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Love Yourself Like You Love Snacks-Tackling Self-Love
233 Plays24 days ago
Grab your cup of tea and settle in. Today’s episode of Exhausted Sparrows Unite is all about that hard to reach goal…the one where you love yourself. And let’s face it, if self-love were easy, we wouldn’t still be in the mirror saying, “Is that a new wrinkle?”
But here we are, tackling self-acceptance, realizing that a messy life is always worth loving, and learning how to appreciate our quirks. Let’s laugh our way to being okay with the real us—acknowledging our imperfections and embracing all the fabulous pieces.
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Transcript
Introduction to Self-Love and Confidence
00:00:14
Speaker
We're going to embrace ourselves beyond our outward appearance and we don't really value then what's on the inside. but Real embracing confidence and comparison and compassion and all that comes from within.
Mastering Self-Love and Avoiding Comparisons
00:00:50
Speaker
So welcome ladies who are not at all nervous to talk today. I'm so excited. It's girl talk.
00:00:58
Speaker
love girl talk and it is about one of the hardest subjects out there because I'm not sure if any of us have mastered it and it's about self-love and last week we talked about how comparison is the stealer of joy and we kind of ended it saying you know In order for you not to compare the thing that you need to master or get under control is you have to love yourself, right? Because if you love yourself, you're not comparing yourself to other people. You're not saying, oh, she has more. She looks better. She's thinner than I am. She's more successful than I am. So we have to love who we are. And I felt when that podcast ended that we kind of gave a few tips.
00:01:43
Speaker
But we just really skimmed
Receiving Compliments and Internal Value
00:01:45
Speaker
the surface. And I felt like self-love and trying to figure this all out really has to be an episode in itself, especially since Chantel and I afterwards were like, yeah, I mean, that's a great, you know, that's great practices. But it was, you know, three minutes of some things that we could do. And how in the world do we make that fit into our everyday lives? Because we struggle. Yes, we do.
00:02:11
Speaker
That's what Chantel adds to the podcast every week, a few of those. But I'm going to break Chantel eventually, and she is going to be at Shatterbox, I think by episode six. That's my goal.
00:02:22
Speaker
At least I have some time. We have some time to get into it. So i I want to talk to you, ladies, because I know we talk about this stuff all the time. First of all, you're absolutely beautiful on the inside and the outside. But it's so interesting to watch, as I say that, especially with Beth, her her nose wrinkled up a little bit and she had a hard time receiving that.
00:02:49
Speaker
So we need to talk a little
Authenticity vs. Outward Perfection
00:02:51
Speaker
bit about that. Why is it so hard, one, for us to hear good things about ourself? It's hard to um receive a compliment without brushing it off going, oh, you know, someone says, oh, I love that dress. Oh, yeah, but I got it on discount and it was a sale. And I don't know why we feel we have to always explain things. Yes, and there's always a but receiving right now, because I think that, you know, it's interesting that we focus so much on the outside. and
00:03:23
Speaker
Because the the only thing that's really important is what's on the inside. But because I think we're so focused on the outside and if we don't like our outward appearance, um it starts seeping in and then we start saying things like, I'm not good enough.
00:03:42
Speaker
I'm not smart enough. I'm not skinny enough. So it really then affects our entire personality. It affects the inside. And that's really the only thing that matters. What really matters at the end of the day is if you're a kind person, right? Like let's just, let's be honest.
00:03:57
Speaker
And you know all of this stuff, this outside stuff, is all this superficial stuff that we see all over
The Art of Accepting Compliments
00:04:03
Speaker
platforms. And we discussed last week, and because we see these women that are all filtered, not all of them, but you know there's a lot of filtering going on in the world. Lindsey and I, who's going to be my guests next week, we're talking about that this morning. We were at the gym.
00:04:17
Speaker
and and We took a picture of us drinking our water because, you know, uh, team Sparrow has to drink water this week. They're about to run 13 miles and they got to drink all this water. So I'm like, we got to get a picture. We got to show everybody what we're doing. And, uh, Lindsay goes, all right, now we got to filter that. And I'm like, wait a second. We are not filtering this picture. We are living authentically.
00:04:39
Speaker
And we need to embrace our outward appearance so that we feel good on the inside, right? Because there's this pressure that we are flawed. We see what we perceive as flaws. So Beth, as you said earlier, then when someone compliments us, we feel we're not really good enough for the compliment, that they're just they're just being nice. They don't really feel that way. And then we have to explain it away.
00:05:08
Speaker
Because you're right, even something as simple as, oh, well, I got the dress on a discount or I like, that is like negating the whole compliments. And here's the queen And I think I said this to you months ago and then Beth threw it right back in my face.
00:05:27
Speaker
So that was fun because I haven't mastered it either. But, you know, when somebody gives you the gift of saying such beautiful things about you, when somebody says, you know, you're beautiful or I love that dress on you, when you turn around and add that little butt, you've kind of taken that gift away from them, right? It's like when they do something nice for you or they, you know, you take that away from them if you can't fully accept the compliment that they're giving you.
Impact of Compliments on Relationships
00:05:54
Speaker
yeah right i so hard oh no god no go ahead i want hear shantels i um I actually had this conversation with my husband recently. um I ah made a comment that he stopped complimenting me and he said, I stopped complimenting you because you you disregarded it or you argued with it every single time. He goes, why am I going to tell you you're beautiful? If every time I tell you that you tell me, no, I'm not. He goes, you don't see yourself through my eyes and ah you're taking that away from me when you tell me I'm wrong.
00:06:29
Speaker
And I went, oh, snap. So I've started keeping my mouth shut and my ears open and accepting those compliments. And he started giving them again. And I realized it really does make me feel good. And I might be starting to feel a little better about myself in that.
00:06:46
Speaker
That's amazing. yeah But wow, for for Jeremiah to say, like, you crush me yeah because you're not accepting, you know, what I'm saying about you. Yeah, we don't realize how that affects the giver of the compliment as much as it affects ourselves. That's deep, Chantal.
00:07:03
Speaker
Sometimes my husband comes out with some whammers, man. Beth, you were going to say something. I don't remember. That's all right. No, please don't tell the story. It was so amazing. It was a
Negative Self-Talk and Its Effects
00:07:14
Speaker
great story. So it's this mirror effect, right? like and and And what you're seeing in the mirror,
00:07:21
Speaker
ah It's so funny how we we skew that. you know I've mentioned this in in previous podcasts because we all have children, so like it's really easy if you're a woman and you have children to bring it back to that. What would you do if your child ever came home? And you said, oh my goodness, I am so proud of you. You look so beautiful today. Or you got an A on your paper. You're so smart. you're so And they say, no, I'm not.
00:07:48
Speaker
Right? You would immediately say to them, yes, you are. And you would immediately talk them up. You would pray them up. You would immediately think of, you know, the Lauren Diego song and start singing it. You know, I am who you say. i am I am worthy. I am smart. I am. You would just immediately start coming out with all these great things. And, you know, my daughter, maybe six years ago my oldest you know she has struggled with acne most of her life and I mean you know bullied because of it it's just not been you know a really great scene and um I have really tried to just pour all this love into her and maybe six years ago I think
00:08:26
Speaker
I think it was a friend saying something nice to me and I absolutely negated it and she said how can you tell us not to negate it when I listen to you every day talk yourself down talk down on yourself say negative things about yourself you know and I said well like what she goes mom in the grocery store today you said something like I can't have that ice cream And I said, well, that's not negative. She goes, it is negative because what did that mean? That meant that you thought you weren't thin enough. You weren't. And I was like, why didn't say it? And she said, but sometimes you don't even have to say it. And I was like, that was another whammer. Madison Jones had a whammer of her own.
Self-Talk as a Role Model for Children
00:09:03
Speaker
So, you know, all of that is, is something that I'm, for me, I think a turning point for me was knowing that I wasn't walking out what I was telling my kids. And because I wasn't doing that, my kids didn't trust me. So then they no longer trust in my opinion. And that's awful.
00:09:32
Speaker
Yeah, I've started becoming very careful, what I say, in front of my children. I struggle with weight, and I make comments all the time, like, ugh, like this, fat, this. And my kids were seeing that, and they started arguing with me, you're not fat. And I said, I shouldn't be feeding this into them. you know that They're going to remember this forever, that their mom was more worried about looking fat than being healthy. So now I start, you know, when I, when I am watching what I eat, I don't say it's cause I want to lose weight. It's cause I want to be healthy. Yeah. you And you want to be there for them. Yes. You don't. Yeah. You don't want to be thin. You just want to be strong and right yeah and healthy. And I think when we have all these, these, um,
00:10:14
Speaker
outward issues with ourself, it starts affecting, you know, internally. I was reading a study that was saying that something like 75% of women believe that they're not pretty, that they are are flawed beyond help.
Societal Beauty Standards and Self-Esteem
00:10:32
Speaker
And that of those 75%, it was something like 56% of those women, it then affected them socially.
00:10:41
Speaker
because they became withdrawn. They stopped going out. They stopped accepting invitations to places. So it really does creep in the inside because, you know, when we were talking last week about some little things that you can do, like on my mirror, like once a month, I change the word. I only usually do a word, but I'll do something like bold or strong or beautiful, and then have to look at it every day.
00:11:08
Speaker
And I let that absorb, because um for me, I listen to worship music on the way here. like For me, I just, in the background, even if it's not that loud, you absorb it all. So if we are saying negative things about ourselves, that's getting in our soul. And so like I'm now just trying to have a word in front of me, so it's the first thing I
Positive Affirmations and Self-Perception
00:11:28
Speaker
see.
00:11:28
Speaker
um It hasn't been the word beautiful yet. like I'm going to be honest with you. like There's some words because you know there's there's some things like in myself I've really got to work on, but you know I'm like, I am strong. I I can lift weights. So I'm trying to give some positive into into all of that. And I know, Beth, that you also have words as well that you'll focus on. I do. And I think, too, part of it is you know the in the mind. It all starts in the mind. And I think about the things that I say about myself, and I would never, ever
00:12:06
Speaker
ever say that to another person. So why can't I be a friend to myself? right And I think that um that's where I've been working and really trying to come to terms with, do I think I'm a good friend to myself? And would I say these things to another person? If I wouldn't say them to another person, why am I saying it to myself?
Kindness Towards Self and Others
00:12:27
Speaker
yeah Because how many times do we have to say the lie before we start to believe it?
00:12:32
Speaker
I mean, and not much. I mean, i mean and that that is a great point. I mean, that happens every single day, even with your enemies. And I don't even mean enemies. People that maybe you just don't get along with. I would never say some of the stuff and think some of the stuff that I think about myself.
00:12:49
Speaker
And you know, I get caught in, you could say, 99 nice things, but if one of you says something, that is all I fixate on, right? And so it really is about your mind and it is about changing that because if you've got that core, if you know that truth,
00:13:08
Speaker
that of course you're beautiful just the way you are. You were created exactly the way you were supposed to be. Like if you can really just know that down to your core, we wouldn't struggle so much with self-love. I agree. I agree, but it's hard.
00:13:25
Speaker
Well, that's why we're here because we're walking it, but we're not through it. Right. And I don't know if you ever get through it. I mean, there are some people that are really confident in themselves. And I think that's another thing, too, um you know, is I was kind of writing up this podcast and stuff for me.
00:13:43
Speaker
I always thought, um you know, self-love, that if I loved myself, that it
Challenging the Selfishness of Self-Love
00:13:51
Speaker
was selfish, right? Because I have always, it's been beaten into me that you need to be humble. You know, I have this charity, it's called Sparrow's Nest. Some of you know it and that's why you hear it. Some of you have never heard of it. We feed people and families that are facing a cancer diagnosis. And um I've been doing it now for over 10 years, but you know, I just remember as a child, my mom always saying, if you have to brag about your good deeds, you've completely negated the deed. So when I'm here, people will say, and what you built and what you, and I'm like, eh, it's not mean. You know, I am always um deflecting as well, because in my mind, I've got this,
00:14:30
Speaker
Oh, that's not humble. You can't say thank you because that's selfish. It's like this weird thing that we feel that if we love ourselves, we're somehow being selfless. But it
Embracing Imperfections as Unique Traits
00:14:44
Speaker
really is. If you love yourself, you're showing yourself respect and you're nurturing your well-being, which is essential in order for you to stop comparing yourselves to other people.
00:15:00
Speaker
And we're all mm-hmm. But y'all better listen to this podcast 25 times. I'm just saying. like There's so much in here that you know we need we we need to talk about. And we're not perfect. And I think that's another thing, too. People think, well, there's so much about me that you know isn't perfect. I mean, it's really hard to love that. Well, you're not supposed to be perfect. You're supposed to be unique. And you're supposed to embrace your imperfections. You know, what you consider an imperfection, some people wish they could even have. You know, we have cancer patients that have lost a leg. I mean, some people will like, I'll hear comments like on the beach, like, I won't go in a bathing suit because I hate my stretch marks. And I think, you know, we have a cancer patient, you know, just two years ago, he lost his leg. And I think
00:15:51
Speaker
Gosh, if you were around him, you would never make that comment. He wish he has his leg. So will you consider imperfections for some people they just they just wish they had?
00:16:02
Speaker
you terrible that' no john they These two are so good to me. They're just the girls that are like, yes, absolutely. And you have to celebrate the small wins. I think that's important. So I think, you know, we, we, we brushed on it last week a little bit, but, um, I don't think that you can do this overnight. Right.
Body Changes and Life Phases
00:16:22
Speaker
So I think you have to set really, really small goals. Like.
00:16:27
Speaker
I'm going to put a a word or a sentence in the mirror so that I can look at that every day or once a week. I am going to find something about my body that I do like and I'm going to focus on that. And you know, there are things that you can change about yourself if if you don't like them.
00:16:48
Speaker
I mean, there's nothing wrong with changing some things about yourself. You don't like it. If you don't like your hair, and you could ah color it. Why are you looking at me? if you No, not at all. You have beautiful hair. are If you don't like your um your weight.
00:17:05
Speaker
You know, you can work on finding some, some time or something that works for you to work on your nutrition can be something very small that you start with because you know, weight and things like that is daunting. But honestly, that's the number one appearance breaker. 99% of women in 76% of men do not like their weight and feel they're too heavy.
00:17:29
Speaker
This isn't a group of 20 plus. So these are 20 year old people. And I joke all the time to my kids. I go, listen, I wish I was as heavy now as I was back when I was 20. You know, when I was able to get in whatever size pants I was getting in, you know, when I was whatever, 120 pounds.
Small Changes for Self-Love
00:17:48
Speaker
and um It's kind of about embracing the season you're in because of all of it, right? Because your weight is going to fluctuate. we we We've had children and woof. I mean, there are some of us that have bounced right back and then there is Christi Jones. I remember I gave birth to, oh gosh, i think it was I think it was Fiona. And I remember going, you know, I was at the radio station at the time, so people some people kind of knew me. And I remember like six months later being out in an event
00:18:19
Speaker
And one of the women was like, oh my gosh, I thought you had the baby. You didn't? And I was like, what? So there's that. There's getting the pregnancy weight off. You're in that season. There's a menopausal season, which girls I am in right now, we're going to talk a lot about that. You're not going to lose weight the way you did when you were 20 years old. you know There's medical issues. there's There's so much going on. So some of what we consider a flaw, it's kind of beyond our our inner self, right? Like it's kind of be on our realm of of maybe helping to the degree we think we should help, but we can always make like small little changes. Like I'm just going to start eating a salad for lunch. Like you may not, Beth.
00:19:02
Speaker
want to do the no sugar diet completely, which by the way, she and I discussed last week. That sounds like a terrible idea. I was just like, can we slowly get into this diet? Like maybe like let's start by having yogurt or eating a salad at lunch.
00:19:19
Speaker
But it might be that you need to do something very small or you could be the type of person that has to go all in and you know and just jump in and and make all these changes. you know Whatever works for you. But I think this really is what it's all about. What is going to work for me for me to love myself is not necessarily working for Chanteau and it's not necessarily working for Beth.
Prioritizing Self-Care to Help Others
00:19:41
Speaker
I agree, and I just want to circle back to the self-love. I think about the analogy of um when you're on the airplane and you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help someone else. If you're not fueling yourself, if you're not giving yourself the grace that you give other people, if you're not having that cup of coffee alone in quiet time before the chaos of the day,
00:20:03
Speaker
What good are you going to do to other people around you? You're not going to be able to pour into them because you're already starting depleted. And I think it's just so important. i've I've learned that myself. I used to feel like it was selfish if I took a walk and my son was home, you know, and I'm missing something. But I needed that walk. I needed that fresh air. I needed to refresh so I can come back inside with better eyes and and clarity to parent the way I should be parenting, not because I'm depleted and tired and out of control, you know? So I just think it's just so important to give ourselves the grace that we give other people. I mean, Christ, if you came to me and said, I'm exhausted, what would I say? Take time to rest, take time. Why doesn't that apply to me? you know So I think we just have to go back to that self-love and just refuel whatever that looks like for yourself. If it's diving into a book, if it's reading the Bible, if it's whatever it looks like to you, take that that time.
00:21:02
Speaker
There is just a recurring theme here, and that really is you can't be any good to anybody else if you're not good to yourself first.
Setting Boundaries for Self-Care
00:21:13
Speaker
In whatever, right? In rest. I love that you said that airplane analogy. I think I might have heard that from you once before, but I forget things very easily as well. but We can talk about that when we get to the menopausal episodes.
00:21:28
Speaker
um That's so true. you know And I always thought that on the airplane, I was always like, I'm not putting the mask on me. I'm putting it on my child first. you know And then I remember the stewardess at one time even saying a little something like, you have to be able to breathe and you've got to get yourself going first before you can share that with somebody else. Yeah.
00:21:52
Speaker
As much as we love our kids, are we really showing them love if we're not accepting it and we're not loving ourselves? Yeah, I've i've struck i struggled with this initially when I started running with the team and I would get up and I would go or I would go to the gym and my kids would be like, you weren't there to say goodbye before I went to school. And I was like, mommy needed an hour. I'm like, daddy was there. Daddy made you breakfast and you went to school just fine.
00:22:19
Speaker
But I needed that hour so that when you got off the bus, my bucket was full and I could pour into you after your day. And they've they've learned that mommy needs her time every once in a while and that that's OK and that it makes me a better mom for them. And they're in and you know. ah All of that is what they take into the rest of their
Generational Self-Image Patterns
00:22:43
Speaker
life. I mean, I'm not sure, you know, how you guys grew up, but I grew up like in the age of, you know, you starved yourself and the cabbage diet and like my mom was always doing all these different diets and.
00:22:56
Speaker
I don't know, she was probably 110 pounds herself. you know She was thin and um and she didn' she didn't know any better. you know they They didn't really talk about what we're talking. you know There weren't podcasts. They weren't talking about you know this kind of stuff then like like we do now.
00:23:12
Speaker
in the damage that all of that stuff can cause. But like that, you know, just seeing that, she didn't mean to do that to me, but you know, she was letting me do it with her. When I was in high school, I was on a dance team, which by the way, it was very good. I could kick my face with my legs. I just want you to know, like the Rockettes, but interesting fact, you have to be at least five, two to be a Rockette. I think that's the shortest Rockette or maybe it was five, four. I was not tall enough. I couldn't even try. But anyways, I'm digressing.
00:23:42
Speaker
My point is she was letting me do, you know, like these diets and things with her. And my dance team weighed us. We were weighed. I'm not even kidding. My Louisiana friends, if they if they hear this episode, are gonna be like, we were. And I think we had like a three pound lead weight, you know, for that time of month or something. But we were weighed. And I swear some of us sat out if we didn't make a certain weight. Like, it was awful. Awful.
00:24:12
Speaker
That's not self-love. What does that damage do to you? But we have the power to change that for our children.
Modeling Positive Self-Talk for Children
00:24:22
Speaker
It is never too late to start. And you know that's what I do with my own girls. I say, you know I am sorry. you know I know i did I need to do this better. I'm not doing this well.
00:24:32
Speaker
I am going to, and I say my goals to them out loud, you know, like I told them I was going to put the words in the bathroom and they were like, oh, that's cool. So then they started putting little sayings in the bathroom. And then, you know, I, uh, I started saying no, or I started giving myself more time or I started going to the gym and it is an ungodly hour of the morning.
00:24:52
Speaker
But I don't really have an excuse. And I need that because exercise and eating well and all of that provides endorphins. And that also helps you pump up for your day and fuel everything. But yeah, why are we not worth it? We are. Exactly. We are worth it. I love this.
Surrounding Yourself with Positivity
00:25:12
Speaker
So something else that you can do is surround yourself with people that are positive.
00:25:21
Speaker
And I think it's harder when you're younger. I don't feel it's an easy thing to navigate. um But I think as you get older, you're kind of like, oh my gosh, this is drama. like There's so much stuff that can weigh you down. And you want to be around people that when you leave the room, they're still clapping for you.
00:25:43
Speaker
I love that. Right? Because that's self-love too. To know that you're with a group of people that has your back when you're not in a room, that speaks life into you even on the days when you're kind of down. You're kind of pruning your bush as I say it all the time. It's like my favorite thing.
00:25:59
Speaker
And you have to do that. You have to do that. You have to take time every year to kind of prune out what's what's what's what's providing thorns and and and starting to bring you down. And it's all about self-love. Probably 10 years ago, i um I'm not proud of this either, but i'm
Impact of Avoiding Gossip
00:26:16
Speaker
I'm going to say this. You know, in our running program here, we do a running program and we raise hundreds of thousands of dollars with these amazing men and women to feed people that have a cancer diagnosis. I mean, we we raise like 250, 300,000, 400,000. It's amazing. And I was running years ago and got myself caught up caught up in um um you know a more gossipier group.
00:26:42
Speaker
And, you know, and then, you know, questions would be asked and they'd be, Oh, and what about this one? Or what about that one? And I started like, like, even if I didn't really feel something about a certain person, the dynamic in the room was that, you know, you know, there was this, this, this trauma, and I was feeding into it.
00:27:05
Speaker
And I was like ick for like that entire year. I was like, I don't even like myself. I don't like what I'm doing. I cannot believe I'm doing this, but you know, sometimes we get caught in this cool group of of girls and we're trying to fit in. And when they say certain things, we're not stepping out of it.
00:27:26
Speaker
And so after that year, i was it was the worst my mental health had ever been because I really believe that because I was not being kind about other people, um even if I wasn't saying anything, I wasn't saying stop, right? um I think that that then, that was there's a lot of self low-loath for me because, ew. So a lot of your own self-love, I think,
00:27:55
Speaker
is your inner soul and how you are speaking about other people. People that aren't in the room.
00:28:07
Speaker
And what I've learned is even if I'm having a real difficult time with you, I lost ah a very good friendship. Um, a few years ago, you know, and I had been friends for years and years and years and you know, I'm not even really sure what happened there, but I could tell that they had kind of pulled back and I still will not.
00:28:28
Speaker
say anything negative about it. You know, i'll I'll just say, oh, you know, she's doing fine or she's good or, you know, I haven't seen her in a while. And, you know, people try to dig. I'm being really, really careful of the words that are coming out of my mouth because I also think to love our ourselves, we have to be careful the way we are walking through situations.
00:28:53
Speaker
Well, a lot of those situations where we're judging others or um speaking negatively about others is usually something we're seeing in
Judgments Reflecting Insecurities
00:29:03
Speaker
ourselves. it's we'rere reflect We're deflecting something in ourselves. And when we are feeling good about ourselves, we're going to see the the best or the better in people, regardless of who they might be as a person. Or keep those things to ourselves and not share them. But sometimes we feel the need to tear others down because we're feeling down.
00:29:23
Speaker
That's true hurt people hurt people. Yes, right um And they say that in all kinds of relationships, you know domestic violence relationships, you know You're feeling less than so you need to bring somebody even lower than you and ill I hate even admitting that that was me, but that I mean, that was me. And that honestly, um that was the year for me that I started having some physical problems. um I don't know if we've talked about it in the past, but um my left leg started dragging and um people were talking about me. There was there was an unkind face group um Facebook group about me. there's There was like a lot going on. and um
00:30:07
Speaker
We thought originally maybe ALS because I was having like swallowing problems and you know because my leg was dragging and I and I was thinking God.
Health Issues from Stressful Environments
00:30:16
Speaker
please do not let this be the outcome. Like I was like, Oh my gosh. So, um, we just did all these tests for MS. We did like all these different things and the doctor came back to me and he said, you know, cause I had, um, lesions on my brain, which obviously I still have. I don't think those go away. And he finally came back to me and he said, this is, I think, I think this is stress. Stress can do this. And it really honestly,
00:30:43
Speaker
I completely was like, I know exactly what this is i know this is. This is Ick. This is me in the middle of Ick not being a kind person, not removing myself from an unkind group because I'm just so worried about what others think about me. And why in the world do I want to be a part of that? I know when I leave a room that you don't have my back. You're talking about me if you're talking about everybody else. And so like you know I had this year of transition that I'm not proud of at all.
00:31:12
Speaker
but I want to tell you that i I get it and I think that some of us slip because you know we just we want to be loved and you know but it's it's it's a dangerous slippery slope and sometimes we need to say but do we want to be loved by them do we want to be loved by that Right? And all of this ends up being stuff that we really got to dig deep in and try to figure out. How do we love
Everyday Kindness and Positivity
00:31:35
Speaker
ourselves? And that is not only our outer appearance and it's not only inside, you know, but it's our actions. It's everything that we're doing. If we're doing it all right and we're trying at the end of the day to be as kind as we can, then why wouldn't we love ourselves? Then we're doing it all right. All we can do every day is try our best and we're we're going to fail.
00:31:56
Speaker
You know, we might fail 25 times a day or we may go through a great week and we're like, we got whole weekend. Um, one of the things that I'm doing right now in a small group that I'm doing in CrossFit is you have to give three things that you're going to do. So every day I compliment five strangers. I drink my water and I i don't know. I do something else. I i try to take a walk.
00:32:16
Speaker
um and And the five stranger thing was ah was a big deal to me because i i I want to do that every day. Because that also is helping somebody else have some self-love. Because now you've got this stranger coming up to you. You you can poo-poo it away.
00:32:32
Speaker
when you know it's your bestie saying you know how on on point you look today. But when a stranger comes up to you and says, oh my gosh, I love that color on you. Oh my gosh, i I love your dance moves. i you know When you have a stranger come up and say those words to you.
00:32:48
Speaker
It's harder to negate that because they don't even know you.
Authenticity in Social Media
00:32:53
Speaker
So I made sure that it was part of my my my CrossFit 3 things that I'm going to do and because I always try to do it because really, I mean, and you should try to do it. Just doing that it gives you such joy to watch a stranger because they're like,
00:33:08
Speaker
And you just don't know, you know, you hear stories all the time about how these words have changed somebody's life. Like somebody that was going through a really hard time and and they didn't even know. And what do we say around here? You have no idea the battle that somebody's facing because we are so concerned. What our outside appearance looks like that nobody knows this internal struggle.
00:33:34
Speaker
Yeah, I just had, um, an instant yesterday. Well, I don't want to say instant, but, um, I work in a dental office. I do dental hygiene and one of my patients yesterday, she came in, she's beautiful, this beautiful woman in her sixties. She goes, Oh, please excuse me. I didn't put any makeup on today.
00:33:51
Speaker
And I was like, you don't need makeup. Your skin is flawless. Your eyes are beautiful. You have the biggest eyelashes. And she just started beaming. And I said, and why would anyone want to wear makeup to the dentist anyway? We make a mess of you. I'm sorry, but we do. but I'm like, you're beautiful just the way you are. And she left, her shoulders were back, her head was up, and it just made me feel good. But it also made me sad that she felt she had to put makeup on because she was coming to the dentist. i But that's where we are. And that's what we're breaking. And we're going to try to break that in this podcast if you're listening. You know, because we we are
00:34:32
Speaker
We're living our most authentic lives. There should be no filter. And you know we said this when we were talking about comparison, is this dealer of joy? It's dangerous. you know If you are the person that already has a hard enough time, you look at all these posts that you know much of it is filtered and not true. And you think, I can't ever live to that. And if you're the person that are making those posts, you're doing it because you don't have enough confidence and not to.
00:34:57
Speaker
And that's dangerous as well. You're showing people, you know, something that's not always true because we're not always on
Celebrating Imperfect Friendships
00:35:04
Speaker
point. We're messy. And I love my messy friends. I mean, I think Chantel will tell you that every day I come in here and I mess up every day here and I make sure it's one of the first things I do is that I own it.
00:35:17
Speaker
And then I'd laugh about it. And I try to just love myself through the imperfections of it all because I love my messy friends. That's what I want. Just a bunch of messy friends. But do you know how much matter it made me feel about myself to know that you're messy? Like, I've always known you outside of these walls. And not to say that you were perfect, but you were always put together. But to know the messy side of you has made me feel better as a messy person. You know, to share that with somebody that No, Krista Jones is not perfect. She's a mess and that's okay because I'm a mess and that makes me feel better and that might make Beth feel better that she can be a mess because you do amazing things here at Sparrow's nest and you're still a mess. And know I'm still struggling, right? All these great things.
00:36:02
Speaker
I still have a hard time with self-love. It is something I think that, um you know, what do they say? It's not a sprint. It's a marathon. Like, I think it is something that I don't know if we ever arrive there. I don't know if we ever get there. I mean, I think there's some people that do pretty well. I'm not one of those people. I've i've always had, you know, low self-esteem. You know, I grew up, um you know, ah with so with a lot of weight issues, you know, very heavy. And then, you know, we do the cabbage diet and get thin. and and and And you know, I mean, I grew up with a lot of stuff, um not feeling loved in my household. And this is nothing against my mom and dad at all. I mean, they're they're they're amazing people, but um I never feel good enough. if If you're the one critiquing me out of that, you know, 100 people, that's what I'm going with. And and and and and now all of a sudden, I need to do better for you.
00:36:53
Speaker
and and and And like, I kick myself. I'm like, why in the world is this one person derailing me? And you know, so it is really important that you know that when you see me, um I struggle with self-love all the time.
Embrace Imperfections with 'Messy Club'
00:37:06
Speaker
And you can tell me five million times, but that's the problem. It does not matter how many times you tell me I need to believe it for myself, because it just washes right off of me. It doesn't stick.
00:37:19
Speaker
so that's really why having self-love is so important and today that's really just what we're trying to impress on you is these small little things that you can do to realize just how amazing you are is so important for you to do. I mean like I feel like I don't know. You should all be part of my messy club. I'm going to start a messy club. It's a good place to be. It feels good. I think we'll do a t-shirt, a messy t-shirt too. Share your mess. We're going to have t-shirts. That was my favorite line, Chantel. Share your mess. Yeah.
00:37:50
Speaker
yeah So you know we want to thank you guys um for tuning in today. you know is there are there any I don't want to put either of you on the spot because you know um this is only podcast two of 5,833. But is there anything else that you you know want to add to this that you feel is important that you want to leave people with? Go ahead, Beth. I'll pass it to you, Jeanelle.
00:38:15
Speaker
And that's the way it's going to go. Sometimes the words don't come, but it could be because you know all the words you know our our are spoken. um you know So I think as as we wrap up today, um you need to take just a few minutes each
Daily Happiness and Self-Connection
00:38:33
Speaker
day. This is going to be your homework for me. I want you to take a few minutes each day and do something that makes you happy and connects you with yourself.
00:38:44
Speaker
Um, whether it's a walk or it's journaling or I don't know, it's a hobby or eating a salad. Cause you'll, you'll feel that you're getting healthier. Whatever it is. I want you to do something that gives you at least one moment of calm and we'll build up to more and more moments of calm.