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Social Comparison
152 Plays2 years ago
We've all been there. When someone you work with gets a promotion or someone gets a job that you always dreamed of then the comparison starts. This is referred to as social comparison and it might seem like maybe a healthy way to push yourself to do better, but in reality, it makes you feel bad about yourself and that it no longer becomes a healthy competition. Instead, it just turns into enviousness.
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Transcript
Podcast Tour Announcement
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey everyone, it's Teresa Giudice, and I'm so excited to announce that Namaste bitches are going on tour. What what? Oh my gosh, Teresa and Melissa Feaster, that's me. We are bringing the party to Fillmore, Silver Springs on Friday, November 11th. So get your tickets now at LiveNation.com. It's the Namaste Bitches Live and in person in D.C. How dope is that? We can't wait to see you.
00:00:29
Speaker
Namaste bitches, live in DC. Get your tickets now at LiveNation.com.
Monkeypox Media Misrepresentation
00:00:50
Speaker
Hey guys, so welcome back to the podcast. I feel like I am almost back to normal. I feel like I sound much better. Cause when I recorded a podcast last week, I didn't realize I sounded like that. Like I sounded really raspy. Like I feel like if it is your first time listening it, obviously you wouldn't be able to tell, but
00:01:11
Speaker
like I definitely sounded so raspy and hoarse like is that the word for it like raspy yeah definitely raspy I just feel like I'm almost back to normal I sound like myself I'm happy about it
00:01:26
Speaker
Yeah, I guess progress, right? I feel like it's not completely out of my system. My throat is still very dry. And not to mention, I mean, I feel like this is gonna be part of the update of what we are talking today. Like, monkey pox now. Like, what is going on in this world? Like, I feel like we are not even out of the woods with COVID. And now we just have another emergency.
00:01:56
Speaker
I don't think they're calling it pandemic. They're saying an endemic. I don't know, there's a word for it.
00:02:03
Speaker
But who, which is World Health Organization, declared monkeypox as the emergency situation and stuff like that. And apparently this has been like a thing going on for like, for a while. So like, apparently US wasn't taking you seriously, which I'm not surprised. Honestly, I feel like everything is a joke in this country.
00:02:28
Speaker
I mean, I know I live in this country, but especially healthcare. I don't know, it's a joke, legit like a joke. Speaking of that, let me tell you guys this, because I don't want to keep talking about monkeypox. All I know is like, it's ridiculous. All I want to mention is before I say my experience with healthcare is that people are, media is essentially taking this word of like monkeypox is like,
00:02:54
Speaker
Oh my god, it's like sexually transmitted or through like whatever contact. It's essential skin contact, but the way they are saying it on media, it makes it sound like it's STI or STD, but it's not an STD because they're like, oh, gay people, people have like, you know, relationship with men have that.
00:03:16
Speaker
or get it, but I'm like, but you just say it's not an STD, but then you say this is like, doesn't make any sense. Like, it's so ridiculous to me that they are putting it as like, oh, it's a gay disease or whatever. It's like, absolutely ridiculous because now toddlers have got it. And you cannot just say that like, toddlers had sex. Like, that's ridiculous.
00:03:36
Speaker
So, I don't know, I just want to put it out there that like, in case you're listening to this, I want to put it out there that it's just a disease, like, it's not like gay disease or anything, it's just skin contact. And I just think everyone needs to be careful. It's not just for gay people, everyone can get this, hence you should get vaccinated.
00:03:57
Speaker
if you're eligible. Just want to put it out there. But anyways, that's my co-current about monkeypox, but let me tell you guys about healthcare.
U.S. Healthcare System Challenges
00:04:06
Speaker
So I never, I recently changed my insurance, you know, being after you passed 26, you know, you cannot have your parents insurance and you have to do your own insurance and stuff.
00:04:21
Speaker
And also, I don't think I ever had PCP, you know, what they call a primary care doctor provider. I never had that. So this time around, I was like, well, since I have this insurance, this expensive insurance, why not get a PCP? I mean, they already assigned me one, but this is why I want to get into details.
00:04:44
Speaker
So they assigned me one and I was just like, okay, it's fine because I looked it up. She was a nurse practitioner. And my sister was like, oh, it's totally fine. There are a lot of PCPs who are nurse practitioners. I was like, okay, great. So I called to her office to make an appointment for my annual, you know, like just checkup and stuff.
00:05:04
Speaker
Then this person is like, no, she's like in the she does like gynecology or something like You're not like she doesn't take patients like male patients or whatever. It was just very odd her explanation, but I get it So she's like, oh you have to change your PCP I was like, okay because it's not like I even chose this I was just assigned when I signed up to this insurance and
00:05:33
Speaker
So I, me and my sister, we go through this list from the insurance website and find some doctors and we find like two, maybe that was like good, right? And on the website, when we are choosing this search, we were doing the search, we specifically chose accept new patients and it says it accept new patients.
00:05:52
Speaker
Which is kind of ridiculous to me that like you even have to choose this but I guess That's how ridiculous the system is is like I guess they're so busy or I don't know like so backed up I'm so confused why they don't accept new patients. Anyways So this one person I find that says accept new patients. So Because I never experienced it. I thought I will just you know change it in the system which I changed it then I was like, oh I can make an appointment later and
00:06:19
Speaker
I didn't realize to check to make sure they accept new patients, like I should have called, which I did call, but the doctor never answered. I left him voicemails twice, but after I changed my PCP to him, I called him again just to make an appointment, then he finally gives me a call back and be like,
00:06:38
Speaker
Oh, I'm so sorry, I don't accept new patients anymore because I'm so backed up and I have too many patients. And I was like, how long? And he's like, for unseeable future. I was like, oh, great. So now I'm trying to find the name of the second doctor that I really liked. And I can't seem to find it because I don't remember it. And I kept looking at my search history and I can now find her name. Well, I remember that she's Australian.
00:07:07
Speaker
And I even found some other doctors on the website and one of them, she looked decent and very close to me. It was like she was decent, but mostly because she was so close to me that Mount Sinai, I was like, oh, this is so convenient. It would be awesome. Imagine I called back again on the website says accept new patients. I called back. I mean, I called to the number and tell her name and be like, I would like to make an appointment with her with her as a new patient.
00:07:36
Speaker
This person is like, oh, I'm sorry. She doesn't accept any patience. Like what? Like what is going on? Like what is up with this? Like I get it. People are busy and everything, but what are these new people are going to do? And this whole PCP thing is so ridiculous because like within 30 days that I got my insurance, I can change the PCP. If I don't change it by then, I can only change my PCP after six months, which is kind of ridiculous. I feel like I'm so frustrated with this.
00:08:04
Speaker
like I feel like they should assign you someone that like accept you patients and you can just make an appointment right away that would be so easy and there's just so many bad reviews guys like this is the part that's like so scary and crazy you know some people waiting too long and like not being treated right and everything I mean thank god like I am mostly healthy but like
00:08:27
Speaker
I still want to have some sort of a PCP that like knows what they're doing and the office is like responsible Like I don't want to go to some dark alley and like do that because like it's not like it's cheap this insurance So I'm like I deserve some decency I don't know everyone deserves it to be honest not just me but I'm just saying the how ridiculous this situation is and all I want to tell you guys is that like watch out
00:08:55
Speaker
the healthcare in this system, in this country, it's just so ridiculous to me. And I don't know, like I just hope that I will find a PCB and like, hopefully, I mean, it won't be end of the world. I guess I can just make an annual checkup with any clinic, but it's just so ridiculous to me that like I have to go through all those loopholes and like,
00:09:18
Speaker
I have to call multiple times to make sure that they accept new patients. It is so ridiculous to me because I feel like insurance company should make sure that like that list or the search that you are doing, it's accurate because like, how many times am I going to give a call to someone? And on top of it, nine out of 10, when you call them, they don't answer or they're busy. Like, what's up with that, you know?
00:09:45
Speaker
Anyways, that is my little rant about my experience. I just wanted to put it out there because it's not a really pleasant experience to go through. Now let's get on to today's episode.
The Trap of Social Comparison
00:09:58
Speaker
So today I want us to talk about comparison.
00:10:03
Speaker
This is something I feel like I have definitely talked about before, especially comparing yourself on social media. Very common topic. But today we will talk about social comparison. Social comparison is essentially comparing yourself in that same field with other people.
00:10:27
Speaker
like other your coworkers or, you know, the industry you're at, people around you, you know, social environment, not necessarily people you work with. It could be people you know, your friends, could be even family.
00:10:43
Speaker
you know, or even your husband or significant other, girlfriend, wife, all kinds of stuff. It's just social meaning like everyone essentially around you. It doesn't necessarily mean like, just, you know, your coworker or people in that circle that you work with. But it essentially means that like, sometimes in this circle, when someone else gets this
00:11:14
Speaker
I don't know, promotion, better opportunity, or more pay, I don't know, like different job or moves to another place and like that place is kind of like maybe you were picturing moving or you thought that maybe it would be you who moves first, like start a new chapter or something like that.
00:11:36
Speaker
And that makes it seem like, you know, they are moving on to better and like bigger things. This is called upward social comparison. And this is something that like meaning like, you know, they have their own two better things and you're not. So it makes you think, you know, they're like, oh, my God, like you haven't really done so well. And like, what are you doing with yourself? And like, it's hard.
00:12:02
Speaker
I have to be honest with this because I feel like every single time I say that like
00:12:08
Speaker
oh my god like you know you can't just do that you cannot compare yourself to others but especially when you are in a similar circle because i feel like this family and friends or even significant other it is slightly different but especially when you have co-workers or in my case you know there's not so much like i have co-workers it's more like
00:12:38
Speaker
I know people in the industry. And we are in a similar path. So obviously, if someone gets an opportunity, then I don't get it. And also, the part that sucks the most is that these coworkers and stuff, unless they tell you, or if the gossip is going around, you're not going to know. But the way things work is because of social media,
00:13:05
Speaker
People share things and not to say like they shouldn't people should share their achievements accomplishments and stuff But it's like, you know, you're going to see that like they get that opportunity They get that campaign that you applied but you didn't get it This happened very recently. I mean
00:13:22
Speaker
All applause to that guy who got the campaign good for him get the money whatever I didn't get it. It's cool I mean no hard feelings. I'm just saying or there's a time that like I think this got this girl got the commercial and I didn't and I know for a fact that like I did also apply to that commercial and It just didn't happen
00:13:43
Speaker
You know, like, not everything is meant to be, and I am totally okay with that at this point, but I mean, it still sucks. I feel like we say to ourselves that let's not do it, this is not healthy or whatever, but let's be real. Like, let's be super 100% real. It hurts to see that, like, other people accomplished something that you have been trying to do.
00:14:06
Speaker
It definitely hurts as much as we say it doesn't it truly hurts especially because of social media these days people share everything 9 out of 10 you're going to see it. I remember a couple times We went to events or something and a couple models and like influencers. They're all together It's kind of like a mixed crowd
00:14:30
Speaker
And I remember they were just saying the same thing that like because of social media like in the past you wouldn't know if this girl got the gig like you apply together that's cool or like you saw them at the casting or whatever but like now you know they got it because they're going to share it.
00:14:47
Speaker
Not to share, like to shove it in your face because people shouldn't be like, you know, scared to share their accomplishments just because it's going to make someone else feel bad because that's not what I'm trying to say. And that has nothing to do with them. It has more to do with yourself if you feel uncomfortable or if you feel a certain way.
00:15:05
Speaker
But it's more to do is like you know, you're going to see it and I feel like that part truly sucks and that's where the feeling of comparison starts and That's why I want to talk about how we can stop this comparison and there are a couple ways to it again, none of these are easy and
00:15:27
Speaker
And by no means, I'm saying that I am better and I am doing these. This is also for me to apply some of this to myself because I'm telling you guys, there are times that I say to myself, I am so good with this. I'm so happy that I accomplished this. Then literally, it only takes one thing. Just one thing I see on social media or one thing that pops up in my emails.
00:15:54
Speaker
or just one thing that happens in life, then it takes literally that one thing, then all of a sudden I'm just like, I disregard all the things that I have accomplished, and I'm just kind of like, well, you know, it is what it is, and it happened. Also, I don't know if you guys can hear. That was just the sound of my email. Anyways, off track. Now, let me talk to you guys about the ways that you can stop comparing yourself.
00:16:21
Speaker
Number one thing, this is something I feel like I have mentioned this in one of the episodes when I was talking about like comparing yourself on social media. This one is not specifically a social media because it's more like social comparison. Focusing on your own path, but it's very similar to what I mentioned in there.
00:16:38
Speaker
I think it's so easy to just be like oh my god like this person is doing better than me or other way around how someone else is doing worse than you and you feel like oh my god like thank god i'm doing so much better but the problem is in here is that like you're comparing yourself to them and
00:17:00
Speaker
Everyone, the best way to put it is this, everyone has different goals. And you cannot just be like, oh my God, like, yeah, they achieved this, but I didn't.
Focusing on Personal Goals
00:17:12
Speaker
But you have to always think about is that like, they're not you. Like everyone is on a different path and different goal.
00:17:20
Speaker
We have to think about that like we cannot necessarily compare that. Like our achievements are very different. Although it might seem similar but it's just not the same because all I know for sure that like there is times that like I wanted certain things and other people got it and then I realized like
00:17:43
Speaker
Well, even if I got this thing, would it even make sense to me? Like, would it work for me? Is this going to make me happy? Or is this going to bring more opportunities for me? Or is this really something that I want right now? Maybe it's just not meant for me to be there right now. Like, for years.
00:18:08
Speaker
I still do, not to say that I'm not, because I want to be completely honest with you guys. For years, I have been wanting to get verified, you know, that check mark. I don't care at this point what platform I get it at, either on Instagram, on TikTok, even Twitter for that sake. I wouldn't care, maybe Pinterest too.
00:18:32
Speaker
I mean, at this, maybe even even if it happens on Pinterest, I literally wouldn't mind. But I remember there was a point that I wanted this to happen so badly and I mean so badly that I spent.
00:18:47
Speaker
Couple thousand dollars. I don't know, it was a couple. It was definitely a few thousand dollars. And I was really hoping that I would get it, then I didn't get it. So it's cool, whatever. But then I also realized that like, at this point, the way the verification has become,
00:19:03
Speaker
Yes, you can get verified. If you spent tons of money, I'm telling you guys, you can get verified. And these days, a lot of people are getting verified. Not to throw shade at like, oh my God, they don't deserve it. That's not what I'm trying to say. But it's like, if you have the money, you can definitely get verified. But from my perspective, I was thinking that if a couple thousand wasn't that big deal, not to say like, oh my God, a couple thousand is not a lot.
00:19:31
Speaker
still a lot, but from the perspective for business, sometimes you have to spend money to make money. So I saw that perspective, but I could not justify to spend tens of thousands of dollars just to get verified because that's what the quotas are right now. If you spend like, I don't know, 15 to 20K with some companies, they can get you verified. But
00:19:55
Speaker
Then I thought about it, I was like, yeah, I want it so badly, I want to get verified just like other influencers, but what is that going to do to me? Yes, like being an influencer and having that verified check mark, it means a lot. It shows that you're a credible source, like you're known on social media, you're known on like news outlets and stuff like that, but
00:20:21
Speaker
Does it bring a lot of money? Does it make sense for your business? Because if I'm going to spend that much money, right, like 15 to 10K, that would mean that I must be making more than that a month. And I have to be honest, I don't make 20K a month. Not right now. So that's not what I do. That's not what I make. I'm being 100% honest. So it didn't make sense to me because I had to think about if I spend that much money, how much of it I'm going to get it back.
00:20:50
Speaker
Especially because at this point, verification, that check mark, has become more like, oh my god, yes, it's cool. I feel like it lost its meaning, but in the past, it was more about celebrities, A-list and stuff. Now, not to throw shades, even porn stars have verification check mark.
00:21:10
Speaker
Again, not to say like, oh my god, they don't deserve it. It's cool. Do you? But it's more like I remember in the past, verification was so difficult. And normally, only people who could get verified would be like, you're on Forbes, you're on like, really, really prestigious places, which is now even Forbes lost its meaning, I have to be completely honest. There are literally so many people you can just pay and be on Forbes.
00:21:36
Speaker
Just putting it out there, but I'm just saying that's like little story of like how I wanted to happen Then it backfired on me then I just realized like maybe it's just not the time because I knew that I was forcing it so much and I just like I was like, oh my god I have this goal and I just really want to make it happen and I will get verified
00:21:57
Speaker
then, you know, things turned out differently. And it wasn't actually, it wasn't necessarily, not anything necessarily that I did. It was more like the company didn't do what they were supposed to do. I mean, they did deliver the articles or whatever, but they did not do the verification part.
00:22:16
Speaker
That's just kind of that, honestly. But anyways, I'm just saying I learned from that experience that maybe it's just not the time and I should focus on other things. And that's what I'm trying to say is that like focus on your own path. Sometimes we always think, oh my god, I can do this, I can do that and I can be like that person. But is that even your own path? And that's what I realized that like, you're just not my time right now for that. Maybe I can do other things in the meantime.
00:22:43
Speaker
And also, to be honest, I've seen so many influencers who have so many followers or who have decent engagement and community and everything, or they're close to millions of followers or they're not even verified. And that doesn't mean that they're like any less or they're not better, that they're like worse than other influencers who are just like verified because I just don't think like that. So I just made a peace with it. And today I'm trying to do the same.
Fostering Community Through Others' Success
00:23:13
Speaker
Okay, so the other thing I want to mention that this is important, and it's hard to do, is to enjoy other people's success. Because I know when you watch someone else's achievements or success, and like, you know, you have this reaction of this, you know, and minutes that like, you're like, Oh, my God, I wish I did this, or I wish I got that.
00:23:39
Speaker
I don't know, verification check mark, or got that casting call, or I got that part that I wanted, or I got that commercial, but I didn't, right? But I think it is important to just be happy for other people's success. Because I think, I mean, this is not a good thing. And it also makes you like so, like, it's not a good feeling. Also, it projects onto that other person too.
00:24:09
Speaker
Because sometimes people think that this is so personal because it's not. It's more about that feeling that like, oh my god, I wish I could have done that. It's more to do with you versus with that person. But you don't want to create a bad relationship with that person by not being happy for them, especially if it's your colleague or someone you talk to.
00:24:30
Speaker
You never want to be that person because trust me, I have been there. It doesn't end well. But also, like, what do you achieve from that? Like nothing besides like maybe burning some bridges or like not even making a good like name for yourself. Because guess what? If you celebrate their achievement or what they're doing these days and what they achieved,
00:24:59
Speaker
In the future, when you share your own achievement, they are going to come and be like, Merce, congratulations. Merce, like you did great. So happy for you or whatever. Like, that's what you need to do because like, at the end of the day, things are all about the community. And I feel like we should never see that like, oh my God, it's a competition. It's order you or him. You have to think more like that like,
00:25:24
Speaker
There could be multiple people who could be just as successful. I know there are so many things in the field, I guess, you could be like, oh my god, no, there's only one person or couple people or few people who become successful. But no, I'm telling you, like, especially in my industry that I would say is like, there are so many influencers who are just as successful.
00:25:49
Speaker
You don't have to be at the one million. You don't have to be verified. For even like to make decent money, you don't even have to have so many followers anymore. Industry has changed. And I feel like it's important to just like understand that, to see that like there is room for everyone. You don't have to think like, oh my God, like this person achieved that. I'm never going to achieve what they did.
00:26:18
Speaker
Trust me, you can even achieve something else that's way bigger. Years and years ago, I was always dreaming about working with some of the companies that I was like, oh my God, they think I'm a joke. They would never take me seriously.
00:26:35
Speaker
Now they come knocking on my door or just they just always want to send me something or talk to me or like my picture, comment on my picture. Like I like I used to dream about this and now it's happening. And I feel like so I'm learning that like, oh, my God, like there's so much place in this in this world, I guess you could say that like you couldn't achieve things. And everyone's because back to the first point, everyone's path is so different.
00:27:06
Speaker
They might achieve one thing. You might achieve that in the future or you might achieve completely something else. But there's a place for everyone to achieve their own goals and your time will come too. And lastly, this is the last thing I would say that will kind of conclude what I'm trying to say here that will stop the comparison is to kind of
Gratitude and Personal Achievements
00:27:31
Speaker
concentrate on gratitude. Concentrate that what you have right now is what you have and it is important to just appreciate that. I think I always try to tell myself this
00:27:48
Speaker
Especially because like I know when I first started this career like I First of all, I didn't even expect that this would go anywhere like to be completely honest because influencer industry was so new and like Blogging was so big and no one was talking about influencers it was like no one even knew what influencer meant and like they were laughing if you said something like that and I
00:28:17
Speaker
I always keep thinking like, oh my God, like this is some sort of a side hustle or something. You know, like I'm just starting out until I find a job.
00:28:27
Speaker
then, you know, things keep coming one after another. And I started to have this, like, goals. I was like, oh my God, I want to work with Starbucks. I want to work with Chipotle. I want to work with, like, these big companies. And they just keep happening. And like, I want to go to a festival for free or I want to go to this, stay at the hotel for free or I want to work with a car company or something. Like, there's so many things that I never thought it would happen, but it happened day after day or year after year.
00:28:56
Speaker
Again, it's not to say like, oh my god, it just always goes high and goes up the charts. Sometimes it goes down. There's always lows and highs. But there are things that I have accomplished that I cannot just say that like, oh my god, I didn't.
00:29:13
Speaker
I cannot just ignore that I had some accomplishments. And I feel like that's where I'm trying to come at is that like, I think sometimes we are so harsh on ourselves to think that like, oh my God, I didn't achieve this. But this person who's in the same field or same age as me, they achieved that. Like, you know, sometimes people say that like, oh my God, like I'm a 26, 25, I got a house. Like, but you don't, you don't have a house. You're just renting or you live as your parents is like,
00:29:42
Speaker
It's totally fine like trust me sometimes even like People who buy houses amount of problems they have it's like do you even want to set the stage? That's what I'm trying to say is like I feel like it's so hard to Compare yourself to them that like I never do that anymore. I feel like only thing that gets to me is
00:30:01
Speaker
It's not the money part, it's more to do with the career because I'm such a career driven person and I feel like I really want to get to that stage in my career that I feel like I did everything I could and I get to the top I guess.
00:30:18
Speaker
But I feel like because I haven't got there yet, that's why it's still a sensitive topic for me. But every single day, whenever I have these moments, and that's why I'm even talking about this on this podcast, I want to show that I appreciate how much I have come and how far I still have to go. But I have accomplished so many things.
00:30:42
Speaker
building this podcast, building my YouTube channel, building my TikTok and like Pinterest, which is insane to me that I have over thousands of followers on Pinterest. Like people struggle so hard to grow that. So like I'm just trying to achieve, I mean, appreciate all these things or like, I don't know, like working with big brands on Instagram and everything. It's like those are really, really big things and I want to appreciate them. Like I feel like
00:31:09
Speaker
so many more things can come along and I want you guys to do the same because that is so important because without appreciating what you have now you're not going to have those goals that you want because appreciating is the first thing and I feel like that's very important to emphasize in here and that's what I want to conclude it with.
00:31:31
Speaker
Anyways, that is the episode for today. I hope you guys like this episode. If you do, please don't forget to rate us on Apple podcast or very gay or podcast. And I'll see you guys next week. Bye.