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What Makes Your Heart Sing? - a conversation with author Sharon Rolph
9 Plays9 days ago
For most of her life Sharon Rolph who is a behavioural scientist, believed that she was an introvert. It was only in retirement that the offer of an assessment led to her discovering that her belief was ill founded.
After a career in background roles Sharon is now an advocate for retirees, encouraging them to enjoy the life they want to live not the life they were expected to live.
In this episode of the Abeceder podcast Fit For My Age you will hear Sharon describe her career to host Michael Millward. Sharon explains how the retirement we saw our parent and grandparents enjoy no longer exists.
Sharon and Michael explore what it means to be retired today and how retirees can build a retirement that makes their hearts to sing.
Proactive Positive Ageing.
It is always a good idea to know the risks early so that you can take appropriate actions to maintain good health, that is why we recommend The Annual Health Test from York Test.
York Test provides an Annual Health Test. An experienced phlebotomist will complete a full blood draw at your home or workplace. Hospital standard tests covering 39 different health markers are carried out in a UKAS-accredited and CQC-compliant laboratory.
A Personal Wellness Hub gives access your easy-to-understand results and guidance to help you make effective lifestyle changes anytime via your secure, personal Wellness Hub account.
Access York Test https://www.yorktest.com/and use this discount code AGE25.
Fit For My Age is made on Zencastr, because Zencastr is the all-in-one podcasting platform, that really does make creating content so easy.
If you would like to try podcasting using Zencastr visit zencastr.com/pricing and use our offer code ABECEDER.
Travel
If you fancy visiting Seattle, Washington, USA where Sharon Rolph is based remember that Ultimate Travel Club, members benefit from trade prices on flights, hotels, trains, and package hotels, and so many other travel related purchases.
Use our offer code ABEC79 to receive a discount on your membership fee.
Find out more about both Michael Millward and Sharon Rolph at Abeceder.co.uk.
Matchmaker.fm If you are a podcaster looking for interesting guests or if like Sharon, you have something interesting to say Matchmaker.fm is where matches of great hosts and great guests are made. Use our offer code MILW10for a discount on membership.
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If you would like to be a guest on Fit For My Age, please contact using the link at Abeceder.co.uk.
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Transcript
Introduction & Zencastr Overview
00:00:05
Speaker
Made on Zencastr. Hello and welcome to Fit For My Age, the health and well-being podcast from Abysida. I am your host, Michael Millward, the Managing Director of Abysida.
00:00:19
Speaker
As the jingle at the start of this podcast says, Fit For My Age is made on Zencastr. Zencastr is the all-in-one podcasting platform on which you can make your podcast in one place and then distribute it to the major platforms like Spotify, Apple, Amazon and Google YouTube Music.
00:00:43
Speaker
Zencastr really does make making podcasts so easy. If you would like to try podcasting using zencastr is it Zencaster, forward slash pricing and use my offer code, Abysida.
00:01:00
Speaker
All the details are in the description.
Podcast Purpose & Guest Introduction
00:01:03
Speaker
Now that I have told you how wonderful Zencast is for making podcasts, we should make one. One that will be well worth listening to, liking, downloading and subscribing to.
00:01:16
Speaker
Very importantly, on Fit For My Age, we don't tell you what to think, but we do hope to make you think. Today, my guest, who I met on matchmaker.fm, is Sharon Rolfe.
00:01:30
Speaker
Sharon is the author of What Makes Your Heart Sing, a fresh hope resource. Sharon is based north of Seattle in Washington State, you know which is part of the United States, so she's almost in Canada, where before retirement, Sharon worked for the jumbo jet maker Boeing.
00:01:52
Speaker
We'll find out some more about that. If you would like to visit Seattle, the best way to arrange your travel is to do like i do and book your flights, hotels or holidays at the Ultimate Travel Club because the Ultimate Travel Club gives you access to trade prices on all sorts of travel purchases.
00:02:10
Speaker
You'll find a link and a membership discount code in the description.
Sharon Rolfe's Early Life & Career Journey
00:02:15
Speaker
Now, hello Sharon. Hello Michael. I've been looking forward to this because you worked at Boeing and I've flown a lot of Boeings because there's a lot of Boeing airplanes around.
00:02:26
Speaker
But we're going to find out some more about that because that had an impact on what you did after you retired. But come on, please could we start by you telling us a little bit about Sharon Rolfe?
00:02:38
Speaker
Okay, I'd be glad to. started growing up on a farm. I'd milked cows, stacked hay, gathered eggs, raised crops. You're farm girl.
00:02:48
Speaker
Yeah, a farm girl for sure. i was middle of five kids, and oftentimes middle kids kind of get ignored a little bit, but I i actually wanted to be invisible because I felt like it was safe. So I i determined to get good grades, ah don't rock the boat, be obedient, and... maybe I'd make it okay. And that served me well.
00:03:12
Speaker
And I was the only one that went to college. So i have been a lifelong learner. Books were more my friend. i was an introvert. um Learning was a joy. And I, you know, it gives me wisdom and ah broad view of life.
00:03:28
Speaker
And So i I got a two-year degree from the college just kind of around the corner here. And then i got a four-year degree in an administration. But the degree that really changed my life was getting a master's degree in behavioral science.
00:03:46
Speaker
And that's what makes me unique. And i like being unique. So behavioral science has been at the time we said, well, what kind of degree? I mean, a job do we look for in the paper, you know, for this kind of degree? And they said, well, it's a human relations degree.
00:04:01
Speaker
And that is very effective. Now what I'm doing in retirement. So what did you do at Boeing? Was it HR work? Well, behavioral science is very closely related to HR and I often would look at HR openings, but they never quite fit me.
00:04:22
Speaker
I appreciated what HR was doing and um i did a little bit of training, but I started actually, Michael, on the production floor. i I learned to be a machinist because that's where the opportunity was. And actually a neighbor friend of mine, had she knew somebody in HR, I guess, at Boeing and said, well, Sharon, you're not ever, you're not going to get hired after 50. Well, I was 60 and I walked in the door and started working on ah being a machinist and working on the triple seven on second shift.
00:04:59
Speaker
building airplanes.
Boeing Experience & Views on Age in Workforce
00:05:01
Speaker
So you did that you started working in a factory making triple seven Boeing triple sevens, which I have flown on at the age of 60. Yeah.
00:05:12
Speaker
What did you do before that? Well, I had been nearly 20 years at GTE, the phone company, and I started out working on computers and both operating them and programming them.
00:05:29
Speaker
For 20 years, oh I eventually went into helping define problems because the problems that computers solve have to be programmed and before you can even program you need to define what the problem is you need solved so i helped on all those phases i was just going to say it sounds like you've had a really interesting career It wasn't all that exciting, but, you know, ae i helped at Y2K. I remember where I was when 2000 turned over the clock. And I actually had a and one of my programming friends. He he was very concerned about Y2K like 10, 20 years before it actually happened.
00:06:14
Speaker
This is a good thing he was concerned about it. Yep. Lots of people at the time, I remember it well. But let's just, with my HR professional hat on, let's just sort of congratulate Boeing for, know, not many organizations would take on somebody at 60 to work on the shop floor. So let's just congratulate Boeing. You had a great time there as well. so The other thing, Michael, that you can appreciate too is I didn't let my age stop me.
00:06:42
Speaker
Precisely. Precisely. And it's not stopping you now because that's what we need to talk about now. What is it that you are doing now? Are you retired? Yes.
00:06:53
Speaker
I left Boeing April 2016 and I then. um I had planned to work to 70, but I was in a job that the point of my job was to work myself out of a role because we're trying to take problem solving down to the lowest level. And when you get the lowest levels actually doing the problem solving, then they wouldn't need me anymore because they're empowered.
00:07:20
Speaker
Boeing being a union shop, The union people more likely wanted to blame management for the problems instead of helping solve
Podcasting & Public Speaking Post-Retirement
00:07:31
Speaker
them. And that just really graded me the wrong um bad because it was it was like they were turned turning the truth into something other than the truth, you know. That's your opinion, but they're not here to defend themselves. So what are you doing now?
00:07:51
Speaker
Okay, what I'm doing now, i got so inspired. Okay, so this whole thing of wanting to be invisible as a kid, I've been transforming my life since retiring.
00:08:03
Speaker
i About that same time I retired, I had gotten a profile. I had filled out a form for a profile. I like profiles because they tell me a lot about myself. But this one thing that they described me as, i thought they had the wrong person. um They said I was an influencer, kind of pretty strong in the influencing realm.
00:08:24
Speaker
And I thought, what are you talking about? But three, four months later, i got this call about being a a podcaster. And they invited me to come on and talk about myself. At the end, about four hours later, they said, well, we felt like you had something to say and you're energetic and and we'd like to have you a host a podcast on our station for you. And um so I basically started taking baby steps.
00:08:56
Speaker
Towards maybe, maybe I was meant to be an influencer. Because I did, about that same time, i I went to a webinar online that that was on mental strength.
00:09:12
Speaker
And the mental strength guy, he said, when you're facing a tough situation, you know, you're going into a tough meeting or you're you're meeting somebody that you think might be kind of antagonistic or, you know, not easy to work with.
00:09:30
Speaker
Well, first pause, remember recall to mind a warm memory, then... and Yeah, hold hold your warm thought for 15 seconds before you go into your meeting that you're kind of nervous about.
00:09:46
Speaker
And he said, your meeting will go a lot better after you've had these warm memory and recall these warm memories. So I had always used the example of a of a Christmas program when I was in third grade.
00:10:01
Speaker
ah Christmas program when you were in third grade. So how old is is third grade? It's not ah a term we would use here in the UK. um I was probably eight years old the most.
00:10:12
Speaker
Right. Eight years old. There's a Christmas program. So it's like what we might call in the yeah UK a nativity play. Yeah. Yeah. i was ah the I was a reader. They picked three readers and I was one of the readers. And um they didn't train me how to be a good reader. But, you know, I was on my toes and I thought, well, how do I tell they're if they're doing a good job, you know, reading. And so I looked at people on TV, you know, the evening news and how they would look at the camera and they would talk slow enough so people could understand them and talk loud enough so people could hear them.
00:10:52
Speaker
And then pause every now and then and look at your audience, and you know, like the preacher in the church. i put that to use at eight years old in the Christmas program. And a couple people told me afterwards that I was their favorite reader.
00:11:07
Speaker
Wow. Did that make my heart sink? ah You know, next week I got thinking, why just have one warm memory? And so I made a list of um eight or 10, maybe 12 items. And it shocked me when I realized half the things on my list were in front of people.
Retirement Stories & Finding Joy
00:11:29
Speaker
Interesting. Had I not been in the right career, it was just such an amazing feeling to to realize that maybe there's something about me that would do well as a speaker.
00:11:45
Speaker
So I did start doing... podcast. My first 23 were just audio and I invited guests on and I invited guests that were doing something in retirement or close to retirement that was kind of thinking outside the box.
00:12:05
Speaker
So one lady had walked the El Camino. Yes, the pilgrimage. Yeah, pilgrimage. Another gal had planned um customer service projects around the world for a year.
00:12:25
Speaker
She wound up feeding baby lions, riding elephants, working on a baboon sanctuary, and teaching Chinese college students English in China. Nice.
00:12:41
Speaker
And she came home with her heart so expanded. It was just such a, think about outside the box, you know, that was the ultimate. And um she now has ah friends all around the world.
00:12:57
Speaker
And she did that at 53, I think it was. a lot of people that do that kind of work. Customer service work is right out of college. So um she often would make the other volunteers chocolate chip cookies and they would call her mama.
00:13:14
Speaker
ah So what you're talking about then is you're talking to people who are not doing the conventional type of retirement. They're doing something completely different to what most people expect.
00:13:29
Speaker
You also mentioned, though, this idea that if you think about the things that make you happy, you can have a better time when you're in difficult situations.
00:13:41
Speaker
And I can follow ah completely understand that if you're going to have a difficult meeting, think about something that makes you happy and you'll go into that with a brighter mind. That really makes sense.
00:13:53
Speaker
The other thing though that you mentioned is that you because that your expectation of yourself was to be an introvert, you looked for a career that would enable you to do that.
00:14:06
Speaker
When you think about the things that make you happy away from work, the things that make you, the things that involve being in front of people, being communicating with people, sharing things with people, it's not what we intended to talk about, but I think it's a very important point that if someone is thinking about what job should I do, what type of work do I want to do is think about what makes you happy.
00:14:33
Speaker
without thinking about work and then try and replicate what makes you happy in your job. Yeah, and that even applies. I just recently wrote an our um ah course on making a marvelous transition into volunteering. And that applies to volunteering too, because often, volunteer jobs can easily turn into being paid gig.
00:15:00
Speaker
But yes um I'm still, Michael, working on, i ah decided I'm going to try to ask myself every day before I get out of bed, what would bring me joy today?
00:15:13
Speaker
um i live only about a mile from the ocean and I can see the ocean out my window here. And yet I'm rarely down there on the beach.
00:15:23
Speaker
And um ah so i i I was recalling this morning how last Thursday, three of us ah lady friends sat down and by a bench near the beach and enjoyed, you know, just chatting there chatting.
00:15:39
Speaker
I can't tell you how important happiness and joy is because life pretty monotonous. it In fact, it kind of lawless lulls us into this monotony of, you know, paying for the roof over your head and paying for your car and paying for your education.
00:15:59
Speaker
And for some reason this weekend, I was reminding myself of the times that I've gone camping and the smell of um alder wood fires burning, you know, and my sister does have an RV place down here that they build a fire pit and but they have RV outdoor living.
Encouragement for Retirees
00:16:23
Speaker
Yeah, and it's not quite the same as having a raw fire right there in the middle of the forest and and hiking trails. That whole discovery, being curious, is ah is such an important element that we lose in retirement. And being as curious as a three-year-old adds much more to your life.
00:16:48
Speaker
Yes, and I think that's the the whole sort of message of your book, isn't it? It's about finding the courage to do the things, to be curious, because there's a lot of pressure on people to fit the mold, to be quiet in retirement. And you're saying, don't be quiet at all.
00:17:09
Speaker
Yeah, it adds so much energy. the Well, in fact, I i have a course. It's going to be a free thing. ah talk about six tips in retirement that get can get you off track.
00:17:23
Speaker
And there's things like um being lonely or being too busy or being bored You're saying that we almost accept that as we get older, we go into retirement, that loneliness is one of the inevitable things. Boredom is one of the inevitable things.
00:17:40
Speaker
Or we can be the other extreme and and have too many things going on, which means that we don't actually really create the time to enjoy or to savour the activities, savour Like you said, going to the beach with all your girlfriends is a very special time, but unless you make the time for those types of things and don't overfill your diary, overfill your calendar, then those sorts of times won't happen.
00:18:07
Speaker
Exactly. Well, here's something that you might do on a daily basis like I do. I take four biscus with me every time I go out for my walk. I give biscus to dogs that show up, you know, during my walk.
00:18:22
Speaker
And I tell people I get my kisses from dogs because I'm not married. What a delight to pet the dogs and and they come running to find my get my biscuits. And it's such a joy to um see dogs smile.
00:18:41
Speaker
Yes, yes, so I have a dog that smiles. But also, when when you talk to someone's dog, you also talk to the person as well, don't you? You meet new people as a result of animals like dogs.
00:18:52
Speaker
Yeah, but I have to admit, I know more dogs' names than the owner names. Oh, yes, yes. That is always the case. And the dogs remember you.
00:19:03
Speaker
And I suspect that if you see the person who owns the dog without the dog, they're a little bit more difficult to identify. Oh, yeah, yeah. But, you know, smiles count, Michael, in retirement.
Living Authentically in Retirement
00:19:16
Speaker
there's that's That's how you break the ice with people is smiling at them.
00:19:21
Speaker
And so I encourage, yeah there were a couple of people yesterday that I just waved because they looked like they were preoccupied, you know, with their earphones in or something. but It's sad, isn't it? When somebody...
00:19:33
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Absorbed in something that is artificial and yet they're out in the fresh air, out in nature, on a beach, in the woods, and yet they've still got the whatever they're called in their ears.
00:19:47
Speaker
I make a point to pay attention to the crows and the squirrels and the bunny rabbits and what's blooming and what's going to seed. And um I'm just so amazed at how much green is around, you know, Seattle. i i drove for Lyft for a year and I would tell people we had a thousand shades of green in Washington.
00:20:11
Speaker
And none of them clash. Yeah. Yeah. The message of your book, this like, what makes your heart sing a fresh hope resource is around all of these various different things, isn't it? Yeah.
00:20:23
Speaker
It's about finding the courage to not fall into the predetermined view of what retirement is supposed to be like. Finding that little bit of courage that enables you to get out, do things and let your heart sing.
00:20:38
Speaker
Well, yeah, yeah it's not your parents' retirement. We have a chance to live with curiosity and spending time on the rocking chair in your porch is pretty nice as long as you're talking to your neighbors or I got the term fresh courage from a Hallmark movie. I'm i'm a pretty avid Hallmark movie fan.
00:21:02
Speaker
and One of the lines in one of the shows was saying said that when you go home from vacation, you often go home with fresh courage. And I had realized that even while I was at Boeing, that I had more gumption when I came back, more boldness to big ah work on a solution for things that had been going on too long that needed ah to be solved.
00:21:28
Speaker
When you're gazing at a campfire or the ocean and and you're just quiet and letting the breeze and the smoke in your eyes and all that, that You often get small voice in your spirit that talks to you.
00:21:47
Speaker
And it might remind you of things that, what your dreams were or things that would make your heart sing, in fact. Yes. Yes. Yeah, so fresh courage is is adding that, um and remembering what your potential was, your dreams, your talents that you hadn't used for eons, like playing the piano or being a poet, or maybe you're a good ah debater.
00:22:17
Speaker
Is there some sense in being say like when you are working in your career, you're doing the full-time job bit, you become the job. We define ourselves by the job title. yeah And yet what you're saying is that in retirement, now is the time to be you?
00:22:34
Speaker
Well, yeah. It's living from your heart instead of so much from your head. Yeah. And you might have forgotten how to listen to your heart.
00:22:47
Speaker
I think but an awful lot of people can, if they really thought about it, and perhaps some people wouldn't need to think about it, but a lot of people would be able to relate to what you just said.
00:22:58
Speaker
We do become very much bound up in the, the mild, we catch the academic wave. We catch the career wave, the parenting wave, the Whatever way that is, we're being something other, we're being something for someone else.
00:23:15
Speaker
and And then when retirement comes, you do hear of people who say, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? And yet, what it is that you're supposed to do is then be you.
00:23:28
Speaker
Yeah, you're a being instead of a doing. she ah yes. Yeah, and you've certainly filled your retirement so far with all sorts of various different interesting and exciting activities.
00:23:43
Speaker
So I congratulate you and long may it continue. Yes, I'm definitely headed towards 100. had a family reunion with my cousins here a couple weeks ago. And my cousin that was an engineer for Boeing, and he, in fact, had lived in in Germany, in Paris, France, during his Boeing years.
00:24:06
Speaker
He's now in a memory care facility. it was so good to give him a big hug. yes I was came home from the reunion just,
00:24:18
Speaker
So touched by how therapeutic the hugs were. And yet part of that loneliness. and Oh, I did talk to him about there is innovation happening in the senior living industry, having classes as if they're still learning. Yeah.
00:24:36
Speaker
I have a friend that's doing been working with senior living with teaching them how to have a purpose in retirement, even dementia patients. It just blows my mind that she's teaching people to have a purpose in retirement, in even including ah senior living memory care places.
Conclusion & Positive Aging Message
00:24:56
Speaker
And he, my cousin did say that he had a lot of activities there and He didn't say a lot, but but he sounded like he liked it there and was busy.
00:25:07
Speaker
Great. That's brilliant. yeah Sharon, thank you very much. really do appreciate you sharing your ideas about retirement and how people can enjoy ah retirement that makes their heart sing. Thank you very much.
00:25:20
Speaker
Really appreciate your time today. Thank you for having me. It's been a delight. We've had a good time. Thank you. I am Michael Millward, the Managing Director of Abbasida.
00:25:30
Speaker
And in this episode of Fit for My Age, I've been having a conversation with Sharon Rolfe, the author of What Makes Your Heart Sing, a Fresh Hope resource. You can find out more about both of us at abbasida.co.uk.
00:25:44
Speaker
There is a link in the description. You can also find out more information about some of the courses that Sharon mentioned at sharonrolfe.com. I must remember to thank the team at matchmaker.fm for introducing me to Sharon.
00:25:59
Speaker
If you're a podcaster looking for interesting guests, or if like Sharon, you have something very interesting to say, matchmaker.fm is where matches of great hosts and great guests are made.
00:26:13
Speaker
There is a link to matchmaker.fm and an offer code in the description. At Fit for My Age, our aim is proactive positive aging. Knowing the risks early is an important part of maintaining good health.
00:26:26
Speaker
That is why we recommend the annual health test from York Test. York Tests provide an assessment of 39 different health markers, including cholesterol, diabetes, vitamin D, vitamin B12, folic, liver function, iron deficiency, inflammation, and a full blood count.
00:26:44
Speaker
The annual health test is conducted by an experienced phlebotomist who will complete a full blood draw at your home or workplace. Hospital standard tests are carried out in a accredited and CQC compliant laboratory.
00:27:02
Speaker
You can access your easy-to-understand results and guidance to help you make effective lifestyle changes anytime via your secure Personal Wellness Hub account. There is a link and a discount code in the description.
00:27:16
Speaker
If you are listening to Fit for My Age on your smartphone in the United Kingdom, you may like to know that 3.0 has the UK's fastest 5G network with unlimited data, so listening on 3.0 means you can wave goodbye to buffering.
00:27:31
Speaker
There is a link in the description that will take you to more information about business and personal telecom solutions from 3 and the special offers available when you quote my referral code.
00:27:43
Speaker
That description, like Sharon's book, is well worth reading. If you have liked this episode of Fit for My Age, please give it a like and download it so that you can listen anytime, anywhere.
00:27:56
Speaker
To make sure you don't miss out on future episodes, please subscribe. Remember, the aim of all the podcasts produced by Abbasida is not to tell you what to think, but we do hope to make you think.
00:28:09
Speaker
Until the next episode of Fit for My Age, thank you for listening, and goodbye.