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That's right folks another open door challenge come on up enjoy the fun stay for the
insanitynonsensicalnonsensepodcast@gmail.com https://bio.link/nonsensicalnetwork
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Transcript
Introduction and Weather Woes
00:02:59
Speaker
What is up everybody? It is What the fuck Wednesday? Sorry, I'm excited. but won You look excited. What the fuck, man? As always, I am... Go ahead. I got the ick. I got the ick and it's so fucking cold up here. My knees are locked up. My hands are hurting and I'm just fucking a grumpy bear, Jeff. You should just rub some fucking dirt on it because it's what the fuck Wednesday, which means the leaks half over, buddy.
00:03:31
Speaker
yeah but that doesn't do anything for the cold was i'm just saying it's 76 degrees here so you know nice and warm and cozy friday friday we're gonna roll around and all of a sudden am i gonna be living in a magical tropical third world country like you no i'll take the cold fucking ohio dude it's it's not that far out of the realm let's be honest this is true anyways as always i'm joined by my co-host glick how you doing sir ah judge besides the know Well, if you would have waited, you're going to be patient that he blurts out fucking everything anyway. Yeah. Just, uh, just, uh, just prematurely ejaculated on the show. How's it feel? That's kind of awesome. I'm not going to
00:04:20
Speaker
I gotta like it, Danny. That's right. You take it like the dirty whore that you are. I will stay right here. We would, we, might we almost had to call in a special guest, uh, uh, audible. that more referenceence
What the F Wednesday Launch
00:04:35
Speaker
Yeah. i to Call in a special guest commentator and do a scat report because I almost shit my fucking pants. We needed a professor, professor of scatology in the building.
00:04:47
Speaker
You know, there's a reason why my office is in a bathroom, buddy. I'm just saying. Yeah. Well, you guys make fun. But at the end of the day, I'm never late for a show. My camera might be off. yeah i mean i be at the bathroom and do the show at the end of the day. oh yeah you You could probably see me. You could probably see me if I turned my camera just a little bit, you could probably see me sitting on the John back there. But well, when I originally set up in this office, I had the everything sitting. So if I wanted to, I could sit on the toilet, but then I couldn't sit on chairs. So I had to turn everything sideways. So. Yeah.
00:05:24
Speaker
mean I mean, maybe maybe maybe people would be into that if I was sitting on the shitter while we were doing the show. Hey, you know what? Anything for views, folks, will do it. If you want us to do an episode from the toilet. Not only, yeah, not yeah i the champ not not only am I the champ, I'm the people's champ. And I'm a generous champ. I give the people what they want. That's right. We can we can start weighing our shits like we talked about on the other day.
Social Media and Merchandise Talk
00:05:53
Speaker
I don't know.
00:05:55
Speaker
there you go so as always on what the fuck wednesday the what the fuck news show we're going to be going over some news stories that we found throughout the week or for me i found them today because i've been busy uh and uh of course we wrap up the show as always with we're going to be finishing up the anonymous penis stories i mean i don't think anymore there's i don't think those stories are going to top the ghost penis you know what i literally have told so many people about it that i'm gonna make it a thing like you know i i mean all over the top a little bunch of little ghosts i mean i don't know uh you know there's there's other people on this network that are supposed to be posting to social media that don't but that would make a really good clip for our social media yeah i'm close to this
00:06:48
Speaker
you know Actually, if you check your TikTok and you're in in the reels on YouTube, it is there, sir.
Dexter Series Discussion
00:06:57
Speaker
Oh, I haven't seen that one yet. i plus i stop And plus, the last one I looked at, I started to watch it in about one second into it. It was like, spoiler alert, we're going to talk about Dexter. And I'm like, skirt. Yeah, that was, that was all a blaze. and And I mentioned to him, I said, you know, like, hasn't watched it yet. So we can't go into detail, but we don't go into a lot of detail. We're just, thought we both said that we liked it. I know you did. I knew you would.
00:07:27
Speaker
Well, we just we just got. Yeah, we just got to Dexter where. I haven't seen. So all of it's new to me like I never. finished You never finished the series. Oh my God, no. So like you better get to the fans buddy because you're about to shit your pants. Yeah, we're we're in season the six where Forrest Gump Junior joins the cast. That's right, i forgot about that.
00:07:55
Speaker
Yeah. One of, but whatever Hank's son it is. One's a rapper and one's an actor. Yeah, the actor. The actor's actually not bad. I can't remember his name. Colin. Colin Fox. Yeah. Chet's the rapper slash DJ. Yeah, I don't know Chet. Chet's goofy. I want to punch him. Anybody. Um, last week, so I'm going to go ahead and Before we do that, let's go to God. You'll get a great bio dot link slash non-central network. Everything we do is there, including our merch store. Chris, if you want to go ahead, I still have it. Rattle that off. Beauty and the beard creative corner. You guys have been saving me. I've been, I've got a couple hoodies that, uh, that I've, that Nikki's made for me. Got a Glitz House of Music hoodie. I've got a, uh, network hoodie. If you guys want nonsense, the whole swag, or if you just want your own personalized stuff.
00:08:52
Speaker
Uh go follow beauty in the beard creative corner. Uh the link is in our bio. She's on facebook and instagram. Hit her up. Let her know what you want. Like Nikki. I want this. I want that. I want this as soon as I get paid. Let her know what you want. Yeah. She'll let you know what the prices are and uh so we'll get it made and get it shipped out to you but uh
Podcast Schedule Overview
00:09:12
Speaker
yeah. If you're good like me, it comes with a sandwich. You just say. She stole me a sandwich.
00:09:19
Speaker
You're supposed to be a sandwich. I mean, you're going to get a sandwich. It's going to be a dick peanututter sandwich. My favorite. I was all said that i sent that message to whisper. and she's good let's go be the dude it's gonna be a new tiktok shirt I'm just going to go to all the grocery stores.
00:09:39
Speaker
just too much like double her sandwiches Sandwiches. Yeah. I'm just gonna go stick my dick in peanut butter jars. I know what I'm doing tonight. What are you doing? Anywho. It's for the gram. It's for the gram. But yes, ah Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner on Facebook and you said Instagram as well, correct? Facebook and Instagram. The link is in our bio link. Right up at the very top. Yeah. So go buy something so that I don't have to do a job.
Bear Chase and Murder Charges
00:10:18
Speaker
I guess. Anyway, what? Well, it's our merge. I'm just saying, spread the wealth button. I a dollar a shirt, you know, and we'll sell 5,000 shirts a week. And you know, we make five random weeks. We just, she's, she's just a sponsor. Yeah. That's, that's the sponsor.
00:10:39
Speaker
She pays she she currently pays sponsors pay, buddy yeah can still pay me with a sandwich of'm like any As the boss and the creator of the network work i I'm accepting all payments like and she's She's accepted all the checks in the mail, a direct deposit but just that you one
00:11:10
Speaker
look She gets paid weekly. yeah Click recovers monthly. Anywho, we're gonna start this ah this shit show off what ah with a, I found a story. So a man dialed 911, he 911 and he said a bear chased him off a cliff. Weeks later, he was arrested for murder.
00:11:39
Speaker
yeah yeah That's a bad week, too. I'm sorry. So a man called police in eastern Tennessee claiming a bear chased him off a cliff, but authorities has arrived on the scene to find a boy the body of a different man. so Oh, so he pushed his cat off a cliff. I just read this. He pushed his cat off a cliff, then called in 911 as the dude that fell off the cliff and said, hey,
00:12:09
Speaker
I fell off a cliff. Come help me. Oh, shit. What a dick. I mean, at least he called me authority so
Bathroom Surveillance Controversy
00:12:19
Speaker
the I they don't want to see a hell of a fucking plan. You know what? I'm shocked it didn't work because 911s are anonymous. They can't tell somebody off the side of a mountain. I called 911, throw the phone down and dip. Yeah, it would it would be a sense to use their phone.
00:12:40
Speaker
Well, yeah, you'd have to use their phone. Well, unfortunately, he used his own because he's an idiot. Are we surprised? Are we surprised? Let's be honest. That's what happens when you sleep with your sister.
00:12:53
Speaker
um yeah and Anyways, he was also busted on, you know, not only the murder, his name is Nicholas Wayne Hamlet. His buddy Shakespeare, he's 45. He was using the, oh no, he did, yeah he was using an alias at the time, but he did use his own cell phone. And he was already on a wanted list in ah but Alabama for a parole violation. I'm just saying, this guy's not so smart. Sounds like a nice guy. Yeah, yeah, he was a fucking sweetheart. So a warrant was issued for his arrest.
00:13:31
Speaker
first three murders murder in in the county. Uh oh, I gotta pop up that. He is currently in jail on a $5000 box. I'm just saying he's not the brightest cookie in the box. Yeah.
00:13:52
Speaker
I mean, I have to admit, I've never thought about committing a murder and Pending it on an animal? But I'm not mad at it. I mean, like I said, it's a good plan. In all honesty, it's a pretty good fucking plan. You should have called from a fucking payphone. You can't call from a payphone. would do They got payphones off the side of a mountain? Well, I'm just saying. But you also got to make sure there's like no evidence, you know what I mean? like Wipe your fingerprints off of the dead bot, the dead person's cell phone. I think the hell out of town.
00:14:31
Speaker
Like make the call and then get the hell out of town. Max goes nice this time of year.
00:14:40
Speaker
I'm just saying great plan. Terrible excuse. Well, not only that, the guy that fell off the cliff didn't die, which is another fault of the murder. How's he getting charged with murder?
00:15:02
Speaker
Oh, that's a good point. Maybe he died on the way there. Well, maybe he's alive. He was alive when the, when the paramedics pulled him out, but he died. See, it's helpful. It's helpful if you know the whole story because I don't know the story, but yeah, he was still alive and they and he was able to be like, he threw me off the mountain. Well, not only that, I don't know how. Make sure they're dead when you toss them off the mountain. Well, shut up.
00:15:32
Speaker
The hospital employees recognized him. Go tell them up or go tell the kids. Wait a minute. Hold on. Wait a minute. He went to the local hospital as a good Samaritan to say, you know, kind of I think he was like looking for a reward hand. I found this dead body.
00:15:58
Speaker
because it doesn't say he, for some reason, after observing Hamlet at the local hospital, a good Samaritan alerted authorities and the hospital employees recognized him.
00:16:13
Speaker
So somebody seen him toss a guy off a mountain that he came in and it was like, how's my friend? And then somebody that was just randomly hiking was like, yo, I seen that guy throw that guy off the mountain.
00:16:26
Speaker
Listen, I'm putting pieces together here because you clearly have no idea what's going on. I i don't. so so So the Knoxville News Sentinel said the male subject hit his head and was able to was unable to move and his cell phone only had 2% battery, unable to get him back to 911.
Murder Suspect's Ceiling Crash
00:16:47
Speaker
So he called, waited till the battery was almost dead, called and then tossed the phone
00:16:55
Speaker
And then went to a hospital going, Hey, I was the one that found the guy. I'm like, well, he called 911 dummy. yeah Obviously not too bright. but i don't know What's going on? or the What's up? bar listen What's going on? How are you doing brother?
00:17:14
Speaker
I don't know what's going on. I don't know who did what or who called who or if there was even really a at this point, was there a bear involved or oh, he was he was he was acting like a distressed hiker that heard the ruckus.
00:17:33
Speaker
ah
TikTok Ban and Influencer Impact
00:17:34
Speaker
Now, if you if you're murdered, you get the fuck out of Dodge. You don't. Yeah. ah He could have literally just let the body there. It's a fucking clip. What an idiot don't sticker. You don't stick around bro. You don't stay around rob pray i stick Police shows between the two of us we can commit the perfect crime direction Well, you know, I watch point break enough times I can rob a bank That's uh
00:18:09
Speaker
You know what, Jeff? Yes, you could. You should try that. I'm on it. Yeah, you're right. Next week. that But yeah, think I don't think that guy's the brightest in the box. No, no, no, no, no, no. Well, Jeff, I thought you guys just got a new job. Was it for a Japanese or a Chinese company for by any chance? No, it's an American company. Are you sure? Because it's out of Wyoming.
00:18:39
Speaker
This screams you all day. ic company promise Company secretly films employees in restroom and then post them on a wall of shame. That's the one. i That's the company I bought.
00:18:56
Speaker
sold that after went by yeah A ah Chinese company has come under fire for installing surveillance cameras in the restroom to see which employees spent too much time on the on bathroom breaks.
00:19:12
Speaker
and posting the offenders on a wall of shame. Man, I would be the MVP of that wall of shame because yeah I am the king of taking shits off the clock. I'm just saying. No, but when it comes down to there's also the concept of like, I know the Japanese culture is real big on cleanliness so that Bob didn't wash his fucking hands today. Oh no. Yeah. So many for exactly many Chinese companies have long been trying to discourage workers from spending too much time in the restroom by various means.
Russian Spy Whale Mystery
00:19:46
Speaker
Like installing, this is cool, installing countdown timers on the bathroom stalls. Talk about fucking pressure. yeah likehel youson are I feel like I'm Danny Glover here.
00:19:59
Speaker
Yeah, the only thing that you would have to do is add like those shock, like the dog shock collar things on the seat, so when the timer went off, you just got little a little ah a little jolt right right on the old ass. But tell me you wouldn't feel like Danny Glover in in Lethal Weapon. You know, there's a countdown. I gotta hurry up and shit because the toilet's gonna explode. Yeah.
00:20:20
Speaker
ah Or they're making bathroom breaks to one per day. I don't agree with that. You can't really win. I don't either. No, because as we discussed earlier, if you've got the shits, dude, you've got to go. Yeah, that's the shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because plus I drink i drinkank a lot of water at work, too. So I take a lot of pisses at work. Yeah, but it also takes me it also takes me like 15 seconds to go take a piss. No, I was going to say. It's not like I'm standing there with my dick hanging out just lolly fucking around in the bathroom when I'm taking a piss. I don't even wear pants all day, so I don't know. Well, there's that. ah A Shenzhen based tech company took things even further by reportedly installing a hidden surveillance cameras in its restrooms to monitor employees activity and then shaming those who wasted too much time
00:21:12
Speaker
there by posting screenshots of them for everyone to see. A spokesperson for the, uh, Lixson electroacoustics technology company admitted that employees were surveilled in the company restroom, but claimed that the measure was meant to discourage time wasting during work hours. I would imagine that that's like extremely illegal. Like it's like, you know, cause I, my, my thought is, is like, you know, you have a cubicle and there's a door on it.
00:21:41
Speaker
and they catch you, they they they take a screenshot as you go into the cubicle and then as you come out, not like, it's not like it's your face sitting on the toilet, you know? I don't know, man. well I mean, I'm a super man. I never know. It's China, not Japan. I think it's in Japan. No, China. Oh, sorry. China. China. I want to go there.
00:22:11
Speaker
Um, both. Yeah. So they're, uh, they're, they're catching a little bit of heat, uh, for, uh, they're, they're, uh, they're peeps showing that head get the idea of trying to save a buck. But at the end of the day, you want me to spend more time at work,
Emotional Support Alligator, Wally
00:22:28
Speaker
pay me more. I don't want to spend any more time at work. No, but like, if you don't wait, you can be on the theres there's that old saying the boss makes a dollar. I make a dime. So that's why the shit on company time. Yeah.
00:22:42
Speaker
So if you don't want me to shut up company time, you know, give me a couple extra bucks. Uh,
00:22:51
Speaker
you can give me a couple extra bucks. I'm still shitting on your time. because Oh, i I'm not discouraging it. don't I'm not getting up there. I'm not getting up early in the morning just to take my morning shit. So you better believe I'm doing it as soon as I get to work. Not when the work bathroom's doesn't warm. I'm just saying. Yeah. And independent. Yeah. They're dependent upon, uh, uh,
00:23:12
Speaker
What I, if I eat lunch and what I have for lunch, I may go take an afternoon. I'm okay. That's true. That's true. Because at the end of the day, you do eat a lot of Taco Bell, sir. I'm not going to be happy until I chop your head off, are you? Nope. Not at all. While you're doing that, messing with the dog. Dog.
00:23:35
Speaker
She's like laying on the bed. She's on top of my hoodies. And she's like chewing on her fucking balls and everything else. Would not put your hoodie on the bed, Christopher. Maybe not let the dog on my bed. Maybe. Well, there's that too. Take my machete and run it through her head. Or, you know, Jason Voorhees. Delete the dog. Delete the dog. I would like to. um Let's take a real quick break, because I got to make my bladder bladder. What do you got for us here, sir? I'll show you guys some new ones. I mean, I labeled them and everything for you, and I still got to do them. The last three? Yeah, the last three. OK, that's why I was checking. So we're going to do a little Jesse Rose, and don't walk away. We'll be right back, so don't walk away. but I see what I did there.
Surgical Mishap and Lawsuit
00:24:26
Speaker
You're an idiot.
00:26:36
Speaker
As I sing a song for you
00:27:14
Speaker
i was
00:27:17
Speaker
find a straight to move on
Humorous Anonymous Stories
00:28:36
Speaker
I'm not mad at that. That was Jesse Rose. Don't walk away. Shout out to Jesse. Shout out to Jesse. She was on Glitz House of Music last week. She was fun. Yeah. I have yet to catch it. I've been so busy lately. It's ridiculous. but So welcome back everybody to what the fuck news on what the fuck Wednesday.
00:29:00
Speaker
and uh don't forget bio dot.link slash nonsensical networks scrolling at the bottom of your screen there where you can see all the shows including speedway stories and cold blooded conversations on mondays along with men caring for men tuesdays of course is quick mention blix house of music uh who you got next week sir i have left the hold on a second you asked me a little bit too fast and i did not have my Sorry. It is.
00:29:39
Speaker
Lift the curse. A Texas rock duo. Nice. Lift the curse. Some bands in Texas have time for me. Matthew J.
00:29:52
Speaker
I'm kidding. By the way, I know how super busy those guys are. And then, of course, on Wednesdays, you come back to what the fuck news every Wednesday, all the news that is news and make you say what the fuck. And as soon as I get my act together and get everything settled and fixed, Jeff's how Jeff's garage will be back on Thursdays. And then, of course, Fridays, nonsense and chill. Glick and I are watching some movies. I guess we're doing a little bit of I don't want to say terror.
00:30:22
Speaker
Horror in that genre ish area. I guess we're doing this week a little bit more less comedy a little bit more Did I say I'm sorry Blaze Last thing I apologize to blaze not good be honest such a fucking movie Your intelligent level just jumped up when I compared you to blaze I'm just saying any who um um a um'm a I'm a pretty fart smeller. I mean smart feller Yeah, but plays makes us both look retarded. Let's be honest. Well Blaze is just intelligent in other areas. All right, I agree I mean if I if if I started talking sports both of you look like fucking helmet wear and crown eating Window lickers, okay wear helmets in sports not all Anyways on Saturdays
00:31:17
Speaker
um that maybe they should morning On Saturdays, of course, cash is quarter around noon, uh, where the boys talk raffling. That's what I put here and his son can't point today. And, uh, then Saturday we round out the week with the flagship. So nonsense go nonsense. The open door challenge where we open the door and let you come up and give us hell or join in the conversation, whichever comes first.
00:31:46
Speaker
all we ask is you keep your pecker in your pants. And then Sundays, the weekends with unnecessary roughness, where the boys are talking on sports. You guys still do a football for another couple of weeks. When's the Super Bowl? February, right? You're muted. Yeah. Yes. I knew I was muted. ah Yes. ah we We are We are starting to we're starting to make the move into other sports because there's always so much you could talk about. And and and I know we like to say the show is an hour long, but.
00:32:18
Speaker
Let's be honest. Yeah, let's be honest. That's never the fun. Yeah, we typically go to and it's not always my fault. Actually, it's very rarely my fault. But guys, we're just. I find that very hard to believe. It really is not. This one is not my fault. This one. This one is a collective. This is a collective that we are. We are all three to blame because that's the one show of the week. We don't take breakster and we just get it.
00:32:43
Speaker
and we get into our conversations and we just yeah we're usually anywhere between an hour and a half uh we're usually somewhere between an hour and two hours that's not because sometimes you know we got stuff to talk about i get it you know you know you know the it's it's much like when blaze and i are talking movies or on jeff's garage we start talking cars my i just get into my my comfy zone yeah it's like getting into a snuggie
00:33:13
Speaker
I guess, I don't know. Anyways, back to the news. So, a beloved Russian spy, whale, I cannot pronounce his name, Halvladimir,
00:33:27
Speaker
H-V-A-L-D-I-M-I-R, was found dead under mysterious circumstances. The beloved whale believed to have escaped a past life as a Russian spy. So he's like, what? I'm just saying. Was found dead over the weekend. Maybe he shouldn't have talked. In what animal rights organizations say is unnatural circumstances. He is a beluga whale. So the beluga, whose name combines Norwegian bird, Raval,
00:34:04
Speaker
The Russian President Vladimir Putin's first name. Okay.
00:34:11
Speaker
International presence after he was discovered by a fisherman off the coast of Norway in 2019 wearing a camera harness that reads equipment in Petersburg. I can still say how he was wearing it. How does a whale become a Russian spy?
00:34:35
Speaker
yeah It's easy. You sign up. ah yes and no got I What they did is they they captured him as a child and and or as a small whale, and and they attached a camera to him. They literally had a GoPro. And how does it said si whale die under mysterious circumstances? that's Interesting. So... I think that there's only two ways to die. I feel like there's only two ways to die when you're...
00:35:04
Speaker
A sea creature and that's either just natural causes in old age or you get eaten by something bigger than you Or or you're killed by the russians because you can't keep your fucking trap shut Not very good at keeping secrets are you there Apparently well he's a he' is a gentle giant who wait who measured 13 feet long and weighed 2 000 pounds Good god. He weighs more than my eclipse Um, well, he went viral several times. Yes,
00:35:42
Speaker
but big yes but not more than your ex-girlfriend. Oh, hey you see what I did there. Well, let's be honest. That's true. Thank thank goodness for Ozempic. Well, Ozempic can't cure being a whore though.
00:36:04
Speaker
This is true, this is true. So um they did retrieve a GoPro from him.
00:36:13
Speaker
Oh, okay, so so not only did he have a camera harness, when a kayaker, I thought that was somebody's name, it just looked weird, dropped a GoPro, he played fetch with it. And he also played fetch with like a rugby ball and an underwater drone. Whoa, who was ballers?
00:36:35
Speaker
but yeah, he they don't say how he died. Hmm. I believe my, my assumption is that he was killed by, you know, like unnormal mean means.
00:36:57
Speaker
I don't know. As it doesn't say. I'm literally skimming through here, it doesn't say. But he, it's widely believed he escaped capture, except captivity in Russian waters. Many pointed to the label on the camera harness and his responsiveness to humans, leaving him to be involved in espionage.
00:37:22
Speaker
Hmm. So, like, he wasn't afraid to, like, if he saw you on a boat, he'd be like, hey, look, what's up, dude? I got the Russian secrets, buddy. Did he have? Because and I think the whole the whole spy thing is this is not something new. ah in In the 40s, the US attached underwater cameras to dolphins to see if they can find German subs. Yeah. Because
00:37:55
Speaker
wild mammals like that swim underwater and they're attracted to the sonar of the of the submarines. Yeah. Just gar what's that? I don't know. like Shut up, please. It's not police. It's picklefucker. Well, if I want your opinion, I'll ask for it. I want any lift from you. I'll get it off my zipper.
00:38:25
Speaker
ands right but I want a whale, buddy. She's dude. Have you seen? Have you seen? ha ha ha No, but have you seen these these? Dude, you do realize how vicious whales actually are, right? No, no, this is a killer whale. Once again, this I'm going to so I'm going to show you a picture of this way. It's one of the beluga whale. What are you going to do? that fucking way
00:38:53
Speaker
I'm going to love it and pay and help me, my friend. You're going to fucking ride it like Free Willy? That dude. Feel like a motorcycle. You know what? You you you know what? You should get a whale because it's going to eat you and that's going to be fantastic. That's what he looked like. That's why I'm blue. They're white. They're the doubt they're they're the they're the down down syndrome dolphins. Yeah. Yeah. extra I think a boogal will be fun to have. Yeah.
00:39:22
Speaker
ah hoie sweet are i'm just saying yeah and you know i'm not mad get the risen with dis more That's what I'll call him I'll call him tism Yes, I want a sperm whale you have no idea You keep the way that's that's that's what Jeff calls is Tuesday nights down at the glory hole um he
00:39:55
Speaker
Got my neck muscles warmed up. hey I do have to bring a attention. I'm actually bricked about the but's the uh thumbnail I did for today and I just find it hilarious because let's be honest that's that's not a photoshop that's real that's I mean that movie did come out when we were in high school I'm just saying.
00:40:21
Speaker
I wish I had that glorious beard in high school. Yeah, you did look like a goofy fuck without it. Yeah. You know, what are you going to do? So what are you guys up sports? I hadn't, I hadn't reached full squatch. Well, you know, I just want to touch on this.
00:40:38
Speaker
This is like, this is just ah funny to me because the last couple of weeks, you know, we've seen all the TikTok videos of people losing their fucking minds because TikTok's getting banned in the US. Oh my God, what am I going to do now? My life is ruined. Shut up. First and foremost, most of you people making these stupid goodbye videos and these stupid, oh, what's going to happen with TikTok leaves? You're fucking losers on TikTok and you're losers in real life. So.
00:41:07
Speaker
Um, but actually jumbling none was actually pretty good. Uh, tick tock did shut down Saturday night. Yes. We got putting a little time out. We got, we got putting a little time out. Um, and it was right back Sunday. Uh, and it was, it was back online and everything was working. However,
00:41:30
Speaker
Shout out to all the fucking stupid people who got their panties all in a bunch and said, go do TikTok. I'm deleting the app. Well, you deleted the app and guess what's not in the Google shop or the the Apple shops anymore. App store. Yeah. TikTok. So you can't get your account back, you stupid fuckers. Shout out to a few people that we know. I'm just saying. Yeah. ah Sucks to be you. I get why you did it.
00:41:58
Speaker
but quite Well, we're supposedly there's under a 90 day extension. The band can still possibly happen. It's not going to happen. And guess who saved us? Guess who saved you people on TikTok? Because I know there's a huge group of you motherfuckers that that don't like this, don't like this man. But now he's your daddy and he's your savior. Daddy Trump. Yeah. Papa Trump came in and said, you better turn that goddamn TikTok back on. And what they do, they turned on the goddamn TikTok.
00:42:29
Speaker
I'm not mad at it. And now you fuckers. Well, you were stuck. in You were out on the road on you were. You were out on the road on Saturday. But as we actually checked and. We tried to get blazes to go using a VPN. It did not work with the VPN. Yeah, we were we did online. If I put my VPN in the States, it blocked.
00:42:56
Speaker
Yeah, we, we were, we were out. Um, Hey, when it happened, we checked it and we were, we were sitting, we went to a restaurant and got something to eat and had a couple drinks and whatnot. And there was a couple of girls sitting beside us and one of them went to get on her TikTok and they were kind of talking about it. And, you know, TikTok was down and and she went, Oh my God.
00:43:20
Speaker
No! And I'm like, this bitch, I'm about to throw a beer can at her. like There's literally, Manny's saying there's no TikToks. There's literally hundreds. There are, no, there's not another platform out there like TikTok. And this was the only thing that got people, everybody was like, oh, TikToks go away, that's fine, I'm gonna get lemonade. Well, guess who owns lemonade, you dumb shit. TikTok, and it went down too.
00:43:50
Speaker
however a lot of people realize that red note yeah but i've been hearing a lot of not good things about red note well it actually works more like uh a ah bit of instagram and and tiktok combined yeah the problem is it's all in fucking manner well instagram already does that and instagram does a good job with with be it a social media and having the reels and having the live and stuff like that. But and unfortunately there's not another platform like tick tock. And that's the reason why. And what people are also realizing is
00:44:30
Speaker
Yeah, just because you have a million followers or more on tiktok that don't translate anywhere else That don't fucking translate anywhere else them motherfuckers are not gonna follow you and they're learning that and they're like What am I gonna do now tiktok's my livelihood? That's how I make a living. I don't know go get a fucking job ah Um, however, the other thing that was the the other thing that was funny, I guess during that twelve hour period I say it i'm just saying Blaze is dumb. It's supposed to be coming back. Apparently his intelligence scene just dropped when the TikTok went away. Apparently it's supposed to be coming back to the app store. What up, Wally? ah But yeah, i mean TikTok did a great job at what TikTok did. And it's tried to be i copied it and and and whatnot with my other platforms and they just can't do it.
00:45:27
Speaker
Uh, but I guess in that 12 hour time span while we were while we were in time out for misbehaving as americans do Let's be honest I guess other countries like europe and canada was taking that time to get under their tiktoks and talk shit about americans And now they're saying itself. You did now they're shit themselves because we're fucking back and we're like, what's up now motherfuckers We got our big hands strong don't play So canada I say to you here's our treaty ah It's on. Yup. Out the window. It's on. It's just. Yes, it's going to be gone, man. I'm telling you. Nick is about to be coming all over your faces like the $2 whore you are, Canada. Ooh. Yeah. Don't even want it. I like it. I got it. I got it. I like it.
00:46:15
Speaker
Take that. You Cantonese motherfucker. Oh, wait. Wait. Sorry. Sorry, Cantonese. Yes. yeah northern in wisconsin yeah Wisconsin, Northern Michigan, Minnesota, you're all on my list. You know, what we were talking on so on one of the Saturdays about that there's a road that literally goes along the border of US and Canada. And if you're on one side of the road, you're in the US, the other side of the road, you're on in the States. And my question was, if TikTok's been in the States and you cross the road, does it work again? pick You know,
00:46:55
Speaker
I was like, I'm just curious, man. Like I'd be going across the street. I'm going to go watch tiktok. I'll be in Bob's yard. But like I said, it didn't affect me at all.
00:47:09
Speaker
that's like didn know that Yeah. I mean, it didn't affect me in any way, shape or form, right? Because yeah, but you barely use it. Yeah. Like, I mean, I have tiktok. I post on tiktok. My main accounts gone anyways.
00:47:24
Speaker
you know, it is what it is. Um, we use it for the show. It's, it's a quote unquote unnecessary, uh, quote unquote necessary evil. But, uh, nonetheless, I mean, at the end of the day, uh, if it's gone, it's gone, you know, like I'm not really, I don't really, I, I go on my page and I'll put i like that with all of them though. I mean, with the assumption of YouTube, I watch YouTube.
00:47:53
Speaker
only because there's a couple of things I follow on there. There's a couple of guys building a couple of things and stuff like that. But if that all went away tomorrow, my question would be is where the fuck do we post the fucking podcast? And that's it. Yeah, exactly. No, you know, like, you know, I go on my personal page and post the video once or twice a week, uh, just, uh, kinda push out other things. Um,
00:48:22
Speaker
And then I post, ah you know, we post, I post on our TikTok page quite a bit, but it goes away. Oh, well, we're just using it for another platform to promote the show. Yeah. Yeah. And that, that was kind of like when you guys were talking about get that lemon eight, which still doesn't work here, brother. Um, I actually got the the red note one and I played on it. There's literally people in China.
00:48:50
Speaker
teaching Mandarin to the Americans that signed up for it. And at the end of the day, it could seriously hurt TikTok because everybody's moving around. Still unsure if TikTok is going to come back.
00:49:03
Speaker
but
00:49:06
Speaker
canada Remember Glick is like a dildo. He doesn't come in lubed. Oh, I'm driving. on It's it raw dog all over Canada. Hey, but what's going on, Firebase Rich? Nice.
00:49:20
Speaker
ah Look at you keep He's on the ticky-tocky now hu oh there go mean guess this this umre all dog all over on canada yeah are In other news After months of on the run months on the run a murderer suspect falls through a ceiling into custody Authorities got a lucky break when a murderer suspect was They've been pursuing for months.
00:49:55
Speaker
but um and's sorry i'm reading this so i'm like this guy' is fuckingin stick It's the best way to be rich, very limited tiktoks abandoned that you know what? Yeah, it is. Fell, so to speak, in their laps. He fell through the ceiling of the building he was hiding in.
00:50:19
Speaker
The U.S. marginal service agent captured 20-year-old Diero Walkinson on Monday, months after the warrant for his arrest had gone out on first-degree murder and reckless endangerment. ah So the dude was in like a warehouse or or apartment, right? I'm going to send you, I'm going to show you a picture of the picture they have of where he fell through the ceiling. It looks like it's his apartment.
00:50:48
Speaker
And every time they would go there, he wasn't there. And one time when they were there, dude fucking fell through the ceiling like an idiot.
00:51:02
Speaker
Like literally, like how hard is it to not step on the rafters or to step on the rafters? Dude literally fell through the ceiling. Literally fall right into their laps.
00:51:18
Speaker
But yeah, he's in jail now because he's an idiot. Well, I don't understand the concept of hiding. Again, I will say not a not a terrible idea, much like ah the bear attack. It's a murder. i don't know I still don't know what was going on with that story or that situation. But, you know, a good idea. Just not thought all the way through poorly executed.
00:51:47
Speaker
Well, you you and I talked a while back. I watched that Patti Mayo guy on TikTok and and YouTube occasionally when I'm gluttin' for punishment. but What are you, fuckin' cold? ah Yeah, a little look a little bit, fuckhead. And I hurt.
00:52:02
Speaker
Sorry, it's 76 degrees, you know, I don't know what cold is. Anyways, but I I've seen on that show where, you know, this guy goes and he serves warrants for, you know, you mean, you mean fake, fake patty male and his, yeah, because it's, it's, oh my God, it's so bad, but it's like, all that to his knee.
00:52:26
Speaker
great time six one hundred and twenty five pounds on it let's be honest I'm bigger than that guy I mean and that's that's saying something but i don't know who's speaking for him or dogga bounty hunt I'm assuming that these cops have checked this attic before where this dude was hiding well where they just really skidded their job Well, it would also probably depend on the access because a lot of times in some of, uh, you know, like oh if your cop if the cops too big. You mean? No, no. You, you might not have that. I can get into spaces. You can't. Well, yeah, there's that, but I mean, I could stick my head up into an attic. I mean, I got fit into most. I can get into the entry space of most addicts. It's just walking around inside, but no, I mean, like, so.
00:53:21
Speaker
Um, I used to do work in an apartment complex and they had addicts, but you could only access the addicts from certain areas. So they might not have even known that there was an addict because it's not like there's an addict addict access into bedroom or something. It's like, it's like, you know, closet or an electrical closet. And you can only access one entire floor, which has you know, yeah, five apartments on it for one spot. That makes sense. I didn't think of it. Yeah. So, I mean, that could have been the thing or, or they could have been Canadian cops. And if we've learned anything about Canadian cops, my thought was, is this to do, Canadian Mounties are terrible at their job. Well, my other thought was this cat was hiding between the rafters as the cop poked his head up and the other ones, you know, in the kitchen.
00:54:13
Speaker
You know what I mean? So he's like, Oh, I should get down. And then all of a sudden the drywall goes through because he doesn't understand construction. wow I mean, I mean,
00:54:26
Speaker
I bet you that himself phone that gap cat fell through it. yes Yeah. yeah i I just don't know who would be more surprised the the murderer or the cop. Like I just hear the Wilhelm scream as the the drywall breaks. Yeah, like, you know, the murderer's like, yeah, I got a perfect time. Shit. And then the cops like, where the hell is this son of a, and dude literally comes crashing down. Like that could, that could have turned into a professor scatology story real quick. I mean, they both go show themselves yeah ads because imagine walking throw the tis you're walking through a kitchen, looking for a suspect and all of a sudden the fucking ceiling breaks in.
00:55:14
Speaker
We need that a crime scene, clean up unit, uh, up here and, uh, apartment of one. ten Oh, what what's going on in there? Uh, dude, shit himself. And so did I, there's just a lot of you need a new pair of pants and a diaper for this fucker. What the fuck? nice chair
00:55:40
Speaker
Let me let me let me let me just let me let me just touch it. Let me let me just touch on this real quick. i be it say anyone Touch me. joy up nice The last thing I want to do is touch you. ah Walling.
00:55:57
Speaker
ah We all know. You're one of your legendary famous coaches once said that You can't win a national championship if you don't beat your rival and you don't win your conference championship. It doesn't count. Uh, that's, that's, that's out of your mouth. Uh, one of your other coaches just recently said that this year's national championship Buckeye team could be last year's national championship, Michigan team. Somebody really needs to talk to that man and remind him that.
00:56:30
Speaker
this year's national championship team lost to this year's worst Michigan team in 10 years. Well, yeah, but that's also, they also lost to Michigan last year and the year before, and the year before Ryan days are fucking moron. There's a, what the fuck story. yeah something Why does Ryan day still have a job? And that rounds up our sports for the evening.
00:56:59
Speaker
I'm not touching any of you fuckers. All right. Jeff, God knows what diseases. Yeah, right. You're making your pants, Wally. I got a story for Wally. Right. I'm glad you could. I'm glad we could agree on that. Yeah. Right. Right. Day is a giant fucking twat waffle at the end of the day.
00:57:27
Speaker
Anywho, that's ah that's like that's enough. I am excited. I'm excited for one thing. And one reason only is that Ohio State did win a big 10, brought home another national anatomy title second year in a row. The big 10 in the SEC is basically becoming irrelevant and it's amazing. So suck it. Southeastern conference, your guys's footballs whack. Anyways, the big 10 is where the big boys play.
00:57:57
Speaker
And that's enough on sports. You ready to go to break? Yeah, let's go to break real quick. I'm getting a call. a ba Let's see here. What's our next song? OK, so give me a minute. Jesus. We're going to do a little kissing Lilith with more than worth it. We'll be right back. Yeah.
01:02:32
Speaker
I like it. It's my kind of tunes. I was kissing will it with more than they did work. Shout out to those guys. I hung out with them last night. They were fucking. all Yeah. I had a great time. Uh, they'll probably be, uh, much like Jesse, uh, they'll probably be making another appearance down the road. Um, and I'm far away from you.
01:02:55
Speaker
I think Cleveland, about two hours. Okay, that's not bad. And the possibility of us hanging out is definitely a real possibility. We've got to talk about that a little bit last night. So they were fun. It's a virginity. Calling it. Yeah, joke's on them. I'm a whore. I'm a dirty, dirty slut. Yeah, let's be honest. You lose your virginity every night. What are you going to do?
01:03:23
Speaker
Welcome back to everybody. What the fuck news? I'm a, I'm a mystery in the streets and a click in the sheets. Whatever that means. Yeah. Clicking all over the place.
01:03:37
Speaker
yeah
01:03:41
Speaker
You're a big guy. good good cut good good good good good he really scream at his own name yep yeah yeah he's a big dumb animal isn't he folks he there's our champ ladies and gentlemen well don't forget everybody bio dot likeza nonsensical network everything you find that we do did you put your only fans on the bio like
01:04:13
Speaker
Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. hidden Didn't because I have a violin. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying I didn't think about it, but I also was like, I was also trying to people here i was also trying to keep it separate from this, but I didn't realize it was going to become such a topic of conversation. But everybody knows at this point, so I might as well just throw it in there. it go to say and But then if people start following me, then I actually have to start posting in there and
01:04:49
Speaker
Yeah, but you can also start making money. I mean, I don't see the downside here, buddy. like I can put my wiener on the Internet. You've seen it. It's not that impressive. No, it's not. know, when you get a subscription, folks, it comes with a microscope. I'm just saying. anywhere I don't know. I'm thinking.
01:05:09
Speaker
but Thinking I might I might do that. It might not be a bad idea. You know it might as well one yeah orel i on no say one just but We're just a bunch of whores over here anyway speaking of whores what's up Chaka? What's that? Oh ah chocolate just celebrated 8,000 subscribers Oh, I thought you felt like AK, like you ran AK. I was like, Chaka doesn't look like he runs to the fridge. Yeah. The only place Chaka's ready to do is the kitchen. Let's be honest. That's why he has rocket snacks. I get it. Chaka and I had the same marathon schedule from the living room to the kitchen.
01:06:01
Speaker
Well, do you want to do one more and then your Venus story, sir? Uh, maybe we get to it. ah time for i ah time for I know, but the Venus stories, we laughed so hard last week. I can't wait. There we go. So, um, soon goes out to my stoner friends. A Burger King and employee was fired here in Ohio after a woman said she received the devil's lettuce in her kid's order.
01:06:37
Speaker
a little married, you wanna, I'm going to a little wacky tobacco, if you will, um, be picked up by blaze for door dash. I get it. It happens. Uh, Hamilton, Ohio, uh, an Ohio woman is speaking out after allegedly receiving marijuana.
01:06:57
Speaker
Um, it happens. Yes. And the drive through of a Burger King location in a video posted to take back of course, Uh, a user who goes by the name, Jana Bama claims to have purchased a chicken fries for her, for her children from Burger King location in Hamilton. In the video, she shows a Burger King bag with a recorded residue inside of it, along with, uh, Mara Joanna. She says she, uh, she, she came with her children or what she came with her marijuana. She says, right. I'm going to ask who it was like to call me again.
01:07:37
Speaker
because Burger King have it your way.
01:07:41
Speaker
ah She she says, came with her child's food. Uh, I cannot make this up. She said, and I bet you can make that up and you can very easily come home and drop your very own marijuana into the Burger King. bag true Oh my God. but I want a free fucking meal.
01:08:00
Speaker
Yeah. Look what, i a great look at what happened at my Burger King today. How did this ever happen? and how it was My kids food. However, there are a lot of stoners that take those jobs. I'm just saying. Oh yeah. I mean, when I worked at Wendy's, I used to keep cigarette behind my ear. Yeah. Falls down in the food. Yeah. I bet she's lying. I agree with you a hundred percent, uh, pickled pecker.
01:08:28
Speaker
uh uh uh when i've seen in this story i 100% that's what i said you know how easy it's how easy is it to go home turn on your phone get on tikki-taki drop it in there and go oh my god look what was in my burger king bag how did this happen i'm so i think sales went through the fucking roof that and then and then she was like and it was for my kids i ordered to know bit but Maybe stop smoking weed and come up to original content. You stupid war. Yeah. Uh, yeah. The spokesperson said, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Guess what? It's weeds, weeds legal in Ohio. Fuck it, man. If the kids are Burger King getting high off his ass, leave him mal alone. It's legal. Yeah.
01:09:15
Speaker
I mean, that's what I want to stone work in somewhere like, you know, not that I know, but if you want to start working somewhere, it's going to be at a restaurant because, you know, like, like at awesome yeah, again, like it's not like a manufacturing job where he could possibly kill himself or kill thousands of other people. He's working at Burger King. He could be high and work at Burger King. ah Matter of fact, you probably have to be either drunk and or high to work in fast food. Oh, it was like it was like on the application, you had to check that box one or the other.
01:09:43
Speaker
But I think i think it's i think it's ah it's a scam for the gram. Fake for the tacky. Fake for the tacky. I think it's, as we as our president says, that's fake news. Fake news, bitch. I don't have the photo. Welcome to the New America. We don't have no rights, lady. You're right. We don't get no more weed in your burger. You don't even get to use TikTok no more. woman Get in the kitchen. make me There it is.
01:10:20
Speaker
That's fake news. Well, rolling into one more. um I thought this was cute and I knew Wally would get a kick out of it. Have you ever seen an emotional support gator? Wally's owner says he's lost in Georgia. Wally's not an alligator.
01:10:44
Speaker
Well, apparently Wally is because this gentleman in Georgia has a pet alligator and you know, alligators don't necessarily freak me out, but this fucker's cute as shit.
01:11:00
Speaker
I'm getting the picture as we speak, but like I kind of want an alligator now, buddy. I'm just saying. But yeah, he's he's. I i got like 14 abs. Look how cute this fucking alligator is, man. I mean, he looks like an alligator, dude. And and all galley alligators look the same. And that alligator. He looks happy. like He literally looks at that any moment he's going to bite that guy's head off. Like you do realize she's going to do that, that suicide role or whatever. At some point he's going to get big enough oh yeah yeah and he's got a latch hold of that guy's big ass fucking dome and just start spinning in the living room and tear grandpa's head off in front of the. Johnny.
01:11:41
Speaker
It's going to happen at like Kim and Grammy's 60th wedding anniversary. Yeah. family because His emotional support gator Wally is missing a joy after being kidnapped, found released into a swamp with 20 other Gators. No, here's the kicker. This dude is, it's not like this dude lives at home. He's, he lives in a nursing home in Pennsylvania.
01:12:10
Speaker
Or he was visiting. He was visiting a nursing home in Pennsylvania, ah and which is where the gator was kidnapped and released into a swamp. I feel bad for this guy. I want a pet gator, dude. I mean, screw your dog, because if you walk in my house and I got like a 20-foot gator, you're going to be like, you know what? I don't need an extra stereo today.
01:12:38
Speaker
Just saying. Yeah. Have you ever seen an alligator up close and personal, Jeff? Yes, we have them here. Do you guys have gators there? Well, I know we have crocodiles. It's the same fucking thing. Do you guys? Or do you have crocodiles or alligators? They're not the same. I don't know. Hold on. I got to check because there's one that lives underneath senior frogs. He's like 25 feet. He's huge.
01:13:08
Speaker
That's a gator.
01:13:14
Speaker
Okay, so it's crocodiles. We have crocodiles. I can never tell the difference. They look the same to me. I had a bunny mind. He had a baby one. It was about that big. About a foot long. But then he got too big for his apartment. He had to get rid of it.
01:13:36
Speaker
But he fed it. He fed it like raw meat. Like chicken and shit. I think it'd be cool. how much you are chipper I mean my night my neighbors already hate me so yeah a crocodile in the yard what are they gonna do like oh well uh yeah Jeff's got their fucking crocodile now I guess we keep the kids on the leash don't go playing Jeff's yard you're gonna eat by the guy I don't think you should uh
01:14:09
Speaker
I'm not saying I keep him until he got like 25 feet like the one in over by frogs because that thing I saw some drunk idiot once trying to pull it out of the water by the tail thinking he was fucking Steve Irwin and Damn get down there get thrown into the water So, you know, I keep it for a couple years and then there's a sanctuary here that I can take it to Because that's how they get their gators they got something to get their crops People keep them as bets and they get too big and they're like fuck What do I do and they call this guy and he comes over and picks him up?
01:14:40
Speaker
I call it win-win. He'll give me like a thousand bucks for it too. So I get my money back. I just got to find a baby crocodile. There is that. I can set him on my shoulder as we do the podcast.
01:14:56
Speaker
chris that past And I'll call him Wally. Larry. I'll call him Larry. Larry the crocodile. We'll get him a little championship belt so he can be on He can fight with your otters. He don't want none. Oh, he'll eat your otters for lunch. Larry's a badass. Larry's a badass. Larry's only one gator. I have an army. You ever seen a crocodile go against a fucking otter? That's a snack, sir. I'm just saying, yeah.
01:15:36
Speaker
and and and and and These are highly trained, highly skilled champion otters. Yes, but now. They're getting a gator as their leader. and three After he, after he kills like four or five of them, the other ones were like, you know what, let's not. yeah Well, they um they also have a very good friend in the feed line community. One, Mr. Spotted Leopold.
01:16:03
Speaker
who I've seen drag alligators out of the water and carry them up. He's not an alligator. He's a crocodile. So he's tough. of gang We'll get you a ah hat with teeth on it. Like, like Paul Hogan, I'm just saying. I also have a legion of kangaroos. the lead They little catties on.
01:16:29
Speaker
Yeah, yeah are french cho legion yeah you you all thought meeting and the Kangaroos had beef in actuality. It was all part of our master plan. Put you all into a false sense of security. I have a special forces bear i have but a special forces bear unit as well.
01:16:49
Speaker
So you have the, ah that's okay. I have, I have beluga whales by the dozen. oh watch out wait what doph My team's got, my team's got the water covered. I'm just saying.
01:17:04
Speaker
yeah i mean
01:17:09
Speaker
That's my retarded dolphin.
01:17:18
Speaker
<unk> ah these split circles died of mysterious circumstances what stuck his head out on the water how to breatheze hard ancient got up free what the fuck am i doing gosh
01:17:37
Speaker
That's horrible we're mean to the animals for no reason You got another one sir Uh, what do we got here? Time wise? Yeah, I got a crocodile. I'm getting a crocodile. Good luck with that, man. Well, um a willinging but um you've had surgery before, right? Jeff, and I've had surgery. You've been put on. No, I haven't. I never really.
01:18:11
Speaker
Uh, I didn't even get anesthesia when I had my shoulder a reset. ah Yeah. I know. Like when my kids were born, they were all C-sections basically.
01:18:26
Speaker
basically She was just like numb down from like the waist down or whatever, but she was awake for it. Yeah. Sometimes you go in for different surgeries and you're awake for it. Well, while on the operating table, a man's face covered in alcohol ignited.
01:18:42
Speaker
you know burning him never want to go to surgery again. I'm just yeah burning him while, ah while still alive, a lawsuit alleges while having surgery on his throat. John Michael Murdoch had his face swabbed with alcohol. He was alive and conscious during the surgery. Uh, it was a procedure to install a
01:19:10
Speaker
tracheostoma in his neck. It's the breathing hole. I smoked way too many cigarettes and now I have to talk like this. Uh, uh, this breathing hole was to help with, uh, tongue cancer. He was suffering from, you know, when they say that your day can't get a whole lot worse and you're having a hole in your throat because you lie and you're awake for the surgery and then your things gets caught on fire. I think your day just got a whole lot worse.
01:19:40
Speaker
Well, you know, yeah cause they yeah they use one of those lasers. and shows you a sample But during the procedure, a spark from the surgery jumped to his face. The tool ignited the still wet alcohol. ah He lay there burning on the operator tape on the operating table as surgeons attempted to put him out.
01:20:02
Speaker
According to the law. Sorry. I have a visual of something. You're laying up on the operating table. You're a wig and you're like. Your face is on fire and the doctor's just punching you in the face to put it out. And you can't do anything. I'm assuming me like all you can do is like move his eyes. You can't like probably shout him out or anything. So it is mine. He's like horrible. Like it is mine. Stop hitting me.
01:20:29
Speaker
my um smell I smell, what does it notcto pattern smell like? like bacon. I'm just, uh, Murdoch, according to the lawsuit, Murdoch was, uh, left traumatized and permanently disfigured until he died six months later. Damn. The lawsuit. is about pa it takes months Yeah. The lawsuit is looking for 900,000 for the mile practice and damages caused.
01:21:02
Speaker
uh apparently according to the emergency care research institution there are between 90 to 100 surgical fires in the u.s a year that's fucking scary as shit dude that is way i mean okay oh no compared to the compared to the amount of surgeries a day for it might be and Well, yeah, I was going to say in the US there's compared to the amount of surgeries. It's not that big of a number, but when you're thinking about talking for surgery, that's still a large number because what if I, when you go in for surgery, they make you sign a waiver. Like you get to the bar. What's, what's this shit about fire? Yeah. Don't worry about it. Just sign your law just checking the, um the use of flammable cleaning alcohol.
01:21:53
Speaker
can easily be ignited by the sparks from surgical to I don't know how about we get something that we can clean the surface area with that's not fucking flammable or or I don't know instead of using those fucking layer lasers go back to a fucking scalpel how are you gonna be a freaking laser beam laser beams on the burnt face from a surgery fire uh of Murdoch is just one of many the situation in which surgeons happened happened is the perfect tinder box for a fire in a way for the treatment must have made the situation even more stressful. Lawsuit, lawsuit, lawsuit, blah, blah, blah, wife, wife, wife. I'm sure the face fire didn't, he struggled to speak after the surgery. Yeah. Because they put a two minutes. God damn throat. Well, not only that his tongue had tongue cancer. So you yeah. ah to ki on twelve positive And his face got set on fire.
01:22:52
Speaker
There's no straight option. It's a bad day. Just shoot me. the hospital lot willing to yeah the kind The hospital's not willing to comment. No surprise there.
01:23:03
Speaker
ah Surgery is bad enough without having to worry about your face being set on fire. You know how you come home from a bad day at work and you sit down and your wife's like, Hey, how'd your day go? That poor doc came on. Well, another fucking patient caught a fire. Yeah.
01:23:21
Speaker
yeah i'd impluge him to put the fire out so bench column fire it took twenty minutes and yeah there some bitch caught on fire right on the table you know you know bob you're not a very good search enough to say yeah Maybe you should go back to carpentry i don't know and this is is system i done the fuck os now that's horrible I feel bad for the dude. But I also, like if I was in that situation where my face caught fire, just fucking take me out back and shoot me. I don't want to be dissident here. Like I was talking to a buddy the other day, he's in a wheelchair. And I said, you know, you know, you got in this wheelchair because the drunk driver hit your car. I get that blah, blah, blah. But I don't know, man. I would just be like, just fucking kill me right here. I don't want to, I don't.
01:24:20
Speaker
I got enough fucking problems. do I got to be in a fucking wheelchair. Jeez. Yeah. Pass. so open Pass. I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to ever be in a position where people have to take care of me because I know your dumb ass will come over and smother me with a pillow. and Oh, no, I wouldn't do that just on a Tuesday. Oh, no, no, no. see I don't need you. I don't need you to be in a vegetable state to do that.
01:24:50
Speaker
Dude, I do wear the vegetables. Oh my god. the The fun I could have with weekend at burning style shit. Right? like I'm in for that. I'm totally in for that. i could I could be a street performer and have you wired up like a fucking puppet.
01:25:07
Speaker
My name's Jeff. Watch should me do my little dancey dance. and i'm gonna pull my kids down My eyes scream kill me now. This is bullshit. This is not what I signed up for. Yeah. I could smother you with a pen pillow any day of the week. I mean, at the end of the day, there's a huge size difference between us. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do, little feller? I learned this person next to me. It's a needle. It's an animal tranquilizer.
01:25:45
Speaker
Wake up, wake up strapped to a bench with Saran rap. I've seen this before. Bullshit, I saw his movie. I've seen the whole series and broke prequels. Yeah, man, I can hang you up like a piñata at a fucking birthday party or quincea or whatever the fuck they're called. Quincea. Yeah, whatever.
01:26:12
Speaker
They don't have to. Congratulations. You're a woman now. Beat them with a stick. it is mexico They do that anyway. They do that when they're angry. Hit them with a stick. thank you Like, so it's a normal Tuesday, I guess.
01:26:31
Speaker
And if you want me to, I'll stop you and pull a candy, but you might not eat the candy after that. but like He's probably got cigarettes in his pocket. and I'm just saying. There's no money when there's cigarettes in there. Oh, that's horrible. We're bad people.
01:26:56
Speaker
Yeah, well, I'm already going to hell. I might as well enjoy my life. You're going to get better when I die. I'm going to hell. We're going to have a real good time when we get down there.
01:27:11
Speaker
oh yeah
01:27:14
Speaker
Anywho, it's about that time. I'm from hell. How many, how many, how many more of those, uh, penis stories you got on that list? We didn't do a lot. No, I got like 11 more.
01:27:27
Speaker
Well, let's play a ah final song. And then we'll we'll get into the Peanuts report. So this is Holy Oath, Raven Black. holy di but Yeah, Holy Oath. Actually from Canada. So from Canada. theyre go use band but ti up An English guy from Canada. I broke two rules in one night. But he was awesome.
01:27:57
Speaker
You enjoy it. I'm a rule breaker. I'm a bad kid. He woke up with a smile on his face. I'm a bad boy. What was that girl's name from Peewee's Big Adventure? When Peewee was like, I'm a bad guy. The one that liked her, liked him. Yeah, he was like, Daddy. You don't want to be like, I'm a rebel. I'm bad. I'm a rebel.
01:28:22
Speaker
I can't name a beauty voice. I haven't done it in years. Anyways, this is Holy Oath with Raven Black, and we'll be right back.
01:32:16
Speaker
That was Holy Oath with Raven Black. I like that. They're on Spotify. I'm going to download that song. I like that song. yeah are everywhere I'm going to download that song. Much like us, we are everywhere. You can check us out. Bio.leg slash nonsensical network. I see what I did there.
01:32:37
Speaker
since Well, sir, it's about that time again. It's time for the weekly Penis report. anybody ever notices, I tube this and I grasp it and shake it. I don't know why, I thought it was funny.
01:33:21
Speaker
but But you're content now you said this is obviously it's continuation last week. This is anonymous penis stories from Whisper, correct? Yeah, sorry. I'll take that. No, I lied. Yeah, I had to respond to something real quick. Ah, yes. So
01:33:48
Speaker
Welcome to the Venus Report. Gather around everybody. Be prepared to get clicked on. While I click you off with my sultry story. I was grasping it, sir.
01:34:03
Speaker
<unk>s power and didn't Didn't look like it was too firm of a grasp. Is that better? is that better but Hold on to this Bronco because once it gets loose, buddy.
01:34:14
Speaker
You know, they say you get the ball, you mess with the ball, you get that thing all. Mess with the Glick. You get the prick. with some little Yeah. Yes. Uh, gather round, gather round. I have your weekless week weekly, weekly, weekly penis report. And it is 21 hilariously awkward penis confessions. That'll make you go, what the fuck from whisper.
01:34:44
Speaker
Whisper is still a thing, by the way. and And yeah, I was able to download it. but yeah ah Just to recap, because this was so goddamn funny last week, I just want to say it again. Sometimes I put a napkin over my penis and pretended to ghost. I swear to God, I'm going to do it. I just need to go get it. I need to go get like a bunch of napkins for no reason. Yeah. I have no reason to buy napkins. Ooh, I'm a ghost. I'm a ghost.
01:35:14
Speaker
Yeah. And the other one that made us laugh was, uh, I was making puppets with my penis one night during about of insomnia, turned around to find my wife laughing at me. What a weird moment in our relationship. So we go from ghost penises to, you know, I, I, I'm going to reiterate that as a, that as a keeper.
01:35:35
Speaker
If she's not leaving you because you're playing with your penis and making noises and doing a puppet show, she's definitely a keeper. Now she knows it. professor said However, ah part of I really don't think about it. Like I can't imagine it making you all different. I had like a top hat and a monocle and a cape.
01:35:59
Speaker
cheio in tips of that yeah hello my little british friend raise is that Hello my little British friend, how are you doing today? Splendid! It's a beluga whale!
01:36:19
Speaker
ah hey this' a bit retarded and le Anywho. He runs things. Yeah, get into this. Second half of our list here. This person, the first time I had sex, I thought my penis would be linked to the vagina, just like a MacBook charger, is automatically pulled into the charge port. So he just assumed all he had to do is get close to it. Oh, because they're magnetic? Yeah, or a vacuum. I don't know.
01:36:53
Speaker
ah know we do that again intellectual yeah ah would' not be better that but an hello But I wouldn't feel like an idiot if I thought that and I'm like, why isn't it going in? so wrong yeah Yeah, I think a part of me the the initial thought would be like,
01:37:15
Speaker
That ain't right. and it's then real quick like who Could you do that again? next but me are you broken let me just because after exactly or disconnect food again justne do it again Call that nerd nerd over. yeah i confirm transitions to Yeah. Congratulations to the nerd for getting laid. I mean, obviously that guy was a giant nerd. If that's how he thought that it worked.
01:37:45
Speaker
uh yeah you know ah but uh usually usually nerds have seen porn before he's obviously hasn't yeah an however i would watch that porn we call her dicey i mean i'm i'm sure it's out there uh My girlfriend caught me blow-drying my penis and asked me what I was doing. Apparently, eating your dinner was not the right answer. Oh, I got an idea for you, Glick. I mean, you say that like it's going to backfire on me. like Oh, I'm not saying you will. However, I do want to hear the story ever. So you walk in and I'm blow-drying my dick.
01:38:41
Speaker
Told her I was warming up for dinner and guess what happened? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
01:38:49
Speaker
yeah have to do that against some night everybody you yeah your dinner always ready four di in in a week really yeah i mean Shut up, it's fun. You don't want to go hungry, do you? You got to make that payment. that i Yeah, you got you got to pay for the plugs.
01:39:17
Speaker
i suck oh Hey, where'd you learn that trick from? That's a new one. yeah You did a double good game.
01:39:30
Speaker
but Yeah. Uh, I don't know how this happens by accident, but, uh, whatever. Uh, Guy says, I accidentally got my penis stuck in a toaster and I had to use a tub of margarine to free myself. the worst part was my girlfriend kate and the worst The worst part was my girlfriend came in halfway through. Yeah. How do you explain that? Because that's not just like, are watching i jump on sell landed on my yeah you you don't just, uh,
01:40:01
Speaker
Yeah, it doesn't just jump off the counter and. Yeah, that's not. That's not normal. Yeah. My question is, what the fuck was he doing with that toaster? I think we know what he was doing with the toaster, Joe. Didn't they didn't they do didn't they do a cartoon version of like the happy little toaster? That toaster was not happy. The toaster was happy.
01:40:29
Speaker
Maybe it was, you know. Yeah, but but Jeff toster would be would be female. Jeff, we were going to be the nonsensical nonsense toaster bubble baths or bath bombs. Now we can do the nonsense nonsense.
01:40:45
Speaker
Fleshlight. Yeah. Toaster fleshlight. I'll give up the three d printer now. um
01:40:58
Speaker
I caught some of my penis skin in my pants zipper today. Oh, you poor bastard. Which shade of gray was that? Right? Or purple? Jesus. No, for the Fifty Shades of Grey book. The Fifty Shades of Grey.
01:41:16
Speaker
and but ah leave I hate my sex drive. I get erections at the most inconvenient times.
01:41:27
Speaker
I was doing my own laundry today, and my penis was all, laundry is boring, let's watch porn.
01:41:36
Speaker
Once again, I reiterate, so you're a dude, right? yeah Yeah, I was gonna say, it can I can honestly say that's happened. there Like every time I do longer. So you're having fun playing this new video game. Maybe we should go watch porn. You know what? That's a hell of an idea. You know what, buddy? You're right. Let's go do this. The game will be here in 30 seconds. I apologize now. yeah Turn the mic back on. Guys, I'll be back in 30 seconds. Carry on.
01:42:08
Speaker
My toaster's calling me over our back. You guys want to see a puppet show? yeah I got I got to go catch a ghost. There's a ghost in my house. I got to go get it.
01:42:25
Speaker
Just call me in. Yeah. I I accidentally sent a picture of my penis to my family's group chat. Nice.
01:42:38
Speaker
imagine the grandma love space has because they' imagineed the shock out grady's face when she opens that grandma won't stop fucking calling me man gave an extra twenty dollars of my birthday yeah but hashtag worth it
01:43:07
Speaker
that's a good 50.
01:43:11
Speaker
I'm retired, boys. Dear, ah well, everything's been going great, therapist. You know, I feel like my life's really getting getting getting in order. However, I am hoarding myself out to my grandma. What? It's paying your salary. I hope your kids do.
01:43:37
Speaker
Win-win, right? I hope your kids enjoy college. Yeah, college. ah Weight loss update in this next one. Weight loss update. Found my penis. Hey, you know. Hashtag winning. I've never had that problem, but
01:44:02
Speaker
I bet you it was a pleasant surprise. Look down. oh that
01:44:13
Speaker
Dude, this makes me want to go and whisper so bad. Just search penis. Well, so, uh, so I took super glue and glued my penis hole closed and had sex without a condom. I came.
01:44:32
Speaker
with nowhere for it to go. And I have to pee. I didn't think this through. Yes. I mean, I don't think she'll get pregnant, but you're gonna be backed up for a while, buddy. Yeah. You know what? That's going to be an expensive hospital bill.
01:44:52
Speaker
Yeah. Dude, but superglue hurts when it like it burns when you put it in. Like, I would not be able to have sex after putting in superglue on my penis. Like, I get it on my finger and I'm like, fuck, that's getting hot. Yeah. Could be like that chick that used gorilla glue on her hair.
01:45:17
Speaker
We talked about like a year ago.
01:45:21
Speaker
but Gorilla yeah what I think i did I think gorilla glue in your hair is a little bit different than super glue in your pee. Oh, no, I agree But once again neither one of them thought this through Yeah, I would much rather take gorilla glue to my hair than super on my pecker hungry
01:45:44
Speaker
I just want to like, does this guy know Blaze? Like he's a super big stoner. It's like, oh, I got a fucking idea, man. I don't have any condoms, but I got it's fucking super glue, dude. I that but with sally but but i got this super glue, Brad. And over Sally, we got this. Yeah,
01:46:07
Speaker
yeah you know what? Fucking I'll wear a condom. Right.
01:46:14
Speaker
Oh, let me see. you That hurts just thinking about it. I'm sorry. Yeah, i mean it's it's kind of ah kind of a boneheaded move. I'm just saying, take the risk. Get her pregnant, it dude. Right?
01:46:44
Speaker
In the long run, it's probably cheaper. Yeah, 100 percent. Well, because you would think you would get ah an infection, too, like a urinary tract infection. Yeah, he's definitely going to do quite a bit of damage. The hell. There it is. ah I put googly eyes on my penis and stood in the doorway. Naked when my girlfriend came home. one and
01:47:16
Speaker
Maybe we need googly eyes. Somebody run make a run to Claire's. Yeah.
01:47:27
Speaker
Well, googly eyes on the, on the napkin too, I'm just saying. Well, yeah, for the, for for, you got to complete the ghost, the the full on ghost look. Well, you can just use a Sharpie or black dots. Mm-hmm.
01:47:43
Speaker
It's a girl. so yeah
01:47:50
Speaker
You know what? I'm not mad at that. I wish I was that creative. i like However, you do you do run the you do run the risk of your wife, girlfriend, or whatever going, yeah, no. Oh, come on, baby. It's funny. and if However, she's got a good sense of humor. You're going to get a chuckle.
01:48:11
Speaker
like They were like, they're so cute. That's right. Come here and give him a gift. Yeah. Shailoo. To my little friend. Shailoo, to my little googly-eyed friend. And his cool cape.
01:48:35
Speaker
Oh, no, you've hurt his feelings and he killed himself. And now he's a ghost. He figured me in punching. I'm saying, we figured out the puppet show, dude, right there. Done. We got props. We got googly eyes. We got storyline. I really wish I could do a British accent because I would so put like a little one of those boiler hats on or whatever in ah in a monocle. And then put a cane on A monocle? the world's smallest model. Little chain wrapped around his neck. A pocket watch. I'm going to get him a motorcycle. With a side car versus two best friends. I would like a plate of mash and bangers or whatever it's called. Bangers and mash please.
01:49:32
Speaker
i'd like to banngger your match and No, no, no, no blood sausage, please.
01:49:42
Speaker
but ah so i said no better He does like a little spotted dick. though
01:49:58
Speaker
um and along the line I spent a lot of free time alone. We spent too much time on podcasts. Yeah. I'm not circumcised and sometimes I play peekaboo with my penis head. Oh no, where'd the penis go? You know, that is the, that is the, you know,
01:50:24
Speaker
not to put everything out there, but it's not, I've never stopped it before, but I am circumcised and I wish I could do that. I so i can. Cause mine looks like a little turtle that's scared inside the shell. So I can pull the shell back and go, Hey hey little buddy. i yeah here he's wearing his little no yeah Oh no, where did he go? Oh my God. There's a ghost.
01:50:47
Speaker
good There is a downside to being circumcised. They're just saying it's not the best downside when it's a downside. I get to have less fun.
01:51:02
Speaker
and ah I talk to my penis when I don't get laid for a while. I tell him it's not his fault so that he feels better. Wait, you don't do that? No.
01:51:20
Speaker
I used to have when I was a kid when I had to be really bad. I'm like just hold on everybody. We got this if that hold right there that's Okay, there's there's quite a few more of these like Yeah,
01:51:36
Speaker
got and we'll see i maybe we can get to so i'm ready to yeah i yeah I had a girl thank my penis one time after I after and called it her little buddy. It was so awkward. We didn't date much longer after that. Dude, I would have married that bitch right then and there. Like, we're getting married. Yeah, especially if she was like. Vlogging your little buddy all the time. Yeah, especially if she patted him on the head like, hey, thanks, little buddy. Yeah. Like, you want to become a ghost? Yeah. You want to meet my English friend?
01:52:10
Speaker
Have you met my retarded friend with the crazy eyes? He can play peekaboo. He's really good. I'm just saying you can buy all these. It's a hell of a night. Yeah.
01:52:26
Speaker
oh You will end up single probably, but yeah what anything on this or if you're already single and you're bored one night, look, we're often just don't stick your wiener and toaster. And if you do the conceptal nonsense, toaster.
01:52:43
Speaker
Yeah, and if you do, please make sure you unplug your toaster first. Yeah, it's a shocking endeavor. Well, that or you're gonna toaster pecker. Maybe he was making hot dogs. You don't know.
01:53:00
Speaker
Because they got those toasters that make hot dogs with the hot dog bun warmer too. Yeah, i dont but wrong wrong wrong wiener when in the toaster, Jeff. Not everybody's the brightest cookie in the box, sir.
01:53:17
Speaker
we're We're well aware of that, Jeff. yeah You're on the network. will be Jeff is the dimmest bulb in the box.
01:53:30
Speaker
Hey, I'm home alone a lot. What do you want me to do? It was a hole. I had to dig my dick in it. It was nice and warm. I didn't do anything once. I don't recommend spitting into it for Lou, but... I know we didn't delete it. Where is it? It plumps when you cook it.
01:53:52
Speaker
is
01:53:57
Speaker
i'm trying to stick the pick and everything jeff that's the that's that's the i can't help why discovery Well, if you're not, if you don't, if you're not going to stick your finger in it. ah told you when could use never back to ha me aired stop trying to stick your neck in everything, Jeff. Uh, one time I pleasured myself so much that I got a sore on my penis and I had to hide it in my girlfriend for a week. I've been there, dude. You just grab a bandage, a bandage around to be like, I explained it. Sorry. i think He was working out. He got any strap. I was younger. When I was younger, I jerked off so much. I gave myself a blister.
01:54:47
Speaker
I've learned not to do it anymore. I mean, I didn't have a girl at the time, obviously. yeah specific I've learned from. good but Oh my God. yeah That's what she said. One time I bled all over this dude's bed when I passed out at a party, got up and left.
01:55:17
Speaker
I'm a guy. and I'm a guy. I've bled out of my penis. He still probably thinks that some girl, first and foremost, why are you in some random dude's bed naked? Right. And why are you bleeding from your penis? You should probably go to the doctors. Oh, a hundred percent. You know, I've done a lot of things with my penis. That is not one of them. I would probably freak the fuck out and think I was dying.
01:55:43
Speaker
Here's another one. One time I bled out of my penis for four days right out of my pee hole. I think it like an hour into day one, I'm going to the hospital. Oh, ah hars let's let's be honest. These are not mental candidates. However, however, if we've learned one thing in the last couple of few years, apparently men can have their period and have a menstrual cycle. So yeah, but I don't, a specific apparently that's true. According to the story. No, but like it's gotta be, i do jess up as girls but that, that's one of those things. It's like, that's definitely an infection or like you've been stabbed. You just don't realize there's something seriously fucking wrong. If you're bleeding out, yeah. I mean,
01:56:32
Speaker
At the end of the day, there's no sense or butts about it. and that like somebody that's That's like when you see at the end of those Viagra and and and enhancement commercials, if you have an erection that lasts longer than four hours, please seek medical attention.
01:56:48
Speaker
I'm sorry. If I have a erection. Yeah. Everything on the way to fucking hospital. Hello, nurse. Help me out. Right.
01:57:04
Speaker
Oh, I'm giving piggyback. yeah Hide your dog.
01:57:16
Speaker
Whoa. Whoa. Easy. Easy. Whoa, Nellie. Whoa. No, but in all seriousness, the first time I heard that, if you've had erector for more than four hours, dude, if I have erector for four hours, somebody better check on my wife. Because she's probably dead.
01:57:41
Speaker
And I got a few more in here, but we'll we'll we'll save those for next week's penis report. And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. There is your weekly penis
01:58:09
Speaker
Firmly grasp it! Why are you so angry? Because she's not doing her job, isn't it? Yeah. Well, thanks for everybody watching. Thanks for everybody listening. We've got about four minutes left. We are out of here. ah We'll see you hopefully not in the news. Bye, everybody. Yeah. And that is the news that makes us say, what the fuck? What the fuck?
01:58:45
Speaker
Nonsensical network, different flavor every day Movie talks, new flips, hidden in display Microphone magic, musicians spill the craze From reptiles to motorsports, burning rubber craze Football crashes, touchdowns, epic plays New spinning, caption on the urban stories we embrace
01:59:28
Speaker
nature's arrangement cars with muscle
01:59:38
Speaker
nazis spoke the vo just right tune
01:59:49
Speaker
always on repeat
02:00:01
Speaker
All right, we are out.