Transcript
Speaker: This episode of Let's Play Pretend is sponsored by Dubby Energy.
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Speaker: Let's Play Pretend is an explicit podcast with subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners.
Speaker: Content warnings are found in the description of every episode.
Speaker: Yeah, Cody's laughing, so it's good.
Speaker: Let's Play Pretend!
Speaker: Oh no, they've got me here again for this.
Speaker: Here we go.
Speaker: Drinkin's here, no need to fear Don't got any use for the goddamn tear Jason's drunk, Kevin's grunk Dash and Courtney upstairs makin' the funk These kids, they get on my nerve This booze, less than they deserve This cabin, sadly on reserve Our hopes, our dreams, our ideals Are in the dirt
Speaker: I don't.
Speaker: I've been stuck in a basement.
Speaker: It hasn't been stuck.
Speaker: Do you really think I like cheese balls that much?
Speaker: Yeah, we do.
Speaker: Tables full of letters, glasses full of cheap shelf liquors on the rocks, the stones, UV blue down to the bones.
Speaker: Dash is horny, Courtney's not.
Speaker: Jason's hungry, Kevin's a lot.
Speaker: Morning's coming, sunlight's boring, stuck in a basement left here to rot.
Speaker: That one's about me.
Speaker: Please save me.
Speaker: Oh, hey, sup, bro.
Speaker: Welcome to the party.
Speaker: How you doing?
Speaker: How you doing?
Speaker: Come on in.
Speaker: Let me introduce you to all of our party goers here, man.
Speaker: We got Nick Barnett.
Speaker: Yo, sup, bro.
Speaker: I finally got my voice right.
Speaker: I'm not too drunk anymore.
Speaker: I know what I'm supposed to be.
Speaker: So, yo, diggies up.
Speaker: Let's play.
Speaker: All right, all right.
Speaker: We got Breck Black.
Speaker: Hello.
Speaker: And I would just say that I'm losing brain sales by the minute, both from the alcohol and the company.
Speaker: So we should get this over with as fast as possible.
Speaker: Man, that just means you got to drink more, man.
Speaker: Isn't that right, Matt Check?
Speaker: Bruh.
Speaker: Yeah, bruh.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Choke it up.
Speaker: Choke it down.
Speaker: Brewskies all day, bruh.
Speaker: And do you have anything to add to this wonderful intro, Melanie Derringer?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I'm surrounded by morons.
Speaker: It's almost like you forget what this campaign is.
Speaker: No, she pretty much hit Courtney's attitude right there.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: As you can tell, we are trying to embody our new characters here for this episode of the Let's Play Pretend podcast.
Speaker: I have Nick Barnett playing Jason Murtaugh.
Speaker: I've got Breck Blackpain playing Dash Highwater.
Speaker: I've got Matt Check playing Kevin Jacqueboy.
Speaker: And I have Melanie Derringer playing Courtney Hillcrest.
Speaker: And we are going to see if we can murder...
Speaker: some fresh out of high school teens because that's what we do in our free time.
Speaker: Do it.
Speaker: I mean, don't actually do it.
Speaker: Do it.
Speaker: Do it.
Speaker: I'm going to be honest.
Speaker: This crew probably deserves it.
Speaker: Yeah, probably.
Speaker: I've already told Jordan I'm playing to kill Courtney.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: You guys do you.
Speaker: So quick recap.
Speaker: Last episode was kind of a episode zero slash episode one.
Speaker: We played for a little bit.
Speaker: We made characters last session, kind of introduced them and kind of started to introduce a story.
Speaker: You guys are...
Speaker: This group, Kevin Jacoboy, is kind of the leader of this group here.
Speaker: He kind of got you all together to go out on this little drinking escapade before, you know, sports scholarships and that kind of thing take effect.
Speaker: And you guys go your separate ways before college or whatever you're going to do.
Speaker: So, you know, one last little vacation out to Lake.
Speaker: What Lake was it, Brick?
Speaker: Erie.
Speaker: Eerie.
Speaker: I can never remember if it's Eerie or Superior.
Speaker: Eerie.
Speaker: Superior would be further up.
Speaker: You are correct.
Speaker: Unless Eerie.
Speaker: Unless Eerie.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: Eerie does work for this podcast.
Speaker: I should just remember it for that.
Speaker: So you guys head out to Lake Erie, you find your cabin, basically just get settled in for the night.
Speaker: Names, I have to remember these new characters names.
Speaker: Dash and Courtney had a little bit of a chicken game with who is going to get uncomfortable in their underwear.
Speaker: You guys found a table in the cabin that looked like the top of it looked like a Ouija board.
Speaker: And that was about it.
Speaker: You drink some beer, you went to bed.
Speaker: And what you guys didn't see was after you guys all went to sleep, one of the glass, one of the clear crystal glass, like glasses, I don't know how else to say it, that was on the table slightly shifted and nobody saw it because you were all sleeping.
Speaker: So now it is the next day.
Speaker: And I guess I want to know how you guys are waking up because I would say, you know,
Speaker: You're waking up.
Speaker: The sun's coming up.
Speaker: But I don't think this group of people is going to be up before like 10 o'clock.
Speaker: Not with what we drank last night.
Speaker: We'll be lucky if we wake up at all.
Speaker: So first off, I guess let's find out sleeping arrangements because we never did find out to my recollection.
Speaker: Maybe we did.
Speaker: Yeah, we did.
Speaker: Dash and Courtney, did you guys end up sharing the bed?
Speaker: Yeah, we set that at the end of the episode.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Because it was a king-size bed and you just slept.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Hey, it's been behind the curtain.
Speaker: It's been a couple weeks and unfortunately I didn't have time to listen to the recap episode.
Speaker: Sorry, Nick.
Speaker: Hate to break that fourth wall for you.
Speaker: You did so good.
Speaker: You did so good getting that recap episode to me and I never had time to listen to it.
Speaker: So that was a recap off the top of my head.
Speaker: Alright, so we will resolve that first.
Speaker: You guys don't have to take off your headphones for this.
Speaker: This is... Yeah.
Speaker: So, we're in the bedroom.
Speaker: Dash and Courtney.
Speaker: Let's roll a d4 and see which one of you wakes up first.
Speaker: Let me get my dice.
Speaker: Evens Courtney.
Speaker: Odds Dash.
Speaker: It was a 2.
Speaker: Courtney, you wake up first.
Speaker: What is your reaction upon waking up?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: It depends on what position we're in.
Speaker: Because I didn't think you were not going to have us roll for that.
Speaker: For what position you're in?
Speaker: Yeah, like, did we end up cuddling in the middle of the night?
Speaker: Did we not end up cuddling in the middle of the night?
Speaker: I figured that would be a roll, not just something I have to make up.
Speaker: Okay, fine.
Speaker: Roll me a 50-50.
Speaker: What is that?
Speaker: Like, what dice is that?
Speaker: I've never done a 50-50.
Speaker: Yeah, you have.
Speaker: Have I?
Speaker: I don't remember.
Speaker: We do plenty of 50-50s in the main campaign.
Speaker: Yeah, but I've never done a 50-50.
Speaker: Sounds like you're going to be doing a 50-50 later in the main campaign.
Speaker: 98.
Speaker: So would Courtney prefer to be snuggling with Dash or not?
Speaker: I want you to come up with that.
Speaker: No, I'm saying, what would Courtney want?
Speaker: Because 98 is a fail, so whatever Courtney wants, this is going to be the opposite.
Speaker: She doesn't care.
Speaker: Okay, so she is 100% big spooning Dash when she wakes up.
Speaker: I love that she's the big spoon.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Seeing as she woke up first, and it's probably like 11.30 in the afternoon almost, or in the morning, I mean, she...
Speaker: Kind of gets a disgusted look on her face and rolls back over and goes, that was not intentional.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And let's just make this even more fun.
Speaker: Breck, odds or evens?
Speaker: Odds.
Speaker: That was a one.
Speaker: Dash, you were awake for that reaction.
Speaker: Dash is just going to keep laying there and just slowly crawl off the side of the bed, flop to the ground, be like, I don't even care right now.
Speaker: It's so much pain.
Speaker: And it's just going to crawl to the bathroom.
Speaker: Don't puke on the floor.
Speaker: He doesn't even respond.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: So Dash and Courtney have their little snuggle fest going on there.
Speaker: Get it right.
Speaker: It's a fucking cuddle puddle.
Speaker: You guys all freak out when I say cuddle puddle, so I wasn't going to say it that time.
Speaker: No, no, you've said it too many times.
Speaker: Now it has to be a thing.
Speaker: All right, cuddle puddle.
Speaker: That's a thing now.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: So as that, as Dash gets into the bathroom and Courtney kind of rolls her eyes as she rolls back over to her side of the bed, the camera zooms out into the living room where we have...
Speaker: Kevin Jacaboy sleeping on the chair and Jason Murtaugh sleeping on the couch.
Speaker: Almost, bro.
Speaker: Almost.
Speaker: I'm already up.
Speaker: I'm cooking breakfast.
Speaker: You're cooking breakfast.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Dude, dude, you got to start every morning with three eggs.
Speaker: Just straighten the blender, put that in a pan and just bake it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: I can do a... I can see that.
Speaker: I want you to roll for me.
Speaker: And I'm trying to figure out what I want you to roll because, you know, this isn't one that we normally do.
Speaker: I guess... First aid, bro.
Speaker: Gotta kick that hangover.
Speaker: It's like medicine for you.
Speaker: Roll me.
Speaker: I'm just going to make you roll me a 50 50 as well.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: 48 out of 50.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Your breakfast is actually pretty good.
Speaker: You actually know how to cook.
Speaker: Yeah, bro.
Speaker: At least eggs.
Speaker: Yo, Jacques boy.
Speaker: Get up, bro.
Speaker: It's almost afternoon.
Speaker: Then we're going to have to have our smoothies.
Speaker: We got to hit the gym still.
Speaker: Kevin gets up and he licks in his left hand.
Speaker: He's like, and he still has half a bud.
Speaker: He drinks the last of that.
Speaker: He's like, oh yeah, I smell breakfast.
Speaker: I thought it was Keystone we got, not bud.
Speaker: He doesn't care.
Speaker: He literally will drink whatever's in his fucking room.
Speaker: Like an animal.
Speaker: You drank a 50-50 vodka whiskey.
Speaker: Of course you will.
Speaker: Hell yeah, hair of the dog, bruh.
Speaker: Is that bacon done?
Speaker: Yeah, bro.
Speaker: Almost, anyway, I think.
Speaker: He grabs one anyway.
Speaker: Yeah, do it, do it.
Speaker: Raw like the earth mended.
Speaker: This hurts like fucking hell.
Speaker: Eat up.
Speaker: Hey, where's Courtney?
Speaker: Where's Dash?
Speaker: They're lost, bro.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Well, hold on.
Speaker: I'm just going to open up the oven.
Speaker: And I open up the oven and I start like wafting the smell up the stairs to the main bedroom, trying to get them to come down.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Looney Tunes style.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, bro.
Speaker: I'm going to get the breeze.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: What is Courtney's reaction as the smell of bacon hits the bedroom?
Speaker: Um, Courtney is in the middle of putting on her clothes, which is basically like a crop top and a pair of fucking booty shorts, because why not?
Speaker: And she smells the bacon and is... was already on her way out the door, like, to go to the kitchen.
Speaker: She opens the door and goes, I sure the hell hope you didn't burn the bacon.
Speaker: As she walks down the stairs towards the kitchen.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Dash is gonna throw up.
Speaker: Jason, give me a intelligence throw.
Speaker: 20 on a 65.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You know how long that the bacon should be in the oven for, and you do indeed not burn it.
Speaker: Yeah, bro.
Speaker: Turkey bacon.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Did you just say turkey bacon?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Gobble, gobble.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You're telling me that you eat turkey bacon this whole weekend away.
Speaker: We're going to have turkey bacon.
Speaker: Well, originally it was just going to be for me.
Speaker: I thought you guys weren't going to wake up, but I mean, food for all.
Speaker: You're an idiot.
Speaker: But she grabs one anyways and eats it.
Speaker: It's good for you, bro.
Speaker: Yeah, shout out cheerleader.
Speaker: I hear that a lot.
Speaker: I hate myself.
Speaker: I hate myself.
Speaker: Yeah, turkey bacon.
Speaker: I can't stand this fucking character.
Speaker: I hope she dies.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: Dash, you are in the bathroom at this point while everyone else is down in the kitchen.
Speaker: What are you doing in the bathroom aside from, you know, using the bathroom in the morning?
Speaker: We don't need to roleplay that part.
Speaker: He is currently fixing his hair, putting the perfect amount of gel into it to get the nice, you know, wave going on it.
Speaker: Dash, you're going to roll 50-50 to see if you have diarrhea or not.
Speaker: I'm sorry, why?
Speaker: I don't make the rules.
Speaker: I just enforce them.
Speaker: I don't make the rules.
Speaker: I just think them up and write them down.
Speaker: All right, Zap, Brandon.
Speaker: No, you don't have to roll a 50-50 time.
Speaker: I was wondering if it was actually going to be...
Speaker: I considered it.
Speaker: I will be kind enough for that.
Speaker: Just because I hate this character so much.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And after he finishes his hair and makes sure his eyebrows are perfect, no blemishes on the face, he opens the door and immediately stops and tries not to throw up.
Speaker: And just then slowly walks downstairs.
Speaker: I figured it was going to be Courtney that was going to be a bitch about bacon.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: It's going to be Dash.
Speaker: She wants a bitch about bacon.
Speaker: She's pissed that it's turkey bacon.
Speaker: It is so good for you.
Speaker: It doesn't weigh you down.
Speaker: It's good for you.
Speaker: So in the middle of this conversation, Dash walks in.
Speaker: He ignores everyone, goes straight to the fridge and cracks open a brand new jar of pickles and just starts chugging the brine.
Speaker: Yeah, bro.
Speaker: I get it.
Speaker: What the fuck you doing, pickle boy?
Speaker: He puts the jar down.
Speaker: He's like, that is the best way to cure a hangover.
Speaker: You Neanderthals and your fucking food.
Speaker: No, dude.
Speaker: The only way to cure a hangover is to just keep drinking, bro.
Speaker: Because you can't have a hangover if you're never not drunk.
Speaker: It's just fucking science.
Speaker: I do believe you failed that class, but sure, let's go with that.
Speaker: Look, we're all just here.
Speaker: Let's have a good time.
Speaker: What's on the docket for today?
Speaker: And I'm going to go over to the table and start cleaning up the glasses.
Speaker: Off of the Ouija board table?
Speaker: Yeah, anything, any mess that I'm guaranteeing that we all left.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you go to start cleaning off the glasses and the cans and the bottles and the...
Speaker: Whatever else you guys were drinking, you notice everything, the whole mess that you guys left comes off just fine.
Speaker: You know, it's you're cleaning up the crystal glass that was there does not move.
Speaker: You cannot pull it off the table.
Speaker: Oh,
Speaker: Yo, yo, yo, yo.
Speaker: Take a minute from your bacon right quick.
Speaker: Check this out.
Speaker: And I'm just kind of like shaking the glass.
Speaker: I can't move it, guys.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: You can move it.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: It just won't lift off the table.
Speaker: Yo, Kevin, something's fucky with your table, bro.
Speaker: What was wrong with my table?
Speaker: What'd you do, bro?
Speaker: It's an antique.
Speaker: Made of pure mahogany, bro.
Speaker: You better not have fucked with my table, bro.
Speaker: Yo, yo, I put my hands up in the air Look man, I'm just saying That glass, it ain't coming up I'm just trying to clean up the mess around here So we can get out and get to the gym Get some fun times going That thing ain't moving It ain't coming up Captain's gonna try moving it Same thing, it's easy to Like slide around the table But you cannot lift it off the table He's gonna try sliding it to the very edge Of the table and just like trying To pull it off
Speaker: Around the edge of the table, there is like a half-inch lip.
Speaker: So the table is not flush.
Speaker: Like, there's a border around it.
Speaker: On that table, is there one of those little, like, movie things?
Speaker: I can't remember what it's called.
Speaker: The thing that goes all to the letters and shit.
Speaker: A planchetta?
Speaker: Yeah, that.
Speaker: Is it...
Speaker: Is there... What the fuck is that?
Speaker: It's the little heart-shaped thing that you put your fingers on and you move it and it goes to letters... Oh, you're talking like for the Ouija board.
Speaker: No, there is this... It's almost like a brandy glass.
Speaker: Oh, so that's the thing.
Speaker: It's like one of those half glasses, yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: While Tweedledee and Tweedledum are trying to figure it out,
Speaker: You're just twiddle-wring, bro.
Speaker: Courtney walks over and kind of like, who has their hand on it?
Speaker: Kevin does?
Speaker: Yeah, it's my table.
Speaker: My hand, bro.
Speaker: It's not your table.
Speaker: You guys rented this place.
Speaker: My table!
Speaker: She comes over there, kind of like, shoos his hand away from it, and then puts it, and then kind of like, you know, grabs the glass, and slowly slides it over so it's on, like, one of the letters.
Speaker: She will look at the boys and kind of give a smile, and goes, You guys want to ask it some questions?
Speaker: Yeah, I got one.
Speaker: What's your favorite drink to have a top of you?
Speaker: That's like a table question, right?
Speaker: No, you moron.
Speaker: This is a spirit board.
Speaker: We can talk to the dead through it.
Speaker: I thought it was a Ouija board.
Speaker: I thought it was a counter.
Speaker: I thought it was a Luigi board.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: I didn't say it this time.
Speaker: That's all I can say.
Speaker: Matt, I just took you at your word.
Speaker: I didn't know what this thing was, but yeah, let's go.
Speaker: Before we kick it for the day, let's see.
Speaker: I don't buy into none of this stuff, but let's play it.
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: Let's do it.
Speaker: I put my hand on the whiskey glass.
Speaker: With Courtney's?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Why not?
Speaker: Couldn't hurt anything.
Speaker: Yeah, why not?
Speaker: Let's talk to the ghosts.
Speaker: Dash puts his hand on it.
Speaker: I have to ask, are any of you going to manipulate the glass in any way?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Is everybody touching it?
Speaker: Yes, I think so.
Speaker: I move it back and forth from 6969420.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But when you start asking questions, none of you are planning on messing with the answer?
Speaker: I guess.
Speaker: If the mood strikes me, bro, I don't know, God.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Just so we're all on the same page here.
Speaker: If you're going to cheat it, text Jordan.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: You all put your hands on the whiskey glass.
Speaker: Who is going to be the ringleader?
Speaker: Like, who's going to be the one asking the questions?
Speaker: I'd assume Courtney.
Speaker: Yeah, Courtney.
Speaker: You see what you know about this spooky ghost shit?
Speaker: This nerdy ass ghost shit.
Speaker: You know this.
Speaker: Y'all, I really don't want to Google questions to ask a spirit board on my phone.
Speaker: Basically, the questions that you would want to ask is, is anybody there?
Speaker: If they say yes, then you can ask questions about who they were in life.
Speaker: It's all just simple questions.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Who's your favorite Pokemon?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I like the idea of asking the table, like, what's your favorite drink?
Speaker: I know, bro.
Speaker: I'm sure you h ad a lot of alcohol spilled on you, like, what's your favorite drink, bro?
Speaker: These are the questions.
Speaker: These are the questions that no one else wants to ask.
Speaker: We're brave enough to do it, bro.
Speaker: No, we're dumb enough to do it, bro.
Speaker: Nah, dude, we're fucking heroes.
Speaker: Well, I mean, you said it, Jason, not me.
Speaker: Do you, Melanie, have anything in unnatural or in occult?
Speaker: That's the wrong one.
Speaker: Where's the... There it is.
Speaker: In what?
Speaker: In what?
Speaker: Unnatural or occult?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I don't even see a cult.
Speaker: It's between Navigate and Persuade.
Speaker: Yeah, middle row close to the bottom.
Speaker: You get a natural 10% to a cult.
Speaker: Oh, it's an O!
Speaker: I thought I was looking for an A. No, I have nothing in either one of those.
Speaker: Okay, and Matt, you don't have anything in those either?
Speaker: I have a 10%.
Speaker: Well, yeah, you get a regular 10%, but...
Speaker: Nick and Breck also texted saying they don't have anything in it.
Speaker: So why don't you all roll me an occult at plus 20?
Speaker: So you'll be rolling on a 30%.
Speaker: 32 out of 30.
Speaker: 26 out of 30.
Speaker: 77 out of 30.
Speaker: I got a 67 out of 30.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: This works because Courtney was the one to suggest fucking with the spirit board in the first place.
Speaker: The ambiance isn't quite right, is it?
Speaker: It's 1130 in the morning.
Speaker: Sun's shining.
Speaker: You kind of need to close the blinds and light some candles, don't you?
Speaker: Probably.
Speaker: I mean, not really.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You don't have to.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, but Courtney's gonna...
Speaker: Okay, so Courtney then goes and closes all the blinds.
Speaker: Courtney, what are you doing?
Speaker: Courtney, stop.
Speaker: Shut the fuck up, Kevin.
Speaker: Yeah, set the mood.
Speaker: Make it creepy.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: I want to get another beer.
Speaker: This is fucking taking forever.
Speaker: Hey, get me one.
Speaker: I was going to bring the whole case.
Speaker: She finds some candles and lights them and sets them on the table.
Speaker: Where's Ryan?
Speaker: He's got so many candles.
Speaker: That motherfucker is just pulling candles out at every fucking situation.
Speaker: You let me have candles.
Speaker: I'm going to have candles.
Speaker: Dash is going to take a sniff of the air and be like, Sandalwood, of course that would be the candles.
Speaker: Why are you so snooty?
Speaker: Why are you such a bitch?
Speaker: Well, I gotta act the way I am.
Speaker: Damn!
Speaker: At least you're honest with yourself.
Speaker: It's better that he can say about some people and is gonna look at the other two.
Speaker: What the fuck are they looking at, bro?
Speaker: They're not getting my beer.
Speaker: If you want it, you have to ask.
Speaker: You can't just do a stupid look, bro, alright?
Speaker: Are you two idiots ready to play with this thing?
Speaker: I mean, you're the one that's fucking around with curtains.
Speaker: I've been waiting for it.
Speaker: Let's go, let's go.
Speaker: I get my hand back on it and I'm kind of like hopping without my feet leaving the ground like, come on, let's go.
Speaker: One hand on the cult glass and the other on my beer.
Speaker: The way you should talk to ghosts.
Speaker: Of course, yeah.
Speaker: They don't respect you if you're not getting drunk while you're doing it.
Speaker: Yeah, it's like early ghost adventures.
Speaker: It's like Zach Banks' wild days.
Speaker: Alright, so you all have your hands on the glass.
Speaker: Courtney, what do you want to ask the table?
Speaker: Are there any spirits with us right now?
Speaker: The glass stays still for a moment.
Speaker: And then slowly slides to the word yes.
Speaker: Whoa.
Speaker: Are you like the spirit of the trees that made this table?
Speaker: Borax?
Speaker: Instantly slides to the word no.
Speaker: Whoa.
Speaker: Bruh.
Speaker: All right, keep going, keep going.
Speaker: This is cool.
Speaker: Uh, Courtney's a little shocked that it did move, but she thinks the boys are messing with her anyways, so she just keeps going.
Speaker: Um, okay, so there's a ghost with us right now.
Speaker: Are you a good ghost or a bad ghost?
Speaker: Glass doesn't move for a second.
Speaker: And then goes to the letters B-A-D.
Speaker: It's a badass ghost?!
Speaker: I know we're not actually playing with the spirit board, but like me personally, my anxiety is really high right now.
Speaker: Courtney, roll me an alertness check.
Speaker: Yeah, you should have told God that.
Speaker: He's making you roll alertness check, don't you?
Speaker: Yeah, right?
Speaker: That's a 46 out of 50.
Speaker: 46 out of 50.
Speaker: The guys aren't messing with you.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So it spelled out bad.
Speaker: It did indeed.
Speaker: I don't want to ask another question because I'm scared myself.
Speaker: Is Courtney showing that she's afraid?
Speaker: No, Melanie is showing that she's afraid.
Speaker: No, Courtney is not showing that she's afraid.
Speaker: Good thing they're not playing with a real Ouija board.
Speaker: Hey, Courtney.
Speaker: Courtney.
Speaker: Ask the ghost if it likes the cool, refreshing taste of Keystone.
Speaker: She just smacks him in the back of the head.
Speaker: The glass slides to no.
Speaker: So he's saying this ghost is a little bitch.
Speaker: It's saying this ghost has actual taste buds.
Speaker: Nailed it.
Speaker: Alright, so like, what's your name?
Speaker: I didn't think this was going to make Melanie this uncomfortable.
Speaker: I actually slightly feel bad about this.
Speaker: I am very uncomfortable.
Speaker: But this is what this whole arc is based off of, so I'm sorry.
Speaker: It's fine.
Speaker: It's fine.
Speaker: Nick asked a question though, so...
Speaker: Yo, what's your name, ghosty dude?
Speaker: Glass doesn't move for a second.
Speaker: And then slowly moves to the letter C. And then the letter H. And then the letter R. I. S. Stop!
Speaker: I would have paid money for you to spell that wrong.
Speaker: Chris.
Speaker: Righteous name, bro.
Speaker: So like, what's good?
Speaker: Glass slides to me.
Speaker: That's not like an answer.
Speaker: It's more like an abstract question.
Speaker: Like, what is good?
Speaker: Are you?
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: Wait, he said he's not good.
Speaker: I'm getting a little bit of a stone.
Speaker: This is getting pretty crazy.
Speaker: Hold on, hold on.
Speaker: Would this group of kids know who Chris was?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Are we safe in this cabin?
Speaker: Glass slides around the table before finally landing on Yes.
Speaker: I have to say, Courtney, you're pretty good at this.
Speaker: I can't even tell you're moving the glass.
Speaker: How do you know this party trick?
Speaker: I'm not moving the glass.
Speaker: I thought one of you were moving the glass.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: No, I thought this was like a skit.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Courtney quickly pulls her hand away.
Speaker: Likewise.
Speaker: Kevin puts the keystone can in the cup and then he puts his hand away.
Speaker: Dash pulls his hand away.
Speaker: So nobody's touching the glass.
Speaker: And there's a keystone can on top of the glass?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Because in Kevin's mind, I mean, Keith's touching the stone.
Speaker: I don't think your beard's going to ask it a question.
Speaker: Keith's stone, bro.
Speaker: My favorite brew...
Speaker: Okay, so if none of us are fucking with each other, because two of us aren't smart enough to do it, and the other one isn't, what is going on here?
Speaker: The can flies across the room.
Speaker: Oh, shit!
Speaker: Bro, that's a total party foul, by the way.
Speaker: I think we have more to worry about.
Speaker: Since you seem to know about this, Courtney, any explanations?
Speaker: Because I don't like this.
Speaker: The glass starts to move across the table.
Speaker: No, because I... Yo, look, look, look.
Speaker: Check it out.
Speaker: Check it.
Speaker: Check the table.
Speaker: H-E-L-P Help?
Speaker: You want our help?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Glass slides to yes.
Speaker: We're not even touching it, yo.
Speaker: I thought one of you was fucking with me.
Speaker: This is, uh, who did someone spike a bruise or did the, it was the turkey bacon filled with LSD.
Speaker: No, not this time.
Speaker: There's no reason we hang out together, but this, this ain't it.
Speaker: Yeah, if you guys are playing a joke on any of us right now, you need to stop.
Speaker: This isn't funny anymore.
Speaker: I literally don't have the brain cells to figure out a way to do that, okay?
Speaker: I think the joke may have stopped when we took our hands off the glass.
Speaker: Um, how can we help you?
Speaker: The glass moves across the table.
Speaker: R E L E
Speaker: A S E M E Um You lost me.
Speaker: But you said you're a bad ghost so I don't want to release you.
Speaker: I got no credit.
Speaker: I can't get a lease for you.
Speaker: Can I?
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: Oh my god.
Speaker: I'm surrounded by morons.
Speaker: He said release me.
Speaker: Learn to spell.
Speaker: Oh, I thought he wanted me to like buy him.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: It said release me.
Speaker: Melanie can't spell very fast.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Thanks.
Speaker: I'm going to be 100% honest.
Speaker: Breck is cheating and typing it out on his phone.
Speaker: Didn't even think of that.
Speaker: There's a reason I'm doing the letters slow enough.
Speaker: Appreciate it.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It is nice.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: Alright, so he wants us to release him.
Speaker: Okay, um, the literal- Last slides to yes.
Speaker: The answers we've gotten are literally have been bad.
Speaker: Chris, help release me.
Speaker: The first answer kind of tells us what we shouldn't do, and that is everything else.
Speaker: Yes?
Speaker: Um, I agree.
Speaker: He said he's a bad spirit.
Speaker: But then wait a minute, wait a minute.
Speaker: Really confused.
Speaker: Is there more than one spirit with us, bro?
Speaker: Glass slides to know.
Speaker: OK, they Chris, you like bipolar, man.
Speaker: Glass circles the table and lands on no.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: That's your opinion, bro.
Speaker: You're fucking dead.
Speaker: Everybody give me an alertness check.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Aw, man!
Speaker: Why'd I throw high?
Speaker: 79 out of 50.
Speaker: 87 out of 50.
Speaker: 16 out of 50.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: And what was yours, Melanie?
Speaker: 17 out of 50.
Speaker: Okay, so Dash and Courtney both notice that the glass lifts off the table.
Speaker: She takes, like, two steps backwards.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: Yo, bro, you said we were safe here, right?
Speaker: Is that still true?
Speaker: Dash doesn't hesitate.
Speaker: He immediately slaps the glass.
Speaker: Glass doesn't move.
Speaker: Oh, well, and then he tries to flip the table.
Speaker: I feel the glass.
Speaker: I feel the glass.
Speaker: What I want now is I want Kevin Jacaboy to roll me a dodge.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, you got it, bro.
Speaker: Oh shit.
Speaker: God damn it, dude.
Speaker: 52 out of 30.
Speaker: Oh, I also rolled a 52, but mine was out of 60.
Speaker: The glass flies across the room and hits you in the face.
Speaker: Take one point of damage.
Speaker: Ah, what the fuck, Chris?
Speaker: Yo, dude, this coach is a straight up bitch.
Speaker: Courtney goes to open the curtains because she's had enough.
Speaker: Dash still wants to flip the table.
Speaker: Oh, dude.
Speaker: Kevin wants to fight this guy now.
Speaker: Okay, so let's resolve this here in order here.
Speaker: As the glass hits Kevin, it falls to the ground and you notice it starts to lift again and lands on the table.
Speaker: Dash.
Speaker: Roll me a... First off, roll me a power.
Speaker: Ooh.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: That was the best response that could have been.
Speaker: Yes, it was.
Speaker: Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker: I got a 75 on a 75.
Speaker: I'm good.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Then I need you to roll me a strength.
Speaker: That is an 80 on an 85.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You do attempt to at least rock the table before the legs come crashing back down.
Speaker: So it's still standing upright, but you were at least able to move it.
Speaker: Courtney, you rush across the room.
Speaker: You open the blinds.
Speaker: There is no resistance to the blinds.
Speaker: Sunlight fills the room again, and you guys feel the presence kind of dissipate.
Speaker: Yeah, um, I thought it was gonna be fun playing with that thing, but that was a little terrifying.
Speaker: Yeah, dude, what the fuck?
Speaker: Chris, are you still there?
Speaker: Glass doesn't move.
Speaker: I'm gonna grab the glass and I just throw it against the ground as hard as I can.
Speaker: You still can't pick the glass up off the table?
Speaker: Shit, bro.
Speaker: I'm gonna pick up the table and smash the glass against the floor.
Speaker: Okay, roll me a power.
Speaker: 39 out of 65.
Speaker: Okay, roll me a strength.
Speaker: 20 out of 85.
Speaker: Alright.
Speaker: You are able to pick up not the entire table, but like the side that you're on.
Speaker: You are able to get it off the ground.
Speaker: Now roll me a 50-50.
Speaker: Shit.
Speaker: Honestly, I forgot.
Speaker: Would I roll some of that?
Speaker: Just roll a D100.
Speaker: Let me know what you roll.
Speaker: Oh my god, dude.
Speaker: 50.
Speaker: You rolled a 50?
Speaker: I rolled a 50.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Actually a 50.
Speaker: Damn.
Speaker: 5 and 0.
Speaker: You're able to pick up the end of the table, and you're trying to flip it over so that way you can break the glass.
Speaker: And you feel something kind of pushing on the top of the table.
Speaker: And your fingers are starting to slip.
Speaker: And as your fingers slip, the table smashes back into the ground and stands upright again.
Speaker: And you look at the ground and the leg to the table has hit the floor an inch away from your foot.
Speaker: Holy
Speaker: Shit, dude.
Speaker: Chris ain't fucking around, guys.
Speaker: We need to, like, fucking get out of this place.
Speaker: You want to leave the place that it told us was safe with a apparent ghost not very happy with us.
Speaker: This ghost just fucking threw a glass at my fucking face and almost broke my foot.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't want beer anymore.
Speaker: I know you're not very smart, but if you ever watched any ghost-based horror movie, it could be infinitely worse.
Speaker: Oh, you mean Ghost Dad?
Speaker: Bill Cosby was pretty scary.
Speaker: Yes, he's terrifying.
Speaker: That was a fucking deep cut, Matt.
Speaker: I had to think of like any ghost of you that I could think of that wasn't remotely a horror movie.
Speaker: So it's not Casper.
Speaker: It's some dude named Chris.
Speaker: And I think that we should just go get in your car and go home.
Speaker: I'm going to start walking towards the door.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: Or we could just call the landlord and see if we can get a different cabin.
Speaker: I'm not ruining my weekend.
Speaker: Oh, I don't care where we go.
Speaker: I'm just not staying in here.
Speaker: Call, Courtney.
Speaker: Call.
Speaker: If you have such a great idea, why don't you fucking do it, bro?
Speaker: Yeah, why don't you fucking do it, Courtney?
Speaker: Go ahead.
Speaker: Call.
Speaker: Yeah, do you hear God?
Speaker: Call.
Speaker: Why is God talking to me like that?
Speaker: Don't worry about the voice in the sky.
Speaker: Just do what he says, Courtney.
Speaker: Did I spike those eggs?
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: Courtney, have you never heard the voice of God before?
Speaker: He talks to us all the time.
Speaker: Come on, get with the program.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Not like that.
Speaker: That was scary.
Speaker: He's fine.
Speaker: He's all walking.
Speaker: No bite.
Speaker: I'm out the door.
Speaker: Oh, are you?
Speaker: I'm leaving.
Speaker: Okay, cool.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: Oh, hang on.
Speaker: Hang on.
Speaker: You need to relax a second.
Speaker: Jason, you, uh, you reach for the door.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The door does not move in the handle breaks off in your hand.
Speaker: Can I see through it to see outside?
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Uh, yo guys problem.
Speaker: And I jangle the handle in my hand.
Speaker: Uh, fuck.
Speaker: Did you seriously break the door?
Speaker: Damn it, Jason, you're supposed to push the door open, not pull it, you Neanderthal.
Speaker: Dude, shut the fuck up.
Speaker: And I whip the doorknob at him.
Speaker: If you're so goddamn smart, you go open the door.
Speaker: All right, perfect.
Speaker: Dash, roll me a dodge against Jason's firearms?
Speaker: I do got firearms and I flex.
Speaker: Super weird that we're all hearing like a third party's voice in our brains and we just accept it.
Speaker: 69 on a 40.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I rolled a 60 on a 30.
Speaker: 69 on a 40 is a crit success.
Speaker: Go ahead and roll 2d4 for damage against Dash.
Speaker: 2d4 for damage.
Speaker: I'm sorry, 2d4?
Speaker: It's a crit.
Speaker: It's a crit.
Speaker: It was going to be 1d4, but you're going to subtract two.
Speaker: So it's a D. It's 1d4 minus one.
Speaker: So it's going to be 2d4 minus two.
Speaker: I got eight.
Speaker: You did not get eight.
Speaker: I'm so sorry.
Speaker: I said Ryan.
Speaker: I'm so sorry, Dash.
Speaker: Dash, this door handle flies through the air and it's a hefty door handle.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: Smacks you right in the face and you take six damage.
Speaker: How much health do you have?
Speaker: 16.
Speaker: So I go down to 10.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Son of a bitch.
Speaker: Oh my God, dude.
Speaker: You've been being a bummer all last night.
Speaker: You're being a bummer now.
Speaker: This shit's scary.
Speaker: I'm not dealing with that shit.
Speaker: You think you can get out?
Speaker: You go do it.
Speaker: Everybody give me an alertness check.
Speaker: Give us the ass to say Matt.
Speaker: Give me an alertness.
Speaker: 37 out of 50.
Speaker: 40 out of 50.
Speaker: 19 out of 50.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: 18 out of 50.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: You all notice it.
Speaker: The glass is moving.
Speaker: Courtney is like quickly moving over to the phone to try and call the landlord.
Speaker: Kevin's looking for a bat or something to be able to attack this ghost.
Speaker: Dash hasn't moved yet, especially since he's hit the face with the doorknob, so he's just going to look down, holding his face.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You see the glass is spelling something out.
Speaker: We'll resolve that first.
Speaker: Actually, no.
Speaker: We'll resolve Courtney first.
Speaker: Courtney's is really easy to resolve.
Speaker: Courtney, you pick up your cell phone.
Speaker: No, I'm going for the landline in the cottage.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: The landline's just there for show.
Speaker: It doesn't have a cord actually into the wall.
Speaker: And yes.
Speaker: I pull out my cell phone.
Speaker: I was going to say, and yes, I rolled for that before we even played.
Speaker: It's starting to make sense why this place is so cheap.
Speaker: You pull out your cell phone.
Speaker: She pulls out her cell phone to call the landlord.
Speaker: Cool.
Speaker: You were on your phone a lot last night, scrolling through Facebook and Twitter and, you know, all that stuff.
Speaker: You got to keep up with, you know, all your friends and all.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You got to be in the know.
Speaker: Weirdly, you have no signal all of a sudden.
Speaker: What the fuck?
Speaker: So she puts it back in her pocket.
Speaker: Guys, I don't know how to get ahold of the landlord.
Speaker: I have no fucking service.
Speaker: I'm just watching the glass intently.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Kevin is looking for a weapon.
Speaker: I would say Kevin's looking around for a weapon, failing miserably at that because it's a rented cottage.
Speaker: There's nothing there.
Speaker: Is there a lamp, a large lamp, like a tall lamp?
Speaker: Not a tall lamp.
Speaker: No, just a regular lamp.
Speaker: Dash, you are right over the table.
Speaker: Jason, you're over by the door, so you're kind of seeing it at a further angle.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm like slowly walking up to it to watch it.
Speaker: The glass is moving around and it's spelling out.
Speaker: I'll just tell you what it's spelling out instead of giving you letters.
Speaker: It is spelling out, you will not leave.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Well, see, Kevin's going to try to run through the window.
Speaker: Try to jump through, you know what I mean?
Speaker: Go, go, go, go.
Speaker: Break that window.
Speaker: Dash is going to say, is there a way to leave?
Speaker: The glass slides to no.
Speaker: Kevin, you bounce off the window and hit the ground.
Speaker: What the fuck?
Speaker: Is there a way to banish you?
Speaker: Glass slides around the table, lands on no.
Speaker: Chris, can you let go away?
Speaker: It spells out release me again.
Speaker: Do you have anything helpful to say?
Speaker: Are you just a... No.
Speaker: I was just saying Courtney is standing next to Dash at this point, just watching the glass.
Speaker: Dash is going to say, do you have anything helpful to add to this conversation, Chris?
Speaker: Or are you just going to be a prick this whole time?
Speaker: Why are you trying to piss it off?
Speaker: I think it already doesn't like us, so at this point, like, why do I care?
Speaker: Now you're starting to think like a true man.
Speaker: And he hands you a Keith Stone.
Speaker: Kevin, I would rather shit into my hands and clap than drink this thing.
Speaker: Oh, so you've already drank in some of it before.
Speaker: Okay, hold on.
Speaker: I need to clarify something.
Speaker: Are you saying Keystone?
Speaker: Or are you saying Keith?
Speaker: He thinks... He calls it Keithstone.
Speaker: Keith, like K-E-I-T-H.
Speaker: Yeah, bro, that's who makes it.
Speaker: It's Keith.
Speaker: Keithstone.
Speaker: I just imagine it's actually a keystone, and we just haven't bothered to correct him yet.
Speaker: I'm thinking too.
Speaker: I'm loving every bit of that because I know exactly what Matt's thinking in his head when he says it.
Speaker: Yeah, bro.
Speaker: Oh, I had to mute because the shit in my hand and clap put me into a coughing fit.
Speaker: Yes, it was so good.
Speaker: I've been saving that one for a little while now.
Speaker: In your hands?
Speaker: Gross.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Even that would be better than this swill.
Speaker: All right, Chris, what do you need?
Speaker: Like, is there any way we can get out of here?
Speaker: Release me.
Speaker: Alive, preferably.
Speaker: Yeah, look, you're saying release me, bro?
Speaker: You ain't telling us a damn thing.
Speaker: Get to it.
Speaker: Glass starts to go around the table.
Speaker: Just sliding around.
Speaker: Almost looks like it's kind of toying with you guys.
Speaker: And then it lands on the letter D and then the letter I and then the letter E. And that's where we're going to end the session.
Speaker: Oh shit.
Speaker: Let's play pretend is Breck Black as Dash, Matt Check as Kevin, Melanie Derringer as Courtney and myself, Nick Barnett as Jason.
Speaker: Jordan Derringer was our GM, DM, keeper, handler of all things spooky, creepy, and wild.
Speaker: Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker: We'll see you in two weeks' time, and let us know what you think about having the ads at the beginning of the episode rather than in the middle.
Speaker: Again, two weeks' time.
Speaker: See you soon.
Speaker: Let's play Preachers!
Speaker: Yeah!
