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013 - The Funniest Black Comedian In Japan: Evans Musoka
30 Plays1 year ago
Join host Reggie D. Ford and guest Evans Musoka, a comedian from Kenya living in Japan, in a deeply impactful conversation that touches on cultural backgrounds, comedy, vulnerability, childhood memories, life in Kibera slum and Nairobi city, poverty, mission trips in Kenya, long-term friendships, personal stories of overcoming obstacles, trauma, resilience, grief, family dynamics, asking for help in Japan, therapy, mental wellness, mental health, and comedy. Evans shares his experiences and perspectives, from growing up in poverty in Kenya to adjusting to life in Japan, grappling with grief, and finding solace in comedy. The conversation delves into cultural attitudes towards seeking help, the importance of therapy and mental wellness, and the role of comedy as a coping mechanism. Despite the challenges, Evans finds purpose in making others laugh and invites listeners to join his podcast, where he combines humor with discussions about life and experiences.
⭐️ Evans, a comedian from Kenya, discusses his background and experiences living in Japan for 11 years, performing stand-up comedy in 13 countries, which provides a unique cultural perspective.
⭐️ Comedy and vulnerability are central themes, with Evans sharing childhood memories and experiences of performing stand-up comedy.
⭐️ Evans reflects on his upbringing in the Kibera slum in Nairobi, highlighting poverty and resilience, challenging misconceptions about Nairobi's infrastructure and economy.
⭐️ The impact of mission trips on Kibera residents is discussed, with Evans emphasizing the importance of long-term solutions over short-term relief efforts.
⭐️ Long-term friendships and cultural exchange in Japan are highlighted, underscoring the importance of genuine connections.
⭐️ Personal stories of overcoming poverty and obstacles, including Reggie's journey through sports and academic support, add depth to the narrative.
⭐️ Evans shares his experience with grief and trauma, using comedy as a coping mechanism, and discusses mental health struggles in both Japan and Kenya.
⭐️ Cultural attitudes towards asking for help, particularly in Japan, and the importance of therapy and mental wellness are addressed.
⭐️ Evans invites listeners to his podcast, "Evans Musoka Funny Agenda Comedy Podcast," emphasizing humor and personal experiences as key components.
📲 Connect with Reggie
IG - https://instagram.com/reggiedford
LI - https://linkedin.com/in/reggiedford
Website - https://reggiedford.com
Book - https://amzn.to/487OqJD
Podcast - https://reggiedford.com/vulnerabilitymuscle
📲 Connect with Evans:
IG - https://www.instagram.com/evans_musoka/
YT - https://www.youtube.com/@evansmusokacomedy7887/featured
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Vulnerability Muscle'
00:00:00
Speaker
you know according to japanese standards i'm still poor here you know what i mean yes hey family i'm poor in japan please i am poor here i'm gonna clip this man don't ask me for money mom i love you but i'm poor
00:00:20
Speaker
So you have to find a balance and that's a struggle sometimes, but you have to prioritize yourself because if you don't, you can't give what you don't have. Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the empowering podcast challenging norms and guiding you to find strength and power through vulnerability. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford.
00:00:43
Speaker
In a world that often portrays vulnerability as a sign of weakness, I believe it is a source of tremendous strength and authenticity. Through insightful conversations and thought-provoking interviews, Vulnerability Muscle aims to redefine vulnerability and help listeners develop a new perspective on their own lives. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle delves into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
00:01:09
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability and healing building resilience and promoting personal growth as well as fostering meaningful connections This podcast provides practical tools and strategies to navigate life's challenges overcome adversity and create more inclusive and just environments for all people Let's kick it off evan.
Meet Evans: Comedian from Kenya to Japan
00:01:29
Speaker
It's so good to see you. My brother. How are you doing?
00:01:32
Speaker
I'm good, man. Thank you for having me. In Japan, we say arigatou gozaimasu. So I'll give you an arigatou gozaimasu. I can't spell that, but I accept that. What does that mean? It just means thank you. Arigatou. Arigatou. Yes, arigatou gozaimasu. Thank you very much. Or I can say a santessana in Swahili, you know.
00:01:54
Speaker
Okay. Okay. So Japanese and Swahili. Well, tell, tell, tell the people where you're from and where you are and what you're doing, where you are. Yeah. My name is Evans, uh, born and raised in Nairobi, Kenya. Uh, uh, educated in Kenya, lived in Africa all my life, Kenya, Uganda, and maybe around East Africa. And then,
00:02:17
Speaker
11 years ago now, I moved to Japan to do my second bachelors. And now I've been living in Japan for the last 11 years. I work here, but I also do stand-up. I do English stand-up comedy. I've been doing that for almost 12 years now. I've performed in around 13 countries. And yeah, it's just something that I can't stop even if I want to. So it's just something I enjoy doing.
00:02:47
Speaker
Oh man, that's what's up right there. That's what's up. So stand up. That's, that's one of the hardest things I think anybody can do as overcoming so many fears of being exposed and being out in public and thinking so fast on your feet and all of that. Like you got to deal with a lot as a standup, I'm sure. Yeah. Because I know what podcasted this now, I think, uh, it's right for me to say being a standup comedian is the highest form of being vulnerable.
The Vulnerability of Stand-Up Comedy
00:03:18
Speaker
Cause you, you really stand in front of people. Even if you don't open up about yourself, you just being in front of people is already a position of people. Some people view it as a position of power of which it is, but it's also a position of vulnerability. So I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm happy that I'm able to share my journey on your amazing podcast. I've been watching and listening and uh,
00:03:45
Speaker
I want to thank you for the great work that you're doing out there, Eiji.
00:03:48
Speaker
Thank you. I appreciate you, Evans. That means a lot. And it's something to what you said about like, when you stand up on a stage in front of people, it feels like you have this, this power, this, this, and even it's perceived that way by the audience. And I like, I thought about this when I, when I, cause I'm a yogurt, I'm a yoga yogurt, I'm a yoga instructor. And I will get up there and I'll tell students like, you don't have to listen to anything I say. Like really, all I really care about is if you breathe.
00:04:17
Speaker
but I'll throw out all kind of different poses and different things to do. And sometimes I'm just like, if I told these people to touch their nose and bite their ears, like they would try to do it. And like, it's just because of the position that I'm in standing in front of all these people. And I think like being up there as a comic, I'm sure like you, you command a room. So it's amazing. All right. I got some rapid response questions to kind of warm you up a little bit. And just the first thing that comes to mind, let's get it.
00:04:46
Speaker
What is the first thing you do to, no,
Cultural Norms and Vulnerability in Kenya
00:04:49
Speaker
no, no. What is one thing you do to relax when you're feeling stressed? Long walks. Walks, yes, yes. What comes to mind when you hear the word vulnerability? For me, it's actually fear.
00:05:09
Speaker
because am I supposed to expand on these questions? You can. I like when people expand, so you feel free. For me, growing up where I grew up and how I grew up, we are not allowed to be vulnerable. We were not allowed to. So being vulnerable is
00:05:31
Speaker
People are scared to be because it's a sign of weakness, actually, as a man. And also, you know, people say life in Africa is tough. It's not everywhere in Africa.
00:05:44
Speaker
We have people who have great backgrounds in Kenya. I have so many friends who are super rich, but I wasn't that. I was born and raised in a place called Kibera, which is the largest slum in East Africa. I think the second largest in the world, actually. And Africa is the largest, you know, so bigger than South Africa and all that. So like the environment around you,
00:06:07
Speaker
did not have time for you to be vulnerable, to listen to your emotions, to listen to your concerns, even questions. So you just had to toughen up because everybody around you was tough and you had to survive. So being vulnerable in something that never crossed my mind growing up because I was scared that people will see me as a coward or weak just because of being vulnerable. Yes.
00:06:37
Speaker
Definitely. And if any of that fear comes up during this conversation, if there's anything that you don't feel comfortable talking about or sharing or any of that, feel free to let me know. Feel free to just just not. And I will respect that. And I hope to build a safe space to where you feel comfortable being vulnerable and that there's no fear there. Thanks, man. Absolutely. Absolutely. What is one of your favorite childhood memories, Evan?
00:07:02
Speaker
One of my favorite childhood memories is me going to a place called Yaya Center. It's a mall. It's one of the oldest malls in Nairobi. And we live in this huge slum area called Kibera. And Yaya Center is just 30 minutes away from Kibera walking.
00:07:27
Speaker
And we never used to go there because we felt like we don't belong there. But for Christmas, we felt like we had a chance because we had Christmas clothes on and, you know, we had our swag on, you know what I mean? So we felt like we will fit in. So we
00:07:45
Speaker
We always used to go to Yaya Center just to ride the escalators on Christmas. That's what's up. That's what's up. I'm breaking the rapid response real quick because I just saw you posted something about Christmas in Japan. And you were like, if you're in Japan during Christmas, what do you what did you what was your recommendation to people? Yeah, the best way to celebrate Christmas in Japan is to leave.
00:08:10
Speaker
Why is that? Being like I was born and raised in
00:08:18
Speaker
Christian environment with a lot of family and friends around. So Christmas was very festive, but in Japan, Christmas, it also has a different meaning. Christmas here is like a second Valentine's. It's the special day for the Japanese to like to take your loved one out, your spouse, your girlfriend, whatever. But you also
00:08:41
Speaker
you have to buy KFC. It's like, yeah, it's crazy. It's, I thought it was a joke when I was doing my research about coming to Japan, but now 11 years, I'm like, yes, like on Christmas day, KFC is usually sold out because like years ago, they did this very, very good advertisement marketing PR for Christmas and it just, it just stuck. So wow. But I say you leave because first of all,
00:09:11
Speaker
There is no back home is very festive and there are parties and if you're a church guy There are many many festivals like Christmas is very fair Japan is if it's a Monday, you're gonna go to office. There's no day off. Oh, wow Just a normal day you you you it's a nine to five day if you're a nine to five guy and it's old and it's very it's I think that's one of the more that's one of the time where most foreigners kind of get depressed because
00:09:40
Speaker
we are used to spending Christmas with our families or friends, or even if you don't have people who are close to us, just the environment we are in back home, it's even very lively. But Tokyo is just the same nine to five routine. So I feel like it's very depressing. And that's why the best thing to do is maybe have some KFC at the airport as you're leaving. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh my God. Okay. So get out of Japan during Christmas.
00:10:09
Speaker
I try I try and leave like and that's the funny thing once you travel to any other country even around Asia like the Philippines you feel that the Christmas spirit because also like
00:10:23
Speaker
Southeast Asian countries are very warm. They remind me of Africa. I tell this joke on stage that I do a lot of product and I talk to my crowd and I always ask people where they're from and if they're from any Southeast Asian countries, let's say the Philippines, I'm like, wow, I love the Philippines because it reminds me of home. I remember when I arrived,
00:10:44
Speaker
in Manila and at the airport, there were like 12 counters, only one was walking. I've arrived home. And then I take my Uber to my hotel and I lost my phone and my wallet before arriving at the hotel. And I'm like, yes, this is Nairobi. You know what I mean? You fell home. You fell home, yes. So they have that warmth that Japan doesn't really have. You know what I mean? Oh, that is hilarious. I like that. I like that a lot. Oh man, that's good.
00:11:12
Speaker
If you could have a conversation with anyone living or dead, who would it be and why? I'll have a conversation with Richard Pryor. Yes. Apart from his stand up, I was reading his autobiography and he went through stuff.
00:11:38
Speaker
He went through a difficult lifestyle, the lifestyle of his mother and all that. Having to go through all that and imagine what he made himself to be, it is something that I really respect. Plus, I think it's the funniest man who has ever walked.
00:12:04
Speaker
on earth, just my opinion. Even in comedy, you have people with diverse opinions. So I think Richard Pryor and then Dave Chappelle, I like his, his courage. And once he believes in something, he's not scared. Sometimes I wanna say some things, but I have this little bit of fear in me. So I just wish I had more courage. Yeah, yeah. So Dave and,
00:12:33
Speaker
David Richard Pryor. That's amazing. I think you picked out two fantastic humans that are, I mean, just push the envelope a lot. Like Richard Pryor doing the jokes that he was doing back in the day, where we probably couldn't do them today. Dave Chappelle probably couldn't even, but he was definitely a game changer in every regard. And then I saw Dave Chappelle
00:12:57
Speaker
Last year, I want to say, yeah, I saw Dave Chappelle as he was preparing him and Chris Rock as they were preparing for their Netflix specials. And it was one of the best comedy shows I've ever experienced in my life. It was fantastic to see those two pros and what they do. Yeah, so much courage with Dave. They've came to they've came to Africa. Do you know, are you do you follow much of that story when he is absolutely the states?
00:13:26
Speaker
Yes, he is my idol, when he refused the 50 million or whatever, and he has moved to Africa. You see, for me, Dev is not just whatever he's saying, but what he's doing, you see, that's leading by example, leading by action, not just saying this and doing the opposite, as many people do, not just comedians. So for me, his courage and his belief, but I also like the fact that
00:13:54
Speaker
He is very smart. He's a very smart guy and he reads a lot and his vocabulary is very high that translates into his writing. He can tell the same joke that a hundred other comedians have told, but his wording, the way he says it
00:14:16
Speaker
It's insane. Dev has shows out where it doesn't really do stand up. It just sits and talks to people. And people listen and it's just intriguing. I think he's a superhuman.
00:14:35
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. Now, knowing where he went, I think he went to South Africa when he came to Africa, right? Where he went was probably totally different from where you grew up. Can you explain, is it Kibera?
Life in Kibera: Challenges and Misconceptions
00:14:50
Speaker
Yes. Can you explain what Kibera was like and the things that you experienced and witnessed growing up? So Kibera is this settlement, we call it Chocolate City because
00:15:04
Speaker
If you Google Kibera, the overview of the SLAM is actually corroded rooftops. It's brown because of the iron sheet.
00:15:16
Speaker
so because of the rain and all that and and sun and everything it looks really really brown so we we call it chocolate city and also another nickname for kibera is number eight because like when you're in your downtown arabian you want to go to kibera you use buses that are number eight so it's called number eight or chocolate city
00:15:39
Speaker
I honestly speaking growing up, I didn't think I had a difficult childhood at first because everyone around me was struggling. You know, like I didn't know going two, three days without food is a struggle because it's normal. You didn't get it today. Okay. Yes. Until you, you grow up and interact with different types of people and you start understanding, Oh wow. How, how did I even,
00:16:09
Speaker
survive that you know because yeah it was it was difficult my dad
00:16:15
Speaker
Sorry, I have five siblings. I have now four, my sister passed on last year. So no, thanks. So I have two brothers and two sisters, now one sister and two brothers and me. And we grew up in one small house, speaking of houses in Kibera, it's just rooms divided by curtains because
00:16:42
Speaker
Yeah, they are mud huts. The house is made of mud and sticks and some stones. Then the roof is made of iron sheets and then the rooms are subdivided by cuttings.
00:16:57
Speaker
So the bedroom, you just flip the curtain and you're from the bedroom with the sitting room. It's basically the same room and that's one of the reasons some NGOs were saying that a lot of teen pregnancies in Kibera because
00:17:17
Speaker
if your dad and moms are getting down, you know, you just hear everything, like it's just a cut, you know? Right. Sometimes your dad might kick that cut in while changing the style and you see the neck, like it's freaking normal, you know? Like you have to pretend you're sleeping, like it was just how we grew up, you know?
00:17:38
Speaker
And in the morning, maybe you're young, you're like, hey, mom, why were you fighting yesterday? Like, you don't really understand what was going on. So that environment grew in the kitchen, sitting room and the bedroom and everything. I used to sleep. I used to put some mats down and sleep down. My sister used to sleep on, we had one metal couch.
00:18:01
Speaker
And then, of course, my dad and my mom on the bed. And then me and my other two brothers and one sister, we used to share the same area in the middle of that small room. You know, we moved the table on the side and just put everything down. We can't. And that's how we used to sleep. When it comes to showering, you got to shower at night outside, because there's no bathroom or shower or something like that. Toilets are also a problem. And that's why, like, even now, if
00:18:30
Speaker
if you google flying toilets of Kibera, it's very very popular because not everybody flying toilets like not not everybody had a pit latrine and those who had they close it with a lock because they were sharing like maybe 20 families one toilet and so not everybody had access to that and some people used like plastic bags so you just
00:18:56
Speaker
during a plastic bag and you tie it and you throw it, whatever is going to land, that's it. That's why we call them flying toilets. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. So that's not what you want to be flying around, but it's not at all, man.
00:19:13
Speaker
So I think from an American perspective, and I've never been to Africa, but I, you know, hope to get to actually Ghana later this year. And so I'll be my first time ever in Africa. But I think there is a very large ignorance and misconception about Africa that may closely align to what you just described about Kibera.
00:19:35
Speaker
Would you say the same would be true about Nairobi or any large city that you've been exposed to in Africa? I'm glad you asked that question because what I described is what 99% of people think Africa is.
00:19:54
Speaker
That is not true because that's one part of Nairobi. Of course, we have slums and lesser developed areas in other parts of Nairobi, but this is the largest. But the majority of Nairobi is highly developed. It is very rich. I went back to Kenya for Christmas and I was like, dang, Nairobi is becoming more expensive than Tokyo.
00:20:20
Speaker
Like we have, of course, Kenya and Central Africa and aerobic Kenya is the most developed city. We have all the headquarters for the all international organizations. Our internet is the fastest. Our GDP is very high. We have expressways. We have an amazing airport. We are the only country in the world with a national park in the city. Hmm. Wow.
00:20:45
Speaker
Like if you go to South Africa, if you want to see the big five, which is like the elephant giraffe cheetah hippo, and I think lions, you have to drive like one hour away to the national park. But once you leave the airport, you literally driving through the national park like that's amazing.
00:21:04
Speaker
wow yeah yeah so you don't have to go to masai mara which is like the largest we have the nairobi national park and it has all these animals you can wake up five in the morning and go to a safari drive and see all the animals you guys see your lion king
00:21:20
Speaker
Oh my god, I'm glad you brought up Lion King. Because this is something that I've been thinking about recently and I haven't said it publicly at all, but I want to say it now and I'm glad you said it. So when there's a story that is that is considered, I don't know, like for me, a hood story or a struggle story or anything like that, if the
00:21:44
Speaker
dominant characters in that story are black, it's okay to show them as black people going through that story. But if you take the same story, Lion King, any Disney story where there is struggle with animals and it's perceived as a white voice, a white character, a white whatever behind it,
00:22:05
Speaker
It's an animal not an actual white person and I just like wanted to say that out loud because I think subconsciously we get so ingrained in these stories of dad gets killed by by uncle who's a fucking crazy like all of this shit like that's that symbols story and if but if you put it in the hood they let the little black kid
00:22:27
Speaker
Portrayed that story and so now I just I just that's something that's been on my heart I ain't even thought it through all the way, but I just wanted to say that because you brought a blanking. Oh, yeah, that's true and it speaks volumes on how Hollywood views black people to be honest like Yeah, it is just that I I think it is something because if if for example if you see a slave movie
00:22:56
Speaker
or a black people suffering movie and you have a face to associate with.
00:23:03
Speaker
And then you see a white people suffering movie and there is no really face. It's just a character or an animal. It kinda, it kinda makes, I don't know. It's you, you know what I mean? I don't be canceled. You know, I am still trying. If you get canceled on this, then this might go viral. So get canceled all over the world. We're making it happen.
00:23:28
Speaker
right now. I just think yeah, representation is still an issue in Hollywood and in all these dramas and all that. But yeah, so yeah, Kenya is big. And I know places that are like, like, even the rich Americans come and they're like, what the fuck? What is this, man? I can't afford this, man. I gotta get the heck out of here. You know what I mean? We have schools, we have schools in Kenya where during recess,
00:23:58
Speaker
kids are picked by choppers. Helicopters come to pick, like they drop kids in the morning and come pick them in the evening to go home. That's how like, that's the level of richness we have in Kenya. I have people like, now I live in Tokyo and this one I've come to see more and more. I meet a lot of Kenyans coming to Japan just for vacation.
00:24:25
Speaker
like these are people who have traveled the world these are people they've never even heard of kibera i tell them i'm from kibera they what is that like are they canyons because their lifestyle is totally different like we have canyons who actually don't even know who the canyon president is because they they are not even part of
00:24:46
Speaker
you know, part of the local scene. Yeah. They live their own lives. Totally different. Yeah. They, we have Kenyans who bring in Chris Brown for birthday, seven year old birthday party to, for Chris Brown to sing. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. Like we have that level too, that people don't really know or people don't talk about because I think when you say it's Africa and the flying toilets and Kibera, it suits their narrative. You know what I mean?
00:25:14
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Going back to you saying, you know, growing up the way that you did, you never looked at it as bad. Like it was just, okay, I didn't eat for a couple of days. That's normal. Do you feel was there ever any jealousy or exposure to those families when you were growing up in, in Kibera?
00:25:36
Speaker
And this is what happened. I grew up in that environment until I finished elementary school, we call it primary school, which same as elementary school. And then I went to, once I started going to high school, I changed my church. I was a church boy. I used to go to church. So I started going to a church outside Kibera and that was the first time I was like, what?
00:26:01
Speaker
because first of all, just growing up in Kibera, you felt like you were not allowed even to go to those churches. It's a freaking church, but even going there, you felt like, am I supposed to be here? But yeah, courage, just let me just go. I love their worship was like a concert. So for me, every Sunday was like a free concert compared to churches in Kibera where
00:26:30
Speaker
the struggle was real, like, you know, it was, so that was different, a different setup and it kinda,
00:26:39
Speaker
opened up my eyes and I started mingling with all these people who were rich, people who were driving to church. I've never, like my family, we've never owned a car, like even if you own a car, will you park it in Cuba? Like there's nothing like car parking, like there's, you know, it's not something you think about, you know what I mean? So going to this church, I met all these people and I became friends with them and we started having like, you know, sleepovers and Bible studies in this different,
00:27:08
Speaker
houses and homes and all that and I walk into these rich homes now I'm like what the fuck is this? You know like you want to tell me you can eat food and not finish
00:27:27
Speaker
And not just finish, you can choose either to throw it away and put it in that box and it will be cool all night. And then that box, you can pull it from that box you guys call the fridge and then pull it into this TV looking like box you guys call the microwave and then warm the food up. Like what, what magic is this? You know? So being in that environment, I really started
00:27:54
Speaker
thinking about what I can do to live that life. Because I'm like, oh, this is it. Like, I gotta get the heck out of Kibera. Yeah, I've been suffering, you know? Like, yeah. It was at that point that you made that realization that what you had gone through was suffering. Absolutely, yes. Because once you are,
00:28:19
Speaker
around that different environment, you start seeing things different. You're like, oh man, this guy got a dad and a mom, man. Yeah. You have a dad that drops you. What do you mean? Like for me, everything was fascinating. You know, you have shoes for school. You have sports shoes just for going, just shoes for jogging alone. Yeah. Man. Are you a freaking drug dealer, man? Like
00:28:47
Speaker
Is that prevalent in drug dealing? Yeah, it's huge, especially in Kibera. But now, a lot of people in Kenya are rich, but their source of income is very questionable. And in recent years, cocaine, heroin, and all these other drugs are a problem in Kenya. So drug dealing is huge.
00:29:13
Speaker
It's feeding a lot of families. That's what I can say. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, it's a means. It's a means. I got a question. Sorry. You call it running the block? Is that it? Running the block? Yes. I don't call it nothing. I don't do nothing. No, I don't call it that. OK. I'm not sure about you, people. I'm here to learn, Reggie. Some people might be running the block. Some people.
00:29:42
Speaker
Yeah, moving weight. Yeah, trapping. I think trapping is one. But no, I don't know nothing about that. I got a question because, like I said, I'm going to Ghana and I was skeptical or not skeptical. I was reluctant to go with the group that I'm going with because I went to a private high school.
00:30:06
Speaker
And there were a lot of mission trips done from this private majority white high school going to different places around the world, serving in some form or fashion, sometimes connected to religious means or sometimes not. But I'm going in conjunction with a group from my high school and.
00:30:27
Speaker
I was I was I always go to the point of the local. Like, does this local want me to be there in the first place? What is your, I guess, feeling toward mission trips and people coming with this saviorism complex or whatever it may be? How do you feel about that when you're coming from Kibera? First of all, that question is very deep to me. Because we are here talking about
00:30:58
Speaker
like knowing each other and on this podcast just because of a mission trip that happened to Kenya more than 25 years ago, I guess, you know, almost 25, 26 years ago. So I have mixed, mixed feelings on that because growing in Kibera, the school I went to, it was just this church building that was converted into a school. Again, they just put the writers
00:31:28
Speaker
they just put dividers and they called it a school that was formed by missionaries. And we used to go there just for the food because in Kibera there's no food, we just hang out and try. Of course, I used to sell weed to people as a kid, I used just to move weed from one place to another, from a dealer to
00:31:56
Speaker
you know, to a client or whatever. And then that's how I used to kind of get food. And this church started a feeding program for all the kids in Islam. So the rule was for you to go there and study the Bible, do Bible study from morning to lunch time, and then have lunch, and then you can go play sports or whatever you want in the afternoon. And then that's how it developed into a school. And so me,
00:32:26
Speaker
I'm going to be honest, if it wasn't for the missionaries who came and formed this charge, and that's how I started going to school, and they sponsored me until I finished university, basically, you know, I think I wouldn't make it. But also, there's a lot of harm that has been done by such organizations. And because most people can't thinking that they know what we want,
00:32:55
Speaker
or what the local people want instead of going to listen. I think the most important thing is to listen instead of you just coming there and buying all the kids Yeezys. You know, that's actually what Kanye did in Uganda. You know, he gave everybody. It's a good thing. But what am I going to have for dinner? Right.
00:33:20
Speaker
But what will happen once you've come here, you spent 10 days, you've formed a bond, you've formed a relationship, and then you've taken a beautiful photo and posted on Instagram and gotten good likes.
00:33:36
Speaker
What happens next week when you're not here, Reggie? Man. So I think the most important thing is going is not bad. Please go. Especially Ghana is amazing. I performed there last year in August. No, the year before that I did a show in Accra in August. Great people, great food.
00:33:55
Speaker
great weather. I love Ghana. I want to go back again. But are we going to build systems that are self-sustainable? Are we going to build systems that will really change these lives? Or are we just going to be there for 10 days?
00:34:13
Speaker
And that's it. And you will probably visit like orphanages and children's homes and all that. And you'll go there and you'll form bonds with these kids.
00:34:27
Speaker
And you are not the first group to go there and form bonds, but you'll not be the last two. They'll see people like, when you were in Kibera, we used to have missionaries, we used to come, some for two weeks, some for three months, some for six. And you come with these people, you form a relationship, a bond, and then you leave, when they leave, your heart broken, and then another group comes, and then you start forming that bond, and then you leave, and then your heart broken. It's like,
00:34:57
Speaker
It's like heartbreak after heartbreak. Absolutely. And that's why given in Japan here, I've been here for a long time, but I've never been to the cat cafe or the owl cafe. That's how I felt.
00:35:13
Speaker
children feel actually back home because they're like, these people are just here to pet us and to make us feel good for one, two hours. They pay and then they leave. But are we trying to really change lives? Are we trying to keep the relationship going on? And that's
00:35:32
Speaker
that's I think the most important thing coming up with systems that really work long time whether you are there or not or even start coming up with system forming like meaningful relationships that will last for a long time like shout out to Adrian for making this happen
00:35:50
Speaker
She's one of the ladies who came through the mission organization and we used to hang out every evening after school, every weekend. I knew her for a very long time and she left and we didn't even have Facebook or Instagram that time and she gave me her email. And we used to email for almost 10, 15 years. Just communicating by email and then she came again to see me in Africa.
00:36:16
Speaker
Yes, she came, saw me, we hung out, we had a good time. And then she left again, but the communication was there until I think she went through some difficult time. Me too, life just happened and we kind of lost touch for like five years. And then one random day I saw a suggestion on Instagram, do you know this person?
00:36:42
Speaker
And I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it was her. And then we reconnected like now, maybe four, five years ago and nothing changed. It was really emotional because she was looking for me everywhere. She couldn't find me. I thought I should have just Googled the best black comedian in Japan.
00:37:04
Speaker
I think that's what my name the title is is the best black black comedian in Japan. Boom. Yes. That's what we call it. Oh man. That's beautiful. Exactly. So you see me and her it's it's a it's a lifetime relationship now. It's more than 20 years. I've known her and she's one of the
00:37:25
Speaker
very few people like I can feel vulnerable enough to open up to my struggles and whatever I'm going through and you know we share that bond and yeah she's she's just my human and you know I really appreciate her and for that reason
00:37:42
Speaker
I will tell you, please go to Ghana. You might be an Adrian to someone else. You know what I mean? That's powerful. Long-term meaningful relationship. That's powerful. Thank you. Thank you for that. And thank you for sharing that beautiful story. It's heartwarming to know that you build true connection even through just email for so long. There's no excuse for people not to be building genuine connections with people because y'all are proof of that. So that's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that.
00:38:11
Speaker
Thank you very much. Can you talk about what it was like, how you got to Japan and what that transition was like for you?
Evans' Journey: From Kenya to Japan
00:38:21
Speaker
My story with Japan is something I really...
00:38:26
Speaker
Sometimes I wake up, I'm like, oh, I'm in Tokyo. Like I live in Tokyo. This is insane. Like I still can't believe it. Like yesterday, it was just funny enough. Yesterday, I actually thought this podcast was going to happen yesterday. So I woke up very early in the morning yesterday. It's my Sunday. It's your Saturday, right? Yeah.
00:38:47
Speaker
Yes, I just took a shot. I'm like, well, I think it's a good day to see the city again. I love walking. Walking is one of the things I do a lot. And so I was just thinking, well, I'm in Japan. How did this happen? So I finished high school.
00:39:08
Speaker
Edrin comes with this other team of experts like doctors, lawyers, architects. She brings them to Kenya. I'm working as a messenger, as an office messenger, and she calls me. She's like, hey, I'm in town. I told you I'll be here. I thought it was a joke. We go have dinner with her. And she's like, yeah, this
00:39:29
Speaker
You said you wanna go to college. This table is filled with people who are super rich and they have had part of your story and they're really interested in hearing the rest.
00:39:41
Speaker
So I share my story with them, not expecting anything really. I'm just doing it also because Adrian told me, you know what I mean? So I finish and then one guy's like, wow, I'm touched by your story. I'm going to give you one semester scholarship to university of your choice. Like, whoa. Wow. Am I dreaming or what? You know, like, then that's how it happened. I go to university in Uganda.
00:40:09
Speaker
I take a bus to Uganda, of course, I get money for flight, but flying is like a hundred dollars, a bus is 25 bucks. My mom sold it for like two months when I'm away, you know what I mean? So I go to Uganda, I study there, the semester ends, then the guy's like, okay,
00:40:34
Speaker
you are waiting for your results. If your results are okay, I'm gonna pay the next semester. Like, okay, so that's the only requirement. I just have to perform in school and I, yeah, I just held it throughout. Like, I'm not the smartest, but I'm, you know. Yeah. You got, you, you pretty smart though. I can tell you got it together. Yeah. I speak seven languages, Reggie. Don't play with me. Go ahead. Give me, give me, give me all of them right now. Let's go. I speak English, of course.
00:41:04
Speaker
I speak Japanese, I speak Swahili, I speak Luganda, because I went to Uganda for uni. In Kenya, we have different languages and tribes and different languages. I speak Luya, which is my native language, born with. I speak Luo. Luo is Obama's dad language. Obama was Luo. Obama's dad was Luo. Then I speak a little bit of Kamba.
00:41:28
Speaker
That's actually it. Canva is another language. And then I studied French for six months, but I don't speak any, so I won't count French. Okay, man. That's amazing. I speak English. Yeah. You speak English. That's enough. And I speak English. No, I'm kidding. I speak a little bit of French and a little bit of Spanish as well. Oh, okay. That's good. They speak English in Ghana, so you'll be fine, right? Okay. I'll be good. I'll be good.
00:41:52
Speaker
That your story, and I want to hear more about kind of the story that you told that group of sponsors, because it was compelling enough for them to, you know, want to advocate for you and going to school. But your story sound I mean, it's very similar in a way to my story of two different places. Right. And
00:42:14
Speaker
inner city impoverished area part in part of just parts of the United States and here in Nashville, Tennessee. And I threw a pro through a program called Backfill in Motion. It's a nonprofit organization that was the introduction to organized sports for me, organized football. And I got to play for this organization. But attached to that was the requirement of getting going to tutoring and getting academic support and all of that.
00:42:42
Speaker
And in that, I was already a really good student. I was, you know, advanced in all the work that I was doing. And so the group of people who started and volunteered for this organization identified me and gave me the opportunity to go to a private school, the private school I was mentioning and.
00:43:04
Speaker
You know, I think like, like the part that really sticks out for me was at the end of my eighth grade year, which was the first year I went there, I was so over being in that environment, being away from all my friends. And I was like, you know, my excuse to not come back was like, we can't afford this.
00:43:23
Speaker
Yeah, I remember getting sat down by a bunch of different people from, you know, in the school, outside of school, friends, families. And I don't know exactly who said this or how many people said this, but it was told to me. It was like, if you come back, you will never have to pay another dime to go to the school again.
00:43:43
Speaker
Wow. In this school, and I'm telling you, like today is probably $35,000 a year to go there. And so, you know, back, I'm like 15 years removed from school now, but like still very expensive. And I got that for free. And just to see the trajectory that that has done for me in my life like that, I'm so appreciative of that.
00:44:08
Speaker
I want to ask one more of the backstory and how does your story differ from everyone else in Kibera who didn't get that opportunity to sit down at that table? Yeah, before I get to that, let me just finish my journey how I got to Oki. So I go to Uganda and
00:44:31
Speaker
do four years there, go back to Kenya, volunteer for the same organization that sponsored me to school. And I had a friend who came to Japan to study and he just sent me a link and I applied for my second bachelor's and they accepted me and I came. That's how I ended up in Tokyo. But not most, not a lot of
00:44:55
Speaker
My peers made it this far, as I may say, because as I've shared before, my background was really difficult and a lot of my friends are either dead or in jail because they chose different ways to make a living. And I was almost going that way, but I had a very, very strict
00:45:23
Speaker
uh elder brother actually and my my my late sister who just died they used to to beat the shit out of me just to put me in line i was a little bit stubborn because i was playing soccer and in the entire soccer team everybody was 90 percent of the people were
00:45:40
Speaker
thieves to be honest, you know, they were Tailing drugs. They were not just not just weed but real drugs and I think my mom and my my sister forcing me to go to church kind of helped me because That's how I I moved from the church in Kibera to the one outside Kibera and through that I discovered that actually you can make it in life or you can make something out of yourself
00:46:09
Speaker
in other ways that we were not exposed to growing up. We just thought if you are a guy by the age of 16, you should be doing drugs or dealing drugs. And if you're a girl by the 15, 16, you should be a mother or something. And so it's unfortunate because most of my friends took that route and they are normal and the few ones that are alive
00:46:39
Speaker
Some are doing well, to be honest, but again, the chances of making it from Kibera is almost zero. Like in Kenya, you go anywhere out, like you meet anybody and you'll be having a conversation with them the way I'm having a conversation with you and they'll be treating you like a normal person. And then when you say, oh, once you say, oh, by the way, you know, I'm from Kibera,
00:47:06
Speaker
the everything changes, the demeanor, the way they treat you, the way they're clutching their passes. It's like being in the U.S. with a mask on on an elevator with a white woman. And then when you open the mask and they're like, oh, he's a fucking black. They tried their passes. You know what I mean? I know. I think it's the same thing with us. Like we are feared. We are feared because we,
00:47:37
Speaker
We, to be honest, we kind of deserve being feared because, again, we have the reputation. Kibera is surrounded by stadiums and places where, like, festivals happen and all that. And so, most people from Kibera go to these events and everything just to snatch funds.
00:48:01
Speaker
and you just snide the phone and just run in Kibera because once you step, you cross the road into Kibera, you don't even run anymore because anybody following you into Kibera, they know they won't come out alive. That's how bad it is. I'll send you some photos. We have
00:48:22
Speaker
kibera and then one side is kibera the other side is like you'll see it's all brown corrodded iron sheet and on the other side you will see green lush golf course like it's very very beautiful and for super rich people that's what's like off kibera the other side we have a huge
00:48:43
Speaker
event space called the Uhuru Gardens, which we have like all the big international musicians come to do festivals there. We have a soccer stadium nearby, like all around Kibera, we are surrounded by these big venues for events and conferences and all that. And so those are places most of my friends, and me too, we used to go to just hang out and time, you know, those people from other neighborhoods, rich neighborhoods and
00:49:12
Speaker
see what we can get from them. So once you get a pass or a wallet, your number one aim is just to cross the main road. Wow. Once you cross the road, it's a different story, man. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Different territory. Wow. And that's, yeah. And that's one thing that I really had to learn to do even, even before coming to Japan, just by leaving the Kibera environment, I had to learn to
00:49:43
Speaker
to kinda hold myself back and start letting some things go and learning to be in a different space in even my mindset. Like, can you imagine moving from that environment and now coming to Japan? This is the safest place on the planet. There is no danger here, like, but you sometimes you run into those,
00:50:10
Speaker
confrontation, situation, confrontational situations, but you have to know that you've come a very long way and you can lose everything just by reacting. So for me nowadays, my defense mechanism is to walk away. Like I walked away from situation that if someone was recording me and show my boys back in Kibera, they'd be like, what the fuck?
00:50:39
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. But I have to do that because you realize that life is more than that, you know, it's more than being tough, being that you have to be vulnerable at times, actually, you have to open up, you have to soften up, and there is nothing wrong with that. And so yeah, I think
00:50:56
Speaker
It has been a very, very, very huge adjustment for me. And now I've been here for 10 years and now the opposite is happening because when I go back home, I really struggle.
00:51:11
Speaker
even from the airport to my Airbnb or whatever, it's like, oh, I need to be like, I need to, I need to act like you're, I'm from here. I know everything, but it kinda shows you, you're not from here, but you've been away for so long or so. You've been away, yeah, yeah. That's tough. Do you ever feel any guilt surrounding that, knowing the life that you live now compared to the family that you have back in Kibera?
00:51:39
Speaker
I used to, but I feel a little bit now, not as much as I used to, because I used to just work hard and send money home. And I still do that, of course. I try and help my family wherever I can. But at the end of the day, I think it's not selfish to prioritize yourself. It is necessary.
00:52:06
Speaker
You know, I'm not married, I don't have a kid. I have like 2 million, no, 2.5 million nephews back in Africa. So it's like. You provide for a lot of folks. Yes, so I can take care of my mom of everything and then provide for all my nephews and nieces when I'm not married. I'm 36 years old, I'm not married. I can't live like I have four wives back in Africa. You know what I mean? I try.
00:52:36
Speaker
When there is need, I provide where I can. But I was on another podcast when I went back to Kenya, and I was asked the same question. And I thought this answer was funny, but it has some truths. They asked me, so what happens when your nephew is out of school, and you are there, and you have some money? How do you do it? I'm like, it depends.
00:52:58
Speaker
if that money was meant for me going to Bali, I'll go to Bali, let her stay home until, you know, like, yes, because I used to do that a lot. I used to just get everything that I have and give. And that is also not sustainable. No, it's not.
00:53:20
Speaker
And so that's what I was telling you about the mission organizations. Try to have something that is working for them. Something that is self-sustainable, of which I've really tried. I've tried, I've given money for businesses before that has not worked once, not twice, you know what I mean? So especially after giving that, I felt like I'm buying space, my space, and you know,
00:53:51
Speaker
I have to also, I don't, first of all, I don't have a lot of money, number one. You know, according to Japanese standards, I'm still poor here, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You're gonna send that clip right there to the family, be like, look, I am poor in Japan. Yes, hey, family, I am poor in Japan, please. I am poor here. I'm gonna clip this, man. Don't ask me for money. Mom, I love you, but I'm poor.
00:54:23
Speaker
So you have to find a balance and that's that's a struggle sometimes but you have to prioritize yourself because if you don't you can't give what you don't have. Yeah that's so impressive that you have that mindset now and are able to know that taking care of yourself and being
00:54:45
Speaker
Selfish is necessary at times and to set those boundaries and so that that's super healthy when you were talking about like creating something that's sustainable I work in finance and I've worked with professional athletes. I worked with people with you know, tremendous wealth and one of the things I see with professional athletes who come from environments where there was there is not a lot of resources they want to pour back and give back and
00:55:11
Speaker
And often it's like someone's so called and they need $10,000 and the request to, or fulfilling the request of $10,000 is great for that moment, but it doesn't set them up for sustainability to create the habits that they need to really thrive with however much money you give them.
00:55:32
Speaker
And so I think it's so important what you said about how do we create systems and processes and things that if you do something, if you implement some kind of technology, some kind of software, some kind of physical thing, how do you, one, train people how to use that thing, maintain that thing, employ other people around that so that it is sustainable? I think that is so crucial no matter where you are and how you help and give back.
00:55:58
Speaker
Absolutely, man, absolutely. And yeah, before I forget, thank you for the book. I got the book, your book for you. Yeah, yeah. I'm a very slow reader, but I'm reading it. But, you know, she sent me last year after my sister passed away. Yeah. It was I think it like she didn't know my sister had passed away at first. Like she sent it and then
00:56:26
Speaker
I got it like a day after she passed away. I was like, wow, this is a very, very timely book. Like it has arrived at my lowest, you know, it has arrived when I really need it the most. And I'm still in the very beginning, but I must say one thing that really stands out in your book was how you're talking
Dealing with Trauma and Grief
00:56:51
Speaker
about sharing your trauma and
00:56:55
Speaker
for people not to view that as you making their traumas less important than what you went through. And that is one thing I want to echo in this podcast, like I'm not sharing this to show people that, hey, what I went through is tougher than you. No, no, no. Even where I come from in Kibera, I know people went through serious situations than me. So
00:57:20
Speaker
I really appreciate you for pointing that out because most of the time once you become vulnerable and you're sharing your story, some people tend to think that you're trying to show them how much you suffered more than them. It's not a suffering competition. Not at all. No. Yeah. I say we're not playing trauma Olympics.
00:57:42
Speaker
I guess it sucks to go through bad things and the bad things like when we we talk about perspective and knowing that, OK, what I went through wasn't as bad as somebody else. That's great for building empathy and perspective. But it does no good when you're dealing with those feelings inside your heart and your chest and your mind, because it's the worst shit you've ever been through. And even if it's I dropped my ice cream cone and I'm two years old, that's the worst shit I've ever been through. And I feel that as the worst shit I've ever been through.
00:58:12
Speaker
And so I love, thank you for pointing that out because there are people who, like I even mentioned it in the book of, you know, there are people who are gonna read the first half of my book and say, where was the trauma? I didn't see it. And then other people who are gonna say, oh my God, how the hell did this person make it through all of this? And so, but regardless of where you are on that, your personal experiences and your trauma matters, no matter how big or how deep or how intense they were. So thank you for pointing that out.
00:58:41
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you, man. Yeah, I hope I'll finish that book in five years time. If you need the audio book, I'll read it to you. Do you have an audio book? Yeah.
00:58:53
Speaker
Oh, then that, that would be faster because I told you. I'm going to get, I'm going to get it to you. Thanks man. I like going on long walks, you know, I listened to a lot of podcasts now. So if I get an audio book, I'll be like, yo, I was done yesterday. Like that's what we're going to do. We're going to make that happen then. Thank you, man. I really appreciate man. Thanks a lot. I want to, I want to ask you a big question because you brought her up a couple of times. What did your sister mean to you?
00:59:25
Speaker
everything man she she was the closest person i was with in the entire family she was the glue of the family man she was the only sibling that wanted us together as one family to be honest because we've had our differences and our struggles as a family
00:59:52
Speaker
had my issues with my elder brother. I haven't, sorry, that's funny. I haven't talked to my elder brother now for it's my fifth year, five years, almost six years over some stupid nonsense. Let me just put it that way. Um, I had issues with my younger sister for a long time. The last one, uh, I had
01:00:17
Speaker
problems with my brother that I follow now, like the brother, you know, he comes before me and my late sister Rose was the only person in the family that used to call me and check on me. Hey, how's Tokyo? Is it cold? You know, like if I want to send my mom money, I'd send my sister Rose because she knows what to do with it. And
01:00:45
Speaker
She knew, she knew me inside out. She knows things about me that other family members don't know. You know, and they don't know that they don't know unless they listen to this podcast, you know? Yeah, definitely. So for me, I, I lost a part of me. And, uh, after, after she passed on,
01:01:09
Speaker
Until now, very few things have meaning for me. In life, nothing excites me anymore. I mean, it was last year, August, but until now, I'm just in that like, fuck this mode. I don't give a shit about many things.
01:01:29
Speaker
I, the other day I just walked out of the house in my pajamas and I got on the train and I went to Tokyo. I was just like, see, they're fucking pajamas. What's a big deal about? I don't give a shit. Like, you know, hard death was the last thing I expected because she wasn't sick for a very long time. You know, so it's, it's,
01:01:55
Speaker
It changed everything. It's changed my life. It changed my perspective on what's important in life. And yeah, it, it, it dragged me. I don't think I'll ever recover to be honest. I don't think I'll ever, I'll ever go back to the same place I was because she, she used to give it to me the way it's supposed to be. Yeah.
01:02:26
Speaker
And yes, yes, real love. If I fuck up, she'd tell me, no, no, don't do that. She's the reason why I have a little bit of investment back home. 10 years in Japan, you know, I didn't have anything. And then I went home last year in March. That trip, something deep inside me was like, you gotta go home. I'm like, I don't even have enough money.
01:02:55
Speaker
Because once I go home, I do everything. So I was like, I'm not ready to go home. But if there's one thing people were listening or watching this podcast, if I have a message for you, follow your conscience. Follow your heart. If your heart is really convicting you to do something, don't look at the finances. Don't look at what people think. Just do it.
01:03:22
Speaker
fucking do it. We don't have time on this planet, man. And that March trip is the biggest trip I've ever had in my life because it gave me, gave me a chance to see her for the last time and say goodbye the proper way. And we traveled, we took a road trip from Nairobi to my mom's house, like eight hours, seven hours away from Nairobi, came back to Nairobi and
01:03:50
Speaker
you know, we talked, we had a good time together. And if I knew seeing her at the airport was the last time I was gonna see her, the last time I was gonna see her, I wasn't gonna come back to Japan. You know, I'm glad I made that trip and
01:04:13
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I think I yeah, I'm just thankful that my head in my life because once I was in seventh grade, she left school to go walk with my mom to feed us. Wow. She said, education. She cared a lot about you. She cared a lot about us. You're the second second born. Yeah, you Yeah, she looked at my mom when my dad just left.
01:04:44
Speaker
And she told my mom, you are struggling a lot. I don't think I want to go to school anymore. I want to work because we have to eat. That's why I have to, for her kids, I have to do what I can because
01:05:04
Speaker
their mom sacrificed everything for me, you know what I mean? Wow, that's beautiful. I'm glad that you had her in your life. I'm glad that she was such a good presence for you because you met those people. Absolutely. And I'll say like, I've felt, because I've lost a person who, people who I felt were keeping me together and making it feel like, you know, the days would be brighter. And then when they passed,
01:05:32
Speaker
I think I shared some of those same feelings of you, like, what the fuck is all this for? Like, I don't care about any of this anymore. And some days, those feelings still come. It's been four and a half, four years since their passings, and they're the two people over my shoulders, my grandparents. And
01:05:53
Speaker
Uh, some days it still feels like why I don't care, but through the process of healing, through really acknowledging and honoring your grief process and what your system meant to you and processing those feelings, I'll say for me.
01:06:10
Speaker
The days where I feel like none of this is worth anything are less and less. And I don't think it completely goes away ever, but I think it does. I think you do start to grow around it and start to live with them in spirit with you. So I'm hoping that for you. Thank you, man. Thank you. Because yeah, it's been, I thought.
01:06:33
Speaker
I've grieved before I grieved my dad, but not that much to be honest. My dad's story is a different one. Maybe I'll touch on it later on, but this groove is different. Like I had a sharp pain in my chest. Like since she passed on, I've been feeling some like physical pain.
01:07:03
Speaker
Mind you, I really work out. I try and eat clean and go to the gym. But since she passed out, I don't think I'm even OK health-wise. Have you gone to seek treatment around that? That's one thing I want to share here. And nobody knows. And I don't think, unless you watch this podcast, Swain, you know. But I went.
01:07:31
Speaker
It will be, it will surprise even some people like Adrian because I share everything with her. But I haven't told her this. I haven't told every, anybody. This is the first time I'm opening up. I, I was in the hospital on Friday, actually, the day before yesterday. And the doctor discovered a tumor. I have a tumor on my chest. It's, uh,
01:07:58
Speaker
It's a benign tumor, but the doctor was like, you gotta watch it, watch it very closely. Something I've not told everybody, anybody, and I can't even believe that I'm saying this on this podcast, you know? But it's, yeah, since my sister passed on, I don't think I'm back to a hundred and I don't really care about things anymore. And
01:08:27
Speaker
And I care about very few people, you know, it's just something I feel like life for me is almost meaningless. Yes. And then I went home and then my brother was going through a lot of shit that I also tried to help because yeah, he was, he was at the age, he was almost taking his own life.
01:08:57
Speaker
when I went home back this December. So it's like, shit has been tough. That's why I hold comedy so closely, man. Because when I see people laughing and smiling around me, it makes me happy. And I just like the process of having a thought and then writing it down and then
01:09:20
Speaker
Converting it into something funny, you know creating something out of nothing so Yeah, I look back in life and I'm like I'm 30 36 years old now and Life has not been fair to me to be honest like since I was a kid, you know You do everything by the book and then nothing really happens your way and you just wonder
01:09:48
Speaker
What the fuck? Those are some of the things that made me even walk away from church, to be honest. I can't say that I don't believe in God. That's not true. But my questions to him are very, very many. And I never get the answers. It's life, man.
01:10:13
Speaker
I wish I could hold you right now. This is the one thing about doing virtual podcasts is that I feel like in this moment, I want to lay hands on you and just squeeze you and hold you and hope for brighter days.
01:10:28
Speaker
because you definitely deserve it. I can sense your energy and I can sense the joy that is deep inside your heart and how that has been stripped away with the passing of your sister with so many hard things that you've experienced through your entire life. And I'm deeply, deeply sorry for all those things. You don't deserve them. Thanks, Reggie.
01:10:51
Speaker
Has comedy, comedy being a creative art form, what does that do to you? How does that bring you, lift you up? When did you start doing comedy? Talk about comedy in your life. I grew up in Kibera again. I was surrounded by lots of funny people. In school, I was the class clown. Everybody said that, right?
01:11:20
Speaker
When it clicked for me was when a friend of mine, same school, same neighborhood in Kibera, took part in this contest called Top Comic. They were looking for the best standup comedian in the entire country. And this guy went on the show and I was laughing at him because I'm like, you are the least, funniest person I've ever met. And he won it.
01:11:50
Speaker
Wow. He wanted if he's like, Oh man, what am I doing? This guy won? You know, he was, he was on the national newspaper radio everywhere. Like he became a huge, a big dealer, huge celebrity in Kenya. And I was like, what the hell man? Like how?
01:12:13
Speaker
I couldn't believe it, man. Because even just having a conversation with him is boring. But he wanted, he wrote and he practiced and his delivery was just impeccable. And after that, I went and I was like, yo, I respect you, man. I want to go to an open mic. And he was like, ah, so now you respect me, okay. I'll take you to an open mic. So that's how I started, man. He took me to an open mic in
01:12:44
Speaker
Downtown Nairobi, we had a Hilton hotel, they had an open mic. And the first open mic was great, man. I killed it. I wrote these jokes, practiced them, and they were great. And I was like, yes, I think I want to do this for the rest of my life. And then the next show, I went and I bombed so hard.
01:13:09
Speaker
For the next like five, six shows up in my eyes, I just kept on bobbing and I'm like, wow, it is not my thing. That's got to be terrifying. Ah, it humbled me. It humbled me. It gave me that humble pie without my knees on top. So after that, I just continued, man.
01:13:30
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that's amazing. With how long you've been doing comedy, how many shows you do now, would you say there's a percentage that still you come out feeling like you bombed? Really, bombing is a part of life if you're a comedian. Bombing is there, like, even Dev does bomb.
01:13:51
Speaker
Yes. Bombing is part of, you know, the thing is that you have to do it for a very long time to a level where
01:14:04
Speaker
if you have a great show, it doesn't take you up. If you bore me, it just destroys you. You have to find your voice. And I think that takes for me, according to me, I started finding my voice like after five, six years where I have some sort of stability. Until now, nowadays I go to shows, of course I love my audience, but I don't care about their responses that much. You know,
01:14:33
Speaker
because whether I honestly I've been having a lot of great shows recently some bad shows here and there but
01:14:42
Speaker
they don't face me anymore because I think I've done the 10,000 hours or whatever they say. I've done it for a very long time that it, like me, bombing is just, oh, okay, maybe I should have changed this, or maybe that crowd was not just feeling it. And also, I kind of redefined bombing. For me, bombing is how I feel after the show.
01:15:08
Speaker
Yes, exactly. I'm a little selfish with my performances, my performance, because sometimes I can go up there and destroy that crowd, like just have an amazing show. But after the show, I don't really feel like good inside or I don't feel like I had a good show. So sometimes the show is pretty average to some people. They look and they're like, oh, it's really bombing. But after that, I'm like, wow.
01:15:35
Speaker
Yeah, that's good. You know what I mean? It's a space to be in. So yeah, like you said, true, true to yourself, true to yourself and not seeking. I mean, you're seeking external validation because you do want laughs. But at the end of the day, it is about what is happening on the inside of you. That's the most important part.
01:15:55
Speaker
But don't get me wrong, man, the laughs, the laughter, they make you feel very good. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, good. That's good. I want to close it out with a couple more rapid response questions just to end this out. But here's the first one.
01:16:14
Speaker
With everything that you have going on personally, professionally, I think one of the hardest things for at least me and a lot of people I've asked, one of the hardest things to do is ask for help, that I need help. So my question to you, Evans, is what do you need help with right now in whatever regard of life? That's the most difficult question that I've had in my recent years.
01:16:40
Speaker
because honestly, because nobody ever asks me for that, except maybe one other person. And I think, you know, who I'm talking about. Before I answer that, let me tell you why that is difficult for me to answer. It's because of the environment I live in right now. I live in Japan and in Japan, the concept of helping each other is almost culturally frowned upon.
01:17:11
Speaker
you don't ask for shit here, you take care of your own shit. Of course, they are very kind and if you ask something, they'll go, oh, oh, you know, if you ask the direction, they'll leave whatever they're doing, oh, sorry, sorry, go this way, go, you know. But here, someone can fall in the middle of the city and people will just be walking around him because they know there is a medical,
01:17:41
Speaker
department that is supposed to handle that and if you know you have a condition there is a panic button you're supposed to be working with if you feel like you're gonna have a seizure or something you gotta press that and like everybody you just have to take care you have to carry your own weight and me living in Japan has taught me that like I suffer a lot here sometimes man but I don't
01:18:09
Speaker
I don't ask for help because that is just how Japan has groomed me. To be honest, I'm kind of Japanese, if I can say that, because I think it's the samurai spirit, it's the feel of guilt.
01:18:27
Speaker
or shame in asking. That's why also the rate of suicide is very large in Japan. I think number two, after Germany or something like that, they keep on switching places, you know, because here is like, even during the old times of the samurai, if you feel like you go to war and then you are the only surviving soldier,
01:18:56
Speaker
The only surviving soldier wouldn't come back home. They'd commit what we call harakiri, which is like splitting your stomach into two with a samurai sword, just because you feel like you're letting down others. So that question is difficult. But for me, for now, I just, yeah, it's great. Yeah, I'm really, really trying to think. That's a difficult question for me to ask.
01:19:26
Speaker
Let me just say this. I think I need help, first of all, with my mental structure. Yes. And it's very awkward for me to say this again, because it is just something Japan does not allow. And also this also calls back to where I was brought up.
01:19:57
Speaker
to ask help for things like your mental being, and it's just something, first of all, I'm really, I'm still coming into terms with thinking if I really need that type of help, because this one thing I'm gonna be honest with you, I struggle with, I struggle with, you know, therapy.
The Power of Therapy and Comedy
01:20:25
Speaker
Yes.
01:20:27
Speaker
Let's say just going to therapy is something that I've never thought about and I've talked to people about it.
01:20:35
Speaker
but I don't feel like it will do anything to me, to be honest. That's a struggle, a personal struggle. And that's a question I wanna ask you, please expand more. Yeah, if you do go and what has it done for you? Because for me, I don't think is it because of my current environment or where I was brought up from, or is it a combination of both? Because for us, it just doesn't make sense to sit there and try.
01:21:02
Speaker
and talk to a person and let that person try to make you know some things about yourself. And they are friends and it's working for them.
01:21:13
Speaker
Before you ask the next question, break that down for me. That's a great question. And to answer your question, yes, I do go to therapy. And I had a lot of the same hesitations about it as you do. And because growing up, it was stigmatized. It was looked down upon. It was looked at as if you're crazy if you go. And ultimately, like you said, is this shit even going to help?
01:21:42
Speaker
And I think for me, I got to the place where I felt like I was the lowest in my life and I had exhausted all my other coping mechanisms. I did all that stuff that normally helped me get through the things that I was going through and I was still feeling horrible. And I still had a desire to want to feel better. And so with that, I was like, well, why not try it?
01:22:10
Speaker
But for me, I think the what was more accepted was grief therapy because it was harder to talk about the traumas that I had been through and all the other, you know, the violence and the abuse and neglect and things that happened in the neighborhood and all of that stuff. It was harder to talk about that, but it was easier to get into a room and say, my grandmother just died and that hurts because I feel like like there is a
01:22:38
Speaker
acceptance in a soft spot in the world for people to grieve their loved one. And so brief therapy was my my first introduction to therapy. And that was about four years ago. Oh, wow. Four years ago, like before that, I had been, you know, considering it, thinking about it. But at the end of the day, I was like, nope, that's not for me.
01:22:59
Speaker
But going in four years ago to a Greek therapist and really having someone who understood how that communication was supposed to go, how to talk me through different ways of thinking, like my mind and I, and I say this to the, to this day because of some of the traumas that I've gone through.
01:23:17
Speaker
But I have awareness around it now. My mind goes down path and I cannot control where that path ends up no matter how much I try. But I have awareness now. So now I can, when I start to take a step down that path, I'm like, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:23:37
Speaker
Let me turn back around and get back to the beginning and understand which way my mind is trying to take me. And sometimes our minds lie to us. A lot of times they do, especially when you've been through hard stuff. Therapy has helped me understand that part and become aware of that part so that I can intervene or bring in some of the things that have helped throughout my life and healing journey.
01:24:02
Speaker
So it started with grief therapy that then rolled into surrounding myself with other people who are okay with going to therapy. And that was a yoga community for me. My yoga teacher training actually was so much grief therapy, group grief therapy, because that was hard for me too to even accept the fact that I could sit in a room with somebody else, hear their stories, have them hear mine, and we really heal from hearing each other's stories.
01:24:30
Speaker
But that accelerated it for me. It accelerated it because I don't have to necessarily be talking to be healing. You could be talking about your experience with your sister, your dad, or your mom. And I'm over here in the corner translating that to how that has impacted me in my life. And then seeing some of the breakthroughs that you've had through your work, it helps. It helps me too.
01:24:57
Speaker
And so I got into group therapy and was like, OK, this this is I'm starting to feel better. I'm starting to feel less alone. I have a community in what I'm going through, even though you didn't know my my grandmother, you didn't know my mom, you don't know my dad, but I have a community in knowing that we have some of this shared pain.
01:25:16
Speaker
and some of these same feelings, right? Just like talking to you right now, that's why I think like I would be on this call for another five hours if you wanted to, because there's a sense of shared community there that I think we can bond and connect over. Absolutely. Group therapy did that for me. And then I got so, I started to feel better. I started to feel a little bit better. And I was just chasing a little bit better every single time. Every time I go to a therapy session, I'm chasing a little bit better. Every time I think about a new form of therapy,
01:25:46
Speaker
Because it's not just necessarily sit on a couch, talk to this stranger and they take notes and then you leave. Like I've been in places where like you have to get your body into it, right? You got a nine tumor in your chest and like, what if like you're shaking, like I'm shaking a pillow and busting something over to like, like really get into your body because a lot of your trauma may be trapped in your body.
01:26:07
Speaker
doing things like that, somatic therapy, somatic release therapy. Those things are what I feel are more necessary for people who have experienced a lifetime of hard stuff. Are you really gotta go past just sitting down and talking because that can only do so much.
01:26:22
Speaker
So I say all that to say I've experimented a lot with different forms of healthy therapy and I've seen the growth in myself, the growth in where my mind goes in dark times and the infrequency, the less dark times there are because of the work that I've been doing.
01:26:46
Speaker
And so if I can ever be a resource and I'm going to definitely shoot some resources over to you because I think I think it is definitely worth it. And I'm again, I want to see that joy that I can see inside you. I want that to come out and actually for you to feel that at all times. We're not at all times, but majority of the time because it's possible. I appreciate it. I appreciate a lot of me. Definitely. Definitely. Two questions.
01:27:17
Speaker
What is your biggest fear? Apart from snakes? Yeah, snakes, okay. No, my biggest fear is poverty, sorry. Being poor. Yeah, I've been there and it doesn't, yeah. I'm not rich, but I'm not who I used to be, you know what I mean?
01:27:45
Speaker
Yeah. I'm scared of not having a roof above my head. I'm scared of not having food in my belly. I'm scared of not being able to afford hospital bills. I'm scared of that a lot because I've been in that situation and I've seen people who are in those situations that
01:28:16
Speaker
have really lost their humanity or their dignity just to survive, you know, just to have a roof on top of their head. And that's my biggest fear. I don't want to go that low ever again. I share that with you because poverty is a
01:28:41
Speaker
If you've never experienced it, you don't know, but if you have, you understand that it is a very difficult existence. I talk about in my book being in a race with death while running from poverty.
01:28:58
Speaker
Like, you know, I never know when that day is going to come for me. And it's come early for a lot of people in my family, which makes me feel like the time is of the essence. And at the same time, I don't want to go back to the poverty that I grew up in. And so absolutely, absolutely. And many people say.
01:29:19
Speaker
the rich also cry but the poor also cry cry with empty belly yeah exactly they cry with empty belly so it's it's a it's a it's a it's a i'd rather cry rich you know
01:29:36
Speaker
Yo, my tears with $100 bills, you know. Oh, man. Last question. Last question. What are you living for? Wow. These are heavy. These are heavy. I'm living. Hmm.
01:30:07
Speaker
for making other people happy. I'm living for others. Let me say that. I think that's because I think my purpose in life is comedy for me. That's what I tell people. Like if I had all the money that I in this life, I still do stand up, like
01:30:30
Speaker
I love, you know, I've been doing it for 12 years now. And when I started, people were like, ah, it's just another stage. It's gonna stop in the next two weeks or something. And then I'm still going on and I'll never stop. This is just part of me. And I think I'm leaving for, for stage time, I'm leaving for the phases, phases of people I look at when I'm on stage. Like those moments,
01:30:59
Speaker
make me forget every other thing in my life like once I'm on stage my energy is different my power is different my feeling is different I don't care who else is in the room like something switches off or switches on about me and it's almost like I get possessed by another spirit because once I'm on stage
01:31:28
Speaker
I can never equate that feeling to any other feeling.
01:31:35
Speaker
And I've had so many other feelings, you know what I mean? That's big. I live for the smiles. Let me just say I live for the smiles. Definitely. You keep being you and them smiles coming. They're coming your way all the time in abundance. And I think the biggest and most important smile is the one that you have on your face. And so if you can give yourself that, I hope that it fulfills you.
01:32:04
Speaker
Thank you very much, man. It means a lot. And thank you for creating this space for people to really open up. I've never had a conversation like this. Let me just say
Opening Up: Cultural Challenges and Mental Health
01:32:19
Speaker
that. It's deep. It's different. It's fun. It has a lot of smiles and cries.
01:32:28
Speaker
It has allowed me to open up the way I've never opened before. I wasn't sure I'll open up that much, to be honest. But your spirit and your energy is just everything, man. You are a good person.
01:32:50
Speaker
And you are a genuine person, Reggie. This is the first time we are really talking for this long. And I've been hearing so many good things about you from Adrian. And she knows I don't really like, not like, but I don't open up to people and I don't talk to people about many challenges that I face. And even coming into this podcast, I wasn't sure how much I'll share because that's just me. And as I've said before, in Japan, you don't really,
01:33:20
Speaker
you close your you struggle by yourself and until you go take your own life you know it's crazy yeah that's why this country has a place called the suicide forest where if you want to finish your life you just take your car you drive away
01:33:35
Speaker
you go leave your kind bad parking lot and get a white rope, tie it on your leg and start walking inside the forest and go take your life wherever you feel comfortable. And then they will use that rope. That's, you know, they'll trace the rope and get to find your body whenever they will. You know what I mean?
01:33:56
Speaker
yes it is it is it is it is not it's almost normally it's something that happens and there's actually a suicide forest in japan you know oh my goodness it's it's a place where you you have to take care of yourself you have to be you know
01:34:17
Speaker
Yeah, depending on others is not a thing. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say. You can open it up on others. People don't open up and that's why we have that high. I think one of the reasons why we have, apart from, you know, of a working culture and all that, I think one of the reasons
01:34:33
Speaker
We have that high rate of suicide is lack of community. And you said something very important about community, uh, you starting therapy. And then after that journey, a community of people who are able to do that, you know, for me, my community here is a few comedians. Of course I hang out with, and you know, I have a few friends here and there. So this, this part has been very, very,
01:35:01
Speaker
It's been more than what I expected. I somehow feel lighter in my heart now. I feel like I have a friend and I feel like if I have some deep questions, I can slide in your DM and bother you. Yes, you can. You're part of my community now, man. Thank you, man. And you also asked what I need help with. Send me money. I'm an African. Give me a dollar.
Invitation to Evans' Comedy Podcast
01:35:31
Speaker
Oh, Evans, I love it. How can people listen to you get in touch with you if they want to?
01:35:38
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. So I am on YouTube. I'm on Instagram and on TikTok, but I have my podcast too, man. I just started podcasting. It's not as cool as yours, you know, I talk a lot of nonsense, but it's all, you know, it's called the Evans and Soka funny agenda comedy podcast. Okay. Our agenda is to be funny. So
01:36:02
Speaker
because sometimes people just want to relax and have a good time. So I talk a lot about my life in Japan and my day-to-day experiences. And sometimes whatever is happening on the news, but the agenda is to be funny. So I try and make everything kind of funny or light.
01:36:21
Speaker
So, yeah, if if you you're listening to this, please go to Spotify and just type in Evan Soka Fania Jenna comedy podcast. I'm also I'm not yet on Apple. I'm just on Spotify. I just started, but I'm on I'm on Spotify and YouTube podcasts. And yeah, I'll look for your masterclass on how to have a big podcast.
01:36:50
Speaker
Oh, man, I love that. And I hope that people come listen and laugh because you are a funny man. And I want you on. I want you on. I want you on. Hey, whenever. We talked a lot about my story. Now, next time, I want you on. I want to talk to you about your story. I want to hear a lot more about you. And, you know, yeah, I want to know more about you in also a funny way. You look like you're a funny guy.
01:37:22
Speaker
I'm sure we can make each other laugh. So we'll make that happen. Let's share some stories on my podcast soon. Absolutely. Okay. Bet. That's a bet.
Conclusion and Support for 'Vulnerability Muscle'
01:37:31
Speaker
Man, Evans, with everything that you could be doing and all the places you could be, I appreciate you being here with me, embracing vulnerability. Thank you very much. Thank you for joining us for another powerful episode of Vulnerability Muscle. I hope you found inspiration and valuable insights that resonate with you.
01:37:48
Speaker
If you're enjoying this journey of self-discovery and empowerment, there are a few ways you can support the podcast. First, make sure to hit that subscribe button so that you never miss an episode. If you've been moved by our conversations and the mission of redefining vulnerability, please consider leaving a review. Your feedback not only motivates us, but also helps others discover the podcast.
01:38:10
Speaker
Share your thoughts on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune in. And don't forget to spread the word. Follow us on Instagram at Vulnerability Muscle for updates. And you can connect me personally at Reggie D Ford on all platforms. Visit VulnerabilityMuscle.com for additional resources and upcoming episodes. And remember, embracing vulnerability is strength.
01:38:32
Speaker
Thanks for being a part of the journey. Until next time, stay empowered, stay vulnerable and keep flexing that vulnerability muscle.