, Alabama, West Virginia, we're talking to you, and most other southern regions, that it's okay to have sex with animals, but specifically in Alabama, West Virginia, and we're talking to you. Maybe Texas. I feel like Texas is definitely having sex with animals too.
01:30:02
Speaker
uh in spite of the taboo sexual fantasies however strange are they are actually fundamental to the human experience and there's a pressing need for more research into the uh said fetishes so that's where dr just wants to have more sex he just this dude just wants to have more sex he's like i need to study fetish come here honey you know yeah i'm gonna research like him and Researching paraphilias, even the most distasteful or criminal, is essential to help safeguard vulnerable groups. Griffin said research can also help minimize the discrimination faced by those with uncommon sexual issues and interest, helping ensure their access to sexual health care and physiological support. ah Which can be lacking and now.
01:30:57
Speaker
We are going to get into I wish they would really make these names easier to say. But nonetheless, we're going to we're going to we're going to I'm going to do my best. Words are hard, people. These are the five most bizarre fetishes, according to Dr. Griffin's. What have you just seen? Amen.
01:31:19
Speaker
amen yeah Coming in at number five is Vora Filia. Vorarphilia, perhaps one of the most high high-profile examples of Vorarphilia to date, would be actor Armie Hammer, who in 2021 was accused by an ex-girlfriend of harboring cannibalism fantasies. However, rumors about call me by your name The Call Me By Your Name stars most debased proclivities pale in comparison to Armin Muse,
01:31:55
Speaker
and Bernd Jürgen Brands, a pair of real-life vorafilics from Germany, Per Griffin's account. Muse posted around 600 online ad advertisements seeking someone who would agree to be eaten before meeting.
01:32:12
Speaker
ah
01:32:15
Speaker
jarron Jorgen brands in March 2002 who allowed Muse to bite off the tip of his penis so the two of them could eat flesh together before stabbing brands to death, all of which they videotape Muse, the sentence to murder and is currently serving life in sentence. So basically. so He said I'm not going to eat your ass. I'm going to eat your dick. Yeah. Vornophilia is a fetish of cannibalism.
01:32:45
Speaker
I'm good. um I don't need to try that. No, I'm not going to like it. Yeah. track you know That's my line. So wait, that's the line.
01:33:00
Speaker
Attractable says I would do some weird shit, but check please. Check please. I'm out.
01:33:14
Speaker
yeah Coming in at number four on this list is E-proctophilia. E-proctophilia. Griffin's claims to have published the first case study on E-proctophiles, those turned on by flatulence.
01:33:32
Speaker
yeah a little ah little love But love trumpet, if you will. he he Eat me, wait, no.
01:33:46
Speaker
I'm just saying, somebody out there is buying you a can of beans, not because they like you eating me. I'm just saying. The old Dutch oven. The 22 year old American from Illinois recalled his crush on a girl who farted in school, telling griffins, this blew my mind.
01:34:07
Speaker
I knew by simple biology that girls farted, but hearing the girl hearing that the girl I had been fawning over was capable of such a thing sparked a strange interest in me. His attractions to farts wasn't limited to women. He learned as a teenager, after he and a male friend agreed to say settle regular bets by allowing the winner to fart in the loser's face, he continued he continued to lose such bets once every few weeks for about two years. So so wouldn't that consist of sexual predatorism on his friend?
01:34:46
Speaker
Well, I mean, i guess like hey, I'm turning on my farts, Chris. I got to bet the loser has to fart in the other's face. Oh, I lost. It just just depends on if his friends, if his friend knew or not. No, I don't think, I don't think, I don't think he was like, but I diddle you.
01:35:05
Speaker
You don't know, that's but I'm still a bad guy. That's what I'm saying. that That's what I'm saying. Like if his friend, I don't think he's standing behind his friend with his pants around his ankles, rubbing one out. She's a real one. While while his friend parts in his face, he's probably just like. Oh, you had Taco Bell today, buddy. Oh, yeah.
01:35:31
Speaker
uh i'm just saying it could be a sex crime i mean it yes and no yes yeah i mean 100% could be but at the same time you're not technically doing anything to the other person like i said as far as we know that the friend didn't get turned on by it Yeah. ah Yeah. Like I said, is as as long as, you know, I think it takes a different, you know, turn if he's standing behind his friend, asking him to fart in his face as he drops trial and starts. I'm no lawyer. Yeah. Starts yanking his crank, you know, like, hit oh, my God. Did you have time today? Holy shit. Yeah. You went to Wendy's, didn't you? Right.
01:36:22
Speaker
number uh number three on this list is uh somebody hits you need a lot of potatoes everybody smells like your ass right your your house reminds me of ido uh uh number number three on this list is um Again, I know I'm butchering these, uh, these, uh, these, these scientific names. Yeah. Uh, apotaminophobia, filia, filia, apotaminophilia, both real and imagined amputations are involved in this. Some, uh, need only to fantasize about being amputated or engaging in sex with someone who is, who is.
01:37:20
Speaker
A few however have gone so far to attempt to trick surgeons Into cutting off their limbs according to griffins. This might seem like a type of uh, Uh, I lost my Anyways, um So but I know there's amputee porn out there Yes, but I can't I can't pull myself to watch it. I'm just saying yeah not So this might Yeah, this might seem like a type of masochism, but case studies suggest that there is no eroticization of pain, only of the healed amputeed stump, amputated stump. So you're just turned on by stumps. Yeah. So like, if you were into that stuff, we could just wheel Connor up to you and you. I was going to say, you got to have a blast with Connor.
01:38:16
Speaker
Hey, Lieutenant. but How you doing? we look Just watch Forrest stop and play with yourself. I don't know. Hey, whatever. Whatever floats your boat. That's all you got to watch. Real stories of the ER.
01:38:34
Speaker
um Got number two here is decryphilia. Decryphiliacs are turned on by tears.
01:38:46
Speaker
Griffins has found three subtypes of people who fetishize crying. Compassionate types are aroused by empathy. Dominant slash submissive types may induce or experience crying amid power play. And and curled lip decry files whose focus is specifically on the subjects protruding lower lip. So pouting.
01:39:11
Speaker
There's not fountain. Well, you're going to get this dick, right? Well, you know, when we were kids, you know, your parents were like, you keep sticking that bottom lip out. Some bird's going to fly by and shit on it. This person's like, you keep that lip out. I'm going to fuck it. Brings new names. You keep fucking crying. I'm going to give you something to cry about.
01:39:37
Speaker
Mix that with a shoe finish a lot of sticky that that but I've seen the crying or I've never watched any but I've seen like it's a it's a category Not on all websites hmm and uh, I Don't I don't really have much to say about that. I mean to each their own I guess So, so people get off by being an asshole to whoever they're working. No, they just want to see people cry. So like, like, you know, if that's your thing, maybe you put on one of them sappy ass movies with your girl. Are you just going off funeral? You know, if you don't want to be like, Oh my God, I'm going to, Oh, this is great. He died. Yeah. But look at all these people crying. I'm going to lose it. I'm going to squeeze in my pants.
01:40:31
Speaker
And the last on this list is, uh, Salarophilia.
01:40:42
Speaker
Getting down and dirty is the aim of Salarophiles, who are aroused by the site of built and unkempt bedmates. So like slobs, hoarders. They're going to love me.
01:40:59
Speaker
Right. Griffin's roses mag case study i but griffids wrote one case study, a year old Australian man who frequently masturbated in dusty or grimy places such as a garage or under a furniture. So he's 13. Under furniture.
01:41:23
Speaker
They're like lift up a couch and just like holding council one hand. and phrase underneath He's underneath the kitchen a table. and you Get up underneath the ottoman. Jesus Christ. He goes to the hospital with the concussion. How are you going to explain that one there, Bob? I dropped the couch on my head. yeah Obviously. What were we doing, Bob?
01:41:50
Speaker
like off the bill the rise thing. The garage thing. So, he had a he had you know, multiple brothers and sisters. There's no space now. So, he went over the garage. I get that. Yeah. Uh as uh yeah. As uh as an adolescent as he got older, his obsession with muck grew to partners. So, he found it difficult to find like-minded women.
01:42:11
Speaker
his fetish was not limited strictly to sexual context confessing he was also aroused by the gross out reality competition show fear factor in which contestants performed disgusting stunts for money and just find the uh defilement uh of an attractive woman's body erotic he told griffins eat these uh cow intestines mixed with sheep balls and right? dogs holy yeah lay this in Oh, my God. Well, not only that, those chicks when they're doing that, you know, usually in bikinis, so it could be excused a little bit. But a little bit, you know, that's fucking weird.
01:42:58
Speaker
That there are no words. i can I can categorically say none of those. I'm like, oh, I'd like to try that. No, none. I'm good.
01:43:13
Speaker
ah there's There's plenty of her normal porn to watch. There's plenty of other things that I can find.
01:43:26
Speaker
Yeah. Real quick. Let's take a real quick break before we get back into the penis stories.
Musical Break and Social Media
01:43:32
Speaker
This is Nobody Makes It Out Alive. This is by Derek Wayne Douglas. Yep. That's brand new music by Derek Wayne. All right. Here we go.
01:46:37
Speaker
There it is. That is Derek Wayne Douglas. Nobody makes it out alive. I like that. I enjoyed that. but the Welcome back. Much love to you. Right at you, brother. Right back at you. Don't forget, check us out everywhere. Bio.link slash nonsensical network. ah You can find all our links to all the social media that we have. And don't forget to check the link for our merchandise, nonsensical dash nonsense dot my spread shop dot com and spread us on to you.
01:47:11
Speaker
All right, I'm ready, buddy. That was, by the way, that was Derek Wayne Douglas. I said that. new Yeah, I know. I was going to add something. one of his One of his many new songs is a drop of music out all over the place. I saw that.
Football and Reddit Stories
01:47:26
Speaker
Nobody makes it out alive. Former guest of Glick's House of Music and current co-host on Unnecessary Roughness, our football show on Sunday. I saw that. I saw that. Yeah. So it's it's really cool to get to hang out with Derek.
01:47:40
Speaker
Good guy. Definitely enjoy having him be a part of the network here, not only with his music, but ah here on the, doing a show. opinion im sorry football Yeah. Titans down.
01:47:58
Speaker
Titans down. The Panthers have been neutered and the dogs are being euthanized this year in football. The only team that's doing any good from our, our forecast crew is the bills. So anyways, where were we?
01:48:22
Speaker
Oh, I'm waiting. Oh, I interrupted you. So I thought you were going to, know i no, no, no, no, no, that was fine. Um, I I'm waiting for your, um, your.
01:48:36
Speaker
your segment your final segment of the night. Well, everybody gather around the campfire. I got it. Counselor Glick has your favorite part of the night but tell you some stories. Penis. Penis report. Firmly grasp it in your hand, firmly grasp it in your hand
01:49:03
Speaker
Yeah, don't we don't we have. So and we got a little photo here to the penis. for Yeah, there we go. Yeah. Not suitable for work. The penis report. You know, so last week when you weren't here, Blaze did a one that scared the shit out of us. It was stories of things stuck up to people, whether it be any hole.
01:49:33
Speaker
and I mean any and it was horrifying it was funny but it was horrifying it happens man well i we're gonna we're we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna take a break from we're gonna take a break from BuzzFeed you know BuzzFeed always gives us our really fun penis stories and uh we're gonna head on over to another website that is just as deian and heathenish as as buzzfeed now buzzfeed is actually pretty clean
01:50:04
Speaker
maybe on the other hand work has a website we' talking i about to but got unbelievable reddit penis stories and ah yeah I don't know. I don't even know how many are in here. Maybe we can fly through them all. This might be a short list that short. He said penis and short. I don't We know. I don't got eight know how many are in here. I don't know how many are in here. I don't know how many are in here. I don't know how many are in here. I don't know how many stories here. He likes talking about himself again.
01:50:35
Speaker
Micropenis. So we got eight stories here from unbelievable Reddit penis stories. Where would the world be without Reddit? People wouldn't have a platform to speak. Websites wouldn't have content to publish. And count countless pictures of baby ducklings writing cats would go unnoticed on the internet. Reddit gives those without a voice.
01:50:57
Speaker
a gigantic PA system and as it happens a lot of those voices much like us here on what the fuck news talking about penises or show them there's a lot of chicks on their boobies on there too i'm just saying uh reddit and penises go together like peas and carrots making this list of websites most insane dick stories further proof that reddit is in fact the greatest place on earth Obviously from here on everything is pretty and NSFW not safe for work for those of you who don't know in case you were wondering We already did the we already did the story of the double dick dude the dude who has two functioning penises that are seven respectfully respectfully seven and six inches long You know and and he does use both of them on both men and women sometimes at the same time
01:51:53
Speaker
that was next Yeah. Um, where I move on here to the next story, uh, just the tip in a story about the most embarrassing boner stories. One guy shared a tale that frankly, every guy has worried about happening since he learned how to hide his dick. Uh, first date with my current girlfriend, I got a boner and did the old, uh, did the old tuck technique. You know, you slide it over, you took it on the side of your leg, whatever. So you don't have a tent.
01:52:24
Speaker
Um, or, uh, she lifted up my shirt randomly to see my abs and came faced. So he tucked up. Oh, he tucked, he tucked it into his waistband. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, she can't face the face with my dick just poking out of the top of my pants. Uh, she must've liked what she saw cause we're going on five years now. So, uh, that's cool. but That's a win. That's a win. I call it a win.
01:52:54
Speaker
sa so I could put a check mark in the w category column uh we got uh next story coming in here
01:53:08
Speaker
but Yeah, exactly what I was just thinking because I don't know how many times like, you you know, when you wear basketball shorts and then the mood catches you right and the world's going to see. So you tuck it in the waistband and and hopefully without the wind blows, the wind blows in the right direction. Yeah. And I am a, and I am a ah habitual wear of basketball shorts and or sweat pants. So, uh,
01:53:38
Speaker
yeah love a Yeah. Penis. Penis will get you laid apparently. Hey, maybe, maybe I got one out of two. I'm good. After five years again, maybe they, they, she likes to play peekaboo and he's like, maybe you want to play some peekaboo. Every time he comes on, yes. Uh, number three here, uh, the dick back ride.
01:54:08
Speaker
Oh, that's the dick back ride. This, uh, this giant note revolves around a dude at a pool party who ended up on his friend's shoulders while he had the misfortune of working around in our action.
01:54:27
Speaker
Uh, Jeff. Is that a bottle of sun tan lotion in your swimming chunks or are you excited? I'm just really happy to be on your shoulders. I can actually see above the crowd, buddy. I'm super happy about it. Blake, and I'm aroused.
01:54:45
Speaker
when when i was in This is how this happens. You know, you're playing around in the pool and somebody's like, let's play, you know, that stupid chicken game. Well, you go underneath the water and you pick somebody up and you don't realize that they're just, and you're like, seriously, my bad. See that chicken bikini. That's what happened, buddy. you You're the one who's not gonna come up. This guy, this this guy says when I was in high school, yeah that's on you, bro. Uh, this guy says when I was in high school, I went to this pool party.
01:55:21
Speaker
And I got a boner from checking out all the girls in bikinis. See? Now normally, this would not be a problem. Except on this particular day, a good friend of mine thought it would be a good opportunity for some chicken bites. See? Takes it upon himself to hoist me on top of his shoulders. So there I am sitting on the top of my friend's shoulders with a mammoth boner resting on his back on the back of his neck.
01:55:49
Speaker
But he realized what was going on and let out a loud, what the fuck? Public humiliation and social awkwardness. in You're lucky to be alive because I had to drown your ass. Did you hear your dick in the back of my neck? Not a good throw. You just.
01:56:11
Speaker
If you're, if that's your bro, if you're really truly boys, he's going to let it slide and casually drop back under water and push you off of the shoulders and be like, don't, don't talk to me for about a week and a half. And we're good. But instead he shouts out, what the fuck? what fuck hit i call Number one, I called it number two yeah on him.
01:56:37
Speaker
What did you expect? There's these chicks wearing next to nothing and we're in high school, which means I'm rock hard. Fuck you. on you Yeah, bro. I'm in high school. I can't, i' I'm 43 years old. I still, he does whatever. Exactly. Yeah. I'm just, I'm just the carrying case at this point. Yeah, exactly. like ah Coming to number four in the very same thread.
01:57:03
Speaker
A Redditor gives a horrific account of what can happen in the rare instance you accidentally get aroused while dealing with a catheter. So the gentleman says i had a ma it I had a major surgery a few months ago, one that required the docs to outfit me with the catheter. Two days after the surgery, it was time for the catheter to come out in parentheses.
01:57:27
Speaker
I like this instead of air quotes. Just turn them sideways and curl it. Curl it. Just curl it. You're too lazy to actually go up and down. You're just like, yeah, parentsicly yeah. i'm too latez too much work yeah yeah And and they're side the sideways instead of like that, instead of like this, you're just, uh, what's going on Jeeves? Um,
01:57:55
Speaker
Uh, he he says I had never had one before catheter the shift nurse was on This guy says the shift nurse was on fucking believably hot. She looked like she could be monica belushi's baby sister uh, and she was tasked with Decatherizing me catheter catheterizing me. Yeah, sure. I guess that's a word Yeah, dude, uh, like I said, uh, never before had one of those things in me So I wasn't sure what to expect when she started prepping to take it out I started to get a little more Andy down there by the time she had to go hands-on. I had a full-blown erection The nurse seems okay. I just looked up Monica Belushi, by the way, I'm not mad at this dude. Oh, yeah, you didn't know that was pop My head yeah
01:58:47
Speaker
The, uh, the, uh, the nurse seemed, uh, surprised only a little as I'm sure this isn't the first wooded she'd seen in the course of her work. When she deflated the catheter, I was so, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I had to piss when she started pulling it out. However, it felt different. I had no idea that the catheter goes several inches past the base of your penis. Um, because of that, I was shocked by the length of it while the nurse was pulling it out.
01:59:17
Speaker
I could feel the tip of it as it left my bladder and was entirely in the shaft. That's when it happened. As she pulled out the catheter the whole way, I had blown my wad. It was painful and felt awesome at the same time. You know, this guy, this guy later on shows up in our stories that we did about people shoving stuff up their dick. So I'm just. Yes. This is a porn channel.
01:59:45
Speaker
He says the nurse was amazingly professional while I was gushing. See, look, I'm not too lazy to gushing. If she gave him a good job afterwards, it was worth it. She simply just pointed pointed his member away from her. So she was just like, yeah, I'm going to put that over there real quick. He puts on a face shield just in case.
02:00:14
Speaker
I get it. She, she just pointed my member away from herself to avoid getting a shame glaze. Nice. I was unbelievably embarrassed by this and was very apologetic. The nurse just said, no problem. Very enthusiastically then proceeded to clean me up. Hey, I call that a win buddy.
02:00:38
Speaker
that's a win. She cleaned him up afterwards. Yeah. Yeah, right. I'm telling you this guy's this guy's showed up in our stories before because apparently he enjoyed having something in his weiner and he was like, what else can I shove in there? Yeah, well, I mean, maybe he has it because he's a professional and he doesn't get **** stuck in there. I don't know. Yeah, maybe. Maybe he just goes gets catheters on the weekends.
02:01:06
Speaker
hey god we here Hey, Doc. I got great insurance, Doc. Yeah. Let's do it. yeah Number five here. You'd be lying if you said you didn't think about what would happen if your dick broke. We've all thought about it. We have a dick. You've thought about it at least once. You can't say you have it. Well, it happens and it's called payer payroni's disease, which a Redditor describes as basically a plaque buildup
02:01:39
Speaker
that causes a bend in the penis. The AMA in which he talks about his injury is wince worthy. He says he says we were doing it doggy style and she was being a little overly helpful thrusting back on me. Yeah, yeah, you ain't nothing wrong with that. On one of my outstrokes, I slipped out and then she pushed back and I was pushing in and then it popped.
02:02:08
Speaker
dangerous game take is now I warn all of my male friends to be extra careful on the end stroke. pain boys let warning we've we've We've all been there when we you know, something gets out of rhythm and you pop out.
02:02:27
Speaker
Yeah. You worry about what's going to happen next. I'm just saying. It happens. This guy is a cautionary tale. Yes, sir. He is a cautionary tale. Yes, sir. He is a cautionary tale. Gentlemen, let me tell you a story. Gather around. Gather around. Grab your ice packs and sit down. It is. Number six here is the eye penis.
02:02:52
Speaker
What is it about broken penis stories that are so absolutely absolutely fascinating? This one explains how broken penis led to an operation in which a pump was inserted into the OP's testicles that manually gave him erection. The Redditor says, what I had installed, lol, was an inflatable penile process prosthesis. prothesis Once things are starting to look like I may get lucky, I press a button located underneath Underneath into the side of my shaft but actually ah that allows a big a big to inflate and make me hard The erection isn't as powerful as my old natural erections, but it does allow me to achieve orgasm in summary but Broke penis on first encounter now have inflatable penis girlfriend loves the robotic penis and calls it the eye penis and
02:03:47
Speaker
Dude, I am not mad at that because you don't have to worry about that awkward moment of getting hard in the middle of public. Unless you actually turn it on. I'm just saying. Angie, don't ever have to worry about that awkward moment of not getting hard in the time. This is true. And then you hear the old... You never have to worry about whiskey dick, dude. Yeah, you hear... Whiskey dick is a thing of the past.
02:04:15
Speaker
like hold on let me let me let me hook up this air hose does it sound like when you're putting airbags on your truck you know the air compressor kicks on i don't know man can you make it jump like hydraulics all right check out my switches baby yeah uh uh number seven You just play lowrider every time you walk in. Oh, my friend. I'm a lowrider. That's what dude strips through to his girlfriend. He's like, yeah, i put on lowrider, baby. we We're going to get off. Yes. He's baby making from time.
02:05:01
Speaker
what
02:05:04
Speaker
but Hey, man, i I just love that the girlfriend loves it.
02:05:12
Speaker
I'm calling you Apple. I'm coining that tomorrow. I'm calling Apple tomorrow. Yeah. Boys, I got a new product. See it, right? I'll check your phone so you can do it. There's an app for that. I'm just saying. There's an app for it.
02:05:27
Speaker
Oh, number seven. Uh the is uh the worst porn shoot ever. Uh this one is honestly hard to read without laughing or groaning. basically a dude gets a chance to chance to do porn and totally blows it, but not in the way the directors were looking for. right The writer says a friend ah a friend introduced me to a contact who brought me into a shoot. I spent the better part of the day watching two scenes and then was called on to shoot two scenes of my own.
02:05:57
Speaker
and I could not stay hard. I could get an erection, but maintaining it was very difficult, especially after putting on the condom. The first scene was just light play and fake penetration, so it was easy to get away with. The second scene I had to penetrate and what should have taken an hour to shoot took over two hours simply because we had to stop and start all over again. I finally did manage to maintain an erection and finish the shoot.
02:06:24
Speaker
The staff were mostly understanding my contact recommended by Agra for the next shoot. I hope there will be a next shoot, at least. It was interesting. Dude, you know, I can understand like stage fright. Well, it's not only stage fright. You're naked in front of like, what, like 25, 30 people. i I don't know. I've never been on a porn shoot. So I don't know how many people are I'm just assuming. I'm just assuming. i'm um' guess um I'm assuming it's like two skeezy guys in a garage and a guy and a girl, you know, one guy behind the camera and one guy telling them what to do. well I don't know. I don't know. i I was watching. I saw somebody sent me a video the other day. It was porn bloopers. And there was like 15 people behind the camera. I think that's some one bigger the cameraman actually stopped the shoot because
02:07:20
Speaker
He got something on his face. I laughed so hard. I was bad. Nice. I'm sure. i like a big um stop Get it off me. I was like, I'm sure i like the bigger shoes, but I'm sure it's like you're you're just randomly recommending your friend off anybody. Yeah, I don't think it's all yeah you know like it's only up and up, so to speak. Yeah. And last but not least, in the penis report tonight, we have the brave little micro penis.
02:07:50
Speaker
No matter what women say about size of a guy affecting sex, no dude on earth wants to own up to having a micro penis. Except this guy. He's learned to accept his penis, work with what he's got and how to flaunt it. Solidarity, brother.
02:08:07
Speaker
The Redditor says the Internet is an amazing thing as I basically became a Herman after college staying online when I was wasn't at work. I started webcaming on places like webcam. Now I would just sit there broadcasting my micro penis and some random woman would start talking to me. I found out there was a rather large group of women that like small penises. ah I had I had a hell of a lot of really hot cam on cam and phone sex over the years.
02:08:37
Speaker
I met my wife online. So she actually saw it by camera first, but she likes the small size and fits her mouth perfectly. If she's, she had had a bad vaginal tear at some point that required surgery. So she is extremely tight for a normal penis, but perfect for mine. I know your story. That's a, that's actually heartwarming says,
02:09:01
Speaker
uh so what we have learned here the world is huge and full of penises in a billion different ways for good or bad things happen to them so protect your penis cherish your penis for what it is not what you think it should be after all it's the only one you've got probably yeah and there you have it not bless that man for finding somebody that like this micro penis hey man we all find me
02:09:32
Speaker
I found one. but understand I was going to say that last story sounds like your story. It's like we're doing a deep dive on click to it.
Conclusion and Future Promotions
02:09:43
Speaker
Well, that that is that is the penis story for the week. Penis stories for the week. Yes.
02:09:55
Speaker
um We're going to wrap up here. Thank you for everybody watching. Thank you for everybody listening. ah This is what the fuck news. Don't forget to follow all our shows scrolling at the bottom of your screen right now. Screenway Stories and Cold Blooded Conversations with Chris on Mondays.
02:10:13
Speaker
After that is Men Care for Men with Connor. Tuesdays Glick here does Glick's House of Music. Wednesdays you see our two dumb faces again on What the Fuck News. Coming soon again. Thursdays Jeff's Garage. I have some interviews lining up. um Fridays of course. Join me and Blaze as we watch movies. This week we're watching Grandma's Saturdays.
02:10:40
Speaker
Uh, in the morning, you guys do it about noon, right? As Cassius corner. We're shooting for like around 11 or 12, something like that. We haven't done it yet, but. Understood. Uh, yeah, I noticed you guys didn't do one this week. Um, Cassius corner, where do you guys talk wrestling, make your picks for the upcoming shows. favorite reviews that's just make Paper And then Saturday nights is nonsensical nonsense. The open door challenge where you can come up and be part of the show.
02:11:10
Speaker
We just ask that you keep your penis away because we just talked about him tonight. We don't need to see him on Saturday. We're talking about him. We just don't want to see him. Yeah, that includes your butthole. We don't need to see that either. They'll be racist. Two Yeah, Connor. ah And then Sunday's Glick claps up the week again on unnecessary roughness with ah who ah it' Rick and Rick and Derek. Derek, thank you. Derek Wayne. Derek Wayne Douglas. I was... I my but i will a little side note on Thursdays until you get your shit together and figure out what you're doing. 28. I know, but you know there's no saying that you're going to do a show every Thursday night as of right now.
02:12:07
Speaker
Chris had mentioned something about doing a second doing his show again on Thursdays. Also, I think whenever Bill and I decide to get a wild burr up our asses, and we have the random, we want to do a shot of nonsense, that little collaboration show between Bill and I, um we'll we'll do that on Thursdays, not to interrupt any other day until, like I said, unless, it's until you become like a mainstay on Thursday nights. Not that Bill and I have anything We don't have anything so planned right now, but we have talked about a couple of different show ideas and I know that a few people have reached out to both me and him. Saying that they enjoyed the first one and they'd like to see more of Bill and I so, but those are topic specific shows like those aren't just, right you know, you know, I think we're going to do something down the road with serial killers. and So.
02:12:59
Speaker
But you know they're there there there will possibly be something on Thursday night if it's not just garage, you know at some some point Yeah, yeah I'm actually doing an interview on the 28th and I'm working on the second interview as we speak I have to actually reach out to Chelsea and see if she's gonna go she does automotive raps dude. She's amazing um But Yeah, what are you gonna say to the people sir?
02:13:29
Speaker
Well, make sure your stroke game is on point. You and your girl are timed just right and out and out and out and out and out because you don't want to run into one of these. Drop the jam on the I-69.
02:13:46
Speaker
Uh but other than that, you motherfuckers be good or be good at it, baby. And don't forget, if you're going to end up on the news, pray that it's not what the Until next time, good night everybody.
02:14:14
Speaker
nonsensical network fit for flavor every day movie talks new flicks hidden and display microphone magic music should spill the braze from repops to motorsports burning rubber craze football
02:14:34
Speaker
the stories we embrace tune
02:15:06
Speaker
nazis But the vibes just quite tune in soon