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Ep. 14 Suhhh Bruhhh
26 Plays1 year ago
What's going on? Did Dash get some? Will kevin and Jason end up on the same couch? Who will throw up first? Find out on part two of The Jockyard!
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Transcript
Introduction & Sponsorship
00:00:04
Speaker
This episode of Let's Play Pretend is sponsored by Dubby Energy.
00:00:08
Speaker
Dubby Energy is a mix-at-home energy drink produced in the USA that is formulated to give you focus and energy with no jitters or crash, with no calories, no sugar,
00:00:20
Speaker
no fillers and no artificial colors, Dubby is a go-to choice for your energy needs.
00:00:27
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With our code LPPPOD, you can get 10% off of any purchase that you make on their website.
00:00:34
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And yes, I mean any purchase.
00:00:36
Speaker
You want to make 15 purchases a month?
00:00:39
Speaker
Have 10% off of each one of them.
00:00:41
Speaker
Dubby Energy, an energy drink that you mix at home.
00:00:44
Speaker
No jitters, no crash.
Podcast Tone & Content Warnings
00:00:52
Speaker
Let's Play Pretend is an explicit podcast with subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners.
00:00:58
Speaker
Content warnings are found in the description of every episode.
00:01:00
Speaker
Yeah, Cody's laughing, so it's good.
00:01:02
Speaker
Let's Play Pretend!
00:01:12
Speaker
Oh no, they've got me here again for this.
00:01:17
Speaker
Here we go.
00:01:20
Speaker
Drinkin's here, no need to fear Don't got any use for the goddamn tear Jason's drunk, Kevin's grunk Dash and Courtney upstairs makin' the funk These kids, they get on my nerve This booze, less than they deserve This cabin, sadly on reserve Our hopes, our dreams, our ideals Are in the dirt
00:01:49
Speaker
I don't.
Meet the Hosts: In the Basement
00:01:50
Speaker
I've been stuck in a basement.
00:01:51
Speaker
It hasn't been stuck.
00:01:52
Speaker
Do you really think I like cheese balls that much?
00:01:55
Speaker
Yeah, we do.
00:01:57
Speaker
Tables full of letters, glasses full of cheap shelf liquors on the rocks, the stones, UV blue down to the bones.
00:02:04
Speaker
Dash is horny, Courtney's not.
00:02:06
Speaker
Jason's hungry, Kevin's a lot.
00:02:12
Speaker
Morning's coming, sunlight's boring, stuck in a basement left here to rot.
00:02:18
Speaker
That one's about me.
00:02:19
Speaker
Please save me.
00:02:27
Speaker
Oh, hey, sup, bro.
00:02:28
Speaker
Welcome to the party.
00:02:29
Speaker
How you doing?
00:02:30
Speaker
How you doing?
00:02:31
Speaker
Come on in.
00:02:32
Speaker
Let me introduce you to all of our party goers here, man.
00:02:37
Speaker
We got Nick Barnett.
00:02:39
Speaker
Yo, sup, bro.
00:02:41
Speaker
I finally got my voice right.
00:02:42
Speaker
I'm not too drunk anymore.
00:02:44
Speaker
I know what I'm supposed to be.
00:02:45
Speaker
So, yo, diggies up.
00:02:47
Speaker
Let's play.
00:02:49
Speaker
All right, all right.
00:02:50
Speaker
We got Breck Black.
00:02:52
Speaker
Hello.
00:02:54
Speaker
And I would just say that I'm losing brain sales by the minute, both from the alcohol and the company.
00:02:59
Speaker
So we should get this over with as fast as possible.
00:03:03
Speaker
Man, that just means you got to drink more, man.
00:03:05
Speaker
Isn't that right, Matt Check?
00:03:07
Speaker
Bruh.
00:03:09
Speaker
Yeah, bruh.
00:03:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:12
Speaker
Choke it up.
00:03:14
Speaker
Choke it down.
00:03:16
Speaker
Brewskies all day, bruh.
00:03:20
Speaker
And do you have anything to add to this wonderful intro, Melanie Derringer?
00:03:27
Speaker
No.
00:03:28
Speaker
I'm surrounded by morons.
00:03:29
Speaker
It's almost like you forget what this campaign is.
00:03:35
Speaker
No, she pretty much hit Courtney's attitude right there.
00:03:38
Speaker
So...
Character Roles & Plot Setup
00:03:40
Speaker
As you can tell, we are trying to embody our new characters here for this episode of the Let's Play Pretend podcast.
00:03:47
Speaker
I have Nick Barnett playing Jason Murtaugh.
00:03:50
Speaker
I've got Breck Blackpain playing Dash Highwater.
00:03:53
Speaker
I've got Matt Check playing Kevin Jacqueboy.
00:03:57
Speaker
And I have Melanie Derringer playing Courtney Hillcrest.
00:04:01
Speaker
And we are going to see if we can murder...
00:04:04
Speaker
some fresh out of high school teens because that's what we do in our free time.
00:04:09
Speaker
Do it.
00:04:10
Speaker
I mean, don't actually do it.
00:04:11
Speaker
Do it.
00:04:12
Speaker
Do it.
00:04:14
Speaker
I'm going to be honest.
00:04:15
Speaker
This crew probably deserves it.
00:04:17
Speaker
Yeah, probably.
00:04:19
Speaker
I've already told Jordan I'm playing to kill Courtney.
00:04:22
Speaker
No.
00:04:25
Speaker
You guys do you.
00:04:26
Speaker
So quick recap.
00:04:28
Speaker
Last episode was kind of a episode zero slash episode one.
Lake Erie Vacation Plans
00:04:34
Speaker
We played for a little bit.
00:04:35
Speaker
We made characters last session, kind of introduced them and kind of started to introduce a story.
00:04:41
Speaker
You guys are...
00:04:44
Speaker
This group, Kevin Jacoboy, is kind of the leader of this group here.
00:04:49
Speaker
He kind of got you all together to go out on this little drinking escapade before, you know, sports scholarships and that kind of thing take effect.
00:05:00
Speaker
And you guys go your separate ways before college or whatever you're going to do.
00:05:06
Speaker
So, you know, one last little vacation out to Lake.
00:05:09
Speaker
What Lake was it, Brick?
00:05:11
Speaker
Erie.
00:05:12
Speaker
Eerie.
00:05:13
Speaker
I can never remember if it's Eerie or Superior.
00:05:15
Speaker
Eerie.
00:05:16
Speaker
Superior would be further up.
00:05:18
Speaker
You are correct.
00:05:19
Speaker
Unless Eerie.
00:05:20
Speaker
Unless Eerie.
00:05:21
Speaker
You know what?
00:05:22
Speaker
Eerie does work for this podcast.
00:05:23
Speaker
I should just remember it for that.
00:05:27
Speaker
So you guys head out to Lake Erie, you find your cabin, basically just get settled in for the night.
00:05:33
Speaker
Names, I have to remember these new characters names.
00:05:36
Speaker
Dash and Courtney had a little bit of a chicken game with who is going to get uncomfortable in their underwear.
00:05:41
Speaker
You guys found a table in the cabin that looked like the top of it looked like a Ouija board.
00:05:49
Speaker
And that was about it.
00:05:51
Speaker
You drink some beer, you went to bed.
00:05:53
Speaker
And what you guys didn't see was after you guys all went to sleep, one of the glass, one of the clear crystal glass, like glasses, I don't know how else to say it, that was on the table slightly shifted and nobody saw it because you were all sleeping.
00:06:13
Speaker
So now it is the next day.
00:06:17
Speaker
And I guess I want to know how you guys are waking up because I would say, you know,
00:06:22
Speaker
You're waking up.
00:06:23
Speaker
The sun's coming up.
00:06:24
Speaker
But I don't think this group of people is going to be up before like 10 o'clock.
00:06:30
Speaker
Not with what we drank last night.
00:06:34
Speaker
We'll be lucky if we wake up at all.
00:06:38
Speaker
So first off, I guess let's find out sleeping arrangements because we never did find out to my recollection.
00:06:44
Speaker
Maybe we did.
00:06:46
Speaker
Yeah, we did.
00:06:47
Speaker
Dash and Courtney, did you guys end up sharing the bed?
00:06:50
Speaker
Yeah, we set that at the end of the episode.
00:06:52
Speaker
Okay.
00:06:53
Speaker
Because it was a king-size bed and you just slept.
00:06:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:57
Speaker
Hey, it's been behind the curtain.
00:06:59
Speaker
It's been a couple weeks and unfortunately I didn't have time to listen to the recap episode.
00:07:05
Speaker
Sorry, Nick.
00:07:05
Speaker
Hate to break that fourth wall for you.
00:07:08
Speaker
You did so good.
00:07:10
Speaker
You did so good getting that recap episode to me and I never had time to listen to it.
00:07:14
Speaker
So that was a recap off the top of my head.
00:07:17
Speaker
Alright, so we will resolve that first.
00:07:20
Speaker
You guys don't have to take off your headphones for this.
00:07:22
Speaker
This is... Yeah.
00:07:25
Speaker
So, we're in the bedroom.
00:07:28
Speaker
Dash and Courtney.
00:07:29
Speaker
Let's roll a d4 and see which one of you wakes up first.
00:07:37
Speaker
Let me get my dice.
00:07:40
Speaker
Evens Courtney.
00:07:41
Speaker
Odds Dash.
00:07:42
Speaker
It was a 2.
00:07:43
Speaker
Courtney, you wake up first.
Morning Antics & Breakfast Banter
00:07:46
Speaker
What is your reaction upon waking up?
00:07:49
Speaker
I don't know.
00:07:50
Speaker
It depends on what position we're in.
00:07:54
Speaker
Because I didn't think you were not going to have us roll for that.
00:08:00
Speaker
For what position you're in?
00:08:01
Speaker
Yeah, like, did we end up cuddling in the middle of the night?
00:08:04
Speaker
Did we not end up cuddling in the middle of the night?
00:08:07
Speaker
I figured that would be a roll, not just something I have to make up.
00:08:11
Speaker
Okay, fine.
00:08:12
Speaker
Roll me a 50-50.
00:08:12
Speaker
What is that?
00:08:17
Speaker
Like, what dice is that?
00:08:18
Speaker
I've never done a 50-50.
00:08:19
Speaker
Yeah, you have.
00:08:21
Speaker
Have I?
00:08:21
Speaker
I don't remember.
00:08:22
Speaker
We do plenty of 50-50s in the main campaign.
00:08:26
Speaker
Yeah, but I've never done a 50-50.
00:08:30
Speaker
Sounds like you're going to be doing a 50-50 later in the main campaign.
00:08:35
Speaker
98.
00:08:36
Speaker
So would Courtney prefer to be snuggling with Dash or not?
00:08:40
Speaker
I want you to come up with that.
00:08:42
Speaker
No, I'm saying, what would Courtney want?
00:08:46
Speaker
Because 98 is a fail, so whatever Courtney wants, this is going to be the opposite.
00:08:51
Speaker
She doesn't care.
00:08:52
Speaker
Okay, so she is 100% big spooning Dash when she wakes up.
00:08:59
Speaker
I love that she's the big spoon.
00:09:01
Speaker
Okay.
00:09:05
Speaker
Seeing as she woke up first, and it's probably like 11.30 in the afternoon almost, or in the morning, I mean, she...
00:09:14
Speaker
Kind of gets a disgusted look on her face and rolls back over and goes, that was not intentional.
00:09:21
Speaker
Okay.
00:09:22
Speaker
And let's just make this even more fun.
00:09:25
Speaker
Breck, odds or evens?
00:09:29
Speaker
Odds.
00:09:31
Speaker
That was a one.
00:09:32
Speaker
Dash, you were awake for that reaction.
00:09:35
Speaker
Dash is just going to keep laying there and just slowly crawl off the side of the bed, flop to the ground, be like, I don't even care right now.
00:09:43
Speaker
It's so much pain.
00:09:46
Speaker
And it's just going to crawl to the bathroom.
00:09:49
Speaker
Don't puke on the floor.
00:09:52
Speaker
He doesn't even respond.
00:09:54
Speaker
All right.
00:09:55
Speaker
So Dash and Courtney have their little snuggle fest going on there.
00:10:01
Speaker
Get it right.
00:10:02
Speaker
It's a fucking cuddle puddle.
00:10:05
Speaker
You guys all freak out when I say cuddle puddle, so I wasn't going to say it that time.
00:10:10
Speaker
No, no, you've said it too many times.
00:10:12
Speaker
Now it has to be a thing.
00:10:14
Speaker
All right, cuddle puddle.
00:10:14
Speaker
That's a thing now.
00:10:16
Speaker
Yes.
00:10:17
Speaker
So as that, as Dash gets into the bathroom and Courtney kind of rolls her eyes as she rolls back over to her side of the bed, the camera zooms out into the living room where we have...
00:10:30
Speaker
Kevin Jacaboy sleeping on the chair and Jason Murtaugh sleeping on the couch.
00:10:36
Speaker
Almost, bro.
00:10:38
Speaker
Almost.
00:10:40
Speaker
I'm already up.
00:10:41
Speaker
I'm cooking breakfast.
00:10:45
Speaker
You're cooking breakfast.
00:10:47
Speaker
Okay.
00:10:49
Speaker
Dude, dude, you got to start every morning with three eggs.
00:10:54
Speaker
Just straighten the blender, put that in a pan and just bake it.
00:10:58
Speaker
Okay.
00:10:58
Speaker
All right.
00:10:59
Speaker
I can do a... I can see that.
00:11:03
Speaker
I want you to roll for me.
00:11:07
Speaker
And I'm trying to figure out what I want you to roll because, you know, this isn't one that we normally do.
00:11:19
Speaker
I guess... First aid, bro.
00:11:23
Speaker
Gotta kick that hangover.
00:11:25
Speaker
It's like medicine for you.
00:11:27
Speaker
Roll me.
00:11:29
Speaker
I'm just going to make you roll me a 50 50 as well.
00:11:33
Speaker
Okay.
00:11:34
Speaker
48 out of 50.
00:11:36
Speaker
Okay.
00:11:36
Speaker
Your breakfast is actually pretty good.
00:11:39
Speaker
You actually know how to cook.
00:11:40
Speaker
Yeah, bro.
00:11:41
Speaker
At least eggs.
00:11:43
Speaker
Yo, Jacques boy.
00:11:45
Speaker
Get up, bro.
00:11:46
Speaker
It's almost afternoon.
00:11:47
Speaker
Then we're going to have to have our smoothies.
00:11:49
Speaker
We got to hit the gym still.
00:11:51
Speaker
Kevin gets up and he licks in his left hand.
00:11:53
Speaker
He's like, and he still has half a bud.
00:11:57
Speaker
He drinks the last of that.
00:11:58
Speaker
He's like, oh yeah, I smell breakfast.
00:12:05
Speaker
I thought it was Keystone we got, not bud.
00:12:08
Speaker
He doesn't care.
00:12:09
Speaker
He literally will drink whatever's in his fucking room.
00:12:13
Speaker
Like an animal.
00:12:15
Speaker
You drank a 50-50 vodka whiskey.
00:12:17
Speaker
Of course you will.
00:12:18
Speaker
Hell yeah, hair of the dog, bruh.
00:12:22
Speaker
Is that bacon done?
00:12:24
Speaker
Yeah, bro.
00:12:25
Speaker
Almost, anyway, I think.
00:12:27
Speaker
He grabs one anyway.
00:12:29
Speaker
Yeah, do it, do it.
00:12:30
Speaker
Raw like the earth mended.
00:12:32
Speaker
This hurts like fucking hell.
00:12:35
Speaker
Eat up.
00:12:36
Speaker
Hey, where's Courtney?
00:12:38
Speaker
Where's Dash?
00:12:40
Speaker
They're lost, bro.
00:12:45
Speaker
All right.
00:12:46
Speaker
Well, hold on.
00:12:47
Speaker
I'm just going to open up the oven.
00:12:49
Speaker
And I open up the oven and I start like wafting the smell up the stairs to the main bedroom, trying to get them to come down.
00:12:56
Speaker
Nice.
00:12:56
Speaker
Looney Tunes style.
Discovering the Ouija Board
00:12:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:59
Speaker
Oh, bro.
00:13:02
Speaker
I'm going to get the breeze.
00:13:03
Speaker
All right.
00:13:06
Speaker
What is Courtney's reaction as the smell of bacon hits the bedroom?
00:13:10
Speaker
Um, Courtney is in the middle of putting on her clothes, which is basically like a crop top and a pair of fucking booty shorts, because why not?
00:13:22
Speaker
And she smells the bacon and is... was already on her way out the door, like, to go to the kitchen.
00:13:30
Speaker
She opens the door and goes, I sure the hell hope you didn't burn the bacon.
00:13:36
Speaker
As she walks down the stairs towards the kitchen.
00:13:39
Speaker
Okay.
00:13:39
Speaker
Dash is gonna throw up.
00:13:42
Speaker
Jason, give me a intelligence throw.
00:13:49
Speaker
20 on a 65.
00:13:53
Speaker
Okay.
00:13:53
Speaker
You know how long that the bacon should be in the oven for, and you do indeed not burn it.
00:13:58
Speaker
Yeah, bro.
00:13:59
Speaker
Turkey bacon.
00:14:01
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:14:03
Speaker
Did you just say turkey bacon?
00:14:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:07
Speaker
Gobble, gobble.
00:14:09
Speaker
Okay.
00:14:12
Speaker
You're telling me that you eat turkey bacon this whole weekend away.
00:14:18
Speaker
We're going to have turkey bacon.
00:14:23
Speaker
Well, originally it was just going to be for me.
00:14:24
Speaker
I thought you guys weren't going to wake up, but I mean, food for all.
00:14:29
Speaker
You're an idiot.
00:14:32
Speaker
But she grabs one anyways and eats it.
00:14:34
Speaker
It's good for you, bro.
00:14:37
Speaker
Yeah, shout out cheerleader.
00:14:41
Speaker
I hear that a lot.
00:14:43
Speaker
I hate myself.
00:14:48
Speaker
I hate myself.
00:14:51
Speaker
Yeah, turkey bacon.
00:14:52
Speaker
I can't stand this fucking character.
00:14:56
Speaker
I hope she dies.
00:14:58
Speaker
So...
00:15:03
Speaker
Dash, you are in the bathroom at this point while everyone else is down in the kitchen.
00:15:08
Speaker
What are you doing in the bathroom aside from, you know, using the bathroom in the morning?
00:15:13
Speaker
We don't need to roleplay that part.
00:15:16
Speaker
He is currently fixing his hair, putting the perfect amount of gel into it to get the nice, you know, wave going on it.
00:15:23
Speaker
Dash, you're going to roll 50-50 to see if you have diarrhea or not.
00:15:31
Speaker
I'm sorry, why?
00:15:34
Speaker
I don't make the rules.
00:15:35
Speaker
I just enforce them.
00:15:37
Speaker
I don't make the rules.
00:15:39
Speaker
I just think them up and write them down.
00:15:41
Speaker
All right, Zap, Brandon.
00:15:47
Speaker
No, you don't have to roll a 50-50 time.
00:15:49
Speaker
I was wondering if it was actually going to be...
00:15:55
Speaker
I considered it.
00:15:57
Speaker
I will be kind enough for that.
00:15:59
Speaker
Just because I hate this character so much.
00:16:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:02
Speaker
And after he finishes his hair and makes sure his eyebrows are perfect, no blemishes on the face, he opens the door and immediately stops and tries not to throw up.
00:16:15
Speaker
And just then slowly walks downstairs.
00:16:19
Speaker
I figured it was going to be Courtney that was going to be a bitch about bacon.
00:16:23
Speaker
All right.
00:16:24
Speaker
It's going to be Dash.
00:16:24
Speaker
She wants a bitch about bacon.
00:16:26
Speaker
She's pissed that it's turkey bacon.
00:16:31
Speaker
It is so good for you.
00:16:32
Speaker
It doesn't weigh you down.
00:16:33
Speaker
It's good for you.
00:16:38
Speaker
So in the middle of this conversation, Dash walks in.
00:16:42
Speaker
He ignores everyone, goes straight to the fridge and cracks open a brand new jar of pickles and just starts chugging the brine.
00:16:53
Speaker
Yeah, bro.
00:16:54
Speaker
I get it.
00:16:54
Speaker
What the fuck you doing, pickle boy?
00:16:58
Speaker
He puts the jar down.
00:16:59
Speaker
He's like, that is the best way to cure a hangover.
00:17:02
Speaker
You Neanderthals and your fucking food.
00:17:06
Speaker
No, dude.
00:17:08
Speaker
The only way to cure a hangover is to just keep drinking, bro.
00:17:11
Speaker
Because you can't have a hangover if you're never not drunk.
00:17:15
Speaker
It's just fucking science.
00:17:18
Speaker
I do believe you failed that class, but sure, let's go with that.
00:17:23
Speaker
Look, we're all just here.
00:17:24
Speaker
Let's have a good time.
00:17:26
Speaker
What's on the docket for today?
00:17:27
Speaker
And I'm going to go over to the table and start cleaning up the glasses.
00:17:31
Speaker
Off of the Ouija board table?
00:17:34
Speaker
Yeah, anything, any mess that I'm guaranteeing that we all left.
00:17:40
Speaker
Okay.
00:17:41
Speaker
So you go to start cleaning off the glasses and the cans and the bottles and the...
00:17:47
Speaker
Whatever else you guys were drinking, you notice everything, the whole mess that you guys left comes off just fine.
00:17:54
Speaker
You know, it's you're cleaning up the crystal glass that was there does not move.
00:18:01
Speaker
You cannot pull it off the table.
00:18:04
Speaker
Oh,
00:18:08
Speaker
Yo, yo, yo, yo.
00:18:09
Speaker
Take a minute from your bacon right quick.
00:18:11
Speaker
Check this out.
00:18:12
Speaker
And I'm just kind of like shaking the glass.
00:18:15
Speaker
I can't move it, guys.
00:18:17
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:18:18
Speaker
You can move it.
00:18:20
Speaker
What?
00:18:21
Speaker
It just won't lift off the table.
00:18:24
Speaker
Yo, Kevin, something's fucky with your table, bro.
00:18:27
Speaker
What was wrong with my table?
00:18:28
Speaker
What'd you do, bro?
00:18:29
Speaker
It's an antique.
00:18:31
Speaker
Made of pure mahogany, bro.
00:18:33
Speaker
You better not have fucked with my table, bro.
00:18:38
Speaker
Yo, yo, I put my hands up in the air Look man, I'm just saying That glass, it ain't coming up I'm just trying to clean up the mess around here So we can get out and get to the gym Get some fun times going That thing ain't moving It ain't coming up Captain's gonna try moving it Same thing, it's easy to Like slide around the table But you cannot lift it off the table He's gonna try sliding it to the very edge Of the table and just like trying To pull it off
00:19:09
Speaker
Around the edge of the table, there is like a half-inch lip.
00:19:14
Speaker
So the table is not flush.
00:19:16
Speaker
Like, there's a border around it.
00:19:19
Speaker
On that table, is there one of those little, like, movie things?
00:19:24
Speaker
I can't remember what it's called.
00:19:26
Speaker
The thing that goes all to the letters and shit.
00:19:31
Speaker
A planchetta?
00:19:33
Speaker
Yeah, that.
00:19:36
Speaker
Is it...
00:19:38
Speaker
Is there... What the fuck is that?
00:19:40
Speaker
It's the little heart-shaped thing that you put your fingers on and you move it and it goes to letters... Oh, you're talking like for the Ouija board.
00:19:48
Speaker
No, there is this... It's almost like a brandy glass.
00:19:55
Speaker
Oh, so that's the thing.
00:19:55
Speaker
It's like one of those half glasses, yeah.
00:19:59
Speaker
Okay.
00:20:01
Speaker
While Tweedledee and Tweedledum are trying to figure it out,
00:20:06
Speaker
You're just twiddle-wring, bro.
00:20:09
Speaker
Courtney walks over and kind of like, who has their hand on it?
00:20:14
Speaker
Kevin does?
00:20:15
Speaker
Yeah, it's my table.
00:20:17
Speaker
My hand, bro.
00:20:20
Speaker
It's not your table.
00:20:21
Speaker
You guys rented this place.
00:20:23
Speaker
My table!
00:20:26
Speaker
She comes over there, kind of like, shoos his hand away from it, and then puts it, and then kind of like, you know, grabs the glass, and slowly slides it over so it's on, like, one of the letters.
00:20:38
Speaker
She will look at the boys and kind of give a smile, and goes, You guys want to ask it some questions?
00:20:48
Speaker
Yeah, I got one.
00:20:50
Speaker
What's your favorite drink to have a top of you?
00:20:54
Speaker
That's like a table question, right?
00:20:57
Speaker
No, you moron.
00:21:01
Speaker
This is a spirit board.
00:21:04
Speaker
We can talk to the dead through it.
00:21:07
Speaker
I thought it was a Ouija board.
00:21:09
Speaker
I thought it was a counter.
00:21:10
Speaker
I thought it was a Luigi board.
00:21:15
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:21:19
Speaker
I didn't say it this time.
00:21:20
Speaker
That's all I can say.
00:21:21
Speaker
Matt, I just took you at your word.
00:21:25
Speaker
I didn't know what this thing was, but yeah, let's go.
00:21:27
Speaker
Before we kick it for the day, let's see.
00:21:29
Speaker
I don't buy into none of this stuff, but let's play it.
00:21:32
Speaker
Fuck it.
00:21:33
Speaker
Let's do it.
00:21:35
Speaker
I put my hand on the whiskey glass.
00:21:40
Speaker
With Courtney's?
00:21:41
Speaker
Yes.
00:21:42
Speaker
Okay.
00:21:44
Speaker
Sure.
00:21:45
Speaker
Why not?
00:21:47
Speaker
Couldn't hurt anything.
00:21:49
Speaker
Yeah, why not?
00:21:50
Speaker
Let's talk to the ghosts.
00:21:53
Speaker
Dash puts his hand on it.
00:21:55
Speaker
I have to ask, are any of you going to manipulate the glass in any way?
00:22:02
Speaker
No.
00:22:04
Speaker
Nope.
00:22:05
Speaker
Is everybody touching it?
00:22:07
Speaker
Yes, I think so.
00:22:09
Speaker
I move it back and forth from 6969420.
00:22:16
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:17
Speaker
But when you start asking questions, none of you are planning on messing with the answer?
00:22:23
Speaker
I guess.
00:22:25
Speaker
If the mood strikes me, bro, I don't know, God.
00:22:28
Speaker
All right.
00:22:29
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:33
Speaker
Just so we're all on the same page here.
00:22:37
Speaker
If you're going to cheat it, text Jordan.
00:22:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:44
Speaker
All right.
00:22:44
Speaker
So...
00:22:46
Speaker
You all put your hands on the whiskey glass.
00:22:51
Speaker
Who is going to be the ringleader?
00:22:55
Speaker
Like, who's going to be the one asking the questions?
00:23:01
Speaker
I'd assume Courtney.
00:23:02
Speaker
Yeah, Courtney.
00:23:03
Speaker
You see what you know about this spooky ghost shit?
00:23:08
Speaker
This nerdy ass ghost shit.
00:23:10
Speaker
You know this.
00:23:12
Speaker
Y'all, I really don't want to Google questions to ask a spirit board on my phone.
00:23:19
Speaker
Basically, the questions that you would want to ask is, is anybody there?
00:23:24
Speaker
If they say yes, then you can ask questions about who they were in life.
00:23:30
Speaker
It's all just simple questions.
00:23:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:33
Speaker
Who's your favorite Pokemon?
00:23:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:36
Speaker
I like the idea of asking the table, like, what's your favorite drink?
00:23:40
Speaker
I know, bro.
00:23:41
Speaker
I'm sure you had a lot of alcohol spilled on you, like, what's your favorite drink, bro?
00:23:44
Speaker
These are the questions.
00:23:46
Speaker
These are the questions that no one else wants to ask.
00:23:50
Speaker
We're brave enough to do it, bro.
00:23:53
Speaker
No, we're dumb enough to do it, bro.
00:23:55
Speaker
Nah, dude, we're fucking heroes.
00:23:58
Speaker
Well, I mean, you said it, Jason, not me.
00:24:02
Speaker
Do you, Melanie, have anything in unnatural or in occult?
00:24:08
Speaker
That's the wrong one.
00:24:10
Speaker
Where's the... There it is.
00:24:15
Speaker
In what?
00:24:16
Speaker
In what?
00:24:18
Speaker
Unnatural or occult?
00:24:22
Speaker
No.
00:24:23
Speaker
No.
00:24:28
Speaker
I don't even see a cult.
00:24:30
Speaker
It's between Navigate and Persuade.
00:24:33
Speaker
Yeah, middle row close to the bottom.
00:24:36
Speaker
You get a natural 10% to a cult.
00:24:39
Speaker
Oh, it's an O!
00:24:41
Speaker
I thought I was looking for an A. No, I have nothing in either one of those.
00:24:45
Speaker
Okay, and Matt, you don't have anything in those either?
00:24:49
Speaker
I have a 10%.
00:24:51
Speaker
Well, yeah, you get a regular 10%, but...
00:24:54
Speaker
Nick and Breck also texted saying they don't have anything in it.
00:24:57
Speaker
So why don't you all roll me an occult at plus 20?
00:25:04
Speaker
So you'll be rolling on a 30%.
00:25:05
Speaker
32 out of 30.
00:25:05
Speaker
26 out of 30.
00:25:06
Speaker
77 out of 30.
00:25:08
Speaker
I got a 67 out of 30.
00:25:09
Speaker
Okay.
00:25:25
Speaker
This works because Courtney was the one to suggest fucking with the spirit board in the first place.
00:25:33
Speaker
The ambiance isn't quite right, is it?
00:25:36
Speaker
It's 1130 in the morning.
00:25:37
Speaker
Sun's shining.
00:25:40
Speaker
You kind of need to close the blinds and light some candles, don't you?
00:25:44
Speaker
Probably.
00:25:45
Speaker
I mean, not really.
00:25:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:46
Speaker
You don't have to.
00:25:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:51
Speaker
Yeah, but Courtney's gonna...
00:25:54
Speaker
Okay, so Courtney then goes and closes all the blinds.
00:26:01
Speaker
Courtney, what are you doing?
00:26:03
Speaker
Courtney, stop.
00:26:06
Speaker
Shut the fuck up, Kevin.
00:26:08
Speaker
Yeah, set the mood.
00:26:09
Speaker
Make it creepy.
00:26:10
Speaker
Let's go.
00:26:11
Speaker
I want to get another beer.
00:26:12
Speaker
This is fucking taking forever.
00:26:14
Speaker
Hey, get me one.
00:26:16
Speaker
I was going to bring the whole case.
00:26:20
Speaker
She finds some candles and lights them and sets them on the table.
00:26:25
Speaker
Where's Ryan?
00:26:27
Speaker
He's got so many candles.
00:26:32
Speaker
That motherfucker is just pulling candles out at every fucking situation.
00:26:37
Speaker
You let me have candles.
00:26:38
Speaker
I'm going to have candles.
00:26:43
Speaker
Dash is going to take a sniff of the air and be like, Sandalwood, of course that would be the candles.
00:26:50
Speaker
Why are you so snooty?
00:26:54
Speaker
Why are you such a bitch?
00:26:56
Speaker
Well, I gotta act the way I am.
00:27:00
Speaker
Damn!
00:27:03
Speaker
At least you're honest with yourself.
00:27:05
Speaker
It's better that he can say about some people and is gonna look at the other two.
00:27:08
Speaker
What the fuck are they looking at, bro?
00:27:14
Speaker
They're not getting my beer.
00:27:15
Speaker
If you want it, you have to ask.
00:27:18
Speaker
You can't just do a stupid look, bro, alright?
00:27:22
Speaker
Are you two idiots ready to play with this thing?
00:27:26
Speaker
I mean, you're the one that's fucking around with curtains.
00:27:28
Speaker
I've been waiting for it.
00:27:29
Speaker
Let's go, let's go.
00:27:30
Speaker
I get my hand back on it and I'm kind of like hopping without my feet leaving the ground like, come on, let's go.
00:27:36
Speaker
One hand on the cult glass and the other on my beer.
00:27:41
Speaker
The way you should talk to ghosts.
00:27:43
Speaker
Of course, yeah.
00:27:45
Speaker
They don't respect you if you're not getting drunk while you're doing it.
00:27:48
Speaker
Yeah, it's like early ghost adventures.
00:27:50
Speaker
It's like Zach Banks' wild days.
00:27:53
Speaker
Alright, so you all have your hands on the glass.
Spirit Session: Suspense & Chaos
00:27:58
Speaker
Courtney, what do you want to ask the table?
00:28:05
Speaker
Are there any spirits with us right now?
00:28:09
Speaker
The glass stays still for a moment.
00:28:13
Speaker
And then slowly slides to the word yes.
00:28:20
Speaker
Whoa.
00:28:22
Speaker
Are you like the spirit of the trees that made this table?
00:28:26
Speaker
Borax?
00:28:28
Speaker
Instantly slides to the word no.
00:28:30
Speaker
Whoa.
00:28:33
Speaker
Bruh.
00:28:36
Speaker
All right, keep going, keep going.
00:28:37
Speaker
This is cool.
00:28:40
Speaker
Uh, Courtney's a little shocked that it did move, but she thinks the boys are messing with her anyways, so she just keeps going.
00:28:48
Speaker
Um, okay, so there's a ghost with us right now.
00:28:53
Speaker
Are you a good ghost or a bad ghost?
00:28:58
Speaker
Glass doesn't move for a second.
00:29:00
Speaker
And then goes to the letters B-A-D.
00:29:05
Speaker
It's a badass ghost?!
00:29:09
Speaker
I know we're not actually playing with the spirit board, but like me personally, my anxiety is really high right now.
00:29:19
Speaker
Courtney, roll me an alertness check.
00:29:22
Speaker
Yeah, you should have told God that.
00:29:25
Speaker
He's making you roll alertness check, don't you?
00:29:28
Speaker
Yeah, right?
00:29:28
Speaker
That's a 46 out of 50.
00:29:29
Speaker
46 out of 50.
00:29:39
Speaker
The guys aren't messing with you.
00:29:40
Speaker
Okay.
00:29:44
Speaker
So it spelled out bad.
00:29:49
Speaker
It did indeed.
00:29:51
Speaker
I don't want to ask another question because I'm scared myself.
00:29:57
Speaker
Is Courtney showing that she's afraid?
00:30:00
Speaker
No, Melanie is showing that she's afraid.
00:30:02
Speaker
No, Courtney is not showing that she's afraid.
00:30:07
Speaker
Good thing they're not playing with a real Ouija board.
00:30:10
Speaker
Hey, Courtney.
00:30:11
Speaker
Courtney.
00:30:12
Speaker
Ask the ghost if it likes the cool, refreshing taste of Keystone.
00:30:20
Speaker
She just smacks him in the back of the head.
00:30:23
Speaker
The glass slides to no.
00:30:25
Speaker
So he's saying this ghost is a little bitch.
00:30:31
Speaker
It's saying this ghost has actual taste buds.
00:30:36
Speaker
Nailed it.
00:30:36
Speaker
Alright, so like, what's your name?
00:30:41
Speaker
I didn't think this was going to make Melanie this uncomfortable.
00:30:44
Speaker
I actually slightly feel bad about this.
00:30:48
Speaker
I am very uncomfortable.
00:30:50
Speaker
But this is what this whole arc is based off of, so I'm sorry.
00:30:54
Speaker
It's fine.
00:30:56
Speaker
It's fine.
00:30:59
Speaker
Nick asked a question though, so...
00:31:01
Speaker
Yo, what's your name, ghosty dude?
00:31:05
Speaker
Glass doesn't move for a second.
00:31:09
Speaker
And then slowly moves to the letter C. And then the letter H. And then the letter R. I. S. Stop!
00:31:24
Speaker
I would have paid money for you to spell that wrong.
00:31:32
Speaker
Chris.
00:31:34
Speaker
Righteous name, bro.
00:31:37
Speaker
So like, what's good?
00:31:41
Speaker
Glass slides to me.
00:31:44
Speaker
That's not like an answer.
00:31:45
Speaker
It's more like an abstract question.
00:31:48
Speaker
Like, what is good?
00:31:50
Speaker
Are you?
00:31:51
Speaker
Oh, shit.
00:31:51
Speaker
Wait, he said he's not good.
00:31:53
Speaker
I'm getting a little bit of a stone.
00:31:57
Speaker
This is getting pretty crazy.
00:32:00
Speaker
Hold on, hold on.
00:32:01
Speaker
Would this group of kids know who Chris was?
00:32:07
Speaker
No.
00:32:08
Speaker
Okay.
00:32:10
Speaker
Are we safe in this cabin?
00:32:14
Speaker
Glass slides around the table before finally landing on Yes.
00:32:20
Speaker
I have to say, Courtney, you're pretty good at this.
00:32:22
Speaker
I can't even tell you're moving the glass.
00:32:25
Speaker
How do you know this party trick?
00:32:28
Speaker
I'm not moving the glass.
00:32:29
Speaker
I thought one of you were moving the glass.
00:32:33
Speaker
What?
00:32:34
Speaker
No, I thought this was like a skit.
00:32:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:39
Speaker
Courtney quickly pulls her hand away.
00:32:41
Speaker
Likewise.
00:32:42
Speaker
Kevin puts the keystone can in the cup and then he puts his hand away.
00:32:51
Speaker
Dash pulls his hand away.
00:32:55
Speaker
So nobody's touching the glass.
00:32:57
Speaker
And there's a keystone can on top of the glass?
00:33:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:10
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:12
Speaker
Because in Kevin's mind, I mean, Keith's touching the stone.
00:33:19
Speaker
I don't think your beard's going to ask it a question.
00:33:21
Speaker
Keith's stone, bro.
00:33:23
Speaker
My favorite brew...
00:33:27
Speaker
Okay, so if none of us are fucking with each other, because two of us aren't smart enough to do it, and the other one isn't, what is going on here?
00:33:35
Speaker
The can flies across the room.
00:33:37
Speaker
Oh, shit!
00:33:40
Speaker
Bro, that's a total party foul, by the way.
00:33:44
Speaker
I think we have more to worry about.
00:33:47
Speaker
Since you seem to know about this, Courtney, any explanations?
00:33:51
Speaker
Because I don't like this.
00:33:54
Speaker
The glass starts to move across the table.
00:33:58
Speaker
No, because I... Yo, look, look, look.
00:34:00
Speaker
Check it out.
00:34:00
Speaker
Check it.
00:34:01
Speaker
Check the table.
00:34:07
Speaker
H-E-L-P Help?
00:34:12
Speaker
You want our help?
00:34:14
Speaker
What?
00:34:15
Speaker
Glass slides to yes.
00:34:18
Speaker
We're not even touching it, yo.
00:34:20
Speaker
I thought one of you was fucking with me.
00:34:22
Speaker
This is, uh, who did someone spike a bruise or did the, it was the turkey bacon filled with LSD.
00:34:34
Speaker
No, not this time.
00:34:41
Speaker
There's no reason we hang out together, but this, this ain't it.
00:34:47
Speaker
Yeah, if you guys are playing a joke on any of us right now, you need to stop.
00:34:52
Speaker
This isn't funny anymore.
00:34:54
Speaker
I literally don't have the brain cells to figure out a way to do that, okay?
00:35:00
Speaker
I think the joke may have stopped when we took our hands off the glass.
00:35:04
Speaker
Um, how can we help you?
00:35:09
Speaker
The glass moves across the table.
00:35:12
Speaker
R E L E
00:35:18
Speaker
A S E M E Um You lost me.
00:35:30
Speaker
But you said you're a bad ghost so I don't want to release you.
00:35:35
Speaker
I got no credit.
00:35:36
Speaker
I can't get a lease for you.
00:35:37
Speaker
Can I?
00:35:40
Speaker
God damn it.
00:35:41
Speaker
Oh my god.
00:35:42
Speaker
I'm surrounded by morons.
00:35:44
Speaker
He said release me.
00:35:45
Speaker
Learn to spell.
00:35:48
Speaker
Oh, I thought he wanted me to like buy him.
00:35:52
Speaker
Yes.
00:35:53
Speaker
It said release me.
00:35:53
Speaker
Melanie can't spell very fast.
00:35:54
Speaker
Okay.
00:35:55
Speaker
Thanks.
00:35:57
Speaker
I'm going to be 100% honest.
00:35:59
Speaker
Breck is cheating and typing it out on his phone.
00:36:06
Speaker
Didn't even think of that.
00:36:09
Speaker
There's a reason I'm doing the letters slow enough.
00:36:13
Speaker
Appreciate it.
00:36:14
Speaker
Yep.
00:36:15
Speaker
Okay.
00:36:15
Speaker
It is nice.
00:36:16
Speaker
Um,
00:36:18
Speaker
Alright, so he wants us to release him.
00:36:24
Speaker
Okay, um, the literal- Last slides to yes.
00:36:27
Speaker
The answers we've gotten are literally have been bad.
00:36:30
Speaker
Chris, help release me.
00:36:32
Speaker
The first answer kind of tells us what we shouldn't do, and that is everything else.
00:36:39
Speaker
Yes?
00:36:40
Speaker
Um, I agree.
00:36:42
Speaker
He said he's a bad spirit.
00:36:47
Speaker
But then wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:36:48
Speaker
Really confused.
00:36:50
Speaker
Is there more than one spirit with us, bro?
00:36:55
Speaker
Glass slides to know.
00:36:57
Speaker
OK, they Chris, you like bipolar, man.
00:37:01
Speaker
Glass circles the table and lands on no.
00:37:05
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:37:05
Speaker
That's your opinion, bro.
00:37:07
Speaker
You're fucking dead.
00:37:10
Speaker
Everybody give me an alertness check.
00:37:13
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:37:15
Speaker
No.
00:37:19
Speaker
Aw, man!
00:37:20
Speaker
Why'd I throw high?
00:37:23
Speaker
79 out of 50.
00:37:25
Speaker
87 out of 50.
00:37:27
Speaker
16 out of 50.
00:37:31
Speaker
Nice.
00:37:33
Speaker
And what was yours, Melanie?
00:37:34
Speaker
17 out of 50.
00:37:36
Speaker
Okay, so Dash and Courtney both notice that the glass lifts off the table.
00:37:43
Speaker
She takes, like, two steps backwards.
00:37:45
Speaker
Um...
00:37:46
Speaker
Yo, bro, you said we were safe here, right?
00:37:48
Speaker
Is that still true?
00:37:50
Speaker
Dash doesn't hesitate.
00:37:52
Speaker
He immediately slaps the glass.
00:37:55
Speaker
Glass doesn't move.
00:37:59
Speaker
Oh, well, and then he tries to flip the table.
00:38:03
Speaker
I feel the glass.
00:38:04
Speaker
I feel the glass.
00:38:07
Speaker
What I want now is I want Kevin Jacaboy to roll me a dodge.
00:38:11
Speaker
Oh, yeah, you got it, bro.
00:38:17
Speaker
Oh shit.
00:38:19
Speaker
God damn it, dude.
00:38:22
Speaker
52 out of 30.
00:38:24
Speaker
Oh, I also rolled a 52, but mine was out of 60.
00:38:30
Speaker
The glass flies across the room and hits you in the face.
00:38:32
Speaker
Take one point of damage.
00:38:35
Speaker
Ah, what the fuck, Chris?
00:38:39
Speaker
Yo, dude, this coach is a straight up bitch.
00:38:45
Speaker
Courtney goes to open the curtains because she's had enough.
00:38:49
Speaker
Dash still wants to flip the table.
00:38:52
Speaker
Oh, dude.
00:38:52
Speaker
Kevin wants to fight this guy now.
00:38:55
Speaker
Okay, so let's resolve this here in order here.
00:39:00
Speaker
As the glass hits Kevin, it falls to the ground and you notice it starts to lift again and lands on the table.
00:39:13
Speaker
Dash.
00:39:15
Speaker
Roll me a... First off, roll me a power.
00:39:19
Speaker
Ooh.
00:39:25
Speaker
Oh.
00:39:28
Speaker
That was the best response that could have been.
00:39:30
Speaker
Yes, it was.
00:39:32
Speaker
Oh, okay, okay.
00:39:33
Speaker
I got a 75 on a 75.
00:39:34
Speaker
I'm good.
00:39:34
Speaker
Okay.
00:39:34
Speaker
Then I need you to roll me a strength.
00:39:50
Speaker
That is an 80 on an 85.
00:39:52
Speaker
Okay.
00:39:56
Speaker
You do attempt to at least rock the table before the legs come crashing back down.
00:40:03
Speaker
So it's still standing upright, but you were at least able to move it.
00:40:08
Speaker
Courtney, you rush across the room.
00:40:10
Speaker
You open the blinds.
00:40:11
Speaker
There is no resistance to the blinds.
00:40:14
Speaker
Sunlight fills the room again, and you guys feel the presence kind of dissipate.
00:40:21
Speaker
Yeah, um, I thought it was gonna be fun playing with that thing, but that was a little terrifying.
00:40:28
Speaker
Yeah, dude, what the fuck?
00:40:32
Speaker
Chris, are you still there?
00:40:37
Speaker
Glass doesn't move.
00:40:38
Speaker
I'm gonna grab the glass and I just throw it against the ground as hard as I can.
00:40:44
Speaker
You still can't pick the glass up off the table?
00:40:47
Speaker
Shit, bro.
00:40:50
Speaker
I'm gonna pick up the table and smash the glass against the floor.
00:40:56
Speaker
Okay, roll me a power.
00:40:58
Speaker
39 out of 65.
00:41:00
Speaker
Okay, roll me a strength.
00:41:07
Speaker
20 out of 85.
00:41:21
Speaker
Alright.
00:41:22
Speaker
You are able to pick up not the entire table, but like the side that you're on.
00:41:30
Speaker
You are able to get it off the ground.
00:41:33
Speaker
Now roll me a 50-50.
00:41:33
Speaker
Shit.
00:41:34
Speaker
Honestly, I forgot.
00:41:41
Speaker
Would I roll some of that?
00:41:43
Speaker
Just roll a D100.
00:41:44
Speaker
Let me know what you roll.
00:41:50
Speaker
Oh my god, dude.
00:41:52
Speaker
50.
00:41:54
Speaker
You rolled a 50?
00:41:55
Speaker
I rolled a 50.
00:41:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:58
Speaker
Actually a 50.
00:42:01
Speaker
Damn.
00:42:01
Speaker
5 and 0.
00:42:05
Speaker
You're able to pick up the end of the table, and you're trying to flip it over so that way you can break the glass.
00:42:15
Speaker
And you feel something kind of pushing on the top of the table.
00:42:23
Speaker
And your fingers are starting to slip.
00:42:25
Speaker
And as your fingers slip, the table smashes back into the ground and stands upright again.
00:42:32
Speaker
And you look at the ground and the leg to the table has hit the floor an inch away from your foot.
00:42:44
Speaker
Holy
00:42:45
Speaker
Shit, dude.
00:42:47
Speaker
Chris ain't fucking around, guys.
00:42:51
Speaker
We need to, like, fucking get out of this place.
00:42:58
Speaker
You want to leave the place that it told us was safe with a apparent ghost not very happy with us.
Trapped & Terrified
00:43:07
Speaker
This ghost just fucking threw a glass at my fucking face and almost broke my foot.
00:43:13
Speaker
Yeah, I don't want beer anymore.
00:43:16
Speaker
I know you're not very smart, but if you ever watched any ghost-based horror movie, it could be infinitely worse.
00:43:25
Speaker
Oh, you mean Ghost Dad?
00:43:27
Speaker
Bill Cosby was pretty scary.
00:43:30
Speaker
Yes, he's terrifying.
00:43:36
Speaker
That was a fucking deep cut, Matt.
00:43:39
Speaker
I had to think of like any ghost of you that I could think of that wasn't remotely a horror movie.
00:43:45
Speaker
So it's not Casper.
00:43:46
Speaker
It's some dude named Chris.
00:43:48
Speaker
And I think that we should just go get in your car and go home.
00:43:52
Speaker
I'm going to start walking towards the door.
00:43:55
Speaker
I agree.
00:43:57
Speaker
Or we could just call the landlord and see if we can get a different cabin.
00:44:01
Speaker
I'm not ruining my weekend.
00:44:05
Speaker
Oh, I don't care where we go.
00:44:06
Speaker
I'm just not staying in here.
00:44:09
Speaker
Call, Courtney.
00:44:10
Speaker
Call.
00:44:11
Speaker
If you have such a great idea, why don't you fucking do it, bro?
00:44:16
Speaker
Yeah, why don't you fucking do it, Courtney?
00:44:17
Speaker
Go ahead.
00:44:18
Speaker
Call.
00:44:20
Speaker
Yeah, do you hear God?
00:44:21
Speaker
Call.
00:44:22
Speaker
Why is God talking to me like that?
00:44:24
Speaker
Don't worry about the voice in the sky.
00:44:26
Speaker
Just do what he says, Courtney.
00:44:29
Speaker
Did I spike those eggs?
00:44:31
Speaker
I'm sorry.
00:44:34
Speaker
Courtney, have you never heard the voice of God before?
00:44:36
Speaker
He talks to us all the time.
00:44:37
Speaker
Come on, get with the program.
00:44:39
Speaker
Oh, God.
00:44:40
Speaker
Not like that.
00:44:41
Speaker
That was scary.
00:44:45
Speaker
He's fine.
00:44:45
Speaker
He's all walking.
00:44:46
Speaker
No bite.
00:44:48
Speaker
I'm out the door.
00:44:50
Speaker
Oh, are you?
00:44:51
Speaker
I'm leaving.
00:44:52
Speaker
Okay, cool.
00:44:53
Speaker
Um...
00:44:55
Speaker
Oh, hang on.
00:44:56
Speaker
Hang on.
00:44:56
Speaker
You need to relax a second.
00:44:58
Speaker
Jason, you, uh, you reach for the door.
00:45:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:02
Speaker
The door does not move in the handle breaks off in your hand.
00:45:06
Speaker
Can I see through it to see outside?
00:45:08
Speaker
Nope.
00:45:11
Speaker
Uh, yo guys problem.
00:45:15
Speaker
And I jangle the handle in my hand.
00:45:19
Speaker
Uh, fuck.
00:45:22
Speaker
Did you seriously break the door?
00:45:25
Speaker
Damn it, Jason, you're supposed to push the door open, not pull it, you Neanderthal.
00:45:30
Speaker
Dude, shut the fuck up.
00:45:31
Speaker
And I whip the doorknob at him.
00:45:33
Speaker
If you're so goddamn smart, you go open the door.
00:45:36
Speaker
All right, perfect.
00:45:37
Speaker
Dash, roll me a dodge against Jason's firearms?
00:45:48
Speaker
I do got firearms and I flex.
00:45:54
Speaker
Super weird that we're all hearing like a third party's voice in our brains and we just accept it.
00:46:01
Speaker
69 on a 40.
00:46:02
Speaker
Okay.
00:46:04
Speaker
I rolled a 60 on a 30.
00:46:08
Speaker
69 on a 40 is a crit success.
00:46:10
Speaker
Go ahead and roll 2d4 for damage against Dash.
00:46:15
Speaker
2d4 for damage.
00:46:16
Speaker
I'm sorry, 2d4?
00:46:19
Speaker
It's a crit.
00:46:20
Speaker
It's a crit.
00:46:20
Speaker
It was going to be 1d4, but you're going to subtract two.
00:46:24
Speaker
So it's a D. It's 1d4 minus one.
00:46:27
Speaker
So it's going to be 2d4 minus two.
00:46:29
Speaker
I got eight.
00:46:32
Speaker
You did not get eight.
00:46:34
Speaker
I'm so sorry.
00:46:36
Speaker
I said Ryan.
00:46:37
Speaker
I'm so sorry, Dash.
00:46:39
Speaker
Dash, this door handle flies through the air and it's a hefty door handle.
00:46:46
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:46:46
Speaker
Smacks you right in the face and you take six damage.
00:46:51
Speaker
How much health do you have?
00:46:52
Speaker
16.
00:46:54
Speaker
So I go down to 10.
00:46:58
Speaker
Okay.
00:47:01
Speaker
Son of a bitch.
00:47:03
Speaker
Oh my God, dude.
00:47:08
Speaker
You've been being a bummer all last night.
00:47:10
Speaker
You're being a bummer now.
00:47:11
Speaker
This shit's scary.
00:47:12
Speaker
I'm not dealing with that shit.
00:47:14
Speaker
You think you can get out?
00:47:15
Speaker
You go do it.
00:47:17
Speaker
Everybody give me an alertness check.
00:47:21
Speaker
Give us the ass to say Matt.
00:47:23
Speaker
Give me an alertness.
00:47:24
Speaker
37 out of 50.
00:47:24
Speaker
40 out of 50.
00:47:35
Speaker
19 out of 50.
00:47:37
Speaker
Nice.
00:47:37
Speaker
18 out of 50.
00:47:41
Speaker
Good.
00:47:41
Speaker
You all notice it.
00:47:43
Speaker
The glass is moving.
00:47:46
Speaker
Courtney is like quickly moving over to the phone to try and call the landlord.
00:47:53
Speaker
Kevin's looking for a bat or something to be able to attack this ghost.
00:47:59
Speaker
Dash hasn't moved yet, especially since he's hit the face with the doorknob, so he's just going to look down, holding his face.
00:48:05
Speaker
Okay.
00:48:09
Speaker
You see the glass is spelling something out.
00:48:14
Speaker
We'll resolve that first.
00:48:17
Speaker
Actually, no.
00:48:18
Speaker
We'll resolve Courtney first.
00:48:22
Speaker
Courtney's is really easy to resolve.
00:48:24
Speaker
Courtney, you pick up your cell phone.
00:48:26
Speaker
No, I'm going for the landline in the cottage.
00:48:30
Speaker
Good.
00:48:31
Speaker
Perfect.
00:48:34
Speaker
The landline's just there for show.
00:48:35
Speaker
It doesn't have a cord actually into the wall.
00:48:40
Speaker
And yes.
00:48:40
Speaker
I pull out my cell phone.
00:48:43
Speaker
I was going to say, and yes, I rolled for that before we even played.
00:48:47
Speaker
It's starting to make sense why this place is so cheap.
00:48:53
Speaker
You pull out your cell phone.
00:48:54
Speaker
She pulls out her cell phone to call the landlord.
00:48:57
Speaker
Cool.
00:48:58
Speaker
You were on your phone a lot last night, scrolling through Facebook and Twitter and, you know, all that stuff.
00:49:05
Speaker
You got to keep up with, you know, all your friends and all.
00:49:08
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:49:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:10
Speaker
You got to be in the know.
00:49:13
Speaker
Weirdly, you have no signal all of a sudden.
00:49:17
Speaker
What the fuck?
00:49:20
Speaker
So she puts it back in her pocket.
00:49:21
Speaker
Guys, I don't know how to get ahold of the landlord.
00:49:23
Speaker
I have no fucking service.
00:49:26
Speaker
I'm just watching the glass intently.
00:49:29
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:30
Speaker
Kevin is looking for a weapon.
00:49:32
Speaker
I would say Kevin's looking around for a weapon, failing miserably at that because it's a rented cottage.
00:49:36
Speaker
There's nothing there.
00:49:38
Speaker
Is there a lamp, a large lamp, like a tall lamp?
00:49:42
Speaker
Not a tall lamp.
00:49:44
Speaker
No, just a regular lamp.
00:49:47
Speaker
Dash, you are right over the table.
00:49:52
Speaker
Jason, you're over by the door, so you're kind of seeing it at a further angle.
00:49:57
Speaker
Yeah, I'm like slowly walking up to it to watch it.
00:50:02
Speaker
The glass is moving around and it's spelling out.
00:50:05
Speaker
I'll just tell you what it's spelling out instead of giving you letters.
00:50:09
Speaker
It is spelling out, you will not leave.
00:50:13
Speaker
Okay.
00:50:18
Speaker
Well, see, Kevin's going to try to run through the window.
00:50:24
Speaker
Try to jump through, you know what I mean?
00:50:27
Speaker
Go, go, go, go.
00:50:28
Speaker
Break that window.
00:50:31
Speaker
Dash is going to say, is there a way to leave?
00:50:34
Speaker
The glass slides to no.
00:50:37
Speaker
Kevin, you bounce off the window and hit the ground.
00:50:40
Speaker
What the fuck?
00:50:44
Speaker
Is there a way to banish you?
00:50:47
Speaker
Glass slides around the table, lands on no.
00:50:51
Speaker
Chris, can you let go away?
00:50:54
Speaker
It spells out release me again.
00:50:57
Speaker
Do you have anything helpful to say?
00:50:58
Speaker
Are you just a... No.
00:51:00
Speaker
I was just saying Courtney is standing next to Dash at this point, just watching the glass.
00:51:07
Speaker
Dash is going to say, do you have anything helpful to add to this conversation, Chris?
00:51:12
Speaker
Or are you just going to be a prick this whole time?
00:51:16
Speaker
Why are you trying to piss it off?
00:51:19
Speaker
I think it already doesn't like us, so at this point, like, why do I care?
00:51:24
Speaker
Now you're starting to think like a true man.
00:51:29
Speaker
And he hands you a Keith Stone.
00:51:32
Speaker
Kevin, I would rather shit into my hands and clap than drink this thing.
00:51:38
Speaker
Oh, so you've already drank in some of it before.
00:51:42
Speaker
Okay, hold on.
00:51:43
Speaker
I need to clarify something.
00:51:45
Speaker
Are you saying Keystone?
00:51:47
Speaker
Or are you saying Keith?
00:51:50
Speaker
He thinks... He calls it Keithstone.
00:51:54
Speaker
Keith, like K-E-I-T-H.
00:51:57
Speaker
Yeah, bro, that's who makes it.
00:51:59
Speaker
It's Keith.
00:52:01
Speaker
Keithstone.
00:52:05
Speaker
I just imagine it's actually a keystone, and we just haven't bothered to correct him yet.
00:52:12
Speaker
I'm thinking too.
00:52:14
Speaker
I'm loving every bit of that because I know exactly what Matt's thinking in his head when he says it.
00:52:21
Speaker
Yeah, bro.
00:52:23
Speaker
Oh, I had to mute because the shit in my hand and clap put me into a coughing fit.
00:52:30
Speaker
Yes, it was so good.
00:52:33
Speaker
I've been saving that one for a little while now.
00:52:35
Speaker
In your hands?
00:52:37
Speaker
Gross.
00:52:38
Speaker
No.
00:52:42
Speaker
Exactly.
00:52:43
Speaker
Even that would be better than this swill.
00:52:46
Speaker
All right, Chris, what do you need?
00:52:49
Speaker
Like, is there any way we can get out of here?
00:52:52
Speaker
Release me.
00:52:52
Speaker
Alive, preferably.
00:52:54
Speaker
Yeah, look, you're saying release me, bro?
00:52:56
Speaker
You ain't telling us a damn thing.
00:52:58
Speaker
Get to it.
00:53:00
Speaker
Glass starts to go around the table.
00:53:06
Speaker
Just sliding around.
00:53:07
Speaker
Almost looks like it's kind of toying with you guys.
00:53:10
Speaker
And then it lands on the letter D and then the letter I and then the letter E. And that's where we're going to end the session.
00:53:24
Speaker
Oh shit.
Conclusion & Listener Feedback
00:53:27
Speaker
Let's play pretend is Breck Black as Dash, Matt Check as Kevin, Melanie Derringer as Courtney and myself, Nick Barnett as Jason.
00:53:37
Speaker
Jordan Derringer was our GM, DM, keeper, handler of all things spooky, creepy, and wild.
00:53:43
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening.
00:53:45
Speaker
We'll see you in two weeks' time, and let us know what you think about having the ads at the beginning of the episode rather than in the middle.
00:53:51
Speaker
Again, two weeks' time.
00:53:53
Speaker
See you soon.
00:53:55
Speaker
Let's play Preachers!
00:53:56
Speaker
Yeah!