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WTF NEWS well thats new
13 Plays4 days ago
from brownies to rocks and the porn hub brakdown and the nsfw penis report
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Transcript
Introduction and Technical Glitch
00:03:00
Speaker
What is up everybody? harry It is Wednesday and it is What the fuck news? Happy hump day, everybody. It is. What the fuck Wednesday? That's too, but it's also hump day. Fuck you. ah um i' I'm getting rid of hump day. It's no longer hump day. It's just what the fuck Wednesday. Oh, you know what?
00:03:25
Speaker
I'm taking over. I really hate to fucking agree with you, but I'm kind of in. You know, let's God damn it. I'm not giving up. I refuse to give you the win, but. yeah spoken So we do have some stories. I have some really good ones. How are you doing today, buddy?
Recording Setup Evolution
00:03:44
Speaker
I'd be great if I could fucking hear you. And it's not on your end. It's on my end.
00:03:48
Speaker
Hold on, one second. You're dominating. Well, yeah who so so we are running a little bit late because somebody has a computer that was running on like two dead gerbils that he's having a Snapchat and you're like, dude, I've been trying to get in the studio for five minutes. Nothing's working.
00:04:13
Speaker
mother fucking look care my day let me tell you buddy yeah um yeah thinking you're having a bad day just remember grizz's computer runs on a dead je ah do not roam you're really not at the end of the day i dude this this this thing i mean It's a great laptop. I got to give it credit. It's it's you know You know, it's, it you know, and that that goes for all our laptops, you know, when you think about it. When I started, when we started this show, or these shows, I was using a phone, and then I went to a shitty laptop, and then I bought another one, and I'm on my, I think the second or third one. It's one of those things, like... No, but we'll probably hear about it.
00:05:04
Speaker
yeah Yeah, no, um yeah, the the amount of- The amount of stuff that goes through our laptops, it's ridiculous. So, you know, doing what? You do like, what, five, six shows a week? I do three or four, depending on the ah week, sometimes five. So, you know, and I have every thumbnail, every photo we've ever shown over the past six months. I have on this computer.
Merch Plug and Interview Announcement
00:05:29
Speaker
I don't get rid of that stuff.
00:05:31
Speaker
Because I'm like, I'm going to use this again. And then I forget that I have it and make it again. If you get anything on that, I can't simplify it. I'm just waiting right here at my desk. Oh. I'm just saying, I wanted something big and comfy to wear. She's calling you sloppy, dude. you that's That's what I heard. She's calling you to sloppy. i couldn't meet
00:06:14
Speaker
added stuff to it yet but nonsensical-nonsense.myspreadshop.com so you can get all our merch and uh so we can actually do better content maybe or more because that's all we need anyways are you there sir are you is nicky done talking i'm gonna take that as a no don't forget monday's well tomorrow uh tomorrow is Glick's house of music uh because we did a switch up this week because Glick's guest uh couldn't get away so he's doing tomorrow with his guest uh as soon as he unclicks unmutes himself and lets me know who he's interviewing because I'm sure he's told me but I don't listen um but yesterday we did of course uh Jeff's garage yesterday we were talking about that van life who are you interviewing tomorrow sir
00:07:10
Speaker
um
00:07:14
Speaker
Fuckin drink, that's what I'm about to interview is fucking Miller like It's only Wednesday. Go for it. Yeah, you know the rules the rules of day drinking It's 2025. It's almost 20 25 those are outdated Yeah, it wouldn't be it wouldn't be day drinking. It's it's nice. Well, you know what I mean. It's it's five o'clock somewhere and throw your packages i I don't even know what the fuck I ordered. That's tomorrow's project. but
00:07:45
Speaker
um Yeah, tomorrow night I will have, um as I said, my my show continues to grow worldwide. Yeah. You know, some people interview one band and think they're big shit.
00:08:03
Speaker
I continue to grow my interviews worldwide, and I'll be joined by... I heard shots fired. I'm just... there I will be joined by Holy Oath from Canada. Holy Oath. Excellent. Excellent. Yeah. Yeah, you were originally going to do it yesterday, but, of course, you needed to reschedule, so...
Quirky News Stories
00:08:23
Speaker
ah And it was on the one week that Blaze and I decided to do a Jeff's Garage. So we switched up the days. Yesterday, we did... See? Day drinking.
00:08:33
Speaker
Benji, you don't have time to day drink. All you do is work. Of course, we did the... I wasn't going to say anything. I like this shirt. I mean, I've seen it as soon as he popped out, but I'm like, this motherfucker in the goddamn clothing section. It's actually an old work shirt for when I used to work for Mexican travel.
00:08:59
Speaker
Anyways, um, you're so you're not wearing a ladies shirt tonight. I have the cutest story for you, sir. I have pursued like find it. Well, this is, I find this cute because there is a town. Um, and I had it here. Where did I put it? Did I lose it?
00:09:29
Speaker
Oh, it's going to drive me nuts.
00:09:35
Speaker
OK, well, I haven't written down, luckily. So there's a town in in Oregon, and they're pleading with their residents because they're they're in a bit of a situation. Someone keeps putting in googly eyes on all their statues around town, and they're asking everybody to stop doing it. I have a picture.
00:09:58
Speaker
I find that the fucking cutest thing ever.
00:10:03
Speaker
it happened They're apparently saying it's costing the town money because these Google AIs, you know, the glue that's on them, what you mix it with the weather and and metal and They have to be cleaned. And I'm like, yeah. Oh my God. So you, so you get some goo gone and you take it off. Yeah. I was like, get over yourselves. I buy that hilarious. I mean, dude, I, I'm kind of mad. It's not one of us because this looks like something we would do.
00:10:39
Speaker
Yeah. They, uh, they, um, had to tell their, um,
00:10:46
Speaker
Lazy-ass city employees to get up off their ass and whole new makeup. So we goog on Yeah But but yeah, I thought that was cute. That's the the cute story I have today I'm here for what the fuck. Well, I have the ultimate what the fuck so in New York Now I'm not a fan of New York. You're not a fan of New York
00:11:15
Speaker
same not the the The politics of New York, we'll put it that way. Yeah, I mean, yeah but there's some like I have no problem with New York itself, but. There's certain people in New York, they're they're just straight up assholes. There's some beautiful parts of upstate New York and well, this is New York City, New York City is not too bad to visit. Well, you know, obviously we've heard we everybody's heard about the CEO that got on alive.
00:11:45
Speaker
Well, a cat busted in his ass and for good reason, uh, another CEO kind of went viral for a, for revenge that was taken on him. So this asshole, and i it doesn't say which company he worked for. Um, but he, he stopped all the bonuses.
00:12:10
Speaker
the Christmas bonuses for his employees and then went out and bought a $250,000 Lamborghini. Well, Lamborghinis have sunroofs. So the at least 10 employees went and got laxatives and ate the laxatives and shit in the sunroof. Yeah, not worth it. And then they all resigned, the entire company resigned.
00:12:40
Speaker
Uh, he, he then took the, took the Lamborghini back to the dealership and after spending $1,500 to get it cleaned and Lamborghini's like, yeah, it doesn't work like that. We saw the story. You're keeping it. Yeah. It's yours now, jackass. Speaking of returning cars, did you see that video or hear the story about the guy who tried to return what looked like his little Kia SUV and the the car dealership was like, yeah, no, that's, we don't.
00:13:09
Speaker
We don't do returns here buddy. So he was like i fuck you that did it. He drove the son bitch Like like i first I saw the first video and I was like what wasn't there and there was no context and Then I found out that you know what happened I don't blame the guy because there is a such thing as a lemon law. But yeah this CEO uh, he he You know after canceling these Christmas bonuses everybody shitting in his Lamborghini and for some reason it doesn't want to scroll, I don't know why, or I can show the picture of the car, but he then pulled out a major media blast trying to hire people. And the people he hired is a group of women that they literally go in and destroy companies where they'll literally go to work and then do yoga all day or play on their phones. And then when stuff's not getting done,
00:14:08
Speaker
The boss comes to him and they're like, hey, this, oh, I don't know how to do that. Nobody can show me how to do that. So whatever company this guy ran is going under, but ah Robbie Witt is the narrator of the story. It doesn't say the name of the the owner of the car, but beautiful black Lamborghini, completely was destroyed because this guy's an asshole. And I'm not mad at it.
00:14:38
Speaker
Don't be an asshole is the moral of the story. I agree. um So there is a a viral story about a pattern and this one and I have a question for you. I know you don't get on planes.
00:14:56
Speaker
But a story went viral the other day about a, you know, this is, you know, it's it's that season time of year where everybody's traveling. So this guy gets on a plane and he's paid extra for his window seat. So he'd have a view and this woman gets on the flight and she's got a kid with her and kids starts losing their fucking mind.
00:15:22
Speaker
because the kid doesn't have a loop, pass your seat. And the woman asked the guys to say, can my kid switch seats with you because that's the only way we're gonna be able to calm her down. And the guy was like, fuck you, I paid to extra for this seat. And this woman's mad because he wouldn't give up his seat.
00:15:41
Speaker
And I'm not mad at him at all. That's exactly how I said. I was like, you know what? Maybe if you didn't call your fucking kid and when freedom the way we were treated as kids, where you complain, you get a out handful of out back and your kid wouldn't be such an asshole. ah There's there's yeah arguments on both sides of the story. ah Yeah, it's a simple fact of the matter of discipline your fucking little feral fuck.
00:16:09
Speaker
and tell them life's not fair. They're not always going to get what they want. And I ain't mad at the homeboy. Like, ah first of four, fuck you. Like, yeah, I paid extra for the seat. You know, I requested to see if your fucking little retarded mongoloid child had to have a window, you should have paid extra for a window.
00:16:28
Speaker
Exactly. And this lady was like, you know, she went full Karen. I don't understand why you can't give my kid the seat because I paid for this seat. If you want to understand why you, yeah I don't understand why you reproduced you and your failed abortion yeah somewhere else.
00:16:41
Speaker
but one hundred percent I have zero sympathy for this woman because like, I know you and I know me. If our kids whine and bitch and about something they didn't get that let's be honest, trivial.
00:16:56
Speaker
yeah Tough luck shit deal with it. Yeah, that's that's and and keep complaining you're gonna get a You know, you're gonna get what's for life isn't fair Exactly, and I tell my kids that all the time, you know, what life's not fair sometimes Somebody shits in your Lamborghini. You got to just deal with it answer your question there Pickled pecker I'm sure every Lamborghini owner is an asshole, just like BMW. Not necessarily. No, no, not necessarily, because you got to understand Lamborghini is getting to the point where, you know, I like it. We make enough money on fucking YouTube and shit. We can buy Lamborghinis. Well, I mean, granted, we're assholes, but for different reasons.
00:17:42
Speaker
Yeah. I, it'd be a cold day at hell before I ever bought a fucking Lambo. Oh, well, however, the Lambo LP six, six 55, which is the Hummer version. That thing's cool. It's made in 88. It looks like a Hummer, but it's a Lamborghini. Yeah. Again, I'm, I'm, I'm good, man. I like, you know, that there's, there's that conversation that we've had a million times over again.
00:18:09
Speaker
I am not all about flash. Yeah. I know, you know, like you are, you want something about flashy and obnoxious. oh I just want fast. Obnoxious. Yes. and i I'm perfectly happy and content in the fucking picture. Oh, no, I'd have that too. Um, I mean, I'd rather go spend 200,000 on a on a pickup done exactly the way I wanted it as compared to one and spending 3 million on a fucking Lamborghini and I'm not going to be able to drive it. Yeah, but you also know, I'm like, I'll just buy a $500 S10 and put $10,000 in it, you know you know, and make it fast and loud and obnoxious. So I think, you know, I read this story and I thought this was you for about 30 seconds.
00:18:58
Speaker
And then I realized this guy's a business owner, and his name's Ted, so it couldn't be you.
Unusual Personal Stories
00:19:04
Speaker
And he also lives, I just saw it here. He lives in Virginia. Ted Pelkes built something. Well, yeah it wouldn't surprise you. So Ted Binsky's has a, he he has a recycling business, you know? he Kind of like, ah you remember Milliron recycling from you know back in our day? It's basically a recycling center. Well, he has it yeah in a spot and he wanted to move the place because he bought a big property that's zoned for it. And so he can, you know, and he owns the property, so he doesn't have a rent, blah, blah, blah. And he's been waiting eight years for the city to grant him the ability to doler do so. ah It's in Westford, Virginia. So,
00:19:57
Speaker
He got creative. And I'm trying to find it. There it is. I'm going to show you a picture of what he did. And this is why I thought this was you. um Because he has a 16 foot pole on his property. And what he put on the top of said pole with lights.
00:20:17
Speaker
to get attention because as he stated in the interview I can sit out there and scream all day and nobody will pay attention but this is getting the town council's attention and I think they're gonna fold because he did this. Is a seven foot tall middle finger carved out of wood that weighs 700 pounds. ah oh yeah This guy's my hero.
00:20:41
Speaker
i more ah and He's been waiting Uh, so here it is. It's a seven foot tall wooden carved middle finger statue mounted on a 16 foot pole. Uh, and it, you know, it's, it's Westford, Vermont, Sir Vermont. Uh, he's been waiting a decade and the town refuses to give him a building permit to relocate his recycling business into his own commercially zoned property. So.
00:21:13
Speaker
you know, he's like, they can't do anything about it because it's on his private property. the and But it's getting attention and the rest of the citizens of town are getting mad at the town council because this guy's had, he's lost over a million dollars that he's had to pay out and rent over the past 10 years for his recycling center because they won't let him move it onto his property.
00:21:43
Speaker
So I thought that's once again, giant carved middle finger. I was like, just click living for mom. ah and and Yeah, that's and that's the only thing. Like, why are we? Why? why I don't know, man. Like, why? Why is the city fucking with him that hardcore? And like just give the man his fucking permits. He's trying to fucking recycle. He's trying to do something good. Right. ah You know, everybody wants to freak out about global warming and pollution. and why nobody everything else Yeah. This guy's trying to recycle and do good for mother earth. And they're like, nope, we're going to delay this shit. ruin your find no he's Well, he's, he's already got the business. He's had the business for 20 plus years, but he wants to move it to a farther away than original. And I'm like, I don't see the problem.
00:22:41
Speaker
I don't see the problem. The town council is just being an asshole. It's just an abuse of power. But yeah, it's costing him over a million dollars in the past year or past 10 years to rent the facility he's renting now. But I think the reason why they're doing it is because he rents from the city. They don't want to lose that money. So it's like, you know, you know. I just think somebody's being a dick. I think the dude should run for mayor.
00:23:12
Speaker
um Speaking of a million dollars, a Romanian woman, and this is a couple of years ago, but I thought this was interesting. ah Chris, you know, when when when you prop something up in your house or like prop open your door, you actually go out and buy a door stop or you just grab a rock and you'll pop it in front of your door. This is whatever the hell I can find.
00:23:40
Speaker
Right? So a Romanian woman did just that. she She found a rock in her yard and she's been using it as a doorstop for 20 years. ah I got a picture of what it looks like. She's been using this as a doorstop for 20 years. Not just, you know, she didn't take to two two questions about it. It just looks like a rock, right? Apparently,
00:24:09
Speaker
No, it's a million dollar nugget of amber. Oh, nice. I thought you were going to say it's a turd from an airplane. So the stone was a great scientific interest, could be between 78 and a half to 70 million years old. And it's the largest of its kind in the world. And this woman's had it in her, you know, she's been holding up her, it weighs About 7.7 pounds. Damn. um And, you know, she's in Eastern Europe and she was like, yeah, forget it. I'll just, this is just to hold my door open. ah But yeah, she's been using it as a doorstop since 1989.
00:24:57
Speaker
i think And I bet that doesn't come into any comfort for the, you know, we all have those good and bad years. We're like, man, I could use a couple extra bucks. This bitch got a million dollars sitting right there. And dont know well also how much was it worth in the 85 compared to how much does it work to what it's worth today? Agreed. That's the, ah that's the kicker. they They don't really say, but it's one of those things. It's like, it's a, you know, it's a semi-precious stone. Um,
00:25:27
Speaker
And, but like, I didn't even know Amber existed. I didn't know what Amber was until I saw Jurassic park. So yeah. And that was 95. So, but yeah, I thought that was like, that's interesting. interesting yeah mean You know, at 85, when she found it, it might've been worth a couple thousand dollars or whatever. Now it's times gone on. I mean, I don't know how, I don't know. I don't know the appreciation or.
00:25:53
Speaker
i don't need them example for i you know I don't know how any of that stuff works, but I mean, if she's got kids or whatever. I mean, I'm sure she's up there in age. She found it in 85.
00:26:05
Speaker
oh Well, it's one of those things. She's in Eastern Europe and you know she probably lives out in the middle of um fuck Egypt. and she's like I need you know she's got a little hut or whatever not a house you know whatever nothing crazy it doesn't show up bigger than her house but you know she's just like hey bop hand me that rock I need to prop this door open oh you know this looks really cool we'll just leave it there and we'll use the prop over at our door in the summertime it million dollars I bet that breaks her heart
00:26:40
Speaker
but nice little, ah nice little, uh, uh, I've bequeathed my rock to you kids. Oh, you gotta think, you know, I don't, I don't know. I can't think of any jewelry that I would like you would give to somebody that would have Amber in it, but I'm sure it's used being a precious stone, but, uh, 7.7 pounds. That's a lot of rings.
00:27:10
Speaker
I'm assuming they make jewelry out of Amber. I don't know. Again, I don't know. matter I don't know. No idea. and And diamonds and. Yeah. You know, I don't. Ruby's emeralds, you know. Yeah. You know, Amber, not so much. I knew a girl named Amber once, you know. Yeah. She propped up a door or two in her time.
00:27:32
Speaker
ah Chris, do you like brownies? I mean, all right. Well, apparently a woman in,
00:27:45
Speaker
let's see where she's, she doesn't say where she's from, just from, she's in the States. So she found legendary Catherine Hepburn's brownie recipe. And she has, you know, she she's a worldly woman. We'll put it that way. Her name's Dewberry, is there a line? Cindy Dewberry.
00:28:10
Speaker
So she she found Catherine Hepburn's recipe. And you know this is something you can kind of find online or whatever, but I think she's had it for a long time. And so she found this recipe and she her her friend was in town. She tried one of her brownies. These are amazing. Her friend gets home and calls her up. Now her friend lives in Germany.
00:28:32
Speaker
And she says, hey, Sydney, can I get the recipe of those brownies you made? Sure, and not a problem. Here you go. Types it out, sends it off. Well, her friend calls her about a week later. These brownies don't taste the same as yours. And apparently, they get into the conversation about what she's doing wrong, whatever. So the lady in Germany says, well, I'm going to be in the US. How about I come over and you show me how you make the brownies?
00:29:03
Speaker
And I'm pretty sure that was a ruse, because the end of the story is the woman from Germany took off with Sydney's husband.
00:29:13
Speaker
I don't think Brownies had shit to do with shit. I don't think Brownies had nothing to do with it. But the woman from germany Germany came over, and next thing you know, the husband's like, I'm moving out, deuces, bitches, and took off with the German lady.
00:29:30
Speaker
i
00:29:34
Speaker
in the shot Okay. I'm sorry, but I'm going with the woman that can actually make the fucking brownies. I yeah mean yeah it apparently can't cook. You can't follow a fucking recipe. You dumb broad. Yeah. and And these women are in their fifties and maybe 60. It's not like they're spring chickens. Uh, you know, it's not like they're, you know, it's not like the girl that came over is 20 and the, the,
00:30:05
Speaker
Miss Danbury's is like 40. No, they're they're they're both in their 50s. So, but she stole a woman's ah husband and she blames, and I thought this was funny, apparently the woman, Jeremy, still can't get the recipe right. And she blames Sydney because she can't read a recipe apparently. You gave me the wrong recipe, so I stole your man. Now we're even.
00:30:38
Speaker
Joke's on you. He doesn't even have a job. im just yeah whatever Joke's on you. He can't fuck for shit. me
00:30:48
Speaker
Joke's on you. All he does is eat brownies. Chris, you and I have talked about this in the past. What is your favorite brand of jeans? Cookerboards. Well, agreed. But you're a lady-wise guy, right?
00:31:03
Speaker
yeah Wrangler Levi. I mean, I mean, just whatever fits. Yeah, more Wrangler than anything else. Well, um I'm sure this is an older story, but I i saw this and I thought this was cute. You've seen this picture, right? And let me show you. I forgot to screenshot it. So I'm going to pop this picture up here. I'm sure you've seen this picture.
00:31:33
Speaker
As soon as it loads, I don't know why it's taken forever. You've seen this picture in the news Yeah, I don't think I have so this is hold on let me find out the guy's name is Jimmy Cox Jimmy Cox, you know, he's he's a ah plumber and he works on a
00:31:58
Speaker
water pipe like like Water lights from the city to the house, youre your main, he works on main water lights. And he was working on a lady's house this summer, this past summer. And he, you know, something went wrong and he, you know, what holes for the water and old Jimmy, he didn't give a fuck. He just jumped in there and he's like, I got this shit.
00:32:23
Speaker
And the woman was like, that's a blue collar. That's a man you see there. And she asked him, is it okay if I take your picture while you're doing it? And she's like, yeah, because my husband will never believe it. She takes a picture, puts it on Reddit and Levi's jeans saw it and gave him a year supply, which let's be honest, that's like five years. But but a year supply of jeans. He, why would Levi's he was wearing Wranglers.
00:32:51
Speaker
Or maybe it was Wranglers. Yeah, you can tell by the patch on the back. That's what I saw. That's a Wrangler patch. Yeah, that's a Wrangler. Yeah, it is Wrangler. It is Wrangler jeans. Wrangler jeans. You know, they saw it on social media and, you know, Wrangler being, of course, blue collar. They're like, hey, that's our brand right there. So Jimmy became an un...
00:33:18
Speaker
ah Or Jamie. Sorry. Jamie became an un unusual spokesperson for Wrangler jeans. So they gave him a year's supply. Now, let's be honest. They gave me... I don't know. They didn't give a specific number. But I'm like, well, I wear jeans every day of the week.
00:33:39
Speaker
There's 365 days in a year, you know, I wear new pair of jeans every day. I need 360 jeans. Uh, that's what I would have said. I, they didn't say how many they gave him, but that, you know, dude was just a plumber doing his job and regular gave a bunch of jeans, man. Good for him. Yeah, man. I mean, I don't know what a year's worth of jeans are, but.
00:34:04
Speaker
Well, not me. Shout out to Wrangler. I've got two pair of Wrangler jeans in my closet that i had that I've had since high school. and I was going to say, I got jeans from high school. you but i mean Well, as you know, and and some of our viewers will know, regular jeans are great jeans. They'll last forever. But once again, they last forever. So a year supply jeans. They're also, there they're also cost efficient too. ah Walmart carries Wranglers. So you can get Wranglers, you know, at a good price and they're going to last a while. So you definitely, definitely get your money's worth out of them. No questions asked.
00:34:45
Speaker
Well, on that note, we're going to take a real quick break. And I got a couple more stories after that. And then I know you got a long diatribe of stuff. So we're going to do, you said Derek Wayne Douglas did Rush here? Yeah. Okay. So we're going to play that. We're going to drop our cameras because this is only the audio. So we'll be right back with after this Derek Wayne Douglas Rush.
00:38:02
Speaker
That was rushed by Derek Wayne Douglas and I got my background up here and I moved everything around. So that was rushed by Derek Wayne Douglas. Welcome back everybody to what the fuck news where we're talking about all the news that is news is making. Hey, what the fuck, pretty sad.
00:38:19
Speaker
ah don't forget everybody bio dot.link slash nonsensical network scrolling down there at the bottom of your screen and of course don't forget monday speedway stories cold-blooded conversations uh and eventually we'll get back to men caring for men once connor gets his schedule locked down usually tuesday's is glitz house music however this uh week tomorrow is glitz house music uh wednesday's of course is this show what the fuck news there will not be a show Well, there might be. We're not sure yet. It might be a show next week. um Maybe not because it's Christmas Eve or day or whatever. ah Thursdays is usually Jeff's garage once once I have a guest coming up soon ah that I'm actually trying to lock down times. but
00:39:08
Speaker
ah were we're We're looking at 26th, which is a possibility of course Friday's is nonsense and chill. Don't forget neck this Friday. We're watching scrooged with Bill Murray. I just rewatched it again. I Have mixed mixed feelings Saturday, of course cash is corner. You guys got one this week Now cash goes back to his mom Saturday. So it'll be Actually it'll be a hot minute. Understood. For good reason. Well, yeah, because we'll catch goes back to his moms and then when they came back here, we're going to PA. Right. The weekend, the weekend after Christmas. And then when we come back, so maybe about three weeks. Yeah, maybe about three weeks.
00:40:02
Speaker
And then, of course, Saturday night is nonsensical nonsense. The open door challenge. And if you got the balls, you can come up and say hi. And then Sunday, you guys got to show this Sunday on unnecessary roughness. Yeah, every Sunday. No, I'm just. I don't know what it's about. It's about football. I know. The fuse bomb, man. The fuse bomb. But so my next story, um,
00:40:32
Speaker
Click, you're about to get married.
Government and Corporate Misconduct
00:40:33
Speaker
Can I make a suggestion?
00:40:38
Speaker
Well, but no I guess it doesn't work for you because Nikki can no longer have children because they burnt it and all that shit. But Russia has a new position available. Well, they have a new a new um section of the government called the Ministry of Sex ah Basically, um due to the falling birth rate in Russia and aging population, low birth rate is raising, low birth rate and raising mortality. So the Kremlin wants people to have more babies.
00:41:18
Speaker
and have them fast. So they're floating some brilliant, I put that in quotes, ideas to make it happen. The new ministry is only the beginning of what couples, they want couples to be turning out the lights at 10 p.m. and getting to work. Get it on.
00:41:40
Speaker
Right? I think they should install a giant disco ball in Russia. 10 o'clock starts smoking. That's 70s porn on it. Like, you know. um But here's the kid. there's Here's where I think they're they're there kind of hitting the nail on the head. So if you do, you you know decide to get married and and have babies, ah women will get paid pensions to stay at home and not go to the office. They will cover hotel expenses for wedding nights and pay the bills for the first dates. And um i the only issue I have with this is like the government isn't enough stuff. do You really need them in your bedroom, but they're wanting people to have up to eight kids.
00:42:33
Speaker
Well, I mean, it is, uh, it is Russia. I think the government's already literally in everything else they do as it is. Well, you know, I think China's having the same issue. Just remember that for a long time, they had that one kid policy and now they got a bunch of dudes because nobody wants to have girls because the family name doesn't carry on. but la So they got all these dudes and no chicks. So they're running the same issue.
00:43:03
Speaker
This is not the first time I've heard about this issue. There's a whole, I found a list a couple of weeks ago. It was countries where women outnumber the men by like three women for every dude. And I'm like, when will we leave? Like two um governments are like, we'll let you have two wives. I'm like, I see zero problem. Except for,
00:43:31
Speaker
and And this is all of us, and I'm not saying this to me, but Glick, how many times have you gotten yelled at for one thing by your one woman? Now multiply that by two women or three, and you you leave up the door and say, you're fucking dead. Just fucking Anthony.
00:43:50
Speaker
I'd say hashtag worth it. But yeah, Rush is wanting people to have up to eight kids. And they're banning certain things that show a kid-free lifestyle, such as social media, ah internet materials, movies, and anything propaganda showing lifestyles without children. So like, I travel around in a bus with my wife and we don't want to ever have kids. Oh, you're banned.
00:44:24
Speaker
So there is that. But, uh, eight kids, can you imagine? Like you have three, I have three technically, technically, that I know of. Any more than that, I'd go fucking nuts, dude. Like three kids a lot. Eight is like, so we don't buy cars no more. We have to buy buses to get everybody to one location.
00:44:54
Speaker
So yeah, there's that. Yeah, no, I'm... I'm not down for it, dude. I'm down for, for you know, let somebody have more babies and, you know, keep the population where it should be going so we don't have it. Because right now, a lot of countries are experiencing a gap. You have, you know, 70, 80, 90-year-old people, then you have 20-year-olds. There's very few people in between.
00:45:25
Speaker
Mm-hmm and the 20 year olds like why don't we want kids? Uh, here's why you know Because in in 200 years there won't be people because you didn't have fucking kids somebody's no selfish Because you fuckers failed us all well what but here's the other thing You've met you've seen some of the we we've witnessed some of the stupid people on the planet Do we really want these people having kids? because We saw idiocracy. Stupid relates more stupid. ah This is ah true.
00:46:08
Speaker
so Stupid is as stupid does. Yeah. So a former Bank of America employee was arrested. This is in Florida. This is one of my Florida stories.
00:46:25
Speaker
Colorado's called Coral Springs, Florida I Want you to guess what this guy did because once again, it's Florida but Like I've done some really weird dumb shit But this guy's got me beat And I want you to think perv He had sex with some kind of animal No, he put cameras in the bathrooms
00:46:56
Speaker
Hidden cameras planted in the workplace bathroom at Coral Springs Bank of America branch was allegedly used for secretly courting females in play without their knowing it, according to police report. The report said that the camera was a cellphone concealed inside a black silicone glove, yeah that's not obvious, ah with a hole cut out for the camera lamps and positioned under the stall ah in hopes to record employees in in an employees-only restroom.
00:47:30
Speaker
Is that not allowed? Apparently not. I stole my idea. I'm just saying. ah So Juan Hurtos was arrested. He's 47, by the way. He's charged with video voyeurism. I didn't know that was a thing. I know what voyeurism is, but I know i didn't know he could be charged for it.
00:47:52
Speaker
um yeah dude what no but i like like i get it my my idea of voyeurism was like hey look there's a hot chicken yoga pants walking by i'm gonna videotape that he would never like i mean it's like i get it i'm a weirdo but i'm not i'm not i'm not let's hide a camera in the bathroom i mean it's still technically illegal if she has a problem with it because you didn't ask her permission it's public side i do not see those first amendment videos Don't get me started with both. not saying but But yeah, he's ah he's facing up to six years in jail, dude. Good on good on Coral Springs, Florida for arresting that guy. That's creepy. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying it's
00:48:48
Speaker
Right or wrong? I said not worth it, dude, because let's be honest, cameras aren't that good.
00:49:00
Speaker
So I got one more here. ah And I read this story, and it made me realize one thing. I'm glad I'm not dating.
00:49:14
Speaker
So a man men went out on a first date, this is in Atlanta, Georgia, went out on a first date with a woman and she ordered her food and he ordered his food. And then she proceeded to order 10 to go meals for her three kids because she didn't feel like cooking tomorrow. And ah even though she was on the date, she said, and I quote, my kids and I are a package deal. So he got up and walked out.
00:49:43
Speaker
Justified.
00:49:49
Speaker
That guy, that dude was justified. You know, just because you have three kids and you didn't tell me that when we met doesn't mean I'm going to support your kids on a first date. Yeah. okay that as i' was gonna that that's ah That's a bit much first date. That's a, that's a bit extreme.
00:50:12
Speaker
Right. um It's one thing if we've been, you know, if those are my so or have we've been ah dating for.
00:50:25
Speaker
You will definitely blend the day to 500 if you dress like me. There you go. If you go to a or drag show and you dress like Jeff, you will definitely fit in. Facts.
00:50:42
Speaker
Yes. But jackness no, I get it. It's not, it's like, I don't mind. Like if I'm out on like, I haven't dated in years, but if I'm out on a date and you're like, Oh, can I take the leftovers home to my kids? Yeah, sure. Go ahead. i But ordering 10 meals for three kids and they're not even there.
00:51:09
Speaker
Yeah, I'm leaving you at the table. You pay for that shit, bitch. I'm out. I do not agree. ah Maybe she doesn't even go out on dates. Maybe she used to stay home and take care of the kids. Well, that's the thing. I mean, there is a lot to ask for on a first date. Oh, by the way, I've got three kids, and they're coming with me, and you're fronting the bill for everybody. No, they weren't. No, but they didn't. The kids weren't even there on the date.
00:51:37
Speaker
The kids were at home with the babysitter. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And she owned many needles to go.
00:51:45
Speaker
So that she didn't have to cook the next couple of days. Oh, yeah okay. Yeah. you Even still, you know, you want, yeah. Like, you know. That's a lot to ask. Uh, you know, I'd be like, yeah, I'm out. Sorry. Yeah. I don't blame you. He did. He did. hit The video shows she was, uh, he was videotaping her ordering and he just is like, yeah,
00:52:07
Speaker
I can't walk down to that. I don't blame the guy. And I said, I don't blame him. Maybe don't date checks with 40 kids. I'm just saying. Background check kind of thing. I got one more. I mean, there's nothing against, you know. I don't like, hey, I don't mind you taking home the left over to me. We might have some nuggets so your kids got food tonight or whatever.
00:52:36
Speaker
why 10 meals to go for three kids. So you don't have to cook the next two days. No, no. Yeah. Like nothing against single moms. Like that's not a deal breaker that your mom and you have kids, but deal breakers, you think, you, you thinking that I'm thinking of me as an ATM.
00:52:52
Speaker
and I'm paying for our dinner and then 10 fucking meals on top of it on a first date, you're out of your mind. Why do three kids need 10 meals other than the fact that you're too lazy to cook for them? That speaks volumes as who you are as a person. and As a person and a mother. Yeah, I'm out the door, bitch. It has nothing to do with the fact that you're a mom. It's the fact that you're a fucking bum and you're a moose. Yeah, and I'm not a i'm not a fucking ATM. I mean, I'm not a fucking walking wallet.
00:53:24
Speaker
You know, and and, you know, once again, if you've been dating for like four or five years, okay, yeah, we'll get your kids food. I don't care. But first date, no, no, you're on your own. I'm out. yeah I hope you brought cab money because i'm I'm leaving. You're dating three or four years. You're already in step daddy stepdady territory. Exactly. So it's expected, you know? Yeah. Well, maybe not expected, but it's, it's, it's in that implied zone, you know?
00:53:55
Speaker
But yeah, I'm i'm out when you're where you're asking me to cover 10 extra meals. And you're, you know, this is a nice restaurant. You're you're talking, you know, 10 extra meals at like 25 bucks a piece. Yeah, no. On a first date, I did not budget for that.
00:54:13
Speaker
ah but by ah but that yeah Last one. So we've all used Lyft and Uber and stuff like that. A Lyft pasture was arrested after ah the driver found ah him naked in the back seat. The 48 year old pasture who has not been named was picked up last weekend on December 7th in Lakeland near Tampa.
00:54:44
Speaker
When the driver heard a strange noise from the back seat, he was then shocked to find the pastor taking off his clothes in the back of the vehicle immediately told him to stop the lift. ah shaha This guy's like, I had a feeling.
00:55:03
Speaker
It's called your rear view fucking mirror. like No, no, no. The guy the guy in the back seat, his response is I had a feeling it needed to be done. women Dude, you've been walking. You're a dude, I'm a dude. he he told us He told the police, I only got a little naked.
00:55:28
Speaker
ah And he was overcome with a feeling. A little naked dude was bare ass day you were born naked. Why i wouldn't you? Was he on drugs? was he Was he hammered? Was he just was this like a Tuesday afternoon guy was sober? Sober. He just had a feeling. I got a feeling. Hey, tonight's going to be. that that yeah that order Remember that old rock DJ song by who was it? Robbie Williams or he starts taking his clothes off and he takes his skin off. Same concept. That song comes on. I start taking my clothes, I guess.
00:56:08
Speaker
Uh, yeah, I mean, okay. I guess we just shot that up. Well, I barely carry on a conversation in a fucking book. That sounds like some dumb shit those two over at that, uh, that podcast out there would do just getting it over and get naked. I mean, i mean well they were still waiting yeah they they were still with us. Unfortunately, they're no longer of this earth. but rp guys AI doing a,
00:56:38
Speaker
Slightly below media. Good job ai it'll get better. You guys set the bar low for it. So yeah, they're doing about they're doing about average of what you guys did. Slightly below media. But yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a hell of a thing. You know, that show can keep going now, even though they had that tragic accident. But yeah, that's that's my news for today. um We're going to take a real quick break. We're going to play. What is it? The brawl reckless high.
00:57:09
Speaker
Um, you you interviewed these guys or you're up to or not. So, um Basically solo is reckless. Hi. I had him on last Tuesday, uh, last Tuesday. Oh, the the band is reckless. I, the song is called the brawl. Sorry about that. Yeah. Yeah. The band is called reckless. Hi. The song is called bra. I wish I could have got the video. It's a really cool video, but y'all go check them out at reckless high music everywhere. They're out. So he's on social media. He's everywhere. Go check them out. You can see the video for yourself. It is on the YouTube. Yeah. And we'll be right back.
01:00:17
Speaker
are oh
01:01:39
Speaker
There it is. That was reckless high with the brawl. I like that. That was actually really good. I like the taste of music.
01:01:54
Speaker
Okay. I never said you didn't, but whatever. Just put it out there for the people. Well, much like myself, you kind of listen to everything. So that's not a very bold statement. I'm just saying.
01:02:09
Speaker
um Now, I only listen to good music. I don't listen to everything. Okay. I listen to everything. I only listen to good music. I don't listen to Taylor Swift. I don't listen to Beyonce. That's trash. I have zero Beyonce songs on my phone. I agree. Feel a bit swifty and beehive. It's fucking trash music. I agree. And they're trash people. I agree.
01:02:37
Speaker
Don't forget bio.link slash nonsensical network. Jump on L our social media and send click a message beehive and in the Swifties. ah And don't forget while you're there, check out our virtual or nonsensical dash.myspreadshop.com. And if there's one section of people that I don't give a damn, if I hurt their feelings, it's the beehive in the Swifties. Oh no, I agree. Come at me, bro.
01:03:07
Speaker
Right? You know, we had that conversation a couple of weeks ago about how many 10-year-olds could you take out? I can take out all the Swifties. I guarantee it. It's a bold statement. Not really because, you know, if you look at them all, they just get offended and Nothing. Hey, Dad. What about?
01:03:28
Speaker
I mean, that's a that's a that's a really bold statement to make, because there are some pretty big dudes, you know, that like to mouth kiss other big dudes that are. so Exactly. you like i did keep their Boyfriend in the jaw. And now I don't have to worry about either one. ah You've messed up swift calls with Alabama fans. Oh, yeah.
01:03:51
Speaker
Well, that's another subset of people that I don't care if they if I offend. Yeah, but you have a little bit more respect for him because at least it's football. ah You're not really. I mean,
01:04:04
Speaker
ah lower football but it's the football at least i yeah i mean I might be able to muster it up some, an iota of respect because it is called football.
01:04:21
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, if you want to call that football, I mean, like I know. because i've actually here on football Just like fucking I'm GP, I'm going to get hit with GP anyways. However, I will say I know more about football than 90% of Swifty fans. I'm just saying. They're all football fans and they know more about football than anybody because they have their number 87 Swift jerseys. Yeah, that's right. Cause yeah. they They have Travis, they have Travis Swift jerseys.
01:04:51
Speaker
Did you see Travis Kelsey? There was a Travis Kelsey lookalike contest. It's not that hard, dude. You go, you gain 400 pounds and be six foot tall and throw a beard. It's not that. I mean, you know, because every dude that was in it looked like Travis Kelsey. I thought it was like, I didn't know he had that many brothers. Like every dude that was in the contest looked like him. You know, Travis Kelsey is a, you know, he, he's the good looking cat.
01:05:21
Speaker
But he's not an average he's he's an average-looking guy. I mean, you're nothing i i mean you know, obviously he has- He won the dating lottery. Let's be real. Well, and he has a crazy amount of talent and skill. Not bad for a Cleveland boy. Both them boys did all right for themselves. Travis and Jason. But what they would be as good as they are if dude wasn't Dayton Taylor Swift. Let's be real.
01:05:50
Speaker
Oh no, they he, I mean, he, he, him and his brother were still super popular before that. Yeah. but he's like Like I wouldn't have heard of them if they weren't, if he wasn't dating Swift. Well, that's cause you're not a football fan. That's what I'm saying. But now he's a household name because he's dating Taylor Swift. So the dude, let's be honest, the dude won the dating lottery.
01:06:14
Speaker
anybody else had want Taylor Swift. So it's like, it's a win-and-lose. Yeah, I wish the amount of people that copied us would translate into more followers and fame. We're not even that big. Why are you copying us? and as As somebody used to say, apparently it's jealousy.
01:06:42
Speaker
Imitation is the greatest form of flattery. yeah by mediocre people, by mediocre people who cannot achieve greatness. which just the same We're pretty fucking flattered. But yeah, you're up, sir. What stories you got for me? Well, I should have told you I'm the one first tonight. I got a big one here for you. It is the end of the year. And and it's become a custom here on, ah you know, when we started with nonsensical nonsense.
Pornhub Insights
01:07:12
Speaker
This is something that we do every year. It is the end of the year. and
01:07:16
Speaker
Pornhub has put out their year in review for 2024. They checked by search history and they're going to let you know what I'm looking at. Top searches, traffic, time on the site, popular categories, men versus women, the demographics. I mean, they really break it down here now. I'm not going to, I'm not going to do the full breakdown. If you guys want the full breakdown, feel free to go to, uh, pornhub dot.com or go into your Google box and just put it in pornhub.com 2024 year of review. I'm going to kind of jump around. Obviously, you know, the number one thing, one ah one of the big things that we do, the trends that defined 2024, uh,
01:08:03
Speaker
desires was number one. Uh, yeah. I guess there was that trend of like, look at me. I'm very demure. Yeah. tikok Searches rose 133% with mindful pleasure up 112%, mindful joy up 87% and mindful sex up 72%. And then all the other hashtags that go along with that. like min and Look at me. I'm demure minds. Tell me you're woke. Tell me you're woke about some of your woke.
01:08:35
Speaker
jesus ah place number five but like since thirty I want to respect her in the morning. The the number two is the secret the secret lives of Pornhub Wives. And these are basically the hashtags that are people instead of actually putting in a search, you're dropping a hashtag because now you can do that on Pornhub. You can just drop a hashtag.
01:09:04
Speaker
So you have like wife, amateur wife, traditional wife, trad wife, wife swap, wife threesome, cuckold wife, um Mormon th threesome. That could be fucking boring as hell. Yeah. while i i' not of I'm lay on this chick. You guys jump on the bed. Somebody's filming. Yeah. ah Number three, these are these are your these are the trends. ah Number three was co-worker crushes.
01:09:30
Speaker
Uh, sex in the office, workplace orgy, workplace fantasy, fucking a coworker. Just going to throw that out there. No, no need to sugarcoat it. Just fucking a coworker, a coworker, blow job, office affair, and cheating coworker. Uh, apparently people don't necessarily believe in the old saying of don't sit where you eat. Yeah.
01:09:54
Speaker
Uh, going for gold, uh, the 2024 Olympics K games had a significant effect on summer searches as well as porn homes per porn hubs worldwide traffic pattern. Uh, with, uh, sex Olympics, new Olympics, athlete, gymnastics, swimmer and volleyball. Uh, also, uh, in this category was a Paris branch and French hit the old hashtag and, uh,
01:10:24
Speaker
get what you get. Yeah, I get that because, uh, you know, you see all those gorgeous people in the Olympics and you're like, I'm going to look her up. I don't know if she's out of there, but somebody looks like her. I get that. Yeah. And last but not least, and this is the, this was just the top six or not. We have two more. Sorry. This is just the top six. This is where I've been saying from jump street. And I'll get to this here in a minute, but number five, uh, animated arousal, uh, Hintai anime.
01:10:55
Speaker
Animation Realistic animated gay animated and rule 34 animated Yeah Well rule 34 is anything that you can think of is already done in four Okay, they did that movie 43 Yeah, and last but not least coming in on six at the bottom of the trends still there but as I said And I think Bill Maher nailed it The only thing left for this dumb bitch to do is she should have just went straight to the porn and just Gone down that road and maybe OD'd by now. I don't know not that I wish death upon anybody But she's fucking obnoxious and she's not funny and she's not cute and in all honesty if I was in 50 feet of her I'd throw a brick at her face The hak'tua girl The viral sensation no the viral sensation resulted in 10 million hak'tua searches
01:11:52
Speaker
ah For related content influencing the popular terms like spit on a dick spitting and sloppy boat blowjob Hey Jeff spit on this dick I Don't know I might watch her in a form They break down each category. We're not going to worry about that. I just want to drop that little 2024 is most search terms.
01:12:26
Speaker
I think this is like a top 25 down at the bottom up 11. From last year teacher followed by BBW's. I'm a fan. They're up.
01:12:40
Speaker
They're up to plus two. Real amateur is up 10. Squirt is up four. Fan of the last three. We need a bet on something. What's the joy? I don't know what that is. J-O-I, joy. I'm not sure what that is, but that's up six from last year. ah P-O-V. Not a big fan of P-O-V. I'm not either. I'm not either. It does nothing for me.
01:13:06
Speaker
It's actually down three spots. 3D. There we go with that animated shit. It's up eight. Wife is up 12. ah BBC. Oh, J.O.I. is jackoff instruction. ye I've seen those videos. They're bullshit. It's a chick telling you how to jerk off. I've been doing it since I'm 13. I know what I'm doing, bitch. Yeah, I didn't even know that was a thing. I had to look it up. Blaze's favorite BBC is unfortunately down four this year.
01:13:38
Speaker
Gang bangs are down four as well. Jeff's favorite on the move trans is up five Ebonie blowjob is down five cosplay not if not I Am a fan not that wasn't gonna say not and ah Yeah, it it has its place Mm-hmm. It's up seven massage. This just, I get it, but they're kind of lame. Oh, I'm going to massage. Oh, now I'm naked. it oh Oh my gosh. Oh, yeah yeah why are you in touching my penis? Oh, okay. that's That's down to a big old Tata grandes. As the Mexicans say, the biggest fan, not the biggest fan. I am the bigger. than know you are Yeah. if If I'm as big as your boob, your boobs are too big.
01:14:35
Speaker
Again, on the rise, up 15 this year, there's animation. I don't know what's going on with animation, man, but people are into it. Some of those AI videos are pretty dope.
01:14:47
Speaker
I'm not, yeah I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with it. I'm just saying, but I've never been sitting here going like, I've seen them, but I'm not like rubbing it out to it. I'm like, it's more like a, wait, is this real? Oh no, it's, this is fake yeah um because there's no way in hell she can bend in that the position. Yeah, exactly. Uh, threesomes are down one. Uh, cream pies are up three. Stepmoms are on the decline. Last year they were all the rise. They were all the thing last year. Now they're down two.
01:15:16
Speaker
Still a mainstay, it looks like in the top 10. These aren't actually numbered. I'm just throwing numbers at the wall. But i still still there, man. And they're up three from last year. Asians. That's a mainstay. Oh, yeah. but That's never going anywhere. Down one. Latina. I'm calling it down. Down four. Japanese. Up four. Anime. There we go with the animation again. I don't give the anime.
01:15:43
Speaker
Yeah. I honestly don't. Up three big ass. I'm down for it. And and your in your top five searches, up one from last year, anal, down one from last year, lesbian, up two, Panay. Up lesbian. What is it? 2014? Come down. Yeah, Panay, which I believe is Filipino women. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:16:11
Speaker
and number one or number two and number one like it's it's Filipino and Thai yeah uh same as last year milk comes in at number two and fucking in Thai man number one again this year I don't get it we need to fix that for 2025 everybody starts everything but anime because it's not that good Yeah. Uh, we got the, uh, most search porn stars don't really care about that. Uh, there, everybody's a porn star now. Nobody really knows porn stars i was gonna say back in the day. Again, feel free to go ahead and look up porn hubs year in review 2024. And you can get all of this information. Uh, they've got amateur models in here as well. Again, everybody's an amateur porn star because they're on, dude, you've got X hamster live and find some porn stars.
01:17:00
Speaker
Technically, I'm a porn star. I have it. Yeah. Technically, it's soft porn. It's soft porn. You only blow this one day.
01:17:17
Speaker
That's not pro. You're not pro level. You got to get those numbers up, buddy.
01:17:27
Speaker
but
01:17:30
Speaker
Well, how much how much sex do you have on camera to be considered a pro once? Just once. I mean, I don't know. I guess if it goes viral. Oh, yeah. I have no idea. I don't have sex on camera. I'm not sure. Well, my my my thought is that's what he's doing. He signed his he signed his contract. Yeah, I am. Man, that would be like fucking porn to watch guy in his pajamas.
01:18:01
Speaker
Wow. like motor like You figure out how much you need to live each year. Like my fuck this many people on camera. I make this much, which means I'm making up money for the year. That's when you can become broke. Yeah, I guess. Well, uh, next category I got here for you is the most searched terms in the United States. Oh.
01:18:23
Speaker
This is the top 30 down all the way down at the bottom. Down three spots this year is mature. I happen to be a fan of the mature ladies. ah You know what? I'm not mad at it. The only problem is the older I get, the older I get. I know. Next thing you know, like, wait, it's 62 old? Yeah, a little Maybe I. Down four spots from Alaska. These are the most searched terms in the United States. Down four spots, Fic Latina.
01:18:52
Speaker
Um, down two spots, uh, squirting up eight wife up six again, Jeff's favorite transform. I see you've been watching a lot of it this year, buddy. You got your VPN. Where am I at today? Oh, trust me. VPN makes a huge difference in your board. Um,
01:19:19
Speaker
up Five spots is cheating down four spots blowjob down five gangbang public sex stays where it was last year POV down two spots again, and he'll be porn is he'll be it's I Mean, this is literally all you see. Yeah, it's literally yeah it's it's the selfie of porn. It's the selfie of porn. Let's be I'm shirking off instructions is up a lot of guys apparently need instructions on how to jack off and and Once again, I've been doing since I'm 13. I don't I knew I was doing something wrong. Yeah ah Up four spots again big fan BBW. It's kind of like a nomination thing that never even heard of it not at prison Down three spots
01:20:13
Speaker
uh, massage up 15. And this disturbs me a lot. And I, you know, to each your own, I'm not judging you. Whatever you're into, no judge you know, sweet. stone What is it? Uh, what, uh, star starfish thing. He got played on some ah white elephant thing they did in this class today. Um,
01:20:40
Speaker
Again, not white elephant gift exchange. My bad bro. Again, not judging t-shirt. No, they did't a white and they did a white elephant. if yeah You know what a white elephant is, don't you? No. so you So if you have a white elephant party, basically you say, we're going to keep the max at $20. Everybody go buy a gift for $20. You come in, you number the gifts or whatever, and then you draw a number.
01:21:06
Speaker
and say, you know, you get number five. Well, then unlike st santa you don't have a the yeah sos the next person there the next person that goes, they, whatever number they get, they go and they're like, Oh, I don't really like this, but I like yours. They could swap you. Okay. ah know So it's always best to go last. 100%.
01:21:27
Speaker
We did it a couple of times. Anyways, back to what we were talking about. Grown folks conversation. Out 15 again, not judging, not my cup of tea. It's really fucking weird to me, but do you boo? If this is what makes you happy, hurry. Yeah. Can't get into it. I've never watched one. I just, I don't understand the concept. Down two from last year, black. Just black. like all racism I blame racism. It's racism. Yeah. 100%.
01:21:56
Speaker
Here we go. Up 17, man. A big jump from last year. Animation. Animation? Yeah, 17. I don't get it. I don't get it. Down one from last year. You know, Tata grandes as the Mexicans say.
01:22:20
Speaker
You like my Spanglish. ah Down four from last year. Three sums up for Anna Mae. Stays where she was last year. Step mommy. Up two from last year. Anal. Down in one BBC. Down one big ass. Up three cream pies. That's on me. Down five from last year. Lesbians. And now into the top five. Staying where it was last year at five. Ebony.
01:22:53
Speaker
Asians move up two spots to four. Ebony and black that's the same thing. okay I mean semantics but but if it's up it's not tickly down. I'm just saying. Yeah I mean these are the search music search search terms.
01:23:11
Speaker
So maybe, maybe, maybe the decrease in searching black because like, Ooh, now, now, now I'm a sexual deviant, but I'm also racist. because racist right Yeah. Um, search in ivory. Damn it. Lost their number two spot in most search terms milk. And it was taken over by Latina. They moved up from four to two this year. And again, number one, at this point. Yeah.
01:23:42
Speaker
Coming in at number one, most search terms this year. It was up to from last year. ah hey Hintai. So you got Hintai, anime, animation, all basic. Again, semantics. It's all the same thing. I agree. You can put cart to at the end of the day. Yeah. But these are search terms. I don't get it. Get out of your mom's basement every once in a while. Yeah.
01:24:12
Speaker
um I'm judging on that one, and I don't care. Top relative searches for for for each states, except for the states that have banned Pornhub, Virginia, North Carolina, Kentucky, Indiana, ah Alabama. I bet your BPM sales are huge there.
01:24:42
Speaker
Texas, Oklahoma, North, South Dakota, um Idaho, Montana, Utah, these evolve. Anyways, Maine is looking up Harry Bush. I'm starting from the East coast and working my way across. Maine is looking up Harry Bush, New Hampshire, Enoma. Enoma? Enoma.
01:25:08
Speaker
Ah, Vermont. I've never seen that, but I don't want to either. Vermont is searching tattoos, not mad at them. Massachusetts, Face City, a bunch of assholes. Look at it. Face it. Rhode Island. and at Rhode Island, they're looking up weddings. All three of them. Connecticut. Connecticut.
01:25:35
Speaker
if Nice. Put on your Connecticut. Yeah, they love their pussy parts. New York, New York, Turkish. Really? New Jersey, new jersey irani Iranian,
01:25:57
Speaker
Delaware, mature, Maryland, girlfriend. You know how I know Pennsylvania is full of Amish people because their number one top search in Pornhub this year was naked woman.
01:26:09
Speaker
but They just got the internet there and the internet stuff you guys have been talking about. but look up taking win ah Go down to Florida, work our way up here. Florida was looking up Cubana. I get it. ah Georgia, Georgia, Ebony homemade, South Carolina, white BBWs.
01:26:40
Speaker
Lots of black guys down in South Carolina. You know, one thing about black guys, they do love Fatway with me. They do love Fatway with me. Tell me I'm wrong in the comments. Tell me I'm wrong. Yeah, in the comments, I'm real quiet because I'm right.
01:26:59
Speaker
tennessee is with yeah Tennessee is looking up chubby milfs. I'm with you, Tennessee. West by God, Virginia is looking up fat women.
01:27:10
Speaker
I can leave it to Ohio, leave it to Ohio, because that's what Buckeyes are, a bunch of cup holds. Really? You watch Michigan come in and fuck your bitches and hold your tiny wieners, don't you? Little faggots, little crybaby bitches, Buckeye fans. Don't you live in Ohio? But I'm not a Buckeye fan. That's not even doing your porn search.
01:27:39
Speaker
Well, that's buckeye fans. Are you saying Michigan fans in Ohio don't look up porn? OK. Well, I don't look up back at it. We don't look up the same porn. We have VPNs in Michigan. We don't look up what buckeye fans are looking up. And obviously, we all know buckeye fans are looking up cuckold, because that's what they are, a bunch of cuckolds. Michigan, however, is looking up amateur wives. Amateur wives. I'm not mad at that. I'm not mad at it. Louisiana looking up Ebony, BBW.
01:28:08
Speaker
Look up BBW. Why do you gotta segregate it, Louisiana? south carolina south carolina is using white I'm talking to you South Carolina, and Louisiana. Just put a BBW. You won't be disappointed. Promise.
01:28:22
Speaker
ah cool still a nice world I'm just saying. Illinois is looking up ASMR roleplay. That sounds fucking boring. Sounds like I'm gonna fall asleep. Wisconsin, they're weird.
01:28:38
Speaker
a Bunch of cheese heads are looking up pee. They're looking up our Kelly videos yeah um no I can't I can't I can't do it dude. I can't watch that. That freaks me up Missouri is looking up grandma or gilfs They're boring there what they're they're looking up work trip Good old, Minnesota We're looking at you. We're looking at you, Jeraviji. Futa Hintai.
01:29:21
Speaker
North Dakota, getting a little freak out with the lesbian strap on action. South Dakota, hot babes. Just hot babes.
01:29:34
Speaker
Way to narrow it down there, dork. Hey, South Dakota, I'm the name is you too. I talked to your big brother up north. Step up the name, bro. Wyoming is looking up homegrown. I'm not sure that's like amateur stuff. It's amateur, but it's like, it's, no, it's homegrown means a healthy, healthy one.
01:30:04
Speaker
like yeah here more Yeah, it's a nice way to say the thick Colorado is doing some weird shit with their feet. They're looking up put jobs New Mexico is looking up housewives Jeff look up. Oh a hu
01:30:31
Speaker
This is what Hawaii's looking at. What is that? Oahu? Oahu? Oahu. Oahu. That's the island. That's what they're looking at. That's what they're searching. Oahu porn. Yeah, I guess that's what they're looking at. Oahu is an island in Hawaii.
01:30:48
Speaker
That's what it is. OK, well, I thought it was. I didn't know exactly how to pronounce it. I thought it was an island. And I had to look at that again. Apparently, it's it's like over on the big island. We're looking at the small island because that's where all the fun is.
01:31:03
Speaker
learn Another one of Jeff's favorites up in Alaska. They're looking at anal dildo. No, can't do that. No, it's not. You're not getting into it. It's got to be real. It's got to be real. It's getting into you.
01:31:19
Speaker
but on boats at that day yeah ah california just pa i walked into that bus all California's looking up your friend's mom or your mom i'm out of california i'm just late i look on fires mom all the time but Nevada is just simply going on to Pornhub and searching Vegas.
01:31:55
Speaker
Yeah, I get that. Yeah. Uh, Oregon. Now we know where the furries are. It's Oregon. They're looking up the furs. And, uh, Washington is, um, now when I hear this phrase, I think of one, I think of two different things, but it's milk. oh Let me get my Google milking. Yeah. So I'm thinking like breast milk and, or I've heard the term used when you Uh, when a guy ejaculates and the women use it. Yeah. Uh, so milk, uh, let me look up a definition. Uh,
01:32:35
Speaker
so milking definition is the act of massaging the prostate gland through the anus to encourage ejaculation. I was off. You're you're off by a little bit.
01:32:47
Speaker
i was the day i was at you were in the right rate But my like if you if you say milking to me, I'm like, see what you're grabbing her boobs like Yeah, are you? Yeah, that was my first time. Yeah Again, that's an excellent way. I'm out Yes top 20 countries by traffic So these are these are the countries that are looking at porn the most. Peru makes a list this year. Well, they were they were they they they yeah they they made the list this year. They moved up five spots from last year. They're at 20. Chile and Egypt stayed the same. Australia dropped down four.
01:33:41
Speaker
Colombia moved up one. The Ukraine dropped down one spot. Not bad, because I know you guys are currently getting your shit kicked in but Well, you guys are doing a pretty good job of handling Russia. But it depends. You got issues there. You only dropped down one spot. Good on you, Ukraine. Argentina is up to... That's because all the South Koreans over there have first access to porn. I'm just saying. Argentina is up to. Netherlands is up to. Poland and Spain, they stayed where they were from last year. Canada dropped a spot.
01:34:16
Speaker
Japan jumped up three spots. Italy stayed the same. Brazil is up three spots. Uh, Germany's up one spot. The United Kingdom and, uh, Mexico, uh, Mexico state and four United Kingdom state at five. I'm keeping us right at four. I don't want to go too high, too low. Uh, COVID number three. is that and man Maintain a level. Yeah. Uh, it's my VPN thrown off. Mexico's numbers gone.
01:34:43
Speaker
Number three, they dropped down one spot, the Philippines, uh, moved up to the spot. They just, they just switched the Philippines and France. And they're only six hours from each other. I mean, it's just go there. And.
01:35:02
Speaker
Staying number one, because we are number one. We are the greatest country in the world. The United States of America. It comes as no surprise that the top country is yet again the United States with a country of over 300 million people in it. It accounts for a large portion of traffic to Pornhub. Yeah, but but once again, this is just Pornhub. This doesn't count sites. Like you and I don't use Pornhub because it sucks.
01:35:29
Speaker
ah started but but um i was goingnna go to josie said that was okay I understand that.
01:35:41
Speaker
<unk> never get down my house I'm calling for my night. Jesus Christ. exactly you made it back um farmer you but but ah Time spent per visit. If it's more than 20 minutes, you're you're doing it wrong. Here's your top 20 countries, 21 countries, something like that. Coming in at the bottom is Poland. They they only spent eight minutes and 35 seconds.
01:36:24
Speaker
and ah wait Peru at eight minutes thirty nine seconds Brazil is like averages Yeah, this is your this is time spent per visit Chile is eight minutes 48 seconds but blah blah blah the united kingdom Let's be honest the first the first most I would say the first minute of any time you go on to a porn site Fucking ads. Yeah ah United Kingdom said just a little over nine minutes Ukraine nine minutes 25 seconds
01:36:57
Speaker
Canada 10 minutes 26 seconds that's there at number four it only is at number five with 10 seconds 23 or 10 minutes 23 seconds. United States at number three 10 minutes 37 seconds. The Netherlands at number two 10 minutes 51 seconds.
01:37:20
Speaker
And Jeff watching a lot of more aren't you? Mexico, coming to number one with 11 minutes, one second. You are welcome, Pornhub. Just a couple of little quick stats here. The average engagement time per visit is down 29 seconds this year, as opposed to last year. you are visitors Female visitors, however, compared to male visitors, are up 17 seconds. And the difference by age, on your average,
01:37:53
Speaker
18 to 24 is minus 76 seconds. 25 to 34 is minus 24 seconds. 35 to 44 is two minus 2 seconds. 45 to 54 is up 25 seconds. 54 to 64 is up 69 seconds. And 65 plus is up the average 80-30 seconds.
01:38:23
Speaker
Almost a minute and a half long. They got extra time on their hands. They're retired. And now they have access to their phone. They finally figured out how to use both. The older folks. Wait, you can get porn on this thing? They have the United States time spent. The longest states are, and it starts at 10 minutes and 30 seconds, is the shortest amount of time in the longest category And the longest amount of time is 11 minute, four seconds. And there's only 10, 15 seconds that really separate all the way up. Um, Illinois, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Minnesota, Ohio at number four, Wisconsin, Connecticut, and Alaska, Alaska, Alaska spending the most time and Illinois spending the least time. Now the shortest visits.
01:39:14
Speaker
go from 10 minutes, 6 seconds down to 9 minutes, 18 seconds. That's North Dakota, New Mexico, Rhode Island, Oregon, Maine, South Dakota, DC, Vermont, Wyoming, and Louisiana.
01:39:30
Speaker
and that those The average visit in the United States is up 46 seconds this year compared to the down 29 seconds worldwide.
01:39:43
Speaker
So, uh, obviously we're watching obviously, I mean, we have, you know, we, we fucking killing it. Um, the largest changes is, uh, Washington at plus 66 seconds. And the shortest is, um,
01:40:01
Speaker
um I'm sorry, the largest, as far as the shortest goes is 64 seconds. So Washington's up. 66 seconds and Rhode Island is down 64 seconds. Those are your top one in favorite times to watch porn. Nobody cares. Uh, categorial analysis when you're alone.
01:40:22
Speaker
that Again, they got the most viewed categories real quick number one where I started number one and go down milf anal Japanese lesbian mature ebony Transgender threesome hintai amateur popular with women. I didn't know that was a category, but okay Asian big tits cream pie verified amateurs cartoon big dick big-ass public gangbang bondage is down a lot considering a lot of people claim to be into it and Um, BBW babe, French female orgasm and Brazilian is at the bottom of that list. Most search categories. Um, most search categories, um, by continent, uh, again, Canada, what is that? Uh, I guess technically like North America, whatever their lesbian, uh, United States is Ebony.
01:41:18
Speaker
Uh, Mexico, your area of Southern, what is it? South America, whatever. Uh, anal, anal. Uh, obviously Brazil's certain but number one searched is, uh, uh, Brazilian. Uh,
01:41:34
Speaker
i get it Africa. Uh, good majority of Africa is looking at Ebony porn. They've also got a rap porn. Uh, they've got anal mixed in there. They've got Indian mixed in there. Uh,
01:41:50
Speaker
uh australia is looking at lesbians europe is looking at anal and milk and japanese uh that's over there in asia um real quick rundown so is india
01:42:10
Speaker
indian was yeah in the yeah and Well, in in Africa, they're looking at Indians, oh but it is it is close to that Southern Asian, but it's still Africa. I don't care. Top gaining categories. Again, you guys can look this up, man. ah Categories view the longest, categories view the shortest.
01:42:35
Speaker
short is is like holy jack what the Just just out of just just just real quick the categories viewed the shortest 4 minutes 14 seconds vertical And then it goes up from here vertical virtual reality cosplay feet solo female and tattooed women tattooed women Your most viewed, your categories view the longest. It starts at shortest amount of time is six minutes, 57 seconds goes up to eight minutes and 22 seconds down at the bottom bisexual male, threesome lesbian, vintage reality and massage. Yeah. You gotta watch massage porn. You gotta watch massage porn for a long time because it takes a fucking long time to get in. Yeah, exactly. It's like either that or you fast forward a lot.
01:43:19
Speaker
Uh, they got a section here for Pornhub gay, most searched gay terms, uh, for the year, Pornhub gay. So they have a, they have a, they have a whole. so Yeah. Cause they have that, they have, they have actually three different sections on porn sites. You can search straight gay and dry and trans. Yeah. So you got, uh, most searched gay terms, they've got the most viewed gay categories.
01:43:48
Speaker
Um, most viewed, where does,
01:44:18
Speaker
viewed more by women compared to men. i'm gonna I'm gonna throw this out there real quick. I've kind i'm just kind of summarized it and all you guys can go back and you can look it up yourself and and you can read it as much as you want. but but But viewed more by women compared to men, ah bondage is at the bottom, hardcore, double penetration, gang bang, romantic, threesome, reality, bisexual male, lesbian, popular with women, muscular men,
01:44:44
Speaker
Fingerblasting. Well, they said fingering but fingerblasting sounds so much fun yeah ah Solo male pussy licking and scissoring That's what the ladies are watching they' Those solo things are boring like solo females. I'm sure the solo males just as boring. It's like ah Most search porn stars by women uh proportion of female visitors um wow i got a lot in here man uh they break it down there's other age demographics um there 18 to 24 year olds man uh y'all need to calm down especially in the Philippines 45 18 to 24 in the Philippines
01:45:43
Speaker
Uh, generational taste, whatever the fuck that is. Oh, Gen Z, Gen Y, Gen X. Oh, okay. So then you can write down the categories by generation. Okay. What are we again? Gen X, right? Yeah, I was going to say. Quote, unquote, 35 to 54 is Gen X, according to them. And it's different no matter where you search.
01:46:10
Speaker
Yeah traffic by phone desktop and tablet obviously phones 90.5%. I don't use my phone. I have a laptop for a reason. Web browser traffic by game console 60% is PlayStation 5.
01:46:29
Speaker
35% is PlayStation 4 and only 4.9% is Xbox. So we know what you PlayStation users are using your PlayStation for. new gang du if so That's the last thing I've never used my game station of any kind.
01:46:47
Speaker
i' believe i've only I've only done it once and it was a long time ago. I think it might've been my PS2, maybe my PS3 when online gaming was first becoming a thing. Right. And you had to go to a website that was and it never worked. No, and and it was like, uh,
01:47:05
Speaker
me and one of my buddies, it was like, what are we gonna look up porn on this thing? I was like, I don't know, let's see. And it was just like, holy shit. It was like, ah this is porn on here. Yeah, but I have a computer right there. it it takes It's a lot more effort to go on because you you know, you one letter at a time. Yeah. Up, up, down, down, B, B, A, A, R, R, left, right, left, right.
01:47:30
Speaker
Uh, movie parodies, uh, most, most searched. I'm going to fly through this one real quick. Most yeah searched movie care movies and characters. So these are the parodies. ah Oh yeah. What'd you like? Down at the, down at the very bottom. Gamora from guardians of the galaxy. ah get it I get it. andrew John Wick.
01:47:55
Speaker
Captain America, Guardians of the Galaxy, Justice League, Magic Mike, Joker, Star Trek, Bad Girl, Captain Marvel, Hulk. You know, that's what I want to Google. I want to search up some feminazi and yell at me for being a man. Captain Marvel, calm down, Captain Marvel. It's not that serious. You're a super hero. Hulk.
01:48:17
Speaker
Superman Power Rangers. I'm not mad at that. It's working time. I mean, more than time.
01:48:26
Speaker
Instead of the the the belt thing, it's a dildo. yeah It's fucking time. Shrek. I think he gets that. 365 days, Elastigirl, Princess Leia, Wolverine, Catwoman, Spider-Man, Batman, Deadpool, Black Widow.
01:48:46
Speaker
The Incredibles, Wonder Woman, and your top five, Jeff, you're going to be pleasantly happy surprised and happy with this. Your top five, Harry Potter, Avatar, nice Game of Thrones, and Star Wars. And number one this year by a landslide, Harley Quinn, baby. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are, Harley Quinn. Yeah, you are.
01:49:10
Speaker
Uh, they have most rich most searched video games. We're going to go a little long tonight. I told Jeff, this is going to be, this is going to take a hot minute. He didn't listen and he still took up way too much time. We're going to go a little long because I still got your penis report tonight. We're going to finish one last week. Uh, most searched, uh, for video games. The legend is Zelda coming in at the bottom. Detroit become human, red dead redemption, mass effects, super Mario brothers or Mario, depending on how you pronounce it.
01:49:40
Speaker
Tomb Raider, the Witcher, God of War, Splatoon, I don't know what that is, Among Us, Baldur's Gate, Apex Legends. Among Us? That's gotta to be a boring ass porn. Amen. Apex Legends, Call of Duty, Skyrim, Final Fantasy, Fallout, Street Fighter. I see you, Chun-Li. Let's see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
01:50:10
Speaker
charlie card Mortal Mortal Kombat. I see you. Katana, Sonya Blade. Yeah. And Melina. You over here. Atomic Cyberpunk, Sims 4, GTA 5, Valorant, League of Legends, Resident Evil. mill main character like And your top five, Minecraft, Overwatch,
01:50:39
Speaker
Pokemon. Minecraft porn has got to be the worst porn ever. Yeah. ah Pokemon. and I mean. Got to catch them all. hey Get on my Pokeball. Get on my Pokeball. No, but but in it I get the Pokemon thing because there's a girl in that. She wears a yellow shirt and jean shorts. Well, then you also have tea rocket. It has that one shake of the eye with the weird hair. OK.
01:51:08
Speaker
I know I know what that is. And number one, not by much, ah but Fortnite.
01:51:22
Speaker
There's a lot of chicks. yeah that That all comes into line with the new anime porn shoot. Most searched video game characters, Freya, God of War, Kitana, Mortal Kombat, Jet, Valorant, Aurora,
01:51:38
Speaker
ah fortnite Fortnite, Ari, League of Legends, me, Overwatch, not me, her name's me. Oh, okay. Or his name. and Say, wait, how did you get up to the podcasters? yeah so ah Don't you worry. You didn't know i you didn't know that I was- 2025, baby, we're calling it. yeah Podcast report.
01:52:01
Speaker
Samus a rain from Iran from Metroid Lisa from Jensen. I don't know Ruby from fortnight. We got our second fortnight character Raiden Shogun from Genshin impact. I don't know what that is Jinx from League of Legends Jill Valentine's who I was thinking of from Resident Evil. Okay. Yeah you too ah From Jensen, and I don't know what this genshin impact is but it is all over this list Kami from Street Fighter Mario Mario from Super Mario Bros. I'm just going by ones of Sonic the Hedgehog, bro.
01:52:41
Speaker
Ashley from Resident Evil, Ada Wong from Resident Evil. OK, I I I. I got something for you, everybody, so the impact. I. Obviously, I find the porn, but I found It's right up there with all that anime stuff because I figured as much. Oh, yeah. OK. Number two. Hanging in there, man. An oldie, but a goodie or a crock from Tomb Raider. Yeah, buddy. And and like I already mentioned her to me. To me, the street fighter. ah Traffic changes by the holidays, whether there's an increase or decrease on the holidays.
01:53:29
Speaker
Top New Year's Eve parties. Yeah, they've got New Year's Eve. ah
01:53:38
Speaker
Events that change traffic in 2024, the presidential debate, the election day insights, Eurovision, total eclipse of the hub. Apple eclipse of the hub.
01:53:56
Speaker
you can
01:54:00
Speaker
What are we watching?
01:54:04
Speaker
Nerd. ah Apple events insight and Super Bowl 58. Well, don't you remember when, when Kelsey was first dating trailer set, there was an AI going around of Taylor Swift getting rammed by the old team. Uh, they've got most searched by vice.
01:54:28
Speaker
United States by France. I don't care here. The Philippines, they break down each country and what their most searched categories were. Um, again, there's just a lot going on here. Like the important of really like, but it really put the, they got their an analytics on point boy. Yeah. The, the anal, the anal lytics are, uh, are on point. They didn't spare nothing. They, I mean, they literally broke down each fucking country, bro. Um,
01:54:58
Speaker
I don't take much. You got one guy or country that works for the company that always does keep track of that shit. Yeah. program So, yeah. So that is a wrap for 2024 year interview insights.
Pornhub Trends and Revenue
01:55:13
Speaker
Yet again, top categories have remained quite similar this year with anal lesbian milk and threesome being popular worldwide. That said searches had some shifts of movements and trends that defined the year were sprinkled throughout each country.
01:55:25
Speaker
We love to collect the data at the end of each year and see how tastes differ, how attitudes towards sexuality develop and how pop culture impacts people's porn viewings habits. Thanks for stopping by. And we wish you all a happy new year from Pornhub. Anybody who wants to. I think we mentioned this last year, but how much does Pornhub make a Um, I'm going to look that up.
01:55:51
Speaker
Um, Anybody who wants that full breakdown, if you want something to read while you're on the shitter, feel free to go to Pornhub dot.com, look up there 2024 in review, or just Google Pornhub's 2024 year in review. Dude, we're starting a porn site. In 2022, Pornhub made $455 million. dollars
01:56:21
Speaker
Holy shit. I don't know. I believe it. That's down from 2018 at 100 and 460.
01:56:35
Speaker
I'm starting to form something much like Pornhub. Only better because it doesn't have a stupid music. Only better. I'll just rip them off of Pornhub and put them on mine.
01:56:53
Speaker
I mean, the ads make money, man. Every time you accidentally click on one of those ads, they get paid. I'm sure that happens more often than not.
01:57:12
Speaker
i can i can go i can I think I could live on $455 million. I think I'd be all right. i wouldn't I'd be proud to say I have an important you know, a $455 million dollars porn site.
01:57:29
Speaker
I would wear a t-shirt. I would wear a t-shirt. I own a porn site. What are you going to do about it? I make more money than you want to do with. At the end of the day, I mean, go ahead and get rid of that. And let's be honest, porn ain't going nowhere but up. Well, yes.
01:57:58
Speaker
Where or where did it go? Uh, just trying to find out how many employees they have. Probably a lot. Actually between 201 and 500 employees. That's not a lot. I mean, that's a lot, but it's not like. Amazon's got more now.
01:58:25
Speaker
How hard is it to run a porn site?
01:58:29
Speaker
said It's probably a lot more work than your than your thing. Well, it's it's mostly comes down to servers Money and the money you're gonna spend in servers that first years would suck But 450 million dollars really really makes up for it. I'll have all the servers in the world if I need Or $55 million dollars a year. Yeah. So as I said, we'll go just a little over. Yeah. We'll take a little, we'll take a little, let's, let's take a little break. We're going to come back. We'll do my weekly penis report. Oh, a lot of talk in there. I'm a little parched. I need a break. know And, uh, got a little, uh,
01:59:25
Speaker
Let's do a little ditoty do d oh God like why can I not remember her name? Anyways, it'll come to me ah after the video ah you ain't Jack and we'll be ri
02:02:45
Speaker
I like it. Kaitlyn Cole, that's her name. I knew it would come to me. You looking it up while you're. No, no, no, I didn't look it up. I was like, Oh, that's a good name. That's a Sam Rockins. Yeah. So I'm thinking, so, uh, Kaitlyn Cole, the Midwestern hippie, she was adorable. She was a lot of fun. No, man. I was, I was sitting here and I was thinking, uh, you know, I want to do, um,
02:03:16
Speaker
Uh, kind of like a thank you video for, for the year at the end of the year. And I want to do one for, you know, clicks house of music and nonsensical nonsense and, you know, do separate videos. And I started trying to go through and go, who all have I had on the show? And it's like, holy shit. I've had a lot of musicians in a short time come through. I mean, you figure I'm doing about four a month and I'm coming close to a year. Yeah. Uh,
02:03:44
Speaker
and And when I hit the one year anniversary, I want to try to do a show where I bring as many of them as I possibly can and have them come through and chit chat and sit down for a couple of minutes. You know, where they are now kind of things. Yeah. You know, we can have up to 10 people up here. I might, there might be a couple that hang out for a little while, uh, and stick around, uh, but kind of a, uh, a one year celebration thing. And I'm coming up on that one year fast, uh, for the Lick's house and music.
02:04:12
Speaker
It's gonna be a lot of people tagged in that video. all That's all I know. but yeah
02:04:19
Speaker
Anyways, sorry. Feel free to welcome everybody back. Yeah, welcome back everybody. After that, Chris is diatribe about Blake's House music. Don't forget to follow us everywhere you do. I have bio.lake slash nonsensical network. And you can give your opinions in the comments on all those. And then of course, while you're there, you can check out our merchandise at nonsensical dash nonsense. Nice spread shop.com. And of course there, we do have shows every day of the week, almost but pretty much that, that merchandise link is also in our, in our bio link. That that's what I said, why you're there at the bio dot link. No, I'm just saying why I said it that way. that's why saying you As you struggled through saying the link,
02:05:05
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know what we're going to do about Monday night. Anyways, yeah, we'll kind of get to that eventually. So I'm assuming you have a another section here, sir. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, hey, come. Yeah, firmly grasp it in your hand, firmly grasp it.
02:05:39
Speaker
That was the jackoff instructions right there Yes, yes we are at that time of the night here on what the fuck news I Don't know how it became a thing, but it became a thing. It is your weekly penis report People get pissed when they don't have it. i It is what it is. So, you know, shout out to our friends. Well, they're not really friends. They don't know who we are, but shout out nonetheless to one of my favorite websites, one that I enjoy going and reading articles. They don't just do penis list, by the way. Buzzfeed does a lot. you They just been very helpful. So shout out to Buzzfeed. You guys have never heard on them, heard of them.
02:06:26
Speaker
ah we have you Were you living under a rock? Were you adopted by aliens 25 years ago and you just came back to earth? I don't know. Go check them out if you haven't already. BuzzFeed is awesome. A lot of good content on there. And they've they made this section of the show ah went relatively easy relatively easy for me. So anyways, last week we were doing the 17 big dick stories that'll make your jaw drop for several several reasons.
02:06:58
Speaker
Uh, you know, we've, a lot of things going on in this list. Uh, we are here now at a cautionary tale brought to you by Jamie Lynn. cheese She says, I was seeing a guy whose penis was nine inches long. This gentleman, Jamie says he was into, into, he was really into having fast, hard sex.
02:07:26
Speaker
Well, one time Jamie and her bow were getting it a lot a little too hard and a little too fast. Things got a little too intense and j in li for he literally bruised her cervix. She says it hurt to sit or pee or bend over for almost two weeks. Damn.
02:07:51
Speaker
o
02:07:54
Speaker
Damn. e
02:07:59
Speaker
She's a trooper though. I bet she went back for more. Not for a couple of weeks. doesn'ate her It didn't say her. oh She said she said I was seeing a guy. So she's not anymore.
02:08:15
Speaker
That's because she's dead. so that That was in her her obituary. Let's be honest. she She is paralyzed from the cervix down.
02:08:29
Speaker
Well, Vans Van Sam good great Van writes in and says, I'm not sure if this is a guy or a lady, but Van Sam says, I used to have a friends with benefit situation with the guys whose big was I shit you not like a fucking can of monster energy drink.
02:08:53
Speaker
I'm talking so long and girthy. The first time I saw it, Bain says, I honest to God gasp out loud. For reference, folks. I'm just saying.
02:09:06
Speaker
yeah but of my can but them it's pretty close Sam, Sam says to this day, the best sex I've ever had with him was with him. so split is so Yeah. Sam says sex with him had me feeling so full and it rode that fine and sweet line between pleasure and pain.
02:09:29
Speaker
Now I shed a tear for that glorious dick that I lost when he moved across the country, says Sam. Oh, so she would have kept going for more. What more Sam? What are you going to do?
02:09:47
Speaker
Amanda Glasscocks. Amanda Glasscocks writes in. We're adults, you know we find that funny.
02:10:00
Speaker
Amanda Glasscocks. Still funny. she she is ah She is a nurse and she says, one time I had to catheterize a man who was so well endowed that his flaccid penis was barely long enough for the catheter to reach his bladder. It's a 12 inch catheter and he was soft. Good Lord. if I just, I don't understand how that is. I don't think that big dude, because i like, I don't understand how that is in any way, shape or form. I say that and we've all, you know, we've discussed the dragon tails and everything else that's going on nowadays.
02:10:41
Speaker
But I just don't, I, I, if I was a woman, I just can't imagine how that would, and as a dude, I don't keep from passing out every time you get a hard on. That's so hot.
02:10:54
Speaker
yeah specific You all right? Yeah. I'm sorry. I just got really hard. Uh, Laurent writes in. Laurent says I was really horny. So I drove 45 minutes to my ex's house to have sex.
02:11:12
Speaker
The next morning, she realized she never took out her tampon. Oh, his penis was so big that it pushed the tampon up too far and I couldn't get it out. After 30 minutes, she gave up and called the guy asking for a favor. I went to his office. She went to his office, locked the door, pulled out some medical gloves and a towel.
02:11:43
Speaker
Spread her legs on his desk. Yeah, I think we talked about this one But she spread her legs on his desk so he could pull out the tampon and he finished around He fished around for 15 minutes and finally got it out So funny story I had a buddy of mine we met these two chicks at a bar and Something similar happened to him. She didn't take out her tampon and Okay later on she told us yeah, yeah, she was like yeah, I forgot to take it out and I was like How do you forget? Can't be healthy. I guess it was in the moment, like, yeah, it can't be good. Can't be healthy. Nick Goddamn. That's the name. Nick Goddamn writes in, I was grabbing drinks with my best mate. We had to use the restroom around the same time. First and foremost, i go walk bro code number one, bro law, you don't use side-by-side journals unless you absolutely have to.
02:12:44
Speaker
But we were right next to each other at the urinals. Long story short, it was impossible not to see his penis when he pulled it out. It was big enough that he had to use both hands to pee.
02:12:58
Speaker
Mcgoddamn says, I wasn't even jealous at this point. Just afraid.
02:13:07
Speaker
He's one of those guys that, you know, the joke you walk into, like you ever walk into the bathroom, a bunch of guys, and as soon as you step up to the urinal, you know, they're over by the sink or whatever. You just go, Oh, that water is cold. That dude's not joking. He's not doing a joke. He's, he's, says he he's, he's been real. Yeah. He's not doing a joke over there. He's not doing his best one-liner.
02:13:28
Speaker
Like, ha, ha, ha. No, he's being serious. I've seen that guy fight on. yeah Matthew writes in, he says, and went ah um he he he went on a few dates with a guy in college. Well, he knew that neither of us liked to bite him. So Matthew proposed a bet of whoever had the bigger penis got to top.
02:13:56
Speaker
That sounds like a punishment for losing. Yeah, Matthew says I was. I was obviously pretty khaki and sure that I would win. matthew It was speeches when he pulled out a throbbing Pringles can. Never want to back out of a bet. Matthew powered through. Matthew was late to class the next day because it took him an extra long time to walk up the stairs.
02:14:25
Speaker
Wouldn't you want the one with the smallest dick to top?
02:14:30
Speaker
That's what i I mean. I mean, again. I have a choice for getting a pencil in a fucking Pringles, Dan. I'm taking the pencil every day. Yeah, right.
02:14:46
Speaker
I don't know. I've never had dick in my ass, so I don't know. That's my straight side talking. I don't know. Yeah. No, again. Uh, yeah. I mean, if, if, if I were, sounds like a lose, lose, I'm just, first of all, you got smaller dick and be, you got to take that big thing. Not a win, not a win. So yeah, a little loose, little loose situation. Um, uh, an anonymous, um, I'm assuming lady, there's no name here. Um, she says a few years back, one guy told me his dick was the size of a keyboard.
02:15:27
Speaker
She says when we got to his bedroom, a keyboard, I'm assuming they're like a like a not a. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, ladies, dudes, I mean, yeah, she says when we got to his bedroom and he pulled it out, my first thought was, oh, my God, it really is the size of its size of a child's toy keyboard.
02:15:52
Speaker
She was ready to take on the challenge but quickly realized it was far too big for her. He could barely get the tip in because it hurt too much. One time it slipped out and in between my thighs. So I just squeezed my thighs super tight together and she let him fuck that. Thinking that it was a regime. There was no way his dick was fitting in me. And me you know, first and foremost,
02:16:22
Speaker
A lot going on. Good on you, MacGyver. Again, this is a thing. yeah We heard a lot of really, really good stories about micro penises. Not a whole lot of good stories about big penises. However, not um ah are you that goddamn stupid that you can't tell the difference between thighs and a vagina? Well, let's be honest. If his dick's that big, I don't think he's getting in a whole lot of them. Yeah, I know. But still, you can't tell the difference.
02:16:51
Speaker
I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure some of our exes, you know, where he can, you know, scream in and it comes out going, you're an idiot. ah yes understand you know this would be a trick here This is the chick you need to fuck because it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway for me. You might actually find a sign. Yeah. Right. Uh, Kenzie, the mom writes in Kenzie says, uh,
02:17:20
Speaker
Kinsey says I was a senior in high school and the popular hot guy on my bus asked me over to his house. She says as soon as his pants came off, her eyes widened. I asked him how big he was and he responded 12 inches. She was all in though. She gave him a few hours of mind blowing sex. After it was over, she experienced my first walk of shame through her entire neighborhood and could literally barely walk. and it was ah yeah you you had to mention She had to pretend she started her period early because of it and she bled for almost three days. However, she says totally worth it.
02:18:12
Speaker
take your word for it. I'd like to second what Jeff said. you were whole Yeah. I'm just saying. They ain't going to tear you up. They'll get you off. I'm just saying. Yeah. And last but not least on this here list, before we get the flock out of here tonight, Dutch M.N. writes in, he says, I met up with a guy from Grindr.
02:18:42
Speaker
And he had the biggest penis I'd ever seen. Dutch said he had to take his penis out of my ass because it hurt so badly. And he said.
02:18:59
Speaker
thank you You know, it's bad when you can't finish the sentence.
02:19:07
Speaker
I'm sorry, I'm confused by the part where he's like, he had to take it out of my ass because it hurt. Doesn't any dick in your ass hurt?
02:19:17
Speaker
The guy told Dutch, damn, you made a mess. I saw what looked like a gallon. He saw what looked like a gallon of beef stew and the smell soon followed.
02:19:36
Speaker
Taco Bell and anal sex does not mix. He started puking all down Dutch's back and it ran into my hair, eyes, his bed, and the floor. His sister knocked on the door to see what was going on. And he started freaking out. He ran into the bathroom while I was still covered in shit and puke. Tried to put my clothes on. It was impossible to leave with any dignity.
02:20:08
Speaker
I'm sorry, do you start retching while we're forking? I'm like, yo, we're going to stop right now. Well, the problem was he pulled his huge dick out of Dutch's ass and ducks just shit all over the fucking place because I guess you're already in it. You might as well make them. Yeah, like you just shit all over the place. And then the dude's like, oh, my bed's covered in shit. I'm covered in shit. This dude's covered in shit.
02:20:37
Speaker
Now, we've got a, oh, man. Can you imagine having to clean that up? No, you burned down the house and moved. I was just going to say, he's just a lighter man. Burn it off. We're out of here. Burn down the house. We're cleaning the country, no less. Yeah. We're moving to Japan. I don't know who it's worse for in that situation, the guy who shit all over the fucking place.
02:21:06
Speaker
Or the guy who got shit on and then while the guy who shit all over the place was covered in puke. Well, did the guy who? Got shit all over I can tell you who it's worse for whoever doesn't live in the house because they have to go home Yeah, and do you have the option to clean it up or do you just have to go out covered in shit and puke? Well, that's the thing is like hey, bro. Can I use your shower real quick? because that mean I've got a shower and maybe a change of clothes, like. Right. Call me.
02:21:43
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, hey, Dutch. I think it's safe to say the second day. Yeah. i think I'm just saying, what do you say after something like that? So you want to go get something to eat? You're definitely not getting a good game. Say that much. Yeah, not a good game situation.
02:22:01
Speaker
That is not and a good game at the end of the day. as As Kevin Smith said, I can't suck dick because I don't know what to say afterwards. What do you say after there something nuts in your mouth? So now what?
02:22:13
Speaker
so hello Please, sir, may I have some milk? I'm hungry. Oliver Twist of gay sex. Ladies and gentlemen, right there. Please, sir, could I have some milk?
02:22:29
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Well, but yeah I'm not ready for that situation. and Ladies and gentlemen, that will wrap up your weekly penis report.
02:22:57
Speaker
I just realized that that that sound, Patrick gets really deep. yeah yeah I just realized that too. I was going to say really aggressive.
02:23:10
Speaker
When I made that, I listened to it like four times to make sure it all blended together. And this was the first time I was like, wow, Patrick's really aggressive with grabbing his dick. I'm just saying. Easy, Patrick. Calm down. Calm down.
02:23:26
Speaker
But yeah, that concludes our show for tonight on what the fuck news, as we always do. A fucking spit. I hope it was good for you. Hold on, I'm going to pull up. Bend over, Mike. Yeah, you threw up on shit.
02:23:49
Speaker
Winning combo, frankly. A whole lot of, a whole lot of, corn and penises tonight from this guy has a lot of point of penis. I need to leave my laptop and I had, I had, I had more. Uh, but you know, I knew that the, uh, I knew that the year in review was going to be a little bit of a long one. I see what you did there. So I, uh, so I'll save those, those ones that I have for next week.
02:24:21
Speaker
yeah But yeah, ah well, actually, we need to discuss next week, two weeks, weeks three weeks, because basically New Year's and Christmas Eve are all on a Wednesday. As of right now there, well, New Year's Day. Well, Blaze talked about doing a Bahambug episode where we were just going to do a nonsensical nonsense kind of thing on a Wednesday because Bahambug.
02:24:48
Speaker
um So but like an hour i i I definitely won't be doing Glick's house of music the next couple weeks, right? um I Might have an interview on the 26th or the week after I'm not sure I have to driver reach out because the dude I'm gonna be interviewing is He's traveling till the 26th. So I'm gonna try to lock him down after negative So and know I definitely won't be doing Glick's House of Music. um I guess um Christmas evening and New Year's evening, will we'll leave them up in the air for right now. Cause I don't know what's going on. I know the kids go back to their moms um on on Christmas day that afternoon. I don't know what Nikki and I have planned that day. If anything, I know that weekend,
02:25:47
Speaker
that we were gonna announce the Angel of Death and all that stuff. We will be in PA, so I will try to pop in on my phone for a little bit, probably not the whole show, but for a little bit, so we can do that. oh So yeah, holiday, you know, bear with us, y'all. Holidays are gonna be a little sketchy up in the air. If we are, if we- Yes, they are every year. Yeah, if we is or if we ain't.
02:26:13
Speaker
Um, if, if, if there's a show, you'll find it and you can go to bio.link slash nonsensical network and we'll be announcing it on our social medias that if we are or are not having a show, we'll put it that way. That way it gives them a reason to go check out bio dot.link slash nonsense. Keep tabs on what we're doing on our social media. You know, I'll keep it updated. Um, you will, ah you know, the only shows that are up in the air question is, is Wednesday night.
02:26:43
Speaker
As far as everything else, everything else should be as planned, as scheduled. Yeah. Yeah. Friday. I know Fridays, we're watching Scrooge this week. Then we're watching a Christmas story after that to get through the holiday season. I know you're here you're a huge fan of the Christmas story.
02:27:02
Speaker
huge brick and fra and mother ver are budger um I actually found out some interesting things about that movie. The only thing for sure is Glick's House of Music will be taking a small hiatus, which reminds me I've got to start reaching out and trying to line up guests for after the holidays.
02:27:24
Speaker
Yeah. After the holidays, everything will be back on track. We're just, like I said, with the holidays, I know Mondays are kind of a little bit up in the air with Connor because he did start his new job and he's kind of, he might be changing that up. ah So changes are coming to the network, but it's, it's, you will know as a listener, as soon as we know, as show runners. Yeah. I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to pull a,
02:27:55
Speaker
company-wide meeting, we might be changing some days around again. I mean, those shows might move around. they did We just got ah you gotta work around according with schedules. And, you know, as we always say, sometimes life gets in the way. This is, unfortunately, we do not make any money on the shows yet, but once, if you, if everybody would subscribe and like and follow, maybe we could, so we could do this like three shows a day kind of thing. Yeah.
02:28:25
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Yeah. Because I can really use the money. But like thanks. Let us day job. Right? and Let us all quit our day job. But thanks for everybody listening. Nikki told me that after I picked her up at work, she said, put your wiener on the internet and buy me a card. I'm like, oh, OK. Get on that. There's my small wiener, everybody. Now give me your money. ah You just uploaded an episode before we started the show. What'd you upload?
02:28:57
Speaker
I put Cassia's corner up there from Saturday and I am currently, I was working on it during the show and it is it is processing Saturday night show. Okay. And then I have to put up Sunday show.
02:29:17
Speaker
and and then i okay And then I am. was I just put up Jeff's garage from yesterday ah while we're doing the show here. As soon as this is done processing and stuff, I'll upload it. So once again, everybody, if you go to bio.link slash nonsense network, you do have links to our Spotify so you can actually follow the network there and listen to all our old episodes. Yeah, go ahead. In our other shows, the handlers is up.
02:29:44
Speaker
Nonsense and chill is up. What the fuck news? Jeff's birthday's up. Okay. Cool. Okay. i reserve on youtube Yeah. The, uh, the three shows when we were bad boys and got, got, got a little time out from, from YouTube. And they're, they're all up Saturday night all um on YouTube. Yeah. The Saturday night show, what the fuck new nonsense will nonsense, what the fuck news nonsense and chill and Glick's house of music is all up on our YouTube channel under the video.
02:30:12
Speaker
under the videos. Don't go to the lives to watch the replay. Right. Go to the videos and there's replays. r So, and act as we speak, I am putting up last Saturday's nonsensical nonsense. Glitch house. It can take you a couple hours because it takes forever. Well, it's, it's processed in the video. It's processed in the audio right now at 60%. So, um,
02:30:36
Speaker
And then I just have to get Sunday's unnecessary roughness up. Um, yeah this Saturday on nonsensical nonsense will be our holiday will be our holiday show because it is the Saturday before Christmas. Uh, all of our break music, well, at least four songs for our break music will be, all of our music will be Christmas themed. Uh, but we do have four songs from our good friends, our,
02:31:04
Speaker
Extended family over at the southern outlaws man. They put out a Christmas album It is on Spotify and everybody listen to music go check it out, but we have four songs from that album that would course Excuse me that we'll be playing Excellent because it'll be a holiday theme show. Yeah as much as we do holiday, but yeah true the true American fashion I will get drunk and beat my wife and kids
02:31:33
Speaker
because That's what we do on the holidays. brian's Brian says he's in New Mexico. What up, Brian? He just got back. Yeah, just got back from the old European tour, so to speak. In Scotland. Yeah. But yeah, observ thanks for everybody listening. Thanks for everybody watching. we are I will get this up on Spotify and all the podcasting networks where we watch podcasts.
02:32:03
Speaker
Podcast and listen to podcasts. It's there What are you gonna say to the people sir?
02:32:11
Speaker
There's your penis is and nudity and I don't know fucking be good or be good at it yeah but e
02:32:33
Speaker
Nonsensical network, different flavor every day Movie talks, new flips, hidden in display Microphone magic, musicians spill the craze From reptiles to motorsports, burning rubber craze Football crashes, touchdowns, epic plays New spinning, caption on the urban stories we embrace Tune
02:33:15
Speaker
nature's arrangement cars with muscle
02:33:25
Speaker
nonsenses but the vo just write tune
02:33:48
Speaker
Alright, and we're... unbearing