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Understanding Grief: A Comprehensive Overview
9 Plays2 months ago
In this episode of Growing with Sol, I dive deep into the complex and universal experience of grief. As someone who's recently faced unexpected loss in my own family, I wanted to share what I've learned both professionally and personally about navigating the grief journey.
I explore the multifaceted nature of grief, not just emotional, but physical, cognitive, and social as well. From sleep disturbances and physical symptoms to the way grief reshapes our relationships, I break down how loss affects us as whole beings.
This episode covers different types of grief, including anticipatory grief (when we're preparing for a potential loss) and complicated grief (when grief becomes prolonged and intense). I also touch on how cultural backgrounds influence our grieving processes and how we honor those we've lost.
Whether you're currently grieving, supporting someone who is, or simply want to understand this universal human experience better, this episode offers compassionate insights on learning to live with grief rather than "getting over it."
Join me next week as I dive deeper into the cultural aspects of grief and how different traditions honor and remember loved ones.
Healing isn't linear, and neither is grief. Honor your journey at every step 💕✨
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Transcript
Introduction to Marisol Moran and 'Growing With Sol'
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, beautiful people, and welcome back to another installment of Growing With Sol. I am Marisol Moran, a certified life coach specializing in self-esteem and confidence.
00:00:12
Speaker
The Growing With Sol podcast focuses on continual growth, healing, especially in these small steps that we take every single day. If you are looking to heal, to grow, and to connect with your true self, this is the podcast for you.
Client Invitations and Discovery Calls
00:00:29
Speaker
Additionally, i am accepting clients at the moment, so if you would like support in reaching your goals or building confidence, click the link in the show notes to schedule your very own discovery call.
Exploring Grief and Its Manifestations
00:00:40
Speaker
As you can tell from today's title, I am going to be focusing grief. So I just want to give a blanket trigger warning. if you are experiencing intense grief, I know that can be a difficult emotion to contend with. I'm going to be going into like types of grief and how it manifests in various ways.
00:00:59
Speaker
So if you feel like you're ready to talk about that in your grieving journey, then definitely stick around. If not, then maybe save this one for it ah later time. And when you're ready to process and face those emotions a little bit more head on.
00:01:13
Speaker
One of the things, or at least one of the reasons why I did want to talk about grief is because one, it's something that's come up with a client multiple times over the years. And it's also something that I have been witnessing and experiencing a little bit more recently as well. And given that, and and also like witnessing how people struggle with grief and how they struggle in In processing it, in accepting it, in living with it.
00:01:45
Speaker
Because I think that's the key when it comes to grief. I don't think it's ever something that goes away per se, but I think it's something that we truly end up having to learn to live with.
00:01:56
Speaker
And... I would say most of us struggle with that. So I really wanted to dig in a little bit more deeply and talk about it and perhaps how we can help ourselves and help others, which is going to be essentially the topic for this month. So let's go ahead and get into it.
Understanding Grief as a Psychological Response
00:02:13
Speaker
So in describing grief in and of itself, um I did do a little bit of research to give you guys a little bit more of a Clear definition of what it is, and as defined by the Gale Encyclopedia of Psychology, grief is a psychological, emotional, and physiological response to the loss or significant interruption of an important relationship.
00:02:42
Speaker
I would use the term relationship a little bit loosely, mainly because we can feel grief and loss over something that isn't necessarily a like a relationship with another person. I think we can experience grief and loss when you know for a variety of different things.
00:02:59
Speaker
It is definitely a natural response to any significant loss or change. So if you lose your job, as many people unfortunately have been,
00:03:13
Speaker
in in current times here in the United States, that that can lead to a huge spiral and depression, let alone grief and sadness in and of itself.
00:03:25
Speaker
So that's a huge loss and change that people can relate to that isn't necessarily the death or like an end of a relationship.
00:03:36
Speaker
Additionally, grief in and of itself can be triggered by a variety of different types of loss, like I just mentioned. So death, relationships, jobs, friendships is one that I like to include as well, because I think people in in society, in in the overall, i don't know what the, I don't know, maybe not, maybe zeitgeist.
00:03:55
Speaker
I feel like most people, when we talk about grief and loss and heartbreak, it tends to be in relation to romantic love. And i ah friendship, you know, the loss of ah of a friendship, i think, is a valid reason to experience grief.
Multifaceted Nature of Grief
00:04:13
Speaker
The thing is, grief is multifaceted, encompassing not only, you know, just emotional reactions, but like physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and physiological components as well, which we're also going to dig into.
00:04:28
Speaker
Additionally, clinicians and researchers have long known that for the vast majority of people, grief typically runs its course within two to six months and requires no treatment.
00:04:38
Speaker
So we have a trigger an event. Let's say you lose your job. And typically within two to six months, you're over that grieving process.
00:04:49
Speaker
And that's not to say that when you think back on that event, that you're not going to feel sad, but you're not going to have that intensity, that initial like guttural reaction of grief that you had six months prior.
00:05:05
Speaker
In dissecting grief a little bit more, there are different components to it that I've already alluded to, but I want to dig in a little bit more deeply, especially for those of us who might be struggling with grief.
00:05:16
Speaker
And we might be thinking to ourselves, well, it was a month ago, or maybe it wasn't that big of a deal, or like it can't still be affecting me. or like whatever it might be. And maybe you're not, you may feel like you're in a funk, but you're not recognizing that it's sadness or that it's grief because it's showing up in these different ways.
00:05:32
Speaker
So in terms of the different components of grief, you have emotional aspects, physical manifestations, cognitive effects, as well as social impacts. So naturally and most easily identifiable as someone who's experiencing grief or any emotion really is that emotional aspect.
00:05:51
Speaker
Because you have the sadness, you probably have anger, maybe there's fear. Like you can recognize your emotion more or less like readily. But there can be an array of emotions that we experience emotionally.
00:06:05
Speaker
in conjunction with grief. And that can be, like I mentioned, anger, perhaps maybe even guilt, intense sadness, naturally. Sometimes numbness, we might feel numb to something.
00:06:19
Speaker
Fear, anxiety, a sense of loneliness. I think that is a huge one as well. Perhaps even agitation and naturally shock, especially if something is not expected. and Perhaps this is where my own bias comes in because recently I did experience the loss of a family member and it came out of nowhere. So that shock just, it's it's almost like like you don't want to believe it.
00:06:47
Speaker
Like you don't, like it's it like you're almost like in denial at first. So if you're experiencing that as well, that's definitely a part of grief. In terms of the physical manifest manifestations, what can you expect to experience?
Physical and Cognitive Symptoms of Grief
00:07:01
Speaker
So sleep difficulties, nausea, chills or sweating. have increased or even decreased appetite. Muscle tremors are cramping. Temporary changes in vision or hearing.
00:07:13
Speaker
That's got to be so crazy to experience. Increased respiration and heart rate. That checks out. Digestive symptom issues. Extreme fatigue. You might have it alternating between like hyper alertness and like excess energy.
00:07:27
Speaker
And temporary decrease in coordination and fine motor skills. So when we are SADD,
00:07:34
Speaker
when we are experiencing grief, it's not just that emotional aspect that we so readily attach it to. It's like, we are one person, we are one system.
00:07:45
Speaker
And I know that often, especially those of us who are in this space, we are already familiar with that mind-body connection. But sometimes I think that Us as individuals, we as a society often forget that we are connected.
00:08:00
Speaker
So even though you might feel like that emotional part of the grief is gone, or maybe you're like pushing through it because you have to keep trucking on, which I am going to be discussing in later episodes, you still have these physical symptoms. You're like, why is this happening? Why am I feeling like this? Why am I in this rut? Like what is going on You're sad.
00:08:19
Speaker
You're experiencing grief. And even though emotionally you are shutting that off, it's manifesting in these physical ways. With that as well, like we talked about before, there are cognitive effects.
00:08:32
Speaker
And what can that look like? So when you're experiencing a lot of grief and you say that you think you've processed the emotional part, but you have these physical manifestations, but then also on top of that, you might also be experiencing the cognitive effects, which That can look like impaired to memory and concentration, unwanted or intrusive thoughts about the lost, nightmares, diminished judgment, feelings of detachment, frequent replaying of positive memories of the lost one, a feeling that the grieved individual might walk through,
00:09:05
Speaker
at any moment. So like the person's going to like show up, like, you know, it's kind of I feel like that's almost like the denial that I was talking about earlier, but like that person might walk, might walk through with the door at any moment. And then also more clearly the denial of the loss.
00:09:18
Speaker
And that's all part of the grieving process. And I just feel like It's in when we are experiencing these things, especially this cognitive aspect, I feel like this tends to come up and really come to light and present to most people who are grieving because you start to question yourself, especially if you're no longer feeling that like intense emotional reaction, but you're still having these more cognitive effects. You're like, why am I doing this?
00:09:47
Speaker
Why am I thinking about this person? Like, why does it feel like they're going walk through the door at any moment?
00:09:54
Speaker
Because you're still sad and you're still grieving. and I think that we often forget or don't realize that this is an effect of grief.
Social Impact of Grief
00:10:04
Speaker
And frankly, for a lot of us, just part of the process.
00:10:09
Speaker
The social impact that can happen when it comes to grief and loss is specifically in changes in relationships and interactions.
00:10:19
Speaker
If you are experiencing a lot of grief, it can be very difficult to relate again to other people, it can be it can be difficult to show up for other people, to show up for your friends, to show up for your family, because you're just so grief-stricken. Like, what are you supposed to do?
00:10:37
Speaker
How are you supposed to even pretend to be happy? Because I feel like often when it comes to social interactions, We have this thing, at least in American culture, where if we're interacting with other people, the other person is expecting us to be happy. It's kind of like we ask, oh, hey, how are you doing today? Like the answer is fine.
00:10:58
Speaker
Like your mom could have died yesterday, but the answer to the question is you're doing fine. You know what I'm saying? It's that mentality within American culture. So when it comes to like the social impact of grief, It changes how we are operating within relationships and how we are executing or interacting with other people.
00:11:18
Speaker
But like we talked about in the beginning, eventually that does go away and you are able to go back to like normal operations within those two to six months.
00:11:27
Speaker
Now, to talk about the types of grief, because, again, it's not just grief in and of itself. like There are multiple iterations
Anticipatory Grief
00:11:37
Speaker
of it. And to talk about two of them that I have experienced and witnessed and also like worked with people with a little bit more is anticipatory grief as well as complicated grief.
00:11:51
Speaker
Anticipatory grief, I feel like it's a little bit self-explanatory, especially for all of my girlies out there who are overthinkers, perhaps you might relate to this one. But anticipatory grief is the type of grief associated with situations where the loss of a loved one is impending, as with terminal illness, for example.
00:12:09
Speaker
I would even say that anticipatory grief can also be applied to other types of situations or other types of loss. So So this is one that I have definitely been witnessing and somewhat experiencing, especially as ah Latina in the United States. Like, like there have been so many conversations with my own family, let alone within our communities here. of do Do we need do we need to leave this country? Like, is is it not safe for us to be here anymore?
00:12:44
Speaker
And having to then come to that, face that, that potential reality of whatever hopes and dreams you had for yourself in this country may no longer be possible.
00:13:00
Speaker
And having to potentially let that die to go back to wherever your family was originally from and have to then create a new life for yourself. you have to let your hopes and dreams and your current life die to potentially create another life for yourself that you don't know what the hell it's going to look like.
00:13:20
Speaker
And the thing is, that hasn't happened. I'm still here in l a Like, you know, ah but there's, there's that, but but when you really stop to think about something like that, there is that sadness that comes up, that bubbles up to the surface because it's not because, oh my God, I've been wanting to move to Mexico and live there for such a long time. Like that was never my dream.
00:13:46
Speaker
But if that has to become my reality, it's not because like I want it to be. It's because circumstances are dictating. That's probably the safest decision. Now, at the present moment, who knows?
00:13:58
Speaker
Who knows if that's going to be something that actually takes place? All I know is ah have a decent understanding of history and current events, and I don't like it.
00:14:09
Speaker
I don't like the patterns, but we just keep paying attention and keep trucking on, you know? But in terms of anticipatory grief, that's one example of how I've been experiencing anticipatory grief and also witnessing anticipatory grief because You know, that's a difficult thing to contend with. And it's been coming up with family lately.
Complicated Grief and Professional Help
00:14:30
Speaker
In terms of complicated grief, which is essentially a prolonged, intense grief. So if grief tends to last two to six months, this is going to be longer than that.
00:14:42
Speaker
We're still dealing with intense grief past that six months.
00:14:48
Speaker
So complicated grief, as defined here, is ah bereavement process that exceeds either in duration or intensity the typical grief experience. Individuals with complicated grief reactions often report a heightened version of the typical grief symptoms, sometimes lasting many years.
00:15:07
Speaker
I just stopped to think about how difficult it must be to live your life if you are experiencing complicated grief.
00:15:16
Speaker
Like it's already difficult to go about your life when you are experiencing sadness and grief within that like two to six months range. Now multiply that, you know, by however many years perhaps.
00:15:33
Speaker
So if you if you are experiencing intense grief and and it's been and or like prolonged grief like that for past six months of something, this might apply to you. And it's something to really consider, especially if it is impeding your life. And I know that we all experience and experience grief differently. manifests differently.
00:15:58
Speaker
at the same time, if you're experiencing an emotion so much to the point that it's impeding a natural, like healthy progression of your life, that is time to go speak to somebody.
00:16:15
Speaker
That is time to get help. Because i want to emphasize there is nothing wrong with experiencing sadness or experiencing grief. But it if it is impeding your day-to-day life,
00:16:30
Speaker
you need to go get some extra support.
Living with Grief
00:16:35
Speaker
When it comes to grief, and one of the reasons why I wanted to dig a little bit more deeply into grief is because I don't think grief ever goes away. Okay?
00:16:47
Speaker
Like, one of my uncles passed away 2021, believe, because of COVID.
00:16:56
Speaker
To this day, i feel sad thinking about him. I'm thinking about that he's passed away. I'm thinking about how, like I'm never going to see him again. That makes me so sad.
00:17:10
Speaker
Like a out could cry right now. But that doesn't impede my day-to-day life. You know? Especially because that was back like like four years ago now.
00:17:21
Speaker
Which sounds crazy. That I haven't seen this uncle in like four years.
00:17:30
Speaker
But I still go about my life. I can still experience happiness and hopes and dreams and and plan for the future and then all these wonderful, amazing things for my life and with my friends and my family and and all of that mochi.
00:17:44
Speaker
But that doesn't mean that i no longer feel sadness when I think about the loss of this person. So I truly believe that it's okay, that it doesn't mean there's something wrong if you think about someone who has passed and feel sadness.
00:17:59
Speaker
even if it's been years. That's not what I'm talking about when I'm talking about complicated grief. With that, it's something that is more impeding of your day-to-day life and much more intense than just like a momentary like a remembrance of that person or thing or what have you.
Cultural Expressions of Grief
00:18:17
Speaker
Another thing that I'm going to touch on here, but definitely go into a little bit more later on, I think in in next week's episode, is cultural aspects to grief.
00:18:29
Speaker
And I definitely want to talk about this because this is something I experienced a little bit with my client because I am Latina. I am Mexican-American. My client is not. So when we were talking about grief and how to process it and how we deal with it and like how we...
00:18:47
Speaker
go about remembering and honoring the the loved ones that we had that have passed away. i was like, hmm, do other people not do this? Like it just like it like for me. OK, that's the thing. Ask somebody who studied anthropology.
00:19:00
Speaker
OK, like nerd hat on. The thing about culture is that culture is the thing that takes place that we do not even realize. So when we're talking about culture, like when culture is so like embedded into who you are, into like your daily life and practice, like you don't even realize that it's a cultural subjective thing. Like you just think that's how things are. And I had that moment speaking to this client about how we go about remembering and honoring the people of past.
00:19:31
Speaker
And I was just like, hmm, you don't do this? You don't have like a thing? Like, obviously, as Latina, we have de los muertos. And that's one huge holiday dedicated to remembering the people who have passed. And we have a lot of traditions and, like, things that we do to honor them on that specific day.
00:19:53
Speaker
But even when it comes to, like, other things that... is like ah normal, at least within how I grew up with like my family.
00:20:04
Speaker
Like it's like, huh, maybe other people don't do this. So when it comes to cultural aspects of grief, there are different cultural expressions of grief. There are different mourning rituals, different traditions around it.
00:20:17
Speaker
And culture can very much influence the grieving process. And perhaps for other people, how you express grief and how you remember the person who has passed is different than from ah another type of like cultural expression and norm.
00:20:38
Speaker
So i definitely think that it's possible to recognize that perhaps maybe the cultural norm for you isn't going to be like what you need the most in order to truly process and find a way to like live with that grief.
00:21:00
Speaker
you know Do you see what I'm saying? I'm not saying to culturally appropriate, just to be 100% But am saying but what i am saying is that perhaps it's important to have an open mind and that, oh, like maybe like this type of like emotional expression is what I'm going to need in order to truly learn to live with this grief versus perhaps like shutting it down and like moving on and like pushing forward and maybe creating your own ritual and your own tradition
00:21:37
Speaker
around that grief. Now I'm being a little bit vague because I'm going to get into this in much more detail in next week's episode because part of me is still like, because I've been thinking a lot about how grief and loss is processed and expressed and different traditions around mourning.
00:21:58
Speaker
and then also Me thinking like what's just normal and obviously like what is done when somebody passes away and how you continue to honor them. But then also realizing that like I feel like all of my references are also from Latinos and from like Mexican-Americans, even in like media and stuff.
00:22:18
Speaker
So I'm huh, what is going on here? i Am I living in a vacuum? But anyway, definitely think about your own cultural traditions around grief and are they fulfilling in terms of actually allowing you to express and experience and process the grief that you may be experiencing.
Individual Grief Experiences and Support
00:22:39
Speaker
All in all, grief is as unique as the individual experiencing And and There is no necessarily like a normal way, quote unquote, to experience grief. Because when we all deal with it, it's going to manifest differently.
00:22:58
Speaker
You're not going to experience every single thing that I listed earlier in the episode. It might look a little bit more unique to you. So take some time if you experience grief. Take some time to really sit with yourself and to reflect on how you've been feeling and how you've been experiencing it.
00:23:15
Speaker
And then if there's anything you can do to help you better process it, including potentially seeking some extra support.
Engagement and Social Media Interaction
00:23:24
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in today. If today's episode resonated, definitely subscribe and leave a review. It helps. Don't forget to follow along. You can follow me on Instagram. I'm at yourcoachmadi. And can go and get a lot more insights about varying topics about growth and healing on my platform. So there's Instagram or TikTok and even been on the threads now.
00:23:45
Speaker
All the same handle at yourcoachmadi. If you are looking for support, definitely know that I am accepting new clients. You can schedule your very own discovery call through the link in my show notes.
00:23:56
Speaker
And until next time, keep growing.