Transcript
Speaker: This episode of Let's Play Pretend is sponsored by W Energy.
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Speaker: Let's Play Pretend is an explicit podcast with subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners.
Speaker: Content warnings can be found in the episode description.
Speaker: Cody's laughing, so it's good.
Speaker: Let's Play Pretend!
Speaker: Let's Play Pretend!
Speaker: Hello everybody and welcome back to Let's Play Pretend.
Speaker: My name is Jordan Derringer.
Speaker: I am your DM, GM, keeper, handler, and host.
Speaker: And I have with me as always, Mr. Nick Barnett.
Speaker: This time Ned's got no rhyme.
Speaker: This is not the time, but the webs are whack.
Speaker: I want to go back to the backpack.
Speaker: Life is cool for the uncool.
Speaker: Feeling like a fool.
Speaker: I can't believe I forgot my jewel.
Speaker: Ryan, can I have a cigarette?
Speaker: Fuck you.
Speaker: And good luck following that one up, Mr. Breck Black.
Speaker: Ryan Winchester.
Speaker: And all I got to say is, if you wish to live and thrive, let a spider run alive.
Speaker: These fuckers.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: And the ball's in your court, Mr. Matt Check.
Speaker: All the goose burning up here to say the spider rib can get fucked in all the ways.
Speaker: I hate you guys.
Speaker: What are you guys watching 8 Mile or some shit?
Speaker: What's with this rap's opening?
Speaker: I love how you did the traditional I can't rap rap.
Speaker: Yeah, it's Arthur's White Upon White.
Speaker: He's a whole week.
Speaker: Alright, and can you follow any of this up?
Speaker: This is Melanie Derringer.
Speaker: I play Samantha Williams and know the fuck I can't.
Speaker: So let's just say my flex this week is I'm officially an official like podcaster because I'm at a desk and not on a couch.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Well, that's for smushing the podcasts that are on couches.
Speaker: No, trust me.
Speaker: I would love to be a couch podcast like all the time.
Speaker: It'd be great.
Speaker: My flex this week is that you're afraid of pizza.
Speaker: Okay, I'm not afraid of pizza.
Speaker: I'm afraid of surprise pizza in my face.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: There's a story there.
Speaker: The story is Jordan and I were doing dishes and I was in the groove so I didn't want to stop.
Speaker: So he was feeding me pizza.
Speaker: You know, being the good husband that I am.
Speaker: Jordan, you threw off the Emperor's groove.
Speaker: But he was like, I was zoning out and doing the dishes and all of a sudden pizza was in my face so I'd flinch.
Speaker: He's like, you're afraid of pizza.
Speaker: I'm like, no, I'm afraid of things flying at my face.
Speaker: Yeah, lucky she didn't hit you.
Speaker: Yeah, especially when she had the silverware in her hand.
Speaker: Just exactly.
Speaker: Just stab me with a fork or something.
Speaker: Stab.
Speaker: I mean, if you surprised her, that's your fault.
Speaker: You deserve it at that point.
Speaker: I could see the first one being a surprise, but after that, it would be more like you should expect it because I'm feeding you.
Speaker: I still not going to expect pizza to be flying in front of my face.
Speaker: He's just practicing for when Piper gets here.
Speaker: Here comes the airplane.
Speaker: Oh, OK.
Speaker: Yeah, that's that's totally what I was doing.
Speaker: Sure, sure it was.
Speaker: I can hear your wink, wink, nod nod.
Speaker: Mm hmm.
Speaker: So I got a question for you guys.
Speaker: Who wants to play pretend?
Speaker: I like playing pretend.
Speaker: I'll be down, I guess.
Speaker: Can I pretend I don't have to go in the spider room?
Speaker: Yeah, right.
Speaker: Pretend whatever you want.
Speaker: Whatever actually happens is going to be a different story.
Speaker: What you're trying to say is the dice are going to fuck us over.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: That's up to you and your rolling.
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: Speaking of that, I needed to reroll my fails from last time.
Speaker: I might want to open my character sheet.
Speaker: Yeah, maybe you guys need to do that too.
Speaker: Might be good.
Speaker: I think Melanie might be the only official professional podcaster.
Speaker: All right, I'm done.
Speaker: I got it all.
Speaker: Because she's already got all her stuff done and ready.
Speaker: Fuck yeah.
Speaker: Leave me alone.
Speaker: I re-rolled my fails last week.
Speaker: I have a notepad in front of me.
Speaker: I've got my dice tower all set up with all seven of my dice, because apparently I lost my D4 with my other dice, probably under the couch.
Speaker: I'm at a desk.
Speaker: I have an official microphone.
Speaker: I am like... Do you have some of the drink?
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: I have water.
Speaker: And I already have a snack.
Speaker: I already had my snack.
Speaker: So it was an official.
Speaker: And I have a brand new computer chair.
Speaker: So I'm all.
Speaker: And I got a candle.
Speaker: I've got a cauldron candle sitting in front of me right now.
Speaker: So you're bragging.
Speaker: I feel so shown up.
Speaker: I feel so under podcasted right now.
Speaker: I thought he was so shown and I thought he was going to go super saying or something.
Speaker: I'll just I'll just show you guys my setup in the group chat.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: You are.
Speaker: All right, Icarus.
Speaker: Careful.
Speaker: It's nice and cozy looking.
Speaker: OK, last episode.
Speaker: You guys were falling through a pit that opened up underneath your feet on the deck of Ashley's house.
Speaker: Fell for a few seconds before landing in a circular cell.
Speaker: Arthur tried to lockpick your way out of it and failed.
Speaker: And Ned lockpicked his way out of it.
Speaker: Ended up succeeding.
Speaker: You searched around this room here.
Speaker: Found that the door leading out of here was locked.
Speaker: So you searched around.
Speaker: Ended up finding a few different parts of the room that were different colors.
Speaker: And you quickly put together that if you interacted with all three of them at the same time, it would unlock the door.
Speaker: To which it did.
Speaker: You walked into the next room, which turned out to be a hallway.
Speaker: The hallway that stretched out in front of you had two doors on either side and a big door at the end.
Speaker: You kind of looked around for a minute before you realized...
Speaker: that older Samantha was gone.
Speaker: She somehow disappeared in the last room after you guys had searched it.
Speaker: So she's gone.
Speaker: And you looked around this room trying to figure out first off where the heck she went and then figuring out how to move forward from there.
Speaker: There are four doors in this room, two on each side and then the big one at the end, like I just said.
Speaker: Above each of the doors
Speaker: is a torch, and the torch is lit.
Speaker: Above the big door is four unlit torches.
Speaker: And as you guys methodically opened each door, you saw weird scenarios.
Speaker: So the door closest to you on the left held a surgical-looking room with a body on a table in the middle with a bunch of what looked like surgery instruments surrounding it.
Speaker: The second door on the left had a catwalk that...
Speaker: Opened up like that was right on the other side of the door.
Speaker: And another catwalk all the way on the other side of the room.
Speaker: Nothing connecting it.
Speaker: And a giant body of water in the middle.
Speaker: The far door on the right opened up to reveal six statues of different animals.
Speaker: And the one closer on the right opened to reveal a room full of webs.
Speaker: What you notice about each of these rooms is there was an unlit torch on the back wall of each of these rooms.
Speaker: You talked over what you planned on doing, and the last episode ended with you guys standing outside of the spider room, or the spider web room.
Speaker: And that's where we are now.
Speaker: So what do you guys want to do?
Speaker: So you said we're outside the spider room?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That is where you were when we ended last week's episode, yes.
Speaker: Uh, nose goes...
Speaker: Samantha's not going in there.
Speaker: Fuck that shit.
Speaker: Ned touches his nose.
Speaker: She'll stand up.
Speaker: Arthur touches his nose quickly.
Speaker: Sam touches her nose as well.
Speaker: Ryan just flips all of you off.
Speaker: It's supposed to touch your nose.
Speaker: We already said I was going in, so you can stop teasing me about it.
Speaker: Yeah, and I think I'm going in with you, man.
Speaker: I know Arthur ain't going to go in here, and I don't think it's good if we leave one person alone.
Speaker: Um, no, excuse me.
Speaker: You're going to hold the door.
Speaker: I'll hold the door.
Speaker: If anybody's going to keep that door open, it's going to be him.
Speaker: I'll also hold the door.
Speaker: No, no, I'll hold the door.
Speaker: I'll stand right here.
Speaker: I was going to say, you said that matter of factly like I was asking a question.
Speaker: I was making a statement.
Speaker: There's no, not one person is going in any of these rooms.
Speaker: We have to at least have two at all times.
Speaker: Yeah, we could possibly go wrong.
Speaker: A lot.
Speaker: Everything.
Speaker: You're not supposed to answer that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You're supposed to be rhetorical, like you're supposed to walk into the robe.
Speaker: Well, first, Ryan is going to walk over and just put his foot inside the door onto the webs.
Speaker: Does his foot stick to it?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Is it like springy?
Speaker: A little bit.
Speaker: Just kind of pulls his foot out and goes, well, I didn't stick to it, so I mean, we can try and run it.
Speaker: How dark is the web room?
Speaker: You see at the top of the room...
Speaker: are like fluorescent tube lights.
Speaker: So it's well lit.
Speaker: Well, the whole room is covered in web too.
Speaker: So it's, I wouldn't say well lit, but it's lit.
Speaker: Hey guys, I got an idea.
Speaker: And Arthur takes out a book of matches.
Speaker: What if it is burn this fucker up?
Speaker: I mean, I'm definitely willing to try.
Speaker: You guys tried that in the last episode and there was something that stopped the fire from going into the room.
Speaker: What if we light it in the room?
Speaker: Because these book of matches is old.
Speaker: That's what we tried.
Speaker: No, he tried to shoot it through the door.
Speaker: Yeah, you tried to shoot it through the door.
Speaker: I'm not saying shooting it.
Speaker: We tried doing the axe body spray at Flamethrower.
Speaker: I just have a book of matches.
Speaker: What if someone goes in there?
Speaker: Ryan is going to put his hand in the room with his Zippo and just flick it.
Speaker: I don't think we ever tried that.
Speaker: We tried shooting it at the door, right?
Speaker: Or did it not work at all inside?
Speaker: I thought it was just outside the door.
Speaker: I think we have to be fully in the room for it to work.
Speaker: I don't think we can just stick something in there.
Speaker: Yeah, I was going to say you try to flick the lighter and you're not able to get it to light.
Speaker: Well, I mean... It's worth a shot again.
Speaker: Yeah, I think Sam's right.
Speaker: I think we have to be fully in the room to do anything, which is where I don't want to be, because if we're in the room, we can't set it on fire.
Speaker: I mean, you could set the end of the room on fire and then just run out.
Speaker: But you're very flammable.
Speaker: And I don't think we'd be able to outrun it.
Speaker: But if we also set it on fire, I'm pretty sure we're not going to get the torch we're going to need.
Speaker: Because if you look at the main door, there's four torches above it, if I remember correctly from the last episode.
Speaker: Or the recap that I just gave you five minutes ago.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: I already forgot that.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Or the picture.
Speaker: Let's view 100.
Speaker: Where did you put the picture?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: in the maps on the discord oh i have discord closed because it was being stupid and making my computer lag anyways it was the same map i showed you this morning oh okay if we set the room on fire then we're not gonna be able to get that torch and put it with the with the door but we could kill all the spiders lord knows how many spiders are in this room i'm not going in so i'm trying to give you an option sam
Speaker: An option of what?
Speaker: An option to destroy the spiders.
Speaker: Yeah, but we need the torch.
Speaker: Well, we don't have to start with this room.
Speaker: We can do one of the other rooms.
Speaker: I'm not going to that water room.
Speaker: Fuck that.
Speaker: I'll take care of the water.
Speaker: Don't.
Speaker: It's fine.
Speaker: Ned eye rolls loudly, and I'm just going to step into the door.
Speaker: seeing that Ryan is going to follow very quickly.
Speaker: He doesn't want him to go in alone.
Speaker: Arthur tries to press against the door to make sure it stays open.
Speaker: The only thing I do is I keep my hand on the coping edge of the door just in case, so my hand is still sticking out into the hallway.
Speaker: But I step my whole body in.
Speaker: Ryan is not that smart and has just stepped fully in.
Speaker: Okay, so let me get this straight.
Speaker: Samantha's in the hallway.
Speaker: Arthur is technically in the room, but you're on the hallway side of the door.
Speaker: Hold on, hold on.
Speaker: Does it go in?
Speaker: Look at the map.
Speaker: God damn it, it does.
Speaker: The door opens in.
Speaker: You cheeky bastard.
Speaker: So you are technically in the room, but on the hallway side of the door.
Speaker: Correct?
Speaker: I don't like that you're asking for this type of clarification, but yeah.
Speaker: Ryan, you are all the way in the room.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Ned, you are all the way in the room with your hand gripping the door.
Speaker: Correct.
Speaker: As Ryan gets two or three steps into the room away from the door, the door starts to close.
Speaker: And it is a heavy...
Speaker: Metal door.
Speaker: But I'd swole.
Speaker: Yeah, the door is just pushing you away as if you don't matter.
Speaker: Back out into the hallway.
Speaker: How fast is the door closing?
Speaker: Not fast, but not really slow.
Speaker: Can I do an athletics?
Speaker: To get into the room or to hold the door?
Speaker: Hold the line.
Speaker: You are not going to be able to hold this door.
Speaker: Now with that attitude.
Speaker: Sam just kind of like her heart kind of like sinks a little bit thinking, you know, that Ryan and Ned, oh my God, that Ryan and Ned are going to be in the room by herself or by themselves.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Words are hard tonight.
Speaker: Well, before anything happens, Ned needs to make a decision because he's about to lose some fingers.
Speaker: If Ned sees that Arthur's not able to hold the door open, I'm going to just pull my hand into the room.
Speaker: I'm not losing an arm for that.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Sam tackles Arthur into the room.
Speaker: Arthur, are you going to let that happen?
Speaker: Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's totally fine.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Matt, the player, is definitely so happy about that.
Speaker: Okay, so Samantha tackles Arthur into the room.
Speaker: Ned...
Speaker: And Ryan, you guys are like, you guys are in the room.
Speaker: You backed away from the door.
Speaker: You see last minute before the door closes, two bodies tumble in.
Speaker: It's Samantha and Arthur.
Speaker: All four of you are in the room as the door closes and latches.
Speaker: And you turn around and take a look at the door.
Speaker: There are no handles.
Speaker: What the fuck?
Speaker: This is not OSHA regulated.
Speaker: You think OSHA exists here?
Speaker: I'm just trying to calm down, okay?
Speaker: Thinking of real life things.
Speaker: Everybody give me an alertness check.
Speaker: I'm alert as fuck, dude.
Speaker: 56 on a 27.
Speaker: 56 on 27, okay.
Speaker: Ryan?
Speaker: That is a 100.
Speaker: So you are really...
Speaker: really concerned about the fact that this door doesn't have a handle and you have no escape.
Speaker: You are not alert to anything else in this room.
Speaker: 24 out of 43.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The dice I chose tonight are definitely in my favor so far.
Speaker: That's a 13 out of 68.
Speaker: Damn, you're alert.
Speaker: 69 out of 69.
Speaker: As Ned and Ryan are still looking at the door, Arthur and Samantha here rustling.
Speaker: Why did I have to be alert to this one?
Speaker: This is like one of her fucking fears.
Speaker: And you notice something weird.
Speaker: Oh, now we know something weird?
Speaker: The two of you do, yeah.
Speaker: Underneath the webs... This one thing has been weird.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: Underneath the unlit torch, the webs look a little bit different.
Speaker: As if they're not covering a wall.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And all of a sudden, you see emerging from behind the webs a giant, black, hairy spider...
Speaker: That is literally three times bigger than the ones you guys have previously fought.
Speaker: Samantha immediately turns around and starts banging on the door.
Speaker: Oh, great.
Speaker: Make noise.
Speaker: Nothing happens, but the spider sees you.
Speaker: Yay!
Speaker: Um, Sam?
Speaker: Arthur?
Speaker: Why are you guys in here?
Speaker: I thought you were gonna stay out there.
Speaker: Uh, pressing matters.
Speaker: Look over here!
Speaker: And I, like, let him grab his face and, like, point it towards death.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Yeah, that is much more pressing.
Speaker: Um, fuck.
Speaker: You guys also notice that because the room is covered in webs,
Speaker: this giant heavy thing that should be making thundering steps, thundering noises as it steps, is able to move silently around the room.
Speaker: Fantastic.
Speaker: Oh, great.
Speaker: But Samantha and Arthur, with that alertness check, you also notice that off to your right is a table.
Speaker: And that table has some bladed weapons on it.
Speaker: Why not?
Speaker: You know, like shotguns.
Speaker: Arthur, give me that matchbook.
Speaker: Arthur hands in the matchbook as he goes for the weapons.
Speaker: While they're running towards that table, I'm going to kind of stay in the middle, keeping a little bit separated, and I'm going to see if I can't swizzle some of the webs onto my broken baseball bat.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Ryan is following Sam and them.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I think you know where I'm going with my baseball bat and webs thing.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Why don't you give me a strength check?
Speaker: See if you're able to actually pull up some of these webs.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: 16 on a 70.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, you're able to get some on there.
Speaker: I'm just, like I said, I'm going to just keep doing it cotton canning and trying to get as much on there as I can without it being too heavy to swing around one-handed.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And then you said the other three of you are going to the table?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Get some whip yons.
Speaker: There are...
Speaker: Not swords, but like combat knives.
Speaker: Like the knives you see in Resident Evil, like the ones that like Shiva and them have.
Speaker: Yeah, actually, exactly.
Speaker: OK, cool.
Speaker: You grab one.
Speaker: Yeah, same.
Speaker: I grab I grab one as well.
Speaker: Ryan will grab two of them.
Speaker: Is this all that's on the table?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: So, like, how many are there in general?
Speaker: Eh, you can see, like, five or six of them.
Speaker: Oh, then I'll grab two as well.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Then at that point, we are going to enter combat.
Speaker: Ooh, okay.
Speaker: That did not end well for me, but that's fine.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: Let me pull up my notes, because in my notes I have combat order.
Speaker: I know Arthur is first.
Speaker: Alright, how far away is the spider?
Speaker: 30 feet, maybe.
Speaker: And you said, like, is it the walls of, or the quote-unquote wall of webs was not really on a wall.
Speaker: Is that the same for the ground as well?
Speaker: That was just for the wall underneath the...
Speaker: torch because that had the cave that the spider came out of yeah i just didn't know if there was like pitfalls or anything like that nope ah how far away is the torch uh i guess i actually sorry no uh go ahead i guess i was just wanting to know i'm looking at the map technically where did the spider come out on the map
Speaker: from underneath the torch.
Speaker: So the spider is between you guys and the torch, yep.
Speaker: I hate to, I'm not gonna make a torch.
Speaker: I've got knives, I've got jerky.
Speaker: I'm gonna throw a thing of jerky to maybe distract the spider for one turn.
Speaker: I'll throw it to like the left.
Speaker: Like if you're looking, like we're looking into the room, I want to throw it to the left side of the room.
Speaker: What's that?
Speaker: You think that'll work, guys?
Speaker: It's something.
Speaker: Ugh, I don't know what to do.
Speaker: I'm going to tell you right now, it doesn't work.
Speaker: Yeah, I figured.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That was called a hail jerky.
Speaker: Well, your hail jerky didn't hail work.
Speaker: It's a hail turkey didn't hail work, you're gonna get it.
Speaker: That didn't work with a hail.
Speaker: I'll be honest, I don't know what to do.
Speaker: I am going to just prepare myself for when the spider comes near.
Speaker: Okay, so you're basically going to prepare an attack?
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Samantha, it is your turn.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Let's see here.
Speaker: So she has a combat knife.
Speaker: So are we able to cut through these webs pretty easily?
Speaker: Or are they thick and sticky where if you cut through them, then they're just going to get gunked up in the knife?
Speaker: So they are thick.
Speaker: They're definitely thick, but they're not sticky because you guys are able to move around without much of a problem.
Speaker: So like you're not sticking to the webs, but they are.
Speaker: I mean, you see the size of the spider in front of you.
Speaker: It's still visible.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: OK, so it hasn't hidden yet from us to climb through these webs.
Speaker: No, because I rolled for the spider's decks and it goes last.
Speaker: So you're lucky.
Speaker: So can I. Start cutting away at the webs that are near us to kind of like.
Speaker: lessen not literally lessen the blow but like um give it less of a chance to get close to us I mean you can cut at the webs but it's not going to alter the spider's path really because I mean spiders can walk on things that aren't webs it's just not going to be able to do it silently
Speaker: I'm kind of at a loss of what to do here as well, so I have no clue what to do.
Speaker: I guess I'll just kind of cut away the webs that are near us.
Speaker: Maybe try and get closer to a wall, see if there's anything else we need.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So you're just moving to the wall.
Speaker: Yeah, trying to like she's still keeping an eye on the gigantic, you know, man eating spider.
Speaker: But she is kind of slicing away at the webs to see if like if she can get to the wall to see if there's anything that will help them defeat the spider.
Speaker: Like a can of raid or something.
Speaker: Yes, one can of raid for this giant spider.
Speaker: A large can of Raid.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Ned, it's your turn.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Ned's going to go ahead and pull out a couple matches, like three or four of them, and just try and strike all of them at one time on the strike strip.
Speaker: Do I get fire?
Speaker: Well, that's going to be up to your dice.
Speaker: I want you to roll me...
Speaker: Athletics.
Speaker: Athletics?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: 61 on a 30.
Speaker: Then no.
Speaker: They don't like.
Speaker: Is the table on the right side of the room or the left?
Speaker: Right side.
Speaker: Ned's going to just shimmy over a little bit to the left, and he's going to try and pull out some more matches and just get ready to try and strike a couple more.
Speaker: He's going to keep trying to get a fire going.
Speaker: I'm not going to count striking matches as a full turn.
Speaker: So if you wanted to do, like, I'll let you try it one more time.
Speaker: Can I roll it under intelligence?
Speaker: I hold my other hand up and try and make sure that just no breathing, no anything can get on him.
Speaker: I was thinking more like you drug it too hard in the match snack.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: So athletics again?
Speaker: You can do athletics or decks, whichever one's better for you.
Speaker: I will do decks.
Speaker: Got a 71 on a 65.
Speaker: I'll burn six luck to get that on the nose.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Roll me a 50-50.
Speaker: 27.
Speaker: So you're able to light a fire.
Speaker: I light my torch.
Speaker: And you're lucky because by the time you drop the matches, you did put the fire out.
Speaker: So was I able to light my spider web torch?
Speaker: Oh yeah, it goes up real quick.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: But I'll tell you right now, with how flammable spider webs are, it ain't going to be lit very long.
Speaker: I didn't assume so.
Speaker: So like I said, if the table and they're all off to the right, I'm going to kind of strafe off to the left with my torch, trying to stay equidistant to the thing so that we're all about the same distance away from it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And that'll be about all I got for this one.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: that would put us to ryan's turn ryan seeing that ned is got a fire going and is moving to the left is going to start just moving along the right wall okay does the spider look like it's looking at either of us yeah that's actually nice that you heard it uh follow its eyes are following the torch
Speaker: Is it like turned that way or is it just kind of looking at him?
Speaker: As of right now, it's just kind of looking at him, but it, Ned does have the spider's attention right this second.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Then Ryan is just going to keep kind of softly shuffling, hugging that, uh, right wall.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Roll me a stealth at advantage.
Speaker: Uh, Robin, remind me again what advantages.
Speaker: It's the 10 dice, right?
Speaker: Yeah, the 10 spot, you roll twice and whatever one works better for you.
Speaker: You're going to roll against the spider's alertness at a disadvantage.
Speaker: And I don't think I need disadvantage.
Speaker: That was a 43 on a 53.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: He got an 87 on a 60.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: So how far along the wall do I make it?
Speaker: I mean, you can make it right up next to him if you want.
Speaker: Uh, yeah.
Speaker: There's not too much of a movement discrepancy in Delta Green as much as there is like in D&D.
Speaker: Especially in a situation like this where the room is not that big to begin with.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Is there any room to like step around the spider to get to the back wall or is it too big?
Speaker: It's too big.
Speaker: It's
Speaker: So it has started to emerge out of it.
Speaker: It has not fully emerged out of that wall yet.
Speaker: So like, Oh, it's back two legs on are still in that cave coming out.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: How high up is this torch on the wall?
Speaker: Pretty high.
Speaker: You're talking like a 15 foot ceiling and it's pretty damn close to the top.
Speaker: Where would the back of the spider come up to on the wall?
Speaker: Probably about the eight foot mark.
Speaker: Um, Ryan is just going to wait then.
Speaker: He's going to wait to see what the spider does at the moment.
Speaker: It is the spider's turn, and it is going to... Do nothing.
Speaker: No, it is going to scream, that unearthly scream that the other spiders did, but, you know, louder.
Speaker: And it is going to charge at Ned.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: What the fuck was that?
Speaker: That was the spider scream.
Speaker: It sounded like a dying chihuahua.
Speaker: I thought it sounded like a really sad kazoo.
Speaker: We made your spider less scary.
Speaker: I mean, sure.
Speaker: Until, you know, right now that it takes a bite at you.
Speaker: Fire stick.
Speaker: Mmm.
Speaker: You're lucky.
Speaker: Fire stick.
Speaker: Rolled a 65 on a 60.
Speaker: So it managed to miss.
Speaker: Get away from me.
Speaker: And I'm just swinging the fire stick around trying not to set the webs on fire around me.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Roll me a dex.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: You're not supposed to make me roll things.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This is Delta Green, bitch.
Speaker: Off the table.
Speaker: Only counts if it's a crit.
Speaker: Uh, 45 on a 70.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Next time I'm not calling Dex.
Speaker: I'm gonna call something else.
Speaker: Or, sorry.
Speaker: 65.
Speaker: Dex 30, 65.
Speaker: Still a pass.
Speaker: You're lucky.
Speaker: There's one wrong move with that torch and this whole room is going up and this whole battle's gonna change.
Speaker: Top of the round, Arthur.
Speaker: It's your turn.
Speaker: How far in is the spider?
Speaker: Spider's all the way in the room now.
Speaker: It, uh...
Speaker: lunged in to take a bite at Ned.
Speaker: And how big would it be like if you're looking at the map?
Speaker: Let's say like a top-down angle.
Speaker: Like a top-down angle?
Speaker: Let me look at the map.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: So, um, if you sectioned it off into quadrants, okay, and quadrants are obviously four.
Speaker: If you made it into a grid of four, it would take up one-fourth.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's actually very useful.
Speaker: There you go.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: The spider's fucking massive.
Speaker: That's what I'm getting at.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Can, like, our knives stick into the wall, or is it just, like, a thin layer of web?
Speaker: Oh, no, it's a very thick layer of web.
Speaker: Okay, so maybe, maybe the plan is to sneak over there, and then fucking cliffhanger climb with knives.
Speaker: So Arthur's also gonna try sneaking on the right
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Roll me a stealth.
Speaker: Ed advantage, sorry, because he's still looking at Ned.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: I'm glad I got advantage.
Speaker: Ned's going to be against his alaytoness again.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: Just realized, guys, I'm not a ninja.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: I don't even have enough luck to make this work.
Speaker: Oh, that's bad.
Speaker: Yeah, 78 out of 10.
Speaker: Ooh.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And at disadvantage, the spider got a 21 on a 60.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you try and sneak and your foot catches on one of the webs and you face plant and in an instant, the spider turns and stares at you.
Speaker: meow i'm not what the i'm not a person uh ignore me oh wow um it just that reminds me of wind waker you remember that uh that mission in wind waker where you're trying to sneak up on the
Speaker: one person like they're sneaking through town you're trying to follow anytime you get close to being caught link just goes meow oh i was trying to be more like team four star or he said quack and he's trying to be like oh yeah it's definitely a duck and not uh not anything else yeah i'll have to pull up that clip to show you mel that was definitely something that happened in wind waker but yes i i see where you're going for two matt but yeah um
Speaker: No, the spider's staring straight at you.
Speaker: Oh, fun.
Speaker: And now it's Samantha's turn.
Speaker: Do I find anything as I'm chopping through the web heading for the wall?
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: I forgot about that.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: I can't even roll like a search or anything like that.
Speaker: You're just going to tell me no.
Speaker: I already know what's in this room.
Speaker: Well, no shit, Sherlock.
Speaker: You're the goddamn DM.
Speaker: But do I find anything in this room?
Speaker: Well, if I already know what's in this room and I already know that there's nothing between the web and the wall and you're hacking away at the web and the wall, then no, you're not going to find anything.
Speaker: Just kind of how that works.
Speaker: Roll a search to find anything else.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Roll me a search.
Speaker: I don't know what my search is.
Speaker: Hang on.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I don't find anything else.
Speaker: What'd you roll?
Speaker: I rolled a 66 on a 26.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: No what?
Speaker: You don't find anything.
Speaker: Then I don't know what to do.
Speaker: Well, let me say this.
Speaker: Talking is a free action.
Speaker: Talking is a free action.
Speaker: There is a thing in the room that clearly wants to kill you, and you have something pokey.
Speaker: Sam isn't going anywhere near the fucking spider.
Speaker: She's terrified of it, which is why she's trying to find something to kill it and find a way out.
Speaker: Fair enough.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So she's just going to keep hacking away at the webs and start heading towards the unlit torch.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: You are terrified of spiders.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: Which is why she's trying to get away from it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Roll me a sanity check.
Speaker: fucking hell okay hang on 46 out of 67 46 out of 67 take two sand damage so are you just going to keep hacking away at the wall yes I'm so first of all do I make it to the wall like am I not yet no I'm going to keep going for the wall then and then once I get to the wall she's going to go like along the wall towards the unlit torch okay
Speaker: So she kind of always has something on her.
Speaker: Ryan, which way did you go?
Speaker: I went on the right along the wall going towards the torch.
Speaker: So she will always have the wall on her left then.
Speaker: So she knows nothing's going to at least come from that way.
Speaker: You are also on the right hand side.
Speaker: Could have swore I went to the left.
Speaker: In my brain I went to the left.
Speaker: Maybe I didn't say that out loud.
Speaker: Correct me if I'm wrong.
Speaker: You guys were also listening.
Speaker: Did she say let?
Speaker: I could have swore she said she went to the right, the same side the table was on.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Oh, I didn't know the table was at the right.
Speaker: Okay, sure.
Speaker: Then everything on is on her right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That'll put us in Ned's turn.
Speaker: So this thing is turned around and is now looking at Arthur?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Ned's going to go ahead and shout across the room, Hey, hey, keep cutting the web.
Speaker: It can feel when you guys are hitting it.
Speaker: When Arthur fell, it turned around right away.
Speaker: And I'm going to shove my flaming half pokey stick bat up in this thing's abdomen.
Speaker: I want to shove it right in its web maker.
Speaker: I didn't think you were going to say abdomen.
Speaker: The smile on my face right now is so big.
Speaker: I want you to roll me.
Speaker: I want you to roll me an attack.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Melee weapons.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Hurrah.
Speaker: 28 on a 30.
Speaker: It's going up its ass.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Roll me a luck check.
Speaker: Oh, my luck just recently went down.
Speaker: Why'd you say it's not sure?
Speaker: 27 on a 79.
Speaker: Cool, I'm also gonna roll a luck check for the spider.
Speaker: Just a 50-50.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: I'm a cauterize your asshole.
Speaker: That's disappointing.
Speaker: For who?
Speaker: Well, first off for the spider, second off for you guys, you are indeed able to stab it into the spider.
Speaker: So here's what I want you to do.
Speaker: I want you to go ahead and roll damage.
Speaker: What would the damage be for this because it's on fire and not a whole bat anymore?
Speaker: So I'm going to call it the same as a combat dagger, which is 1d4 plus 2.
Speaker: But instead of plus 2, I'm going to let you add plus 4 to make up for the fire.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Alright.
Speaker: That is a 1.
Speaker: So 5 total.
Speaker: 5 total.
Speaker: And you
Speaker: pierce it straight into the spider.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I'm expecting the fire to go out as I shove it into him.
Speaker: Oh, you're expecting very incorrectly.
Speaker: Hooray!
Speaker: That's what the luck check was for.
Speaker: As you pierce it into the spider.
Speaker: Remember, I said it's a big, black, hairy spider.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: The spider's hair catches on fire.
Speaker: I'm literally making like a disgusted face right now.
Speaker: You hear this unearthly scream.
Speaker: Unearthly.
Speaker: Does this spider have a kazoo stuck in his throat?
Speaker: Unearthly.
Speaker: No, it's in its eyes.
Speaker: Now we're going to play a fun little game.
Speaker: It's called Let's Roll a D4 and see how many turns it's going to take before this entire room is up in flames.
Speaker: And that, my friends, is a two.
Speaker: You have two rounds from this moment to figure out what you're going to do to not be caught in the fire of this room.
Speaker: Well, this was a good podcast.
Speaker: It was nice knowing all of you.
Speaker: Guys, guys, cut around.
Speaker: Get off of the web.
Speaker: Get that away from you.
Speaker: Don't let the fire spread to you.
Speaker: With the spider turning around and stuff, is it away from the hole it emerged out of?
Speaker: It is away from the hole, yes.
Speaker: Would Ryan be able to look into the hole?
Speaker: If you get closer to the hole, then yes.
Speaker: Yeah, he's going to do that then.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Um, not going for stealth at all, because this spider seems like it has bigger problems.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: What do I see in the hole?
Speaker: What are you trying to find in the hole?
Speaker: Uh, he's mostly trying to see if there's any webs inside the hole.
Speaker: There are no webs in the hole.
Speaker: He is gonna turn around and shout, guys, there's no webs in its hidey hole.
Speaker: We need to get over here.
Speaker: Go, go, go, go.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Are you gonna try to get in there?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Ryan is going to move back to the right corner.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And the spider, I'm assuming, looks like it's freaking out.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: I mean, it's kind of on fire.
Speaker: It makes sense.
Speaker: Does the spider look like it's going to move in any direction or is it just kind of spinning a circle and freaking out?
Speaker: Oh, well, after your turn is the spider's turn, and that's when that will be determined.
Speaker: Alright, cool.
Speaker: Ryan is going to pull back an arm and throw one of his combat knives.
Speaker: Preferably like towards the face area.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Roll me.
Speaker: Damn, there's no like throw.
Speaker: I'd assume it'd fall under melee weapons.
Speaker: Otherwise.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, I guess.
Speaker: Because firearms doesn't really make sense.
Speaker: No, I was wondering if I should do melee weapons or if I should just do a strength check.
Speaker: I mean, I'll take either one.
Speaker: Or athletics.
Speaker: Athletics could work, too.
Speaker: Yeah, just do melee weapons.
Speaker: That's fine.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Hey, that is a 50 on a 50.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, so roll your damage, which for a combat dagger is a 1d4 plus 2.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: That is a 2, so that is 4 damage.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Give me just a moment.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: I'm just doing a little bit of research just to see.
Speaker: So it's the beginning of the spider's turn.
Speaker: He's going to take his fire damage, which is a d6 of damage.
Speaker: That was a four.
Speaker: So he's going to take four more damage from the fire from being on fire.
Speaker: And he's just going to kind of flail.
Speaker: But Ned, since you are right there, I need a dodge from you against his...
Speaker: what would essentially i guess be an unarmed strike against his flail yeah yeah 47 on a 30. oh he got a 70 on a 30. surprisingly enough spiders are not great at unarmed things so you are able to get out of the way not get hit by a flailing spider leg
Speaker: And that is going to be its turn.
Speaker: Back up to the top of the round to Mr. Gooseburg.
Speaker: So Arthur is going to try to run to the cave.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You're able to run to the cave with no problem.
Speaker: Is there anything on the ground or anything?
Speaker: It's just webbing?
Speaker: Yeah, it's just webbing.
Speaker: I'm going to wait in the cave to...
Speaker: before the fire goes out, I wanna wait.
Speaker: So, prepare my daggers.
Speaker: So you're going into the cave?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Give me an alertness check.
Speaker: I'm so alert.
Speaker: Oh, nevermind.
Speaker: That is a 13 out of 43.
Speaker: I thought it was a 73 out of 43.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: In the back of the cave, you see something that Ryan was not able to see.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: Everybody else take off your headsets for a moment.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Everyone stay.
Speaker: If you leave, it's going to get horrifying.
Speaker: Good luck.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I look away.
Speaker: Okay, so you go into the cave and you're in there by yourself.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: In the back of the cave against the back wall, you see something that Ryan was not able to see.
Speaker: And you see 42 more spiders staring at... No, I'm kidding.
Speaker: I'm kidding.
Speaker: That's a joke.
Speaker: That's a joke.
Speaker: Oh my god.
Speaker: I was like, oh my god!
Speaker: No, you see...webs.
Speaker: It looks like something is webbed to the wall.
Speaker: I'll get closer.
Speaker: See what it is.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It looks human in size.
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: I'm gonna try to cut it open.
Speaker: Like, not cut it open.
Speaker: Like, you know what I mean?
Speaker: Cut around the sides.
Speaker: Yeah, cut the web.
Speaker: Yeah, cut the web.
Speaker: Not gutted.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: What part of the body are you gonna try and cut around?
Speaker: The head.
Speaker: The head.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You start cutting and cutting and cutting and cutting.
Speaker: And you're being very careful kind of, you know, cutting around the outline.
Speaker: And you notice as you're cutting that you do see a spot.
Speaker: It's not completely covered on the face right around the mouth nose area.
Speaker: This is like a decayed body or like a living person?
Speaker: No, it looks like a living person.
Speaker: Looks like that was specifically done to not suffocate whatever was webbed to the wall.
Speaker: It's concerning that the spider has that type of intellect.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: I want to try to cut off the webbing to see who it is.
Speaker: You cut off the webbing, and that's where we're going to end this episode.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: I'm kidding.
Speaker: I'm kidding.
Speaker: I'm kidding.
Speaker: I was fine with that, but I was like, God damn it.
Speaker: You cut off the webbing, and you see unconscious webbed to the wall in front of you, still alive, still breathing, is Ashley.
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: And I'm going to go ahead and get everyone else back here real quick.
Speaker: Yeah, because you probably are.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Oh no, I'm not ending the episode yet.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: I was like, I thought you were going to bring it back.
Speaker: I'm like, and that's how it ends.
Speaker: Nope, not yet.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Give me just a moment.
Speaker: Bake.
Speaker: Hello.
Speaker: Hello.
Speaker: Okay, Matt is still alive and he's not crying.
Speaker: No, it's... I mean Matt, not Arthur.
Speaker: Yeah, we'll see.
Speaker: We'll see what happens.
Speaker: Yeah, it's only one more turn until the whole room's on fire.
Speaker: It'll be well lit then.
Speaker: Good news, everyone.
Speaker: The torch is going to be lit.
Speaker: I mean, yeah, you're not wrong.
Speaker: Okay, y'all ready?
Speaker: Y'all ready for this?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Everybody's back.
Speaker: Arthur, I forgot to tell you to roll sanity.
Speaker: Oh, by the way, did you go crazy?
Speaker: Let's see.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: That's twice I rolled this.
Speaker: Try and fall off.
Speaker: There we go.
Speaker: This is the one that counts.
Speaker: This is...
Speaker: This is a 56 out of 47.
Speaker: That's okay.
Speaker: It's only a zero one.
Speaker: So just take one.
Speaker: I'm dead.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I mean, after what you saw, you might be.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So that was Arthur's turn.
Speaker: On to Samantha.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So, excuse me.
Speaker: Sam was by Ryan and Arthur, right?
Speaker: Going along the right side of the wall.
Speaker: Mm hmm.
Speaker: OK, so she would have run when Ryan told her to.
Speaker: So she would have run up to the mouth of the cave as well.
Speaker: But I mean, I'd probably not into it like Arthur did.
Speaker: I mean, that's up to you.
Speaker: Like I said before, I'm not really restricting movement in this room because it's not that big of a room.
Speaker: Uh huh.
Speaker: So, I mean, you could go into the cave if you want.
Speaker: I don't know if I want to.
Speaker: Not after Matt just hit a private scene.
Speaker: How far has the fire spread?
Speaker: Like if I'm looking at the map you gave us.
Speaker: I will tell you that at the beginning of your turn.
Speaker: Like I said, you had two turns before it spread throughout the entire room.
Speaker: So we'll just use rule of thumb here.
Speaker: By the time your turn comes around, that'll be one full turn.
Speaker: That'll be halfway through the room.
Speaker: Okay, so...
Speaker: Samantha runs over to the mouth of the cave.
Speaker: I guess she'll go in since there's no webs in there, but she'll go in behind Arthur.
Speaker: Like kind of like like hiding behind him because she's afraid that there's going to be more spiders.
Speaker: OK, I need Nick and Breck to take off your headsets.
Speaker: Like how Nick had off before he was going to say it.
Speaker: Yeah, it was that as well.
Speaker: Samantha, you walk into the cave and you see Arthur with a knife in his hand sawing at something on the wall, frantically sawing at something.
Speaker: Arthur?
Speaker: What you doing?
Speaker: It's Ashley!
Speaker: She's on the wall!
Speaker: What?
Speaker: What do you mean Ashley's on the wall?
Speaker: Help me!
Speaker: Sam will run over and are we able to actually see that it's Ashley or does he just think it's Ashley?
Speaker: At this point he has gotten her head free and it is Ashley, yes.
Speaker: Okay, so she'll see that it's Ashley and run over immediately and start trying to cut away the webs, I'm assuming, right?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I'm getting, like, Lord of the Rings Frodo flashbacks here right now.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: The same.
Speaker: Why?
Speaker: Because Frodo got wrapped up in a spider web.
Speaker: In a giant spider web.
Speaker: And was being poisoned.
Speaker: And Sam was game.
Speaker: She had to save him.
Speaker: I've only ever seen the whole trilogy once, so.
Speaker: Yeah, I get it.
Speaker: Alright.
Speaker: Yeah, so she runs over and immediately starts helping Arthur try to cut Ashley free.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And it would be at that point she would probably call to Ryan and Ned, telling them to get in here immediately because Ashley's in here.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I need you to roll your sanity.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Oh, you're crazy.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: It's only a zero one.
Speaker: So whether you fail or crit fail, it's only going to be one.
Speaker: I passed.
Speaker: It was a 53 out of a 65.
Speaker: OK, so you passed.
Speaker: So you take no damage.
Speaker: OK, and I will get the other two back in.
Speaker: OK.
Speaker: Since we are all back.
Speaker: You guys see Samantha run into the cave.
Speaker: And she's in there for a moment.
Speaker: And what do they hear, Samantha?
Speaker: They would hear Samantha immediately go...
Speaker: ned and ryan pregnancy brain sucks okay completely forgot your names okay they would hear sam's go well arthur's already in there ned ryan you need to get in here now ashley's tied up to the wall ned it's your turn uh big spider big fire minute
Speaker: Can I like that's a Ryan thing?
Speaker: You can't be also spazzing out.
Speaker: Actually, just about to say you're stealing my shit.
Speaker: You tried to say you were being friends with nobody when I'm the only one who tried to be friends with nobody.
Speaker: I can have this one.
Speaker: You put a spear on him.
Speaker: It's not a spear.
Speaker: It's a broken bat.
Speaker: Close.
Speaker: Half a spear.
Speaker: I do need you to give me a dexterity check, though.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: I remember what that score is.
Speaker: Since you were, you know, right next to the spider that the fire originated from.
Speaker: 56 on a 65.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You're able to get further into the room before the fire spreads to you.
Speaker: Ned, not even worried about the spider.
Speaker: When I hear Sam, I assume that, yeah, I'd probably have to get in there.
Speaker: I just dash towards...
Speaker: There.
Speaker: Devil May Care running right past this flaming spider.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It's too concerned about, you know, itself being on fucking fire to give a shit about getting like any kind of opportunity attack on you.
Speaker: And at this point, since, you know, Samantha was the whistleblower here, I'm not going to make Breck take off his headset this time.
Speaker: You get into the cave and you see that Arthur and Samantha have their combat knives out and they are cutting a body away from the wall.
Speaker: And it is indeed Ashley.
Speaker: If I can, I'm just going to go up there while they're cutting.
Speaker: I'm just going to like how high up off the ground is she?
Speaker: Her feet are maybe a foot off the ground.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm just going to make sure her body doesn't fall.
Speaker: So if her weight all of a sudden takes out from the spider webs that she doesn't fall to the ground.
Speaker: Okay, that's fair.
Speaker: And since you're preparing for that, I won't make your roll anything for it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All right, after Ned is Ryan.
Speaker: Hearing the scream, Ryan is just going to turn and make a run for the cave.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And you heard what I said, so you know what you see when you walk in?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Seeing that they have it taken care of, Ryan is just going to turn and keep an eye on the spider to make sure it doesn't charge towards us.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That is going to go to the spider's turn.
Speaker: Ooh, that was a six on its damage.
Speaker: It is not looking good.
Speaker: But since all of you ran to the cave, it is going to start coming your way.
Speaker: And that is going to make the room ignite even faster.
Speaker: But it is not going to make an attack on you.
Speaker: So it's going to go top of the round to Arthur.
Speaker: Are we done cutting her out or is there still more?
Speaker: I'd say since there were two of you doing it, yeah, you're basically done cutting her out.
Speaker: I'll try, like, waking her up.
Speaker: She'll be like, Ashley, wake up!
Speaker: Not shaking her a lot, but kind of, like, nudged her to try not to startle her awake.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: We'll say she did pitch forward and Ned did catch her.
Speaker: So you're just trying to kind of, like, lightly shake her awake?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: Oh, that's a 22.
Speaker: That's a crit success on her constitution.
Speaker: She... I'm not going to say she wakes up, but she does start to, like, stir.
Speaker: Like, she is responsive.
Speaker: Ashley, how'd you get here?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: And that's really all you hear.
Speaker: She's just kind of muttering, like, still in the throes of waking up, but...
Speaker: she's not comatose like she was against the wall.
Speaker: Okay, she's a spear responding.
Speaker: I guess it is the spider getting closer to us.
Speaker: Oh, spiders right outside the cave now.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yay.
Speaker: Arthur's just going to get into a defensive stance with his daggers.
Speaker: Like, oh, God, got to get Ashley out of here.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: We've got to get ourselves out of here.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's my turn.
Speaker: All right, Samantha, your turn.
Speaker: So after seeing Ashley, you know, fall forward and Ned catch her, she's going to also kind of.
Speaker: So first of all, how lit up is this room now?
Speaker: Since the spider is basically standing right there.
Speaker: It's on fire.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: The room, like the inside the cave I'm talking about is the inside the cave on fire now, too.
Speaker: No, the spider that is standing in the cave doorway is on fire.
Speaker: So I'm assuming the room is well lit is what I'm getting at.
Speaker: Very well lit.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Is there another pod?
Speaker: Like, would she see any other pods like holding people like would older Sam and Chris be there?
Speaker: No, no other pods.
Speaker: OK, and it's there's no way out except for where the spider's at.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Why are you making her face her fears?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Come on, Mel.
Speaker: Samantha's doing great.
Speaker: Sure she is.
Speaker: Is there anything else in the room aside from their tiny little knives that would help them now get past this spider?
Speaker: Because at this point, I'm assuming this torch is probably already fucked up and we're not going to get out of here anytime soon.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Don't be stupid, Sam.
Speaker: Don't be stupid, Sam.
Speaker: Don't be stupid, Sam.
Speaker: How tall is this thing?
Speaker: About eight feet tall.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Is it possible for Sam to run out and towards the spider and climb on it to reach the torch?
Speaker: There are going to be some serious rolls that are going to have to happen.
Speaker: They are going to be...
Speaker: Very, very detrimental roles.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: Meaning if you fail them, you may lose your character.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: It's possible, but I will give you one.
Speaker: I have luck to burn.
Speaker: I almost have 100 luck, so I'm willing to at least try.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Just so you know, I did say earlier that the room is 15 feet tall and the torch is almost at the top, so it's like 14 feet up.
Speaker: OK, but he's already eight feet.
Speaker: Yeah, which means you need another six.
Speaker: And she's about five feet and she can probably jump a foot.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You do whatever Samantha would do.
Speaker: That's all I'm going to say.
Speaker: I'm just waiting for you to tell me what to roll at this point.
Speaker: I don't know how well this is going to go.
Speaker: Is this the path you're committing to?
Speaker: I have no other options.
Speaker: This is punching the water tower all over you.
Speaker: I was going to say you could just...
Speaker: ready in action or in the action of dying already.
Speaker: I just stabbing before your death like I'm doing like a man.
Speaker: OK, but here's the thing.
Speaker: If the torch is 15 feet up on the wall and the room is on fire, there's no other way for us to kill this spider and then, you know, stack ourselves to get the torch.
Speaker: In time before perishing from either burning alive or smoke inhalation.
Speaker: Such a dipping tower.
Speaker: Give me an alertness check.
Speaker: That would be a seven out of 69.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: You notice that this entire room is on fire at this point.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: The smoke is not there.
Speaker: How do I want to say this?
Speaker: The smoke is not thick.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It's almost as if there are vents in the ceiling that are letting the smoke out.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you're not going to have to worry about being smoked out.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Not have to worry about being smoked out, but we do have to worry about burning alive.
Speaker: That's still not enough time for us to kill a giant ass spider.
Speaker: And give a torch.
Speaker: You don't.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: The cave doesn't have webs.
Speaker: OK, but the spider is on fire.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And the spider is almost dead.
Speaker: I told you the spider is not looking good.
Speaker: There's still no way we're going to be able to get the fucking torch.
Speaker: I never once said you had to get the torch.
Speaker: Then how the fuck?
Speaker: I said there is an unlit torch on the wall.
Speaker: How that's all I said.
Speaker: We're supposed to light the torches above the door.
Speaker: It might, what if lighting the torches in here causes the torches above the door to light?
Speaker: Okay, how are we going to get out of a room full of fire?
Speaker: Listen, one thing at a time.
Speaker: They're spider webs, it's not wood.
Speaker: It's not going to burn for 10 minutes, it's going to burn for 10 seconds.
Speaker: This isn't going to stay up for long.
Speaker: Alright, so here's what I'm going to say.
Speaker: If this is the path that you are 100% committed to doing, I am going to need...
Speaker: First off, a sanity roll to see if you are even capable of doing it.
Speaker: And then I'm going to need a power roll to see.
Speaker: So the sanity roll is a. OK, hang on.
Speaker: Let me get my thoughts in order here.
Speaker: OK, before you do that, let me let me.
Speaker: Let me change up what I what I want to do here then.
Speaker: Because if we don't need to take the torch and then go put it with the other torches above the door and we just need to light it, then Samantha is going to try and find a way to take, you know, burning web and throw it up there.
Speaker: OK.
Speaker: So is there anything like she could use as like a slingshot?
Speaker: She would still need to get past the giant ass fucking spider.
Speaker: But nothing in this room.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: And in your previous search, no, you did not find anything.
Speaker: without giving you an answer I am trying to tell you that what you're planning on doing is a really fucking bad idea that's that's what I'm trying to get across here then I guess Sam is just gonna sit on her thumbs and do nothing that's smart okay Ned your turn Ned just sets Ashley on the ground there's bigger fish to fry right now or I guess arachnid to fry um
Speaker: And he's just gonna turn around and go stand by Ryan.
Speaker: And I'm gonna try and stab my bat into this spider's fiery face.
Speaker: I was under the impression you stabbed the bat in and left it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Ned's gonna punch it.
Speaker: Give me a 50-50.
Speaker: And you said that my idea was stupid.
Speaker: You were gonna run into a burning room.
Speaker: I'm just punching a burning spider.
Speaker: At least only my fist will get burnt.
Speaker: I was going to say, you were trying to fucking climb the spider rodeo style.
Speaker: And?
Speaker: Yeah, it's a terrible idea.
Speaker: Give me a 50-50, Ned.
Speaker: I got a 42.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: With a 42, since there was a miscommunication or a misunderstanding there, I'll say with a 42, you were able to keep your bat.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Well, then I will melee weapons, I guess, and I want to just try and stab this thing in the face.
Speaker: 37 on a 30.
Speaker: It's right in front of your face.
Speaker: Go ahead and do that at advantage.
Speaker: I'm going to burn the 7 luck.
Speaker: The second roll was an 87.
Speaker: So I'm down to 73 luck, but I'm going to hit it.
Speaker: And it's not on fire anymore.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: No, so it would just be regular combat dagger stats.
Speaker: The 1d4 plus 2.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: That is a four, so six.
Speaker: Six damage from my spiky broke bat.
Speaker: This time I'm going to say you do let go of the bat.
Speaker: Because as you... You'll be able to get it back, you know, if you're able to kill the spider or whatever.
Speaker: But as you stab it into the spider's face, it screeches and instantly whips back and starts thundering backwards.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: At this moment, because it was your turn that started the fire, you see the fire has basically gone out in the room.
Speaker: The webs burned that fucking quick.
Speaker: Do you guys want to leave the cave as the spider backpedals?
Speaker: Ned's just going to keep an eye on the spider and make sure that it doesn't get back up.
Speaker: I never said it fell.
Speaker: Oh, it's still just running around?
Speaker: It's like backing up.
Speaker: I'm not taking my eyes off the spider until it quits moving.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But are you leaving the cave?
Speaker: No, I'm going to stay right where I was.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Ryan, your turn.
Speaker: You said the room was, like, basically out for fire?
Speaker: Yeah, so the webs aren't, like, smoldering.
Speaker: The webs lit, and imagine, like, when you burn a piece of paper.
Speaker: The flame traveled, but it didn't stay on the burnt part.
Speaker: So, like, if I were to go in the room now, it wouldn't, like, set Ryan on fire?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: That's why I was trying to tell Samantha to stop, because literally the next turn the fire was going to go out.
Speaker: I was trying to save you, Samantha.
Speaker: You just didn't like my idea.
Speaker: It's fine.
Speaker: So seeing that the fire is out and that the spider is like backpedaling, Ryan is going to take a quick breath and just charge and stab it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Roll me a melee weapons.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: That is, where's melee weapons?
Speaker: An 18 on a 50.
Speaker: Okay, go ahead and roll those bones for damage.
Speaker: Woo, that's a four, so six.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: How are you gonna finish a spider?
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Damn.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: He just runs straight at it as it's backing up.
Speaker: And as its head swings down, he just stabs into one of the eyes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you stab into its eye again, this unearthly screech as, as the spider just slumps.
Speaker: And I want you to roll me an alertness.
Speaker: That is a 48 on a 70.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: As the spider slumps, you stand up.
Speaker: You're breathing heavy.
Speaker: You're looking around the room.
Speaker: It's dead quiet.
Speaker: All your friends are in the cave.
Speaker: The fire that has surrounded it is out.
Speaker: The spider's body is smoldering a little bit.
Speaker: The torch isn't lit.
Speaker: I fucking told you.
Speaker: As the spider stops moving, finally, you see...
Speaker: a blue flame appear on the torch.
Speaker: And as the blue flame appears on the torch, you hear a loud click and the metal door swings open.
Speaker: Samantha books it towards the door.
Speaker: Go ahead.
Speaker: I was just going to say, Samantha, you're able to make it out in the hallway.
Speaker: No problem.
Speaker: Thank fucking God.
Speaker: Ryan is going to go back in the small cave and pick up Ashley and carry her out.
Speaker: No, you're not.
Speaker: Because you were already halfway across the room.
Speaker: Ned stayed in the cave.
Speaker: Ned's just going to point over at the table.
Speaker: Clear the table.
Speaker: I'll get her.
Speaker: And I'm going to go back there with Arthur since Arthur's still back there.
Speaker: And we're going to carry her out while he grabs everything off the table that was left.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Ryan's gonna go clean out the table with knives.
Speaker: You never have enough pokey things, man.
Speaker: Remember when you guys tried to fire the flamethrower into the room?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Remember how there seemed to be... Jesus Christ, dog.
Speaker: Wow, Smasley.
Speaker: Well, I thought that was Dice.
Speaker: No, that was my dog standing up.
Speaker: Because he's psychotic.
Speaker: That was the dog.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Remember how there seemed to be something that wouldn't let the fire go through the door?
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: As, Ryan, you have these knives in your hands and you're walking towards the door, something stops you.
Speaker: And it lets you go through, but the knives stop and fall to the threshold.
Speaker: You cannot take these weapons out of this room.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: Ryan just looks at them and goes, ah.
Speaker: Damn it, I like those knives.
Speaker: I'm just gonna kick some back into the room and then walk through the doorway.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I still got Ned and Sam went through the door.
Speaker: It was fine.
Speaker: Yeah, Ashley.
Speaker: So you guys are carrying her.
Speaker: How are you guys carrying her?
Speaker: Like, are you doing one person has shoulders, the other person has feet?
Speaker: Are you guys doing, like, a firefighter carry?
Speaker: Like, what are you doing?
Speaker: I mean, is she semi-conscious?
Speaker: Kinda.
Speaker: I figured I was going to take one shoulder and he was going to take one.
Speaker: We're just kind of like weakening at Bernie's here.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, I like that idea.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, it lets all three of you out.
Speaker: But same thing, if you're carrying any of the weapons that you picked up in this room, they fly out of your hands back into the room.
Speaker: Yeah, they were on the ground after I was done chopping the web off, actually.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you guys are all back out in the hallway.
Speaker: I want... Samantha, you were the first one out there.
Speaker: Give me an alertness.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: 34 out of 69.
Speaker: As you go back out in the hallway and you're able to point this out to everybody else, the far right torch above the big door has a blue flame on it now.
Speaker: It does have a blue flame, you said?
Speaker: It does.
Speaker: It does.
Speaker: So Sam is panting, you know, having run out of that room.
Speaker: And then when everybody comes back out, she just kind of points to the to the main door.
Speaker: The thing is lit.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The beacon is lit.
Speaker: Condor calls for aid.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: No, that was good.
Speaker: I like that.
Speaker: So you guys all get out there.
Speaker: You see the torch is lit.
Speaker: Ashley is still kind of have you guys played Kingdom Hearts at all?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: You know how after Ventus got his heart stolen, how he's just kind of sitting there with his eyes kind of half open.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's kind of what Ashley's doing right now.
Speaker: OK.
Speaker: She like poisoned or anything like that?
Speaker: You don't know.
Speaker: Are we able to figure it out?
Speaker: Uh, you guys can roll me a medicine or first aid.
Speaker: Can I just look her over for wounds without rolling?
Speaker: Oh boy.
Speaker: I'm not going to do that because I have a really bad, I have 0% on medicine and 10% on first aid.
Speaker: Same.
Speaker: So you just have the base stats.
Speaker: Gotcha.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: And I got a 56 on my first aid out of 30.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: These dice have been nice to me today.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Let me just try.
Speaker: Let's just see.
Speaker: It's a 15, so it's not terrible, but it's still a fail.
Speaker: It's still a fail.
Speaker: Which one did you roll on?
Speaker: First aid.
Speaker: I'm going to say keep track of that so that way you can roll.
Speaker: I have to do first aid and I think search.
Speaker: I need your D4-1 at the end.
Speaker: I'll roll on first aid, but can I just check over Ashley to look for wounds without rolling?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Do I see any wounds?
Speaker: You see some scratches.
Speaker: You see... You know, she's pretty beat up.
Speaker: But you don't see anything that would...
Speaker: look like puncture wounds from fangs as big as that spider head.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Still going to roll first aid to see if I can't figure out what's wrong with her or... Or to see if you can stabilize her even.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I didn't like the way you said that.
Speaker: No, that is a 39 out of 10.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So she's still just kind of eyes glazed over staring off into space.
Speaker: And she's just kind of still just muttering to herself.
Speaker: And she's talking so quietly, you guys can't really understand what she's saying.
Speaker: It's one of those like, oh, go ahead.
Speaker: Can I put my ear up to like right in front of her mouth to see if I can hear it?
Speaker: I'm going to, I'm going to say yes.
Speaker: I'm just trying to figure out what you should roll to see if you can actually make out what she's saying.
Speaker: I'm going to say, huh?
Speaker: Give me intelligence, I guess, to see if you can figure out what she's saying.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Figure out what she's saying.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: I mean, that's a 65 on a 75.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It sounds like a bunch of nonsense that she's saying, but you're able to pick out one phrase that she keeps repeating.
Speaker: And the phrase that she keeps repeating is it's the fourth one.
Speaker: And that's where we're going to end the episode.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: Good game.
Speaker: Good game.
Speaker: Let's Play Pretend is Nick Barnett as Ned Dalaran, Breck Black as Ryan Winchester, Matt Check as Arthur Gooseberg, Melanie Derringer as Samantha Williams, and me, Jordan Derringer, as your GM, DM, handler, keeper, and host.
Speaker: Keep up with us to hear firsthand on any fun new developments that may be coming in the future, and we will see you all here in two weeks' time.
Speaker: Ha ha ha!
