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Being Single in Your 30s: Embracing Independence and Rewriting the Narrative
36 Plays2 months ago
This is why being single in your 30s isn't the problem everyone makes it out to be - and why it might actually be the best thing for you right now.
Here's what we're exploring about being single in your 30s:
- Why acceptance doesn't mean settling: you can embrace where you are without loving it forever
- The confidence factor: you're finally secure enough to show up fully yourself in every area of life
- Knowing what you want: you're not exploring anymore - you know what works and what doesn't (weeding out bad matches is growth)
- Better communication skills: you can articulate what you want, assess emotions, and relay them effectively
- Intentional vs serious dating: you can want a relationship and still have fun without treating dating like a grave problem to fix
From seeing everyone struggle to find someone to understanding that failed dates aren't failures when you know yourself well enough to recognize bad matches, this episode reframes what it means to be single in your 30s.
A lot of us have healed from people pleasing. We communicate like badasses. We're confident and secure. Dating in your 30s means you're not wasting time on situations that won't work. That's not picky - that's powerful.
The intention is to get to know somebody, have fun, and see who fits. If they don't fit, move on to the next person. Stop making it so serious.
Subscribe. Share. Remember that being single in your 30s allows you to date with intention and exit romantic situations gracefully.
Small steps, big healing. Keep growing! ✨
Join the conversation! Are you single in your 30s? DM me your experiences on Instagram @YourCoachMari - girl, you got this!
💬 LET'S CONNECT:
Send in questions: contact+podcast@marisolmoran.com
We might just have the same taste in books. Check out my Book List.
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🌱 LET’S GROW TOGETHER
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Transcript
Introduction to Growing with Sol
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome back to another installment of the Growing with Sol podcast. This is where we explore the moments and stories that shape who we're becoming. Marisol, and I love to have real conversations about growth, self-discovery, and learning to put yourself first. Whether we're diving into books that change our perspective or unpacking personal experiences that teach us something new, this podcast is for women who are done playing small and ready to embrace their own journey.
00:00:29
Speaker
If you've struggled with putting everyone else first or battled self-doubt, you're in the right place. This isn't about perfection. It's about the messy, beautiful process of growing into yourself. So come grow with me.
Navigating Societal Pressures
00:00:45
Speaker
Lately, kind of feels like everybody is single for some reason, like whether it is in real life or what I keep seeing on social media, it just feels like everybody and their mama is single AF.
00:00:59
Speaker
And these are individuals who are in their 30s, in their 40s, even sometimes even older. ah just feels like everybody is single and everybody is struggling to find someone.
00:01:12
Speaker
And it's like, like everybody, like you would think conventionally attractive people would not have trouble finding somebody. But like, like I literally go on TikTok and I see some of the most gorgeous women and some most attractive men talking about how they can't find somebody and that everybody keeps going on dates and the dates are atrocious.
00:01:33
Speaker
And i do people not know how to people anymore? or like, like what, what is going on Like what is happening? And the thing is that like feeling of being single and trying to find somebody and then also like being in your thirty s it feels weird. There's like this awkwardness, this like societal like tension, inner tension around it.
00:02:00
Speaker
And it's almost like this push and pull from like yourself and like society because for a lot of us in our thirties, there is societal pressure. And like, maybe there is family pressure as well for you to hurry up and get married.
00:02:16
Speaker
But the thing is, like, I know that being single and in your thirties can feel really shitty. Like, I feel like that's, that's just been a constant conversation that I've been seeing only become heightened over the years recently.
00:02:32
Speaker
ah But the thing is, i I internally really push against that. And I don't think that that has to be the case, even though, even though I know that it feels that way, even though I know for a lot of us who really want romantic love, they can feel like, ah what is happening that like, what is going on that it's not happening for me.
00:02:53
Speaker
And a lot of us start to question those kinds of things. But I really think that there are amazing benefits to being single, older in life.
00:03:07
Speaker
So let's get into it.
Embracing Life's Stages
00:03:10
Speaker
The very first thing about this whole situation that I think is really important for all of us to do is to embrace it.
00:03:21
Speaker
I really think that no matter where we are in life, we need to embrace every single stage of our lives. That might feel crazy. That might feel corny. That might feel cheesy, but embracing where we're at is really the only way to get through it and to get through it in a healthy and productive way.
00:03:46
Speaker
I know it's not easy. Embracing the stage in life where you're at is going to take a deeper level of acceptance that is so difficult.
00:03:58
Speaker
ah Difficult for all of us. When it comes to acceptance, a lot of us conflict that with settling and having to find ourselves happy with our situation.
00:04:11
Speaker
You don't have to like everything about your life in order to accept its current state. I do think that finding that acceptance is going to allow you to see the positive and beautiful things of this this current stage of your life.
00:04:31
Speaker
So I do think that they are tied together. but it But to embrace and to accept your current singleness, for example, does not mean that you have to be okay with it for like ever necessarily. You know i'm saying?
00:04:48
Speaker
ah So ultimately, acceptance is what allows us for complete awareness of the current situation. Because maybe that's what needs to happen a little bit, you know? Maybe as you are going about your singleness and wanting to find your person, there are some things going on that maybe are in our blind spots.
00:05:10
Speaker
And having this acceptance will allow us to be more open to what might be in those blind spots. Acceptance and embracing the current stage of our life also allows us to make a better assessment, maybe have a better strategy for what you would like to change.
00:05:27
Speaker
Again, if we are constantly pushing against something, we're not opening ourselves up to the possibility of maybe there is something else that I could be doing in order to find my person.
00:05:42
Speaker
Additionally, and maybe even more importantly, Embracing this stage of your life is what is going to allow you to find the beauty and the joy and the fun of this current time.
00:05:57
Speaker
It might feel shitty, but there is always something good. Always something good.
Benefits of Being Single in Your 30s
00:06:05
Speaker
So why is it beneficial? Like, why is it beneficial to be single in your 30s? For a lot of us, that might feel a little ridiculous. But let me explain, let me explain. So many of us, once we are in our 30s, we have found so much more confidence in ourselves by this time.
00:06:26
Speaker
And I can tell you, even from my own experience, even though I have been in relationships in the past, For some of them, i wasn't able to fully be myself because of that lack of confidence.
00:06:37
Speaker
I think it could have been great if I would have been fully myself, like in certain relationships. It would have brought me and my partner closer. but you know, i was young and insecure and had low self-esteem. So I was just like, let me, let me approach this slowly. Okay. Let me, let me, you know, give myself time. Okay.
00:06:56
Speaker
But Now, in every area of my life, I'm just like, I'm me. Okay? Like, I'm just going to be me and it's going to be what it's going to be. And if there's something that I need to adjust or change or reflect on, i I'll reflect on it and see what can be adjusted.
00:07:12
Speaker
But I'm going to show up fully myself in every area of my life. And that is not something that many of us had in our twenty s that we do now.
00:07:26
Speaker
Additionally, a lot of us, especially if we are listening to this podcast, have healed or are healing from people-pleasing ways that maybe we weren't even aware of or cognizant of when we were in our 20s, for example.
00:07:44
Speaker
But now we're in our villain era. We're saying no. Okay. We are healing from that people pleasing. We are healing from a lack of boundaries that we used to have and a myriad of other limiting beliefs that, you know, we all have our own limiting beliefs that we're working through or have worked through.
00:08:02
Speaker
On top of that, by this point in our lives, we've achieved some level of success, whether that be in our personal lives or in our careers.
00:08:13
Speaker
And when we have wins and a history of wins and achievements and overcoming certain obstacles, inherently that gives us more confidence, gives us more, you know, pizzazz, more swag, okay?
00:08:28
Speaker
And we carry that with us. In everything we do, but we also carry it with us in dating and in relationships as well. The second thing that is wonderful about being single in your 30s is that you have a much better understanding of what you are looking for.
00:08:50
Speaker
Because when you're your twenty s You kind of have an idea of what you like and you don't like, but you're still very much exploring. You're still very much getting to know yourself and then also getting to know what other people are like and like but how things manifest and just relationships in general.
00:09:11
Speaker
So there's just a lot of exploration still going on. But in your thirty s You have a good idea of who you are, what you like, what you don't like, what you're open to, what you're not open to, what's going to work for you, what's not going to work for you.
00:09:26
Speaker
And that narrows it down and makes it so much easier in that regard. And maybe that's part of the problem in terms of like people are going out and maybe they're dating a ton of people and there's like, this isn't working, this isn't working, this isn't working.
00:09:43
Speaker
You know what? I would say that then it's working because you know yourself and you know what is not going to be good for you, what's not going to be a good match. So you're weeding out the ones that aren't going to work for you.
00:09:55
Speaker
And it just feels a little disheartening. But when you are experiencing that, fully recognize that you might be in situations in these dates, maybe it's date two or three, and you're just like, hmm,
00:10:10
Speaker
Younger me would have kept going on with this situation and keep dating this person, older me recognizes that ultimately this isn't going to work for me and I'm saving both of us time and experience and effort to go on and find somebody else who's going to be a better fit for us instead of wasting each other's time and potentially crashing and burning.
00:10:31
Speaker
That is growth and that is wonderful and beautiful and amazing. Okay? Okay. but
00:10:39
Speaker
Additionally,
00:10:41
Speaker
I think that all of us in this situation of what we know and what we don't know about ourselves and being able to like move through this really lends itself to communication.
Improving Communication and Dating Intentionally
00:10:53
Speaker
So that leads me to the third thing.
00:10:56
Speaker
For many of us, when we are now in our 30s, we have better communication skills. Not all of us. I want to be so dead serious right now, especially if you are out there and you are dating.
00:11:11
Speaker
Just because somebody is in their 30s or older doesn't mean they have good communication skills. But you might, and you probably do if you are listening to this, because you are probably doing the work to heal and doing the work to create a beautiful and rich life.
00:11:31
Speaker
And if you're doing that, You are moving with intention. And to move with intention, you need to be able to, one, communicate that to yourself. And in doing that, you can communicate that with others.
00:11:46
Speaker
So for a lot of us, though, in our 30s, we have way better communication skills. We are better able to articulate what we are looking for.
00:11:59
Speaker
what we want, or maybe what isn't working for us. We're able to assess that emotion and then relate effectively so that we can have a better understanding with who we're dating, our potential partners or actual partners, and then be able to move forward in a healthy and productive way.
00:12:21
Speaker
Naturally, the aforementioned points earlier also really help with this. So when you are much more confident, you are better able also to communicate because as a confident person, you're not going to be so afraid to communicate or be vulnerable.
00:12:38
Speaker
Because also when we are dating and when we are getting to know someone, and maybe we're starting to like fall in like with someone, a lot comes up. And expectations come up and for both parties.
00:12:50
Speaker
So that's when we have to start having more communication and relaying certain things. And that can be a very vulnerable thing. But when we are confident, we're able to go into these conversations much more fluidly.
00:13:06
Speaker
And again, as we are in our 30s and we better understand ourselves, we are better to understand as well what it is that we want. And the easier, that will make it essentially easier to communicate that. So the better you understand yourself, the easier will be to communicate ultimately anyway, instead of being uncertain.
00:13:25
Speaker
Because when you're uncertain, you're just like, I feel like this isn't working for me, but I don't know why and I don't know what I want. But this, like, I know I don't want this. Sometimes, well, you know what? and That's still valid.
00:13:36
Speaker
So I want to say that that if you don't like something or something isn't working, but you don't know why or how or what could be different, it's still valid to communicate that.
00:13:49
Speaker
All I'm saying is that typically in our 30s, we're able to better assess that and then know what we want or know what we want to change. And then we're better able to communicate that typically.
00:14:02
Speaker
Ultimately, being single and in your thirties doesn't have to feel so serious. I think that's also what I see so much as well. Like there's just so much seriousness in, in data. And I'm not saying that like you shouldn't be serious. Cause I think that there is a difference between seriousness and intentionality.
00:14:27
Speaker
Like I, I don't I don't see a lot of people having fun with dating or having, yeah. yeah Just, I don't see a lot of people having fun with dating.
00:14:40
Speaker
And I think it is because they are making it out to be so serious. And I think that you could have the end goal of wanting to be in a serious relationship and still have your overall dating life be enjoyable and fun.
00:14:56
Speaker
There is a difference between serious and intentionality. You can be intentional in your dating and still have fun without it being this like serious grave matter of like, I must fix this problem that I am single. Like, that feels nasty.
00:15:11
Speaker
That feels, that does not feel good. So I think that if we embrace the fact that we are single at this time in our lives and that it's amazing that we are confident and that we know ourselves so deeply and that we can communicate like a freaking badass,
00:15:31
Speaker
I think that'll allow us to move with intentionality and be secure in ourselves and know that no matter what happens in this dating realm, we're still going to go out there, we're going to meet people, and we're going to have fun. The intention is to get to know somebody and to have fun and to enjoy ourselves and see who fits.
00:15:50
Speaker
And if they don't fit, they don't fit and move on to the next person. So again, ultimately, in culmination of all of this, Being single and in your thirty s allows you to date with intention or not date somebody with intention.
00:16:06
Speaker
It allows you to enter or exit romantic situations gracefully. and i think ultimately, it does enable you to create more enjoyable dates, situations, whatever it might be. I feel like situation is a loaded word when it comes to dating nowadays because of situationships, which I think are so stupid.
00:16:28
Speaker
but Essentially, all of this ah really does allow us to create just more enjoyable dating scenarios. If you stuck around this long, I truly appreciate you. And i want you to know that, girl, you got this.
00:16:43
Speaker
It's going to be fine.
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:16:45
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in today. If you like this episode, if it resonated with you give it a like. Leave a wonderful little review because it'll help get it out to people who also need to hear this message.
00:16:56
Speaker
i am also currently accepting clients So if you would like a little bit of extra support with dating, maybe some accountability, maybe wanting to figure out what it is that you actually want or what have you, definitely hit me up because I am accepting new clients.
00:17:12
Speaker
So you can go ahead and schedule your very own call with me through the link in my show notes. Until next time, keep growing.