WTF News: Let's throw rocks at dumb people

Transcript

Speaker: by I have your attention please. It's time for the final countdown.

Speaker: The show starts in...

Speaker: Jeff on the mic, Glick on the keys, what the fuck news, got you weak in the knees, talking about headlines, bizarre as can be, reading this report, it's a strange marquee, what the fuck news, can't believe your ears, ridiculous stories, shattering fears, tune in, turn up, life's a weird parade, everything's strange in the WTF shape.

Speaker: in Texas cows on the moon Loch Ness monster found in someone's lagoon Glick's got the facts Jeff's got the flair sit back relax it's wild out there government scandal clowns in the park bathtub races after dark crazy celebs oddball lazaris everyday people they're wildest diaries what the fuck news yo it's blowing your mind real life madness stories one of a kind laugh or shake your head just press play Jeff and Glick bringing the WTF everyday

Speaker: Got them talking wild Glick with the details Jeff with the smile Weird news wave Come ride the confusion Reality's glitch Beyond delusion

Speaker: Wild. Glick with the details. Jeff with the smile. Weird news wave. Come ride the confusion. Reality's glitch beyond delusion.

Speaker: What is going on? i My day. Welcome, welcome. Happy whatva Wednesday. yeah that's right. It's Wednesday. It's hump day. You've almost made it.

Speaker: We're going to give you that little extra gentle nudge you need to get over that final hill to get to Friday. Right here on What the Fuck News. I am Glick, host of What the Fuck News, right here on the Nonsensical Network.

Speaker: Go ahead and check us out. We got lots of shows, man. We got a variety of things that we're doing here. Might not be, every show might not be for everybody, but you're bound to find something you like. We are on Facebook, Instagram, ex and TikTok. Shows are live Monday through Sunday on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitch.

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Speaker: And while you're on our bio league, don't forget to check out Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner. Nikki does all of our merch, all of our swag. ah You guys have seen me wear some of the shirts and hoodies.

Speaker: ah You can get your very own shirts, hoodies, cups, stickers, ah whatever it is that you would like to get. Let her know. And you don't have to buy our stuff. You can actually get Whatever you want. She can do anything.

Speaker: So hit her up, Beauty and the Beard, Creative Corner on Facebook and Instagram. Let her know what you want, and she'll get y'all taken care of and get y'all squared away.

Speaker: With that being said, real quick rundown of the shows we have here. Monday nights, we've got Wally hosting ah Speedway Stories. It's everything motorsports and motorsports related, whether it's from the dirt track to the pavement and everything in between.

Speaker: ah They're talking about it. Tuesday is your boy right here. I'm doing Glick's House of Music. I'm interviewing up-and-coming local musicians and or just talking all things music, whether it be music news, history of music, all that stuff. If it's music-related, we're talking about it on Glick's House of Music.

Speaker: Wednesday nights, right here. We're already here, ladies and gentlemen. You're already watching it. It's What the Fuck News. Again, that is me flying solo until I find a new co-host um or until we have like random cameo pop-ins from people. You never know who might pop up in and And co-host of What the Fuck News with me.

Speaker: And then Thursdays, Wally is back. Man, you get a lot of me and Wally Monday through Thursday. I'm just saying. Thursday, Wally is back. Cold-blooded conversations. He's talking all things reptile.

Speaker: Everything that revolves around the reptile world. He's talking about it. He is an owner of dragons and dinosaurs. Yeah, he's got dragons and dinosaurs running around his house. It's weird. The guy's crazy at the end of the day.

Speaker: And then Friday, you get a break for Wally and I, and our boy Blaze comes storming in for on Friday nights with Nonsense and Chill.

Speaker: For the time being, I don't know if it's a permanent situation or not, but he is going to be joined by Michael Copenhaver. He is a local comedian a stand-up comedian to Ohio, and he's joined Blaze the last couple weeks. They got...

Speaker: an awesome connection. They got an awesome vibe together. ah So they'll be doing nonsense and chill. All things movies, man, whether they're watching movies, talking about movies, or doing movie trivia, which speaking of movie trivia, this Friday night, nonsense and chill.

Speaker: I will be there. Tony D will be there. Brian will be there. Blaze will be there. I think Michael will be there. And we are doing trivia night. Blaze does trivia once a month.

Speaker: I am your current reigning defending points leader as I have gone 2-0 the last two months, absolutely dominating the competition. However, this week might be my fall.

Speaker: We are doing fantasy movies for trivia this Friday night, so definitely stoked. I do enjoy doing the trivia night with Blaze. And then Saturdays is the main event here on the Nonsensical Network, Nonsensical Nonsense.com.

Speaker: It is the show that started all this mess at the end of the day. We go live. We hang out for six hours. We shoot to shit. We talk about anything and everything. But most importantly, one of the coolest things we do as we give all of you, our listeners, our fans, our viewers, our followers, the opportunity to come up and hang out with us. We call it the Open Door Challenge. We drop the link in the chat.

Speaker: And all we ask is that, you know, turn your camera on, say hi. That way we know you're real. And please keep your genitalia off the camera. I don't care if you don't have pants on. I just don't want to see you jump at the end of the day.

Speaker: And that, again, ah for the time being, is me flying solo. I'm taking on the reins of going solo three nights a week, maybe four, because I want to bring back men's mental health, our Men Caring for Men show.

Speaker: But that's neither here nor there. And then let's not forget every other Saturday afternoon is Cash's Corner. That is myself. That is Cash. That is Wally. He pops in, and we talk all things WWE.

Speaker: We will not have a show this Saturday, but next Saturday we're right back in it. We're right back in the ring, ladies and gentlemen. We are on the road to WrestleMania, so we are talking all things WrestleMania-related, whether it be the Hall of Fame, whether it be the Slammings, matches, all that fun stuff.

Speaker: Cassius Corner every other Saturday. And then Sunday, we wrap up the week with a calm, cool, collective, normal conversation about sports, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker: Unnecessary Roughness. It's your boy, Glick. It's Rick. And it's our boy, a.k.a. our lawyer, Derek Wayne Douglas. We sit down and we talk all things sports. It don't matter if it's Man, we're going to be talking cricket eventually.

Speaker: We're going to talk fucking shuffleboard. We're going to talk all Olympics, football, baseball. We talk about it all, man. We don't know what the fuck we're talking about half the time, but God damn it. We'll fake it until we make it. will be entertaining. No, we try to we try to educate ourselves, and we are educating ourselves. We're learning a lot as we go because there are sports out there that we don't watch, um but we are going to start actively paying attention.

Speaker: But anywho, check us out Monday through Sunday. There's something for everybody. You don't have to like every show, but you might like one or two of the shows. You might like all the shows, and that's dope if you do. ah And if you're watching us, don't forget, smash that like button, hit that subscribe, and drop a comment. Say hello.

Speaker: And don't forget to, as Blaze sales, flick, flick, click, spell. Yeah, that's a lot to say. Anywho, what's going on, Chattersbox? I see you, John. How you doing, brother? Welcome, welcome. Blaze in the building as always.

Speaker: ah Blaze, I need you. I need a new intro. No, I'm just kidding. do have to work on a new intro song for Wednesday nights. Nonetheless, we'll we'll get that figured out down the road.

Speaker: Things are changing and things are happening around here. We're always adapting and evolving. But anywho, anywho, enough of that. We're here for the news, ladies and gentlemen. And much like much much like Kendrick Lamar, I'm going to flip the script.

Speaker: I'm going to change the game tonight. I know they said don't do it, but, you know, I'm not going to dance like Kendrick Lamar. I'm just going to change the game up like Kendrick Lamar. And I'm going to flip the script a little bit tonight.

Speaker: And instead of starting right off with with all the news, because I want to get a feel for this. ah because I don't know if this is going stick around, and and I want to throw it in early in the show.

Speaker: So anybody who's listening to this, and if you've made it this far, feel free. If you're watching live, drop your drop your comments in the chat, or if you listen to the replay, drop a comment. Let me know. Should it stay?

Speaker: Should it go? But without further ado, gather around. All adults of consenting age. Because I have got some stories for you.

Speaker: And not just any stories. Penis! Yeah! Firmly grasp it in your hand. Firmly grasp it. Firmly grasp it!

Speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, right off the bat, no lube. No protection. 100% dry run raw dog. We're going right in to the penis reports right here on What the Fuck News.

Speaker: Again, let me know. Austin, let me know. Should it stay? Should it go? um Should I keep doing it? Should I not keep doing it I don't know. I'm kind of up in the air. I'm debating it. Thank you.

Speaker: But nonetheless, we are kicking the show off tonight with a little penis report.

Speaker: sabra It's like prison sex. Completely unexpected, but quite enjoyable. I'm not speaking from experience. It's what I heard.

Speaker: Anyways, I got 16 entertaining, terrifying, and downright unusual penis stories for you. Now, we're not going to do all 16. We're only going to do about maybe half of them, give or take. We'll see what happens.

Speaker: I got to save some because...

Speaker: Looking up penis news is not an easy task. I'm just saying. and Anywho, ah these are just random news stories throughout the last several years.

Speaker: So we have a man who loses his penis as a child gets a bionic member. Ladies and gentlemen, guys, who doesn't want a bionic penis? I'm just saying, anything on my bio ah on my body could be bionic.

Speaker: The penis would be that member. um The Bicentennial man might have been all Roma, but Mohammed Abad is all man. Well, mostly.

Speaker: When he was six years old, he was involved in a horror road accident that saw him lose his penis and testicles after he was pushed under a moving car. Man alive.

Speaker: man and a alive After being dragged for more than 600 yards, his penis was entirely destroyed, and it took 100 operations to get it back again.

Speaker: Now, Abad, who recently lost his virginity, has been fitted with a bionic penis that he can inflate himself. Damn straight, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker: That's fucking impressive. Go, go Gadget Pecker. I don't know, man. I don't want to go, go Gadget Pecker because we all grew up watching Inspector Gadget. Those of us of a certain age range.

Speaker: And he always had a lot of major malfunctions. And the last thing I want malfunctioning is my bionic penis. But shout outs to Mohammed, man.

Speaker: He lost his virginity. He's got his bionic penis. I hope he got to choose his size. You know, Uh, that's kind of be a pro. Uh, you know, uh, I don't know what the going, ah you know, give me about to, you know, good, uh, let's go seven and a half ish, you know, give me a nice little bit of girth.

Speaker: I don't know, man. I mean, at the end of the day, it's like, I don't know, man. I don't know if he got to customize it. I really do. I hope he got to customize it at the end of the day.

Speaker: Uh, nonetheless, um,

Speaker: Got a Turkish man here who decides to cut his pecker off right in broad daylight. After a 21-year-old bagel vendor had an argument with his girlfriend, he was so angry and devastated he didn't know what to do.

Speaker: So he pulled out a razor blade and started to cut and hack his own fucking pecker off. Uh, CCTV video captured the crazed self harm, uh, which was only halted after several plainclothes police officers tackled the man to the ground.

Speaker: Surgeons later later stated that the young man had done serious damage and that his little friend might not survive. Bro. Um, you know, we've all been through breakups.

Speaker: Uh, we've all had, uh, bad relationships. We've all had bad breakups. Um,

Speaker: cutting your own junk is not a way to get back at your ex. Uh, because at the end of the day, she still wins.

Speaker: Cause she broke up with you. She don't want to be with you. And she doesn't care what you do to your pecker. So you, you done lost twice, man. You, you are losing at life. My friend,

Speaker: oh the bionic penis. I do not have a picture of it. Um, or, or the, uh, The hacked and slashed penis. I don't know which one you want to see, but um Google that shit. I'm sure it's out there somewhere.

Speaker: I have enough problems on my algorithm and my hit my my search history because of this segment of the show.

Speaker: Man, I just, I can think of so many other things to do. To get back at an ex.

Speaker: Man, I just wanted to ask because I'm not here to judge and I'm not here to kink shame at the end of the day. Whatever you're into, whichever one you wanted to see. ah Yeah, no, there are just so many ways that you could get back at an ex-girlfriend or an ex-boyfriend for that matter rather than cutting off your own genitalia.

Speaker: i You know, I i can get over a breakup. but I've grown quite fond of the little guy over the years. I don't think I could part ways with him over a breakup.

Speaker: That's just me. Maybe, I don't know. maybe Maybe I'm the weird one at the end of the day. I don't know. Any who, uh,

Speaker: dude, this, this is another wild one, man. Again, ladies and gentlemen, um,

Speaker: gotta be careful around you animals. Gotta be careful around you. um and a In a story that's a little closer to home, for some men, in more ways other than ah in more ways than one, a beachgoer at Bondi Beach had his penis entirely degloved after being bitten by a dog. Now, if you don't know what it means to have your penis degloved, it's basically like if you take your finger and you just gently cut around and just peel the skin off of it and you're just left there with like your tendons and your meat and the bone and everything like that that's essentially what happened he was floated he was skinned um the aftermath of the dog attack and the cringeworthy entry were captured on camera as part of a bondi rescue documentary series homeboy was on a reality fucking rescue series

Speaker: paramedics who attended the man said they had never seen an injury quite like this one, which was caused by a Staffordshire Bull Terrier who had managed to tear the skin from the base to the tip.

Speaker: ah The man was hospitalized and ultimately had a hundred... Bro, what were you doing with your penis in that dog's mouth?

Speaker: Again, not kink shaming. Maybe it's illegal there. I know in some states, bestiality is little normal. Or... or Better question, why did you just have your fucking dong hanging out on the beach? Unless it was a new beach.

Speaker: But there's a screenshot of the paramedic telling the doctors in the ER, his penis is deglobed. Dude, it homeboy homeboy just got his fucking penis skinned. He's just chilling.

Speaker: um you know and He's a... Not me, man. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking the fuck out. First and foremost, dog's not going to get that close to my jump.

Speaker: ah Again, I just don't know how. I don't know how it happens. I don't even know if I want to know how that happened.

Speaker: I mean, if he was like laying there, chilling out Sunday, then on a nude beach, dog ran up. or oh Whatever. Seems like there's other things that the dog might bite, but it's like the way they described it, the dog clamped down on the base and just

Speaker: i

Speaker: I digress. but but I don't want to think about that anymore than i but I actually have to at the end of the day. I'll be 100% honest with you. There goes my camera on the fridge.

Speaker: Bad dog. Yes. Yes. Yes. Do you spray that dog with a water bottle or do you Beat it with a rolled up newspaper.

Speaker: What up, Wally?

Speaker: ah Nonetheless, moving on, ladies and gentlemen. Moving on, because I have so many questions when it comes to that story. And I and and and and i don't want to find the answers. I don't want to go search the answers out. I don't want to find the answers.

Speaker: And I'm just good not knowing. um This one is pretty pretty transparent. A mistress, apparently there is really no wrath like a woman scorned, especially if you if you're a cheating husband who promised your mistress you are planning on leaving your wife. A Chinese man in this situation was attacked by his mistress and had his penis shut sliced off.

Speaker: When she grew impatient with his unfulfilled promises of their new life together, the attack took place at a hotel, much to the horror of the staff and guests who encountered the man as he ran screaming and bleeding around the hotel, seeking help.

Speaker: Dead dog. 100% dead dog. Do I

Speaker: i get a room upgrade if I'm a guest in that hotel as I've just been... um I had to witness tiny little Chinese men naked running down the hallways, bleeding all over the place, screaming, probably in Chinese.

Speaker: So nobody, you know, well, I'm assuming they're in China. But nonetheless, I get an upgrade, free room, free night, something like that. Yeah.

Speaker: This takes me back. Wally, if you're still out there, if you've got your ears on, you'll already remember this. This takes me back to the WWF, back when when they when they cut off Val Venis' what is it, Funaki and all them. and um I can't remember that group's name.

Speaker: Kai and Ty, something like that. They choppy choppy the pee-pee. <unk> They chopped off Val Venus's pee-pee live on Raw one night.

Speaker: Because they did not agree with Val Venus's porn star lifestyle. So they choy choppy choppy the pee-pee.

Speaker: but

Speaker: You leave your wife now. All you know, pee-pee. That's very racially insensitive. My bad. I apologize.

Speaker: But nonetheless, men, if you're going to have a mistress and you make her promises, porn star bat, yeah. Porn star bat.

Speaker: Choppy, choppy pee-pee. I'll never forget that. Choppy, choppy pee-pee.

Speaker: oh Men, let this be a PSA. If you're going to be a scumbag and cheat on your wife,

Speaker: then you make promises to your mistress. Keep said promises. Otherwise, she might choppy choppy. Yo, pee pee.

Speaker: Um...

Speaker: Yeah, we'll do one more. We'll do one more here. We'll do one more here, and then we'll ah well take our first break of the night. Props to this guy. Props to this guy, man. Man with no penis sleeps with 100 women.

Speaker: Rob's dog. Ain't nothing stopping him. A man was born with a rare condition in which he never developed a penis, and he claims to have slept with more than 100 women.

Speaker: over his illustrious sexual escapades. With most of them totally unaware of his anatomy, Andrew Wardle, a 40-year-old from England, went on a documentary where he claimed

Speaker: where he came clean to his ex-lovers, old girlfriends, and even his current girlfriend that despite the bedroom action, he doesn't have a penis. Wardle says that he says the key in keeping up the ruse was by giving rather than receiving. So he wasn't actually having sex, you know?

Speaker: He was just doing other things.

Speaker: That's also... yeah You know what? Heavy on the sleeps, Blaze. Heavy on the sleeps. ah Yeah, that's not having sex. I don't think he did a very good job in sex ed.

Speaker: um

Speaker: Sex is considered a penetrative act. I mean...

Speaker: They make things. but Just ask the ladies who are into ladies. They make things out there, I mean, I guess. But I think and think it's going to be rather noticeable if you're like, hold on a second, honey. I got to put this contraption on here. and All right, here we go.

Speaker: Ready, set, go. ah

Speaker: But, yeah that's not considered having sex if you're just, like, going down or, you know, finger-blasting women. mean I don't know. I mean, I'm no um no sex expert.

Speaker: I mean, I don't consider that like I wouldn't consider that as having sex with over 100 women who participated in sexual activities.

Speaker: I mean, that's the case, like my numbers are way higher.

Speaker: I'm just saying.

Speaker: Uh...

Speaker: So, i don't know, man. I'm not buying it. I'm not catching what he's throwing.

Speaker: And I sure as hell ain't selling what he's buying. don't think he's had sex with nobodies. He's still technically a virgin. He's a 40-year-old virgin.

Speaker: That's just my opinion at the end of the day. I don't know. Again, I'm no expert. I am no sex expert. i am I am not a highly educated man, but think in order to say you're having sex with somebody, you got to put your a little tally knack, well, no matter how big or small it is, inside of a man and or woman, whatever your preference is.

Speaker: Yeah, well, as we all know, Europeans are, they're dumb.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah but I don't know. i't American or or European, I mean, I don't know. I just, I don't consider that good. sex. But, I mean, hey, like I said, if if that's if that's what we're doing, my numbers are, not that I'm bragging, and not that it's something to brag about, but I say shut the fuck up to the likes of people who like to make fun of me because I'm a decent human being and and I'm not trying to stick my wiener in everything that has a heartbeat and a hole.

Speaker: um But, if that's considered sex, then I have much higher numbers. yeah

Speaker: but i got one shade. It's either black or it's white. There's no in between. There's no gray.

Speaker: I have no shades of gray.

Speaker: I got none shades. but yeah

Speaker: Ego is ego. I don't, yeah, I don't have an ego about it or anything. i just, there's been people on this network that have made fun of me. for my quote-unquote lack of experience, I guess you could call it, because I'm not a man whore.

Speaker: But at the end of the day, if we're going based off of this guy's standards in that story, what's I'm just saying, I don't have an ego.

Speaker: I have no ego.

Speaker: and just i i don't have any have no e

Speaker: ah yeah But no, I do a

Speaker: ah good man. T-shirt. The guy was born without a penis. If it makes him feel better to say he slept with her with over a hundred women, more power to him. Who am I to shoot his? who Who the hell am I to deflate his balloon?

Speaker: You know, I apologize, Wardle. You go, big dog. You a fucking beast.

Speaker: I guess. ain't got no dick, but cool.

Speaker: We are slots. with Bunch of sloots running around here.

Speaker: Anywho. Um, don't know, guys. I wanted to change the script up a little bit tonight. I wanted to, I wanted to come right out the gate with a little penis stories. That's the penis stories that I have, man.

Speaker: You're welcome. Uh, I'm going to take a real quick break. Let me know if you guys, if you guys, whether you're listening to the replay, wherever you're listening to us, let me know. Does the peanut report stay does the penis report go?

Speaker: Does it stay does it go? I don't know. Help me out here. Let me know what your guys' opinions are. um It's fun to do it. I'm not going to lie. It is something comical to laugh and joke about, but you know,

Speaker: ah

Speaker: What up, Rip Dog? Well, Blaze is, wow, he don't even, wow, oh you know what, fuck it, I take my what up, Rip Dog back. I take it back. You don't get a what up, Rip Dog. You don't get a what up.

Speaker: I had a Blaze in the chat, asked where Jeff is, don't even acknowledge the host. actually see I see how are. I thought we was cool, bro. I thought we was homies.

Speaker: but

Speaker: going to get ready to take my first break of the night here. well What do I want to do?

Speaker: Well, I will tell you where Jeff is when I come back.

Speaker: What up, Benji? What up with you, homie? I'm going to take a real quick first break of the night. You know what, just because i was I was listening to her interview today as I'm going through and getting clips, let's do a little... ah

Speaker: Oh, bitch.

Speaker: If I can find it here.

Speaker: Actually. This is right there, so never mind. Let's do a little... you know what? It's right here. Let's do a little Adam James with Dig My Own Grave, and we will be right back here in just a few minutes.

Speaker: Six feet beneath the sub-stone What's become of me Sunday night I spend alone I guess this tomb is now mine

Speaker: She left and took the house and half my pride I must confess I kind of like a twisting game Cause I'm the only one to blame

Speaker: The whiskey won't bring her back today The course of my old tragedy So I'll take my own damn grave She's gone

Speaker: Than we had But I can't change the past I know she's out there somewhere Drecking in the wind While I'm staring down the empty bottle on the floor Keeps me coming back Coming back for more The whiskey Won't make this go away Can't numb the pain it's

Speaker: This is where I began Douse myself in sin

Speaker: The whiskey woman.

Speaker: He's got a new song coming out. It's a rap song. So what up, everybody? And welcome back. ah Real quick, Blaze and Wally, I don't know if you guys have seen this yet because it just popped up today. We have a brand new feature on StreamYard. And I want to say shout out to Blaze, behind the scenes producer.

Speaker: We were talking about the bionic penis. And this is for educational purposes only. don't Don't yell at us. but a blaze right, sent it right over and boom, bada bing. That is how the bionic penis works.

Speaker: It's got a little squeeze ball and, uh, it injects air into a tube and bada bing, bada boom. There's your bionic penis. Uh,

Speaker: But there's a new feature in StreamYard that makes even an idiot like me able to pop stuff up on the screen just like that real quick, real fast. RipDog, what's going on, brother? I had to give you a hard time, man.

Speaker: I had to give you a hard time. What's going on, brother? yeah

Speaker: No, you're good, man. I had to give you hard time. i had to bust your balls. ah Jeff is no longer a part of the network. He did abruptly quit. Yeah. Almost two weeks ago. Sue, stop it.

Speaker: um And he is now no longer a part of the network. So um that leaves. um

Speaker: Stop it. um A little bit of a void in the shows as far as co-host list.

Speaker: Stop it. Shit's going to start getting bigger and heavier.

Speaker: So I am running tuesday or Wednesdays and Saturdays solo now until I find a new co-host for Wednesday. I'm not too worried about Saturday nights because Saturday nights are what Saturday nights are.

Speaker: And usually the guys from the network pop in and it's not necessarily a solo gig. And especially with the Open Door Challenge, we do get people that pop in and come and be on the panel. So But Wednesdays, I will be looking for a replacement co-host, hopefully, eventually.

Speaker: If not, y'all fuckers are stuck with me on Wednesdays. But no, do appreciate y'all being in the chat. Welcome back to What the Fuck News.

Speaker: I am Glick. This is part of the Nonsensical Network. Go check us out, bio.link slash nonsensicalnetwork. All of our links are there. And don't forget to check out Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner. Her link is there as well.

Speaker: Get all your nonsensical swag. ah Benji, if you're interested, everything is spelled correctly and everything looks amazing. ah

Speaker: But you don't have to get our gear. You can actually... you can actually Get whatever you want. Nikki can do a little bit of everything. She can do cups, hoodies, shirts, and all that stuff. Beauty and the Beard, Creative Corner, ah Facebook and Instagram.

Speaker: Don't forget to give us a follow, a like, a share, and turn your notifications on. We will greatly appreciate that. um

Speaker: Sorry, had to yell at my dog because she's ridiculous. ah

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Not all was. All right. Let me answer your guys' questions. um Connor is not necessarily not a part of the network. He is a little bit overwhelmed with school, work,

Speaker: And kids and everything. So he had to step away. I do not know if he'll be back or not. ah Hopefully he will be ah one day.

Speaker: Obviously, Connor is always welcome. The door is always open. um But, yeah, he just, just life got in the way, man. And I totally understand that. um

Speaker: yeah If Jeff comes back, um Jeff will be TV. Saturdays only. um and And I say that, and and again, i might come across like an asshole, but I say that because um the other shows require a certain degree of responsibility and um

Speaker: prep and behind the scenes help and whatnot and

Speaker: I don't think he wants that kind of responsibility. So Saturday nights, you can come on and, uh, co-host with me. Uh, he did help. Obviously he's the co-founder of nonsensical, uh, nonsense.

Speaker: Uh, he has been my co-host since day one. So if he decides he wants to come back, he can come back on that show. Um, but, um, the other shows not right now. Um, That's just me being 100% brutally honest.

Speaker: have no beef with Jeff. I have no problems with Jeff. I understand. Sometimes life gets in the way of things, and maybe he's a little too busy with other things, which totally understandable. It 100% happens.

Speaker: But um I made those decisions on my own, basically, as the guy who who has created this network.

Speaker: um So hopefully he will come back on Saturday nights, but we'll see what happens. We'll see what happens.

Speaker: Yeah, I talked to Connor every once in a while. He Snapchatting me the other day. He was working on the corner. He was working on the street corner, and I was like, yep, that's where you belong, you filthy fucking whore. But there you go. Connor is he's busy bee. T-ball is starting up, so more on his plate. Yeah, he's got three little ones. I mean, three little kids, do a dude's job, and he's trying to go to school, and he's still dealing with his medical stuff.

Speaker: And then, you know, he's he's married as well, so, you know, he's got a lot on his plate, and I understand you know Trying to carve out a couple hours once a week can be a bit much.

Speaker: you know My kids are grown, fortunately. It's a little bit easier for me to to jump on here. They're self-sufficient. They can do their own thing.

Speaker: All right, Blaze, it's you and I, buddy. Let's fucking rock and roll. Now Blaze is going to be like, i quit. Fuck it, I'm doing everything. Fuck it. All right, Blaze, you want to handle dinosaurs and dragons or motorsports? What do you want to do?

Speaker: So...

Speaker: Exactly. You know exactly what I'm talking about, Benj. so you know and nothing Like I said, I'm not going to sit here and poo-poo or nothing negative against Jeff.

Speaker: Life is life. um I'll be 100% honest with you guys. ah can't And Jeff will say the same thing. I can't believe he lasted over three years. I didn't think he'd last six months doing this podcasting thing.

Speaker: So, you know, if his energy needs to be focused somewhere else, then that's cool. If he comes back, It'll be on Saturday, so you guys can get your Jeff picks on Saturday.

Speaker: um Hopefully one day Connor will be able to have the time, and maybe him and I will i ah you know jump back into doing Men Caring for Men together. I'll host it, and I'll leave him in the passenger seat.

Speaker: he he's He's a great co-host for that show. He was a great member of that show, and he was fun when he popped up on Saturday nights and stuff, so. oh But nonetheless, I digress.

Speaker: We're here for some news of the what the fuckery. yeah

Speaker: Blaze is taking the dinosaur. Dinosaurs and motor. Cover that, Blaze. We got racing dinosaurs, ladies and ladies and gentlemen. Racing dinosaurs.

Speaker: Welcome to the new show on the Nonsensical Network. Yeah, man, I'm cool with that. i'm I'm good with that, bro. You and your fucking dinosaurs. I'm cool with that, bro, man. you're You're coming up, brother. You're learning.

Speaker: You're getting it. Nonetheless, I digress. It is what the fuck news. Let's... ah Let's dive into some what the fuckery, shall we? um

Speaker: Yeah, I don't even, and I'll be 100% honest with you guys. I may just wind up rocking this show by myself because I don't even know where to begin to find a new co-host or have a new co-host on here. Blaze will come up from time to time, um ah you know, but a full-time co-host, I have no idea at the end of the day.

Speaker: where I'm going to find one. And I'm looking for something to throw at my dog because she's really getting on my nerves right now.

Speaker: So she's about to get smoked. um

Speaker: Knock it off. But I digress. Anywho. Dinosaurs and motors.

Speaker: Anyhoo um

Speaker: I feel bad for old people, man Old people are so goddamn gullible And so easily Deceived And will fall for Scams and schemes And everything else There was a God bless it Why am I Get the hell Get out of there Amazon fucking ads a An online scammer.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah, he is. I told Blaze last week, he showed up on Saturday. i was like, bro, you've been here every night, man. I did not expect you to be here. I wasn't even going to ask him.

Speaker: I will not ask Blaze to come up on a Wednesday night if he says, hey, man, I'm coming up. then he's got he's got free run. he can come on in whenever he likes. But anyhow, an online scammer tricked a 63-year-old Los Angeles woman into thinking that she was in a romantic relationship with Spanish musician Enrique Iglesias.

Speaker: Guadalupe Cepeda Has been a fan of Enrique for over two decades. So when the Bala Mo singer approached online social media are on social media one day She couldn't believe it. This is why old people should not be on social media.

Speaker: All right old people and technology are like Fire and gasoline. They don't go together. They don't belong together It's like green beans and peanut butter sandwiches and

Speaker: i so I say that, and I dread a response from Blaze. I got high once, and I had one of those, and they're actually delicious. Click, you should try them. But, yeah, this is why old people, like I guess said, part of me feels bad for old people, but then there's also a part of me that's like, really?

Speaker: You kind of bring it on yourself sometimes, Granny. um

Speaker: He apparently found her on an online fan group, and she didn't find it at all suspicious, really, because... You're 63 years old, and I don't know how old Enrique is at this point. He's probably in his 50s or something like that.

Speaker: Rich and famous musician is all a sudden going to fall in love with you, Guadalupe?

Speaker: I'm looking at your picture, bro. I'm not thinking so. Not happening.

Speaker: But stranger things have happened, ladies and gentlemen. Reba's still not knocking on my door. I'll tell you that much. Reba McIntyre is not knocking on my door or hitting me up on social media. I'm just saying.

Speaker: Anyways, if she didn't find it at all suspicious that the man millions of women had been dreaming up for almost 30 years, singled her out and um for a virtual relationship.

Speaker: Guadalupe, come on. Come You're better than that. ah The affair

Speaker: began two years ago, and despite being married to another man, Guadalupe believed that she would one day marry Enrique. Enrique. She planned to break up with her husband and run away with the Spanish superstar only before they could be together. Enrique needed her to send him some money.

Speaker: Of course.

Speaker: Sugargilt.com. That's where I date. and Hello. Deep purchases and saggy tatas. Little Lupe. Yeah.

Speaker: Little Lupe is the only one I know. i'll just Man, poor little Guadalupe. She just... and She's not in a... She looks like a brouhaha, let's be honest.

Speaker: She might cast a fucking spell on the real Enrique. feel sorry for Enrique. He ain't going be nobody's hero anymore. I'm just saying, he was he was like engaged or married or dating that stupid and hot tennis chick from Russia. Like, really?

Speaker: Now he wants to be with you? Come on. This fuck could be better. and

Speaker: This lady probably will not only leave her husband, she's going to probably murder him. That's usually how it happens. I watch enough true crime documentaries and television shows. This lady was going to kill her husband and run off with Enrique Iglesias.

Speaker: and

Speaker: oh

Speaker: hey man, i know there's a brief time period when I was single and I was living down in Charleston and, uh,

Speaker: Some of them rich old ladies that live down on the down on the that on the water, down on the coast, and then big nice houses from waterfront properties, big nice mansions and whatnot.

Speaker: There's a couple single ones that were looking mighty goddamn fine. Like, you know what?

Speaker: Would I take one for the team? Goddamn right.

Speaker: Either webs and all, man. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I'm getting paid.

Speaker: Put me in your will.

Speaker: They tip good and make some damn good lemonade and they're some good damn cooks. Yeah. Spoil me, grandma. Spoil me, grandma. Hey, I'll be back down there in about seven, maybe

Speaker: hey i'll be back down there in about seven and maybe eight years.

Speaker: If not sooner, I'm going to bring Blaze and his van down too.

Speaker: We can kill it down there, buddy. We can kill it down there, buddy.

Speaker: Once Cash ah graduates high school, Nikki and I are going to probably come. I'm going to go down to Charleston. so ah definitely can't wait to get back down there, man. and I really hope by that time either I'm a business owner or we're making enough money off this podcast that I don't have to work because I'll be doing shows from the fucking beach.

Speaker: yeah and Anyways, from from one from one stupid person to another stupid person. a um Doctors and a at a hospital Jalyn, China, recently reported one of their most bizarre cases yet.

Speaker: A woman who had gotten her hand stuck in her boyfriend's mouth.

Speaker: While trying to film a funny video.

Speaker: Every week, I tell you guys, we have to ban TikTok. This is another reason. She got couples out there sticking fucking body parts in people's... Thank God it was only his his mouth. Let's be honest with you. The internet is strange enough as it is.

Speaker: she stuck it She stuck her hand in his fucking mouth and it got stuck.

Speaker: Again, this is best case scenario because it is the internet. And I repeat on these stories where other things go in other orifices and get stuck. So... but

Speaker: Oh, really? Is this what we're doing right now?

Speaker: Throat fisting is a kink, apparently. We do not kink shame. We do not kink shame, sir. ah There we go. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. um Clips and photos of the couple walking into the emergency room of a hospital in the Jalynn province have been doing the rounds on Chinese social media.

Speaker: The premise doesn't sound very intriguing, but really attracted people's attention was that the woman had her hand in the man's mouth. Apparently, they had tried to shoot a funny video to post online.

Speaker: in which they tried to see if the woman's hand was small enough to fit in her boyfriend's mouth. She managed to stuff her fist in his mouth just fine, but when she tried to pull it out, his mouth muscles stiffened, and the hand became stuck.

Speaker: After repeatedly trying to pull out her hand from the man's mouth, the young woman decided that they needed to go get medical attention. How could you... Okay, so so either she's got to drive the car like this with her hand stuck in homeboy's mouth or homeboy is driving the car with a fucking hand stuck in his mouth and he's like... I don't know if he's like had to look at like this while he's driving.

Speaker: And we all know Asian people can't drive anyway, so let's not add any other problems or distractions that could cause issues when they're on the road. Look... It's not a stereotype.

Speaker: It's based on facts. Look it up. The statistics are out there. Asian people can't drive. I'm not just making this shit up. um ah I'm a professional news reporter. I don't report fake news.

Speaker: throat Yeah. ah So, again, and all goes i say it every Wednesday night. Ban TikTok. Get rid of it. Because people are already stupid on their own.

Speaker: They don't need any help being extra stupid. And that's what TikTok does to people. It makes them extra stupid. So just ban it. Across the board. Nuke that motherfucker.

Speaker: you know You know they didn't call a cab. You know they didn't call a cab. You know they didn't get on a bus. You know they didn't fucking him walk. Which, that would have been fucking hilarious to see walking down the road at the end of the day.

Speaker: I would love to have seen that shit. i would have loved to have been in the hospital with a light bulb stuck in my ass. and And I'm like, and I thought I fucked up. Look at these assholes. You know, like, you know, there's some guy because there's always stories out of China about somebody sticking something in their pee hole or something in their butthole.

Speaker: That guy looks normal compared to these two assholes walking into the ER. I'm just saying. ah Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm wrong because I'm not.

Speaker: The guy with something shoved up his ass or something in his pecker hole is normal compared to those two. And he's making fun of them. He's on his social media. He's on his TikTok going, hey, I'm live at the hospital.

Speaker: And I've got fucking garden hose stuck up my ass. And I need to get it removed surgically. However, I'm not as dumb as these assholes. Look at them. I don't know. What the fuck is wrong with people?

Speaker: God, I hate people. People are so fucking stupid. I really do hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. What else we got?

Speaker: to go to my other my other news source here. I love this fucking app on my phone.

Speaker: oh

Speaker: ah

Speaker: At the end of the day, like I said, I and don't think I'm wrong. I'm pretty accurate on this situation. But let's take our

Speaker: the fuck? I don't even want to know what the hell's going on upstairs. Let's take ourselves another little breaky break. little breaky break, if you will. um Come back. I got more news stories for you guys. Oh, let's do a little let's do a little bit of

Speaker: Oh, you know what? Let's do a little Tennessee holy water with Bullet before the noose. and we'll be and and i and I hate to say this, but I think, unfortunately, Tennessee Holy Water split up.

Speaker: better they They've got new bandmates. I'm not sure. But either way, ah but Tennessee Holy Water, Bullet before the noose. And we'll be right back.

Speaker: The last story

Speaker: I'm dreaming, all right, no way.

Speaker: He's playing with

Speaker: Offline a dream, all right, thing ain't gonna go

Speaker: Cross the line, dream of a ride, no hinders

Speaker: Yes, sir. A little Tennessee holy water. And yeah, I had to go double check because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't putting any false information out there. Yes, the band did, uh, three of the four members went different direction.

Speaker: Um, so, um, but it sounds like, uh, and like in most case, just gonna find new members.

Speaker: And, uh, Keep on rocking and rolling. So good luck to Jesse, lead singer of Tennessee Holy Water. Hopefully you get a new band, and ah hopefully you guys are out there making some more kick-ass music here. Very, very.

Speaker: Lord, here we go. Here comes the glitchy poos, I guess.

Speaker: Oh, no, my camera got unplugged. How did my camera get unplugged? Let's try this again, shall we?

Speaker: Let's get my camera back up. But anywhoey, welcome back to What the Fuck News. I am Glick.

Speaker: There we go. All right. Sorry about that. My camera just shut off for some weird reason. Anyways, welcome back to What the Fuck News right here on the Nonsensical Network. I am Glick. Make sure you guys give us a follow. We are everywhere. Facebook, Instagram, X, and TikTok shows are live Monday through Sunday on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitch.

Speaker: And don't forget, you can listen anytime, anyplace, wherever you listen to podcasts. We are on all them podcasting apps and platforms and all that jazz. Um...

Speaker: bio.link slash nonsensical network. And don't forget to give Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner follow and a like as well. You can get all your nonsensical swag or personalized items that you want right there.

Speaker: All right. we are in We are right hot in the middle of the news. Let me see here. Right quick.

Speaker: Where are we at? did did to did it Sorry, I was doing some other research. ah

Speaker: Oh, I don't want to get into that discussion. I'll save that for another time. But check this out, man. So a we've had this crazy, I don't know what you want to call it, trend or whatever. People just bring in fucking animals on flights, whether it's their emotional support fucking donkey, their emotional support peacock, their pig, their alligator, their whatever the fuck it is, which is getting out of hand at the end of the fucking day.

Speaker: Really is. The emotional support animals are just getting out of fucking control. Nobody needs an emotional support alligator or donkey or horse or whatever. Fucking be reasonable.

Speaker: I feel like you got some fucking sense. ah It's just me, you know. I'm at the grocery store some dumb twat walks in with a fucking horse. And I'm like, this is not very sanitation.

Speaker: or Or this is like, this is gross. You got a fucking horse walking around a grocery store because you're an idiot and you're claiming it's an emotional sport. But this has nothing to do with it. That's a whole other rant. A woman wasn't allowed to bring her dog on a plane, which is or you know a dog or a cat or something that makes sense.

Speaker: hey Whatever. So, and this is usually a part where I would go, so, what do you think she did with the dog? And then my co-host would go, well, I don't know. She shoved it up her ass.

Speaker: um But I, anyway. An investigation into, so, so we got an investigation into the death of a nine-year-old schnauzer named Ty Wynn. Started in December when a janitor, now this has been going since, this has been ongoing since December.

Speaker: So they're still investigating this shit. But a janitor, found the dog in a trash bag in the bathroom stall at Orlando International Airport.

Speaker: A woman, so the woman, what she did was, she was told she couldn't bring her dog on the plane, which,

Speaker: I don't know if I'm going to bring an animal on a flight. I think when I buy my ticket, and I've never flown, so I have no experience with this. This is just my brain and the my way the way my brain thinks. If I'm going to fly and I'm potentially going to bring an animal with me, I'm going to say, hey, what are your guys' policies regarding animals on a flight or boarding a flight? Or what do I do with my animal? Because I'm moving across country and I need to bring my doggie with me. I just don't show up with my fucking dog and be like, let me bring my dog on the plane or else you son of a bitch.

Speaker: Oh, I can't bring my dog? Okay. I'll be right back. groundy Drowny, drowny, drowny, drowny. Trash can. You know, three-point shot. Kobe. Which is basically essentially what it sounds like this lady did.

Speaker: But a woman drowned her dog at a Florida airport bathroom and then boarded her in a national flight after she was prevented from bringing in the white miniature schnauzer with her because of paperwork issue.

Speaker: Again, all this is prevented by asking the right questions ah ahead of time.

Speaker: Am I wrong? Am I an idiot? I've never flown before. Just assuming that you can ask these questions and they're going answer them for you. I don't know. um

Speaker: The woman was arrested in Lake County on Wednesday and and and charged. of aggravated animal abuse. That is a third-degree felony. She was released on a $5,000 bond.

Speaker: The act was intentional and resulted in the cruel and unnecessary death of an animal, said and arrested an arrest affidavit but from the Orlando Police Department. Online court records showed no attorney listed for the woman from Kinnear, Louisiana.

Speaker: Man, towards your heart listed for the woman from kir louisiana man If I was an attorney, I wouldn't touch this shit with a 40-foot pole. Not even a court appointed attorney. I'm like, nah, I'm sick that day.

Speaker: Yeah, I knew it. But, however, I say that, but defense attorneys defend people for a lot a lot worse situations. And I say this as an animal lover and a dog owner, like, come on, man.

Speaker: Animals and kids should be off limits at the end of the day. In my opinion, they can't defend themselves. They can't stick up for themselves. I mean, yeah, you might have a giant dog that bites your fucking wiener off or degloves your wiener, but nonetheless, that's justifiable homicide. In my opinion, if a dog degloves your fucking wiener and you happen to drown it in the ocean, justifiable, but it's just because you can't get on a plane.

Speaker: You drown the dog. Yeah. What the fuck? Um,

Speaker: The investigation into the death of the nine-year-old schnauzer named Tywin started in December when a janitor found the dog in the trash can, blah, blah, blah. The janitor early had earlier had seen um the woman in the stall cleaning up water and dog food from the stall's floor.

Speaker: The janitor was pulled away for a cleanup emergency and returned to the bathroom 20 minutes later, where she found Tywin in the trash container. along with the companion vest, collar, rabies tag, and dog travel bag, and a bone-shaped dog tag with the woman's name and phone number on it.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: You don't leave evidence behind with your name, address, and phone number on it when you commit a fucking crime. The hell is wrong with you, lady?

Speaker: Hey, lady, I'm doing baptism now. Want to be forgiven? Promise not to forget you're under the water, right? Absolutely. i agree. Give this bitch the goddamn death penalty. Two for a tooth and eye for an eye.

Speaker: That's what's in the book of the magic spaghetti monster in the sky. That's what they say.

Speaker: So, I mean, in all honesty, again, never flying. if there was a mix-up with the paperwork or something like that, couldn't she have just gone to the counter and fixed? Obviously, she had the companion vest.

Speaker: She had the rabies tag. She had the dog travel bag. She had its collar. She had all the paperwork that she should have had with her. Couldn't she have just stepped over to the customer service counter and said, hey,

Speaker: We got a little mix-up in paperwork. Can we fix this real quick? Because, I don't know, I've never flown, but I've taken people to the airport before, and you're usually there three hours fucking prior to your goddamn flight for whatever reason.

Speaker: And I say that because I've had to get get up at 3 o'clock in the fucking morning and get somebody to an airport when their flight when their flight doesn't leave until 7 in the fucking morning or 8 in the morning or whatever.

Speaker: But, again, i don't know, but

Speaker: People are fucking dumb. and then And then you then you then you leave the dog's tag with your name and phone number and all your information on Fucking moron.

Speaker: This goes with for anybody. Now, not now don't don't go out killing people that fruit or animals, first and foremost. That's not what I'm saying. Or don't go commit crimes. But if you do commit a crime, and this is not the first time this has happened where some fucking idiot criminal has left this type of information at the scene of a crime.

Speaker: Just watched, i just show that I watch, we literally just watched a true crime show ah the other day about a murder. and Or the other night, laying back here in bed. and and And the asshole left his wallet.

Speaker: Because he was in a rush to get out. ah Excuse me? What?

Speaker: Hello? We're just responding. Oh, dead body. Hey, what's this wallet? Oh, it says Bill Frankfurter at 123 Main Road in Anytown, USA. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker: Oh, let's go talk to him. Knock, knock, knock. Oh, Frank opens the goddamn door. and Frank's got blood all over him looking like he just committed a whole fucking fuck massacre. And they go, got our guy, stupid.

Speaker: You left your wallet at the crime scene. It's not the first time this happened. I'm just saying. Fucking stupid people. Don't be fucking stupid. Don't be a scumbag.

Speaker: That's better advice. Don't be a fucking scumbag. Anywho, airport surveillance cameras captured a woman speaking for 15 minutes to an airline agent with the dog in tow walking into the bathroom near the ticking area with the dog and exiting the bathroom.

Speaker: Less than 20 minutes later, Without the dog. The woman then went outside the terminal building, reentered a short time later, passed through security, and boarded the Columbia-bound plane.

Speaker: You should have stayed there. You should have not come back. a I reckon that's the problem. Ain't no gas in it. What

Speaker: the fuck? The dog was implanted, or was identified by his head, and it's microchipped, lady.

Speaker: Yeah, fuck

Speaker: fucking people are stupid.

Speaker: Microchipped. You know what that means when a dog's microchipped? And you know when a dog's microchipped because even if you adopt a dog, they say, hey, just so you know, your dog has a microchip in them just in case they ever get lost.

Speaker: ah We can go find them. We just need you to go online and register your name, your address, your phone number, blahity blah, blah, blah, blah. so that we can make sure the dog is returned safe and sound to its family.

Speaker: I'm really at a loss for words, man.

Speaker: no this is what i really hope the judge in this situation um throws the book at her and whatever the maximum ah penalty, punishment, whatever it is, I hope she gets 100% the maximum.

Speaker: and The proverbial throw the book at her face, judge. I guess that's what they say, right? Smack her right in the goddamn face with the book, judge.

Speaker: Give her the old, uh,

Speaker: Give her the old what for at the end of the day.

Speaker: i' Like I said, people who do vile, disgusting things to children and animals, there's a special place in hell for those people.

Speaker: Because that is like the definition of

Speaker: defenseless. I mean, fucking dogs, man. They love you unconditionally. you know

Speaker: You know, they don't see no bad in you. they don't They don't, man. yeah like like like Like the old saying goes, as a man's best friend, this goddamn dog is currently, even though I was yelling at her and I didn't throw anything at her to hurt her. I was actually hitting the bed beside her trying to get her attention because she was chewing on her paws and licking her paws and she'll eat them fuckers raw.

Speaker: ah Every time I come back here to do a show, she's not even my dog. She's Nikki's dog. She comes back here and lays on the bed. If she could be over here in my area with me, she she would be.

Speaker: Like, what's going on, Mandy?

Speaker: Get him, Suze. Get him, Suze. Go get him. They're coming to get the daddo. Go get them. It's back here with a poopy ass. People who people who do things like that to to children or or animals. there of

Speaker: Ooh. I need to save this.

Speaker: ah there's a special fucking place in hell for them.

Speaker: Oh, yeah. She doesn't put that claim on me from Jump Street. The first night I was ever i was ever ever at

Speaker: Nikki's house when she was still in PA. ah She came right up and got up on the couch beside me and Put her head in my lap and Nikki's like, oh, I guess she's your dog now. I know I threaten to kill her on a daily basis, but I never could.

Speaker: oh

Speaker: Just saying. um Anyhow. and I'm getting aggravated. I'm getting upset. getting upset

Speaker: um and and other. and You know what? This is just going to aggravate me just as fucking much. and I don't know why I'm going to bring it up, but it is what the fuck news, man, it it is a and it is a what the fuck style of article.

Speaker: um Actually, you know what? I think

Speaker: Right, right. Which is usually how our conversation goes. Stab you in the head. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch.

Speaker: Yeah. Or as I'm rubbing her belly. I'm going to shoot you. I'm going to shoot you. um Actually, you know what I'm going to do here? I'm going to take one more break. One last break. I got a couple more stories. We're going to come back.

Speaker: We're going to hit them. And then we're going to get the flock out of here, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to call it a wrap, man. I'll tell you what. Last night's show flew by. Tonight's show flew by. i was not looking forward to doing the show by myself.

Speaker: But sometimes... Show's drag, man. It's flying by tonight, man. hopefully you guys are Hopefully you guys are enjoying a solo what-the-fuck news. I don't know. It's kind of hard, but and I appreciate y'all in the chat because it is kind of hard not to have somebody right here in real time to bounce a conversation off of, but you guys in the chat are killing it, and I appreciate the shit out, y'all.

Speaker: So we're going to take One more little breaky break here tonight. Let's do... Oh, let's do a little... bup up up up you do do What do we got going on here? I got so much music in here.

Speaker: You know what? Let's do...

Speaker: let Oh, I thought I had that uploaded. You know what, just for shits and grins. Let's do a little lift the curse. Actually, ladies and gentlemen, anybody out there listening and audience, let me throw this out there because I'm going to already talk about lift the curse.

Speaker: If anybody would like a four day VIP field passes to Sonic temple in Columbus, Ohio, it's coming up this summer. I believe let me know. i will get you the price.

Speaker: Um, ah friend's over at Lift the Curse. John, unfortunately, is not going to be able to go. He has something else that came up, which is a much better deal and a much better offer, and I don't blame him for taking it, but he has two tickets for sale, I believe.

Speaker: So let me know. I'm still waiting on price information, but if anybody's interested, let me know, and I will get you in contact with John, and we can get you down there at Sonic Temple.

Speaker: It is a music rock festival in Columbus, Ohio. ah So, if not, I may try to buy them. i'm not gonna um I'm waiting to see how much they are. I may try to buy them.

Speaker: But nonetheless, here's a little Lift the Curse with their cover of I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight. I just died in your arms tonight.

Speaker: It must have been something you said. I died in your arms tonight.

Speaker: For something I can't get Broken parts fly all around me And I don't see an easy way to get out of this Tirey sits by the bedside table The clinicals, the cats in the cradle Who would have thought that a boy like me Could come to this?

Speaker: Tonight, it must have been something you said I just started in your arms tonight Oh, I mean, I just started in your arms tonight It must have been some kind of kiss

Speaker: stops for feeling like this on the surface i a name im

Speaker: I've just made my price and I'll give it all to you Cause I'm out and through my fantasy But I'm too many times I've just done it in your eyes tonight It must have been something you said

Speaker: I'd stay in your arms tonight It must have been some kind of case I should have walked away I should have walked away It was a long, hard night

Speaker: I've followed hands now not my head i know i

Speaker: I just died I just died

Speaker: I've stayed in your arms tonight You must have been searching this way I've stayed in your arms tonight

Speaker: I died in your arms tonight It must have been some kind of chaos should have walked away should have walked away

Speaker: Yes, sir. A little... A little lift the curse with I just died in your arms tonight. Welcome back to What the Fuck News.

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Speaker: Anywho, let's jump right back end into the news. And we got Parenting 101. one oh one Good parenting, bad parenting. What the fuck is going on in your parenting world?

Speaker: Nonetheless, The fate of a white West Virginia couple who were found guilty of abusing their five adopted black children and forcing them to work as slaves on their farm has been revealed.

Speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, it is 2025. No, it is not we the mid, early, late 1800s. We did not just get done fighting in the Civil War. This is 2025. This is the family.

Speaker: this is my family That was cleared by yeah adoption agency to adopt children. They passed all the quote-unquote requirements.

Speaker: And they said, you guys are suitable adoptive parents. And we're going to give you not one, not two, three, four, but five kids and probably more.

Speaker: Lord knows how many they fostered because I'm assuming that they were in the adopting world. They were also fostering kids. Anywho, on Wednesday, Jeannie K. Whitefeather, 63, was sentenced to 215 years in prison.

Speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, judicial system win. Let's give it up. There's one win, ladies and gentlemen. Let's fucking go.

Speaker: for forced labor, human trafficking, child abuse, and neglect, and violating the children's civil rights, ah according to a video of sentencing hearing in the Kennewick County Circuit Court trial that was posted online.

Speaker: Her husband, Donald Lance, 62, who was found guilty 12 of 16 counts, Against him.

Speaker: Man.

Speaker: Shit just keeps deeper and deeper, ladies. Ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker: Found guilty of 12 of 16 counts against him, including human trafficking, child abuse, forced labor, and negligence. Words are hard.

Speaker: words are hard Neglect. Sorry. Hashtag words are hard, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the nonsensical network. ah And neglect. And was sentenced to 160 years in prison.

Speaker: We'll be lucky if either the one of them, they're both being in their 60s. They might not see 20 years. Hell, let's be honest. I said it earlier about the dog. Dogs, animals, and children are huge no-nos on my list.

Speaker: and And a lot of people share that sentiment. you don't mess with You don't mess with animals and you don't mess with children. They're defenseless. but can't They can't defend themselves, man. They depend on us. They look up to us.

Speaker: They need us. And then you got scummy fucking people out there that want to take advantage of that trust and and and and and and mistreat them and do horrible things to them. Y'all, you don't last very long in a prison system when you go into it And you got that big bullseye on your back that said you did terrible, horrible things to a child.

Speaker: ah I don't think, i don't think that man, um i don't know. Blaze, Wally, i don't know if you guys are out there. can can they can Can I make ah an emergency pick, a double emergency pick on Whitefeather and Lance here?

Speaker: Because I don't think they're going make it to the end of this year once they get into the big prison. Somebody's going stomp them out real quick. And I say congratulations to that person that stomps them out. No, but anywho, you brought these children together.

Speaker: to West Virginia, a place that I know is almost heaven, West Virginia. Shut up. It's not almost heaven. We've all been to West Virginia. We've all been to West Virginia. Yes. Some of the scenery is beautiful, but it is not almost heaven.

Speaker: John Denver is a goddamn liar. All you people that live there, you can go to any town, any city in West Virginia. Most of you collectively have about seven and a half teeth in your heads.

Speaker: That's the entire community. Uh,

Speaker: I'm just kidding. I'm just fucking with you, West Virginia. I'm just fucking with you. It is a very beautiful place, especially you get up in the mountains and and the in the woods and the rivers and all that stuff. However, the people, not so pretty. That I do not, that that I will not take back.

Speaker: Some of y'all, we've all seen deliverance. But anywhoy, And you put them in hell. A judicial circuit court judge Mary Claire Akers said during sentence per WCHS, this court will now put you in yours and may God have mercy on your souls because this court will not.

Speaker: Shout out to Mary Claire Akers, man. Goddamn rock star. The circuit court judge, man. She said, how many years can I give them? I'm giving them all to them. 215

Speaker: 160 years. Let's fucking go, man. Cheers. Cheers to Mary Claire.

Speaker: That is awesome. The couple reportedly adopted the five children from a shelter for unhoused and at-risk youth. In 2018, at the time, Jeannie and Donald were living in Minnesota, Minnesota, Canada, for those of you who don't know, and moved to Washington State.

Speaker: And then later, to Kennewick County in West Virginia. so and and In five years, man, they they moved around quite and and they were moving ah lot. I mean, you go from Minnesota to Washington and Washington to West Virginia.

Speaker: In October 2023, they were arrested after a neighbor called Child Protective Services, alleging that two teenagers, 14 and 16, excuse me, were locked in a shed on the couple's property.

Speaker: It's Sissonville. Other neighbors claim the children were forced to perform farm labor and were not permitted inside the residence, according to court documents. When the police responded to the home, the two children, brother and sister, in the in the shed reportedly had no running water and and a portable toilet and had been deprived of adequate hygienic care and food. The children said they slept on the concrete floor.

Speaker: And were locked in there for 12 hours during being found. Another girl was also found in the home.

Speaker: um Charleston's WCSH, this is Charleston, West Virginia, reported that when Donald arrived home, he had another child with them and led deputies to a friend's home where the fifth child was stained.

Speaker: The indictment alleges human trafficking, human rights violations, the use of forced labor. Judge Akers said, according to west virginia

Speaker: West Virginia Metro News, human rights violations specific to the fact that these children were targeted because of their race and they were used basically as slaves from what the indictment alleges.

Speaker: The oldest child referred to the couple as monsters in an impact statement.

Speaker: While another child said, i will be i will be something amazing. I will be strong and

Speaker: and beautiful. You will always be exactly what you are. Horrible.

Speaker: The youngest child said they were taught to laugh at their siblings while witnessing the abuse.

Speaker: Both gen Gene and and and Donald were ordered to pay $280,000 restitution apiece to the victims.

Speaker: I don't think that they have over a million dollars. um

Speaker: Wow.

Speaker: Pissed off, but man, well that... that

Speaker: the The words that that other child said kind of hit me. um Wow. So I do apologize for that. But wow, man, what the fuck is wrong with people? Seriously.

Speaker: Like you take kids that are already in a shitty situation, man. They don't have parents of their own. And you take them out of that and they think, wow, I found a home. I found a mom and dad. I found somebody who's going to love me and and and protect me and teach me right from wrong and and everything like that.

Speaker: And then you do this to them. Again, shout out to Judge Mary Claire Akers, not holding back on these fucking scumbags.

Speaker: um I hope. i

Speaker: I hope that they that i hope that they they get what they deserve, and it's not two hundred and fifty you know collectively, a hundred and seventy I'm sorry, 375 years collectively behind bars and over a million dollars in restitution. What what they deserve is to be found at the bottom of somebody's fucking heel, dead.

Speaker: And that's what I hope happens to him in jail. that's This is sick. It's sick, and it's fucking disturbing. And it's 2025. What the fuck is wrong with people, man? and What the fuck, man?

Speaker: Seriously. Yeah, man. Holy crap, dude. Got me fucked up, man. You got me. Three ways for some hand.

Speaker: well I don't think, uh, Ms. Whitefeather, or I don't think these fucking monsters will see 10 years inside of a prison. I think something, um justifiably, will happen to them while they are incarcerated, while they are locked up.

Speaker: And, um, whatever does happen to them is 100% earned, 100% deserved. one hundred percent deserved um

Speaker: and And, you know, you're not from West west Virginia. um But

Speaker: way to put a fucking blimish on an already tarnished West Virginia reputation because people have fun making fun of them as of this. So, golly, man. Jesus Christ. ah What is this?

Speaker: but Yeah, we're going to save that one for next week. yeah

Speaker: but What the fuck? Blaze, you and I have have a conversation. ah And last the last story I got here for you guys this week before we get the hell out of here.

Speaker: In

Speaker: and other parenting news, the man alive. I got to shake off. Man, I... Wow, that fucking man alive.

Speaker: Oh.

Speaker: Check it out. check Check your WhatsApp, Blaze. I'm doing this story next week. It just popped up in breaking news. ah the What up, Nerdverse? I don't know which one. I don't know if it's Chaka or if it's Beast Mode, but what up, Nerdverse? How y'all doing?

Speaker: um

Speaker: Again, from one fucked up story of bad parenting to another fucked up story in the world of parenting. Coordinated a plan. Three teenage sisters grabbed kitchen knives and chased mom into the street after she turned off the Wi-Fi. Peace mode. What's up, brother?

Speaker: All right. We see you. We see you. What's going on with you? Uh...

Speaker: yeah happened did you Did you read that headline? Like, what the fuck is going on, bro? There's a lot going on today. I got questions. I got questions, man.

Speaker: I really do.

Speaker: But nonetheless, I digress. Let's see if we can hit this in the two-hour mark. ah Last story of the night, man. Bad parenting 101, man, at the end of the day. Good.

Speaker: Bad parenting first story. This story, i don't know where we're going to go. Good parenting, bad parenting, shitty kids. First story, fucking shitty ass comeback parents who deserve nothing more than death.

Speaker: This story, let's see where we go. A Texas mother was allegedly chased into the street by her own teenage daughters after she took away their internet access.

Speaker: Now, all three are facing charges of aggravated assault, you little fucking heathens, you little shitbags. You should go live with the mom and dad in West Virginia. That'll fucking straighten your ass up. In a social media post on March 24th, Harris County Sheriff Ed Gonzalez stated that three teenage girls ages 14, 15, and 16. Yeah, hit that like, click that subscribe, and click clicks.

Speaker: bell bring my bear ring ring my bell anyways you guys are getting here way too much of me singing lately ah but should I should change the word.

Speaker: like but No, that doesn't sound right. I can't do it. please b but clicks Oh, I can do that. Yeah, yeah I can do that. Anyhoo. In a social media post on March 24th, Ed Gonzalez stated that the three teenage girls ages 14, 15, and 16 years old were arrested and in custody after they allegedly coordinated a plan to try and kill their mother.

Speaker: Easter young ladies need to go live with Whitefeather and Lance for a couple months. Gonzalez said, the reason for the alleged plot was because the mother turned off the Wi-Fi.

Speaker: The girls also allegedly threw a brick at their mother, whom they chased out of the home while wielding kitchen knives. Yo. Yo.

Speaker: I know three little girls that need their asses whoop. Where's the belt? We're breaking out the belt. We're breaking out the paddle. We're breaking out the switch. We're getting all, you're getting all the heat, man.

Speaker: Even the wooden spoon. I'm sorry. I came from a generation where I have been told to choose, to choose my punishment. And mom displayed weapons of ass destruction.

Speaker: I said, ass destruction. Mom displayed weaponry and said, choose. but choose which one do you want me to destroy? you amazingly like Weapons of ass destruction.

Speaker: we're bringing out the We're bringing out the round table of ah punishment tools on these three little fucking brats. um Authority said that the three teenagers...

Speaker: allegedly grabbed kitchen knives, chased their mother around the house, eventually making their way out to the street, attempting to stab her. Gonzalez also said the mother was struck with a brick, Debo style, brick right to the fucking head.

Speaker: Um... And that the grandmother, who was also at the scene, was knocked over trying to protect the mother. So grandma's stepping in, doing what grandma does. She's a mama bear. She's got to protect her cub from her cub's fucking three psychopath little raging feral lunatics.

Speaker: ah You know? And she neither women suffered serious injuries. Thank God. KRIB, a local Fox affiliate, reported that the household apparently had a history of run-ins.

Speaker: With the law, a neighbor who spoke on camera but chose to remain anonymous, I don't blame you, anonymous, not anonymous, whatever I said. I don't blame you because these three little bitches are fucking out of control.

Speaker: They're out of goddamn minds. You know what you do? You don't bring a gun you don't bring a knife to a gunfight. Mama, shoot them in their fucking kneecaps. but but Three shots, three kneecaps, lesson learned.

Speaker: Huh?

Speaker: ah I don't know. They just do. and so ah ah They're known for that in this neighborhood. There's always cops around the house. She added, I think it's so crazy. I mean, and just tells you how unstable that family is. And it's very sad for them. Yeah, you got do everything you can to get this family fucking split up, separated, pulled apart, do whatever you got to do. Because apparently there's a lot of crazy-ass toxicity. All three girls were charged with aggravated assault.

Speaker: With a deadly weapon, they are currently in custody at Harris County Juvenile Detention Center. ah you can So we go from really bad fucking parents to don't know if maybe Ma was a little bit too loosey-goosey with her kids.

Speaker: Maybe there wasn't a whole lot of discipline. Her fucking kids got out of control. Either way, they became extremely little feral, little monsters. But, yeah, man, I'm just saying.

Speaker: Yo, maybe mom should have hit. And now, see, this is a different situation. You got three little fucking monsters. you hit one of them in a You hit one of them in the face of the brick.

Speaker: I'm down for that. You know, this is this is the world of parenting, man. You don't want to. And to all the parents that are out there, you know, you don't want to go completely left on the spectrum and be the assholes from West Virginia.

Speaker: But then you don't want to be right on the spectrum and be this poor mom in Texas. Like, you got to find that happy balance of a good family life, a reasonable amount of fear,

Speaker: And respect. And also, you've got to treat you gotta teach your kids how to be decent fucking human beings, man, at the end of the day. Because if you don't, if you leave them to their own devices, this is what they become.

Speaker: These little feral monsters, you know, that are going to chase you around the goddamn house with a fucking butcher knife and hit you in the face of the brick like you're fucking Deebo.

Speaker: yeah can't I mean, you can be their friends to a certain degree, but you also have to you you have to differentiate friends' parents. Yeah, I can be your friend, but I'm also your parent.

Speaker: You've got to do the shit you've got to do. again Again, I reiterate, my kids don't know nothing about weapons of ass destruction.

Speaker: WADs. WADs, weapons of ass destruction. umma I got my ass beat with a belt. I got my ass beat with a wooden spoon. I got my ass beat with a paddle. I got my ass beat with a switch.

Speaker: I got my ass beat with a chute. if if If I was fucking around, my mom made real quick and sure I was going to find out with whatever she could wrap her hand around.

Speaker: And it wasn't a child abuse. She didn't beat me to death or anything like that. She didn't put me in the hospital. She just let me know, bro, you're fucking up. Get your hands You're going a little left to center.

Speaker: Correct yourself. Get back on the right side. You know, you can be friends with kids, but you got to hold that line of first and foremost,

Speaker: I'm your parent. I'm your mom. I'm your dad. I'm your disciplinarian. I am teaching you from right to wrong. I am trying to make you a functional human being in society and hopefully raise you to adulthood where you become a good person and you and you give back to society in some function.

Speaker: yeah We fuck around. We found out not to play games. Yeah.

Speaker: I don't want to play stupid games and win stupid prizes with mom. So the last thing I want to want to do is fuck around and find out, you know, as they all say when play stupid games, win stupid prizes, mom, Hey, shout out to moms from the eighties, man.

Speaker: Moms from the eighties, late seventies and eighties, man. They were the Queens of fuck around and find out like they invented the fuck around and find out game and us stupid ass kids.

Speaker: We were dumb enough to play on a regular basis. I'm just saying, Lord knows it took me more times than I'd like to admit to

Speaker: an example. Don't stick your fucking tongue in the light socket because when you do, you get shocked. Of course, it help matter none. I was 12 years old and I was bigger than my mom and I learned real quick. My mom said, if I have to stand on a chair to whoop your ass, I will.

Speaker: And she did. So, But nonetheless, um do appreciate y'all listening. I appreciate y'all hanging out. Hopefully i enjoyed the solo show.

Speaker: I'm going to try to get better and do better. And like I said, let me know what you guys think about the penis report. Should it stay? Should it go? Should I keep it at the beginning of the show?

Speaker: Should I keep it at the end of the show? With that being said, ladies and gentlemen, that is the news that makes me say What the fuck? Thank you for watching.

Speaker: Thank you for listening. Tune in next week for a brand new episode of What the Fuck News. Tune in tomorrow for a brand new episode of Whole-Blooded Conversations with our guy Wally.

Speaker: He's talking all things dinosaurs and dragons, a.k.a. reptiles.

Speaker: He'll be live tomorrow night, Friday night. Blaze is rocking and rolling with Trivia Night on Nonsense and Chill. It is a fantasy movie trivia night. Your boy's going to be there in the building representing, holding down the fort as the reigning, defending, dominating champion of trivia.

Speaker: Saturday night, we'll be back with brand new episode of Nonsense and Chill. And then Sunday, we have Unnecessary Roughness. And our boy Derek is back in the building this week.

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