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Episode 706 - Pitch: A "Christmas Movie" f/ Matt Fraction
1.3k Plays30 days ago
It's time for our annual Christmas episode at the cabin on Mount Premise, but this time, it's a work retreat! We have only a few short hours to come up with an idea for something that's never been done before: what Fraction refers to as a "Christmas movie."
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Transcript
Introduction and Zencastr Mention
00:00:00
Speaker
This show is recorded using Zencaster. If you are a podcaster, or you want to be a podcaster, and you want to be able to record remotely, you can do so using Zencaster. They also have hosting options, and you can let them know that we sent you. Follow the link in our show notes, or in the episode description, and sign up for an account on Zencaster now to start recording your own podcast.
Arrival at Mount Premise for Christmas
00:00:55
Speaker
Ho, ho, hello, everybody, and welcome to War Rocket Ajax and our annual Christmas special. Matt, I'm glad that we've settled in here at Mount Premise, here at the cabin. We've been here for a week already. And look, unlike years past,
00:01:16
Speaker
This is not a vacation for us. we we've been We've been putting a little work in. My name is k Chris Sims, with me as always, Matt Wilson, the merriest Matt. ah yeah Sometimes, yeah. ah Yeah, it's it's interesting that we're here at Mount Premise a little earlier than, or we've been here, I should say, a little earlier than usual. As you mentioned last week, Chris, we've been here over a week at Mount Premise.
00:01:46
Speaker
And it's weird. I, we got like a job offer. Yeah. And like, usually we rent this cabin like a few weeks before Christmas. Like we rent this cabin, we come up to Mount Primus. Well, the company, the the the company for tax purposes rents the cabin. Right. But, but we found out that someone else had already rented the cabin. Oh, I think that might be, I think that might be them now at the door.
00:02:16
Speaker
ah let me let me go and Let me go and open that. Oh, hey.
Welcome by Matt Fraction
00:02:20
Speaker
Hey, fellas, fellas. Hey, welcome to my cabin. I'm so glad you guys were here. ah you know The company picked this up last year. It's a great little space. We're really happy ah with it. I think we're going to make some – we're going to blast out a couple of walls, kind of make like an open floor plan workspace kind of thing. But for now, I think you know we can we can we can do this. We can use this. This is going to be great, guys. how's ah Hey, it's it's it's Matt Fraction. Good. Hi, hi to the city. Nice nice to meet you. um How's it going? How are you? you know I love you guys. I love your work. I love everything about you. Everything you do is brilliant. um What is up? um it When your company bought the cabin, did you tell them that you had been to this cabin like 10 to 14 times before? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes. Okay.
00:03:10
Speaker
Maybe. I don't know. you know what It's not i mean it not my company. It's a part of the company I am a part of. yeah I wish it was my company. Not yet. you know Fingers crossed. One day. you know Succession. Lots of moves. Lots of ins and contracts. and you know corporate It's corporate intrigue. it's It's politics, man. It's all politics. you know you know But it's fine. It is what it is. Well, and I'm glad you could make it. We didn't think that you were going to be able to join us. You you you told us that you had to work this year. and but yeah is we we know We have to work this year. um'm sorry buts unclearar yeah listen okay yeah so this was This was the job offer that we got, that really vague job offer. Yeah, yeah yeah you know it's Hollywood stuff. but listen
00:03:51
Speaker
ah so in my ah role, your standard rich and famous ah Hollywood streaming um streaming premium. streammium It's a new word we're working on. We're workshopping Streamium. I think it's going to hit. I think it's going to help. ah But this sort of peak TV you know producing era guy now that I am, and it is my job. I look You guys have known each other a long time. We've been doing this, as you said, 10 to 14 times now. Jesus Christ. And if there's one thing on this earth I was meant to do, it was to curate content. As a young man, what do you want to be when you grow up? I mean, a fireman would be an astronaut. I was like, I want to maximize vertically integrated corporate
00:04:46
Speaker
structures and their ability to capitalize, monetize, promote, and cross-produce IP. I'm a content baby, baby, and I think I've got an idea that is going to change the world. And not just the world of premium, stream-ium, per-entertain-tent,
00:05:12
Speaker
But I mean the actual fucking world. Are you ready? Are you guys ready? Are you ready?
Pitching a Christmas Movie
00:05:18
Speaker
ah yeah Have you signed the NDAs? Yes. um They're very restrictive. Did you have your lawyers look at it? It actually said that I couldn't have my lawyer look at it. Very good. That was a test, Sims. You've passed.
00:05:35
Speaker
You've made me very happy. I'm a very happy producer today. And when daddy's happy, everybody's happy. Listen, fellas, the reason I've brought you here for this little work sesh is that I've created a new genre of Streamium Premium entertainment.
00:05:57
Speaker
men And I think, because stories are power, that not only is this going to change the world of story and streamy content, but this is going to change the actual fucking world. Think about it. When was the last time an entirely new genre was invented? It's never been done. It's never been done.
00:06:21
Speaker
Oh, yeah right. the answer The answer? Never. There's never been a new genre. That's yeah, right. Of course. Okay. Yeah. So here we go. And we're going to be first to market with this. We're going to crack this not wide open this and and everyone's going to get a lot more rich and a lot more famous.
00:06:40
Speaker
because we're gonna save the world with this story. Are you ready? Here's the new genre I've invented and I'm excited to bring to stream the intent in 2025. Get ready, fellas. We are going to write here in this cabin on Mount Premise, our ersatz writer's room, the world's first Christmas movie. Think about it, it's never been done.
00:07:10
Speaker
Wow. Would a movie about Christmas be? How would it work? What would the tropes of the genre be? What would the structure be? What are the settings, the characters, the themes? Somehow, there's think of all the Eastern movies, right? So many fucking, like oh god, another Eastern movie. You can just rattle them off by heart, right? You know the beats, you know the turns. It's so familiar. No one's done a movie.
00:07:36
Speaker
about christmas until now until here until today and gentlemen three of us are not leaving this cabin and until we have cracked a three-act structure the first christmas movie that also has to establish clearly the parameters of what the genre is this is really exciting for me because It's one of those ideas that like once you hear it, you're like, Oh, I can't believe this has never ever been done before. Sure. Werewolves on the moon, right? On the moon. It's always a full moon. You got to put the werewolves there. It's such a it's such a thing. And yet sometimes we just don't see it right. The most obvious thing.
00:08:20
Speaker
ah you guys You guys aren't in the writer's guild, right? Are you guys writer's guild? WGA? no no do i need to oh no No. No, this is great. This is gonna be fantastic. We're gonna have this room running as long as we need. We got until Christmas Eve to get this ah this thing done, fellas. So there's La Croix in the ah mini fridge. There are a lot of nut bars of various quality. Well, based on publication date, this is December 23rd.
00:08:48
Speaker
Wow, we really got to put the work in. We better get some espresso in here then is what I'm thinking. One quick ah NDA question. it's It's okay that this is a podcast, right? It's okay that we publish this as a podcast because we already did. When does it come out? ah Today December 23rd, the day that this is.
00:09:08
Speaker
ah Uh, you know what, you know what, you know what, when you're a success, you never have to say you're sorry. So we just have to make this not only the first Christmas movie ever, but the best Christmas movie ever. Okay. We rack up a couple Billy for, uh, for the studio and we're gold. You know, we can get away with, with, with murder. So yeah, we just, let's just make it a hit. We just got to write it. We all we have to do is write a hit. It's so fucking easy. Yeah. That's that Jonathan Hickman writing advice that I've gotten before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just write a hit.
00:09:39
Speaker
Yeah, just write a hit. It's just that easy. Everyone thinks, oh, I got to write a hit dummy. Think about it. Every week, there's a number one movie at the box office. Just write that. Yeah, easy peasy. Happens 52 times a year. It can't be that hard. I can't think of anyone else better to to do this because I remember 2005 reading Rex Mantooth and thinking, this guy knows how to leverage synergies.
00:10:10
Speaker
Well, thank you. I think i think i think synergy ah leveraging is definitely a leitmotif in my career. I think if you look at across the body of work, and yeah, nothing like a foul-mouthed gorilla says, this guy's got to crack a holiday movie for us.
00:10:23
Speaker
So, so is our focus going to be like, do we want our focus to be on kind of like the religiosity of it? Like the, the, the Jesus-y stuff? Or, I mean, it can I, can I maybe put a like a little spin on it? Can I maybe put a little English on it? Please. I think, listen, there's no wrong answers in brainstorming except for the answers I don't like. And I think it's a good, let me, let me answer the question without telling you how to answer it. If that makes sense.
00:10:51
Speaker
I think that as a global interest, a secular approach might be better rather than sacred because we don't want to alienate anyone of different faiths. um That said, if you've got a way to to to to to square that circle, go right ahead. Let me hear what your thoughts are. i was thinking since totally new genre, totally new kind of untapped thing. wide open Audiences love stuff that they already love. That's a thing
Brainstorming Movie Elements
00:11:23
Speaker
we know. hu but Audiences are never happier than when they are seeing a thing that they recognize and maybe already own a Funko Pop of. That's just true. So maybe we we sort of
00:11:40
Speaker
give it a a human element, ease them into the new genre by adding in like romance or comedy. Like, so like, has that been done? I don't think anyone has ever done a blended, elevated genre piece before the genre piece has been done. So Sims, the answer is no, you have given us an innovation on top of an innovation and I love it. We call it a Sims-o-vation. Whoa, like that.
00:12:08
Speaker
Well, that's branding, and I think that's what we're all about. It's a simsization instremium entrantent. Yes, yes. ah We use the the the phrase amazation.
00:12:21
Speaker
da So it's a great amazation, Sims, and I love it. I'm here for it. Love it. Okay. Yeah, that's good. Yes. Hey Matt, can I ask about this one thing? Sure. um There's a box over here that just says studio notes on it. Yeah, yeah. We'll get to those, you know. um The studio has some thoughts. They're not prescriptive. ah They're blue sky what-ifs. you know it's Everyone's encountering all these all this stuff for the first time. and ah you know ah the the The folks are around the office just just put their thoughts on paper down for us to help give us a guideline of like once this starts getting kicked up
00:13:03
Speaker
hill to the powers that be and hit there's landing on desks of people who can sign checks and light things green. This is how we can kind of notes proof the process by addressing all of these notes. Oh, so we could be notes proof by doing what the notes say. Yeah, no, we'll still get notes. Oh, but we're gonna skip that first round of notes. By addressing those notes in the thing before they've seen the thing does that makes sense.
00:13:32
Speaker
Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, if you if you eat lunch for breakfast, you're already six hours ahead of everybody else. Wow, that's true. That's how you get things done in Hollywood. I had never thought about that before. ah So we'll get to the studio notes later. and Once we kind of have a ah general shape of this thing. Yeah, yeah, once, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. um And we could go through the notes now, but also, you know, maybe maybe we'll just... ah I don't want it to be boxed in by the nerve. I think at this point, we need to not let production concerns be a... ah Well, that so that's what producers are for. you know um So right now, let's just talk story. Let's just blue sky this thing. Let's figure out what does a Christmas movie mean?
00:14:16
Speaker
you know ah And and like if it isn't like here's a question. like ah you know Secular versus sacred. like sacred in in the the kind of religious sense, but then does that incorporate does that mean like this bit magic, right? like Like Santa and the kind of Christmas canon of magical wonderland wintery friends. Is it more, is it is it about regular, real people in the world that the audience is going to know and recognize discovering the meaning of Christmas for themselves? Or is there a magical slash supernatural slash mythological element, non-religious, non-denominational? What if we do it so this is a thing that I have always wanted to happen on like a Grey's Anatomy, right? Where a show goes on for 20 years.
00:15:13
Speaker
There's only so many things that can be wrong with the human body. You'd think, yeah. So round about year 16 of Grey's Anatomy, ah I was watching it and I was like, what if they just casually mentioned that vampires were real? And I feel like maybe we could do that with Like what if Christmas magic and um and Santa, like all that's happening, but that is very much like in the background and our focus is on that human element. Like yes, we see them leaving out a carrot.
00:15:51
Speaker
and on December 6th and St. Nicholas leaves an orange in their shoes, but that that's not the focus. That's just we accept that as a fact of the universe. And then the vampires come at midnight? There wouldn't be vampires in this yet. That's once it will get to the Christmas vampire horror romance comedy. Once we have people in the door for this one,
00:16:18
Speaker
And they're like, yes, what else do you have in this bold new yeah get of a genre of inter-content? No, does it have to be vampires? Are vampires the most Christmasy monster? I feel like you're getting hung up on vampires.
00:16:35
Speaker
When that was more of an example, but I mean, it can look, at I mean, I look see this is the kind of like, this is the kind of no proofing process that like, we need to be ready for when this goes to the studio. I need this job. So we can be vampires. Okay. I just, I just, you know, our, our, okay. So let's, let's're all right. So it's vampire. Let's start. We're starting with that. Okay. So it's vampires.
00:16:55
Speaker
and That's interesting too, like in terms of a platform releasing, it could maybe, you know if it comes out on around Halloween, but then that ramp of Halloween, is you know ah the pumpkins come in and the Christmas trees go up. right so There's maybe a a release strategy here where this vampire story, you think it's a Halloween thing, but by then you're like, wow this was really a Christmas thing, and now I'm in a Christmas place. right so That triples our window of peak streaming for this. It does. It does. All right, so it's vampires and it's Christmas. All right, Sims, I like this. I think you've gotten us off to a great start. Matt, vampires, are they the most Christmasy monster? And if so, why? What do vampires want and need from Christmas? I mean, I feel like we're we've decided vampires. so So I think it's up to us to make vampires the most Christmasy monster. Hmm.
00:17:50
Speaker
Okay. might It might be a heavy lift, but I like it. I like it. and i mean blood You know, Christmas colors, red and green. Vampires, we got the blood, we got the red, we got the green. Big business. Money, money. So these vampires... and like I could list off some other monsters that might be more Christmasy, but we're already on this we're already on this road, you know what I'm saying?
00:18:17
Speaker
You know, like a gnome, some kind of gnome or some kind of witch. There are a lot of Christmas witches, I feel like. Witches are green. Witches are green. Maybe we do vampires and witches. Okay, so it's a vampire witch romance. Okay. Vampire witch romance.
00:18:38
Speaker
And now I'm assuming, I think it's fair to kind of Speak sims to your earlier point audiences loving what they recognize if we are starting with your typical. Halloween vampire which monster romance. I think this is going to be tough look look if this was easy anybody would do it.
00:19:03
Speaker
Right? If, uh, if anybody could do what I'm doing, anybody would be doing it, but they're not, right? So you have a room full of, uh, guys that give you that met fraction feeling, a met fraction, I got that feeling in spades. So I think we need to do a sort of romantic comedy rather than your dark, scary, typical Halloween, violent kind of murder monster thriller. What if it it has the contours of a romantic comedy?
00:19:34
Speaker
that leads us into whatever this new genre is gonna be, right? Right, right. So it's vampire witches, romantic comedy, Christmas. All right, I think i think this is this is, I mean, I'm gonna actually, hang on one second, um I'm just gonna write to the marketing department, make it some ah concept posters and ah key art done up while we're while we're in the room cracking the stuff. we just get Should we just send this to the public?
00:20:01
Speaker
Say that again. Should we just send this straight to Zazlov? Do we need to go through marketing? Oh, no. Talk about fucking vampires. like Dude canceled Sesame Street on Christmas. You don't want to make him excited. ah Can we wind it back just a little bit? and Maybe they might have to get fired for saying that. Oh, is that? ah I'm just saying, can we wind it back just a little bit and and and maybe maybe think about some of the Uh, like the basic elements of like setting. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Uh, like say, okay. Usually we think Christmas, we think winter, right? But there's a whole hemisphere, a whole Southern hemisphere where Christmas is in the summer. I don't know if you've heard this, but, but that's a, that's a thing like, and the Northern hemisphere Christmas is in the winter, but Southern hemisphere it's in the summer. So what if.
00:20:53
Speaker
The setting, it was kind of like, you know how some movies are set in nondescript time periods? Sure. Where it's like old cars, but they have computers? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like Riverdale in it. Like Riverdale-ing it, yeah. So what if the season- What kinds of computers you mean, like the Transformers films? Right, exactly, yeah. Right.
00:21:21
Speaker
we We want it, we want this to be a four quadrant movie, right? We want it to to to be successful in every market throughout the world. and And if you're setting your Christmas movie at winter, you're alienating an entire hemisphere. So what if we set this movie on the equator and the prime meridian exactly? Yes. So off the coast of Western Africa. Yes. And There are elements of winter and summer. Right. Because it's where all four, you know what, it's a four quadrant film. It's a four season film. Exactly. Exactly. I like that. I like where we're going with that. So like, in some scenes, there may be snow on the ground and and in other scenes, they're they're they're on the beach and sweating. Now, one thing that
00:22:21
Speaker
i'm This is this is ah ah a really great writing chestnut I heard. is like and and And I think it's it is largely true. And it's tricky when you're doing these kind of, this isn't really a blended genre. Like it's going to have the appearance of a blended genre, but we're really just, we're using that to platform this new genre. So we do have a lot of wiggle room, right? We've got a lot of space to maneuver here. We can, we're writing the rules. So how can we possibly break them? But someone said to me like, listen, you can have a dinosaur or you can have a spaceship. You can't have a dinosaur on a spaceship.
00:22:55
Speaker
Right? So is it? Are we asking too much of a buy in? It's vampires and witches at the zero point on the map of the globe on an island where all four seasons coexist. Is that a an island called Christmas? Oh, you know what that might we might have just found our title.
00:23:20
Speaker
Let me, hang on. I mean, I would call Christmas. I'm just going to zip those down. This the, the and i I'm, I'm, I just sent it off to the fellas down in marketing. Uh, uh, so the key art will have that. It's a temporary, it's a placeholder title, but I think it'll help kind of set expectations. So for now, the time being an Island called Christmas. Now that makes me think that there is an Island called Christmas.
00:23:45
Speaker
Would that be an Island named after the holiday of Christmas? walk me through that. Walk me through this. I'm i'm just getting hung up on the the this is very a little sticky. Tell me, Sam, this is your baby. This is your idea. Bring it on home. An island called Christmas. Explain that ah to me in detail. There is a there is a place called Christmas Island that is that is not at the. Do we do we own that? Can we get that? um I believe it is the I don't think you can trademark the name of a place.
00:24:20
Speaker
Like, I mean, I mean, I know there's a, there's a city called Batman in, in Turkey. So, hold on. on I got it. I got the rights. I have to contact some, uh, legal department. Hang on one second. This, this would just be like a second, another Christmas Island. Okay. There is an island an Island called Christmas. There is an Island
Plot Twist: Santa's Death
00:24:42
Speaker
at zero degrees, longitudinal latitude. The name of which for real, the real name of it is.
00:24:50
Speaker
a null island. It is not actually a landmass. It's a concept. So either we put it in, we make it so that Christmas Island is moved to zero degrees longitude latitude, or there is a developed landmass put there called Christmas Island ah do Kind of like this island. It's an island called Christmas. Sorry an island called Christmas put called an island called Christmas.
00:25:31
Speaker
Like Dubai, you know how like parts of Dubai are man-made? Singapore, like 80% of Singapore is is reclaimed land, yeah, right, right. Yeah, yeah. So so so what if we we said that this is a man-made island at zero degrees longitude and latitude, which is the only place where vampires and witches are allowed to live in our world? What about Transylvania?
00:25:58
Speaker
Together, live together. Oh, so it's like neutral turf. Yeah. Yeah. well that's the switzerland It's a Switzerland of vampire witch world. That would make sense because at zero degrees, latitude zero degrees longitude, I might i might not have the science of this correct.
00:26:20
Speaker
Uh, we have nerds for that. We can, we can yeah whatever. But that would be like, that would be like evenly split, like 12 hours of daylight, 12 hours of night, right? It's not like right perfect it would be imperfect every year. And also I think, and again, we can check the science on this, but I'm pretty sure I read this on an airplane once.
00:26:40
Speaker
I think to answer the the earlier question that I hate to do the thing of answering my own question, but like, if it's really at the zero zero point, it would have all four seasons every day at the same time. Yeah, in six hour shifts. Yes. Correct. So that's perfect. So so it could be a snowstorm blizzard in one scene. And then in the next scene, they're in like,
00:27:03
Speaker
ah a garden full of blooming flowers. right Right, right, right. You've got a three hour, yeah, you've got, yeah, exactly. So every six hours, seasons change, vampires and witches. Here's a, here's a, here's a, because I don't want to get into, I mean, listen, first off, we have to save something for the spinoff series, right? We have to save something for an island called Christmas Colon Prophecy. Of course.
00:27:27
Speaker
okay I think would be where we would want to build out this kind of myth and ah lore. I think that I think the the prequel show is where the lore gets built. This one's about the characters. Yes, this is it has to be. And but really, guys, it's about Christmas.
00:27:44
Speaker
Remember, it's always about Christmas. But the setting is also a character. And so that the setting is Christmas means our character is Christmas. We are air fucking tight on this thing. Here's what I'm wondering. Could this be It's a rom-com, right? Let's get some friction, let's get some heat. Let's say Null Island exists, right? And that whoever owned it has died. Like the richest man in the world, whatever, died. Just kidding, JB. Not you, not you, not you. um But let's say that for the first time in- Do you think Bezos would think it was funny if that character was kind of like a play on him? like like
00:28:34
Speaker
He's like a bald guy who's really rich and owns a company. um I think he'd find it fucking hilarious if it was another billionaire who may have bumped him out of the number one slot. But ah we can you know we can workshop. but we'll We'll get that back in. ah that what but and ted That's a test screening thing. We can ADR who it is. like it doesn't i I mean, if we get onto that, I know me and Matt are like so invested in the, you know, the like, we're always rooting for for these billionaires to get richer than each other. It's something that we find fascinating and interesting. Right? Yeah. but So if we get onto that, we'll be here all day. Yeah. well so So let's just say whomever it is dies and as and as part of the... Santa.
00:29:20
Speaker
ah Well, i don't want to let's not get too f- maybe, yes, it could be Santa. So Santa, when you start a Christmas movie, Santa dies. I did i mean i think i think people would love that. Like, if i if we did live in a world where the concept of a Christmas movie did exist, i could probably i mean I could probably come up with like three or four off the top of my head where it opens with Santa Claus fucking dying.
00:29:48
Speaker
So I think people would like that. That is not the universe we live in. but So then, okay, so now thinking it out structurally, if you know think about Citizen Kane, right? So Citizen Kane opens the wealthy, rich, powerful man dying. The whole movie is about who is the new Citizen Kane, right? And it ends up being Rosebud. So we need to figure out, so if if if this is the, so Santa dies, the North Pole, which is actually the Knoll Pole,
00:30:15
Speaker
is available and on the market for the first time, the vampires want to buy it, the witches want to buy it. And it's a that's our friction that that's our that's our sleepless in Seattle ah shop around the corner. That's our the guy wants a thing and the girl they want the same thing and they're fighting each other for it.
00:30:32
Speaker
The vampires want to buy the i want to buy the the null pole. The witches want to buy it. And that's what brings them to the place. And they have to close the deal on Christmas. Eve. Because here's the thing, it has to be Christmas Eve because you can't, again, like Citizen Kane has taught us, you you can't kill somebody and not replace them by the end of the film. So ultimately, this isn't just about who owns an island called Christmas, but who's going to replace Santa. So maybe there's a thing Where we discover, say a second act, you know, midpoint twist, we're like, no, no, there's something in the bylaws that the Baba Baba, whoever owns the island, becomes the new Santa. Right. And obviously, a so ah a vampire would want that. Because Santa
00:31:20
Speaker
like Santa is goes into everybody's house present have he doesn't have to be invited, which would be great for vampires 100%. It's it's the one loophole vampires can't close. Okay, mean aside from the fact that anybody would die if you drove a stake through their heart. Yeah. Okay, so we know what the vampires want. Right. What did the witches want from this? And I just want I just want to make it clear that by witches, I mean, this is a strong female character. Oh, of course. Who is ah unique and sharply realized and strong and independent, sexy, funny, not like other girls, you know, she's beautiful, but doesn't know it. But she's a witch. Probably. And representative thus of all women who we aren't saying all women are witches, but rather all women are independent, powerful, smart, sexy, beautiful, but don't know it.
00:32:21
Speaker
So this woman is all women, but also no women. But they're the women, right? I think it would be fun if we established that by like having a scene where she like um like catches a football and then she she turns to the person she's talking to and she's like, I had brothers.
00:32:36
Speaker
ah But also, she's trying to have it all. bright Right. Right. Let's get into the characters just a little bit. I kind of want to know their motivations a little bit. yeah I think this is good. I think it's good. I think we've got a sketch of a premise and a general shape. So yeah, now let's let's really start to drill into these characters and tell me why I love this vampire and tell me why I'm going to love this witch and why I'm going to love watching them fall in love. And also Christmas. To go back to Santa a little bit. I just think, look, I could get off this. I just think it would be funny if this Santa is bald.
00:33:12
Speaker
And, um, he owned a company called no attack, which is the name of the river at the gates of the Arctic national park.
00:33:24
Speaker
I just, I, I just think I, like, I think basis would like it. I think basis would, would feel get maybe feel a little flattered about it. Like this Santa has a company, a rocket company wants to go to space. That's how he dies.
00:33:40
Speaker
Why wouldn't you just take the sleigh to space? Reindeer can't breathe in space. Reindeer also can't fly. These are clearly superlative reindeer. Okay, that's putting a dinosaur on a spaceship. If you say the reindeer can fly and also they can breathe in space. Here's ah here's a okay that's a fair point. That's a fair point. Listen, I can give as good as I get. That's a good catch. You're right. That's a good hit that's that's true. That's true. Here's a thought. the movie starts Maybe the movie starts with Santa trying to go to space.
00:34:10
Speaker
It seems as though he dies. He gets lost. Then by the end of the movie, we realize he's not dead. but who But our lead characters are so lovable and so good that he decides that they're the new Santa anyway.
00:34:26
Speaker
so So we think Santa dies, but at the end of it, Santa comes back and gives his blessing to the new Santa. Yeah, exactly. He didn't die in space. I'm not going to lie, I've been bumping on the idea of opening our four quadrant brand new genre christmas movie with the death of santa cuz you're gonna lose one of those quadrants ah ah kids are gonna have that might be tough so if it is ah ah you know it's busy it's hard i want to retire i want to take it easy you know whatever it is he stages this stages his death
00:35:03
Speaker
and Right. Right. So it's a little Mega Mind, but you know what? Mega Mind was a huge hit. I don't mind stealing from the greats. No, no, no, no. right Citizen Kane and Mega Mind. Yeah. And look, maybe, maybe, listen, maybe we embrace it rather than than put on blinders and we we get David Cross to play Santa. Bald. Bald has a beard. It's perfect. it's and And he could be like, hey, I got to go to space. It's reindeer origin is is ready to launch and and we're going to set up colonies on Mars. And then he goes to space he goes to space and if everybody thinks he's dead. And then by the end of the movie, he returns, he's fine. And he sees that these two lead characters are so in love and so great, so funny. and remind him of him and mrs clause right yeah This woman is so unlike other girls and this guy is so charming. He eats so many hot dogs. Yeah, exactly.
00:36:01
Speaker
um that that he's like, you know what? You two, why don't you run the company? yeah ah So we don't get into the weeds of the techno babble and make people think that this is you know Apollo 18 or Fly Me to the Moon or one of your really kind of hard sci-fi films. maybe And also I think it might help Reinforce it even though we're talking about very real recognizable characters in very recognizable situations. Everyone in the theater has gone through men, women, children, children, young alike. All four quadrants. if all four quad ah the The six quadrants are all represented. Maybe we.
00:36:46
Speaker
Have it that rather than a rocket that it is the sleigh and this is how Santa finds out Yes, I can fly in space but reindeer can't breathe in space. Okay, so this is also because maybe he wants to retire with the reindeer, right?
00:37:00
Speaker
I think that could be our minions. Party reindeer. you know they're all over where They all have like ah Bermuda shorts like Tommy Bahama. you know and They're all partying. and They have like sunglasses. Maybe one of them has daiquiris in the antlers for the other reindeer to enjoy. you know so maybe Maybe Santa's staging this to get rid of him and his best friends, the reindeer. and then we've got our Then we've got our minions ready to rock for 2027.
00:37:26
Speaker
All right, two thoughts about our lead characters, our witch and our vampire. can i do Before we get into the the leads, can I just say um i'm a little I'm a little mad at you for action, because once again, you were perfect with the David Cross casting.
00:37:43
Speaker
ah you know the Gonna bring the families in. with David Cross. it speaks because it seeks you and with there He's such a famous was fan of the holidays. Yeah, it loves it. Yeah, yeah. I was going to throw out Kurt Fuller, ah but but you know like that's just because I don't want to get stuck trying to recreate the magic of No Holds Bar. That's all. that's un Sure, sure. But also, you know, another thing too is look, everybody, all those kids that grew up seeing those Alvin and the Chipmunk movies, they now have kids of their own, right?
00:38:14
Speaker
and ah they're gonna wanna bring those kids to see, oh look, this was daddy's chipmunk, now he's your Santa. A lot of children's entertainer, David Cross. I was gonna suggest J.K. Simmons, but something about it says to me that if he were to play Santa in a big Big, bludgeoned movie. It might not work. know Listen, he's he's booked up on Red 2 and Red 3 for the next four years. They got him on a three film deal. They're shooting back to back. toback ah What are those movies about?
00:38:49
Speaker
um Red 2 is ah about to do it a second time, but there's now twice as many people. But but what do they but what do they do? So it's Chris so it's chris Evans and ScarJo and The Rock and um Jason Statham. We've mended those fences. We've got those guys together again. So they're now doing it, is it but it's sort of like, it's a little bit like ah like a Zombieland, you know, where we're doing it again, but now it's so nice. We did it twice.
00:39:18
Speaker
um And then Red 3, we flip it, they have all disappeared, and it's Santa that has to go out and- So wait, those movies have- Those movies are about Santa? Yeah. But they're not Christmas movies. They're not Christmas movies. J.K. Simmons' is Santa in Red 1.
00:39:43
Speaker
I didn't know this. Are there already movies about Christmas? No, that's a movie about Santa. Oh, I see. got got court it's much more it's it's it's like i said It's much more like succession. right who's going to run Who's going to run the company when when oh dad's gone? We got to figure out who's going to do this. right then it's yeah it's sort of a forty it's like ah It's more of like a bodyguard, buddy comedy. Like, oh, we had one job and it was to protect the president. now the pro Oh, we lost the president. you I was actually the working title for Red One was, uh-oh, we lost the president.
00:40:13
Speaker
Oh okay, i so they reworked it into a Santa. Oh yeah, yeah yeah oh oh my gosh. oh my god They got you should have seen the rewrite drafts. A triple golden rod on those motherfuckers. you know I can imagine. it insane It was insane. And also all of the Santa stuff.
00:40:27
Speaker
um and look You signed the NDA. And that meant also that everyone that's listened to this podcast has signed the NDA. I don't know if you read all of the terms and conditions, but everyone hearing this is under the same blanket of, you know, non-disclosure. All of the Santa stuff was added in post. Wow, that's fascinating. Yeah, yeah like it was like a Green Lantern's costume. They CG'd it all on. It was ah it it it the the VFX budget, the post VFX budget on that was like half a billion dollars.
00:40:58
Speaker
I can imagine. But it but listen, it it it it made it a it made it great. right It took a good idea and it made it great. It was worth it. when you can spend half a billion We can spend a half a billion dollars and make $8 billion dollars in return. it's ah it's a sucker You'd be dumb not to spend that money. Every time I hear about ah VFX artists having to like ah crunch and go through like just horrible conditions to like fix something, it's always worth it. It's always so worth it.
00:41:27
Speaker
Yeah, and which is and you know what? and i'm yeahm all my Lives are short, but movies are forever. Yeah, right, right. Like, like, um Oh, I'm sorry. Do you not want to be a part of the modern myth making tradition? You've your wife's having a like, like, look, your wife is gonna have another baby, right? There's going to be another parent's 50th anniversary. And to like, also, I'm not not supposed to say this as a little politically incorrect, but like, shut up, nerds. Hmm.
00:41:51
Speaker
Yeah, fair. I like i think that's the real job like coming up with a whole new genre. Oh, yeah. Well, I just I'm sorry. I thought you were passionate about I thought you were passionate about films, right? I didn't realize you were just that this was just a job. I guess Costco didn't have use for you anymore. So you ended up here or whatever, right? Like this films clearly aren't their passion. Yeah. Like I it's In the end, there's one art form and this is it. And if you don't want to be part of it, then somebody else will. you know if um If you don't want your guy to be the richest guy in the world.
00:42:32
Speaker
Yeah, who's taking over here? Yeah, guys, who's fucking side are you on? Come on, right? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, it's a digression. All right. All right. You know what? that that's That's good. You know, you got to kind of let the storytelling engine cool a little bit.
Character Development: Witch and Vampire
00:42:43
Speaker
But now that we've had some time to let this percolate and thought, let's let's let's get our wits. OK, so we've got our inciting incident. Now let's get this vampire and this witch. I can't wait to learn about the Christmas witch.
00:42:56
Speaker
i'm I'm of two minds about this vampire in the switch so as i said always steal from the greats right so. One part of me is thinking that this vampire are lead vampire lead which it's their families.
00:43:14
Speaker
that are trying to yeah right they're the young deal get the deal for this island called Christmas. you're They're the young scions of these ah this kind of dynasty, right? And it's like, oh, you know, you ah you know you want to impress that. You've really got to make this deal close on the island called Christmas, otherwise you'll be in with trouble. so So you're doing like a Nomeo and Juliet situation. i but That's what I mean when I say steal from the best, right? I'm stealing from Nomeo and Juliet.
00:43:42
Speaker
Right. Star-crossed lovers. The the the other thought I had... Baz Luhrmann wrote that. he He did. He did. Here's the other thought I had, though. Because that's classic, right? They're the young... I say they're maybe like early 20s. Like Chalamet age is what I'm thinking. um But that's one option, is that they're the young star-crossed lovers, their parents,
00:44:12
Speaker
don't like each other, but they fall in love secretly and they have ah a love um that that transcends what they are. yeah right right so there' so That's ultimately the message we want, right? like It doesn't matter if you're a vampire or a witch as long as you celebrate Christmas. Right, right. That's a great, that's a great, you know what, let me dash that off. I'm going to text this to the Feldas in marketing. Maybe they can work it in as a tagline. okay so I think that if we, all right, so there, I do think there's another option. Okay. Well, let let me, let me, let me just restate this thesis. So we've got it clear. And then you give us the the curve ball, you blow it. You, you, you toss in your story, hand grenade and make us all see things in a brand new way. Sure. Sure. So there, there look in this day and age, it is absolutely inappropriate.
00:45:11
Speaker
to describe actors of any stripe of any size and shape as aspirationally fuckable. But that's what we're going for. things are These are maybe fresh out of college, right? like like they're not you know like they don't They're adults, but they're young adults. They're fucking sexy young adults. Yeah, I'm not saying it, but I'm saying it. You know what I mean? i like I just want to make sure we're all on the same page because there are things that just are not acceptable to say anymore and I will not have them said in this writer's room, but aspirationally fuckable. I'm thinking Chalamet, Zendaya, they worked in Dune, get them back.
00:45:57
Speaker
ah Matt, can I sidebar with you for like two seconds? Fraction, can you ah could just give us like two seconds for quick stuff? Yeah, you know what? I need to go take my cold plunge, so I'll oh great i'll i'll be back in 78 seconds. Okay, great. great that's what so What's up, Chris? ah Matt, I like where you're going with this. I can maybe name two actors in their early 20s. I'm saying they they pass for early 20s. You know what I'm saying?
00:46:27
Speaker
Like, Chalamet is what, 29? I have literally no idea how old he is. Yeah. I i like i feel like, I feel like Jughead is like 35. Oh, absolutely. Jughead is is that old. i The only actor I could think of who fits the bill I'm talking about is Chalamet.
00:46:48
Speaker
literally Literally, the one name that is coming to mind is ah ah Sabrina, Kiernan Shipko. I'm like, is she in her early 20s, I think? Maybe? I think she is. She was in Red 1 too, so but yeah you know we could get her back. But like Zendaya...
00:47:05
Speaker
is 28. We got Sydney Sweeney and right and ah oh, fuck, what's his name? Austin Butler. That's our that's our vampire. that's our That's our witch, right? to make that That's actually great. any like If we can ride that Madam Web Wave, so yeah yeah I would love to do that. yeah and and Elvis, Madam Web and Elvis together on screen, that's magic. The thing we got with this, bus buler I mean, look, he's well he's a supernova.
00:47:33
Speaker
Austin Butler, he's incredibly talented, even in World War II, he talks like Elvis. But now imagine, because this is another thing, Elvis did what, 16 movies? How many vampire movies did Elvis do? Zero. Now we call that in Hollywood, we call that money on the table. So you imagine a little bit of vampire and a little bit of Elvis, you know, we got a little little swagger in his hips. So it's not the, I think this is exciting. I think this is again, this feels new. This feels like, oh, I've never seen this. I've seen this before. I've never seen this before.
00:48:01
Speaker
Okay, so here's my curveball. Let me present you with my curveball. I love them, right? They're not the the kids of the families that are trying to buy the island. They are the business people. Everybody loves a girl boss, right? She's a she's ah a strong female character. She has brothers. she she'll She'll eat a hot dog. She suggests going to the baseball game, you know?
00:48:26
Speaker
but She's also a girl boss, and she's in charge of the company. She's the CEO. She's the one who's saying, we got to get this island. um I still don't think we've established why witches want this island. We know why the vampires do. I i hear what you're saying. here's here's my Here's where I'm bumping. I'm just bumping on a little bit. um If she's the kind of girl who has thrown a football, why does she want to go to the baseball game?
00:48:55
Speaker
Oh, I just thought she might, maybe she could, two sports. She could also catch a baseball. like that I know. Two sports. What is this? Is this a Bo Jackson biopic? I don't know, man. I feel like we got to, I feel like it's kind of, it's it it it can. Could we get Bo?
00:49:13
Speaker
how you know How about Pickleball? How about Pickleball? And Pickleball is young and hot and exciting and everyone loves Pickleball? She's a Pickleball witch. She's a Pickleball fanatic, but she's the... Okay, yes, we we meet her. She's about to go to a big meeting, but she's squeezing in a game of Pickleball before it's time to go to the big closeout meeting where she's going to make a billion dollar deal.
00:49:42
Speaker
you know And then our lead vampire, also the head of the company, they meet in a board room at the billion dollar deal meeting and realize that they both want the island called Christmas. So there's a little push and pull between them, right? like like they They're in competition, but also there's this undeniable animal attraction between them. you know like That sounds very erotically charged. I like that.
00:50:16
Speaker
um um um i think You know how, let's say you're you're in the kitchen and you've got eggs and flour and sugar and milk and, you know, da-da-da. And and and this in the right proportions, this could be a cake. And if we change it up just a little bit, we'd move this to that, we could have made a D-cell battery out of the exact same ingredients. But thank you. I think you've got a D-cell battery and now if you if you let me, not to
00:50:48
Speaker
pitch on a pitch necessarily, not to not to steal thunder, but to like, if you let me turn this, let me try to turn this diesel battery into a cake. Okay, sure. We open with a pickleball match. And it's mixed, right coed pickleball. And we got Sweeney and her ah fiance on one team. We got Austin Butler, oh his fiance on the other.
00:51:11
Speaker
And these two, they fucking go at it, pickleball it. Oh, they get so mad at each other, right? It is a hotly contested and you can feel the spark and you just feel the fire between these two. Like they, they take it more seriously than everybody else. And they just, we just have a fun. and The Meat Cute is they're playing just but brutal bare knuckle.
00:51:29
Speaker
ah you know, a pickleball. And then she's so riled up and he's like, Well, gosh, honey, why are you so upset? You're being such a girl boss today. And she's like, because I have to go to this big meeting. And I have to i have the, the the but you know, sure, blood at this I don't make, I don't sell them on this pitch, then the company is doomed and debt but and she goes in with her. And then of course, who's on the other side of the table? Yeah, yeah she doesn't know. They walk in hurting each other. and She's like, she's like i will like um I will never do a business deal with you. Right. right or Or maybe it's since we get ah maybe to to step it out a little bit more to get us a little deeper into the first act, they have the angry pickleball.
00:52:10
Speaker
She goes to the meeting all fired up. She makes her because her blood is so up and she just can't get the thought of that sexy Elvis vampire out of her head. She is it feeling extra aggressive and kind of blurts out the plan of like, we should just buy the island, right? And like you said, like yeah that that then that becomes her job to do a great idea. Go do that, right? Like ah like you're the guy at the at the at the pharmaceutical company who walks into the meeting. It's like, oh fellas, why don't we just cure cancer? Oh great, you go cure cancer. And then that's his job, right?
00:52:39
Speaker
Okay, she's told to do that, but she is also the boss. she's She is the girl boss and the CEO. a so She's told by the CFO.
00:52:50
Speaker
ah you know Or maybe there's ah there's ah there's a there's a board of directors and someone's trying to underline her and they want her to fail. They're setting her up to fail. and Like, well, you're the big boss. You're the girl boss, which pickleball, which so go you great. That's a great idea. You should go do that. You're the only one who can finesse this deal.
00:53:06
Speaker
Can I maybe throw something out there? Please. Chairman of the board. I'm thinking a real Kurt Fuller type. Love it. Love it. mother Love it. Love it. And like I love Sons of Anarchy. I love all that stuff. It's going to be great.
00:53:29
Speaker
Sorry. yeah So do we have a do we have a name for our leads? Because Pickleball Witch is that's that's a That's a mouthful, and I don't know how one is going to like translate. it's it's you know You talk about Funko Pops, it's not going to fit on that box. It's not going to fit on a Funko Pops. It's going to be the first movie that has that that we make of the Funko Pops before we even call Sydney and Austin. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. and you know that's how i mean That's how we're going to get them.
00:53:58
Speaker
They come into the meeting they sit down there's a box on a table with a red cloth over it red satin cloth like what's under the red satin cloth and like well will send me go ahead take what you put that red satin cloth off a look at you she pulls it off and there's her character already marketed and designed. I'm also you know the designer popcorn buckets are very big right now right the big fancy buckets are very big yeah we're gonna make a bucket so big it holds all of the funco pops and the popcorn it's funco popcorn.
00:54:24
Speaker
So it'll be $150, $148, $148.95, and you get a basket, a bucket of popcorn with eight Funko pops and like a handful of popcorn. It's going to be great. All the kids are going to want to fuck it and put it on TikTok. It'll be a huge, it'll be very meme. It'll be a meme-y thing. It'll be great.
00:54:42
Speaker
Before we get into character names, unless you've got some bangers for character names, please drop them. But otherwise, like let's let step back and now let's get the the the el L-Vampire set in, because that then gets us pretty much to the 20-minute mark of the movie. right So what's what's the austin power what's the Austin Powers One thing before we get to the Austin Powers world, he was just he's so good in Empire of the Air. ah Yeah, baby, yeah.
00:55:12
Speaker
here's Here's my one question because we we decided that vampires want the island called Christmas because now they don't have to be invited into homes anymore. If they secure this, that is why he wants to that's why he'll want to be Santa, right? but that is they want that They want the island so they can become Santa, right? because if they If you buy an island called Christmas, you're also buying Christmas. I think that's got to be a discovery. I think that's got to be a – because it's a classic twist, right? You get the thing you want and you find out it's not what you wanted. um um I think we want to save that because then that that pivots
00:55:49
Speaker
away from the boardroom drama. And that's where we really get into a Christmas movie is like, who's more Christmasy, the witch or the vampire? Okay. um so real So real quick, real quick, the initial reason just to just to nail this down, the initial reason they want to buy the island, both sides want to buy the island is just they've been told by their boards of directors, we want you to do this. And so they do it. And so later, it's a reveal.
00:56:19
Speaker
that for the vampires, it's about not having to be invited in. I just want to know what the witch motivation is. Well, I think it's it's Halloween goes on for two more months. I see. So this is how we make it. ah This is how we make it a three month streaming right situation. Right. They're like, look, Halloween, it you know, it has an end.
00:56:47
Speaker
nobody's Nobody's trying to keep the spirit of Halloween in their hearts year round. What if we just, we we acquire Christmas, and we change it to an island called Halloween, and then Halloween also happens on December 25th. You guys, um he goes do you know, ah I don't know if i ever, look, we've we we've had a lot of fun in this and in this cabin over the years. I don't know, did I ever tell you how I got this job? No, I don't think we have.
00:57:17
Speaker
I was a guy who was too young, too dumb, too green to know any better. And I sat in a room with the spirit of Halloween people and I said, fellas, you close your doors on November 1st. Why don't you transform into the spirit of Christmas?
00:57:35
Speaker
And I'm the reason why all the spirit of Halloween stores turn into the spirit of Christmas stores on November 1st. That's that's what got wow that's that's that's why the spirit of Halloween stores now occupy countless big box retail chains across the country. That's that's that I gave spirit of Halloween. ah They call it a fourth quarter in economics. um I feel I think we might want to here's the thing is is If we're platforming the idea of a Christmas genre off of a classic rom-com, which vampire kind of structure, I think we're going to need for that second act. Like what's all right. So you might, my, my, the easiest way for me to explain my, the way I think about first, second, and third acts is the first act is the poster.
00:58:35
Speaker
The second act is the trailer. The third act is how you talk about it with your friends later, right? So if you imagine the trailer for the film, it's ultimately to to sell the, to sell, to let people know like, wait a minute, this is something new. This isn't a romantic comedy. This is a Christmas movie. You're going to want that heavy in the trailer. So it feels like that second act has got to be we're on an island called Christmas and we are
00:59:04
Speaker
behaving Christmasy, right? So I feel like it's got to start as a clean real estate grab. It's got to start as a boardroom, your company versus my company, vampire versus which they get there. They don't just fall in love with each other. They fall in love with Christmas by having to behave in a way that is most Christmas. And all of those other things, all of those motivations are then why they have corporate back and all that stuff, it makes total sense. But I think we got to get there and it's just a, it starts with a real estate grab. And look, maybe with the vampires, if we're backloading the Santa reveal, and they realize they have access to every house in the world without having to be invited, maybe because of its exact location at the zero point on the globe, but it's
00:59:55
Speaker
24 hours of daylight, vampires can't go inside, but then it's 24 hours of night. So there's nowhere else in the world where it's dark for 24 straight hours. Just imagine the work we can get done. One, one additional thought about the witches sort of sort of, that's definitely the biggest question mark in this, the biggest fucking piece of shit that doesn't fucking work in this goddamn fucking nightmare. Fucking which shit would you guys have not been able to fucking explain to me? So please explain it. I think what the witches want or, or, or,
01:00:25
Speaker
the reveal of what the witches want, ultimately, in addition to perhaps extending Halloween, as Chris said. Witches in our world, and let's, I think witches in general, have a PR problem with children. Children constantly thinking witches are going to eat them. Stories are constantly about, oh, coming to my candy house, and I'm gonna bake you up and eat you.
01:00:55
Speaker
And children, children just do not vibe with witches. So this is a PR move where if we marry witches to Christmas. Now suddenly kids are like, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I didn't have the right idea about witches. And they're looking to to get this PR boost thanks to marrying their brand to Christmas.
01:01:26
Speaker
I was, I was thinking, I mean, look, maybe I'm thinking about this the wrong way. Uh, fraction, I, you can maybe, you know, Hey, feel free to give notes on this. Uh, this, you know, this is your world. Like I said, I desperately need this job. Uh, but I was thinking, you know, for the trailer, I thought it would be really good if we have like a Kurt Fuller type, uh, as the, as the guy who's kind of like, you know, talking to, um,
01:01:55
Speaker
Sydney Sweeney. And he's like, once we get Christmas Island, wouldn't, sorry, once we get an island called Christmas, we can get rid of Christmas and just make it Halloween for three months. And then he goes, Santa's right behind me, isn't he? Did you guys mute your mics? Would Santa then be right behind him?
01:02:24
Speaker
Yeah, and that's, that's when we reveal that like, sit like, Matt, did you mute? Cause you know, I, I, I think it's great. I think, I think it really great. laugh one I think it's, I think it's, I think it's, um, you know, it's going to work on, it's going to play on the page. You know, it's always so tough writing out loud in real time, but like, if you feel it, you see it, you sense it. Like I trust you, you're going to get it there across. You get it there in the draft and look, um, uh, I know he's dead, but like, uh, again, NDA, we uploaded Robert town into AI.
01:02:53
Speaker
So we're going to have AI Robert town do the punch up on this when we're done. Like don't worrypose this this this thing is going to be airtight when we're done. So we'll, we'll, we'll get there. We'll get there. so and Imagine a Kurt Fuller type saying it. Right. Right. i I mean, I think it's great, Chris. I really do. I think it's a ah great line. It has to happen before Santa goes into space, but I think that's fine. Yeah.
01:03:18
Speaker
ah so Then. does Austin Powers, what is the hero's journey? What is the power of his wound? What is Austin Powers' young vampire Elvis attorney at love? like What is his wound? what is the you know Luke Skywalker is a farm boy who wants to go to space. Citizen Kane is a young man that wants to be an old man. What is his What is his motivation? what what what is what Why do I give a fuck about Austin Powers in this movie? Here's the way I see it, Matt. Young Austin Powers, he's got it all, right? He's he' is a young CEO. He's he's got ah every luxury you could imagine. He's got everything in the world.
01:04:14
Speaker
But the one thing that's missing, the one hole in his life, the one thing that he simply cannot make work for him is love. He just can't find love. So let let's have a scene. We'll have a scene early on in the movie where like maybe we have a montage of him going on dates. Wait, doesn't he have a fiance that he's playing double doubles, doubles pickleball? Oh, that's right. He has a fiance, but they hate each other. So maybe we haven to each other we have a scene early on in the movie where they get into a big fight. Yeah. And look, maybe they break up after the pit, like he's so intense in the pickleball match, they break up, right? Like maybe it's not a fiance, but whoever it is, right? Like, okay, sure. we can like And also look, you're fucking crazy. If you think I'm going to spend $480 million, dollars
01:05:05
Speaker
on the world's first Christmas movie starring Austin Powers and Sweeney Todd, and I'm not gonna have him playing the fucking field, all right? People go to see movies because we wanna see Austin Powers with his shirt off. We wanna see the Elvis, the swagger, the fangs, the vampire, the sexy, the funny, the holiday, all of it, but also we wanna see him fuck.
01:05:23
Speaker
Absolutely. And i people love seeing Austin Powers fuck. It's in Robert McKee's story and it has been the guiding principle of this career. Let Austin Powers fuck. I feel like full penetration is really hot right now. ah and And I think we can get away with it once in a PG-13, right? Yeah. You can fuck once in a PG-13. Okay. the After the pickleball game, but before the big meeting,
01:05:51
Speaker
Austin Powers and his fiance go home and there's a really um tasteful but hot with penetration sex scene, right? And so we see that. But then after that... And it's and it to him and his fiance that he hates? Yeah. Okay. It's kind of like a hate hate sex situation. and and And she tells him as she's walking out the door afterward,
01:06:19
Speaker
I love you, or I love the way you fuck, but I don't love you. And she walks out. Yeah. And she's like, you're not going to do any of that vampire shit when my parents get here, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's it's all this kind of stuff. She walks out. That's also happening on Christmas day. She really used to really the fiance is the real witch of the story. Wow. Yeah. yeah it's It's subversive. And fellas, uh, uh, uh,
01:06:44
Speaker
I'm going to jump in right here because I got a fix and I'm going to save us all a whole lot of time. I'm going to make this movie a lot sexier. Okay. What if vampires don't have sex by putting thingies and hoo-has, but by Taking off the top, this is just this is the bad idea. This is the bad first idea. We'll workshop it in the room. We'll give it to the Robert Towney. I will figure it out. You know, we'll bring in some. We'll punch this up, whatever. But what if it is like, I'm going to touch my pointer finger to your nose.
01:07:19
Speaker
the tip of your nose and you're gonna touch your point of finger at the tip of my nose that's how vampires have quote unquote sex for vampires it's incredibly erotic so we get the idea that this is what we're doing but they're not doing it it won't affect the rating They can touch noses all they want. And it's not until he meets Sweeney Todd on the island called Christmas that he realizes, wait a minute, I can put my thingy in a hoo-ha. And then it's like, oh my gosh. Of course. Which which is fuck regular style? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. We see it. And big floppy naturals, all of it. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that that actually makes sense because we've already established that vampires need to be invited before they can come inside.
01:08:00
Speaker
um Obviously, capitals good the good it's a good. yeah That's good. That's very good. it Obviously, we need to only comes once a year. Yes, absolutely. And obviously, we need to save our one penetration for PG 13 for the for the start of the third act. like save it for the a Third act.
01:08:25
Speaker
or maybe the end of the second act? I don't know. Somewhere in there. That's kind of the all is lost moment. Yeah, traditionally, traditionally, it's the it's it would be sort of right before everything goes wrong, right? But again, I think I think if if so they have sex, and then there's some kind of problem that splits them apart after the second act, but now they're really longing for each other.
01:08:48
Speaker
Right? i I don't know. That's ah that's maybe we can move that around. So that's but he does. So we see he plays the pickleball game. Uh, Sid, Sid, Sydney. Sydney, Bristol. No, that's Dakota Johnson. Can she also never forget her? She's in she's in Monsieur Webb and ah the Council of webs. It's a They signed her for a three-picture deal. It's a whole thing. That sucks, because she's so she's always so excited to be there. She just brings energy to the set. you know you know and And here again, spoilers, NDA, but ah the big exciting thing is she's going to marry Craven. And now just imagine how hot that's going to be.
01:09:32
Speaker
i can't wait to see that penetration ah that was and now and now what we're seeing penetration we're not we're not really i mean we're just talking about under a sheet maybe ah you know a thrust we're see where we're we're going to get the idea that they're having
01:09:51
Speaker
I That said, maybe there's a European cut with 12 minutes of footage too hot for American audiences. I like can't that idea. You probably would get AI to do it, right? Oh my god, wait to you see guys, we just invented our first sub-genre, Christmas porno. Yeah, not only have we been in Christmas movies, now there's Christmas porno. Oh my god. That's tiny. If we make the porn version, then we also get that money. I thought that was cool. Yeah, that's two brink-strucks we're going to have backing into our driveways, guys.
01:10:21
Speaker
Look, let me finish, uh, I mean, my driveway, you guys are gonna, you know, you guys will get your guilt points and that'll build. oh Yes. It's funny. The monies are coming. That's all that matters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. i Sorry. Uh, let me just finish the scene about the fiance. So fiance leaves her ring on the, on the, on the table, walks out. I think it's very important that we have Austin powers then look down and, um, maybe he has on the wall, like hash marks.
01:10:52
Speaker
Um, and he'll say, that's my ninth, that was my ninth fiance. So we know he's just horribly unlucky in love. Well, so he's a vampire. Is he like old or is he like 25 and just, he has like, I guess two a year, fiances.
01:11:17
Speaker
I really feel like we're getting into the weeds here. yeah i' sorry sorry i don't know if that's a I don't know if that's a question this movie needs to answer. How about that? Why don't we just... Ah, you know what? Here it is. you know but again Again, let me take this D-cell battery and turn it into a delicious cake. The fight is, he comes to her apartment, she won't ask him in.
01:11:39
Speaker
That's how we set up for the audio. And that establishes the need. And right have to be invited in. She breaks up with him there in the doorway, gives him the ring back. He goes back to... you know He's like, can I at least come inside and we can talk with this? And she's like, absolutely not. No, no.
01:11:54
Speaker
No, you absolutely cannot. and And but when he goes home, what he does is is he she gives him the ring back, he goes back to his place, whatever his desk, probably his office, because we want to get to the office, we got to get to this boardroom scene. Yeah, yeah yeah got to get out of this fucking first act. I'm gonna kill myself. but So he goes to his desk, he's there before he opens up his desk drawer. And it's full of engagement rings. And he tosses another one in like, oh, like, and we get the idea like, oh, yeah, so As a vampire, he's 800, 900 years old. He's still sexy, Austin Powers, but also he's so unlucky in love. He has a whole desk drawer full of engagement rings for for weddings and fiances. It didn't work out. Right. And then we can just cleanly get into the meeting, set the stakes. at the pro We have the meeting. but never the but to meetings right as We're heading back and forth between the witch company and the vampire company.
01:12:41
Speaker
Maybe he's the one with the big crazy idea that then has to go prove himself. Cause that's the thing, if he's a guy that like, if he's a young up and comer, you know, we don't want to have them.
01:12:52
Speaker
two you know It's also fun, too, that like she's a sexy, fun girl boss, and he's like the junior guy who's trying to earn his bones. so she's po like What do these two have in common? Like a CEO dating a commoner? That's crazy. Yeah, right I like this. I like this. So that just sets it up. As he blurts it out, we should just buy the island, and then it turns out that that's his job, and he's the adiada. So that'll be how we get to that. So he also has like a mentor guy who's like been taking like credit for his great ideas. and like can i just say like Like a Kurt Fuller type, maybe. A Kurt Fuller type would be great for that role.
01:13:28
Speaker
I like it. I like it. Yeah. Maybe this, I mean, this really could be Kurt's clumps where, you know, we, uh, we back a Brinks truck ah up to Rick Baker's house and you know, it's, it's, it's, you know, Oh, that's a fun, I always love trailers when it's like, and you know,
01:13:44
Speaker
and Kurt, and Kurt, and Kurt, and Kurt, and Kurt. It could be like his clumps, or I don't know if you saw the movie Men, but it could be like in the movie Men.
01:13:57
Speaker
we're like I saw the sequel. I saw Children of Men.
Casting and Effects Discussion
01:14:01
Speaker
Oh, well, this is a different movie called Men, where the it's the one actor's face on a lot of different bodies like digitally put on there. I think we could get AI to do that. It would look great. And and it's just fullers all over the place. It's full of fullers. Yeah. No. It's fuller and And look, I don't want to...
01:14:24
Speaker
Listen, I think you either you either innovate or you imitate, I'm in the innovation business as clearly evidenced by this meeting. I don't want to do this, but like, look, fucking baby Yoda is really popular. Maybe one of them is a baby Kurt Fuller, just to, you know what I mean? Like just a little spin that could be like the real nasty one, right? That could be like the David Spade one. That could be a real zingy, you know, Ooh, that one's the real, you think he's cute, baby Kurt Fuller. No, no, that's the meanest Kurt Fuller.
01:14:51
Speaker
Wait, like he's a little baby, but he's like nasty? Yeah, a nasty baby. But he's a little baby? Fraction of dirt! Not like baby, baby, but like a baby. Yeah, but like capture it's like, I would not expect that at all. If there was like a little baby that was like, I don't know, like, yeah, mask yeah you know, I don't and it's ah it's, you know, the, um, the dancing baby from Ali McBeal hasn't worked in a long time, we'd be able to get that kid for a song and hey, look, then that there's another press, another, uh, uh, interest but point of interest story, really, you know, kind of in the PR is like, look, who's back? We've got this, you know, it's like when, uh, you know, Tarantino hires,
01:15:27
Speaker
somebody that you haven't seen him forever. And
Setting the Island of Christmas
01:15:29
Speaker
I was like, Oh my God, I love that guy. You know, I was the guy that hired the little monster from trilogy of terror that stabbed Karen Black in the ankles. I got that guy in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice because I knew like, I loved him. I loved the performance and I knew people were ready to see him again. I knew people were like, whatever happened to the little guy from trilogy of terror that stabbed Karen Black in the ankles. Guess what? He was waiting for the phone to ring for that Beetlejuice Beetlejuice money. Just so I know where we're at, like,
01:15:56
Speaker
like mechanically. Is that baby still a baby?
01:16:03
Speaker
and know mean i don' um You know what? Let Wikipedia figure that out, dude. I don't, you know, I can't, I don't even with this, uh, uh, I don't, you know, i ah right. ah ah Yeah, sorry. what What is this a Marvel movie? I'm sorry. I don't have a PhD in Marvelology. Don't tell anybody.
01:16:24
Speaker
Okay, so they go to the island. they it's ah It's a mad dash to the island called Christmas. I don't think they should know... quite i because i don't think they i think it's I think it's a dash. I don't know that they're racing each other yet because I think it's got to be... you know Look, we want to play up that meet cute thing again. They're both trying to check into the hotel at the same time. Yeah. and I think it's very important that we get a shot of them both arriving at the airport. Maybe they're on opposite ends of the airport. They arrive at ah Gates on the box again or a split screen, right? Yeah, and we get a split screen of them walking Yeah walking um like through the the terminal and Their windows they're walking through windowed hallways their windows on either side of them on what as she's walking out one window snow out the other window and
01:17:16
Speaker
blazing hot sun as he's walking out one window leaves on the ground out the other window uh blooming flowers cherry blossoms cherry blossoms yeah um so then we that's how we establish all four seasons happen concurrently on this island now do they happen concurrently or do they happen throughout the course of the day
01:17:45
Speaker
oh you know, I don't want to get into like the geography of, Oh, don't cross the street. There's snow town. And also look, it's, it's like, again, I don't, I don't want production concerns to drive creative, but like, it's going to be easier if we can just dress the sets, we can shoot all the summer stuff in a block, we can shoot all the spring stuff in a block rather than having all this stuff having to be done kind of concurrently. So I feel like if we build it into the premise that, you know, the first six hours of the day are
01:18:17
Speaker
Spring second summer third fall and then then it's winter. I feel like that would I Think it's gonna be more gettable, right? Okay, so it's always winter at night Yeah, so so okay Keeping that in mind and production concerns Maybe they just walk by um A chart on the wall that we get a good long shot of that shows the different parts of day that each season happens. Yeah, yeah, I just know that's some hitman talk. Yeah, you know, I think some some prominently placed clocks that are just, you know, 12 round clocks with the 12, you know, in the numbers in the circle, but that's divided into quadrants.
01:19:02
Speaker
that are color coded and that suggests, you know, or there's a little symbol, right? There's a, yeah, there's there's a blossom, there's a sun, there's a leaf, there's a snowman, whatever it is, we let everyone know. I think we'll be able to get that. I think the audience will kind of be ah with us at that point. I think they'll be following. and this is the because This is the thing, right? And this is the fun of like, you know, about ah when, when settings are really characters too is like, people are going to get to this island called Christmas and the audience is going to be like, Hey, wait a minute.
01:19:30
Speaker
of this island is not what you think it is. This is an island full of surprises. Yeah. So I
Santa's Death: A Global Impact?
01:19:39
Speaker
think we've got a shape of the first act. yeah What is it that brings our two characters together? Like what is the like,
01:19:51
Speaker
Well, they're going to need to find... Okay, so Santa... Let me back up and ask kind of a mythos question, and I know that this contradicts everything that I just said, but I gotta know, in excruciating detail, does the world know that Santa has died? Or is it a kind of need to know thing? Because it also seems like if we've killed Santa in this catastrophe in our cold open, wouldn't the world be in a period of mourning?
01:20:22
Speaker
I think everybody knows, I think it's been on the news. The question is what that means as far as ownership of christmas of the island called Christmas. So part of the mission to go there is a fact finding mission to look through the the the the bylaws and the establishing documents of the island called Christmas to see what it actually says about own ownership and transfer thereof. So it's kind of a national treasure. Yes. and Yes. we're We're kind of going to do in that dress. Okay,
Vault and Treasure Hunt
01:21:03
Speaker
but why would the
01:21:07
Speaker
bylaws of the island called Christmas be written on the back of the US Constitution. I'm sure we can get there, but we just need it clean and gettable and I just don't want to have somebody have to explain it. It's specifically the copy of the US Constitution that is on the island that is in a fortress with um a laser grid. So we're definitely going to get a sequence of Sweeney Todd and Austin Powers maneuvering through the laser grid. Oh, you know, and that could be like a sexy kind of Cirque du Soleil contortion thing where they ask the kind of, that's interesting. That's fun. That's hot. I've not seen that. We maybe just shoot like a couple of different versions of this for various markets. But I think we could establish that an island called Christmas was like a US protectorate. And then obviously, like, for the Chinese release, it'll be like a like a Chinese protectorate. And um wait a minute, wait a minute. Oh, my God, what? ah
01:22:03
Speaker
Guys it's like i forgot that synergy is my middle name it's not written on the back of the copy of the constitution that's in the vault it's written on the back of santa's personal copy of the national treasure national treasure to blu ray combo to pack. Perfect perfect perfect it's his favorite movie so he checks it twice.
01:22:26
Speaker
right And maybe that's why he, you know, stages his death is he wants to go on a, you know, that's really what he wants to do is I love, I love, he wants to go be, you know, he wants to go have adventures or whatever. i mean And he's like, who like but the person who I will sell the rights to an island called Christmas to is the person who can find my greatest treasure. Oh, oh, I got it. Okay, guys, I got it.
01:22:58
Speaker
They arrive on the island. ah They're in staunch... At first, they don't know each other is there. but love i call I call him Matt of the Closer Wilson. They arrive at the hotel. They realize that they're both on the island at the same time. right that they They have a tense meeting at the front desk of the hotel.
01:23:19
Speaker
They go to their their separate rooms. They secretly arrange to ask around town to find where to go to this discover this National Treasure Blu-ray combo, right? so So we get a little montage of them out and about on the island talking to locals about what they have to do. And they're both kind of working apart from each other against each other.
01:23:47
Speaker
Then, at the same time, they arrive at this giant vault, super secure building, Santa's vault, on the island, at the exact center of the island, at the exact midpoint of Earth. And they realize, as they both try to get into the vault, that they have to work together. No
Character Growth and Island Mysteries
01:24:12
Speaker
single person can get through all the vault's puzzles and contraptions to get to the National Treasure double Blu-ray set. They have to work together to do this. And as they start to work together, and he realizes that she's not like other girls and she knows how to do things that other girls might not know how to do, and that he's got like a little bit of a weird perspective on the world, this is when they start to really fall in love.
01:24:45
Speaker
Yeah, I think the thing that I was feeling, I think that's right. I think that's all right. The thing that I was missing, like I said, if the second act is the trailer, right, the second act is the promise of the premise, you know, and what we got to see is these two young professional driven, intense, sexy vampires and witches having to learn like this is our fishes out of water, right? Like, Oh, I thought this was just a real estate deal. It turns out it's a lot more complicated. So we got to now see these two realize that the people and on the other live and the on on this island called Christmas. like We have to adopt to their ways, right? So we got to see the fun of them learning on their own.
01:25:33
Speaker
what it means to be Christmas. And it's tough for us to conceive of, because again, there's never been a Christmas movie before. Yeah, maybe, maybe more than a montage. I think you're right. But I think you're absolutely right. I think that's the big step is that's that's the first half of the second act is is exactly what you just said, right? Like we're, we watch them learning, learning the rules, learning the ropes, exploring, learning about the island, but also having to learn about their own you know, Christmas ah deficiencies, right? ah Building up to encountering each other, reestablishing the intensity and all of that stuff, but also, you know, what they're gonna have to learn what it what this what it means to be in a Christmas movie apart, and they're gonna have to learn what it means to be in a Christmas movie together. Yeah. And so after they secure the Blu-ray set, now they're working together. Now they have a ah shared
01:26:28
Speaker
Adoration for each other admiration for each other respect and also now absolute true love and They are working together, but we end the second act with them both getting phone calls from for her from the board him from his boss where they're told that somebody's been watching them and seeing them work together and that if they are seen together again on the island. Fraternizing they are both fired and who's who's seen this.
01:27:06
Speaker
who Who's spying on them? that yeah That we can establish. I guess we could just have some scenes of like a Kurt Fuller type maybe. I was thinking maybe a Kurt Fuller type for that role. Like who's been assigned to like follow them around or maybe there are two of them and so their kid like kind of bumble um and and be so comic relief. Fellas, the answer, we've already solved this problem. We started with the solution and then we invented the problem.
01:27:34
Speaker
This is how we reveal it's multiple Kurt fullers. Yes. Yes. First you think, wow, they both love that guy works for both of them. That's really strange that he he's a Kurt Fuller is is her kind of assistant and his kind of assistant. How strange is that? And then you realize, no, guys, it's two Kurt Fuller's dummies. That's the twist. That's a reveal is guess what? There's a lot
Maintaining the Christmas Theme
01:27:54
Speaker
of Kurt Fuller's. One of them is somehow a baby.
01:27:57
Speaker
and and so so Throughout the movie, we think he's their assistants, but then it turns out he's a corporate spy who is feeding information back to the the the the people in New York. Frankenstein's.
01:28:17
Speaker
It might be dinosaur in a spaceship territory, I don't know. Been introducing Frankenstein's in the second act, makes me think now we gotta see witches and vampires fight Frankenstein's. I mean, which is, I mean, it sounds great, but is that Christmas?
01:28:30
Speaker
I mean, look, I feel like if this one, you know. But it's also, you know, we want to play into the expectations, but we want to, we want to, we want to, we want to deliver on expectations, but we also want to want to, you know, juke around a couple. Right. And I just, I guess I'm wondering, like, I'm losing the, listen, this is a great rom-com. I am losing the crispness. Right. This feels like, this feels like we've blended too much. It feels like the cake is turning back into a diesel battery. Like how do we get the Christmas? We get them to the Island. We're on an Island called Christmas. Everything is Christmas.
01:29:04
Speaker
ah Seasons a year, night and day, yada, yada, but like what it now we're here. what is I guess what I'm saying is, as our characters are going to be learning what it means to really embrace the spirit of Christmas, we're going to be needing to teach the audience at the same time.
01:29:27
Speaker
So I guess this is really what I'm, this is now the tricky part, like that first, the first act, like, look, there's some Christmas there, but it doesn't really, it's not a Christmas movie. I mean, this is clearly ah a ah terse John Grisham legal thriller about land rights in in in in uncontested international waters. Where do we, ah now we're here, I think it's gotta be more than just, we're on a, We're in a place named with the word Christmas in it and there's there's people wearing, you know, Santa hats. like what is What makes this second act Christmas? What does okay it mean to make if we're going to make a movie? We're really inventing the Christmas genre. What does that mean? What are the what's the themes? what the what are the What are the symbols? What's the shorthand? What are the tropes? like We can invent all this stuff in the second act. To take it back to the well a little bit, what if instead of Frankenstein's,
01:30:22
Speaker
the reveal of the the shady overseers of this whole thing. Elves. That's it. That's it. No, that's it. That's it. That's it. And also everyone knows elves work for vampires. Elves work for witches. Yeah. Right. We wouldn't, we wouldn't tweak as an audience. Even, I mean, maybe the smartest, smartest, you know, maybe like a big Christopher Nolan fan would see this coming, but nobody would be like, Oh my God, all the elves are together. Right? like no one your average Jane and Joe popcorn bucket, they're not gonna be fucking stepping this out six beats ahead. People don't go to movies for that, right? But but that'll be our Nolan-esque twist is like, oh, the elves are the real villains, right? Yeah.
Elf Conspiracy Unveiled
01:31:07
Speaker
Yeah. And they're secretly the boards or on the boards of both the vampire and witch companies.
01:31:19
Speaker
Sure, but we just think they're elves, right? They're just ubiquitous. You don't even see that they're... Right. And I think too that that's the... um that's the ah that's the That's the thing is... is is I think we're we kind of can recalibrate Santa a little bit. But Santa is maybe sabotaged by the elves, right? The elves or the reveal that they're the big bad guys, the elves. And Santa has realized this, but he realized, oh my god, if it's the elves, they're all in it together. it's there it's It's a huge conspiracy. I have to lie low. So maybe he didn't stage his own death, but he realized, I need to hide out.
01:31:51
Speaker
Until this kind of gets you know this is too dangerous for me to emerge we can still get to where we want him to go but maybe his motivation wasn't i'm gonna stage my death but rather no i'm gonna go to space and have moon christmas but this terrible accident happens turns out wasn't an accident sabotage the elves. Okay alright i like this i like this this this this is the track this is all this is airtight so far i love it great i like this because it's very reminiscent of like a seventies political thriller like um.
01:32:20
Speaker
I mean, the only one of those I've ever seen is Captain America Civil War, but it's very much like that vibe of that 70s political thriller. Yeah, no, look, I have always said that if Parallax View took place at Christmas, it would be the top-grossing film of all time. Everyone knows this. It's, it's astonishing that... no like But and Beatty, like, look, you you give those guys notes at that time? No, they weren't here. and They didn't want to hear it. They set the fucking movie in November. They still didn't couldn't hear it. It's like, right there, guys, it's right there. It's right there. They didn't want to do it.
Eco-Friendly Christmas Traditions
01:32:51
Speaker
So I think, okay, so we're to the end of the second act. They've been told, well, give me, let's get some, give me some Christmas in the second act. Give me some like trailer pops of like, what does it mean to learn? What is, what does it mean to be, to live on the Island called Christmas? What does it mean to make Christmas a lifestyle and also a cinematic genre sledding sleds? Yes. They go sledding. Um, they, they could chop down a tree.
01:33:22
Speaker
and then like decorate it? Am I being too literal? We have a corporate initiative to have a negative carbon footprint by 2028. I would want to be really careful around any kind of... like If they chop a tree down, as long as we show that they planted 10 to replace it, I think we could probably get it by, but it's just a thing to watch. It might be a little bit of a corporate landmine we could step on. so Um, here's a thought. Also, what are they doing to be carbon positive? How can we get that messaging in here? we I mean, look, we can add that. We can use AI to add that in later.
01:34:07
Speaker
Okay. But as long as it's a re-Christmas and carbon positive, that's okay. All right. I think we could see them cutting down Christmas trees, and then as they leave with their Christmas tree, we see some some people who live on the island coming in and planting more trees in their place. Oh, oh yeah yes and yes, and because that's how you do it in a writer's room is, yes, and is it it's not trees, no, but they're leaves.
01:34:36
Speaker
They have Christmas wreaths. We get the planting and all of that. But we don't, because cause where do wreaths come from? Nobody knows. But we just see them like walking with the wreaths, or they at the wreath store, or a lot, or whatever. we So we don't have to get with, you know, it's not farm to table wreathing, we just see them with wreaths and that's the thing. Which also makes sense because they'll be staying in a hotel, probably impractical to put it, but but we can get all that stuff as background, but really all we do is we see them with Christmas wreaths. And also this is the origin of wreaths, which everyone has been wondering about.
01:35:05
Speaker
And but we'll give them the answer. Like, everyone's always asking, where do wreaths come from? And then we give, we're doing that. We're giving them that. ah They've got to have a scene at the beach because there's got, during the summer part of the day, right? And um maybe they surf, but the surfboards are candy canes. We, I mean, we want to see, we want to see Austin.
01:35:31
Speaker
We want to see Austin in those little Daniel Craig, James Bond trunks. Well,
Character Vulnerabilities and Relationship
01:35:36
Speaker
like here's here's the problem, and I don't mean to waste you on your own petards, gentlemen, but if he's a vampire, how is he going to go out in the summer day? Oh, because it's it's summer at night. But also, um he's got um he's got like a special sunscreen that he can put... We'll establish early on in the movie that he can put on a special sunscreen that keeps him from burning in the sun.
01:36:02
Speaker
Hmm even sexier does Sweeney Todd Help him put it on. Yeah. Yes. I can't reach my back Yeah, yeah, and maybe that's the first time she's like she's like I thought you vampires Were so self-reliant and then he's like no we're actually kind of vulnerable and
01:36:27
Speaker
Yeah, i would expect I would expect a girl boss like you to think that. i Well, i I think he should just tell her. You don't know what it's like to have any kind of vulnerability. You're too much of a boss. I love the thing I'm really missing here is his vulnerability. I'm missing what his wound is and what his pain is. How are we going to know that this guy isn't like the other guys, that he is a sensitive bad boy? I think it would be really- Because all he wants to do is go inside a house, right? Like that's- Yeah.
01:36:50
Speaker
you know maybe even Like maybe even like they're, you know, sitting by the fireside and sipping hot cocoa and he's got all these pictures ah from his youth. And she's like, why are you outside in all these pictures? And he's like, oh, cause no one would ever invite me in. Yeah. I also think it would be really great to do murders. I also think it would be really crazy, sexy, cool if he were to were to, just like, if she were to say, like, I thought your vampires were all, like, totally self-reliant. And then he mysteriously, at first he just mysteriously says, there's a lot about me you don't know. That's good. That's good. Yeah. ah That's because that's mysterious and people love that mystery. i Yeah, I think he should have a little bit of an era of mystery to him.
01:37:41
Speaker
um And then there'll be one big scene where he really opens up. And this is where I think the real Christmas is gonna come in. I think there will be one scene in the second act um where they're told that it is a tradition on the island called Christmas um ah at the crack of dawn on Christmas Eve to go to church. And so they will go to church and they will hear the entire biblical Christmas story. Hang on, I just wanna finish, I just wanna write this note.
01:38:11
Speaker
at the dawn of Christmas Eve. and So like, 730. Do we have the rights to the Book of Luke? ah Public domain. um and I do again want to be careful and make this the most appealing. You know, I think we might want to, you know, maybe on Christmas Island, the religion is Christmas. Yeah, yeah also too, because like let's be honest, then we can make up our own.
01:38:41
Speaker
religion then we could actually make our own Christmas Bibles and sell those. That'll be very successful. i want i want to i want to i don't Listen, you should never call the logic cops to stop the fun train. and We're having a good time here. The ideas are popping. I'm really satisfied with how we're how cranking. But if she's a witch and he's a naughty nighttime surfer,
01:39:05
Speaker
How is she going to get into the water? Water kills witches. Also not for anything. Snow? She is just really cold water. she ah We put her on a broom. She's like surfing on her broom. He's on a candy cane. She's on the broom. and And then it's like, oh, we're not so different, you and I. we We each have our weaknesses. Oh, you know what? To show that we are um equal and it just as invested in the female gaze as we are in the male gaze, we get Austin Powers getting into his sexy surfing trunks. We get that whole scene. We get the oil and all that. And then we think we're getting ready. Okay, now here comes the, the here comes the Sweeney Todd reveal and here she comes and she steps out of whatever her room, her changing tent.
Vampires and Lore Play
01:39:54
Speaker
But because she's a witch and she can't touch water, she's wrapped head to toe in a wetsuit. I like it. I like it. So, subverting expectations, right? Yeah.
01:40:06
Speaker
do do we Do we think that Sweeney Todd is gonna be okay with being green? Are we married to her having to be green? How else are we gonna know she's a witch? Oh, that's a great point. I mean, hopefully it'll be fine. Hopefully she'll be okay with b but being green. Yeah, I mean, look, it's all, yeah yeah, it's all post. She doesn't have to, of course, yeah.
01:40:32
Speaker
Um, just as long as it's a solid, you know, like tempera paint green with no gradation or variation, it just looks like she's, it'll look like she's been painted green. It'll be great. It'll be perfect. It's just going to say to people movie, which, you know? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Oh, wait a second. What about this? Oh, oh. So they go to surf the wetsuit, the everything, but then guess what? It moves. it's It's suddenly nine Oh one.
01:41:02
Speaker
It's not fall anymore. It's winter. The ocean immediately freezes up. We have to invent ice surfing together. And now we're both fishes out of water, literally out of water, because we're on top of the water. And it slips. And it's fun cute. And, you know, they're having to learn how to do this. They've never done it before. It's very fun. I think it's great. Okay. So we get a good, right? Then maybe they're like back to like a ah chateau, they're getting some kind of like hot Cocoa, you know kind of I guess that's kind of Christmasy right warm drinks and yeah Yeah, and that's where we can get like the the the reason the trees and the the decorating right decorating is a thing Yeah decorating is definitely a thing and and I think but maybe the hotel is like very very decorated up and And you know what the hotel is called? The come on in
01:41:57
Speaker
In and so he never has to we don't have we can get through that logic loop of oh how does he always get it? Someone always has to know it's called to come on in. It's right there in the word. You're invited place Where he can in really is yeah. Yeah, yeah you can just come inside anytime he wants to Wow, I mean look I know we were trying to make some st streamium cut Enter enter content, but like that chills like that really that's kind of like That's that movie magic that I'm here for, you know? yeah you know mean Listen, great art always entertains, but it never elevates. And that's what we have a chance to do here is elevate people a little bit. I thought I thought you were saying that was like a rule that like we weren't allowed to elevate. Yeah, I mean, I'd have to.
01:42:45
Speaker
Look, I don't, maybe it's a guild thing. I don't know. I'd have to check, but I don't know. Hey, we're not, we're not in the guild. So oh it didn't matter. Yeah. No rules. No rules here. yeah Just right. We're living moss fellas. Absolutely. Uh, okay. So, so now are we going, are we getting into the third act? Oh, I just want to make sure I understand what the crisis point there is at the end of we like, like we're, yes, we got there with through it too busy falling in love. We get a real Kurt Fuller type.
01:43:14
Speaker
to be one of the elves. All of the elves. And his bids in. He gets his bid in to buy an island called Christmas. But also they are told by the elves who were working within their own companies that they are no longer allowed to associate with one another. Or as I said, they're both immediately fired from their jobs. Right. and this is the And this is after their magical night where he realizes, oh, that's the thing is like, you know,
01:43:44
Speaker
We have this really beautiful scene where she's a girl boss and and empowered
Climactic Battle with Elves
01:43:49
Speaker
and empowering and it's positive female sexuality and she's ready. Sweeney Todd is there like, i've tim that you know let's I want to go all the way with you. And he's like, well, I want to go all the way with you. And she says, why don't you come on in? And he touches her nose and she's like, Oh, honey. So it's after they've had their first night of thingy, who has sex.
01:44:14
Speaker
He's discovered a whole new world of of pleasure and female empowerment. and And then they get this. So they not only they not only are they have they fallen in love, but they fallen into fuck. And now the word comes through. Oh, my God, you idiots. The elves have beat us to the bid for the island called Christmas.
01:44:35
Speaker
It's his first time having regular sex. Yeah, yeah sir yeah so theres about any other kind of sex to him. It's the nose touch or whatever we ended up being that whatever it is, is is the he doesn't even know that genitals are involved. He thinks that's just where P comes from. And that P is stored in the balls. Right, right, right, right, right. And so and so he gets up, and he's like, Oh, no. Yeah, whatever the Robert town AI decides is vampire sex. That's fine. I just I just wanted to get that in there. Chris, you were saying? So did he, Matt.
01:45:14
Speaker
I'm sorry, I think the stream cut out there, you guys still there? are I mean, I'm sorry, I think I had took a call and missed something. No, okay. They wake up, okay, so they have their night where he learns what non-vampire sex is. They wake up the next morning, both of their phones ring simultaneously, right?
01:45:35
Speaker
they turn to each other and they both say, at the same time, I have to take this. So he like goes into the bathroom, she goes out into the hallway and this is when they get the phone call of, yeah, you idiots that the elves have put in their bed. Right. Can we have him go out into the hallway instead? Can we, can we reverse that? Sure. I sure that's fine. I just feel like that'll be a better opportunity for us to get his hog out.
01:46:06
Speaker
Oh, we're not getting a hog in a PG-13 movie. If we do it tastefully, I think we can. Maybe we could see the shadow of it. yeah i like He doesn't have to be, like, fully... How about this, like, ah like he's in a bath towel, like, I can give you cum gutters, but no dong. All right, all right, yeah, that works. Like the D'Angelo How Does It Feel video? Yeah, exactly, exactly. A universal cinematic trope. Yeah, yeah.
01:46:36
Speaker
la angel angela Maybe, maybe also, and like this will be a directorial note. I don't want to give notes to a director, especially when we don't even have a director. But here's how they'll shoot that scene. We go back to that brilliant idea you had earlier of the dual passages through the airport where it's suddenly the two of them and they're doing the same thing again, but we get the idea that they're both doing the same things, but in their separate worlds again, they're no longer together. Yeah. Yeah, do like the same kind of split screen like a D'Angelo meets Soderbergh. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
01:47:07
Speaker
And so be maybe he's a great, he, I'm going to put him on my name of, uh, my director's list. I think that's a really great, I mean, we could just get AI to do it. I mean, ah we've, we've discussed Soderbergh. We've said Nolan, and I think D'Angelo Soderbergh. I'm gonna get that hack. I'm gonna have a D'Angelo. Oh, okay. To direct. Yeah.
01:47:24
Speaker
yeah yeah Okay, yeah, I mean, ah right, ah right, duh, duh, right. um So he's probably he's probably booked, I'm sure he's busy, we'll figure it out. So even though ah so third act begins, have a moment, like he starts walking down the hallway.
01:47:44
Speaker
to to to to leave because he's been told he had he he if he talks to her again, she gets fired or he gets fired. She comes out into the hallway. She sees him leaving. She says, stop, stop. We've gone this far together. We can't let it all fall apart now. We just have to be really careful, and and we can still pull this thing out. And so now, third act, they are off the grid.
01:48:14
Speaker
what once again, we got those 70s political thriller vibes where they go off the grid. Yeah. um to d Which I get in every 70s movie. So traditionally,
01:48:27
Speaker
and i listen, inventing a genre like a movie about Christmas is so hard. It's so hard. I am going to have earned my three month vacation that I'm leaving on and once tonight because my God, I just can't with this. But Traditionally, you go off the grid, you then are using the old school analog ways. right like It's your sort of rocky three training montage of like the super high tech gym versus you know beating up cows and
01:49:07
Speaker
Russia or whatever. right Like what is, how do these how does our sexy witch our sexy girl boss witch, our sexually empowered girl boss witch and Austin Powers punch cows in Siberia to learn how to love Christmas? What does that look like? So they've gotten to know the people of the island, right? We've we've seen them learn the ways of the island, get to know the people of the island. So now they rely on the network of people that they've gotten to know on the island.
01:49:45
Speaker
the end, the owner of the end, the shock keeper, the local mayor. the So it's like a Christmas wicker man. Everybody on the island's a character that has something to contribute to the pelt to the story. Yes. And so now they are working with the people of the island. they The people of the island have grown to love them. And they're like, if we were if anybody was going to own this island, we would want it to be you.
01:50:11
Speaker
And so they all work together now right to bring down the Elf Cabal. So i guess I guess this is a thing I'm tripping on. And this might just be because I'm conflating the North Pole with an island called Christmas. Not everyone that lives on this island is elves, right? None of them are.
01:50:36
Speaker
These are just these are people just normal people. Yeah, like an ethnically diverse. Oh, of course. Of course without goes without saying okay, you know, it would be great. There's like a game. There's probably a gay in there somewhere, right? Like this is going to be a diverse. This is the world we live in people, right? This isn't woke. This is just being alive. I think on like there's a main street.
01:50:57
Speaker
Yeah. um And there's one gay bar. And so the the owner of the gay bar is like in with ah the people in every like town group scene, ah for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. what's And what's the gay bar called?
01:51:13
Speaker
um Peppermint. aye ah We can workshop. will you That's just the first thought. ah but Obviously we can hot chocolate.
01:51:26
Speaker
hu Hmm. Now, is it? po Oh, that's, you know, it is because you said hot chocolate, I thought, Oh, that's great. We'll get maybe like a Terry Crews, Michael P. Jordan, like, you know, sexy, but also then, like, I started to wonder, Oh, but Kurt Fuller would be great in that role. What if it was mean could we delicately color correct Kurt Fuller?
01:51:53
Speaker
And then as I go, gosh, then they're going to have to deal with the woke police. So like, I thought, you know what it is? No, your hot toddy is the solution. And then and then and then and then and that's critical. His name is Todd. That his name is Todd. Of course. Of course. Of course. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Planning Sequels and Spin-offs
01:52:07
Speaker
Okay. All right. I just I just these like I said, these landmines we're going to this is all producer stuff. You guys aren't going to have to deal with this. These are fights I'm going to have to deal with. But every bit of ammo you can give for me to go in there and shut these guys down is just gonna make everyone's life easier. Of course, yeah. Especially because i I need a draft by tomorrow, so this is great. I love that we're getting Kurt Fuller in there again. Do you know who I think would be really great to play like at least one, if not all of the the like people of the town? Kurt Fullist. Honestly, I was thinking Richard Kind. Richard Kind.
01:52:45
Speaker
He's kind of a kerfooler type. Can you get me again? This is not the kind of language I'm going to have used in this room. I will not have these kind of things set out loud. I will not foster or create a workplace environment where these kinds of things are fucking expressed by people who work for me. But who's the fuckable Richard richard Kind? timing For me, it's Richard Kind. Like, I don't, I mean... John Mulaney?
01:53:14
Speaker
but same yeah Bingo. Bingo. Yep. Yep. You nailed it. you Slam dunk. Slam dunk. you Home run. Grand slam. Touchdown. What do they call it in pickleball? You just won a pickleball. You got it. Nailed it. Yup. Mulaney. Love it. If his next stand up special is not called the fuckable Richard Kine.
01:53:42
Speaker
Then what are we doing? More like Richard kind of fuckable. Okay. So they, they, they get together with the people of the island and elf invasion is imminent. There is an elf force surrounding the island to come in and take over and they're obviously going to have to set a lot of low tech
01:54:09
Speaker
Gorilla style, but not incredibly violent, sort of Christmas themed traps all over the island to stop the elf invasion in time for Santa to arrive and start stop at all. A sort of san Santa Ex Machina, if you will. um but Wait a second, wait a second. And here's here's the piece of the myth.
01:54:37
Speaker
Is that elves are blends of vampires and witches. They can only be killed with a wet candy cane stabbed into the heart, which granted would kill anyone. Yeah, but it especially kills Christmas demons like elves.
01:54:56
Speaker
Vampires and witches right the water witches can't do water the heart Vampires can't do heart the candy cane the Christmas that answers does check all those boxes. This also gives us an opportunity Another big reason for this vampire witch union between our leads is so that they can have children who will start a new line of good, not corrupt elves. Because what we're going to learn is that the elves have been corrupted over time. Right. Right. Oh, oh, okay. Because yeah, um yeah I know what it is. I know what it is. I know what it is. ah ah Because reindeers eat elves. Oh, so they've, they've, they've grown bitter. Yeah. Yeah. We're tired of being your slave labor and your food. Yeah.
01:55:50
Speaker
But that then when Santa comes, it's not just Santa, it's Santa and the boys. you know And look, we'll get we'll get someone, we'll get a really great contemporary cover of the boys are back in town. you know So the reindeers can, you know so we also, like look, it's a Christmas movie, you know not not not not die hard, not an action thing. We don't wanna get into a lot of handto- hand to hand, we don't turn into like ah like an Alex, it's not John Wick with candy canes at the end. I mean, unless that's a Christmas movie, I don't know, because we're inventing it here.
01:56:20
Speaker
But it feels like, oh, if we could just take care of like the volume of elf menace, and that'd be fun too if like there's a zillion elves and then the reindeer show up. And then later when, ah you know, after the big bed, after it's all defeated and right as we go outside and all the reindeer, you know what they are? They all have really big tummies and they're all laying on their bellies like, oh, I ate too much. Oh, and they're burping. That's Christmasy.
01:56:46
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. yeah okay and What if we get like Kurt Fuller is like the lead elf and he's like, I'm never gonna get eaten. I'm sick of elves being eaten by reindeers. And then he's like, they're right behind me, aren't they?
01:57:00
Speaker
that That's good. Love it. I love a callback. I love a callback. Love it. People are not tired of that. We could we could fit that in like three or four times in this movie. And and the the reindeer are going to be right behind him, right? Oh yeah, yeah. No, then he he is immediately devoured. i just Because you have to you you know you you have to deliver yeah have to deliver on the promise of that premise.
01:57:26
Speaker
I do think I do think it's probably important at the end when
Studio Notes and Cultural Integration
01:57:30
Speaker
Santa returns and says these two I've seen them fall in love because I see ah everyone. ah These two are going to start a whole new.
01:57:42
Speaker
line of elves that won't be corrupted and won't be, uh, evil like these other elves, but also and not like the, and they're definitely not evil like elf on a shelf, but these kinds of elves, you could definitely buy and put in your children's room and they wouldn't be bad. They won't, they aren't cops. And then, and then we, and then and we get to get the marketing side in here, then fuller on the mantle.
01:58:12
Speaker
happens and fellas, we're billionaires. Okay. I just wanted to say, I think so Santa needs to say at the end of the movie that reindeer don't eat elves anymore. Reindeer don't eat elves anymore because they only eat bad elves. Because you want to know why? It's what the cute kid on the island wanted for Christmas. Yes. Yes. Who plays the cute kid? John Mulaney. he he We de-age him. We can get a hive to do that. Yeah.
01:58:44
Speaker
And it always looks so good when they de-age somebody. I think everybody in this movie is going to be de-aged. I mean, even dealing with perfect young specimen. She's going to look like a weird porcelain fetus when they're done. It's going to be so good. i do think it's good It just makes everything look so much more natural and and alive. David Cross, we are going to age up.
01:59:08
Speaker
But then everybody else. sure sure yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i We want David Cross to look like he picked the wrong holy grail.
01:59:18
Speaker
I like it. I like it. Again, na it's it's a sec you know secular, not sacred, so not literally a holy grail. right yeah you right i just ah metaphor Metaphorically, that was more of a... Do we have the rights to the holy grail?
01:59:34
Speaker
I mean, it's with Disney. So who who who knows? Yeah. Um, I think Oh, oh no you know what it is. You know what it is. When they when they when Santa comes back and then we reveal Santa's alive, like, oh my gosh, he looks so much older. You know what you know what it is. I forgot to bring my sunscreen. Oh, that's good. That's a good, ah like laugh line to end on um freeze frame.
02:00:02
Speaker
credits, title card, I guess title card. um And then... i Can Austin Butler or Sydney Sweeney rap? present for what we're For what we're paying them, they're gonna learn. I would i would love to get like one of those, like ah someone raps the plot of the movie, like closing credit songs, if we could do that. Like that's, I think that should come back and I would love to get if we could get those cars
02:00:32
Speaker
yeah of the film to do it i think that would be great yeah know it's been it's been it's america's ready for another ah adams family wrap for sure you know i do yeah i do think um The song needs to include um some kind of joke about how there's the word rap for the music and then there's rap, like rapping presence. Right, it's Christmas rap, W-R-A-P. Yeah, yeah.
02:01:03
Speaker
Well, I think I think we've got a pretty good shape of what the movie is. Now there there yeah there there's this kind of key critical step. And again, if if you would open up that pile of studio notes, yeah, yeah you will find in there ah things that various people feel are missing or want to see incorporated somehow. So it's not going to be accepted to go through that that those notes and see how we can address them in this rough skeleton of a structure that you're going to turn into a 94 page screenplay for me by tomorrow.
02:01:32
Speaker
Yeah. None of those notes might be that this podcast is two hours long. Yeah. That's the process. That's the process. Luckily, they're like, Merry Christmas from us. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Your gift isn't short enough. Come on. Luckily, there are only a few in here. I mean, actually, there are a lot, but I'm only going to read a few because I think only if you really speak to what our movie is.
02:02:02
Speaker
So this one is from David L. It just says, Christmas ghosts.
02:02:07
Speaker
oh of what ah post Post credits. Post credits, we reveal ghosts. Because we've already got witches. We've already got we've already got vampires. Yeah, and and you know what? That's how we let the kids know. Don't worry, Kurt. Kurt Fuller is going to be back in the next one. Yeah, yeah. OK, all right, done. Check. OK, DT Beast. This note is from DT Beast. Main love interest is secretly dead the whole time. i think i He's obviously dead. He's a vampire. He's undead. Does that count? I mean, I think we can get there. Okay. Vampires are undead, so so I think we're okay with that.
02:02:42
Speaker
um David L. ah This is another one from David L. But I see that we've already solved some of these things, which is great. David L. That's good. That's good. Just keep it. It'll keep us sharp too. You know, there's an important business deal for ludicrous reasons that must be completed by Christmas Eve. We've got it. We've got it. Yeah. I mean, i would like guys that's like like that's like the executive who says like, Hey, I think it should be a movie. Yeah, no shit. Yeah. Um, this one, um, dumbass.
02:03:13
Speaker
This one um just says, holiday decorations brought to life. That's from ba Barely Sushi. I did some fun with those wreaths, you know, and also too, look, we can animatronic, that's toyetic, right? Maybe the wreaths do a little dance. Maybe that's how you know you're feeling, the Christmas spirit is the wreaths start to like ah undulate sexily, but also in a Christmas way. Maybe in some of the scenes in the hotel,
02:03:36
Speaker
like We see the the various decorations in the hotel like talking to our leads, walking around in the background, um having a cup of cocoa. yeah can we have Could we have the wreath have like two pine cones and then a sprig of mistletoe and like at one point someone's like, that's the wreath's hog? You know what I think we could do is have the two pine cones in the mistletoe on some wreaths and then two bows kind of up high on other wreaths and you'll know oh that's a boy wreath and that's a girl wreath. That's good. but Okay. ah Stone Cold HCC. This is a note from Stone Cold HCC. um Every character is a centaur, but they never explain it. You know, i it's Dinosaur in a Spaceship, dude. You know, where were you two hours ago when we were inventing a genre? I mean, the the box of studio notes has been here the whole time, but I understand. I understand.
02:04:29
Speaker
Yeah, you know, that's a, that's a, uh, I don't think what, uh, you know, uh, John Mulaney PSM tar. Like all the people on the island. Oh my God. Oh shit. Guys. Fuck. Yeah. Sometimes I forget how smart I am.
02:04:50
Speaker
ah The reindeers are centaur. They're not reindeers. I don't want just the voices of famous people to come out of these reindeers' mouths. I want to see their beautiful Hollywood star faces. to or So the reindeers are centaurs that we cast with famous, recognizable, visible actors. And also we're going to see them eat elves. Yes. It's not quite a centaur in the traditional sense, but what if they were reindeers, but instead of having like the centaur torso, just the heads were human heads.
02:05:20
Speaker
Reindeer body, human head. Interesting. With antlers. Oh, yeah they gotta have antlers. They gotta have antlers. Yeah, they gotta have antlers. Dark Knight Margo City says, vague lib service given to Hanukkah in a way you can tell no one Jewish was asked. Yeah, no, all the elves are Jews. We got it. What's next? Oh, okay, great. That may be a... That that one might be a little problematic. Fraction.
02:05:50
Speaker
that Giving the people, of the Jews, a giant ah presence in the film, ah economic powers. Did you get interrupted? People who are eaten by celebrity reindeers? Yeah, but just the bad ones. Look, wait this has stayed in the room. ah Everybody signed an NDA. We're all good. We're all good here.
02:06:14
Speaker
um Captain... No bad ideas. No bad ideas in the room. yeah okay i but let's let's You know what? that let's Let's crack it. Because listen, someone will get up on their high horse and it will derail the whole fucking thing. So let's um let's figure this out, right? um um oh Oh, Austin Powers. ah The vampires can all be Jewish. They don't have to wear crosses that way.
02:06:39
Speaker
Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. No, no. Okay. All right. Okay. okay All right. All right. We'll figure we're gonna crack it. We're gonna crack it. ah well but Maybe very but how about this in the hood? Listen. Okay. You know what?
02:06:53
Speaker
Uh, there's a, the menor is, uh, everywhere. And, you know, amongst the decorations, there's a menor. And one, and they come to life and one of them comes comes to life. I don't mind the vampires being Jewish, but maybe it's subtle. Um, maybe, you know, he says something like, like when they get to the island and they're learning about Christmas, he'll be like, it's just one day.
02:07:22
Speaker
Hmm.
02:07:25
Speaker
Feels like you read about that on the plane. Maybe so. Maybe so. row The whole town shuts down for Hanukkah. That's why they got to get this deal done. And and of course this year Hanukkah starts on Christmas. There we go. And it's timely. that of Okay, perfect. That also answered my least favorite studio question of all time, network question of all time is, oh why now?
02:07:53
Speaker
which is quite you get it in every meeting. And but this because because Hanukkah and Christmas are the same day this year. That's why. Yes. Okay, great. so So it's even though we're writing it right now, it's going to be set. And it's probably going to release next year or later. It's gonna be set in 2024. Yeah, we'll just say like this year. Yeah, yeah, that's what it's like. Okay. And then we'll make it timeless.
02:08:17
Speaker
Yeah, yeah yeah the movie exactly. That's another thing about Christmas is the season is timeless. These movies have to be timeless to impossible to date. Yeah. Captain McLuh note from Captain McLuh, a town where everyone seems to love gathering in the town square. Okay, that's that's good. Yeah, yeah I think that's great. And also to like we want production value. We don't want to just set everything inside this hotel.
02:08:39
Speaker
Right. I think the late, the third act scenes with the townspeople are going to occur more in the town square. This is where they're going to like figure out what traps to set and and and so on and so forth. Yeah, sure. Sure. Love it. like good Good note. Good note. FrankieMon555 says cute dogs in Christmas sweaters. Is that a suggestion for the movie or is that just a nice thing for us to think about?
02:09:06
Speaker
Maybe both, maybe maybe both. Sluggo A. Summers says Lacey Chabert. um She could be one of the, she could be like the non-Molaney towns person. Or could she be the the rival, the CFO girl boss witch that wants Sweeney Todd to fail? Or maybe the female CFO. Cause also that gives us a, ah like for the sequel, she'll have a bigger role in the sequel, right?
02:09:36
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, she could, ah we could focus the TV show on her. Well, the, the, the Streamium. Yeah. Yeah. it totally Television, television, entertain. So she could be a part of an island called Christmas colon mythos. What did we call it? Prophecy. Prophecy. That's right. Prophecy. And this is our last studio note from, Oh, wow. Great. from cole smith Maybe they've done this, but the UFO lands in a Christmasy town square and a hot guy walks out and asks what this thing is you humans call Christmas. That's the post post credit sequence. There's the mid credit scene and then there's the post credit scene. I know. I think it leads into an island called Christmas to the post credit scene leads into an island called Christmas prophecy. An island called Christmas to planet Christmas.
02:10:29
Speaker
playing at Christmas. Playing at Christmas is actually pretty good, Matt. I think you've just figured out what the second ever Christmas movie is going to be. But um hey, maybe this island, you know, look, it's a little quirky. It's a little not. It's not the rat race, work a day world that the vampires and the witches know. Maybe they've never seen either a Learjet or a private helicopter. So they think it's a UFO. And it's Austin Powers that comes out. And that's his sort of arrival scene at the airport.
02:11:01
Speaker
And he's not wearing a shirt. Right. There's there's there's some reason he he wasn't wearing a shirt on the plane. and So when he arrives, he's not wearing a shirt. I think we've got it, guys. I think we've really got nailed this down. I think we I think this feels Oh, hang on. I'm just ah got a text. Oh, fuck. Oh, but what's wrong? I just got laid off.
02:11:25
Speaker
Oh, so, a we so yeah oh, yeah, yeah, no, we're, yeah, oh yeah, fuck, where does this is all fucked, shit. Well, this was fun this was fun, I had fun. i Do you think I can, can I like maybe crash, ah crash out on the couch here for, I gotta kind of make some, ah um um ah you know, I'm i'm i'm ah money rich, but cash poor right now, I need to kind of ah check with my crypto guy and and get my, oh, fuck.
02:11:55
Speaker
it's um yeah yeah i mean Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Do you mean Superman?
02:12:02
Speaker
ah ah i've cut your i You crypto guy? um Can I tell you that i I had this stupid thought today that I i wish that we could have gotten Bizarro into Superman's pal Jamilson if only to reveal he had a cat named Ert. Chris made the same, almost exactly the same joke in a text thread earlier today.
02:12:25
Speaker
well yeah hurt no it was It was about how ah weird it would be that Clark Kent and Superman have the same dog. I thought about doing another joke about dropping the last letter off of all the noble gases and then I realized those are all already things. yeah ah ah Chad Bowers did have a dog named Argo at one point.
02:12:52
Speaker
ah yeah man I'm sorry that we've created an entirely new genre only to be. ah laid off in this corporate restructuring downsizing and no one will ever read the notes. And it's going to be its property of the company anyway. So they'll do whatever they want to do with it. But I well look i think we're always going to remember the day we invented Christmas films and perfected them. And and look. The important thing was never the the
Reflecting on Creative Process
02:13:16
Speaker
movie. It was never the pitch. It was the time that we spend together every year at Christmas time. Here, here. And look, Fraction, the company has rented out this cabin for like
02:13:29
Speaker
another week. So we can just we can just hang out here all we want to. Great, great, great, great, great. Okay. um I am the while before they repo it, I am gonna go take one last ice dip, one last cold dip and because you know, they're gonna come for that stuff right off. So I'm gonna do my cold plunge and yell the Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And ah we'll figure something out next year, and I'm sure it'll all be fine. and yeah Maybe next year is the year we'll actually go to Dollywood. Next year in Dollywood, gents. Yeah. Thanks, Matt. Thanks, Phil. Fraction. Thank you so much. i
02:14:13
Speaker
I am so happy that every year you take time to to join us here at the cabin and here on the show. it is It's the thing that lets me know it's now Christmas for real. This is the thing that makes it feel always feel like Christmas for me. So now I know it's Christmas time. Do do I know it's Christmas time? Yeah, Bono. I know.
02:14:33
Speaker
Matt Fraction, thank you so much. Thanks, fellas. Bye.
02:14:44
Speaker
Well, Matt, we didn't end up writing that new movie from the hot new genre that has never existed before now. Yeah, I i don't know when or if there'll ever be a Christmas movie, but maybe someday. Maybe someday it'll happen. Maybe someday at Christmas. That's right. We'll know we were part of the process, the the original initial steps.
02:15:13
Speaker
in the process toward a Christmas movie, we were there. And thanks thank you, Matt Fraction. He's outside soaking ah until they come seize that stuff. and He's been in that, like, ice bath for a while. Is that healthy? I mean, I feel like it's one of those things where if you do it enough, you got to you got to do it more and more. You build up a tolerance, you know. Okay.
02:15:50
Speaker
little upset when he stormed out but let's not let that dampen our spirits Matt it's it's Christmas yeah we're together we're with the listeners who have once again invited us into their holiday wintertime or southern hemisphere summertime celebrations ah for which we are very thankful and it's time for our our annual non-mat fraction tradition here on the show. Which is opening our gifts to each other. Yes. Now you have two from me and yeah I have two from you. Yep. Okay. ah Do you want to open one of yours first? We'll take we'll take turns. Yeah, sure. which Which one of which one between the two of the ones you gave you got for me should I go for first?
02:16:41
Speaker
Well, I will say ah yours, I don't know if mine were also the same way, but yours were one I i commissioned. Okay. And one was an impulse buy. Okay. So I would like for you to open up the impulse buy first and you will understand. And that is the one from our friend, the incredibly talented Matt Diggs. Okay. I have the envelope from Matt Diggs here.
02:17:11
Speaker
So, I'll just get this thing open. Oh shit! It says in here, Wilson, this is a gift from Sims. Hope you enjoy, Diggs. And that is a drawing of Ricochet. One of the Slingers. That's right. That's right. One of the four Spider-Mans that aren't Spider-Man.
02:17:33
Speaker
This rules. This is great. I fucking love this. I but was looking at the stuff that Matt Diggs posted. He has done some incredible work for like theme months lately. I believe this one was for Disguise December, which is superheroes as other they like superheroes disguising themselves as other superheroes. So I know that he did Martian Manhunter as Bloodwind.
02:18:01
Speaker
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And I know that he did a couple more, but I saw that Ricochet, and I was like, if that doesn't go home to Matt Wilson, then that's a shame. Who's gonna appreciate Ricochet more than Matt Wilson? I'm trying to remember who was the artist who drew Ricochet, because I know this. Not only can I name all four slingers,
02:18:29
Speaker
I can name which books Peter Parker posed as those characters in. Wow, okay. Ricochet was in The Amazing Spider-Man. Steve Scross was the regular artist on Amazing Spider-Man around that time, but I think they were doing fill-in artists for those issues. It might have been Joe Bennett who did those issues.
02:18:57
Speaker
Well, now you know. Yes. Now you have a little piece of ricochet all your own. Yes. Prodigy was in Spectacular Spider-Man. That was Luke Ross. Dusk was in Peter Parker Spider-Man. That was John Romita Jr. And Hornet was in Sensational Spider-Man. That was Mike Ruringo. Do you think they like had Do they have to, like, draw lots or whatever to see who was gonna get Dusk the easiest one of those? I think each book's artist designed each one. And so John Romita Jr. was like, uh, here you go.
02:19:42
Speaker
Featureless. Great. Great. Uh, alright. Just put a blob on the page. Um, I think from mine You should open the non-Amazon package first. Okay, this is the one that I i do know what it is. sketches, they're incredible and you should go look at sequential Matt, I believe, on Instagram. Yes. ah ah Amazing art posted all the time.
02:20:40
Speaker
your beloved Asheville tourists. That's right. I know in the past when Benito has gotten you minor league baseball team caps. I think some of them have been fitted in the past. This one is an adjustable cap. One, because I didn't know your hat size and if I asked you would know for sure that it was a hat. That's fair. Two, the fitted hats for the
02:21:18
Speaker
Their game hats are just the Mr. Moon who is on your is also wearing a hat that has the A on it. Which I have one of those. And it's nice, but it doesn't say tourists. And so I wanted to get you a hat that said tourists.
02:21:42
Speaker
Because I feel like that's important if you don't live around here. Can I can i be completely real with you? Yes. One of the reasons I knew this is what it was is because I had asked you specifically for an Asheville Tourist's cap. You had, and I remembered that. Yes, which I appreciate. But then literally the other day I was like, well, dang, nobody's going to know it's an Asheville Tourist's cap.
02:22:09
Speaker
okay Like it's just like, cause I was thinking of the one that that you wear, which is just the A. I have, I have one that just has the A on it. The one I wear now is the one that has the Mr. Moon head on it.
02:22:26
Speaker
There are other hats that say Asheville Tourists, but I liked that one the most because it had the the mascot and said tourists. so No, I quite like it. i this this is exactly what This is exactly what I wanted. And I will say, that that A is a good A. It's a great A, yeah. It's a great A. But yes, I am very happy to have an Asheville Tourist baseball cap. I'm happy. I'm happy that you are happy with that.
02:22:54
Speaker
Um, okay. I will open my second gift. Right. Now, this one is, uh... Well, I guess you can you can tell everyone who it's from, because you can see. It was sent to us by... or sent to me by Jay Gonzo, a long-time friend of the show, regular designer of our annual t-shirt. Designed this year's t-shirt featuring the machine, which is...
02:23:25
Speaker
a great thing. I'm having a little difficulty getting it open. Now is the is the label that he put on it visible that that says do not open until War Rock and Ajax Christmas? it It is visible. It is a very clear right under my address. Sorry I need to correct. It's it's Matt D X G G E S is Matt Dix on on Instagram. Oh okay he is sequential Matt. He was sequential Matt on Twitter. I don't know what- I can't- I don't remember what his name is on this guy. And I should say, Matt, I bought you the ricochet. I did not buy myself the Batman of Xehanar that he did. Oh, you should have. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's the season of giving. Look, I've done this- I've done that before, too. Where? Honestly, I should have bought something I got someone else for a gift for myself. Uh, it just didn't. Because I'm weirdly more likely to buy other people's stuff that I won't buy for myself. I don't know if you have that. Oh, oh yeah. I mean, like, I generally, like, a lot of times I will buy other people things that I like. Yeah. Like, things that I would want. Because I feel like that's what makes it a good present. Like, I know that'll be a good present. Because, dang, I want that. Okay, guns are really...
02:24:51
Speaker
really secured this sucker. I am hearing some truly hilarious fully working background. Oh boy, I see what it is. I got it. I got it open. oh This is guts. This is guts by Jay Gonzo. It is guts by Jay Gonzo. Now, so this is, if I remember right, but did you say you commissioned this or? He texted me.
02:25:18
Speaker
And he was like, hey, given the timeline, is there ever a time when Guts has both eyes, both arms? Like both eyes and both arms at the same time? And I was like, no, he those those go at the same time. ah And i was he showed me the picture and I was like, oh my God, that's incredible. And he was like, yeah, unfortunately, this one's already spoken for. And I'm like, will you, would you, can you draw Guts again?
02:25:49
Speaker
Okay, so that's that's what I was wondering, because I know he drew guts. What was it? that october pouch Tober? Pouchtober was the theme. Pouchtober, right. So guts was one of the prompts for pouch tober. And I saw a lot of people drawing guts. And I was like, this is what I want. And he was kind to I think takes true guts as well. He did. And I saw that Jay Gonzo had done one.
02:26:14
Speaker
And so I was wondering if this was that, but okay. So this is, this is his second guts. Cause the first one was already claimed. That is unbelievably cool. Yeah. So you are getting, you are getting.
02:26:28
Speaker
the Jay Gonzo guts where he has had a little bit of practice with all that. Yeah, it's, so but and it's, I love it. It's so good. The cape is, is fanging on this thing. And he's got the dragon slayer. He avoided having to draw the missing eye because he's in profile.
02:26:51
Speaker
Yes, and I love that that Gonzo chose to draw guts in the style of, like, UPA animation. Yeah, absolutely. It's so good. I love it. Oh, man. ah Top shelf, top notch.
02:27:08
Speaker
and Unbelievably good. i am I am glad you like it. He sent it to me and I was blown away, and I was very, very pleased. All right, your second gift. All right, let's see. oh
02:27:24
Speaker
I heard a knife, I heard a knife click. Yeah, man. Look, look, me being into knives, that's not a fit for the show. No, that's real. I'm like, I'm like guts. There's he's got four knives and a sword in this picture. That's true.
02:27:45
Speaker
Oh! Oh! It is a... Matt, it's a fancy board game. It's a fancy board game that you had on your wish list and I was like, I'm gonna get that boy a fancy board game. I love a fancy board game, Matt. ah This one in particular is Queen by Midnight ah from Darrington Press, which I have looked at in the store a couple of times. And it looks really fun.
02:28:11
Speaker
And there I especially wanted it because there is a ah there is an expansion for it that can also be played as a standalone game. um It has like a little like a little clock tower that you set up. You know I love to set up a little clock tower. Yeah, i I know how much you... how Here's what I was like, I gotta get a game for Chris. It's because...
02:28:40
Speaker
I was, last time I was there, one one of the last things that happens before I left was you had ordered a bunch of HeroQuest stuff. i it that It was the fulfillment of the crowdfunding campaign. Yeah. For HeroQuest. And it arrived and you were so excited about it. ah And I was like,
02:29:05
Speaker
I this this is what sparks joy for Chris this kind of stuff So I went like looking around I was like I could get some other hero quest stuff like add-ons and and Expansions and stuff, but I was like I don't know exactly what Chris has for it and what Chris doesn't I looked on your wish list you had some stuff on there, but I was just like I'll get him a totally different game and I was like this queen by midnight one looks cool and has like stuff you set up and assemble and this is this is what chris needs so i i'm so excited about this uh it is uh this is this is the back of the box text
02:29:50
Speaker
As her kingdom weeps, the Queen's dying command was to invoke the Rule by Midnight, a 24-hour trial of combat and guile where the Princesses of Twelfold meet in secret to battle and scheme against one one another. At the stroke of midnight, the most powerful Princess left standing will be crowned the new Midnight Queen. Hell yes, I love everything about that. It is a it is an asymmetric deck-building game.
02:30:15
Speaker
Yes. Where each of the characters has a different style of play, that is the shit I like. And I am also, like, I have been ah getting together with friends and playing board games more often. For the show Ted Anderson, we kind of have a standing date on his day off to just play board games that we like, so I'm finally getting to play a bunch of stuff. I'm very excited about this. I'm so glad. i I figured a board game would hopefully be the thing. I love it. matt good I love it.
Art and Gift Discussions
02:30:53
Speaker
I am very pleased with this art. I'm going to find places in ah this office to put them up. I have another Jay Gonzo piece in here, which is the
02:31:05
Speaker
Phantom that he drew for me ah Some some years ago ah So I might put guts in the phantom next to each other. I'm a kid Walker i Yeah, that that's him Here's what I love about this I have gotten you board games at least twice mm-hmm Christmas and I think this is the first one you have gotten me so I'm very very excited I Yeah, remember when we used to get each other like full full joke presents? um and I never got you a joke present, Matt. I just got you presents that happen to be funny. Yes, yes. I mean, I- That bison dollar is as meaning. Oh, no, that bi dollar that bison dollar has been on top of my bookcase.
02:31:55
Speaker
Unprominently displayed right next to a picture of my wife for years and years That's right because because that is the exchange rate that you will have to set. That's right oh I just remember that year I got you like it was a real gift but also kind of a joke when I got you to like all of Walker on DVD Okay, yeah yeah i had ground about that one. Yes ah But we had talked so much about Walker
Comic Character Talk
02:32:22
Speaker
Texas Ranger on the show that year also um Listeners, you're hearing biscuit because it's Christmas and I'm not gonna cut biscuit out Keep biscuit in your hearts year round to everybody. That's the lesson. Yes that was and I am so thrilled with this board game and with this hat Matt that I could not have asked for things that I would like more and
02:32:47
Speaker
i'm I'm very happy and I'm extremely thrilled with this art. You know my guys. Ricochet and Guts. Yeah. Well, Peter Parker. and and And that is specifically, given the theme of the of the month, that is specifically Peter Parker as Ricochet. Right. Right. Not whatever Ricochet's name is. ah what who Who did take the mantle of Ricochet? I read the I read the Johnny Gallo. Johnny Gallo. I read the Slingers series with art by Chris Cross. But the the thing, I can remember who all of the Slingers were. I cannot remember who actually had the roles a post Peter. i Not even Prodigy. He was the one who went on to do the most.
02:33:46
Speaker
Well, uh, Ricochet did show up in, uh, in runaways and loners. Oh yeah. That's true. And has the coolest costume with the coolest jacket. That's true. Richie Gilmore was prodigy. I am now thinking about what if I got Gonzo to draw everyone from Berserk and how look different and I don't want to start with like,
02:34:15
Speaker
Casca, I want the next one to be Nosferatu Zod. Boy, that would rule. That would own bones. Well, you got a birthday coming up in in six months. Nosferatu Zod. The Skull many of the apostles. Father Mazgus is almost a Gonzo drawing already. he's Just take a Godzo drawing and give it the flattest face you've ever seen. Now I just want to to get all of our friends who are artists to draw characters from Berserk. I would love to see Erika draw Fimto of the God Hand, i or anyone from the God Hand. I have never been a person who has like a sketchbook that
02:35:11
Speaker
They take around conventions and have people, you know, themed sketchbooks. That would be a great one. That would be a great one, because those those are some designed characters. For sure. See like a bunch of different artists takes on all the various characters from Berserk. And you know, you could go up to almost any artist at a comic convention and just be like, hey, this is my Berserk sketchbook.
02:35:39
Speaker
Draw your favorite character from Berserk in here. Almost all of them would be like, okay. And and like, go right for it.
Year-End Reflections and Gratitude
02:35:49
Speaker
ah Anyway, wonderful presence. That is another year of War Rocket Ajax in the books. So listeners, thank you so much for making it another fun year of this show.
02:36:06
Speaker
despite some weird stuff that happened in 2024. You know what I'm talking about. Doing the show has been as fun as it's ever been. And and having the Discord community and and having the community of the show be as kind of thriving as it's ever been has also been amazing. So thank you to all of you for making it still fun. Remember to get in your Gordy categories, your categories, because that is what we'll be doing when we come back. As always, our first show in January is going to be the Gordy Awards. So send in those categories ah over the next couple of weeks and we'll try to get as many of them on
02:37:05
Speaker
the Gordys as we can. Yeah, and i I we've talked about on the show, so I don't feel like I'm the telling stories. But I think you and I have both had some some difficult times this year. Yeah. ah And you know, we say we say this every year because we have difficult times every year. But doing the show and ah having each other and all of our friends who come to be on the show and everybody who listens to the show and getting to meet more people who listen to the show this year when like Patrick O'Duffy the boss dog came to town. That has been a something that has really helped me and made me feel good oh despite
02:37:56
Speaker
both personal and larger difficulties, I would say. ah So yeah, like, thanks for listening. Thanks for joining us. Thanks to Fraction. Thank you, Matt, for being here every week and really doing the lion's share of the work for the show. Well, thank you, Chris, for ah continuing to do this with me. Occasionally showing up.
02:38:22
Speaker
ah but You've booked all, you know, you say that, but we both put in a lot and and we hope that that shows in the ah product we put out.
Community Engagement and Farewell
02:38:37
Speaker
I won't go through the whole end of show spiel, ah but just a few things. One, if you can back us on Patreon, please back us on Patreon as we have promised. um If we reach 420 paying patrons,
02:38:55
Speaker
On Patreon, we will take an edible and do some bonus content. So, um, we were at 400 right now, so 20 more would make that happen. Our email address is warrocketpodcastatgmail.com. Um, we don't know what our game, our F, our, the thing we're going to do to replace Thursday Night Raw next year is going to be, we're going to finish Thursday Night Raw before we get into that, but you could definitely send every story over lists there.
02:39:25
Speaker
And you can send us listener questions there. We're on blue sky war rocket Ajax dot.com on blue sky. We are on tumblr war rocket podcast.tumblr dot.com. I mentioned the discord. If you want to join it, send us a request for an invitation and, uh, and we'll make that happen for you. If you're nice about it, it's war rocket wiki dot.com. We have.
02:39:50
Speaker
A few really diligent listeners who keep that site updated, the every story I ever list and everything there. So go make it worth it for them and check that out. And yeah, MattDWilson.net is where all my stuff is. Chris. Everybody can find my stuff at thd-isp.com. Be good to each other. Enjoy the holidays. We'll be back next year.
02:40:17
Speaker
Get your categories in. Don't trust cops. We love you.