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WTF News: Time for something new
11 Plays13 days ago
This week in WTF News we introduce a new co-host. Traded for a new monkey,the lazy is strong,you did what and caught what,I don't think that was part of tinder gold package,40 year old virgin,Wait your not real and more plus as always The Penis Report and brand new Lovely lady bits
NETWORK Links: https://bio.link/nonsensicalnetwork
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Transcript
Opening and Introduction
00:00:04
Speaker
by May have your attention please? It's time for the final countdown.
00:00:17
Speaker
The show starts in the end.
What the Fuck News - Bizarre Headlines
00:00:44
Speaker
Jeff on the mic, Glick on the keys. What the fuck news? Got you weak in the knees. Talking about headlines, bizarre as can be. Penis report, it's a strange marquee. What the fuck news?
00:00:55
Speaker
Can't believe your ears. Ridiculous stories, shattering fears. Tune in, turn up, life's a weird parade. Everything's strange in the WTF shape.
00:01:14
Speaker
Cows on the moon Loch Ness monster found in someone's lagoon Glick's got the facts Jeff's got the flair Sit back relax it's wild out there Government scandal Clowns in the park Bathtub races after dark Crazy celebs, oddball nazaris Everyday people, they're wildest diaries What the fuck news yo it's blowing your mind Real life madness stories one of a kind Laugh or shake your head Just press play Jeff and Glick Bringing the WTF everyday
00:01:52
Speaker
God, I'm talking wild. Glick with the details. Jeff with the smile. Weird news wave. Come ride the confusion. Reality's glitch beyond delusion.
00:02:53
Speaker
We'll be right back.
00:03:34
Speaker
Oh, what's going on everybody? Happy Wednesday. Welcome to What the Fuck News right here on the Nonsensical Network.
00:03:45
Speaker
Make sure y'all check us out. Follow, like, share, and don't forget to turn on your notifications. We is everywhere. Facebook, Instagram, X, and TikTok shows are live Monday through Sunday. And don't forget to listen wherever you listen to podcasts at.
Introducing Nikki - New Co-Host
00:04:04
Speaker
all at the Nonsensical Network or simply go to bio.link slash Nonsensical Network. going to find all those links there, including and I will.
00:04:21
Speaker
She's like she's like the Susan B. Anthony of the Nonsensical Network. She's making history. with all She's the first the first female on the network.
00:04:34
Speaker
You guys know Nikki. You've seen her before. But she's taken over co-hosting roles since a lot of things are changing around here. We're trying it out. We're trying it out. This is her audition.
00:04:48
Speaker
So you guys can let me know if she stays or if we if we push her into the volcano. And I'd be okay with either.
00:04:58
Speaker
So for those of you guys who don't know, this is Nikki. It's my fiance. She actually owns Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner. You guys hear us talk about her all the time where you can get all of your nice sensical swag or you can get personalized, customized stuff.
00:05:16
Speaker
Facebook and Instagram. right there And her link is in our bio link as well. So We're making, I'm going to put her to work one way or another. Damn it. Yeah. Cause I don't have enough to do.
00:05:28
Speaker
Nope.
00:05:33
Speaker
No, not at all. It's fine. We got to work on your lighting situation out there. You look like ah don't keep her in a cave or in the basement. I do let her out. of Yeah, you do. I do let her out, but nonetheless, I don't know how what's going on Arliss.
00:05:48
Speaker
I don't know how she feels. i know I'm excited. I'm excited. I know. Blaze is also excited for her to be potentially sliding in and taking over. That's because this is all his fault.
00:06:00
Speaker
He just said what I was thinking. I never heard it from you. I had brought it up a couple times and you gave me the stank eye before Jeff left.
00:06:11
Speaker
i very I'm still giving you the stank eye, but it's all right. A totally different project that I wanted to do, but nonetheless. Yeah. I will say, she did make her first executive decision.
The Infamous Penis Report
00:06:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:26
Speaker
I said that, as I've been saying the last couple weekends, or the last couple weeks, I think the penis report is going to go away, and she says the penis stays. However... Yes, because now I'm bringing the vagina.
00:06:44
Speaker
The figurative, literally, and... yeah ah Yeah, so we're gonna actually change up. It's not going to be a full-on penis report. It's going to be some penis stories, some vagina stories, because, you know, I don't think i'd have been I would have felt too comfortable going into, like, some horrendous vagina stories, because that is a wondrous, mysterious world down there of greatness and also grossness.
00:07:20
Speaker
yeah roas i remember that love I'm not saying you in particular. There's a lot of shit going on down there. like Everybody grew up like, I'm going to be a guy to college one day. It's going to be great.
00:07:35
Speaker
I can look at vaginas and pussy all day long. But in actuality, what you don't realize is a lot of them are not going to be in the best of shape. Whether they've got funk or blisters pus plus or Losing something or another or whatever.
00:07:50
Speaker
Listen, I have one and I've never thought about that. Like, I don't think about that stuff. just saying. I've never had to worry about that stuff. I don't want to think about that stuff. That is not a mental picture that I want. Thank you.
00:08:04
Speaker
um ah You know what? I hate to break it to you, Miss Vagina Stories, but you're going to get some gross shit. It's not all fun and games when you dive into the world of genitalia stories.
00:08:16
Speaker
Listen, I'm just looking for like funny what-the-fuck stories. i'm not Yes, there are some gross ones, but that's not what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for spider bite on my labia stories. like No, thank you. that's That's what the people want.
00:08:31
Speaker
um Well, then the people can want it somewhere. The the the grossest, the grosser, the more horrific, the better. I'll pass. Thanks.
00:08:43
Speaker
I'm just saying, I'm sure you've heard some of the penis stories that I've told on this. Not my own personal penis story. First and foremost, other people's penis story. They're not all, they're not all fun.
00:08:57
Speaker
I know. oh What's going on? I mean there's some like the burning lady bits and the buzzing toothbrush.
00:09:09
Speaker
Well, ah it's it's it's not the... Oh, man, I got to come up with new clips and new soundboard and all that stuff, man. Our new sound and all that. The creepy crawly.
00:09:23
Speaker
Well... I say, since it's your first night here, why not throw you right to the wolves? No, you go first. and You can go first.
00:09:33
Speaker
Why? You don't want to start with your lovely lady bit stories? No, but can we call it that? Can we call it the lovely lady bit story? If you would like us to call it Nikki's lovely lady bits, then that's what we'll call Nikki's lovely lady bits.
00:09:50
Speaker
Why are you going to put my name in there? It's Wix Penis Report. Wow, no, it's not. It's just a penis report. Yeah, so it can just be Lovely Lady Bits stories. just Or you can just call it Lovely Lady Bits.
00:10:02
Speaker
Okay, that's fine. but here's new spit You can start with Pecker stories. Oh, you want me to start with that the the penis, the penile stories?
00:10:13
Speaker
Yes. i gotta get my ah I got new technology today, guys. I'm still trying to figure it out because it's not It's like your phone, but bigger. It's okay. You can figure this out.
00:10:26
Speaker
Yeah, it really is. But i have to fix it because it was cashless first. so Right. um I've still got some cleaning up I got to do on it. It's still running kind of slow.
00:10:38
Speaker
Maybe there's an update or something for it. All right. We're going fire right off the bat with...
00:10:46
Speaker
ah the Pecker stories. Hashtag lovely lady bits says lazy. What up, lazy? You beautiful son of a bitch, you.
00:10:59
Speaker
pickcker storie Pecker stories. maybe like Maybe we'll cut some stories short and and give Nikki some time at the end of the show to share some vagene stories. We'll we'll ah pop turn. Listen, I've got lovely lady bits stories. I've got definitely does not win mom of the year award stories.
00:11:18
Speaker
And I got granny making six figures on OnlyFans stories. i got I got a story about a lady. Not so lovely lady bits. But we're going to go ahead.
00:11:32
Speaker
Since Nikki has made her executive decision, we'll start out with the penis report. Penis. Yeah. Firmly grasp it in your hand.
00:11:44
Speaker
Firmly grasp it. Firmly grasp it.
00:11:53
Speaker
I remember the first, I just saw that thing for the first time the other day and I was like, what is this? The starfish? Yes. Yeah, we did a report on that. And it's been several months back.
00:12:06
Speaker
And I told Jeff to save the picture. I sent it to him and told him to save it so we could have it for the penis report.
00:12:14
Speaker
Especially since we have the... Yeah, we have that on the network. I was like, what? Especially since we have the Patrick Star grasp it firmly. right out the bat,
00:12:26
Speaker
but um right out the bat Weird penis stories. These ones are short. I just got like five or six of them here. um
00:12:37
Speaker
Got a grease gun injury. A man decided to, and i don't know if any of you guys are familiar with grease guns and how they work. They're pretty basic, pretty simple. The grease tube slides in there. It's got a pump handle. Some of them shape differently.
00:12:51
Speaker
And then there's a stop on the bottom that kind of sucks. Some of them just actually vacuum the grease out. Anyways, a man was trying to enlarge his penis with a grease gun.
00:13:03
Speaker
Apparently it worked for about seven years. But he eventually had to seek treatment because he developed erectile dysfunction. So was it worth being big man on campus?
00:13:15
Speaker
and Not really worth it if it's something that you have to keep doing. um ah you know if i' If I'm going to enlarge my my pectoral region i'm going to one at one and done and don't want to have to keep doing it for seven years no i mean we've done we've done discovered you can do uh penis replacements you can do bionic penises why can't i have one surgery and be one and anyways um He also suffered from significant fibrosis, tissue hardening that had to be corrected with multiple operations.
00:13:53
Speaker
I would think so.
00:13:56
Speaker
well
00:13:59
Speaker
Yeah. So, gentlemen, much like any other situation, don't go sticking your penises in places where it don't belong. this This is the PSA. This is the golden this is the psa this is the golden rule
00:14:15
Speaker
I just, like... I can't... Who thinks to stick their pecker in a grease gun? I mean... it's Right. It's like that curling iron that you can buy at Walmart that looks like the bubble wand that says, do not insert into your anus.
00:14:35
Speaker
They had to put a warning label on there for some reason because somebody shoved that curling iron up their ass. Yeah.
00:14:42
Speaker
I don't... Unfortunately... Yeah. So why when i why when i become when I become king of the world, first thing I do is remove warning labels off of everything.
00:14:55
Speaker
This is survival of the strongest, Darwinism at its finest. Sorry, we will eradicate the stupid race one idiot at a time. Well, if you are taking away warning labels, then I just want to be in charge of putting googly eyes everywhere.
00:15:11
Speaker
I can buy a pack of like five bajillion googly eyes off of Amazon. Yeah. You'll be the queen of the world. You can do whatever you want. you like Just googly eye everything. We did that at the most time one night.
00:15:24
Speaker
I'm not surprised. I feel like you guys did that one night when I was with you. You might have been. i met some random chick that had a bag of googly eyes and for rectal use only stickers.
00:15:38
Speaker
Yeah, I think that was shortly after we started dating because I remember you had googly eyes one night at the most night. Yeah, we put them out and on everything.
00:15:49
Speaker
So, not Blaze. Jedi, I need you to start writing down all these hashtags so we can have so we can keep track of them, buddy.
00:15:58
Speaker
They can go in the Glictionary. He learned about the Glictionary last night. here's I know, I heard. You're being Christopher. We...
00:16:12
Speaker
Glickulous.
00:16:16
Speaker
but ligasms Hashtag 25. whoop woo um Just a little FYI. Did you know foods and drinks that increase erection boosting nitric oxide?
00:16:33
Speaker
There's some food out there. What food? I'll go to the store tomorrow. I don't know. ah peak I love this. I love the title of this, but I want i'm gonna i need to find this.
00:16:44
Speaker
It says Peak a Erectile Strength Diet. where I show you how to dramatically and naturally improve your erectile strength. Huh. Get on that.
00:16:56
Speaker
Yeah. My erections are fine. up I'm not of a certain age yet. Anywho, in other penis news... I think this is bad news, Bears.
00:17:09
Speaker
Yeah. I read this one to you earlier. I have so many questions about this. This is confusing as fuck. An elderly Romanian man accidentally chopped off his own penis while trying to cut off the head of a noisy chicken.
00:17:24
Speaker
I can't with this, man.
00:17:28
Speaker
What the fuck were you doing and with your dick out in the region of a chicken's head and an axe or scissors or whatever weapon tree you decided to use to cut this chicken's head off?
Bizarre Animal Tales
00:17:44
Speaker
I'm guessing since Romanians are like a free culture, he might have just been chopping chickens' heads off naked. He might have been doing his farm chores, and he might have been out there chopping their heads off and, you know?
00:18:03
Speaker
Well, sadly, he didn't cut the chickens' head off. That's what he took it. ah screwed the pooch uh speaking of the pooch to add insult to injury ah man's best friend his loyal dog thought it was a treat and promptly ate the severed penis did you tell me that part earlier i missed that part yeah i thought yeah i'm pretty sure i did because it was a it was a it was a this so when i buy those um
00:18:34
Speaker
bully sticks at the store for Sue's, that takes on a whole new meaning.
00:18:42
Speaker
Aren't those actual like bull peckers or something like that? or Yeah, they're bull dicks. They're dehydrated bull penises. well you Apparently the Walmart, the Mart of Wall in Romania, you can get elderly man penises for dogs.
00:18:59
Speaker
I just wonder what level of a of Alzheimer's, phenile. That's true, too. Maybe he was just losing his marbles.
00:19:11
Speaker
Because, I mean, also props to you, man, if you confused your you're you're dick for a chicken's neck. Because, I mean... Skinny and feathery? I mean, come on. If a dick is skinny and feathery.
00:19:26
Speaker
Chicken's got long long necks. When you stretch them out to kill them, they're pretty decent size.
00:19:35
Speaker
But then when you chop their heads off, don't their bodies still run for a hot minute? Actually, I did a story not too long ago about a chicken that survived well without a head for two years. Shut up. Two years?
00:19:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Two years. Farmer cut his head off and he ran around. but He was alive for two years. They were able to inject nutrients and shit like that into it and keep it fed and all that crap. Kind of wild.
00:19:58
Speaker
Kind of wild. Footgasm is just a more fun way of saying restlessly. that's Lazy Jedi says he got rid of a noisy cock.
00:20:08
Speaker
It's why it's called choking the chicken.
00:20:15
Speaker
Duck take two popsicle sticks around that thing, right? and There you go. Erection problem solved. I don't have ED first and foremost. You should always wear a cup if you're cutting chicken's heads off.
00:20:27
Speaker
Pater. Dry bowl penis is a great survival snack. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm not going to try that one out. I don't care if it was our last days on earth.
00:20:38
Speaker
I'm not eating a bull dick. Hashtag cow pizzle. you
00:20:45
Speaker
That's why it's called choking the chicken. I can't. What's going on, Mandy? How you doing? A
00:20:55
Speaker
a ah secretary in Singapore was having an affair and performing oral sex on her lover in transit when the car was involved in a collision with a van.
00:21:10
Speaker
The force of the crash with the van caused her to accidentally bite off her lover's penis who was driving the van.
00:21:22
Speaker
This is why you, if you're going to going pull around in the the car while it's in motion, while it's moving,
00:21:33
Speaker
go to a back road where there's not a lot of traffic. A, you're not going to get popped for public indecency and other and wind up on ah on a registry where you have to tell your neighbors about your sexual activities.
00:21:46
Speaker
But two, you also don't have to risk losing your bits or damaging your bits. Yeah, I mean, i know we've talked about that whole roadhead situation, but now I'm like, m that's off the table.
00:22:01
Speaker
e I mean...
00:22:05
Speaker
It's not completely off the table. Oh, you're willing to take that chance? Again, i know how to take proper precautions. Okay. Not on the back roads in Pennsylvania.
00:22:17
Speaker
We might run into your family. We don't want them to see you. discussion There's Uncle Jebediah. I'm not fucking Amish, Christopher.
00:22:30
Speaker
What the hell? It's just a normal Wednesday night. That's what you walked into. There's nothing normal about this, first of all. First and foremost, this is a normal Wednesday night on the network.
00:22:42
Speaker
It's not necessarily normal for anybody but us. if That's true
00:22:51
Speaker
true.
00:22:54
Speaker
Some people suck the nutrients out of live bull penises. There's a website for that. You know, I think I liked it better on Wednesdays when I was in the bathtub and I wasn't up to the dentist.
00:23:05
Speaker
I said I was going to get rid of the penis stories and you said, no, the penis stays in. The penis has to stay. The penis has to stay because the vagina is coming.
00:23:17
Speaker
That's very well played. i written play The penis stays because the vagina is coming.
00:23:30
Speaker
oh I don't like it. Hashtag you're welcome. Would have happened to Tesla. Their anti-dick biting features stated. here
00:23:43
Speaker
You know about Tesla's and blowjobs Jedi. Don't want to hit the pothole during it. No, you don't. The new, the new normal, I guess.
00:23:55
Speaker
He's awesome. Um, um Ladies and gentlemen, or gentlemen in particular, if you are prone to running off at the mouth and getting into fights, word to the wise, you should always wear a cup from here on out because a man was killed instantly.
00:24:13
Speaker
and i need to And I need to look this up and find this because I want to know more about this story and I want to know what happened. But a man was killed instantly after being kneed in the testicles during a fight.
00:24:25
Speaker
Boom, boom, boom, boom I don't know. They don't go into detail, but I am going to be. I need to know what is in your testiculars that can cause you to die. I'm writing down a note testicle insta death.
00:24:42
Speaker
So I can do some research on this story. Yeah, I need to know this. and got yeah Again, this is why somebody has to take responsibility to burn my notebook when I die, because there's things like testicle insta-death written in it.
00:25:02
Speaker
Fair. ah Hashtag Nikki is awesome. Nikki needs a nickname and a A headline, guys. So you got homework to do. I put in the headline, new and improved Jeff, but she was offended.
00:25:17
Speaker
I was offended. I was very offended. First of all, I'm not a fucking wannabe Mexican midget. but No, you're you're a Meximish.
00:25:30
Speaker
Don't start. There will be no Meximish nicknames. None. so anybody want but no much nickname none Anyone who can put up with my Sasquatch brother is a good woman. It takes takes a lot, trust me.
00:25:45
Speaker
My mortality resides within my testicle. So that's how we finally get rid of Peter Piper. We meet in person, kick him in the nards, and then he's gone.
00:25:58
Speaker
No, we don't want to get rid of Peter Piper. He's my buddy. Note to self, clear clicks. I'm not worried about my browser history or anything else. I'm worried about this my freaking notebooks because I'm going to end up in... If somebody reads them prior to my death, I'm going to end up in a padded room.
00:26:14
Speaker
Yes, maybe. That's a great idea.
00:26:26
Speaker
ah like that. I like that too. So no one call her
00:26:36
Speaker
I mean, icky, icky, sticky, icky.
00:26:42
Speaker
I thought. Don't start to shit. It's probably a good idea that you are. In a different room.
00:26:54
Speaker
Yeah. ah Yeah. You wanted to do this shit side by side. We will eventually. and think it'll be it'll be fun. So there is, we've talked about it quite a few times on here, but it's in this little story, so I'm just going hit it real quick. um it's ah There's a penis museum in Iceland.
Curious Museums and Historical Twists
00:27:20
Speaker
The phallological museum. Icelandic phallological museum. And it's dedicated to all things penis. I want to go to the penis museum.
00:27:31
Speaker
And I actually think because when we did this story, I think I discovered that there's actually a penis museum here in the States as well. I think maybe Arizona.
00:27:42
Speaker
I'm sure we could work that into an Idaho trip. Potatoes and penises. Sounds like a fucking party. Jedi wants to go.
00:27:55
Speaker
Mandy and I are going to the penis museum. Quick notebook has three sentences all about show ideas and 69 pictures of boobie draw. yeah Something like that. Big boobies, small boobies, really big boobies. ah I'll play with your life.
00:28:13
Speaker
i
00:28:17
Speaker
Penis sickles. I will put a sign up sheet out there. We will take a bus to the penis museum.
00:28:26
Speaker
Yeah, I'll have to double check that, but I think the the one in Iceland is is is a pretty large museum.
00:28:34
Speaker
but but but i think Pretty large dick. yeah But I think the one the one in the States is not quite as as big yet, um but they are adding. But yeah, there's like all different kinds of like animal penises. I think they hair got dinosaur penises. They've got prehistorical dildos, like all kinds of shit that all revolve around
00:28:56
Speaker
apparently Now I have questions. Apparently they have found penis-shaped
00:29:04
Speaker
tools. Things, yeah. and And in a lot of ah archaeological digs, whether it be like Indian burial sites, Viking burial sites, ah prehistoric stuff, whatever, the caveman, whatever you want to call it. Yeah, they've they've found those tools that only can be described as ancient dildos.
00:29:26
Speaker
You know, I never actually thought about, like, the cavemen and women and the pilgrims and all them fancy hoity-toity people. Like, I never thought about that shit.
00:29:39
Speaker
Well, and, like, ancient Romans and and especially the Greek, the Greeks. Well, yeah, they were very sexual nature. They were fucking everything. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like the people that I used to work with at the bar.
00:29:52
Speaker
What? I think it was the Greeks that are the oldest
00:30:03
Speaker
dated ah homosexual relationships because they just didn't care. They didn't see sexuality. It was sex. Interesting.
00:30:13
Speaker
interesting I could be wrong on that, but there is an ancient civilization We could start a museum called Bits and Bobbers.
00:30:22
Speaker
this Sounds like a kinky petting zoo. but Those places exist. They're called sex clubs.
00:30:33
Speaker
Or call it Tools for Every Hole. There you go. And last but not least in the penis report before we take our first break of the night. Apparently, obviously it's no secret that Hitler had a little dick and it didn't work.
00:30:47
Speaker
It was impotent. um Or he was impotent. That's not a secret? I didn't know that. Really? Yeah. it's like I don't know about the small dick thing, but he was. He he he did.
00:31:00
Speaker
He was impotent. But did you know that there's some decent evidence that he lost a testicle in a war injury?
00:31:09
Speaker
And that might have been what caused him to be and angry little German. Hmm. Yeah.
00:31:19
Speaker
Interesting. I got a tool for Yeah, there's your little ah your little penis report this week.
00:31:35
Speaker
So I can get rid of that And we take our first break.
00:31:48
Speaker
What is going on here? And then when we get back, we're going to make Nikki do some work.
00:31:57
Speaker
I'm ready. Maybe we're going to. Okay, there we go. Oh, shit. Johnny Bone. What's going on with you, brother?
00:32:09
Speaker
You can go put those in the garbage cache. Hitler was methed out hard, so not in pre praise. I'm not surprised you couldn't. get where's Was he really?
00:32:18
Speaker
you know Let's see. Oh, what do we have in Muzak tonight? Oh, let's do a little... We got
00:32:42
Speaker
You what? I know this one Nicky likes. Let's do a little James Luker with moods. yes Yes.
00:33:07
Speaker
That's just the way it is. I'm always ready for what's inside my head.
00:33:32
Speaker
Sleeping with the wolves, I'm a savage and the sharpest Carving aim and a bullet cause I'm heartless, yeah I'm heartless But I remember what you did promised you until I'm dead I'm always ready for living inside my hell
00:34:12
Speaker
No heart to confine with, I'm the silence I've done it all before in the shadows of the fines No one else will do it, I was born for the violence I'm feeling like a ghost and no one really knows Before I gotta go
00:34:40
Speaker
you until I'm dead I'm always ready for
00:35:28
Speaker
He's ready for all.
Musical Interlude and Podcast Dynamics
00:35:57
Speaker
I'm always ready for war, war, war, war.
00:36:05
Speaker
I love that song. still get goosebumps. I still get goosebumps every time I hear that line. My trigger finger has moods. He wasn't right. He wasn't wrong when I had him on the show.
00:36:16
Speaker
We got to do the the the clean interview without all the technical difficulties. And he told me about that song. It's definitely my favorite song of his so far. But that's James Luker. You guys can find him everywhere at James Luker on all them social medias. Go show him some love.
00:36:30
Speaker
We basically adopted him into the family. Nikki and I have. He's like a little brother to us. so but He's more like my kid. like He's my kid's age.
00:36:41
Speaker
Yeah, I was going to he's got a really good relationship with his mom. if it wasn't for that, I could be like, we could just adopt him and at this point. Facts. His mom's a good woman.
00:36:54
Speaker
And they got a really good relationship. so yeah He's like ah he's like a little's like a baby brother to me. Good kid, man. lots ah Had lots of good conversations with him. Genuine cat.
00:37:04
Speaker
You don't find too many people like that today. But, anywho, welcome back to What the Fuck News. Yes, your eyes did not deceive you. There is a female on the nonsensical network now.
00:37:16
Speaker
Granted. I keep her locked in a cage and every once in while i let her come out. I still have her chained up to the radiator. And that cage is outside. So, well, you know, you said you don't have a radiator weirdo.
00:37:30
Speaker
Chained to something.
00:37:34
Speaker
We don't even have a headboard for our bed. So I went and bought a radiator. Oh, okay. okay Either way. No. Nikki is more than likely going to be joining me on Wednesday nights for What the Fuck News.
00:37:51
Speaker
So I know I'm excited for it. Blaze is excited for it. And like I said, it's nice for the network to kind of have a, finally have a female voice flirting around here. Oh, I mean, I'm sure they've heard my voice a time or two.
00:38:05
Speaker
Oh, yeah. But I'm talking more on a regular basis. You know, because when i take you out of your chair and take over for a little bit. Saturday night takeover, pretty much. yeah But anyways, make sure you guys follow us. Nonsensical Network.
00:38:17
Speaker
Bio.link slash nonsensicalnetwork. All them socials are there. Just follow, give us a like, give us share. And don't forget to check out Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner. She, right here, Nikki, can do all the things.
00:38:29
Speaker
All the things. Are you wearing one of your hoodies that you made? I am wear my hangover hoodie. Nice. that we've kind of adopted as a nonsensical nonsense must must have, buddy.
00:38:41
Speaker
Well, listen, so I go to the occupational medicine place today for my pre-employment stuff, and the nurse calls me back, and she holds the door open for me to walk in front of her, and I just kind of hear her chuckle.
00:38:56
Speaker
And she says, I love your sweatshirt. I was like, listen, I promise you I'm not hungover. i just wanted to be comfy for this. Nice.
00:39:06
Speaker
i'm Coming in to get drug tested and all that fun and stuff. but Wearing a hangover shirt. Yeah. just yeah It is what it is. It happens. What are you going to do? I mean, it's probably the second comfiest sweatshirt that I own.
00:39:21
Speaker
That only worked on Jerry. it It wasn't a joke, though, when we said it about Jerry Vici. It was true. but But, nonetheless, back into the news.
00:39:32
Speaker
What do you got? You're first up to bat. Oh, hold on one second. Kristen just asked me what app you were on. I told her YouTube. She's parked for the night. so Oh, nice.
Truckers and Bizarre Injuries
00:39:47
Speaker
Shout out to her. Shout out to our trucker community. We know how much you guys you guys love us on the road.
00:39:54
Speaker
Alright. So, I can say that this one makes me a little weary. um Leah was riding her bike and randomly hooked it on something and she fell forward, vagina first, into a rose bush.
00:40:15
Speaker
She screamed in pain while her gynecologist removed 18 thorns with tweezers. And she says her vagina has never been the same.
00:40:28
Speaker
Um, was she, okay, it was much like the Romanian guy. Was she just riding around on her bicycle with no pants on, no panties on? Was she riding with a skirt? it I mean, those details are not in the story, but I would have to think something. Like, she was probably chasing unicorns and fuzzy dragons. Like, to go vagina first into rose bush.
00:40:52
Speaker
Is she from the east side of Nurk? but Is she one of those methanies I see on my way to work in the morning? Yeah. hey go Yeah, I couldn't imagine.
00:41:04
Speaker
But on the flip side of things, if you had 18 thorns in your cooter and then they removed them, I put in a positive spin on this and it became super sensitive to make it where you were like very easily to get off. That would be a good thing, though.
00:41:22
Speaker
Yeah, but I would think if somebody said my vagina was never the same again, it's probably not in a good way.
00:41:31
Speaker
I mean, also, one hell of a grape deterrent. You just keep them down there. And if somebody tried to grape you when you were getting your meth, they're going This is going to talk about having a bad day.
00:41:44
Speaker
You got a penis and a vagina story all in one story. It'd be like the Jefferson Starships with their teeth. Their vampire teeth. Yeah.
00:41:56
Speaker
Jefferson Starships. I can't. All right. so Supernatural reference for those of you who don't watch Supernatural.
00:42:06
Speaker
We have a story from Mary. ah lost cock ring.
00:42:13
Speaker
When my boyfriend and I were having sex, I got his cock ring stuck very far up into my bajajay. Like, really up there. So, for the next 10 minutes, my boyfriend practiced his gynecology skills and eventually got it out with the long end of a kitchen spoon.
00:42:35
Speaker
i think I would have just went straight for needle nose pliers. No, sir. Yeah, you know those long, like, mechanic ones that, like, they're real long and skinny and then they curve so you can, like, reach down and grab, like, bolts and screws and stuff? Yeah, man.
00:42:49
Speaker
No, but she says needless to say nothing was awkward for them from that point on. I don't see where anything could be awkward between them. I hope they get married and stay together for a very long time because that is a story that stays with you.
00:43:03
Speaker
Right. That's like not a cute story. That's not something that you want to tell your, you know, your grandchildren or your great grandchildren. But that's what you tell your friends when you're drunk at the bar. Like, listen to this shit.
00:43:15
Speaker
Also, homeboys got a homeboys got a guaranteed argument when every time. I don't want to hear your shit today, bitch. Remember when I had to fish a cock ring on your vagina? With a kitchen spoon.
00:43:27
Speaker
Still, nonetheless, he was a hero. Not all heroes wear capes.
00:43:34
Speaker
I'm kind of sorry I bought those new silicone-tipped kitchen utensils. you Maybe if you didn't have such a cavernous hole, it wouldn't got lost in there.
00:43:48
Speaker
Lisa or Mary or whatever her name Her name... that was Mary. Um...
00:44:03
Speaker
this is This is from Kale. I once used Nair on my bikini zone, and it worked great. And I thought, why not hit up my other parts too?
00:44:16
Speaker
Now, I know from experience that that is a very bad thing to do. You do not put hay removal products directly on Yahoo Ha.
00:44:28
Speaker
mean, that's a given. But, eh, I mean, There's reason why there's warning labels. I applied the nair on my vagina, and after a few moments, I realized that I was burning off my labia.
00:44:40
Speaker
I then went into my room and applied aloe vera directly onto my snooch, which made it burn even worse, because apparently that's not made for vaginas either. And the next day, it was swollen shut.
00:44:56
Speaker
Oh my god. Ha ha ha ha.
00:45:03
Speaker
See, guys, we're not the only ones that do dumb shit to our junk.
00:45:10
Speaker
I just... o That would be... That would be terrible. i don't...
00:45:18
Speaker
i think I don't know. that That just seems to be an obvious to me. I'm not slathering anything. like I'm not putting anything near... i mean, I often understand if you put it on your bikini line...
00:45:33
Speaker
probably get a little bit closer to the goods. Yeah. But not like all up in your shit. Yeah, no. I'm not putting cocktails. I'm not putting chemicals near my junk.
00:45:46
Speaker
not puttinging coffee I don't even... i mean yeah I mean... I had the conversation about how great manscaping is and what a discovery that was. But I'm even hesitant and weary to do that sometimes because... Listen, I have cut myself. It's not pleasant. It's not pleasant.
00:46:03
Speaker
And it bleeds a lot when you nick yourself. Yeah, like the little teeny tiny cut on your forehead. That shit bleeds for days.
00:46:13
Speaker
yeah I have one more lovely lady bits story. Just one. Nikki's lovely lady bits. Can we just not put my name on that, please?
00:46:26
Speaker
I just like it. So...
00:46:30
Speaker
so I was chopping jalapenos one night and took a bathroom break, during which I had to change my tampon. I thought I washed my hands enough before the tampon exchange, but the blazing fire erupting from my nether region said otherwise.
00:46:50
Speaker
I ran screaming to the internet, and this is the happiest I've ever been that Google exists, for a cure. My significant other at the time was practically immobile with laughter while I ended up in the shower slathering my suffering vagina with yogurt.
00:47:12
Speaker
I mean, takes the burn away and then he's got a healthy snack.
00:47:20
Speaker
I'm just saying. I can't with you. I can't. As the yogurt takes the burn away, I'd come back in with some granola, maybe some cut-up strawberry. No, because that shit not good for vaginas either. and Well, you know what? We'll cross that bridge when we get there.
00:47:39
Speaker
I mean, i have never had that experience. I know what burning things do to body parts that aren't supposed to be burning. I mean, when my grandmother passed away, i was sitting around my parents' kitchen table eating fucking zesty pickles.
00:47:55
Speaker
And I was so tired and my eyes hurt from crying all day. and when I went to the bathroom to take the contacts out, I apparently had not washed my hands enough. And I got zesty pickle juice in my eyeballs.
00:48:09
Speaker
That was terrible. That doesn't sound like a fun time. It's really fucking not. You hear those horror stories, though, about, like,
00:48:20
Speaker
My date and I went out we went for wings and he got, because he was trying to show off and got the spiciest wings. And then later that night he got Cheeto fingers and set her, set her vagina on the fire. Yeah. No, thank you. And that's, I mean, no, just no.
Vagina Stories and Health Mishaps
00:48:40
Speaker
who I told you. That's a, what's up Chaka? It is a, it is a magical cave of wonders. The vagina.
00:48:52
Speaker
Good and bad.
00:48:56
Speaker
I mean, I guess that's the way you could describe that. I'm a wordsmith. That's what I do. yeah
00:49:04
Speaker
Well, those are my lovely lady bit stories for today. love I think, I think what we, I think what we might do, is like one week will be a penis story and then our penis stories. And then, then and then one week will be,
00:49:17
Speaker
ah Lovely lady bits. a little penis report one week and lovely lady bits one week. and that all and ah
00:49:26
Speaker
I've looked up enough penis on the internet for the rest of my life. Christopher Scott. I was just saying. i know Your browser history comes in. You might not be worried about anything but that notebook, but you literally said, I've looked up enough penis.
00:49:44
Speaker
Mandy needs to get on that shit and make sure your browser history is cleared. That's the least of my concerns on my browser history. yeah Where to hide a body? How long does it take a body to dissolve in acid?
00:49:58
Speaker
and Things like that I might be a little bit worried about. Yeah. I can understand that. Is it legal to pick up transgender hookers to throw a punch them on the east side of New York?
00:50:10
Speaker
I'm going to go with like that's definitely illegal. I'm going to say I think it's a sport on the east side of NERC.
00:50:18
Speaker
I don't know. I went to pick up your daughter today and it was like well crackheads, crackheads everywhere. are Not a drop to drink. That is why we call it Crack Narnia. I know.
00:50:30
Speaker
Well, speaking of vajines, I got a little vajines. Well, not nothing little about it, but a vajine story. A...
00:50:42
Speaker
Lady says, i am a virgin bride. Newlywed said she waited over 40 years to have sex for the first time on her wedding night. Obviously she came from a Christian household who was brought up with morals and values.
00:50:55
Speaker
Not that we have those or any of our listeners have those. That's why we love you guys. good You're heathens just like us. Uh, but anyways, uh, she got married. She's 44. She, she finally got married.
00:51:07
Speaker
And, um, She also believed that like intimacy was something special. I mean, yes, it is. Of course it is. But virginities are related.
00:51:20
Speaker
So um she met her husband, her now husband, and they got married, blah, blah, blah. And on their wedding night, they attempted to have sex for the first time. Mind you, Homeboy's a marketer.
00:51:33
Speaker
Yeah, they attempted. Homeboy's a marketer for Bumble. So I'm curious if they met on Bumble. um But, yeah, they they on their wedding night, they attempted to have sex for the first time, but the new bride found it way too painful. She spoke to her our general practitioner soon afterwards, who performed a physical examination and found that Sarah had a condition called microperforate hymen, a condition where the hymen is very thick, but has a single teeny tiny small opener.
00:52:08
Speaker
So couldn't stretch that shit out. Couldn't punch the box. So to say. Sarah is now on a list waiting for hymen hymenectomy, a surgical procedure to and to go in and remove that shit. Yeah, they got to go in and remove the extra tissue from the hymen.
00:52:35
Speaker
And says being able to have sex would make her feel complete. There's a whore hiding inside that virgin. Right? She is waiting to get freaky deaky.
00:52:46
Speaker
Yeah. she ah she She looks like a typical Mormon Christian. What does a typical Mormon Christian look like? They say there's someone for everyone.
00:52:58
Speaker
Just out of curiosity. Kind of manly, kind of butchie. kind of look like she'd go down and go and chop a tree down and build a cabin.
00:53:10
Speaker
She's not very attractive. She's not a very attractive lady. I'm sure she has a great personality. I'm sure she's a sweetheart.
00:53:19
Speaker
but She has some big hands too. ah Anyways, that's kind of the yeah the the the the gist of the story. This is such a long fucking unnecessary story.
00:53:33
Speaker
with a lot of pictures. Oh. Is it like just pictures of the couple? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pictures of the couple. Okay.
00:53:45
Speaker
I couldn't imagine like don't know how well.
00:53:57
Speaker
Oh.
00:54:00
Speaker
She looks a little weird.
00:54:03
Speaker
yeah I'm not here to judge anybody's appearance, but I'm just saying. That's fair. It's the shippis but's so stereotypical mold of quote-unquote.
00:54:17
Speaker
I mean, Steve Carell was a 40-year-old virgin, and he's a goofy-looking sumbitch. Facts.
00:54:24
Speaker
Absolute facts. I bet you he might have went for the wrong hole, too.
00:54:31
Speaker
But That is a loophole in Christianity because apparently butt sex is okay, but regular sex is a sin. I've heard that.
00:54:43
Speaker
all all the All the Christian and like Catholic girls, they they all do anal because then they can still go to heaven and they saved there they technically save their virginity for marriage. Right.
00:54:54
Speaker
Or you can be like a Mormon and as long as you don't come, then you're still a virgin. So they do soaking and as As long as a Mormon doesn't orgasm, supposedly, then their virginity is still intact. So they do the weird thing like dry soaking where they just stick their penis inside their girlfriend and don't do anything. just lay there.
00:55:16
Speaker
Or what they've discovered, the younger generation has discovered, is they do that and then they have their friends jump on the bed because technically they are not humping.
00:55:28
Speaker
Their friends are jumping on it and then before they reach climax, they stop. so I have so many questions. and these are all stories If you listen to the podcast, you these are all stories that we've talked about.
00:55:42
Speaker
but im I listen to it sometimes. Most of the time I can hear what you say because I go and die in the bathtub during the podcast. Then I yell at you from the bathtub.
00:55:54
Speaker
yeah The Mormons do soaking and dry humping. Or what is it? Is that what it called? Dry humping? Something like that. Dry humping. But they're not actually they're not actually they're not actually performing the act of sex.
00:56:10
Speaker
The motion is caused by their friends jumping on the bed.
00:56:15
Speaker
And then soaking, some dude just climbs on top of a girl and just lays on her with his hair but his wiener. Maybe they talk about the weather. i don't know. what they Talk about the weather? Well, if they talked about the weather, then he'd lose his boner.
00:56:28
Speaker
They talk about who's who they spoke with that day. Do you have time to speak to me about your Lord and Savior, Jeebus Kribbis? Jeebus Kribbis? Oh, my God.
00:56:40
Speaker
i don't I don't make the rules. i I can't make this shit up. but Wow. yeah um wo Chris had a skeddy. The dinner report, vick he made Spanish rice.
00:56:59
Speaker
My mama's recipe.
00:57:03
Speaker
That all of the children ask for.
00:57:07
Speaker
That is a rarity in this house. Yeah. I think that's the only thing all three of them will ask for.
00:57:18
Speaker
think so. And Austin even said, um next time we go to PA, please tell grandma she has to make Spanish rice. Yes, child. Okay.
00:57:29
Speaker
Nice. It's kind of like a given at this point.
00:57:35
Speaker
yeah We don't break the rules. We break the rules. what's up, Wally? i don't even know what the rules are at this point anymore. I'm just fucking here, brother. I'm just doing shit. You're just doing.
00:57:47
Speaker
I'm just doing. Okay.
00:57:51
Speaker
um Take a real quick break. We'll come back. We got news stories. I want to talk to you guys and Nikki about Tinder. We've all had experiences on Tinder, I'm sure.
00:58:03
Speaker
yeah um um But I don't think this experience comes with the Tinder gold package at the end of the day. But we'll take a real quick break and we'll be right back. got a little ah Matt James from the lead singer Blacktop Mojo with Bad Guy.
00:58:19
Speaker
of his new solo or upcoming or new solo solo album can't keep track those guys are so busy i can't keep track of them but we'll be right back here just a few minutes
00:58:44
Speaker
I thought I could prove I'm wrong this time You're not the type of girl they said you would It didn't take me long to find that they were right And that's what hurts the most If they know me better
00:59:06
Speaker
I see from both sides now, how it all goes down You make me to be the bad guy No matter what I do, it's not enough for you Even though we both know that I tried everything I could I knew you would Unpaint that pigeon with me
00:59:48
Speaker
I'm a dog and I ain't worth a shit Yeah, knew right then it was time to call it quiz I sleep on both sides now
01:00:17
Speaker
I should've listened when they said you'd make me out to be the bad guy
Tinder Horror Stories
01:00:44
Speaker
I see from both sides now, how it all goes down You make me out to be the bad guy No matter what I do, it's not enough for you Even though we both know that I tried Everything I could, I knew you would Paint that picture with those dead eyes
01:01:56
Speaker
ah Little Matt James for you. Which bad guy. Did you freeze up out there? I take it i did. i got booed in.
01:02:09
Speaker
I heard the ding where somebody came in. was like, what the fuck is coming in? um o But welcome back to What's Fuck News.
01:02:20
Speaker
I'm Glick. She's the Sasquatch Slayer, a.k.a. Nikki. The future Mrs. Glick. The future Mrs. DeGlick.
01:02:31
Speaker
the ah And it is what the fuck news. She is more than likely, for those of you just toing in twink pointing in joining in, joining in, tuning in, words are hard, joining in, Nikki will more than likely be filling the role of new co-host with me.
01:02:51
Speaker
so We're going to hope it works out. I think it'll work. Well, I don't know what my schedule is going to be like. Well, you know, sometimes you got to make sacrifices.
01:03:06
Speaker
Podcast being not something to make a sacrifice for. Um, excuse me.
01:03:13
Speaker
We will figure it out. If you have to work a night, I have obviously proven that I can go solo. Or, yeah you know, maybe we'll ah maybe we'll pull up Blaze one night. Maybe we'll pull up a WALL-E. Maybe we'll, know, we can even get Michael to come up here maybe. we've got Or hopefully it's just like 6.30 to 6.30 or 7 to 7 or something like that and I can just get it done. Yeah.
01:03:37
Speaker
And then, yeah, if it's like 7 to 7 and we just start a little bit late. No biggie. Right. It's a great thing about... I don't want to talk think about it too much because, you know... It's a great thing about banging the boss.
01:03:49
Speaker
I can change the rules for you. I'm just saying. You're so lucky I don't just shut my computer and walk away.
01:04:00
Speaker
You guys can learn a lesson around here. You want get things... need things to happen? The blowjob goes a long way. Blaze, Wally, talking to you. Mike, i don't know you well enough yet, but... So wait, you have Tinder stories coming up? Is that what you have?
01:04:15
Speaker
I do have Tinder stories. I have failed Tinder pickup lines.
01:04:24
Speaker
Hold on to that. don't Don't lose that. we might We might come back to that maybe next week or something. Thank you, Wally. I appreciate that. i think I can't put comments up, so you're going to have to do that.
01:04:39
Speaker
You cannot yet. and natural stream I don't really need to do that. Oh, okay. What is this? This is a new happy little feature.
01:04:50
Speaker
they he used to wash I let her think that. A little little referral code right there that we can drop. it up ah yeah you don't want me you don't want me to talk about to failed Tinder pickup lines?
01:05:04
Speaker
No, because i want I want to get into some news stories and I want to see what kind of stories news that you bring to the table, not just this, but I do want you to hold onto that because that could also be another little random segment that we do a Tinder, a horror, Tinder stories that can fill the void for the penis report a lovely lady bits.
01:05:28
Speaker
The first one got me. So, and that's why I say this particular article because it's damn girl. Are you a toaster? Because a bath with you bath with you would send me to heaven.
01:05:42
Speaker
And we're always talking about live, laugh, toaster bath. Yeah. The nonsensical toaster bath. Yeah. ah
01:05:53
Speaker
Nice. Well, as far as Tinder goes... Austin, I thought your boyfriend was coming over. I think a good majority us have all...
01:06:06
Speaker
i think i think a good majority of us have all at some point in our lives used dating apps, whether it be the Tinder, Bumble. ah inside Wally is a huge fan of Grindr. What?
01:06:23
Speaker
What? oh and we we all And we all have the horror stories. like you know You hear, oh, make a match and then they never want to chat or why can't I get matches or ah got catfish then I and I matched with this girl on Tinder and then when I got to the date, he showed up and i'm like, oh, wait, what a he? I thought you matched with the girl.
01:06:46
Speaker
Well, so today. um But i think this one I think this one is the ultimate Tinder date gone wrong.
01:06:57
Speaker
Yeah. A 21-year-old Colorado man is recoverve recovering from a tender date. The unnamed victim was found naked and bleeding in the parking lot of an apartment complex where his 22-year-old date, identifi a complete or identified by the police's Lauren Marie Dooley, allegedly murdered.
01:07:21
Speaker
It starts out okay. It sounds like a pretty good time. But she allegedly performed oral sex on him before biting his wrist and ankles with duct tape. Starting to draw the line there, you know, and once the duct tape comes out.
01:07:36
Speaker
And then she started to cut him with a sharp knife.
01:07:44
Speaker
um Um, she's got a buttload of charges. Felony, second and degree kidnapping, second degree assault and menacing is alleged to have enticed um her date to remove his clothes be performing before giving him a blowjob and then taping his hands and feet to which to which he consented to at first. He said that he found it odd, but was like, eh, what the fuck?
01:08:08
Speaker
YOLO, I guess. Uh,
01:08:13
Speaker
She then apparently took out the knife and threatened him. According to the affidavit, she demanded ah that he get into her bed, which he says was non-consensual given the introduction of a weapon.
01:08:25
Speaker
However, when Lauren produced a kitchen knife and demanded he get into her bed, he was like, yo, I need to get the fuck out of here. think What was your first thing?
01:08:40
Speaker
Right? After actually It should be crazy, man. I mean, you met me on TikTok. Yeah. You hear that, you you know, what was it last year? The the that the trend was man or a bear.
01:08:55
Speaker
Well, guys, I think we're taking the bear too. Yeah. ah Women all said they'd be safer with a bear than a man. But you know what? In this case, nobody asked me for my opinion. I would not have said a bear.
01:09:09
Speaker
Well, that's because you have more than um half a brain cell that works. And you know that a bear in the wild And my personal Sasquatch. Yeah. Well, yeah, you have a personal Sasquatch, but you know a bear in the wild is the one of the most dangerous creatures on the planet. So...
01:09:23
Speaker
but home boy I get what they were trying to do, but nonetheless. ah so she So, according to the victim, Lauren and then climbed on top of him and proceeded to use the knife to cut his shoulder.
01:09:40
Speaker
Just...
01:09:42
Speaker
Lauren then used both of her hands to apply direct pressure to the victim's throat for about 20 seconds or so. Obviously making it hard to breathe. Lauren stopped, but only to produce a belt that she then placed around the victim's neck.
01:09:57
Speaker
And she tightened the belt for like another 20 seconds or more. Obviously, this bitch was like... I might want to check her basement. You want to check her basement?
01:10:10
Speaker
Um...
01:10:13
Speaker
when she took When she took off the belt, she then checked the victim's neck for a pulse. And then she got pissed off because the man was bleeding on her bed. And she allegedly forced her date into the bathtub to clean him up.
01:10:25
Speaker
Well, that was nice of her. What? In the midst. oh the crazy The crazy meter only continues to climb. In the midst of all this, she's cutting the guy, she's strangling the guy, she's got him duct taped, she's doing all these weird shit.
01:10:42
Speaker
She decides it's time for a snack, and she ordered DoorDash.
01:10:50
Speaker
if if And threatening her date, if you scream or say anything, i will kill you. She then ordered him back to her bed and ate the food, and then she fell asleep after placing the knife under her covers.
01:11:06
Speaker
once ah Once Crazy Chick was asleep, Homeboy got the fuck out of there. He was able to pinagle the knife out to cut the duct tape and quietly... Man, there would have been no quietly about it how to jack her right in the jaw before I left.
01:11:23
Speaker
and That's just me. you got me tight You got me tied up. You tried to strangle me. You cut me. I'm breaking your jaw before I walk out the door. That's crazy. As she...
01:11:34
Speaker
ah she
01:11:37
Speaker
And he so he quietly, Nancy tried to find his keys. Dooley reportedly woke up and chased him into the parking lot where witnesses says she threatened him after smearing his blood on her hands.
01:11:48
Speaker
As he called 911, he could be heard arguing with Dooley as has he called for help explaining to her that he called the emergency services because you cut me and because you're going to kill me.
01:12:02
Speaker
Obviously, police and ambulance were dispatched. They found him upon arrival in the apartment. parking lot naked, bleeding. um
01:12:15
Speaker
And was actively, and he was actively backing away. So he's she's still coming after him. I'm surprised they didn't shoot her, in all honesty. Right? I mean, you you this just this is the equivalent of, now granted, not necessarily the equivalent of, because obviously she was arrested, but this is the equivalent of returning Not one, but two of Jeffrey Dahmer's victims.
01:12:42
Speaker
you walk You roll up on the scene and catch basically catch it in the act happening. ah Right. i mean Obviously, she she was arrested. And she could face up to 25 years in prison from this.
01:12:57
Speaker
that's I just can't. Be careful. Be careful out there in the dating world, people. It's not just men. Women are equally as crazy and as violent or can be
01:13:12
Speaker
at the end of the day.
01:13:16
Speaker
yeah be thankful you Be thankful you found me on Tiki Taki.
01:13:21
Speaker
I mean, don't know if that's something I necessarily need to be thankful for. Just wandering the forest of Ohio and Pennsylvania. Living my best Sasquatch life. And here comes the little Meximish.
01:13:35
Speaker
it Listen. nice to Well, half Mexican, half Amish girl.
01:13:44
Speaker
Hey, ew. What's up? i I'm neither of those things. I'm Polish, Irish.
01:13:53
Speaker
I gotta think Polish, Irish, German, and Indian. I would not. I wouldn't tell too many people about the Polish thing.
01:14:04
Speaker
um I don't give a shit. My grandmother was 100% Polish. Her parents came over on the boat.
01:14:12
Speaker
So then you have my dad who's Polish and West Virginian because that's where my grandfather came from. him Bloodline is doomed.
01:14:24
Speaker
bloodline is doomed
01:14:29
Speaker
thank you what I guess you're more Polish than anything else. Yeah, I was going to say, you guys sound like you're a lot more Polish than your grandparents. So you're but you're your dad's parents were off the boat Polish?
01:14:46
Speaker
His mother, yes. Oh, so he's like first generation. American. Her last name was Pogazelis.
01:14:56
Speaker
ah How the hell did your dad get Brinkley? From my grandfather. oh yeah, never mind. From West Virginia. think he's like half person or anything. But your grandfather had to come from somewhere. it wasn't like, unless his That's where my Indian comes from.
01:15:20
Speaker
i don't know what else Grandpa Brinkley was, but his grandmother was Indian.
01:15:29
Speaker
Hmm. Yeah. Don't forget about your abuela. Herons were Irish, wish German, and Scottish or some shit.
01:15:42
Speaker
Bunch of fucking mutts.
01:15:46
Speaker
I keep freezing up out here.
01:15:52
Speaker
I don't know why. Are you the 2G or the 5G?
01:16:01
Speaker
no The 5G is better. Hold, please. I'm on the 2G. We got someone to co-host. Yeah, get on the 5G. What's going on, Wyatt? Yeah, we do.
01:16:13
Speaker
Ryan. the niki Nikki, this is her this is her audition. Second part of the audition. My audition? and Bitch, I auditioned a long time ago.
01:16:26
Speaker
Second part of the audition is later. Yeah.
01:16:32
Speaker
Show me how much you really want this job.
01:16:38
Speaker
She's freezing up so she can't hear me. She's swapping her internet. Yes, no, ah while watch she switches internet around. um Yeah, Nikki will more than likely be my new co-host moving forward. There might be some random times because she's potentially starting a new job and her schedule might flex around a little bit. But um moving forward when she's home, hopefully she will be sitting in the co-pilot seat here on Wednesday nights.
Unbelievable Trades and Conservation Success
01:17:08
Speaker
We need to stop talking about that. I haven't told anybody yet. Nobody listens to this anyways. You're fine. Okay.
01:17:17
Speaker
Nobody of any importance anyways. That's fair. but All right. So is it my turn? Just get you some better lighting. yeah I know. I told her we got to work on the lighting.
01:17:30
Speaker
Well. She's out in the living room. I just have to turn that light up on my laptop too.
01:17:38
Speaker
We'll get you one of them little ah one of those little ring lights that can clamp onto your onto your... No. just saying.
01:17:49
Speaker
All we've got to do is put a light bulb or plug that one in and I'd be fine. We'll see. We'll figure it out. Anywho, yeah, what you got what you got in the news? So I was tossing it back and forth. I got two stories.
01:18:02
Speaker
um I'm trying to figure out which one because they both definitely sound like something that might come like knocking on our door one of these days. This lady definitely is not going to get the mother of the year award.
01:18:21
Speaker
yeah do this one Because 70 year old foster mother in Missouri has been charged with child abuse and endangerment as authorities investigate whether or not she traded her adopted daughter,
01:18:43
Speaker
to someone in Texas for a monkey.
01:18:50
Speaker
Now, as your fiance, and as someone who has heard you ask if the children can be aborted, if your almost 20-year-old daughter can be placed up for adoption, like you would trade one of your kids for a monkey.
01:19:05
Speaker
Does say what kind of monkey it was? Oh.
01:19:13
Speaker
No. I mean, there's there's potential there that I could trade one for, like, ah you know they got them little tiny monkeys? Like the compulsion monkeys, like from Friends. Yeah.
01:19:26
Speaker
Yes. Maybe one of them. Maybe, yeah definitely not a chimp because they're angry little fuckers and they'll chew your face off. Yes. Ask that lady how meeting Travis the trump Chimp worked out.
01:19:40
Speaker
I mean, I just don't understand. So this lady is 70. seven She had been a foster or adoptive parent to around 200 children in the span of a decade.
01:19:54
Speaker
Damn. How are you going to trade a little baby for a monkey? Like you're 70. seventy What are you going to do with a monkey? I mean, who doesn't want to pet monkeys?
01:20:07
Speaker
Have you seen the TikTok videos of the people who have the monkey rescues? I follow some people that have the the little baby monkeys as pets, yes. There was like there's a monkey rescue the other day where Oscar or whatever the monkey's name is stole the guy's cell phone and was running away from him. And then another monkey had to jump the monkey and get his cell phone back.
01:20:28
Speaker
And it was adorable watching a full-grown man chase a monkey around trying to get his cell phone, hoping he didn't drop it and break it. And then another little monkey jumped down out of nowhere and speared the phone thief monkey and him in a headlock.
01:20:45
Speaker
So the guy could get his phone back. So, I mean, fact i'm just saying. I mean, I'm willing to trade a dog for a couple otters.
01:20:55
Speaker
So, funny story.
01:21:00
Speaker
um I have to find. Okay. So, funny story. Speaking of otters. I feel like when I tell you about this news story, you're going to make me go on a road trip to Wisconsin.
01:21:13
Speaker
Are we going to go find the missing otter? Yeah. they They already found the one. He came back home. Ophelia is the one that came back home. But Louie still remains out in the wilderness.
01:21:28
Speaker
I guess we're going to pack up a bag. We're going to Wisconsin. Land of cheese, baby. You like cheese. I do like cheese. You could go to Wisconsin for cheese. Then you could go to Idaho for potatoes.
01:21:41
Speaker
I got cheese sticks in the refrigerator. They sound really good right now.
01:21:46
Speaker
Squirrel. You have about half of cheese sticks in the refrigerator, actually. im about to have and I'm about to have a bag. ah ah yeah We go to Wisconsin, save an otter, get some cheese, go to Idaho.
01:22:00
Speaker
Then we can have cheesy potatoes and hang out with my new otter best friend.
01:22:06
Speaker
But are we really going to hang out in Wisconsin with your new otter best friend or are you just going to put him in the car and bring him home with us? No, we're going to go to Wisconsin, get cheese, get him and then go to Idaho. And then we're going hang out in Idaho and a bit in a potato Airbnb and eat cheesy potatoes.
01:22:21
Speaker
It's going to be the best life. I'm going to have the best life with my other friend. We could do that. It's going to be amazing.
01:22:35
Speaker
why we're on an animal up my bed screen While we're on an animal tangent, could you imagine being nearly 100 years old and having first-time babies?
01:22:47
Speaker
Are we talking about animals or people? I'm saying as a person, but if you were an animal, could you imagine being was almost 100 years old and having babies for the very first time?
01:23:00
Speaker
I was 24 couldn't imagine having babies, let alone 100.
01:23:06
Speaker
I don't think either of us will live to see 100. Speak for yourself. Really? i have i have um i have plans. like I got to be around to tolerate at least or not tolerate but torment at least my great grandchildren.
01:23:26
Speaker
If not great, great.
01:23:29
Speaker
You might get great. I'm just saying. That's probably another 25 to 30 years before you would have great-grandchildren. Jay and Devin, Ray and Christopher.
01:23:43
Speaker
Ray and Christopher are not the babies. Make the babies. Neither am I. Jay and Devin will definitely have babies, but I don't see that happening until like 2026. And then I'll have an excuse to go to Idaho because I'll be like, we have to go see our grandbaby, duh.
01:23:58
Speaker
Yes. And get potatoes. Yeah. You don't even care about seeing the damn grandkids. You just want to go to the land of potatoes as much as you can. i actually look forward. This is a true story.
01:24:09
Speaker
I actually do look forward to having grandkids. The biggest thing about having grand babies that I'm looking forward to is giving the fuckers back when I'm done and and dumping as much sugar as I possibly can into them before I give them back.
01:24:25
Speaker
Yes. I mean, I'm looking forward to like a sleepover here and there. You know, whatever. But that's going to definitely be more your kids at some point in the future.
01:24:38
Speaker
no I can see, I can see, you know, Devin and and and Jay's kids coming over for like summer. From Idaho to wherever the hell we end up with Astros 18. Yeah, I mean, come out for the summer and spend a week or so. and Yeah, that's true.
01:24:55
Speaker
You know, I mean, I gotta have shark bait when I go shark fishing.
01:25:05
Speaker
anyho o nor Just put your toes in the water. make it At the Philadelphia Zoo, yeah the critically endangered Galapagos tortoises just had four babies.
01:25:20
Speaker
Let's go. so Yeah, but tortoises live to be like 200 years old. so they did Well, yeah. I mean, these ones are almost 100. And they're just having babies for the first time. They have been at this zoo their entire lives.
01:25:34
Speaker
Mick Jagger's 125 and he's still having babies.
01:25:41
Speaker
He's like in his 80s and his girlfriend just had, or his wife or whatever, just had a baby. And somebody else, some really old actor, his his partner just had a baby too. yeah but but If you look at it, tortoises live to be about 150, 200 years old.
01:25:57
Speaker
So this tortoise, the female tortoise, who is appropriately named, Mommy came to the zoo in 1932.
01:26:09
Speaker
thirty two So anybody that has been at that zoo in the last 92 years has seen that tortoise. ah seen mommy. Yes. That's kind of cool.
01:26:20
Speaker
And now she has four babies. hello But again, like I said, if you put it in the equivalency of like human years, i mean, technically she's only like 50, like half of her life. So, I mean, and I am not having quadruplets at 50.
01:26:35
Speaker
That's for good goddamn sure. We are not having babies anymore, period. But there are people out there who do wait until 50 is not that, that not really out of the realm of normalcy anymore for a 50 year old to have a baby because a lot of people are doing their, you know, like they want to,
01:26:52
Speaker
They want to get their education and get their career and travel and done it andda and do all this stuff and then have babies late in life. Now, granted, I don't want to be 70-year-old dad going to graduation my kids.
01:27:07
Speaker
I'm glad be, I will be, when Cash is 18, will 29. 49. I got lot of life left in me. i will be when cash is eighteen i will be twenty nine so forty nine i got a lot of life left in me twenty nine
01:27:24
Speaker
You can keep spreading vicious lies, Cougar. There's goddamn Cougar on this podcast. but no I know. I'll put her there. Listen, we are only two years apart.
01:27:39
Speaker
listen we are only two years apart
01:27:44
Speaker
no yeah yeah i'll be Yeah, like I said, I'll be 49 when Cash graduates. so i mean like i still i'm still got a lot of I couldn't imagine being that age and starting to have babies.
01:27:58
Speaker
No. Fuck all that. No. Like I said, I mean, could I have seen us having a baby? Yes, we would make pretty babies.
01:28:11
Speaker
My kids would have told me that I was absolutely batshit crazy if I had another one. I mean, what were they, 22 and 24 when we got together?
01:28:22
Speaker
Yeah. my know Technically, they were 21 and 23 when we got together. Yeah. My kids would have probably thought I was crazy. Yeah, probably. I was done.
01:28:34
Speaker
I thought I was done after Austin. And then I thought I was done after Buggy. And then I was like, I am definitely done after Cash. So, hey, Doc, while you're in there, cut it, tie it, burn it, pull it out, whatever you got to do. Make sure that makes no more babies.
01:28:50
Speaker
And I have no shame in my game when I said when I was thrust thrown into the dating world, I specifically... Dated women that were not interested in having any more babies or could not have babies because I did not want to have any more. And I have a very strict rule about sharp objects around my, because it's small enough as it is. I cannot risk any accidents.
01:29:13
Speaker
They do it laparoscopically. Like they don't go near you with, you would have been fine. No risk will be taken. I cannot afford to lose anything.
01:29:27
Speaker
So in all your and all of your what the fuck news stories, what do you think, like, what's the weirdest thing you've ever reported being stolen?
01:29:42
Speaker
i mean, we did have a golden toilet that got stolen not too long ago. say He was just found guilty. I'm stealing a 215 pound golden toilet.
01:29:54
Speaker
Yeah. But did you know he used that toilet? Because it's fully functioning. Yeah, it's fully functioning. Yeah. so they that museum or wherever it was in, and then Blaze and I found this later out because Jeff reported the story and we didn't get all the details on it.
01:30:11
Speaker
But that museum or whatever it was in, they were charging people like $300 a pop to use that toilet in the in the in the building that it was in. So Blaze and I were both like,
01:30:22
Speaker
The fuck can I steal that goddamn toilet? Robin Hood that shit. Put it in the park. Let everybody use it for free. We had the toilet. We had a guy that broke into a preschool and stole a whole bunch of macaroni and finger paints and shit.
01:30:39
Speaker
Like that the kids make macaroni like necklaces with? Yeah. Interesting.
01:30:49
Speaker
Uh, we had something about a teacher in Florida that did something. He was living at the school or some shit. And he was like, well, that's not stealing. What was he doing? He was like living there and making drugs there or something. I don't fucking know. That's a pretty weird theftory.
01:31:05
Speaker
Fevery? Theftory. Theftory is not a word. Don't speak for yourself. Tomato, tomato. Tomato.
01:31:18
Speaker
So I didn't watch last week's news. You did it by yourself, right? Yeah. Last two weeks, I think. um Did you talk about any monsters under the bed?
01:31:31
Speaker
Yes, I did.
01:31:35
Speaker
Maybe I'm on this. Yeah. I'm on this. i'm on I'm on this, man.
OnlyFans Controversies
01:31:40
Speaker
I'm a what the fuck news junkie. Yeah. ah OnlyFans is getting sued.
01:31:50
Speaker
For what? Because, because, uh, well, light bulb clicked for two dummies. Uh, after two guys realized that they might not actually be talking to models.
01:32:01
Speaker
No shit, Sherlock.
01:32:04
Speaker
Uh, no, they're probably talking to my 59 year old granny who's selling her underwear on only fans. Continue. But, uh, you know, one of the things that a lot of people have gotten upset about with, with only fans is, um, you know,
01:32:20
Speaker
you pay $6 or whatever the subscription is. But then all you're getting to see is what they put on Instagram because there's a paywall in front of that where they have it's like a pay-per-view and they charge you three times the amount to see the goodies. So a lot of people have gotten pissed off about that because, however, if you guys follow me on OnlyFans, it's only a one-time fee and you can see whatever I happen to post on there.
01:32:46
Speaker
but Which is not enough, but that's okay. Obviously, it needs to be more. ah I do need to be more active on there, but Uh, but, um, so they, so they, uh, they have that paywall and then they're like, well, then you have to, it so you you get to other images and videos, but to see them do live, cause you can go live on only fans, then you pay a third cost.
01:33:11
Speaker
So these guys, I don't, I mean, it's, it's a, it's a, it's kind of a, well, it's, it's an obvious thing. So yeah, they've they've they, they, uh,
01:33:23
Speaker
They're suing the platform in a class action lawsuit claiming that they were defrauded because creators allegedly weren't interacting directly with them, but were instead employing agencies to impersonate the models they thought they were speaking to.
01:33:37
Speaker
No shit anymore. That's why we call them bots. Those of us who know our way around social media a little bit better, right really, really stupidly insane hot chicks that follow you are like, hey,
01:33:51
Speaker
I thought you were really hot and I would like to be your friend. I need husband and love in America. They're not real. um so These OnlyFans do not want to talk to you.
01:34:01
Speaker
Bob and Stu living in your mom's basement. Of course you're talking to some company or some AI generated bullshit. um Right. But the plaintiffs are both from Illinois. They claim that they thought the creators they subscribe to, some of whom have hundreds of thousands of subscribers who are talking to them in direct messages and video clips.
01:34:24
Speaker
um and And they very well could be making video clips. You know, some models do make video clips, and they just just send out – they make one video clip and send it out in masses.
01:34:35
Speaker
Hey, thanks for following. Thanks for the support. Love you. you know Whatever. And then they just send it to 10,000 people. But um ah we're we're talking to them in direct messages. that are at um both off bought but Both also say that they've known they weren't speaking directly.
01:34:55
Speaker
To the creators themselves. They wouldn't have subscribed. Or would have paid less to subscribe. If OnlyFans stopped creators from using the agencies. To talk to fans. They would consider going back to spending the money on the platform.
01:35:07
Speaker
So they remind me. Of the people that sue Walmart. Because the coffee is too hot and they get burnt. That's what that whole thing reminds me of. That's 100% what that is. That is the.
01:35:20
Speaker
Yeah. That's ridiculous. Um.
01:35:29
Speaker
That is the idiots that see it. but Yeah, those are the people that go to like Wendy's and their burger comes out looking like, as it should, ah teenage kid that can barely get through seventh grade math class made it.
01:35:46
Speaker
um And it doesn't look like it looks like the picture. Right. The picture says that it looks like this. Newsflash. and shout out to the And shout out to the quote unquote male and female Instagram models out there that that do this.
01:36:04
Speaker
Those pictures on Instagram and OnlyFans, except for mine, are so so heavily filtered and and touched up. What is that?
01:36:19
Speaker
Oh, what do they call that? Photoshopped. Yes. That what you're seeing is not even real anyways. And there are quote unquote influencers out there that are like reality.
01:36:31
Speaker
And they show you what what what their real pictures look like. And then like professional pictures. It's like, so, you know, newsflash. What you see is not actually what's real at the end of the day.
01:36:46
Speaker
It's all fake. It's all fake. That's pretty fair. That goes back to dating sites, too. Jesus Christ.
01:36:55
Speaker
ah The amount of filters on dating sites. Absolute facts. If I wanted to date a Sasquatch, I would have never left the woods.
01:37:10
Speaker
I'm just saying. But now you've got some Maximish bitch. Yeah, she's all right. I might keep her. You're fucking better. She's pretty all alright.
01:37:22
Speaker
I keep her around for a while. What up, Beast Mode? Yeah, she doesn't kill you first.
01:37:30
Speaker
You can't threaten me like that. Yes, I
01:37:38
Speaker
Go ahead. were You going to say something about Granny was selling her underwear on OnlyFans while we're talking about OnlyFans? Yeah, let me go back to that. Hold on one second.
01:37:49
Speaker
What's up, Granny? Fucking make that money. ain't mad at her. The 56-year-old grandmother of nine earns six figures a year through OnlyFans.
Success Stories on OnlyFans
01:38:07
Speaker
I don't know. Man, somebody help me out who's OnlyFans. Let me know what to do. Let me know what I'm doing wrong. because I would be happy with like high five figures you know at this point. so She started out selling her undergushies. $35 a I could sell my boxers.
01:38:31
Speaker
Anything that the buyer wanted added on would be extra. and She was booked out six weeks at a time for daily wear underwear.
01:38:44
Speaker
So is she like ah she like an overly hot granny or is she just like normal? Like remember that? You know, we watched that show Naked Attraction. Remember that little freak nasty granny that was on there? that there's the church Did she look like that?
01:38:58
Speaker
can we somehow do a ah nonsense and chill of a naked and a ah attraction marathon? Like can that be thing? We can actually do it and put it on our... No shit. we Well, as long as we don't show any nudity.
01:39:13
Speaker
We could put it on our Patreon page. I sent it to you via Snapchat. What she looks like. I'm hoping she looks like a normal, plain Jane. Just sweet granny, bacon cookies.
01:39:26
Speaker
You know, and then all of a sudden she's... Hell yeah. Not granny. Something else. Sorry. I'm just like, what? Oh. and's She's all whored up.
01:39:40
Speaker
She is.
01:39:42
Speaker
and Not bad for 59? 56. 56? Not mad at her. She looks pretty good. Yeah. ah show appleled up and gusi up but After she started just selling the underwear, apparently buyers wanted videos where content of things being done with them.
01:40:01
Speaker
Ew. Now she sells her underwear exclusively through her OnlyFans. I ain't mad at her.
01:40:12
Speaker
No, she also performs there solo or with a male or female partner and does some fetish content. And she is now among the top earners on the site. She was able to quit her job in social work last year.
01:40:27
Speaker
I mean, that's not really saying much because that field doesn't pay for shit anyway. Yeah, was going to say, because I know like you've got degrees and that stuff and I and i always just a assume those people got paid a lot of money, but then you started telling me, know,
01:40:40
Speaker
I'm like, oh, God, what the hell did waste all that time and effort in college for? yep Nope. It is one of the most underpaid fields out there. To hell with all that. To hell with all that, I say.
01:40:53
Speaker
ain't mad at it Granny. Do anything, Granny. Actually, maybe I should start offering to sell my boxers. Is that a thing? Women like to buy dudes boxers.
01:41:04
Speaker
I don't know. i mean, I'll go buy some i think your kids like I think your oldest daughter might be listening to this. I'm not sure. Because I just heard her squealing after you said that.
01:41:16
Speaker
i mean, it's not the worst. thing thats In the words of the great Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. Let's be honest. This isn't the worst thing he got me doing.
01:41:29
Speaker
So she and her partner obviously had planned to tell her kids before she quit her job because that would be a red flag for them. But a childhood friend of their kids had seen an ad on Pornhub with her and her partner in it, screenshot it, and texted it to everyone and granny's children.
01:41:52
Speaker
You gotta own that shit. If you're gonna if you're gonna if you're gonna be on OnlyFans, and I know a lot of people wanna to you know want to shame you know moms or husbands and wives or whatever,
01:42:05
Speaker
ah for doing it. you gotta You gotta own that shit first and foremost. you know like you know The kids all know I have one. Okay, it's not clocking near your alarm. and But i um I'm also not doing anything super, I'm not doing anything weird on there.
01:42:21
Speaker
yeah Yeah, you're not carting in a jar or collecting ball sweat in the summertime. But I will if there's an ask for every seat, and I will if need be.
01:42:33
Speaker
I don't even have to change my diet. I don't even have to risk killing myself to part in a jar. No, no, you don't. you can You could do that plenty in a day. Yeah, like if you're going to do it, you got own that shit.
01:42:44
Speaker
and And if people call you out on it, you don't you you can't become the victim. You just got to own that shit. Well, no, she said, i was very aware that once you put something out on the internet, you could be discovered. So I didn't really have any fears.
01:42:57
Speaker
However, one of her sons was not happy about the news. He and his wife have disowned us and we are no longer allowed to see our grandchildren. That sucks.
01:43:08
Speaker
Now he's a prude and you raised a bitch. And that's what she said. um it was hard because I raised my kids to be very open-minded. Yeah.
01:43:20
Speaker
Yeah. That's that's not on you. He also wrote a book.
01:43:29
Speaker
um She, grandma who sells her dirty underwear writes a book to help others do the same. maybe i shouldmark that book maybe Maybe I should see if that's downloadable on my Kindle.
01:43:40
Speaker
Yeah, we can we could we can become ah husband and wife do They could buy, we could like sell our stuff.
01:43:48
Speaker
um there's an answer i'm I'm just saying there's an ask for every seat. There's a market for it. Somebody would be like. But do you want to know what the name of her book is?
01:43:59
Speaker
Please tell me it has granny panties in it. Sure does. Granny panties. How I made a fortune selling my worn undies.
01:44:08
Speaker
Nice.
01:44:11
Speaker
I'm digging granny. I ain't mad at her. I like her. She's my new favorite person. but
01:44:18
Speaker
Yeah, i don't know.
01:44:22
Speaker
I'm just saying. I'm down. I'm down for it. Props to Granny. and I'm not mad at her.
01:44:30
Speaker
I am in. But like I said, you know in in that in that world, there there is there there is there is an ask for every seat. And find your you find your you people.
01:44:44
Speaker
That's all you got to do.
01:44:47
Speaker
So i mean
01:44:51
Speaker
yeah I need to read her book, figure out how to ah do be better. Sorry, i was just I was scrolling news stories. Girl who fell into cooking pot gets life-changing surgery. What?
01:45:11
Speaker
That's what I thought, so I had to scroll. She fell into a cooking pot at her aunt's restaurant at age two. Okay, so this makes a little a lot more sense. Probably one of them big ass, you know, 10 gallon pot. That we see all diners drive in some dives or whatever. Yeah.
01:45:35
Speaker
Yeah, but she had life changing surgery to get rid of all the burnt scar tissue. Well, good for her. Yeah. i was I was scrolling and I said, girl who fell into a cooking pot, what?
01:45:46
Speaker
It sounds like somebody threw her in that bitch. They were making the special the day was baby.
01:45:52
Speaker
That was at one of them damn Hollywood restaurants where they but want babies they where they eat babies to stay young and bathe in baby blood. That's what all the celebrities do.
01:46:04
Speaker
What? Yeah. Allegedly. They fucking, what was that? They like, they like ladder themselves with the blood of babies and then they eat foreskins to stay young and stuff.
01:46:22
Speaker
There's a whole conspiracy theory that's been around forever. It's kind of like the TikTok trend that's going around where the woman does the period blood facial on the man, but it's just like red colored lotion.
01:46:37
Speaker
You haven't seen that on TikTok? Hashtag stolen valor.
01:46:43
Speaker
Don't. don't It does do wonders for the skin. I'm just saying. I fucking hate you. So, since you always have terrible things to say about me being from Pennsylvania.
01:46:59
Speaker
This is not going to make it any better, is it? Let me just tell you about some other crazy bitches in Pennsylvania.
01:47:10
Speaker
I think I've met enough just in Grove City. I've been in one town in PA and I've met enough crazy bitches. And it's not even a big town. It's a very small town.
01:47:21
Speaker
It is a very small town. so this is in Harrisburg, which is obviously quite bigger than the area that I'm from.
01:47:31
Speaker
woman was accused of shooting and wounding her ex-boyfriend in the head as he slept. And she was convicted today of attempted homicide and aggravated assault charges.
01:47:43
Speaker
Really got work on her shot. Do you want to know what the kicker is?
01:47:49
Speaker
oh She's a Pennsylvania judge. ah Oh, shit. but
01:47:58
Speaker
You couldn't get the job done killing your boyfriend or husband. It really makes me question your your abilities to be a judge. Yeah, she was taken away in handcuffs after the trial.
01:48:10
Speaker
She faces up to 60 years in prison. Hmm. And they were broken up. He tried to get her out of the house.
01:48:22
Speaker
Said she was crazy. Said she was controlling and she refused to leave.
01:48:28
Speaker
And she shot him in the head while he was asleep. Well, that seems to...
01:48:36
Speaker
Seems to fit for PA. Yeah. What?
01:48:44
Speaker
Oh, this bitch is just plum crazy. but She shot her estranged husband in 2019 after inviting him over to help her move furniture.
01:49:00
Speaker
That was self-defense.
01:49:03
Speaker
She invited him over to move furniture, shot him in the head, claimed self-defense. Well, it just shot him, her estranged husband. Yes. Oh, yeah. So she already shot the dude once before?
01:49:16
Speaker
Different guy. shit. That was her estranged husband. This is the new ex-boyfriend.
01:49:25
Speaker
Again, I say, ladies, you know how you did your whole little train? or bear in the wild. and Because we are such monstrous creatures.
01:49:37
Speaker
yeah
01:49:40
Speaker
That's two stories in one night. Crazy bitches. I'm sure if I really wanted to, I could do an entire show on crazy ass women doing crazy ass things to men.
01:49:51
Speaker
And yes, that goes two ways. It is a two way street. So after she shot her estranged husband in 2019, she
01:50:00
Speaker
In 2023, she was suspended without pay by the Court of Judicial Discipline.
Crime and Consequences
01:50:10
Speaker
She violated judicial probation from a previous misconduct case centered on her actions regarding a 2020 traffic stop involving her son.
01:50:27
Speaker
So she shot her ex-husband and claimed self-defense. Then she fucked around and found out trying to get her kid out of a traffic violation. and then she shoots her ex-boyfriend while he's asleep.
01:50:41
Speaker
Red flags. Pennsylvania judicial system.
01:50:47
Speaker
People from Pennsylvania. just unalive your ass. I'm
01:50:58
Speaker
The bar has set really low in Pennsylvania for being a decent human being. Hey, do you know you can buy Adderall, liquid Adderall online right now?
01:51:10
Speaker
Don't know what liquid Adderall is. You don't know what Adderall is? No, know what Adderall is. That's what all the ADHD kids get taken. Did you just call them ADHD?
01:51:21
Speaker
What did you call them? ADHD. Yes. an extra letter in there. yeah Yeah, and then like college kids take them so that they can stay ah up and study for fast thin yes they focused.
01:51:35
Speaker
We've got a lot of
01:51:40
Speaker
patients that have drug-seeking tendencies when it comes to Adderall. but Yeah, because they can like crush it up and snort it and shit. Clearly, you can now buy ah liquid alternative.
01:51:56
Speaker
ah So it's like synthetic Adderall. That should be healthy.
01:52:03
Speaker
That's like that. If Blaze was here, he'd probably know a little bit more about it. I think it's K1 or Spice or something like that. It's like a synthetic weed. That shit's terrible.
01:52:14
Speaker
I've seen people go crazy on that. yeah Like that man that ate bath salts and turned into a zombie. Yep. Exactly.
01:52:24
Speaker
Well, we... are at Look at that. You survived your first show. Yeah. What do you think? It's all right. Get you some new lighting.
01:52:37
Speaker
Get you some some bad gene stories. Some lovely lady bit stories. some tender Some tender gone wrong story. We're changing the game up here What the Fuck News, man.
01:52:50
Speaker
I just want to talk about failed Tinder pickup lines because there were some good ones on there. We can do that next Wednesday. Save it. a Thanks, Brian.
01:53:05
Speaker
Shut up, Brian. I'm not a Wookiee racist. God, I can't wait till Trump reports you back to Mexico. A Wookiee being racist. Yes, it is. It's like saying like all Chinese people look the same. And clearly they don't. because Or not Chinese, but Asian people look the same. And clearly they don't because Brian looks Mexican.
01:53:24
Speaker
And he's half Asian. What is going on?
01:53:31
Speaker
Anyways, appreciate y'all listening. Appreciate y'all hanging out. Tune in tomorrow night for Wally and Cold-Blooded Conversations. Got a brand new Nonsense and Chill coming up on Friday.
01:53:45
Speaker
This Saturday, come one, come all, we are going to celebrate four years of nonsensical nonsense. And man, oh man, has the last four years gone on a ride and a lot of changes.
01:53:57
Speaker
And I'm the last man standing. Well, as I should be, I created the show. But i have a there's been a lot of faces that have come and gone on nonsensical nonsense.
01:54:10
Speaker
And I can't say that there's any of them that I'm sad to see gone. And I'm feeling like Taylor Swift right now. It's me. I'm the problem. Maybe. um I don't know.
01:54:21
Speaker
they say that if you have the same problem with a bunch of different people, that yes, you're the problem because you can't have that same problem with everybody. But they've all been different things.
01:54:34
Speaker
So I don't think it's you. But, yeah. But, nonetheless, this Saturday night, we will be
Anniversary and Closing Message
01:54:40
Speaker
celebrating. We will be hanging out. We just celebrated one year for Glick's House of Music last night. That was awesome.
01:54:47
Speaker
So, what you're telling me is I should volunteer to work a double on Saturday because you won't miss me anyway.
01:54:55
Speaker
I mean, if you want. Or you can come and jump back here and add your two cents. Nope. You know what? Just come home Saturday.
01:55:06
Speaker
ain't got time for your shenanigans. but No, ah no, it's not gonna sir i'm going to. I am going to try to behave myself.
01:55:17
Speaker
We're going to do our six-hour show. We're going to fun, but we are going to celebrate. We're going to look back and and and kind of just have fun. It'll be a normal Saturday night with a little extra. I'm calling bullshit on that already.
01:55:29
Speaker
I'm good to try. I'm good to try to behave myself. It's gotten a little out of control the last few Saturdays. so Yeah, see? That's racist.
01:55:41
Speaker
call But, and then Sunday we will be back with Unnecessary rough or yeah unnecessary Roughness. We are going to make an announcement revolving the draft this Sunday. I think it's going to be a fun thing for our show and for our Fans of our sports show We're going to do some stuff. We're involving football. Or the NFL in the draft.
01:56:05
Speaker
I just need the schedule to come out. I need that schedule to come out. So we can figure out. What the hell we're doing for our honeymoon. Exactly.
01:56:17
Speaker
Inmates run the Saturday show. This is true. The inmates take over the asylum. But before we get out of here. I'll ask you tonight. And I'll ask you every Wednesday. That you're here.
01:56:28
Speaker
Do you have any final things that you, a final thought? Like Jerry Springer. It have to be long or long-winded. It could just be like, fuck you, Angel Mama.
01:56:39
Speaker
I'm out.
01:56:42
Speaker
Bitches. No, I forgot about this part. I didn't think of anything fun and witty to say. Although, although I'm still placing my bed at two weeks or less.
01:56:57
Speaker
I think we're all in agreeance on that bet. Two weeks or less. Yeah, I think so. what Wedding at midnight at the New Orleans Cemetery. Shit, yeah. But anyways, that is the news that makes us say what the fuck.
01:57:10
Speaker
We will see you next Wednesday. Make sure you give us follow, give us a like, give us a share. i out le slash nonenible network And as always, be good. Or be good at it. Motherfuckers.
01:57:23
Speaker
And I might be able to end this and still be able to get clips without having
01:57:37
Speaker
Nonsensical network, different flavor every day. Movie talks, new flips, hitting the display. Microphone magic, musicians spill the praise. From reptiles to motorsports, burning rubber craze. Football crashes, touchdowns, epic plays.
01:57:51
Speaker
New spinning, catching on the latest phase. Gleaming cars, engines throwing up the pace. Street tales, word and stories we embrace. tune
01:58:19
Speaker
nature's arrangement cars with muscle
01:58:29
Speaker
nonsense but the vo just write tune
01:58:40
Speaker
always on repeat