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Glick's Comedy Lounge: Naomi Green
20 Plays6 days ago
Welcome to Glick's Comedy Lounge...Laugh Loud. Stay Nonsensical Tonight Glick goes 1-on-1 with comedian Naomi Green for a laid,laugh loaded interview From stand-up stories to off the cuff Nonsense, it's fun fast paced Convo with that signature Nonsensical vibe you know and love
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Transcript
Opening & Introduction to Glick's Comedy Lounge
00:00:36
Speaker
Comics and friends, yeah, the mic's turned on.
00:00:41
Speaker
Half the jokes playing, half totally wrong. Backstage stories, things we shouldn't say, we're gonna laugh about them anyway.
00:00:52
Speaker
Hey, welcome to Glick's Comedy Lounge, where the jokes go wild and the laughs get loud.
00:01:02
Speaker
Hey, pull up a seat, stay all night long. Tell crazy story, sing along to the song.
00:01:12
Speaker
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
00:01:38
Speaker
The crowds get loud and the stories get strange.
00:01:49
Speaker
No scripts here, just the truth and the laughs. And maybe a roast if you cross Glick's path. Hey! Welcome to Glick's Comedy Lounge. Where the jokes go wild and the laughs get loud.
00:02:05
Speaker
Pull seat, stay all night long Tell a crazy story, sing along to the song
00:02:47
Speaker
Late nights, lose mice, stories all around. You're hanging out tonight at Glick's Comedy Live.
00:02:59
Speaker
Hey, welcome to Glick's Comedy Live.
Audience Interaction & Engagement
00:03:24
Speaker
Crazy story. Sing along to the song.
00:03:53
Speaker
Oh, what's going on guys? Happy win yeah Wednesday. Geez, I'll get my days right one of these days. Welcome to Glick's Comedy Lounge right here on the Nonsensical Network.
00:04:08
Speaker
If you're not already, go ahead and make sure you guys give us a like, share, and subscribe. said good but the Words are hard tonight. Subscribe. Jeez. You guys can find us everywhere. Bio.link slash nonsensicalnetwork. All them links are there um to all the social medias and all the platforms and everywhere you can listen and watch and and hang out with us. ah Real quick, shout out to the Chatters Box. What's going on, Scorpio?
00:04:38
Speaker
What's going on, Wale? Smash that like, share, and subscribe. And Miss Kayla in the back there, too. and Just some dude. Let's go. Anywho, fresh tonight, it's all about the comedy.
00:04:53
Speaker
That's what we do. We hang out with comedians. I am not a comedian, so to say. i find myself to be pretty funny, but I'm not going to do no stand-up comedy. So I leave that shit to the professionals. I just get to hang out with them.
00:05:04
Speaker
And tonight, fresh off of MomDuty, Miss Naomi Green. How you doing? Good. How are you? Welcome, welcome.
00:05:16
Speaker
I know it's those weird big Sasquatch looking dude. I'm just going to hang out with him on the internet for a little bit. It's probably not the strangest thing you've ever had to do, hopefully.
00:05:27
Speaker
bo No. I mean, you said you're you're in Ohio? Yes, unfortunately. Yeah, what part? ah Central Ohio. Out by Columbus.
Life & Humor in Ohio
00:05:37
Speaker
Are you familiar with the Ohio area?
00:05:40
Speaker
Yeah, apparently I know the town. yeah Okay, I'm ah just a little bit outside of Columbus, but Yeah. Not too far away, unfortunately. Right? So my husband's originally from Ohio.
00:05:53
Speaker
Ohio? Where at? New Philadelphia. Oh, okay. Yeah. and And then my dad was from Ohio. Oh. Yeah. Sounds like everybody got out.
00:06:04
Speaker
So that's a good thing. My dad and my husband, everybody else is still there. I tried to get out. I tried to get out, but I got pulled back in. i It's funny, I was ah setting up an interview with one of my previous guests and I told her, you know, I got six years left on my sentence.
00:06:23
Speaker
And she's like, oh my God, are you in prison? i was like, well, Ohio, basically the same thing. Yeah, it no it is, it is. it's ah I told my husband when we got married, well, before we got married, that if he ever tried to move me back to Ohio,
00:06:40
Speaker
I did my four-year stint. That's enough time. was it. um that ah It was divorce. It was non-negotiable. it was He could do anything in the world. i wouldn't care.
00:06:54
Speaker
But you move me back to Ohio, papers are ready. I'll stay married to him. It didn't matter. It doesn't matter. right it like that that was it. like that was a no That's a hard no. I like that. You know, I mean, I'm born and raised here. I got out for about 10 years and unfortunate circumstances brought me back home. And, you know, like i said, I was telling you backstage, once my son graduates, hell, if we had it his way, we'd be back down south now because that's he was born in South Carolina. And he's like, I don't to go back down there. i don't want to be here. Me either. But are amongst the foreigners.
00:07:33
Speaker
Brilliant.
00:07:36
Speaker
It's corn, snow, weather right now can't make up its mind if it's going to give us summer-like weather or winter weather still. I mean, two days ago it was in the 70s. Today it's like in the 50s and 40s. Right? Like, people really wonder why, like, because I'm i'm in Rhode Island.
00:07:54
Speaker
No. um And people are always like, why are new languages? They're so, I don't know,
00:08:06
Speaker
Yeah. Once the red turn, you know, and, um and like you know, if you think about it, it's all about the weather out here. um It's not consistent enough.
00:08:18
Speaker
Yeah. Right? Like, it so were just we're just cranky, cranky people, and in turn, we just take it out on everybody because today is May 6th, and it's raining. It was 40 degrees, and my son had a trackie, and wearing...
00:08:37
Speaker
a winter jacket because the wind was like 20 miles an hour. So I'm like, right, underneath the cherry blossoms and trees, I'm still in my winter jacket. But I really think that's why new England gets a bad rap because if you look at the rest of the country, everybody's like generally like in a decent mood.
00:08:58
Speaker
Even the people like in what is it like Minnesota or like the Dakotas, Because it's consistent. You know it's going to suck. You just know that the weather is going to be cold, colder, and coldest.
00:09:16
Speaker
Right? So because it because of that, they're happy. Yeah. right They're just used to it. I don't know if they're happy. No, that's i mean that's that's a problem here in Ohio. our our Our weather is so bipolar. I mean, it's...
00:09:30
Speaker
they don't know what it's doing from one day to the next. Yeah. so And like where my dad was originally from and where we lived up in Ohio, it's the Northwest part. So it was real flat.
00:09:41
Speaker
Oh yeah. And trying to explain to my students that, you know, In the wintertime, we'd have delays based on how cold it was and the wind becomes frostbite.
00:09:52
Speaker
bro height And they're like, what's that? And I'm like, exactly. but Exactly. yeah Or fog delays. Yep.
00:10:02
Speaker
they They don't understand what a fog delay is. They're like, why do you have a fog delay? I was like, well, think about this. you're trying to drive on a country road, but it's corn. Everything. It's ugly.
00:10:14
Speaker
And it's foggy and it's probably fall. yeah and You don't know you know, the, the lovely deer that we have in Ohio. I mean, ah any of my friends that are hunters out there from other States, I know you guys love coming up here because we got some of the biggest, ugliest, nastiest deer up here and they like to jump out in front of cars.
00:10:35
Speaker
yeah So they there's no, there's no sense. They're just like, Ooh, look, like, you know, yeah. if You're not like, you don't, you can't say you're not from Ohio if you don't know somebody personally that's hit a deer.
00:10:50
Speaker
go Right? well And it's it's it's always like, i was just coming home from like like Walmart, you know, or wherever. And it's just like. Yeah. and yeah actually we actually the inter We actually have a thing here in Ohio. We don't hit deers. The deers hit us.
00:11:09
Speaker
That's how you file your insurance claim. The deer hit you be because you. They're like, yeah, well, you're s SOL. Yeah. It's like, I didn't see it. it's on me It's on me.
00:11:22
Speaker
No, it's, ah it's, um it's an interesting state for sure.
Food Cravings & Culinary Adventures
00:11:27
Speaker
It's one of those, you you know, you love it or you hate it. There's really no kind of in between.
00:11:32
Speaker
And I mean, so there's lack of things to do. there's whether you're into sports or nature or history or whatever your thing is, cryptids, there's plenty to do and all.
00:11:46
Speaker
The weather sucks. It's terrible. Yeah. No, that's true. Like the only thing I would say what with my husband is because he was in and grew up around like Amish country.
00:12:00
Speaker
So going out to Sugar Creek just to get like sushi noodles and mashed potatoes. Yeah, I grew up up in Knox County, not too far from, mean, all my neighbors were, most my neighbors were Amish back home. So it was like I had that luxury. I didn't have to go to Amish country to get all the good food and stuff like that because we'd just go. And I worked for the Amish for a few years when I was younger. I got all that good food all the time. Right? So this is the crazy thing. My husband was in the Navy. My husband.
00:12:36
Speaker
He's ah um ah hundred percent a I can't I hate saying it now because I hate that everybody uses 100% but he's 100% disabled vet now.
00:12:48
Speaker
um He can work but for VA purposes he has a disability rating of 100% and um we were stationed in Guam and I was pregnant.
00:13:01
Speaker
I was craving the beef and noodles. I'm not good at yeah So, like, my family in Ohio, that I love them.
00:13:14
Speaker
They were like, what can i do? And my grandma, she would make beef and noodles, but she would buy... did you ever buy the beef in the can?
00:13:25
Speaker
I can't say that. I don't know that I know anybody that has. To be honest with you, ours is homemade. Yeah, Yes, but when she needed, like, when didn't have enough time or whatever, she would buy this beef in a can, and I forget what it's called now.
00:13:45
Speaker
Oh, Lord. don't know anyone ever bought beef in a can. Yeah, but it was like up in the area. I think it was just up there.
00:13:56
Speaker
like it was a specialty thing, and, um, And they shipped me a few pounds of beef. And then they went to Amish country and bought me noodles.
00:14:10
Speaker
Nice. sure nice That's awesome. That's good. That's good family, right? You know, because I was like, I need it. My husband's like, we're on an island in the middle of the Pacific. And I was like, but...
00:14:27
Speaker
and me But I need it I want it. Those pregnancy creams aren't no joke, man. I went through it three times myself and i i got the two o'clock in the morning roll over, wake up, hey, I want blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever.
00:14:45
Speaker
was like, thank God Walmart's two minutes from the house. No, we didn't have Walmart on the island. We had Kmart. Like,
00:14:55
Speaker
like Still, it's probably the last Kmart ever. I was going to say, yeah. They still did the blue light specials. you know i Do they still have yeah the what is it slushies in the little food court? and Yeah.
00:15:14
Speaker
It was like the coolest Kmart I've ever been to because Guam caters to Japanese tourists. And Japanese tourists love to buy...
00:15:25
Speaker
you have to buy thank you gifts for everybody. And little gifts, you know little chocolates, souvenirs, whatever. So the Kmart specialized in all of that for the for the Japanese.
00:15:40
Speaker
So it was this weird like mix of like American stuff, but then specifically Guam merch for the Japanese.
00:15:51
Speaker
Very nicely. and it was like 10 to 20 whatever, because, I mean, there's so many people you're buying for. because you have to buy You have to buy, like, a thank-you gift if you're working, like girls like just you know, your boss, your co-workers, your family. It's insane. Like, you come with a suitcase that's half empty, but you're leaving. like, when you get married in Japan, you get,
00:16:23
Speaker
you know they got to pay you money They give you money. That sounds like ah like a New Yorker thing. And when you get married, they just give you an envelope. envelope Then you've got to say thank you and you've got to kind of pay back part of the money or something like that.
00:16:41
Speaker
I don't I know when I got married, my mom, because I'm i'm half Japanese. you know I'm a Waysian, if you know what that means. White Asian. Yeah, that's a Waysian, right?
Marriage & Aging with Humor
00:16:52
Speaker
I am not a cool Waysian. Because then I would never age. I would i would still look like I'm 15. It would be am amazing. I'm envious of my blaze. I was like, oh, you've got the best of both worlds. Yeah, the best of both worlds. Unfortunately, yeah you know, us whiteys, we just age. I mean, unless you've got good genes. I don't know. we just Other than that, we age pretty rough. I know. I know it's going to catch up with me.
00:17:21
Speaker
Like, I'm going to wake up one morning and I'm going to be like, poof. Like, I'm going to be like the old white woman. ah sure I know, it's sad. But, like, I always refer to my husband as, like, my living, walking Dory and Gray.
00:17:39
Speaker
Because I'm not aging nearly as fast as that man. And I don't want to say that it's me that's causing him to age. I used to be married once upon a time. i Did you age quickly too? Did you go through the age accelerator? No, it was, it was more, i started aging real quick, probably about the time my, my oldest daughter hit the teenage years. I was like, oh was in my thirties before I started going gray and then it just started happening. And it's like, Oh, man. by Why can't it just, you know, this point, I just want my hair to be all gray and my beard to be all gray and just be done with it.
00:18:21
Speaker
Right? no Stop with this slow. but yeah I think i i think the being married once upon a time definitely aged me a few years, but having teenage daughters have have aged me a lot in the last few years. Yeah.
00:18:41
Speaker
Yeah. know My husband and I, we've been married 23. Oh, wow. yeah, that's... Well, that's like 60 for him in marriage years. Yeah, yeah that course He goes through the wringer. really does.
00:18:55
Speaker
yeah And, like, he can't even complain because at this point, it looks like he's married a younger woman. You know? That's kind of the thing now.
00:19:07
Speaker
Yeah. you know So I was like, dude, you're fine. You're fine, my man. Like, I... like i i I look much younger than I am. i mean, being 29 again is really hard, yes that's just how old I am. i'm and i don't have I don't have a say in how old I am. I'm just again. really funny to me how and umve been twenty one for the last twenty four years yeah it this happens
00:19:40
Speaker
yeah but yeah it is it's really funny to me how being married just does good things for you and then so much like the wrinkle.
00:19:52
Speaker
specific That's my husband. I don't even get Botox. i I might get Botox on everything. that i i I haven't, but i was like, this stays. Because if he can't read my face, he doesn't know what's happening. He doesn't know what's happening anyway, so it doesn't really matter, but It's safer for guys to never know what's happening. it's It's better that we live in our own little world nine times out of 10. I really feel like the women who just Botox and just have no expression, the reason why they're single.
00:20:29
Speaker
Right? Because the man is like, I don't know what you mean. I'm angry. I'm angry. Right? But if you can't do a good like, you know,
00:20:40
Speaker
Just a disappointed face. just Yeah. that know If see this every day, like, how is he supposed to know I love him? Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
00:20:51
Speaker
Well, that or, you know, that's that's when you know how your day is going to be. Do I spend the day in the garage or do i am I welcomed in the house? Neither. it does I mean, it doesn't matter. You're never going to win. Yeah, exactly. That's the truth. You know, you sit down on the couch.
00:21:10
Speaker
Yeah, just sit there. You really think your life is, you should be doing, is that what you're supposed to be doing? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. You know? My husband, like two weeks ago, he's gonna be, I don't even know if he's watching, I hope not. But, he's like, he's been telling everybody this. was like, because this is, this is like, one, it's just funny. And as a comedian, how can I not, like,
00:21:38
Speaker
tell people this. So two weeks ago, he's like, come to the bedroom. It's the middle of the day. I was like, no.
00:21:48
Speaker
No. No. Like, all the kids are home, the house is a mess, and he's like, just come to the bedroom. And I'm like, dude. Why? He's like like, just come here.
00:22:02
Speaker
and need you to, I just anxious need you to show these And I was like, just show, why can't you just show me in the kitchen? Right? Cause I'm whatever. And he like, he shuts the door I haven't even like gone into the full room. Right. I'm just like, and the door he starts putting his pants down.
00:22:22
Speaker
i was like, dude, what are you doing? But it's his back towards me. yeah So all of a sudden he just kind of like lowers his pants a little bit. and He's like, is there a tick?
00:22:36
Speaker
All that. I was like, yes. Yeah, actually there is. There's one right on your ass, dude. Oh, thought so. I was like, you thought so? You thought so. You could have taken a photo with your camera.
00:22:51
Speaker
right on your as dude yeah oh i thought so and i was like you thought so part so you could have taken a photo with your camera I was like, nobody, I don't want to see her.
00:23:06
Speaker
Nobody wants to see her. Well, I mean, you've been married 23 years. You know, men are simple creatures and not always the brightest at the end of the day. I know. He's like three friends that's sort of a happy male.
00:23:19
Speaker
So, like, I pull the tick out, head's still intact, because I've become an expert at
Hunting Stories & Health Scares
00:23:28
Speaker
this. Believe it or not, you can hunt in Rhode Island.
00:23:31
Speaker
And my husband has turned to be a guide hunter. aye Yeah. So we, i said we he takes people out hunting and does the things and, um and I do nothing.
00:23:49
Speaker
So was not the first time I've taken a chick off of him, but it was that first time that I had to take one off of his ass. So,
00:23:59
Speaker
Um, but we just got, he just bought partners and, um, what is it? A high fence hunting, right?
00:24:10
Speaker
Yeah. Where it's like an exotic farm. I don't know. He he knows the terms, but anyway, so you just hunt things in a fenced in area. Oh, okay. okay Okay.
00:24:25
Speaker
Yeah, but you can have like different types of animals. that you wouldn't be able to hunt just in the wild because of how the licensing or whatever and the hunting is and you can hunt year round so you're not within this like season right so he's he's up in finger lakes in um new york yeah up there i say he's in canada but it's basically canada let's i mean it's like two and a half hours from canada is closer He's closer to Canada than he is to Rhode Island, so I just am like, you're in Canada. okay
00:25:03
Speaker
But he he's up there, and he comes home like a week after the tick incident, right? And he was like, so I have to go to the VA.
00:25:17
Speaker
was like, oh, really? Why? He's like, because I got that bullseye. Yeah. She's like, okay. was like, that's fine.
00:25:28
Speaker
changed i just I just apologize to the doctor. That's not what they want to see. this because They're probably used to it at this point. They've seen worse. I don't know. Nice.
00:25:41
Speaker
It's a good one. As for a white guy, he's got a very large butt. It's impressive.
00:25:49
Speaker
yes for a white guy he's got a very large but impressively exactly Nice. Like, it's one of those, like, you know, women are not, like, they like tight, I think, like, we like more athletic tight butts, you know?
00:26:06
Speaker
My husband, he's not that. He's not that. right i know I'd be more worried, not about, like, single women or married women, about, like, gay men who have always commented on how nice it are.
00:26:21
Speaker
i and i like I'm kind of jealous because I want them to look at me. but yeah Nice. I wouldn't need to know And they're cute.
00:26:38
Speaker
They're so cute. They're adorable. I love them. And then they're like, there hasn't got enough this I was like, hello. And then they're like, but your shoes are gorgeous. Thank you. You got your props, too. That's all that matters at the end of the day.
00:26:51
Speaker
Yeah. You want the light on? Okay. so My girlfriend's over here. She's, like, writing me in a notebook, and and I turn the light off so that my actual ring lights work, and I'm not more like ah just a bright fluorescent creature here. No, exactly.
00:27:11
Speaker
but like so he he got on the antibiotics but he's got to wait i think till this week to actually get tested for line oh geez right so he he was home for like a week and he was like i'm kind of tired and had the audacity to like try to lay down yeah and as i was like dude you know the rules You can't just lay down. He's like, but I might have Lyme. I was like, but you might not. And if you're on antibiotics, you're fine. Suck it up. Because if this is going to be like man flu, we're going to have problems. That's that's no joke. the Man flu is no joke. That near-death experience.
00:27:50
Speaker
We never know if we're going to pull through or not at the end of the day. No. pardon My nose hurts. I did like a puffed lotion. Oh, my God.
00:28:02
Speaker
It's funny to me, you know, I go to work, I got a blue collar job and I, my my body hurts every day. My back hurts, my my shoulder hurts, my knee hurts, this hurts, that hurts.
00:28:13
Speaker
I'm fine. You know, I'm exhausted. I haven't slept for, I don't know, you know, how many days, you know, whatever. I'm fine. But the slightest little sniffle, game over. i'm a I'm getting my will in order. contacting family and friends. like I don't know, this might be it. I'm not going to make it.
00:28:32
Speaker
He's just like, I feel awful. I'm like, also, I too have the flu, but I am up and moving. right Yeah, but it's not the man flu. It's totally different. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
00:28:46
Speaker
but We don't ask to get babied a lot, but when we're when we're sick and we got that, you know, we we could, this could be the last, this could be the last time you see it. yeah I just feel like it just got worse every time we had another kid.
00:28:59
Speaker
Oh, yeah. yeah you know like I need the attention. shit like All of the attention around the tiny humans. way yeah human
00:29:12
Speaker
Yes, we are big babies when we get sick. This is true. I know. i I try not to be, but I'm just like, just let me go die. I'll be fine. I'll just wait for more day quo, my quo. All the clothes. All the clothes.
00:29:27
Speaker
okay all the well so i gotta i gotta I want to ask you, um obviously this is the big question, how long have you been doing comedy?
00:29:38
Speaker
It's kind of a two-part. How have you been doing it? And what possessed you to be like, you know what, I'm going to get up on stage and tell jokes to a bunch of drunk weirdos. um Yeah. Not the truth.
00:29:50
Speaker
um i I've been doing this for about six years on and off. Like, life happens and I take time off and then come back and then life happens again. Um, but I just, after having the fourth kid, needed and i needed to go to a place where they couldn't come with me legally and open mics are usually at a bar.
Comedy as an Escape & Influences
00:30:19
Speaker
Yeah. good It's allowed. if no kids allowed and if you bring a kid to a bar people really look at you weird so i mean it's normal in ohio that people bring kids to bars so yeah true but you know it was like i need and i want to do something for myself i need to get out and i want to try something new i um i had moved around a lot um because my dad was in the navy and and with my husband being in the Navy, I just have a morbid sense of humor anyway.
00:30:55
Speaker
ah it helps And then um I think I just, I love the idea that a it's just you being original um as an artist, right?
00:31:15
Speaker
Because I i love, like going to open mics because you have to really hear people fly out their own material, right? So the biggest thing is um like if you go to like like coffee bars or whatever and people are singing, they get to do covers, right? They don't have to do, they don't have to make original music. And then if it is, a lot of people don't want to listen to original music. They want to hear music that they know, right?
00:31:48
Speaker
But with comedy, if you take somebody else's material, that we know that that is like a hard no, right? Like that's a hard no.
00:31:59
Speaker
You will not be doing comedy for very long. Yeah. And I find that out of everything, of being any type of artist, comedy is the one where you really have to be the most authentic, the most real Because you you can be influenced by comedians.
00:32:20
Speaker
And I think for me, i i am I'm half Japanese, half American. And so when I was growing up, to kind of give you an idea of agency, Margaret Cho.
00:32:33
Speaker
Oh, okay. Up and Coming, she was the first. like She was great. Yeah. And like her sitcom, American Girl. right Just to see an Asian face honey yeah it was funny. I didn't see it I hadn't seen that before. right and i I just loved her. Loved her. and Then I saw her in a stand-up show for the first time. like i was in my early 20s with my husband. He hadn't really known who she was. and
00:33:08
Speaker
had come back from scene. to see this on submarines. he So he had done a deployment, come back, and I was like, hey, we're going to this show. he was like, okay. He didn't really know that we're like going to be like going to a show with with fabulous, fabulous looking you know gay men. Like everywhere. They're just so pretty. And he was like, wait, what is this? Like, what is happening? Oh, my God.
00:33:35
Speaker
um oh She's got a huge following of these i'm very cute guys. Because he was like, there's a there's a lot of guys. well you know And I think he was just like, he was not prepared for how fabulous these men were looking.
00:33:55
Speaker
After he had just come back from sea looking all scruffy and very, very pale. wasn't his best self. he wasn't his best though But yeah, I i absolutely i adore her. I adore her. And then I love Carol Burnett.
00:34:13
Speaker
She's another one of my top... Original female comedy that just did everything. Yeah, just her... The physical comedy of her. Just how she's able to to use her body for comedy, for face, all of that. And I remember...
00:34:33
Speaker
My sister and I, I'm a twin. And I forget how old we were. i know we're in our teenage years. We got tickets to go see. she was a She's a huge Christian Slater fan. Back in those days, Christian Slater was huge. exactly She did an off-Broadway show.
00:34:57
Speaker
Oh, wow. and i know And she dragged me to it. That was our birthday gift. It was not the gift I wanted. to But my parents were like, yeah, yeah, yeah you know yeah. And so we waited backstage for him to come out to sign the autograph.
00:35:13
Speaker
right And we're waiting, we're waiting, we're waiting. And then Carol Burnett comes out. Of all the people. She was in the audience.
00:35:26
Speaker
And she'd watched it. She's able to go backstage, not a problem. And then she just comes out like, the actor's back door and I about fell over. And I know I think I was like 19 at the time, but I probably look like I was 12 and And she is tall. So I probably look like, you know, like this little, like middle school kid. And I was like, she's like,
00:35:55
Speaker
seriously so but Yeah, but what? what like but you know My twin and I, so it's um twins looking at you like, ah. It was very surreal.
00:36:11
Speaker
It was like the weirdest moment ever, but it was like the coolest, like, oh my God, I just met my hero. was not expecting to meet my hero moments. you know and then um the birthday gift worked out to be pretty good oh my god after that i was like that was the best you know but yeah such a phenomenal thing and then eddie izzard like love loved him for well actually he's changed his name now um so but yeah just fantastic i
00:36:54
Speaker
I mean, I still quote, like, cake or dust. It's just one of my, cake or dust. I even, like, that's how I talk to my kids now. Like, cake or dust? Why? I'm like, okay, we're going to have to listen. We're going to have to listen. We've got to introduce you. We've got to educate you. Yeah, yeah. And I love Joe Coy.
00:37:17
Speaker
Like, he's Filipino, American, just so funny. Just, like, so much. What I honestly love about him is how he highlights the Filipino life, but also just Americans and just like the difference of being mixed.
00:37:36
Speaker
Because you know don' i don't you know i didn't see a lot of mixed comedians. you know Asians. So to hear his hear his things, his stories, his his sets about like living in the two worlds and trying to find that place between the the two happy mediums.
00:37:59
Speaker
I was like, oh, yeah, that's that's true. And then I was like, wait, I have Filipino friends. That's true, too.
00:38:09
Speaker
So, yeah, I
Teaching with Humor & Managing Students
00:38:10
Speaker
just, I do. i love I love just watching comedy. Sometimes, like, I may not remember all the names, but, like, if I see their picture, I never forget a face. so That's, like, the worst part about me is that when I see your face,
00:38:25
Speaker
i will always remember your face i have a problem i'm terrible with names but i know faces yeah and like but it's it's like if i have an interaction with you even if it's fast like at um the uh like grocery store or the mall or whatever i will remember your face so if i see you somewhere i'm gonna be like oh i know I know you. And then I'll be like, like it's it's so annoying because my kids are like, that's so weird. And I'm like, yeah, I know. the um I'm terrible with names.
00:39:05
Speaker
I've had people come to me you know out and about and be like, oh, hey, what's up? dinner internet And I'm like, hey, how's it going? Trying to, you know, I know the face and I know that I've been somewhere before, but I can't remember their name. And a nine times out of ten because what my mouth's not saying, my face is always saying the end of the day. So they're like you have no idea who I am. It's like, no, I do. I just don't know your name. Yeah. Yeah.
00:39:32
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Well, I have like, a I'm, I'm a full-time substitute teacher. So um I consider myself like Robin to the teachers as Batman.
00:39:44
Speaker
nice So like Batman is super serious. He got, the clothes, the voice, you know, he's all black, everything. He gets it.
00:39:55
Speaker
He gets it. ah You know, like you dress the part. yeah Robin, on the other hand, comes out and is like, I'm going to wear neon, like, green and yellow tights, and I'm going to be like, where are you going, Robin?
00:40:12
Speaker
Or Batman, you know what I mean? So, like, he's just like, like, you know, it's like, What is happening? Yeah. And that's me. That is me every day at school.
00:40:24
Speaker
I am, I am the Robin. I, I'm just out there and the teachers are so calm, cool and collective. And I'm usually the one that's getting kidnapped and somebody's got to come save me. yeah What are your, what are your students think about you being a comedian or do they know?
00:40:46
Speaker
So this is really funny. So, um, My school is a preschool, so three-year-olds up to third graders. Okay. and i And I will, the kids will start telling jokes to each other, but it'll be like jokes from the applesauce, like at the bottom of the applesauce pouch, or they'll get a joke book out, and ah or they'll just tell jokes in class and they're not supposed to be talking. yeah um
00:41:17
Speaker
And I'll be like, Oh, that's great. Except you can't you can only tell jokes if you get paid. And I get paid to tell jokes. So nobody else is allowed to tell jokes. And they're like, what? is fun And I was like, yeah. was like, I'm a comedian. And they're like, you know, because they don't, some of them get it. Some of them don't, right? But then I'll show them a picture of me on stage with a mic.
00:41:43
Speaker
And they'll be like, wait. You do tell jokes. I was like, I do.
00:41:53
Speaker
i do I do. Like, that's my life. I use all of you as my material. Yep, exactly. i have have ah a guy that I graduated high school with who is a high school teacher.
00:42:06
Speaker
He's also a stand-up comedian. And a while, a long time back when we first started doing podcasts and whatnot, ah he came on and he was talking about that. He's in high school. He's got juniors and seniors. Mm-hmm.
00:42:21
Speaker
they do stuff and then they they'll tell him, don't you, you're not allowed to use this because you know, you can't make fun of us and they know they're that he's going to. so Well, yeah. And like, that's the best part is that like sometimes I'm, I'm only at one school, but one time I had gone up to the high school for a few days cause they needed some some extra hands.
00:42:44
Speaker
And it's really interesting because, At the lower levels, the kids are super lovey. They love everybody. like They love all the kids. You're the best. I love you. Can I give you of course.
00:42:57
Speaker
And um at the high school, you're like invisible. And again, because I'm short, i don't so many of them can't even see me anymore. I just blend in with the crowd. And you know and I would just remember one time I was standing in the front of the room.
00:43:15
Speaker
waiting for the all the kids to come into the class, and they're just, like, talking away. And um they just get their Chromebooks out. Because now in the middle school and the high schools, you don't teach. You just are a body in there because there has to be somebody. And you just tell them, hey, open up your Chromebooks, your lessons, your work is all there. Your teacher is going to look at it.
00:43:36
Speaker
Yeah. So they didn't even, like, acknowledge me. you know like none of them said hi to me none of them asked like nothing they didn't even say anything to me so i was like okay hi mrs green you know chromebooks out do your homework whatever whatever your dj i was like i don't even know what this class is so don't ask me yeah So then this one kid in the back, I don't know if he just didn't think I was paying attention or I didn't know what I was doing. he gets his phone out and this is what he he does. He's like this and he's all like,
00:44:21
Speaker
and I'm like, and I can see like he took a photo of himself, right? Cause he was like trying to find the right angle. Yeah. But nobody was paying attention cause he's all, he was in the back of the class, but I can see him clearly. Yeah.
00:44:36
Speaker
So instead of saying, put your phone away, i I just said, you might need to use a filter. the And the other kids start looking around because they're like, what? And he he has his phone still up in the air. This is what made this priceless.
00:44:58
Speaker
He's the only one who had his phone out. episode So he's like this and he's like, and i was like Filter. It's like you just took a selfie. Yeah.
00:45:09
Speaker
You
00:45:13
Speaker
you know, and I'm like, no, no, no, you need a filter. Whoever you're going to send that to, you need that. The face auto-tune. Yeah. but The kids are like, oh you know, because they were like, oh, she's coming in hot. Like, they've never been like, I'm going nuclear on these kids.
00:45:34
Speaker
Yeah, that one's hot. But because boys will be boys, and this was a boy, mind you, that did this, they just they can't learn. so ah like And this is this is in the same class. So few minutes later, these two boys thought, wouldn't it be fun if we just punched each other in the dick?
00:45:58
Speaker
Yeah, we do that. You know, and trying to make it like I can't see, or I can't Nobody's going to notice this. right Because they are sitting in the back.
00:46:11
Speaker
And um well one of the punches landed. And landed hard. oh Oh, man. So this kid bends over. i can already see you like he's got little to his back.
00:46:25
Speaker
He's trying to be quiet because now he doesn't want anybody to know he's got in the dick. So then I say... You know, an ice pack from the nurse will help that.
00:46:38
Speaker
And all the kids again, like, look up. There's like 25 kids in this class. Look up and start looking around. And then they realize they see this kid. And I was like, would you like to go to the nurse right now for an ice pack and tell the nurse where why need an ice pack?
00:46:53
Speaker
Or would you like me to call down to the nurse right now for you? And he was like, no. He just couldn't talk because
00:47:03
Speaker
He was in so much pain. And I was like, just remember, hands to self. You know, because it's just like... And after after that, I didn't have any anymore stupid in the class because they realized i really am going to call you out.
00:47:24
Speaker
I don't have... I have no chill. No chill. You know? like Just like in middle school, i had to... um sub in a middle school class, like sixth grade boys or like, you know, kids, but again, it's the boys. They were arm wrestling and there's a no arm wrestling policy anyway.
00:47:45
Speaker
settles and policy to have there. I think somebody, here I think somebody had like actually injured their shoulder or something. i believe it. I was once, i was once a sixth grade boy. i know, yeah I know that and we, we did. Yeah.
00:48:00
Speaker
Well, build the dumb shit we but i mean We used to have body to body matches, boxing matches in the locker room and just beat the shit out of each other. yeah think Exactly. But like, so these two boys are just wrestling. i had told them a few times, like to knock it off, like do your work, you know, cut it out.
00:48:19
Speaker
So then they didn't listen. So I was like, all right, this is where, you know, this is why comedy works so well for teaching kids. And I was like, all guys,
00:48:32
Speaker
You got to stop holding hands. And now like the whole class looks up and i like, we're not holding hands. So are your arm wrestling? Because you know arm wrestling means you have to go down to the principal's office.
00:48:46
Speaker
So it's either your holding hands or your arm wrestling.
00:48:51
Speaker
Which is ridiculous. I'm confused at this point. I can i can see you like this. Hand in hand together means holding hands.
00:49:03
Speaker
you So, are you holding hands? Or arm wrestling? It just made so hard to like talk it out. i was like yeah At that point, i'm taking that i'm I'm just taking the heat for the arm wrestling because I'm not going to be known as the the guy that was holding another guy's hand in further for the next six years of my life in school.
00:49:27
Speaker
Yeah, because that's the best thing. and then here one of And then another one of the kids I had said something else and it was like got the kids laughing. They're like, Alistair, that's my son. They're like, he said you're a comedian.
00:49:43
Speaker
You know, like I am And I would tell you jokes that you guys are the jokes. So go back to work. Because that's the best part about middle school is you can roast kids.
00:49:55
Speaker
You can roast them in middle school and high school. The elementary schools, you can't quite do that. but I mean, you can. my kids ah I grew up in Thunderdome, so my kids have grown up in Thunderdome.
00:50:10
Speaker
ah we We fuck with each other constantly, and we and I've been doing it since they were a little. Yeah. you know my My middle one, she's she's mean. She bullies me.
00:50:22
Speaker
And she'll hit me with drive-bys. My 15-year-old is like that, too. Because he's taller than me, he's like now. He's like, he calls me, what does he call me? you Like a fragile. He say fragile. He calls me like a fragile tiny baby.
00:50:38
Speaker
He's like, a fragile like, tiny egypt fraja o ten and i was like dude, I will hurt you. You know? growth My mom was like five five something like that. And at my son's age, I was already six foot too And she's like, I don't care if i have to stand on a chair.
00:51:02
Speaker
will beat your ass. Yeah. I had one son, my 12-year-old. He asked me when he was like, oh, man. I want to say he was like seven or something. Once I started realizing that they were going to be taller than me, like all of the kids, right?
00:51:20
Speaker
He was like, oh, he's like, you're going to be the shortest one in the family. Does that make you the youngest? no. no because I'm shorter does not mean I'm younger than you.
00:51:34
Speaker
I'm still your mom. Because now they just think now that they're taller than me, they can do what they want. Hmm. oh like i I don't think I have to worry about that. The kids' is mom, that all three of my kids are taller than their mom, but she's she's five foot on
Parenting Styles & Cultural Humor
00:51:52
Speaker
a good day. so ah wait I was like, I think you forget.
00:51:56
Speaker
I am half Japanese. I have fli the foot of the wrist. I call it the Asian love tap for a reason. It's not a piece. It is the Asian love tap.
00:52:09
Speaker
So then like my my youngest, I love him to death, but he is shaking that stir like the rest of them. And he's just, he's like, can i can can I give him the Asian love tap? I was like, no, you you may not give anybody else the Asian love tap. That is only a mother thing.
00:52:29
Speaker
The only one out of the four of you who will be able to do the Asian love tap is your sister. It is passed down from mother to daughter. And I'm like, Not to mother. just likes like This is not how the Asian love tapas works. Moms have their own unique special abilities. Sometimes it's culture are related. and you know Dad's about all we have. and Eventually kids grow. well you know I don't think they really do. We have the dad voice. and That's about all we get. Then it's like, all right I'm done.
00:53:05
Speaker
You talk to your son. You talk to your son.
00:53:11
Speaker
It's never, it's, you know, only, they're only mine when they're good. Excellent. sorry My daughter just made National Honor Society and I was like, thank you.
00:53:27
Speaker
But I, I, but here's the thing, like all of my kids are super smart and I'm not just saying that because I'm Asian.
00:53:39
Speaker
i'm not I'm not a tiger mom by any means because I am American so it's not going to work. I'm more like a little hybrid. um But it's it's funny because I have dyscalculia which is if you if you don't if you're not familiar with it. So most people know what dyslexia is with letters but dyscalculia numbers.
00:54:03
Speaker
okay here Where most people are like oh I'm bad with numbers. its I'm always like, that's cute. Because
00:54:14
Speaker
it's not that, like, you can be bad with numbers. But with dyscalculia, it's the same premise as dyslexia. Like, you flip numbers, you know, um you read them wrong, um or you hear numbers wrong. Like, I can't hear a phone number and type it.
00:54:36
Speaker
Mm-hmm. quickly, right? Like if we were to exchange numbers, I would literally be like, okay, you said four and I'd accidentally hit five. Like I don't know how many times I have like taken a phone number down and wrote the number wrong because of just how my my brain pressed. Thank goodness for the iPhone and the little kiss that it does to other phones. never Can my phone kiss your phone? And they're like,
00:55:06
Speaker
what What are you talking about? Because people of a certain generation don't realize that your phones can kiss. That's what I like to call it.
00:55:17
Speaker
Because it just is like like the little sound and the vibrate and like there's a little image when the phones connect and you can share like your phone number or whatever, yeah and your contact information.
00:55:29
Speaker
So was like, can we kiss? but like When I'm up to guys, Can I kiss your phone? Somebody get the crazy short lady, please. Either way, it sounds awkward. Can I touch your phone? Can I kiss your phone? I just find calling it, can I kiss your phone?
00:55:54
Speaker
It works. I didn't even know that was the thing phones could do. yeah yeah so It works wonders for me. because then I don't have to take the number. And the best part is, is a lot of people like you don't realize their phones can kiss.
00:56:10
Speaker
So I'm like, yeah yeah I'm the smart one here. i one so Usually I'm not. So I feel your pain. I'm just a big animal fumbling my way through life at this point in time.
00:56:29
Speaker
Right. Cause like every like teacher parent meeting, they're like, Oh, your kids are doing exceptional. Look at like, you know, and it's always like this forest up moment with me, you know, like when forest meets his son for the first time and he's like, is he smart?
00:56:44
Speaker
Are you sure? You know? And, um, are you sure you know and But yeah, because it's, an and being Japanese, we have to be kind of, we have to be humble, right?
00:56:55
Speaker
We're not, we can't brag about stuff. And when people are like, oh your daughter's so smart, I literally am like, you know, not really. Because I grew up with my mom, people telling her stuff all the time. And this is this is how I grew up just with an Asian mom. People would be like, oh, your daughters are so beautiful. Right?
00:57:18
Speaker
And my mom would be like, o and then she'd look at us and go, don't know why people say that. You're just my daughters.
00:57:30
Speaker
Thanks mom. You know, and then I think that one of the funny like things that she would say is when my daughter was young and like in elementary school, first and second grade,
00:57:45
Speaker
she was doing well. when like i i was just proud, right? Like, oh my God, she's she's so funny. um My mom was like, oh, it's so sad. And I was like, more what can possibly be She was like, oh, that being smart skipped a generation.
00:58:03
Speaker
But I was like, mom,
00:58:09
Speaker
you but ia a mom i I have a learning
00:58:20
Speaker
But it still skipped a generation. Thanks, Mom. And and I came home one year in high school. And I was like, you know what?
00:58:33
Speaker
I'm a genius. I'm a genius. Because back then, it was when they you know you had to give your parents a report card, right? Oh, yeah. So I was like, mom, I'm a genius and I'm going to prove it to you.
00:58:45
Speaker
i was like, take a look at my report card. I just want, just you're going to see, you're going to finally acknowledge I am a genius. a So she's like looking at it, my dad's looking at it and they're like, okay, you've got an you've got you've got an
00:59:12
Speaker
how are you a genius i was like who else can get all of the letters in one report card that is genius level never melt it
00:59:28
Speaker
how does it confirm and like even when i tell teachers like my teacher friends like that i came home with this report card they laugh and then all of a sudden they think about it and they're like wait How did you do that? Because most kids are like A, A, B, B, C. You know, like you fall into categories. You don't hit every wicket. Right down the special needs ladder you went.
00:59:56
Speaker
Because I'm a secret genius. yeah yeah You know, I'm like, I just, I have a talent. but nobody appreciates my talent and i just want other kids to know that you too can be a secret genius yeah you too you know and and i and i'd like to tell my students that i was like it's okay he because you too can be a public school teacher
01:00:25
Speaker
you know i'm just not certified you know as a substitute all you need is a degree So I'm not actually certified to be a real teacher, but they let me in there anyway. so They let you in their little club anyway.
01:00:41
Speaker
Yeah, they do. Like, i I just, I i love that I'm able to do things that other teachers can't, right, because of the union and the contracts and all all of those things.
01:00:57
Speaker
And they're like, you really need to get an email. And I was like, absolutely not. yeah anyway but I to be the cool teacher. I get to be the fun teacher. in and I was like, one, emails mean they can find you. yeah like I am not to be found.
01:01:12
Speaker
Two, emails mean that parents can find you.
01:01:17
Speaker
I want no part of that. I'm just part time here. i don't I don't have to spend every single day with the same demon children. i mean, like and you know they'll have staff meetings. I don't go to all staff meetings.
01:01:30
Speaker
But I do like to walk through the all-staff meeting as I'm leaving for the day. Nice. so Like that queen wave, you know? Yeah. is Have fun.
01:01:42
Speaker
Enjoy. And then, like, you see them carrying their bags of all of their things, and you know, for school. And I just have my purse and my lunchbox.
01:01:55
Speaker
I just show up, you know? I'm just here. I show up. I do my thing. And then I leave. You know? Like, that's that's the best part of my job. Like, I take nothing home and I bring nothing to school. I just... it Honestly, i i tell people all the time, i was like, if you need, like, a job but can't commit because whatever, subbing is the best job for you.
01:02:22
Speaker
Because you get to rile those kids up, get them crazy, them excited. i mean, I... because I was never formally went to school to teach. i had to teach first graders about parallels.
01:02:37
Speaker
And it was only the second day they were learning that the teacher was out. So she left me, you know, the plan. And I was like, guys, parallels are lines that do not touch.
01:02:51
Speaker
Okay. was like, do it with me. We're going to learn Vogue. Okay, everybody. We're going to build it out and We're going to Vogue to Parallels. All right? Vogue, Vogue, Vogue, and Vogue.
01:03:07
Speaker
So I had i would i had them all standing. up I found the instrumental version of Vogue, by the way, because i don't want to play the lyrics and get in trouble. It might be a little too risky. Yeah, yeah. Can't play the original Madonna video, blah, blah, blah. So what I did, we listened to Vogue and we Vogue it out. was like, parallel, parallel, parallel.
01:03:30
Speaker
So when when the teacher came back the next day, i was like, hey, I was like, class went well, nobody understood what parallels were, but don't worry, I got you because I did Vogue.
01:03:43
Speaker
And she was like, you did not. And I was like, I i did. was like, oh my gosh.
01:03:51
Speaker
This is what happens when they don't have certified substitute teachers. Think outside the box. And because nobody said not to do it that way, hate it. Right? like yeah You're an absolute wild card. I am.
01:04:09
Speaker
yeah All the kids know that Wednesdays are unofficial disco Wednesdays. So whatever class I am in, we play disco music. And we have to dance disco. So if you're coming past that, whatever classroom I'm teaching, we are doing disco. and And the kids are like, it's unofficial disco Wednesday. Captain chaos is in the building. yeah i mean, there's things, you know, when you're short you have to improvise so much in your life. um
01:04:41
Speaker
And that's what, that's what it is. and and say I wouldn't, I wouldn't know. I've, ah Look like a Sasquatch since I was 12 years old. So yeah, yeah That's why like your best friends are the short girls That's biggest inconvenience I have if i'm in the grocery store, hey, can you reach out for me? I know my husband is six three and He's like, do you want me to get that? I was like, no, John. I was like, the point of going to the grocery store is that this is an obstacle course. Okay.
01:05:17
Speaker
And you're training for American Ninja. Yeah. And that's all I'm doing. Yeah. I want to know, can I get it? And what can I use in this aisle to get that top thing without knocking everything over?
01:05:29
Speaker
Without becoming in a spectacle in the grocery store. Exactly. Because what annoys me the most is like if we if we happen to split up, because you know how it is sometimes when you shop with you you're significant on there you your the rule is you're supposed to stay together. Right?
01:05:46
Speaker
Like you see this all the time.
01:05:49
Speaker
The couple stay together. They're not to wander. Right? You got to stay together because the man's got to push the cart. I'm not pushing the cart. Have you ever seen a real one? No. That's again there's rules right but then sometimes he side quests and doesn't tell me or most likely it's me side questing but nothing is not the point is i will be trying to get something and there's like we we go to the commissary a lot which is the military grocery store So there's you know sailors just walking. And they're always so sweet. They always ask if they can help. Well, then John just rolls up behind me gets, like, if you didn't know he was my husband, because he doesn't, we don't even look like we should be married. Like, that's how opposite kind of we are. Because we haven't gotten to that matching couple look yet. yeah And yeah hope to never get to that point. Because that is not something I want to be, like, trying to look like.
01:06:55
Speaker
Um, but like, you know, he'll just come up and reach behind me, but he's so close or he's like, like on me, you know? and like, people are like, you know, don't realize that that's my husband. So they think I'm about to be assaulted.
01:07:10
Speaker
itbi this This tiny little Asian is about to be assaulted by this giant. Yeah. This giant white man with his big old butt. And like, and I'm like,
01:07:22
Speaker
And I don't help Mattis because I don't actually call him husband, really. I'll just be like, all right, buddy, friend, dude. Even in my phone, I have it as that guy I married.
01:07:34
Speaker
Nice. Yeah. Because in case anybody like needs my phone for whatever reason, and I'm like, call John, because I would never to say, cannot say husband.
01:07:47
Speaker
20 years, and it still sounds very weird to me. I haven't accepted it yet. oh I'm in denial. Four kids and I'm still in denial. But like, but it's just funny because you're just kind of like, dude, on but the Come on.
01:08:15
Speaker
That's good though. I mean, it sounds like you guys have a ah fun relationship and you guys maybe get along most days, some days, every once in a while. Yeah, I think so. I mean, when it's, you're pretending. Yeah, he's joking.
01:08:36
Speaker
That's my little brother. oh pressure It's funny we confuse people when we say we're brothers because he's he's five foot three as well, and he's also black.
01:08:47
Speaker
so It works. Brothers work, it works. Yeah. He's not really my brother. He's just one of my best friends. So he's going to give me crap. I like it, though.
01:08:59
Speaker
At least he's here supporting me. Yeah. That's always a good thing. But, yeah, it's, I don't know, marriage is weird, you know. i yeah I do see, like, some couples, you know, you can tell they're married at 5'11".
01:09:15
Speaker
He goes on again. And, um... You know, they look cute. They look like, yeah, yeah, like, yeah, you know that those two are married. My husband, he does the hunting gear and whatever. I just, I can't.
01:09:32
Speaker
You're not rocking the camouflage yet? Oh, my God, no. And and the thing is, is that I remember, like, he would get dressed here at the house, like, in his, um
01:09:47
Speaker
like, not his full hunting gear i didn't know that i thought he was in his full hunting gear right with all like the leaves and whatever hoodie jackets and all that stuff right so he was showing me a video that he took with a hunter and um i knew he had tree stands but i did not know that they had to have harnesses so you don't fall out i don't actually know what i thought he was doing but because of my husband i'd never thought harnesses and safety i just assumed he just shimmied up the tree and sat right without any safety because i've seen that man do many many stupid things so um i know right but i guess
01:10:43
Speaker
I completely understand because I'm that guy who's like, I need to reach 11 feet and I only have two six-foot ladders. I'm going to stack them. But then I'm like, you know, we should really put goggles on while we're working with this angle grinder. I don't even get me started with that. But then I guess he has to wear more gear when he's out there.
01:11:10
Speaker
Plus the chest. So the straps are very unflattering because it just... And they're very uncomfortable. Yeah. so the first time i saw him on video, and he's with his client. great The client's sitting next to me, and he's super proud of this book that he shot, and he wants to show everything. like He's like, this is a great thing. like It's a trophy, whatever, blah, blah, blah, so many points, right? And I was like, sure, sure. You're supportive. You're so supportive.
01:11:46
Speaker
I'm a amazing.
01:11:49
Speaker
But as soon as the camera pans to my husband and I actually saw him for the first time in like the orange, it's orange, yeah, the orange and the... I laughed so much.
01:12:07
Speaker
heart and i mean like i was like that's what you look like i was like people pay you and they have to see you dressed like that i was like oh my god i was like you need to give them a refund and i looked at the guy and i looked at his client was like he needs to refund you i'm so sorry this is ridiculous i was like what is happening this is not a good look yeah It was just like, we all look like that. And I was like, yeah.
01:12:41
Speaker
It's a fashion show. They're out there to kill things. They don't care what they look like. They also don't want to get shot by another hunter.
01:12:52
Speaker
i know. I was just like, this is not, I was like, i actually don't know what I thought you would look like. But not this. I don't know what this. Real hunters do not look like the hunters you see on, you know, ah on on TVs and movies. They don't look like, ah you know, Alan Richardson or any other, Jason Momoa or anything like that, unfortunately.
01:13:15
Speaker
No, no. Like, he he took me to, like, Bass Pro Shop because he had to get his crossbow fixed, and we're waiting for the guy to to fix it, right? So I got bored, so I just did the mini fashion shows through the hunting, and because I'm just, I am a child. I am that kid. Right.
01:13:37
Speaker
So I, I just got like, whatever i could find. Like there was this jacket that had like with leaves coming down so you could blend in with the bushes.
01:13:49
Speaker
And I swear to God, I had like the best time in that thing. I just had my arms out and I was like, I'm a tree, I'm a tree. Like those Russian winter hats. I was like, this is phenomenal.
01:14:02
Speaker
I was like, I can never wear it, but this is so much fun. And then had me try on overalls. I don't do overalls. and I was like, dear Lord. I was like, this is insane. I was like, excuse me, how much is this? and you We need to have a talk. Because if you're buying this, I get to buy a purse.
01:14:25
Speaker
It is insane. in so I thought hunting gear was cheap. that's That's one of the many reasons why I don't hunt anymore, because it's it's very expensive. And I love Bass Pro Shop. I go in there and i'll I'll spend hours in there and just look around. My girlfriend, she likes to do it too, but we always make our way to the guns. That's where we usually end up in sections. And saying boys are stupid in the chat.
01:14:54
Speaker
Oh, wait, one of them says get her a purse. Thank you. Thank you. yeah I mean, I'm not going to say no to that. Yeah. Poor guy. I know.
01:15:06
Speaker
Please. He's fine. yeah Yeah. But yeah, it's just, he's just funny. to wait It was something that, like, the hunting, you know, I never thought he'd do or ever imagined doing.
01:15:24
Speaker
And he, um, He's an Ohio boy. It's in his blood. He can't help it. Yeah, that's because he something around those lines. You could know it. He's in Rhode Island now.
01:15:36
Speaker
perfect
01:15:40
Speaker
But, you know, like one day, he holds deer processing classes for veterans and first responders, right? And I knew, you know, that there was going to be 14 deer.
01:15:56
Speaker
14. I don't think I quite understood how it was going go. to do so I went outside she just had them like just you know lined up and ready. was like, oh.
01:16:15
Speaker
Good morning. Yeah, just strung up in the trees. Our neighbors are
01:16:23
Speaker
and neighbors are I got to think we're crazy.
01:16:29
Speaker
Yeah, that's... um If you're not familiar with the process, that is definitely yeah um ah quite the surprise, to say the least. Yeah, it was.
01:16:42
Speaker
It really was. And then we find out that um there's a ah food pantry for Chinese, and they... and they will accept medicine because it's a delicacy. independence yeah, where most food pantries cannot accept a beer, right, for whatever, but they will.
01:17:06
Speaker
And so I was like, hey, if we can help feed people, we're going to feed people. Yeah, right. String them up as many as you want. yeah You know, I was like, however...
01:17:19
Speaker
because in um block island it's unlimited doe so when you go out there for doe hunting you can get as many as you as you want and that's why we're able to host the classes for yeah as many deer because people are like how do you get that many deer and I'm like I don't I don't know yeah if you got the spot didn and you're allowed to I mean shoot If you open up season like that, nobody's going to hit a deer anywhere in Ohio anytime soon. They will all be gone real quick.
01:17:57
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. yeah no Not out here. They're a problem. It is a weird turn because he used to own a janitorial cleaning company.
01:18:09
Speaker
day I was like, dude,
01:18:12
Speaker
um you know and then one day i was like dude the I don't think you're really happy. yeah
01:18:22
Speaker
Cleaning up after people, you know maybe you should go find some happiness. yeah But I was not expecting the whole, you know i really think I want to go sit in the woods. want to go yeah like dress like an idiot, according to you. believe them too because like Where we live in in Rhode Island, it's a pretty bougie town.
01:18:42
Speaker
so um it's It's a lot of professionals here. Doctors, professors. Yeah, like it's a quiet little town, but it it is it's very much that. We're 10 miles from Providence and all the universities. So many of the people here are,
01:19:04
Speaker
are you know, like just super smart and all these things. And then when i when we go to the school for any of our like kids things. People are like, so what do you do? And I'm like, I'm a substitute and my husband's a hunter.
Small Town Living & Hunting Fashion
01:19:24
Speaker
And then it's like, what do what do you what do you do? And they're like, oh, I'm the head of cancer research at la la la. Or I am a professor at Brown University. And I'm like, yeah.
01:19:38
Speaker
yeah I totally feel you on that. right I think somebody was like a talking like and or it's one of those political analysts for like CNN. like They would just pop on every once in a while. like And we have our analysts. I was like, I know i don't like to watch the news. I'll read the news, but I don't want to watch the news. I'm good. Yeah. and then And you know, the best part is is that i I'm not even going to lie. um I read the Daily Mail, the British news.
01:20:07
Speaker
mean Because i I'm not going to lie. They have an American edition. You you have to check this out. Because the Daily Mail, the American like side of it, highlights all of things that are happening in America. And they love finding these really random small town stories.
01:20:30
Speaker
and on And at least once a week, There is a story, because I don't know who picks these stories and decides to put them on their site, but it is always, always female teacher, female teacher you with a student.
01:20:50
Speaker
They never run a story about a male teacher. I have yet to like really see one about a male teacher, but it's always young. They're usually in their 20s. And I'm like,
01:21:01
Speaker
did like Who is getting paid the Daily Mail to scour the U.S. news for female young teachers?
01:21:13
Speaker
I don't like that. Just banging students. And they really don't like Meghan and Harry. They don't. they that Every day they have some article trashing them.
01:21:28
Speaker
It's really funny because like You don't see it anywhere else in American news, but it's there. Yeah, it's there. It's there. and it's there Now, we used to do a show here on the network called What the Fuck News, and it was just just those stories that made you basically say what the fuck or made you laugh. Right.
01:21:49
Speaker
Yeah. Daily Mail was a good one to find stories like that. Yeah, the day that it's amazing because like every day I'll go on there and I'm like, oh.
01:22:01
Speaker
Like, it's so random. It's so random. Okay, so I see. Oh, where can you find me? So I'm on Facebook and ah I'm on Insta.
01:22:16
Speaker
Can I type it in? we got your Facebook with there, but yeah. Yeah, yeah I'll just I got my my girlfriend slash producer working on your Instagram right now. She'll throw it on the chat. She's got your Facebook book in there. Okay, perfect. Yeah, yeah you can hear that. I love that, the girlfriend. that My husband is um in New York right now at the... I even know. At the high fence place. I'm still trying to figure out like what to call it for the longest time. I...
01:22:51
Speaker
he had to tell me to quit calling him the tour guide. said, I'm not a tour guide. He's like, I'm a hunter. Like, I'm not touring anybody. He's like, we're going out to kill the deer and turkey.
01:23:06
Speaker
was like, right. I knew that. I do know that. I'm not, I just find it funnier when I say tour guide. but good You're out on a farm and you are giving a tour out there.
01:23:19
Speaker
it's out there He's like, he's really, he's like, i can't take you anywhere. I'm like, probably not. Okay. So, you're I'm assuming your your comedy, are you more of a storyteller or do you like to do the, because it so I mean, being a teacher and and your your husband and in his escapades and having four kids of your own, probably got a lot of content.
01:23:49
Speaker
Yeah, so i I typically am more of a storyteller. um a lot of it is based on real life, but you know it is comedy, so you got stretch it a bit. on had drink a little bit Yeah, but sometimes it's I don't stretch it at all. Sometimes it's you know straight up the truth because really life is funny.
01:24:12
Speaker
Life is so much funnier than what you can make up. and I just find that how you view life in general. You can find humor in anything.
01:24:26
Speaker
ah so you know, it's one of those things where um my husband was a patient at Walter Reed Hospital and in Bethesda for two years.
01:24:37
Speaker
And at the time when we went there, my son was like two years old and he was a runner. We always had to say, walking feet, you practice walking feet. And sometimes he would just run down the halls and i would And I would just be like, somebody stop him, right? Because I just, I wasn't fast enough to chase a two-year-old.
01:24:57
Speaker
yeah But Walter Reed was catastrophic injuries. And my husband is not um catastrophic in, he's not an amputee or that way. But um but there are a lot, at the time, there were a lot of amputees.
01:25:16
Speaker
So sometimes it would be their prosthetic arms or legs, but it would just stop him. you know And I was like, and what boy doesn't like robots?
01:25:28
Speaker
so so And in kids at that age and so some adults, I'm an example of that. There's no filter between the brain and mouth. its just The very first thought comes out.
01:25:41
Speaker
Yeah. And I mean, like my son would be like, are you a robot? you know, and you know, sometimes they don't know what to say. And I like, be honest with them. Tell them tell them how you got injured because you know, if you don't get comfortable, you got to be, but yeah. And he would, he'd ask for their legs or their arms. Cause he was like, I want one. And I was like, Oh no, I was like, no, no, no, no. no i think I was like, I'm pretty sure that's like a $20,000 leg.
01:26:13
Speaker
yeah i No, you're good. Let's not touch the leg, okay? okay And like one of the guys tried to like trade his arm for one of my son's match cards.
01:26:24
Speaker
one One night, he was also the guy who was drunk. He was very, very drunk. Not my two-year-old. Wait, your two-year-old was very drunk?
01:26:36
Speaker
He was literally getting ready to like take... He was in the process of taking his arm off. And I was like, you better put your arm back on. and I swear to God, I'm going hit you with it.
01:26:47
Speaker
how do you How do you explain to your your family and friends that your son now has a prosthetic arm? I was like, what are you going to tell your doc when you show up and say, doc, I i traded my arm for him you know this 99-cent match card? Yeah.
Identity & Heritage in Comedy
01:27:05
Speaker
yeah know But yeah, no i do I do a lot of storytelling. My stand-up is usually...
01:27:10
Speaker
you know, just fill in the crowd first. who so You just, you don't know, yeah like who's going to really be there, what they're, what they get into. um Obviously I do talk a lot about marriage and kids and work being Asian American, you know, just how crazy it is. There's this trend that I saw where when you're mixed like myself,
01:27:41
Speaker
People always ask, what are you? like They're like, what are you? And I'm like, I'm American. No, no, no. Are you?
01:27:52
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, i right, right, right. So I'm like, okay, I'm Japanese and American. They're like, oh my God, are you really? I'm like, yeah.
01:28:05
Speaker
I understand the hair is jacking you up because you probably thought I was like Mexican. I was Puerto Rican and I was like, and I'm not going to lie, I had gotten into an argument with a Puerto Rican about not being Puerto Rican.
01:28:21
Speaker
Because that literally the guy started speaking to me in Spanish. I was like, I don't know any Spanish.
01:28:32
Speaker
I'm so sorry. I don't know. The only Spanish I know is what I learned from Dora. Or what? Aubrey, and Swiper No Swipey. And I was like, that is it. That's it. And if I straighten my hair, I will look like Dora. So it doesn't matter. Either way, I'm going to look. Look at spinning.
01:28:56
Speaker
Because if I can get some free guacamole and chips and salsa out of this, I will be forever grateful. that's i I live on that. So I'm just like, okay, I have to...
01:29:10
Speaker
I have to jump on this trend and the trend is you are going to tell people what you are based on the food, of what you're where your parents are from.
01:29:21
Speaker
I was like, I love, love this. I was like, all right. I like, I'll just do sushi. Everybody knows what sushi is. So you're going to know that I'm Japanese because if I said any other Japanese dish, most people would never even know what it is. Right. If I said I was okonomiyaki, katsuro,
01:29:41
Speaker
you know, any of that. They don't know. Tomable, nothing, right? None of that, none of that registered with you. Just sushi. Just sushi.
01:29:52
Speaker
I don't know what it is. I've heard of it. know it is want If you can't tell, I enjoy to eat. I enjoy eating, but I also like to try different things. I'm very adventurous when I eat. So I'm,
01:30:06
Speaker
Probably eating some weird shit that was Japanese, but I couldn't tell you what it was well if it was ra fish that's japanese Yeah But then like, you know, and then I think we would being American it's so broad because now they want to know where Yeah, well we're in America.
01:30:23
Speaker
So it's like well, you know if you're from New England You get to say your lobster if you're from down south, maybe barbecue Texas Tex-Mex, but I was like but unfortunately my dad's from Ohio Ohio's not known for anything. Maybe that chili from Cincinnati or whatever. but i like But that's only in Ohio. So I was like, he's just white corn.
01:30:45
Speaker
Corn. Just white corn. Yeah. So i'm I'm just sushi white corn. That's my fusion. You know? um
01:30:57
Speaker
Yeah, I wouldn't even know where to start, like,
01:31:02
Speaker
I wouldn't know what to say. And that trend, burgers, steak, you know, I don't I don't even know what I am. mean, everybody calls me a Sasquatch, but I don't know what my background is. I'm just a big animal. You know, a dumb animal. I don't even know where to begin with that trend.
01:31:22
Speaker
Yeah, it it's funny too because it's like I can i know like my dad's background um is like German and ink. and um and my mom is 100 japanese and and i know this because she she did the 23andme test not my dad yeah my dad never did it just my mom and the whole this is the whole reason she wanted to know if she was russian yeah she she thought that she yeah because she thought she had
01:32:02
Speaker
Like she had the longer face, her nose was a little bit longer. She just didn't realize that there is a gene that actually is a little more Western looking, white Caucasian in the Asian genes. um And she is of that gene, right?
01:32:21
Speaker
So, but I don't know, she was crazy. But so she did hurt her test back and I had never seen anybody upset But most people are like, I didn't know that. I'm from South Lorraine.
01:32:35
Speaker
in South South Lorraine. That's France, by the way. But like it's French. So mom was like, I'm not Russian? was like, no. No. I was like, the only foreign blood that have is us.
01:32:51
Speaker
It's us. We are the foreigners, right? like youre You are the first to give birth to foreigners, mom. Congratulations. yeah cycle yeah like what but secretly i was a little i was sad i was sad because i wanted to be a little russian myself because with my dad's side being german being japanese and then if i could have claimed russian i really would have been like a true axis of evil you all of it
01:33:26
Speaker
Let's see. Three countries at a time. Plus, being an American on top of that. Yeah. Gay Marvory. You know?
01:33:38
Speaker
Because everybody's like, oh, yeah, Germans are bad. Russians are bad. Japanese are bad. But then when I add American, I'm like, hello. Are we not like, you know, we just took a bunch of people living here and just Put him on a reservation and you know all the things that we like to do. ah This is ours.
01:34:03
Speaker
I put a flag on it. I licked it. It's mine. yeah you know so like I did. i was i was a little i was disappointed. But then like I married my husband and I found out he's Italian.
01:34:18
Speaker
So my kids are access of evil and I am.
01:34:23
Speaker
and you got it
01:34:28
Speaker
Now you've got the choice. I did it. I did it. You know, because I was like, you're German, Italian, and Japanese. right so But his dad's side, they were a Yugoslavian.
01:34:48
Speaker
and And I did not take my husband's last name. Green... it is my maiden name, Mary. Because and just want to put this out here. right My husband's last name was Ren.
01:35:02
Speaker
And that's fine. right you know you You're thinking, oh with what's wrong with Ren? Like the bird. yeah No, it's not. It's not the bird.
01:35:13
Speaker
It's H-R-E-N. Because it's Yugoslavian. don't actually even know how to pronounce it properly. Because i don't think anybody did because i think when they came over they were just like what is this and so the h is silent who has a silent h i don't know don't know so h-r-e-n that's how you say it so like when i met him people would be like haran or you know like
01:35:47
Speaker
a trend trying trying to figure out how to get this H in the rest of the name right yeah but then googled what Ren meant in Yugoslavian it means radish farmer
01:36:06
Speaker
so not only does it have a weird spelling which I was like I'm not gonna go through the rest of my life trying to explain to people that no it's not the cute bird yeah a radish farmer with a silent H. This is not a good thing for me. I was like, I'm going to stick with green because the meaning for green is people who lived or laid about the village green. And if that means lazy, however you want interpret that, I'm for that. I will take it. Hands up, that's me. Exactly. I'm not doing...
01:36:43
Speaker
exactly i'm not i'm not deal know ru Well, for selfish reasons, I'm glad that you stuck with green because I am notorious at butchering people's last names. ah And I've reached a point where there's a small, a very small part of me that feels bad, but also there's an even bigger part of me that's like, just have a normal name.
01:37:05
Speaker
Don't make it so hard to pronounce. yeah i know. Like the Greek last names, forget it. I can't. I don't even know how to say it I just am like, that I love your name. That's all I'm going to say. I've had guests on here, Hispanic guests and ah Italian guests, and I just completely like, look, I'm a a an idiot.
01:37:31
Speaker
And on ah on a daily basis, I brutalize the English language. yeah So I've just Americanized your name and I've sounded it out in the way that in my head that it sounds is exactly how I'm saying it when I open the show. Even if you tell me four times before the show how to pronounce it, I'm still going to fuck it up.
01:37:47
Speaker
And this that's just how it's going to be. That's the American way. yeah It's my way or no way. If you didn't say it the wrong way, are you really being an American?
01:37:59
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. No. yeah Do look like my family did. And, yeah, our name is still – people still screw it up. But dumb it down because my original name for my family was – I do know the German side of my family. It was Gluckenstein or glun Gluckenstein.
01:38:19
Speaker
And then they shortened it down to Gluck. And then they came to America and it became Glick. And it's just like – Yeah, just do that. my I think my my grandmother's maiden name was Fair.
01:38:33
Speaker
And that was German, but it was like F-E-H-R or something like the German spelling. And then at some point they changed it to the American F-A-I-R. You know, you just got to you gotta do what you got to do because my dad's said that he was like, I would have taken your mom's last name. was like, oh, you would have, would you?
01:38:54
Speaker
He was like, but there was a problem. I could not say, and this is how you say my mom's last name, Shimomara. So he couldn't say that. It was like Shimomara.
01:39:06
Speaker
You know, which is cute because my mom still married my dad even though she couldn't really say his first name for a long time because his first name was Ralph. And ours in Japanese are all L's.
01:39:18
Speaker
So it's good outfit. H's are ours. Yeah. It's funny because you're just kind of like, but you married dad and you couldn't really say his name. And then, know, good unit.
01:39:31
Speaker
But I mean, it's cute too because like, like and then good it it but i mean it's it's cute too because like you so she She would call my one my brother's friend. His name was Clarence, which is fine, except she would call him Clarence.
01:39:55
Speaker
Nice. So we just got in the habit of calling him Clarence also. It's a nickname that he's stuck with now.
01:40:06
Speaker
Yeah, it just it just worked better. It just worked better. you know And then like you know she would just mix things up. And I grew up with her making Italian food. And when I say Italian, it was just spaghetti. Yeah. And sometimes lasagna.
01:40:23
Speaker
But for her marinara sauce, she would always add brown sugar and soy sauce. That's a combination. Yeah. And maybe some sake. Yeah.
01:40:34
Speaker
so But her lasagna, she would add cottage cheese and mozzarella, right? But that's how I grew up eating it. I did not know any different, right? I just, I didn't.
01:40:52
Speaker
So how am I supposed to know that cottage cheese doesn't belong in lasagna? I found out when I moved out and got married, and I actually looked up the recipe for lasagna and went, where's the cottage cheese?
01:41:05
Speaker
And my husband was like, cottage cheese? was like, for the lasagna? He's like, nobody puts cottage cheese in lasagna. And I'm like, my mom does. And I think what ended up happening was, is that cottage cheese and like, little cocktail. I confused her.
01:41:27
Speaker
I think it got like a little, but you know what? We ate it and we got extra protein growing up. So, And now it's the thing. Cottage is cheese, you've got to add it to all of the things.
01:41:37
Speaker
Yeah, you've got to put it in everything. yeah yeah it It's not bad. like I still make it that way so
01:41:47
Speaker
it that way. I was going to say, i i think I remember growing up and mom mom putting cottage cheese in her lasagna, but i I didn't know any better until i had a friend of mine who in high school who was 100% Italian, like his great-grandparents came over and then they were, and and the first time I went to Sunday dinner and it was just like, oh, what is, what is this magical, delicious food that doesn't taste like mom's lasagna or spaghetti or, you know, I didn't know that they got up at six o'clock in the morning and started making the sauce for spaghetti, you know, and it cooked all day. So, yeah.
01:42:29
Speaker
that's I mean, because like Rhode Island, there's so many Italians here. no Providence is known for its mafia. And so like there's so many good Italian restaurants that I'm like, this is not what I grew up on.
01:42:43
Speaker
This is fake Italian. This isn't real. Japanese mom told me so. Because even like our sauce is darker right because of the soy sauce. So it's like it just doesn't even look as good.
01:43:00
Speaker
Cottage cheese? Yeah, no. She didn't argue with an actual full-blooded Italian telling them that their food's are wrong because that's not how your mom made it. Wait, but he's saying you mix cottage cheese, ricotta, and eggs. and eggs.
01:43:20
Speaker
so like so my mom would mix the cottage cheese with mozzarella cheese and eggs she just missed the ricotta all together look the same you know because like my mom was really big into just like you know she would buy coffee based on the color of the can right but then she'd accidentally buy like decaf because like she wasn't paying attention when they like changed oh the
01:43:52
Speaker
I'm not a coffee drinker, but I mean, I have drank coffee on the occasion, and i I know how disappointing that would be to get up in the morning and be like, oh, I'm going to have a cup of coffee, and it's just decaf. Right. Oh, my gosh. I have to have my coffee. I'm like a toddler. I really am.
01:44:06
Speaker
Like, the latte is my my serving of milk. Like, I didn't expect, because, like, one of the one of my students asked me, like, why do you drink so much um coffee? And I well, why do you drink your chocolate milk? I was like, oh, you're so good.
01:44:20
Speaker
You know, lattes have a full serving cup of milk and you're drinking your chocolate milk. It's the same thing. It's just I have to have a shot of espresso. Yeah. No, I hate to go out and buy a Keurig or whatever because my daughters drink coffee. Now there's only one person in my house and I have this stupid Keurig because God forbid they have a a coffee pot.
01:44:43
Speaker
you I have a full bar set up, like a coffee bar. I have the espresso machine, in the grinder. thank but your head they just had the Keurig, but then they had all the the specialty crap to to make their I don't know what any of it is. It seems like a lot of work and not worth it. I just grab a Pepsi and go.
Daily Routines & Family Dynamics
01:45:05
Speaker
i I'm so bad. I have my coffee shipped for me, believe it or not, from Columbus, Ohio every month from Princeton Cup. yeah if you ever go If you're in Columbus, Princeton Cup, I love that place.
01:45:19
Speaker
They do have other things besides coffee. but I don't know if I've ever heard of them In all honesty. But don't look for coffee shops. I ruined his thinking about me. You're like a toddler. Well, I do. I have to have coffee, my naps, and my snackies.
01:45:33
Speaker
Sorry. Sorry.
01:45:38
Speaker
my coffee my nap and my snackies so sorry know Minus the coffee, you and my girlfriend have some stuff in common. Yeah. I mean, if I don't have my nap in every day, I am not a i'm not a good mom.
01:45:58
Speaker
I can't do the things. I can't do the things. Even my kids, you know, like they'll come home because I get home before my high schoolers do, and they're like, is she sleeping?
01:46:09
Speaker
Of course. Okay.
01:46:12
Speaker
I can't. It's a thing. I didn't mean to ruin your nightly activity. Again, I'm a wife, so that's what we do. Sorry. Check that off on your things. Yeah. That makes you a bag. That's it.
01:46:36
Speaker
that that makes you back but yeah If I didn't have the nap, I would not be able to do anything after 7, you know? God, I would love to i would love to take midday naps. I just i just i came home from work and sat down this evening and my girlfriend was like, what is what is wrong?
01:46:58
Speaker
I'm just tired. She's like, is there anything I can do? Win the lottery and and so I don't have to get up and go to work in the morning? That would be great. Really? yeah I know.
01:47:11
Speaker
Oh, I'm redeeming myself now. Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I'm going to mess that up in a minute anyway. can Yeah. know So do you have any any up upcoming shows or anything?
01:47:27
Speaker
I haven't booked any. I just did a show last Sunday, at Comedy Connection here in Providence. But... I haven't booked anything because we are in the homestretch for school. Unfortunately, Rhode Island goes to school till June.
01:47:42
Speaker
Oh, wow. To the middle of June. And with my kids, it's hard to... yeah Can't you kids fend for yourself? I know. So, yeah. So, i'm I'm getting ready to start booking stuff for the summer when I have time because it's just, like, insane to...
01:48:06
Speaker
to try to fit four kids plus myself and then whenever my husband, I guess, decides to pop in and out from his country. He's like, there's, and, you know, things like that. So, you know, I, I love the fact that he um leaves a calendar, like, a dry, dry erase calendar. and he's like, this is my schedule. Like, I'm going to look at that.
01:48:30
Speaker
yeah but My, my son does the dry erase calendar here and he puts like, birthdays and holidays and you know school events or whatever. and i'm like i'm like, Cash, I never a look at that. I forget it's there half the time.
01:48:47
Speaker
mean but It's his thing. loves to do it. so i let him He put it right next to the front door. no Perfect spot. ours are but I feel like this is the same thing. He's doing that to me like I did to him.
01:49:03
Speaker
I went to one of those board... of signing places, like where you make your own boards, you know what I'm talking about, like paint a board or whatever. So I had painted a board and it had all of our kids, their full name and their birth date.
01:49:20
Speaker
nice And I gave it to him. And I set it right next to his work computer.
01:49:28
Speaker
Because, you know, he won't get a tattoo of the kid's birthdays, which I have suggested multiple times. was like, just just bad the there right on yeah i'm I'm just tired. These are your children. You watch them come out of me.
01:49:45
Speaker
You were there. you were Yeah. you know And um just the fact that he's like, what what's number two's birthday? like We don't even call our kids by names anymore because once you go past three and you have too many that are unacceptable for society, we just call them by numbers.
01:50:04
Speaker
So, you know. We've got one, two, three, and four. Nice. And we're about to do roll call in the car because there has might have been that we have left the kid at home.
01:50:16
Speaker
And they're lost without them. Yeah, well, mean, it happens. They're fine. i mean I just call it the home alone moment and we just move on. We move past it and it's okay because in the movie, everything worked out.
01:50:32
Speaker
But did you die? But did you die? that's ah on this i no ah yeah i know and I remember the kids' birthdays. i you know I had that locked in. I just can never remember what year they were born.
01:50:52
Speaker
So I always have to ask them. If I'm filling something out or doing something, like, what year were you born? I can't remember that. birthdays i'm good with names sometimes i'm i have three kids but sometimes i start to talk to one or about one and try get one's attention and i say four or five different names but i think that's just it old name yeah that's all you can do i mean like yeah i have three boys and one girl they all get called every every day you're lucky
01:51:27
Speaker
i know I would have much rather had two boys. and And if I had to have a girl, two boys and a girl.
01:51:35
Speaker
Girls aren't. I told you. I told you the beginning show. I did not have any gray until about
01:51:42
Speaker
ah seven years ago. that my My daughter is into math and science. like That's her her jam. She wants to do something quantum stuff. I don't even know.
01:51:57
Speaker
you know, I like, she's that smart, but I know that I would never be able to get a job from NASA force. Like I saw NASA forces hiring. I want to apply so badly. and I realized i couldn't even get a job at the gift shop.
01:52:13
Speaker
because I'm not smart enough to explain what a toy does. It's like, how do you solve this Rubik's cube? And my response would take the stickers off. Yeah. Take stickers off.
01:52:24
Speaker
Yeah. And then there's my daughter who can solve a Rubik's Cube. So it's just, i can't. Yeah. wow i My oldest was Social Butterfly and Boy Crazy. And I couldn't keep up with who they weren't mad at and who they were mad at. You know, and and all the drama. And my middle one, I'm just afraid she's going to become a serial killer.
01:52:52
Speaker
so I guess best case scenario, she becomes a serial killer. I don't know. my son like yeah He's cool. He's he's good. he's I don't know what's going happen, but he's good. yeah You can only hope, right? You're just kind of like, this one's good, this one's all right, that one was questionable, and the last one is, you know. If I can get him to adulthood and moved out, my job is done. That's successful. Yeah. Yeah.
01:53:19
Speaker
yeah yeah my So I told her, i was like, listen, when you finish your bachelor's, you know, you have the option. You can come home and help finish raising your brothers or you can get a master's.
01:53:35
Speaker
And I was like, and if you choose the master's and when you get that after two years, you can come home, finish that year's left with your youngest brother because One, he you know he's going to have to learn how to drive. You will be of age and long enough to have a driving permit or a license that you could teach him because at that point, I'll probably be done wanting to teach the boys to drive. and Or you can go on for a doctorate.
01:54:07
Speaker
it's It's like your choice. yeah No pressure. Come home and help raise your brother or get a doctorate degree. And I believe that she said she'd rather go for a doctorate degree than come home and help finish raising her youngest baby brother his senior year in high school. And I thought that was rude.
01:54:27
Speaker
Yeah. That's so rude. How dare you? How dare you? You know, I think most parents would be like, oh, my God, my kid's going to be a doctor. And I'm all like, you need to help me with this.
01:54:43
Speaker
I'm done. i already did two of them. a Little monsters. right yes yeah i just went I've been going through the teaching my my middle one how to drive. My oldest one, she has no desire to drive. 21 years old and has no desire to drive. i sold People aren't going to eventually stop giving you rides everywhere. Wonderful.
01:55:09
Speaker
my my My middle one, she's actually got to go next week, I guess, to do her driver's test. Fingers crossed. Because that will make my life so much easier. Because then she gets to be a taxi for her little brother. in the same boat. My daughter's finishing up getting her license. And I'm just like, I cannot wait to pass the keys of the minivan to you.
01:55:34
Speaker
Yes. you know i was like, We'll go over the rules again, but remember, curbs are meant to be hit, not the people. it you know And don't worry. The minivan already has a lot of dings and scratches. It's okay because that's what minivans are built for.
01:55:51
Speaker
Yep, exactly. and oh she's out money She's already got her own car and everything like that, so I'm like, get your license so I can release you to the world. Yeah, I think I just want a Masa Miata. I just want a little two-seater. And my daughter points out that I have four kids.
01:56:12
Speaker
Not my problem. Yeah, that sounds like a them problem. Don't make your problems my problems. And that's why you will have the minivan. I am looking at getting a pickup truck and my girlfriend keeps her reminding me, we have to make sure there's room for the kids. My husband has my husband has I don't know, a Dodge Ram, like the big one, 1500, I think.
01:56:35
Speaker
And it's got the three passenger bench in the front. So like my, my youngest gets to sit there because he's the smallest. So he's just like, this is the best car. And I told my husband, i was like, what the hell is the point of a Dodge Ram? If you're not allowed to hit people in traffic, it says Ram for a reason. yeah Ram, Ram. I should legally be able to hit people. He's like, you cannot hit people in the truck. i was like,
01:57:00
Speaker
well, then go get a different truck that doesn't say Ram because I really want to hit people. You can't dodge it. Ram it. I know, right? wait I also think that Asians, you know, you don't see many Asians driving
Driving Challenges & Encouragement to Try Comedy
01:57:14
Speaker
trucks anyway. I'm highly against Asians driving trucks unless they're the cute little one so i am say How can you drive that truck and reach the pedal and steer the steering wheel all at the same time? I can't. I swear to God. I had to drive it like last week for something, and I was on the phone bitching and complaining to him that I can't see past the hood.
01:57:37
Speaker
I couldn't... um don't even know it I don't even know. a I don't know. yeah You just gotta do what you can. Yeah. I was like, will try hard not to see it. If you run into something, I can't see. You know, I'm just... I need a bumper sticker. You know, Asian...
01:57:57
Speaker
Woman driver. Sorry, my bad. yeah it's too strange you do right off the back and like I just want to get a photo of me doing this. like The most Japanese thing you could imagine is like,
01:58:13
Speaker
i like that that would be great because he he doesn't appreciate it this He's just over it. He's like, eh, whatever. yeah i put but I told my daughter, I was like, you know, people, you know they see like the student bumper sticker, like driver, and I was like, but I also need just to make one that says, um mom is Asian.
01:58:41
Speaker
yeah This is not good. yeah that's mr check i recording I refuse to put that sticker on my car. Teen driver, a teen driver please Please be patient, teen driver.
01:58:55
Speaker
I have to put it on my husband's truck. I told my ex-wife to put it on her car. yeah and that off I put it on his truck and I drove it. I drove the truck. But because I'm so small, I do look like a teenager that high up in there. so and And I was a bad driver in that truck. So I was like, I'm going to put the student driver stickers all over the truck so people just assume I'm a new driver.
01:59:20
Speaker
And that explains why need to have clearance. Stay away. like i mean I'm so tiny. I'm just like, you know, like I had these guys in a different truck, but just as big as mine drive past and they're like looking at me and I'm like, yes, I can see.
01:59:41
Speaker
but Because I don't know if they were questioning whether or not there was a person even driving. My head.
01:59:52
Speaker
Self-driving trucks? I know. like i didn't know Dodge had one of those yet. That is awesome. well I don't want to keep you too late. you It's like 10 already, isn't it? It flies by. A lot of people are like, two hours show? Really? I'm like, trust me.
02:00:10
Speaker
you won't even realize it. um But I do want to say thank you for coming on here. and ah you know I never know what I'm going to get, because most of our interaction is strictly through text. And then I send the the link a little bit early that way.
02:00:27
Speaker
i do that for a couple of reasons, so you make sure everything's good on your end. But then we can have ah a little banter backstage, so it's not like a cold intro. You're like, oh what is this goofball doing? You know, um but though it was I enjoyed it. kind Like I said, it just flew by.
02:00:47
Speaker
yeah no You know, I always down the road, I always try to bring, know, bring my guests back. So I'm sure we'll chat again in the future. And moving forward, if there's anything we can do. If you've got a show coming up or anything like that, or just don't be a stranger. Feel free to reach out and say, hey, I got this coming up. Because believe or not, we have people that listen from all over the place, which still blows my mind, the amount of people that actually do listen to this stuff. But, you know, so we can always help you promote shows or gigs or, you know, whatever you got coming up. Just don't be a stranger.
02:01:29
Speaker
Yeah, no, that would be great. You know, if anybody's out in Rhode Island, we are a really small state. It literally takes um less than an hour to get through it. So it's not too bad. I know they make booster seats. And some spots of Rhode Island are pretty. I've been up to Providence when I was younger, and it was very nice. But it was also um beginning of May, end of june or end of May, beginning of June, and it was cold, yeah which was unnecessary.
02:01:58
Speaker
yeah again we talked about that beginning why people in new england are rude it's based on the weather yeah it was cold it was unnecessary so yeah but yeah it'll definitely be i'd wait until like maybe august if you want warmer weather we're already dying here in ohio in august it's 3 000 degrees and the humidity is at 10 000 and we're begging for winter to come back You know, we we survived July and August. I lived down south for 10 years and and I was never as miserable in the summertime as I was here.
02:02:37
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Well, we lived down south. We lived in Tennessee and Georgia. found But, you know, there is something miserable ah about Ohio. and is still I can't quite put my finger on it. It's so weird.
02:02:50
Speaker
so There's something here. it's So one of the things, and I know this is kind of cheesy and a little goofy, but it's just something that I like to do. I always ask my guests before we before we end up or in the show, professional or career-wise, comedy-wise, and in life, just if you've got two pieces of advice or if you can combine one, what's your advice for anybody thinking about going into comedy or just dealing with day-to-day bullshit of life?
02:03:19
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. If you're thinking about comedy, do it. like If you think it, just do it. Try it. Take a class. Don't take a class. Go to an open mic.
02:03:30
Speaker
See how miserable open mics really are. i love open mics as as a fan. They are. That's the best part about it too. is like We all hate doing it, but we all love doing it. It's it's meeting people and meeting people from every background because that's the best part about comedy we all have different backgrounds but the thing that brings us together is laughter right and i love that i love that laughing um can bring anybody together and it it breaks down barriers so much faster than anything else right like if you can make somebody laugh
02:04:19
Speaker
then they're comfortable with you. Like a genuine laugh, right? like And I have found through my life that comedy has helped and making people laugh has helped. Just in my life dealing with with my husband being a disabled vet, everybody's like, oh, no, and no, like that's fine. He's broken.
02:04:43
Speaker
It's okay. All right. You know, I mean, the military has a policy. They break it. I have to buy it. And, you know, they didn't quite explain that part when we got married or, like, even when he joined. They never they never said anything about broken policy. It was in the very fine print that we don't read.
02:05:02
Speaker
Yes. You know, but it is, it's somewhere in there where they break it. We have to buy it. So, but yeah, so I do. I joke about are you know, when it's really hard and it's,
02:05:16
Speaker
laughter really does make it better, right? Like, it it will get you through. And some people are like, I can't believe you would joke about that. And I'm like, or how can you joke when you're, you know, that sad about something? I'm just like, because if you can't laugh, then, you know, what's the point? Yeah, and I mean, like, I i honestly, you know, have given myself, like,
02:05:45
Speaker
the the gesture title of school i go in every day nobody knows how bad of a day i i might be having or what i've been dealing with right because i don't want them to i don't want anybody to know that my life might be really rough but what i do want to do is be able to go into work and make people laugh yeah to walk into a classroom and I know that like the teacher might be having like a really stressful moment or whatever but I just want to make them laugh and give them just that moment of like just happy you know what I mean like a break from whatever and I find like when you can find those those people your people it just makes it easier and so I really think
02:06:35
Speaker
comedies for anybody and you don't have to have the talent. like Everybody's like, oh, it's talented. No, but you can learn it. That's what's great about the open mics. you get up and you can You can learn your timing, learn their you know what jokes do and don't work. and you know i mean It's trial by fire at the end of the day, but you're still doing it.
02:06:58
Speaker
you know and like The best part is is your co-workers become your... unofficial like lab rats yeah like they don't know that i'm testing a bit out but i'm going to test a bit out yeah exactly like it's going to sound like a conversation but is i'm testing a bit yeah and think to my husband out in public all the time i like the whole tick his butt like I just tested out. he's standing there right next to me. I was like, I might as well because you know when I get up on stage, nobody will be able to see your butt. I can't just be like, John, stand up. Turn around.
02:07:41
Speaker
Show everybody your ass. That would be fine, but I mean, he'd probably do it. Yeah. but
02:07:52
Speaker
yeah so But yes, that's what i mean. you know if you If you even just ever had, oh, I wish I, if it if it's a wish or a thing, do it. Just do it.
02:08:03
Speaker
Amen to that. you it Sounds like I tell everybody, don't don't talk about it, be about it. Yep, because you don't know what you're going to get out of it. You really don't, because you may have just found a new passion, or you may have found up a new place to just hang out, even if you don't want to do comedy, you just want to see people get up and, you know, tell jokes and bomb and try and try again, you know, like, exactly like it's the best, it's the best learning ground and it's just a really fun, cool thing to do. And it's original.
02:08:43
Speaker
So, you know, it's you. Original and genuine at the end of the day. And, you know, As far as you know being an entertainer, you know how where however you want to spin it, whether it's comedy, music, even this goofy shit I do here, you know the the more authentic and the more genuine and more real you are, the more people are going to relate. Absolutely. That's my two bits right there. is just Just do it and have fun and find something to laugh at every day. It doesn't matter what it is, but there's always something.
02:09:20
Speaker
Kids getting hurt if you need help. That's always hilarious. like When I'm PE teacher, when I get to be PE, I'm not going to lie. You can't play dodgeball anymore, but there are games that involve like the soft foamy balls, and I've got to throw them back into the game. I'm not saying that a kid got hit in the I'm not.
02:09:46
Speaker
It happens. It does. And now we get to teach pickleball. her Yeah. oh okay Yeah. So because I am taller than those kids.
02:09:57
Speaker
im for Now. There's benefits to being a substitute. Okay. there's benefit to being a substitute ok That's all I'm saying.
02:10:10
Speaker
Same rules and guidelines do not apply. um more yeah um Again, thank you so much. it's been It's been great getting to talk to you, getting to know a little bit about you. Like I said, definitely down the road, more than likely be having you back up again. as soon as eight Shout out to all the comedians out there. Thank you guys because I didn't know how this show was going to go. This was just a serious ADHD moment. And I was like, I'm going to do a new show and this is what I'm going to do. And you guys are beating my door down to be on this show. And and i I love it. I mean, i don't know that's just a feed your own egos or what it is, but shout out to all the comedians out there that are, are, are willing to come on here and hang out with me. I love it.
02:11:01
Speaker
But to you, thank you. Like I won now ah you said, don't be a stranger. ah guys We got her. ah Links here in the chat. you give her We got Facebook right there and Instagram. And of course, she's tagged on all of our posts on social media.
02:11:23
Speaker
but So make sure you guys go give her a follow. give her Give her a like. And if you're in the area and you see she's doing a show, do go check her out. Yeah, come see me in Rhode Island.
02:11:34
Speaker
Yeah, beautiful, cold Rhode Island. Hi, yeah. Weather is miserable, but you know we have coffee milk and lobster rolls, so we're fine. There you go.
02:11:46
Speaker
I'm going to do my spiel. You're welcome to drop down and and back out. got to do my closing spiel, and I'm going to get the hell out of here, too. All right. Thanks, man. Thanks. Have good one. All right.
02:11:59
Speaker
dan
02:12:03
Speaker
drop and all right
02:12:07
Speaker
but you couldn't get in.
02:12:11
Speaker
Right. Uh, no, thank you guys for watching. Thank you guys for hanging out chatters box. You guys are awesome as always. Uh, tune in tomorrow night. Wally has, um, Phillips first name.
02:12:23
Speaker
I don't know. It escapes me right now. Sorry, Wally. Well, he does have a guest tomorrow night on speedway stories. Uh, they'll be talking motor sports, rough trucks, tractor pulls, something. I,
02:12:34
Speaker
no idea but but um But Josh Phillips, there we go. I had the i had the last name right. ah Check out the rest of the shows while I'll be back Friday. The guys are going to be in the garage chit-chatting, course, Saturday night, the doors are open. You guys are all welcome to jump up on the panels for nonsense. We'll hanging out, doing our normal Saturday night bullshit and shenanigans.
02:12:59
Speaker
Again, shout out and thank you to Naomi Green. You guys go check her out. She was awesome. was definitely fun chatting with her, and Great thing about these shows is we just go where the conversation goes at the end of the night. So like, share, subscribe, bio.link slash nonsensical nonsense.
02:13:19
Speaker
Thanks for watching Glick's Comedy Lounge. And remember, laugh loud and stay nonsensical, you heathens. Oh, yeah, by the way, we're going to leave the show with a little Jules and the how.
02:13:34
Speaker
We'll see you guys next week.
02:13:40
Speaker
I've
02:13:53
Speaker
been out here on a mission. Just give me ammunition. Call me the comeback kid. I've been down here in the trenches, swinging for the fences.
02:14:06
Speaker
Oh, God forbid. No more stops.
02:15:08
Speaker
Knock me under pressure. Failure is my measure. Try to shake me down. Back in bones I made a steal. My conviction's holding my shield.
02:16:36
Speaker
Gonna take my ass