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Mindset, Self Worth & Resilience in Business & Life Ft. Olivia Carr
2.9k Plays1 year ago
I just know my Pass Around the Smile community is going to love this chat with the ever so inspiring, relatable and refreshing, Olivia Carr.
Olivia Carr is a Storyteller, Best Selling Author, Business Mentor & Founder of company, Shhh Silk. She’s an inspiring business woman who tells all in her latest book, Self Made. Olivia’s business advice is refreshing - because while it’s practical and honest she also believes that the foundation of any successful business, or happy life - is your mindset. Olivia’s advice isn’t just helpful within the realms of business, her story is so inspiring no matter what you’re working toward or manifesting. In February, I had the pleasure of attending a live book launch with Olivia for her debut book and I left feeling excited and inspired - and I know you will feel the same after this episode.
In this chat we cover the topics you LOVE! We chat about manifestation, self worth, limiting beliefs - and Olivia opens up about her childhood hardships which gave her the resilience and strength which has helped her create so many opportunities within her business and life purpose.
I especially love Olivia’s advice on choosing the hard door… since this chat with Liv and after reading her book, I’ve had many realisations about how I have been making excuses, playing small and not honouring who I am and what I deserve, resulting in me choosing easy doors. I just know the shifts I am making after this realisation are going to make all the difference in what I am manifesting - and I’m EXCITED!
View Olivia's Website Here
And find her Instagram here!
View my website here! (My very own oracle cards, journals, meditations + more magical stuff available!)
Join my Facebook community group here!
Find me on Instagram here! @passaroundthesmile @cleomassey
The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
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Transcript
Introduction and Host Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before. Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin.
Guest Introduction: Olivia Carr
00:00:31
Speaker
Hello, I have an amazing guest for you guys today. Olivia Carr is her name and she is a storyteller, best-selling author, business mentor, and founder of company Sh silk. She's really inspiring. She's a business woman who tells all in her latest book, self-made, and her business advice is just so refreshing because while it's practical and honest she also believes that the foundation of any successful business or happy life is your mindset.
Inspiration and Personal Growth Stories
00:01:00
Speaker
Olivia's advice isn't just helpful within the realms of business, her story is so inspiring no matter what you're working toward or manifesting.
00:01:08
Speaker
In February I had the pleasure of attending one of her live book launches for her debut book and I really did leave just feeling so excited and inspired and I know you will feel the same after this episode so let's get into it. Hello Olivia and welcome to the Pass Around the Smile podcast. I am so excited it's very rare these days that I take kind of seven or eight o'clock morning kind of chats but you are one that I was like no I'm so ready for this the sun's shining and the other thing let's do this. Oh, it's a good day. And we were just chatting. This is my first proper podcast back since having my baby. So being ready at 8am. Wow. That was a struggle. But here we are. It's just meant to be. Yeah, you've done it. I did. I did wonder if she was going to make an appearance. I'm like, I love kids. yeah Oh, maybe she can at the end. She's with mum and dad at the moment, but I reckon she can come on in. How could a grandparents
00:02:02
Speaker
Oh, the very best. Literally the best. Like, I don't know what I'd do without them. Yeah. So nice. Oh my gosh. So I've just done a little
Overcoming Self-Doubt and Challenging Paths
00:02:12
Speaker
intro on you. So my beautiful community know a little bit about you, but I wanted to jump right into, so in February, I kind of came to one of your book launches for your latest book. And it's called Self Made, by the way. And it was such an inspiring night. You kind of just talked through your story, which we'll do today. um But I left feeling so inspired and excited. And I was walking out and I said to my mom and the friends that I was with, oh, I loved everything about Olivia. I loved everything that she said. I really want to get her on the podcast. I'm going to email her tomorrow. And my mom and my friends were like, Cleo, she's right there. Like, go and ask her.
00:02:56
Speaker
And I was like, no, oh my gosh, like, no way. Like, she's just, you know, she's just done this incredible speech. I was like kind of fangirling and you had all of these people lining up to talk to you. And I was like, no, I'm just going to email her to tomorrow. And my mum was like, Cleo, she literally just talked for like an hour. And one of the biggest topics that you talked on, Liv, was taking the hard road. yeah not the easy road. And I was so inspired and I was like, I'm going to do this. But what I realized when I was walking out was I was going to do this in a way that suited me, that was still comfortable to me. But that is not the point. So I was like, you know, heavily pregnant at the time I was feeling sick and I was using that as an excuse. No, no, no, I'll just email her.
00:03:42
Speaker
And my mum and friends literally stood at the door and were like, go back and talk to her. And I was like, oh, I was like a little kid. I knew they were right. So of course I came back. I talked to you. You were so lovely and amazing. You were so excited to come on the podcast. And I felt so proud after, but I thought, Cleo, you were so quick to doubt yourself, to jump to your limiting beliefs of, you know, not being good enough. Why would she want to talk to me? Like all of those things. but then I actually took your advice of taking the hard door. And now we're having this lovely conversation that wouldn't have happened if I had just emailed you because you would have missed it. You wouldn't have known who I was. So the hard door, can we just start talking about the hard door versus the easy door and then feel free to just jump into your story as well. Cause your story is just so inspiring. Yeah. And before I jump into that, I have to tell you that from my side, it's so interesting how we have like this, I guess, perceived idea of people
00:04:40
Speaker
at times like, you know, will she be interested or whatever. And when I say I rarely get up these days for a seven or eight o'clock podcast, that's purely because my world's changed, which we're going to talk about today. And I no longer control my own diary, which is the first time in nine years of having a business that someone else manages my diary. And she's very strict with what goes in and out due to burnout and all the things which we'll touch on, but yours got in there.
Daily Decisions for Growth and Manifestation
00:05:04
Speaker
And I know why it got in there because one, Like what you do day to day with pass around the smile could not be more aligned to, I guess, the core of who I am. Like I'm such a believer in like manifestation, positivity, good energy, good vibes, all the things. And this morning my son was getting ready for school and I was like, mate, you need to be out of the door by eight because I need to connect with Cleo. He's like, oh, you're doing like, and he knows I'm, I rarely do these in the morning anymore. And I was like, yeah, mate, she's all about like the good vibes. And he's like, okay, I got it. It's funny because for me, I'm like my energy, I'm like so excited for this chat. So I'm so glad you came and spoke to me, but yeah, that the easy door, the hard door, it's a really interesting one. And I don't want anyone who's listening to this to think that if you choose at times to take the easy door, that that that's a bad thing.
00:05:56
Speaker
Um, because, you know, I'll admit that there's times where I take the hard door more often than not. So, I dunno, it's, and the hard door really is making a decision ultimately. And every single day, really in every moment that if you really consciously think about this, we're just faced with decision after decision. And often we just sort of by habit, we just go about life and we're not really conscious to the decisions we're making because a lot of them aren't that hard. But when you sit back and think about it, there will usually be one or two things in a day still that could be considered you're taking the easy door. So an example might be today. I really know that for me, for my mental health, after this chat, the best thing to do would be to put my runners on and go for a walk along the beach before I get to work. And that's today, it kind of would be the hard door because my mind will be like, oh, but I'm already doing this call. I really need to get into work. The team will be in by 9.30, then it's going to make me late.
00:06:50
Speaker
And all the excuses are all the valid reasons, but this all happens and you're not really consciously thinking about it. But the hard door for me would be like, no, actually take the walk. And then the funny thing is on the other side of the hard door, there's always growth and it's always usually a better option for you as a soul and as a, as a human. yeah I think in my book, I talk a lot more about the really hard door. So things like this comes up a lot when I talk. If we took if we look about relationships, I mean, I'm so I'm writing my second book called Self Love, which is the connection back to yourself. And that's a long journey. I don't know how long it's going to take me to write because I'm I'm on the journey and will never end. wow But relationships, I think a lot of women um and I say women only because I haven't had much experience of men sharing this with me.
00:07:40
Speaker
A lot of women will listen to me talk and it can be about work or it can be about these hard door theories. And a lot of women will often come to me and actually one did come to me the night that you were at my talk, a lady in her fifties and she said, I just really wanna thank you for talking about the hard door. I've been in a marriage for 15 years where I've been avoiding the hard door and I know the conversation I need to have when I go home. Now that's- The power of what you say Olivia. And it's like that to me really When I talk about this concept of taking the hard door, it's not about saying you need to go home and you need to leave your husband or you need to, I don't know, quit your job. But what it's really saying is it's time and it's an opportunity when you even look at the hard door. You don't even need to to walk through it, but when you even face it like you did, you had a decision that night, like, okay, well, if I just look at the door, what potentially could happen? Oh, maybe she'll say yes and maybe I'll get her on my, it just gives you that opportunity to stop and be like, okay, I'm i'm looking at that door.
00:08:40
Speaker
We all know what we need to do. Like we all know what we need to do, but it's about having the courage to do it and to touch the door handle. Is it like, how locked is it? Can I like pry it open? Can I like, you don't have to go knock the door down and go through it straight away, but you have to just start developing this bravery, I guess, or what people will call in me grit or resilience or all the things to at least face the door. stand in front of the door, feel into it. Like what would it feel like if I were to walk through that door? And for me, I now kind of in a weird way get excited by the hard door purely because I've gone through so many of them in my life. And I know that whilst the moment after walking through the door can be incredibly challenging, in some cases a little traumatic, chaotic, but eventually what always happens for me anyway,
00:09:38
Speaker
is that door will always lead to something greater. It's so exciting. Yeah.
Manifestation Stories: Kim Kardashian
00:09:43
Speaker
So that's the kind of easy door, hard door. Yeah. I love that. Thank you. And, and there's a little bit in your book and you say, if you believe even for a split second that you can do the thing, then you should trust that feeling and take a chance on yourself. Absolutely. I love that. And I think one of the biggest things that what I, I loved so many stories in your book, A story that I really loved that you also talked about on that night was your, you working with Kim Kardashian with your brand. yeah
00:10:15
Speaker
because of how us as like my community, we're all manifestors, we love manifesting. You could have looked at this dream and I'll get you to tell us about it, but you could have looked at this dream as so big, so unachievable, as hard to attract, it's gonna take so long. It's Kim Kardashian, like, you know, how are you gonna get in contact with her? But instead, you were excited by the hard door and you were like, actually, this can be easy, this can be fun. And you had, a really high amount of self-worth in that moment and that self-worth got you where you are now with Kim Kardashian so do you want to like talk us through your story kind of just however you feel whether it's from the beginning to the end just let's go through it we can stop we can you know let's just ride the wave as we say I think what was nice is the night at the library everything I do is unscripted like I think I even said to you like no questions required like I just like to get go into this I've never not answered a question um
00:11:11
Speaker
With me, I think what I really try these days to come across when I'm speaking or sharing anything is that I don't like starting at the moment, like the moment being, oh, Kim Kardashian put her all over a website and this and that and whatever, purely because there's no context to like, and I don't ever want anyone to think, oh, that was easy, or she must have had a connection, or how did that happen? I think the reason that I even had the strength or the self-worth or the self-belief to go for that is probably because of the upbringing or the kind of childhood that I'd had. And I know this gets thrown around a lot, like the inner child and, you know, childhood wounds and all the things. But I'm 42. And I don't know if it's part of a woman in her 40s these days, I probably admittedly started my kind of self introspective journey. At about 35, I started getting really curious about who I am, why I think the way I am, why I operate the way I am, why I react the way I do, why I
00:12:09
Speaker
upset about the thing like I just started asking a lot of questions in my mid 30s. And even today, so I still see a therapist every second Friday, I still like I'm going through this journey of everything comes back to the little five year old me, right? Yeah, it absolutely does. Used to love being in nature that was so joyous and free and happy and childlike. And then I still can't quite work out and I know psychologists will tell you when the kind of switch happens and when you start worrying about what people think and all the things. But I try so much to be like, isn't it fascinating that when I was really little, even with everything that was going on, so I grew up in a home um sadly with domestic violence and um dad was an alcoholic, he's from Scotland. So it's very much, you know, I'm also starting to, this is a challenging one, I'm starting to,
00:13:03
Speaker
understand why he did what he did, but I don't accept it. If that makes sense. I understand it. I have a deep understanding now that, you know, he grew up in the forties. He was the oldest of six. He had a very hard life. He was really playing out. I guess the, he was doing the best that he knew how with what he had, which really sucks, but it's the truth. And so I have a bit more compassion for that now, as I've gone through my journey. But what it meant is as this young kid, I would, escape a lot of things. I would, that's why I probably fell into acting. I would just play in fairy tales all the time. I would escape to these. My imagination was just so unlimited with its thinking of I could do anything, I could be anything, I could, I don't know, I just used my mind, I think, to just escape a lot of the cruelty, I guess, that was happening at home. There was no love um in the house and that wasn't that my parents don't love me.
00:14:02
Speaker
I think there was just so much going on internally that love just wasn't displayed at all. Like speaking about emotions wasn't displayed. Like it was just a a lot of anger, violence, rage, like tension, all the things. Um, and so I guess as I became older, I like, again, I don't a hundred percent know how, but I started realizing that I think I i say it now very differently to how I would have thought of it at the time, but like, no one's coming to save you. And I don't, I don't think I ever consciously knew that as a teenager, but I had this understanding that I can't go to my parents, whatever it's for. You know, I'm struggling with a boy at school. I can't go to my parents. My best friend doesn't like me today, right? Like I'm a 13 year old. Why don't girls like me? You know, I can't go to my parents for that. So I just understood that actually no one's coming to save you. You have to work this out on your own. And I became fiercely mentally strong.
00:15:00
Speaker
um, probably through necessity of having to work out life very early. And, and the flip side to all of that is I, you know, I say all this and it sounds like I was a super empowered teenager. Actually how that looked in real life was, you know, what we used to call wagging school, like not going to school, hanging out, you know, at parties, smoking marijuana at the age of 12, drinking half a bottle of vodka at the age of 13, you know, dabbling with party drugs, just really kind of, bad stuff, I guess. Like, you know, I was lost and that's essentially like what my childhood looked like. So from the outside, I think my parents probably didn't know what to do with me. They had their own issues going on. So kind of it was too hard. Like it was absolutely too hard. So when I said, you know, I i fell into acting and I explored this path, I think they were like, right, that's keeping her busy. We'll just encourage that path. Yeah. And that took me down.
00:15:55
Speaker
As you know, as you heard, took me out of school at 16. I then moved, which is so young, like I have a 23 year old and a 17 year old now. And I'm like, who's letting a 16 year old move on her own to like to the Gold Coast? Huge. Yeah. Unheard of, no job, no family support. Like weird. Um, but I think it was like at the time I looked back and I'm like, it was probably easy because it's one less thing, you know, for anyone to have to deal with in that house. And so here I was this kid that didn't have any kind of real purpose or I guess role modeling around me now with complete freedom at such a young age. So of course a lot of that behavior kind of like magnified on the Gold Coast. um I really got stuck into the party scene.
Young Motherhood and Resilience
00:16:40
Speaker
I think in my book, I talk about this. It was like schoolies, but every night of the week I would wake up, I would surf, I'd go to school, then I'd party.
00:16:48
Speaker
Like, and when I say party, I would party. And then sometimes I wouldn't sleep, like just like repulsive, like not good. I'm now like someone who likes to be in bed at 9.15. I'm Like I'm just, I couldn't be any polar opposite to what I was back then. But that was, you know, I thought at the time that was the best life. Like I'm living his life. But really what I was doing is I was escaping a lot of things because I was too young to know. And then, Actually, my son and I were talking about this last night. um He's turning 18 in July. And I can't remember how this conversation were washing the dishes. And something came up. I said, oh, you remind me of your dad when you do that. And I said, how does that even work? Because my son lives with me six nights a week. And I was like, it has to be epigenetics. And he's like, mom, it's not epigenetics. It's just genetics. And I was like, you're not around him. How do you do the same mechanisms? Like, how is that possible? And then something came up about, I don't know,
00:17:43
Speaker
Well, how did I end up being what I was like when I was 18? And then he goes, well, it's kind of a good thing because that's how we got his sister. um So, yeah, I ended up falling pregnant unexpectedly, but I guess not. I guess it's easy to imagine now when I share the story, um literally when I was 19. And I won't go into like the full depth of the story, but it was basically the same week that I got my acceptance letter into the night of summer school, which anyone who is in that world will know that that's pretty special as my pathway to try and get into the ah full-time program. And I decided to have the baby knowing I'd be on my own. And that was, I guess for me, that was the first hard door. So when we go back to that concept of hard doors, that was my first sliding door moment where I was like, I have this choice where I can now
00:18:33
Speaker
bring a child into the world. Again, no stability in terms of financial. Like there was none of that. So a lot of people might be like, that's insane. Like why would you to make that choice? And I'm, everyone has their own choice now. So it's not about that. It's just that for me, I don't know. I had this deep inner knowing in my gut that this was actually meant like this was happening for me. Like it was yeah to be my life. There was, there was a reason behind it, a greater reason. And I still very much 23 years on, believe that nothing in my life would be the way it is if I had not have made that decision. In fact, I just, I struggle thinking about if I just took, if I took the other door, there's that movie, I forget what the movie is, there's actually a movie, I think it's called Sliding Doors. I'm like, oh yeah if I took that other one, like I just hate to think how my life would have of turned out. um But then that's like,
00:19:29
Speaker
The, my twenties, I think I'm living my twenties now because my kids are so much older. So I had no twenties. I lost a lot of my friendship group because obviously they're all out partying and I'm raising a tiny little baby. And that's not really that kind of fun when you're 20, no one really wants to come over and change diapers and all. So I lost a lot of my friends and was quite isolated for most of my twenties fell into really severe financial hardship. And that was a really, really challenging kind of decade of my life, which I go into a little bit more depth in the book. Um, but again, I got through, I developed a lot of resilience. I developed a lot of this thinking around, I guess, what got me through, um, for people listening. Like I just knew that every single day would be one tiny little bit better than the day before. Like if I just woke up and thought, I can't get out of the hole that I'm in right now, I was in severe financial debt.
00:20:24
Speaker
But what I can do today is one tiny thing to move that needle forward. Like just one thing. I didn't try and attack it all at once because if I did that, it would literally destroy me and I would feel like it was all too hard. And I think I would have spiraled into severe depression or I don't know, into really permanent bad state, which I think for anyone listening that is going through anything right now, like I'm a huge advocate for speaking up and asking for help. Um, make sure you do that because one of the things I also share in the book is one of the mistakes is I didn't ask for help when I needed did it. I'm the first now to put my hand up and say, Hey guys, I need to take some time out from work. I need to book my psychology and I need to call beyond blue. Like I have this year, even I have a lot of therapy. It's like, I'm well aware that now the best thing to do is to not do it alone. But I did that whole decade pretty much alone.
00:21:17
Speaker
Um, but it did, it did build some like inner, inner determination that if I could get through all of that at such a young age, no matter what I was faced with in life, I just had to remember that I'd got through it again. Like I'd got through it before and I will get through it again. And I think one of the strongest things that I would love anyone to take away from this chat is that no matter what it is that you're going through right now. And I know some people, especially with the economy, how it is, like some people are in some really challenging. circumstances beyond their control, right? People are losing their jobs. People are getting, I don't know, shifts cut. People are having to move homes. Their mortgages have come out of like low, you know, interest rates to really high. There's just a lot of unfortunate things happening around everyone right now. My, my true advice to anyone would be that no matter what you're going through right now, to really sit with that and kind of
00:22:14
Speaker
Play a story in your head and watch the movie of all the things in your life, from your earliest memories, no matter how big they were, but all the challenging times you've had, and just remember that you got through them. o Because when we're in it again, it's it feels like we're not going to get through. It feels like, God, this is this is the one. This is the one that's going to break me. This is the one I'm not going to get through. We're just talking about childbirth. It's like you're in it and you're like, I can't do this. It's like, well, you're going to do it. You will do it. Um, it's the same thing. It's like, but remembering that you have done hard things and you're still here and you're probably, I would imagine a lot stronger because of those hard things. So then all of that kind of, I guess, is coming back to why I would even go after the world's most famous family.
Business Ventures and Kardashian Connection
00:23:02
Speaker
is because when I hear you say like, wow, that's like the big door. Truthfully, that was kind of like, yeah, okay, it is a hard door, a hard door in the sense that they're hard to reach. But it really wasn't that hard for me because it was I've done such hard things in life that the thought of even just booking a ticket and flying to America to turn up on the doorstep of Christiana's house to me felt like kind of like a little tooth fairy door. A bit of fun. Yeah it's like it was a lot of fun because when I look at a door like that or when I look at taking a risk like that or when I look at doing something like that I'm like well what's the worst that could happen? Now i I do now know that they can shoot to protect. I didn't know that so take that out.
00:23:47
Speaker
um it happened I didn't, I didn't get to drop them off. It's like, it's not a, it's not a deal breaker. It's just, it was a lot of fun. But I think the interesting thing about that is more so people wouldn't normally even take the shot. They wouldn't. That's why I wanted to talk about it because it's like it. ah It's so refreshing to hear you say, it was easy and it was fun, but that's why it worked. That's why it happened. Anyone else would look at, yeah, the biggest family in the world. It's it's too far. It's too big of a goal. Like, no, like who who am I to do that? But you didn't and that's what I love. And also there's a huge amount of self-worth in there because you were worthy.
00:24:28
Speaker
of being there, of talking to them and of gifting your incredible products, your silk pillowcases, like you were worthy of that and you believe that, which again is why it happened. So yeah, keep going. I mean, and to give the listeners context, um, so this was the one moment I started my brand in 2015 in October and I started it with, well, to finish out the last chapter, it took me 14 years to get myself out of that debt. So I was 34 when I finally cleared my crippling debt. I nearly went to prison because of Like how bad that I had the 313 or something warrants my arrest. Like it was, it was huge. So like, that was, that was the biggest door I've ever had to kind of yeah really try and get thrown it. And the door felt like it was never ending and it took 14 years. And that's another really important thing is like, remove the timeline, like remove the expectations. Because that is what puts so much pressure on us that you have to be somewhere by us set. You don't like life is a marathon and.
00:25:28
Speaker
just remove all of that and just focus on one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, some days, just one breath at a time, like just break it down to the smallest possible, um, you know, quantity and you will get through. But what the story goes is, yes. So then I started this brand was finally kind of, I guess, debt free. And I was like, yep, I'll start, start a business. Uh, that sounds like a great idea. Um, but seriouslyly I was very excited by e-commerce. So I didn't have a budget. I didn't have a budget to spend on marketing. um It's, marketing's really expensive, nothing's changed there. And I was starting the Silk Pillar Cases and I knew, because I've watched the Kardashians since season one with my daughter and and love them or hate them, I love them. I think it's a fun show. It's like, it's reality TV. It started as that. They've built themselves into these giant empires and I i have respect for but that. And so it's not about the people as such as I just think it's, it was, you know, a family that I knew loved our product and that was an important thing.
00:26:27
Speaker
because you need to explore that your product aligns to whoever it is that you want to gift it to. yeah um And then I was like, right, so how am I going to get my brand out there with no money? It's like, well, I see a very natural fit here. Just go after somebody who would love the product and who I'd already seen online look like they had homemade ones because pillowcases back then weren't, silk pillowcases weren't that easy to kind of come by. They weren't in retail stores like they are now. And I was like, so I genuinely first of all thought I was doing them a service and that's, ah I mean, quite sincerely. Like if you look at, if you Google Kim Kardashian, Silk Pillowcase Airport and go back to like 2015, you'll see what I mean. it It was a very oversized, it looked like it had been hand stitched. And so I genuinely was like, I think I'm doing them a service. Like it's, yeah they would love to have a quality product that, you know, I believe that to be true in my heart. And that has to be true for you. Because if you don't really think your product is worthy of
00:27:23
Speaker
the receiver, it's probably not going to work. So a lot of self worth in this moment, or confidence probably came from the fact that no, I know they will love this product. And then I was like, well, I just I, you know, I can spend $1,000 catching a flight to America, and I'll hand deliver them. I did some Google searches to find out I was going to Christian as what I thought were address, um you know, just to deliver a box of pillowcases with a four page letter about who I was my life, why I was I think that's really important, what I was asking and acknowledging that I didn't have a budget to pay. And I was very honest about that. I had photos of my kids. It was so personal. It was like, you know, pen pal from like 1980 style. It was very genuine. And I also acknowledged that if they could, or would they ever want to help me that I would continue to pay it forward to others because I knew what they were doing. The magnitude of that was massive. Um, and then, yeah, I booked the ticket and then.
00:28:18
Speaker
That's a big story, but ah essentially the the short story is I did get through and I did get to hand deliver them to their address. And then now nine months, then nine months, nine years later, we still have a direct connection with the family um and we still give them products when they want to. We send, I don't know, crazy gifts. Sometimes they have nothing to do with our brand. Like, you know, when Kim put on Snapchat back in the day that she had this favorite style of nerds. I found on Amazon the world's biggest box of nerds in that flavor and I just sent them to her house just because and it's like, it's not amazing. I think the biggest thing that hopefully readers get from the story when I tell it from my way because the PR that exists on the internet is very clickbaity and it's not yeah words. And I think the most beautiful thing about that whole story is that it fundamentally from that day that I made the decision to go there, I knew what I was building was and was an actual relationship.
00:29:13
Speaker
I wasn't just planting my product there. I didn't just want that one photo. I didn't just want, I was very committed to establishing, you know, a very long term, hopefully lifelong relationship where it's had some incredible moments. Like I remember Halloween 2017, I was in Kim's house. I saw what she was wearing for Halloween before it was even on the internet. i'm like That's nuts, like it's nuts. Yeah, that's so cool. And it's that connection, like you built that connection and I guess your desire was backed by good
Manifestation Practices and Positivity
00:29:44
Speaker
intentions. yeah And that's another thing when you're manifesting, if your desire is for just money or fame or recognition
00:29:54
Speaker
it's going to be vibrating on the wrong frequency. So it's not going to match up, but your frequency was one of like, this is exciting. I want a connection. Let's see where this goes. If it doesn't work, I got a cool trip to America. Yeah. And I think that's really inspiring. What I love about manifesting again, while I was excited, like I watched your video when you were introducing, I guess we'll pass around the smile means to you. I think whether you're into like, I call it woo woo because you know, there's a lot of people who are like, You know, I think a lot of people are coming around in my world now to be like, you know what? Maybe I will invest in a crystal. Maybe I will. Maybe this stuff works. Um, because I think for me, it's not about whether you believe or you don't believe. It's like, what's the harm in giving it a go? Like, and this is where I think for me, when I think of like spirituality or manifesting or good vibes or the universe or all the things that I talk about daily at work and in my life.
00:30:51
Speaker
It really is for me, that's my five-year-old playing. Like that's where now as a 42-year-old, they I'm not hurting anyone by saying, you know what, the full moon in Aries coming across like whatever it is that I'm talking about at any one moment and I'm getting my crystals out and I'm doing a crystal grid and i'm this is my mantra and this is what I'm locked in on. None of that is hurting anyone. Like, it's- Gosh, no. Giving anyone. And what it does is it brings so much joy to me. It gives me something super positive to kind of play into. And I don't know. So I just think for those that haven't tried manifesting or haven't tried vision boards or haven't tried a mantra or who haven't tried, you know, changing your thoughts to positive ones and locking into that positive energy. I'm like, why not just try it for 30 days?
00:31:47
Speaker
Yeah. Give it a go. You won't regret it. Like literally, like when I've had things and I have things happen all the time, like all, like just all the time, like something happened on the weekend and someone was like, of course that happened. Like, and it's like, it's because now it's just becomes my subconscious. I'm just always connecting to good vibes and like, yeah I don't know, like I'm staring at yeah the other thing. Like there's this cool brand. You'd have to look them up. I don't know what they're called. um But like positive affirmations on my mirrors. I've got one in the bathroom that my son and I see that says, I am proud of myself. I've got one in the bathroom that says, I love myself. It's like the amount of times that you, your brain is just like subconsciously saying, I'm proud of myself. It, it works like this sort of stuff. Yeah, huge. yeah And like what you said about how you are now living a life that is in flow and that you are like, you know, consciously subconsciously connected to this good vibe always.
00:32:46
Speaker
It's like, that's when manifestation happens so effortlessly. And that's the goal. Like we want, we don't need to work hard to manifest things. Like I know you're a big fan of Gabby Bernstein as well. It's the whole do less attract more. You know, we can let go and we can live a life in flow and we can visualize and we can enjoy while still manifesting these hugely exciting things. Like manifesting is not about forcing. It's about feeling good consistently. And then the universe will bring you what is a match to you, what is right for you. And very often we get so focused on the outcome of like what we want, what we know is right for us, but very often it's actually not yeah what is right for us. And we have to just surrender and let go and see what's going to come. Yeah. And I think that's a really important one. So I think, you know, with the, the Kardashian
00:33:39
Speaker
example. That's a really good point. I didn't have a fixed. I have to get there. I have to meet her. This has to happen. There was none of that. And I think when people maybe fall short of like, Oh, it doesn't really work, or it's not for me or or that whole world, and that's all whatever. It's probably if they're honest with themselves, because at a time in their life, they've locked in on wanting something, I don't know, a new job, you know, a promotion at work, And they in their mind, they're manifesting it because they are thinking about it. They want it desperately and all the things and it doesn't work. And therefore they're like, well, that doesn't work for me. I've tried it and then they just shut it down. And I think what you just said is that like, and I i go back to like my 35 year old self when I was like deep in the Gabby world, like deep, deep. I do believe the hardest part of manifesting is learning the art of surrender. Same. And so for me now,
00:34:36
Speaker
I probably take that further or it's different or where I've evolved is it's the art of non-attachment. I'm not attached. Like actually even my partner last night, just a little thing. um He bought himself a watch. He's never had a watch. He's 51. Never had a watch in his life. And there's a reason for that and it's deep and whatever, but he's never had one. And he just celebrated a year of his own business and he had an amazing year. And I was like, you need to celebrate. Like it's important that we celebrate these milestones. It might seem insignificant to you, but like, passing that one year, it's really important. What's something nice you could do. And it doesn't have to be material, but for whatever reason, he decided for the first time he's like, I'm going to get a watch, which was actually huge on a personal development. Yeah. Okay. time And last night, and this was like, I don't know, in April.
00:35:23
Speaker
And so last night we're on the phone and he's like holding his watch and he's just playing around with it. He's like, you know, I'm really attached to this now. And I was like, well, no, it stop. And he's like, what? And I was like, too far, too far. You don't attach to material things. And he's like, you're right. What I meant is I'm actually really enjoying like having a watch. And I was like, that's good. And why I say that is because when we come back to surrendering, I know I'm using watch and it's like a small example, but if we take a job, for example, and we attach to the job, And the job defines us and it brings us meaning and it, and we start to, I don't know, maybe you're doing maybe in our case, right? You get the acting role you've always wanted and it's amazing and you're living your life purpose and then you lose the job or you get no more jobs after that. The challenge with that is when we attach or when we kind of, I don't know, when we, when the two worlds collide and it starts to define who we are, that's really risky.
00:36:20
Speaker
And so for me, when I look at the Kim thing, there was no attachment. If it happened, it happened. If it didn't, it didn't. And I was honestly okay with that because I already would have had a plan B C D E. So it's like in my life now, there's so many moments like recently, you know, trying to find an investor for my business. I was honestly what I call locked in. Like I knew it was happening. I didn't know how, and I didn't know who. So there was no attachment to it. It must be this person. It must be this. brand, it must be this much, it must work this way. I don't know how that's out of my, that's not up to you. all But it is happening and I have to trust that it'll happen when it's supposed to and how it will, but I don't sit back and do nothing.
Balancing Action and Surrender
00:37:07
Speaker
So every single day I'm out there hustling, I'm out there telling everyone, I'm out there talking, I'm out there texting people. I am putting the work in on my side, but without a concrete, it must be this person and it must be
00:37:20
Speaker
Now I've fallen in that trap before in probably like 2018. I really, really, for whatever reason, I don't know why I was like a huge Pip Edwards fan of PE Nation. I've actually never spoken about this. um Huge fan girl, like PE Nation, Pip Edwards back in the day, I'm like, she's building this empire. She's such a boss. She still is, right? And I'm like, this is so cool. But then I got fixated on. I want my brand to be acquired by the company that also owns part of her brand. And I became right. And I got myself the meeting, of course, because like, when you manifest, you will work the steps and it likely will happen. Yeah. Yeah. The meeting. But I was so attached at that point to that had to be the person that I remember sitting in that board room that day with, and he's a lovely man, but I remember he was just like, it's not a fit. Like it's not where they, it's not what they needed. Now I understand in the investment world, that's not personal. Everybody has their own style of portfolio that they want.
00:38:19
Speaker
I remember going to the icebergs or whatever it's called, the icebergs in Sydney that night. And I was, I couldn't speak to my kids. The first time in my life, I couldn't take a phone, but I was gutted, devastated. And then I realized like now years later, or probably moments later after that, that I was so attached to that need and to be the outcome that I felt that night, like honestly horrible, like horrible, like rejection and all the things came out. yeah I can sit back now and be like, It was that wasn't the path. And we actually were not a fit for that investor at all, but my ego took over and I think that's the other important things that got in the way, because I got deep down, I was fangirling her so hard.
00:39:04
Speaker
i think i just during that time. And I think this is important to own. Like I have no shame in owning this. I think there was 100% here where I'm like, I want to be like her. So to be like her means I need to, and it's like that we all fall into it, but it just wasn't, you know, and that's where the universe did the right thing because one, we shouldn't want to be anyone. We shouldn't want to be, it had my back. The universe had my back, but I didn't have my back, but the universe will always have your back. And that can sometimes look like rejection. It can look like hardship. It can look like, but but I wanted that and it's not working. And it's like, now I sit back and it's like, there's no outcome. There's no, I'm, something will happen, but the right thing will happen. And you can't, you can't explain it. Like, and you're not meant to be able to explain it. So I have feelings.
00:39:55
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I feel like so excited just hearing. Thank you for sharing that because it is really exciting and inspiring to hear. And I feel like there's so many, so many lessons within that story that you just shared. And one of them is that kind of like vicious cycle that we do as entrepreneurs and as anyone, like you even if you're working for someone else. this cycle that we get in of always wanting more and attaching our happiness or our, our emotional state, whatever it is to an external factor. Like you looking back, you were attaching your happiness or your measure of success to this very one deal, but you were already successful and we have to be happy within ourselves. Like nothing else is going to make us happy or fulfilled. yeah Or, you know, we get it and then we just create another goal and the whole cycle starts again. and
00:40:46
Speaker
constantly chasing, but we don't need to chase to attract. Well, if we are chasing, we're not going to attract what we want to attract. So yes, so inspiring. Thank you for sharing that. um And also kind of another lesson that I kind of picked up in that story was how you were saying, you know, you're hustling and you were going out and you were taking the actionable steps. So do you want to talk us through when you're manifesting? I think a lot of people think, oh, I just sit on my couch and I visualize and it comes to me on a gold platter. No. Um, but what's the difference between taking actionable steps that feel really aligned and really good versus taking steps that are quite forced to maybe like, yeah. Yeah. So a good example would be, um, for work at the moment. So we secured our right investor.
00:41:38
Speaker
uh, in March of this year. Um, so it's the first time ever I, I sold 49% of my brand, um, to a new partner. And it's interesting because now I'm, whilst I still own majority of the business, I'm also more of an employee now, you know, I'm or to others. I've never had a boss. They're not my boss, but I guess it's a fine line. I'm accountable. I'm kind of responsible for their money. That's I'm the guardian of their money. So I guess that comes with a lot of responsibility. So what that has meant is that I've also been thrown into a very new role, a global role um where I'm, you know, we have, I guess, as you would imagine, when people are giving you a lot of money, there's a strategy behind it. And I think this is really important because a lot of entrepreneurs or business people or people who want to start a business who love the world that we love, who are very spiritual by nature, who love manifesting and all the good things, I think it's real, because I've fallen into this where I spent a whole year just before writing the book where I was like,
00:42:36
Speaker
slow to grow, inflow, beach walks every day, like going to Byron, living the dream. That was kind of BS, to be honest. It was like me telling myself that I'd reach some, I don't know, state that i is a state. And what really happened was I'd gone back into my comfort zone. I wanted to rest. I was tired. And I'd kind of flipped the narrative to myself for a long time. I believed it to be true that, Oh my God, I've reached this pinnacle of like, I'm living the dream. It's like, no, you're just taking a rest. Just own it in a season of rest. and that's And that's okay. And we need it, but call it what it is. Whereas I'm not in a season of rest. It's like, I'm thrown back into almost like building a brand new business again, because I have a new strategy pushing, I guess the direction of the business. And I think that that's important is that whilst I say,
00:43:29
Speaker
don't lock on on the outcome, whatever. When it comes to business and having your own business, even if you just work on your own, it's still so important to know where you're going and to be aiming for something. You may not know how you're gonna get there, but say in our case, I don't know, the strategy might be whatever, we need to hit X amount of financial revenue because obviously people are now investing in you, so that's an obvious metric. So it's still important to not lie to yourself and be like okay I'm not hitting these milestones if you own a Shopify store and sales are sinking oh that's okay because like you know I'm I want to you know I'm living this it's a lifestyle brand it's giving me a lifestyle it's like is that true or are you avoiding the fact that you're not hitting your metrics yes and that's what I found myself in it's like
00:44:20
Speaker
I would have slow months and it's like that, but I've got balance. I'm so balanced and That might be true, but then what's like stretch that out for the next 10 years. How is your business going to go yes at that point? yeah but For me now, it's like we have this very aggressive targets that we need to hit like super aggressive, but they're exciting. So I still manifest that we're going to get there. I was just having this conversation on Saturday morning with the investor. I'm like, I still, I do best as a salesperson in my, like, that's what I'm doing at the moment. I'm in a sales role. I do best locking into the belief that the goal will happen and then them trusting me that I will get them there. Yeah. I love that. I don't necessarily work best by saying, um, you know, I have to do 14 sales calls on Monday morning between nine to 10. Like that's very regimented and that might work for some companies, but for me, it's like, okay,
00:45:18
Speaker
I have a board at work. I have a vision board on these are the, these are the dream clients that I want to go for. So that's like a form of manifesting. But if I don't get all of them, that's not the point. I'm not like, Oh my God, I must get Apple. I must get whatever. No, that's what I'm aiming for. And my thing is if you aim for the moon and you fall short, you're still going to get way higher than if you're not aiming for anything. So I blend manifesting into what I'm doing without a fixed Like what you said, it's like, I'm not locked in. It doesn't have to be exactly those clients, but I, you need a North star, you but then you need to put in the daily work. I can't just be staring at Apple and be like, never go to, you know,
00:46:02
Speaker
San Francisco, wherever they're based. I'm not going for Apple, by the way. It's an example, but like, if you're not going there, how's it
Energy Balancing in Business
00:46:08
Speaker
going to happen? yeah If you're not yeah calling anyone from Apple, how's it going to happen? So we can't just stare at the logo and be like, I'm manifesting. It's all going to fall. Like you said, fall in my lap. It's not. You need to like, there needs to be structure behind it. And I think now we could go into a whole other thing that I'm obsessed with with what as well as that whole like masculine, feminine energy. Right. And it's not a gender thing. It's like that, yes, I flow a lot. but the masculine is the action. So I guess the feminine for me is the dreaming, is the the creation, it's the joy, it's the vision, it's the it's all the important things and we need both. But without that masculine energy, you're not gonna take action. You're gonna sit in that flow and then you're gonna be like, why am I not getting anywhere? Why is my income stuck at $60,000 for the last four years? Because the masculine energy
00:46:58
Speaker
And for those that maybe don't know a lot about masculine feminine, it's it's honestly not about being like this strong man or like there's so much like misinterpretation about that. Yeah. It's the fundamental energy that will help push your flow state into action. If that makes sense. like It makes total sense. Like everything that you're saying is music to my ears because I feel like I know we were saying the word like balance before, but you can' you have found the balance in a little bit of woo woo, but also a little bit of like real life structure, taking actionable steps to get where you want to get. And you said before you look at it as exciting instead of hard. Yeah. And it's so important. I think like there's, there's places. So at work, I would say in anyone who works for me would 100% agree.
00:47:51
Speaker
I'm supposed to obviously be an entrepreneur or lead my own business because I play more in the masculine energy at work. Probably 85% of the time I'm probably more in that masculine energy of doing I'm a very action orientated person. I'm a list taker. My whole book is all about taking action. You know, no excuses. That's a very charged masculine and at work it's quite healthy. Now when I get to the stage of burnout, that's when I've gone over that threshold. That's unhealthy. So that's when I do have to have maybe a year sabbatical, maybe like more weekends away would be more balanced. But in relationship where I've, where it's fascinating, um, relationships is also going to be one of my life long lessons and learnings about love is that what I hadn't realized because I have, as I said, from a young age, I've had to work things out myself. There's been, so my psychologist would call my masculine, it's an adaptive behavior.
00:48:46
Speaker
I had to adapt how I acted as a young child to survive in a lot of ways. I had to, yeah but people don't know this. I don't think I talked about this in the book. I had to make my own money from the age of five, or I was never going to get a hot chip from a fish and chip shop at school. I was never going to get a lolly from the canteen. I was never going to get, I don't know, a jam donut at the football. If I didn't make my own money from a young age, it just wasn't for me. So that's an adaptive behavior where I've learned to be very driven, very, do it, just make things happen. And that carried over into relationships. So I've been engaged four times and married once. I do share that in the book. And I have no shame around that. It's a lesson and it's something I'm fascinated in now. It's like, well, what, what, let's just, let's just like look at that for a minute. What has kind of maybe potentially what have the lessons been in that? And it's only now in the last kind of two years with a lot of work with my psychologist, specifically around love, my heart,
00:49:46
Speaker
boundaries, my, I don't know, grenades I used to throw in my protection, my armor, all the things that once we started to unpeel all of that and feel safe and start to trust men and all the things I can go deeper. And it's a lot of it is that I have naturally brought a lot of that masculine energy into relationship. Right. Therefore, there's either been no polarity. So it's like you've got to really like, i I guess like CEO type energies trying to do a dance and it just doesn't That doesn't end well. Or you've got, I would attract men who were very much in the feminine energy and then that wouldn't work. Cause I was like, you're not driven. You don't have any goals. And it's like, so there was yeah yes two things. And it's like at the moment, I mean, the most beautiful, challenging relationship. I mean, you met Rob, he was on the stage. yet It has been, it's only been 10 months, but it has been the most fulfilling, joyous, challenging,
00:50:46
Speaker
hard, loving, deep, I don't know, relationship I've ever experienced because I've brought all of my lessons and learnings and introspections and reflections and everything into it, which is at times meant it's just a massive, messy, beautiful mess because I'm working out this dance of, oh, time to take off the CEO hat.
Relationships and Emotional Challenges
00:51:08
Speaker
I can relax now, I can trust that someone's got me. Whereas as a young child, there wasn't, no one had me, no one, yeah If I fell off my bike, no one was there to pick me up and wipe the tears. They just weren't around, right? So it's like, I'm having to re-parent myself and be like, you can trust someone's got you. You can let that go. You can be more in the kind of, which I really am like embracing. It's a struggle so hard. It's a struggle to like melt into that. But then the moments that I am and I feel myself melting into his chest or like, I don't know, just the little things
00:51:45
Speaker
but they're not little things for you. no ah feel And that's, yeah, that's really, really nice. Thank you for sharing. I think a lot of people are going to resonate with that. And it's so nice how that is making you feel in your relationship, but I think that would have very quick direct effects with everything in your outer world as well, yeah which is nice. Yeah. So I might, um, touch on what you said, you know, you see a psychologist, I see a psychologist, it's the best thing I've ever done. You mentioned, actually, I don't know if you mentioned it in your book, you may have only just mentioned it at the night um at your book launch, but you said that you encourage people before they seek out business mentors to actually see a psychologist because a lot of the struggles that we face, and again, this is not just for business owners, you might work for a boss, so that's fine. um
00:52:40
Speaker
But I loved what you kind of said around a lot of our struggles are emotional in business. And after reading your book, I realized that I have huge limiting beliefs that are actually more excuses in my business where I'm like, well, I'm not a sales person. I can't do sales. I don't understand maths. when my accountant emails me I'm like why are you talking to me please leave me alone I pay you and just do it and don't tell me what's happening they are all excuses because of deep limiting beliefs I have of not being good enough at school yeah so talk us through that because I was like oh when you said that wow yeah and I don't know how much of it I touch on in the book but interestingly when Wiley approached me to write the book
00:53:27
Speaker
That was fundamentally the conversation I had with them. They were like, hey, we know your story. Can you go away and write us a business book? And I was like, oh no, because I'm not going to do a guide on how to run a business, which you actually do get in that book. Because really what I know to be true for myself is that I could write, hey, do these things. You'll have a great business. But the problem, the fundamental problem is that a lot of us have, like you said, the self-limiting beliefs, the self-doubt, the lack of confidence. no experience with relationship selling. So I could give you the guide, but you don't have at the moment or you haven't developed or you haven't discovered that you have these things within you that you just need to practice to be able to do it. So they were like, well, that's fascinating. We've never had a book like that before. And I was like, but that's, that's kind of life. So now when I talk on to everyone, I've, I've been one of those people, like I've spent, I've gone to this, one of those bloody all day seminars where you get sucked into like,
00:54:24
Speaker
I don't know, come and I'll help you build all the funnels and give me 5,000. And next minute it's 20,000. Next minute you're in a house in Thailand for three days in these mask boots. And like, I went down that. I was very much down that rabbit hole in 2016. And I was looking for, to be honest, that was the easy door. It was a hard door financially, but it was the easy door. I wanted someone else to fix my business. I wanted someone else to make it grow because at the time, what was true to me is I didn't know how to do it. Yes. All I wasn't doing is working out the how. I was like, I'm on a stage who's telling me that if I just give them the money, it never works. I guarantee people it never works. No, but it is not sustainable. You are building someone else's business when you are doing that. Um, and that's why when I talk about this, I now know that, you know, out of all of the coaches I've ever had, and it's not about not having a coach, I think mentors are very different to coaches. A mentor is someone who.
00:55:22
Speaker
will encourage you to work out the how and they will keep you accountable to yourself. Coaches I won't even touch on because I don't want to, it's not about, you know, there there are some amazing coaches out there, but generally speaking, what is the most important and the most effective for you as a human, as a business person, as a mom, as a partner, as a parent, as literally as as you, is a psychologist. Because when you go into psychology and you say, Like I have for the last kind of six months, my business is burning to the ground before I got the investor. It's all falling down. I took that year off that rest year that I was living the dream. Apparently, um, you know, I'm struggling. I can't get out of bed. It's a struggle to have a shower. I can't motivate the team. All these things. They are all mental. Yes. all mine Yeah. It's a hundred and mindset and a psychologist.
00:56:18
Speaker
It's one of their roles is they are educated to give you really powerful tools to reshape your thinking. If you have a self-limiting belief that you're not good at sales, they will help you break it down. Where does that come from? And I guarantee that that self-limiting belief is not just about sales. Yeah. Oh, things you are absolutely not. of Yeah. Up to a girl at a talk and asking her to be on your podcast. and Exactly. Of when you're at a cafe, this is a fascinating one. When you're at a cafe and you order, I don't know, let's say you order a strong latte with almond milk and it comes out and it's an almond latte. Often if I was to ask 10 women particularly, I don't know why men are a lot better at this um because they've probably, they've learned a lot more in that way. If I was to ask 10 women, did you send it back? Guarantee, probably nine of them would say no, possibly 10.
00:57:14
Speaker
They don't want, ah oh, it's okay, I'll just, i'll just it's it's still, it's an almond latte. I'll just take the latte. But how you do one thing is how you do all things. So I use that small example. I used to be that person where I'd see someone complaining in the cafe and it's like, they're not actually from complaining. They asked for a strong almond latte. All they're doing is making sure their needs are met. And if they're making sure their needs are met with their coffee order, I guarantee they're making sure their needs are met in all areas of their life. ah have she but because it's I You are speaking to my soul right now. like yeah it's and For me personally, I make excuses like, oh, but it's just a cough oil for me it's just a hot chocolate and now it's lukewarm, but I wanted it really hot. It's just a hot chocolate, but you're right. It spills over into everything that I don't feel worthy of emailing people that I perceive as
00:58:05
Speaker
higher than me or, you know, and it's like, well, why am I putting them on a pedestal? Of course we're equal, but at the moment, my self-worth is telling me that we're not equal. And then you're not going to manifest a good relationship with them at all. Yeah. Because you're going in with that needy, desperate energy where you are perceiving yourself as not good enough. Yeah. And I learned that, uh, I did a feminine embodiment court course, like a few years ago with a lady called Sally Jane Douglas, um, from loosa. And I remember when I first heard it and I was like, Oh, that's so interesting. Like, like how many times have I just accepted something at a restaurant? or Like I tell you the first time I had to change that behavior in a cafe felt so uncomfortable. I felt so rude. i But it's the way you deliver it. I go to the same cafe every morning. They did not, they did not mind. Absolutely did not mind, but it was so uncomfortable for me. And that's when I realized, damn girl, you've got a lot of work to still do.
Recognizing Personal Needs and Overcoming Beliefs
00:59:01
Speaker
Like valuing yourself, like valuing, like huge. It's just, I don't know. It's, it's a big one that I would really encourage. Like, if you take nothing else out of this, like just practice that the art, I guess, discernment of, but always polite. I'm not like, I know. Of course. Like when I say that story, we hear people in cafes that are rude all the time in hospital. That's not what I mean. It's just making sure that, you know, in relationships, if you've said to your partner, Hey honey, like, You know, I've had three nights of no sleep with my little one. Really love tomorrow night if you just run me a bath and I have 30 minutes. Like holding true to that, that your needs are this. And then if they're not met, actually bringing it up in a really nice way. I'm going through this in my partner at the moment. One of the things with me about developing deep trust that a man's got my back is if you say something's gonna happen, and it can be so small. If you say to me, I don't know, when I see you on Wednesday,
00:59:57
Speaker
um we're going to go for a walk before we head to work. If that walk doesn't happen, it really activates and triggers something within me because it's not about the walk. It's that you told me you were going to keep your word. And for me to develop and build trust that you've got me and I'm safe around you, I need you to own your word. Yes. But that requires me to communicate when it doesn't happen. Hey, you know, how we said we were going to go for a walk. I know it started raining and it was hailing or whatever, but the circumstances were as to why we didn't. But I, what I really needed in that moment was for you to acknowledge the importance of that and say, Hey, you know, it's raining outside. I know we're going to go for a walk. How about we go and grab something else instead? Like all of these examples could seem really small, but when you start to uncover what your true needs are and what you need as a person that can be at work, it can be with your employees, like,
01:00:50
Speaker
I've had employees pretty much since the beginning of the business. For the first six years, things would happen and I'd end up having to do the task because I wouldn't say anything. Yeah. Helping them. Now it's like, Hey, you know how I asked you if you could blah, blah, blah, buy, you know, in a reasonable timeframe and you didn't now, like you have to be able to be strong to communicate your needs in all areas of life. Yeah, and I think what's so exciting about this chat is not only is it going to help you feel more empowered in the moment, these changes that may seem small have such a big effect on what we are manifesting. yeah Like when you change that one little thing, like
01:01:34
Speaker
For me, what I've realized reading your book is I actually have control over getting better at sales and opening my zero and actually having a look at my accounting. I now you've inspired me to go, well, actually. I'm not just like, like it was just an excuse, yeah constantly an excuse. And I was like, it I think that is having such a big effect on me, not moving forward in many areas in my business that I want to, and that I've been manifesting and facing facing blocks. yeah But now it's like, no, I'm going to value myself enough because I know I can do it. It's just limiting beliefs that are holding my me back. And I know you mentioned in your book as well. So you mentor women in business as well. And you mentioned that, you know, you'll meet with these women and you'll come up with all of these things that aren't working or are working. You create this big list and they'll be so inspired and excited. And I've done a mentoring session as well, where I've walked away with this list.
01:02:31
Speaker
being like, I'm going to tackle all of this for my business. And then these women come back to you a month later and they haven't done anything. And it's not because of laziness. It's not because of lack of time. It's because they have limiting beliefs. yeah Yeah, absolutely. Which is another reason why I chose to write the book. So I, it's rare that I mentor anyone these days. Um, I don't do paid mentoring anymore. I know my website has it. It's not something that I'm offering anymore. Um, because I've reframed my, thinking that you know I think the first thing that I want someone to do is spend $29 or $30 or I don't know whatever it is like on the book read that like invest $30 don't invest $550 or whatever for an hour invest $30 but then what I really want to see is you go away and do the work I truly believe like truly believe that if you read that book and if you actually just take some of the advice that I share with you that
01:03:28
Speaker
That book took me 168 days. I don't know how many hours. You are never going to be able to have 168 days worth of mentoring with me, but you do now in one book. So I was so passionate about if you really want to be mentored by me, read the book and just take action. And yeah and I think in that book, seeing a psychologist to break down this, like it literally, you know what you need to do. You don't need to go and pay money to someone. to tell you what you already know. You need to now decide. Like I've just discovered Dave Goggins and I know that's very controversial because some people, I don't know if you know who Dave Goggins is. No. Right. So I listened to Hooverman Labs. Um, she sees a brain scientist podcast. He's so fascinating. And he had this guest on called Dave Goggins who, to all the people out there, like I don't watch his social media. I just listened to one interview from this guy.
01:04:23
Speaker
He's had a very traumatic upbringing, but what resonated with me is this concept of we all know what we need to do, but we're just not doing it. And there's a million reasons why, but start with the why. Why are you not doing it? We all know, I truly believe you know what you need to do today in your business. You know what you need to do in your marriage. You know what you need to do with your relationship with your mom. You know what you need to do. Like we all know, but then we come up with a million reasons why excuses, avoidance, too hard. We're avoiding the hard doors. um You say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Yeah. 100%. I love that. Yeah. So my advice would be that
01:05:08
Speaker
Like we can all listen to podcasts like I do. We can all read books. We can all go to seminars. We can all we can all consume, which is really important. But if you're simply just acquiring knowledge and not doing anything with it, that's also like insanity. You are wasting your life. Yeah. consume something, whatever resonates. Say like with this Dave Goggins thing, again, please, people don't come to me. Cause I know he's got like a lot of people don't love him, but what it did for me yesterday is I knew one of the excuses that was true for me is I keep saying I want to eat better for my like cyclical women's cycle. I want to support my hormones better. I'm in my forties and perimenopause. No one talks about, I was avoiding changing certain things with my diet too hard.
01:05:54
Speaker
No, it's not too hard. You're just not making time to go to the organic store. You're not making time to read the reap like the recipes. you're not making time So something flipped the switch for me in his talk, and he does not talk about cyclical living at all. But what the point there was is he talks about don't avoid what you know you need to do. Do the hard work. And I was like, yep, put it yesterday, before work. I make the trip to the organic store. I get home last night. I make seven serves of turmeric chicken coconut curry to support my cycle with where I'm at. it and it's like You just have to do the work. Now, did it move to the gym at nearly 9 p.m. instead of 7? Yes. But does it mean for the next seven nights dinner's already made? Yes. Like, just do the hard work.
01:06:34
Speaker
Yeah.
Authenticity in Business and Relationships
01:06:35
Speaker
Oh, seriously, Olivia, you're so inspiring. And I think in your book, Self Made, you were part mentor, part psychologist for me anyway. I know you're not a psychologist, but it felt that way for me. I got so much out of it in a business sense to be like actually the checklist that you have at the end of every chapter. I'm going to go back and put them in a Google doc for myself and kind of like actually start, you know, taking some actionable steps to take my business to that next level. But on the other side, lots of like kind of emotional realizations for me. So.
01:07:10
Speaker
thank you so much everyone has to read the book I will pop the link to Olivia's website and socials and the book in the show notes you've seriously just you're so inspiring and thank you for being so honest and transparent I think that's what I love about you and that's what I loved that night at the library so yeah thank you so much um what would be your one piece of advice for um people getting started in business or you know they have a small business that they're trying to make bigger. Let's maybe end on that. ah My biggest piece of advice when this comes through my own learned experience is really take a good hard look at your own ego. Why are you really doing this? And just remove the fluff. like You don't need to get on Instagram and pretend you're killing it if you're not killing it. We all start somewhere. You will get further in business
01:08:04
Speaker
sharing with your audience the truth behind what it's like building a brand, then sharing, I don't know, like a fabricated PR article that you sold out in one of your product lines in nine minutes. Like no one's here for that anymore. Bring them on the journey. Be honest, be authentic, be real, be relatable, be very vulnerable. You will build not only a beautiful business, but you will build a community of people that want to support you because they see themselves in you. No one anymore sees themselves in people who are only sharing the highlight reels. Like, you know, I had a page with my partner, I'll finish on this, called Retail Romantics. It was this cute thing about our love story. And I just took it down because I was like, you know what? Whilst every post was real, it was very one dimensional. It kind of showed the silliness of our relationship. It showed the fun, it showed all the loving moments. It did not show what I call being in the mud.
01:09:00
Speaker
And I was like, that's not, I'm not putting out there that relationships are this like, and it happened just by accident because it was just stupid, funny videos, but people would go to events and they'd be like, Oh my God, you guys are the cutest. You've got the best. No, we don't. It's the hardest relationship I've ever been in. We have had to fight so hard to stay in it. And I was like, so I took the page down and I was like, yeah fundamentally I will not like subscribe to this. Everything is perfect. I want people like this conversation where I'm being real about it. It's the most challenging relationship, but it's most fulfilling, beautiful. Be that. Show people how hard business is, but in a beautiful, loving way. You are en snap inspire people. Your purpose will come through. If you don't know what your purpose is, the more real you are with yourself, your purpose will start to uncover itself.
01:09:50
Speaker
Wow, thank you, Olivia. You are truly living your passion. And I'm just so, I'm so glad that you're sharing that with me and my community, like, yeah, your purpose. That you chose to come up to me. Well, one, I'm thankful that you chose to come for the walk because you chose that time for you. And I'm super grateful that nine weeks into motherhood, you chose to give up that precious time this morning to be with me. And I sincerely mean that. Like I'm, I don't know if you can see, I'm meaning Terry, like motherhood is, hands down one of them the most challenging, messy, hard, all the things, every day is a hard door, every day as a parent is a hard door, but you chose to sacrifice that time with her this morning and I'm truly, truly grateful, so thank you. Thank you so much Liv, you're amazing.