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Raise your hand if your house stays clean
35 Plays10 months ago
Will my house ever stay clean and organized? Why does mom have to do everything? Why is getting my teen to help harder than getting a toddler to help? And how many sauce bowls do you really need when making wings?
I talk with Unison Frances, ex-middle school music teacher turned CEO of Go Goddess Organizing. She shares with us how she cracked the code on getting kids - yes, even the toddlers and the teens - to help out around the house, what they can actually do, and how to make it fun so it sticks so you can truly live momtabulously.
How to find her -
FB group with support and tons of info https://gogoddess.myflodesk.com/happyhour
Decluttering checklist freebie https://gogoddess.myflodesk.com/declutteringchecklist
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction of Guest and Purpose
00:00:13
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to Mom Tabulous. I'm Charla Mandare, your host, and with me today is unison Francis of Go Goddess Organizing. She is a certified professional organizer, a mom of two boys who are six and seven back to back. Oh my goodness.
00:00:34
Speaker
She helps women going through a dynamic shift in their life to get their house on the same team as them. I love that. I want my house on my team.
Home as a Supportive Environment
00:00:47
Speaker
I know. I say that all the time with people. Are you living in your house or are you fighting your house all the time? How many times do moms, if we ever have that opportunity to go to the grocery store by ourselves,
00:01:01
Speaker
We drive up to the driveway, we park our car and it's like, you just like wait there for a second before you go in, right? And you're like, is it the people? Is it the house? Is it the whole, like, are you coming home from work to more? Yeah. Are you coming home from work to more work at home? Yeah. Yes. Yes. We're done. Right. We have a sign above our laundry that says this home is full of love and laundry.
00:01:30
Speaker
It's just never ending, right? Never ending. Yeah.
Creativity and Organization Link
00:01:37
Speaker
And I should mention you are an amazing singer and performer too. And you were at one point both of my kids music teacher. Yeah. Retired from teaching a couple years ago and are just helping all the moms organize all the things. I love it. Yeah. And I really think that it like actually goes hand in hand. Songwriting and inspiration like in creativity and being organized and having clear space and having room to breathe like
00:02:06
Speaker
For me, I know my muse, she's snobby. She needs a clean space to write a song. She's like, you know, oh, you see a pile of laundry that needs to be done first. Dishes need to be done. You know, like nothing creative happens for me unless I'm like,
00:02:20
Speaker
you know, ready to go and receive. So I think that that's one big reason why I went into organizing because I was realizing like how many of my friends and fellow mamas and everyone was just getting caught up in the taskiness of the stuff shuffle and like how their house affects them and they can't afford to be creative and let their freak flag fly, you know.
00:02:46
Speaker
Yeah, no, I love it. And I mean, I think one of the things, you know, that I hear from moms constantly and I say myself is like,
00:02:51
Speaker
My house is just never clean. It's never clean enough. It's never clean. And I think like one of my biggest wishes, cause I have like a high schooler now who likes to have her own agenda, her own schedule, her own, it's not can I, mom, these people are coming over and then I'm scrambling to just make the house presentable. And I just want, the dream is like, can I just have my house be presentable, not museum clean, but presentable for people to show up randomly.
00:03:25
Speaker
Yeah, it's like we see all of these TikToks and like shows on TV and they're like presenting these homes. They're show homes, right? They're like staged show homes. And somewhere we got it in our heads that like, I mean, yes, that would feel amazing to live in, but like, that's not how people live. That's not a lived in home. So like really adjusting
00:03:50
Speaker
what does a lived-in home, what does it look like? And then for you, like you said, presentable. You want your home presentable.
Teaching Kids Home Presentation
00:03:57
Speaker
So here's what I learned from a parenting coach, which I think I'm going to give her your name later, you, her name later. But her name is Cami Icecamp. She's in San Diego. And she says, like, teaching your children what that looks like. What does mom expect that presentable room to look like? Like down to the
00:04:16
Speaker
This is the way the pillows go on the couch that makes me feel good. The counters are cleared off. Even if you have to write it on a checklist, I freaking love a good checklist. You hand that to the girls and you're like, lady, you want your friends over?
00:04:33
Speaker
This happens first. Stick to it. That's the gating item. This is what I need. I need it to be presentable, and this is the way I want my house to feel and look. It's really because of us. Our surroundings affect us. The kids coming over don't care what your house looks like, but you do. To make you feel better, this is what I need. I need the floors cleaned off. I need every single thing picked up, and then call your friends.
00:05:03
Speaker
Yeah, it doesn't need to look like we live in a museum, right? Like, I don't want anyone to walk in and be like, ew gross. They live like this, which we don't live in a way that people would go ew gross, but I just, you know, if the blankets are hanging off the couch onto the floor, how hard is it to just put the whole blanket on the couch? How hard is that? To you, that seems like
00:05:33
Speaker
not a thing at all. But for some reason, it gets lost in translations with the kids. So on the checklist, you're like, I mean, down to the detail of like, how is the blanket hanging on the chair? And it's not a one and done thing. It's like, we're going to do this together before friends come over. Like, we're going to do this, we're going to practice this before there's like a
00:05:55
Speaker
Pressure
Managing Shared Spaces Among Kids
00:05:56
Speaker
like a timed thing mom I can't you know and then you can even have them go there your girls are old enough to like write their own Checklist like write what you need and then practice it a few times and then when friends are coming over You know like make it known way beforehand like hey the next time you want friends over this is what the living room needs to look like and this is what the bathrooms need to look like you know like and
00:06:18
Speaker
And that's it. And practicing it and holding that boundary around that. And just like, this is what I'm willing to do when the house looks like this and your friends are over. I will smile. I will be a gracious host. If this doesn't happen, they're not coming over and you're not going to see this. Yeah. I mean, so I know like we're in a position where my kids share a room and they're very different kids. I have one child who likes to be organized.
00:06:46
Speaker
and is, you know, a little more introverted, little quieter. And then I have another one that just would, you know, kicks the shoes off. They land where they land and she'll find them five minutes before she needs to leave for school tomorrow. It's fine. And she'll yell at me when she can't. And, you know, but if I asked her to do the dishes, she will, you know, I'm not saying she doesn't ever do anything, right? But like this room is like, you could, you could, if you cut it with a knife, like half an oven, how do you,
00:07:16
Speaker
Man, when they got to share a space and a small space, right? When they got to share a space, how do you like get the one on board? I mean, in a way it's teaching them to be roommates in college for sure. I'm teaching them how to just, you will have that roommate, but don't be that roommate, right? Exactly. Exactly. That's a great point. Like one day you're going to have a roommate. One day you, I'm assuming you'll want a life partner.
00:07:45
Speaker
Like, like keeping your space tidy for this other person right now is practice. For, you know, being a considerate person. But honestly, I know she probably feels so much better when it's clean and clear for herself. Which, you know, is sometimes hard to get to when, like, the tendency is to be messy.
00:08:06
Speaker
I'm going to hop in here real quick and just say, I know we talked a little bit about how people our age, I just remember growing up and hearing always like, go in
Making Chores Engaging for Kids
00:08:16
Speaker
there and clean your room. It was a punishment. It was a punishment to clean your room.
00:08:21
Speaker
Don't come out of there. I don't know if you've heard, don't come out of there until that room is clean. When there's no structure in place, it's what? You just throw stuff all in the closet. Kids, sometimes they don't know. As a parent who knows structure, or maybe even your other sibling, if that's a good thing to do, who knows structure and likes organizing, helps. Not does it for them, but helps them to get to a place
00:08:48
Speaker
where it's clean and they can see that the cleanliness and creating space for themselves and living in order is actually a lot more calming than chaos. But getting to that point is not an overnight step and they're not going to get there with someone yelling at them like, go to your room and clean it. That's just not going to happen. So enrolling them into the reasons why.
00:09:17
Speaker
I just say, what's that in Annie? That right, Miss Hanigan. So this dump shines like the top of the Chrysler Building, right? When they're making fun of Miss Hanigan. Like, yeah. So how do you make it fun for the kids? What can we do to make it not seem like a chore, like a punishment? Like we're yelling like Miss Hanigan all day long. How can we make it fun?
00:09:39
Speaker
Well, you know, when they were really little, there was like the cleanup song, you know, you'd turn that on. So if you've got little ones, definitely like turn the cleanup song on.
00:09:48
Speaker
And again, I'm a big fan of structure, like having like an order to where things go that works for them, not that works for you. Like, you know, don't try to do everything rainbow, you know, the toys on the shelf where they can't reach, that's nothing for them. So like I have, we have some bins, they're like specific to things my boys are very interested in.
Family Rituals and Shared Responsibility
00:10:11
Speaker
So like anything that has to do with transportation goes in this one bin.
00:10:15
Speaker
Anything that has to do with building supplies goes in another bin. Anything that, this is funny, anything that has a face goes in this bin and anything that doesn't fit in those other three, miscellaneous to us, goes in the fourth bin. So they know exactly where everything goes. Like I don't, you know, we just like tell them
00:10:35
Speaker
It's time to get it done. And then the dirty truth is it's not always fun, right? It's not always fun for us either. So just, I would say, steering away from cleaning as a punishment and make it, again, this is a term I learned from the parenting coach, but gating items. You're going to have dinner after the living room is picked up.
00:11:00
Speaker
the gate and I say gating items like for my boys playing the piano is your gating item to play your computer so there's not like there's not a big like oh I can't do that yet it's like no playing your piano opens the gate
00:11:13
Speaker
to you being able to then go on your computer and that's it. I don't want to hear anything else about it. And also like not letting it get out of control, right? Like cleaning it up before dinner is a lot easier than when it's after dinner and the showers are done and now they're tired, you know, like setting times aside to get it done. I saw a really cool TikTok the other day on just like
00:11:40
Speaker
I think it was like pretty much family contribution, like how they all were doing things to close the kitchen at night. You know, I don't know. Well, Sean, you know, you guys, you know food service, right? Like I worked in coffee shops all through college and it's like, what does the closing shift need to do? You need to close it down and it's clean so that when you come in the morning, pop that light on, you're ready to go, right? So it's like the closing of the kitchen.
00:12:08
Speaker
Let's everyone do it together. What is everyone doing together? And it does two things. It gets them in a habit of seeing everybody do everything. It takes some things off of that mom load. It makes the invisible work visible. Oh, yes. I love that. Invisible work visible. Yeah. Moms just carry so much mental load and it's just piled on. Oh my gosh.
00:12:36
Speaker
Right. It is definitely like an energy thing for me, right? Like I remember even in college, I lived with really just messy roommates and I'm pretty ADHD disorganized. I'm not like a total type A person, but I
00:12:50
Speaker
things will pile up and then it got to the point that I like cleaned this whole kitchen and I stood back and I was like, doesn't that feel good? It feels good. And one of my roommates was like, and I was like, don't ruin my vibe. She was like, you did, I'm just going to cook in it in an hour anyway. And I was like, then you clean those dishes because I, I mean, I can't
00:13:12
Speaker
counters down, it was like, I was like, it feels so good. It's definitely an energy thing. So like, how do you know like age appropriate chores, right? Like you got like a three year old and then they become a 13 year old, right? They're obviously different. They can handle different things. They can handle more things. Maybe what I'm asking is at what age should they start cleaning the toilets? No, I'm kidding.
00:13:35
Speaker
Yesterday. Every kid, every family
Kids Taking on Responsibilities
00:13:39
Speaker
is different. So I don't know if there's like a set, but there are so many checklists if you go online and just say like kid appropriate jobs. But, you know, just kind of feeling it out. Like my boys, they know that they're going to take their plates over from the, from the table. They're going to clear the table, table to the dishwasher, but they like loading the dishwasher. We're just starting to get there because they like, you know, dumping food everywhere was a big, so it's like,
00:14:05
Speaker
you know, paying attention. Okay. And asking them to like, Hey, buddy, do you think you're ready for the next step? Like, are you ready for, you know, it's kind of making it fun, too. Are you ready to level up? Are you ready to, you know, start loading the dishwasher? And you know, it's not
00:14:22
Speaker
It's not fun, but it does. Anything we can take off of our mom plates. So at what level can they then take over cooking of a meal? I mean, my goodness, I saw when we were at school, the kids and the culinary classes, they are so capable.
00:14:42
Speaker
And yet, often, they just haven't been given the skills and the tools. They will cook. They're good. My oldest, Delia, she'll find recipes. She loves to cook, and she's good at it. She makes way more of a mess in the kitchen than mom would make, but it's okay. But she can cook. That's great. And there are nights that I'm like, oh, you're cooking.
00:15:08
Speaker
Okay. So is there a balance in your house? I know when I was growing up, my mom made dinner, my dad cleaned the kitchen. It was like, there's a balance. Again, making that invisible work visible. There's a lot that goes into planning this meal. We went to the grocery store.
00:15:24
Speaker
who loaded the groceries in the car, who unloaded them in the car, then who planned it, then who's putting the food away. So it's all of these steps, and it is okay as a parent to, now I'm doing this for you. Now we're doing this. Now I'm planning the meals today.
00:15:47
Speaker
and now we're gonna clean the kitchen. So maybe talking to Delia about it beforehand, like cleaning the kitchen afterwards, is it connected or is that the treat? Maybe, hey, you know what? I'm gonna do the dishes tonight if you can keep it under three pots and pans. Right, yeah.
00:16:03
Speaker
You know, I mean, cause I know cause it's like every, I didn't even know I had so many pots and pans in the kitchen when someone else cooks. I'm like, what is happening here? She likes to make different sauces for things, which are really good, but she'll have like, she'll make wings and she'll have like,
00:16:18
Speaker
six sauces, and each of them have three to four ingredients. And here's a lemon pepper, and here's a buffalo, and here's a honey sriracha, and here's a honey lemon, here's a honey mustard, here's a, you know, this one's not spicy, because Sorela doesn't like spicy, and she's thinking this through great, but I'm like, we have like 30 ingredients.
00:16:39
Speaker
You know, like bringing it in too. Just like, you know, just, hey, let's keep it to three sauces tonight. Pick three. What's your three favorites? Or, you know, like enrolling like the little one, like, all right, if we're going to do this, like afterwards the cleanup. You know, it's like, it's like when we do laundry and I am staring at a pile of laundry right now. So, you know, please kettle call in the pot black here. But it's like,
00:17:05
Speaker
the washing machine does their job, the dryer does their job, and then there's the folding and the putting away. It has to happen. It's like doing laundry is not just shoving it in the washing machine and covering your eyes and thinking it's going to be done. Everything takes time, and it's like just getting those things done.
00:17:25
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. And I'm not complaining. My kids, I love that she will cook. I love that she will. Absolutely. Awesome. And I think some of that is just the learning process of something like cooking, even maybe cleaning the room. Some people tear the whole bed apart to make the bed, and some people just make the bed. They have different processes. And I think her process is, she's figuring out. She's 14, so she's figuring it out. Kids in the kitchen stress me out. But my husband, the restaurant manager, loves it.
00:17:54
Speaker
He's just not here for dinner a lot because he's managing the restaurant. So it's me and the kids. So yeah, it is like help mom out because I'm cooking and cleaning because you're doing the homework. So, you know, we're doing it all, but yeah. So moms need extra help in all of this because you have such great ideas. I love your social media. Like you're always doing things and little tips and tricks and I love watching it. And so if they need extra help.
00:18:18
Speaker
do you hire out like do you have to be local in San Diego or do you zoom clean garages or something like how does that work?
00:18:25
Speaker
Yeah, I love, I love helping. I love sharing. Moms need an extra set of hands at all times. So right now I'm running a program. I'm going to just start like this is the first time I'm talking about it, but it's called the year she let it go. And if you like that name, yeah. So it's going to be a process of slowly, slowly and intentionally going through our entire house and in a
Year-long Decluttering Project
00:18:52
Speaker
year.
00:18:52
Speaker
touching every single thing in our, that we own and deciding if it was part of our past that we're going to let go, or if it's like part of our present, like, yes, I will use this. Or is it part of a future that is not going to happen anymore? And we can also let it go. You know, so like, I just read the statistic that 80% of the things in our homes were never going to use again.
00:19:13
Speaker
And I thought, no way, no way. Like I was like blown away. I was like, there's no way. And then I started thinking about it. Oh, I do have a box of clothes that I'm never going to fit into again. Oh, and I never really do touch those mugs that are on the top of the thing. And I just started thinking, I'm like, wow, there is a lot of space in my home that's taken up by things and stuff that I'm never going to touch again. And so for a mom,
00:19:39
Speaker
I would say creating space, really being intentional in living with not a minimalist. I am not a minimalist, but living with less. Stop buying the newest toy that your kid is asking for because they're going to stop playing with it in three hours.
00:20:01
Speaker
it's just gonna go in the box of huge toys that's overflowing. So really like slowing down and pairing down and creating space. That's what I'm gonna do for the next year with moms. And you can jump in any time and every month we're gonna just focus on one room in the home. So February is gonna be the love center, the primary bedroom.
00:20:28
Speaker
And I'm going to give lots of tips. I'm going to give 21 little chunks, like 21, like today we're going to do the top drawer of your dresser. That's it. And it's going to be a great community of everyone doing it together to clear, to clear stuff. And then, you know, just like let things go. Let things go. I think that
00:20:47
Speaker
that as moms we hold on to so much. And if we think about how much we hold on to stuff, we look at our kids growing. My kids, they grow like weeds. They're six and seven. Man, every time they put on a pair of pants, I'm like, whoa, those are too small for you. Boom, let it go. Boom, let it go.
00:21:06
Speaker
But somewhere along the line, some of us got stuck, you know, and it's like we got to just like shift a little bit of that energy, get back in the flow and reach out to community and friends. And, you know, living in a mess or clutter or, you know, a house that's not presentable is so isolating sometimes, you know.
00:21:28
Speaker
judgment on ourselves and a shame associated with it. And it's like, Oh my God, no, like, you know, we crave community. Like, let's, let's just clear some space for ourselves again. I mean, mom tabulous, right? I was just gonna say, I love your little Facebook groups because
00:21:46
Speaker
Like, in doing this in community, you see people, people are posting the before and the after, and they're so proud of themselves of like, this drawer we did, or, you know, it's really cool. And then everyone's popping up with it. And it right is motivating, like, okay, they all did it. So I want to do it, you know, or just here's mine. Yeah. And like, I feel like mom tabulous is right in line with like, go goddess organizing, which is like, unburying your inner goddess. Every mom is mom tabulous. Every mom is a goddess.
00:22:16
Speaker
And it's not all about momming all the time. It's about you, right? Like rediscovering, like I did not realize when I became a mom,
00:22:25
Speaker
how much of my identity would then become that. And it's not always great, right? Like I want to be me first, right? That whole thing, like put on your own oxygen mask first, mamas, before you put on theirs. Because you, you know, fill your cup up first. That's what I am on a mission to do for, for every woman, you know, and I work exclusively with women. No, I love it. That is so right in line with
00:22:51
Speaker
this whole podcast, the whole series, my whole thing is just like, yeah, moms, let's come back to ourselves and what makes you feel good. And maybe here's some tips from experts of how to do some things. Take what you want. Don't take, you know, what doesn't work. But I know this is going to resonate with so many moms. This episode is so much fun. So if someone wants to work with you, they can do that group and you can do that virtually. That's virtually, or yeah, I actually, I work in San Diego, but I do travel as well if people really want
00:23:20
Speaker
like the extra support what mom what i find with moms is just setting the hours aside yeah setting the hours aside having me there as accountability and like i'm a i'm a fire dragon i am a you know i won't light your house on fire but we will get going we will get moving and people like
00:23:38
Speaker
It's an energy shift. So if you want in-person services, that is totally available and I absolutely am addicted to before and after pictures and I love supporting and helping. If people are buried or stuck where they want extra support like that, I am there.
00:23:57
Speaker
But come find me on the Facebook. I'm Unison Francis.
Resources and Support from Unison
00:24:02
Speaker
That's where I hang out the most is Facebook. But you can also go to my website, Go Goddess Organizing, and you can contact me there. Awesome. This was so great. And I hope moms feel like we are all in this together. No mom's house is ever clean. Even the ones that you think are clean. What was that episode of Friends where they opened the closet and Monica was like, don't open the closet. And it was packed and Chandler turned around and went,
00:24:28
Speaker
You're a mess! Like, and she was like, oh, and it was like, that's where everything is. It's stacked into the closet. It was like, it was, I just, you know, and it's like, so even the ones that look like it's all immaculate.
00:24:42
Speaker
Yeah, and the interesting thing about that is her reaction to that. I don't know if I saw that episode, but her reaction to that and that mental load that she carries, that character carries, being neat and tidy on the outside, but having this secret behind. It's like, oh my God, we let that go.
00:24:58
Speaker
But I do have a freebie for your mamas if they would like them. I have some tips on helping declutter your kids toys. Just three tips. So if they'd like that PDF, then I'm sure we'll make that available to them somehow. Yes. Yeah. I'll link it. And this was great. This was awesome. I know there's more we can talk about. I know there's more we can talk organizing. So maybe we have another episode.
00:25:23
Speaker
but this was great. So from toddlerhood to teens, we know we can get them on board and it's just finding the, talking to them the right way and getting them to have some fun with it. So it's not, it doesn't seem like a chore, right? It's contributing. They live here too. You know, even if, whatever you call it, a chore, a family contribution, a bribe, whatever, like this is, this is the house they live in and this is, this is how you want it kept. No, I am not opposed.
00:25:50
Speaker
him not above. Pull back the curtain. Yeah. Oh, well, thank you so much for having me. Montabulous. I love it. Thank you. All right. We will be back with the next episode.