Transcript
Speaker: Let's Play Pretend is an explicit podcast with subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners.
Speaker: Content warnings are found in the description of every episode.
Speaker: We here at Let's Play Pretend take mental health very seriously.
Speaker: If you or someone that you know is suffering from any mental health issues, please...
Speaker: reach out.
Speaker: It's as simple as picking up your telephone and dialing 988 to reach a suicide prevention hotline.
Speaker: Or if you're the kind of person like me that does not like to talk on the phone, text 988.
Speaker: There is somebody there 24 seven.
Speaker: And if you don't want to reach out to a stranger, you have friends and family that are always there for you.
Speaker: Please, if you are suffering from any of these, reach out.
Speaker: You matter.
Speaker: Cody's laughing, so it's good.
Speaker: Let's play pretend.
Speaker: Let's play pretend.
Speaker: Hello everybody and welcome back to Let's Play Pretend, the horror podcast that does some TTRPG things and does some other crazy things and has spiders and things.
Speaker: I am Jordan Derringer.
Speaker: I am your GM, DM, handler, keeper, and host, and apparently I'm not allowed to comment on that anymore.
Speaker: But with me at... What did you just say to me?
Speaker: I said, no, you're not allowed to come and tell it anymore because the pregnant wife says so.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Did you guys hear that?
Speaker: I was on a roll.
Speaker: I was I was good.
Speaker: I was on a roll.
Speaker: And then she just shut me down.
Speaker: It's the immediate derailment.
Speaker: To be fair, when you started talking about spiders, I had to hold myself back from saying, fuck your spiders.
Speaker: That's fair.
Speaker: I know, not everyone's going to like them, but you know what people don't like more than spiders?
Speaker: And that would be strangers in a world that you have known nothing about.
Speaker: Isn't that right, Ned?
Speaker: Uh, uh, business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Speaker: Bless you.
Speaker: You used to have a smart stroke?
Speaker: A smart stroke?
Speaker: What the fuck?
Speaker: I don't think I'm going to let Nick go first anymore.
Speaker: It's too late.
Speaker: You already started it.
Speaker: I'm not Nick.
Speaker: I'm Ned.
Speaker: You're absolutely right.
Speaker: Also with me, I'm trying to come up with something witty for Ryan.
Speaker: But, you know...
Speaker: Well, the thing is, I'm having a I'm having a what what should I feel like a critical failure on my alertness on what I could say to Ryan.
Speaker: Isn't that right, Ryan?
Speaker: Did you know that bees communicate by dancing, which means they can dance maps to other bees for flowers?
Speaker: Dance maps, dude, that means the bees have better maps than you guys have.
Speaker: Correct.
Speaker: Because I still haven't made a map.
Speaker: That was cruel.
Speaker: But it's fair.
Speaker: I don't know if the word got this.
Speaker: He said it to himself.
Speaker: He did it to himself.
Speaker: I didn't even think of that.
Speaker: It was just the first random fact that came to mind.
Speaker: It was a good random fact.
Speaker: Man, isn't it a good thing that those monsters weren't actually your parents, Arthur?
Speaker: Yeah, no need for therapy now.
Speaker: I mean, you might still need therapy.
Speaker: Yeah, there's also I wanted to comment on the spider comet.
Speaker: Spiders are still worse than strangers because strangers might have candy.
Speaker: That's very true.
Speaker: Strangers might have candy.
Speaker: Side eye.
Speaker: That's a great idea.
Speaker: It's a great.
Speaker: Six.
Speaker: Bombastic side eye.
Speaker: Don't you fucking meme to call me Mr. Bombasty.
Speaker: And then, of course, we have with us Samantha, who is the only one to see the giant spider staring down at you all.
Speaker: Did you know the hundred folds in a chef's hat represent the hundred ways to cook an egg?
Speaker: Hey, we're not doing good facts here.
Speaker: We're only doing weird facts.
Speaker: That was a good one.
Speaker: The more you know.
Speaker: Hey, hey, now, you're good.
Speaker: But Breck had a very good fact about the bees and the maps and the flowers.
Speaker: I totally forgot.
Speaker: OK.
Speaker: Wait, I'm more than like six ways.
Speaker: Apparently, I didn't know there were 100 folds in a chef's hat.
Speaker: So, I mean, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker: I actually learned something.
Speaker: Yeah, this is all news to me.
Speaker: Screw the hat.
Speaker: The eggs, man, like.
Speaker: Last time I said that I was going to come up with a name for the world that we're in.
Speaker: We can't use the upside down because that's from Stranger Things.
Speaker: We can't use... What was the other one we said?
Speaker: The Fuckening.
Speaker: The Fuckening.
Speaker: Yeah, that sounds accurate.
Speaker: There was another one we weren't able to use because it was from something else.
Speaker: So I came up with The In-Between.
Speaker: like the mayonnaise of a sandwich if you make shitty sandwiches well I don't use mayonnaise but it is in between hey don't kiss my mayonnaise I hate mayonnaise but yeah the in between what do you think I like it it works until Jordan decides to completely change how we see the world and then we'll have to figure something else out does that sound like something I would do
Speaker: 100%.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Also, I was all set here ready to spit off like a fun fact about Samantha.
Speaker: And then you all started spitting off random ass facts.
Speaker: So I literally quickly Googled a fun fact.
Speaker: Oh, you mean like how it's illegal to own just one guinea pig in Switzerland?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: It's considered animal abuse because they're social beings and get lonely.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: That's sweet.
Speaker: Well, that's an episode.
Speaker: You guys have a good week.
Speaker: But a good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Speaker: Or when you're being stared at by a giant spider.
Speaker: I don't see that, so I ain't too concerned.
Speaker: That's very true.
Speaker: That's very true.
Speaker: So let's do a quick recap.
Speaker: So in the last session, you guys really didn't make it all too far, but that's because there was a lot of lore dump on you.
Speaker: So you're making fun of us, God?
Speaker: Yeah, a little bit.
Speaker: A little bit.
Speaker: You were stopped in your tracks by Frank, who summoned Darlene and Carl to his side to kind of pin you guys into the garage.
Speaker: And all of a sudden, when all hope seemed lost...
Speaker: A little black and blue cylinder rolled between Carl's legs into the garage, which sent off a bright light as the flash grenade exploded.
Speaker: Ryan was the only one to be able to protect himself from it, so he saw the people enter the garage, helped them get you guys all out of there and out into the surrounding woods.
Speaker: The two introduced themselves as Lance and Charlotte, who were a husband and wife who have been here since the 1920s, right after World War I. They kind of talked to you guys like you knew what you were going through, not the fact that you guys had only been here for a couple hours.
Speaker: Talking about things like the Grinners and the Fangies and the Nest and about how the...
Speaker: world the town that you are in is kind of just like a floating rock in the sea of red and how it doesn't seem like nighttime ever goes away in this place they told you that they have a safe house across town which is in the movie theater i'd use my brain there for a second crazy thing to you do as a gm i know
Speaker: It's across town in the movie theater.
Speaker: They gave you a key to the place, told you to get there, said that they had to go to the nest and that they would explain things more when they got what they needed.
Speaker: You guys had a quick deliberation to see if you were going to go actually go where they wanted you to go to the movie theater.
Speaker: It was not that quick.
Speaker: No, the deliberation was pretty quick.
Speaker: The deliberation was pretty quick because Ned said, hey, we can also go to my house.
Speaker: And everyone's like, fuck that.
Speaker: We're going to the safe house.
Speaker: So that was pretty quick.
Speaker: You guys decided that you were going to go to the safe house at the movie theater.
Speaker: And as you got into town...
Speaker: You all failed, except for Samantha.
Speaker: You all failed an alertness check.
Speaker: Samantha was able to look up and see a giant spider looking down at you guys.
Speaker: And that is where we're going to pick up now.
Speaker: Now, Ryan, you crit failed your alertness.
Speaker: Unfortunately.
Speaker: So the first thing I'm going to have you do is I am going to just tell you that you are restricted and cannot move.
Speaker: As you walk face first, because you're busy looking down at the street or what have you, you walk face first into a web.
Speaker: You are stuck.
Speaker: You cannot move.
Speaker: He doesn't notice it because he's humming to himself.
Speaker: Let's all go to the lobby.
Speaker: That really old commercial.
Speaker: That's fair.
Speaker: From the movie theaters.
Speaker: Going to the movies, yeah.
Speaker: The thing that they would play in, like, an intermission.
Speaker: I get that.
Speaker: That's good.
Speaker: I like that.
Speaker: First thing to pop into my mind.
Speaker: So, Samantha, since you were the only one to have seen the giant spider, I need you to roll me a sanity.
Speaker: Now, here's what's going to happen.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: If you pass or if you fail, you're going to fail.
Speaker: Because this is one of your fears.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The only way that you can not take sanity damage from this is if you crit succeed.
Speaker: And what is a crit success?
Speaker: A hundred?
Speaker: A crit success is a one or anything under your sanity that is a double.
Speaker: So an 11, a 22, 33, so on and so forth.
Speaker: Here's my...
Speaker: You also said a nat 2 would be a crit.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: I did say criticals are 1, 2, 99, and 100, and then all the doubles, which 99 is already a crit.
Speaker: So what about 69?
Speaker: I don't know if I'm going to make that a house rule or not.
Speaker: I haven't decided.
Speaker: No one's rolled one yet.
Speaker: All right, dice.
Speaker: Don't fail me now.
Speaker: Sounds like they failed you.
Speaker: Terribly.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's a 43.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That is not a critical.
Speaker: So that is, is that over or under your sanity?
Speaker: It's a 43 out of 71.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So normally that would be a success.
Speaker: So it's going to be a normal fail, not a crit fail.
Speaker: So you're going to lose one.
Speaker: But since it is one of your fears that you told me about in episode zero, we're going to play a fun little game.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It's called fight, flight, or faint.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I hate this game.
Speaker: Oh, I know.
Speaker: So I need you to list me what Samantha would do upon seeing this giant minivan-sized spider staring down at her.
Speaker: She'd absolutely freeze and shit her pants.
Speaker: Accurate.
Speaker: Okay, that does not do fight, flight, or faint, so I need you to pick one of those three.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: She chose shit.
Speaker: God.
Speaker: She chose her choice.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: Fine.
Speaker: I'll alter it.
Speaker: I will alter it this time because a spider that big, I don't think Samantha would even in the most unlikely of scenarios try and fight it.
Speaker: So I will give you I will give you flight, faint, or freeze.
Speaker: Or shit your pants.
Speaker: Or shit my pants.
Speaker: That comes in all six of them.
Speaker: You gotta need your pants.
Speaker: Yeah, the pants shitting is happening no matter what.
Speaker: Damn it, Sam.
Speaker: I said there was a port-a-potty back there about half a mile.
Speaker: Sorry, I couldn't hold it.
Speaker: You canonically shit your pants.
Speaker: For the record, I'm not gonna make you canonically shit your pants.
Speaker: So, what are... What's the order?
Speaker: She would freeze, she would fly, she would faint.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: One, two, or three, you'll freeze.
Speaker: Four or five, you'll run.
Speaker: Six, you're going to pass the motherfuck out.
Speaker: When am I rolling a d6?
Speaker: Yep, there are six options.
Speaker: That is normally the correct dice to roll.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: See, I'm just passing.
Speaker: So you look up and you see the spider staring down at you and it's black and it's hairy and it looks like a giant jumping spider.
Speaker: And you can see from even four stories up, it's beady red eyes staring at you and you just give up the fucking ghost and you run cold and hit the fucking pavement.
Speaker: I need...
Speaker: Well, okay.
Speaker: I need Ned and I need Arthur to roll me an alertness at normal.
Speaker: I need Ryan to roll me an alertness at negative 20.
Speaker: 25 on 25.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: 77 out of 29.
Speaker: Did I get it?
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: You didn't notice that...
Speaker: Ryan got stuck.
Speaker: You didn't notice that Samantha fainted and you also walk face first into the spider web.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: So you are also restrained and cannot move.
Speaker: So glad I'm here.
Speaker: And Ryan, what'd you roll?
Speaker: I got a 53 on a modified 44.
Speaker: It was a negative 20, right?
Speaker: It was a negative 20, yes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Because you're kind of dealing with your own shit right now to really worry about what Samantha's doing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It was a good run, guys.
Speaker: Okay, so.
Speaker: What the hell are all y'all doing?
Speaker: Sam, Sam.
Speaker: I'm going to go up to Sam and start shaking her.
Speaker: Like, hey, you got to get up.
Speaker: We got to get out of here.
Speaker: Hey, buddy.
Speaker: Buddy, can't move.
Speaker: Can't move.
Speaker: Something's wrong.
Speaker: Yeah, you're awake.
Speaker: She's not.
Speaker: I don't know what the hell happened, but I got to wake her up and then I'll figure you out.
Speaker: Sam, let her wake up.
Speaker: What are we stuck in?
Speaker: Samantha, roll me constitution.
Speaker: What am I rolling?
Speaker: Constitution.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Can... Now that I'm stuck in it, can Ryan see what he's stuck in?
Speaker: Or is it still, like... Oh, that's... Basically invisible.
Speaker: Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker: Go ahead, Sam.
Speaker: 19 out of 60.
Speaker: Okay, so as Ned is shaking you, you do wake up.
Speaker: Ryan...
Speaker: You would have walked face first into it.
Speaker: So I'm going to say that's going to be a hard one because you're going to be kind of stuck.
Speaker: You can't really.
Speaker: And it's going to be like right in front of your face.
Speaker: You can just say no.
Speaker: But I don't want to take all the fun out of it.
Speaker: So I'm going to say it slow.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: We're going to go with no.
Speaker: Bucket Arthur?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Fuck you.
Speaker: So, Ned, we got the hard brat energy.
Speaker: Yeah, you do.
Speaker: Hey, guess what?
Speaker: I'm having brats tomorrow morning at work.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: So they're going to get the brat energy tomorrow.
Speaker: God, gross.
Speaker: It sounds so fucking bad.
Speaker: You guys keep saying brat and I keep hearing brat and it's just a whole different scenario.
Speaker: We got rid of our brat energy.
Speaker: We got rid of our brat for the night.
Speaker: Hey, me too.
Speaker: Mine's at my mom's.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: Mine's at my mom's.
Speaker: Fucking twinsies.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: Mine took Tylenol and passed the fuck out because he's having teething problems.
Speaker: Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.
Speaker: Amen to Tylenol.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: So Ned, you are able to shake Samantha awake.
Speaker: Oh, thank God.
Speaker: Sam, come on.
Speaker: I told you you need to eat something.
Speaker: You got to keep your sugar up, but I'm going to need your help.
Speaker: It looks like Ned and I don't know him and Arthur got themselves stuck in something.
Speaker: She just puts her hand up to his mouth, like one finger over his lips and shushes him.
Speaker: And you can kind of feel her hand is trembling a little bit.
Speaker: And she's not looking at Ned at all.
Speaker: And she's just staring at this gigantic spider.
Speaker: And she goes, Spider, there's a giant fucking spider.
Speaker: Spider's on the third story now.
Speaker: Is it crawling downwards?
Speaker: Yes, it was.
Speaker: It started on the fourth story.
Speaker: I look over at the spider.
Speaker: Oh, oh shit.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: And I kind of help heave her up to her feet and I run over to start pulling on Ryan and Arthur and get them off of whatever they're stuck on.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, I'll go over and I'll start.
Speaker: Are they in two separate webs like away from each other or are they next to each other?
Speaker: They're next to each other.
Speaker: And on the other side of... Go ahead.
Speaker: I was just saying Sam goes over, like rushes over to try and help them as well.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Do you guys have any tools or anything that's going to help?
Speaker: I have a pocket knife.
Speaker: That's great.
Speaker: You are stuck to a web, so that's not going to help at all.
Speaker: But they're helping me, motherfucker.
Speaker: Fuck you, God.
Speaker: Arthur, where's my knife?
Speaker: In my pocket.
Speaker: Where the pocket knife lives.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: I'm going to reach in and I'm going to grab it.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Roll me a dexterity.
Speaker: I swear to God, if you make me grab something that's not that pocket knife, I'm going to be very upset.
Speaker: That'll be a provocative dexterity check.
Speaker: I am going to make you roll me a dex at negative 20, though, since you still can't see what they're stuck on.
Speaker: It's a 24 out of a modified 45.
Speaker: Okay, you're able to get the pocket knife and not get yourself stuck.
Speaker: Hey, I can't see shit.
Speaker: What the hell is going on, guys?
Speaker: What is this?
Speaker: Sam, here.
Speaker: I'm going to hand Sam the knife.
Speaker: You go ahead and cut out Arthur.
Speaker: I'm going to rip Ryan off of here.
Speaker: I think I can just pull him out.
Speaker: Pull me off.
Speaker: What is going on?
Speaker: What are we on?
Speaker: It's a web.
Speaker: Now shut up.
Speaker: You're on a spider web.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Our friend is shaking.
Speaker: Like trying to pull himself out.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Sam, would you do the finger to lip thing and shut him up?
Speaker: As Samantha says that it's a spider, you hear a thump as another spider lands on the other side of Ryan and Arthur.
Speaker: I hate you.
Speaker: I hate you.
Speaker: Stop.
Speaker: Stop.
Speaker: I hate you.
Speaker: Stop.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I almost took my headphones off.
Speaker: As you hear that sound, because you're going to edit that sound into the regular one, you see its front two legs lift up.
Speaker: Like it's making that noise at you guys.
Speaker: I just rip Ryan off.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Give me a strength at a negative 40.
Speaker: A negative 40?
Speaker: Ryan will be helping to like when he hears spider, he's going to start like pushing back into Ned trying to like get out of it.
Speaker: Give me a dexterity at a negative 20 to make sure that you don't tangle yourself further into the web.
Speaker: God damn it, Ryan.
Speaker: That was not what I thought you were going to say.
Speaker: Can I also wriggle myself out?
Speaker: You want to try and wriggle out too?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Also give me a dex at a negative 20 to make sure you don't get yourself caught further.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: I mean, I totally passed.
Speaker: Yeah, sure you did.
Speaker: 78.
Speaker: Oh, God damn it.
Speaker: I would have won if it didn't have the negatives.
Speaker: 78 out of 60.
Speaker: I got a 10 on a modified 30.
Speaker: Okay, so 10 on a 30.
Speaker: You are able to help to the point where Ned will only have to roll at a negative 20 now.
Speaker: Arthur, you failed by 18.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You can use 18 luck to make that a success.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's what's happening.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So, Samantha, you are using...
Speaker: You're not, or you're using the pocket knife.
Speaker: I'm going to say, give me a melee weapons against the, against the web.
Speaker: And since Arthur is able to kind of worm his way out a little bit, I will let you do that.
Speaker: I'll let you do it at a plus 10.
Speaker: So that would be a 40 instead of a 30.
Speaker: Yeah, unlike just trying to rip him off of it like what Ned's doing, which is still going to require brute strength, he's able to kind of position himself so that way you can get the knife around him.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's an 18 out of a 40.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: I didn't even have to give you the plus 10.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: After a few seconds of cutting, you are able to find a point in the web where you're basically able to take longer slashes to cut more of the web away.
Speaker: And in just a moment, Arthur is free.
Speaker: Arthur, this is going to do nothing to hinder you except to make it just make your skin crawl a little bit.
Speaker: Just you personally, Matt.
Speaker: You can still feel the part of the web that she wasn't able to cut away clinging to the front of you.
Speaker: I hate you.
Speaker: I love you.
Speaker: Okay, let us resolve Ned and Ryan.
Speaker: Ned, go ahead and give me that roll at a negative 20 instead of a negative 40 for strength.
Speaker: A negative 20 for strength.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Oh, happy days.
Speaker: That is an ought nine on a modified 50.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: So you are able to rip Ryan off of the web.
Speaker: Ryan, you also still feel a little bit of the web on the front of you.
Speaker: I also hate you.
Speaker: I love you too, buddy.
Speaker: Ned's gonna grab Ryan kind of by the collar.
Speaker: Man, you get this together right now.
Speaker: You're the only one who can see that axe can, and I know you got a lighter.
Speaker: We need to just fucking run.
Speaker: Make a flamethrower, and let's just fucking book it.
Speaker: Got it?
Speaker: Go.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: As soon as we get away from the web, then again, go, go, go, go.
Speaker: I will say, since you guys were able to be pulled away from the web, you can kind of see where it's draping now, because both of you have cut big enough holes into the web that it's not all the way across the road anymore.
Speaker: And you can kind of see where you can safely get through it.
Speaker: But keep in mind that second spider is on the other side of the web staring at you with its front two legs up.
Speaker: Man, these spiders have great combat awareness.
Speaker: They're waiting for their prey to get close to them.
Speaker: I hate it.
Speaker: Hey, you know what?
Speaker: As that thought crosses your mind, you hear a thump as the first spider hits the street behind you.
Speaker: Now I hate you again.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: And I, you know what?
Speaker: These are big spiders.
Speaker: And now that you all know that they're there, I need you all to roll sanity minus Samantha.
Speaker: You already rolled your sanity.
Speaker: Oh, bless.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Do I have to roll it again?
Speaker: 29 out of 71.
Speaker: 30 out of 47.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: 62 out of 63.
Speaker: That was a close one.
Speaker: Okay, you all pass and none of you are going to take any sand damage.
Speaker: Any Sam damage?
Speaker: San.
Speaker: Sanity.
Speaker: Sam, quit kicking.
Speaker: Nobody wants to get kicked in the dick.
Speaker: That's kind of Arthur's gig, not yours.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: Good callback.
Speaker: I shat my pants.
Speaker: I just lost my mind.
Speaker: I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker: I don't know what to do anymore.
Speaker: So as you guys are surrounded by the spiders, we have Ryan with a can of ax and a lighter.
Speaker: We have Samantha with a pocket knife and Samantha with a tire iron.
Speaker: We're building Samantha over here.
Speaker: She's our barbarian.
Speaker: Ned and Arthur are both weaponless.
Speaker: We're with hopes and prayers.
Speaker: And now we're going to do something even more fun.
Speaker: Are you guys ready for more fun?
Speaker: I don't like the tone of your voice.
Speaker: Here's fun.
Speaker: I love fun.
Speaker: Hang on.
Speaker: I got to pull it up.
Speaker: I got to get to my notes.
Speaker: Just hang on.
Speaker: It's going to be great.
Speaker: Okay, let's see.
Speaker: So many dumb ways to die.
Speaker: Arthur.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: For this first round of combat, it is your turn.
Speaker: What are you going to do?
Speaker: I'm going to...
Speaker: I'm gonna fucking grab my pocket knife out of Sam's hand.
Speaker: Samantha, are you gonna let it go, or are you gonna fight him for the pocket knife?
Speaker: No, I got my tire iron.
Speaker: I'm dead.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Alright, you get your pocket knife.
Speaker: I'll give you that as a free action.
Speaker: Cool beans.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: You're a merciful god.
Speaker: I wanna look around maybe to see if there's like...
Speaker: Maybe a rock, a semi-large rock that I can throw.
Speaker: Shit.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I guess give me a search.
Speaker: 18 out of 20.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Um, so from where you're at, you're at a part of the road that isn't, uh, has not been well taken care of.
Speaker: And you see in the road in front of you, there is a pothole with part of the, uh, blacktop crumbling.
Speaker: So yeah, you can definitely pick up part of that.
Speaker: Now I have a big rock and all are everything solved guys.
Speaker: I have a rock.
Speaker: You do Samantha.
Speaker: It's your turn.
Speaker: Wait, what are we're fighting these things?
Speaker: You don't have to.
Speaker: We're just in rounds of combat, so that way you guys can't do a million things before the spiders get to act.
Speaker: I just grabbed something that we could throw at them while we run away.
Speaker: A rock is a good throwable weapon.
Speaker: Okay, so Sam has her tire iron.
Speaker: She is petrified.
Speaker: So there's one behind us, one in front of us.
Speaker: Yes, they have you boxed in.
Speaker: Stop it.
Speaker: I'm going to throw a spider at you.
Speaker: Okay, so Sam is absolutely petrified right now.
Speaker: So I think what she would do in this situation is she would kind of get closer and stand behind
Speaker: One of the guys.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: While gripping her tire iron.
Speaker: So you're basically going to use one of the guys as cover.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The proper term is human shield.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: If you're being implied, it's meat shield.
Speaker: Meat shield.
Speaker: That is going to take us to Ned's turn.
Speaker: Sam, give me that tire iron.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I promise you, give me that tire iron.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I'm gonna, I'm just gonna kind of take it from her hand.
Speaker: I'm gonna make it.
Speaker: No, you are not.
Speaker: So that you can get away.
Speaker: You're gonna get away.
Speaker: But I need that fucking piece of metal.
Speaker: She yanks it back so hard.
Speaker: Fuck off, Ned.
Speaker: This is mine.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: And I just, I charge and shoulder ram.
Speaker: I shoulder ram the spider in front of us.
Speaker: Oh no!
Speaker: Take my rock!
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I was going to say, no, you get to oppose check, but all right, you want to shoulder ram the spider in front of you.
Speaker: I ain't got time.
Speaker: I'm going to aim right for one of the front legs and just try and disjoint this thing.
Speaker: Football tackle.
Speaker: The front legs are currently off the ground.
Speaker: Well, then whichever ones are on the ground, I'm taking one of them and I'm bringing it with me.
Speaker: So you're going to try and shoulder ram it or you're going to try and tackle it?
Speaker: Uh...
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Shoulders going to go into the leg and I'm going to try and rip the leg off.
Speaker: It's still a spider.
Speaker: It's still a skinny leg.
Speaker: I'm going to take it right with me.
Speaker: So let's be clear.
Speaker: Sam is hiding behind Ryan.
Speaker: That's fair.
Speaker: I was trying to help you.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Give me a unarmed combat.
Speaker: And since you're moving, I want you to do it at a negative 10.
Speaker: Negative 10 unarmed combat.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: 27 on a modified 40.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: 1d4 minus 1.
Speaker: 1d4 minus 1.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: That's a 4, so 3 damage.
Speaker: 3 damage to it.
Speaker: Okay, perfect.
Speaker: So as you rush forward, you are able to kind of... It's kind of a mix between a shoulder ram and like a jump tackle.
Speaker: And you are able to wrap your arms around the joint and kind of pull it down.
Speaker: And you do see it kind of lose a little bit of balance.
Speaker: I mean, it has eight legs, so it's going to take more than that to actually get it off kilter.
Speaker: But it doesn't seem like it does nothing.
Speaker: Run, run now.
Speaker: Get away.
Speaker: Go.
Speaker: Ryan Winchester, it is your turn.
Speaker: I honestly have been trying to think what to do and I'm not sure.
Speaker: I've grabbed a rock, bro.
Speaker: I don't know what to do with it.
Speaker: Claim throw away.
Speaker: Claim throw away.
Speaker: Claim throw away.
Speaker: Problem with that is Ryan knows that webs are flammable, and it's a lot of web around him.
Speaker: Do you want to get bitter?
Speaker: Do you want to get caught on fire?
Speaker: Do something.
Speaker: I don't want either.
Speaker: Yeah, so Ryan is going to try to rush through the web, like, towards the side of the spider and then pull up the axe can and spray it down with flames, trying to, like, herd it back towards its web.
Speaker: So you want to run... So basically you want the spider to be between you and everybody else?
Speaker: More to the side of the spider, but yeah.
Speaker: More to the side of the spider.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So Ned took out one of its legs.
Speaker: He's going to run on that side of the spider and just kind of spray flames above Ned.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I'm very displeased that you specified that, but okay.
Speaker: You're displeased.
Speaker: Yeah, because I was going to make him roll a 50-50 to see if he ran to the side you're on or the side you're not on and throw a fucking fire at you.
Speaker: I'm going to get on fire.
Speaker: I said above.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I'm losing hair.
Speaker: So I am going to make you roll.
Speaker: Firearms?
Speaker: I wish there was like a modified weapon category.
Speaker: Unfortunately, there's not.
Speaker: Roll me survival.
Speaker: Roll me a survival.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I liked my firearm joke.
Speaker: Firearm joke was a good joke.
Speaker: That is a 44 on a 50.
Speaker: That is a crit success.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You are able to light the lighter in one.
Speaker: You spray the axe can and you don't have to worry about the fire jumping back into the can for you.
Speaker: So here's what I want you to do.
Speaker: I was going to give you a D10.
Speaker: Roll me two of them.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: You succeeded.
Speaker: So go ahead and roll me 2d10 for damage.
Speaker: That is nine damage altogether.
Speaker: Nine damage altogether.
Speaker: Roll me just a 50-50.
Speaker: I thought you were going to say luck, and I got excited for a second.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Again, your luck is too high for me to call that on you.
Speaker: Yeah, I know.
Speaker: That's a 14.
Speaker: So you are able to do nine damage.
Speaker: You hear the unearthly sound of the spider, which...
Speaker: You know, if you were small enough to be the size of a spider, you would hear normal.
Speaker: You hear the unearthly sound of the spider screaming as you light it on fire.
Speaker: It is now the spider's turn.
Speaker: It is going to move away from you and start climbing the wall.
Speaker: You aren't going anywhere.
Speaker: I am actually going to roll for the spider here.
Speaker: We get opportunity attacks.
Speaker: Wrong game.
Speaker: Not in Delta Green, you don't.
Speaker: 83.
Speaker: It failed its 50-50 roll.
Speaker: So it does light the web on fire as it's starting to climb the building.
Speaker: And that is going to be its entire turn.
Speaker: It gets up to about the third story.
Speaker: And so now the webs are on fire?
Speaker: The webs are also on fire, yes.
Speaker: Sam is having a full-blown panic attack.
Speaker: That's great that Sam's having a full-blown panic attack because she was hiding behind Ryan and Ryan ran ahead, so she's out in the open right now.
Speaker: She's also the closest to the spider in the back and it is that spider's turn.
Speaker: Full-blown.
Speaker: Full-blown panic attack.
Speaker: The spider behind you is going to come up to you and it is going to try to bite you, Sam.
Speaker: Oh,
Speaker: I just want to clarify for anyone that might be wondering.
Speaker: Clarify.
Speaker: Go ahead.
Speaker: The reason Ryan did not go for the spider behind him, he crit failed seeing it.
Speaker: So he literally didn't know there was another spider.
Speaker: He only saw the one in front of him, and that's why he went for that one.
Speaker: That's fair.
Speaker: That's 100%.
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: Samantha, you can roll me an alertness to see if you see this coming, but it's it's barreling for you.
Speaker: Nope, she sees absolutely fucking nothing.
Speaker: Fuck.
Speaker: The spider rolled an 5 on its bite.
Speaker: How dead am I?
Speaker: I mean, you're not dead.
Speaker: I beg to fucking differ.
Speaker: If a spider the size of a goddamn minivan bit me, I'd be dead.
Speaker: You good up there?
Speaker: Nope!
Speaker: I just dropped all of my fucking dice and I'm stuck and I can't get to them.
Speaker: Oh, perfect.
Speaker: Well, that's disappointing.
Speaker: Yeah, it is.
Speaker: I don't know how you want me to help you on that.
Speaker: Because I have nothing to roll with now, so... Just mute yourself, and then you can make all the noise you need to get your stuff.
Speaker: Pee break.
Speaker: You don't understand the setup I'm in, Matthew.
Speaker: Take a picture.
Speaker: I need to understand.
Speaker: Give me just a second here, because I've got to see how much damage this spider's fang is going to do to Samantha's leg.
Speaker: Ooh.
Speaker: Oh...
Speaker: You got so fucking lucky.
Speaker: Oh shit.
Speaker: Next is a little.
Speaker: I rolled it under the guise of a combat knife, which is a D six of damage.
Speaker: And the spider happened to roll a one.
Speaker: So I'm going to say that it didn't actually puncture your leg.
Speaker: It went to bite you and just kind of scraped along the side.
Speaker: I am going to need you to roll me.
Speaker: I know you can't get to your dice right this second, so give me a minute.
Speaker: I need you to roll me a constitution check.
Speaker: Chop, chop.
Speaker: Hurry up.
Speaker: Come on, Sam.
Speaker: Okay, so Samantha, I need you to roll me that constitution check.
Speaker: is a 46 out of 60.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you are able to stay on your feet.
Speaker: And what did it do?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: It just scratched me?
Speaker: It didn't full-on bite me?
Speaker: It tried to bite you, but it rolled so terribly that, yeah, it just kind of more head-butted you and the fangs scraped you is more what happened.
Speaker: Are the fangs poisonous?
Speaker: Well, you know, that's part of what the constitution check was for, and you passed, so you are not poisoned either.
Speaker: Okay, good.
Speaker: So, we are going to the back of the top of the round.
Speaker: Arthur R. We are going back to the back of the top.
Speaker: Alright.
Speaker: Arthur R. Gooseburg, you are up.
Speaker: Okay, so, uh...
Speaker: Arthur wants to use that newly found rock he got and run over to help Sam.
Speaker: And he wants to use that rock to bash that spider bloody.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: Roll me a melee weapons.
Speaker: Sorry, roll you a what?
Speaker: Melee weapons, but I'm going to let you roll it at a plus 10 since you were getting right on top of the spider.
Speaker: I am so sorry.
Speaker: Could you repeat what one I rolled again?
Speaker: Melee weapons at a plus 10.
Speaker: Ooh, 34 out of 40.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: Go ahead and roll.
Speaker: We'll do a D8 of damage.
Speaker: You had to choose the one dice I don't have out.
Speaker: You take four.
Speaker: Four damage.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: So that is four damage to the one behind you.
Speaker: That goes to Samantha!
Speaker: That's... Samantha!
Speaker: That's Melanie.
Speaker: Samantha.
Speaker: Yes, I know.
Speaker: I was moving things around.
Speaker: My computer's just really hot for some reason, and I don't know why.
Speaker: It's not like it's on anything that would cause it to overheat, so I'm not sure what's going on with it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: Sam just got scraped by this mother effing spider.
Speaker: Do I take, did you say took any damage?
Speaker: Yeah, you took one damage.
Speaker: One damage.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I didn't write that down.
Speaker: Um, she is, it's still like right up on them, right?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So she's going to take her tire iron and try and bash it in the face.
Speaker: Cool.
Speaker: Uh, melee weapons.
Speaker: I'll also let you do it at a plus 10 since you're right on top of it.
Speaker: That's a 74 out of 40.
Speaker: So you are freaking out to the point of almost hysterics with the spider right in front of you and knowing that it was its huge fucking fang that just scraped against your leg and you just kind of start swinging wildly and you hit nothing but air.
Speaker: Ned, your turn.
Speaker: Sam visibly has tears rolling down her face because she's so scared right now.
Speaker: That is a fair reaction.
Speaker: Is there any way I can run, grab Sam, and get out?
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: Even if there's not, I'm going to try and run up, and just like when we were running away from the treehouse, I'm going to try and just run up, throw her on my shoulder, and run away.
Speaker: Okay, I'm going to say roll a dex to get through the web.
Speaker: More so to not get... I thought you said the web was on fire.
Speaker: Yes, and if you would have let me finish, I was literally in the middle of saying more so to not get caught on fire than to get stuck in the web.
Speaker: The web.
Speaker: The web.
Speaker: The web is on fire.
Speaker: We don't need no water.
Speaker: Let the fucking spider burn.
Speaker: Okay, so what am I rolling?
Speaker: Dexterity, you said?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, I'll roll that.
Speaker: I got a 54 on a 65.
Speaker: Okay, you are able to make it through the web.
Speaker: It's going to be up to Sam if she actually lets you pick her up.
Speaker: Come on, girlie.
Speaker: You're coming with me.
Speaker: We've done this before.
Speaker: Sam is not fighting it this time.
Speaker: Scoop.
Speaker: Okay, so... So when Ned scoops her, she literally just buries her face into his shoulder, trying to process what's going on.
Speaker: She's very at a loss for words right now, but she whispers, Thank you.
Speaker: Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Speaker: Everybody, just run!
Speaker: The front spider's gone!
Speaker: We gotta get to that safe house!
Speaker: So that was your turn, was running and picking her up, so you are standing next to Arthur right now with the spider right in front of you guys.
Speaker: Yeah, doing like the Heisman stance.
Speaker: I got her over there.
Speaker: Ryan, it is your turn.
Speaker: Ryan is not going back through that web for reasons and is going to start looking around for anything to throw at the spider.
Speaker: I'm really sad that you didn't go back through the web.
Speaker: It's the same reason that he didn't start using fire while on the other side of the web.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: What was it that you said you were going to do?
Speaker: I was so waiting for you to say that you were going to go try and light the other spider on fire.
Speaker: That's what I was focused on.
Speaker: So what did you say you were going to do?
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: He's looking around for anything to throw.
Speaker: Rock, part of a vehicle, anything.
Speaker: Yeah, there was that pothole with the crumbling blacktop next to it.
Speaker: You could definitely grab part of that.
Speaker: Yeah, he's going to scoop that up and just let it fly right at the face of the spider.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Um, hmm.
Speaker: Give me a... Man, there are a couple skills I'm going to have to have you guys write in.
Speaker: Uh, melee weapons?
Speaker: Yeah, I'm debating between melee weapons and firearms.
Speaker: Uh, do melee weapons.
Speaker: Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That is a nat 12 on a 50.
Speaker: Sweet.
Speaker: So go ahead and roll a d8 of damage.
Speaker: To quote Matt, the one dice I didn't grab.
Speaker: Ha ha ha.
Speaker: I had a six, a four, a ten.
Speaker: I even looked at it too before when I was grabbing dice.
Speaker: I was like, do I need this?
Speaker: Nah, he doesn't make us roll the eights.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: I actually had to go to the weapon page of the Delta Green handbook to see, like, to give me an idea of what I should have you guys wrote.
Speaker: So, like, I'm counting this chunk of blacktop basically as the same as, like, a baseball bat.
Speaker: which is the highest that a melee weapon can go.
Speaker: So I really just grabbed these giant chunks and just used them as rudimentary clubs.
Speaker: That's what I pictured, was that you weren't going for anything small.
Speaker: You were going for something bigger.
Speaker: Yeah, nice and softball sized.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That is a five.
Speaker: That's a five.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: This is going to be the first time I'm going to do this in the show.
Speaker: Ryan, what does it look like when you kill this spider with this, uh, with this chunk of concrete?
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: Kill a thing.
Speaker: Kill a thing.
Speaker: Do it.
Speaker: Ryan is pretty freaked out for reasons.
Speaker: And he scoops up this rock and just full body hucks it at it and nails it directly in one of the eyes.
Speaker: And the rock just disappears in a spurt of goo.
Speaker: And it reaches a couple of times and dies.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Samantha, give me a constitution check.
Speaker: Why me?
Speaker: Because you are literally over Ned's shoulder staring at it.
Speaker: I said I was hiding my face.
Speaker: Honey, you tried to hide your face, but you're over my shoulder.
Speaker: You're closer to looking at my ass than my shoulder.
Speaker: Out of 70.
Speaker: You're kind of 70.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: You managed to not throw up as you watch this thing's face explode.
Speaker: Out of 60, but even still.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I do need to do one thing quick.
Speaker: Is it get me Taco Bell because I'm fucking hungry?
Speaker: I know, dude.
Speaker: We had such taco talk in this fucking message board on the side.
Speaker: We're talking about Taco John's Taco Bell.
Speaker: Sam, you don't need to worry about getting no tacos.
Speaker: I can smell your ass.
Speaker: I got it right next to my face right now.
Speaker: I hope they have a washing machine.
Speaker: She smacks the fuck out of Ned.
Speaker: I deserve that, but I'm still not wrong.
Speaker: It's because I shat my pants earlier.
Speaker: Shut up.
Speaker: You gotta need new pants.
Speaker: It's the other spider's turn.
Speaker: I don't believe in that other spider.
Speaker: Ryan, give me a alertness check.
Speaker: That is a 44 on a 64. 64.
Speaker: He is now keyed into the situation.
Speaker: Ever since you lit that other spider on fire, you've kind of been aware of where it's at.
Speaker: Kind of hard to miss.
Speaker: As it's climbing the building, it gets to about the third, in between the third and fourth floor and lets go of the wall.
Speaker: And it lands upside down in a burning heap.
Speaker: on the ground in front of you, and it's screaming, and its legs are flailing as it's trying to get back up to run, and in one last dying scream, all eight legs just curl in on itself as the body slowly burns.
Speaker: And you guys are no longer in combat.
Speaker: So you pass out, you need something to eat, and this thing is pretty well cooked.
Speaker: Did we just win?
Speaker: You make me eat that motherfucking spider.
Speaker: I swear to God that it'll be the last thing you do.
Speaker: All right, damn fine.
Speaker: Let's get to the movie theater then and get you some popcorn and get me away from all this nonsense.
Speaker: Come on, let's go.
Speaker: Before we leave, Arthur wants to look around to see if there's any like lumps in the web.
Speaker: Like maybe there's someone else got caught.
Speaker: Maybe they've got some useful shit on them before we leave.
Speaker: There has been nobody else in this area.
Speaker: The webs look absolutely fresh.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Which would explain why you both walked face first into him.
Speaker: Gotcha.
Speaker: Come on, Hannibal.
Speaker: Let's get out of here.
Speaker: I'm taking my rock and I'm still holding on to the rock I used to bash the spider.
Speaker: God, I got a question for you.
Speaker: What kind of stores and shops or anything are we going to pass while we're walking to this here movie theater?
Speaker: Also, I put Sam down.
Speaker: I was going to say, are you going to put me down or are you just still hollow me over the shoulder?
Speaker: No, no, I will set you down gently.
Speaker: And I'm hoping that we can find like a Walgreens or something like that.
Speaker: You'll pass a couple mom and pop shops, but the route that you guys are taking to the movie theater is not going to get you past any big department stores or anything.
Speaker: So we will pass maybe a Walgreens or something like that?
Speaker: No, you'll pass hole in the wall mom and pop places.
Speaker: What about some sturdy walking sticks?
Speaker: Go take one of the spider's legs.
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Don't actually do that.
Speaker: Hey, also, there's the back left one if you want it.
Speaker: That's the one I hit.
Speaker: I think I broke it, so it'll probably come off pretty easy.
Speaker: I'm going to try.
Speaker: To be fair, that spider is in a burning heap with its legs curled in on itself, so more than likely not.
Speaker: There's another.
Speaker: I'm not going to try.
Speaker: No, can we get out of here?
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: I was going to say there is another spider, but that is not the one that you hit.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I'm clutching my rock and running.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Sam, I saw you get it bit at you.
Speaker: You okay?
Speaker: Yeah, my leg's a little scraped, but I don't think it
Speaker: I don't think it did do real damage.
Speaker: She's not bleeding, is she?
Speaker: Yeah, I think she is, but not terribly.
Speaker: No, she's not.
Speaker: Not bleeding?
Speaker: No, she's not bleeding.
Speaker: It scraped, but it didn't break.
Speaker: Like, it didn't break skin.
Speaker: The skin is very red where it hit, but it did not puncture.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Sam, you want something to cover that or no?
Speaker: Um, I think I'll be good for now.
Speaker: I'm pissed that my leggings are ripped.
Speaker: I was gonna say jeans.
Speaker: I didn't know you were wearing leggings, but yes, your leggings are definitely ripped to where the fang made contact, though.
Speaker: It's 2020-something.
Speaker: Every woman's wearing leggings instead of jeans nowadays.
Speaker: That's fine.
Speaker: I mean, there are jeggings, too.
Speaker: She could have been jeggings.
Speaker: About how far are we from the movie theater?
Speaker: You guys are coming up on it.
Speaker: Relatively uneventful the rest of the way.
Speaker: As you make your way across town.
Speaker: You do find a couple mom and pop shops.
Speaker: One of them is a just a little clothing shop.
Speaker: One of them is a gift shop for some reason.
Speaker: Gainsborough is not a tourist destination.
Speaker: So these people are just like, well, maybe some people will like things to remember their stay.
Speaker: And everyone else in the town is like, who fucking stays here?
Speaker: You idiot.
Speaker: Nobody even knows we exist.
Speaker: So, you know, it's one of those kind of shops.
Speaker: Can I retcon that it's Arthur's family that owns it?
Speaker: Because the voice you just made was a very Arthur-type tone, and it has filled with his alien stuff and his wanting to blurry pictures of Bigfoot stuff.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: Yes, or ever.
Speaker: Yes, it is definitely Frank and Darlene's.
Speaker: Oh, if I ever pass it by Bob and dad's shop, I want to go in there and get some shit.
Speaker: All right, let's go inside.
Speaker: Let's go see what we got.
Speaker: The name of the store is called cryptid crafts.
Speaker: I want that in real life.
Speaker: Okay, yeah, you guys can definitely go into cryptid crafts.
Speaker: Arthur, how the hell have I known you for like the past 12 fucking years, and I didn't know your parents owned some sort of goofy ass like Bigfoot shop?
Speaker: I just assumed you thought you knew that my whole family was weird.
Speaker: No, no, just you.
Speaker: Well, I guess the apocalypse is the perfect time to figure that out.
Speaker: Well, apparently this is why we don't hang out at your house.
Speaker: If it's just a whole bunch of you, you are more than enough for one group of friends, but you are something.
Speaker: I bet.
Speaker: Take that as a compliment.
Speaker: You should.
Speaker: Every group of friend needs that.
Speaker: I'm the dumb one.
Speaker: You're the weird one.
Speaker: Ryan's the sane one.
Speaker: And Sam, well, she's normal.
Speaker: We're not.
Speaker: She's the other one that shit her pats.
Speaker: Sam plays fourths, she gets pretty good grades, she gonna do good in life.
Speaker: The rest of us?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I'm going in the military.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Sam's just looking at you like, you know fucking nothing.
Speaker: That's why I'm going in the military.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you guys walk into a cryptid crafts, which is Fred and Darlene's store.
Speaker: What are you looking for?
Speaker: Um, I guess since this is like, uh, like you said, this was the town's like, uh, souvenir gift shop shit.
Speaker: Uh, I want to look for like a map of the town and, uh,
Speaker: Like maybe a sturdy piece of like plywood or something that I could duct tape my rock to.
Speaker: So what I'm going to say is you find a map of the town, but the map of the town is...
Speaker: not really going to help you it's the only things that are marked on this map is this is where cryptids were sighted this is where the biggest Bigfoot sighting has happened someone said that they were abducted by a UFO over here so it's more of like welcome to Gainsborough this is our history kind of thing does it keep the geography of the areas though have you seen the movie Bolt I mean a while ago
Speaker: It keeps the geography of your town about as well as the Waffle House map keeps the geography of the United States.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: Oh, so perfect.
Speaker: That's a good poll.
Speaker: Sure, sure.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm looking at this map and it's pretty one to one.
Speaker: Ryan is going to take it out of his hands and pull a pen out of his pocket and start writing down a map of the town.
Speaker: That's exactly why I like the back of his hand.
Speaker: You're going to write it on the back of your hand.
Speaker: No, no.
Speaker: On the back of the map that he has.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: An actual real map.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I misunderstood what the back of your hand had to do with it.
Speaker: I thought you were saying like you were looking at it and then tracing it onto the back of your hand.
Speaker: I was like, dude, just grab a second map and trace it onto the back of the second map or something.
Speaker: No, he knows the towel in the back of his hand.
Speaker: Gotcha.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Are there any little Sasquatch keychain flashlights and shit like that?
Speaker: Anything that we could use for light?
Speaker: Oh yeah, there's definitely novelty flashlights.
Speaker: I'm going to grab a bunch of those then.
Speaker: Ryan, when did you get that new mole on the back of your hand?
Speaker: I have military science land.
Speaker: So he would know pretty well the town.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Maybe not every single shop, but at least most of the streets.
Speaker: I just had to give you a hard time.
Speaker: Sam is looking for a backpack since it's a souvenir shop.
Speaker: She figures that there will be some sort of backpack or bag or something so she can go through and grab any snacks or anything there is too.
Speaker: Because I guarantee you
Speaker: from the Sasquatch place that I have, like, there's a, can't remember the name of it, but I know there was like the Sasquatch souvenir shop that I stopped to before, and they had Sasquatch jerky.
Speaker: Yeah, that was when we were visiting Katie's and Raina in Ohio.
Speaker: In Ohio!
Speaker: That sounds so cool.
Speaker: That sounds so cool.
Speaker: Yeah, they had a whole bunch of Sasquatch stuff there.
Speaker: She's looking for like a backpack and she wants to take any snacks or jerky that she can find for the group.
Speaker: Yeah, you can find that.
Speaker: No problem.
Speaker: I am going to say there's also, as you guys are walking around and walk up to the counter, you find cans that claim to be Sasquatch mace.
Speaker: Sasquatch mace.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Do they look all old and aged and stuff?
Speaker: They do not.
Speaker: Everything in this store looks pristine.
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Can I roll a sanity?
Speaker: Sure, go ahead.
Speaker: Yeah, you know what?
Speaker: Everyone roll me a sanity.
Speaker: Because that creeps me the hell out.
Speaker: Everyone except for Ryan roll me a sanity because Ryan has not seen things as being aged at all anyway.
Speaker: I got a 9 out of 47.
Speaker: Wait.
Speaker: Nine out of 47.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Lose zero.
Speaker: 81 out of something.
Speaker: Hold on.
Speaker: 81 out of 70.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You will lose one.
Speaker: And Ryan, I meant you saw the axe can not being aged.
Speaker: So seeing things, other things that are not aged does not affect you.
Speaker: Like it would affect everyone else.
Speaker: Thank you for the clarification.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I, I, after I said it, like, as the words were coming out of my mouth, I was like, no.
Speaker: Hey, DM keeper, handler, host, and all above God.
Speaker: I got a 77 on a 71.
Speaker: Oh, you crit failed.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: Roll a... Well, no, you're not going to roll.
Speaker: That's a thing.
Speaker: You're going to take three sanity damage.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Because max for this one was a d4 minus one.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I will take that.
Speaker: I thought it was going to be worse.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: I got a question.
Speaker: I got an answer.
Speaker: So since this is my family's store...
Speaker: Would I know of like of a back room like where they like where the office is or maybe a spot where I know that my dad has a weapon to defend himself against burglars?
Speaker: Yeah, totally.
Speaker: Gun safe or something like that.
Speaker: You would know that he keeps something behind the counter, but you have also worked the odd shift here just to help your family out.
Speaker: So you know the layout of the store pretty well.
Speaker: You know that the back room is where they would have any of their extra stuff.
Speaker: Also...
Speaker: Since this is a kind of like a souvenir shop, there is clothes and stuff here, too, if you guys did want to change.
Speaker: You know that in the back room is where they keep all their extra stuff.
Speaker: That's where they keep the office with the computer to do the books.
Speaker: Really, the only weapon that he has is a baseball bat.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: And he keeps it behind the counter.
Speaker: As I remember that, I'm like, huh.
Speaker: And I go to go to the counter.
Speaker: Before that, I grab one of my souvenir shirts to remember.
Speaker: Because fuck, fuck if I know if I'm ever going to give it a comeback here so far.
Speaker: So I need a little souvenir, if you will.
Speaker: OK, so you grab the souvenir shirt and then I grab the bat.
Speaker: I start making my bat and rock combination with the duct tape I got from the garage.
Speaker: R30s, your family have gift cards in here?
Speaker: Probably.
Speaker: Hang on.
Speaker: We need to resolve this first.
Speaker: Give me a... You're going to make me a roll.
Speaker: You are going to give me a... God, what am I going to make you roll on this one?
Speaker: There is a craft, if he has it.
Speaker: I have carpenter craft.
Speaker: There is a craft.
Speaker: Okay, yeah, give me a craft roll.
Speaker: I looked right over craft.
Speaker: Thank you for that one, Breck.
Speaker: Well, that's if he has it.
Speaker: He started zero at base.
Speaker: Well, it's okay.
Speaker: I rolled a 51 out of 20 for Carpenter.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: You are able to duct tape your rock to your bat, and it is way, way too fucking heavy to be able to actually swing it accurately.
Speaker: So anytime that you swing your club, which would normally do a D8 of damage, you're only going to do a D4.
Speaker: Because the club is not strong enough to carry it?
Speaker: Because it is a, yeah, it's so unbalanced.
Speaker: It's yeah.
Speaker: So unbalanced that it is hard for you to actually swing it accurately.
Speaker: So, but theoretically someone else with better strength could swing it normally.
Speaker: Um, I'm going to say no, because the way you taped it on kind of makes it lopsided instead of trying to tape it to the middle.
Speaker: You basically just tried to slap it to the side.
Speaker: So I'm going to say it's just a very unbalanced weapon.
Speaker: Gotcha.
Speaker: Arthur feels proud of it.
Speaker: I'm glad he does.
Speaker: I'm pretty sure my family's got cards.
Speaker: Is that what you were saying before?
Speaker: Yeah, sorry.
Speaker: Didn't mean to go on that big of a derailment there.
Speaker: It's alright.
Speaker: I just... I'm just going to grab all the ones that y'all got.
Speaker: So I'm just going to grab all the
Speaker: plastic like gift cards and whatnot and just throw them in my pocket.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: Hey, Arthur.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Your family wouldn't happen to have like kitchen knives or something in the back, would they?
Speaker: I mean, sometimes my dad would stay the night here at the shop.
Speaker: So he's probably got some utensils around.
Speaker: If not, scissors work as well, which I'm sure you got those.
Speaker: I would say your dad is 100% the kind of person that is going to eat like a TV dinner if he's staying here at night.
Speaker: So all the utensils he has is like plastic.
Speaker: So Ryan is going to find a nice sturdy pair of scissors and a broom or mop and make himself a makeshift spear, borrowing some of Arthur's duct tape.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Do you also have a craft kind of skill?
Speaker: I do not.
Speaker: I was hoping scissors on end of pole would be simple.
Speaker: Yeah, go ahead and help him, Arthur.
Speaker: I don't know what that'll benefit, but I'll support you.
Speaker: We'll just, we'll have you guys roll on Arthur's craft.
Speaker: Okay, so you're rolling on a 20.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: It's a 34 on a 20.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Um, it's going to work.
Speaker: I'll give you that.
Speaker: But I'm going to say that you didn't really use enough duct tape to keep it like fully sturdy.
Speaker: So after a couple hits, I will have you roll for durability.
Speaker: To be honest, even if I had passed that, I assumed you were going to say the same thing.
Speaker: So no, if you pass that, you were going to use enough duct tape to actually keep it nice and sturdy.
Speaker: So I will let you roll a D6 for damage anytime you attack with that.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Do I get any reach benefits?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't assume that we're... Unlike D&D, I'm not going to have you do like, oh, you're not within five feet.
Speaker: But I will... I figured that.
Speaker: I was mostly asking so that way if I need to do something that's like further away I can use the spear to like reach further and I just wanted to make sure I could put that in my notes yes okay um Samantha roll me an alertness more spiders I quit it's a 61 out of 65 61 on a 65
Speaker: As you are walking around the store, you hear a ding.
Speaker: And I need Ned, Arthur, and Ryan to remove your headsets.
Speaker: You succeeded on your alertness check.
Speaker: And you heard a ding.
Speaker: That ding was your phone going off.
Speaker: Sam immediately pulls her phone out of her pocket to check it.
Speaker: You check it.
Speaker: You have one new text message.
Speaker: It is not to the group message.
Speaker: It is just to you.
Speaker: And it is Ashley.
Speaker: Ashley.
Speaker: she lets out a small sigh of relief getting a message back from her and she opens it to read it.
Speaker: You take out your phone.
Speaker: You see it's a text from Ashley.
Speaker: You open it.
Speaker: It is a quick, simple text message.
Speaker: It says, I think I am in the basement of the movie theater and there is something here with me.
Speaker: Please help me.
Speaker: Sam's heart kind of like skips a beat because she's extremely worried about Ashley and she'll quickly type back where she quickly types back we're on our way to the movie theater we just stopped at Arthur's parents shop and picking up supplies are you okay
Speaker: Your text message goes through and you see the text bubbles coming back out.
Speaker: And the text that comes back says, I'm in one piece, but I don't know how much longer I will be able to say that for.
Speaker: Can you see anything around you?
Speaker: You see another one come through before you send another one that says, where's Chris?
Speaker: Where's Chris?
Speaker: Sam, she looks at the message where it says, where is Chris?
Speaker: And she's confused.
Speaker: And she starts texting back, relaying what happened and asking if she remembers any of that.
Speaker: She texts back and says, after lighting the...
Speaker: Stuff for the ritual on fire.
Speaker: Everything went black for me and I woke up here.
Speaker: Samantha texts back.
Speaker: Well, no, she doesn't text back.
Speaker: She tries to call Ashley.
Speaker: The phone goes instantly to voicemail.
Speaker: She gets a little frustrated and she starts texting and says, what does the room look like that you're in?
Speaker: Does everything look disheveled or does it look normal?
Speaker: You get a text back with a picture and you can see that everything, it looks almost like a storage area.
Speaker: You see reels of movies.
Speaker: You see bags of popcorn seeds.
Speaker: You see jugs of the oil that they cook the popcorn in.
Speaker: Everything looks normal.
Speaker: It doesn't look a rundown like everything else has been?
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Looks like they could open up the movie theater tonight and everything would be fine.
Speaker: Sam, again, is very confused because it kind of looks like the exact same room that they're currently in and just sends a message.
Speaker: Hang in there.
Speaker: We're on our way.
Speaker: She texts back.
Speaker: Please hurry.
Speaker: There is something here.
Speaker: And I hear loud footsteps coming close to me.
Speaker: And with that, I will get everybody else back in.
Speaker: Oh, also, before I get everyone else back in, I need you to remove 2% from your phone battery.
Speaker: 2% from my phone battery.
Speaker: I have to look back at my notes to find out what it even was.
Speaker: Okay, go ahead and figure that out while I'm getting everyone back.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So as you guys are ransacking the store, trying to find anything that you can, you see... You know what?
Speaker: The three of you, Ned and Ryan and Arthur, I want you all to give me alertness.
Speaker: Fail.
Speaker: Fail.
Speaker: You don't see shit.
Speaker: Alertness of 65 out of 29.
Speaker: 61 on a 64.
Speaker: Just barely.
Speaker: You see Samantha is off on her own on the other side of the store and you see something glowing up, lighting up her face.
Speaker: Hey, Samantha, do you find something over there?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Huh?
Speaker: Sam looks up real quick from her phone and goes, not really something, but...
Speaker: We need to make it to the movie theater.
Speaker: We need to get moving now.
Speaker: I just got a message from Ashley saying that she's in the basement of the movie theater.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: That seems really convenient.
Speaker: Yeah, something's not right.
Speaker: It also seems like maybe I wasn't that wrong.
Speaker: She pulls up the picture that was sent as well, showing them the storage room and how everything looks normal as well.
Speaker: Now I'm worried about the movie theater.
Speaker: I'm worried about Charlie and Lance.
Speaker: Why would you say that?
Speaker: We need to go.
Speaker: If she's in the movie theater locked up in a cellar or something, I might not have been so wrong about to not trust them.
Speaker: We don't know that they're the ones who put her down there.
Speaker: She said there's something in there with her.
Speaker: We got to get over there and see what's going on.
Speaker: Sam clicks this button on her phone and puts it in her pocket and gets ready to leave.
Speaker: As you guys are getting ready to leave... I saw this in the group chat.
Speaker: What's the cliffhanger we're going to leave on today?
Speaker: And it's funny that you ask that.
Speaker: Because as you guys are getting ready to leave... You walk past a...
Speaker: full length mirror and it's a novelty mirror and it says get your picture taken with Sasquatch and it's got Sasquatch just kinda on the side of the mirror and Arthur you have seen so many people in here before stand next to that mirror and take a picture posing with the Sasquatch that they can see in there
Speaker: And you see Frank staring back at you from the other side of the mirror.
Speaker: And that's where we're going to end the session.
Speaker: See, I told you it's the in between.
Speaker: Oh, good point.
Speaker: We are not in the normal realm.
Speaker: We're somewhere.
Speaker: Man, this is fucking noise.
Speaker: That's good.
Speaker: I like it.
Speaker: Well, it's great that we figured that out now.
Speaker: Now what?
Speaker: We all die.
Speaker: I mean, it would be really good if you guys could figure out how to get back to the to the real world.
Speaker: Well, tell us, God damn it.
Speaker: Well, I can't tell you.
Speaker: The story would be really boring if I told you how to beat my game.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Quick, everyone read the last page of the book.
Speaker: You, you, the one jokes on you, bitch.
Speaker: The last page isn't written yet.
Speaker: You would want us to try to get back.
Speaker: Cause then we run face first into everything you have set up for us.
Speaker: I mean, that is also very true.
Speaker: I do indeed want you guys to get back.
Speaker: Oh,
Speaker: I gotta roll my alertness to level up.
Speaker: Me too.
Speaker: I meant to keep track of that, and I forgot.
Speaker: I got two?
Speaker: We should probably sign off first.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Bye, everybody.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, you guys are still here.
Speaker: Hey, hey, hey, I still have an outro to do.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: You just wait.
Speaker: Isn't that what the mid-roll is for?
Speaker: Fucking, I'll get there.
Speaker: I got an outro up in my brain.
Speaker: Up in my head.
Speaker: I have an outro up here.
Speaker: You just fucking wait.
Speaker: I'm waiting.
Speaker: Yeah, I got nothing.
Speaker: You still don't have a fucking outro?
Speaker: We're on episode nine?
Speaker: That was the joke.
Speaker: I shouldn't have to explain that that was the joke, but that was a joke.
Speaker: Thank you guys.
Speaker: It's always better when you explain.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Thank you guys, everybody for,
Speaker: sticking around, especially to this late in the episode, after all our, uh, after game shenanigans.
Speaker: Um, don't forget.
Speaker: We are very active on our socials.
Speaker: We got a Twitter, we got a Facebook, we got a Reddit, we got an Instagram.
Speaker: We have, uh, our episodes are up on YouTube.
Speaker: If you like what you hear, if you have comments, go,
Speaker: go to the YouTube and let us know because that is a very easy place to comment.
Speaker: Also leave us a rating on Apple podcasts.
Speaker: If you like what you hear, because that helps us get into more people's ear holes and that will help us grow as a podcast.
Speaker: You can leave us a rating wherever, but Apple is really the one that likes to recommend us to other people.
Speaker: Do you guys have anything you would like to add?
Speaker: Bye bitches.
Speaker: Thanks for listening.
Speaker: Bye.
Speaker: Join us next time when we almost die again.
Speaker: Hey, wait.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: I've got one.
Speaker: I got one thing.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Can you guys buy us Taco Bell?
Speaker: Oh, that'd be dope.
Speaker: Who really likes a Taco Bell?
Speaker: You guys and Taco Bell.
Speaker: None of that Taco John shit.
Speaker: Hey, Potato Olays.
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: There went my phone.
Speaker: It's a ghost.
Speaker: We'll see you guys in two weeks.
Speaker: Have a good one, guys.
Speaker: Bye!
Speaker: Let's Play Pretend is Nick Barnett as Ned Dalaran, Breck Black as Ryan Winchester, Matt Check as Arthur Gooseberg, Melanie Derringer as Samantha Williams, and me, Jordan Derringer, as your GM, DM, handler, keeper, and host.
Speaker: Keep up with us to hear firsthand on any fun new developments that may be coming in the future.
Speaker: There's going to be fun new developments coming in the future.
Speaker: And we will see you all here in two weeks' time.
Speaker: Let's play pretend!
Speaker: Yeah!
