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Emotional Intimacy: Building Deeper Connections Through Vulnerability and Authentic Communication
12 Plays6 days ago
Everyone wants the benefits of a village, but nobody wants to be a villager. We all want community, support, and deep connections - but we're terrified to actually be vulnerable ourselves. With Valentine's Day and Galentine's Day this week, let's talk about what's really at the foundation of every meaningful relationship: emotional intimacy.
Here's what we're exploring about building deeper connections:
- Why sharing difficult things from your past doesn't always mean you're being vulnerable
- The village paradox: everyone wants community benefits but nobody wants to be a villager
- How vulnerability is actually an act of radical self-love (not weakness)
- The communication pitfalls that destroy emotional intimacy without you realizing
- Why you need to be choosy about who you practice vulnerability with
From understanding that emotional intimacy is the ability to share your true self and feel safe doing so, to recognizing the paradox of wanting to be there for others while not believing anyone can be there for you, this episode challenges how you think about vulnerability.
Think about your best friend - that person you can call to complain, to process the same thing 20 times, to show up however you are. That's emotional intimacy. And you can have it in all your relationships.
Vulnerability is scary, especially when you're unpracticed. But it's the gateway to genuine connection. And it requires you to accept something about yourself before you can share it with someone else.
Subscribe. Share. Remember that vulnerability is strength, not weakness.
Small steps, big healing. Keep growing! ✨
Join the conversation! Who is your safe person for vulnerability? DM me on Instagram @YourCoachMari!
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Transcript
Introduction to Growing with Sol
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello beautiful souls and welcome back to another installment of the Growing with Sol podcast where we explore the moments and stories that shape who we're becoming. I'm Marisol and this is where I love to have real conversations about growth, self-discovery and learning to put yourself first.
00:00:17
Speaker
Whether we're diving into books that change our perspective or unpacking personal experiences that teach us something new, this podcast is for women who are done playing small and ready to embrace their own journey.
00:00:31
Speaker
If you've struggled putting everyone else first or battled self-doubt, you're in the right place. This isn't about perfection. It's about the messy, beautiful process of growing into yourself.
00:00:44
Speaker
Come grow with me.
What is Emotional Intimacy?
00:00:47
Speaker
So one of the things that don't know I've touched on it on this podcast in the past, but given that it's February and Valentine's Day is coming up and Galentine's Day is coming up, I think that this is an important topic to talk about.
00:01:07
Speaker
And that is emotional intimacy. And really that is the foundation of meaningful relationships and not just romantic relationships, but really any relationship that we have, having any kind of, or just having emotional intimacy in general is going to be the cornerstone, if not like the barometer of how close you truly are with someone, how authentic, how vulnerable, how
00:01:39
Speaker
maybe free you are to just be yourself in all the different varieties of who that might be with a given person. Now, some of the key themes when it comes to emotional intimacy is vulnerability, like I mentioned, authenticity, authentic communication.
00:01:58
Speaker
and then also we're going to be talking about today, some practical steps to deepen connections. So, Let's, again, as always, define our terms. So emotional intimacy, like what exactly is that?
00:02:14
Speaker
I say it and you probably already have an idea of what it is, but essentially it is the ability to share your true self with others and feel safe doing so. i would even add that Since we are talking about relationships, that the other person also feels that same way with you. So not only are you in an environment where you can truly share yourself and how you feel, but also you are actively creating that environment for others.
00:02:47
Speaker
So why are we distinguishing emotional intimacy in this instead of maybe also talking about physical intimacy?
The Role of Emotional Connection
00:02:54
Speaker
Well, the emotional connection part is definitely different and very important for meaningful, long-lasting relationships, for dynamic relationships. It's going to be the part that is sort of the glue that keeps us together with this other person.
00:03:08
Speaker
It's going to be the part of us that that wants the connection, the part of us that wants to to nurture that side of ourselves and to nurture that side of the other person. Some common misconceptions when it comes to emotional intimacy. i mean, i I feel like there are quite a few um when I really stopped to think about it. Like what, like emotional intimacy, like I feel like I say it and like we get it and it makes sense.
00:03:37
Speaker
But then when we actually think about what it looks like in our lives, we kind of... get a little confused, you know? We might hold two truths at once, or maybe not two truths, but like two ideas at once where it's like, oh yeah, the emotional intimacy is important and I support that. And like, people can definitely come and talk to me about anything and it's okay. Like we can spend time together and you don't have to be like in a happy-go-lucky mood. It's totally fine. But then when we kind of like flip the script,
00:04:05
Speaker
Like we feel as if maybe vulnerability, if we show vulnerability, then it's a sign of weakness. Or we might think that, you know, If I'm the one crying, if I'm the one who is sad, then I'm not someone that want that that somebody wants to be around. Like I need to isolate because i don't want to infect other people with my bad mood or whatever it might be.
00:04:26
Speaker
Whereas you're that safe space for the other person. So you might hold those two things at once. And then on top of that, or something I've definitely have had to learn is that just because Just because someone is sharing something difficult or if someone is sharing a challenge or difficulty that they experienced in the past, it doesn't mean that they're being vulnerable and sharing that with you.
00:04:54
Speaker
Okay? Okay.
00:04:58
Speaker
What are the benefits?
Benefits of Emotional Intimacy
00:05:01
Speaker
I would say there are a lot of benefits and rewards, essentially, when it comes to emotional intimacy.
00:05:09
Speaker
Like the whole premise of this entire episode, stronger relationships, reduced loneliness. And we're talking about like, I feel like so many people nowadays still feel a lot of loneliness just in general in society. So, you know, that has to do with lacking that emotional intimacy, whether it is in a romantic relationship or even in friendship.
00:05:31
Speaker
We can also, like one of the benefits as well is improved mental health and greater life satisfaction. I do think that when we're talking about these benefits of emotional intimacy and emotional intimacy in general, we can really tie it back to community and participating in and creating relationships.
00:05:51
Speaker
really strong community ties, whether that community be like your physical community that you live in or like a work community or maybe your friendships or your family, like whoever that might be, like community is really centered upon that emotional intimacy as well.
00:06:11
Speaker
When we think about what emotional intimacy is, what it looks like, what it feels like, and if it if it feels all too theoretical, like we're talking about it right now and it still feels really theoretical, I want you to think about whether it's in the present day or in the past, but think about your best friend.
00:06:32
Speaker
Like the one friend that you can go to for anything, talk to that person about anything. You can show up happy, sad, angry, whatever it might be, whoever that person is, think about that person.
00:06:48
Speaker
and think about how it is that you were able to truly be yourself And show up just as you were, no matter what. If you were having a bad day, if you experienced something awkward or uncomfortable, you can call them and complain about it. That person that you can like call up and just like bitch about whatever to.
00:07:08
Speaker
Or if you're trying to process something and this was someone that you can like call up and like, i' know i'm going to talk about this again, but like it's on my mind. I need to process. And you talk about the same thing like 20 times until you finally processed it. Like that person, that is emotional intimacy.
00:07:24
Speaker
Whether that was a romantic relationship or a friendship, your best friend, like I said, like that is still emotional intimacy. That's what I'm talking about here.
The Necessity of Vulnerability
00:07:36
Speaker
So let's talk a little bit about or more so about why vulnerability matters because you can't have true emotional intimacy without vulnerability. And thing about vulnerability is that's a little scary. That's why before I was talking about like just because somebody shares something difficult that they went through in the past, it doesn't mean they're being vulnerable because maybe...
00:07:55
Speaker
They've processed it. Maybe it's not a big deal to them. Maybe they recognize that in the grand scheme of things, a lot of people might think, oh my God, that must be really difficult. But they're just like, yeah, it was difficult at the time. I'm over it. Like whatever. Like it's not like a, it's not a vulnerable thing to share anymore, which could be a good thing, could be a bad thing. You never know.
00:08:14
Speaker
But it's important to distinguish the two. So with vulnerability, since it is, it places us in a scary situation to be vulnerable with someone.
00:08:26
Speaker
It is the gateway to genuine connection because you're kind of like laying it all bare. You're like, this is how I'm feeling. This is what I'm experiencing. This is where I am right now.
00:08:38
Speaker
Like, are you... going to give me what I need in this moment, whatever that may be, maybe just a listening ear, maybe acceptance, maybe comfort, whatever that might be. But you are sharing something and it's a little bit scary to share that thing.
00:08:58
Speaker
When we get the thing that we need in that situation, that is when we start to get that true, genuine connection. So when it comes to vulnerability, like I mentioned before, we really also need to work on that paradox of I want to be that safe space for others, but I don't believe anybody could actually be that safe space for me. Like I want to be able to be there for everyone, but I don't believe anybody would actually want to be there for me.
00:09:27
Speaker
That's not how relationships work for one. so if you if your goal is to have genuine, strong, healthy relationships, you need to be able to do both. You need to create an environment for both to take place.
00:09:40
Speaker
It's like often online, especially like my algorithms, people talking about community where like everybody wants the benefits of a village, but nobody wants to be a villager. It's that kind of sentiment.
00:09:50
Speaker
Like you want to be there for others. Great. But you must also recognize that others want to and can be there for you, even in this sense with vulnerability.
Overcoming Barriers to Vulnerability
00:10:03
Speaker
Well, why do we think that way? Like what what is it in our little minds that gets in the way of us being able to truly be vulnerable with others and the people in our lives who really love us and already accept us?
00:10:14
Speaker
It is fear of rejection. We're scared that when we are vulnerable and express this true part of who we are, maybe something that we're ashamed of or whatever it might be, that this person will see this new side of us and then reject who we are.
00:10:29
Speaker
Maybe that that definitely is a possibility, but is it probable? Maybe not. Maybe not. On top of that, there might be some previous experiences where we did, where we were vulnerable, and then we were hurt after being vulnerable with someone Maybe even like cultural conditioning, maybe in your culture, it's not accepted to be vulnerable in that way. And that's definitely something to think about and process and to see how you can navigate that maybe in new relationships.
00:11:02
Speaker
And then for a lot of us, we might be perfectionists. And in being vulnerable, it is messy, it is imperfect. And that is then very scary to do if you are a perfectionist.
00:11:16
Speaker
The thing about vulnerability is that instead of looking at it as an area where you are expressing weakness or a point in time where you are, you know, less than for lack of a better word, it's really an opportunity to show courage. It's really an opportunity to show bravery. And in a way, being vulnerable with someone is an act of radical self-love and acceptance. Because in order for us to share something about ourselves, we have to then accept that that is something about ourselves to begin with.
00:11:57
Speaker
Whether it is maybe something we've experienced or something we are feeling or doing or did, that we have to accept that that was or is a part of us in order to then share it with someone else.
00:12:11
Speaker
So if you are wanting to practice being vulnerable, definitely be choosy about who you're going to be vulnerable with. You might already have an idea of who is going to be a safe space for you to be vulnerable. Maybe you want to start off small, you know, instead of sharing like your deepest, darkest secret or something to your best friend. Maybe it's just having the courage to just express like, I'm in a really bad mood. This is what I need. Because we have a hard time sometimes expressing what we need.
00:12:40
Speaker
Sometimes it's like, I'm in a bad mood. to vent. Like, I don't want advice. I just want to vent. I just want to complain and like move on with my life, you know, just be a listening ear. And sometimes we are very vulnerable in the act of asking for what we need.
00:12:58
Speaker
With that being said, we do need very strong, authentic communication to one, ask for what we need, and with that, be vulnerable. So authentic communication is essentially speaking your truth while also respecting others. I know that sometimes people are like, I'm just really blunt or whatever it might be, and I'm really straightforward and direct.
00:13:20
Speaker
Okay, okay. But we can still have that authenticity while still respecting others, respecting ourselves and respecting the situation. Another thing as well, when it comes to authentic communication, communication skills in general, there's that one way of communicating to others. So I am speaking to someone else, but also again, being an active listener and also recognizing that this is a two-way street. So when someone is being vulnerable with me, I am listening. i am giving them my undivided attention.
00:13:52
Speaker
On top of that, we can often resort to like you know that quintessential thing of using i statements and expressing that I feel this way, i feel that way, I've experienced this. That way we can express ourselves without maybe blaming the other person if it is a type of like argument per se.
00:14:10
Speaker
And then on top of that, when we are active listening, making sure that if the person is asking for advice, if the person is asking you to help them process something that we are paying enough attention to ask deeper questions.
00:14:26
Speaker
This is something that I definitely have practiced a lot, especially as my role as a coach. I spend the entire time asking questions. So when it comes to my personal life and being an active listener and asking deeper questions, I've i've had a lot of practice with that. So it is it is a skill to be honed, okay? So if you're not good at it yet, don't worry about it.
00:14:48
Speaker
You will get there. Another thing that is incredibly important is that you have to be a space where other people can feel comfortable opening up.
00:15:00
Speaker
Often what that then means is that people need you to be a space where they're not going to be judged for something. I know that we as individuals tend to judge instinctually.
00:15:14
Speaker
I get that. But it's important to realize and to recognize that just because you wouldn't do something or you wouldn't say something or you would react a different way, doesn't mean that that is in the right way or the best way.
00:15:29
Speaker
We're human. We're imperfect. Different things work for different people. People process things differently. So when we recognize that, we can be that safe space where we can hear and allow someone else to be vulnerable with us.
00:15:46
Speaker
and essentially do that without judging them. Because that's what we all want. We want to be able to express ourselves, be vulnerable without that fear of rejection, without that fear of someone judging us harshly.
00:15:59
Speaker
We can do that. by making sure that we are not falling into these like communication pitfalls, such as dismissing feelings or trying to fix things instead of just listening. Maybe somebody just wants to vent. Make sure we're not interrupting someone. We want to make sure that when we're giving undivided attention, we're not on our phones. We want to look at our body language. Are we open? Are we present?
00:16:22
Speaker
You know, are we kind of, are we, you know, shoulders or like our arms crossed and like facing away? Like what's our body language doing? Are we welcoming? Are we inviting? Are we, you know, all ears, so to speak?
00:16:35
Speaker
So these are things to think about as well when you are actively creating a space where you can have authentic communication and vulnerability. So what are some practical steps? Not that we've been talking about it for a minute. What are some practical steps that you can do to build emotional intimacy?
Building Emotional Intimacy Through Self-awareness
00:16:52
Speaker
Step one, which is, again, this is where it all starts for everything we talk about. is self-awareness. Understand your own emotions first.
00:17:05
Speaker
Again, that takes practice. It really does, but that self-awareness is always step one. Step two, practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself as you learn. Literally, just the last episode, I was talking about giving yourself grace.
00:17:22
Speaker
Same thing here. Be kind to yourself. Step three, Start with safe relationships. Build trust gradually.
00:17:33
Speaker
So if you want to practice being vulnerable, like I mentioned before, you probably already have someone in your life that you trust fairly well. And maybe being vulnerable with them in other ways is going to be a good way to start practicing how to be vulnerable and be open and have authentic communication.
00:17:50
Speaker
And then as you continue to build trust with that person, when you have new relationships, you will have a little bit more bravery, a little bit more practice in being your authentic self and your vulnerable self in those new situations.
00:18:04
Speaker
Step four, share incrementally. do not overshare too quickly. Okay, when we're when we are being vulnerable, it is little by little that we're sharing information about ourselves and being vulnerable. So small steps. We do not want to trauma dump. We don't want to give everybody our life stories in one go.
00:18:24
Speaker
Easy does it, little by little, and you'll be okay. Step five, receive vulnerability from others. You want to honor what other people are sharing with you. Like I mentioned, it's a two-way street. We're talking about relationships here. So not only are you expressing your vulnerability and who you are authentically, you are allowing others to do so as well and appreciating when they are being that way with you.
00:18:54
Speaker
Step six, Naturally, establish boundaries. Intimacy does not mean no limits. Boundaries are always going to be beneficial. Okay? So even in this emotional intimacy where we are building trust and closeness, we all still need our boundaries and be able to express them in a healthy way.
00:19:17
Speaker
So remember that vulnerability is a strength. Okay, being vulnerable and building emotional intimacy is scary, especially if you are unpracticed, but it's going to be one of the most rewarding things you can do, whether it is in your friendships, with your family, in romantic relationships.
00:19:36
Speaker
Building that emotional intimacy is what is really going to build connection between you and this other person. Authentic communication is something that takes practice as well. So if you're not good at it yet, you'll you'll get there. Just keep practicing.
00:19:53
Speaker
And if you made it this far, I genuinely, genuinely appreciate If you resonated with this episode, give it a five-star review and don't forget to share it out with your friends and your family. And if you are looking for support in doing this process and being vulnerable and practicing communication skills and what have you, I am currently accepting clients and you can schedule your very own discovery call with me in the show notes.
00:20:18
Speaker
Until next time, keep growing.