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Present in Their Pain: How to Show Up for Someone Who Is Grieving
10 Plays1 month ago
In this final episode of my grief series, I shift focus to those supporting someone through the grieving process.
As we've explored grief through cultural lenses and personal experiences, now it's time to address how to show up for others during their most difficult moments.
I share practical guidance on how to be truly present for someone experiencing grief, from offering your physical presence without trying to "fix" their pain, to providing tangible support with everyday tasks like meal preparation or childcare that become overwhelming during intense grief.
We explore the delicate balance of emotional support: validating feelings, creating judgment-free spaces, and avoiding common pitfalls like saying "I know how you feel" or pressuring someone to "move on." I discuss the importance of long-term support, remembering important dates, and continuing to include grieving individuals in social activities even months after their loss.
Whether you're currently supporting someone through grief or want to be better prepared for when a loved one experiences loss, this episode offers compassionate, practical strategies for being a meaningful support person without overstepping boundaries.
The most important takeaway?
There's no single "right way" to support someone through grief - consistency, patience, and creating space for their unique process are what matter most.
Your presence matters more than finding the "perfect" words, sometimes simply being there is the greatest gift you can offer.
Looking for support on your own healing journey?
I'm currently accepting new clients - schedule your discovery call through the link in the description.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Focus
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello beautiful souls and welcome back to another installment of Growing With Soul. My name is Marisol Moran and I am a certified life coach specializing in self-esteem and confidence. The Growing With Soul podcast focuses on continual growth and healing, especially when we are looking at the small steps that we make every single day. If you are looking to heal, to grow, and to connect with your true self, this podcast is definitely for you.
00:00:26
Speaker
Additionally, I am accepting clients at the moment, so if you would like some support in working towards your goals or building confidence, click the link in my show notes to schedule your very own discovery call.
Exploring Grief from Cultural Perspectives
00:00:38
Speaker
If you've been listening along for this past month, then you know that we have been dissecting and looking at grief through multiple cultural lenses, but specifically within the Mexican, Mexican-American, and American lenses as well.
00:00:55
Speaker
And overall, just kind of giving my own research and opinions on processing and dealing with grief. We're now going to look at the other side of potentially that relationship or of relationships in general. So we've been looking at grief through the lens of somebody who is experiencing it.
00:01:15
Speaker
But what about the person potentially on the other end of that social interaction or social dynamic? The person who is not experiencing the grief, but witnessing someone experiencing grief and loss.
Supporting Others in Grief
00:01:30
Speaker
If you have ever been that person, seen someone going through intense grief and sadness and loss, sometimes we don't know what to do with ourselves. We don't know how to help.
00:01:48
Speaker
Sometimes we might even give what I would say would be erroneous advice in saying, you know, don't cry anymore. Like, you don't need to cry. It's okay. You know, like we think we might say something along those lines. Like, stop crying.
00:02:06
Speaker
We want, like, the sadness, the outward expression expression of that sadness to be gone. We might not really be present for that person in their sadness.
00:02:19
Speaker
Sometimes you might just kind of stand there awkwardly if you don't know what to do as well. So what actually can you do when someone is going through grief?
00:02:30
Speaker
First and foremost, grief is a deeply personal experience and it affects all of us differently. Supporting someone through that grief will most likely look different depending on the person that you're helping or at least trying to help.
00:02:50
Speaker
It is going to take patience and understanding. It's going to take compassion as we have been discussing the whole month.
00:03:01
Speaker
The first step is always being present. This will allow us to truly what What the person may be needing. It'll allow us to truly recognize what that person is experiencing.
00:03:14
Speaker
Provide also them the opportunity to express what they're experiencing as well. Because as we've been discussing, grief can show up differently for every single person. Whether that is emotionally, physiologically, cognitively.
00:03:26
Speaker
it can look different. So allow them the space to talk and to express themselves and what they've been experiencing. Listen without trying to fix or even give advice.
00:03:41
Speaker
You know, like that the advice that I've heard many times, have seen many times, of like, oh, like it's okay. Like, you don't need to cry anymore. Like, trying to stop the sadness. That doesn't help.
00:03:52
Speaker
but does If anything, that makes the person feel judged for crying. So listening without trying to fix, without giving advice. Sometimes just offering your physical presence goes a long way.
00:04:04
Speaker
Just being there with that person without even having to say anything, which takes pressure off of you as well. You could just be there. Maybe like hug the person, hold their hand or whatever it might be, just sit next to them.
00:04:17
Speaker
That can go such a long way.
00:04:21
Speaker
Additionally, maybe they need space and you can be present by respecting that space. And letting them know, okay, yeah, you want to be alone? That's cool.
00:04:33
Speaker
If you want to talk, if you just want company, let me know and I can come by again. That can go a very, very long way. Another aspect of support when someone is grieving is sort of like practical support.
00:04:49
Speaker
When we are experiencing grief, especially if it's really intense, really new, You can't really function as a person. You know, that's why you tend to take time off of work can't really function.
00:05:04
Speaker
You're still processing maybe getting over that initial that initial shock. So when there's someone else who's there wanting to support you in your grief and your processing, being the person who is helping with those day-to-day tasks.
00:05:19
Speaker
Maybe you're helping with meal prep, you're coordinating meals, you maybe you're dropping off food is huge. Maybe you're dropping off food. Maybe you're helping with like administrative things, chores, household responsibilities.
00:05:36
Speaker
You know, if that person is a parent, if you're close enough and able to maybe helping out with the kids, maybe helping out with the kids' homework, whatever it might be. Like things like that, like those practical things that are difficult to do when you are grieving.
00:05:50
Speaker
Those day-to-day things are difficult to do when you're grieving. Being able to show up for that person and assist with those things can go such a long way. Because when you are grieving, you don't have the mental space. You don't have the capacity to sometimes even remember those things.
Providing Practical and Emotional Support
00:06:09
Speaker
So having someone there who is able to take care of you in those like practical ways while you're grieving is priceless.
00:06:18
Speaker
Additionally, there's the the emotional support that goes along with this naturally. And that is validating their feelings, validating their emotions. For a lot of us, grieving is uncomfortable. Grieving is awkward.
00:06:33
Speaker
Grieving is something that... should not be shared. Again, this kind of goes back to like that American context of grieving and expressing grief. For a lot of us, it's something that we do privately.
00:06:46
Speaker
So when we are overcome with it and it's happening in a public space, or you are now you know, around someone and sharing that grief where it just comes up, you might feel like, oh my God, like, I can't believe I'm doing this. Can't believe I'm sad.
00:07:02
Speaker
But being the person that's there with them and just letting in them like, it's fine. It's okay that you're being that you're feeling this way. It's okay that it came up for you right now. And just validating their feelings and emotions goes a long way.
00:07:15
Speaker
Additionally, allowing the person who's grieving to talk about that person who's passed away, as an example, or maybe talk about the the loss, whatever it might be, because as I mentioned in previous episodes, grief does not only happen because of a death, it can happen because there's a significant change in in life in general.
00:07:36
Speaker
So being there for that person to talk about their grief, to talk about the loss, helps so much. So just being there for them, being a listening ear is fantastic.
00:07:49
Speaker
Sharing memories as well. So if you knew, that for example, the person who has passed away, sharing your own memories as well, like all the positive things as well can go a long way.
00:08:02
Speaker
Additionally, if you're in that situation where you're like feeling kind of awkward, don't know what to say, definitely avoid saying I know how you feel or other like generic and general things because those don't really help anyway.
00:08:20
Speaker
Additionally, one thing that like we did that we did touch on in previous episodes in terms of like duration of grief and what that looks like.
00:08:30
Speaker
Again, as I've said in previous episodes, I do not believe that grief ever just ends. I do not believe that sadness ever just ends. It is something that we must live with.
00:08:45
Speaker
And we can go about our day-to-day life being perfectly fine and then remember, say, that person who has passed away and feel sadness all over again.
00:08:58
Speaker
That's perfectly fine. So that's when we now begin to look at long-term support. And again, this is where like building community comes into play, which is a completely other topic, but building long-term support within our communities for that.
00:09:12
Speaker
So if it's someone who's close to you, who has maybe lost someone, maybe mark important dates like birthdays or anniversaries where that pain might come up again for that person. So if somebody lost a sibling and it's that person's birthday, that's going to be a difficult day.
00:09:29
Speaker
So remembering something like that. Also continuing to check in after that initial period of grief. Because again, things happen, things come up that remind someone of the person who has passed away.
00:09:43
Speaker
So continuing to check in goes such a long way. Additionally, when we are sad, when we are grieving, we begin to or can tend to isolate ourselves.
00:09:55
Speaker
So even and especially in the long run, remembering to continue to include that person in social activities. But, you know, don't be understanding if they decline. But community is important, especially in times like these. So remembering to include them as much as possible goes a long way.
Creating a Supportive Environment
00:10:13
Speaker
Things to remember as well if you are in a situation where you're helping somebody through ah difficult time, someone who is going this through the grieving process, is to remember not to rush it.
00:10:25
Speaker
You know, don't be the person who's saying to stop crying. you know, create a welcoming, and non ah non-judgmental space around the grief.
00:10:38
Speaker
remind them as well that it's okay for them to be grieving because that might be a difficult thing because a lot of us, we might already be judging ourselves for how we feel and how we're experiencing or expressing grief.
00:10:51
Speaker
So being that nonjudgmental space, that safe space can go a long way.
00:10:58
Speaker
Avoid comparing their loss to others people like other loss, like the loss of others, because it's unique. It's all different. Like, Can you still be empathetic?
00:11:09
Speaker
Yes, but it's not the same. Additionally, don't minimize their loss with phrases like they're in a better place now, like it's going to be okay.
00:11:22
Speaker
And things like those are very common things to say. Like I get the the urge to say those things, but I would advise against it. for the most part, because especially if it's like a fresh thing, like like it just happened, it's just like, but like what you're saying means nothing.
00:11:42
Speaker
Like I'm still in so much pain, you know? So I would, maybe that one is like dependent upon the situation, but something to think about.
00:11:54
Speaker
again, just to reiterate, Never pressure the person to to move on or keep pushing forward, especially within the American context. Societally speaking, we already have that so much.
00:12:06
Speaker
So to experience that in an interpersonal scenario, mm-mm.
Resources and Concluding Remarks
00:12:10
Speaker
So messed up. So well make sure to allow the person to just go through their grieving process naturally instead of rushing them back into quote unquote normalcy because I'm pretty sure their job is making them go back to work in like two days anyway where they have to pretend to be happy and fine.
00:12:31
Speaker
Additionally, if you are experiencing grief, know someone who's experiencing grief, and maybe it's really intense or difficult to deal with, you can suggest that they do get counseling. and And I know this can be a touchy subject, so you want to go about it with a lot of sensitivity.
00:12:50
Speaker
But sometimes we do need extra help. So suggesting professional grief counseling, perhaps, if they're interested, There are definitely support groups as well.
00:13:02
Speaker
If they're a reader, maybe recommending books and other resources could be appropriate as well. Ultimately, there is no correct way to grieve and everybody's journey is different.
00:13:14
Speaker
The most important thing though is to remain consistent in your support, especially while respecting the other person's process. Because it might look different from yours. So judgment-free space and allowing the other person to express themselves fully and freely as well.
00:13:33
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in today. I know this episode was a little bit of a quick one. But if it resonated with you, definitely subscribe and leave a review. You can definitely follow me as well on Instagram, threads, and TikTok. I am at yourcoachmari.com.
00:13:49
Speaker
And if you are looking for any kind of support and trying to reach any goals, you need accountability or want to build some confidence as well, I am accepting clients so you can schedule your very own discovery call through the link in the show notes. And until next time, keep growing.