Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Stories that Shape Us: Assassin's Blade and (Not So) Healthy Relationships
15 Plays3 months ago
In this latest episode of "Stories That Shape Us," I dive into Sarah J. Maas's Assassin's Blade with my bestie Priscilla! We explore the complex, often unhealthy relationships that shaped Celaena Sardothien's journey before she became the protagonist we meet in Throne of Glass.
We unpack the toxic dynamic between Celaena and Arobynn Hamel - her mentor, father figure, and manipulator - and how this relationship affected her ability to form healthy connections. We also discuss her meaningful relationship with Sam Cortland, her first true friend and love, and how these early experiences shaped her character.
This episode contains thoughtful analysis of emotional abuse, manipulation, and healing through fiction. We examine how Celaena's experiences at the Silent Assassins compound and her friendship with Ansel Briarcliff provided her first glimpses of what healthy mentorship could look like.
🚨 MAJOR SPOILERS 🚨 for Assassin's Blade and the broader Throne of Glass series!
If you've experienced emotional manipulation or toxic relationships, this episode might resonate deeply with you. I share some of my own experiences and how they connected me to Celaena's journey.
What did you learn about relationships from Assassin's Blade? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
About my bestie Priscilla:
Priscilla De Lara is originally from California now living in Milan, Italy working in international education. She is a lover of food, traveling, and reading! Fun fact: Priscilla was a college radio DJ.
Connect with Priscilla on TikTok @priscillainitaly
💬 LET'S CONNECT:
Send in questions: contact+podcast@marisolmoran.com
We might just have the same taste in books. Check out my Book List.
(Bookshop affiliate)
🌱 LET’S GROW TOGETHER
→ Schedule your discovery call
🎧 DON'T FORGET TO:
- Subscribe and leave a review to help more listeners find the podcast!
- Share this episode with fellow bookworms and anyone on their healing journey.
- Don't forget to subscribe for more literary discussions that connect fantasy with real-life growth and healing.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Growing With Sol
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello beautiful people and welcome back to another installment of Growing With Sol. I am so very happy to have you all here with me for this next installment of Stories That Shape Us.
The Role of Novels in Personal Growth
00:00:12
Speaker
The series talks about novels different books in general that inform us, inform us about ourselves potentially, inform us about our world and essentially what we can learn from them to help us grow and move forward in life.
Focus on 'Assassin's Blade' by Sarah J Maas
00:00:26
Speaker
this This episode is going to be focusing on Assassin's Blade butp by Sarah J Maas. So if you have not read this book, have not read the Throne of Glass series, major spoiler ahead, definitely go read it and then come back to this.
Mental Health Themes in the Series
00:00:40
Speaker
Also, definitely keep in mind that we are going to be touching on mental health. If you are familiar with Selena, and she definitely goes through a lot of difficulties. She experiences throughout the series severe depression, um thoughts of no longer wanting to be alive and other heavy topics and experiencing some pretty traumatic stuff, whether that is related to violence, emotional abuse and what have you.
00:01:05
Speaker
So definitely keep that in mind that we'll be talking about those topics as well.
Guest Introduction: Priscilla
00:01:10
Speaker
um But before we get into it, i am joined by my bestie Priscilla. Like I mentioned every episode, she is the reason why I'm obsessed with these books.
00:01:19
Speaker
So it's definitely a treat to deep dive these books with her. So let's go ahead and
Synopsis of 'The Assassin's Blade'
00:01:25
Speaker
get into it. We're going to start off with our little synopsis of Assassin's a Blade. The Assassin's Blade by Sarah J Maas is the prequel to the Throne of Glass series.
00:01:34
Speaker
We meet Selena Sardothian at 16 years old and as the esteemed protege to the King of Assassins, Erebin Hamel. We then get to know her through a series of vignettes where she frees slaves, inspires a healer, befriends a princess, and creates an ill-fated future with Sam Cortland.
00:01:51
Speaker
So we are going to begin with a quick synopsis of Selina herself and her development.
Selena's Journey and Development
00:01:58
Speaker
Priscilla, I saw Selina's journey in this book sort of like the inverse of what we see in all the other books, where she starts off in a like a high point. like We see her as the protege, the one who's going to take over the Assassin's Guild once Erebin Hamill retires, dies, whatever.
00:02:18
Speaker
um And she's super confident, super cocky. Like she's basically his second, essentially. And by the end of it, we see her defeated.
00:02:31
Speaker
We see her just completely afraid. Very vulnerable. one willingly a little bit vulnerable, but also just in a vulnerable position where she's been overpowered by circumstance.
00:02:46
Speaker
And then... A little like silver lining to everything, which thinking about it just makes me want to cry. a little silver lining she's determined at the end, at the very end of the book, because of a couple of like poignant things that happened.
00:03:02
Speaker
But ultimately, like we just see this character in her worst potential circumstance ever. um But how did you kind of see Selina develop throughout?
Erebin's Toxic Influence
00:03:13
Speaker
I think not reading this book first and going back to it gives you the the context of why she is and how like what her development was like.
00:03:25
Speaker
When you think of it, I mean, she was 16 and second in command, like you said. So a lot can happen um with someone's development like that. And I think we got to see the extent of Erebin's just...
00:03:43
Speaker
his awfulness and how that shaped her and how that broke her down. And that context really does help put everything into perspective because you do see that she's for all intents and purposes in ah very toxic relationship with him. mean, he's so kind, he's her safety, but at the same time, he's so cruel to her.
00:04:05
Speaker
So I definitely understand why she goes from being confident, im kind of like no one can touch me, to being completely defeated at the end. And she doesn't really figure out why until later on.
00:04:20
Speaker
There's a lot of full circle movements. Yeah, we're definitely going to get into that a little bit later when we focus in on her relationship with Erevin specifically. But that, I think, was one of the main catalysts in her development in this
Selena's Internal Struggles
00:04:36
Speaker
book. where we see like the reason like I associated her with a lot of anger, a lot of defeat, a lot of anxiety.
00:04:44
Speaker
And um a little bit of determination. There was mostly sort of like trepidation, fear, anxiety, second guessing herself, especially in relation to anything that was connected to Arabin.
00:05:02
Speaker
And a lot of her journey was breaking out of that toxic relationship. yeah That was very loosely defined, um especially, i think also very poignantly, maybe not poignantly, but very Maybe like vividly.
00:05:21
Speaker
It was her relationship with him was so undefined.
Analysis of Erebin's Manipulative Nature
00:05:25
Speaker
And I think because of the age that she was, I think because she was 16, because she was turning 17, her relationship with him was murky.
00:05:33
Speaker
no How old was he? Remind me of his name. He was 35 when she was 16. I took multiple notes about that throughout the book, which is disgusting when you think about it more deeply, but also especially when you put that side by side with him bidding and basically buying Lysandra, who is basically able to be bid on because she turned 17.
Perception of Selena's Growth
00:06:05
Speaker
that and the fact that he he raised selena so the fact that like which he's not aware of their relationship and the readers aren't just adds another layer of look yeah it's it's really disgusting because he did raise her And then like which goes into a lot of how I feel, how people view her and a little bit how she then views herself because
00:06:37
Speaker
there's there's There's multiple things. there There are people in these books and then Ansel is one of them at one point who call Selina to
Unrealistic Expectations on Selena
00:06:50
Speaker
essentially to her journey. They call her to her story. They're calling her to stand up and to like move forward on her path to becoming the Queen of Terresin.
00:06:58
Speaker
They don't know that they're doing that necessarily. like Rowan did, but Ansel didn't. But she was calling her to stand up for something more, for something that means something. And then there are other people who judge Selena for not doing anything and for not doing the things that she was supposed to do. And it's like she was a child for most of that.
00:07:19
Speaker
Like if anything, you might want to argue she really started to come to age, I suppose, at like 16, 17 in this particular set of stories. But she was still a kid.
00:07:31
Speaker
Like what power does a 16 and 17 year old have? Like not much. So I always get a little bit, i don't know like protective, like mama bear around her because I just get upset that people are like, well, you didn't do anything for the eight years for Taris. And it's like, what?
00:07:49
Speaker
And we're never told or shown that people her age should be expected to do that either.
00:07:57
Speaker
So, i mean, even in later books where you have people in positions of power, I mean, Kale, how old was he when he became?
Host's Personal Connection to the Book
00:08:09
Speaker
When he became captain of the guard? Yeah, 18. He might have been 18 19. eighteen or nineteen I'm not quite sure. I think I remember like it wasn on her it wasn't a thing. like He was the youngest one to have ever. yeah, so the fact that we don't have any examples of like in this society, children grow up quickly. I think people are quick to forget, which we should have.
00:08:35
Speaker
female leads be older, but I digress. I think in the mass first, the oldest female lead we get, I think is Bryce. Cause she's like 24. Yeah. you remember when we were 24?
00:08:50
Speaker
do remember when was 24 and it's, which also,
00:08:54
Speaker
the way,
00:08:57
Speaker
and its which also by the way speaking me being 24 and this book specifically, like
00:09:10
Speaker
when I was 24, I was basically in a similar type of relationship that Selena is with Erebin. When I, you know, like that relationship was beginning around that time.
00:09:21
Speaker
yeah So I was in the like, oh, this is still really happy and nice and like cute and like the love bombing and have that time. But eventually, which i don't know if you recall, i was very like vehemently, like violently triggered reading Assassin's Blade for the first time.
00:09:42
Speaker
And then the second read through by the end of it, I was still really triggered like... My like fight or flight like as I finished the book in public so I was like I'm not going to be able to like do work and finish the book unless I'm like at a coffee shop or something.
00:09:55
Speaker
So I went to a coffee shop got a little matcha got a little croissant and like finished the book but by the end of it and wanted like I needed to run. i needed to run.
Sam's Role in Selena's Life
00:10:04
Speaker
i needed to fight. I needed to kill Arabin. Like all at the same time and it was still triggering for me. So that's also something to, I guess, make note of you've experienced emotional abuse. Arabin is very well written as a manipulative emotional abuser. FYI. Yeah.
00:10:25
Speaker
But before we get into Erbin little bit more deeply, I want to start off with, I think, the the beautiful like juxtaposition to her relationship with Erbin, which is her relationship with Sam.
00:10:39
Speaker
and Sam, since the day that I first read about him, i continues to make me cry. like Pretty much any time I go on TikTok, there's always something that's going to make me cry, and it's usually going to be Sam.
00:10:51
Speaker
And their journey, I think, was almost like an innocent version of enemies to lovers. Because they were rivals, or at least perceived rivals. Because in Selena's she wanted to kill him. Like, she she was definitely his rival. But we find out that he was in love with her the entire time.
00:11:11
Speaker
and like, they go from that to becoming friends. And then also, ultimately, being relationship. And I don't know why I didn't like fully pick up on it the first time I read these books. But the second time, one of the things that really like got to me and like really made me tear up was that I really think that Sam is Selena's first friend.
00:11:44
Speaker
Like in her life. Because as a kid, she only had Aiden. And the other kids were afraid of her because she was just, everything was catching on fire. So that she didn't, she only had Aiden. and then she had Sam, but she was super avoidant.
00:12:01
Speaker
Like super, super avoidant until she finally admitted to herself that Sam is her friend. And then after that, they then pursued a relationship with each other. But that just made me so sad because as we all know, Sam Cortland dies very horrific death.
00:12:16
Speaker
That and him, like, we don't know his, like, how he got there, right? I don't remember. to the Assassin's Guild? Yeah. Do you? Do you remember?
Background of Sam and the Assassin's Guild
00:12:27
Speaker
Okay. he's a His mom. Yeah. So wait. Yes. it's a Mom. Yeah. So yeah. So just for the readers in case you got the readers listeners in case you don't remember. So Sam's mom was I don't know if she worked with the madam the friend.
00:12:42
Speaker
So yeah. With Lysandra's madam. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. have a short for her yeah okay yes um so then she so his mom was murdered by a client who was upset when sam was only six and her like last thing
00:13:02
Speaker
i guess somehow there was a conversation between her and arabin for arabin to take care of sam so he brought sam in when he was six so then i would say maybe like two years later is when he got Selena because I think they're around the same age.
00:13:18
Speaker
I wonder if Arabing had her killed because he wanted like to raise assassins. I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah. Yeah. But that's how that's how Sam got there. That's so tragic because they they they're treated as adults.
00:13:33
Speaker
which is really, really satisfying to see their relationship bloom, like you mentioned, like the friendship to them lovers. And then we get our heart torn later.
00:13:44
Speaker
But soon. But yeah, first I wanted to say, you know, them falling in love is limerence. I'm like, but they bonded through trauma, essentially.
00:13:59
Speaker
I think not
Sam and Selena's Evolving Relationship
00:14:00
Speaker
just trauma. I think there was a lot of like shared values as well because we see them in Skulls Bay in the very first like little short story and there was no questions asked by Sam. Like as soon as he was like, you want to save the slaves?
00:14:18
Speaker
And you can tell even from his point of view when they're like reviewing like the inventory, like all the slaves and like seeing what they look like trying to get a lay of the land so that they can have a successful plan.
00:14:29
Speaker
like He's very upset. like He's very much a wanting so like sort to start a fight right in the like warehouse. So I feel like there's a lot of shared value or like values and like moral compass that they have like in common.
00:14:45
Speaker
So I think that... I don't know if they would have like lasted forever, but I do think that if they would have been able to escape together and go to the Southern Continent,
00:14:57
Speaker
that they I think that they could have a very beautiful relationship eventually. But it's just, it is painful because like you just, it's their first loves too. And like, we all have those. So do you recognize like how sweet it is, but then also recognize the tragedy of it because of the abuse they both experienced. And also in in talking about like Arabin, so I'm not here necessarily saying that like Arabin Like if you just go down the line, has narcissistic personality disorder.
00:15:31
Speaker
Like I'm not trying to diagnose Ervin, but there are certain characteristics and qualities of his character that are reminiscent of narcissism. And we can see that how it manifests in a romantic way between him and Selena.
00:15:47
Speaker
And then we can also see it how it manifests within like a narcissistic parent, where often a narcissistic parent will have a golden child and then like the child who could never do anything right no matter what. And I feel like especially coming from Sam's point of view, Selena was the golden child who was propped up by Erebin very often to be successful.
00:16:08
Speaker
She often talks about how like he gave her the title, the moniker of Adderlyn's assassin. And that he's the one who, even though she would hide her identity, he's the one who would always put the word out that she's the one who who like got someone, who like killed someone.
00:16:24
Speaker
That that was her mark. She was successful. So he created her notoriety, building her up to be his protege. Would she ultimately have taken over if she would have stayed with him?
00:16:37
Speaker
kind don't know. Because I kind of feel like... Go ahead. Yeah, no, no. I don't think he would have. I think he would have just... gaslit her into a relationship and just he would have he he was playing the long game yeah i think so too but like with sam going back to sam before you go and dive deep selena i'm going back to sam like he was the like the fuck up like he wasn't the golden child he was the one that like was maybe like okay you did what you're supposed to do Like, I'm not, like, proud of you per se until everybody needs to start manipulating Selena even more and try to manipulate him through Sam by saying, oh, like, you know, my two best assassins.
00:17:17
Speaker
yeah I'm like, shut up. Like, you know, shut up, everybody. That, like, competition and making her question her position. Yeah, I one of the things that I would like to highlight what want to highlight between the two of them when we're talking about like relationships and like healthy relationships and how they are seen.
00:17:37
Speaker
Obviously, they're teenagers. So like how healthy is the relationship going to be when they're just learning how to relationship. But I do think that Sam shows is a nice example of secure attachment.
00:17:51
Speaker
So one of the things I do want to define, app so secure attachment is essentially an adult attachment style characterized by a view of oneself as worthy of love and that others are generally accepting and responsive.
Sam's Maturity in Sensitive Situations
00:18:06
Speaker
So with secure attachment, it doesn't mean that like you're never going to feel insecure or that you're never going to maybe like question or need reassurance. Like we all do at some point. But I think one of the beautiful examples of Sam's secure attachment is when Erbin, he, so Erbin had shown up to the new apartment and like talked to c Selena in private.
00:18:31
Speaker
And then Selena never told Sam about that conversation because she was feeling some type of way about it. Arabin confronts Sam in the street is surprised that she didn't tell him so he tries to take advantage of that and try to pry them apart and also uses her past and the fact that Sam doesn't know who she like quote unquote really is by trying to pry them apart so then Sam is telling Selena about this encounter so she's like nervous and anxious because now she thinks of like her secret's gonna be out and he's not gonna like love her anymore And then Sam tells her, Selena, when you're good and ready to tell me the truth, you'll do it.
00:19:06
Speaker
And no matter what it is, when that day comes, I'll be honored that you trust me enough to do so. But until then, it's not my business. And it's not Erebin's business. It's not anyone's business but your own.
00:19:17
Speaker
That is the most mature and like a healthy response to that kind of a situation. And at like 17, St. Portland was a dream. It's like ah a knife to the heart. like Couldn't she have told him right before he was killed?
00:19:32
Speaker
To have a nice like wholesome moment. That would have been beautiful, but I think... think it would have helped her one i moving forward like to to open up.
00:19:44
Speaker
to others because she was so scared think even when they fell in love she was still scared and didn't what want to tell him isn and totally i think that was a big part of it but like again like they're only 16 so i feel like how they handled the situations is little bit more realistic yeah but ultimately i you know i think that like with that relationship is like a very a real example what like a first love first relationship is and kind of sets up the path for all the the other relationships you do see between her and everyone else sam is what she said it's been just saying because wasn't it his first real relationship as well kale's yeah or sam's both yeah i think so
00:20:33
Speaker
Yeah. So Sam is what you ordered then Kayla's.
00:20:42
Speaker
Wow. and i l You know, pre Tower of Dawn, Kale. yeah Okay. This is what I hope tower of done after Tower of Dawn. We're good.
00:20:53
Speaker
Any last thoughts on Sam Cortland before we move on? So sad. So, so sad.
00:21:05
Speaker
I think one of the things that i that I noticed is that like after they, because they they're following Farron into the vaults and then Farron goes down into the basement to torture someone so they leave. but They can hear the screaming of the person being tortured.
00:21:21
Speaker
So they're running and then like they don't want, like Sam doesn't want to go back to the apartment so Selena's following Sam. They end up at the park that's like off the banks of the Avery. And like they're having this like existential crisis of like are we just like him? Because we're assassins.
00:21:38
Speaker
And like one of the things that i got me because they're having this super emotional moment and it's Sam questioning how he views himself. And they're on the banks of the Avery and it's like is this where he's buried?
00:21:53
Speaker
Like right by the Sam. I'm in tears. i mean he That's where they end up burying him. Off the banks of the Avery. Yeah. but He had this super emotional moment with Selena. It's just fucking painful. and then Anyway. She goes back with.
00:22:08
Speaker
My boy. With Rowan. Rowan. It took me a long time to to like him. But there's one particular scene. Keenum and Ash that we'll talk about when we get there. That made me fall in love with him.
00:22:21
Speaker
But anyway, going on to talk about and a friendship. Because one of things that I've been really focusing on with Selena this second read through is her friendships. And as we talked about multiple times, she doesn't really have any friends, which hard relate. I have like two.
00:22:38
Speaker
But we we see her and Ansel Briarcliff meet at um the deserted lands with the Mute Assassins. And this is her first female friendship.
00:22:52
Speaker
And again, it's another, in my opinion, unhealthy relationship. Even though it lasted one month because she was only with the Mute Assassins for a month. So like how much of a friendship can you develop in that time?
00:23:07
Speaker
i mean, they go through some intense stuff per usual. course. Yeah. and ready here Yeah, because they had to they were roommates. I do have a thought that's related to this.
00:23:18
Speaker
I liked that she, i think later on was able to really...
Comparison: Mute Master vs. Erebin
00:23:26
Speaker
look back on her experience being raised by Erebin to be an assassin and see that there were other methods that weren't cruel and didn't play with your head.
00:23:37
Speaker
Which was, think, which I think helped later on. and The fact that it was just one month, but like, because it was so intense, think, That's why it had such a big impact on her, but I did definitely, they did think that it was a catalyst moment for her being there.
00:23:56
Speaker
um For Ansel, I think it was really well written just because I like simultaneously felt bad for her and hated her. Yeah, that's true.
00:24:08
Speaker
Because she wasn't great.
00:24:14
Speaker
I agree 100% with everything you just said. like I feel like I could write full dissertation on the catalyst that like led to Selena getting her freedom from emotional abuse. i But also, like i all one of the things I have to focus on when it comes to Selena, and particularly this stretch of her story...
00:24:32
Speaker
is like disentangling my own triggers from what I'm reading because there's so many things in terms of emotionally what she experiences because of the like the stimulus, like being like the emotional abuse, like obviously I didn't experience 100% what Selena experienced. Like I did not live Assassin's Blade, but like that type of manipulation and abuse I did experience.
00:24:59
Speaker
So for me, I'm just like, like, I'm just like, I feel entwined in her story in that way. But like, Her seeing and not just seeing, but experiencing mentorship, experiencing training, experiencing like that, what she has lived under Erbin, experiencing that with someone else who is a genuine mentor, a genuine like coach and leader
00:25:32
Speaker
who does have her best interest in mind. Because his whole, like, and also, like, a a pure interest where he's just wanting to train her so that she could be the best at her craft.
00:25:46
Speaker
There's no ulterior motive. If anything, he's like, I see the way my son looks at you. He wouldn't mind if you stayed either. Like, you know? yeah like, once the Mute Master started talking, like, I loved it.
00:26:01
Speaker
But, like, and And one of the key things as well that I think is so poignant, especially when it comes to Selina's story of the emotional abuse and and having, struggling with her own identity, the sense of loss and sense of not belonging because she's kicked out of Terrasyn, doesn't really have a home.
00:26:22
Speaker
So she doesn't have a home in Terrasyn. She doesn't have a home in Riftold anymore. She doesn't have a home in the guild. But before she leaves, the mute master tells her, you'll always have a home here. I cried. Yeah, that was really bad. I cried.
Impact of Kindness on Relationships
00:26:36
Speaker
Yeah, and even also the way the Mute Master handled the whole situation with Ansel, because he knew. He knew what happened to Briarcliff. And he wanted, he was giving Ansel the space for her to trust him with her story.
00:26:54
Speaker
The way Sam was doing with Selena, but Ansel never did. She just became really angry and Maybe not bitter. But hateful. She became hateful.
00:27:06
Speaker
Yeah. And we see her in terms of her relationship with Selena. Where she also. Ansel is keeping secrets. Because she wasn't fully truthful. With her. Her like um maybe motivations. And her plans.
00:27:18
Speaker
Kind of like another female friend. She had. With Nehemia. But then also with Ansel. I think that like. I don't know. i I feel like part of me has mixed emotions with Ansel because i see her motivations. I see why she did what she did.
00:27:40
Speaker
but also, like, she didn't have to, like, drug Selena then potentially mess up her future by giving her a blank piece of paper with the emblem of the Mute Master. Yeah.
00:27:57
Speaker
But I mean, I think it's the same. She doesn't trust... and she She... I think you mentioned it. mentioned it but She's very similar to Selena.
00:28:08
Speaker
Like, they are not essentially the same type... Well, yeah, they're the essentially the same type of character, just with different a different context. And they kind of... It goes back to their age and upbringing and not being forthcoming.
00:28:25
Speaker
But Ansel was a little extreme. She was... she Okay, i have i don't know ah I don't think we have the time to deep dive this. Also because she's not the main character. But Ansel killed Mikhail. Yeah.
00:28:39
Speaker
Like, that was her man's for, like, years. Which also, he was older. so that was a little odd Because she was a teenager when they started dating.
00:28:51
Speaker
Well, she was how old was she this book? I think she was around the same age. I think she was like 17, 18 years old, maybe 18. I think she might've been 18 years old and he was 25. So they started when she was 14.
00:29:08
Speaker
ah yeah i think she was like a teenager i i think she was super young when she first got there and i think i think this sort was like he was interested in her and he was an older more trained assassin so she like was like cool i'll use this to my advantage but then we do see moments where like she does seem genuinely happy with him but then she kills him it's like Yeah, there was no explanation for that.
00:29:36
Speaker
Which didn't make sense. I don't think we were supposed to. We don't. i mean, no, because she redeems herself later. So it would have been nice to have some.
00:29:46
Speaker
I don't know. Some sort of closure around that.
00:29:51
Speaker
I don't know. But ah ultimately, like we we do see that friendship develop into something, like into an allyship later on, obviously. it only happened because Selena let her live.
00:30:01
Speaker
Yeah, Selena let her live. Had she not, she would have been an ally later.
00:30:08
Speaker
Yeah. That's also part of the, I think, the overall theme of the of the series of like having those moments of kindness and how they reap really profound benefits.
00:30:21
Speaker
Which leads to Irene Towers. Also a little moment of kindness that led to profound benefits because Irene saves the fucking world in Kingdom of Ash.
00:30:33
Speaker
Yeah. When she just started off as a barmaid in a small port town of Inish. And almost being killed by robbers until Selena saves her.
00:30:46
Speaker
And I really think that that's the whole point of Irene in the story because like they don't have ah deep connection by any means. I think this was really just a... they'll connection later on sharing Kegel, but... I mean, another reason why Kegel should be thankful for Selena. Yeah.
00:31:06
Speaker
I agree. He should be because he she's the reason he has a wife. Later on the Taught her how to defend herself and gave her hell of money. The brooch alone was probably crazy expensive.
00:31:21
Speaker
yeah that's why I don't get why like people don't necessarily enjoy this book, Assassin's Blade. mean, it ties everything, all of the loose ends together really nicely. Whether you read it later on for before everything.
00:31:37
Speaker
yeah but Yeah. I feel like you that's the huge debate, right? Should I read it first? Should I read it third or fourth? And it's like either way I think it's an enjoyable read.
00:31:49
Speaker
As a reader, i always default to publishing order if unless there's like a huge like a reason why I should do something outside order. Like the author tells you. like Right. Yeah.
00:32:06
Speaker
Because sometimes you don't understand everything when you read when you read it or even see outside of publishing order. But yeah, basically, I think the whole point of the her relationship with or her interaction with Irene was just to show the power of kindness and the power of even a small connection.
Erebin's Control and Psychological Impact
00:32:27
Speaker
Okay,
00:32:28
Speaker
not for the big one. The one where I need to like center myself. And that's her relationship with Arabin Hamill. And just to highlight again. How fucking triggered I was. Reading this the very first time. i don't know if you remember.
00:32:42
Speaker
But I finished Assassin's Blade before you. And. There's a certain point. Towards the end. Where basically Arabin has manufactured. all The like chain of events.
00:32:54
Speaker
In order to punish Selena. And gain control again. and At the end of it, she the king doesn't execute her.
00:33:05
Speaker
sends her to Endavir. So Farron and Erebin are watching what are they called? Not the cabin. Not the coach.
00:33:17
Speaker
the like The thing with the horse. yeah the oh my What's the word? not carriage. carriage Carriage? I guess so. The carriage or whatever it is that she's in They're watching it go down the road towards end of year.
00:33:32
Speaker
And Farron even tells him this will be an easier save than the ostentatious show of saving her from the butchering block in public where she'll be hanged or whatever.
00:33:44
Speaker
This is a much easier to just ambush them on the road. And then Erebin's like, yeah, i'm not doing that. And Farron asks him, like, while why not? And Erebin literally says, I think I have it.
00:33:57
Speaker
I think I have it here.
00:34:00
Speaker
so Erwin asked him ultimately, like, why did you do this? Like, why did you do all these things? Farron asks Erwin that. And Erwin, he, like, looks back over to Farron tells him, because I don't like sharing my belongings.
00:34:16
Speaker
The very first time I read that, I was enraged. You know the anger, the little anger thing from the, like, Pixar movie? Yeah. And he explodes?
00:34:27
Speaker
but That was me. I was sitting at my desk enraged. I was like in the cartoons where like the smoke is coming out of your ears. I texted you in all caps. I was like, fuck Aerman.
00:34:38
Speaker
Fuck his mom. No, seriously. And you were like, what happened? And I'm like, you'll see. He went too many years. on like God knows what he did before too because he was already like An adult when he had um both Sam and sort of come to him.
00:35:03
Speaker
Yeah. He he he definitely came from some kind of money because later on in the series. Elena tells Elena that she like guided her down to the river towards that property.
00:35:20
Speaker
And that even Galithinians, Galithinians? Galithinianses? knew who lived on that property and there that they were of ill repute. So the fact that he had owned property Terrason and like like he had money already.
00:35:39
Speaker
so
00:35:41
Speaker
Yeah. But that's I feel like that's the whole thing with Erebin and his character and how he influences and relates to Selina and the impact that he had.
00:35:52
Speaker
Because one, he raised her, but he had this very controlling nature. This, in my opinion, like narcissistic nature where he was shaping her to be this like ideal thing for him and for his guilds.
00:36:10
Speaker
And then he starts to lose control as as as you would fucking imagine because she's... She's not a robot. Yeah. Right. She's not a child. She's not a robot.
00:36:21
Speaker
She's going to start thinking for her own. She's also going to eventually be attracted to somebody her own fucking age. Like... So he's starting to lose control and he loses it in a very like ostentatious way that impacts his finances and his professional relationships with other people.
00:36:42
Speaker
So yeah, she went about it in a very Selena way. but That's probably why he didn't allow her to travel. Like for her to feel so rich and like love riches and she lavished herself in material things but never left.
00:36:57
Speaker
She was essentially in a cage because he he knew she saw the and experience the real world, it would have happened much quicker. That's a good point. I think it probably would have. And that's where your point comes in about the Mute Master. Yeah.
00:37:14
Speaker
And like how that was also a catalyst. Because he he sent her. First of all. He sent her over there. and he set her up for failure. Because how are you going to send her. To another assassin's guild.
00:37:27
Speaker
And expect them to take her in. Like so that is already. Like anxiety inducing. Because like. Are they really going to take you in. When you belong to another assassin. And then after that. Like you have one month.
00:37:41
Speaker
To get this guy's approval. Yeah. He doesn't even talk. He set her up failure.
00:37:50
Speaker
And then she goes and because she's fucking Selena Sardothian, she does the damn thing. She shows back up to this motherfucker's office.
00:38:03
Speaker
And she's like, bam, letter of approval. And what does Erebin do? And goes back to reading. Puts his finger in her face and goes back to reading whatever the fuck he was reading. And puts the letter from the mute assassin aside.
00:38:19
Speaker
And does he never opens it. yeah he He was really inside. He was silently seething. for sure. I'm sure, yeah. Like just master manipulator.
00:38:31
Speaker
Which is crazy. I just wish that he would have died differently.
00:38:37
Speaker
it was so underwhelming.
00:38:40
Speaker
so underwhelming i mean good that's in yeah but that's in queen of shadows but yeah he i wanted him to die a very violent death but he did not um but i think that's the other thing we're like selena we see in her relationship where she's uncertain where she even like multiple times throughout the book where she was just like father, mentor, lover, but never really a lover.
00:39:10
Speaker
and I think that you're right. But she knew like the way that he looked at her. She knew that he she was attracted to him because he was described as an attractive man. and now that we're at, we're like turning 35, like we know that he he could have looked young.
00:39:27
Speaker
but Well, he had some, no, he had some white hair. yeah but does like but I have gray, I'm graying. I have a gunna somewhere around here. i keep plucking one. But anyway, so it's just it's just crazy.
00:39:43
Speaker
But when you think of it, she was isolated, like you mentioned, like she didn't have a friend until Sam. So she had no one to speak to about these thoughts. I mean, her seeing Lysandra as competition for his attention.
00:39:58
Speaker
You really see the how deep that toxic relationship goes and that need for his approval and his attention and his love hey Exactly. And I feel like that's why she was also unable to leave because she was so attached to him and so used to him being the source of her validation and the source of her entire life, all the riches, are her lavish lifestyle.
00:40:24
Speaker
He provided everything. He was the ultimate source of control, even though she didn't see it that way. But that's what he was doing. And ultimately, that was her downfall because Sam, again, was
Selena's Struggle with Freedom
00:40:38
Speaker
right. They should have just fucking left.
00:40:40
Speaker
After they got the approval and paid out to no longer be in the guild, just leave. and and And for me, reading it the second time, like i don't understand why they just didn't go to the deserted lands and be with the mute assassins.
00:40:56
Speaker
Yeah. like like the mute master would have taken them both in and they would have been fine done a few more hits save up some money and then skedaddle go open up a fucking bookshop yeah like ah like you know they could have lived yeah but they didn't know selena was so wrapped up that freedom that they never had and here I think ultimately Selena was too wrapped up in the turmoil of freeing herself from Arabin and not knowing what that meant for who she was and what her life is that it it didn't allow her to create an actual life quickly enough with her and and Sam which is painful
00:41:44
Speaker
But then we wouldn't have Rowan in her. so mean Right. Obviously, if they would have actually left and lived happy lives, we would never have. mean Or we could have been given a nice white shoes.
00:41:58
Speaker
Given what? Nice white shoes? White shoes romance with Sam. and Oh, a white shoe. ya I would be okay with that. What?
00:42:10
Speaker
But I mean, I feel like I can talk about Erebin and how he's atrocious for a long time. Again, my second dissertation. But any and closing thoughts on Selena or Erebin or any other particular relationship?
00:42:25
Speaker
Just that everyone that doesn't like this book clearly doesn't like loose ends. like tied so i think people need to definitely reread this because i can see how it could not be on par with the the rest depending on when you read it um i think some people end up like reading it last completely last so then you've gone through her whole story and then don't end up seeing the value of this book
00:42:54
Speaker
Completely agree with that. I think that this is, if you love Selena, you'll love this. Because you just get to an know her on a deeper level. And ultimately, like, with this book, I think the latest you can read it is how you and I did it. We read it fourth.
00:43:11
Speaker
Yeah. Anything after that, you've waited too long. Yeah, because when everyone's been dropped, it's like so random and it doesn't seem realistic. Mm-hmm. 100%. one hundred percent Well, thank you for joining me.
00:43:24
Speaker
And for everyone else, if you've made it this far, you guys are absolutely amazing. Thank you as well. If you would like to talk about maybe even some of the stuff that Selena went through, if you were like me and you hard relate to that manipulation, that emotional abuse, that And want to get a little bit of support in talking about that experience?
Conclusion and Support for Listeners
00:43:47
Speaker
Definitely hit me up. I've worked with clients in the past who have dealt recovered from similar situations. I myself have recovered from a similar situation. and i am involved. accepting clients so you can schedule a free call with me in the show notes if you appreciated this episode again made it this far leave a like leave a review and don't forget to subscribe and we will definitely be seeing you in the next one bye