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How To Rewrite Your Life Story with Kelli Guidry
9 Plays1 year ago
Meet Kelli Guidry, a shining star in the real estate universe with over 20 years of industry excellence. Kelli's remarkable journey places her in the top 1% of realtors, boasting prestigious awards like the Million Dollar Producer and Multi-Million Dollar Producer, along with being named Best Real Estate Agent and Broker. She's a trailblazer, holding the title of Louisiana's first AI-certified realtor, pushing boundaries and pioneering innovation in the field.
Yet, Kelli is more than her accolades. She's your trusted confidante, your friendly neighbor, and your go-to expert in all things homes. Beyond real estate, she's a devoted mom and a dedicated friend, valuing the power of human connections.
When she's not masterfully navigating the world of real estate, Kelli unwinds with her family, embarks on exciting adventures, and generously gives back to her community through volunteer work.
Join us to learn more about Kelli behind the title of Realtor. In her podcast, she dives deep into some of the very struggles and pitfalls that have helped her breakthrough and help others, providing valuable insights and inspiration for all.
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Transcript
A Life-Altering Moment
00:00:00
Speaker
When I shared this, I think most people would probably be like, what? You got to what place? Because people don't see me as someone who could be that mental state of mind. I didn't think I could be that mental state of mind. But that rug got pulled from underneath me and any foundation or rubble that I thought I had broken, anything else that was remaining did.
00:00:29
Speaker
and it completely rocked my world.
Introduction to 'Finding My Best Self' Podcast
00:00:35
Speaker
Welcome to Finding My Best Self, the podcast that celebrates the extraordinary in every woman. Each week, your host Pam Rivett will share practical how-to advice, empowering you with strategies and insights to navigate life's complexities. We'll welcome inspiring guests, women who have defied the odds, transformed obstacles into opportunities
00:00:54
Speaker
and are redefining what success truly means. From navigating personal and professional challenges to celebrating triumphs in fitness, self-care, and beyond, we explore it all. Whether you're seeking motivation or a spark of inspiration, this is your sanctuary for empowerment. Authentic conversations.
00:01:10
Speaker
and a whole lot of real talk. So, lace up your sneakers, grab that cup of coffee, and let's embark on this journey together, exploring the lives of women who are making it happen, sharing both the struggles and the victories. Welcome to Finding My Best Self, where every episode is a step towards becoming the hero of your own story.
Meet Kelly Guidry: Professional and Personal Insights
00:01:33
Speaker
Hello and welcome to an episode of Finding My Best Self. Today, I have with me my very great friend, Kelly Guidry. Her and I have been friends for many, many years, and we are also in the business together. Kelly is a real estate agent, and I, as a mortgage lender, get to work with Kelly very often. We have grown together for many years.
00:01:58
Speaker
going through many, many of life's challenges and experienced all of the tears and heartache and happy and exciting times together as well. So thank you, Kelly, so much for coming in to sit with me today and chat. I know that you are going to inspire so many people today, being able to share your story with us. So introduce yourself just a little. Thank you so much for having me. And boy, have we come
00:02:27
Speaker
a long way, lots of life experiences. So Kelly Gidry located in South Louisiana, mom of three amazing kids. I have Jenna 17 Hunter who's 12 and Landon seven. Gosh, thank you so much for having me. And boy, have we gone through some life experiences. So yes, met in real estate. I am a real estate agent. I've been doing that for 18 and a half years.
00:02:56
Speaker
But I'm a mom of three kids, a girl and two boys, amazing humans that I have the pleasure of raising that they continue to inspire me and challenge me on the regular. And I'm excited to be here with you today. I am so excited to have you here. I really am.
Parenting Challenges Post-Divorce
00:03:19
Speaker
Kelly, I think today what I really want to chat with you about is
00:03:25
Speaker
how far you've come with parenting with the kids because that is something that I admire about you so much because I know that you do have the different age ranges in the kids and it's really hard to try to find that balance and parenting all the different ages because every child and girls and boys because they all need to be parented differently
00:03:49
Speaker
at different points in their life. So, and just recently in the last year or two, you did a really good job at working on how you went about handling certain situations that came up with the kids. And I'll let you tell a little bit more personally, you know, with your divorce and how you just really helped to ground them and
00:04:15
Speaker
bring them together and the little things that you do with the little notes and stuff, share that stuff because I think it's so amazing what you've done. I really do. Oh, okay.
Personal Growth and Parenting Reflections
00:04:24
Speaker
So I appreciate and receive those words because I think as moms, like there's times that we feel like, okay, yes, I did something right. I did a good job. They got it. And, um, but more often than not, it is, you know, beating ourselves up because we didn't do something right.
00:04:41
Speaker
And, or, or we feel like we're falling short in some way, shape or form. And yeah, so as we shoot this, right, it's, it's 2023, I've been super reflective on all things that this year has brought. And of that, you know,
00:04:59
Speaker
even what I'm thankful for. And I'm thankful for the peaks and valleys. I'm thankful for the highs and lows and that divorce. So 10 year marriage and divorce was finalized at the end of February of this year. And I, that like was an onset for me of really reestablishing
00:05:21
Speaker
who I was. And I know you asked me about the parenting, but I feel like I almost need to lay a bit of that foundation to get to answer the question that you ultimately asked. And as wives, as mothers, we are naturally, you know, nurturers. Although during that period of time of being married or in my mothering in those younger years, if you would have told me that I was a nurturer,
00:05:51
Speaker
I would have, you know, kind of laughed at you or like given you a crazy look because I didn't really feel like a nurturer. You know, I was kind of like the suck it up buttercup, let's move right on. And while I still have some of that in me, I can remember a business coach, you know, did a profile of me and I had a little check and she said, yeah, we see that in mothers. That's the nurturing. I said that little bitty thing right there because it wasn't much. So that divorce brought on
00:06:20
Speaker
really learning who I was again, right? And establishing what was the life going to look like that I was creating for myself and for the kids. And what was that going to look like? There were some things that during my marriage that I didn't love the way that I was showing up as a parent.
00:06:38
Speaker
I wasn't doing the very best that I thought that I could. Now some of that comes from because like I have no idea for example wise, I come from really young parents themselves and they were doing the best that they could, right? And so there wasn't much of a roadmap. And so I felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants without much of example of what to do or how to do it or how to show up. And my kids are spaced out. It's almost as though I have a pattern.
00:07:07
Speaker
They're all five years apart. So my youngest is seven. Then I have a 12 year old. Both of those are boys and then 17 year old girl. And so it is like, it's always at these different stages of life. Most recently, my joke is that I did not realize that I was putting myself in teenage years for a decade. A decade.
00:07:35
Speaker
So as soon as, like, my daughter kind of came out of some of that teenage way of being, right? That we all were. And, you know, I miss being a teenager. I knew everything. I thought I knew everything. But as soon as she kind of was coming out of that, then lo and behold, the next one is showing signs of that, you know, preteen. And I'm like, Oh, no, this is what I did. But in that,
00:08:04
Speaker
You know, I also think that with my first born and my daughter, she got the mom that was being molded, the one that was learning and growing. Gosh, it's almost like holding back tears, right? Because there were
Transformative Parenting After Divorce
00:08:23
Speaker
ups and downs over nights that we'd cry together and I'm like, I don't know what to do. And really figuring out life and how to mom and parent
00:08:34
Speaker
And then, and it's so amazing because like now today I see so much of her working through some, some traits that I pass along to her, right? That easily agitated or, or some things like that, right? Because that was how I parented because I didn't know any better. I was really,
00:08:57
Speaker
What's the word that I'm looking like? Immature keeps coming to mind, but it's not even that. Like it was just being unhealed and lacking awareness in that and not being able to identify certain feelings that I was having. And so maybe it was frustration with myself of not understanding or being aware, you know, situational awareness even, I guess is a good word to use.
00:09:25
Speaker
And then lo and behold, there comes my next one. And his personality is, you know, he's going to do great things. He should be a lawyer, but I don't want to put that on him because he likes to make his viewpoint heard and understood and will always rise to a challenge. So,
00:09:53
Speaker
You know, and in my first born, she is like so artsy. Gosh, I would love to see her like go into the arts because she's so incredibly talented. All my kids are whenever it comes to that. Like, it's amazing. It's something I was into when I was younger as well. And then then the youngest who the older two will tell you that like he can't do any wrong. He doesn't get in trouble. You know, and and some of that I think it's just because he has the best version of
00:10:23
Speaker
me as a parent and I was, you know, figuring it out with the first one and still had some figuring out to do with the second. And then, uh, by the time the youngest, I'm like, Oh, I got this. I understand. I'm a better mom because of it. And so after divorce, what that brought is a lot of emotions, right? For all of us, like me and their dad really had conversations about, you know, showing up the best that we can for the kids at any given time.
00:10:53
Speaker
And so we always do try with that in mind. During that time, it was rocky, it was re-establishing like what things looked like. It was really tough, gosh. Initially when I first got into my house and rebuilding the space because I really like, it was empty.
00:11:14
Speaker
It was cold and sterile feeling, right? It wasn't that homey feeling that we had all known in the family house. And it took a while for them to come around. And as a mom going through divorce and having to, my voice trembles as I talk about this, you know, it's like I can feel myself reliving some of it. But hearing them say like that it didn't feel like home,
00:11:45
Speaker
That was tough. Already I was gone from, I had my kids all the time. I saw them every day to this like seven and seven rotation where I wouldn't have them for seven days and I kind of felt lost. Like the house would be super quiet and you know, I didn't have them around. I didn't have the noise, the questions, the needing of, you know, people needing me.
00:12:13
Speaker
And then on the seven days that I'd have them, like they'd come back and they grew so much. Like I, I was watching it happen in front of my face. And that was so incredibly impactful and eye opening because when we were all in the family home and I was just in it and married and mom,
00:12:41
Speaker
I was running from things that I didn't even realize that I was running from. And my kids were collateral damage in that atmosphere. Like it was just, how do I escape what this is? And, and, and, and keep some level of
00:13:04
Speaker
sanity, I guess. I don't know. But in the meantime, driving myself insane and everyone else with it, right? Gosh, I was such a different person then.
Rebuilding Life Post-Divorce
00:13:17
Speaker
And so rebuilding what that looked like and what this new norm looked like for us and settling into that
00:13:25
Speaker
I used the time that the kids weren't with me to really think about what it is that I wanted to provide to them, right? And there are days that, oh my gosh, if you ask them, I still fall short, right?
00:13:37
Speaker
I think some of what you're talking about is, I turn back and I look because it's sitting on my table, but I had this thought come to me and I'm like, I'm thinking about the kids and yeah, I still message them and we still talk while they're not with me. But I think upon them about how great of a job that they did with this particular situation or
00:14:02
Speaker
how they showed up or the kind words that they said or you know the picture that they drew or the gift that they have that I want to make sure that I say it to them and because when we're all together and the weeks are really busy sometimes I'm not thinking about saying those things but I do think these amazing things about my kids and I want to make sure that they know it and so the only way that I or I don't know this thought came upon me and
00:14:30
Speaker
I went to Target and I bought these glass jars from like the dollar bin right that favorite little spot that everybody wants to go you always stop in and check out when you go to Target and and then I bought three different color notepads kind of like this and each kid has their different color and when they weren't with me I would and even when they were with me like it didn't matter but I started this as a way to
00:14:59
Speaker
kind of heal me in this new norm, but then also make sure that I was speaking life into them because while I'm really good at like, that's a superpower of mine is seeing something in someone and making sure I tell them and like really transferring that energy onto them. And what I realized is that
00:15:26
Speaker
while I was good at doing that, maybe I wasn't so great or really not that I wasn't so great, but that I wasn't doing that with my children. And so that was a pivotal point for me that I would write these little notes and I put them in there. And initially I didn't even tell them what it was, right? They just had these jars and I was just waiting. I was waiting for someone to ask me, what is that mom? And so my daughter was the first one.
00:15:50
Speaker
And so when I told her and she's like, huh. And it was nice to see, right? And I let each one of them at different times. They weren't necessarily in front of one another. It was just private conversations that we would have. But they each ended up discovering that they had these notes and these jars and
00:16:08
Speaker
And so they're able to pick it up and read it at any given time. The youngest would often, before he was reading too, like he'd come and sit in my lap and with the door like, okay mom, let's read some of these. And I always made sure to have some new ones whenever they would come to, you know, I almost said come to visit. When they came with me, it's not a visit.
00:16:34
Speaker
I also like had gotten a notebook and my son, I'll write in the notebook and like slide it under his pillow and then whenever he comes, you know, it's there and then he can either write me back or not. And I try to do some things like that on purpose just to make sure that
00:16:53
Speaker
in those moments where I'm lonely without them, that I am able to speak to them in ways that are sometimes difficult when we're in it, right? Whenever it's like weeks on and we have wrestling and soccer and tutor and, you know, the job and my career and all the things, supper bets and getting prepared for life. And so, yeah, that is something that I,
00:17:22
Speaker
I do with them, and hopefully it'll stick. Hopefully it'll be something that they look back on with really good memories of.
Balancing Co-Parenting and Emotional Management
00:17:31
Speaker
Yeah. I love your sticky notes. Actually, when you started that, I actually implemented it in my own house as well, because it's something that I do with my husband every day, and I've always done
00:17:44
Speaker
putting little notes in his lunchbox because I do pack his lunch every morning, but I never really did that for my kids. So when you said you were doing it for the kids, I was like, you know, I should do that too. And now my little one especially loves it. When I was doing it, she kept them and she literally had them all over the bathroom mirror. She did like a design with them and she'd go and fix them every day because that's where I would leave them on their bathroom mirror. And, and she even writes notes for me now sometimes and she'll come stick them on my bathroom mirrors. I actually have one that I kept because it was so sweet.
00:18:14
Speaker
what she wrote on there. So, but I also love Kelly, how you've changed and handled because
00:18:22
Speaker
Being in a divorce situation, co-parenting can be really hard sometimes. And it's really hard to communicate with the kids when issues come up between the two houses, whether it's on your end or their end, either way. And being able to handle those emotions that the kids are feeling in one situation or another is something that I very, very much admire about you and the way that you take that time to step back and think before you speak.
00:18:52
Speaker
whether it's to the kids or having a conversation with your ex-husband and just being able to really
00:18:59
Speaker
keep things, it's the word I'm looking for, not a level playing field, but to keep things happy between the two homes and with the kids. And it's just something that you, that you really do. You really do take that time to, it's just that, that process of sitting and thinking before you speak, before you try to parent the children or just have any sort of one-on-one conversation with them. I think that time
00:19:26
Speaker
to try and feel and understand what they're thinking and feeling before you say what you have to say. So that way you can come across in a way of understanding sometimes and not so much more as a friend, I guess, and not so much as a parent in some aspects when it's needed. I will say this. What you're talking about is part of how I grew myself.
Self-Awareness and Parenting Approach
00:19:56
Speaker
I used to say that like, if you did something to your hair or like change something about you, unless it was really drastic, I wasn't going to notice. And it wasn't because I didn't care, but because that level of awareness just wasn't there. I felt like I was bobbing underwater, like just barely keeping my head above water. And so to really see outside of that was very challenging. Whereas now,
00:20:26
Speaker
What's so great is like I have learned how to, and I think, I think in those moments, like I will, I didn't know how to feel myself. I didn't know how to feel feelings myself. Now I do look at what they might be going through. I do step back and actually the things that have made me really good in business, I've started to apply with my kids and my life and my family, which I,
00:20:54
Speaker
don't know why I didn't think about that before, but I didn't. And so then it was really having a 10,000 foot view of what it is that I want, right? How I want my kids to feel and how I want to make sure. So I speak life upon their dad in front of them.
00:21:13
Speaker
In fact, recently, my mom, there was a event for the company that she works for at the local park in Morgan City, Lincoln Park, and huge event. We look forward to going to that. We were all in the car. I just said, and gosh, it might've been about cooking, right? Their dad's a really great cook, or it might've been about
00:21:32
Speaker
you know, hunting or fishing or fixing something, something along those lines, right? And I was like, okay, well, I will say this, that is going to be something you should really make sure that you spend time and learn that from dad because he's amazing at that. Way better than mom is.
00:21:52
Speaker
And I just said that very naturally. Well, because he is, right? I've had to learn how to cook. I didn't know how to cook. I didn't even realize what I had done until afterwards. My mom would go drop the kids off after we had had our day. She dropped me off and dropped the kids off. And afterwards she called me and she said, Kelly, I just want to tell you, I thought that was so great that you did that with the kids. And I didn't even...
00:22:19
Speaker
It wasn't even something that I was It wasn't second nature right well It was intentional right because I I do purposely want to say those things I want them to remember me speaking really good about their dad because I'm a child of divorce I ended up in therapy because There were times that my parents didn't
00:22:43
Speaker
Speak highly of one another there were times that they they spoke through me to deliver messages or whatever and I
00:22:54
Speaker
want to take that experience that I had and make sure that I don't pass that on. Right? And so while it's intentional, the cool thing is, is that we can start off doing something intentional, but then it just becomes second nature. And it becomes where like, it's just part of us and who we're doing. And like, that is the amazing thing that once you learn that,
00:23:17
Speaker
You create that habit and you set that intention. You're very focused on making sure that you do that. You know me well enough that I self-correct my talk and have for many years now. I go to say something. I'm like, wait, no, let me reframe that.
Accountability and Personal Relationships
00:23:34
Speaker
And I reframe it in a way that is more suited for where I'm choosing to be and where I'm choosing to go and who I'm choosing to be, right?
00:23:47
Speaker
And so, yeah, it's important for me that my kids know that. Now, you've given me a lot of credit earlier too. And as you were doing that, I'm like, I don't know if you ask, you know, if you ask your dad, he might be like,
00:24:02
Speaker
That might not be the case. But I do try to show up as best I can with faults, and I'll earn my faults. I've gotten really good at, though, whether with their dad or my kids or anyone, really. If I have done something that I didn't show up very good, as a matter of fact,
00:24:26
Speaker
with you. Right? I just did this where I had an off day. And so I made sure to circle back to it. And I know it wasn't anything like really, you know, terrible, but I've taken such accountability of my actions and my words that even in something like with you, you and I were talking about something, something really great happened.
00:24:46
Speaker
For you and I was like not having a really great day. I was having actually a horrible day I was wondering if it was a full moon out during the day Like it was that much and I was just so like I can't do this with you This is what I need, but I'm really excited for you. I don't want my shitty attitude to To ruin the good that you have going on but I even circled back right because I was like I need you to know and thank you so much for being that in that space and time and so I
00:25:16
Speaker
I may show up in some kind of way, but I'm very much even, you know, my daughter before they left this Lasko round, there was some tension there, right? But before she thought I sat down and I was like, Hey, I really didn't like all of that. Right? That's not how I want to be with you. It's not how I want to show up. And so that was that part of me, them seeing my humanness,
00:25:43
Speaker
and trying really hard. Whereas there was a point in time where I really feel like I had a veil over my eyes and that I couldn't see things for what they truly are and what the true purpose of it was. I was so in the weeds with it. And instead of being like heart to heart and coming from that place of
00:26:08
Speaker
that nurture what really, and that's what I realized, like that's what, gosh, that's what was missing.
Kelly's Personal Evolution and Shared Experiences
00:26:16
Speaker
That's what I was meant to get reacquainted with. And I say reacquainted, but to find and to use that as my guide for where and who.
00:26:35
Speaker
I want to be. At the end of the day, I guess, again, because I know you so well, it's just the growth that I've seen.
00:26:44
Speaker
Not, I mean, obviously you as a person as well, you have grown as a person leaps and bounds since I first met you many, many years ago and grown in so many amazing, beautiful ways. But just in your parenting alone, I've seen so many changes. And I, again, I just, I commend you on the changes that you've made and the things that you've done and the practices that you've put in place at home, even when your kids are away from home that, you know, that
00:27:14
Speaker
It's just that awareness. It's being aware and being intentional in your thoughts and your words and your actions with them is so important. You know, I was trying to think because you just said that, like, how long has it been, right? We're 2023. How old were
00:27:33
Speaker
the kids when we met we were introduced in it wasn't long after we had moved back so it had to have been in 2008 or 9. Yeah, it's it's been like a while and I think that I and I just wanted to really wrap my head around that because we've experienced a lot of life you've experienced me as a as a young mom right still trying to figure out some things and then
00:27:58
Speaker
Yeah, through the other two because I don't even know had I'd had hunter yet I don't think I had my middle yet by that time because I didn't have him till 2011 so and then we were pregnant at the same time for the youngest two The younger two that we both have we were pregnant around the same time So yeah, it's been we both went through, you know being married in what's the word? I'm gonna look for divorces that had a lot of friction or marriages that had a lot of friction and
00:28:28
Speaker
and then went through divorces together and children, just a lot. There's been a lot of career changes or if not career changes, company changes and just a lot. A lot of life. A lot of life that has been lived. So we've seen and experienced a lot.
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00:28:52
Speaker
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Speaker
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Pivotal Moments and Sobriety Journey
00:29:52
Speaker
So I know I talked with you about this beforehand to make sure it was something that you were comfortable with sharing, but can you share the most pivotal moment that you feel that you've experienced in your journey thus far to finding your best self? Hmm. And so when you ask the question like that, there's several things that come to mind, but I'm going to speak about the one that is most recent because when I reflect back, it's so interesting because
00:30:19
Speaker
There are, there are these like benchmarks.
00:30:25
Speaker
that I can clearly identify as being something that was life-changing and for the good, for the bad, and just whatever. And everything that I go back and think of, it usually is something that rocked my world. Those pivotal changes don't come from when things are really great and it's easy.
00:30:53
Speaker
or even the little the little things that happen that you're like, well, man, that sucked, you know, but then you can just kind of pick up and move on. But there are and yes, so I should have said that that it your most recent pivotal moment, but there are those moments that we face all throughout life.
00:31:09
Speaker
when it's like, when you hit that hard Y, you know, that hard, like it's, you hear you all, like you just hit like, which way are you going? And they're like, you have no other option.
00:31:24
Speaker
So yeah, so I mean I had a couple of those I had that in my marriage which ultimately ended up leaving leading to divorce and so then there was already that of Going through and figuring out I really felt like my back was up against the wall and I blew everything up and that needed to happen, right? But in doing that I still didn't know exactly who I was and I still was
00:31:46
Speaker
figuring out that part and in this new life and with this new foundation that I was building I was very aware though that I Had broken up all the foundation that was there like every bit of it. It was you know rubble and It was my responsibility that like here's a clean box what are you gonna do with it and
00:32:11
Speaker
And I was still running a bit of like this hamster wheel rat race and some old programming that I had like held so tightly to at one point in time.
00:32:24
Speaker
I feel like in my old life that I was trying to impress that it was like this keeping up with and it's almost like I had elevated so much so in a way that wasn't healthy, almost like this ivory tower, forgetting who I was before that point in time in my life and almost trying to remove myself from who I once was or the trials and tribulations and the hardships and the
00:32:54
Speaker
poor decisions or experiences that I had at that time. And so I, you know, one of the things and what it is that, that you and I had kind of briefly spoke about, and I said, I'm going to share my story. I'm now like 19 months sober. And all of that came about, there was a point in time in my life where, you know, I drank often and I mean, shoot, I've worked in bars, you know, in my lifetime or shot girl or,
00:33:24
Speaker
everything, even getting into real estate, like I moonlighted as a bartender. That's how I met my kid's dad. That's how, you know, went on and our journey had started with everything. And, and towards the end, and, you know, even with the littlest, I was struggling. I really didn't want, I wanted to let that part of me go. And, but sometimes I would still, and it was just this dance got divorced and, you know, that, or well, I wasn't even divorced yet. Oh, that's right. And,
00:33:53
Speaker
but I had set off on this journey and I wasn't really drinking very much. Like if we took, I was separated, but if we took like a whole 12 month period, if I drank 90 days out of that entire 356 days in a year, that's it. So it's not like it was something I was doing very much or anything like that, but I had this instance
00:34:20
Speaker
that happened that landed me in jail. I woke up in jail and I wasn't quite sure what had happened. It was as though someone took the book of my life, my story, ripped out a page and said, here, you can have it back, but you'll never know what happened that day. And that was so scary.
00:34:50
Speaker
to wake up in a place that I had been arrested for in my younger years. So it's not like I hadn't been in that place before, but I was so far removed from that girl who had done that.
00:35:12
Speaker
then as I'm getting ready to like figure out like I couldn't even figure out anyone to call because the numbers in my mind like were jumbled and the only number I could remember was my exes and I was like, I'm not doing that. And and my grandmother and I wasn't calling her either. And so
00:35:30
Speaker
But I woke up and what ultimately happened is I got a DWI and it was so life changing on so many different levels. Like one, I, I had so much guilt and shame over the fact that I had done that. And then I had no recollection of what even happened. Like,
00:35:55
Speaker
Even, you know, I asked my attorney, I'm like, can I read the report? Can we get the report? And he's like, are you sure? And I did because it's like I was trying to piece together and still all this time, it's a blackout memory. And that scared me. The next days after I was released and made it back home, I was in such a dark place. And again, this is,
00:36:23
Speaker
I'm separated. I'm trying to figure out this new life. I got this house. My kids are coming over. They're telling me that it doesn't feel like home. This is an icky time in life. I'm trying to figure out who I am. What do I do? Really, it's the first time in my life that I'm really, truly on my own. There is no parent or husband or someone helping me.
00:36:51
Speaker
doing life with me or my safety net. And I came home and like I was contemplating.
00:36:59
Speaker
suicide. And I would have totally done it a very chicken way. I had previously set off some carbon monoxide inside of my house after changing out a stove. And so I just kept thinking that's what I'm going to do. I'm just going to make that happen again. I'm going to take a nap. I'm not going to wake up. My kids deserve better. They don't deserve me. And fortunately,
00:37:25
Speaker
When I share this, I think most people would probably be like, what? You got to what place? Because people don't see me as someone who could be that mental state of mind. I didn't think I could be that mental state of mind. But that rug got pulled from underneath me and any foundation or rubble that I thought I had broken, anything else that was remaining,
00:37:54
Speaker
did and it completely rocked my world. So then I had to figure out what that looked like and rebuilding that
00:38:03
Speaker
And so fortunately I didn't make the decision to do anything stupid. And I had some really great people that were putting my path to have conversations with and they're like, Kelly, it's a DWI. Calm down. Like this is, yes, you know, you could have hurt somebody, right? I don't recommend it, but the fact of the matter is that I didn't hurt anyone other than myself. And it was a huge wake up call for me. And, and then the blessing was that, you know, I hadn't hurt anybody and that
00:38:33
Speaker
I was granted this opportunity to really look at this instance and decide what am I going to do with it?
Positive Changes Through Sobriety
00:38:44
Speaker
And it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I didn't set off to say like, I'm never drinking again. I just knew that I was a different person whenever I drank.
00:39:00
Speaker
And I was committed to figuring out who I was without it at all, because I didn't do it that much anyway. And what I learned through that is that the things that I thought alcohol gave me, right? Because I had already worked off of not being the person who had a rough day and is like, oh, can't wait to get home and have a glass of wine. I hadn't been that person for a very long time. So I had already worked through that part.
00:39:29
Speaker
But there were times that it was almost like, well, you know, I haven't done that in a while, so let me go and partake, right? But I would start drinking and like I have no off switch. And then I'm, you know, short and small, but I'm feisty in that, you know, I drink that and I think that I'm invincible and
00:39:50
Speaker
I'm going to see the sun come up and then I'm going to pay for it for two days later." And I already was in a point where like when alcohol was in my system, those next days getting it out, my body would shake. Like that, I thought it was alcoholics who drink every day and detox from it that that happens. No, no, no. No, no, no.
00:40:10
Speaker
No, that was a clear signal to me of like, that is poison. My body sees it as poison. And so why, if I loved myself, would I do that to myself and then end up with a result like I did, right? And so this is my personal journey. Sometimes I feel like when I tell people that I don't drink, they're like, oh, you know, and that I feel some kind of way. Everyone gets to make their own decision for what's good for them. This is what
00:40:39
Speaker
what my experience was with it. And I wanted to figure out who Kelly was who just didn't have a drink. And so then I started doing some things that like I realized that I was fun. I could be in a party or like social atmosphere and whether it was conferences that I went to that they had these welcome nights or these like wrap up parties or whatever.
00:41:06
Speaker
and I could go and do that and have my like water and lime and you know, I'd add it in there because it made me feel good. It wasn't really about anybody else, but it was just, you know, it made me feel good to kind of feel like I was like festive and doing whatever. But then I was tired when everyone else was tired and I wanted to go to sleep when everyone else wanted to go to sleep. And then the next day I felt great and everyone else may have felt differently, but I felt great, right? And that was,
00:41:35
Speaker
Awesome. And I was fun and I was clear headed and I was able to start seeing things really as they were. And then I even did some things like, you know, I might slip into a bore and go sing karaoke sober. So talk about getting outside of the comfort zone.
00:41:54
Speaker
Yes that's different i had never done that before i feel like in my entire life except for when i was a little girl and so i. All of a sudden was doing some things that you know little kelly enjoyed doing but.
00:42:09
Speaker
lost Kelly and insecure Kelly and, you know, all of that kind of lost sight of and would numb with distractions. So that I think has been the most pivotal thing. It then led me into 19 months. You know, last night, yesterday I ran into somebody at the grocery store. They're like, you should come over. We can have wine. And I was like, well, I don't have wine, but I'm happy to come over. You can have wine. I'll have my little drinks. And we can certainly do that.
00:42:37
Speaker
And they were like, oh, you don't drink. And so I did the math. And I was like, oh, 19 months. Because it's not as though it's at the top front of my mind, at the forefront of, oh, on this day, I make this many months. And on that day, I make this many months. And if that works for people, then that's great. For me, it's not that. And now, I haven't had a drink in so long that the thought of it, I'm scared.
00:43:05
Speaker
I don't want to feel bad and it would probably taste gross and it would probably make me feel awful. And so now I'm just so far removed from it that even though I could, I really don't want to. I have no desire for that. And so that I would say has been my most pivotal and was so incredible about it. And this is advice that I had
00:43:30
Speaker
picked
Resilience and Personal Accountability
00:43:31
Speaker
up on. It wasn't necessarily given to me, but it was just a story that was shared with me that I took this from is that the most dangerous place to be is to remove ourselves from something really terrible and tragic that happened in our lives. Like so for me, going back to that space, going back to that, that day of morning of waking up and not knowing like, why am I in here? Why am I,
00:44:00
Speaker
you know, now about to use the bathroom in front of these other people. Why am I about to go see a judge? And like, I don't even have my own rights. Like what happened in that day and everything about that day, like leading up to that incident, nothing went like it was supposed to that day. And it wasn't like I was going out to do like nothing happened like it was supposed to, but everything happened just like it was supposed to in the bigger picture of things. So I'd have to say that's been my most pivotal.
00:44:30
Speaker
Hey, I'm proud of you for talking about that and opening up and being so vulnerable because that is something that's very personal and it's hard to share and talk about those things, especially so publicly. So I'm proud of you for speaking about it. I'm proud of you for coming through that. I'm proud of you for still being here because obviously suicide and having those kinds of thoughts is something that
00:44:59
Speaker
no one should ever have to face. And unfortunately, myself, I know what that's like. So it's something very hard to pull yourself out of and to come out so much better on the other side, because when you do hit that roadblock, it is your choice. What are you going to do? And either you can continue to spiral or you can make the choice to be and do better. And you've clearly made the choice to be and do better in so many ways.
00:45:29
Speaker
professionally, as a parent, as a woman, in every aspect of your life, you've grown so much. And so I'm proud of you. I'm very, very proud of you. And so blessed to have you as a friend, because not only have I seen you grow, but even through your growth, you've also been able to be that, you know, that confident, confidant and companion and
00:45:54
Speaker
mentor and coach and friend and everything that I've needed for my own personal growth. So even through all of the hard times that you've gone through and all of the things and trying to navigate your own life, you've still been there for me as a friend and everything else that I needed to. So thank you for always.
00:46:13
Speaker
for being who you are because I love you so much. Well, thank you. I receive all of that. I receive all of that. Absolutely. And I'm really grateful for our friendship. The one thing that I...
00:46:25
Speaker
learned through that experience as well was even though there were some amazing people along the way, right? People that I would share with that kind of snapped me out of like, Hey, it's just a DVI, like you can bounce back from this. This isn't like, and that's just it, right? Things that happen to us that sometimes we think we can't bounce back from.
00:46:45
Speaker
There were people, there were lights and there were beacons along the way that I'm certainly grateful for. However, there was no one else but me that could pull me out. There was no one else but me. And I think that was my biggest lesson through all of it. And my blessing also that I take with me moving forward that at any point in time, whenever
00:47:09
Speaker
things seem unsettled whenever I feel like it's about to spin out of control. And when I say that, it could just be that, you know, that, that feeling like you're on a hamster wheel, like you're being pulled in all these different directions and you know, it's just, it's out of control. Like, Oh my gosh, how do I, how do I stop this? That's whenever I know that
00:47:28
Speaker
I'm not focused on what really matters and that's whenever I have to withdraw. I go in deep or deep right this past weekend. I spent time journaling. Do I do it all the time? No, I don't do it all the time. I wish I could say I'm firing on all cylinders and all days. I'm simply not.
00:47:47
Speaker
I know that was one thing we talked about was like, how do you balance it all? I don't feel like there's really something. I don't believe in balance. I don't think that there's balance. I think that there are days that you feel like, OK, great. I'm going to take on the world. And there's other days that you don't. And I make sure that I have rigged my environment for setting myself up for success when I feel like both. And with that, I knew that.
00:48:15
Speaker
I've taken that lesson in blessing, right? So this past weekend, like I spent time journaling because I felt like everything was just like on that hamster wheel going in all the different directions.
00:48:26
Speaker
And I needed to call my energy back to me. I needed to get quiet with my thoughts. So I cleared my space, made sure that the space that I was in was a place that it really felt good to be in. And you know, it's the season right now, the Christmas season. And so I had my like dim lighting for my Christmas tree and the candles burning that had all the warm, cozy sense. And I sat down and
00:48:52
Speaker
I had meditation music playing in the background and just that really good spa-like vibe and sat with my
Power of Self-Awareness and Positive Self-Talk
00:49:00
Speaker
thoughts. And that can be a challenging thing to do, to quiet yourself, to sit with that. The more you do it, the easier it gets, of course. But there's times that I still have to redirect, right? All of a sudden that squirrel comes in and, oh, wait. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. This is what I'm doing because I am my most important
00:49:22
Speaker
task. I am what I am, who I am, how I'm showing up, where I'm going, who do I need to be in order to achieve the goals that I have set forth. And I've learned that no one else is going to be happy around me. And no one else can fulfill what it is that I need to fulfill for myself. And when I take the time to step back, then I show up better for my kids, for my team, for my friends, for my family, for everyone
00:49:53
Speaker
It's really good. It's good lessons, the peaks, the valleys, the highs, the lows, like that is all of what this year has been. And yeah, it's good. Yeah. It's just, it's, it's all, it's just taking the time again to recognize and acknowledge the thoughts and the feelings that you're having and then, you know, deciding which route you're going to go, whether they're good feelings and you're going to continue to feel, or if they're not so great feelings, it's just, it's the recognizing this,
00:50:22
Speaker
Recognizing is the, that's to me, that's the hard part is to, that's to, to, to learn how to do that, to learn how to recognize the feelings that you're having and to understand when you need to take the time to stop.
00:50:39
Speaker
And then doing the journaling and getting down to the bottom of the thoughts, that's hard at first, in my opinion. It was hard at first, just because I had never journaled before. So it's that, what do I do? What do you even do the first time that you pick up a journal? And I say, I'm going to journal my thoughts like, dear diary. I think of a little kid with a book. And so once you get in a groove, though, of doing that and those first couple of times that you do it,
00:51:07
Speaker
That to me just becomes like a second nature and it becomes very easy, but it's that to recognize the thoughts or the actions or the feelings that you're having and to say, okay, hold on. I need to take a minute. I need to- So with that, I had a mentor once tell me it's about holding the mirror up, right? Because no one else can make you feel any kind of way.
00:51:32
Speaker
And so it's in stopping and holding the mirror up, right? What did that trigger in me? What did? Because everything that's happening outside is your perception and your perception only. And so holding that mirror up does an incredible job of really bringing about that awareness and how you called it, like recognizing those things.
00:51:52
Speaker
One thing that I caught myself doing is I used to have a lot of negative self talk, a lot. And you know, you know what I'm talking about? Like whenever you are walking and then all of a sudden you stumble and you're like, Oh my gosh, I'm always so clumsy. Those I ams are so dangerous. You think that it's not.
00:52:11
Speaker
It's so dangerous. And now, what's so incredible, and notice how I said I caught me, because I catch me doing some really great things often. And I'm like my biggest hype girl. So I'm like high fiving myself inside my head, sometimes out loud. But even I had, I was the last company I worked for, I was going to be training at our state meeting on, you know, AI things and
00:52:39
Speaker
And in it, I had my computer set up, and I had notes. And my notes were like, keep it simple, sis, and you've got this, and just whatever. And what I realized as I wrote those things is that I'm often, my self-talk now, is often giving me kudos for things that I did. And when I do something that I'm like, oh, wait, not like that, I'm noticing it without judgment.
00:53:09
Speaker
Right. I'm telling myself like, Oh no, not like that. But the very thing that I do well as a friend, cause that is something right. That I do well as a friend, like you can come to me and there's never any judgment. I'm not judging you. I am like here for you. I will love you with some accountability and I will speak to you in a way of like, what about this side of the rubix? But it's never with judgment. Right. And so it's that safe space. And so I've gifted myself that as well.
00:53:38
Speaker
that when something happens and it didn't go the way that I wish it would have, and I could have done something different or tried something different, that's how I look at it. So I come from a place of curiosity, even with myself, and I've been embracing that humanness. And so those are the things. But I didn't wake up and get this point. I didn't go get a DWI and then get to this point.
00:54:04
Speaker
this has been a lifelong commitment that I've made to myself. And I've failed many, many, many times. And I like to call it failing forward, right? And so I have taken those things and like, I make sure that I put things in my environment, how I said, you know, like I'm rigging my environment. So whether or not it's the music that I'm listening to and look,
00:54:29
Speaker
My kids like to listen to all their music, and I get down with it, too. But there's times where I can even feel, right? My son has some of this music that he listens to, and it feels heavy in my heart. And so we do it for a little bit, right? And then I'm like, OK, mom needs a break, right? And I flip it into something else, because I do believe that those little things that we don't even realize, right? There was certainly music we were growing up to when we were teenagers that
00:54:59
Speaker
We're not giving us the best correct fuel for our soul and our purpose but we thought it was cool and that's what it was, you know, and and that's what we really got into but Rigging my environment and and then all of a sudden catching myself in saying these things to myself that are just uplifting and that aren't negative anymore and so now
00:55:24
Speaker
Granted, I do real estate.
Empowering Women and Community Building
00:55:27
Speaker
That was another thing. I used to think it was my identity. It's not my identity. Oh gosh, and it's been so nice to realize that that's not my identity. I love what I do, and I'm fortunate to have that, but it's not who I am. It's not the only conversation that I know how to have.
00:55:44
Speaker
And I really enjoy when I'm having conversations that are something completely opposite of what it is that I do for a living, right? And these heart-to-heart connections that like ignites me and fuels me in a way. And so even it's why I created our night. We had our ladies' night in, right? That enchanting night.
00:56:08
Speaker
and very soulful night and bringing about something together like that and bringing that forward. And because I have been so incredibly blessed with this awareness, with this positive self-talk, I've taken something that was, you know, most people. In fact, I had a dear friend who's known me for decades that, that commended me and said,
00:56:38
Speaker
You, like the past that I had, you turned your life around and you changed, like you completely flipped the script in the place that you grew up in.
00:56:51
Speaker
Like most people have to move away and go recreate themselves. You did that. I recreated myself and I've had so many different versions of Kelly. I like to call this one Kelly 2.0 and I'm embracing all things Kelly 2.0. This has been the best version of myself and that's been the most incredible thing. And so I feel like it's now my purpose to make sure that all of this that I learned and all of this that I shared,
00:57:19
Speaker
that I bring some incredible people that I have the honor of knowing together to share some of these things, right? You and I have this heart to heart and we are on this like very uplifting and parallel journey. And then these other incredible people that I come into contact with are as well and like being able to bring you ladies together and to have that night, right? Everybody in the group is already like, well, we're doing it again. Is it too soon to ask?
00:57:47
Speaker
And that just confirms for me how much that's needed and how much it's my responsibility now to share that my story and all that that is with the world, the world that I can impact, right?
00:58:04
Speaker
Correct. And that's part of what this podcast is for Kelly is because women need other women because we don't have it enough. And I think people hold back and hold in so much because they feel like no one else understands or no one else has been there or they don't have anyone to talk to or have anyone to relate to. And that's so unfair. That's so unfair in life to not or to feel like
00:58:34
Speaker
You don't have someone and I feel that, you know, even if it's through a podcast and if it's not even a one on one, but so women can have that story that they can relate to in some way, shape or form to know that they're not alone.
00:58:48
Speaker
is what means everything is to be able to bring women together. And I do want to, and this is, I'm going to want to go back just a tad before we close up because I, you know, have one more question for you that I want to end off with, but I do want to bring up because we were talking about the whole no drinking thing.
Sober Lifestyle and Self-Celebration
00:59:06
Speaker
every time I tell someone about our drinks that we like, they're like, I didn't even know this existed. So I want to share, and this is not sponsored in any way, shape or form. I am going to talk about it because I believe in them and love them so much. And I know we drink different ones. So
00:59:25
Speaker
For anyone who has quit drinking, or maybe wants to quit drinking, or maybe just wants to cut back on drinking, or if you just want to try them just for fun. There are many types of non-alcoholic beverages out there, many different brands, but I know that we've tried so many of them at this point and kind of picked out our favorites. I personally like the Hiyos, H-I-Y-O,
00:59:50
Speaker
and they have a few different flavors. They're filled with nootropics and adaptogens and something else. So it is a non-alcoholic seltzer that helps to just kind of make you feel
01:00:06
Speaker
I guess it's that chilled out feeling just that, you know, how do we equivalent we say maybe like having a glass of wine after drinking like one or two of them just that that feeling not not a sensation of having a buzz or being drunk or anything like that. It's just that it's very relaxing.
01:00:23
Speaker
So I like to call it sober conscience, conscious, right? Because there's most certainly some people that are like toying with the idea or like they just want to be more conscious about what's happening with that. I know for me, my favorite is Euro. I hope I'm saying that right. It's Y-O-R-O. They're actually, you know, from the New Orleans area and there's two of them. One's called surf and one's called surge. So the effects are a little bit different.
01:00:50
Speaker
very bubbly. The ginger pineapple or pineapple ginger is the one that I like and that's the surf. So for me, it takes about three and then there's some sort of like herb in there. It has the nootropics and the adaptogens in it as well. And redolio or I don't even know how to say it, but for three, all of us, like after I have three, I get a little bit more relaxed and giddy. Like I just kind of laugh and I don't know if it's like the placebo effect or if it really is what's in there.
01:01:20
Speaker
But I like it. I also like Little Saints, but I love just playing around with the different flavors and the different brands and I've tried hot water and there's all kinds of them out there I you know Instagram and all that hear me and so they like constantly put different brands in front of me to try There's one apothecary that I like really it's been you know on my radar to try as well So yeah, I think there's a great
01:01:46
Speaker
And even at our, you know, my women's event that I did and hosted recently, had several different versions out for everyone to try. And they were just like, I've never heard about this. Didn't even know this was a thing.
01:01:58
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, it, it just, it sometimes I put my drinks in like a wine glass to be fancy and it's not to like imitate that, but the one thing that I learned for a while, I used to be like, Oh no, don't do that. Don't use this. Do that only on a special occasion was like today's a special occasion. I'm a big deal. I want to feel fancy right now. Right. And so I'm going to drink my, you know, my, my,
01:02:25
Speaker
Euro non-alcoholic beverage out of a fancy wine glass because I can write that kind of energy that kind of flipping around Yeah, and all that does something like it's almost like just reaffirming to me how special I am you know to me and it's just that that love that energy that energy and love that I can create within myself and Sometimes I feel like I'm a care bear
01:02:53
Speaker
With my light shining out onto people You know because I just love where things are at and going and even on the hard days on the You know things I really just look at life at like, okay. What is it trying to teach me right now? This is just you know, it's just a moment. It's not It's not it's not forever and something is gonna be learned. I'm gonna take something from this Correct. There's always a lesson in it. There's always a lesson. Yeah
01:03:23
Speaker
All right.
Being the Woman Beyond the Cape
01:03:24
Speaker
So before we close out, I have to ask my one question that I'm going to ask at the end of every interview. I'm going to make everyone answer this question because I love it so much. What does finding my best self, the woman beyond the Cape mean to you? What does it mean to be the woman beyond the Cape? I really think that it's just a lot of what I talked about understanding that I'm human.
01:03:54
Speaker
loving me and all my humanness and being very introspective on creating that love and energy that I needed.
01:04:08
Speaker
when I was a little girl or a teenager or these different phases of life that I didn't feel like I was receiving or maybe in how I was showing up, I wasn't even showing up for my own self in those moments. And so that level of awareness and being able to generate all that it is that I need
01:04:28
Speaker
to go out there and perform on at high levels in different aspects of my life and and to show up right and just really in all that humanness and instead of
01:04:42
Speaker
thinking that there's some sort of like bar or standard or totem pole that somebody else is holding up that I need to be, I'm just not. I'm not very traditional. What does it mean to be the woman behind the cape? It means that as long as I can look myself in the mirror and I can be happy with the woman that stands there before me, that's what it means to me. That's what I'm striving for. That's great.
01:05:12
Speaker
I love you so much.
Conclusion and Motivational Message
01:05:14
Speaker
Thank you so much for being on my podcast with me and being my first interview. I guess I'll say that this is my first interview podcast. So thank you so much. And I'm going to say it again. I am so incredibly proud of you. I am so blessed to have you in my life and to call you my friend. So thank you for being here.
01:05:36
Speaker
I love you, Pam, and thank you so much for having me. I wish you the best of luck. I know you're going to do amazing things, and I'll be tuned in. Cheering you on. Thank you. I love you. Love you. As we wrap up another episode of Finding My Best Self, I want to extend a heartfelt thank you for joining us today. You being here makes the journey much more meaningful. Remember, every step you take, no matter how small, is a leap towards discovering and nurturing your best self.
01:06:04
Speaker
If you found value in today's episode, please feel free to subscribe to the podcast. Your subscription helps us reach and inspire more amazing women like you. And if you could take a moment to leave us a review, it would mean the world to us. Your feedback not only supports our growth, but also helps other women find this empowering space.
01:06:21
Speaker
Don't forget to share this episode with a friend, family member, or fellow hero in your life. Every share spreads a little more empowerment and inspiration. And for an extra dose of motivation and community support, don't forget to sign up for the VIP list for MBS Fitco. By joining, you get exclusive access to our premium versatile activewear and fitness essentials, carefully designed to inspire and accompany you on your self-care and fitness journey. Follow us on our social channels too for daily inspiration and a peek into our latest collections.
01:06:48
Speaker
you'll find all the details and links in the show notes. Joining our VIP list is more than just a subscription. It's your entry into a world where fitness and self-care are celebrated, and every step towards wellness is cheered on. So until next time, keep shining, keep striving, and keep celebrating the extraordinary woman you are. Thank you again for tuning in to the Finding My Best Self podcast, where every story is a step towards finding your hero within. We'll catch you next time.