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WTF news: So do your job
15 Plays9 days ago
On this episode of W T F News We discussed vegan weddings FBI burger King pranks and don't forget the penis report
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Transcript
Introduction and Format Changes
00:03:00
Speaker
Hello everybody and welcome to WTF news all the news that is news make say what fuck? Um, as always I am joined here with click. How you doing, buddy? I'm here stinky stinky just got home from the gym Got home from the gym got home from the work. Oh I Haven't left this chair all day. Just saying
00:03:34
Speaker
You know at this point, we don't expect any less from you, buddy. I'm just saying that's why I got you know, I hate to keep being awesome. This is why this is why you'll never be a champ like me. but I literally showed up to work at noon and still got done with work on time for the show. And I never had to leave the room, which isn't 100% true because I did go all the way to the store. So I mean,
00:04:01
Speaker
Whatever. I wish I didn't leave. I wish I didn't have to leave my bedroom to go to work. I'm not going to lie. It's kind of cool. Like, cause I literally walked down the stairs and I'm at work. I don't have to go outside, you know, like this morning it was pissing down rain. It got down to 69 degrees. So cold. and I know you guys have your snow days. late you'll be But so this is, yeah, go ahead. Winter has officially, what is that from? What is that from the Lord of the Thrones? Winter is coming. <unk>s the covers Winter here. Winter has came all over our faces. and here Yes, it has. Well, ah now we're changing up the order of we're doing things here on what's fuck news. We're going to go back and forth. I know. yes
00:04:55
Speaker
I'm going to the gym. I can't wipe my ass. A man's Deadpool shirt looks like not the one, not the ladies still out from cash. Yeah. Have you seen my side? I'm like, you, my kids are smaller than me.
00:05:16
Speaker
But yeah, we're going to be changing things up. We're going back and forth on our news stories. And I got a couple of doozies. I know you do too, because we're also pre-sharing them. So not so much of a shock. With the exception of Glick's Peanuts removed. Peanuts?
00:05:35
Speaker
um
00:05:40
Speaker
Man.
News Sources and Credibility
00:05:41
Speaker
I have i found the funniest video. So now now, when you're searching for your news, I noticed, you know, what you sent me, you actually go to websites. Yeah, I don't do that. I don't, as as as we've yelled at you multiple times about to stop getting your news off. wait wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I knew you were going to say this. And before you say it.
00:06:04
Speaker
and Every one of these stories that I showed you that I found from tick-tock. I did research I was like wait a minute. Is this fucking real because I don't want to do false fake news These are all real stories. This is not BS However, they just so happen to be found on tick-tock a couple of them Let's be honest. I do my own research. Somebody else has already done it Got a couple doobies. What a spouse. We're just gonna call you files. I Right? I don't know how to say that. Good job. Couple of doobages. Oh. Well, you're going to need it tonight.
00:06:45
Speaker
look up a slippper yeah Yeah, no, so I a couple of their stories I had say I was trying to get rid of some as as I've as I've made not been shy with Jeff has a has a tendency to word vomit. Nobody can get a word in edgewise. So I've been I've been able to hold back on some stories because I really haven't had more much more time than the year in porn review and penis but Let's be honest that year important review that was More than a review that was go almost an hour of content. So hey, I'm not letting it not any fault on you It just comes under that's a shit ton of information. We've done it this is with this This is our fourth. This was our fourth foreign hub year in review. You know how long it takes, you know, yeah you david and I didn't even and I didn't even hit a quarter like
00:07:39
Speaker
a third of this this Yeah, I think you got just about a third because there's a there's a lot on there. I was like, uh, we're playing There was no pantry. Well, there was a lot of penetration But For another news before we actually get started with the actual news IO dot links last nonsensical network everything we do you'll find there all our social medias and of course uh brings to the youtube channel and of course spotify and uh don't forget beauty in the beard our sponsor and official sponsor for merch um sponsor for her but is it's a one-hand watch is the other kind of thing let's be honest because neither of us are getting paid but um
00:08:35
Speaker
Let's go ahead. Since it's a new new show for the new year, why don't you start us out, buddy? I would if I get my ear, my earbuds to work. It's terrible. Well, I did find while you're doing that, I'll go ahead and start.
Prank Calls and Fast Food Chaos
00:08:50
Speaker
um So a, there's, there's video going around the internet of a Burger King where it has one of those like play areas and The windows are being smashed out with crowbars. Now, my first thought when solving this video, and of course I was, most people were like, wow, that place is being vandalized. It was the workers doing it. And the reason why they did it was they got a call from the fire department, or so they thought, saying, there's a gas leak. You need to start breaking out the windows.
00:09:31
Speaker
So they did it and it turns out it was a prank phone call. This is the new prank of the year because this is not the first time this has happened. There's ah another video of a manager, of a ah I think it's a McDonald's, ramming his car into the doors of the McDonald's to bust the windows and a Pizza Hut as well.
00:10:00
Speaker
Somebody's calling up saying, hey, this is the, enter town here. Fire department. There's a, gas we suspect there's a gas leak in the building. You need to bust the windows out to get fresh air because the building will explode. As opposed to just, we're on our way. Which is my thought. I was like, if you call me and do that, like, can I just open a door, put a fan? Yeah. Like,
00:10:29
Speaker
you know, a lot of the fast food joints have multiple entry points. So you just prop the doors, open your prop, open the back delivery doors, and then you got airflow coming there. I don't know. i Again, you know what? People are fucking going. Let's be honest. To work at fast food, you don't have to be very bright. I'm just saying. This is this evident of when you go in order ah go to McDonald's and order a cheeseburger with no pickles and a tomato and you get half a jar of pickles and mayonnaise and man a bunch of a mustard on it. It's just like, what did all this come from? I get it. But I think this is hilarious, however. a Chicken sandwich. However, if they find the dude, I'm just saying, he has to be criminally charged.
00:11:28
Speaker
Yeah, you gotta go over the cars. Yeah, this is 100%. Make sure you go let your summer air out of your tires and put your winter air in there. And you gotta you gotta you gotta change your your blinker fluid to anti-food. Yeah.
00:11:45
Speaker
But yeah and thes in the wind show washer fluid so that you could be Santa freeze, right yeah yeah' work But yeah, that's that's the first story I saw and I was like this is hilarious But I once again, I think whoever is doing it you're an asshole, too Uh, you're, you're, yeah I don't know. I think he's, you're an asshole, but you're my kind of asshole. I think, I think he's pure genius by taking advantage of the mentally challenged. not Clearly, clearly. I mean, let's just call a spade a spade. These employees at these said fast food restaurants are fucking retarded. Yeah. Because like, no, no, I get it. This is happening in a city.
00:12:34
Speaker
Where if it happened to us when like, cause I worked with Wendy's when I was a kid, I'd be like, yeah, okay. I'll just open the doors. Bye. You know, ah agree I mean, definitely, I mean, I don't see why this guy should be criminally charged. He just made a prank phone call. It's not, he made a prank phone call. He's not the one, he didn't, um' I'm with Blazier. He didn't do anything. That's true. ah You know what I mean?
00:13:00
Speaker
I didn't think of that. This is why are we we talked about this stuff. Yeah, you think about, hey, of course, our prank calls weren't as cool as ah as apparently this guy's because our prank calls were like. This guy is now the champ of prank phone calls. Yeah. Hey, John, is your refrigerator running? Hold on. Let me go check it. You better go check it. Click. You got prints over in a But yeah, I'm just saying.
00:13:30
Speaker
Once again, if if they called me, I'm like, okay, I'll just open the doors. Bye. But apparently, people are stupid. So yeah, that's the first story of the night. There's stupid workers at fast food joints, apparently. People do ah be stupid. I think he tried to call other businesses with smarter people. And they're like, okay, bye. but Yeah, this guy's an idiot. He's like, it didn't work. Fuck.
00:13:58
Speaker
I'm going to call a restaurant where there's gas, which means there's open flame. like if you call bur Burger King fling boil. That's what they're known for. Right? if there's a election How come it didn't blow up already? Yeah. Like that would be my initial thought. Like we're fling, we're fling boil. Like we have open flame. If
The Bitcoin Quest and Cryptocurrency Skepticism
00:14:18
Speaker
there's a gas leak, we would have been the first ones to know at the end of the day. Above the grill.
00:14:24
Speaker
is a hood that has a extraction bed. So all the gas would just be sucked out anyways. As long as that vents on. That vents not always on. Well, that's true. It was when I loved it. But that was in the 90s. But yeah, I never worked in fast food. So what do you want to say? You see stupid people. Yeah. Speaking of stupid people, this story about this jack off came out um I don't know, about a year or so back. But um i know I know you're big on the Bitcoin shit. And I know Tony was at one point in time. James Howells, unfortunately, will be etched in history with the, in the words of, in the words of my our good friend, Derek Wang on Sunday, boneheaded decision. I don't know if he made a decision on purpose, but he lost.
00:15:23
Speaker
He lost a hard drive. And this is another reason why I don't, that I'm not fully invested or believe in this cryptocurrency bullshit, because it sounds like there's way too many ways for them to just steal your fucking money, and you have no way of recovering. Well, you can, a crypto wallet is pretty secure, though. Well, yeah, no, but I'm talking about i'm talking about Bitcoin or Doge or whatever. They could just be like... Yeah, you put it in a Bitcoin wallet properly. yeah Yeah. Oh, you forgot your password. Sorry about your luck. Now it's ours. They won't let you change your password or anything like that. Well, this is a jerk-off. But again, this is this is the thing that blows my mind. He he lost the hard drive that contained over 8,000 Bitcoins that are now currently worth over half a billion dollars. Each. Why can't he just log into his account
00:16:16
Speaker
and just transfer it over to another ah hard drive. Well, Bitcoin, from my understanding, they they are a- Why can't he just log into his account? No, but it's it's not like it's not like a picture. It's it's it's almost like um because you can put your Bitcoin on a USB cord. Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. that way And it works like your wallet. If you lose it,
00:16:42
Speaker
that you should be able to log on to your account. It's like, i agree lose debit if I lose my debit card, it's not like i all of a sudden the bank's like, Hey, sorry, you lost your debit card. It's our money now. Nothing you can do about it. Jerk off. You know, well the reason why people like Bitcoin is because it's untraceable by the government, which means text there's that, but I mean, they should be able to somehow, well, any who,
00:17:04
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I mean, yeah, 250 Bitcoin for $1,000. Yeah, he had 8,000 Bitcoins. It's worth half a billion. Well, he is currently in a lawsuit with a local landfill, the city council, ah for not allowing him to excavate the site.
00:17:24
Speaker
this must be This must be the only government in the entire world that is not in the slightest way corrupt because if I've got half a billion dollars and I'm like, yo, I'm going to slide you 100 grand if you let me get into this landfill. 99.999% of politicians are going to be like, yeah, I got you. Go ahead. Go do what you need to do. Well, not only that, how hard is it to get into a landfill? You know? Yeah. It's not like you could just break. It's not like you could just climb a wall and start walking around a landfill and find it. Yeah. I guess he's got to get permission to be there. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. Um,
00:18:01
Speaker
Yeah, he he filed a lawsuit against the Newport City Council for for roughly. This is how much this is how much he's filed a lawsuit for four hundred and ninety five point three one million British pounds or about six hundred and forty seven million in damages for repeatedly denying his request to excavate the landfill site housing and discarded hard drive, which contains around eight thousand units of Bitcoin. So this was over in and in Wales in that area.
00:18:31
Speaker
ah Um So, I mean he he wants his money's worth but again You gotta tell me a politician's not gonna if I if I slide you a little green I put I give you an envelope and passing you're not gonna push this through to help me get into that fucking landfill More than likely never find it But now you got to deal with this headache if you'd have just let that jerk off go in there and do whatever it is You wanted to do Well, I mean, if they settle, if they settle, he doesn't have to go digging in trash anyways. If they don't settle, and he takes him to court, I mean, they're going to end up having to pay. I mean, this goes all the way back to 2013. So, I mean, this has been going on for 12 years now. All those 12 years. I'm sure the hard drive doesn't work, but okay. Well, at this point in time. But, I mean, still, I mean, you see it all the time in, like, forensic shows and shit like that where they
00:19:27
Speaker
get data and shit like that off cell phones that have been smashed or thrown in the ocean or cameras or whatever. That's a TV. Oh, I'm talking about not talking. I'm not talking CSI. I'm talking about the actual true crime documentary. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. but Well, yeah. but I mean, if I see this phones or a wood chipper on csi put the back together and fucking work magic.
00:19:56
Speaker
Yeah. No, but but yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, if he if he were somehow to miraculously find said hard drive, he might be able to at least get half that Bitcoin back, even if even if the thing's corrupted. I don't. Yeah. Like, again, I go i go back to say like, why can't he just go on to Bitcoin and go to his account and translate? I mean, obviously, it's his. Obviously, it's not regulated.
00:20:23
Speaker
If he's got every exactly and then there again is why I say ha you guys are fucking suckers because at a moment stone is Yeah, i'm I'm rich. I got Bitcoin and what Bitcoin says It's ours now. What are you gonna do about it? Yeah, pretty much we're traceable. We're unregulated the government don't have their fingers in our business What are you gonna do about it? Nothing sucking get the fuck out of here? That's what you're gonna do No, he's gonna sell it his 8,000 ah Bitcoin's or BTC's are worth five five five hundred and fourteen point three seven million at a market price of sixty four thousand three hundred dollars per unit Holy shit. Yeah, so some worker at that Dump is gonna stumble across that and go it's in the trash. I can keep it
00:21:20
Speaker
but now i'm hid but yeah So if they have, if somebody randomly has a hard drive, can they access his account? You still got to have his account information. Not necessarily. So you can just find a hard drive. Well, it depends because you can actually, but the reason and I know I see what you're saying, but like, it depends if he has it in a stored corrupt corrupted or not corrupted, but locked file.
00:21:46
Speaker
then no. But if he just has it on his hard drive, like wouldn like when you screenshot something and save it on your computer, if he has it like that, it's open to whoever can access it. Yeah, in 2013, let's, you know, kind of one of those things. It could go either way. That really shallowed me on this whole Bitcoin thing. So just any any ah any jerk-off could find my hard drive and just walk off with my Bitcoin, and I'm like, oh, well,
00:22:16
Speaker
inoul Well, like I said, that's why most people they they get this you can get a crypto wallet You can get a crypto wallet. It's literally just USB that hooks onto your keychain And you put it all on there and then it's it's it's on it's supposedly on I Say just I say just like you suckers who bought into the Hawk to a coin and Your suckers for believing in those guys are idiots. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Those people are idiots because joe currency. Yeah. Well, ah so so that my, my, my stories, they get crazier and crazier as we go. they I agree. I have a couple of them too. Um, tip of the iceberg, if you will.
00:23:10
Speaker
Before I get in the next one, let's go ahead and play a little quick. He's still home There's a hacker that's been breaking people's wallets. They have lost the codes for You only get so many attempts to put it in. Oh, wow shit. Yeah, there you go. Uh to be fair All money is oh And so is your free will right?
00:23:38
Speaker
and none of our imagination
00:23:43
Speaker
No, it's just only the strong survive. So you better, if I, if you have something I want, you better be able to take me in a fight. Otherwise it's mine.
00:24:04
Speaker
So like if I go to the gas station and I want to get it, so if I shoot you in the forehead, I can have your car. let's See, that's not, that's not how it works. No, no, no, no. no Why not? ah Gladiator style combat. No guns, no weapons. I'll come behind you with a fucking golf club and just knock you the fuck out. If I go to the, if I go to the gas station and want gas and all I got to do is just, you beat up the gas station.
00:24:29
Speaker
I win. I'm getting a full tank hurt or let's call the draw. I'll just give me half a tank. Yeah. Or I get my ass kicked by the gas station. intended i not gotta You have to walk. Yeah.
00:24:44
Speaker
drug yeah There's a little retarded kid that works at the gas station. I know I can take that son of a bitch. Right. I can get free food at Burger King, apparently. Because I got dudes telling me there's a gas leak. Thank you for not leaving me hanging. Yeah. Me too. Well, we will be right back.
Vegan Wedding Menu Drama
00:25:09
Speaker
We're gonna play. If it was on your show last night, little James Luker with Blackout. We'll be right back. Yeah.
00:25:17
Speaker
He's a teacher.
00:28:25
Speaker
I just crash and burn. Yeah, I do.
00:28:46
Speaker
Still one of my favorite songs. That line, man. Some people say I'm like Johnny Cash because I can flip a switch. You know, uh, James just sold that Mustang and whoever bought it needs to keep it forever because when James goes big, that car's going to be like 10 times worth it. Uh, no, exactly that. and andt You know, it is a shit Mustang. That was, that was, that was his, uh, that was his ride, man. I know he had it for a hot minute. Uh, but, uh, I was shocked when he sold it for the truck. Yeah. But you know what? I'm not mad at that truck.
00:29:23
Speaker
ah black um once Yeah, sounds like so Welcome back and everybody to what the fuck news All the news that is news make say what the fuck? On the nonsensical network bio link slash nonsensical network Don't forget, tomorrow, I'm actually doing a show. um I'm not sure what it's going to be. about Jeff's Garage is tomorrow. And then this Friday, Blaze and I are going to watch, I think, three or four mini movies, fan-made one of them's claymations. So I don't know. It's going to be interesting. And then, of course, Saturday, we have the nonsensical nonsense show where anything and everything will happen. Calling it.
00:30:09
Speaker
Uh, speaking of calling it, somebody's only got a few days left. I didn't call my son. No, but you all, I don't know. I know. I just made it. I was going to say things are written up in the, in the, in our celebrity depth, uh, our angel of death contest. Uh, because, uh, I got breaking news that a former WWE superstar, uh, has decided to,
00:30:37
Speaker
go off a chemo after four years, three years. And he has decided to go home and put it in God's hands, which means any day now, I'm keeping a very close eye on this story because I'm going to wind up calling my shot and I'm just going to put everybody to bed. You're not, you're not. You know, it's going to happen. I will call your shot saying what's going to happen. You're going to call your shot and then the guy's going to live for another six months.
00:31:08
Speaker
There's no negative points and I'm gonna laugh at you. As long as he does, at the end of the day. Yeah, he's gonna live for another like three years. Right, even. Yeah, but... i d Short films, none of them are claymations. Yeah. Oh, I thought you said one of them is claymations. I'm bad at it. My bad. He must have short filmed. I don't watch it. Who can you do longer than?
00:31:35
Speaker
So you guys are getting married this year, right? This October. Yeah, this October. Yeah, we're sitting down tomorrow to talk wedding stuff. Well, you guys aren't doing a big old fucking wedding. You're kind of doing a small gathering, correct? Yeah. And this leads into my story for this next one. Yeah, pretty much.
00:32:02
Speaker
Uh, have, have you looked at the price of food or said event? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got to hook up. We're doing, we're doing a barbecue. Okay. Well, a bride is furious after her wedding because she spent 15 K on a vegan wedding option. What? Well, wedding menu, not option. It was everybody's eating fucking vegan. We don't care about your.
00:32:33
Speaker
Bullshit. Well, she's mad because her cousin, she's she's walking around the reception and, oh, yes, I'm married. And then she's like, hey, where's where's my cousin? Dude shows up 20 minutes later with fucking stacks of pizza. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And and heroes where caves baby nots right her Her mother-in-law accused her of making her guests eat rabbit food.
00:33:06
Speaker
ah andly She's pissed. She's like, I spent 15K. Nobody wants to eat rabbit food, bitch. I don't care if it's your fucking wedding. Because yeah it wouldn't have been one thing if she would have been like, hey, the the wedding menu is vegan.
00:33:22
Speaker
Well, she kept this a secret when she set out. Like, for instance, you just said, for everybody in the world to hear, you guys are having a barbecue at your wedding. She didn't do that. She said, wait, we're having a wedding and then food after it's a reception. getting Didn't leak the menu until day of. Her cousin sat down and he's like, what the fuck? Asked the waiter, what the fuck, is this it? And the waiter's like, yeah, vegan menu. And he's like, I'll be right back.
00:33:51
Speaker
And dude, bounce to the local pizza joint when I need 25 pizzas.
00:33:59
Speaker
And not mad at him. I think the bride is a bitch. I'm not mad. either but i and I understand. I understand like that vegan people are assholes. They're like cross runners and people who drive Jeeps and, and, and, and, and Harley Davidson writers, basically like that's their whole personality.
00:34:21
Speaker
uh right or like gar some guys that have beards like that's their entire personality but yeah you have guys that think they're the champ and yeah they're assholes i mean the proof is in the pudding you're right your beard and your champion is your personality Well, you forgot also yeah you also forgot that I'm an amazing podcast host. So there's that. I mean, I got i got three things. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm multifaceted. You're not locked into one like a vegan. I'm not a one-shirt pony over here. Okay. yeah No. Um, like I can understand if you're vegan and you want to have
00:35:02
Speaker
but you know, like a vegan option I get. Yeah. Like I think, I think for the most part, obviously you, you're not going to sit down and ask every individual person who's coming to your wedding, what they want, but you usually have options. You know what I mean? yeah Like have a few weddings, chicken or fish or, you know, or yeah. You know, the prime river of the chicken or the, or they're like, the last wedding I went to was, uh, Nikki's oldest son, Jay, his best friend.
00:35:32
Speaker
and him and his history they got him and his fiancee they got married and they had like a like a buffet style thing so they had a little bit of everything yeah man then they had a fucking dessert table that had like a hundred different fucking desserts on it from cookies and brownies and cupcakes and i think i might be able to save you a shit ton of money what you do what up for your for your wedding owner you need to just bake a big thing of potatoes
00:36:03
Speaker
and everybody gets a bunch of scoops. And then you just have a ah table of topics. Yeah. You gotta, you know, like give options and say, Hey, we're, we're, we're going more vegan leaning on our, on our, but if you're not vegan or you're not into what we're having, here's a couple other options. You know, I understand it's your wedding, but it's not all about you, honey. It's my stomach.
00:36:28
Speaker
No, but I don't care. I don't care if she kept, I don't care if she has a vegan option because I can stop at McDonald's on the way there or the way I leave, but to not tell me you have a vegan option before I fucking get there. Oh, yeah. You got to let me know that you're having a, like, you know, if, if you called me, say, Hey Jeff, when you come to the wedding potato bar, there you go.
00:36:53
Speaker
ah a man if If I was coming to your wedding and you were like, hey, we're having only vegan food I'm like, okay, I were stopping at McDonald's before we go. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah Yeah fire but yeah thats but yeah that' keep there spring it on me because I'm like slick is rich. We're gonna have a fucking amazing food Don't fucking eat for like three days. Mm-hmm so we can brighten up this motherfucker. When I get there and you got vegan food, I'm punching you in the face. I got salads for everybody. we want
00:37:27
Speaker
served me with my foodies Meanwhile, my fat ass is sitting up at the the the groom's table with the steak and potatoes like y'all enjoying your vegan food. That is that is really shitty thing to do is to not let your guests know, hey, you know,
00:37:47
Speaker
but man Decency goes a long way. Decency goes a long way. A kind kind of common courtesy like, Hey, just so you guys know, it's a vegan wedding. You can eat if you want. If you don't, you know, go get something after the ceremony, come back to the reception, get something beforehand, whatever. but We're going to come for it. We're going to have a little bit more. You know, I'm just saying dude, dude went out and bought 20 pizzas and spent way less than 15 grand and people are like, fuck yeah. And they made the news.
00:38:16
Speaker
So that bride got doubly screwed because she didn't make the news cause she got wet and she got moved, made the news cause she was an asshole. i mean its and victim Yeah. It's like picking up a hot chick from the bar and then getting home and taking her pants off. And there's a fucking dick in your face.
00:38:31
Speaker
yeah hundred percent like more than one song
00:38:38
Speaker
bullshit now what you gonna do i'm already parties on um um i
00:38:54
Speaker
There's no word from what the new husband is saying, but I betcha he's in the back drinking beer, laughing, going, my cousin's awesome. He's sneaking beets and she's like, we're vegan. He's like, yeah, not today. I could do a new shit forever now. You're vegan. I'm going to have that meat lover's pizza. No, we're in the bowels. Did it say I had to put up with your vegan bullshit? Exactly. This in health. So that does part, blaity blah, blah, blah, blah. That is interesting. I see no vegan. decision
00:39:29
Speaker
This is bullshit. No, like I will say in the video where I saw this, they did show pictures of the meal and I don't have them. But it didn't look terrible until you realize it's all vegan. Not all vegan food is terrible, though, because i it's a bad rap because it says ve like I've had like vegan lasagna and it's actually pretty damn good.
00:39:52
Speaker
No, I'm not going out and eating tofu or or genetically mutated meat, you know are you hurted Me I've seen but there there are some things that they make vegan. It's actually pretty good I mean it does get a a little bit of what look good, but it was more look like more like a ah It looked more like your appetizer like when you go to Olive Garden they bring that big salad It looked like that and they're like that's your meal i'm like but we go make the garbs run this is bullshit
00:40:25
Speaker
well well britt you and you you and jeff have that in common but the
00:40:39
Speaker
but suppose i play for the
00:40:44
Speaker
Are you Bobby with that? Yeah. i there's ah There's a huge difference. there but I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm down either way.
00:40:56
Speaker
i I want to be prepared. yeah I need to loosen my jaw but or grab my ankle. and Vegans pompous assholes and their pretentious values. Hey, you're not wrong. And that's what we were saying. It just seemed like they'd be friends with Blaze. No, Blaze would have a's a He's a communist.
00:41:20
Speaker
yeah but Too late. Too late. You're on the list. Sometimes I'm fucking um yeah so ah that's not a
00:41:38
Speaker
Jeffers Houston so I just the whole I I see this divorce in the future on this. Oh, yeah Well, I mean we well, we don't have the husband's unless he's one of those agree. Yeah, unless he's one of those like little
00:41:56
Speaker
He's got the chair in the corner of the bedroom, going, what do you want, baby? Just as long as I can watch. guy he Yeah, he's ah he's a fancy boy. Yeah. He's wearing his sweater on his shoulders. He went to Holland.
00:42:16
Speaker
Exactly. Well, the holidays just passed us. Just passed. Yes.
Gig Economy and Social Perceptions
00:42:21
Speaker
And there's an OnlyFans model out there. who is catching some backlash because she is charging a hundred dollars an hour to be a fake girlfriend at family Christmas dinners. Now anymore, this chick is a dime a dozen. She's your typical big fake boobies, big fake ass, nine pounds of makeup and fake fake extensions. I mean, she just, just your diet. I mean, it literally you scroll Instagram for five minutes, you see 40 of her.
00:42:53
Speaker
ah But I did i didn see the picture you said she's not ugly like that's a lot of but I've seen Barbie dolls with less plastic. Yeah, she's not she's not ugly. She's just in dime a dozen anymore these days But anyways, she so she found a lucrative way to keep single-man company over the lonely holiday season Justina Rebecca Better known as rebecca j online is selling herself to men who need a date for christmas The uh price includes rebecca wearing matching couples outfits with her bow Telling a few jokes to entertain the other guests. I can only imagine the jokes this twit has Right. Yeah, i mean jesus christ. Would you steal out from your dad? Go away
00:43:42
Speaker
For $450, the 29-year-old will extend the dinner to three hours, share a cute backstory about how she met you, and even take photos with your family. The most expensive package. Yeah, that'll go over well. You know what happens a week later? It's like years down the road. You know what happened to that chick? Oh, yeah. Well, she's in our Christmas card. Yeah, what are you going to do?
00:44:09
Speaker
and that turns out she was actually a he she was Bobby with an eye you know what i mean well i i see a business opportunity for someone like you it wouldn't work for me because i'm short and goofy but you're a giant tall man you're you're reasonably built You're kind of a funny guy. basically What you're saying is I'm the total package. and i'm No, no, no, I never said that. Exactly what you said. It's going to Harvard cannot bring you home. But some heavily chick that can't get a man to save her life.
00:44:46
Speaker
Sure. Sure. She, she can bring you home. I mean, granted, you'd have to lower your price to like, too dude, could you imagine if some, could you imagine if some Harvard chick brought me home? I would be heaven sent to her dad because he's like, I've been living with this fucking nerd my whole life. You know what? I agree. You want to watch football? Like you want to drink some beer? Like, yeah, let's go, bro. But I thought I heard a story about this. that There was, I don't know if it was a story or or it was like meant as a joke, but there was a bunch of guys said, Hey, I'd do that.
00:45:15
Speaker
I'll be here because for a guy to come home single, let's be honest, not a big deal. But a chick in their 30s and 40s to come home single, when are you going to give him like a marry? Yeah. So when you bring home, you bring home Papa Glick or Papa Jeff or Papa Blaze. Blaze will be just working really with you for an extra five bucks. I'll just say it.
00:45:40
Speaker
I'm a commie with bacon cheeseburger. Amen to that. Yeah, right. You're not a man.
00:45:50
Speaker
I think she's charging a little bit too much. Like, well, in all seriousness, that big old female gigolo. You know, like I said, it it would be one thing if you brought home like a a a ah good looking, you know, hard working blue collar chick as opposed to, look like Kim Kardashian.
00:46:12
Speaker
wish for Yeah. Like this is that like, it's like, it's the thing. If you brought her to the house for that for Christmas, like Joe, why did you bring a prostitute to my house? This is a family thing. Exactly. Right off the bat. Wait, wait. This isn't day. This isn't normal. six but for six colors Yeah. So check this out for six hundred dollars. This is where it even gets more fucked up because like I said, the family's going to have questions a week later when you show up for dinner single again.
00:46:41
Speaker
For 600 bucks, Rebecca will spend six hours with your family and tells you and tell you that she loves you in front of them. who Yeah. In addition.
00:46:53
Speaker
she she will ah She will also wash dishes with your mom after dinner like a like ah perfect future daughter-in-law. In addition to the listed price, all clients must purchase a nice gift for the brunette. So, bitch, you got me paying $600 to spend six hours with you and I have to buy you. The gift was the $600 I just gave you.
00:47:14
Speaker
Right? but But once again, if you bring home a the wish version of Courtney Kardashian, and your mom's like, why is there a hooker in my house? And then she wants to watch this is with your mom.
00:47:28
Speaker
yeah yeah Your mom's like, get the fuck out of my house, man. Yeah. I don't see this going well. if Yeah, I know. Like, this is better than it was, dude. Like, dude. A couple of years back, remember, I posted up on social media as a joke that ran a boyfriend for the holidays. And and it was a price guide. And there was actually a couple of chicks that were like, so seriously, are you? I'm like, right?
00:47:58
Speaker
I guess. I'm just saying business model, dude. yeah like just Is for real? like I mean, I can't believe it. I mean, how much we talking? Because let's be honest, its you and I can work a fucking room. I'm just saying, we can work a room, buddy. so I also felt bad the way we were on the dinner table. yeah You want me to pick on your younger brother? I'm in.
00:48:23
Speaker
Yeah, like I almost so also kind of felt bad because it was like damn Do you just get desperate for a date to the family dinner? I'll just go if you need a date like you know i knowt believe what' Once again 90 percent of the dudes today are fuckboys Yeah so, you know you get ah a country boy with a job and and and Takes care of himself. I have him so to speak. We don't really take care of ourselves, but I'm working on that but That can carry on a conversation. Yeah.
00:48:58
Speaker
swing we you i gym but but Like, like, to be honest, wouldn't we be a more of a commodity than some, I want to be like Gordon Kardashian with my fake everything. Bimbo. Yeah.
00:49:20
Speaker
I'm just saying. Jeff, please explain what a fuck boy is blaze from the from the chat. No. No, you know what I mean? It's like most guys are especially nowadays, they're either cucks or they're they're they're like, I just need to conquer as much boom tank as I can in the next six months and I'm never going to settle down or I'm going to play video games in my mom's basement for the rest of my life.
00:49:48
Speaker
Not winners, not saying that we're the biggest winners on the planet, but that that would be kind we would have on up them and that may be kind of weird if I video games in my mom's basement, considering my mom lives under my driver's side seat, but.
00:50:03
Speaker
that one you play video games underneath the car he's laying in the car with your bone what's your definition of a fuck boy and say now meaning boy who's a fuck card man child well from now where where's that chick at i don't know where she was at they didn't say like no she's in the states Just just uh, just google rebecca j. No, i'm good. Uh came out there Well, it was in the fucking article Yeah, it's not like i just saw like i'm searching for you don't know what i'm doing tonight. Hey, yeah, let's have dinner. I got 600
00:50:56
Speaker
Yeah. i can pick it a lot of Well, things i could do from Rebecca J. whoring herself out to your Christmas dinner to a prison guard.
Prison Scandal and Courtroom Humor
00:51:05
Speaker
And I have video for this one because when I saw this video, I never laughed so far. So a prison guard in the UK got busted and sentenced for having sex with an inmate. And you got to see what the judge said. Now, once again, you can tell it's England because the judge is in England where the powdered wigs, like and can but they still do that. That's so that's I know, right? So weird. But check out what this judge says.
00:51:35
Speaker
This is 38 seconds, it's genius. The recording lasts some four and a half minutes, during which you gave the prisoner oral sex, then vaginal intercourse, in a number of positions, before concluding by giving him more oral sex. You participated with evident enthusiasm. The second prisoner recorded events and provided a commentary by way of encouragement, including saying, guys, we made history. This is how we live at Wandsworth, bruv.
00:52:02
Speaker
and you know you are a gangster. Dinda D'Souza-Abru, stand up. The sentence on you is one of- I what he says, Rob. So she was apparently into it. ah But yeah, she got sentenced to like 10 years. Vaginal intercourse.
00:52:29
Speaker
And then it finished with oral. It's like, he was so proper about it. I don't know if it's because of the British accent or that he was just trying to be as posh as possible, but I saw that and it was hilarious.
00:52:43
Speaker
um
00:52:47
Speaker
I have a picture of her. um She's not terrible looking. So I'm not mad at the inmate.
00:52:59
Speaker
Honestly, um, but once again if you film it Why would you film it I Don't have phones in jail. Anyways, just stupid sons of bitches. She was in it. She was a guard Inmates are not allowed to have cell phones and that inmate There's to the bar. Is it a quarter? That's a good question Yeah, that's true. But yeah, this is this is her this is uh, the woman that she She's got since 10 years, right? we go hor fetish really seen yeah but sure yeah but's the guard The judge is like it went on for several minutes Like he's watching it with his dick in his head going this is amazing. I have to sentence her. Yeah
00:53:54
Speaker
that Yeah, I should get you to hard time. Right? That's the reason why we're not judges. Because later she's hot. Can I sentence her to time in my chamber? Yeah, that's why we're not judges. Yeah.
00:54:16
Speaker
But yeah, so she's going to be going to jail. and She's actually in jail now. this is This happened right before the holidays. So she didn't even spend Christmas at home. Well, she spent the New Year's in jail, which which a lot of people, let's be honest, that's not rare. A lot of people end up going to jail in New Year's. This is true.
00:54:41
Speaker
Not for having sex with inmates.
00:54:46
Speaker
Usually the sex you want in jail is the sex you don't want. This is how you know you're a gangster, bro. This is how you know you're a gangster, bro. I just found that hilarious. I was like, yeah.
00:55:13
Speaker
Yeah, right, right. where I mean, I had one. Right. At least we made it until I was 18. Right. Well, we also had to wait on our husband to die, but it's not here nor there. That just happened to make a coincidence. Just happened to make it more of a convenience factor. but Let's be honest, the gym teachers back in our day, they looked like dudes, but they were chicks.
00:55:43
Speaker
Again, our gym teachers, our gym teachers back in our day, Bobby with a wire, Bobby with it. Hi, what's happening? hey Couldn't really tell. And you never wanted to find out either way. You were like, you know, i yeah I'll keep that mystery for the rest of my life. I'll never find out. I don't care. Jeff's the only guy who goes to jail and drops the soap on purpose and then realizes that's not a real thing. It's slippery. This is bullshit. oh yeah laura I'm going to go home.
00:56:10
Speaker
Oh, I can't. on Why are you spreading your ass cheeks? Because I dropped the soap. duh It's on a rope for a reason. how it is bra but Weird, bro. Weird, bro.
00:56:29
Speaker
10 years is a lot though, dude. ah Well, there's so there's a when when So that's the line? Yeah. When when prison guards would prison guards have sex with inmates, there's, it's even if it's consensual, it's considered great. There's also like, they could throw sad trafficking charges in there as well. And and just do that throw a lot of fucking charges on you because technically they're confined. They don't have 100% of free will. Yeah, I get that.
00:57:07
Speaker
Yeah, no free will. I got to listen to that conversation. Blaze doesn't think anybody has free will. I'm just saying. Surprise sex is always awesome unless you're in prison. I mean, as long as you yell surprise, it's not great. That's right. As long as you yell surprise first, it's not great.
00:57:29
Speaker
Whoo-hoo! Yeah, I got me. Here we go. Son of a bitch. Where'd you come from? Oh, never mind. I know where you're coming at. Yeah, was all of them. Thank You got me. You got me. Son of a bitch. You got me. Darn it.
00:57:52
Speaker
What do you got? What's your next one?
00:57:58
Speaker
Well, would you like to take a break for me? Yeah, let's go and take a real quick break. Yeah, we'll take a break and I'll come back. You know what? Because I like this song, I'm going to play Derek Wayne Douglas' Chevy Silverado. I like this one. Chevy. Chevy Silverado.
00:58:32
Speaker
I'm in my Chevy Silverado, healing the label I belong to
01:00:42
Speaker
Yeah, Derek Wayne Douglas with Chevy Silverado. I like that song and it makes me want to go buy and a Chevy Silverado just so I can play it. Not the only reason I would buy a Chevy Silverado, but like if I had one, that's all I would play every time I pull it.
01:00:59
Speaker
um
01:01:02
Speaker
But yeah, welcome back everybody to what the fuck news, where we talk about all the news that is news and make you say, what the fuck? um Bio dot.link slash non-sensical network. If we're anything we do, you can like, share and follow right there. So what do you got for me, sir? What up, Mandy? Happy late birthday to you. Happy, happy 70th.
01:01:30
Speaker
because you're old. You know what? I'm gonna be honest, I was thinking the same thing. I was like, how old are you? Old. She's my older sister. What up, Christian ignition? It's always something in rhythm.
01:01:53
Speaker
Apparently. Yeah.
01:01:57
Speaker
I'm going to tell an Elton John, and show just in case anybody missed it. You're aware of how awesome of a piano player Elton John is, right? Well, you may be surprised to learn that he really sucks on an organ. suck
01:02:14
Speaker
Oh, you almost know he's going great. He's now known as Grey Boosh. Anyways, Jeff, Jeff, or even everybody, anybody listening, have you guys ever heard the phrase null?
NOLO Subculture Explained
01:02:27
Speaker
Or do you know what a NOLO is? Is it anything like YOLO? No, not exactly. I've heard that one. No, I have not heard that. Sounds like a fucked up... ah ah Oh my God, I forgot what it's called. But yeah, go ahead. Well, NOLO is a subculture that is growing in the United States.
01:02:54
Speaker
Um, two things are required to become a no-low, a no-low. Uh, one, you have to be a man. And two, you have to cut off your own junk. Oh, no, I'm past. Wait, doesn't that make sense? No. Oh. They're going for the kin look. Yeah, I'm good. A gentleman from Washington DC. Back in the day, we used to call his eunuchs. A gentleman in Washington, D.C., 23-year-old Terry Gates did just that. He says he chopped off his boys himself. He just chopped the shit right off. I'm sorry. I know you like to call yourself a champ, but this dude has got champ right and all of it because I don't care who you are. You are one tough SOB if you can do that. No, no, you're not. That just makes sure that just means you're crazy.
01:03:51
Speaker
uh he pay he in his apartment in april of 2016 so this is a little this isn't a super old story they're just kind of coming back around uh and then he finished the job nine months later in the north carolina motel room he says he performed both procedures with a ceramic knife because it is sharper than steel so i'm assuming like maybe he lopped off the the jewel bag first and then Nine months later, cut his pecker off. ah Gates says he's never. So many questions for this dude. Yeah. Gates says he's never identified with male or female, just somewhere in between. Gates also says his boyfriend is cool with the, with the do it yourself surgery. Um, and his sex life has never been better. I don't know. I mean,
01:04:50
Speaker
Didn't take any, he's catching, not pitching. Well, clearly. I mean, I mean, I guess you could run your, I guess you could. We can do a weird. I'm not going to do anything, but we can try. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. So, um,
01:05:13
Speaker
In an interview with Metro online, he explained that he didn't have a problem with the pain. I used a little bit of a numbing agent, a little bit of lidocaine on it, and took to so took two five milligrams of oxycodone Cody, uh, that they prescribed me when I, had when I did my balls to take the age off. So he cut his balls off and then went to the house and they got the drugs, yeah cut my balls off. Can I get some painkillers? They're like, okay, whatever. Weirdo like didn't have him committed or anything, uh, to help him recover from the procedure. case so Gates inserted a catheter for several weeks to ensure that there was a hole through which he could journey. So he still has like a hole there.
01:05:59
Speaker
you Put the the catheter in there so that it would heal around and then he took right right so they're still so there's still a hole there ah The subculture does not necessarily relate to the person's sexuality though many consider themselves eunuchs I'm good You know, yeah, I'd like to join a lot of clubs. This is not one of them. Yeah, there's
01:06:25
Speaker
I don't see the, I don't, I'm trying to figure out how to word this. I don't see the quote unquote attraction to doing this. It just sounds like it's going to hurt. Like even if I went to the doctor and was like, Hey doc, I'm sick and tired of having this thing. Go ahead and cut that off. Taint rubbing is the new craze.
01:06:46
Speaker
pass Tabin. Tabin. It's like smooth.
01:06:55
Speaker
but That's the thing i can and that's only thing i can I can really compare it to. It's like a Kindle. You basically turn yourself into a Kindle. I don't know, man. We live in a crazy world and dudes right here cutting their junk off. and Once again, this is why chicks have hard times finding dates where we can start that business of like, bring us to your fucking Christmas party because we're better than Nubby over here. No, no, Nubby.
01:07:22
Speaker
I am. I have never nor will I ever be drinking the Kool-Aid. I like Kool-Aid. I will stick to my Mountain Dew. yeah wolf You know, I'm pretty good with a knife, dude. You know, like I can cut a straight line, but you put me on a couple of oxy. It's not going to be straight line.
01:07:51
Speaker
So how well do you think he did with this cut? All right. You know, I didn't ask where do you start? No, like that's my other question. Like, where do you start? I assume that you just grabbed like the base of your ball stack and stretch it out and just cut it right off of the base. Same thing with your, just grabbed the headach you just grabbed the head of your dick and stretch it out and right up against the skin. I don't know.
01:08:16
Speaker
Yeah, it's not my it's not my jam man. It's not my jam. I'm just here to record the news good I'm good. um i can't yeah i wish I wish I wish I could say I was making this up
01:08:37
Speaker
well apparently this dude is not blazed because he has free will because he got us his own day ah i don't see why i don't see why jeff is worried drinking up energy drinks your picker shovels away anyways i got two kids i'm not worried about it um well it's a it's a mystery we'll we' never solve why you would do this i mean yeah we could try to we could try to reach out to the guy oh do it do
01:09:13
Speaker
i want I want that interview. That'll be so much fun. Like, that'd be a great interview for Jeff's garage. I'm just saying. So it's your hobby. I like to go to my body parts. Come on on. Everybody's doing it. Yeah. You know,
01:09:30
Speaker
but fighters is bullet out all the stuff know i there is that old saying that in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. I will keep my neck. When everybody else cuts theirs off, I will be king.
01:09:45
Speaker
oh Well, hey, you know, since it is to each your own, my friend, to each your own. Yeah, it's 20, 25. I don't judge. Just to prove how much you love us.
01:10:03
Speaker
Yeah, dude, it's something you can work your way up to. You just slice. Jeff is a Bobby bobby with a YE or a YI. He has both the Y and the I. Or would you have the I? e Yeah. That hurt. Oh, hello nurse. Let's be honest. That dude had to stand a lot.
01:10:30
Speaker
Like after that, you wouldn't be able to sit down. Why? It would be uncomfortable. I think life in general is going to be uncomfortable. Yeah, for at least a while. Did you imagine if you cough?
01:10:46
Speaker
um However, if you ever get in a fight and something kicks in the balls and you laugh at it, we're like, look what are you going to do? Smooth as baby's ass. de addict One way you should never, you know, there are some decisions you can't come back from. You know, we've all done dumb things. We've all done dumb things that we wish we could take back. you and a few years me like You know what? I wish I didn't. And then he'll go to some doctor and they'll make him a bionic one and it'll be bigger and stronger and better.
01:11:34
Speaker
We have the technology. We really build it.
01:11:40
Speaker
$5,000 penis. I'm in. Whatever. I'm in. You're in me. I don't know. but I don't know what's happening here. I'm good. Well, as I said, it's a mystery we will probably never solve. Unlike the FBI,
01:12:00
Speaker
who has pleaded with social media to stop solving crimes before they do.
FBI vs. Online Detectives
01:12:12
Speaker
wow how the comments are genius but be the comments just No. Well, are you mad because I have no formal of training and I don't have thousands of hours on the job and I'm able to do your job that you can't. Um, but apparently I was trying to get that surgery so I can add a link and add a victim to them. Apparently it's not just one or two cases, thousands.
01:12:44
Speaker
um yeah a thousand It's like 20, 30,000. Yeah. You guys are trained by internet sleuths professionals. And you're, it sounds like if I was the FBI, I would be doing some recruiting, not discouraging. I'm just saying, Hey, Bob, you, you know, Bobby with an eye and why you solve this case. I got another one. You want to look at this one? It's a cold case. But, uh,
01:13:19
Speaker
But once again, you know, there was a whole movement a while back about defunding the police. Maybe we defund the FBI and just hire a bunch of fucking internet sleuths because there's a whole bunch people of people. I'm just saying. But I did find it funny that, you know, the the girl that did this initial thing. She's looked online and she found over 40,000 cases in the past five years, five years. The internet sleuths have sold that the FBI hadn't gotten to or just quote unquote gave up I mean, I understand. like it goes
01:14:10
Speaker
It was called cold or, or, or, you you know, you haven't even gotten to that case yet because you're working on the other one. You know, there's only so many FBI people and there's more cases than FBI, but 40,000 is a lot. Like I don't have 40,000 of anything.
01:14:32
Speaker
But I did find it funny that, you know, thousands of man hours of training and all this and Jill on her fucking ticktocks like it was this guy It's Dionne Warwick to solve this yeah 599 a minute she's still alive chaka What up, bro But yeah, I said Apparently the FBI is only so good
01:15:09
Speaker
But I agree with you. I think reaching out to some of these people like, Hey, while you're at it, you got free time on your hands. You just saw, do my job for me. Hey, you want to look at this one? I'll slow it. Throw you a couple of bucks. Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, why not recruit and why not, you know, uh, you know, outside contractors? Uh, I don't know. but but and now And now I say that, but I don't know how they're going about solving these cases because it could be highly illegal. I mean, you're, you're breaking and entering your, you know, you don't have, bro because that work you know, I mean, you can't be as simple as just going online and pushing buttons, you know, like there's got to be some kind of, my other thought is for every person that solves a case, there's like 25 that are 100% wrong. You know,
01:15:59
Speaker
So I get that, but it's like, at the end of the day, hey, you guys have time on your hands. You want to do a little research for us? You know? What's that chick from... ah ah What's the show with Spencer? The the Law and Order? The Nerdy Doctor, dude. I can't remember what it's called.
01:16:27
Speaker
Oh, you're talking about criminal minds? Oh, you're talking about criminal minds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're talking about Penelope. Criminal minds. She basically does that. You know, she just plays on the internet all day. That's her job. Yeah, but she works for that guy. But she was a criminal. That's why she works for that guy. I'm just saying, like, I mean, I'm just... I'm just saying. Future role model for these internet sleuths.
01:16:57
Speaker
But, uh, yeah, I just, I just, yeah, I needed to do their job. There's that too. That's why this is titled. So do your job. Do your job motherfuckers be better. Actually, you know what? Be better. Agreed. Maybe not sit around, sit around drinking coffee and eating donuts. What would the nonsensical network do?
01:17:27
Speaker
That's right. you me Feds, alphabet warriors. Wrong alphabet warriors, but okay. Whatever.
01:17:45
Speaker
LBGTQRRPS1. FBI. throw in there bill of business i'm gonna make Yeah. Well, they're all just letters. LBGT. Yeah. Sure. Most of them were jocks, not nerds. I mean, they have a whole division of nerds in the FBI. I'm just saying. I was going to say, yeah. And LP being one. Although I don't think she's actually a real person. She's got and ill be actually yeah. Yeah. So what are you?
01:18:23
Speaker
The only woman that it would be acceptable if I cheated on her with, okay. or better idea challenge accepted or better idea. Why cheat? But I can just invite her in because she swings both ways in real life. i like So I'm just saying I like a sandwich and you're the bread. She's the bread. I'm eating the middle. And we can throw some potatoes in there, too. And that'll be fucking awesome. We'll call it a g click, which. Yeah.
01:18:56
Speaker
and is same ah Next story, what do you got? Oh Real quick like here before we get into the old Pina Ruski us Check this out, man. This is fucking weird. So like there's this whole trend going on anyways on tiktok, right and and it like the Boy moms and these moms have like weird obsessions with their son.
The Ethics of Age-Reversing Transfusions
01:19:27
Speaker
okay borderline like Okay, so they're moms that have sons because yeah you can't just say boy mom because I'm like, wait, so they identify as boys, but they're chicks. Sometimes their feelings may go a little like this is the only man who I'll ever truly love. And I love my daughters, but it's really going to break my heart today. But it's really weird.
01:19:53
Speaker
And I'm thinking like, this is a weird thing. This is, this is weird in general. Y'all like kind of fetishizing your, your sons and whatever, but, uh, it's a little bit weirder. This mom, uh, Marcella and glacis 47 is, uh, she is receiving blood transfusion to fight aging using her son's blood. I did see this. Yes. Uh,
01:20:24
Speaker
My question is, does it work? Cause I got two kids. I'm just saying. A youth chaser has revealed that she will be receiving blood transfusion from her son to stave off aging. Marcella 47 has already shelled out more than $99,000 on various cosmetic procedures and is working over even more for the blood transfusion from her son, Rodriguez 23 to reverse aging and her son looks like a complete fucking douche.
01:20:54
Speaker
uh and she looks exactly like you would think she would look after having almost a hundred thousand dollars in plastic surgery uh this is uh this is a picture of uh her and her son oh my god her son looks like somebody we would beat up oh i would totally beat him up uh yeah just ah just for mr existing yeah probably for existing especially for wearing that shirt yeah like um
01:21:27
Speaker
it says that they no i don't about your d and d
01:21:35
Speaker
there There can be many benefits from the cells of a younger donor, especially if the donor is my own son. ah said Marcella who has already tried stem cell therapy and was inspired by her experience to research other treatments. Rodrigo is very aware of how the procedure is performed and all the benefits of it she added. He's excited about the idea of helping his grandmother do. They're gonna fucking No,
01:22:01
Speaker
this is called bamblinism no what they do, what they do is they draw like a pint, wait, and you know, store it in a facility, and then they draw another pint, store it until you got enough pints to fill up the lawn where you take out the old- The reason I bring this up, the whole boy-mom thing on TikTok, because they seem- They don't seem like- Yeah, they seem- Yeah, mom doesn't look terrible.
01:22:29
Speaker
But mom looks like half his age in the first place. Granted, she's mostly plastic, but. Yeah, she's like all plastic, but I'm like, they're a little too close for me. Yeah. Like, i the only time I think I would go to the club with my mom is when I did take her to Cocobango here, because it's actually a tourist attraction. It's not like, we're like, hey, mom, let's go to the bar. No, never happened. I yeah ah take Connor's mom to Cocobango.
01:22:59
Speaker
I did too. You can't do nothing about it. You ain't got no way. but
01:23:08
Speaker
After my ex left me, I went on a two year spree of dating every tattoo model she followed. So she would randomly get picked up. Nice. You know what? I'm not mad at that. Her son would probably beat you guys off. One can only hope.
01:23:26
Speaker
yeah When do we go? do He's got really soft. i don't See the downside. Yeah, I guarantee you that baby.
01:23:39
Speaker
but you And he's a no low kid. I'm just saying I'm calling. Call my shot on that. Oh yeah. Call my shot on that one. I think it's a safe bet.
01:23:51
Speaker
my like ja Uh, one more and then we're going to go to the ah break and then the penis report. Um, this is a little bit more serious, but, uh, also hilarious.
Generational Courage and Commentary
01:24:05
Speaker
So a New York city woman who was 71. She got attacked by four women trying to rob her. My girl went ham and started beating up these. I would assume 20 year olds.
01:24:23
Speaker
20, 25, nobody's over 30, I'm calling it now. 71 years old, beats them up, the girls run away, she goes to her church, and the church is like, yeah, you should go to the hospital, and she's like, yeah, I'll go after mass.
01:24:37
Speaker
but But they they made her go to the hospital, she's actually okay. The girls were not able to steal anything from her.
01:24:49
Speaker
That's what you this is why I think if there's ever a gender Generation war we got this du Yeah, I am sorry, but if there's a generational civil war ah Gen Z Alpha Gen whatever and in the new one is actually called I Feel bad for the new generation. They're competing called beta Yeah they're theyre there you're not go lift that apple
01:25:21
Speaker
But 71 years old, she said, not today. Not today. Not tomorrow. God bless her. I wish I had a picture of her. And not next week. Unfortunately, the four women that attacked her did get away. However, it's the New York City subway. There's cameras everywhere. And police are on the search for these four chicks. Three of them.
01:25:49
Speaker
99% chances are going to get caught. The fourth one is wearing a mask, which kind of explains a lot about her generation. Yeah. But I think she's also the smartest one because she's also wearing a ball cap. But I'm not mad at the 71 year old, 71 year old woman. I'm proud of her. Her name's ah Linda Rose, 71. Not all heroes wear a cape, Lindsay.
01:26:19
Speaker
Um, that's like, uh, there was a story a couple of years back about this, uh, older gentleman. I think he was in England. Uh, he, uh, guy broke into his house dude was like in his seventies or some shit cat broke into his house. This guy's 78 years old.
01:26:39
Speaker
But that kid did know what he broke into his house was he was former special forces at a golden glove championship boxer. Dude, he beat the brakes off of this kid while he called the cops, while he called 999 or whatever they call over there. Yeah, they call 999. And he was whooping this kid's ass. The cops got there and he was holding him down, still punching him in the face.
01:26:58
Speaker
like I'm sorry if you're gonna be a thief do your research ah maybe be a little bit better i'm just saying Or maybe just go get a job like the rest of us there's a reason why I don't go breaking into people's houses I'm not an idiot But yeah don't want to get back but you know i it comes down to you know There's a reason why our generation never beat up the generation before us because, or the generation before that, because they're badasses. As much as we didn't think they were, we knew better. This new generation, they think they're, they think they know everything. They think they're Billy Badass and they're quickly learning they are not.
01:27:45
Speaker
the you are not now four girls i' for it Unidentified girls, uh, just literally learned that. a
01:28:00
Speaker
But, uh, man, you know, the old saying Papa. Yep. Little Papa moment. They definitely learned that learn something. fuck around We will be, we will be right back with your weekly Peanuts report. ah After we listen to a little Jules in the howl with the howl, I like this song too. I can't do it. o I feel silly. i feel um I don't really feel silly very often on this shows, but howling just makes me feel retarded. So we'll be right back everybody.
01:29:32
Speaker
Now's the time to raise your voice and let it out
01:32:39
Speaker
you pe the head I like that song. I like that song i like that her. I want to feel better song too. It's so good. That was Jules in the how Howl with the Howl. Welcome back everybody. She's a badass.
01:32:55
Speaker
Welcome back everybody to bio.link slash nonsensical network everywhere. We do what we do. You'll find on our social medias and of course links to our Spotify. And of course we are everywhere you find podcasts.
01:33:08
Speaker
um
01:33:11
Speaker
It is time, sir. Yeah. Welcome back to this nameless Wednesday show. I said, what the fuck? news You just't don't still pay attention. You are out of focus by the way. Yeah, I'm over here. Okay.
01:33:26
Speaker
Bouncing around like a fucking idiot my camera can't keep up with it oh what are you gonna do I was over here jamming out to Jules. I was too um what is citizen z like what up blas ask poem He said the the former generation they just taught us how not to speak back Wow, yeah 100%
01:33:53
Speaker
Shut up, Brian! Nobody asked you. No, look who just showed up right in time. Yeah, go figure. We don't have to talk about him. No,
01:34:08
Speaker
no no, I will not do it. You had to break your ass up on Saturday night, man, to get your accolades. Yes, but it is that time of the week with us. I'm ready to hit the button on you, Art.
01:34:24
Speaker
Yes, ladies and gentlemen your favorite part of what the fuck news
01:34:44
Speaker
yes why why is he so angry but she not think it Thank you, thank you, citizens. Appreciate that. Don't be a stranger, man. We try to have a good time seven days a week around here. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the penis reports here on what the fuck news.
Bizarre Stories of Misuse and Shame
01:35:10
Speaker
I don't know where to go tonight, so I'm just going to go with, these ones are kind of funnyish and whatnot, but I'm going to go with this one because it'll be, uh, it'll be short and sweet kind of like Jeff. Well, short, not sweet. I'm very sweet. Okay. Here are the 11 of the ah weirdest places men say they have stuck their penises.
01:35:38
Speaker
I
01:35:40
Speaker
Can't say I'm other than in a woman I've ever done anything weird. It was that one time with you in the goat. That doesn't count. Oh, OK. I was always there. You dared yourself to do it. Yeah, you did. okay Yeah, you recorded it. So you don't want to get into it. I didn't. No, I know and just shut up the camera. so But be careful going home. I will.
01:36:09
Speaker
um 11 please. 11 of the weirdest places men have said they have stuck their, I don't know why anybody would admit to any of this shit, but you know what? I'm assuming it was anonymous. Well, there's a thing about an anonymity. An anonymity. Isn't that the thing from Finding Nemo? No, that's anonymity. An anonymity is when you are anonymous.
01:36:39
Speaker
and enemy However, number one here is There you go ahead a t-shirt at the end of the day, whatever whatever floor there's not a lot of women in Iceland me just say yeah I thought isolated chicks were hot though What I saw this thing on the news that Iceland has the sexiest chick around the planet. It was ranked. Yeah, I don't know. In between couch cushions, marble countertops. Whoa. Yeah. Fur. OK. Like rabbit. Yeah, rabbit fur. An old Scooby-Doo doll. Yeah. It was a weird time in my life. They took rabbit fur and poked a hole at a Scooby-Doo doll.
01:37:37
Speaker
foage out A plastic bag Tuesday Work is calling. Please talk amongst yourselves Yeah, no, but I did say this thing go back to the Iceland thing while he's on the bone work ah It was like countries with the best-looking females and Iceland I thought was really up there unlike ja honor No, it's not gonna happen Ruh-roh. Blaze. Blaze with a Ruh-roh. Yeah, Blaze does like his Scooby-Doo, I'm just saying. The population is 360,000 spread out. Not a lot of choices. I can get that. I saw something else on the news that was like, a there are countries that are literally paying people and giving them special via visas called the Breeding Visa.
01:38:36
Speaker
Apparently there's not enough dudes. So you can go there and knock out a bubble couple kids and get paid. Not mad at it. Just saying something. Yeah. All right. I gotta make this quick. I gotta make this quick. I gotta make another work phone call. But number four, plastic bag. Took a plastic bag, put two slices of ham on each side and filled it with soapy water.
01:39:00
Speaker
Put it under my parents mattress. I was young and expected it to be a good stimulation. I was way off. And then now there was a teddy bear. Don't judge me too hard. My mom gave me a teddy bear when I was a kid. It developed a hole in the back of its neck and I'd stick my 13 year old pecker in there and shake that bear. My shame. I later burned it. One last sympathy fuck after I later burned after one last sympathy fuck, which I was kidding.
01:39:30
Speaker
Uh, a pot pie, my 15 year old self was very into raunchy movies and American pie was a cream de la creme. uh see uh for a lot of better phrase well i didn't have an apple pie to speak of but guess what my southern carbohydrate loaded family did have mccormack pot pies what's the difference right well after following the insane instructions i slid my member past the flaky goodness and then to the turkey gravy in case never
01:40:02
Speaker
Again, just never, never again. I hope it wasn't. Yeah. Let's be honest. Like you you take it right out of the, u but the outside is still slightly cold, but the inside is fucking lava. I mean, Jesus. and calling this isnt yeah This isn't super weird, but I'm assuming the story behind it is a flashlight, bought a flashlight, used it a couple of times, almost all the time, blowing inside. I forgot to clean it after I'm done. I hit it between the space from my bed and wall.
01:40:31
Speaker
So it's really dark and it can't be seen unless you take a close look. One day I was doing my thing. All of a sudden I saw black stuff on my penis and I thought it was dirty since I sweat at night and I hadn't gotten a bath yet. I finished my business as usual, looked inside and it was filled with some black looking mold. The top was all black and was hard and it felt like I was taking a scab off underneath it underneath that it was white and creamy. I quickly watched off myself and threw the flashlight out.
01:41:02
Speaker
Yeah. You gotta clean those things, man. Uh, bread dough worked in a bakery once. Once bread dough is mixed, uh, it is left to rise. I went into a cold room, punched a hole in the dough, lubed it with some water and put my dick in it. Uh, jelly. and Yeah. Jelly using jelly, not KY, smuckers with the jar.
01:41:28
Speaker
it ba with His name like smokers. It has to be good. Yeah. Open to load high heel shoes. When I was about 13, my neighbor was really good looking. And I was over at her house to watch cartoons and do the normal 13 year old stuff. I went into her bathroom and saw one of her open toed heels. And I put my little 13 year old member into the hole and humped it until I couldn't hump it anymore. Nine out of 10. Definitely going to do it again.
01:41:58
Speaker
Fucking weirdo. Jesus. And marshmallows. I found instructions on how to make a homemade flashlight out of marshmallows in the middle of July. Uh, the basic principle was to cut a marshmallow in half and stick them in a glass cup, or basically just fuck it at first. It's amazing and doing the job just as intended with a bit of loo. But of course, after five minutes, it begins melting.
01:42:26
Speaker
Uh, cut to about a half hour later, me trying my damn hardest to get off and finally managed to finish. And it was just a mass of melted mushroom marshmallows, lube, and pubes. The poor bastard cooked the shower for two days due to our shower being broke. So after two days, I had soured.
01:42:49
Speaker
dried marshmallow grease out of my pre pubes and it wasn't working. So I basically either had to learn to shave or deal with it for a long, a long while more. I shaved and I like cut myself once. Thankfully I wasn't anywhere important. Shaving balls is easier than people say. Moral of the story is invest in your choice. Yeah. and they Yeah.
01:43:11
Speaker
yeah And that is your penis report kind of How big your but Marshmallows aren't that big dude? And he said cut one yeah Was that you because You you admittedly said you have tall penis they have they have those they do have those giant the giant marshmallows. Oh that's true Yes, don't hump your s'mores people
01:43:42
Speaker
So I don't know to each their own. However, I hate to cut and run, but I got to work
Episode Wrap-Up and Future Plans
01:43:51
Speaker
emergency. So thank you guys for listening. We'll see you. I'll see you Saturday night. So yeah.
01:43:56
Speaker
<unk> Yeah, thanks for everybody watching. Thanks for everybody listening. We're gonna end it here. We will see you Saturday. Since Click has to go, I was getting ready to end into the show anyways. Thanks for everybody listening. Thanks for everybody watching. Don't forget, bio dot.link slash nonsensical network. Go there, find all our pages, subscribe, like, share and follow. And we'll see you tomorrow. Bye.
01:44:30
Speaker
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01:45:12
Speaker
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Speaker
But the vibes just quite tune in, tune in
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Speaker
always on repeat