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WTF NEWS Glickless newsday
13 Plays1 month ago
On this episode of WTF news Glick is still on his staycation so Blaze is popping in to give some stories and some articles
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Transcript
Introduction and Creative Tools
00:03:03
Speaker
opportunityity didn Doesn't that always sound in the end? Doesn't that sound sound like Wayne's World? do du you ye does Hi everybody and welcome to home day. It is Wednesday. It is when I wanted to, I wanted to show off the thumbnail that she made. I know I'm, I'm super proud of it. I'm standing on a 3d printer. I got some smoke behind it. Cause you know, it's you. Okay. Well, you never did. Well, I mean, ah behind us but nobody can see all of it. And I know it took five minutes, buddy.
00:03:41
Speaker
relax. there it's can I've gotten so I've had so much fun playing with Canva over the past couple days, especially with the new AI tools that we're we're using. I'm kind of super happy and proud of myself.
Humor and Dinosaur Discovery
00:03:57
Speaker
Speaking of speaking of today and apropos of nothing I was driving and I overheard a story about some some some new dinosaur they discovered. Of course not living but It's a, you know how Tyrannosaurus rex have like short, short, tiny legs or arms. Yeah. Like me. This, this, this dinosaur, this dinosaur has like tiny legs. So it's got to drag it. So it had to drag itself around. You know what they named it? What? Myassosaur.
00:04:30
Speaker
you got That's like, have you heard about the lesbian dinosaur that lick a lot of puss?
Promotions and Irrational Fears
00:04:40
Speaker
you fucking got me you did anyways but yeah everybody follow us at bio.link you're an asshole bio.link slash nonsensical network where you can find all our shows all our social media and say hi don't forget in that same bio link you got the uh What is the color blue all of a sudden that's what it looks weird non-sensible-nonsense.myspreadshop.com I don't like the blue dude. It's driving me crazy. I got I don't know what happened to it I don't fight it. good I didn't I didn't do it and somebody did and I got a fix it and I don't remember how I Fucking deal with it while you're doing that. I know how to do it. I just don't remember
00:05:28
Speaker
I don't care. It's just not the blue, yellow, orange. Those are fine. The blue, that's better. The blue freaks me out. I don't know why. You got a blue phobia. Blue is a screen of death. Do you lay down and have nightmares about blue? I do. Smurfs. Smurfs freak me out, dude, because they only had one chick. That was a lot of dudes who were on chick. I'm just saying. She was created magically by Gargamel.
00:05:57
Speaker
Yeah, that look she wasn't even legit. She was used too fake. Yeah, she was fake news. So anyways, but it is what the fuck
Etymology and Unusual Stories
00:06:07
Speaker
news. Basically, we're going to tell some some stories and some news articles that's going on this week. And I got a good one for you, buddy. I got I got to say, well, I know you like facts. So I have a fact for you to start out.
00:06:23
Speaker
um We're men, we're guys, blah, blah, blah, blah. You like boobs, right? I am a boob guy. I will pass up and I said a knockers. The nickname for boobs is tits. Do you know where tits comes from? This is true. I do not. Tits is a German word.
00:06:53
Speaker
for the sound of a baby sucking on boobies. Interesting. Apparently, you actually found that out today. you know I mean, that makes sense. It's all about the more you know. That does make sense, yes. i did I saw that today, and I was like, you know what? And then I was like, a turns out it's real. I was like, you know what? So tits, tits, a abber for a sound. Gotcha. Yeah. Or adjective for a sound. Abber.
00:07:23
Speaker
Well, I'm going to talk to you about it right first time.
00:07:28
Speaker
let's Let's be honest. Book away. Bye-bye to me. I do find etymology of words quite interesting. Some of the words we use nowadays has pretty interesting, ah especially the slang. Origins. Yeah. The origins. Thank you. Especially slang words.
00:07:46
Speaker
Yeah, I find that and I saw that and I was like, you know what? That's cute. I like that. I appreciate that. Much like I like this. So in other news, a Wisconsin father of three, you and I briefly discussed this briefly, as in you were like, I heard that. um yeah you ah You're a divorce guy.
00:08:15
Speaker
Yeah, Benji, I'm sure it was not a waste of time. I'm sure nothing came out. but Yeah. Anyway, anyway, you're the worst guy. You're a guy. um Do you do you believe the divorce was worth it? Like price wise and all that fun stuff? I want to look looking back now. Yeah. OK, well, this guy thought different. So he he faked his death. He went on a kayaking trip.
00:08:45
Speaker
and then died. And he has been spotted in Europe with the woman he ran away with that he met online. What state was this? Wisconsin. Okay. Shout out Wisconsin. Yeah. I am. I'm not going to lie. Um, I thought that before the divorce was like, can I fake my desk? You know what? You know what? But the rational side of me prevailed.
00:09:15
Speaker
Well, it's one of those things. It's like, I don't could they, I mean, he's an Eastern Europe, but I don't think extradition is kind of a really thing for that. Would it be? It's, it's a crime. It's fraud. I mean, yeah, I mean, if he's in, if he's in a country that that extradites to America, yeah, I'm sure. Which there's a lot that aren't, especially. Is there kids involved? Is there like? Three of them. He's a father of three. Father of three. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure they'll try to extradite him. They'll try. It's hard. I mean, if it's, I guess if it's cost-effective, you know, I think it comes down to it.
00:10:01
Speaker
yeah or just have an open warrant for him if he ever, you know, comes back back to the States is probably right. what the Well, there's there's that one guy, there was a guy back in the speculating. I think it was the 50s. He robbed a train. It was one of the last train robberies in in American history, major train robberies. And him and his crew got away with I don't remember what it was, but it was millions upon millions of dollars. And they went to France and joined the French Foreign Legion, which is where I heard this story. And then when you join the French Foreign Legion, you become a French citizen. The US cannot get them to come back because they're French citizens now. So they got the money.
00:10:48
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense. Win-win, I guess. I mean, but this is back in the 50s, though. In the 50s, you know, not like you could track them on the internet and somebody would know by the time they get there. Nowadays, you can't walk down the street without getting caught on some camera. um I have an excellent story
Scandals and Confrontations
00:11:10
Speaker
for you here. I saw this story and I laughed so hard. So, you've heard of Buddhist monks, you know? Yes, I'm aware of Buddhist monks. In somewhere in Asia, this streamer, she she she did kind of like telethon style streaming, where she sold handmade wooden furniture. Okay. And, you know, it's very pretty girl, blah, blah, blah. And she got a donation, she got an order.
00:11:41
Speaker
of $300,000 US dollars. I don't know what it was in the original country, but it was 300, the equivalent of $300,000 from one of her followers. And she said, Holy shit. And then the guy DM'd her, I'd love to meet you. And she's like, you know what, you've had $300,000 on this fucking furniture. Why not? Right. So she met up with him. And they kind of had ways. ah They went to bed. And then ah she came home and her husband goes, well, you've been she's like, well, um remember what $300,000 we sold a furniture? And she's like, yeah, I said, well, the guy that bought it, I slept with him. He's like, you should do it again. Because they found out that this guy is a world famous monk.
00:12:38
Speaker
Oh. He's a world famous monk of like the biggest Buddhist temple in that area. Yeah. That's always on TV asking for money for the temple and blah, blah, blah in the community. So she does it again. And they film it. Ooh, saucy. Then they call the monk and say, hey, we need some of that green, buddy. Or else we're going to let everybody know that you're stepping out on the monk hood, because you're technically not supposed to be sleeping with him. Yeah, blackmailing him. So this dude's like, I'm a monk, I don't have any money. And the husband says, buddy, you spent $300,000 on furniture, you got some money. he's And he told him me, he said, I'll tell you what, give me 200 grand, US, we'll call it a day.
00:13:29
Speaker
She's the ditty. She's the ditty in furniture making. So I read some sawdust on it. So this dude somehow comes up with the money and pays up. About a year goes by and the husband's like, fuck, we're broke. Let's call that monk again. Hey, man, we need more. He's like, dude, I'm a monk. I don't have any money.
00:14:01
Speaker
And he says, we want $500,000. And the monk says, fine, I don't have $500,000. I'll give you 490. 490,000. He negotiated 10 grand off. But I want you to sign something that you will, this will be the last of it. And they're like, all right. So it gave them 490 grand. By the time I got home, they were arrested. The monk burned them in. Oh, good.
00:14:30
Speaker
good But but the when the press got ahold of it, they didn't care about the couple that blackmailed the monk. They wanted to know why did the monk who is penniless because he's a monk, why does he have access and why does he have all this damn money? Why do religions have so much money when they're supposed to practice piety? I don't know. Exactly. So i i was I was like, that is a wild story.
00:14:59
Speaker
But it was, yeah I laughed so hard because not only the monk paid, but then had them arrested after he paid. Now um I'm assuming they had to give back the 490, but I'd have been like, fine, I'll give you the 490. Get them. I don't know what it was. But it I thought it was wild that the fact that they just, the monk went along with it multiple times.
00:15:30
Speaker
and how long ago did this happen? They just they just got arrested six weeks ago. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it's, you know, and it it took them a little over two years to figure that out. well two black ball in second Moral of the story of a religious person say they ain't got money. They're lying. um joking i jo no jump into a point joking into it No, I get it to a point because, I mean, it's it's kind of ridiculous. I'm looking at you, Copeland. There is a new company on the block, sir.
Humorous Services and Pranks
00:16:07
Speaker
Now this new company,
00:16:09
Speaker
I don't remember the name of it because the guy has initials on his hat. But basically, you can actually email this company and say, hey, I want to complain about my boss. And they will show up, complain to your boss anonymously.
00:16:29
Speaker
They will curse out your boss. It varies. And they're hiring. The number one rule for new hires have to be able to go 10 toes. I'm down. I'm so fucking down. Rule number two, have to be able to stand your ground and to curse. Oh, I'm fucking, fucking, fucking fuck. Number three, you can, you have to be able to make a scene.
00:17:01
Speaker
Those are the first three rules of this new job for new hires. man But basically, this dude's got videos on TikTok of him showing up. And the one he's talking to this one guy, he says, so we got a complaint here from anonymous.
00:17:20
Speaker
And he says, maybe you should get off your fat ass, change your stupid, ugly jacket. and take a shower, you fat fuck.
00:17:36
Speaker
It's hilarious. Oh, man. Okay. whos um Who's got the money to to send one to Jeff Bezos? Who's got the money to send one to Jeff Bezos? It it started GoFundMe. I sent you the ah clip, the story about it, but I've actually seen the guy on a couple of the TikToks. I sent a few on TikToks. Oh, man.
00:17:58
Speaker
six thousand ninety two years is a lot of money to go through. And I'll be broke. Wait, how did that switch? Jeff would have would apply, but there's no pyramids involved. I'm sure we can figure out a down line, buddy. Oh, man, dude, I am. OK, we got a show today, but I am. I'm so down. I know what you mean. I know. I was so down.
00:18:26
Speaker
to join that company because literally you walk in the office like you fucking own it and just be like, you're a piece of shit. You don't know the job. You shouldn't have this job. Why anonymous? Can you sign here and give me a tip? They have to sign it? I don't know if they have to sign it. He has a clipboard. He shows up with a clipboard.
00:18:52
Speaker
But I didn't find that funny. I thought that was hilarious. um I look at it as a job prospect. Right? Well, apparently what they're trying to do is I think they're only in one area right now, but they're trying to expand, which is why they're looking for more employees. They want to explain it to each state. Sure. What's the stop? What's stopping me from just opening up my own? Anyway, anyway. great Well, intellectual property. I don't know.
00:19:21
Speaker
Well, now you can basically call it something else. Blaze's complaint department. ah Yeah. Speaking of websites, I find that a man started a website and he has caught over a thousand, over a thousand criminals. I would like you to take a guess what this website is. And no, it's not pedo searching. Hold on. Say that again. So a man started a website.
00:19:51
Speaker
And he started it as a joke. But it has caught over a thousand criminals. And no, it has nothing to do with sexual crimes.
00:20:05
Speaker
um Package thieves. No. it is actually fire a hitman dot.com. he He started as he just graduated it school. So yeah he was like, and they they said, create a website, you know, keep it up for a week or whatever. And for your for your final thesis, right?
00:20:31
Speaker
So he did that and then, you know, they shut it down. And then he started, he got bored while he was getting ready to start his new job. And he created a website called, uh, I don't know if it's actually called hire a hit man.com, but it's, uh, it actually says in the video, but, uh, I, um, see now I'm curious because I might put a hit out on big bird. I'm just saying it. So what he did is he, he.
00:20:56
Speaker
Basically, and like in the text when you're reading it as you're hiring a hitman, there's a whole bunch of jokes in there that unless you're reading every word, you won't catch them. It's on there, isn't it? to hit It's Rent to Hitman. Rent to Hitman, yeah. And people were signing up and having DMs back and forth.
00:21:16
Speaker
about hey, I want to. It's it's rent, it's Rent to Hitman. Yeah. Your point and click solution. We are 100% HIPAA compliant. Hold on, I got cookies pop up. Hitman Information Privacy Protection Act of 1964. Click below for your free consultation.
00:21:34
Speaker
So after he started getting hit, and obviously he started started it as a joke, but he started getting hits and people were were willing to send him money. So he turned his list over to the the police and they caught over a thousand people trying to hire hitmen.
00:21:54
Speaker
I am John Body, the chat bot for Rent-A-Hitman. Guido's busy with family business, quote unquote, to leave a message. Capiche? I want to check out the site without being placed on the government watch list. How can I send you $5 to make that happen? Or I want a free consultation with a field operative. Additional information bill will be requested. Or another answer is there's a lot of stupid people out there. Click here and wait to chat with one of them.
00:22:23
Speaker
How Jesus is this? I'm clicking that one. We just need some more information for you to proceed. Name. Okay. I'm not fucking with this. I'm not fucking with this. Yeah. You know what? It's not something you want to play with because like I said, if you actually- I'm going to end up swatting myself. man Yeah. that That was my fear. I was like, you know what? Keep going buddy. Cause I'd love to see that happen on live
Bizarre Crimes and Community Justice
00:22:51
Speaker
on here. Can't know shit.
00:22:54
Speaker
I thought those were, those are the four stories I found on TikTok that turned out to be true. But I was like, turned out to be true yeah, each one of these, each one of these stories are true stories because the other people are telling the story. And then I looked into it and then they got like, holy shit, these are real. Uh, I thought I had another one, but I might be wrong.
00:23:22
Speaker
Oh, the video I sent to Connor, oh my gosh, you got to see this buddy. um I'm going to download it. like Well, while you do that, I'm going to go ahead and proceed about a a a very ah cheesy situation. So authorities in London ah london have arrested a 63-year-old and this is from the NPR.
00:23:43
Speaker
ah arrested a 63-year-old man in connection with a cheese heist of 2024 in which tens of thousands of pounds of high-value cheddar were stolen with a from a major distributor, Neil's Yard Dairy. Apparently, the man was taken to South London police station where he was questioned.
00:24:04
Speaker
ah So we're looking at $389,000 worth of cheese.
00:24:12
Speaker
And it was 22 metric tons, 48,500 pounds of cheddar. And so, um, I thought it was interesting. Like I said, my news search day was shitty because all I could find was election news. I hate election news, but, uh, what happened? I can't hear you.
00:24:42
Speaker
What is going on? Hey, I like the good cheese. I don't know what he's doing. You decided to go mime right in the middle of the show.
00:25:00
Speaker
Well. No, I was screen recording. It wouldn't let me download. I had to screen record it. And if if I talk, it would pick me up. So yeah I was like, keep going. Keep going. ah No, that's insane. That's a lot of cheese. That is a lot of cheese burger. I do. I I'm with I'm with Benji. I love cheese. I love a good cheese. There's a cheese that I find it's got like a crocodile on the package. It's from all Australia. It's like this extra dry, dry cheddar. It is probably the best cheese on Earth.
00:25:32
Speaker
Well, I'm downloading this video as we speak. This is obviously a joke video, but um I thought it was cute. I sent it to, you've heard of bring your daughter to work day. Well, this has to deal with that. This is a different form of bring your daughter to work day while it's downloading. I'm actually going to read you a story about, this is something else I mentioned to you, a Florida man,
00:26:00
Speaker
Uh, dealt with porch pirates in a different way than most. Um, and this is the story I was kind of telling you, somebody finally put a Tesla to work. He smashed a porch pirates getaway car with his rental cyber truck.
00:26:18
Speaker
He just rammed them while he was driving. ramed in Yeah. I actually have a picture of the cyber truck in question that was, it wasn't really a rental. I think it was his lease.
00:26:30
Speaker
Is this like the tesa a Tesla Because I know there's a couple EV trucks out there. There's one i won called Rivian, Rivian EV truck that actually looks pretty nice. Not going to lie. They got a new Scout too. um this is This is the Cybertruck in question that was used. It's loading. Oh, OK. There it is. That's what it looks like after he yeah that guy that motherfucker had flames painted on the side of it well it's a wrap it's a wrap well wrap i'm sorry there's a big difference because ahs a wrap a wrap can be removed in about 30 seconds but uh uh yeah apparently what he did was he was sick and tired of
00:27:19
Speaker
uh people stealing his stuff off this thing and he caught this guy and as opposed to what i would do is go out and shoot the guy he jumped into his cyber truck that was a lease and ran into the guy's getaway car so that the um so he can make a citizens arrest well the guy that was but stealing his packages couldn't get away because he basically For as much shit. Well now see now did he ran into the he ran in into the thieves car? Mm-hmm with the cyber team now now he's got to be careful because he can get he actually might get in trouble for that shit Yeah, because that's that's a solid deadly weapon Yeah, because now I mean cuz he wasn't posing up and what I don't think read to him According to the article, it's very it's very the guy was not in the car when he hit it. Oh Okay
00:28:20
Speaker
You know, the guy had jumped out of the car to go steal a package. The guy had just gotten home and parked inside a truck in his garage. And he was like, oh, hell no. And hit the gas. Oh, okay. So he hit the getaway car without anybody in it. Okay. Well, that's, that's, yeah so fuck yeah.
00:28:41
Speaker
Uh, you know what, I think the guys get away. I think, he I mean, I, i I'm not, I'm not for package thieves, but unnecessary violence. I'm not for either. So yeah, I get that. But once again, I mean, uh, there's a guy I'm watching on Tik TOK and he's got this, he's, he's, he, uh, you know, those lime scooters, lime scooters.
00:29:02
Speaker
Yeah, they they're lying. They're electric rental scooters where, you know, they're scattered. Oh yeah. Yeah. yeah you have they different Yeah. Well, apparently, yeah, we have something like that here. It's not called bad, but yeah, apparently somebody has been stealing his packages and he caught them on the ring camera. But the problem is you can't see their face, but the guy was renting a line scooter. So the guy contacted line and said, Hey,
00:29:32
Speaker
At this time, this date, what scooter was near you? The GPS tracked. And and for for some reason, for legal reasons, Lime was like, we can't give it the guy's name, but we blocked him from our service. He can no longer get our service.
00:29:49
Speaker
So he's in, I'm watching this whole thing unfold over like four or five videos. Uh, I'm waiting for the newest one, but he's slowly getting closer to tracking down the guy that stole his packages. We're talking like $4,000 with the packages so um over the course of like three weeks. Yeah. So, you know, I get it. I do too. And I hope yeah and those line things are, uh, cause there's like a bluebird is one company that does it where I'm at.
00:30:17
Speaker
And they're all GPS tracked. And the reason why they're GPS tracks is they get left somewhere. There's a guy, and I've seen this in Louisville. they The company will hire some people that live near nearby with a truck and they'll go around with a GPS tracker, collecting them all up and putting them back in the stations. Well, there's a funny thing. There's another news story about those scooters. There's a family and I can't remember where they are. Apparently the family is,
00:30:47
Speaker
It's just a ah wife and couple, but they're in their, they're in their forties, maybe fifties, but apparently there are those get off my lawn people where it's like, we don't like anybody. We don't want to talk about it. So yeah the community has all rented lime scooters and left them on their porch and left them in their backyard and in their, like there's 300 lime scooters in their, on their property in one day. Why? Just to be dicks. Fucking dicks. For no reason.
00:31:17
Speaker
But this is this i I found this video. This is cute. We're going to play this quick video and then we're going to go to break after we talk about it. But it's obviously a joke. So nobody get their panties in a bunch. But this is about the take your daughter work thing. This is the new one.
00:31:36
Speaker
announced that the third annual Bring Your Daughter to War Day was a great success. Over 15,000 daughters got to see firsthand what goes into fighting a war. From raiding homes in Basra, to enforcing the 8 p.m. curfew in Mosul, to interrogating prisoners in Tikree. So glad that she came out here to see what I do all the time. There were lots of explosions and and I saw a leg. Daughters got to ride in the cockpit with dad or mom on bombing runs. And a few even saw the action inside tanks patrolling the triangle of death. Conceived as a way to open young women's eyes to opportunities in the armed forces, Bring Your Daughter to War Day also provides a way for girls to see their parents once a year. It's something she'll never forget for the rest of her life, I'm sure. She got to go and we raided a few houses. She came in behind me and got to try out the new ab words she learned. Shubidak! What's that mean? um any any let me see your hands yeah u.s military commander oh wow fucking the onion dude they're hilarious that is this that is that's a very satire for sure uh then the girl standing next to her dad she'll never forget it she's all traumatized that's all explosions and a leg and a leg
00:32:57
Speaker
I thought that was hilarious. We're gonna take a real quick break since we're at the half hour mike mark, sorry. ah Let's, you know what? Ooh, who's this cover by? This is a cover by the Iron Cross. I like this band. ah The lead singer, she is actually a former Olympian from Romania. Jim, this is ACDC's Back in Black.
00:33:27
Speaker
by Iron Cross.
Satirical Takes on Society
00:38:15
Speaker
there it is that is The passion thirty seconds ah past past three seconds, I've been picking my chin up up off the ground. She's a hell of a singer, aren't she? For not speaking English very well. She is a she is a former Olympian. I think she competed Not last year, but the year before last, in the Summer Olympics, she was a gymnast. She's only like two inches shorter than me. She's married to the drummer, by the way, unfortunately for you and I.
HOA Antics and Legal Battles
00:38:50
Speaker
but When Greg Glickperson introduced me to her, I was like, I need to download everything she's got. She's got some great covers, by the way, on Spotify.
00:39:01
Speaker
um welcome back everybody to what the fuck news where we are click list tonight not sadly to say uh no we have in my opinion We have some good stories tonight, some good. I got I got a different one here, buddy, but because I found another one that I forgot about on TikTok. But before we get to that, I'm going to drop this down here. Monday, speed, speedway stories and cold-blooded conversations and men caring for men.
00:39:33
Speaker
Tuesdays is Glitz House music when he gets back. Wednesdays is this show, What's Buck News? On occasion, starting on the 28th, the Jeff's Garage is coming back. ah Nonsense and Chill, Friday show, where we we are watching the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy this week. I love this movie. Then Saturday, Nonsense. Nonsense. Nonsense go nonsense on Saturday, along with Cash's Corner.
00:40:01
Speaker
And on Sundays, unnecessary roughness where they talk football. um yeah what' you gonna do um So an HOA. I've never been a fan. I hate HOAs. I think they're mainly a bunch of hippies that care too much about their fucking yard. They are. I'm not a fan of HOAs either.
00:40:31
Speaker
yeah Well, there is one that they are trying to sue a farmer, a third generational farmer, ah because, yeah first and foremost, he's third generational, which means their family's been on that land since God was a boy. And they are saying that he is bringing down their property.
00:41:00
Speaker
Number one, he's not part of the HOA because the HOA has only been there for a year and a half. You see where I'm going here. So they've trespassed on his farm multiple times saying he has abandoned vehicles. It's a tractor. Not abandoned, just not in use at the moment because- He leaves it in his work area. That's normal. Exactly. I live in a rural area. That's what they do.
00:41:28
Speaker
Exactly. You leave it where where you can park it because it doesn't fit in the fucking garage or barn. um They're saying that his barn does not fit HOA standards. He's not part of the HOA. That's what I'm saying. I don't understand what what they have. They just make these rules up. Well, that's the problem with some HOA. Now, like my HOA, I have zero problem with. I can rebuild my car on on my in front of my house on the road and they don't care mainly because they're afraid, but it's Mexico. Yeah, it's Mexico. They don't care. There are HOA's out there that are just like, Hey, could you cut your grass because it's, you know, a foot long. All right. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. But the guys that are like, your grass is too big. It's, it's got a quarter inch taller than your, fuck you.
00:42:20
Speaker
You know, I've, I've heard, I've heard of some, some horror stories with HOA. I heard this one story where this guy had this old vintage pickup step side. And it was, um, it wasn't really, it was, uh, uh, uh, a patina. And he kept it that way because it was part of it. And he parked it outside overnight one night and they flipped the fuck out. Yeah. You know.
00:42:50
Speaker
The problem with an HOA is it's, you you you hand power, too, way too much power to a small group of people that should not be empowered. Yeah, especially when they're just, yeah, I know what you mean. It's like, HOAs, some of them seem like it's a high school political party fucking popularity It's popularity contest. Not only that, you know, car guys get the worst worst of it in an HOA.
00:43:18
Speaker
uh mainly we tend to buy multiple vehicles some of them not running stains and well i'm not even you know if if i there're the one guy i watch he's a youtuber he's got like six vehicles and they take up his entire driveway and then his wife has an SUV well there's two cars in the garage then there's two cars just outside the garage there's two cars behind that his wife has to park on the street the HOA is pissed about So he went out and bought another vehicle to tell him to go fuck up. I'm so proud of him. So back to the farmer story. This HOA has, you know, what the HOA does is if you do a violation, according to the HOA, they fine you. So they have left fines on his door, you know, and it's like, at this point, after the year and a half that the HOA has been around, the
00:44:18
Speaker
I think the the land that the HOA sits on is like five years old. So all the houses are built. and them and um yeah But the HOA, the farmland, and I cannot say this hard enough, is not part of the HOA. They were there first. And they have left, they they leave these fines. In the year and a half, it is at $15,000 worth of fines.
00:44:43
Speaker
And he said, and he literally even they're like, are you going to pay your fine? He's like, no, I'm not part of your HOA. But you're bringing down our property price. Well, maybe you shouldn't have moved next to a farm, because they're also complaining about the smell of his pigs. Well, sorry, pig shit smells. What did you expect?
00:45:03
Speaker
I mean, know yeah, you make a choice to move a next door door to a farm, don't bitch about the farm next door. The clean country air, as we call it. So they they decided to sue him and they took it to the court and the court said, and I wish I had video of it, but apparently the judge said, and in the article, it's all capital letters, he's not part of your HOA.
00:45:35
Speaker
They probably still don't listen. Apparently they're pissed about it. So they're there's like starting to like they're they're gathering everybody of the HOA to pitch in to buy this guy's farm. And and he told them, all right, I want a billion dollars. That's fucked up. Yeah. He's like, I'm not going to sell. That's fucked up. I'm not going to sell. So.
00:46:00
Speaker
I want to. I know we don't talk about. I don't. I don't. Hold on. Hold on. These are white chicks. I'm telling you right now. They're all white chicks. I know i don't we don't talk about politics.
00:46:11
Speaker
but There's a reason why there's this idea of political elites or coastal elites or liberal elites that leave a bad taste in rural America's mouth and why they vote Trump rural America. And that right there is an example, not an overall picture, but I can see how little stuff like that creates animosity. It puts a bad taste in your mouth. But that is all I really wanted to say.
00:46:41
Speaker
It was just an interesting observation. An HOA can do good for the community. If it's done right, like mine, they make sure the grass is cut, they make sure the pool's clean. Yeah. But when it, when it, when it comes to, Oh no, you're hurting my bank account. No, I have to force you to pay fines or take it. Exactly. You're straight up. Yeah. You made a choice. That farm was there first. i would I would do, you know what I would do if I was that farmer every Friday night, all week.
00:47:18
Speaker
Any trash I had, I would put in the back of my farm and get one of the big industrial fans like Batman would have and light that trash on fire and point that fan towards there. Oh, dude, I would I would make like I would because when it comes to to to like growing weed, I'm all about a living soil making your own compost and shit. Right. I would make the biggest compost pile right there on the edge. And just right on the property line right before like like yeah two feet before the property line just and then ah industrial fans so the smell goes away from my house because he's got pigs I would move the pig area.
00:47:55
Speaker
that go he's He's got pigs, man. here's Here's the thing now. If neighbors start disappearing, we know where the pig farm is. I'm joking. I'm just saying, a pig get rid of an entire human body in less than three hours. Don't ask me how I know. um talking But yeah, a choice. Like I said, if ran by a reasonable person,
00:48:22
Speaker
I get it. If your grass is a foot high, okay. Hey, dude, you need to cut this grass. We're going to have to find it. And it's not going to be breaking the bank buying. It's 20 bucks. Yeah. But because it's a quarter installer and everybody else's, yeah, it fucking rained yesterday. Dickhead calm down. Yeah. That's unreasonable. Yeah. I think there's, yeah I think, uh,
00:48:45
Speaker
the way HOAs are in, they, from what I understand, they're not all around the same. There's some positive ones and some negative ones. So I don't know that much about HOAs, but I do understand when, like you had this institution that they think they have authority and they want to push it on to you, you know, it's, it's this bullshit, no matter where it's coming from. When I first moved into this neighborhood, they're like, Oh, there's an HOA. And I was like, Oh, we're not, but we're not buying here. And, and And the realtor was like, why? All they do is make sure the grass is cut. I'm like, what do you mean? they said Well, yeah, you pay maintenance fee, and they cut the grass and they clean the pool. They take out your trash. And nothing else? Yeah, nothing else. Okay, cool. That's all my HOA does. And oddly enough, it cost me 25 bucks a month.
00:49:36
Speaker
You know, I mean, and and if it was something like that, you pay like the central location here to handle like the trash pickup and it' because I'm like like, I get that. That's, you know, you're paying for that. No, I get that. that's But like one of the rules of the HOA is we can't build out, but there's like nine houses that are built out and they're all head of the HOA.
00:50:03
Speaker
So that rule has gone bye-bye. They're just like, yeah, we're crossing that off because we all want bigger houses. So they're reasonable. Yeah, they don't well, you know, and they never miss about my two broken down cars up front. So I don't care. um I'll be under all like they're like, we understand Americans white trash. We get it. We get it. Yeah. Well, they they know, they know better than to mess with me. he meant That's for other reasons. Um, he unleashes his place to pick up. Have you ever been on um Craigslist?
00:50:41
Speaker
like what do you mean on Craigslist?
Florida Man Chronicles
00:50:44
Speaker
Like buy something or like I've searched or yeah, I've I'll search it for auto sometimes or auto parts or just you know, collect the bulls or if I'm looking for like a certain vintage of bourbon around here, that's something I can use as a resource. So yeah. Well, if Florida man went on to Reddit, I used to use it more. I used to use it more when the prostitution was more of a damn joke.
00:51:10
Speaker
Well, oddly enough, the reason why people went to Craigslist is because they had that not safe for work area where you get people like, hey. They had escort service and they had massages. Well, this guy, he answered a Craigslist ad so he could be tied up and have sex with a young woman. Okay. Unfortunately, he was attacked by a hatchet instead by her and her boyfriend.
00:51:40
Speaker
Well, that's not going to Florida, everybody. That wasn't a nice first date. Holy fuck. So he was expecting to have sex with young looking, uh, allowing her to tie him up on the beach in his instead, he was attacked. He, her and her boyfriend attacked him with a hatchet and stole his wallet. It sounds like a good making of a horror movie. Something along the lines of Joyride or some shit. Wrong turn.
00:52:05
Speaker
The victim suffered multiple cuts after he had agreed to come to the beach with Alana Kegel. Back there. That got me going to her house. I'm like, let's do this. That should have been flag number one. Right. Wait a second. Her name is Kegel. Yeah. According to charges advocate, Kegel picked him up between 6 PM and 7. He picked him up. ah Here's a second red flag in her Subaru.
00:52:36
Speaker
Huge red flag. Hey, I know lots of people who drive Subarus and not one of them's a hatchet wielding sicko. Yeah. But they were all in Oregon. They were, they were usually like wielding a, there's two people that drive Subarus, sir. Technically three. There's guys that think they have a race car. That's the, there is people in Oregon.
00:53:04
Speaker
that are much like you, more high than sober. And then there's lesbian soccer moms. None of them are all anti-psychos. But she drove him to Bicentennial Park, where she parked and they walked to the beach. ah He said he was getting odd vibes from Kegel, who sat five feet from him and then started buying his legs with a yellow piece of broke. The victim said that she did not. He did not feel comfortable, so he told Kegel he changed his mind at that moment. ah So second red flag is not establishing a safe word, right? Uh, at that moment the.
00:53:54
Speaker
She pulled from behind her back. How did he not see this? A hatchet? Well, I mean, if it's small enough, you can you could pocket that you can it hide it under your shirt. Florida do that. I don't think she went a whole lot. And then her boyfriend came out of that day just for the murder. Maybe she was wearing a murder parka. You don't know. The victim told the deputy that he observed Alana with what appeared to be in a hatchet as she striked him all over. Oh, did he live?
00:54:32
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, shit. ah Deputies who picked up the victim reported seeing a shirtless man bleeding heavily from one leg and other parts of his body, um shouting out and waving at cars on Ocean Shore Boulevard. The victim had multiple cars, cuts to his abdomen, kneecaps, and shin, and deep cut to his upper la left of his back.
00:55:00
Speaker
This is why i like horror movies, real life sucks. No joke. Right? So her and her boyfriend got ref it arrested shortly after after the incident in a traffic stop. And the blood, the victim's backpack was found in the vehicle. Well, apparently they didn't, did they think they killed him? I don't think so. I think he got away. has been I guess he got away far enough where he got into traffic and they're like, let's not chase him into traffic.
00:55:30
Speaker
There, man. Uh, we're at, we're at Hollywood. Come on. Netflix special Netflix. better Right. I'm in. Let's clout this shit up. So can we agree that running from the cops is the ultimate game of hide and seek?
00:55:52
Speaker
I always thought Bigfoot and God were the ultimate hiding seat champions. Okay. Well, well, the, the other, what's what's the, um, I forget what's the, I guess running from cops would be runners up depending on how good you're, how good you are. Well, a Florida man, uh, was running from a deputy, uh, who had busted him for drugs during a traffic stop. You'll never guess how the deputy caught him.
00:56:22
Speaker
red-handed. No, he slammed into a telephone pole. The cop? No, the the guy. Oh. He was running. And apparently looked over his shoulder and like, ha, ha, ha, whack.
00:56:39
Speaker
Oh, please tell me there's video. Please tell me there's video. I wish there was. Oh, man, somebody flew in the body kit. I read this article and I was like, I need this video like dude, we need to. There's got to be a video of that somewhere. I mean, somebody's got a fully of that body cam or dash cam or some sort of something because apparently that because we've all done it. You know, you walk into a pole, you know, because you're talking about it. Oh, ge yes. This is not a while. Just not well, actively. ready on You same boat kind of way, dude, and knocked himself out. Oh,
00:57:23
Speaker
I guess that's what he gets. That's what he gets. I find it funny. I wish I had the dash cam or some kind of drugs it was. and It did not say. No, it was probably something. And then the last story I have, and then I'm going to turn it over to you after break. Florida man who was arrested ah used a jet ski for his crime. Guess what his crime is, sir? This is just plain and simple Florida.
00:57:53
Speaker
on a jet ski. Yeah, he was on a jet ski. You got a ticket on a jet ski using the jet ski on the open road and not in the water. No, that would have been genius. No, ah he was creating a wake and trying to knock a fisherman out of his kayak. What a dick. I agree. I think he should have been. Oh, man. Too bad he didn't fall down and drown himself. I mean,
00:58:22
Speaker
What a dick. Just be a dick. And I was like, you know what? that is That is not a man that is an asshole you see. I mean, couldn't you like charge him for like attempted assault? I don't know what they charge him for. It doesn't say. Because, I mean, think about it. You're in a kayak. You get flipped over in a fucking wake, man. you don't I mean, that's fucking drama, man. To be fair, it's called a kayak. But it's basically a single person fishing boat. But still. It's almost like a zodiac.
00:58:51
Speaker
I mean, there's gotta be some sort of salt though. I mean, it wasn't bodily harm to someone. Well, and you should have more than just a ticket. hope you i think i think he's I think he should let that fisherman take that flexible end of the fishing rod and beat it with it. Fair Those ugly sticks got some wit to them. I'm just saying I should be a prosecutor.
00:59:17
Speaker
Oh, shit. There won't be any problems. We're going to use a fishing rod on your back. Your punishment is butt stuff. What? What? See you in my chambers. I'm going to tie you up and I got an action for you. Well, that is my stories for this week. When we come back from this next break, as soon as I figure out a... oh don
00:59:49
Speaker
I'm trying to find a song here. well I'm going to do some.
00:59:56
Speaker
I'm trying to find something good. You know what? I like this song and I know you're not a country guy, but I like this song. So I'm trying to take my headphones off. That's OK. We're going to I can't remember the guy's name. It'll show up on your screen. This is Chevy Silverado and we will be right back. This is you'll be back in two minutes, 23 seconds.
01:00:29
Speaker
I'm in my Chevy Silverado, healing the label I believe
Unusual Auctions and Apologies
01:02:35
Speaker
There's Derek Wayne Douglas is his name. I could never remember his name. I need to add it on there so I can read it. That was Chevy Silverado. I love that song. It makes me want to go sit in my truck and drink beer. I walked around the house looking for my phone because I thought I ah lost it somewhere and it was sitting right here in front of me the entire time. I can't tell you how many times. However, one of the funniest videos I've ever seen, this this guy sent a text to his wife You left your phone in the house. Come get it. She reads the text, put the phone in her pocket, and she walks in the front door. Where is it? He's like, where's what? Good. I've done shit like that. yes So did you hear about the monkey business in South Carolina?
01:03:25
Speaker
I, yeah I heard a snippet. and So there was 40, there was 40 monkeys that escaped from a research facility. The research facility is named Alpha Genesis and the MSC on Wednesday night. So this was last week. That's where we got it. However, huh? That's where we got Glick from. It was.
01:03:49
Speaker
Alpha Genesis. Yeah. Yeah. I ordered it. It was like, you ordered off a wish, but they called them. I just thought this was, i saw the I saw the headline, the first thing I thought it was Planet of the Apes, but ah yeah monkeys didn't do the monkeys the monkeys didn't stray too far. They've caught like, I think out of the 40, they've caught like 30 something. They've all been kind of. my first thought or yeah Not to get political, but I was like, oh, here comes the next COVID because of these stupid monsters. That was my first thought. I was like, this thiss is how they do the next COVID. I'm just saying. yeah okay conspiracy hack um Here's a movie reference, but it's a horror movie reference, so you probably won't get it. The simian rat monkey. Definitely won't get that. yeah Look it up. I'll have to look that up. But yeah, my second thought was Planet of the Apes. I was like,
01:04:42
Speaker
Is Charlton Heston there? I'm just saying.
01:04:47
Speaker
So this is like a breeding. It's called Dave Franco. Right? the Sorry, it was it's a slow news day for me. It's ah it's a slow week. I know. So this this one I just thought was really weird.
01:05:03
Speaker
um okay So 77 years, 77 year old slice of Queen Elizabeth the second's wedding cake went on sale at out auction and sold for $2,800. 77 year old. That's an expensive piece of cake. That's an expensive, moldy piece of cake. Yeah. That's nasty, dude. Like, like, like I'm looking at a picture of it. It doesn't look good. But apparently it was originally given to, to like, what are they, uh,
01:05:31
Speaker
one of the servers or something like that for for a gift during the wedding and okay like like you're having a piece of cake. You did a good job. No, it's like in a gift box. It's all wrapped up. It's all it was presented as a gift. It was part of it was part of a auction house. Raymond Dansey announced the piece of cake part of a 500 pound baked dessert served at the November 20th 1947 wedding was auctioned off for $2800. Yeah. 500 pound fucking cake. Yeah, but that's to be expected. I'm honest. I'm just grossed out by the the whole concept of it.
01:06:19
Speaker
Well, there is that place. There's a place in I can't remember it's somewhere in Europe. I want to say Sweden. It's the last McDonald's in the country. And there's still a burger sitting on the table. And the burger like look, it's li it's I can't remember what country it is. But it's the last McDonald's in that country. Why is it the last one they shut all the other I think that and I think it got rid of it for the simple fact that like it was unhealthy food.
01:06:44
Speaker
Oh, OK. To be expected. But there's like the the it's boarded up like you can't get in the doors are locked and stuff. But there is a cheeseburger with one bite of it out of it sitting on the table. You can see and it still looks edible. Ew, gross. I don't know how I go about that. Zero mole. I was like, you know what? I'm past. I don't know. I don't know.
01:07:13
Speaker
I did have one more story and then I have have one more news story. Then I have some other stories to fill in the penis story gap. Yeah. But so this was, all right. So are you familiar with the Wiccan movie that's coming out? it's It's based on that Broadway. Yeah. yeah with ah itches and shit i in it yeah Yeah. Yes. Yes. That's the one. So apparently Mattel had apologized for misprint on the packaging of the Barbie that they released. So, hey and if anybody has this, I don't know what the website is, but I can only, i want um, it takes you to a pornographic website. So on the packaging, there's a website that would take you to porn.
01:07:57
Speaker
Well, there was a there was I saw TikTok on this and they showed the website on the TikTok. Like, they didn't show the actual website, but they showed the Mattel box with the website circle. And I was like, I need to save this so I can look it up because I want to see what's on the website. But I never did. I forgot. I think there is a porn production company out there with Wicked in the name. I think it's Wicked.com. I'm thinking it's something like that. I think it's something like that, yeah. But, yeah. I thought that was pretty funny. I, you know, when it goes back to... Do you remember Glade spray cans?
01:08:36
Speaker
The aerosol blade smell. Apparently, um this was like 10, 15 years ago. one of there There was a batch that went out. Apparently one of the artists got fired. And before he got fired, he he drew hit a representation of his penis in the flowers.
01:09:00
Speaker
Those ah cans are going for like $500 a can if they're empty. Well, that's like the like blade tried the original the original Little Mermaid VHS box. I had one. Those are dicks. Yeah, had dicks on the castle. The castle was made out of dicks. Yep. Yep. When we first found that out, we ran to the like my my family, my my parents, used my grandmother, my mom used to buy all the Disney movies.
01:09:32
Speaker
with that that weird plasticy, it was like a blown plastic cover. And when my cousin and I found out about this, we were like, wait a minute, I know we got this movie. There was Dixir. Apparently in the in the original Aladdin movie, when the bee whispers, well, Genie's the bee,
01:09:59
Speaker
and he whispers to Aladdin on the balcony, he whispers something not safe for kids. I know and the Lion King when the wind blows the leaves, it's supposed to spell out effects. But it yeah it's been disproven because it spells out SFX, which is the production company that ah all the people like yeah you'll see on license plates on Pixar movies something I can't remember it was like room 13 that was the room where animators went to learn how to ah draw. Oh, interesting. F best f after.S. F.S. F.S. was the the company that animators went to go learn how to animate. yeah Okay. I did see that when that was that was disproven. but Yeah.
01:10:47
Speaker
So unfortunately, those are my half-assed stories that I have that didn't bring a whole lot of enthusiasm because like I said, I typed in crazy or shocking or something new and it was all election shit. This is something that needs to be addressed. Finding some of these stories, it's not easy.
01:11:07
Speaker
Yes. I mean, i've I've gotten to a point where as I'm scrolling through TikTok, I'm like, save, save. Or I find something on Reddit, save. I have a whole ah Google sheet of stories. Well, I'm not used to facebook trying to look up weird and crazy stories. So I don't have a a plethora of resources as Jeff does. Yeah. Oh, I have to pick your brain.
01:11:35
Speaker
But on on on story notes, I know Glick usually brings you guys penis stories. It means something a little off, a little bit different, but sort of the
Bizarre Medical Cases
01:11:46
Speaker
same concept. So I got this article up. It is 17 nurses revealed the worst thing. People got stuck up their penises, vaginas, and butts. So i figured I figured that was about on the same course as Glick's penis stories.
01:12:03
Speaker
So, story number one. Wait, hold on. Disclaimer. Penis.
01:12:16
Speaker
yes is mean storyful Firmly glickless penis. Anyway, the craziest thing was when a man came in with a Barbie doll stuck. You want to know where this Barbie doll arm was stuck at?
01:12:34
Speaker
Oh, dude, was it in his dickhole? So the craziest thing was when they came over the Barbie doll's arm stuck in his urethra, aka people. Apparently, he ordered his sex off eBay. And when in a ride, it was actually a Barbie doll. He was so angry that he ripped off the doll's arm and shoved it up his penis. He really he raged. He raged himself. I'm assuming it wasn't hand first.
01:13:03
Speaker
I don't know. That's funny, though. Doesn't Barbie have her thumb out? You got this little hand waving at you from somebody's dick. Hi, Doc. But doesn't Barbie have her thumb out?
01:13:18
Speaker
I just got that picture in my head, man. Hey, Doc, do you want to shake hands? What happened? I'm waving. ah good That sounds like a joke. My wife. Hi. It's waving. Say hi. and Yeah. That. That sounds painful. I've never been tempted or thought of, oh, this will feel good. No. Well, he did it. He did it in rage. Jesus. That's what's been that pissed off. He did it because he was pissed off at the guy who sold it to him because it wasn't. I would do it to the guy that sold it to me, but I wouldn't do it to myself.
01:14:01
Speaker
He did it to himself. I guess he got I guess he was mad that he got duped. He's mad at himself. Don't wear your sex dolls off of which and team off eBay. There's a reason there's a reason why they're so cheap. Well, do you hear about that guy? There was a story a long time ago. ah Do you remember um Reader's Digest? There was a guy he did. he He put out an ad in Reader's Digest that he created a solar briar
01:14:32
Speaker
dryer. That's solar dryer. Yeah, clothes dryer. Okay. And he and he was selling it selling. Oh, no. versions of it. Yeah, you kind of see where it goes. He's selling versus over $250. And he got 700 orders. And he said them all a piece of rope. fucking genius.
01:14:54
Speaker
You know what? I'm not mad at it this because. So and this next story is about a knife. This next story is about a knife. I do like knives. I do like knives. A lady came in with the knife still in her vagina. She claimed that an intruder assaulted her, but the area was not bleeding. It was as if the knife was slid into her. She later revealed that she did it to herself to get revenge on her boyfriend.
01:15:23
Speaker
then no pussy for you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. You're thinking about it wrong. It's no pussy. No, he gets the pussy. Think about that.
01:15:41
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. It's like a bear. It's like a bear trap. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. yeah
01:15:55
Speaker
You know, I'm getting flashbacks to Terrifier 3. I'm just saying. But I like it. I like how when you heard revenge on the boyfriend, you're like, oh, you know, denying him sex. No, she wasn't denying him sex. oh Wow.
01:16:18
Speaker
That's pretty gruesome.
01:16:22
Speaker
You know, I've seen videos of people shoving stuff up, different things. A knife is not my first thought of like, this will feel good. Or this will, yeah I get it was for revenge, but they're sharp and they cut things. ah Apparently she did it in a way that it didn't cut her. Hey, Leggy. Was that a motherfucking knife?
01:16:46
Speaker
Glick is not here. So I'm filling in instead of doing penis stories, I'm doing stories of things getting stuck in bodily holes. Oh, I have so many questions for this lady. Oh my God. I know. That's pretty fucked up. That's. Yeah. Yeah. I can understand handle first.
01:17:05
Speaker
Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so the third next story involves a potato shit pancakes. My grandma was a gynecologist. She once had an older woman come in and at one point they took x-rays. Apparently the woman had a potato growing in her uterus inside her uterus.
01:17:30
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, like my grandpa had a buckskin rubber, you know, i that's right you know's hashtag stuffed orifices. Yeah, need that on a shirt. So right.
01:17:44
Speaker
I'm assuming she I'm assuming she hard said potato into something inserted it going this is awesome and then lost it. I don't know. I mean, and then you'll never mentioned it to anybody.
01:18:01
Speaker
I'm just, I don't know how a potato grows inside a uterus. I don't know how anything grows inside of a body. I don't know. That's, that's, that's a weird one to me. You know, go great. Anyway, so number four is about a flashlight. So this one's pretty obvious. My adoptive mom, who was a nurse once had a patient who came in with a flashlight stuck up his butt. He claimed he accidentally fell on it.
01:18:29
Speaker
but he had a history. This guy had a history of falling on objects this what that way. Did you really fall on it, sir? I don't think so. I was trying to change the light bulb, but I was naked in case the light bulb exploded and killed me. I didn't want my clothes to get on fire. I dropped the flashlight and it landed in a way that when I fell, it disappeared. Oh, that's right. So when I'm done with when I'm done with all these stories, I have a story from my personal life.
01:18:57
Speaker
I didn't experience it, but I was, I wasn't present, but I was stationed there when it happened and it did happen within my squadron. Okay. So yes, yes. I have zero experience with sticking anything up anywhere. I don't either. I don't either. I, I've never been that fascinated. I'm like, yeah, exit only because yeah, I won't really detail, but if I take a shit, I'm like, yeah, this is not, count this is not comfortable.
01:19:26
Speaker
So, so have you ever gotten drunk and, and, and accidentally or not accidentally you ever get drunk inside a stick crochet needle up your penis? Well, this one guy, this one guy did he had have surgically removed. Dude. Okay. So how did it not and you ever seen a croat? No, because croquet needle needle, my grandmother used to croquet, uh, crochet and they have a hook.
01:19:54
Speaker
Like a fishing, like you stick it in. It's almost like a little triangle on it that like, yeah. So he didn't go handle first. He went. So you can't just pull. Oh, yeah. It's like a barbed fish hook. Oh, you dumb fuck. Oh, you know what? Yeah. I didn't just cut my dick off. Like I was insulting. Oh, good God, dude.
01:20:26
Speaker
Oh, the next one. The next story is about a butt plug, a Lego butt plug. A guy tried to make a butt plug out of Lego and duct tape. He got it stuck in his ass.
01:20:40
Speaker
There's some things that you DIY and some things that you don't place. You don't DIY a butt plug. Would you 3D printed a butt plug though? if you had I would as a joke.
01:20:55
Speaker
No, once you get your 3d printer, once you get your 3d printer, you need to make nonsensical nonsense. Oh, I already have a plan. So there's a there's a website called thanks. And they have a not safe for work section. And it's usually like a woman without a top on or something like that. But there are dildos and there are butt lugs on there. Oh, I'm sure there are. So I'm going to download one and put nonsensical network on the the part that doesn't go in so people can have our logo on it. I wish I would have uploaded some of these pictures because there's pictures with some of these stories. So here's one. Yeah, I agree with Leggy. Standing on a Lego is bad enough.
01:21:44
Speaker
Yeah, well, it was wrapped in duct tape, I would assume.
01:21:50
Speaker
You know, there's a lot of things I've used duct tape for. I've used duct tape for a lot of things. You never thought chris about a sex toy. I'm just saying. No. Not even a repair one. So, the next one is. Repair It's time to buy a new one, buddy. You gotta duct tape it again. Hey, give me that duct tape, mama. If you can't duck it, you can't fuck it.
01:22:20
Speaker
Hey mama, hammer that duct tape.
01:22:25
Speaker
I'm gonna me butt blood. My mom always remembers the guy who put a light bulb up his ass. I asked her how they got it out and her response was with great difficulty. Actually, this is interesting. Have you ever seen Scrubs? I have. That was a funny show.
01:22:43
Speaker
So on scrubs, like I think it was season three or something like that, a guy comes in and they they do an x-ray because he's feeling pain. And there's a light bulb of his ass. And the only one that can figure out how to get it out was the janitor. Because the the the top, the the widest part of the bulb is the strongest part of the bulb. It's not as simple as just pulling down because it'll just come apart.
01:23:11
Speaker
um like Dude, a light bulb is pretty big, too. Yeah. I bet you his colon had a great idea, though. Oh, I don't know. I don't know if you light a light bulb up in a dark ass. Does it really light anything? That's another thing. There are all sorts of shapes of light bulbs, though. This is true. It could have been like a Christmas bulb. It was a Christmas bulb. Christmas bulbs are scary, though. That's almost like a butt plug shape.
01:23:44
Speaker
Yeah, but those old Christmas balls, man, they were delicate as fuck. You looked at them all, they broke. This is true. I remember breaking a bunch of them. I'm so glad I'm not into anal.
01:23:57
Speaker
ah because but but The next story is is is called A Giant Dildo. One night a man came in with the biggest black dildo I had ever seen shoved in his butt. We actually had to follow him around.
01:24:12
Speaker
while holding a bucket under his ass. When it was finally removed, his partner asked us to clean it off and said, we're going to need that back. And then she winked at me.
01:24:30
Speaker
yeah We're going to need that back. there do No, you know, um, have you ever been into an Adam and Eve store? You know what I've only seen them online but I'm living in an area where there's actually a brick and mortar store Adam and Eve a couple towns over and we need to go every Adam and Eve above the cash register above the back wall has one of those big black pillows. It's like this long and like it is fucking big around dude. Yes, so
01:25:03
Speaker
<unk>ve I've never seen anybody purchase one, but every time I go in, I giggle. I'm like, so when I was living in Arizona is after I got out of the Air Force. I was going to motorcycle mechanics Institute. I mean, a couple of buddies went to the porn shop because I was going to go get a blow up sheet as a joke for the class. Right. I was, it was in my Harley old school, Harley class.
01:25:22
Speaker
and And, but when I was in there, i I found that big giant black dildo. I held it up. I was like, Hey, Mike, check it out. I found your dildo. And man, he was so embarrassed, but, uh, the blow up sheep gag went over. Well, it was pretty funny bouncing around the, the, the class like a beach ball. So, um, yeah, those places, they got some strange stuff.
01:25:48
Speaker
I am not going to read the title of this next story. I kind of wanted to come out in the reading. A man came into the ER, blue in the face, looking like he was about to die. They checked all over his body, but couldn't figure out what was wrong. They flipped him over and saw a tail coming out of his butthole. After doing a CT scan, they found a rat inside his rectum.
01:26:15
Speaker
The rat bit off parts of his colon, and the man was suffering from internal bleeding, which is why his face turned blue. Apparently the man decided to place a condom over the live rat to suffocate it, and then place it up his butt so its breathing would hit his prostate and would feel pleasure. The man made a full recovery, but the poor rat died.
01:26:40
Speaker
Dude, I'm into weird stuff when it comes to messing around with the ladies. That is not one of them. That is not a kink I'm ready to unlock. Like ever. No. No. no i I mean, I wouldn't draw the line at a live rat up my butt. I just would have drawn that line a lot, lot, lot. I draw a lot of anything up my butt. Fair enough. And that has nothing to do with the fact that I'm straight. It's just like,
01:27:10
Speaker
I got nothing for you. I can't, I, there's no reason because I don't know what to do next, like afterwards. So now what, you know, I don't know what to say after the situation. I say, or I continue with the next seven, actually eight stories. We go ahead and hit up a break. Yeah. Let's do that. You know, I think.
01:27:35
Speaker
And I could be wrong. I don't know the name of the song because Glick has it here as like zero zero zero zero zero. But I think it is um another one of this. I think this is one of the ladies he interviewed. OK. I honestly don't know because it's it's one zero zero zero.
01:28:04
Speaker
5200 so we'll be back in two minutes and 47 seconds enjoy
01:29:01
Speaker
I'm alone it makes us think and then we drink
01:30:58
Speaker
there it is that's uh yeah you can't remember her name um good song more like a song i wasn't a big fan of the video but i did like the song that's a good song but we are back and Helen if you're still here i'm still upset with you you do not you yet to post a picture of the outfit you've finally picked out for graduation. I have not seen it and I helped pick it out. So I'm kind of pissed. ah But we are back for of the nonsensical network. This is what the fuck news. Don't forget bio dot link slash nonsensical network where you can find all links to all our social media. And don't forget to go to nonsensical dash nonsense dot my spread shop dot com and spread us on you.
01:31:45
Speaker
with all our merch. I thought we were going to stop saying that but yes. I refuse to stop saying it because it's not creepy if I say it. Enough. It's opposite day.
01:31:57
Speaker
sure It's not creepy if I say it enough, and people stop hearing the creepies. I'm not trying to be creepy. You came up with it. I'm just repeating. I did. I did. I come up with weird stuff. Don't ever take what I say to heart. So least one of the things you started saying we use all the time, got to make my bladder bladder. This is true. This is true. They can't all be winners. I have a couple of one-liners. This is true. So number 10 is titled a carrot.
01:32:28
Speaker
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I work at a gastral intestinal lab at a local hospital. We were doing a colonoscopy on a guy who had a carrot stuck up his butt that his wife put there. We weren't able to remove it. We weren't able to remove it. So we had to go into surgery. The colon is curved. People don't shove straight long things up there that aren't flexible. Other words, the carrots break, dude.
01:32:58
Speaker
Carrots break that's not Yeah, but you know what out of all the stories have probably the least shocking out of all of them would be the care so far Yeah, because that would be like if I was if I was gonna use something I just had laying around the carrot would be my first choice it's it's because it's like it's there it's it's Most carrots are too girthy. They're nice and long. So you got a grip. but There's a point on it. It's not going to poke you, but help with the insert. And yeah, I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. It seems like a starter, a starter vegetable. Baby carrot sounds like a bad idea because you're going to lose that. You're going to lose that.
01:33:44
Speaker
You're going to lose the baby carrot. That's small enough you might just poop it out. um any lot ah with with any luck. Going to the bathroom. I hope it's a jackpot.
01:34:00
Speaker
Play that to the plumber. Why is there carrots on your toilet? Don't ask. wife The wife comes out of the freaking kitchen with an empty bag of baby carrots. Where's where all the baby carrots go in the toilet? But you don't want any. I'm telling you.
01:34:18
Speaker
This next one is labeled a shower head. Again, this one seems a pretty pretty not not shocking like I would expect it. I once had a guy come in with a shower head of his butt. He had the whole hose trailing behind him like a tell as well. Whoa, OK. So that's like driving away from the gas station. and even though Even though you're down the road, everybody know you done fucked up. but know like let's Let's be honest.
01:34:49
Speaker
Some shower heads are pretty girthy, dude. Like my shower head is is is like five inches round.
01:35:00
Speaker
Maybe he's been practicing. I don't know. I'm curious to know what setting he had it on. paul say kind mistake ladies like the pal say why wasn't the guy say i i'm sure the polls i that i bet you bills asshole so clean it or whistle he flushed that fuckcker out Oh, okay. Next one, a ballerina figurine.
01:35:32
Speaker
the Yeah, I know. I haven't even, I haven't read these. I stopped at like number five earlier today. I was like, okay, the rest of you should be surprised. My friend is a nurse in the ER. One time a guy came in and complained that he had something stuck in his urethra. See, I was thinking, but I was just, it hurt. He said it hurt too bad to take it out. And he ultimately started bleeding from there. Oh shit. It turns out it was a little ballerina free figure from a wine music windup jewelry box.
01:36:05
Speaker
Dude, those aren't small. Yeah. You know what? When you said ballerina and figurine, that's exactly what I thought is the ones that are on the music box. but so Those things are like that big. And and then they're not soft. and No. you're They got jagged edges on it. They're kind of porcelainy. Look how big they are compared to how big a urethra is. Yeah.
01:36:30
Speaker
Am I just blessed with the very extra small urethra like nothing's ever to getting into the accident i'm kind of. inside proud that I have a small name at this point i'm just saying. yeah my urethra is not blown out on the sides.
01:36:47
Speaker
I don't need to piss like a fire hose, you know I just need to bid. A toy lizard. I once had a patient come in with a stomach, with stomach pains. I took an X-ray of his abdomen and asked what had happened. He told me he didn't know. I hung his X-ray on the light box and saw there was a toy lizard in his rectum. He doesn't know. I sat on it, on accident. It was his lizard.
01:37:15
Speaker
Yeah, how do you well I mean, I mean, that's what I mean, nobody's gonna like, well, some people do. They're not gonna. Well, the the thing is, you got to remember, when people do this, they're not expecting to get found out. True. Well, yeah, this is like, I'll be able to get it out. Nobody's gonna know. I'm gonna enjoy this. And then when they lose it, they're like, Oh, shit.
01:37:37
Speaker
I just, as, as, as a person with the penis, I've never ever thought in my entire life, I wonder what it would feel like to shove something up my urethra that has never came. No, no, dude, I will, I will, I like, I have no desire to do anything except kiss and stroke my neck. Fair. And not at the same time, by the way.
01:38:05
Speaker
and So we had a few more, okay. A bloody cucumber, you say. A patient came in the ER because he had a cucumber stuck in his rectum. Before he decided to come in, he tried to get it out. Guess with what? Don't tell me he used a knife or four. With a knife, the doctor came out of the room with a very large bloody cucumber.
01:38:28
Speaker
He wrecked his rectum.
01:38:32
Speaker
You know, the carrots, one thing, but a cucumber, they they get garthy, dude.
01:38:42
Speaker
Like, holy shit. And the urethra stories keep on coming. A prisoner came in with penis issues, turned out he shoved a piece of floss really far up his urethra, just so he could get out of his cell. I get it. Jail's boring, dude. but and You know what? He probably it probably wasn't the wax floss either where it was easy. No, because prison prison. Prison stuff you get in prison is not good stuff. Why would you shove that up your BBO? Why? like Why wrap it around your finger long enough till you lose feeling in your finger? Hey, I mean, if you really need to get out of your cell, I think there's better ways. Light a fire or something. Jesus. Oh, man.
01:39:30
Speaker
Okay, number 16, a set of tongs.
01:39:36
Speaker
Oh, let's see where this goes. I'm a nurse in an ER. One day a woman came waddling waddling in with a set of tongs stuck between her legs. She used them to masturbate and insert the tongs into her vagina. The clip that holds the tongs shut opened and the tongs became hopelessly lodged in her vagina.
01:39:57
Speaker
She had, she had to be taken to the operating room to have them surgically removed and nearly perforated her uterus. Oh my God. So she was up in there. Yeah.
01:40:14
Speaker
So there's all sorts of shapes. There's a, there's a, there's a lot of different sizes of phones. Yes, this is true. So like, I mean, I got to say that's like a small and they're silicone tipped. Okay. Yeah. Well, yeah. Because all the ones I buy here are all metal. They're all stainless steel. So I don't know. I've seen wooden ones. I've seen plastic ones. I don't know. They didn't get too. They're not meant for that. They're meant for picking stuff up. Not you.
01:40:49
Speaker
So we all know that Campbell's soup is good food. However, did you know a woman would put Campbell's beef soup in her vagina because her boyfriend liked to eat from there? I'm not mad at that. had mr fit ma We had to fish out a potato that was lodged in there. Oh.
01:41:15
Speaker
You know, OK, so, i you know, we've all we've all tried the whipped cream thing that we've seen on TV. and Does he use a spoon?
01:41:24
Speaker
He still sounds good, though, dude. You know, I'm not mad at that. I don't know. Chunky, not so much. oh I think my soul just died inside. So the last story is a story from my when I was stationed at Beale Air Force Base. okay We had the squadron I was in was a training squadron for the career field I was in. So we had rotations of other ammo troops coming in from other bases for upgrade training.
01:42:01
Speaker
And, um, I was, I was permanent party there during the first two, like during the first month of summer, something like that. Like the first two weeks is just like a, uh, guard or reserve, uh, uh, detachment that comes through. Right. Right. Well, so this was, uh, this was a national guard airman and, um, apparently he, um, he got a mango stuck in his butt.
01:42:28
Speaker
I don't understand how you do that. I don't know. Does everybody know what a mango is? If you haven't, oh yeah I don't know what a mango is. Look look up. ah Apparently, a lot of people don't know what mangoes are. So, yeah. So, he apparently, this he was on the second floor of the dormitories. We had a, I'll use the word from a story earlier. He had a waddle down the stairs. He knocked on the chief suite. We're talking about an E3 knocking on the door of an E9.
01:42:57
Speaker
is chief. Like, yeah. So, ah so the chief drove him to the ER. And the chief, you know, you know, escorted him through the door. And like, I guess the first thing the chief said is like, I'm not with him. I'm just dropping him off. Right. I agree. Yes. And apparently this guy was married. He was on the phone with his wife and he did this of course. He had to have it surgically removed. Yeah. because Well, mangoes have a giant seed in them.
01:43:24
Speaker
Yes. So a couple of weeks go go by. ah Like I said, this story is all kind of in-house in the ammo squadron. However, rumors spread, you know stories break out, and you know a wildfire over over the base. So a couple of weeks go by, everybody's sort heard the story. At this time in my life, I was, oh, late 20s. And I didn't know what a mango was myself at that time.
01:43:52
Speaker
So me and the wife at the time, uh, ex-wife, we were at the grocery store at commissary and we're in the produce section. Right. And I see a mango in a, in the plastic package. They had a bunch of mangoes and plastic packages. And I picked one up. I showed, I showed it to Tara. I'm like, that's a mango. Cause I had already told her the story, dude, everybody in that produce section had already heard the story and everybody just fucking started rolling.
01:44:22
Speaker
By the way, anybody that's asking mangoes are disgusting. I hate the taste Oh mangoes are delicious man. Oh, I can't talking about I don't I don't like me they have to be right. They can't they can't be Oh, no, they have to mangoes mango. You could buy mango here Everywhere like yeah, they sell mangoes on a stick Like they they slice them put them on a stick and then put chili on them Oh, yeah. Yeah. so he I used to eat them. I used to eat them a lot in Guam because we could just pick up from a tree. Well, they also have like fruit. They grew great there. A lot of the candy in Mexico is oddly enough. It's spicy and mango flavor to the mango or tamarindo, which amarito literally looks like a turd. Fijin. You know, it literally looks like a turd from the when it comes off a tree.
01:45:20
Speaker
Let me actually show you what I'm talking about.
01:45:26
Speaker
This is Tamarindo. Let me save this picture and show you. Tell me this doesn't look like a turd. It's uploading. There it is. That's Tamarindo. Those look like turds. yeah That's what I just said. Basically, it looks like peanuts.
01:45:48
Speaker
They're they're a seed and they they grow everywhere but they like one tamarindo seed will be like a foot and a half long and you take it's I hate well you don't actually eat the seeds they crush them up into almost like a paste um but they're kind of like um kind of like hummus yeah I would say um this is like a peeled tamarindo Um, you can see it's almost like a, tell me it doesn't look like a fucking turd, but it's it kind of the inside, the inside is, is mushy. Oh, okay. Uh, my wife loves them. Uh, well, most of everybody here loves them. I hate, I think it's got a real bitter taste to it. Um, but yeah, the, the,
01:46:47
Speaker
I'm still glad I've never thought of like, hey, this would be a great idea. Let's shove this up.
01:46:58
Speaker
When it comes to anything, I'm never like, I accidentally fell on my hammer handle or, you know, I say that because I have a hammer. sitting but like Oops, I slipped and fell on the shampoo bottle in the shower.
01:47:12
Speaker
which would actually somewhat be unbelievable because you're in the shower. So, okay. get But the dude falling on the flashlight. Did you really, you know, and my first thought was, remember when we were watching, uh, we were watching those old commercials on, and then nonsense. Oh yeah. had The Duracell flashlight commercial. big ones Was it like that or was it like a mag light? You know, it was kind of like one of those cheap plastic ones, like old school cheap plastic ones you get for a couple bucks at Walmart. So yeah. And that is the news for tonight.
01:47:47
Speaker
That is the news that is news for everybody. We're going to go ahead and end it here just because I'm tired and it's been a long day and I know you're, you've had a long day as well. So thanks for watching. I do want to say one last thing to the lady out there that stopped me and asked me for directions. I hope you made it to where you needed to go. You asked a stoner and I was confused that you didn't have a smart phone in 2024.
01:48:17
Speaker
She pulls out her flip phone. You're like, let me see your phone. I'll send you a pin. What the fuck is this? She honks her horn to get my attention. I'm scared the shit out of me. I'm like, what did I do? That reminds me, I got one last story for tonight. and i don't know We got time. So there was a guy, he was a,
01:48:46
Speaker
He was a high school basketball coach in his heyday, now in his 80s. But in his heyday, he, and I can't remember his name, because I just kind of, you were talking about helping somebody in need. This guy, he was living in Florida, he was a basketball coach in his heyday, in his 40s and 50s, he was his basketball coach, and he never,
01:49:15
Speaker
He worked extra jobs so that if somebody wanted to play, he would make sure they had the equipment to play, yeah right? Well, when he reached his 70s and 80s, of course he retired and he his wife unfortunately got cancer. So on her cancer regimen, the doctor said, okay, you need to go pick up this new medicine porter. It's waiting for you. It's going to be $400.
01:49:44
Speaker
He's like, OK, that's fine. I got four hours. I'm going to stop by the bank. So he stops by the bank and the bank had a new policy that in order to confirm your identity, you had to have the app, which had like four different ways to confirm that it was you. Well, he was an old man and he only had a flip phone that he shared with his wife.
01:50:10
Speaker
And the bank manager, after 40 minutes, he's like, look, I gotta get to, I gotta life-saving medicine. I gotta get, you know, I just need the $400. I got, you know, 60 grand in in his bank. I've been banking here since I'm 20. And the bank manager eventually called security, had him kicked out. Oh, fuck. He's sitting outside and he's basically in tears. And somebody pulls up,
01:50:40
Speaker
And his daughter says, Dad, look at that old man.
Shaq's Act of Kindness
01:50:45
Speaker
He looks like he's ready to cry. So Shaq walks over to the guy and says, definitely old geek, Shaq's deep ass boys. And the guy explained what was going on. And Shaq said, why don't you come with me?
01:51:03
Speaker
They go in to check basically in the nicest way possible and in, you know, because Shaq is actually a super smart guy. And he basically said, you guys are a piece of shit. A, I'm moving all my money out of this bank. And B, I'm gonna help him move all his money out of his this bank if you can't help him today. And the main reason is like the this lady had only been in management for like two months But she was a stickler for the rules, which is why she got up to management. And yeah as she went, she had his account info in front of it. And he's like, he had stacks of papers proving that he's him. You know, he has VA card. He had his his driver's license. He had his insurance card. He had everything. And they basically said no. And he's got stuff from like 1980.
01:51:56
Speaker
sitting there saying, look, this is, you know, when I put this money in, you know, it's got everything's tax. And when she pulled up his account, it said this person has not verified that this is them on our app.
01:52:10
Speaker
um So by the time Shaq got there, there was a crowd because it's Shaq and the news vans were pulling up. Not only did the bank change their policy,
01:52:23
Speaker
ah the entire senior staff of the entire banking group was fired. Damn. And I think, I don't know exactly, but I think the bank has changed hands since then. But I saw that the other day on TikTok and I was like, that's fucked up. Oh, not to end everything on a down note. But Once again, I don't 100%. Actually, there's there's there is a story and it sounds similar. It's a it's a shack. It's just a little just a little snippet. I'm not going into it. Not a little later. Shaq won't spend a million dollars in just 30 minutes, which led to a much needed wake up call from his bank manager or some shit. I don't know what that's for. Oh, no. No, that's that's him spending too much money. No, Shaq actually is the the
01:53:24
Speaker
Only person in the world, he has the world record for spending more money in any Walmart in a single city. Oh shit. ah but But he had just been traded to Miami or you know, whatever. And he got there and all he had was like a duffel bag with his clothes in it. So he went into Walmart the next day and bought TVs. He bought everything on a single city.
01:53:53
Speaker
Yeah, and then it was it was like some crazy amount of money because he bought like nine TVs and you know DVD players he bought a whole bunch of DVDs, you know, he just going down the aisle just knocking shit into the cart. man but but Well, guys, yeah, it is that time. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. ah Next.
01:54:19
Speaker
There is no show tomorrow.
Conclusion and Engagement
01:54:21
Speaker
And so Friday, nonsense and chill, we were watching The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. We need to add- I dropped another mini review today, guys. I saw that. That's true. That's on our tiki-taki. I was not nice. You were not, dude. Like, I was like, I don't even want to be remotely look at this movie now.
01:54:43
Speaker
they can go check it out on TikiTacky. Go to TikiTacky, go to tickytacky check it out um bio.link slash nonsensical network, you can find all our links to all the stuff we do. ah And so till next time, find out to get in the news because we'll talk about you. Yes, or do it so we have something to talk about. Yeah, better yet do it. So you but make it funny and make it cool. So that we can have you on the show and then we'll interview about what you did.
01:55:12
Speaker
from jail or not. But that'd be fun. I'm just saying. Please, I need you kids on board.
01:55:23
Speaker
ah stuff Anyways, thanks everybody for watching. Thanks for listening. Have a wonderful night, everybody. Bye.
01:55:40
Speaker
Nonsensical network, different flavor every day Movie talks, new flicks, hidden in display Microphone magic, musicians spill the craze From reptiles to motorsports, burning rubber craze Football crashes, touchdowns, epic plays You spin it, caption on the urban stories we embrace
01:56:32
Speaker
nazis smoke the vo just right tune
01:56:43
Speaker
always on repeat