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Ep. 22 Arthur's Big Day
23 Plays1 year ago
Which room will the cuddle crew dive into on this weeks episode of Let's Play Pretend
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Transcript
Introduction and Sponsorship
00:00:05
Speaker
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00:00:42
Speaker
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00:00:44
Speaker
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00:00:45
Speaker
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Content Warnings and Character Introduction
00:00:49
Speaker
Let's Play Pretend is an explicit podcast with subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners.
00:00:53
Speaker
Content warnings can be found in the episode description.
00:00:56
Speaker
Cody's laughing, so it's good.
00:01:03
Speaker
Let's play pretend!
00:01:04
Speaker
Let's play pretend!
00:01:26
Speaker
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show.
00:01:28
Speaker
We're all sitting here and we're ready to go.
00:01:31
Speaker
So buckle up friends, it's pretend time and try not to cringe as I bring you this rhyme.
00:01:35
Speaker
I'm the leader of the group, you know my voice and writing this rap was completely my choice.
00:01:41
Speaker
This is my world, I put my players through hell, but in my opinion, they're doing quite well.
00:01:45
Speaker
First up, Ned Dalaran joins the fray.
00:01:48
Speaker
During times of pressure, he doesn't sway.
00:01:50
Speaker
That's not to say he's immune to feelings.
00:01:53
Speaker
That diary entry almost sent him reeling.
00:01:55
Speaker
Ryan Winchester's here, and he's one cool dude.
00:01:58
Speaker
His jokes are always certain to light the mood.
00:02:01
Speaker
However, like the others, he can't quite be, for Ryan sees the world a little differently.
00:02:06
Speaker
Is that Arthur Gooseberg I see over there?
00:02:08
Speaker
Tall, slender with glasses?
00:02:10
Speaker
Boy, has red hair.
00:02:11
Speaker
Hunting for the truth of those cryptid dudes.
00:02:14
Speaker
He didn't watch where he was going, almost was spider food.
00:02:18
Speaker
Samantha Williams is here to round out the crew.
00:02:21
Speaker
Without Anubis, she's not quite sure what to do.
00:02:23
Speaker
All she knows is that she wants to get out of this place, but why is there someone else who is wearing her face?
00:02:29
Speaker
That's the crew and for you we're ready to play.
00:02:32
Speaker
We hope for our story you will want to stay.
00:02:34
Speaker
So long as there's no door our teens hardly miss.
00:02:37
Speaker
So let's play pretend and fuck up nega Chris.
00:02:41
Speaker
And I have with me as always Mr. Nick Barnett.
00:02:44
Speaker
Is that seriously what you were working on?
00:02:46
Speaker
That's that's what you were working on.
00:02:50
Speaker
That was I spent my whole lunch break writing that.
00:02:54
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:02:55
Speaker
Oh wow.
Humorous Banter and Episode Tone
00:03:03
Speaker
So this whole session is gonna be one long deicide, right?
00:03:08
Speaker
Where we kill God?
00:03:10
Speaker
Yes.
00:03:11
Speaker
No, no.
00:03:11
Speaker
You can't kill a rat God.
00:03:14
Speaker
That is my steez, you step off, sir.
00:03:18
Speaker
Oh, now we need a rat battle.
00:03:20
Speaker
Oh, it's on like Donkey Kong.
00:03:25
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:03:26
Speaker
I hope you're ready.
00:03:27
Speaker
The rebuttal will be glorious.
00:03:31
Speaker
Bring it, bitch.
00:03:31
Speaker
Get the hell out of here.
00:03:32
Speaker
Hi, I'm Ned.
00:03:33
Speaker
And I always add that I also have with me, as always, Mr. Breck Black.
00:03:43
Speaker
Hello, this is Ryan speaking.
00:03:46
Speaker
And for whatever reason, I suddenly feel the urge to kill a god.
00:03:51
Speaker
Man, the blasphemous things I want to do.
00:03:56
Speaker
Mr. Matt check.
00:03:58
Speaker
Hello, Arthur Gooseberg and I can't even.
00:04:02
Speaker
I can't try to do what God does.
00:04:06
Speaker
You sent him full white girl right now.
00:04:08
Speaker
He can't even.
00:04:10
Speaker
I can't even.
00:04:12
Speaker
He can't even.
00:04:14
Speaker
And last but certainly not least, my loving wife, Miss Melanie Derringer.
00:04:18
Speaker
Hi, I'm playing Samantha Williams and I don't claim any of the energy that you're putting out tonight.
00:04:25
Speaker
I think you guys are going to be a little bit more proud of me that I wrote that whole thing on my lunch break.
00:04:30
Speaker
I am not.
00:04:31
Speaker
That's not what I was expecting.
00:04:36
Speaker
Because when you said you spent your entire lunch break, it was very productive.
00:04:40
Speaker
I thought you meant, you know, in upping your puzzles or something, not writing a rap that is just going to put us all to shame.
00:04:49
Speaker
Oh, no, the puzzles are already written.
00:04:53
Speaker
You know,
00:04:55
Speaker
I can be proud and horrified at the same time.
00:05:01
Speaker
I thought he was going to say proud and horny at the same time.
00:05:03
Speaker
Yeah, it definitely seemed like you were going to say a trick for horror.
00:05:07
Speaker
Hey, if my raps turn you on, that's fine by me.
00:05:09
Speaker
Proud and Horny, Pride and Prejudice, the sequel.
00:05:13
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:05:15
Speaker
Oh.
00:05:17
Speaker
You say Pride and Prejudice around me, that really bad Pride and Prejudice and Zombies movie that I watched.
00:05:23
Speaker
It was a book first.
00:05:25
Speaker
It was a what?
00:05:26
Speaker
It was a book first.
00:05:28
Speaker
Damn you, God, now I have to find that book.
00:05:33
Speaker
Who's ready for a recap?
00:05:35
Speaker
Yo.
00:05:36
Speaker
Me.
00:05:38
Speaker
Okay, so.
Recap of Previous Events
00:05:40
Speaker
Last time.
00:05:41
Speaker
Hey, you know what?
00:05:42
Speaker
It's been a while since we played.
00:05:43
Speaker
Sorry for the listeners if you have to listen to this recap, like if you're listening week to week.
00:05:48
Speaker
We haven't played in a while.
00:05:50
Speaker
So we're going to go with this.
00:05:52
Speaker
You guys found yourself at Ashley and Chris's house.
00:05:56
Speaker
Up on the back deck, somebody bumped into a tiki torch, and the deck dropped from underneath you.
00:06:06
Speaker
You guys fell into a big circle cage.
00:06:10
Speaker
Ended up finding your way out of there and solving the puzzle to hit the different points in the room to open the door.
00:06:16
Speaker
That led you into a room with four more doors.
00:06:21
Speaker
And behind each one of these doors is a new puzzle.
00:06:24
Speaker
You guys have already completed the spider room, where you had to go in, kill the spider, light the torch on the back wall.
00:06:34
Speaker
You have decided your next room is the room with the six animal statues.
00:06:42
Speaker
Upon going in there, oh, sorry, let me also go back.
00:06:47
Speaker
In the back of the spider room, you also found Ashley again.
00:06:50
Speaker
Ashley is now, you know, conscious and with you guys.
00:06:54
Speaker
When you guys went into the animal statue room, you completed two of the six kind of micro puzzles that are in there.
00:07:05
Speaker
You completed the bear, where you had to stop the bear from reaching the honey.
00:07:09
Speaker
You completely fucked up that trap, like the door in the movie theater.
00:07:15
Speaker
And you also completed the eagle, where you had to cross the lawn without being seen in order to deactivate the eagle statue.
00:07:21
Speaker
You guys have just reappeared in the room with the other statues.
Statue Room Challenges
00:07:28
Speaker
And just as a quick refresher...
00:07:31
Speaker
The other statues that you still have to go are the bull, the fox, the owl, and the cat.
00:07:40
Speaker
And that is where we are now.
00:07:43
Speaker
So like I said, you guys have completed two out of the six statues.
00:07:49
Speaker
As you guys complete the bear statue room, the, uh,
00:07:53
Speaker
lights dim and you are in complete pitch blackness.
00:07:56
Speaker
And as the lights come back up, you find yourself in the room with the six statues and you hear the sound of the bear statue with the lever thrown down sliding back into the wall.
00:08:07
Speaker
So you have four statues that are still out and about.
00:08:13
Speaker
What do you guys want to do?
00:08:15
Speaker
So what statues do we have left?
00:08:17
Speaker
We have the bull, the fox, the owl, and the cat.
00:08:22
Speaker
Thank you, Matt.
00:08:24
Speaker
Somebody was listening.
00:08:26
Speaker
I have my notes up.
00:08:28
Speaker
I have my notes up too, but that's really far back in my notes that I didn't feel like skimming.
00:08:33
Speaker
I have Breck's notes up.
00:08:34
Speaker
Yeah, I have Breck's notes.
00:08:39
Speaker
You're welcome.
00:08:41
Speaker
Well, I got a sinking suspicion the bull is probably going to chase us.
00:08:47
Speaker
Sorry, I had to get back to my Arthur voice.
00:08:50
Speaker
Me, me, me, me.
00:08:57
Speaker
The bull's probably bullshit.
00:09:00
Speaker
I think all of these are bullshit.
00:09:03
Speaker
I see.
00:09:03
Speaker
He's got it.
00:09:06
Speaker
Well, glad we're finally staying.
00:09:09
Speaker
Yeah, but it doesn't mean we don't have to go through with it.
00:09:12
Speaker
I mean, the door is closed, and unless you feel like tunneling out, we have to complete all of them.
00:09:18
Speaker
Of course, I feel like tunneling, but to be able to tunnel is a different start.
00:09:24
Speaker
I mean, that's fair.
00:09:26
Speaker
So what are we thinking?
00:09:27
Speaker
Fox?
00:09:28
Speaker
Bull?
00:09:29
Speaker
Well, if I pulled one and she pulled one, who wants to do the next one?
00:09:35
Speaker
Roshambo?
00:09:37
Speaker
No, I'll just go.
00:09:39
Speaker
Arthur walks up to the cat one and pulls down.
00:09:43
Speaker
Oh, wrong lever, Kronk.
00:09:44
Speaker
What?
00:09:44
Speaker
What?
00:09:46
Speaker
Okay, real quick.
00:09:47
Speaker
I ended up going back in my notes to session, the last session, session six.
00:09:54
Speaker
And the very first thing at the top of my notes is Ashley has FMK and is coming out.
00:10:02
Speaker
I don't know what the fuck that means.
00:10:09
Speaker
She's my character and I don't know what the fuck that means.
00:10:14
Speaker
Let us know down in the comments section.
00:10:18
Speaker
If you remember, let us know.
00:10:20
Speaker
If you don't remember and you just want to make some shit up, let us know because I don't know what FMK means.
00:10:27
Speaker
If you want to be our transcriber, I don't know.
00:10:30
Speaker
Wow.
00:10:30
Speaker
If you want to be our transcriber, go ahead and email lpppod at gmail.com.
00:10:35
Speaker
Yeah, please do because now I'm curious what the fuck FMK is.
00:10:40
Speaker
I'm pretty sure it's fuck, marry, kill.
00:10:43
Speaker
Oh, probably.
00:10:44
Speaker
But why would she be saying fuck, marry, kill in the spider room?
00:10:50
Speaker
Fuck it.
00:10:51
Speaker
Marry, no.
00:10:52
Speaker
Kill it.
00:10:52
Speaker
I don't know.
00:10:53
Speaker
I ain't here to judge.
00:10:59
Speaker
Because I was curious, I looked it up.
00:11:00
Speaker
The only things that come up are fuck, marry, kill and some sort of like gun manufacturer.
00:11:08
Speaker
Well, I don't think she has a gun.
00:11:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:15
Speaker
So you pulled the cat lever?
Agility Test with Arthur
00:11:17
Speaker
I do.
00:11:18
Speaker
Before any of you can make a move to stop him, Arthur pulls the lever on the cat statue, and the room is once again plunged into darkness.
00:11:31
Speaker
As the room lights back up, you find yourself on a platform.
00:11:39
Speaker
And there is another platform...
00:11:43
Speaker
yards away from you and there is nothing but a pit in between the two of you and jutting out of that pit are little tiny tiny tiny platforms oh god the cat is an agility test so I will tell you this at the top of the at the top of the thing here
00:12:13
Speaker
only one of you has to make it across.
00:12:19
Speaker
That being said, if you slip and fall, you're out.
00:12:27
Speaker
Is agility a thing?
00:12:33
Speaker
Dex or athletics, yeah.
00:12:37
Speaker
Now when you say out,
00:12:41
Speaker
Yeah, what does that mean?
00:12:44
Speaker
I mean you will be removing your headset.
00:12:46
Speaker
You know, actually probably I won't make you remove your headset.
00:12:48
Speaker
Are we dead?
00:12:50
Speaker
I don't know.
00:12:51
Speaker
You'll have to find out.
00:12:53
Speaker
What he means is you're out of the podcast and we have to find out.
00:12:59
Speaker
But to be fair, let me also...
00:13:03
Speaker
Let me also be 100% transparent about it.
00:13:07
Speaker
That doesn't mean, say, Melanie fucks up.
00:13:09
Speaker
That doesn't mean Samantha is out.
00:13:12
Speaker
That just means Melanie is out and somebody else comes in and plays Samantha.
00:13:16
Speaker
That's brutal.
00:13:16
Speaker
That is brutal.
00:13:21
Speaker
She's my character.
00:13:27
Speaker
She's my character.
00:13:30
Speaker
No, full disclosure, and you guys kind of could get the sense of this from the first two rooms, the way like how the Eagles saw you guys, how a cage would fall on you and you were kind of out for that round.
00:13:42
Speaker
You kind of get the idea that this room with the six statues is non-lethal.
00:13:53
Speaker
Basically, if you fall, you're just out.
00:13:56
Speaker
You don't, you can't be the one to cross it.
00:13:59
Speaker
So you basically have five chances to cross it because Ashley's with you.
00:14:05
Speaker
I see.
00:14:09
Speaker
What's the catch?
00:14:12
Speaker
There's no catch.
00:14:12
Speaker
You just have to make it across.
00:14:17
Speaker
How many tiny platforms are there?
00:14:19
Speaker
15.
00:14:20
Speaker
Jesus.
00:14:22
Speaker
Jesus.
00:14:24
Speaker
How far apart are the tiny platforms?
00:14:27
Speaker
Is it like a simple jump or is it going to have to be like a sprint and jump?
00:14:32
Speaker
It's going to be like a sprint and jump.
00:14:33
Speaker
Like, have you seen like the American Ninja Warrior?
00:14:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:39
Speaker
How there are those platforms that are at like a 45 degree angle and you have to kind of like run across them really quick.
00:14:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:14:49
Speaker
That's what's happening right now.
00:14:52
Speaker
So what would we roll?
00:14:55
Speaker
Depends on how I'm feeling.
00:14:58
Speaker
As of right now, we're going to do this in combat order.
00:15:04
Speaker
So as of right now, Arthur is the first person that can choose if he wants to run or if he wants to pass.
00:15:14
Speaker
Does Arthur have the most dexterity out of all of us?
00:15:17
Speaker
I do.
00:15:18
Speaker
How the fuck did that happen?
00:15:21
Speaker
I don't know.
00:15:22
Speaker
You guys, give better dexterity.
00:15:24
Speaker
Come on.
00:15:25
Speaker
I'm a fucking athlete.
00:15:29
Speaker
We're too bulky.
00:15:30
Speaker
He's skinny boy.
00:15:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:33
Speaker
I will say you guys see the cat statue on the other platform and you know you have to get to that to flip the lever.
00:15:40
Speaker
All right.
00:15:40
Speaker
Arthur's gonna give a running jump.
00:15:45
Speaker
Give it his all.
00:15:47
Speaker
Okay.
00:15:48
Speaker
So what I need from you to start, Arthur, is are you going to say anything to anyone or are you just going to take off and run?
00:15:56
Speaker
I'm going to stay.
00:15:57
Speaker
All right, guys.
00:15:58
Speaker
Out of my way.
00:16:00
Speaker
I got this.
00:16:01
Speaker
Can I give him advantage?
00:16:05
Speaker
How?
00:16:07
Speaker
A pep talk.
00:16:08
Speaker
Arthur, go get him.
00:16:09
Speaker
Go get him, tiger.
00:16:10
Speaker
And I smack him on the ass.
00:16:11
Speaker
Go get him.
00:16:13
Speaker
A little weird, but okay.
00:16:14
Speaker
Arthur's more the cryptid person, not the sports person, so I don't know if that's really going to give him advantage.
00:16:20
Speaker
No, it's supposed to be a little weird.
00:16:24
Speaker
Yeah, you want to get away from me, now get it.
00:16:27
Speaker
You can have advantage on your first roll, Arthur.
00:16:32
Speaker
But only the first roll.
00:16:36
Speaker
Alright.
00:16:37
Speaker
Well, it's the first roll.
00:16:39
Speaker
Your first roll is going to be an athletics.
00:16:43
Speaker
As you take off at a dead sprint, I need an athletics check.
00:16:50
Speaker
I'm not going to add or take anything away.
00:16:51
Speaker
Just a base athletics check.
00:16:58
Speaker
Okay.
00:17:00
Speaker
16 out of 31.
00:17:01
Speaker
16 out of 31.
00:17:05
Speaker
All right.
00:17:06
Speaker
So here's how this is going to work.
00:17:09
Speaker
Depending on how well you succeed,
00:17:13
Speaker
will determine how many rocks or how many steps you get to make before you have to roll again.
00:17:19
Speaker
16 on a 31.
00:17:21
Speaker
That was about half.
00:17:22
Speaker
I'll give you two of them.
00:17:24
Speaker
So you have 13 left to go.
00:17:25
Speaker
I need a dexterity throw from you.
00:17:33
Speaker
Oh, fuck.
00:17:36
Speaker
86 on an 83.
00:17:40
Speaker
I'll be nice and I'll let you roll your advantage on this one.
00:17:49
Speaker
72 on an 80.
00:17:51
Speaker
Okay.
00:17:52
Speaker
72 on an 80.
00:17:53
Speaker
That's only going to get you one more.
00:17:54
Speaker
So you have 12 to go.
00:17:56
Speaker
Give me... We'll go with another dex on this one.
00:18:04
Speaker
A 15 on an 80.
00:18:06
Speaker
15 on an 80.
00:18:07
Speaker
I will give you four for that one.
00:18:10
Speaker
You have eight left to go.
00:18:12
Speaker
You see on the one that you are about to land on, there's a little bump that makes that one a little bit uneven.
00:18:24
Speaker
So I need an athletics throw for this one.
00:18:30
Speaker
That is a 20 and a 31.
00:18:37
Speaker
20 on a 31.
00:18:37
Speaker
I'll give you two.
00:18:39
Speaker
You've got six more to go.
00:18:41
Speaker
Go ahead and give me a dex again.
00:18:42
Speaker
Arthur says this is bullshit.
00:18:49
Speaker
This is on a dex?
00:18:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:51
Speaker
27 out of 80.
00:18:53
Speaker
27 on an 80.
00:18:56
Speaker
I will give you I think I gave you four last time.
00:19:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:02
Speaker
So that means you've got two left to go.
00:19:06
Speaker
And I am going to call for... Nah, just give me a dex.
00:19:18
Speaker
50 on an 80.
00:19:19
Speaker
50 on an 80.
00:19:20
Speaker
I'll give you the last two.
00:19:22
Speaker
So you guys see in one...
00:19:25
Speaker
You land in this room.
00:19:26
Speaker
There's an open chasm.
00:19:29
Speaker
Arthur, who has been not really scared of everything, but not really like the one that's most gung ho either, is just like, fuck it, I'm going.
00:19:39
Speaker
And just sprints across these platforms and lands in front of the cast statue.
00:19:45
Speaker
Sam is kind of just sitting there slack jaw, just in awe of how he just did that.
00:19:52
Speaker
Arthur turns around and says, I watch a lot of Ninja Warrior.
00:19:57
Speaker
Arthur, you do not cease to surprise me, man.
00:20:01
Speaker
I have to say, I am impressed.
00:20:03
Speaker
I did not think that you guys would get it in one.
00:20:06
Speaker
I didn't either.
00:20:09
Speaker
Hopscotch champion.
00:20:11
Speaker
I've been training for years.
00:20:15
Speaker
All right.
00:20:16
Speaker
So, Arthur, you are in front of the cat statue.
Returning to the Statue Room
00:20:19
Speaker
All you gotta do is flip the lever.
00:20:21
Speaker
I'mma flip that lever.
00:20:23
Speaker
You flip that lever.
00:20:26
Speaker
You guys are plunged into darkness.
00:20:29
Speaker
And this time, the darkness seems to take a little bit longer before the lights come back up.
00:20:38
Speaker
And you guys are back in the room with the statues, and the cat statue is sliding back into the wall.
00:20:46
Speaker
Uh, did I blink really long or did that take a minute?
00:20:50
Speaker
That took a half minute.
00:20:51
Speaker
That took way too long.
00:20:56
Speaker
Um, head count?
00:20:58
Speaker
Ned?
00:20:59
Speaker
Ned?
00:20:59
Speaker
Ashley?
00:21:00
Speaker
Yeah, I'm here.
00:21:02
Speaker
Check your forget-me-nots.
00:21:06
Speaker
I touch my own shoulder.
00:21:10
Speaker
Ryan just face bombs at that.
00:21:13
Speaker
Don't be suspicious.
00:21:14
Speaker
Don't be suspicious.
00:21:17
Speaker
I look at Ryan as he's face palming while I'm reaching on my own shoulder like, oh, all right, I guess I kind of proved that one, huh?
00:21:25
Speaker
I mean, yeah.
00:21:26
Speaker
I don't think anyone could emulate that kind of thoughtlessness.
00:21:30
Speaker
Ashley looks at you suspiciously.
00:21:32
Speaker
Don't be suspicious.
00:21:35
Speaker
Don't be suspicious.
00:21:36
Speaker
I take it as a compliment?
00:21:39
Speaker
She reaches out and reaches for your forget-me-not.
00:21:42
Speaker
It's there.
00:21:45
Speaker
Just had to make sure you weren't trying to throw us off.
00:21:48
Speaker
No, if I was trying to throw you off, you'd know it wouldn't be.
00:21:52
Speaker
I guess that's fair.
00:21:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:56
Speaker
I pat her on the shoulder and feel for hers.
00:21:58
Speaker
Before you can touch her shoulder, she slaps your hand.
00:22:00
Speaker
Ow.
00:22:04
Speaker
Definitely.
00:22:06
Speaker
Sorry.
00:22:06
Speaker
Sorry, it's...
00:22:09
Speaker
Knee-jerk reaction.
00:22:11
Speaker
Here.
00:22:11
Speaker
And she presents her shoulder.
00:22:14
Speaker
I touch it.
00:22:15
Speaker
And the forget-me-not is there.
00:22:18
Speaker
I hate doing this in this game because I'm not supposed to, but Ned is feeling suspicious about this kind of behavior because this doesn't feel right.
00:22:30
Speaker
Is there any role I can make to, is this out of character?
00:22:35
Speaker
Yeah, use a humant.
00:22:38
Speaker
Oh, humans.
00:22:39
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:40
Speaker
68 on a 40.
00:22:42
Speaker
It's Ashley.
00:22:42
Speaker
She's fine.
00:22:46
Speaker
That was convincing.
00:22:48
Speaker
It's a 60 on a 40.
00:22:50
Speaker
Doesn't have to be fucking convincing.
00:22:53
Speaker
All right.
00:22:56
Speaker
Yeah, I get it.
00:22:57
Speaker
I get it.
00:22:57
Speaker
Just, you know, we got to play it safe.
00:23:00
Speaker
Without saying anything, she turns around.
00:23:03
Speaker
Ashley turns around and flips the lever on the bull.
00:23:10
Speaker
There we go.
Bull Statue and Strength Challenge
00:23:13
Speaker
The lights come down.
00:23:15
Speaker
And when they come back up, you find yourself in a room.
00:23:23
Speaker
A room?
00:23:24
Speaker
And it's just a room.
00:23:29
Speaker
But there's something weird about it.
00:23:30
Speaker
Fucker.
00:23:36
Speaker
In this room, you are surrounded by three gray walls, a gray floor, and a gray ceiling.
00:23:42
Speaker
That's gray.
00:23:44
Speaker
And one black wall with five white dots on it.
00:23:52
Speaker
And the five white dots are arranged in a way like a dice.
00:23:58
Speaker
Like a dice would be like for Monopoly.
00:24:01
Speaker
Two on the top, two on the bottom, one in the middle.
00:24:07
Speaker
Is there anything else in the room?
00:24:09
Speaker
Nope.
00:24:11
Speaker
I touch it.
00:24:14
Speaker
Give me a... Not alertness.
00:24:20
Speaker
Survival doesn't sound right.
00:24:22
Speaker
Yeah, I guess alertness is fine.
00:24:29
Speaker
Oof.
00:24:29
Speaker
It's a 62 and a 69.
00:24:30
Speaker
62 and a 69.
00:24:30
Speaker
Nice.
00:24:31
Speaker
Nice.
00:24:36
Speaker
The wall doesn't feel like it should.
00:24:39
Speaker
You're in this like concrete room.
00:24:43
Speaker
This wall almost feels like a plastic or ceramic.
00:24:50
Speaker
I knock on it.
00:24:51
Speaker
Like kind of like how when you're feeling something and it feels weird, you just kind of like test it a little bit.
00:24:58
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:25:00
Speaker
That's what Sam's doing right now.
00:25:01
Speaker
She's kind of just knocking on it.
00:25:04
Speaker
It sounds different than the other walls.
00:25:08
Speaker
Guys, this wall sounds different than the other walls.
00:25:11
Speaker
How so?
00:25:13
Speaker
It feels like plastic and not really whatever the other walls are made out of.
00:25:19
Speaker
Did you push it over?
00:25:22
Speaker
I try to push it over.
00:25:23
Speaker
Not push it over, just trying to push on it just to see if it gives or anything like that.
00:25:27
Speaker
Push into it?
00:25:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:29
Speaker
As she does that, Ryan is going to walk up and just Spartan kick it to see if he can do anything.
00:25:37
Speaker
Between the two of you, nothing happens.
00:25:42
Speaker
Well, I mean, Ryan pulls out his pocket knife.
00:25:46
Speaker
Anybody else object to this?
00:25:50
Speaker
Don't lose the knife.
00:25:52
Speaker
I got extras.
00:25:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:55
Speaker
Go wild.
00:25:55
Speaker
Lose that knife.
00:25:58
Speaker
And Ryan is just going to take a stab at it.
00:26:01
Speaker
Literally.
00:26:04
Speaker
Your knife bounces off harmlessly.
00:26:09
Speaker
Like rubber bounces off or just like... No, like if you tried to stab a concrete wall.
00:26:15
Speaker
Well, you told us it's not concrete.
00:26:16
Speaker
You said it's like plastic.
00:26:18
Speaker
Yeah, and it's going to bounce off the same.
00:26:22
Speaker
A plastic wall would chip a little bit, but okay.
00:26:24
Speaker
Okay.
00:26:28
Speaker
They are cryptid store pocket knives.
00:26:30
Speaker
They're not very strong.
00:26:31
Speaker
Are you saying my parents don't have quality merchandise?
00:26:36
Speaker
Yeah, kind of.
00:26:37
Speaker
You're right.
00:26:42
Speaker
Ryan is going to move over to the white dots and just start kind of like poking at them.
00:26:47
Speaker
You notice that the white dots as you're like poking at them are a little like concaved into the wall.
00:26:55
Speaker
He pushes on a dot real hard.
00:26:58
Speaker
Nothing happens.
00:27:00
Speaker
There's five dots on the wall, right?
00:27:01
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:27:03
Speaker
There are five dots on the wall.
00:27:05
Speaker
There's five of us in this room?
00:27:06
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:27:08
Speaker
Everybody going to pick a dot?
00:27:11
Speaker
We press it all at the same time?
00:27:13
Speaker
Yep.
00:27:14
Speaker
That is going to be impossible.
00:27:16
Speaker
Does you, Dad?
00:27:18
Speaker
The top dots are going to be high enough that you guys will not be able to hit them.
00:27:23
Speaker
Chicken fight?
00:27:26
Speaker
I mean... No.
00:27:28
Speaker
I don't think chicken style you'd be able to either.
00:27:32
Speaker
So someone on my shoulders wouldn't be able to reach the top ones?
00:27:35
Speaker
I'm trying to think, like, size-wise here.
00:27:39
Speaker
We're talking, like, 15-foot ceilings, and those two dots are pretty close to the top.
00:27:46
Speaker
So yeah, even chicken style.
00:27:49
Speaker
Anyone else think it seems odd though?
00:27:51
Speaker
That there's five dots on there and there's five of us in the room?
00:27:55
Speaker
That's a little, uh, suspicious.
00:27:59
Speaker
It's a little on the nose.
00:28:02
Speaker
Is there the same pattern on the floor as there is on the wall?
00:28:06
Speaker
There is not.
00:28:08
Speaker
Never mind.
00:28:11
Speaker
Maybe instead of hitting the dots, we all have to push the wall maybe?
00:28:16
Speaker
I don't know.
00:28:16
Speaker
This was the bull, right?
00:28:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:20
Speaker
It said strength.
00:28:22
Speaker
Maybe we all have to push.
00:28:24
Speaker
Okay.
00:28:25
Speaker
Let's all get up and push then.
00:28:27
Speaker
And Ashley goes up and puts her hands on the wall.
00:28:31
Speaker
That follows suit.
00:28:32
Speaker
Sam does the same.
00:28:34
Speaker
Arthur does the same.
00:28:36
Speaker
So does Ryan.
00:28:38
Speaker
As you guys push, give me an alertness check.
00:28:42
Speaker
I'm so fucking alert.
00:28:44
Speaker
I don't know if I'm going to go.
00:28:47
Speaker
No, I'm not.
00:28:48
Speaker
33 on a 28.
00:28:49
Speaker
96.
00:28:49
Speaker
That's a quick fail.
00:28:50
Speaker
I'm sorry.
00:28:50
Speaker
I mean, that's not me, but I'll just go.
00:28:54
Speaker
96 on a 43.
00:28:54
Speaker
72 on a 72.
00:28:55
Speaker
61 on a 69.
00:28:55
Speaker
Okay.
00:28:55
Speaker
So, Sam and Ryan, as you guys are pushing, you notice...
00:29:18
Speaker
You look up, and it looks like the very top of the wall is starting to lean away from the ceiling.
00:29:26
Speaker
And you notice that this wall that you're pushing is about twice as tall as the room that you are currently in.
00:29:35
Speaker
I mean, maybe we just gotta keep pushing and then, like, crawl up it as it pushes down, maybe?
00:29:42
Speaker
I don't know.
00:29:44
Speaker
That seems weird.
00:29:44
Speaker
Ned's just pushing as hard as he can.
00:29:48
Speaker
just because he doesn't see that, so Ned's just push, push, pushing it.
00:29:52
Speaker
Same.
00:29:53
Speaker
Arthur's also doing the same.
00:29:54
Speaker
So is Ashley.
00:29:56
Speaker
So is the bottom of the wall then kicking out?
00:29:59
Speaker
No.
00:30:00
Speaker
Or is it kind of just like pushing?
00:30:01
Speaker
It's not like on a flip.
00:30:04
Speaker
It's just kind of like pushing down like you push a gate over or something.
00:30:10
Speaker
So it's not doing like a... It's doing like a drawbridge motion.
00:30:15
Speaker
Your bottom is staying about right where you are, but the top is starting to lean away from the wall.
00:30:19
Speaker
Like you're almost like you're trying to push something over.
00:30:21
Speaker
Okay.
00:30:23
Speaker
Does the parts we can start to see above our room look like it's attached anywhere to the wall?
00:30:30
Speaker
Yes.
00:30:32
Speaker
It looks like it's a part of the wall that you are pushing that goes on for at least another segment of the wall.
00:30:41
Speaker
I meant is like that part of the segment that we can see, the new part, is that attached to the thing behind it?
00:30:47
Speaker
No.
00:30:49
Speaker
Sam just keeps pushing.
00:30:51
Speaker
Yeah, so does Ryan.
00:30:53
Speaker
And keeping an eye out to see if anything changes.
00:30:56
Speaker
Are you guys going to inform everybody of what you found out?
00:31:01
Speaker
Sure.
00:31:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:04
Speaker
Okay.
00:31:05
Speaker
Samantha and Ryan...
00:31:07
Speaker
tell everybody else what they see about how the wall looks like it's separating at the ceiling.
00:31:15
Speaker
And you come up with the idea as you have already that you need to push, but you're not really getting anywhere with what you're currently doing.
00:31:26
Speaker
So this is going to be a strength contest.
00:31:32
Speaker
Bring it.
00:31:34
Speaker
And in this one,
00:31:37
Speaker
Unlike normal Delta Green, you need to roll high.
00:31:43
Speaker
As a group, that's the five of you, you need to roll over a 250 in order to move this wall.
00:31:52
Speaker
Ashley has a dexterity of 15. 15.
00:32:06
Speaker
So again, we're going to go in combat order.
00:32:10
Speaker
Mr. Gooseburg, you can roll your strength first.
00:32:15
Speaker
Oh, boy.
00:32:18
Speaker
Ooh.
00:32:21
Speaker
I don't want to.
00:32:23
Speaker
Okay.
00:32:23
Speaker
Now, remember, this is not against your strength score.
00:32:27
Speaker
You are just rolling D100s, and you're trying to get over 250.
00:32:30
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:32:30
Speaker
67.
00:32:30
Speaker
I'm just calling it strength.
00:32:34
Speaker
Okay, 67.
00:32:36
Speaker
I'm going to beat that guy, 250 minus 67.
00:32:40
Speaker
We need 183 left.
00:32:44
Speaker
That is going to take us to Samantha?
00:32:49
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:32:50
Speaker
Samantha and Ashley both have a dex of 15, so yeah, Samantha, go first.
00:32:55
Speaker
19.19.
00:33:03
Speaker
Oofta.
00:33:05
Speaker
Okay, that puts us to 164.
00:33:06
Speaker
Ashley.
00:33:06
Speaker
65.
00:33:06
Speaker
All right.
00:33:07
Speaker
99 left.
00:33:07
Speaker
That is going to put us to Ned.
00:33:11
Speaker
Ned.
00:33:11
Speaker
Ned Push.
00:33:11
Speaker
Yes, sir.
00:33:12
Speaker
87.
00:33:12
Speaker
87.
00:33:12
Speaker
All right.
00:33:12
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:29
Speaker
Ned like steps back really far and he just kind of runs and rams his shoulder into it.
00:33:35
Speaker
As he does that, you guys see the top is almost at the tipping point.
00:33:41
Speaker
And now, Mr. Ryan, you need to beat 12.
00:34:00
Speaker
Are you like hugging Breck over his shoulder watching his dice rolls?
00:34:03
Speaker
I know, it was very quick reaction.
00:34:05
Speaker
Yeah, little knee jerk.
00:34:07
Speaker
No, I'm hearing like, Matt slamming down the tower, mine slamming down the tower, Melody slamming down the tower.
00:34:15
Speaker
Breck with his little tiny dice and then the little... Hey, don't diss my tiny dice.
00:34:25
Speaker
They may be small, but they roll well.
00:34:26
Speaker
That was a 99.
00:34:29
Speaker
Oh, nice.
00:34:31
Speaker
So you guys see the it's almost there.
00:34:38
Speaker
It's almost there.
00:34:40
Speaker
You did not quite make it.
00:34:41
Speaker
So as one, you guys all take a step back and charge and slam into this wall.
00:34:50
Speaker
And you see the bottom of the wall start to lift up like something's tipping back onto a corner.
00:34:59
Speaker
And before it can topple, you hear it slam into something behind it.
00:35:08
Speaker
And it continues to fall, and you hear another slam as it falls into something behind that.
Domino Effect and Cliffhanger Ending
00:35:14
Speaker
And as the top of the wall is revealed, you realize what you were pushing...
00:35:21
Speaker
was a giant domino and you keep hearing the crashing as it tumbles into more and more and the dominoes fall.
00:35:36
Speaker
And I want you guys to do a... that one I always call alertness check.
00:35:45
Speaker
82 on a 28.
00:35:54
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:35:54
Speaker
Damn it.
00:35:56
Speaker
44 on a 43.
00:35:56
Speaker
That is a crit fail, my friend.
00:35:58
Speaker
23 on a 72.
00:35:59
Speaker
40 on a 69.
00:36:00
Speaker
And Ashley got a 35 on a 60.
00:36:01
Speaker
So Ashley and Ryan and Samantha...
00:36:23
Speaker
Notice the arrangement of the dominoes is actually a little precarious for you.
00:36:30
Speaker
You guys have completed the feat of strength and you look out and you see the bull statue.
00:36:39
Speaker
But what Ryan and Samantha and Ashley notice is the dominoes that are toppling are in a big circle.
00:36:49
Speaker
For those of you that don't know how a circle works, that means the last giant domino that's going to fall is going to crush the room that you are currently in.
00:36:59
Speaker
Run, bitches.
00:37:04
Speaker
Ryan just goes, huh, and just grabs whoever's closest to him and sprints for the statue.
00:37:12
Speaker
We'll say you grab Arthur because Ashley's going to put her hands on the back of Ned, like on Ned's back and go, go, go, go.
00:37:20
Speaker
Going, going, going.
00:37:24
Speaker
Sam just starts running.
00:37:29
Speaker
He says, run, bitches, and then runs.
00:37:34
Speaker
Okay.
00:37:35
Speaker
So you guys run and you see, like I said, the bull statue.
00:37:42
Speaker
hanging out out in the middle of this area.
00:37:46
Speaker
But there's something weird about the bull statue.
00:37:51
Speaker
The lever is not there.
00:37:53
Speaker
The fuck?
00:37:55
Speaker
Push it over.
00:37:56
Speaker
Just push it over.
00:37:58
Speaker
Sam tries to push it over.
00:38:01
Speaker
It is cemented into the ground.
00:38:04
Speaker
You cannot push it over.
00:38:06
Speaker
Give me a...
00:38:09
Speaker
This doesn't have spot hidden, but it has search.
00:38:11
Speaker
Go ahead and give me a search.
00:38:13
Speaker
Everyone can.
00:38:14
Speaker
44 on a 40.
00:38:21
Speaker
I'm going to burn the luck.
00:38:24
Speaker
67 on a 24.
00:38:24
Speaker
79 on a 44.
00:38:30
Speaker
I don't see shit.
00:38:31
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:38:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:34
Speaker
Okay.
00:38:35
Speaker
Well, I was going to say, before you burn the luck...
00:38:38
Speaker
you're out of the room now.
00:38:40
Speaker
The, where the first domino fell, that's what I'm saying.
00:38:43
Speaker
It was going to crush.
00:38:45
Speaker
So when you ran past that first domino out to where the bull statue was, you guys are out of harm's way now.
00:38:55
Speaker
That being said, not a single person passed their search check, including Ashley.
00:39:03
Speaker
She got a 51 on a 45.
00:39:04
Speaker
So I don't need to burn the luck.
00:39:09
Speaker
You don't need to burn the luck.
00:39:10
Speaker
You're not in any kind of time crunch now.
00:39:14
Speaker
You guys are safe.
00:39:16
Speaker
So you do not need to burn the luck.
00:39:19
Speaker
I think Ned's oblivious and he just kept running around until he catches back up to the other one that fell.
00:39:28
Speaker
Ryan is just going to start touching the bull statue everywhere to try to see if there's a hidden lever or something.
00:39:36
Speaker
Don't reach underneath.
00:39:38
Speaker
Okay.
00:39:39
Speaker
Give me a... That's a penis.
00:39:51
Speaker
Do you have anything in art?
00:39:55
Speaker
Little do we know we need to jack off the bull statue to get through.
00:39:58
Speaker
Oh, God.
00:40:00
Speaker
I have a big fat zero.
00:40:03
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:03
Speaker
Does anybody have anything in art?
00:40:06
Speaker
I do.
00:40:06
Speaker
Nope.
00:40:06
Speaker
Nope.
00:40:10
Speaker
Nope.
00:40:11
Speaker
All right, Arthur, go ahead and roll me an art.
00:40:13
Speaker
57 out of 60.
00:40:19
Speaker
57 out of 60.
00:40:21
Speaker
Perfect.
00:40:24
Speaker
You realize that what's in front of you is a bull statue.
00:40:28
Speaker
Does not have the lever on it like you're accustomed to, but what on a bull could possibly be a lever?
00:40:35
Speaker
What a hog.
00:40:38
Speaker
That's not its penis.
00:40:40
Speaker
Okay, thank Christ.
00:40:42
Speaker
A horn.
00:40:43
Speaker
A horn.
00:40:45
Speaker
Y'all got dick on the brain.
00:40:47
Speaker
Are you sure it's not the penis?
00:40:49
Speaker
Arthur, you gotta get horny with it.
00:40:51
Speaker
I ignore my friends and pull the horn and not the penis.
00:40:59
Speaker
Why didn't you pull the penis?
00:41:03
Speaker
Arthur, roll me a 50-50.
00:41:04
Speaker
Oh my god.
00:41:07
Speaker
75?
00:41:11
Speaker
You accidentally pulled a penis.
00:41:14
Speaker
No.
00:41:15
Speaker
No.
00:41:18
Speaker
Okay.
00:41:20
Speaker
You pulled the wrong horn.
00:41:21
Speaker
Now roll me an intelligence.
00:41:23
Speaker
Yeah, he does.
00:41:24
Speaker
He pulled the penis.
00:41:24
Speaker
In 37 on a
00:41:33
Speaker
60.
00:41:34
Speaker
Okay.
00:41:35
Speaker
You were intelligent enough to know that, hey, I just pulled the wrong horn.
00:41:38
Speaker
That is actually still the solution we're looking for here.
00:41:42
Speaker
Because I was going to make it if you failed your intelligence, you pulled the horn and you were like, well, fuck that, didn't do it.
00:41:51
Speaker
I pulled the other horn.
00:41:54
Speaker
As you pull the other horn, the horn goes down.
00:41:58
Speaker
The room, again, is devoid of all light.
00:42:02
Speaker
Again, a little bit longer than the last time.
00:42:09
Speaker
And as the lights come up, the bull statue doesn't move.
00:42:18
Speaker
What the fuck?
00:42:21
Speaker
God damn it.
00:42:24
Speaker
It seems like it's trying to move, but it's almost like it's stuck on something.
00:42:31
Speaker
Ryan will walk over and see what it's stuck on.
00:42:34
Speaker
Look behind it.
00:42:38
Speaker
You look behind the statue, Ryan.
00:42:44
Speaker
And you see, sitting on the track that the statue would use to move past, is something silver.
00:42:58
Speaker
He's gonna reach down and try to snatch it up quick.
00:43:03
Speaker
So you are able to reach down and snatch it up before it gets caught fully in the mechanism.
00:43:08
Speaker
And as you snatch it up, it releases what was being caught.
00:43:14
Speaker
So... the statue is able to slide back into the wall the way it's supposed to.
00:43:23
Speaker
You look down in your hand...
00:43:27
Speaker
and you're holding Chris's dog tags.
00:43:31
Speaker
And that's where we're gonna end this episode.
00:43:34
Speaker
Oh, shit.
00:43:38
Speaker
This episode's called Arthur's Penis Problem.
00:43:45
Speaker
I assumed it was gonna be Arthur Gets Horny.
00:43:49
Speaker
Oh, that's better.
Outro and Additional Content
00:43:51
Speaker
Hey, everybody, Nick here hijacking the outro.
00:43:54
Speaker
You know who we are by now.
00:43:55
Speaker
Down below, you'll find our new Linktree account.
00:43:58
Speaker
Everything we're tied to, you can find a link to it down below.
00:44:01
Speaker
You can find us.
00:44:02
Speaker
Like, comment, subscribe.
00:44:03
Speaker
Come hang out with us on the subreddit.
00:44:05
Speaker
That would be great to talk to you guys.
00:44:07
Speaker
At the end of this outro, we have an ad running for Lighthouse Studios' newest podcast.
00:44:13
Speaker
We're very excited for this one.
00:44:15
Speaker
I can't wait to listen to it.
00:44:16
Speaker
We'll see you in two weeks.
00:44:18
Speaker
Let's fight free time!
00:44:31
Speaker
With your long forgotten name, we call upon you.
00:44:34
Speaker
We call upon you.
00:44:36
Speaker
In the words of the unspeakable language, we call upon you.
00:44:39
Speaker
We call upon you.
00:44:41
Speaker
By the spilt blood of the wicked, who walk upon this world, sprouting the words of false idols, we call upon you.
00:44:48
Speaker
We call upon you.
00:44:50
Speaker
On the land of the dead harvest, that which brings the earth itself into your service, Yemel, we call upon you.
00:44:57
Speaker
We call upon you.
00:44:58
Speaker
We call upon you.
00:45:02
Speaker
Yemel calls upon you.
00:45:06
Speaker
The Sprouting, a Call of Cthulhu actual play podcast by Blighthouse Studio.
00:45:11
Speaker
Find us on your podcatcher of choice.