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25 Plays10 months ago
The year is 2024. The cards have decided the fate of The Crew. The stars and planets veto'd it.
Have you ever had a reading done? Do all basic white girls read tarot cards? Would you read your ex-boyfriend's tarot cards? Can wimpy kids chug about 6 beers without dying? Was The Astrologist kind of cute? What's wrong with horror movies in 2024? Is it looking up from here? What was the worst movie you saw in the past 3 years, and why was it Blonde?
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Transcript
Podcast Introduction and 'Tarot' Movie Review
00:00:00
Speaker
All right, let's, let's see if this sticks. All right. Let's do it. Another episode of what you saw last night, Philadelphia and soft jerseys, preeminent, our culture podcast. We might be the only one. We might be the only, we're definitely the only one that, that went in braved and solved Tarot, Tarot, Tarot, Tarot, who knows what the name is. well Why are you like this? Because the movie was terrible. so Terrible. it was Terrible. We don't need a warm up for this, but we're going to get one. No, ah let's just get right into it. Julia, do you want to describe? First, the budget was $8 million dollars and it grossed 11 million in counting. Good for it. Yeah, no, good for it. Anytime a horror movie makes a profit, I'm happy.
Plot Summary of 'Tarot'
00:00:50
Speaker
Julia, do you want to give like an overview of those? Sure. Once again, I don't prepare for this. Pat just asked me to do an overview and I say- You volunteered once and I just assumed you were cool with it. No, like it's a really good idea to do, but for some reason I don't think I had to prepare. I should write notes for this part and I don't, but here it goes. Man, you do great every week. You do. Thank you. So, Tarot, we follow It's a group of college students that get like an Airbnb for the weekend. While they're staying in this Airbnb, they're looking in the basement to find alcohol. And instead of alcohol, they find a box of tarot cards. And surprise, one of the basic white girls in the group obviously reads tarot cards. So everybody gets their cards read at this party and also
00:01:44
Speaker
like the girl that reads the cards is kind of our main character and her ex-boyfriend is also on the trip and they just broke up like literally on the way to the trip like they arrive and they have to tell their friends like by the way guys we like basically broke up in the car on the way here and now we're on vacation together so she reads everyone's cards it gets emotional with her ex-boyfriend there's you know but then eventually a few days later the friends and the group start dying and they die in a way that's like shown in their cards like one of the friends gets the hanging man and a mysterious rope comes out of nowhere and hangs her like cheesy shit like that
The Curse of the Tarot Cards Explained
00:02:26
Speaker
and we find out basically that the story is a they don't call her a witch what do they call her
00:02:35
Speaker
An astrologer. The astrologer. The astrologist. Because the entire movie, I didn't mention this yet, they don't just talk about tarot, they tie it into astrology. So it's very heavily astrology based as well. And which I've seen a lot of tarot readers do this in real life, but the movie makes it kind of really weird where they say, like, combining horoscopes with tarot is the most powerful magic, like something stupid like that, and it's like, all right, whatever. But apparently years and years ago, there was this astrologist that worked for some rich guy, and she read his wife's cards and read that she would die in childbirth, and the guy was pissed off about it, and she was like, I can't do anything, that's just what the cards say.
00:03:26
Speaker
So his wife does die in childbirth and as revenge, he has someone kill the astrologist's daughter. And so she becomes the astrologist obviously becomes like an evil demon ghost that like fused itself to the cards. Like she commits suicide, puts her soul into the cards. Now these cards are haunted by an astrologist. So everyone that gets their cards read from this deck dies. And that's basically the plot of the movie. At some point they meet up with this old woman that tells them the story. I don't even remember how they found her. Oh, they, they like Google, they literally Google astrology and find this old lady and they can't contact her. So they just drive to her house and she's the one that tells them this backstory. And she knows because this all happened to her before her friends all got their cards read and they all died like back in the seventies or something.
Critique of 'Tarot' Plot Execution
00:04:26
Speaker
but she's like the only survivor cause she didn't get her cards read. and Eventually they find out that the way to survive, they're like, wait, everyone who gets their cards read from this deck dies. So they have to really quick, like find, like they go back to the original house, they find the deck of cards and they, like the main girl has to really quick read the astrologist cards so that she basically kills her before she can kill her. And that's where it ends. We get three survivors. It's the main girl, her boyfriend, and their one friend, like the comic relief friend, all survive. That's pretty much it. um I feel like the way I described it makes it sound a lot better than it was. Well, his this is, so before we started, I was on my way to tell Julia, if you don't see the movie, you just hear about it, you're like, wow, that movie must've been great.
00:05:23
Speaker
Yeah, like I feel like what I just said sounds really good. Yeah. like But it's like so much worse even than that. That, yeah, the movie was kind of rough. So for reference, I just want to say this movie really watches like it was made by someone who literally heard of tarot cards, tarot cards. Like they don't know anything, literally not a single thing about tarot cards. And they just wanted to put them in this movie because they like look cool. like not a single reference that they made was correct at all and I know like tarot cards probably aren't real I mean they're real but like I don't really believe in them that strongly I kind of do I think it's fun get your cards ready to party whatever but like there is like rules to it and everything that they reference in the movie is just completely incorrect and like
00:06:17
Speaker
People do tie in astrology with it, but the way they did it in the movie was just kind of over the top using people's like sun sign. And it it got a little like goofy and silly. So i I do want to say, I love the idea of this. I love the idea of this movie. the The idea had potential, but I don't know. It just it just really, really, really dropped the ball. It's just like disappointing. and it's It's kind of like, again, why would you make this if you're not someone who's into tarot cards? No, yeah they were more interested in everything else. Here's here's my thing. In a movie like this, in a movie like this, right, you have this story and they do kind of follow like what Julia said of the story. I'm assuming is what they wrote, but just did not know how to put it into
00:07:18
Speaker
ah Visual the one kid was his his reading was You're gonna walk down a dark path and it's the wrong path and He's literally walking two we're going to discent His his reading literally said you're going down the wrong track or something right and then he gets hit by a train Right, and it's like that would be cool but Even then, just listening to that, like your your reading is, oh, you know you're going down the wrong track and you know you kind of have to do this and do that, whatever, whatever, whatever. They even mentioned that he's got like a financial blessing coming in and he ended up winning 700 bucks. He was the first one to die.
00:08:07
Speaker
and so seven, what did I say? 600, 700. He won 700 and he was the second one to die. He said second cause he was the second one. Oh yeah. yeah Oh my bad. My bad. Yeah. He was the second one to die, but yeah. So it's, it's, you know, it's one of those things where that would have been great.
Monster Design and Scare Effectiveness
00:08:26
Speaker
That would have been cool that, Oh my God, flashback. They said he was going down the wrong track and he died on a train, but like the everything that Everything that led up to that was just goofy. Like first of all, the the creatures that they made, um they use the same like Jurassic Park dinosaur noise. And they don't, the thing is, it's the same noise for all the different creatures. And it's just that generic, it's that generic like,
00:09:06
Speaker
screechy screech kind of noise that's like, I feel like no monster makes that noise, you know? And and it's just that like, you see it and it's a thousand feet away and then the lights flicker and he's like 500 feet away and then the lights flicker and you get that like what they call jump scare where it's like right in your face and then you hear like a scream or a noise and the kid like, it's just, it's that kind of movie where it's it's made to scare like six year olds. You know, it's it's the creatures are designed to kind of scare like a younger kid, like a six year old, seven year old kid.
Acting and Character Dynamics
00:09:53
Speaker
Cause I don't even think teenagers would actually, there was teenagers in the concession line that were sitting behind us because I was behind them in line. But anyways,
00:10:06
Speaker
And I don't even think they had a good time. you know It's like it's like the the the monsters were really bad. you know It's your generic just monster that they do, whatever it was. The magician just looked like a pale face, a pale sucked face clown thing. you know the What was it? The court gesture or the fool, the fool, the fool. it, you know, it dressed up as a court gesture and it's like, okay, I get it. That's like what you're trying to go for. But it's just like, it did the weird, like, I don't know, like conour contouring body thing. And so what's the, what's the need of all of this?
00:10:51
Speaker
You know, it's like, it's, what it's not really frightening. It's not part of the plot. It's not even like, a but if you had to do a contortion, it would be the, the fool or the magician. Well, no, cause the fool card is literally like a guy bent over. Yeah. here's one thing I kind of feel like the opposite I feel like the script for this was just like really genuinely terrible but the monsters and the characters and like the actual execution I kind of thought was really good like this this movie was cast really well it was acted really well and I really liked the scares and the monsters like there was a lot of like good jump scares and it was genuinely like pretty scary the the backstory was just like ridiculous and terrible if this had a better script it would have been great
00:11:42
Speaker
And then another thing we didn't mention is the actual deck of cards for literally no reason is like spooky scary. It's a hand painted like it's meant to be a really old set of cards. It's hand painted by this astrologist woman that worked for this guy 50 years ago, 100 years ago, whatever. but they're like horror themed and just within the universe that makes zero sense because she was like a nice normal astrology lady. So why in like the 1900s did she have this like scary deck of cards when like it just doesn't fit with the story. She wouldn't have, she would have had a normal tarot deck. Yeah. Not one that looks like you literally bought it at Hot Topic in 2012. There was a lot of continuity.
00:12:31
Speaker
Yeah. And I think, so to be fair, I did like the acting. I did like, you had your comedy relief friend and he does a good job at being, I was telling Pat on the ride back home that I would, I'm not mad when I see him cast. Cause I know what I'm going to get from him. You know, and maybe people don't like that. Cause it's like, well, I'm tight cast says this is just a character that they're whatever that's look if you're good at song then you're good at song you know i'm good at whatever i'm good at i don't know i don't toot my own horn but like he's good at this you know and do it so i see him in the movie i'm like okay i know what i'm getting from him you know and it's good the the even the boyfriend the boyfriend as ridiculous as
00:13:25
Speaker
I personally feel all of the monsters in the story and all that stuff was. He did a good job at being the first being the skeptic that's just like, you guys are fucking morons, man. There's no way you believe in some fucking stupid ass- Yeah, he was the one, he's like, I don't believe in tarot, but his ex-girlfriend's reading the cards. All the main characters, they're very young. I want to say they're maybe 21. And he's like, all right, I'll get a reading because it's his ex-girlfriend. He's trying to, you know, there's like a tension between them. They're like in the friend group, like their interactions, the characters felt very believable to me. Yeah. So I think that that was done well, but also the way that they interacted, like
00:14:16
Speaker
But yeah, like their acting was fine and it goes back to the script and it goes back to the director and it goes back to everything behind the scenes ah because like a lot of decisions, the decisions they make didn't always feel genuine and that's on the script because they acted it out fine. They made it feel and look good. I just i did i guess now that I'm um not just being silly, I can say that the though each person that was casted in their role played their role how they were supposed to. Like the ones that died early, they played their role as someone that's going to die early. You know, there's not really much about them. There's no personality. There's not really nothing going on. You just kind of know. The ones that die midway, you kind of know like, okay, there's a little personality, but they die midway. So they kind of give off like, I'll be dead soon vibes. And you know,
00:15:15
Speaker
I kind of knew, I knew that two of them would live. I didn't know the third one would live. It was kind of goofy that he lived, but you know, that's again, that's neither here nor there. I'm glad he didn't live. I mean, I'm glad he did live. Cause, um, if for whatever reason, they're like, hell, we made a $3 million dollars profit. We're going to make a part two. I kind of hope he's there. Had he died, I'm not even seeing part two, but if they're like, we're doing a tarrant part two. I'll go, I'll go. Yeah, i so there were parts of this where I was genuinely scared. Like I said, I thought the monsters were really great. It just didn't make any sense why the monsters were there, their motivation, what the monsters really were. like Are they just, I guess it was just supposed to be the astrology woman's ghost like turning into like the different cards because like they're not separate demons from her, but also they are separate demons because they were doing
00:16:16
Speaker
They were like attacking people at the same time she was attacking other people. So like where did these demons come from? like like where Where did the fool come from? Where did the devil come from? That was something that needed to be described, and and they never did. Right. And also just like as someone with like very, very basic knowledge of tarot that like I don't really read tarot cards, i've like done some research about it like I said very basic knowledge not an expert like her readings were just wrong like there were times where even I knew I was like that's not what that card means and like even I know it's like
00:17:00
Speaker
okay this deck has reversals in it and I can tell she doesn't read reversals but you can't just you can't pull a reverse card and just not read it as reversed like
Script and Direction Failures
00:17:11
Speaker
it's reversed you have to read it because like in the end there's a scene she's like she's reading the astrologist woman's ghost cards and she pulls the death card and they flash back to a scene where she's describing what the death card means and she's like the death card doesn't always mean death. It can mean the end of something or the start of something new. And I'm like, but like typically it means like the end, the end of something, the end of an era. And I'm like, okay, but I'm looking, I'm literally looking at your spread and the death card is reversed. So like you have to acknowledge that like, and then
00:17:50
Speaker
if that's the case, then just put it right side up in the scene. Like don't put it reversed on the spread. There were some times when they'd be like, oh my God, it came up reverse and stuff, but they don't even do a good job at showing you that it came up reverse or showing. Yeah, yeah it's it's just like, if you're gonna have like this, and it's not just like other horror movies probably make these same mistakes, but the entire theme of this movie is literally, the movie is called Tarot. So the scenes where someone's reading Tarot, you better come correct. like And also- Yeah, there wasn't enough Tarot, I feel. You get a quick scene in the beginning where they're kind of doing the reading, you get a backstory of the astrologist woman, and then you get the final scene, but I don't know. And then again, I guess,
00:18:46
Speaker
the monsters were part of the terror, whatever. But yeah I don't know. I mean, I feel like they should have investigated and maybe done more readings and probably try to, what's it called, cross-examine the readings like a lawyer would. I genuinely think this is a really cool concept. They just needed to fill in some of these gaps. like We said, like what where are these demons coming from? Why why do the cards like come alive and kill you? like what like How is that happening? And then also, like they they make a point of mentioning, like her friends are like, come on, come on, you got to read our cards. And the girl's like, no, like you're really not supposed to use someone else's deck. It's like really bad luck. I feel like they didn't reference that enough.
00:19:37
Speaker
like they Yeah, they brought it up once, and then she caved immediately. Right, and it was like a throwaway line. like They should have referenced back to that and been like, I should have never used someone else's deck. It's bad luck. That's why this is happening. That's why we're cursed. I would watch a remake. If they remade this movie, I would watch it. It's based on a a like ah novel or a short story. I haven't read it, but I might read it because I have a feeling that the story The book is going to be a lot better. I know. I totally agree. There was so many like missed out. Like with this feels like it just had missed opportunity. Um, and, and the directions it went to were so bad. Like, it's like they could have done so many right things. They could have even landed in the middle, but man, did they fall on their face.
00:20:31
Speaker
And it was just like, it's literally like someone skimmed the Wikipedia page for astrology and then just like ran with it because like the girl that's supposed to be like the the witch friend that does all the readings, like everything she says is just like extremely basic like She just describes everyone by their sun sign, but like literally the most basic like, like, Oh, you're a Capricorn. Like that means you're hardworking. You're a Taurus. That means you're stubborn. Like, which, which is true if you believe in astrology, but like, give me something else because supposedly like your character is the expert. And right now it feels like I'm just reading the Wikipedia page.
00:21:15
Speaker
She shuffled the cards like she knew what she was doing. I wish they made more distinction between astrology and and terror. Right. Cause like they, they do have a link, but just like, like I said, the way they did it in the movie made it seem like it was something it's not like, because a lot of people combine, um, astrology and tarot, especially ah it's really big right now because a lot of people will do like virtual readings and they'll do general readings and say like, Oh, this reading is for all Taurus is like, and
00:21:49
Speaker
they'll post a video and they'll be like, if you're a Taurus, like sun, moon are rising, this might resonate with you. But like they just describe it as like some insane crossover that makes like such powerful magic. And it's like, as far as I know, it's not that serious. Like the two can intersect, but it's not really. Yeah. It's like certain cards might be linked to like certain sun signs, but it's not always, and it's not concrete. It's not. It just felt bland at times too, like, um, and this isn't to the dismay of anyone, but the, the director, they didn't give us a reason why we should care about anything going on in the movie. Also the, the whole like, we're going to rent this Airbnb, the, how quick they turn to breaking down a door.
00:22:43
Speaker
Right. And even wasn't the opening like wasn't that believable. They're out of Airbnb. That's like really far away, even though they're just spending like a single night there. And it's like a gigantic house. And it's like, they've run out of alcohol immediately. And they're like, Oh, what do we do? let's tear the house apart and search and steal their alcohol.
Unrealistic Elements and Plot Holes
00:23:06
Speaker
Like, which like, yeah, dumb kid stuff. Like now we're all like 30 and we're like, that's stupid, but they're like 21. So maybe, you know, they're doing 21 year old dumb stuff.
00:23:18
Speaker
yeah Yeah. And you know what? I didn't think about that part. like yeah He tore down a wall. Oh yeah, door. That was insane. I mean, I feel like he like kicked it lightly and it just came open and his friends were like, Oh my God, what have you done? And it's like the door wasn't even sturdy. And I don't even think, not not one person was like, nah, man, I don't think we should do this. They were all like, let's get some beer. And then they go in this room and I think they were against it, but it's like... Well, somehow, the thing is they go into this room and somehow find this magical box that has the tarot cards in it and it's like, I don't know, maybe they should have stumbled across the box. And they never really explain like... So also in the basement, they find a lot of other occult stuff and like
00:24:11
Speaker
you know, spooky, like, it it's, they go into the basement and it's literally like that room in Ed and Lorraine Warren's house where they keep Annabelle, like that's the basement of this house, literally. They never explained why that's there in that house or how the cards got there. That's true. They must be collectors. And like, I just don't know, like, how did they plan so poorly that they like immediately ran out of beer? da They had a fucking full trash can full of bottles and cans. It's like there's literally a scene where someone opens the fridge goes to grab a beer and it's the last one. He's like, oh shit. And he tells the other kids and they're like, what? There's no way we're out already. And then it literally like cuts to like a trash bag overflowing with beer cans. Like it's like a funny, lighthearted scene, but it's like,
00:25:03
Speaker
it' like little fluffish And I want to say there's like five friends, right? It's like five total. um It's an uneven number. I want to say five. It's the two couples two couples and the funny guy. Yeah. And I think that's it. And then two girls. But it's like they had to have drank like at least a 30 pack. And it's more than a 30 pack. Yeah. So it's like yeah like, they weren't even drunk though. Yeah, no it was, it was unbelievable. That part was unbelievable. It's like, for the amount they should have consumed, they should have been drunk. As fast as they consumed it, because they got there at night, and it was nighttime. when That's like they chugged six beers each immediately. Yeah. they they And it's like, if if I c chug six beers, I'm in the hospital. Like, I'm physically not alive. They shotgun six beers all back to back to back to back.
00:25:59
Speaker
Yeah, that's just unbelievable. Like if if I drink six beers over the course of a day, I'm like guaranteed throwing up. And they were like, not even tipsy. Yeah, and I refuse to believe some little tiny college kid is gonna chuck six beers. And then like all of them? No, maybe two of them. And like the girls weren't really drinking that much to that. I'm like, are the guys just like raging alcoholics to where they can drink like 12 beers a piece? That's what I'm saying. I think they all like, I don't know that the beer consumption made no sense. The all of them like
00:26:39
Speaker
No, think beat the logistics of it, of the trip made no sense. They're like, we're four hours away. and then But they were one hour, they were one hour away from the lady to help them. And it's like, well was she what direction was she in? Was she one hour closer? we wished Was she one hour further away? Because they drive in three hours or five hours. I thought they were six hours away. Whatever. um it was I thought it was four, but we'll do six. i think so late I think the lady was like three, four hours
Character Diversity and Roles
00:27:12
Speaker
away or so. No, she she was one. They were like, oh, she's an hour away. Let's go. And they drove to her, but I want to know what direction was she in because they were like really quickly like, all right, let's roll. And it's like, what were you? Are you an hour closer or further away? They did a lot of driving in ah in the course of like a day and a half. Yeah.
00:27:34
Speaker
like the Like the timeline didn't really click either, because it's like a lot of fucking driving that they did in just that short period of time. Because they went to the ladies' house and it was dark. And from the ladies' house, they went to go get them cards. I'm like, this it's got to be like four in the morning. you know The witch and now the devil woulder came out at three, so because that the the devil was in this movie. so Yeah, but it was like, it it was weird because it's like the devil card personified but it was also like the actual devil because whenever he came up like literally like a portal would open and it would just be flames like implying that it's hell and like devil would literally crawl out of hell to like kill the one kid and it's like
00:28:15
Speaker
and See, and it's funny because when that happened, it just reminded me of like really early in the morning when I would go with my with my uncle and my grandpop to go, ah is it called Chuck Corn? but What's it called? Yeah, Shuck. Yeah, Shuck Corn. Shuck Corn. We used to go Shuck Corn. Because that's what it looked like. It just looked like I was walking into the fucking farm and and it just happened to be like the sun is right in front of my face. that That's just up. how I saw it where I was like, oh, this is kind of funny, but in and and I don't know that some of these characters didn't do it for me. And the character on the train, like the moment you find, the thing is the moment you find out. Wait, he was, there were six main characters. Yeah, that's that's what I'm saying. I think he was so boring that we forgot he even existed. It was like a random way. The train guy? Yeah.
00:29:16
Speaker
He was, I thought he was a couple, weren't he? No, because it's the two girls, oh okay the guy and the girl, and then the funny friend, and then that guy. Who was hitting on the other girl. Was there another girl? It was the hang girl, the white guy. Two couples and a funny guy, seven, so it was seven. see like i knew wast I knew it was an uneven number. cause yeah It's a pretty diverse group. I kind of want to give them credit for that, but really it's not because some of the characters are so similar that you just forget they exist. The the thing is they intentionally made it up the um and an odd number because it's like three white people and three and like
00:30:02
Speaker
There was, I think the one girl was Asian. There's four white people and then four people who are racially ambiguous. Yeah, like the- And like not any, clearly any specific race. The one, though the one kid, the, guess the main character was like a mixture of like, J Cole, Trey Songz, Miguel, and Tobias Harris. Like if you just thought, if you just, you can think of any one of those four people or think of them together, that's literally him. Like that's that's literally that guy. So it's like, what is he? Like, what if he's, you know, what if like in the movie he's Russian or something? And we're like, oh, damn, I thought you were, I don't know, fucking just a light skin kid. But it turns out you're like, you know,
00:30:52
Speaker
West German or something. But the the they you know they make it so that the there was a love interest in the movie. And that's part of the plot was he's trying to be like sweet and romantic and walk her home, which I would do the same thing. you know If I'm talking to somebody, I say, yeah, I'll walk you home. I mean, know after a murder, you- Well, no. After my friend gets murdered, we're all kind of hanging out together because that's kind of some creepy shit. you know Yeah. I didn't believe how willingly they were all to separate. And the thing is that girl was like, um, that was like her best friend. If I'm not mistaken, the, what I'm going to assume is Latina girl. She was, I want to say that was like her best friend who had just died. And she's just like, matter of fact, it was because they ended up going back to her apartment. Um,
00:31:48
Speaker
But yeah, it's like, why why are you leaving, man? What are you doing? I just hang out with everybody and kind of, you know, you you would use that time, I feel like you would use that time to kind of, I don't know, like, let's be together, you know, our friend just died. Yes. No, in times of, you know, turmoil, you come together as a group, you know, like there's, I didn't, I didn't believe that. Like they were all like, you know what, it's early. Let's go home. Like now that you guys have been through it, like I think they would have stayed together. Yeah. It's like, they're it's not like they're, well, no, I think originally they were going to class the next day because the one guy at some point was like, Oh, I gotta go take a test. I didn't study for or whatever. But it's like,
00:32:35
Speaker
I'll take that fucking testimony. I'll be like look my friend just fucking died man. It's 2024 like don't let you don't let you slide i know back when i was in how the same but this a might two thousand one Wait, what's the ah MTV movie? Um, it's about the kid. If your roommate kills yourself, uh, kills themself, you get straight A's. I've heard that myth, but it's a an urban legend. I didn't know there but there's like an MTV. It's either as a short or a ah movie where, cause like they look for the most depressed person on campus. So like they you get, ah they'll get a roommate that will kill themselves. Oh shit. No, I didn't.
00:33:18
Speaker
Yeah, it was, I don't know. But I think two of the girls lived with this girl too. So I don't understand. like I think they lived with her, or maybe they did. See, I don't fucking know. I just know, getting back to the reason I've even brought that up is, the the gu like the guy's walking back, he's in the train station, he kind of sees this fucking, what was the the guy with the lantern? What was his role?
Monster Design and Box Office Performance
00:33:44
Speaker
I don't even know. I don't know. The fucking Lighthouse Keeper. Dead Man on Campus is the movie. Pat, what's it in the tarot cards? What's it called when a guy's holding that lamp, that kerosene lamp? I don't know. It's kerosene. Well, I don't know. Walmart, battery power. I don't know, man. Well, anyways. The hermit? Yeah. Oh, yeah, because he isolated himself. He's the hermit. So you're so isolated that you need a light source.
00:34:12
Speaker
So he runs into this dude in a subway. There's nobody around. I'm running through you, man. You know, he looked like he was somewhat. Yeah. The thing is, like, again, I think the monsters were cool, but the deaths were just like so bad because it was like they walk right into it. And a lot of times they're out in public. And it's like, I feel like if you just step to where people are, it won't get you because that's how the one kid survives. He's in the elevator and the fool is about to kill him. And then his roommate comes up and the fool disappears. So I think it can't get you when you're around other people. So like... Yeah, it was just, I don't know. Look, i see if I see some guy with a lamp and the subway and I'm trying to take the subway back home and it's late at night,
00:35:03
Speaker
And I see this motherfucker keeps coming up to me. Look, man, I'm going to try to run through you because one of two things that is going to happen. You're a fucking ghost and I literally run through you and you poof and fucking, you know. Or you're not a ghost and you're a physical entity and I'm going to run you over because I'm fucking scared. you know It's like it's one of the two things that's going to happen. Just try it. You just charge it either way. Yeah. cause take a well No, no, but that like we were talking about that on the right side. Also, like in the back of your head, you got to know that like your your your thing needs you the wrong way. So no, I'm going to go the way I'm going.
00:35:44
Speaker
And I'm going to lower my head and drop my shoulder and you know I'm going to be Marshawn Lynch. Yeah, man. Like Steven Jackson, Marshawn Lynch, like whatever. fucking I would have watched Brendan Jacob highlights. I would have sat there. I'm serious, man. like what And and i I know we're saying this as people who... you know you know we're not getting chase You're this and I'm picturing the scene in Harry Potter where like Harry and Ron try to run through platform nine and three quarters and it's like locked up for some reason. And it just they just hit they hit the brick wall. Well, yeah. like cause But I think and the thing is, and there's been a few times in my life where I've actually been afraid where I ran.
00:36:27
Speaker
Um, last night was one of them last night. Last night that happened to us. That was terrifying. So, you know, and I run, I don't give a fuck, you know, like I don't care. Some kids were probably laughing at us. Like I don't give a shit, you know, like, yeah, but also if they laughed at me, I just fuck them up. Like, you act like I wouldn't throw them over that balcony. right but like like that's but that's the point is like no one the thing is they tried it at the end and it's like it it takes away i don't know it's and again i'm saying that as someone who's not being chased by a fucking guy pulling a lamp and a hat and probably no like we we see it in the movie if they literally try anything at all it would get away from us yeah right get away from it
00:37:14
Speaker
because like the people that died just walk up to the ghost and like get killed the people that try literally anything to not get killed immediately survive the thing is all he did was he didn't walk out the elevator he didn't get killed because he never left the elevator you know it's it's like it it was just a ah continuation of Maybe, and I'm also not into jump scares, but maybe the, um okay, let's just say, hypothetically speaking, the, that I re-watched this movie again. I'll probably agree that the that the characters were, like the the the monsters were pretty good. Cause when I saw the devil, I was like, oh cool, that looks like the fucking devil, right? um The original first,
00:38:02
Speaker
ah showings of, I keep wanting to say La Llorona, the astrologist was cool. I'm like, okay, i like her I like her original character, kind of creepy looking, you know and then it's like her second part character when she, but then it's like the ending was kind of goofy, but I guess you know i guess that's cool, but I don't know, like the the ah hangman just looked like a, like Smeagol. I've been seeing Smeagol a lot lately.
00:38:34
Speaker
They're coming out with a standalone Smeagol movie. That might be why. No one asked for that, but... and makes Someone asked for it, no one wants it, but here we go. um and ah All guys. Here's the thing. I don't want i don't care like about this movie and I never want to see another one. Um, whether that, uh, that happens or not. My question here is, so this movie. Placed, you know, it, it, it all on opening weekends. It had, you know, it placed in the top of it all. Set top seven horror movies released. It grossed 6.5 million in opening weekend. It's at 11 million already. It's probably going to crack, you know, like a 20 million mark before it's all said and done.
00:39:23
Speaker
Let's play a game. Can you guys guess the name and the number of the highest grossing opening weekend films for horror this year? This year. Highest grossing? Yeah.
00:39:41
Speaker
Is it Late Night with the Devil? Late Night with the Devil is not on the top. Late Night with the Devil picked up a lot of steam after opening weekends. Mmm, I'm gonna say either exorcist believer that was not this year Oh shit, then that makes sense. ah Then I'm gonna go with night swim Correct. Do you want to guess how many millions? Opening weekend? Yeah, I'm gonna go with 14 million That was close. It's 11 7 11.7 Wow, I gave it way too much credit sir Is there a second one? Oh
00:40:19
Speaker
There's, I mean, uh, there's a, I was going to say, do you want to guess the list? Oh, that's number one. Um, okay. Nice swim. Fuck. Is there even any harm movies that came out this year? There was imaginary, imaginary, um, the Omen immaculate. All right. Wait, do you want to guess that if they're on this, I want to say one of them is immaculate. It's definitely on it. Immaculate is in. Yeah. Sixth place with 5.3 mil. Holy shit. Um, I thought Sydney, Sweden was pulling off, you know, in the 10 million bracket, I guess not. Not on opening weekend. Um, the first omen, it's gotta be up there. First omen was one, two, three, fourth place. Damn fourth place. Yeah. So what was imaginary dont third place.
00:41:16
Speaker
Okay, so then what' you know what second? Five Nights at Freddy. Five Nights at Freddy was last year. Wow. I really need a freaking calendar. but We have no idea what's going on. Five Nights at Freddy was like, thanksgiving. My bad, man. i i What year are we in? 2024. And this happened in 2023? No. just We're still in like the first third of 2024. Yeah. So yeah, these numbers will change by the end of the year. It's so early in the year, so we haven't seen a ton of movies. But you there's it there's there's a few you' missing. um One we haven't seen, but we trajeies tried to tried to see? Or we thought about it. Abigail. Abigail's number two. Oh, so we're probably going to watch that at some point this upcoming week.
00:42:11
Speaker
And then Tara was um if, between the first omen and Immaculate, and then rounding out in seventh place, if anyone wants to take a guess, or I'll just give it to you. um Seventh place horror movie that came out this year. oh Fuck, I don't even know what movies, horror movies came out. I know, you said Nice Wind was one, right? Nice Wind was one. All right, so nice one was one. Imaginary, you said was six, right? Three. Damn, that's crazy. Three, okay. We already got, we eliminated last night with the devil, we eliminated. First of all, immaculate. Right, first of all, immaculate. Tarot. Oh.
00:43:09
Speaker
Uh, what would be seven? I don't know. Do you have a guess? I have no idea. Lisa. frankenstein Fuck. I was going to ask you for, for. i I almost said that earlier. And then I, it totally slipped my mind. See, I thought that was, see, it's not processing in my head. Cause I thought it was a rom com. Yeah, it got built as a horror comedy drama. You know what? It was good. And I hate that it's at the bottom of the list. I would ideally like to have seen it at the top, towards the top, because I really like Lisa Frankenstein. I don't know if if, see, that's not the kind of movie they advertise for like all ages. You know, the terror. It was not for Raleigh.
00:44:04
Speaker
Right, that's what I'm saying. Like, Tara was advertised for all ages. Imaginary, you know, these movies, they were, these movies were made specifically for everybody. Like, to, like, we're gonna really push these movies so everyone can see them. Like, that's what those movies were. So I didn't understand Lisa Frankenstein being a seven. I don't agree with it, but I can understand why. Remember in that episode where I was describing the plot and I was like, I don't remember the girl's name. Y'all were like, it's Lisa. Yeah. and i I actually, I actually just, I remember cause I just heard that part. Do you remember that Pat? Yeah, that's great.
00:44:51
Speaker
That's, I can't, i did I thought it was a bit. I thought you were trying to be like me. No one was like, I'm so sorry. I generally don't remember the main character's name. i I sat there and I'm like, you hate me for doing this so much. And now it's like, is this a bit or? is that was Was not a bit, just. Okay. It's like, yeah, we watched Lisa Frankenstein and I couldn't remember the main character's name. and it's like There's no fucking way. I was like, it's the eighties. There's a girl. She's got a sister. She creates a Frankenstein, but what's that girl's name? But it does suck that that's seven because that is one of my favorite movies of the year so far.
Comparisons to Other Poorly Received Movies
00:45:33
Speaker
um Yeah, I did see you. So I don't know if you're going to ask it. I know you're probably so bored of just talking about Tarot.
00:45:45
Speaker
You said, is this the worst movie in the last three years? No, that's next. That's next. Is this the worst movie we've seen in the last three years? No. You mentioned me not. No, no, no. It's just like, look, I've been tracking my letterbox probably pretty realistic. And I'm going to pull up at least my bottom movies that we've seen in theaters over the last three years. I definitely don't think it's the worst though. And I, you know, I employ you guys to take a quick look at your letter boxes. So I'm looking from, I'm looking at all of my movies that are a half a star, that I ranked a half a star. Cause that's what I ranked Tarot. I, so imaginary. So here's the thing. We saw Night Swim and I'm like, Oh, this is probably, you know,
00:46:36
Speaker
probably worst movie of the year. Then Imaginary comes out and I'm like, ooh, man, that's crazy how this took the title. And little do you know, here comes fucking Tarot and it's like, wow, that is insane. I liked Imaginary more than I liked Tarot. I liked the movie Imaginary more. I liked the story Tarot more. But I've also, and we're talking just of those years, not like movies we've seen that were, that we've seen together, like Soul Stairs Midsummer, stuff like that. I would say yeah anything we've seen together. In just 2024? Oh no, sorry, you said the last three. Okay, my bad. Because that's when we've been like kind of paying more attention. Because it's, I want to say definitely the worst of 2024.
00:47:27
Speaker
Yeah. 2023, my bottom is songbirds and snakes. And I would put that over terror. 2023, the worst movies of 23 that I have 23. Fuck. What year is this? Oh, my my worst for 23 was guardians of the galaxy. I'm going to name my 2023 worst movies. There's three of them. I don't know which one I'm going to pick. That was the worst asteroid city blonde. We're all going to the World's Fair. Blonde is probably... Blonde is like the worst movie I've seen or ever will see in my entire life. Blonde is definitely giving Tarot a run for its money. Like Tarot, I'm glad that I saw it and it was fun and I feel like it had a lot of potential. I've seen some movies in the last couple of years that like... and like
00:48:19
Speaker
but it's also personal preference. Cause like I hated Dungeons and Dragons. That was one of my lowest rated movies, but you guys probably liked it more than I did. Well, you guys loved, um, I loved world's fair. I thought it was great, right? right yeah But you guys loved asteroid city. So yeah, but I mean, it's fair to that like, wildly popular, critically acclaimed yeah movie that I just hated so much. Um, Morbius was 2022 that can give tarot run for its money But I think if and we might all agree for 2021 Well, no, we might not all agree. I think I'm the only one Escape room tournament of champions was yeah. go but Yeah, I like that movie Okay, so then I guess we don't agree to it because that was a bad a fire starter. Oh Yeah, that was pretty bad
00:49:12
Speaker
they though They did have Zac Efron and he wasn't terrible in it. Well, I did. I would say it's personally, it's out of blonde because Tara was actually enjoyable. um Aquaman was really bad too. um I hated multiverse of madness. The mean one was bad. the all the mean wos forfeit the guys That's like the first time in a long time, I genuinely didn't even finish it and I felt so bad, but I turned it off. You you suggested it. that's And listen, I recommend some really, really bad movies on here. And I admit it every time. I have never hidden that fact.
00:49:59
Speaker
Sometimes it's me. Sometimes we have a good couple weeks where we see some really rough movies and they are all things that I recommended we watch. And that's okay. Orphan first kill, really bad. she Her first kill isn't in the movie. Yeah. that yeah So like, I think Tara, ter in that is close to the worst movie. I'm still probably good. I'm going to probably- This blonde, you guys watched it together, right? And then I watched it because I watched it a little bit and I fell asleep. so i hate yeah We all watched it separately. Yeah. Cause I know Julia, I think Julia watched it first. I watched it one day when I had to cover in Blackwood and the whole time I'm watching the movie, I'm like, my God, I just wish, I wish I was doing anything else. Cause you know how fucking boring that is.
00:50:52
Speaker
And the movie was worse. like I've never been so fucking bored in my life. I don't know like i don't know how Marilyn Monroe sounded, but I know she didn't sound like a fucking Hispanic woman with an accent. Oh, yeah. Her accent was so bad that there were parts that she sounded like, what's that character, like Igor? Like but the fucking. Yeah. She had that voice because it's like she's trying to cover her own accent while trying to do a different accent. And it came out literally sounding like Igor. Like a depressed fucking... It's it's fair to say she gave off a depressed donkey act. I'm gonna go a blonde. That's probably the worst movie in the past three years. Like I said, i that might be the worst movie I'll ever see in my lifetime. like Until the day I die, I will not see a worse movie than Blonde.
00:51:48
Speaker
I'm not going to agree with that statement, Julia, but I will agree that it is worse than Terra. Yeah. Oh yeah. Terra was at least interesting. You know, I mean, the, the, like I said, the story was pretty fucking cool. If you ask me, the story of Marilyn Monroe, again, I don't really know who she is and what she did. Like, I don't know if she's a singer. I confuse her with Madonna all the time, but the story behind her. I watched a movie and I know less about her.
00:52:20
Speaker
Like, was she was she Cuban? Was Marilyn the real Cuban? No, they made her so in the movie. And that's why I hated the movie, because like you obviously don't know, but like it was wildly inaccurate. And there were just things in the movie that I feel like it's offensive to say that about like a real life person. you can't just like You can embellish a little bit, but to like make up so many things about like a real person's life. yeah like that's I don't I don't understand I just know less about it's like what if they made a movie about you but you were Italian and then had an affair with like two random men and it's like that's the movie like that's the equivalent of what they did here but even then that would probably serve up as a better movie then right and even like there were so many historical figures in that like movie that they like
00:53:17
Speaker
They did the same thing to JFK. It's like, well, maybe he did that, maybe he didn't, but you can't just show him committing crimes. We don't know. It's kind of... Yeah, I don't know. She just looked and... And it's like throughout the movie, she gets letters from her father. In real life, Marilyn Monroe didn't know her father and didn't have any communication with him, but in the film, he's a Cuban man that regularly writes to her. Yeah. and they they literally That part is 100% fabricated. They just added that. And that's interesting, I think, because throughout the movie, I would get distracted. And then I'm like thinking about, like should i should I see Marilyn Monroe as Cuban? like Was she Cuban? Did she have like some maybe, like was her dad or her mom from Cola or something? No. Because she just gave off. like she just had She sounded.
00:54:12
Speaker
and look like Ana de Armas. And don't get me wrong, I like some of the movies she's in, but I'm not saying she's horrible. It's just, I i don't know, I don't know how, or I don't know who sat there and was like, oh my God, this is a man. You are pulling off Marilyn Monroe so well. Who sat there and did that, you know? They probably owed her money. They had to owe her money And someone was like, she probably funded the fucking movie.
Positive Reflections and Future Anticipations
00:54:46
Speaker
She wrote, directed, acted, produced, edited, did her lighting. It's, it's completely like inexplicable why they chose her to play a Marilyn Monroe. So I guess we'll go with blonde being. that's fair it is Yeah, I think we can all agree with that one. That's a goddamn trash heap. Um, hopefully we, we,
00:55:08
Speaker
I think it will be all up from here for us, because. Statistically, it's got to be. You know, Enrique said that before. hey we dead left I said that after the night swim. Blumhouse's last 10 films were trash. We got to be coming up on a come up, right? Yeah. The thing is, here here's the thing. I think you guys even said that don't imagine like during night swim. then imagine And then imaginary it comes out. And I think you guys are like, nah, man, iss it's got to go up from here. We got some good horror. Insidious, the red door was kind of rough. Night swim was pretty rough.
00:55:46
Speaker
And it's like, well, it's just going up from here. I know it, man. It's hard. It's just going to get better. And then fucking tarot comes out. it's like We're on a roller coaster and we come to like the bottom of the hills and then the road, the ground opens up. You just go. Yeah. You just go lower. where in hell Yeah. and But like we, I really, really like immaculate. I really, really like. the first omen and I really, really love and I love, absolutely love late night with the devil. So we have some major hitters. It just sucks that they all happened at the same time. Right. So now it's like we we really can only go down from here.
00:56:28
Speaker
Or like, I feel like we're coming, we're going to get a bunch of like mid movies coming up. I'll take a mid. I'll take mid at this point. We've had like 10 trash movies, three really like phenomenal movies from here on out. It's just going to be mid for like probably the rest of the year. Yeah, it's going to be, um, I think Nick Cage has a new thing out. which He's got several movies coming out. Yeah. I mean, he's got to make a living somehow. Yeah. He's got some horror movies coming out. I want to say one in this month. Watchers is coming out. The other, the M Night Shyamalan movies coming out. So we got, um we got things. Yeah. And so I forgot. um no A history of violence comes out soon. So I read something about that. I read that people were like throwing up and walking out the theater. And that makes me scared because
00:57:26
Speaker
ah usually that leads to the movie being like, and it was okay. yeah So it scares me, you know, cause um they said the same thing about Terrifier 2 and we went into the movie and I was like, I didn't really like it like that. I love Terrifier 2. It just, not I don't think it was as disgusting. Right, right. I hated Terrifier 2 with a passion. It like upset me deeply. What part? So here's the thing, I never ever believe people when they say movies are gross or where people walked out of the theater or like it was insanely gory because we hear that about every single movie. So I tend to never ever believe it.
00:58:09
Speaker
Terrifier one was extremely tame. So I'm going into this thinking like people are saying all this shit But that's the same headlines that come out for every movie So I'm thinking if anything, it'll be slightly turned up from Terrifier one It literally the gore went from like zero to a hundred. It's not This whole gore like Terrifier is just like gross for the sake of being gross. And there's no like, it doesn't move the plot forward ever. And I just, this not you're right. I would say you're a hundred percent right. And guess what? Terrifier three, they said has like, they've, they've used more blood in Terrifier three than they did on one and two combined. Well, now I know to believe them because.
00:58:59
Speaker
i I'm excited for it, but like it is disgusting and it is gross and like it's its own thing. like But yeah, that's- I'm just glad that we did kind of go into, I'm glad we went into this movie just to have a good time. You know what I'm saying? Because honestly, if if I'm being honest, if I went into this movie thinking like, oh yeah, I'm gonna, I don't know, I'm gonna fucking love this movie. I know I would have fucking hated it. Yeah. Because I already hated it. Yeah, that's fair. um I go into everything trying to have a good time, and I seldom do. That's not true. That's it. Let me say, that's a you problem, man. I'm always trying to have a good time. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It is what you say. I still had a fun time, Tuesday.
00:59:54
Speaker
Oh yeah, so did I. Like I said, I was scared. like it was you know There was parts of Tarot where I was covering my eyes or you know I was doing the thing where I like look away, because I knew what jump scare was about to happen. So like the jump scares were good. and i'm See, I appreciate jump scares. Some people hate that, but like I think there's a time and place for them. You're looking at me. like No, I didn't. okay No, but like some people think they're cheesy, but like to me, that's the only thing that really makes a film scary. I'm not really scared of like much. So like you got to make me jump. That's a flex. ah A good jump scare is a beautiful thing. It gets the blood pumping. It gets the endorphins. You're like, you're having fun. um yeah And that's that's what I'm going to wrap up on. Yeah, that's that's pretty much it. Yeah. Better movies next time. Yeah, I don't I don't have anything. So next week, probably Abigail. Hopefully.
01:00:55
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, oh yeah it was streaming. It is streaming. So if we don't see it Tuesday, we can just stream it. Yeah. We'll do how we did with, uh, anatomy of a fall. Yeah. Kind of just all watch it. All right. All right. Cool. Let's, uh, get out of here and start talking about fucking Tarot.