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Ep. 13 The Jockyard
36 Plays1 year ago
New teens? New trip? Same mess? Maybe come with us and find out what happens to these new introductions to the world of Let's Play Pretend
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This show contains explicit content. Listeners be advised.
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Published by arrangement with the Delta Green Partnership. The intellectual property known as Delta Green is a trademark and copyright owned by the Delta Green Partnership, who has licensed its use here. The contents of this document are Copywrited to Let's Play Pretend, excepting those elements that are components of the Delta Green intellectual property.
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Transcript
Explicit Content Warning
00:00:00
Speaker
Let's Play Pretend is an explicit podcast with subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners.
00:00:05
Speaker
Content warnings can be found in the episode description.
Comedic Rap Introduction by Jenkins
00:00:08
Speaker
Cody's laughing, so it's good.
00:00:21
Speaker
I'm Jenkins, here to do this verse?
00:00:24
Speaker
I don't know how to do this.
00:00:26
Speaker
My producers wish me to try something new, so here I am and here I go.
00:00:34
Speaker
Three, two, one.
00:00:36
Speaker
Well, hello everybody, you can call me Jenkins.
00:00:39
Speaker
Follow these kids, they need protection.
00:00:42
Speaker
In the in-between, the fucking nuttiest shit that you've ever seen.
00:00:49
Speaker
Should've stayed home, kids are on vacation Made a mistake, soon they'll be shaking Jump up with BJ on the mic And you might want to fight these kids in your sight Welcome to the D-Bag Crew Here to tell you failed schools I slant rhyme all the time Can't believe I eat cheese balls all the time
00:01:12
Speaker
I'm still alive.
00:01:13
Speaker
Let's get to the story.
00:01:15
Speaker
I feel boring.
00:01:17
Speaker
I'll see you in two weeks.
00:01:19
Speaker
Don't sweat the wet on your cheeks.
00:01:21
Speaker
Like, comment, subscribe.
00:01:23
Speaker
Maybe you'll see me.
Host and Guest Introductions
00:01:47
Speaker
Hello everybody and welcome back to Let's Play Pretend.
00:01:51
Speaker
I am Jordan Derringer and I am your DMGM Keeper Handler Host.
00:02:00
Speaker
And... You know, I don't have a good way to introduce this without giving it away, so instead I'm just gonna say I have with me Mr. Nick Barnett.
00:02:09
Speaker
I'm actually Nick Barnett tonight.
00:02:10
Speaker
This is a nice change of pace.
00:02:13
Speaker
Isn't it though?
00:02:14
Speaker
Do you have a fun Nick fact?
00:02:16
Speaker
A fun Nick fact.
00:02:18
Speaker
Oh, let's see.
00:02:19
Speaker
Tomorrow morning I get to rip up some carpet in the hallway.
00:02:22
Speaker
Oh, nice.
00:02:22
Speaker
That's going to be fun.
00:02:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:25
Speaker
Okay.
00:02:26
Speaker
No.
00:02:27
Speaker
No, not at all.
00:02:28
Speaker
No, not even a little.
00:02:28
Speaker
That sounds like absolutely nothing that I would want to do with my day off.
00:02:32
Speaker
But it is a fact.
00:02:34
Speaker
It is indeed a fact.
00:02:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:37
Speaker
I also have with me Mr. Breck Black.
00:02:39
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, this feels real weird.
00:02:41
Speaker
I don't know if I like being me right now.
00:02:46
Speaker
And Mr. Matt Check.
00:02:48
Speaker
Aloha.
00:02:49
Speaker
That's really weird hearing you not do Arthur's voice.
00:02:53
Speaker
I can do it in Arthur's voice if you want.
00:02:55
Speaker
Aloha.
00:02:58
Speaker
There we go.
00:02:59
Speaker
Now it feels like an intro.
00:03:00
Speaker
And Mrs. Melanie Derringer.
00:03:02
Speaker
Hi, I have a fun fact.
00:03:07
Speaker
What's your fun fact, Melanie?
00:03:12
Speaker
I have been on this earth for 32 years and I am just now finding out there is an extra little flap on your pillowcase to tuck it in.
00:03:29
Speaker
So your pillow doesn't fall out.
00:03:32
Speaker
Yep.
00:03:33
Speaker
Welcome to the higher levels beings club there, Mel.
00:03:38
Speaker
We all knew that for a long time.
00:03:40
Speaker
Is it seriously common knowledge and I just didn't know it?
00:03:44
Speaker
Yes.
00:03:45
Speaker
What the fuck?
00:03:47
Speaker
No, it's not.
00:03:49
Speaker
You know what?
00:03:50
Speaker
I am a fan of small victories because I learned new weird dumb crap I should have known my whole life every day.
00:03:55
Speaker
Dude, you should have seen it though.
00:03:59
Speaker
You should have fucking seen it, though, because we were just chit-chatting, just hanging out before we started recording.
00:04:06
Speaker
And my pillowcase was starting to fall off, so I picked it up, fluffed it up, put the flap over it.
00:04:14
Speaker
And Melanie looks at me and she goes, what the fuck did you just do?
00:04:18
Speaker
I'm like, what do you mean?
00:04:20
Speaker
She goes, why are you tucking in your pillow like that?
00:04:25
Speaker
Why you tucking in your pillow freak?
00:04:28
Speaker
And I was like what?
00:04:29
Speaker
What the real question is why is Melanie bullying?
00:04:33
Speaker
All right, she likes to the hallway.
00:04:35
Speaker
Hey, what up nerd?
00:04:36
Speaker
Why you talking your fucking pillow?
New Mini-Arc Announcement
00:04:39
Speaker
You pussy is that what she's done?
00:04:41
Speaker
Welcome to being married my dude All right, so The reason we are actually here today is
00:04:52
Speaker
is we are starting a new mini arc.
00:04:58
Speaker
We just hit the end of a big arc.
00:05:01
Speaker
We just hit the end of a big arc for our characters in the podcast.
00:05:07
Speaker
And we decided, well, I decided, they just, you know.
00:05:11
Speaker
He's forcing us.
00:05:12
Speaker
Yeah, everyone else is just kind of along for the ride.
00:05:14
Speaker
I decided we were going to take a break from that and we were going to do something else still in universe.
00:05:22
Speaker
It's still going to have an effect on the story and it's just going to be away from our characters for a little bit.
00:05:29
Speaker
We are just going to do a quick little side story and then go back to the world of horror and terror and evil and all that that we just left.
00:05:40
Speaker
So...
00:05:41
Speaker
That being said, I'm going to apologize to my players and to our listeners.
00:05:47
Speaker
You should.
00:05:48
Speaker
Because we, well, we have an order.
00:05:51
Speaker
It's always Nick Breck, Matt, Melanie, because I do it.
00:05:55
Speaker
Just in case anybody didn't catch on to this at this point, I do it alphabetically by last name.
00:06:01
Speaker
Yeah, we all definitely knew that.
00:06:04
Speaker
Yeah, sure.
00:06:06
Speaker
I'm going to change it up.
00:06:08
Speaker
The first person that is going to introduce their character for this mini-arc is going to be Matt.
00:06:14
Speaker
That's what I fucking thought.
00:06:16
Speaker
Well, there's a reason.
00:06:17
Speaker
Okay, but what's the reason, Todd?
00:06:22
Speaker
Matt, let's see if we can figure it out.
00:06:24
Speaker
Yeah, introduce your character, Matt.
00:06:25
Speaker
What's up, guys?
00:06:27
Speaker
My name's
Introduction of Teen Characters
00:06:28
Speaker
Kevin Jacques Boy.
00:06:30
Speaker
I'm a football superstar and military brat.
00:06:36
Speaker
And, uh...
00:06:38
Speaker
Why is Kevin Jacques boy so important?
00:06:44
Speaker
Because I'm the quarterback, bro.
00:06:46
Speaker
The fuck you talking about?
00:06:50
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:06:50
Speaker
I also got my nuts kicked by a fucking nerd.
00:06:56
Speaker
So Matt is playing the jock that cut him in line in the first episode.
00:07:05
Speaker
So we thought that would be a fun little throwback for this mini session or this little mini arc here.
00:07:11
Speaker
So that being said, we know Matt's character.
00:07:14
Speaker
We will go back in order here.
00:07:16
Speaker
Mr. Nick Barnett, who are you playing?
00:07:21
Speaker
Yo, what's up, guys?
00:07:22
Speaker
My name is Jason, Jason Murtoch.
00:07:25
Speaker
You gotta remember that name.
00:07:28
Speaker
Me?
00:07:29
Speaker
I help the football team.
00:07:31
Speaker
I'm there.
00:07:31
Speaker
I make sure that they got everything that they could ever need to make sure that they succeed.
00:07:36
Speaker
Water sucks.
00:07:37
Speaker
It really, really sucks.
00:07:38
Speaker
I ain't the water boy.
00:07:39
Speaker
I know y'all been saying that for a while, but I ain't the water boy.
00:07:43
Speaker
I'm a cheerleader.
00:07:44
Speaker
I hype them boys up.
00:07:45
Speaker
I hype them all up.
00:07:46
Speaker
I keep everybody happy.
00:07:47
Speaker
Get that crowd pumping.
00:07:48
Speaker
Go Lightning Hawks.
00:07:53
Speaker
Can I get your name one more time?
00:07:56
Speaker
I already said it once.
00:07:57
Speaker
Jason.
00:07:58
Speaker
Jason Murtoch.
00:08:00
Speaker
Jason Murtoch.
00:08:01
Speaker
Okay.
00:08:03
Speaker
I need to keep my notes here.
00:08:04
Speaker
Okay.
00:08:06
Speaker
That's cool.
00:08:07
Speaker
Party, bro.
00:08:11
Speaker
All right.
00:08:13
Speaker
And Mr. Breck Black.
00:08:16
Speaker
That is a dash high water to you.
00:08:20
Speaker
I be a captain of the hockey team.
00:08:23
Speaker
Okay.
00:08:24
Speaker
Captain of the
00:08:27
Speaker
Hockey team.
00:08:30
Speaker
Did you have any other fun stuff to say?
00:08:34
Speaker
Well, just that all of you are beneath me and you should all know better.
00:08:39
Speaker
So if any of you try to talk to me, I will be putting you in your place.
00:08:44
Speaker
Oh, okay.
00:08:46
Speaker
See how that goes when you're top of the keg, nerd.
00:08:49
Speaker
I will end you.
00:08:51
Speaker
I would have a bra...
00:08:57
Speaker
I love this mini arc.
00:08:59
Speaker
And Mrs. Melanie Derringer.
00:09:02
Speaker
It's Courtney Highcrest.
00:09:05
Speaker
Get it right.
00:09:06
Speaker
Courtney Highcrest.
00:09:10
Speaker
So we have Dash Highwater and Courtney Highcrest.
00:09:12
Speaker
All right.
00:09:14
Speaker
Dope, dope, dope.
00:09:15
Speaker
Okay, perfect.
00:09:17
Speaker
And the setting here is something that you wouldn't think that this group of teens would be doing.
00:09:27
Speaker
Now, for... I mean, that's... I'm not role-playing a gangbang here and just throwing that out there.
Disclaimer on Teen Behavior
00:09:39
Speaker
You might.
00:09:40
Speaker
We can't roll orgies.
00:09:42
Speaker
Roll for orgy.
00:09:43
Speaker
I'll go back to that.
00:09:48
Speaker
I don't want to get water on my nose.
00:09:51
Speaker
Who wants to earn their explicit tag?
00:09:55
Speaker
I was just trying to say, we have the explicit tag.
00:09:58
Speaker
I think we earn the explicit tag every episode.
00:10:01
Speaker
We're rated NC17.
00:10:03
Speaker
I'm going to throw this out here because... Dude, just toss it out there.
00:10:10
Speaker
I feel like this is a disclaimer I have to put out there because, hey, guess what?
00:10:14
Speaker
We are playing 18 year olds.
00:10:16
Speaker
Okay.
00:10:17
Speaker
Guess what it's not legal to do when you're 18 drinking.
00:10:22
Speaker
Kill someone.
00:10:23
Speaker
No, I mean, that's not legal at all.
00:10:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:26
Speaker
There's even going in the army.
00:10:28
Speaker
This mini arc will probably have to do with underage people doing illegal things.
00:10:37
Speaker
Obviously, that is not something that we condone.
00:10:39
Speaker
It is, you know, storytelling purposes.
00:10:43
Speaker
It's just, it's going to happen.
00:10:44
Speaker
So just know that's not something that we are, you know, putting our seal of approval on.
00:10:50
Speaker
Do not condone underage drinking and or the use of drugs.
00:10:54
Speaker
That being said,
00:10:56
Speaker
We find our group here.
00:11:01
Speaker
They don't give no fucks.
00:11:03
Speaker
In a situation that you wouldn't think that they would be in.
00:11:08
Speaker
Let's go back a little bit.
00:11:11
Speaker
We are in the real world again.
00:11:14
Speaker
And we are with our characters.
00:11:17
Speaker
So I want you guys to, I know we just made these new characters.
00:11:21
Speaker
I want you guys to envision your characters again.
00:11:24
Speaker
And this is before Chris died.
00:11:27
Speaker
There was a big thing that Ryan said he wanted to do that summer.
00:11:32
Speaker
Do you remember what that was?
00:11:34
Speaker
Going to the lake.
00:11:35
Speaker
A specific lake.
00:11:37
Speaker
Lake Erie.
00:11:39
Speaker
Yes.
00:11:40
Speaker
So we see our teens.
00:11:45
Speaker
We see Ryan and Ned and Samantha and Arthur and Ashley in a car.
00:11:51
Speaker
And they're talking and having a good time.
00:11:53
Speaker
They just got done with this camping trip and they're driving down the highway.
00:11:58
Speaker
And at a certain point, the car freezes, absolutely freezes mid motion.
00:12:05
Speaker
Everyone's laughing, everyone's having a good time.
00:12:08
Speaker
Our camera is going to pan over to another car
Glamping Trip to Lake Erie
00:12:13
Speaker
going the opposite way on the highway towards Lake Erie.
00:12:16
Speaker
And this is where our new characters come into play.
00:12:20
Speaker
Your four characters that you are playing for this little mini campaign here are going to Lake Erie for a camping trip.
00:12:30
Speaker
Or I guess I should say a glamping trip because, I mean, let's be real.
00:12:34
Speaker
You guys got a cabin and you're going up there to drink and to have a good time and do things that 18-year-olds should not be doing.
00:12:41
Speaker
That is the setting for our mini arc here.
00:12:48
Speaker
Can we roleplay the car ride up there?
00:12:50
Speaker
You can 100% roleplay the car ride up there.
00:12:53
Speaker
Cool.
00:12:53
Speaker
I'm going to smack Kevin in the back of the head because I'm sitting behind him in the car and I just...
00:12:58
Speaker
Bro, bro, look, look.
00:13:00
Speaker
Isn't that that nerd's car?
00:13:02
Speaker
What was his name, Ryan?
00:13:05
Speaker
As he slaps the back of my head, he makes me spill one of my keystones, bro.
00:13:12
Speaker
Oh my god.
00:13:15
Speaker
Dude, fuck your water beer.
00:13:16
Speaker
Look over there.
00:13:17
Speaker
Isn't that his car?
00:13:17
Speaker
Look, look, look.
00:13:19
Speaker
Flip him the bird.
00:13:20
Speaker
Everybody flip him the bird.
00:13:21
Speaker
T-Water, check this out.
00:13:24
Speaker
Throw the fucking beer at his windshield.
00:13:28
Speaker
I don't know if I'm going to be able to get through this arc.
00:13:33
Speaker
Because I'm role-playing basically my bullies, and I don't know how I feel about that.
00:13:39
Speaker
That's like jackasses.
00:13:43
Speaker
What would that be?
00:13:47
Speaker
I want you to roll.
00:13:51
Speaker
There's not like a throw.
00:13:53
Speaker
Unarmed combat.
00:13:56
Speaker
Athletics.
00:13:57
Speaker
Yeah, do athletics.
00:13:59
Speaker
Throw in athletics.
00:14:03
Speaker
Nice.
00:14:03
Speaker
36 out of 50.
00:14:06
Speaker
So you throw the beer out the window.
00:14:08
Speaker
Now was this?
00:14:09
Speaker
Yeah, the beer that you had.
00:14:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:11
Speaker
Okay.
00:14:12
Speaker
You throw your beer out the window and it 100% hits Ryan's windshield.
00:14:20
Speaker
When it happens, they go, nerd!
00:14:24
Speaker
Just to pull out of this real quick.
00:14:26
Speaker
Breck, what is Ryan thinking in this moment?
00:14:29
Speaker
All he's trying to think is, do I remember where that guy lives?
00:14:34
Speaker
Shit.
00:14:34
Speaker
Where does he live again?
00:14:37
Speaker
God, I need to figure out where he lives.
00:14:39
Speaker
Because someone's going to end up with three flat tires.
00:14:44
Speaker
Only three.
00:14:45
Speaker
Man, I almost wish it would have cracked your windshield.
00:14:47
Speaker
If it would have cracked your windshield a little bit more, then you could have gotten the insurance and all that shit involved.
00:14:52
Speaker
I mean, yeah, but like, fuck that.
00:14:55
Speaker
I just want to cut his fucking tires up.
00:14:57
Speaker
I love it, guys.
00:14:59
Speaker
Three minutes in, you guys genuinely hate Kevin.
00:15:02
Speaker
I love it.
00:15:04
Speaker
I didn't do a thing, man.
00:15:06
Speaker
I didn't see a thing.
00:15:06
Speaker
I didn't hear a thing about it.
00:15:08
Speaker
And I put my AirPods back in.
00:15:09
Speaker
And we go back to the other car.
00:15:13
Speaker
So you guys are heading up.
00:15:17
Speaker
You did notice Ryan's car with everybody else in it.
00:15:20
Speaker
Threw the beer at him.
00:15:21
Speaker
Is there anything else you guys want to roleplay on your way up?
00:15:23
Speaker
Yeah, this is successful, bro.
00:15:26
Speaker
Courtney's just sitting in the back smacking her gum while she's listening to her music.
00:15:30
Speaker
Dash is going to turn to Kevin and be like, that was a pretty good throw.
00:15:33
Speaker
Hell yeah, bro.
00:15:34
Speaker
There's a reason you're the quarterback.
00:15:36
Speaker
Hell yeah.
00:15:37
Speaker
Got this wicked arm.
00:15:38
Speaker
You want to keep stoned, bro?
00:15:42
Speaker
I would rather eat the can than drink that piss water.
00:15:47
Speaker
I mean, guess if you're hungry, man.
00:15:49
Speaker
I knew it.
00:15:49
Speaker
That's why I invited this guy.
00:15:51
Speaker
I knew Dash was cool.
00:15:52
Speaker
Thank you, sir.
00:15:53
Speaker
Keystone, bad beer.
00:15:55
Speaker
We're going to get something better when we're up there.
00:15:57
Speaker
I got this new fakie.
00:15:59
Speaker
It's fucking cheap, so you know what?
00:16:01
Speaker
You can get more.
00:16:02
Speaker
Or you could just, you know, pay for actual alcohol.
00:16:06
Speaker
He just keeps drinking.
00:16:11
Speaker
Ha ha ha ha ha.
00:16:14
Speaker
I want you all to roll a disguise for me.
00:16:21
Speaker
Okay.
00:16:22
Speaker
First of all, I didn't get any of my actual dice out.
00:16:26
Speaker
So now you're making me find out.
00:16:29
Speaker
I didn't think we were actually going to be rolling anything except for stats tonight.
00:16:33
Speaker
Well, surprise, motherfucker.
00:16:36
Speaker
Surprise, motherfucker.
00:16:37
Speaker
The D10 looks like a D8, but it's ribbed for her pleasure.
00:16:41
Speaker
All rise, motherfucker.
00:16:43
Speaker
Small fries, motherfucker.
00:16:45
Speaker
Who dies, motherfucker?
00:16:47
Speaker
Oh, now I'm sad.
00:16:47
Speaker
Spoilers.
00:16:48
Speaker
I got 97.
00:16:48
Speaker
Oh, shit.
00:16:48
Speaker
Out of 10.
00:16:48
Speaker
32 out of 50.
00:16:50
Speaker
A 7 out of 10.
00:16:50
Speaker
Wow.
00:16:50
Speaker
Okay.
00:16:52
Speaker
81 out of 10.
00:17:07
Speaker
Okay, so Courtney and Kevin, your fake IDs fucking suck.
00:17:16
Speaker
So you are definitely not going to be the ones buying beer for this trip.
Struggle with Fake IDs
00:17:20
Speaker
Kevin, couldn't you have gotten us like better IDs or something like that?
00:17:24
Speaker
God.
00:17:27
Speaker
I thought I could draw my picture better than my own picture.
00:17:33
Speaker
I don't know why I'm going to accept it.
00:17:36
Speaker
This looks like a 12 year old drew it.
00:17:40
Speaker
It took me four hours.
00:17:42
Speaker
Four hours?
00:17:44
Speaker
Seriously?
00:17:46
Speaker
Yo, Dash, appreciate you, man.
00:17:48
Speaker
I knew that you was going to be able to find the good hookup to get these good IDs.
00:17:51
Speaker
Thanks, bro.
00:17:51
Speaker
Of course.
00:17:53
Speaker
Can't be getting caught with fake IDs.
00:17:55
Speaker
That would be preposterous.
00:17:58
Speaker
Thank God we're the ones in charge of buying the alcohol.
00:18:00
Speaker
Make sure you get some vodka.
00:18:03
Speaker
horse.
00:18:04
Speaker
Oh, man.
00:18:05
Speaker
Do none of you have good taste in alcohol?
00:18:07
Speaker
Jeez.
00:18:08
Speaker
Sorry, we don't all drink hoity-toity drinks.
00:18:11
Speaker
No, I'm curious.
00:18:12
Speaker
What's Dash's idea of good alcohol?
00:18:16
Speaker
Whiskey.
00:18:16
Speaker
Ghostbogger.
00:18:17
Speaker
Gross.
00:18:20
Speaker
It'd either be that or Jรคgermeister.
00:18:24
Speaker
Ugh.
00:18:25
Speaker
Ugh.
00:18:27
Speaker
Sorry, Lily, did I offend you?
00:18:29
Speaker
I have expected you to be like, yeah, obviously it's Bud.
00:18:34
Speaker
Of course.
00:18:39
Speaker
I had to say the Jรคgermeister because I personally like Black Licorice and I love Jรคgermeister.
00:18:44
Speaker
You're a disgusting person.
00:18:46
Speaker
That is gross.
00:18:48
Speaker
That is the reaction I get from absolutely everybody.
00:18:51
Speaker
You're a monster!
00:18:55
Speaker
Not the gumdrop button!
00:18:57
Speaker
God damn it, Jordan!
00:19:00
Speaker
What?
00:19:01
Speaker
I didn't do anything!
00:19:02
Speaker
No!
00:19:02
Speaker
Because now I have in my head, everybody has a Shrek quote that they say.
00:19:11
Speaker
I asked Melanie the other day, I was like, hey, what Shrek quote?
00:19:15
Speaker
What Shrek line?
00:19:17
Speaker
lives rent-free in your head and that you'll just randomly say out loud because everybody has one.
00:19:22
Speaker
And she's like, uh, I don't.
00:19:24
Speaker
I'm like, uh, you're a liar and you'll figure it out eventually.
00:19:27
Speaker
Well, and I did figure it out.
00:19:29
Speaker
Go on.
00:19:30
Speaker
It's an in the morning.
00:19:32
Speaker
I'll make a waffles.
00:19:34
Speaker
Mine is how about cake?
00:19:36
Speaker
Everybody loves cake.
00:19:39
Speaker
That's a good one.
00:19:40
Speaker
Mine is, because, you know, being a mailman, I see a bunch of rocks.
00:19:45
Speaker
Mine is, I like that boulder.
00:19:47
Speaker
That is a nice boulder.
00:19:51
Speaker
Not the gumdrop button.
00:19:54
Speaker
Some of you may die.
00:19:56
Speaker
Well, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
00:20:03
Speaker
Oh, man.
00:20:03
Speaker
Okay, now that we've had our Shrek moment.
00:20:06
Speaker
Welcome to Shrek Talk.
00:20:07
Speaker
Shrek Talk 2023.
00:20:08
Speaker
Get Shrek.
00:20:09
Speaker
Done.
00:20:09
Speaker
Done.
00:20:10
Speaker
Done.
00:20:10
Speaker
Here we go.
00:20:11
Speaker
Okay.
Race for Master Bedroom
00:20:21
Speaker
So you guys are heading up to the lake.
00:20:23
Speaker
You pull off at the next gas station, fill up the car, buy some beer.
00:20:28
Speaker
You're able to do it with no issues.
00:20:31
Speaker
Like I said, just, you know, not Kevin and Courtney.
00:20:35
Speaker
Get all the alcohol that you want and you are on your way to the cabin.
00:20:40
Speaker
When you guys get there,
00:20:42
Speaker
it is just getting to be about dusk.
00:20:45
Speaker
It's a good thing that, you know, you don't have to set up a tent because it would be getting to the point where it's almost hard to see.
00:20:51
Speaker
Bro, somebody turn on the lights.
00:20:52
Speaker
Like, turn the car lights on.
00:20:54
Speaker
I thought you were driving.
00:20:57
Speaker
I thought Dash was driving.
00:21:02
Speaker
Kevin starts looking for her.
00:21:03
Speaker
Like, oh, fuck, I'm driving?
00:21:08
Speaker
I'm like setting Keith stones in.
00:21:11
Speaker
I was going to say, Matt, give me a constitution throw.
00:21:13
Speaker
I almost have a buzz.
00:21:19
Speaker
Six out of 75.
00:21:20
Speaker
Yeah, you're not even fucking buzzed at all.
00:21:23
Speaker
Yeah, because it's Keystone.
00:21:25
Speaker
It's water.
00:21:28
Speaker
We just lost a sponsor.
00:21:30
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:21:31
Speaker
I don't want to be sponsored by Keystone.
00:21:34
Speaker
Me either.
00:21:36
Speaker
What a fucking travesty.
00:21:39
Speaker
So we found out Kevin's driving and forgot to turn the lights on.
00:21:46
Speaker
So go ahead and continue that.
00:21:49
Speaker
Come on, bro.
00:21:49
Speaker
Just turn the headlights on.
00:21:50
Speaker
We'll get all of our stuff in there and then we can get back out here and you can shut your car off.
00:21:53
Speaker
I do one better, bro.
00:21:55
Speaker
I turn the brights on.
00:21:56
Speaker
Now I can see even better.
00:21:58
Speaker
Oh,
00:22:10
Speaker
I love this so fucking much.
00:22:14
Speaker
How is there not some witty retort from Dash?
00:22:17
Speaker
Dash is just staring ahead and acting like he didn't hear anything because he doesn't want to lose any more brain cells.
00:22:26
Speaker
So are we getting out and heading to the cabin or are we all just gonna sleep in the car like barbarians?
00:22:34
Speaker
I'm not sleeping in the car.
00:22:36
Speaker
I'm going to find the biggest bed in there and it's mine.
00:22:40
Speaker
Excuse me, I will be having the master bedroom.
00:22:43
Speaker
Who do you think you are?
00:22:44
Speaker
She just looks him up and down and goes, I'm the only female on this trip.
00:22:51
Speaker
So yeah, I'm getting the biggest bedroom.
00:22:55
Speaker
And just because you have a vagina thinks you entitle yourself to more space.
00:23:01
Speaker
Yeah, because my balls are bigger than yours.
00:23:05
Speaker
I hate myself right now, guys.
00:23:08
Speaker
I hate myself.
00:23:10
Speaker
I love everything about this.
00:23:12
Speaker
I am so happy that this is happening.
00:23:14
Speaker
Look, look, guys.
00:23:15
Speaker
Nice one, bro.
00:23:17
Speaker
Kevin, how long are we here for, bro?
00:23:20
Speaker
I mean, that's like a really philosophical question.
00:23:23
Speaker
Like, how long are we really here for?
00:23:26
Speaker
Hold on.
00:23:26
Speaker
Hold on.
00:23:27
Speaker
If you really think about it.
00:23:30
Speaker
Kevin.
00:23:31
Speaker
What's up?
00:23:31
Speaker
Just go ahead.
00:23:32
Speaker
Hang on.
00:23:32
Speaker
No, no.
00:23:33
Speaker
Hang on.
00:23:33
Speaker
Matt, give me an alertness check.
00:23:43
Speaker
Uh oh, that's not good.
00:23:47
Speaker
87 out of 50.
00:23:48
Speaker
You don't even fucking hear that he's calling your name.
00:23:52
Speaker
You just are so into this.
00:23:55
Speaker
It's like we're like one with the universe and the universe is one.
00:23:59
Speaker
And we're just on one small marble in space on a candy bar nebula, bro.
00:24:06
Speaker
I'm going to put my hands on his shoulders because I'm still in the back seat right behind him.
00:24:10
Speaker
Kevin, Kevin, hey.
00:24:12
Speaker
I turn around so I'm not looking forward anymore.
00:24:14
Speaker
I'm like, what's up?
00:24:15
Speaker
Yeah, there you go.
00:24:16
Speaker
There you go.
00:24:17
Speaker
All right, bro.
00:24:18
Speaker
I need you to take the cooler.
00:24:20
Speaker
Get that cooler inside, man.
00:24:21
Speaker
You're the strongest one of us, right?
00:24:22
Speaker
Get that cooler in there.
00:24:23
Speaker
Do I need to roll up or persuade the dummy to take the shit inside?
00:24:27
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:24:28
Speaker
Yeah, it should go inside for sure.
00:24:30
Speaker
Yeah, you're the strongest one here, right?
00:24:33
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:24:34
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:24:35
Speaker
All right, bro, get that thing in there.
00:24:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:39
Speaker
He grabs the thing.
00:24:40
Speaker
He grabs the cooler.
00:24:40
Speaker
It's like, yeah, I am as I walk by.
00:24:43
Speaker
Are you grabbing the cooler like a normal person?
00:24:46
Speaker
No.
00:24:47
Speaker
Okay.
00:24:48
Speaker
That's exactly what I thought.
00:24:49
Speaker
Strength check.
00:24:51
Speaker
He does it like one arm, so that way he can drink his keystone with his other arm, bro.
00:24:56
Speaker
Oh, strength check and then dexterity check, then.
00:25:00
Speaker
So 43 out of 85 for strength check.
00:25:04
Speaker
Okay, you can definitely pick it up.
00:25:05
Speaker
Can you keep it under your arm?
00:25:07
Speaker
And 45 out of 70 for death.
00:25:12
Speaker
Okay, perfect.
00:25:15
Speaker
You are able to just one arm scoop it and take it inside.
00:25:20
Speaker
As Kevin does that, Dash turns to everyone, goes, dibs, and takes off for the cabin as fast as he can to get to the master bedroom.
00:25:29
Speaker
Courtney's on his heels.
00:25:32
Speaker
Ooh, okay.
00:25:33
Speaker
Let's roll opposed athletics.
00:25:38
Speaker
Can I argue dexterity?
00:25:40
Speaker
My dexterity's pretty high, too, so... Yeah, we can do opposed dex instead.
00:25:46
Speaker
Okay.
00:25:48
Speaker
Oh, shit.
00:25:48
Speaker
I'm dropping dice.
00:25:52
Speaker
That is a 79 on a 90.
00:25:54
Speaker
Where's my dexterity?
00:25:57
Speaker
Oh, my dexterity is up at the top.
00:25:59
Speaker
There it is.
00:26:00
Speaker
How the hell you got a 90 in anything?
00:26:04
Speaker
I had an 18.
00:26:04
Speaker
Damn.
00:26:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:07
Speaker
Well, that's a 2 on a 75.
00:26:17
Speaker
Okay, so you thought you were right on his heels, but...
00:26:20
Speaker
When you pulled up to the cabin, Kevin kind of parked it in like a gravelly area and you just eat shit on the gravel.
00:26:30
Speaker
It's fine.
00:26:33
Speaker
And Dash gets the master bedroom.
00:26:35
Speaker
Just you wait, pretty boy.
00:26:38
Speaker
I just slowly get out of the car.
00:26:41
Speaker
The beer's gonna be there no matter what.
00:26:43
Speaker
Fuck, there ain't no rush.
00:26:46
Speaker
And I just saunter in.
00:26:49
Speaker
Okay, so we've got Kevin taking the cooler.
00:26:55
Speaker
We've got Dash and Courtney trying to race for the master bedroom and Courtney failing hard.
00:27:02
Speaker
And we have Jason just strutting in.
00:27:04
Speaker
That's what I do.
00:27:07
Speaker
Okay.
00:27:07
Speaker
So you guys all make it inside.
00:27:11
Speaker
I'm just picturing Kevin with the cooler up on his shoulder.
00:27:15
Speaker
Like a boombox.
00:27:16
Speaker
Precisely, bro.
00:27:17
Speaker
Yeah, like a 90s boombox.
00:27:20
Speaker
Just up on the shoulder, pounding another keystone.
00:27:23
Speaker
I'm glad I'm not the only one that's out of that.
00:27:25
Speaker
I'll get drunk one of these beers.
00:27:27
Speaker
Just slams the can on the counter and just kind of dismissively puts the cooler down on the counter as well.
00:27:35
Speaker
Courtney, you walk in.
00:27:36
Speaker
You are...
00:27:37
Speaker
Rubbing your knee from where you slipped and fell onto the gravel.
00:27:42
Speaker
It wasn't like sharp gravel, so you didn't cut up your legs or anything, but definitely didn't feel good going down.
00:27:48
Speaker
Dash, you already have your bag on the master bed by the time Courtney even gets in the house.
00:27:55
Speaker
You've already got clothes unpacked, all that kind of stuff.
00:27:58
Speaker
You have made that your room before she had a chance to even fight.
00:28:04
Speaker
Jason, you're just kind of walking in.
00:28:06
Speaker
surveying the scene in front of you.
00:28:08
Speaker
I'm just going to plop my ass on the couch.
00:28:10
Speaker
Throw my feet up on the table.
00:28:12
Speaker
Okay.
00:28:13
Speaker
What was it that you were about to say before I kept talking, Brick?
00:28:17
Speaker
Oh, nothing.
00:28:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:19
Speaker
Okay.
00:28:19
Speaker
So you guys walk in, you get settled in.
00:28:24
Speaker
I mean, it looks like a cabin.
00:28:25
Speaker
You guys have all been out camping before, I'm sure.
00:28:28
Speaker
Yeah, nothing goes wrong with a cabin in the woods, bro.
00:28:33
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:28:34
Speaker
All I'm thinking about right now is until dawn.
00:28:38
Speaker
That's actually kind of the exact cabin I was thinking of.
00:28:41
Speaker
Okay, cool.
00:28:42
Speaker
Kind of nice open floor plan with a couple bedrooms and all that.
00:28:47
Speaker
Yep, that's exactly what I was thinking of.
00:28:49
Speaker
I was thinking the same thing and hoping I was wrong.
00:28:55
Speaker
You are very correct.
00:28:56
Speaker
Yeah, no, that makes me worried.
00:28:58
Speaker
But don't worry.
00:28:59
Speaker
I'm not going to sit here and copy the plot of Until Dawn.
00:29:03
Speaker
That would be lazy of me.
00:29:05
Speaker
I have my own horrors in store for you guys.
00:29:07
Speaker
That was what I was afraid of.
00:29:10
Speaker
Broadcast voice.
00:29:12
Speaker
But for now...
00:29:15
Speaker
This episode of Let's Play Pretend is sponsored by Dubby Energy.
00:29:20
Speaker
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Speaker
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Speaker
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Speaker
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00:29:45
Speaker
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00:29:48
Speaker
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00:29:50
Speaker
Have 10% off of each one of them.
00:29:52
Speaker
Dubby Energy, an energy drink that you mix at home.
00:29:55
Speaker
No jitters, no crash.
00:30:01
Speaker
How about we find out where everyone's gonna sleep?
00:30:03
Speaker
Man, I planted my ass down.
00:30:04
Speaker
I'm sleeping on this couch.
00:30:06
Speaker
Courtney is just going to walk up to the master bedroom and just plop her stuff on the bed as well.
00:30:13
Speaker
Okay.
00:30:17
Speaker
Is there a lazy boy bar?
00:30:18
Speaker
Go ahead, Matt.
00:30:20
Speaker
Yeah, there's an armchair, yeah.
00:30:23
Speaker
Nice.
00:30:23
Speaker
He pops a squat and just opens another can.
00:30:26
Speaker
He's like, there we go.
00:30:28
Speaker
Now it's a party.
00:30:31
Speaker
Let's resolve this scene in the master bedroom.
00:30:33
Speaker
I'm very interested in how this is going to play out.
00:30:36
Speaker
Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?
00:30:39
Speaker
Courtney just folds her arms and she like blows a bubble with her gum and then it pops and goes, I told you I was taking this bedroom whether you liked it or not.
00:30:47
Speaker
So you can leave.
00:30:49
Speaker
My stuff is already put away and folded very neatly.
00:30:52
Speaker
I'd hate to wrinkle anything.
00:30:54
Speaker
So you'll be taking your bag.
00:30:59
Speaker
That's not happening.
00:31:00
Speaker
I will say the master bedroom does have a king-size bed.
00:31:03
Speaker
There will be no shenanigans.
00:31:07
Speaker
God.
00:31:07
Speaker
I'm not saying there has to be shenanigans.
00:31:09
Speaker
I'm just saying you could both sleep in the bed and not touch each other.
00:31:13
Speaker
That was the best sentence I've heard in a long time.
00:31:18
Speaker
Dude, that's the best part about a king-size bed is like I can sleep next to the person I love and not fucking touch you because you're a fucking furnace.
Courtney and Dash's Bed Sharing
00:31:27
Speaker
Yeah, don't touch me.
00:31:29
Speaker
I'm only sleeping with a sheet right now because that's how freaking hot I am all the time right now.
00:31:33
Speaker
Anywho, Courtney just again smacks her gum, opens her bag, pulls out a towel, walks directly past Dash into the bathroom, turns around and kind of gives him a smile, closes the door and locks it so she can go take a bath.
00:31:49
Speaker
Okay.
00:31:50
Speaker
Dash just... I was going to say, what's your reaction to that?
00:31:54
Speaker
Just shrugs, kind of smirks to himself and starts stripping down to his boxers to get into bed.
00:32:02
Speaker
I was hoping you were going to say butt naked and we're going to pull out the whole Dean pudding scene, but you fucking didn't.
00:32:10
Speaker
No, I gotta save that for when he's drunk.
00:32:13
Speaker
Don't give away my secrets.
00:32:16
Speaker
Not only that, you went to the bathroom and locked the door.
00:32:18
Speaker
He doesn't know how long you're gonna be in there.
00:32:20
Speaker
He's not just gonna stand there naked like, this is gonna be great in 45 minutes.
00:32:26
Speaker
Men are patient for a pecker joke.
00:32:29
Speaker
That's very true, too.
00:32:31
Speaker
It's very true.
00:32:32
Speaker
But no, Dash strips down to his silken boxers and just climbs into his... Silken boxers?
00:32:38
Speaker
This hoity-toity is the nerd of the group, huh?
00:32:42
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:32:43
Speaker
Spoiler alert, he's dumb as fuck.
00:32:46
Speaker
But, uh... No, he strips down to his silken boxers and climbs into bed on top of the covers and just kind of sits there, one leg crossed over the other, hands behind his head, just waits.
00:32:57
Speaker
He's patient.
00:32:58
Speaker
He's patient.
00:32:59
Speaker
I was going to say, I did say that when you guys got here, it was just turning dusk.
00:33:03
Speaker
So the night is still young.
00:33:05
Speaker
He knows.
00:33:06
Speaker
Okay, perfect.
00:33:08
Speaker
Courtney wants to go take a bath in the jacuzzi tub, so... Oh my god, I love this.
00:33:15
Speaker
Okay, so while Courtney is taking a bath and Dash is patiently waiting...
00:33:23
Speaker
What are Kevin and Jason doing?
00:33:26
Speaker
Party!
00:33:28
Speaker
And a shotgun and a beer.
00:33:30
Speaker
Hey, bro, when you're done with that, toss me one.
00:33:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah, here you go.
00:33:34
Speaker
All right, cool.
00:33:36
Speaker
I catch a beer he throws at me, I guess.
00:33:39
Speaker
Athletics.
00:33:41
Speaker
Or dexterity.
00:33:42
Speaker
Athletics or dex.
00:33:44
Speaker
I'll roll on dex.
00:33:45
Speaker
25 on 85.
00:33:49
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:50
Speaker
What kind of beer did he throw me?
00:33:51
Speaker
He didn't buy the beer.
00:33:52
Speaker
I bought the beer.
00:33:53
Speaker
Exactly.
00:33:53
Speaker
I don't know a beer.
00:33:55
Speaker
He tossed me a rolling rock.
00:33:56
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:57
Speaker
Thanks, man.
00:33:58
Speaker
Get a pride, bro.
00:34:00
Speaker
Let's just get fucked up.
00:34:04
Speaker
Yeah, if you say so.
00:34:05
Speaker
Man, it's hard not to go into the southern thing.
00:34:07
Speaker
Give me a second.
00:34:13
Speaker
I get in this chair and I sit right here and I'm like, okay, time to be Ned again.
00:34:18
Speaker
That's why I'm in a completely different register.
00:34:20
Speaker
Say I talk like this about this, bro.
00:34:23
Speaker
Yeah, I know.
00:34:24
Speaker
Alright, hold on.
00:34:25
Speaker
Let me give a Jordan thing.
00:34:28
Speaker
Hey, thanks, man.
00:34:29
Speaker
God damn it.
00:34:34
Speaker
You had no problem, cowboy.
00:34:35
Speaker
Shut up, man.
00:34:40
Speaker
I've had a lot to drink.
00:34:42
Speaker
I've had a lot to drink, man.
00:34:46
Speaker
Voice is subject to change.
00:34:49
Speaker
I gotta get out of this other thing.
00:34:51
Speaker
Hey, thanks, man.
00:34:56
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:34:59
Speaker
Oh, boy.
00:35:00
Speaker
I'm gonna go watch surfer movies.
00:35:03
Speaker
Yeah, right?
00:35:07
Speaker
I need... What up, bro?
00:35:08
Speaker
Oh, yeah, that might be where I head with this.
00:35:13
Speaker
I need both Matt and Nick to give me an alertness check.
00:35:20
Speaker
What is the alertness of a Kevin jock boy?
00:35:23
Speaker
Two.
00:35:24
Speaker
Ten.
00:35:26
Speaker
My alertness is actually 50, all right?
00:35:29
Speaker
So I got 10 out of 50.
00:35:30
Speaker
I got a 55 out of 50.
00:35:30
Speaker
Okay, so Kevin got a 10 and Jason got a 55 out of 50?
00:35:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:33
Speaker
Okay.
00:35:34
Speaker
You...
00:35:41
Speaker
crack this beer open and it is i mean you picked it out so it's your favorite beer you were just into this can of beer kevin you are kind of disappointed with the rolling rock like you know it wasn't uh it's uh
00:36:01
Speaker
It's not it's not really the beer that you that you go for.
00:36:05
Speaker
Obviously you go for the keystone.
00:36:06
Speaker
So you're not as into the beer.
00:36:08
Speaker
You go to put it down and you notice something weird about the table.
00:36:17
Speaker
What about it?
00:36:18
Speaker
You notice that the table is, you know, your regular, like, rectangle shape.
00:36:24
Speaker
Yeah, this is table-like.
00:36:26
Speaker
It's got the alphabet on it.
00:36:28
Speaker
Well, fuck.
00:36:30
Speaker
Not this again.
00:36:31
Speaker
And it also, above the alphabet, has the words yes and no.
00:36:35
Speaker
Aw, goddammit, Jordan.
00:36:37
Speaker
I think these are one of those, like, ghost boards.
00:36:44
Speaker
Like, you can talk to Casper and shit.
00:36:48
Speaker
Real quick.
00:36:50
Speaker
I want to go back into the bedroom and finish that.
00:36:56
Speaker
Okay, what about it?
00:36:57
Speaker
So, Courtney, you walk out of the bathroom.
00:36:59
Speaker
You see that Dash is in his silk boxers just laying on top of the blankets, one leg over the other, hands behind his head, like, you know, like he's relaxing on a pool float.
00:37:14
Speaker
Like...
00:37:16
Speaker
Like in the pool, just relaxing.
00:37:18
Speaker
What do you do?
00:37:21
Speaker
Is that a pickle in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
00:37:24
Speaker
Is that the best you can do, really?
00:37:27
Speaker
A pickle joke?
00:37:27
Speaker
I mean... I mean... You know...
00:37:32
Speaker
She kind of just like glances at his boxers and then back at him and then walks over and does the exact same thing and just strips down to her bra and underwear.
00:37:43
Speaker
She's like, two can play at this game.
00:37:47
Speaker
Hang on.
00:37:48
Speaker
You just got out of the bath.
00:37:50
Speaker
Yeah, she got dressed.
00:37:52
Speaker
Fully dressed.
00:37:55
Speaker
She's in pajamas.
00:37:57
Speaker
She's not going to walk out nude.
00:38:00
Speaker
I figured you were walking out like in a towel or something, but okay.
00:38:03
Speaker
No.
00:38:05
Speaker
I mean, her pajamas aren't much, but she still takes them off and is now in her brown panties.
00:38:12
Speaker
I'm just like, you know, I've seen, I've seen worse.
00:38:18
Speaker
He looks her up and down and goes, not bad, but I've seen better.
00:38:21
Speaker
And then he stands up and goes into the bathroom to take his own bath.
00:38:33
Speaker
He wouldn't say that out loud, but probably.
00:38:37
Speaker
Make sure to use the air freshener when you're done.
00:38:43
Speaker
Oh, did you leave it all stinky?
00:38:44
Speaker
You should have done that yourself, but I guess I can clean up after you.
00:38:48
Speaker
No, no.
00:38:50
Speaker
Just because you sound smart doesn't mean you are.
00:38:53
Speaker
She walks out the room to go get a beer.
00:38:57
Speaker
Are you Fran Drescher?
00:38:59
Speaker
What?
00:39:02
Speaker
You never watched The Nanny?
00:39:05
Speaker
No.
00:39:06
Speaker
Oh, I can see that.
00:39:10
Speaker
I can see that.
00:39:12
Speaker
No, Melanie has definitely not seen that.
00:39:15
Speaker
No, no.
00:39:15
Speaker
She's still just coming out in her bra and panties because she doesn't really care.
00:39:20
Speaker
It's basically like a sports bra.
00:39:23
Speaker
Whoa.
00:39:24
Speaker
What's up, stud?
00:39:26
Speaker
What are those shorts?
00:39:27
Speaker
Boy shorts.
00:39:28
Speaker
That's the word.
00:39:28
Speaker
Yep.
00:39:30
Speaker
What kind of party you wanted to have tonight?
00:39:33
Speaker
Shut up, Jason.
00:39:37
Speaker
He just smiles and takes another drink, staring at the ceiling fan.
00:39:42
Speaker
Did you get the vodka or no?
00:39:43
Speaker
You're going to have to go look in the cooler.
00:39:49
Speaker
I did buy the vodka.
00:39:50
Speaker
Okay, good.
00:39:52
Speaker
It's of a blue variety.
00:39:55
Speaker
A blue UV?
00:39:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:59
Speaker
Fuck yeah.
00:40:01
Speaker
She just goes over to the cooler and just pulls it out and just starts drinking from it because she knows that the meatheads won't be drinking it.
00:40:08
Speaker
It's yours drinking vodka straight out of the bottle.
00:40:11
Speaker
Because she's not a meathead.
00:40:13
Speaker
Because I'm not a meathead.
00:40:16
Speaker
Alright.
00:40:18
Speaker
As the alcoholic grabs their vodka...
00:40:23
Speaker
Roll me a constitution throw.
00:40:26
Speaker
God damn it.
00:40:28
Speaker
Just let me do things.
00:40:30
Speaker
Somebody else do the pukey noise.
00:40:32
Speaker
That guy's sort of fucked.
00:40:34
Speaker
This is going to be for puking.
00:40:36
Speaker
This is just going to see if how well she can hold her vodka.
00:40:40
Speaker
See if she gets shit faced or not.
00:40:46
Speaker
You said constitution saving throw?
00:40:48
Speaker
Not saving throw, just constitution roll?
00:40:50
Speaker
Yeah, constitution roll.
00:40:53
Speaker
That would be a 70 out of 65.
00:40:58
Speaker
So you take a nip of it and you feel a little bit buzzed.
00:41:05
Speaker
Okay, cool.
00:41:06
Speaker
Kind of taking the edge off a little bit.
00:41:09
Speaker
So once she's doing that, I'm kind of going to put my half-drank beer on the table and be like, you ready to party, Casper?
00:41:21
Speaker
Yes.
00:41:24
Speaker
Is he calling me Casper?
00:41:26
Speaker
No, there's something weird with the table, bro.
00:41:31
Speaker
I thought you were calling her Casper.
00:41:33
Speaker
I'm like, she may be white, but she's at least tan.
00:41:39
Speaker
Jason's going to get up from the couch and walk over to the cooler, grab another beer, and then walk over to Kevin.
00:41:45
Speaker
I'm going to slap him on the back.
00:41:48
Speaker
All right, bro.
00:41:49
Speaker
What's going on with this table?
00:41:50
Speaker
You won't quit talking about it.
00:41:52
Speaker
Does he say it as well?
00:41:55
Speaker
I mean, yeah, it's printed on the table.
00:41:57
Speaker
Okay.
00:41:57
Speaker
I don't know if it was like an illusion in my mind or something.
00:42:02
Speaker
No, it's 100% printed
Ouija Board Misunderstandings
00:42:04
Speaker
on the table.
00:42:04
Speaker
Whoa, bro.
00:42:05
Speaker
It's an Ouija board.
00:42:07
Speaker
Dude, I think you just said like a slur, bro.
00:42:12
Speaker
It's an Ouija board, dude.
00:42:13
Speaker
You can talk to the dead.
00:42:17
Speaker
It's not called a ghost board?
00:42:19
Speaker
What the fuck?
00:42:21
Speaker
Dash is going to come out.
00:42:22
Speaker
And when he says that, he goes, ah, you mean a Luigi board.
00:42:30
Speaker
Now I know you're dumb as a sack of rocks.
00:42:34
Speaker
No, we meant a Mario board, bro.
00:42:37
Speaker
That was the dumbest joke.
00:42:43
Speaker
Oh.
00:42:44
Speaker
I had to make it at least once.
00:42:46
Speaker
Clearly it's a King Boo board.
00:42:48
Speaker
Come on.
00:42:50
Speaker
You know what, man?
00:42:54
Speaker
Fuck.
00:43:00
Speaker
I can't wait to edit myself.
00:43:04
Speaker
Whoa, bro.
00:43:05
Speaker
No, no.
00:43:06
Speaker
I know you're from France and all, but no, no, this isn't.
00:43:09
Speaker
It's not Luigi.
00:43:11
Speaker
It's a Ouija.
00:43:12
Speaker
There's an A at the end.
00:43:13
Speaker
It's not Ouija, you dumb idiots.
00:43:15
Speaker
It's just called a Ouija board.
00:43:19
Speaker
There you go.
00:43:19
Speaker
Say it slurs again, bro.
00:43:21
Speaker
French?
00:43:22
Speaker
I swear to God, I will beat your face in for that one.
00:43:26
Speaker
What's wrong with being French, bro?
00:43:29
Speaker
Everything.
00:43:30
Speaker
Kevin, you're not French.
00:43:31
Speaker
You want to sleep outside tonight, bro?
00:43:34
Speaker
I mean, I don't understand the question.
00:43:38
Speaker
Can you repeat it?
00:43:39
Speaker
I'm surrounded by idiots.
00:43:42
Speaker
Yeah, we're not really surrounded.
00:43:44
Speaker
You're in a room by yourself.
00:43:46
Speaker
No, she's...
00:43:49
Speaker
No, she's out with you guys.
00:43:50
Speaker
I'm out with you guys.
00:43:51
Speaker
Oh, I thought you were just like in the hall.
00:43:54
Speaker
No, she came over and got the vodka from the cooler.
00:43:58
Speaker
Oh yeah, you're the alcoholic chick we brought.
00:44:03
Speaker
Does the table have the weird little like dais thing that you put your hands on?
00:44:07
Speaker
It does not, but further inspection of the table, there is, it has like almost like a shelf underneath.
00:44:16
Speaker
So it's not like one of those coffee tables that has the drawers.
00:44:19
Speaker
It's got the tabletop, the legs, and then there's another shelf underneath it.
00:44:24
Speaker
And there are clear glasses underneath there.
00:44:30
Speaker
I'll grab a glass for each of us and put them on the table.
00:44:35
Speaker
Face up or face down?
00:44:38
Speaker
Face up.
00:44:38
Speaker
I plan to put something in it.
00:44:40
Speaker
Okay, perfect.
00:44:41
Speaker
I need to get Krug.
00:44:45
Speaker
That's the plant.
00:44:47
Speaker
Fuck me.
00:44:52
Speaker
Saw, dude.
00:44:54
Speaker
Saw, dude.
00:44:55
Speaker
Saw, dude.
00:44:56
Speaker
Saw.
00:44:56
Speaker
What are you going to do is you got to- You saw, dude, to get back into the voice.
00:45:01
Speaker
You got to think of the fish from Spunkbob.
00:45:04
Speaker
I got to watch fucking Johnny Tsunami.
00:45:07
Speaker
No, no.
00:45:07
Speaker
Spunkbob.
00:45:08
Speaker
Biodome.
00:45:08
Speaker
Pauly Shore.
00:45:09
Speaker
That's a great idea.
00:45:10
Speaker
Yeah, buddy.
00:45:14
Speaker
I like your Spongebob pole, Mel, but I'm thinking more Finding Nemo.
00:45:20
Speaker
Right, Jess?
00:45:21
Speaker
Right, Jess?
00:45:23
Speaker
Whoa, bro.
00:45:23
Speaker
All right.
00:45:24
Speaker
All right.
00:45:24
Speaker
No, here's the deal.
00:45:25
Speaker
Here's the deal.
00:45:27
Speaker
Courtney, bring that bottle over here.
00:45:31
Speaker
I swear, if you guys drink all of my alcohol, I'm going to be pissed.
00:45:35
Speaker
Bruh, bruh.
00:45:36
Speaker
You act like there's not another one in there.
00:45:38
Speaker
You're seriously giving me a UV fucking blue, bro?
00:45:43
Speaker
Yo, yo, no, we're gonna make a mixed drink here.
00:45:46
Speaker
Bring it over, bring it over.
00:45:48
Speaker
She reluctantly brings it over.
00:45:50
Speaker
I swear to God, if you pour beer and vodka into my glass, I will beat it over your head.
00:45:57
Speaker
Oh, shut up, Luigi.
00:46:04
Speaker
Kevin, I will not buy you any more alcohol while we are here.
00:46:08
Speaker
I will.
00:46:09
Speaker
That's fucking rude, bro.
00:46:11
Speaker
We're partying here.
00:46:12
Speaker
It's like, don't even do that to your fucking friends, bro.
00:46:16
Speaker
Come on, man.
00:46:19
Speaker
No way.
00:46:20
Speaker
All right.
00:46:21
Speaker
So, look, here's what we do.
00:46:22
Speaker
I pour this stuff in here.
00:46:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:25
Speaker
I pour the, like the glasses are about half full with that.
00:46:29
Speaker
And then I reach into the cooler and I grab a bottle of whiskey out of there and I fill it the rest of the way up with the whiskey.
00:46:38
Speaker
What the fuck are you making?
00:46:43
Speaker
I like to call this the good time.
00:46:46
Speaker
Cheers.
00:46:47
Speaker
And I hand everybody a glass.
00:46:49
Speaker
Okay.
00:46:51
Speaker
Dash shrugs and shoots it.
00:46:54
Speaker
Oh yeah, shotgun it.
00:46:56
Speaker
Oh, okay.
00:47:00
Speaker
Courtney does not shotgun it.
00:47:05
Speaker
Right down the gullet.
00:47:07
Speaker
I was going to say, these are like whiskey glasses.
00:47:09
Speaker
So I mean like they're decent, but okay.
00:47:12
Speaker
All right.
00:47:13
Speaker
We're doing that.
00:47:14
Speaker
So yeah, you guys are drunk.
00:47:21
Speaker
You gotta do our con save.
00:47:23
Speaker
Nope, I don't.
00:47:25
Speaker
Gross.
00:47:27
Speaker
If you are shotgunning a glass that is half vodka, half whiskey, I most certainly do not.
00:47:35
Speaker
As soon as Dash finishes, he slams the glass upside down on the table and just goes, oh, so much better.
00:47:42
Speaker
So much better.
00:47:44
Speaker
I do the same thing.
00:47:46
Speaker
I try to do the same thing.
00:47:48
Speaker
What, do you break it?
00:47:50
Speaker
Probably.
00:47:54
Speaker
Come on, then.
00:47:54
Speaker
Don't be the odd one out.
00:47:56
Speaker
Kevin, give me a strength throw.
00:48:01
Speaker
You got it, bro.
00:48:08
Speaker
Ah, fuck.
00:48:08
Speaker
85 out of 85.
00:48:11
Speaker
Okay, so you pass.
00:48:12
Speaker
So no, you don't smash the glass.
00:48:18
Speaker
Come on, Courtney.
00:48:19
Speaker
Let's go.
00:48:20
Speaker
We all did it.
00:48:21
Speaker
She rolls her eyes and then shotguns it.
00:48:25
Speaker
Yeah, getting the peer pressure.
00:48:28
Speaker
We do not condone underage drinking.
00:48:31
Speaker
We do not.
00:48:32
Speaker
For peer pressure.
00:48:35
Speaker
We don't condone peer pressure either, but hey, you know what?
00:48:39
Speaker
For the sake of this... Bro, it's not peer pressure.
00:48:43
Speaker
It's just your turn.
00:48:44
Speaker
Yeah, bro.
00:48:46
Speaker
You're not a fucking loser, are you?
00:48:49
Speaker
Like, who didn't give in to peer pressure in high school?
00:48:51
Speaker
Like, come on.
00:48:53
Speaker
But you guys are all high school graduates, surprisingly.
00:48:58
Speaker
I got my GMED.
00:49:00
Speaker
Excuse me.
00:49:02
Speaker
I'm also 19.
00:49:02
Speaker
I failed a year.
00:49:05
Speaker
Excuse me, I paid someone very handsomely for all of my papers.
00:49:09
Speaker
Courtney surprisingly did well in school.
00:49:15
Speaker
Does anyone else know that?
00:49:19
Speaker
Out of these four?
00:49:20
Speaker
No.
00:49:21
Speaker
They think she slept her way through, but she didn't.
00:49:24
Speaker
Well, come on, line your glass up.
00:49:25
Speaker
You drank it, drop it on the table.
00:49:28
Speaker
Let's get ready for round two.
00:49:30
Speaker
Oh, I'm not doing a round two.
00:49:34
Speaker
Just give me my vodka.
Supernatural Activity Hint
00:49:40
Speaker
Kevin fucking gets right for a second.
00:49:42
Speaker
Shot.
00:49:43
Speaker
So, as you guys line up the glasses, you're pouring drinks, you're having yourself a good night, the table goes unforgotten.
00:49:53
Speaker
But...
00:49:55
Speaker
As you guys kind of go off to bed, we have... Okay, I guess I should ask, Courtney and Dash, are you indeed sharing a bed?
00:50:05
Speaker
At this point, I think they're too drunk to even fight about it.
00:50:10
Speaker
So yeah, sure, they're sharing a bed.
00:50:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:15
Speaker
Courtney and Dash go to the master bedroom.
00:50:17
Speaker
They...
00:50:19
Speaker
fall asleep.
00:50:20
Speaker
We'll say they at least start on the opposite ends of the bed.
00:50:23
Speaker
We'll see what happens when they wake up.
00:50:29
Speaker
Are we going to have a cuddle puddle?
00:50:32
Speaker
I mean, maybe.
00:50:38
Speaker
That's going to start coming up every episode, isn't it?
00:50:45
Speaker
Oh, bro, we're the cuddle crew.
00:50:50
Speaker
And there it is.
00:50:53
Speaker
Of all the names we could have, it's a bad one.
00:50:56
Speaker
Yeah, it sounds like a bunch of... I'm not even going to say it.
00:51:03
Speaker
Oh, man.
00:51:03
Speaker
So, Courtney and Dash in the bed on opposite ends of the bed.
00:51:09
Speaker
We have Kevin...
00:51:11
Speaker
who's passed out on the chair.
00:51:13
Speaker
Dash somehow is sleeping upside down.
00:51:16
Speaker
Or Kevin is on the couch.
00:51:18
Speaker
Dash is somehow upside down on the chair.
00:51:20
Speaker
No.
00:51:21
Speaker
Snoring loud.
00:51:22
Speaker
Dash is in the bed with Courtney.
00:51:25
Speaker
I mean... Jason's on the couch.
00:51:27
Speaker
Jason's on the couch.
00:51:28
Speaker
Kevin's upside down on the chair.
00:51:30
Speaker
I will get this right eventually.
00:51:31
Speaker
Okay, let's take that from the top again.
00:51:37
Speaker
so we have Courtney and Kevin did you shoot the vodka and whiskey no I'm looking at your names in the chat and Courtney Kevin like they they both start with the hard cut sound so that's where my brain's going okay last time I got this got this hold on this all has to stay in fuck off
00:52:01
Speaker
Anyone else getting liar, liar vibes is back and forth.
00:52:04
Speaker
Right.
00:52:06
Speaker
Okay.
00:52:09
Speaker
So we have Courtney and dash in the king size bed opposite ends of the bed.
00:52:14
Speaker
Again, we'll see how they wake up.
00:52:16
Speaker
We have Jason on the couch, passed out face down on.
00:52:22
Speaker
We'll just say his hoodie because he was too drunk to find a pillow.
00:52:27
Speaker
Kevin started off in the chair, like with a leg over the arm.
00:52:32
Speaker
And somehow throughout the night, after having the chair kicked out, is like upside down in the chair.
00:52:39
Speaker
And as the scene comes to a close, you see the camera pans around, shows everybody sleeping.
00:52:48
Speaker
They're snoring off.
00:52:50
Speaker
You guys are snoring off your drunk stupor of the night.
00:52:54
Speaker
And the camera...
00:52:56
Speaker
goes to the table.
00:53:00
Speaker
And the last thing that you see before the end of the scene is one of the glasses slightly moves.
00:53:15
Speaker
And that's deep breathing.
00:53:19
Speaker
Gasp.
00:53:20
Speaker
Shelby's going to hate that.
00:53:25
Speaker
And that's where we're ending this episode.
00:53:29
Speaker
Bye, everybody.
00:53:30
Speaker
I promise I'll have the voice better next time.
00:53:31
Speaker
Bye, dude.
Episode Wrap-Up
00:53:35
Speaker
Let's Play Pretend is Breck Black as Dash, I don't remember your last name.
00:53:39
Speaker
Matt Check is Kevin, I don't want to say your last name.
00:53:43
Speaker
Melanie Derringer as Courtney, I changed my last name halfway through the episode.
00:53:47
Speaker
And myself, Nick Barnett, as Jason Murtoch.
00:53:50
Speaker
Jordan Derringer is our DM, GM, keeper, handler, and host.
00:53:55
Speaker
And we want to thank you so much for being here and listening.
00:53:57
Speaker
We hope you enjoy this little side arc.
00:53:59
Speaker
We got at least two more parts of it coming in the next couple weeks.
00:54:03
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening.
00:54:05
Speaker
Check out W.GG like it said in the ad.
00:54:07
Speaker
Use the code LPPPOD to get yourself 10% off of your order.
00:54:13
Speaker
I'll put the link down below in the description.
00:54:16
Speaker
Again, thank you.
00:54:17
Speaker
Also, can't wait to get your questions.
00:54:20
Speaker
Please remember, send us questions through the email, through our Facebook, through Twitter, X, whatever you want to call it.
00:54:26
Speaker
Anywhere you can send us a comment,
00:54:29
Speaker
Go ahead and ask us a couple questions, whether it's personal about us or whether it's about the campaign or anything, anything related at all to this nerddom that we call home.
00:54:41
Speaker
We will see you in two weeks time.
00:54:47
Speaker
Let's play pretend!
00:54:47
Speaker
Ha ha!