Transcript
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Speaker: Let's Play Pretend is an explicit podcast with subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners.
Speaker: Content warnings can be found in the episode description.
Speaker: Let's play pretend!
Speaker: Let's play pretend!
Speaker: Let's play pretend!
Speaker: Yeah!
Speaker: Hello everybody and welcome back to Let's Play Pretend.
Speaker: My name is Jordan Derringer.
Speaker: I am your DM, GM, keeper, handler and host.
Speaker: And I have with me as always, Mr. Nick Barnett.
Speaker: Ned Dolaran, I got a little haiku that I wrote for y'all today.
Speaker: I am on the deck.
Speaker: Oh, bother?
Speaker: Where did it go?
Speaker: Nobody?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: That's that's a thing.
Speaker: I mean, kudos.
Speaker: Good job.
Speaker: That was very talented.
Speaker: I could not have fucking done that.
Speaker: I am sorry.
Speaker: The DM you're trying to reach has left the building.
Speaker: That means we'll live.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm sure you will.
Speaker: We finally won.
Speaker: I also have with me, as always, Mr. Breck Black.
Speaker: Ryan Winchester.
Speaker: I'm not a poet, and nobody knows it.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: you think that we all we all think you're a poet if nobody knows that he's not then yeah that's what i'm getting out of that yes right now seems like you have some poems to tell us i think it went over everybody's head didn't it breck a little bit yeah you said you're not a poet and nobody knows it right yeah yeah which means everybody thinks you're a poet
Speaker: I mean, I understand the rhyme.
Speaker: Like, I get that.
Speaker: What's the point to derail the intro?
Speaker: No, the point is I made a new friend and I had to talk about it.
Speaker: Oh, we're smart here.
Speaker: I am leaving.
Speaker: I'm done.
Speaker: This episode is a short one.
Speaker: Oh, Jesus Christ.
Speaker: I also have with me, as always, Mr. Matt Check.
Speaker: Hey, I'll be playing Arthur Gooseberg.
Speaker: And I know it doesn't seem like anyone's doing a little fact, but I thought of one definitely not on the spot.
Speaker: Arthur Gooseberg has the entire planet of Tatooine made in Minecraft.
Speaker: What the fuck is Tatooine?
Speaker: from the Star Wars.
Speaker: Oh my God, Melanie.
Speaker: I swear to God.
Speaker: If we have one more frickin' Nirvana moment, I'm gonna disown you as my sister.
Speaker: I didn't know that was the name of the planet, all right?
Speaker: Yes, Tatooine is a planet in Star Wars.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And last but certainly not least, I have with me as always my wonderful wife, Mrs. Melanie Derringer.
Speaker: You can say it.
Speaker: The naive, doesn't know pop culture shit.
Speaker: Felony Derringer.
Speaker: I'm not.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I play Samantha Williams and I'm currently looking at a giant spider in the corner of my living room.
Speaker: So good.
Speaker: Oh, that sucks.
Speaker: That's for Kurt Cobain.
Speaker: Shut the fuck up.
Speaker: I seriously didn't know who it was.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Call me out in front of millions of people.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Whatever.
Speaker: Millions and millions and billions of the 15 people that listen to our show.
Speaker: That's being generous.
Speaker: We love all 15 of you.
Speaker: We love and appreciate all 15 of you.
Speaker: Okay, we don't count, okay?
Speaker: Hey, there's at least one in Sweden.
Speaker: There we have a listener in Sweden?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Hello, Sweden!
Speaker: Hello.
Speaker: Leave a comment down below.
Speaker: Let us know your name.
Speaker: We'll talk about you every episode.
Speaker: Please.
Speaker: Yeah, we'll shout you out.
Speaker: Be happy to.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: That was the most ominous.
Speaker: We'll be happy to.
Speaker: Well, I was going to run.
Speaker: You better run.
Speaker: The ominous music means it's a recap time.
Speaker: Yay.
Speaker: So a lot happened in the last episode, but as far as recapping, not a lot happened in the last episode.
Speaker: You guys started off in the barn.
Speaker: You were talking to older Samantha when you got that text saying, don't go to Ashley's house.
Speaker: And you were trying to figure out who it was that was texting you.
Speaker: The only way you could get them to respond at first was by sending GIFs of Garfield.
Speaker: You know, like any respectable thing would reply to.
Speaker: Yeah, like any normal adult would have a conversation like.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: I would 100% have a conversation with you guys, Justin Garfield Gifts.
Speaker: So you end up texting this person back, and from across the barn, you hear a phone go off.
Speaker: And you look over, and you see this thing, gray skin, crouched over,
Speaker: You guys see it just hanging out there watching you.
Speaker: Nightmare fuel.
Speaker: For those of you who are wondering, my inspiration for this creature was the monster from Mortuary Assistant.
Speaker: So for anyone listening that wants a visual about that, go ahead and type in Mortuary Assistant.
Speaker: Google look up images.
Speaker: You'll see it.
Speaker: Or don't.
Speaker: You'll see it.
Speaker: I suggest that you don't look it up unless you want to have nightmares.
Speaker: That was my inspiration anyway.
Speaker: So you guys called him nobody because he said he goes by many names, but Evil Chris was not one of them.
Speaker: So Ryan decided nobody was his name.
Speaker: He was fine with that.
Speaker: He talked to you guys for a little bit.
Speaker: Very childish in nature.
Speaker: And that was about the whole episode.
Speaker: You guys were talking to him and just kind of getting some information.
Speaker: And then he decided to embrace you all and the biggest hug you've ever had in your entire life.
Speaker: Puts all your previous cuddle puddles to shame.
Speaker: And teleported you guys to Ashley's house.
Speaker: At which point you walked in, explored a little bit, didn't really find much of interest in
Speaker: Until I think it was Ned that came to the conclusion that Ashley's room and Chris's room are not where you guys spent a majority of your time.
Speaker: It was out on the deck.
Speaker: So you go out and you look around on the deck.
Speaker: Someone ends up bumping into one of the tiki torches, which causes the entire deck to disappear from underneath you.
Speaker: Kind of just flips open like a trap door.
Speaker: And you guys start plummeting.
Speaker: And that's where we are now.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: Here's what I want from you guys.
Speaker: I need a dexterity check from every single one of you.
Speaker: We're just going to start this episode off with a roll.
Speaker: Oh, I thought you were just going to be like, I need everybody to start screaming because I'm going to kill you.
Speaker: That comes later.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: 67 on a 65.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Yeah, sure it is.
Speaker: 56 on a 50.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Oh no.
Speaker: 56 on an 80.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I got a 77 on a 75.
Speaker: Oh no.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Um, so you're falling, you're falling, you're falling.
Speaker: just as you are wondering how, how far are we falling?
Speaker: Just as your minds start comprehending that, you hit the ground.
Speaker: So what I want from you guys is, Arthur, you are going to land and you kind of pitch forward.
Speaker: And for some ungodly reason, you are able to roll out of it.
Speaker: So you're gonna take no damage.
Speaker: Nailed it.
Speaker: Melanie, you were the only one that crit failed, right?
Speaker: Well, that crit failed.
Speaker: 77, that's a crit fail.
Speaker: Fuck.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Breck and Nick, you guys didn't crit fail?
Speaker: Nope, just a fail.
Speaker: Yeah, just a regular fail.
Speaker: You guys roll me a d4.
Speaker: Melanie, you automatically take four points of damage.
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: One.
Speaker: Where am I down?
Speaker: Where's my... How many hit points?
Speaker: Four.
Speaker: Okay, is that terrible?
Speaker: Ryan is also taking four.
Speaker: Oof.
Speaker: So we'll say that Ryan and Samantha were the ones standing closest to each other, and when they fell, they both hit at the same time and fell into each other, smacked your heads into each other.
Speaker: And then...
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Older Samantha rolled a 44 on a 60, so she's fine.
Speaker: She basically superhero poses at the end of it.
Speaker: Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker: Superhero landing.
Speaker: God, that's terrible for the knees.
Speaker: Okay, so you are all on the ground.
Speaker: I just ignored it because he's trying to be Deadpool, so... References!
Speaker: I was going to say, yeah, it was a Deadpool reference.
Speaker: So you guys are all on the ground, and I need everyone to roll...
Speaker: 63 on a 27.
Speaker: I may be injured, but I am alert.
Speaker: Ryan is not.
Speaker: 86 on a 67.
Speaker: 40 on a 42.
Speaker: 36 on a 68.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: Ned, you kind of sprained your ankle a little bit.
Speaker: Ryan, you are just sprawled out on the ground after colliding with Samantha.
Speaker: Samantha and Arthur and older Samantha
Speaker: I'll notice that you are in, you are surrounded, you're in the circular cell.
Speaker: You are surrounded by iron bars and on the walls are torches.
Speaker: Are the torches lit?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That is where your light is coming from, is from these torches.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: How many torches is like a long pathway?
Speaker: So you, the cell is circular.
Speaker: The room around you is circular.
Speaker: You got about 10 feet between the cell and the wall.
Speaker: And you've got probably eight torches around the wall.
Speaker: Ryan is just going to lay there groaning.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Come on, buddy.
Speaker: Hop on up, hop on up.
Speaker: And I'm going to put my arm out to try and help Ryan up.
Speaker: Come on up my ass.
Speaker: Oh, fuck that hurt.
Speaker: Oh, freezing.
Speaker: Can you not come up each other's asses, please?
Speaker: phrasing at this point.
Speaker: I don't really care about the phrasing.
Speaker: I'm just going to I'm going to take a nap here.
Speaker: Nope, nope, nope.
Speaker: Stay awake.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: That's a good call.
Speaker: That's Ryan, roll me a constitution check.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Hey, you're the one that brought this into existence.
Speaker: Aha, it's a 66 on an 85.
Speaker: I was going to say his silence is deafening.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, I thought he was going to say he failed it.
Speaker: 66 on 85, that's a crit success.
Speaker: So I'm going to say, one, you're able to stay awake.
Speaker: Two, you don't have a concussion.
Speaker: Woo!
Speaker: And the silence was because I looked at it, I thought it said 96, and I thought I was fucked.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: If I look straight up, can I see the red sky of the in-between?
Speaker: If you look straight up, you see a sliver of red as the deck closes above you.
Speaker: Hey, Sam, either of you?
Speaker: Question.
Speaker: When the fuck did Ashley build a trapdoor?
Speaker: As far as I know, there's never been a trapdoor under her deck.
Speaker: We've never asked.
Speaker: This wasn't here last time I was here.
Speaker: Did you touch the tiki torches?
Speaker: Well, you know what?
Speaker: I can't say I went and touched every one of them, no.
Speaker: Well, then you got lucky.
Speaker: Something just doesn't feel right about this.
Speaker: Oh, now you think something doesn't feel right?
Speaker: Wait, now?
Speaker: Now it doesn't feel right?
Speaker: Not... Okay.
Speaker: You have to remember, I've been here for over five years.
Speaker: I've kind of gotten used to how this world works.
Speaker: This world doesn't work like this.
Speaker: This isn't right.
Speaker: Something's not right.
Speaker: What do you mean it doesn't work like this?
Speaker: Things don't just appear like this.
Speaker: Like, yeah, we have the monsters.
Speaker: We have the like you guys, you guys just randomly appeared, but like this, this something's not right.
Speaker: Are you sure this is something that Negachrist didn't do?
Speaker: How would he do it in such a short time?
Speaker: He's an evil entity.
Speaker: How do you know his powers?
Speaker: You know, you don't know what he can do.
Speaker: I guess.
Speaker: Anyway, let's stop focusing on that.
Speaker: We need to get out of here.
Speaker: You said there was a cell door?
Speaker: Yes, there is a cell door.
Speaker: Ryan is going to kind of pick himself up and then go press his face to the bars to see if he can see anything in the hallway.
Speaker: You can't see a hallway.
Speaker: What do I see?
Speaker: There's a circular room around you with eight torches on the wall.
Speaker: There is a door to a hallway, but the door to the hallway is closed.
Speaker: And there's no window?
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Are the torches... Go ahead.
Speaker: I was going to say it's just a wooden door.
Speaker: Are the torches in, like, arm's length away?
Speaker: Like, can we reach them?
Speaker: No, the wall is about 10 feet off of the cell.
Speaker: I open the door.
Speaker: You most certainly do not.
Speaker: It is locked.
Speaker: Damn it.
Speaker: I hit the door with my tire.
Speaker: Not this again.
Speaker: You hit the door with your tire iron.
Speaker: It makes a very unsatisfying thong and nothing happens.
Speaker: Well, I tried.
Speaker: I text nobody.
Speaker: You look at your phone, you have no signal down here.
Speaker: I try anyway.
Speaker: Instantly comes up, message failed.
Speaker: Well, I tried getting a hold of nobody, everybody, since he can hear phones and shit.
Speaker: So, I don't know.
Speaker: I just texted him that we need help.
Speaker: Hopefully he shows up at some point.
Speaker: Is there an equivalent of like a perception check I can do?
Speaker: Alertness.
Speaker: You can do alertness.
Speaker: What about a search?
Speaker: You can do a search or you could do... You can't do SIGINT.
Speaker: I'm just going to try a search.
Speaker: It's not going to work because it's only a 23.
Speaker: But I'm basically just looking to see if there's any like any inclination of how to get out of this room.
Speaker: Can I give her, like, advantage on that if I use the flashlight that we have so that we have even more light to look around?
Speaker: Yeah, you know what?
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: I like that.
Speaker: Okay, so how does that work?
Speaker: So you roll the 10 spot twice.
Speaker: You take whichever one is more advantageous for you.
Speaker: Well, neither one is going to work because the first one was a 46, the second one was a 96.
Speaker: So I see jack shit.
Speaker: Oof.
Speaker: As they do this, Ryan is going to try to peek under the bottom of the door using his flashlight to try to light it up.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I'm going to say roll me a search at disadvantage because the crack at the bottom of the door is only about two inches and you are 10 feet away from it.
Speaker: 10 feet away.
Speaker: So there's like a pit between us and the wall?
Speaker: No, it's just a circular room.
Speaker: But you're saying you want to look under the door, like, out into the hallway, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, that is ten feet away from the cage.
Speaker: Oh, we're in a cage.
Speaker: I missed that part.
Speaker: I feel dumb.
Speaker: You're in a, well, I've been saying cell, like a jail cell, but yes.
Speaker: You are in a circle surrounded by iron bars.
Speaker: Is there like a spot where the door, like the gate would open, like a lockable door on this circular cell?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Can I try using my pocket knife to lock this?
Speaker: Let's let Breck's thing resolve first.
Speaker: Yeah, let's let Breck resolve first.
Speaker: Well, I didn't realize we were like 10 feet away from the door, so I don't think I'm going to try that.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: I thought I was going to be able to get up to the door and look under it.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: You are too far away for that.
Speaker: Okay, so you want to try to lockpick.
Speaker: Let's see.
Speaker: Ooh, okay.
Speaker: Roll me a criminology.
Speaker: Criminology?
Speaker: Well, that's going to be a fail.
Speaker: Maybe a luck.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, 10%.
Speaker: 70 out of 10.
Speaker: Why can't I use decks?
Speaker: You could burn 60 luck if you wanted to.
Speaker: No, that'd be stupid.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Hey, Arthur, do me a favor.
Speaker: Hold this.
Speaker: Hold the flashlight.
Speaker: Can I try to pick the lock?
Speaker: I'm guessing you have a high criminology, don't you?
Speaker: Is that what I get to roll?
Speaker: Yeah, I guess.
Speaker: That would be what you would roll, yes.
Speaker: 37 on a 50.
Speaker: Okay, yep.
Speaker: You hear a click and the door creaks open.
Speaker: That's good you did that because Sam's next move is to try and climb the cage.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't think we can handle another impervious door.
Speaker: Arthur, you had it right.
Speaker: All you had to do was turn it to the left, not the right.
Speaker: Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
Speaker: It's kind of the same way with unlocking doors, too.
Speaker: Wow, you're really good at crying.
Speaker: Ha ha ha ha ha.
Speaker: Ned just pushes the door open.
Speaker: The cell door open.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I will let you decide.
Speaker: Are you going to push it open or are you going to slowly push it open?
Speaker: Such a loaded question.
Speaker: Just regular, you know, you walk to your front of your house and you just open the door.
Speaker: So not slow, not fast.
Speaker: Just half fast.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Half fast, the cell door makes an unimaginable creak as you open it.
Speaker: Creak!
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Just like that.
Speaker: Whenever we need a creaky door, Nick, I want you to put in that sound.
Speaker: Can I get it again?
Speaker: Matt saying creak!
Speaker: That's what I want.
Speaker: I can save that file for you if you'd like.
Speaker: Quick, everyone, fam!
Speaker: It'll be like our PTPP moment.
Speaker: Ring, ring, ring, ring.
Speaker: Ring, ring!
Speaker: Okay, so you guys are able to get out into the outer circle of this room.
Speaker: The ring of this room, if you will.
Speaker: So the door swings open.
Speaker: Like I said, it's very loud.
Speaker: But you guys are in the outer ring.
Speaker: You're able to get out of the cell.
Speaker: I'm going to grab one of the torches.
Speaker: Same.
Speaker: You can't.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: They're high up on the walls.
Speaker: I jump and grab.
Speaker: I do a backflip and grab.
Speaker: I watch the nonsense.
Speaker: I was going to say, you have no idea how much I want to call for an athletics and then you guys fail it for you to take more damage.
Speaker: There's no such thing as another.
Speaker: Dang it.
Speaker: I just rolled it just to be, you know, funny.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: Hang on.
Speaker: Wait, what would athletics be under?
Speaker: It's underneath the artillery above bureaucracy.
Speaker: There it is.
Speaker: I rolled a 39 on a 50, bitch.
Speaker: I technically rolled a 26 on a 31.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So, Samantha, you jump up and your fingers are able to graze the bottom of the torch.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: You're lucky I'm being that generous.
Speaker: Arthur, I didn't know you could do a backflip.
Speaker: Neither did I. Arthur, you did a backflip, but instead of landing on your feet, you landed, for all intents and purposes, superhero pose.
Speaker: I meant to do that.
Speaker: That looked really hard on your knees, Arthur.
Speaker: Are you good?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Definitely didn't hurt.
Speaker: Brian is going to go try the wooden door.
Speaker: You walk up to the wooden door and it's one of those where, you know, it goes flat along the ground and then it's got a rounded top is basically what I'm getting at.
Speaker: It goes up, goes rounded, comes back down.
Speaker: You don't see a handle.
Speaker: He pushes on it.
Speaker: Kick it.
Speaker: It doesn't move.
Speaker: Hey, that's my job.
Speaker: It doesn't move.
Speaker: He's going to pull out his knife and stab it into the door and try to pull it.
Speaker: Give me a strength check.
Speaker: Oh, I don't know if I'm good at that.
Speaker: No, that doesn't matter.
Speaker: It's a 16 on a 75.
Speaker: Oh, so you're better at that than you thought you were.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Okay, you are able to embed your knife into the door and you start to pull on it and your hand slips off the handle and you stumble backwards.
Speaker: You don't fall or anything, but you got embedded into the door enough that you would be able to open it if it would open.
Speaker: Sam is gonna kind of start running her fingers along the wall and like kind of just push it.
Speaker: Is it like a brick room we're in?
Speaker: Yeah, it looks like you're in like a castle at this point.
Speaker: So she's gonna start like kind of pushing on stones to see if any of them are loose to see if maybe there's like something like a secret passage or something that she has to push.
Speaker: Smart.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I see Sam doing that, and I also... Arthur's gonna try as well.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Ryan is gonna go collect his knife.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I won't make you roll strength of that one.
Speaker: You can just pull that back out.
Speaker: Samantha and Arthur each roll me a search.
Speaker: Fuck.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: What a great roll.
Speaker: Yeah, same.
Speaker: I got a 53 out of a 23.
Speaker: 64 out of 23.
Speaker: Ryan, seeing them kind of just poking at the same part of the wall is going to start looking at the wall as well.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You can also roll me a search if you would like.
Speaker: 32 on a 44.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Before I resolve that, Ned, what are you doing?
Speaker: I imagine I'm just kind of going back into the room and picking up the rock bat that I left on the floor.
Speaker: You know, this might be able to break that door open.
Speaker: Ned, I also want you to roll me a search.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: I got a 79 on a 40.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You did not notice anything either.
Speaker: Ryan, as you're walking around, you notice that there is a brick that is a slightly different color than the rest of them.
Speaker: He is going to push on it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You push on it, and it slides into the wall, hangs out there for a second, and then slides back out.
Speaker: Nothing happens.
Speaker: Do I see any more bricks the same color?
Speaker: No, you do not.
Speaker: Hmm.
Speaker: Well, guys, I found a brick that moves and it goes in and out, but it doesn't seem to do anything.
Speaker: Anyone else see anything?
Speaker: Clearly not.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'll let you guys roll on alertness now.
Speaker: Now that he's pointed it out, I'll let the three of you roll on alertness.
Speaker: 009 on a 27.
Speaker: You said alertness?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: 34 out of a 68.
Speaker: 92 out of 42.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Ned, you are still inside the cell.
Speaker: You notice that there is one piece of the stone that is the floor that is a slightly different color.
Speaker: And Samantha, as you are looking around the room, you notice that one of the torches is...
Speaker: is so they're all held up on, like, you know, those braces that hold a torch to a wall.
Speaker: They're all like a dark metal color, except for one is gold.
Speaker: But I can't reach it, so why does it matter?
Speaker: Maybe the short person shouldn't be doing things.
Speaker: Who said she's the shortest?
Speaker: Pretty sure Arthur's shorter than she is.
Speaker: I'm pretty sure Ned is like 6'7".
Speaker: He's only 6'1".
Speaker: Ned, boost me up onto your shoulders.
Speaker: Hold on, hold on now.
Speaker: I'm going to take the rock bat that I went in there to get, and I'm going to push down on that stone on the ground with the rock bat.
Speaker: That way I can stay away from it.
Speaker: So you're going to set the rock bat on the stone?
Speaker: I'm going to kind of like keep my hand on the pommel of the bat so that I can push down on it.
Speaker: Okay, so you're just trying to push the button but give yourself distance.
Speaker: Correct.
Speaker: In case it springs a trap.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Gotcha.
Speaker: Yeah, it does the same thing.
Speaker: It goes in, waits a second, and then lifts back up.
Speaker: So I think we have to do them at the same time.
Speaker: Yeah, still better safe than sorry.
Speaker: Ryan seeing that and seeing, I'm assuming you pointed out the torch on the wall?
Speaker: Yep, sure.
Speaker: I really did.
Speaker: Ryan seeing those, it goes, how much you guys want to bet there's one more we got to find for Arthur?
Speaker: But I'm short.
Speaker: How the fuck am I supposed to reach that?
Speaker: Well, I mean, you could come here and press the brick and I can grab the torch.
Speaker: Just a thought.
Speaker: Yeah, you're right.
Speaker: You're right.
Speaker: So she'll walk over to Ryan to trade places with him.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Ryan is going to go and try to help Arthur find his button or lever or whatever.
Speaker: Arthur's just fumbling around the walls.
Speaker: I got it.
Speaker: I got it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: We could at least just try the three that we got for right now.
Speaker: This might not be something to do with Chris.
Speaker: Ryan is just going to look at Ned and just be like, you're really going to say that?
Speaker: Man, you're getting on my nerves lately.
Speaker: I know it's weird in here.
Speaker: Just try it.
Speaker: Go pull the damn torch down, and I'm going to push the button down and just hold it.
Speaker: It does not allow you to just hold it.
Speaker: It doesn't?
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: It goes down, and then after a few seconds, it forces it back up.
Speaker: Damn.
Speaker: I thought I was stronger than that.
Speaker: Ryan is going to roll his eyes and go over the torch and goes on three, I guess.
Speaker: Sounds good.
Speaker: And Ryan is going to climb up the wall and pull the torch.
Speaker: Sam will push the hang on hang on let's resolve that how do you plan on climbing the wall Spider-Man
Speaker: He is going to climb the bricks.
Speaker: If that's not possible, he's going to wedge his knife in the bricks near his feet to give himself like a good six inches lift.
Speaker: And you're referring to the souvenir pocket knife that you got from Cryptid Crafts, yes?
Speaker: No, I'm referring to Ryan's knife he's had since the beginning.
Speaker: That is a fixed blade knife.
Speaker: Oh, I forgot you had that.
Speaker: Thank you, DM, or keeper, handler, whatever you want.
Speaker: I was going to say, or you could, you know, have Arthur either sit on your shoulders or you sit on his shoulders.
Speaker: That would also help.
Speaker: Nah, Spider-Man.
Speaker: I don't know if I trust Arthur to hold me up, and I don't know if I trust Arthur near the fire, so... Both valid.
Speaker: That's fair.
Speaker: Okay, roll me athletics then.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: I'm kind of good at that.
Speaker: I should have opened.
Speaker: Oh, no, wait, wait.
Speaker: Okay, I'm good.
Speaker: No, that's still a fail, but it's better.
Speaker: That is a 66 on a 60.
Speaker: Oh, wait, no, that's not a fail.
Speaker: That's still a fail.
Speaker: I thought it was a 99.
Speaker: That's still in the crypt.
Speaker: So it doesn't get any better.
Speaker: Does not get any better, no.
Speaker: Um, ah, what the hell.
Speaker: I'll burn the sixth luck to not kill myself.
Speaker: Oh, you weren't going to kill yourself.
Speaker: I was just going to make it.
Speaker: So in my head, you were going to try and like run up the wall, basically.
Speaker: And then, you know, grab onto the thing and let your body weight pull it down is what I figured in my head you were going to do.
Speaker: With a crit fail, I was just going to make your foot slip and you go face first into the brick.
Speaker: I feel like that's worth spending the luck on to not have to kill myself afterwards.
Speaker: From embarrassment.
Speaker: Okay, yeah, you can burn six luck.
Speaker: Oh, that's funny.
Speaker: Okay, so my solution to the puzzle was two people were going to get that torch.
Speaker: Anyway, so yes.
Speaker: You guys all hit him at the same time, and the door makes a click and just very slightly swings open.
Speaker: Ryan is just going to hang off the torch for a second, just sigh to himself and be like, okay, Ned, you get one.
Speaker: I've had a couple.
Speaker: That's debatable.
Speaker: I'm gonna walk over to Ryan and just kind of put my hand up.
Speaker: Come on, I'll help you down.
Speaker: You already fell on your ankle once.
Speaker: Yeah, Ryan's gonna take the hand and drop down.
Speaker: All right, you guys are able to get Ryan down without taking any more damage.
Speaker: Can I swing the rock bat and try and get one of the other torches off of its holder?
Speaker: You can try, yes.
Speaker: I swear to God, if you drop it on my ass.
Speaker: Just go over there.
Speaker: Go in the corner if you're worried about it falling on you.
Speaker: But I think I'll be all right.
Speaker: What could possibly go wrong?
Speaker: Athletics, I assume.
Speaker: Unarmed combat.
Speaker: Oh, that's even better.
Speaker: I mean, we'll see.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: That's an 88 on a 50, buddy.
Speaker: Another crit fail.
Speaker: You swing the rock bat up at the torch, and it is way more solidly in the wall than you thought it was.
Speaker: And you know how torches kind of sit at that 45-degree angle?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The rock gets wedged in between the torch and the wall, and the bat snaps.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: My creation.
Speaker: My creation.
Speaker: I mean, instead of hitting him with it now, you could just always stab.
Speaker: True.
Speaker: It's going to do less damage now, though.
Speaker: Hey, Chris might be a vampire.
Speaker: Yeah, he could sharpen it.
Speaker: Have you heard him go blah, blah, blah yet, though?
Speaker: Don't say blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: That's pretty stereotypical.
Speaker: Jesus Christ.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Well, I guess we're leaving top of the bat there.
Speaker: Let's, uh, who wants to go first?
Speaker: Not it.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Ryan is going to approach the door and standing to the side of it, swing it open.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So just kind of like you have your back to the wall and with your right hand, you just kind of push it open.
Speaker: Sort of thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's not going to, he's not going to open it all the way, but he's going to open enough to see if there's anything on the other side.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You open it.
Speaker: And on the other side is just a hallway.
Speaker: Same, like, brick pattern as the rest of it?
Speaker: Torches as well?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: But in the hallway, you see two doors on either side of the hall.
Speaker: And at the end of the hall, you see a bigger version of the door that you just walked through.
Speaker: So it's one with a rounded top, but it's a split doorway.
Speaker: So it's two doors.
Speaker: And around it...
Speaker: are four unlit torches.
Speaker: How high up are those?
Speaker: Well, guys.
Speaker: What'd you say, Matt?
Speaker: How high up are those torches?
Speaker: They're pretty high up.
Speaker: Ryan is gonna just kind of stare down the hallway for a second and then turn around and be like, anybody else feel like we're in a dungeon from a video game?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I want y'all to roll me alertness.
Speaker: Oh boy.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Oh shit.
Speaker: 004 on a 27.
Speaker: I'm alert tonight.
Speaker: I'm not.
Speaker: 48 on a 67.
Speaker: Matt.
Speaker: 65 out of 42.
Speaker: 95 out of 68.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So, Arthur and Sam don't realize this, but Ned and Ryan kind of right at the same time realize...
Speaker: You guys fell into this pit with five people.
Speaker: There's only four people right now.
Speaker: But she was talking to us in the cell.
Speaker: She was.
Speaker: Did she just fucking disappear?
Speaker: She did.
Speaker: What the hell?
Speaker: Do you guys remember when I had you all roll alertness or search or something and you all failed?
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Shit.
Speaker: No, I don't remember this, and this was only like five minutes ago.
Speaker: Well, you're pregnant.
Speaker: You get a pass.
Speaker: Where's Sam?
Speaker: I'm right here.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Other Sam.
Speaker: She was just here.
Speaker: I want to look around.
Speaker: Is there like a, did she, any of her belongings like dropped near us or anything like that?
Speaker: Yeah, I'll say her cowboy hat is on the ground.
Speaker: I snatched that bitch.
Speaker: Ryan is gonna... Ryan is gonna go over to where it is and start searching like the ground and stuff inside the cell.
Speaker: See if there's any like trap door or anything.
Speaker: It is on the outer ring.
Speaker: So like she left the cell, but it's on the outer ring on the floor.
Speaker: He's still going to look at the wall and the floor and anything to see if she went somewhere.
Speaker: You don't find anything.
Speaker: Ryan, look up to make sure she's not hanging from the ceiling.
Speaker: I was just about to do that.
Speaker: Ryan flicks on his flashlight and points it up to see if he can see anything.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Absolutely not.
Speaker: Okay, that's good.
Speaker: I don't pull out a big old description about a hanged fucking person.
Speaker: Plot twist, she's dead.
Speaker: No, that's like three episodes from now.
Speaker: Spoilers.
Speaker: Yeah, spoilers.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: I'm kidding.
Speaker: It could be two.
Speaker: Depending if you're feeling spicy or not.
Speaker: Well, whatever you do, don't keep us hanging.
Speaker: Noose comes from the ceiling and wraps her on Arthur's neck.
Speaker: No, no!
Speaker: So yes, you guys notice that Samantha is gone.
Speaker: Well?
Speaker: Um, that's not good.
Speaker: It's not good.
Speaker: You're correct.
Speaker: I think we ought to try and hurry up out of here.
Speaker: Yeah, I agree.
Speaker: Yeah, but also everybody stay real close to each other.
Speaker: We don't need anybody else disappearing.
Speaker: Sam is going to walk the hallway, but like stay like on the side.
Speaker: She doesn't trust the middle.
Speaker: So she's like walking pretty close to the wall with like her hand, pretty much grazing the wall at all times.
Speaker: Oh, OK.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Nothing happens.
Speaker: That's just for her own protection to make sure, you know, there's no traps in the fucking middle of the goddamn hallway.
Speaker: Have you ever played a video game, Melanie?
Speaker: Too many.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There's no traps in this part.
Speaker: I don't trust you, so... This is like your little hub area.
Speaker: I don't trust you.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I touched the save stone.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Yeah, I forgot I disabled those for this playthrough.
Speaker: You guys are playing on hardcore mode.
Speaker: All right, Ryan runs over to the wall and jumps against it until he clips through and speed runs off.
Speaker: I'm a better game designer than that.
Speaker: My walls are solid.
Speaker: I ain't no Bethesda over here.
Speaker: Cheat codes.
Speaker: That's what they all say.
Speaker: I'm going to go right behind Sam if she's staying on the wall.
Speaker: I want to be pretty close to her in case something does happen.
Speaker: Yeah, I follow.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You guys, are you going to the big door?
Speaker: Yes, we are going to the big door.
Speaker: Ryan's going to stop in between the two doors on the sides and just kind of wait there for him.
Speaker: So there's two on each side, so there's four doors total.
Speaker: And then the big door at the end.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Are there any markings on the doors?
Speaker: You just see torches above each door.
Speaker: And they're unlit?
Speaker: No, the torches above the doors in the hall are lit.
Speaker: The torches above the big door are not.
Speaker: Can I reach it?
Speaker: You said they were just normal-sized doors, right?
Speaker: They're normal-sized doors, yeah, but they're still secured to the wall like the last ones were.
Speaker: Do they have handles?
Speaker: The torches?
Speaker: No, the doors.
Speaker: Yeah, the doors have handles.
Speaker: I try one of the doors.
Speaker: It swings open.
Speaker: That was too easy.
Speaker: I don't like it.
Speaker: Sam, go ahead.
Speaker: I was about to say, that shows you've played a lot of games.
Speaker: Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: Let me let me redo that.
Speaker: It swings open.
Speaker: And in the upper right of your vision, you see a little spinning circle.
Speaker: Out of saying.
Speaker: Sam is going to grab out her flashlight from her bag and kind of shine it into the room.
Speaker: There is no need to shine your flashlight into this room because of the door you opened is almost blinding.
Speaker: It is a bright white room.
Speaker: That's disturbing.
Speaker: Is there anything in the room that we can see?
Speaker: Do I need to roll something?
Speaker: From in the hallway, basically what you can tell is this room almost looks surgical.
Speaker: You see a table in the middle of the room with a body on it.
Speaker: surrounded by medical instruments.
Speaker: And on the far side of the room, you see an unlit torch.
Speaker: Um, guys, there's someone in here.
Speaker: Do they look to be breathing at all?
Speaker: I'm not close enough to look.
Speaker: I was just saying, Sam just takes like a small step into the room to like try and get a better look to see if their chest is rising.
Speaker: Ryan is going to stop her for sure.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So Sam tries to step in.
Speaker: Ryan stops her from stepping in.
Speaker: And he just pulls her back a little bit and just shuts the door.
Speaker: And I was like, well, we'll deal with that in a minute.
Speaker: Maybe there's a less creepy room, please.
Speaker: Yeah, but what if that thing comes to life if it is dead?
Speaker: You know, you make a good point.
Speaker: And Ryan just sits against the door and is like, all right, open a different door.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Arthur, you're the lucky one.
Speaker: You picked the next door.
Speaker: God.
Speaker: So one second.
Speaker: Which door was that?
Speaker: Yeah, I was actually just about to ask Samantha, which door was it that you opened?
Speaker: So there was two on either side and then one big one?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: So she would open the first door on the left.
Speaker: first door on the left so the one the door on the left closer to the door that you guys entered from correct okay you said the left yes arthur's gonna open the other door on the left the other door on the left okay you open the other door on the left
Speaker: And are you going to step in or are you going to take a look?
Speaker: I'm going to take a look.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You see that there is a small catwalk and there is another small catwalk on the other side of the room.
Speaker: And in between the two catwalks is a giant pool of water.
Speaker: And on the other catwalk up above is another unlit torch.
Speaker: I don't like this room.
Speaker: Oh man.
Speaker: Okay, close that door.
Speaker: Let's open another one.
Speaker: I kind of want to see what all this is before we make a decision.
Speaker: Hold on.
Speaker: Before that happens, hey Sam?
Speaker: Yes?
Speaker: Can you go open the door on the right side?
Speaker: Why can't you open it?
Speaker: I opened the one with the creepy body on the table.
Speaker: Yeah, I just, I want to check something.
Speaker: Or Arthur, if you want to open a door on the right side, I just want to see something real quick.
Speaker: Oh, fine.
Speaker: Arthur opens the second door on the right.
Speaker: So the door further in.
Speaker: You see, as you open the door, that there is another long hallway.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And down this hallway, on either side, there are statues of different animals.
Speaker: Don't do it.
Speaker: That's a trap.
Speaker: And at the very end of the hall is another unlit torch.
Speaker: Are the torches above the doors that we're going into currently lit?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Okay, I have an idea.
Speaker: I have candles.
Speaker: We could make a human, like...
Speaker: tower and the person on the top lights the candles or lights the uh the torches using the lit candle on the big door so we don't have to go into any of these terrifying rooms that god spent hours building oh we're gonna scooby-doo totem pole yeah honestly if that works i feel like i got gypped ryan you gonna open your door you still don't open a fucking door
Speaker: I wanted to make sure it wasn't just gonna be the same door or the same room, depending on who opened the door.
Speaker: Ryan will get up and open the first door on the right.
Speaker: First door on the right, you open the door.
Speaker: There is, of course, on the other end of the room, an unlit torch.
Speaker: And the room is absolutely covered in spider webs.
Speaker: Oh, fuck no.
Speaker: I mean, to be fair, and Ryan pulls out his Zippo, he's like, this room seems kind of easy.
Speaker: And he closes the door.
Speaker: Let's make a decision before we do anything weird.
Speaker: I am not going in that room with the fucking spiders.
Speaker: Neither am I. I'm just going to set it on fire.
Speaker: Any objections?
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Nah.
Speaker: You want my lighter too?
Speaker: You want my candle?
Speaker: Nah.
Speaker: And he pulls out the axe can.
Speaker: I think I got this.
Speaker: So is this the first room we're doing?
Speaker: Yeah, fuck it.
Speaker: You're pretty confident, man.
Speaker: I trust you.
Speaker: Sam is having a minor panic attack.
Speaker: Sam, you sit in the back.
Speaker: Especially because that's one of your fucking fears.
Speaker: Yeah, I kind of figured that's what these doors are.
Speaker: The water is Arthur's figure.
Speaker: To be 100% fair, I didn't even take fears into consideration for these.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Are you serious?
Speaker: I was like, these are connecting.
Speaker: But now that you mention that, yeah, I think the only one that's not connected to anyone is the animal.
Speaker: Horseshit.
Speaker: Statues.
Speaker: Horseshit.
Speaker: Oh, is that one connected to you?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: No way.
Speaker: I mean, nothing's really connected to Ryan.
Speaker: Isn't there?
Speaker: Is there or is there not a dead body on the table?
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: To be 100% fair, I did not mean to link these to your phobias.
Speaker: And I'm so happy that it went that way.
Speaker: That is great.
Speaker: I like when God's happy.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: He's a little too happy about our fears.
Speaker: I'm just happy how coincidental that ended up.
Speaker: Hey, Arthur.
Speaker: Do you want to take the axe and the lighter and I'll take the statues?
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: I mean, they all sound like fucking terrible rooms, but I'll take this shitty one as well.
Speaker: Yeah, just if they do attack, I don't want you getting all banged up.
Speaker: I appreciate that.
Speaker: Thanks for giving me the spider room.
Speaker: I mean, do you want the water?
Speaker: Well, then there we go.
Speaker: Look, these all suck, but we got to figure this out one way or another.
Speaker: Let's get these spiderwebs burnt.
Speaker: And then Ryan pauses.
Speaker: Um, anybody got any ideas how the torch is light?
Speaker: Because I'm assuming setting them on fire is not going to work.
Speaker: We haven't tried it.
Speaker: I mean, you're not wrong.
Speaker: Maybe it's just a matter of getting to the end of the room.
Speaker: You could be onto something.
Speaker: It could be a fetch quest.
Speaker: Collect four torches.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I guess, but then the thing in the white room, like, is it going to come after whoever goes in there or what?
Speaker: Are we all supposed to go in the rooms ourselves to get the torches lit?
Speaker: Oh, excuse me.
Speaker: Nobody's going in a room when someone else is in another room.
Speaker: Absolutely not.
Speaker: That is exactly how we lose people.
Speaker: One of us will go in one room.
Speaker: The rest of us will stay at the door.
Speaker: The rooms are all big enough that all four of you could go in at the same time.
Speaker: Yeah, but then you'd trap us in a room.
Speaker: We're not that dumb.
Speaker: Yeah, just trap one of us in a room.
Speaker: Yeah, kinda.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I mean, gonna try to hold the door open, but yeah.
Speaker: All right, Arthur, go light some spiders on fire.
Speaker: Why'd I have to go first?
Speaker: I mean, I'll go first if you don't want to set shit on fire.
Speaker: I'm just scared I'm gonna be locked in.
Speaker: We'll hold the door open.
Speaker: You'll be okay.
Speaker: And I mean, if it does shut, you just set everything up but you on fire.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Yeah, set everything but you on fire in a room that is completely surrounded by flammable things.
Speaker: That sounds super easy.
Speaker: He's going to come out of that room looking like Freddy fucking Kruger.
Speaker: Gross.
Speaker: All right, fine.
Speaker: Open the door.
Speaker: Start lighting stuff on fire from out here where you're in the hallway.
Speaker: No, I'm liking that idea.
Speaker: And Arthur starts shaking the axe can.
Speaker: Wait, hold on.
Speaker: Ryan's the only one who can spray the axe can.
Speaker: Ryan is the only one that can spray the axe can.
Speaker: It does look pretty old.
Speaker: Brian just pauses and goes.
Speaker: How did you even get this to work?
Speaker: I was hoping it would just work.
Speaker: Fucking.
Speaker: He just snashes out of your hands.
Speaker: And it's like, I really don't want to go in there.
Speaker: I don't want to be on fire again.
Speaker: That was not fun the first time.
Speaker: Don't worry.
Speaker: We'll hold the door for you.
Speaker: Ryan gives him a half-hearted glare and then just kind of raises a hand for a high five.
Speaker: Give him a high five.
Speaker: Sam just walks over and pats Ryan on the shoulder and then steps back.
Speaker: So Ryan is going to open the door to the spider room.
Speaker: How wide is this room?
Speaker: Probably 30, 40 feet wide, another 25 feet deep.
Speaker: It's a decent sized room.
Speaker: And how thick are the spider webs?
Speaker: Oh, they thick.
Speaker: You can see them everywhere?
Speaker: They thick, boy.
Speaker: Or enough you can't see the floor thick?
Speaker: Like, the room is white.
Speaker: And yes, it is thick web.
Speaker: As in, like, there were some big spiders that spun these webs.
Speaker: And last question, is there anything strung across the room?
Speaker: Or is it just covering the walls, floor, and ceiling?
Speaker: No, just covering the walls, floor, and ceiling.
Speaker: There's not any, like, how you guys walked into a web.
Speaker: There's none of that.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Ryan is going to start with a test puff of fire on the spiderwebs on the floor closest to the door while still standing in the hallway slash doorway.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You take a test puff of fire, and it works just as well as you would expect it to.
Speaker: You know, you got your lighter, you got your axe, you spray it.
Speaker: Big plume of fire real quick, and as soon as it hits the threshold for the door, the fire dissipates and is gone.
Speaker: Ryan just stares at that and goes, oh, motherfucker.
Speaker: Do you want me to go in with you?
Speaker: No, no, hold on.
Speaker: Ryan is going to put his hands past the doorway and try a puff of fire.
Speaker: You put your hand past the doorway and in front of your eyes, you see what everyone else sees when they look at the ax can.
Speaker: What, nothing?
Speaker: Ryan pulls the ax can back.
Speaker: You pull it back and it looks fine.
Speaker: Okay, now I see why you guys say it shouldn't work.
Speaker: It looks old as shit in that room.
Speaker: Yeah, that room.
Speaker: You guys are holding the door open, right?
Speaker: You got that?
Speaker: I'll stand right here.
Speaker: I won't even move.
Speaker: If it's going to shut, it's going to shut on me.
Speaker: Hey everybody, Nick here.
Speaker: Little technical difficulties at the end of that recording, but it left off in a wonderful spot.
Speaker: Down below you'll find a link to all of our social medias.
Speaker: Leave a like, comment, subscribe, ask us a question so we can interact with you.
Speaker: Check out Folk & Fantasy, our sister podcast.
Speaker: D&D 5e podcast, it is hilarious, it is fun, and there are a couple moments that'll rip your heart out a little bit.
Speaker: It's a whole great time.
Speaker: We'll see you all in two weeks.
Speaker: Enjoy.
Speaker: Let's fight free time!
