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027 - The Heart of a Writer: Autobiography in Fiction, the Healing Power of Energy Medicine
37 Plays9 months ago
In this episode, Reggie D. Ford interviews Andrea Torrey Balsara, an award-winning author and illustrator who has transitioned from creating picture books to exploring the depths of energy medicine. Andrea shares her journey of integrating her artistic talents with her newfound passion for Reiki and energy healing, discussing how it has helped her heal from childhood trauma. The conversation delves into her acclaimed book, *The Great & the Small*, and the personal and creative growth that led to its creation. As a volunteer at a donkey sanctuary, Andrea also shares insights into the autobiographical nature of her characters, the healing power of compassion, and the lessons learned from working with donkeys. She emphasizes the importance of forgiveness and offers inspiring advice for sexual assault survivors, exploring the intersection of writing, healing, and the resilience of the human spirit.
Highlights:
⭐️ Andrea shares her unique method of grounding herself by standing barefoot in the grass and visualizing roots growing into the earth.
⭐️ She reflects on vulnerability as embracing her true self and shedding layers of pretense.
⭐️ Andrea recalls a profound moment on a mountaintop in the Cascades, surrounded by a serene meadow and majestic peaks.
⭐️ Andrea discusses her experience visiting a concentration camp in Germany as a child and the powerful moment of encountering a priest whose presence illuminated the darkness, instilling hope.
⭐️ Andrea talks about her book, The Great & the Small, which explores the dualities of human nature through a fictional story of rats, inspired by historical figures and personal insights.
⭐️ Andrea delves into her healing journey through energy medicine, discussing the trauma from her childhood and how she has been working to reclaim her sense of self.
⭐️ She reflects on the ongoing process of healing and growth, emphasizing the idea that we all have the tools within us to overcome challenges and find light within the darkness.
⭐️ Andrea discusses how each character she writes has a piece of her, even the seemingly unlikable ones, emphasizing the complexity of human nature and the importance of everyday choices in shaping our paths.
⭐️ Andrea shares her touching experiences at a donkey sanctuary, where she learned about resilience, love, and the impact of energy work on animals, highlighting a poignant moment with a donkey named Darwin.
⭐️ Andrea opens up about her journey of forgiving the person who sexually abused her, understanding their past, and finding peace through compassion, stressing that forgiveness does not require reconciliation.
⭐️ Andrea offers profound advice to trauma survivors, encouraging them to recognize their intrinsic worth and beauty, and to embark on a patient journey towards self-discovery and healing.
⭐️ Andrea provides practical tips for aspiring writers, including finding mentor books, taking writing classes, and using creative tools like soundtracks and magazine holders to organize and inspire their writing projects.
📲 Connect with Reggie
Instagram - https://instagram.com/reggiedford
Facebook - https://facebook.com/reggiedford
LinkedIn - https://linkedin.com/in/reggiedford
Twitter - https://twitter.com/reggiedford
YouTube - https://youtube.com/@reggiedford
Website - https://reggiedford.com
Book - https://amzn.to/487OqJD
Podcast - https://reggiedford.com/vulnerabilitymuscle
📲 Connect with Andrea
Website - https://www.torreybalsara.com/
The Great & the Small by A.T. Balsaral - https://www.torreybalsara.com/pre-order
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/andreatorreybalsara/
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Transcript
Introduction and Purpose of the Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
My family and I were living in Germany at the time when I was 10. They took us to see a concentration camp in Dachau, Germany, because they felt it was really important that we grapple with the consequences of decisions.
00:00:14
Speaker
Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the empowering podcast challenging norms and guiding you to find strength and power through vulnerability. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. In a world that often portrays vulnerability as a sign of weakness, I believe it is a source of tremendous strength and authenticity.
00:00:32
Speaker
Through insightful conversations and thought-provoking interviews, Vulnerability Muscle aims to redefine vulnerability and help listeners develop a new perspective on their own lives. Each
Introducing Andrea Tori Balsara
00:00:43
Speaker
episode of Vulnerability Muscle delves into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts. We explore the power of vulnerability in healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth, as well as fostering meaningful connections.
00:00:59
Speaker
This podcast provides practical tools and strategies to navigate life's challenges, overcome adversity, and create more inclusive and just environments for all people. Welcome. Today we have Andrea Tori Balsara. Andrea, can you introduce yourself to the audience? Hi, Reggie. Thank you so much for having me. Um, I really appreciate it. I'm an author and illustrator and I,
00:01:26
Speaker
write and illustrate for, you know, doing picture books on up to young adult novels. Um, and that's kind of what I thought I was doing. And then all of a sudden I learned about energy medicine and it helped me heal so much from childhood buried trauma that I ended up studying to be a practitioner and a Reiki master. And so now I'm like trying to figure out how do I combine these things because They're so fascinating to me. um So that's where
Andrea's Grounding and Vulnerability Practices
00:02:00
Speaker
I'm at. and And I am a very proud mom of two adult children and happily married. And I have three rescue dogs and you know so I'm busy. Yes. Good. Well, you've already sparked my interest with so many good things. I cannot wait to dive deeper into this conversation. ah But before we do that, I want to ask you three quick rapid response questions
00:02:26
Speaker
First thing that comes to mind, you let me know. Okay. Okay. All right. What is something you do to relax when you're feeling stressed? Well, if the weather's nice, I go outside, I take off my shoes and I stand in the grass and I just like dig my toes into the grass. And I imagine that I'm growing roots, you know, down to the center of the earth and And I also like hold my hands up. So I'm like a V, you know, and, and I just imagine that I have just light and grace and blessings just flowing through me. And then I just gather that into my heart and it works. It helps. and Wow. Yeah. I love that. And I love the,
00:03:16
Speaker
They're just picturing your feet growing roots into the ground. yeah Like I really ah appreciate that. And we'll take that with me because I do yoga and sometimes tree pose. I feel, I feel like that. So that is a powerful metaphor. All right. Next question. Uh, when you think, or when the, when you hear the word vulnerability, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Being myself, not hiding. I mean, I i can't tell you how many.
00:03:45
Speaker
decades I have hidden and didn't even know I was hiding. And so now that I'm at a place where I know what hiding looks like and now I know who I really am, do I have the courage to be who I truly am or do I just like take the easy way and hide? So vulnerability to me is just, just accepting who I am and showing up as myself, not trying to be fancy or impress anyone, just just me. That's beautiful. And I already, I have not read your book. I will be honest there, but I can tell just the way that you craft words that you're a fantastic writer. So that a that is a beautiful answer. And then lastly, what is one of your favorite childhood memories? I have a couple and I've listened to other podcasts. So I was like, oh
00:04:41
Speaker
you know, which one do I choose? That's a good thing. Yeah, I know. It's, and I know I'm blessed. Um, there was one that was just like stand out, like this moment where kind of the heavens and the earth just like, we're like, long I was a child. We had, my family did a lot of mountain climbing. And so we had hiked to the top of this mountain range in Washington state called the Cascades. And I don't know where my family was.
00:05:11
Speaker
But all I remember, I have this flash of memory where I'm standing at the top of this beautiful mountain meadow, and I'm surrounded by mountains like craggy peaks. As far as the eye can see, there isn't another human in sight. And in front of me, there were these tiny white flowers covering the whole meadow. And it was just this moment where you just know that yeah you just know that this is a beautiful world, you know.
00:05:48
Speaker
Yes, I love that. I love that you can find the beauty in this world because from your story and what I know a little bit about what you shared with me in ah in a previous meeting, but um there are dark moments as well. And I think one of the things that stood out to me most was your ability to find the light throughout that darkness. Where did that ability
Impact of Visiting Dachau on Andrea
00:06:12
Speaker
come from? Well, I... I was really blessed to to have parents who um did their best. No parent is perfect. I certainly am not. But what they did do was they tried to instill in me and my brother and sister the idea that we're here to do our very best. And and my mother was quietly religious.
00:06:42
Speaker
She wasn't someone who talked about it a lot, but every morning she'd have her Bible and she would pray and maybe write down some of her favorite verses and just kind of, and just seeing her example and then being around church people who were very kind to me. It, it helped me to recognize that there's not just darkness, but in our initial meeting,
00:07:09
Speaker
I had talked about something that that had been pivotal, a pivotal moment for me, which is kind of what started me on this this journey to write this particular book, that i'm this book that I'm talking about, The Great and the Small. My family and I were living in Germany at the time when I was 10, and they took us to see a concentration camp in Dachau, Germany, because they felt it was really important that we grapple with the consequences of decisions that we weren't just like, oh, you know, sheltered. No, this is real life. How do you how do you show up in this world? Are you going to be someone who tries their best? Or are you going to be someone who can go down a very dark road? And so as I'm walking through this concentration camp and I saw the the photos and it was just
00:08:09
Speaker
it was mind boggling and my heart just felt like numb. it I mean, I just felt dead. I was like dead walking on lakes. That's all it was. And we walked to the end of this concentration camp. And at the very end, there's this nondescript building and it was a little chapel. And I can remember, you know, because of childhood trauma, I i would separate from my body. So I remember kind of,
00:08:36
Speaker
like hovering overhead as I'm you know walking like a marionette to the chapel, you know feeling like there's no life. It's just darkness. And we opened up the the door of the chapel and a man, a priest was facing the altar. And as soon as he heard the door open, he whirled around and he walked to us like no hesitation. He walked to us, his arms stretched wide and his face gleaming with a smile of pure love. And I didn't know it at the time, but I was ah was very intuitive and I could see energy and light in people. And his face was beaming. And around him, every atom in the in the room, and this is a dark chapel, every atom was brilliantly radiating light like it was a million suns. And suddenly I was like, oh, there's hope.
00:09:36
Speaker
This is the answer. It's love. It's love. It's love. Yeah. it's Wow. That is beautiful. And you you highlight so greatly the ah gray areas of life. Things aren't just black or white. It is so gray and there is good and bad. And I'm appreciative of your parents for a exposing you to that early on and allowing you to see that within structures, within systems that there can be but both and and not just either or.
00:10:10
Speaker
That's right. Yeah. Yeah. It was very fortunate. And you seeing the atoms, it just like in the same imagery, I kind of saw the flowers that you were talking about when you climbed, like you see the light. Again, it's amazing that you find the light. So you spoke about the book, The Great and the Small.
00:10:30
Speaker
Yeah, can you can you describe? Yeah, can you describe one you you have a first edition of the book that won many awards? Can you talk about the book and and what it's about and then kind of some of the success that you had with it early on the first edition? Well, the first edition really was and and this I wrote, it was first published in 2017. And it had been an idea that had been simmering for years.
00:10:56
Speaker
And it really focused on my question that came from walking through that concentration camp and wondering what causes like, and I've seen pictures of Hitler's baby pictures. He was innocent. He was a beautiful little baby. So what causes this beautiful, innocent baby to grow up to become a monster? And what, what causes a beautiful little baby to grow up into a Nelson Mandela?
Themes and Inspirations for Andrea's Book
00:11:26
Speaker
So I was like, how does this happen? It's got to be choice. But I was like, how do I understand this? And my way of understanding things as an artist and as a a writer is to write about it and dig and like try to figure it out. It wasn't like I wrote it knowing what everything was going to be. This was me kind of excavating what that was that I saw at the concentration camp and in the chapel.
00:11:57
Speaker
And the book in the first edition is about a colony of rats. And there is a leader, a very charismatic leader that they call the beloved chairman. And he's you know a big rat. And he's and i I styled him after Stalin because Stalin was very charismatic. And what fascinated me about Stalin was not only did he get kind of a free pass,
00:12:27
Speaker
In the West, we focus on Hitler. We hardly ever talk about Stalin, but he was a mass murderer of millions. And so I was like, okay, he's not getting a free pass is going to be like explored in this book. I want to understand how that happens. So he, uh, he was in the book. Uh, his nephew is the scrawny little rat named Finn.
00:12:56
Speaker
And Finn kind of has a chip on his shoulder. He wants to prove himself. He's an orphan who's been raised by his his uncle that he adores. And the uncle has decided that the two legs, they're all evil. They're ugly. They deserve to die. And so he harnesses the bubonic plague and starts sending out squads of death rats. ah Yeah, death squads who've been infected with plague.
00:13:25
Speaker
And these are rats who are dissenters. So they're called wreckers. And this is all like from the communist playbook, except, you know, they weren't rats, they were humans. So the wreckers were taken and deployed as biological weapons. And Finn is all in because he's been to a cancer research lab that he sees as a death chamber. From his perspective, it's like, this is evil. They're taking rats. there killing them, they're cutting them open. The ugly two legs deserve to die. And the two legs are humans. Two legs are humans. He manages to find out where this researcher lives and he leads a squad of plague rats to this house. And he ends up getting stuck in a trap and rescued by the researcher's daughter, a teenager named Ananda. And Ananda
00:14:23
Speaker
doesn't have the heart to kill Finn. And she secretly nurses him back to health. And the two of them, as they're interacting, as he's healing and she's like interacting with him, they learn to love each other. He learns to see, you know, beyond the otherness, beyond the us and them, and he sees her as someone that he loves. And so then Finn is faced with a choice. Does he continue the war?
00:14:53
Speaker
Or does he rebel against his uncle? And what
Healing from Childhood Trauma
00:14:56
Speaker
does that look like? So that was the book one. And when it was published, I realized that Ananda's story wasn't, it didn't have the depth that Finn's did. And I hadn't meant it to be that way, but I realized that I hadn't been ready to really go deep into my own, my own history. I was like, at that point I was still cycling through PTSD.
00:15:23
Speaker
all the time, like it was hard. And so I was like, you know, just kind of hanging on and I would write this book, but I wasn't ready to go there. And then with the energy medicine, I finally was like, I'm ready. I'm ready to look at what, what happened to me. And would you say Ananda represents you in the book? Is that with the parallel there?
00:15:50
Speaker
Yeah, the second in the second edition, Ananda has my backstory. Okay. though and And you were able through the energy work to have the the courage to then tell that story. Do you mind first before getting into Ananda's story, ah speaking to what the energy work was for you and hat and what some of the the ah trauma that you were healing from was? Yeah, of course. um When I was five, my family and I went to go visit my grandparents who lived in Missouri. And someone at their church was posing as a nice person. And everybody thought he was nice. And somehow he separated me off. None of my family can remember this. They don't remember someone taking me away. But somehow I was separated from my family.
00:16:47
Speaker
And I was molested. And and because I'd been so sheltered, I was just like, my mind, you know, it's split. my And he told me it was my fault. And when you're one near little, you believe the adults, you know, you don't know. And I'd never seen anything like what had happened to me. And so I was like, I'm i'm evil.
00:17:17
Speaker
You know, and I, I split from my body and I was watching from the ceiling, you know, feeling sorry for the girl who was in the bed, but it was like, oh, glad it's not me. So, um, I left his house and it was like, it was like a brain wipe just went and it was gone because he'd told me that if my grandparents knew, he probably didn't even remember my parents name. So he used my grandparents name. He said, if they knew.
00:17:47
Speaker
they wouldn't like, you know, what you've done. So I was like, no one can ever know. And so I, you know, I buried it so deep, but it came out, these things always come out, you know, violent nightmares, bulimia, you know, and when I went through puberty, it was like just, you know, the,
00:18:12
Speaker
It went off the rails. you know I was really evil then. I was really you know disgusting. and And I was acting out. and you know so and i And I couldn't figure out why I always, it wasn't even that I was aware, but I was always like out of my body. It felt like I was ahead with a sock attached. Nothing felt like nothing. It was just like I was a marionette. Yeah.
00:18:40
Speaker
um And in my twenties, the memory came back. Um, but when you've separated from your body, it's almost like you remember in Peter Pan where they have to sew his shadow back to his toe. Yeah. That's what it's like. It's like, you know, you have to like, so your, your mind, your spirit, your soul back into this body. And so literally with energy medicine, I've been,
00:19:10
Speaker
I've been sewing myself back in and I still have spots where, you know, it's still thin. So I have to like keep working at it, you know, um, but it's been a miracle that, that this was, you know, I, I really, really believe that when we find ourselves in a cage, we also have the key. The key is in our pocket.
00:19:38
Speaker
h We have to figure out what the key is and we have to use it, but we're never just set out, you know, Oh, well, you're, you're, you don't matter. No, each one of us matters. And when we go through these horrible things, we're also given so much to help us through those things. And that's why people like Nelson Mandela are the most beautiful people alive. Well, he's passed on.
00:20:09
Speaker
because he went through hell. yeah And he had to find that key within himself and rise above. Wow. That it one I want to, I want to give uh, honor to you in having the courage to share that story. I know it probably still isn't easy and wasn't easy when you first, when the memory first came back and you having to deal with the healing process that came along with that. So one, I just, I thank you for for sharing that and having the trust in me to, to share that.
00:20:43
Speaker
And I think it, it speaks to so, so many, so many stories of abuse, right? You, I just, I'm, I'm volunteering for a camp ah coming up in the few weeks and we do sexual abuse prevention trainings and things like that. And you spoke clearly to.
00:21:02
Speaker
like the grooming that happens of you know separation and making you feel a certain way. And then when it happens, making you feel bad so that you don't tell the safe adults in your life. And ah and i I just... If ever the echo comes back that you are bad, I want to echo to you that you are good and you are worthy and that you are enough just the way that you are. So thank you for sharing that. I and so you through through explain what energy healing or energy work, energy medicine is and what that looks like. How can someone dabble in that if they want it to? Everybody is energy. That's that's all anything is.
00:21:47
Speaker
Everything looks solid, but when you go down to a subatomic level, everything is just like, you know, swirling around and vibrating. So our thoughts can affect how we feel. And so the very first thing that energy medicine teaches you is that your thoughts have incredible power. um So,
00:22:12
Speaker
there are nine different energy systems that I learned in this particular method. And one of the very, very simplest things that I do when I'm really feeling horrible is I just hold my head and and I can hold a point on the back of my head. And that's something that you can do when you're feeling afraid. So every morning I still wake up with this weird feeling in my stomach, like it takes a while when you've had kind of this pattern of, of energy, like for years and years. It's not like it goes away overnight. It can, you know, it's, it's like a ah ah very gradual release. And so i I hold my forehead in the back of my head and I just breathe and I breathe through, through that fear.
00:23:10
Speaker
And I, and I let it release. And when it does release, it's, it feels like a heat, uh, almost like, like a ah hot flash, but it's almost like just something is sizzling off of you that wasn't meant to be there. And then after it's gone, it's like, Oh, you know, there's, there's the ability to take a deep breath and to be more present, to be grounded, but there,
00:23:38
Speaker
There are other things, like there are so many things that, that we can do to feel like we inhabit our bodies, to feel like we're grounded.
Writing and Personal Growth through Characters
00:23:48
Speaker
Um, even things like when you feel estranged, you know, sometimes all of us, you know, every one ah of us feels sometimes like, I don't care. I don't want anybody, you know, I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't care. Yeah.
00:24:03
Speaker
And if you take your hands over your heart and you make a heart shape over your heart, it's very interesting that that activates a radiant circuit called a bridge circuit. And it's actually something that helps us reconnect with ourselves. And if you start layering that with thoughts, so if I'm doing this,
00:24:30
Speaker
And I can smile and a smile also activates radiant circuits. So if I'm smiling and I'm breathing and I imagine myself filling with light, it's pretty hard to feel sad when you've really kind of let yourself into that. And then, you know, there are other simple things like feeling gratitude, yeah that energy of gratitude. It just, like it just.
00:24:58
Speaker
sends self-pity out the window. You're just like, wow, I have so much to be grateful for. Let me focus on that and not on this other c crud that I can't control. Cause everybody has stuff, you know, that that's life. Wow. Wow. You, you have such a calming presence and I'm like, I'm going to practice all of this when I get off the call and I'm going to look up more techniques. So thank you. And I'm sure some, some folks in the audience will do the same.
00:25:28
Speaker
Uh, you, you, you took that work and you took healing from, uh, the traumas that and and continuing to heal from the traumas that you've gone through. And you told a story from a different perspective, right? And that was the second edition of the small how, how, and, and where did the, did did that start and, and, and tell a little bit about Ananda story from that perspective.
00:25:56
Speaker
Well, it was really quite daunting. You know, I looked at the first edition. It felt like a locked house, you know, like, how do I get in? How do I, like, I, I described it in one of the articles I wrote, like, you're trying to get into the, this locked house, maybe knock down a few walls, rearrange the furniture, but you don't want to burn the house down. So, you know, so I, I just thought, what have I got to lose? I, I have everything to gain.
00:26:27
Speaker
Um, the first edition was hardly like the people who read it really liked it, but because it was by a little indie publisher, very few people read it. So I thought, this is my chance. I have nothing to lose. It's just like one of those things where you're like, this is my life. I'm going to just be vulnerable and, and see what happens. And so I, I had all of these different elements that I wanted to weave in and Including I added like a wish list thing that I wish I could do. She can, she can communicate with animals. And I was like, yes, that would be so cool. yeah That's like one of my, like, if I had any superpower, it would be to be able to speak all the languages and to be able to communicate with animals and and plants as well. So yeah yeah I'm there with you. Yeah, me too. I would, I would love it. Um, and so.
00:27:25
Speaker
I just started weaving in these, these scenes where she's, you know, cause I've, you read about stories of trauma, but I've never read about someone who has buried trauma where they're like, they think they're crazy. They want to die. They're, they're acting out. People around them kind of wonder if they're crazy. That was my life growing up, you know, people were like,
00:27:55
Speaker
Are you like, why did you overreact to this? Or, you know, why are you so melodramatic? Why, why, why? I didn't know. I thought I was crazy. I really did. Like full on, maybe they'll have to commit me. Or maybe I need to just kill myself. Like it was, there were times where it was just so, so hard to believe when I, I couldn't figure out what was going on.
00:28:25
Speaker
And then, um so to write it from her perspective, helped me to forgive myself because when I was growing up, I was hard on myself. you know It's like, why why can't I connect with people? Why do I do this? why do Why am I like this? And then reading it from her perspective, it was like, here I am crying and I'm writing and I'm writing, writing the scene and I realized,
00:28:53
Speaker
I'm describing what happened to me and I'm crying. I was finally able to find that compassion for myself. um And another element though that I added was I really, really feel it's important to always have that hero's journey running through a story. I don't um i have no time for stories that have no hope. Hero time.
00:29:24
Speaker
And so her journey wasn't just this, you know, slog through the dark. It's also, you know, got these moments of brilliant light where, where it's shining through the cracks of this darkness, and it's just enough to keep her going. And, you know, for anyone who's been through trauma, we know we we get through it because of the kindness of others who stood and shown the way to us when we were lost. Absolutely. Wow. That is so beautiful. And and I cannot wait to pick this book up. like i I cannot wait. I'm salivating over just understanding, one, the backstory of you and and how that inspired the characters in the book. And then to to be able to compare and contrast that with the the first edition, I'm excited to really dive into that. I haven't nerded out about a book and like really like written
00:30:21
Speaker
notes and analyze chapter by chapter since like high school. But I think this is going to be one of those situations for me. I was slow and i yeah and would love to hear what you think of it.
00:30:32
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. I'm um'm excited to share that. So yeah, we will definitely connect again when that happens. um I have so many more questions and we're gonna keep talking here. So ah there there is something, a theme that comes up when I hear you speak and it is perspective and seeing things from different perspectives and you were able to Find the self-compassion for yourself through seeing it through a character in your book. Are there any other characters in your book that you have learned something about yourself from? Well, I think each one of them is, you know, I think as a writer, we always have something autobiographical in each character, even the beloved chairman, you know, like he's nicknamed Papa. Papa was a character that I loved too.
00:31:22
Speaker
because from Papa's perspective, everything he did was justified. And from his own perspective, he loved, he was just, he was righteous from his own perspective. And so if I had written him like, oh, what a horrible character, he would have come across as two dimensional. And I think, you know,
00:31:50
Speaker
There's something of Papa in each one of us. I believe we each have the ability to uh To do you know Horrible evil and we all have the ability to to choose a better path And the thing is is that it's never like the big moment where you have to choose. It's always the little moments yeah it's the day-to-day things where you have that choice. Do I act this way or do I choose a new path? And that's, that's the crux of it. That's what I discovered writing this book is that it's those little day to day things where you think, uh, maybe it won't matter if I do this, but then you're here and then you make another choice. And suddenly no you, yeah, is exactly. So I think each character,
00:32:47
Speaker
I loved in their own ways and each one reflected me in a way too, which is weird.
Volunteering and Energy Medicine for Animals
00:32:55
Speaker
You know, yeah it is it's weird. Yeah. I read somewhere that you volunteer at a donkey sanctuary. Is that correct? I do. Yeah. Yeah. So what would you do with the, with the donkeys and and more so what you learn from the donkeys?
00:33:14
Speaker
When I started volunteering there, i I have a daughter who's very intuitive and who would not let me not volunteer there. So my daughter had been volunteering there for a while and she was like, mom, you have to go. And I was like, no, I have too much, too much to do. No, no, no. And she said, you have to go. And she would not stop. And she is relentless. She will not let go of something. So I was like, all right, I'll go. So I show up and the very first day I said to the,
00:33:43
Speaker
sanctuary owner, i I can only come every so often, you know. And she's like, okay, all right. Well, I start working with the donkeys and they're gentle, they're loving. Many of them have had just horrible histories and yet they still let you come up and touch them and pet them and they've they've opened their hearts again, even though they had every right to keep them closed.
00:34:10
Speaker
And then one day I was really sad about something about a family situation. And I'm, I was there out scooping poops, you know, scooping donkey poops. And I'm like crying. And these three big donkeys came to me and they stood around me in a circle and they just started kind of like laying their head on me and nuzzling my cheek.
00:34:34
Speaker
with their with their lips, just giving me little kisses. And just kind of standing there and being with me. And I felt so loved. And around that time, a donkey came who had been treated pretty badly, neglected, his teeth were worn down to nubs. And he was at death's door. His name was Darwin.
00:35:05
Speaker
And I had told the i had told Sheila, the sanctuary owner, that I had been doing energy work to help myself with PTSD. And Darwin was so ill that she said, do you think you could try to to do your stuff on him? And I was like, OK. I'd never done anything with animals. It had always been on people. But I was like, OK. So I'm there trying to like do the Jedi thing. like you know And it worked. Wow. It worked. He lived and he thrived. Wow. That's powerful. It worked. And then he died a year and a half later because of eating something that was poisonous, but that was, he had still had his happy ending.
Journey of Forgiveness and Empowerment
00:35:55
Speaker
um man Oh man. And so now when I go, I work with, I work with them using energy medicine. So I, I've adapted all of my human testing means.
00:36:05
Speaker
to do it on donkeys, you know, and I use myself as kind of the, it's, it's like a pendulum test, uh, where you kind of stand and, and you just kind of get an answer and then you go forward, or if it's a negative answer, you go backwards. So I do all of these tests and I, I just, I'm part of this team at the sanctuary that helps these beautiful animals feel good again.
00:36:33
Speaker
Wow, you know that's beautiful. You're a healer. I love that. That's so powerful. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So um'm I'm going to come back to something because I've heard a couple of things that I'm just curious about. And you can let me know if if it's worth exploring or not. But you you spoke earlier about Hitler and you know seeing a baby picture of him and knowing you know that's a pure innocent child that the world then it happened or what it happened and then he turned into the adult that he became. Right. I'm curious if you have explored the perspective of your abuser and how that process has gone if you have and and what what you've learned about grace or or compassion in that regard. I think that's a wonderful question. And I think anyone who's who's been deeply hurt by another person
00:37:31
Speaker
has to reckon with that. And I have forgiven the abuser. I don't know his name, but I did forgive him. And one of the one of the blessings that I've been given is is a lot of intuition. And I'll just have these flashes of this vision. So for example, when Darwin died, and I was just i was devastated,
00:37:59
Speaker
Darwin the donkey. um I suddenly had this vision of him as a youthful donkey and he was surrounded by light and he was happy. And I realized he doesn't, he's not dead. He's just, he's shifted his, his existence. He is where he loves and he's happy. And so that, that was just like, wow. And I painted a picture of him, as I saw, it's on my website.
00:38:28
Speaker
When I started thinking about the man who abused me, I realized someone had done the same thing to him. You don't just grow up one day and start behaving in such a ah perverse, cruel way. Someone did it to him. And suddenly I had this image of him as an innocent child. And I thought, okay,
00:38:58
Speaker
You know, and i and I prayed for him and I said, go with God. I hope that you find peace. I hope that in some ways you can use this life now that he's, you know, past, he's probably in the realm of spirit. Use whatever capacity you have to help, to make a positive change, but stay away from me.
00:39:28
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I didn't want him near me. And I don't think that we have to, you know, we can forgive, but we don't have to like embrace someone. Absolutely. You know, with open arms, there was like a line. No, I don't want you near me, but God help you.
00:39:44
Speaker
Yes. Wow, that is so beautiful. And you've you've offered so much to the listeners. And i'm I'm curious if you had any advice to survivors just from your experience and going through your healing journey. What advice would you give to survivors that would help them see the light? To know that they are precious. They are precious. Every single human being is created pure and beautiful. And whatever messages they may have heard from people who are themselves, you know, hurt, the truth is, is that they are beautiful. They have been, in my opinion, created by a loving creator who has endowed them with such beauty and innate power deep within that if they, if they just kind of
00:40:42
Speaker
Learn to relax and it will take time. If they're patient on this journey towards the light, it will come. They will find their way back to themselves. They are not their abuse. They are not their grief. They are not their pain. They are a being of light and consciousness. That's who they are. That's who all of us are. That's who we need to be.
00:41:11
Speaker
to to get back to ourselves to a place where we are one with everything, like standing in that meadow where everything is just, it's just perfection. We don't have to be like, Oh, I need to be famous. I need to be rich. I need to be, no, those are okay if they happen. All right. They're neutral though. They don't really matter. What matters is the condition of our heart.
00:41:43
Speaker
And it's like what Christ said, you know, where he said, let the little children come to me. And unless you are like a child, you know, and I think, in my opinion, what he meant was trust. Children don't worry. They don't worry if they're going to get a meal or worry if they're the top of a company or they're just like if they're well cared for children, they're happy and they're joyful and they trust.
00:42:11
Speaker
And that's, we're created by a ah bountiful, grace-filled creator who who has given us this birthright of joy. It's our birthright.
Writing Advice and Podcast Closure
00:42:26
Speaker
Yes. Wow. you You're speaking directly to my soul right now. And and I will, i didn't ah well, I am a survivor of of many types of abuse and drama, sexual being one of them.
00:42:41
Speaker
And hearing those words and the way that you eloquently spoke them really touches my heart in a beautiful way. And I've been so blessed. Like I, I feel honestly, I feel like I've had an experience with an angel. This has been, this has been truly, truly gratifying for me.
00:43:03
Speaker
And I don't want to even end it, but I'm curious to to know like, how can people, when is the book available? How can people find it? Where can people reach you? Things like that. Well, my website is www.toribellsara.com. And on that, on my website, I have information on doing a pre-order for the book. And I also have a contest that I'm i'm running right now. If people pre-order it and, you know, the details are in the website,
00:43:33
Speaker
I would do a 45 minute presentation on the hero's journey to like a church group, a religious faith group, youth group, whatever, whatever group. um And then there's another prize where it would be a 25 minute consultation with me about writing and illustrating or about energy medicine or about the creative process and energy medicine. so I've got two of those 25 minute ones as well as the 45 minutes. So they would just need to go to my website and hopefully it's working. I've been, I've had website issues that I didn't even know were there. And I looked at my website and I was like, what? So then like trying to fix it, hopefully it's, you know, uh, it's all sorted out. So they would just go there, click the link and then follow the directions and it would be,
00:44:32
Speaker
just wonderful. Like I just yeah love doing energy work. I love writing and illustrating and and connecting with people on a It's more of a ah soul level. Yes, then this came up. And so I hope that I could give maybe two of those 25 minutes from you because i in contact I come because I've released a book now, right? People always, not people always, but a lot of people ask about how to write the process of writing the inspiration behind writing. You could give some advice or some inspiration to someone who has experienced life and experience trauma, maybe.
00:45:08
Speaker
What would your inspiration be to to get them to write that story, to tell that story? Well, for one thing, if they they would have to feel like it was something that they needed to tell. um It's really hard to get into writing. It's hard to get it published. It's hard to get anyone to read your books. So you got to do it because there's something inside you that says, I've got to do this.
00:45:36
Speaker
And so that's the very first thing, you know, do they have this passion, this fire in the belly to write this story? And if so, then they need to make sure that they have trained themselves, that they've taken writing classes. If it's a memoir, take memoir classes, read memoirs. And I think one of the most important lessons that I got was to gather up a few mentor books.
00:46:04
Speaker
So books where you're like, this is this is a book that I love. And then you and I did that with the book Watership Down. I don't know if you ever read that. No, no, it's a book. Okay, it's a book about a war of rabbits who are on their quest, you know, and so I was like, I love this book. So I, um I took the book and I marked it up and I had, you know, dog eared and highlighted. And um so Get some mentor books, one or two, and figure out what it is that you love about those books and write that down. Try to be, you know, analyze these books and then figure out what is your story? What do you want to tell? Is it fiction? Is it memoir? And then start, you know, after you've taken some writing classes, start outlining.
00:47:02
Speaker
and one And one of the things I do is I have ah i have like magazine rack holders and i and I have a magazine holder for each of my projects that are kind of simmering. like okay And I just have like, so this huge rack of ah of magazine holders. And so because I'm also an illustrator, if I see like a comic book, it's like, oh, that'd be perfect for that book. I'll put it in.
00:47:32
Speaker
the the magazine holder that's meant for that book, or if I have a young adult novel that's just like, you know, kind of simmering in the background. If I think of a scene, I'll scribble it down before it goes, and then throw it in that thing. And and that's how an idea can start to form over time. And one of my favorite things to do is to gather soundtracks. So um i I think of like the kind of the tone that I want for a story. And then I make a soundtrack and I start adding music to to this thing. And then when I'm ready, yeah. And then when I'm ready to write, I'm like, okay, what scene would work with you know this music? And then I put it on a loop and I play it as loud as I can. And I'm just like writing and you know and and sometimes when things really start to work,
00:48:31
Speaker
and your characters kind of come to life. I type with my eyes closed because I'm just like watching them do stuff. And I'm just like, I'm like the recorder. a That's really cool. Yeah, it's really fun. Yeah.
00:48:47
Speaker
you've You've given me some ideas. That's pretty cool right there. um yeah ah Yeah, no, that's that's that's nice. Oh, man. All right. If you say another word about the writing process, I'm going to have to start paying you. So, Andrea, I appreciate you and your time, and I will make sure to include your website in the show notes.
00:49:09
Speaker
Oh, thank you. Did you, did you mention the release date of the book? Oh, uh, September 3rd, yeah, 2024. So yes. Y'all go out and get that the great and the small by, is it 80 on this book? Is that the, it's just because it's for young adults. I don't want those kids to read it. Yes. You know, yes. The great and the smart, the great and the small by AT, uh, Balsara. Yes.
00:49:36
Speaker
Andrea with all the things that you could be doing and all the places that you could be I appreciate you being here and me embracing vulnerability. Well, thank you so much I think you're I think you're wonderful and I think that what you're doing is wonderful and I think as more of us Vulnerability warriors connect around the globe this this will start to be something that changes people's lives and Yes. I see it that way and, and, and connects us in community because as you mentioned earlier, that's where we heal. That's right. and And healthy community. So thank you so much. And I hope you have a great rest of the day. Thank you. Thank you. You too. Thank you for having me. Thank you for joining us for another powerful episode of vulnerability muscle. I hope you found inspiration and valuable insights that resonate with you.
00:50:28
Speaker
If you're enjoying this journey of self-discovery and empowerment, there are a few ways you can support the podcast. First, make sure to hit that subscribe button so that you never miss an episode. If you've been moved by our conversations and the mission of redefining vulnerability, please consider leaving a review. Your feedback not only motivates us, but also helps others discover the podcast.
00:50:49
Speaker
Share your thoughts on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune in. And don't forget to spread the word. Follow us on Instagram at Vulnerability Muscle for updates. And you can connect me personally at Reggie D Ford on all platforms. Visit VulnerabilityMuscle.com for additional resources and upcoming episodes. And remember, embracing vulnerability is strength.
00:51:12
Speaker
Thanks for being a part of the journey. Until next time, stay empowered, stay vulnerable, and keep flexing that vulnerability muscle.