Transcript
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Speaker: Let's Play Pretend is an explicit podcast with subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners.
Speaker: Content warnings can be found in the episode description.
Speaker: Cody's laughing, so it's good.
Speaker: Let's play pretend!
Speaker: Let's play pretend!
Speaker: Hello everybody, welcome back to the show.
Speaker: We're all sitting here and we're ready to go.
Speaker: So buckle up friends, it's pretend time and try not to cringe as I bring you this rhyme.
Speaker: I'm the leader of the group, you know my voice and writing this rap was completely my choice.
Speaker: This is my world, I put my players through hell, but in my opinion, they're doing quite well.
Speaker: First up, Ned Dalaran joins the fray.
Speaker: During times of pressure, he doesn't sway.
Speaker: That's not to say he's immune to feelings.
Speaker: That diary entry almost sent him reeling.
Speaker: Ryan Winchester's here, and he's one cool dude.
Speaker: His jokes are always certain to light the mood.
Speaker: However, like the others, he can't quite be, for Ryan sees the world a little differently.
Speaker: Is that Arthur Gooseberg I see over there?
Speaker: Tall, slender with glasses?
Speaker: Boy, has red hair.
Speaker: Hunting for the truth of those cryptid dudes.
Speaker: He didn't watch where he was going, almost was spider food.
Speaker: Samantha Williams is here to round out the crew.
Speaker: Without Anubis, she's not quite sure what to do.
Speaker: All she knows is that she wants to get out of this place, but why is there someone else who is wearing her face?
Speaker: That's the crew and for you we're ready to play.
Speaker: We hope for our story you will want to stay.
Speaker: So long as there's no door our teens hardly miss.
Speaker: So let's play pretend and fuck up nega Chris.
Speaker: And I have with me as always Mr. Nick Barnett.
Speaker: Is that seriously what you were working on?
Speaker: That's that's what you were working on.
Speaker: That was I spent my whole lunch break writing that.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: Oh wow.
Speaker: So this whole session is gonna be one long deicide, right?
Speaker: Where we kill God?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: No, no.
Speaker: You can't kill a rat God.
Speaker: That is my steez, you step off, sir.
Speaker: Oh, now we need a rat battle.
Speaker: Oh, it's on like Donkey Kong.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: I hope you're ready.
Speaker: The rebuttal will be glorious.
Speaker: Bring it, bitch.
Speaker: Get the hell out of here.
Speaker: Hi, I'm Ned.
Speaker: And I always add that I also have with me, as always, Mr. Breck Black.
Speaker: Hello, this is Ryan speaking.
Speaker: And for whatever reason, I suddenly feel the urge to kill a god.
Speaker: Man, the blasphemous things I want to do.
Speaker: Mr. Matt check.
Speaker: Hello, Arthur Gooseberg and I can't even.
Speaker: I can't try to do what God does.
Speaker: You sent him full white girl right now.
Speaker: He can't even.
Speaker: I can't even.
Speaker: He can't even.
Speaker: And last but certainly not least, my loving wife, Miss Melanie Derringer.
Speaker: Hi, I'm playing Samantha Williams and I don't claim any of the energy that you're putting out tonight.
Speaker: I think you guys are going to be a little bit more proud of me that I wrote that whole thing on my lunch break.
Speaker: I am not.
Speaker: That's not what I was expecting.
Speaker: Because when you said you spent your entire lunch break, it was very productive.
Speaker: I thought you meant, you know, in upping your puzzles or something, not writing a rap that is just going to put us all to shame.
Speaker: Oh, no, the puzzles are already written.
Speaker: You know,
Speaker: I can be proud and horrified at the same time.
Speaker: I thought he was going to say proud and horny at the same time.
Speaker: Yeah, it definitely seemed like you were going to say a trick for horror.
Speaker: Hey, if my raps turn you on, that's fine by me.
Speaker: Proud and Horny, Pride and Prejudice, the sequel.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: You say Pride and Prejudice around me, that really bad Pride and Prejudice and Zombies movie that I watched.
Speaker: It was a book first.
Speaker: It was a what?
Speaker: It was a book first.
Speaker: Damn you, God, now I have to find that book.
Speaker: Who's ready for a recap?
Speaker: Yo.
Speaker: Me.
Speaker: Okay, so.
Speaker: Last time.
Speaker: Hey, you know what?
Speaker: It's been a while since we played.
Speaker: Sorry for the listeners if you have to listen to this recap, like if you're listening week to week.
Speaker: We haven't played in a while.
Speaker: So we're going to go with this.
Speaker: You guys found yourself at Ashley and Chris's house.
Speaker: Up on the back deck, somebody bumped into a tiki torch, and the deck dropped from underneath you.
Speaker: You guys fell into a big circle cage.
Speaker: Ended up finding your way out of there and solving the puzzle to hit the different points in the room to open the door.
Speaker: That led you into a room with four more doors.
Speaker: And behind each one of these doors is a new puzzle.
Speaker: You guys have already completed the spider room, where you had to go in, kill the spider, light the torch on the back wall.
Speaker: You have decided your next room is the room with the six animal statues.
Speaker: Upon going in there, oh, sorry, let me also go back.
Speaker: In the back of the spider room, you also found Ashley again.
Speaker: Ashley is now, you know, conscious and with you guys.
Speaker: When you guys went into the animal statue room, you completed two of the six kind of micro puzzles that are in there.
Speaker: You completed the bear, where you had to stop the bear from reaching the honey.
Speaker: You completely fucked up that trap, like the door in the movie theater.
Speaker: And you also completed the eagle, where you had to cross the lawn without being seen in order to deactivate the eagle statue.
Speaker: You guys have just reappeared in the room with the other statues.
Speaker: And just as a quick refresher...
Speaker: The other statues that you still have to go are the bull, the fox, the owl, and the cat.
Speaker: And that is where we are now.
Speaker: So like I said, you guys have completed two out of the six statues.
Speaker: As you guys complete the bear statue room, the, uh,
Speaker: lights dim and you are in complete pitch blackness.
Speaker: And as the lights come back up, you find yourself in the room with the six statues and you hear the sound of the bear statue with the lever thrown down sliding back into the wall.
Speaker: So you have four statues that are still out and about.
Speaker: What do you guys want to do?
Speaker: So what statues do we have left?
Speaker: We have the bull, the fox, the owl, and the cat.
Speaker: Thank you, Matt.
Speaker: Somebody was listening.
Speaker: I have my notes up.
Speaker: I have my notes up too, but that's really far back in my notes that I didn't feel like skimming.
Speaker: I have Breck's notes up.
Speaker: Yeah, I have Breck's notes.
Speaker: You're welcome.
Speaker: Well, I got a sinking suspicion the bull is probably going to chase us.
Speaker: Sorry, I had to get back to my Arthur voice.
Speaker: Me, me, me, me.
Speaker: The bull's probably bullshit.
Speaker: I think all of these are bullshit.
Speaker: I see.
Speaker: He's got it.
Speaker: Well, glad we're finally staying.
Speaker: Yeah, but it doesn't mean we don't have to go through with it.
Speaker: I mean, the door is closed, and unless you feel like tunneling out, we have to complete all of them.
Speaker: Of course, I feel like tunneling, but to be able to tunnel is a different start.
Speaker: I mean, that's fair.
Speaker: So what are we thinking?
Speaker: Fox?
Speaker: Bull?
Speaker: Well, if I pulled one and she pulled one, who wants to do the next one?
Speaker: Roshambo?
Speaker: No, I'll just go.
Speaker: Arthur walks up to the cat one and pulls down.
Speaker: Oh, wrong lever, Kronk.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Okay, real quick.
Speaker: I ended up going back in my notes to session, the last session, session six.
Speaker: And the very first thing at the top of my notes is Ashley has FMK and is coming out.
Speaker: I don't know what the fuck that means.
Speaker: She's my character and I don't know what the fuck that means.
Speaker: Let us know down in the comments section.
Speaker: If you remember, let us know.
Speaker: If you don't remember and you just want to make some shit up, let us know because I don't know what FMK means.
Speaker: If you want to be our transcriber, I don't know.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: If you want to be our transcriber, go ahead and email lpppod at gmail.com.
Speaker: Yeah, please do because now I'm curious what the fuck FMK is.
Speaker: I'm pretty sure it's fuck, marry, kill.
Speaker: Oh, probably.
Speaker: But why would she be saying fuck, marry, kill in the spider room?
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: Marry, no.
Speaker: Kill it.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I ain't here to judge.
Speaker: Because I was curious, I looked it up.
Speaker: The only things that come up are fuck, marry, kill and some sort of like gun manufacturer.
Speaker: Well, I don't think she has a gun.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So you pulled the cat lever?
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: Before any of you can make a move to stop him, Arthur pulls the lever on the cat statue, and the room is once again plunged into darkness.
Speaker: As the room lights back up, you find yourself on a platform.
Speaker: And there is another platform...
Speaker: yards away from you and there is nothing but a pit in between the two of you and jutting out of that pit are little tiny tiny tiny platforms oh god the cat is an agility test so I will tell you this at the top of the at the top of the thing here
Speaker: only one of you has to make it across.
Speaker: That being said, if you slip and fall, you're out.
Speaker: Is agility a thing?
Speaker: Dex or athletics, yeah.
Speaker: Now when you say out,
Speaker: Yeah, what does that mean?
Speaker: I mean you will be removing your headset.
Speaker: You know, actually probably I won't make you remove your headset.
Speaker: Are we dead?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: You'll have to find out.
Speaker: What he means is you're out of the podcast and we have to find out.
Speaker: But to be fair, let me also...
Speaker: Let me also be 100% transparent about it.
Speaker: That doesn't mean, say, Melanie fucks up.
Speaker: That doesn't mean Samantha is out.
Speaker: That just means Melanie is out and somebody else comes in and plays Samantha.
Speaker: That's brutal.
Speaker: That is brutal.
Speaker: She's my character.
Speaker: She's my character.
Speaker: No, full disclosure, and you guys kind of could get the sense of this from the first two rooms, the way like how the Eagles saw you guys, how a cage would fall on you and you were kind of out for that round.
Speaker: You kind of get the idea that this room with the six statues is non-lethal.
Speaker: Basically, if you fall, you're just out.
Speaker: You don't, you can't be the one to cross it.
Speaker: So you basically have five chances to cross it because Ashley's with you.
Speaker: I see.
Speaker: What's the catch?
Speaker: There's no catch.
Speaker: You just have to make it across.
Speaker: How many tiny platforms are there?
Speaker: 15.
Speaker: Jesus.
Speaker: Jesus.
Speaker: How far apart are the tiny platforms?
Speaker: Is it like a simple jump or is it going to have to be like a sprint and jump?
Speaker: It's going to be like a sprint and jump.
Speaker: Like, have you seen like the American Ninja Warrior?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: How there are those platforms that are at like a 45 degree angle and you have to kind of like run across them really quick.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's what's happening right now.
Speaker: So what would we roll?
Speaker: Depends on how I'm feeling.
Speaker: As of right now, we're going to do this in combat order.
Speaker: So as of right now, Arthur is the first person that can choose if he wants to run or if he wants to pass.
Speaker: Does Arthur have the most dexterity out of all of us?
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: How the fuck did that happen?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: You guys, give better dexterity.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: I'm a fucking athlete.
Speaker: We're too bulky.
Speaker: He's skinny boy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I will say you guys see the cat statue on the other platform and you know you have to get to that to flip the lever.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Arthur's gonna give a running jump.
Speaker: Give it his all.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So what I need from you to start, Arthur, is are you going to say anything to anyone or are you just going to take off and run?
Speaker: I'm going to stay.
Speaker: All right, guys.
Speaker: Out of my way.
Speaker: I got this.
Speaker: Can I give him advantage?
Speaker: How?
Speaker: A pep talk.
Speaker: Arthur, go get him.
Speaker: Go get him, tiger.
Speaker: And I smack him on the ass.
Speaker: Go get him.
Speaker: A little weird, but okay.
Speaker: Arthur's more the cryptid person, not the sports person, so I don't know if that's really going to give him advantage.
Speaker: No, it's supposed to be a little weird.
Speaker: Yeah, you want to get away from me, now get it.
Speaker: You can have advantage on your first roll, Arthur.
Speaker: But only the first roll.
Speaker: Alright.
Speaker: Well, it's the first roll.
Speaker: Your first roll is going to be an athletics.
Speaker: As you take off at a dead sprint, I need an athletics check.
Speaker: I'm not going to add or take anything away.
Speaker: Just a base athletics check.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: 16 out of 31.
Speaker: 16 out of 31.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: So here's how this is going to work.
Speaker: Depending on how well you succeed,
Speaker: will determine how many rocks or how many steps you get to make before you have to roll again.
Speaker: 16 on a 31.
Speaker: That was about half.
Speaker: I'll give you two of them.
Speaker: So you have 13 left to go.
Speaker: I need a dexterity throw from you.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: 86 on an 83.
Speaker: I'll be nice and I'll let you roll your advantage on this one.
Speaker: 72 on an 80.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: 72 on an 80.
Speaker: That's only going to get you one more.
Speaker: So you have 12 to go.
Speaker: Give me... We'll go with another dex on this one.
Speaker: A 15 on an 80.
Speaker: 15 on an 80.
Speaker: I will give you four for that one.
Speaker: You have eight left to go.
Speaker: You see on the one that you are about to land on, there's a little bump that makes that one a little bit uneven.
Speaker: So I need an athletics throw for this one.
Speaker: That is a 20 and a 31.
Speaker: 20 on a 31.
Speaker: I'll give you two.
Speaker: You've got six more to go.
Speaker: Go ahead and give me a dex again.
Speaker: Arthur says this is bullshit.
Speaker: This is on a dex?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: 27 out of 80.
Speaker: 27 on an 80.
Speaker: I will give you I think I gave you four last time.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So that means you've got two left to go.
Speaker: And I am going to call for... Nah, just give me a dex.
Speaker: 50 on an 80.
Speaker: 50 on an 80.
Speaker: I'll give you the last two.
Speaker: So you guys see in one...
Speaker: You land in this room.
Speaker: There's an open chasm.
Speaker: Arthur, who has been not really scared of everything, but not really like the one that's most gung ho either, is just like, fuck it, I'm going.
Speaker: And just sprints across these platforms and lands in front of the cast statue.
Speaker: Sam is kind of just sitting there slack jaw, just in awe of how he just did that.
Speaker: Arthur turns around and says, I watch a lot of Ninja Warrior.
Speaker: Arthur, you do not cease to surprise me, man.
Speaker: I have to say, I am impressed.
Speaker: I did not think that you guys would get it in one.
Speaker: I didn't either.
Speaker: Hopscotch champion.
Speaker: I've been training for years.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: So, Arthur, you are in front of the cat statue.
Speaker: All you gotta do is flip the lever.
Speaker: I'mma flip that lever.
Speaker: You flip that lever.
Speaker: You guys are plunged into darkness.
Speaker: And this time, the darkness seems to take a little bit longer before the lights come back up.
Speaker: And you guys are back in the room with the statues, and the cat statue is sliding back into the wall.
Speaker: Uh, did I blink really long or did that take a minute?
Speaker: That took a half minute.
Speaker: That took way too long.
Speaker: Um, head count?
Speaker: Ned?
Speaker: Ned?
Speaker: Ashley?
Speaker: Yeah, I'm here.
Speaker: Check your forget-me-nots.
Speaker: I touch my own shoulder.
Speaker: Ryan just face bombs at that.
Speaker: Don't be suspicious.
Speaker: Don't be suspicious.
Speaker: I look at Ryan as he's face palming while I'm reaching on my own shoulder like, oh, all right, I guess I kind of proved that one, huh?
Speaker: I mean, yeah.
Speaker: I don't think anyone could emulate that kind of thoughtlessness.
Speaker: Ashley looks at you suspiciously.
Speaker: Don't be suspicious.
Speaker: Don't be suspicious.
Speaker: I take it as a compliment?
Speaker: She reaches out and reaches for your forget-me-not.
Speaker: It's there.
Speaker: Just had to make sure you weren't trying to throw us off.
Speaker: No, if I was trying to throw you off, you'd know it wouldn't be.
Speaker: I guess that's fair.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I pat her on the shoulder and feel for hers.
Speaker: Before you can touch her shoulder, she slaps your hand.
Speaker: Ow.
Speaker: Definitely.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: Sorry, it's...
Speaker: Knee-jerk reaction.
Speaker: Here.
Speaker: And she presents her shoulder.
Speaker: I touch it.
Speaker: And the forget-me-not is there.
Speaker: I hate doing this in this game because I'm not supposed to, but Ned is feeling suspicious about this kind of behavior because this doesn't feel right.
Speaker: Is there any role I can make to, is this out of character?
Speaker: Yeah, use a humant.
Speaker: Oh, humans.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: 68 on a 40.
Speaker: It's Ashley.
Speaker: She's fine.
Speaker: That was convincing.
Speaker: It's a 60 on a 40.
Speaker: Doesn't have to be fucking convincing.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Yeah, I get it.
Speaker: I get it.
Speaker: Just, you know, we got to play it safe.
Speaker: Without saying anything, she turns around.
Speaker: Ashley turns around and flips the lever on the bull.
Speaker: There we go.
Speaker: The lights come down.
Speaker: And when they come back up, you find yourself in a room.
Speaker: A room?
Speaker: And it's just a room.
Speaker: But there's something weird about it.
Speaker: Fucker.
Speaker: In this room, you are surrounded by three gray walls, a gray floor, and a gray ceiling.
Speaker: That's gray.
Speaker: And one black wall with five white dots on it.
Speaker: And the five white dots are arranged in a way like a dice.
Speaker: Like a dice would be like for Monopoly.
Speaker: Two on the top, two on the bottom, one in the middle.
Speaker: Is there anything else in the room?
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: I touch it.
Speaker: Give me a... Not alertness.
Speaker: Survival doesn't sound right.
Speaker: Yeah, I guess alertness is fine.
Speaker: Oof.
Speaker: It's a 62 and a 69.
Speaker: 62 and a 69.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: The wall doesn't feel like it should.
Speaker: You're in this like concrete room.
Speaker: This wall almost feels like a plastic or ceramic.
Speaker: I knock on it.
Speaker: Like kind of like how when you're feeling something and it feels weird, you just kind of like test it a little bit.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: That's what Sam's doing right now.
Speaker: She's kind of just knocking on it.
Speaker: It sounds different than the other walls.
Speaker: Guys, this wall sounds different than the other walls.
Speaker: How so?
Speaker: It feels like plastic and not really whatever the other walls are made out of.
Speaker: Did you push it over?
Speaker: I try to push it over.
Speaker: Not push it over, just trying to push on it just to see if it gives or anything like that.
Speaker: Push into it?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: As she does that, Ryan is going to walk up and just Spartan kick it to see if he can do anything.
Speaker: Between the two of you, nothing happens.
Speaker: Well, I mean, Ryan pulls out his pocket knife.
Speaker: Anybody else object to this?
Speaker: Don't lose the knife.
Speaker: I got extras.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Go wild.
Speaker: Lose that knife.
Speaker: And Ryan is just going to take a stab at it.
Speaker: Literally.
Speaker: Your knife bounces off harmlessly.
Speaker: Like rubber bounces off or just like... No, like if you tried to stab a concrete wall.
Speaker: Well, you told us it's not concrete.
Speaker: You said it's like plastic.
Speaker: Yeah, and it's going to bounce off the same.
Speaker: A plastic wall would chip a little bit, but okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: They are cryptid store pocket knives.
Speaker: They're not very strong.
Speaker: Are you saying my parents don't have quality merchandise?
Speaker: Yeah, kind of.
Speaker: You're right.
Speaker: Ryan is going to move over to the white dots and just start kind of like poking at them.
Speaker: You notice that the white dots as you're like poking at them are a little like concaved into the wall.
Speaker: He pushes on a dot real hard.
Speaker: Nothing happens.
Speaker: There's five dots on the wall, right?
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: There are five dots on the wall.
Speaker: There's five of us in this room?
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Everybody going to pick a dot?
Speaker: We press it all at the same time?
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: That is going to be impossible.
Speaker: Does you, Dad?
Speaker: The top dots are going to be high enough that you guys will not be able to hit them.
Speaker: Chicken fight?
Speaker: I mean... No.
Speaker: I don't think chicken style you'd be able to either.
Speaker: So someone on my shoulders wouldn't be able to reach the top ones?
Speaker: I'm trying to think, like, size-wise here.
Speaker: We're talking, like, 15-foot ceilings, and those two dots are pretty close to the top.
Speaker: So yeah, even chicken style.
Speaker: Anyone else think it seems odd though?
Speaker: That there's five dots on there and there's five of us in the room?
Speaker: That's a little, uh, suspicious.
Speaker: It's a little on the nose.
Speaker: Is there the same pattern on the floor as there is on the wall?
Speaker: There is not.
Speaker: Never mind.
Speaker: Maybe instead of hitting the dots, we all have to push the wall maybe?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: This was the bull, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It said strength.
Speaker: Maybe we all have to push.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Let's all get up and push then.
Speaker: And Ashley goes up and puts her hands on the wall.
Speaker: That follows suit.
Speaker: Sam does the same.
Speaker: Arthur does the same.
Speaker: So does Ryan.
Speaker: As you guys push, give me an alertness check.
Speaker: I'm so fucking alert.
Speaker: I don't know if I'm going to go.
Speaker: No, I'm not.
Speaker: 33 on a 28.
Speaker: 96.
Speaker: That's a quick fail.
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: I mean, that's not me, but I'll just go.
Speaker: 96 on a 43.
Speaker: 72 on a 72.
Speaker: 61 on a 69.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So, Sam and Ryan, as you guys are pushing, you notice...
Speaker: You look up, and it looks like the very top of the wall is starting to lean away from the ceiling.
Speaker: And you notice that this wall that you're pushing is about twice as tall as the room that you are currently in.
Speaker: I mean, maybe we just gotta keep pushing and then, like, crawl up it as it pushes down, maybe?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: That seems weird.
Speaker: Ned's just pushing as hard as he can.
Speaker: just because he doesn't see that, so Ned's just push, push, pushing it.
Speaker: Same.
Speaker: Arthur's also doing the same.
Speaker: So is Ashley.
Speaker: So is the bottom of the wall then kicking out?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Or is it kind of just like pushing?
Speaker: It's not like on a flip.
Speaker: It's just kind of like pushing down like you push a gate over or something.
Speaker: So it's not doing like a... It's doing like a drawbridge motion.
Speaker: Your bottom is staying about right where you are, but the top is starting to lean away from the wall.
Speaker: Like you're almost like you're trying to push something over.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Does the parts we can start to see above our room look like it's attached anywhere to the wall?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: It looks like it's a part of the wall that you are pushing that goes on for at least another segment of the wall.
Speaker: I meant is like that part of the segment that we can see, the new part, is that attached to the thing behind it?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Sam just keeps pushing.
Speaker: Yeah, so does Ryan.
Speaker: And keeping an eye out to see if anything changes.
Speaker: Are you guys going to inform everybody of what you found out?
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Samantha and Ryan...
Speaker: tell everybody else what they see about how the wall looks like it's separating at the ceiling.
Speaker: And you come up with the idea as you have already that you need to push, but you're not really getting anywhere with what you're currently doing.
Speaker: So this is going to be a strength contest.
Speaker: Bring it.
Speaker: And in this one,
Speaker: Unlike normal Delta Green, you need to roll high.
Speaker: As a group, that's the five of you, you need to roll over a 250 in order to move this wall.
Speaker: Ashley has a dexterity of 15. 15.
Speaker: So again, we're going to go in combat order.
Speaker: Mr. Gooseburg, you can roll your strength first.
Speaker: Oh, boy.
Speaker: Ooh.
Speaker: I don't want to.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Now, remember, this is not against your strength score.
Speaker: You are just rolling D100s, and you're trying to get over 250.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: 67.
Speaker: I'm just calling it strength.
Speaker: Okay, 67.
Speaker: I'm going to beat that guy, 250 minus 67.
Speaker: We need 183 left.
Speaker: That is going to take us to Samantha?
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Samantha and Ashley both have a dex of 15, so yeah, Samantha, go first.
Speaker: 19. 19.
Speaker: Oofta.
Speaker: Okay, that puts us to 164.
Speaker: Ashley.
Speaker: 65.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: 99 left.
Speaker: That is going to put us to Ned.
Speaker: Ned.
Speaker: Ned Push.
Speaker: Yes, sir.
Speaker: 87.
Speaker: 87.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Ned like steps back really far and he just kind of runs and rams his shoulder into it.
Speaker: As he does that, you guys see the top is almost at the tipping point.
Speaker: And now, Mr. Ryan, you need to beat 12.
Speaker: Are you like hugging Breck over his shoulder watching his dice rolls?
Speaker: I know, it was very quick reaction.
Speaker: Yeah, little knee jerk.
Speaker: No, I'm hearing like, Matt slamming down the tower, mine slamming down the tower, Melody slamming down the tower.
Speaker: Breck with his little tiny dice and then the little... Hey, don't diss my tiny dice.
Speaker: They may be small, but they roll well.
Speaker: That was a 99.
Speaker: Oh, nice.
Speaker: So you guys see the it's almost there.
Speaker: It's almost there.
Speaker: You did not quite make it.
Speaker: So as one, you guys all take a step back and charge and slam into this wall.
Speaker: And you see the bottom of the wall start to lift up like something's tipping back onto a corner.
Speaker: And before it can topple, you hear it slam into something behind it.
Speaker: And it continues to fall, and you hear another slam as it falls into something behind that.
Speaker: And as the top of the wall is revealed, you realize what you were pushing...
Speaker: was a giant domino and you keep hearing the crashing as it tumbles into more and more and the dominoes fall.
Speaker: And I want you guys to do a... that one I always call alertness check.
Speaker: 82 on a 28.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Damn it.
Speaker: 44 on a 43.
Speaker: That is a crit fail, my friend.
Speaker: 23 on a 72.
Speaker: 40 on a 69.
Speaker: And Ashley got a 35 on a 60.
Speaker: So Ashley and Ryan and Samantha...
Speaker: Notice the arrangement of the dominoes is actually a little precarious for you.
Speaker: You guys have completed the feat of strength and you look out and you see the bull statue.
Speaker: But what Ryan and Samantha and Ashley notice is the dominoes that are toppling are in a big circle.
Speaker: For those of you that don't know how a circle works, that means the last giant domino that's going to fall is going to crush the room that you are currently in.
Speaker: Run, bitches.
Speaker: Ryan just goes, huh, and just grabs whoever's closest to him and sprints for the statue.
Speaker: We'll say you grab Arthur because Ashley's going to put her hands on the back of Ned, like on Ned's back and go, go, go, go.
Speaker: Going, going, going.
Speaker: Sam just starts running.
Speaker: He says, run, bitches, and then runs.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you guys run and you see, like I said, the bull statue.
Speaker: hanging out out in the middle of this area.
Speaker: But there's something weird about the bull statue.
Speaker: The lever is not there.
Speaker: The fuck?
Speaker: Push it over.
Speaker: Just push it over.
Speaker: Sam tries to push it over.
Speaker: It is cemented into the ground.
Speaker: You cannot push it over.
Speaker: Give me a...
Speaker: This doesn't have spot hidden, but it has search.
Speaker: Go ahead and give me a search.
Speaker: Everyone can.
Speaker: 44 on a 40.
Speaker: I'm going to burn the luck.
Speaker: 67 on a 24.
Speaker: 79 on a 44.
Speaker: I don't see shit.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Well, I was going to say, before you burn the luck...
Speaker: you're out of the room now.
Speaker: The, where the first domino fell, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker: It was going to crush.
Speaker: So when you ran past that first domino out to where the bull statue was, you guys are out of harm's way now.
Speaker: That being said, not a single person passed their search check, including Ashley.
Speaker: She got a 51 on a 45.
Speaker: So I don't need to burn the luck.
Speaker: You don't need to burn the luck.
Speaker: You're not in any kind of time crunch now.
Speaker: You guys are safe.
Speaker: So you do not need to burn the luck.
Speaker: I think Ned's oblivious and he just kept running around until he catches back up to the other one that fell.
Speaker: Ryan is just going to start touching the bull statue everywhere to try to see if there's a hidden lever or something.
Speaker: Don't reach underneath.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Give me a... That's a penis.
Speaker: Do you have anything in art?
Speaker: Little do we know we need to jack off the bull statue to get through.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: I have a big fat zero.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Does anybody have anything in art?
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: All right, Arthur, go ahead and roll me an art.
Speaker: 57 out of 60.
Speaker: 57 out of 60.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: You realize that what's in front of you is a bull statue.
Speaker: Does not have the lever on it like you're accustomed to, but what on a bull could possibly be a lever?
Speaker: What a hog.
Speaker: That's not its penis.
Speaker: Okay, thank Christ.
Speaker: A horn.
Speaker: A horn.
Speaker: Y'all got dick on the brain.
Speaker: Are you sure it's not the penis?
Speaker: Arthur, you gotta get horny with it.
Speaker: I ignore my friends and pull the horn and not the penis.
Speaker: Why didn't you pull the penis?
Speaker: Arthur, roll me a 50-50.
Speaker: Oh my god.
Speaker: 75?
Speaker: You accidentally pulled a penis.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You pulled the wrong horn.
Speaker: Now roll me an intelligence.
Speaker: Yeah, he does.
Speaker: He pulled the penis.
Speaker: In 37 on a
Speaker: 60.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You were intelligent enough to know that, hey, I just pulled the wrong horn.
Speaker: That is actually still the solution we're looking for here.
Speaker: Because I was going to make it if you failed your intelligence, you pulled the horn and you were like, well, fuck that, didn't do it.
Speaker: I pulled the other horn.
Speaker: As you pull the other horn, the horn goes down.
Speaker: The room, again, is devoid of all light.
Speaker: Again, a little bit longer than the last time.
Speaker: And as the lights come up, the bull statue doesn't move.
Speaker: What the fuck?
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: It seems like it's trying to move, but it's almost like it's stuck on something.
Speaker: Ryan will walk over and see what it's stuck on.
Speaker: Look behind it.
Speaker: You look behind the statue, Ryan.
Speaker: And you see, sitting on the track that the statue would use to move past, is something silver.
Speaker: He's gonna reach down and try to snatch it up quick.
Speaker: So you are able to reach down and snatch it up before it gets caught fully in the mechanism.
Speaker: And as you snatch it up, it releases what was being caught.
Speaker: So... the statue is able to slide back into the wall the way it's supposed to.
Speaker: You look down in your hand...
Speaker: and you're holding Chris's dog tags.
Speaker: And that's where we're gonna end this episode.
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: This episode's called Arthur's Penis Problem.
Speaker: I assumed it was gonna be Arthur Gets Horny.
Speaker: Oh, that's better.
Speaker: Hey, everybody, Nick here hijacking the outro.
Speaker: You know who we are by now.
Speaker: Down below, you'll find our new Linktree account.
Speaker: Everything we're tied to, you can find a link to it down below.
Speaker: You can find us.
Speaker: Like, comment, subscribe.
Speaker: Come hang out with us on the subreddit.
Speaker: That would be great to talk to you guys.
Speaker: At the end of this outro, we have an ad running for Lighthouse Studios' newest podcast.
Speaker: We're very excited for this one.
Speaker: I can't wait to listen to it.
Speaker: We'll see you in two weeks.
Speaker: Let's fight free time!
Speaker: With your long forgotten name, we call upon you.
Speaker: We call upon you.
Speaker: In the words of the unspeakable language, we call upon you.
Speaker: We call upon you.
Speaker: By the spilt blood of the wicked, who walk upon this world, sprouting the words of false idols, we call upon you.
Speaker: We call upon you.
Speaker: On the land of the dead harvest, that which brings the earth itself into your service, Yemel, we call upon you.
Speaker: We call upon you.
Speaker: We call upon you.
Speaker: Yemel calls upon you.
Speaker: The Sprouting, a Call of Cthulhu actual play podcast by Blighthouse Studio.
Speaker: Find us on your podcatcher of choice.
