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Episode 162: Impostors Are We
464 Plays2 years ago
Hello, Podwalkers, and welcome back to another episode of the Goblin Lore Podcast! We wanted to let everyone know that September is Suicide Awareness/Prevention Month. As promised, we keep Mental Health Links available every episode. But For general Mental Health the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has great resources for people struggling with mental health concerns as well as their families. We also want to draw attention to this article on stigma from NAMI's site.
On today's episode we have the triumphant return of Chase after too long of an absence. We are also joined by returning guest Reinhardt as the four Goblins attempt to tackle Impostor Syndrome. The cast previously discussed this topic way back in Episode 59 through the lens of Tiana. Alex and Hobbes felt that this topic needed a revist and more perspectives. Also giving Chase the reins means we get more tangential video clips to watch!
Again we would like to state that Black Lives Matter
We also are proud to have partnered with Grinding Coffee Co a black, LGBT+ affiliated and owned, coffee business that is aimed at providing coffee to gamers. You can read more about their mission here. You can use our partner code for discounted coffee!
We also finally have a Linktree with all of our discounts/resources
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If you’re thinking about suicide or just need someone to talk to right now, you can get support from any of the resources below.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
- Veteran's can Press 1 at anytime to be taken to the Veteran's Line
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741-741
- International suicide hotlines: A comprehensive resource list for people outside the US.
- IMAlive: Click Chat Now to access a live online network of volunteers through instant messaging.
- TrevorLifeline, TrevorChat, and TrevorText (LGBTQ+ crisis support): 1-866-488-7386, or text “Trevor” to 1-202-304-1200
- Trans Lifeline (US): (877) 565-8860
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Opening and closing music by Wintergatan (@wintergatan). Logo art by Steven Raffael (@SteveRaffle)
Goblin Lore is proud to be presented by Hipsters of the Coast, and a part of their growing Vorthos content – as well as Magic content of all kinds. Check them out at hipstersofthecoast.com
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Transcript
Reuniting Hosts and Mental Health Awareness
00:00:30
Speaker
Hello Podwalkers, and welcome back to another episode of the Goblin Lore Podcast. This is HobbsQ, my pronouns are he, him, and I am going to be one of your hosts for today. We actually have both hosts together for the first time in a while.
00:00:43
Speaker
So hi, Alex. It's nice to talk to you. Yeah, it's nice to hear your voice. It's been a while. It has been a while. So you want to introduce yourself real quick, and then I'll do some of our announcements. Sure. I'm Alex Newman. And on Twitter, sometimes, not usually, not a lot right now, Mel underscore chronic Claire. My pronouns are he him.
00:01:03
Speaker
So before we get started, we're going to be doing an episode today, returning to a topic that we did. Gosh, I was looking back two years ago, I think, or longer than that. Almost. Yeah, I think it's almost three at this point. Time has no meaning. So before we do that, I want to just kind of say a couple of things. So number one, this episode is coming out during September.
00:01:27
Speaker
I just want to remind everybody that September is suicide awareness and suicide prevention month. So whereas we have not done as much as we have in past years specifically around suicide and kind of just that piece, we still do have all of the kind of warm lines and help lines and crisis line numbers that are available in our show notes.
00:01:48
Speaker
The biggest change I've really wanted to let people know of, especially if they in the past have used any of these, the main one, the kind of the national one and the one that the veterans line spins off of has actually developed into just its own three digit number, similar to 911. That is 988 now. So the idea is to make that an easier, more accessible line for people to get to with being able to also press one to get straight to the veterans crisis line.
Exploring Imposter Syndrome: Personal Stories and Insights
00:02:18
Speaker
So what we're going to be discussing today is we're going to be discussing imposter syndrome. So this is a nice fun topic that I think that we originally discussed Tiana. And we'll kind of go through a little bit about that episode just with a brief recap in a moment. But I want to, we have two guests on today because last time we talked about this, it was Alex and I and then Joe who used to be on the show.
00:02:46
Speaker
And one of the people that we had wanted to have on back then and schedules hadn't worked was Chase. And we haven't had Chase on in so long. They have been not present on their own cast for a while.
00:02:59
Speaker
So it has been a hot minute. I mean, it wasn't that long. We did something, right? Like something I'm pretty sure 99% sure. 99%. So we had, we weren't able to do that episode with Chase. And I know that they think that this is a very important topic and something that they have, you know, experienced and discussed on Twitter openly. And so Chase
Guest Introduction: Chase's Perspective on Imposter Syndrome
00:03:21
Speaker
is back. So Chase, you want to say hi and tell people who you are, where they can find you all that.
00:03:26
Speaker
Yeah. Hi, everybody. My name is Chase, also known as Manicars. I'm a commander content creator. I stream about commander gameplay and deck building. I also write articles currently for Star City Games. Congratulations on that, by the way. Thank you. I'm very excited about that. When I first started making content, Star City was like the end all be all for me. So it's like kind of a full circle moment.
00:03:51
Speaker
And to give a little bit of a background in terms of like credentials, quote unquote. Yeah. To like convey that I'm not just a random person that was chosen to talk about this because of my own personal struggles. But I have a bachelor's in psychology with a master's degree in social work.
00:04:11
Speaker
And before I went to do content full time, I was going to become a social worker, a licensed clinical social worker and be a therapist. So I do have some experience with mental health.
00:04:25
Speaker
I was going to say that's that's an understatement. You've been on here many times. I mean, early on that way, you know, your role is finishing up your degree and kind of your experience with a lot of these mental health topics with the clients that you were seeing. You know, it was one of the main reasons we wanted to pair with you to begin with and allowed you to take over our cast. So we're very, very excited to have you back. Thank you.
00:04:52
Speaker
And then we also have a returning, trying to close it on Chase's number of appearances in some ways, Reinhardt Sanchez.
Reinhardt and Tiana on Self-Doubt in Magic Writing
00:05:01
Speaker
I am going to catch you, Manacurves, one of these days. And yeah, my name is Reinhardt and I am a writer and editor. I'm based out of Minneapolis and yeah, the whole,
00:05:19
Speaker
The whole imposter syndrome thing has really taken on a nifty flair this past couple of years as I've begun to actually write the lore of Magic the Gathering.
00:05:35
Speaker
you know, there are many been many times in my life, just kind of, I have this penchant for like, throwing myself at, like things that seem cool, and all of a sudden feeling way over my head. And getting involved in magic writing was kind of the same way. But um, you know, I, I'm not gonna say I get used to it feeling like that. And that's part of what
00:06:04
Speaker
I think we're going to talk about, but I can say that so far I've survived it and kind of not gotten too down on myself. But yeah, so it's going to be interesting kind of talking about this with everybody.
00:06:20
Speaker
So I did look back, Alex, that you were correct. It's been quite a while since we did this episode. Over 100 episodes ago. Yeah, whatever. Just over 100. Just over 100.
00:06:38
Speaker
we were looking at this really story-wise we had looked at the character of Tiana who was a member of the Weatherlight where we returned to Dominaria who had kind of been thrust into this role of being kind of like the ship's mechanic but was an angel and like there's this whole conversation that really drove a lot of this with Arvad who was kind of like I didn't think you were a battle angel I thought you were an artificer angel and Tiana's like no there aren't any artificer angels he's like well
00:07:06
Speaker
You're the one doing all the work, right? Like you're the one. And she's like, Oh, I don't have any official angel skills. I'm supposed, I'm not supposed to be doing this, but I, you know, I just did this, you know, I just, and Sarah gave me the knowledge. It's a bunch of a downplay of kind of what that ability was because she didn't feel like it was her purpose. And she kind of has to come to grips with the fact that she is a mechanic and like that she is somebody that really is responsible for this on the weather life.
00:07:37
Speaker
Yeah, and it's a role that she wanted too. And I just, I love the deflection and we'll get in more. And I know that we have another Lortai, but one of the things that I love about this that we can kind of get into is we're getting deeper into talking about the topic of imposter syndrome. But one of the things that Tiana was doing was deflecting.
Defining Imposter Syndrome: Luck vs. Merit
00:07:56
Speaker
She spent multiple stories and multiple conversations with different characters. She's done the thing. She has shown that she can do this mechanic stuff.
00:08:04
Speaker
And every time someone goes, Oh, you're really good at this. This should be your job. She's like, No, no, no, I'm not good at this. This doesn't work. She deflects for some some reason, some way somehow. There's always some reason why this is isn't valid. And like you say, Hobbs, I love the well, it's not an official got angel skill. And it's like, well, but if you're good at it, you're an angel, it seems like an angel skill. It seems like an angel skill, right? Yeah. So
00:08:32
Speaker
Let's talk about what imposter syndrome is. So Chase, did you want to take this? You said your background with social work. I think this is something that comes up for a lot of clients, at least that I've worked with.
00:08:43
Speaker
Yeah. Um, for me, uh, imposter syndrome is, is sort of just like the feeling that, you know, you are the exception to the rule. Like you don't, you don't belong. You're, you're lucky. I liked, I like to think of it as like, Oh, you're lucky. Like I only got here because of XYZ. I did not really earn it. I did not really achieve this. It was due to extenuating circumstances, things like that. Yep.
00:09:08
Speaker
And kind of the flip side being that everybody else who's there that has
Fear of Being 'Found Out' Despite Success
00:09:12
Speaker
been at that same level as you, they all earned it through their skill and hard work. Yeah, it was like they did the thing, but like, I got lucky, oopsies. That's definitely how I feel. Yeah.
00:09:24
Speaker
Um, I think last time we talked about this, Alex, I mentioned that idea of like, you're, you're always afraid that you're like a moment away from being discovered and it's, it's going to just fall apart. As soon as anybody looks into it, they're going to discover that you don't belong. Yep.
00:09:42
Speaker
Yeah, and that's a big part. I know for myself, and this was a story I kind of shared in a previous episode, but that was three years ago. And as we say a lot, if something is important, it's worth kind of revisiting it. And frankly, I'm honestly surprised it was that long ago. I thought this is one of those topics that I thought we talked about more. I think it comes up here and there, but we haven't done a full episode on it. But so for myself,
00:10:06
Speaker
A number of years ago, I want to say it was 2015, I went to GP Charlotte at the time because I was writing for a website where a lot of folks were kind of in that area. So they were all, we're all going to meet up and it was going to be the first time I was going to get a chance to meet most of these people. And so met up with them. That was great. But then I think Friday night and then Saturday, there was going to be a podcaster dinner. Well, at the time I wasn't a podcaster. I was just a magic writer in my head.
00:10:33
Speaker
So I'm like, well, that's a podcaster dinner, so I don't belong there. But I just happened to be hanging out with our editor and a friend of his who Jeff Good is the guy who introduced Hobbs and I and a number of other Minneapolis people. And so I was just hanging out with them at the hotel, we were playing cube doing some magic and stuff. And so then they kind of head down to the venue, like, all right, we're going to go to the restaurant and do the podcaster dinner. And this whole time,
00:11:00
Speaker
I'm like, well, I'd love to go. I'd love to hang out with these folks, but I don't belong. So at some point they're going to tell me that I should just leave because I don't belong and that will be the night and I'll go hang out for a little bit and then go back to my hotel room. But I just kept following them and nobody said anything. And then we're walking to the restaurant and then we're in the restaurant and then I sit down and we're eating and the
Feeling Out of Place in Industry Events
00:11:20
Speaker
whole, and for, I don't know, maybe an hour. I'm sitting there and in my head it's just,
00:11:25
Speaker
This thought wasn't purely, you know, purely in a sentence conscious level. And I think if it was, I'd have realized how absurd it was. But I kind of had this sense that, you know, don't talk too loud, or I can't laugh too loud, because if I do, someone's going to look at me and realize I don't belong. And somehow halfway through the appetizer, they're going to drag me out of the restaurant for some reason. And I don't know, after about an hour, I think is when that
00:11:50
Speaker
dwelling on that it became a little more conscious and I was a little more cognizant of what it was and I realized how absurd that was and I was able to kind of let go and enjoy myself but it was like that this whole time I had this sense that I didn't belong despite the fact that it was they called it a podcaster dinner because there was probably 10 different podcasts that had folks who were meeting up but not everybody there was a podcaster I knew that I was sitting next to somebody who wasn't a podcaster but for some reason in my head I didn't belong
00:12:17
Speaker
So Reinhardt, you kind of mentioned, you know, we want we're talking about like, we'd like to have some more story tie in and story is kind of, you know, you've written for magic story, you've kind of, you know, you have a lot of background with the Lord and you brought Crovax to the table. It's kind of funny, we're going to another member of the
00:12:33
Speaker
the weather light, which is the irony was not lost on me. Um, so do you want to say a little bit just kind of about, you know, either your own experience with either imposter syndrome or just kind of what your, what your understanding of it is, is we bring up that topic.
Metaphor of Imposter Syndrome in Magic Lore
00:12:50
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I'll start with kind of summarizing my thoughts on Crovax. So I brought him up because, you know, most, most people familiar with the lore absolutely know Crovax as a villain, as the Evan Carr of Wrath, one of the
00:13:09
Speaker
principal antagonists to Gerard and that, you know, Gerard and Sisay and the first, I think it's technically the second, crew of the Weatherlight.
00:13:22
Speaker
And I, I mean, I will flat out admit, I know him as the person who stands above squeeze dead body, laughing maniacally and wanting to kill him 100 times a day. So yeah, exactly. So you really got exactly when you said this and presented this to us, I had to check some of my own emotions.
00:13:41
Speaker
Yeah, no, because that that is the image. I mean, the nemesis novel is that for a couple of hundred pages of this guy who, you know, getting to know him during the wrath stories and and really seeing his his journey more on the cards than really in the books even.
00:14:06
Speaker
you see that he starts out as like he's a nobleman he's of of the the Weatherlight crew he has the highest station um and even though that's the case he clearly has the biggest inferiority complex um possibly and probably due to the fact that he doesn't feel that he
00:14:31
Speaker
has done anything to kind of earn that station. He's in the presence of real heroes. Sisay at this point is a known hero. And so that insecurity colors everything that he does. He tries to be a hero. And even in his most heroic moments, he fails.
00:14:58
Speaker
He tries to save his family when they're attacked. He's present when Raffelos is killed. And I think that leads him on that path, that bad path of
00:15:17
Speaker
of falling into his vices kind of into that spiral of thinking that he's not worth anything and that allows him to be kind of sweet talked in a way by the phyrexians to embrace what they plan for him and you know he does and he you know he has a very interesting end his his he has a death scene
00:15:42
Speaker
And his, unlike a lot of characters who kind of just die in magic lore, like you are given a scene where his spirit is taken away by the, I guess it's the disembodied spirit of Selenia, which is the angel who kind of also was part of his old insecurity.
00:16:10
Speaker
And so like, I think that very much parallels, I mean, hopefully not everything that I feel goes into imposter syndrome. Not that I want to like, uh, you know, hurt anybody, but the, that spiral that thinking that, Oh, it was like, like Alex said that thinking of like, I don't belong here. I, what have I done to be in this situation? You know, I somehow stumbled into this situation.
00:16:39
Speaker
I'm over my head, when they find out they're gonna boot me out and then what am I gonna do? That kind of feeling. And I can say like, credential-wise in writing, I've been an editor for around 20 years, worked in editorial, all different types of editorial.
00:17:04
Speaker
I've written during that time, I have an MFA from a school in New York City. I have degrees that supposedly say I know what I'm doing, but of course, that doesn't help you when you don't feel like you know what you're doing.
00:17:30
Speaker
Yeah, and I think that's kind of where I see myself inhabiting that space, if that makes sense.
Overworking to Prove Worth: A Common Struggle
00:17:41
Speaker
Yeah, I think coming back, the areas I think of is that kind of the hallmark pieces being either that you're going to be found out at any moment or it kind of like Chase said, you got lucky to be where you are. So you have to keep trying to prove yourself. So you have to keep working harder and harder and harder and harder and taking on more just so that you can keep putting things out so that people think that you belong. I absolutely feel that way. Absolutely. You know, um,
00:18:08
Speaker
I guess I'm not bashful to say that as far as credentials in a specific kind of writing, fantasy writing, that's where I really feel that imposter syndrome.
Continuous Self-Doubt Despite Credentials
00:18:23
Speaker
I spent most of my career writing not fantasy. It's fantasy when I think about something to read, fantasy is not the first thing I think of as something that I love to read. It's something that I'm learning still.
00:18:43
Speaker
I, you know, I was part of this talent search where Wizards put an open call out saying, hey, send us a story. So I sent them the only fantasy story I had ever written and published. One. I won. One story. That's it. And they picked it. And then I was like, well, now I'm here.
00:19:05
Speaker
I better make the best of whatever this is until they find me out and kick me out. So that's where I am right now. Yeah.
00:19:15
Speaker
I will say that I have this in my professional life. I had to think about this the other day. I train students. I'm a supervisor and I have my initial meetings with trainees and I feel like I need to over explain that I'm good enough to be their supervisor when I have been a licensed
00:19:37
Speaker
clinical psychologist for, you know, seven years going on 10 with all of my experience in the VA. And I've worked with students for a long time. And I almost feel that I'm like, I need to justify to them because if not, they're going to find out and then somehow my bosses are going to find out and I'm going to just lose my job. And that's my head. Yeah.
00:19:59
Speaker
Yeah. And to get to kind of the writing thing that Reinhardt was talking about too, this is the first sort of arena that I heard about it. It doesn't exist in other places, but for myself, like fiction writing was a hobby that I pursued. And it's honestly, it's something I kind of want to get back to, but I haven't.
00:20:16
Speaker
touched it for a while. At least for me, it was at the hobby level when I was looking at
Creative Professionals Battling Imposter Syndrome
00:20:21
Speaker
it. But when you start to kind of get into that, you start listening to podcasts or reading stuff or kind of getting into different communities. I heard a lot of people talking about this topic of imposter syndrome.
00:20:32
Speaker
I don't know, this is one of those things that could be encouraging or discouraging depending on how you take it, but I want to say the impression that I had early that, well, once you get more successful, it'll go away is false. That's not how it works, unfortunately, at least for me. And it's like, kind of the good side of it is it's like, well, this is something that everybody, maybe not exactly everybody, but lots and lots of people are dealing with, very successful people in different fields are dealing with it.
00:20:59
Speaker
So on the minus side, maybe it means it doesn't go away like you might be hoping, but at least it's a thing that you know, if you can find ways to work through it and to deal with it,
00:21:13
Speaker
you know that those are going to be skills that you will get to continue using and continue to exercise. Though there is always something we found that Hobbs can attest to with this podcast in particular, you find different things that will trigger that feeling that you weren't expecting as you go along, which is, again, always exciting to find those. And I'm saying that sordonically. It always kind of sucks to get that feeling and to feel
00:21:43
Speaker
down like that. But again, at least now that we've been doing this for a while, I have for myself, I can say I have a better idea of how to handle this. I have a better idea how to work through this for myself. And so even when I'm finding it in new circumstances, new and exciting ways, I still have some tools that I can work through it. And I think we're going to talk about some tools. So I wanted to give Chase a chance to
00:22:08
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, one thing I noticed is that like, I agree with what you said about how people would assume like the more successful you are, the better it gets. I actually think it gets worse. The more successful you are or like the more success you achieve, it just gets harder. I think because you're like, Oh my God, I'm in the long con now.
00:22:31
Speaker
I feel like I've really, I've really fooled them this time. It's been like three years, no, it's found out. I feel like that's kind of where it's at in my opinion. And I think, I don't know, like to put into my own perspective of honestly, even being like a content creator, the things that should excite you tend to kind of be the things that are also the things that make you feel kind of that imposter syndrome thing. So like,
00:23:00
Speaker
you know, oh, this time around I didn't get a preview card or this time around I didn't get a PR box and now I must be, I must be, they found me out, you know. I genuinely hate that that's something that I go through and I think of like, I'm like, I should be excited about this and this should be a really cool experience for me. And yet I'm like, I'm ruining it for myself by like lacing it with this, you know,
00:23:29
Speaker
this, this sort of like cabal shadow of a group of people who have like done a deep dive on me and they're like, ah, yeah, Chase had a typo in their article that one time. No, or, or, you know, Chase used EDH rec for, for, for deck build once.
00:23:46
Speaker
net decking fake fan or something like that. Like, there's definitely, you know, the stronger that you get, it unfortunately gets stronger with you. And I don't really enjoy that. And for me, it's really difficult because like, I know we're about to talk about tools, I have found it very difficult to find tools for myself. And I really try. I'm like, I'm like,
00:24:11
Speaker
As somebody who literally has training, I know how the sausage is made. I'm like, I know what I could logically tell myself. That's not going to work for me. But then someone else tells me, I'm like, you're lying. I don't get it. It's so weird and I hate it, but finding tools is for something like this.
00:24:31
Speaker
It's so difficult because you're like, oh, well, this is small in comparison to XYZ's problems or, you know, I could be like, you know, you know, I could be having money issues or I could be doing this, but instead I'm like worrying about myself. And then this is whole cyclical thing of garbagey, gooey badness.
00:24:51
Speaker
yeah the fact is like you said well well this person is giving me these tools but that's just because you know they're not they're not an imposter so they don't actually have to worry about being found out i actually have to worry about the real deal
00:25:07
Speaker
Something I wanted to bring up actually was, and this is actually a question I wanted to ask everybody here, because everyone here in some way, shape or form creates content for public consumption, whether it's a stream or a podcast or written work or whatever.
Staying Confident with a Faceless Audience
00:25:27
Speaker
That's got to make it harder. The tools that someone could have to be more confident at work or more confident when speaking to maybe family members who are difficult. I mean, how do you do that to a faceless, nameless person on the internet or hundreds of them? Especially streaming, that's incredibly intense.
00:25:58
Speaker
So like what what do you do? It's so hard because I really wish I had an answer. There's some days where I feel so strong in myself that I'm like, it's fine. I'm fine. And then there are other days where I feel horrible. And that's that's something that I feel is is
00:26:16
Speaker
is a process that you're never going to stop learning when you're in this field, career choice, what have you. I was recently having a bit of a struggle month and my friend E.K.
00:26:34
Speaker
Um, he was talking to me and he, um, you know, he was saying, you know, it doesn't really matter what, like who X, like what X, Y, and Z do what these other people do. You know, like, are you, are you,
00:26:49
Speaker
not better, but are you changed or different or in a better place than you were in a year ago? What is the progress that you have made since you from a year ago or two years ago or something? That has helped me a little bit.
00:27:07
Speaker
comparing the distance that I've traveled based on that certain amount of time has helped me. Another thing that has helped me, and I've stolen this from Game Grumps, but it does work, is reading meme comments or meme chats, reading them in the voice of Dale Gribble from King of the Hill really helps.
00:27:30
Speaker
Because, you know, having somebody tell you that you suck and that you should die hurts. But if you hear it, you suck and you should die. I don't feel that bad anymore when I hear it in that sort of Dale Gribble accent. It's kind of funny you mentioned that that's one of the strategies from acceptance and commitment therapy. And I think I think that is an area that we could look to, right? Because acceptance is not
00:27:55
Speaker
Acceptance is not about trying to change thoughts. It's about acknowledging them and seeing them for what they are. And it's also to get us less fused or kind of stuck in our thoughts. So we've talked about cognitive distortions on here. Alex, you kind of mentioned them.
00:28:10
Speaker
Some of those are amenable pretty well to kind of some of the challenging. Um, even those, some of the strategies are things like humor, but with, uh, you mentioned the Dale
Humor and Voices as Defense Mechanisms
00:28:20
Speaker
Gribble voice. Well, there's one that you're basically just supposed to take words that like, you know, either hurtful words or, or thoughts that you have difficulty with and you just say them in different voices. Like you literally just say them or you say the same word over and over again until like you see, it doesn't really have the power or the meaning to it. Mm-hmm.
00:28:39
Speaker
So I like the Dale Gribble version. I think I was just like just Yoda or just like random high pitch things, but you can't make it as serious. It forces you to step back. Definitely.
00:28:52
Speaker
So one that I say, for me, maybe I'll answer my question. Maybe I'll answer for myself before I start saying something else that I'm curious on y'all's reaction to. So for myself, fortunately, I am not terribly active or, I don't want to say present, but I'm not terribly visible.
00:29:13
Speaker
I create, you know, we do a most of the time weekly podcast, but just both my- 75% of the time for four years, Alex. But also where I am present sort of online, there isn't a ton of, I don't get a ton of actual interaction with folks. So I don't tend to have more of the in your face issue, you know, stuff like that to kind of deal with. And I'll say for myself, at least early on in the podcast,
00:29:40
Speaker
I dealt with it in, I don't want to say an unhealthy way, but not a healthy way, which was mostly to ignore it and pretend it didn't exist. And that I just kind of came out of chat, which is kind of what I did for a year and a half when I wrote articles. That was easier. I wrote for websites that don't exist anymore and didn't get a lot of traffic then.
00:29:58
Speaker
But for the last four years, I've forced myself to deal with the fact that I am talking into a microphone and my voice gets put onto the internet for people to listen to. I know people are going to download this episode. People are going to listen to this. People are going to hear me, in a weird sense, talking about them hearing me.
00:30:20
Speaker
Again, it helps that there isn't a lot of direct stuff, but for myself, especially with what we've done, I try to keep in mind what we've done with this cast. In the last couple of years with the mental health stuff, trying to make a focus of mental health, it makes me feel good that I've participated and worked and helped to build this thing that I think is doing some positive stuff.
00:30:42
Speaker
if nothing else, just keeping some of these conversations and trying to normalize some of these conversations that are important, that people have a hard time having. And something that I've done kind of in response to this, and I don't know if this is so much a dealing with imposter syndrome or if it's just sort of an ancillary of this whole thing, is I've started to try to do more of that
00:31:05
Speaker
have more of those conversations and do more of that advocacy in other parts of my life. Like at work, I will talk about this more openly. I will find times where we're sharing stuff about ourselves at work and I will mention the podcast and then say, and we talk about mental health stuff and this is important because I have social anxiety and this is important topics to talk about. And I know
00:31:25
Speaker
I've gotten some feedback from co-workers that thank me, usually in private with an email or something afterwards, but they'll thank me for having these conversations and being frank about this. And I am also very privileged to be at a place where I can do that. I want to acknowledge that, that my work is, I both work for a place and I just myself, I have a lot of privilege.
00:31:49
Speaker
That helps me even when I'm kind of struggling with, well, we're going to record today and I don't know if I feel like I have enough to say about the thing, but usually, especially if Hobbs is there or Chase or Reinhardt or any other guests and stuff that we have, that usually helps some. Because I'm like, if nothing else, I'll have a conversation with this person.
00:32:08
Speaker
And usually, at least in my head, I can put a little bit of, they'll have something interesting. I can kind of have a conversation off of that and hopefully in there I will contribute in some way that's meaningful. I don't know, hopefully that was coherent. And again, there is...
00:32:25
Speaker
Are you feeling impostory right now? One thing, and I know I guess you haven't responded yet, Hobbs, unless you're ready to go with your thing and then I could follow up. I don't even remember where we started this. Reinhardt asked kind of how we deal with it.
00:32:47
Speaker
Oh God. Is that a fair characterization of your question Reinhardt? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In very general, like putting stuff out there for people that you don't know how to prepare for that, how to deal with that. God.
00:33:06
Speaker
So it is funny. In Magic, I have less of it. I feel like I still have it. There are days when I don't believe that we've been doing this podcast for four years. And so people will say something to me. And I'm like, no, no, this is just something that Alex and I do. It's going to be gone and off the Internet very shortly. And it's weird to have to admit that we've been consistently doing this. And so I don't feel I still feel that at some point
00:33:31
Speaker
We're going to ask a guest to come on the show, and they're laterally going to laugh at me. I do. I get that thought. And we've gotten to work with incredible creators whose work we respect. And I always feel like they're going to laugh at me. I do. Humor is one of my ways of dealing with this. But I think kind of the other piece, when I think of imposter syndrome, that for me is
00:33:59
Speaker
I think it is trying to. Gosh, see, I don't know. Like I mean, we did this episode before and I remember literally struggling through this because I know what I would tell people to do. And I know that this is an area that I.
00:34:13
Speaker
like failing, like I flat out expect that somebody's going to come into my office one day and just be like, you didn't actually get your PhD. You know that, right? Oh my God. Yeah. I don't have a PhD, but that was my biggest fear. Oh my God. When I was a, when I was an intern and I had my, my like little group of clients, I had a, I had seven individual clients and like a nine, a group of like nine adolescents and they were like,
00:34:42
Speaker
So you're not even licensed. And I was like, no, I'm, I'm a student. And they go, Oh, I'm like, wow. Cutting it up quick. Right. Tiny kid. Like, that's what I yeah, like, I've like thinking I'm like sitting here going, God, I do this on a day to day basis. And I sit in session thinking, if only they could be in my head, they would know that I'm not a good therapist. And
00:35:09
Speaker
You know, like I can get people telling me like you did a great job and I'm going to be like, yeah, sucker, I got another one fooled. Uh, and someday I'm going to get called into a review and they're going to be like, did you know that you don't actually like have a job?
00:35:24
Speaker
Do you even get a paycheck here anymore? Um, but no, uh, I think that humor is one of my ways of dealing with imposter syndrome. I do try to make light of it. Um, I, I think that that is, is Chase was saying with the voices piece of it is to make me kind of have to hear it out loud or kind of hear how silly it actually sounds. Um, but I'm not good at it. Like I, I'm not.
00:35:48
Speaker
So here's a random thing.
Acceptance and Persistence Amid Self-Doubt
00:35:50
Speaker
So here's the episode where I think I finally have hit the point of we're like, ha ha ha, I am a mental health professional with tons of information who knows nothing. If I could, there's something that I've done in the past that I actually feel like is harmful to do in the present. And I think these are my favorite. I think that these could genuinely tie is that there are some tools that I think when you use an excess can actually be harmful to you. For me, fact checking.
00:36:17
Speaker
Constantly, constantly. Fact checking has been a very harmful tool for me. And when I mean harmful, I mean, it has impacted my relationships. So I'll text, insert friend's name here and be like, oh my God.
00:36:33
Speaker
Did somebody tweet this at me? Do they hate me or oh my god? Um, I I'm I'm feeling like I do not belong because I did not get a preview card this time around and like You know once to twice you're like, you know like you're leaning on your support group But I to an extent I would do it to excess about like every single little thing yeah, it eventually became a negative tool and like
00:37:01
Speaker
I think that, I feel like we, we don't talk about, this is kind of me veering off into self care. I'm going to get out of it though. But like, you know, there are some moments where you think, why just stay with it. Self care to self care can also be a form of self harm. There's a lot of tools that we ourselves really utilize that turn into a form of self harm. I know none of y'all here watch euphoria, but there's a scene in euphoria.
00:37:31
Speaker
where I think her name is Cassie, she wanted to get the attention of this guy and they're in high school. So every single morning she would wake up at 4am to get ready for school. She would like take a shower and like shave and like exfoliate her skin and scrub and face masks and like did her hair and her makeup and stuff and like
00:37:52
Speaker
You know, she was doing what people would consider to be self-care, you know, taking care of yourself, making sure that you look nice and that you feel nice, but she was doing it in order to present herself to this guy and get his attention. And each day that he didn't give her attention, she would do it harder. 4 a.m., wake up every day to get to school at 8. And like, you know, at first glance, you're like, oh, she's taking care of herself.
00:38:16
Speaker
But that's to an excess where it doesn't become self-care. It's definitely a form of self-harm. You're doing this to yourself every single day. You're waking up early. You're rubbing your skin raw. You're doing all these different things. And at a point, sometimes what we utilize as tools to benefit us can sometimes harm us.
00:38:36
Speaker
Okay, I swear this is not planned. This tangent often to well, what they said was a tangent often to kind of left field and unrelated actually brought me back to what I was thinking of earlier when my mind shut down on me, which was
00:38:52
Speaker
One of the things that I am a big believer in is trying to focus on process, not outcome. So I talk about this a lot and with the population I work with, I talk a lot about this with sports, but magic is a really good analogy in the same way that it is for sports, which is when people start being very results oriented and only focusing on the outcome and not how they got there.
00:39:17
Speaker
You know, we could talk about when you learn skills. And so, you know, Chase, you're talking about a lot of different skills. How you're using them is just as important of if you're using them and what the actual outcome is. So we talk about like communication skills. You can practice how to be assertive. You can go through steps. You can work on assertiveness yourself.
00:39:36
Speaker
And you could use assertiveness with somebody in your life that is important and you could be skillful at it. You could use it in kind of a very clear cut way that we know tends to lead to success and have it go horribly wrong.
00:39:54
Speaker
If what you learned from that was, well, I don't do this again, that's where you can run into issues. Same with magic, right? If you look at a game as whether you just won or lost a game, let's say, especially more than competitive sphere and not even in the games that you won, how did you win? How did you get there? Deck building could be the same way. How did you build a deck, right? Like what is the process? And I think for me, for imposter syndrome,
00:40:19
Speaker
One way to kind of help me in that way is to focus on the process of creation. So like Alex and I doing this cast, we have a lot of flexibility because this is not tied to necessarily Alex and I's income. So in this way, it is a little bit of a separation. But it is kind of that idea of like, well, are we doing what we said that we wanted to do? Is the process there for creation?
00:40:40
Speaker
talking to the people that we wanna talk to. Are we preparing in a way that is good? I think of when you're writing an article, Chase, you want the numbers, you want the downloads, and sometimes they're not gonna be there.
00:40:53
Speaker
Uh, I feel that way with this show and Alex doesn't look at that. I think it's smart. Alex, like it completely is. I will admit we should all be like Alex. No, seriously. Like there are days like a new episode comes out that I'm refreshing. Like numbers, right? And you're like, you're like constantly reading the comments and you're like, I'm here. It's going to come. It's going to happen.
00:41:14
Speaker
This is the episode where nobody is ever gonna listen to us and we're gonna get zero downloads on a new episode day or We only got downloads because of ex-guest and not anything to do with us. Oh my god. Yes and
00:41:29
Speaker
So I have to think about, like, well, are we – we have a lot of conversations, Alex, about what we want this cast to be about and what it is that's important to us. And so I have to kind of step back and say, well, did we do that, in my opinion? How did we approach the episode? What went into it? And I can't get caught in just looking at number of downloads. I mean, because – yeah.
00:41:53
Speaker
I'll say, if you don't mind me jumping in there, that for the most part, I think that aiming towards maybe not having to do it all the time is good, not looking at the numbers all the time. But I'll say for myself, I have over the last four years tried to pay more attention to that. Not to that extreme, but because for myself, when we started, I kind of pretended nobody listened.
Embracing Contributions to Mental Health Awareness
00:42:17
Speaker
Don't worry, nobody does. There isn't necessarily a lot of harm in that, but still, I was kind of checked out to some degree in a way that wasn't the best, and especially as we're going on, it's better for me. I found for myself that I get more out of this when I realize, like I said,
00:42:38
Speaker
One of the big things for me is I'm thinking about, I know people listen to this and I know some, what we've said has helped some people, especially with some of the mental health stuff. We're doing a lot of good representation things. A lot of great guests have come on and that's just, I'm so, so happy about all the people who we've gotten on this cast and who've come on and had conversations with us.
00:43:00
Speaker
So if I completely ignore that stuff, then I'm missing that part of it. And, and so that's where not, let's say we did try to get, give me access to the numbers and there was some weird things where that didn't work super well. So just every so often I'll talk to Hobbs about it and, and I'll look at that. But so it is a thing I'm trying to do some. Obviously I don't want to immerse myself too deeply, you know, to the point of excess on the other side, but I think there is something good to be had in
00:43:28
Speaker
Recognizing I know you were talking about this chase earlier.
00:43:31
Speaker
You were talking about taking that time to look at what you have done and what you have gotten done and accomplished through your journey in whatever timeframe or whatever you're looking at. And that's the thing I found for myself. About a year, maybe two years after I started therapy for my social anxiety was diagnosed, started therapy, started working on this. I was feeling uneasy. I was kind of feeling in a weird spot. And I realized when I finally sat down,
00:43:59
Speaker
And I looked through, and I thought about different parts of my life, and I thought through all of this stuff. I realized that I was happy with where I was at in all of these different areas. And while there was stuff that I was sort of aiming for that I hadn't hit, I'd done a lot. And I'd missed all of the things that I had done because I was staring at the horizon to the things I hadn't hit yet. And by taking that moment, and there's nothing wrong with staring at the horizon and going for stuff, that's great. But because I wasn't paying attention to what I had done, and I wasn't looking back on any of that,
00:44:30
Speaker
I was kind of misbalanced or out of balance or I don't know, good term for it. And taking that time to sit down and think through that really helped. I can use my cool vocabulary. I believe you were experiencing dissonance. Always like having more vocabulary.
00:44:51
Speaker
That's an SAT word right there. It's stuff like this. I try to view as a dance that doesn't stop or like waves, like things ebb and flow. Just like your relationship with mental health, I truly don't think that you can like quote unquote fix something or make it go away.
Techniques for Managing Anxiety and Self-Doubt
00:45:12
Speaker
I think you just kind of have to learn to like
00:45:15
Speaker
you know, like learn the Walt, learn to waltz with it comfortably. And try and be the lead instead of having it lead you as kind of I like to personify things sometimes. People tell me that they personified like their feelings of anxiety or depression or even like imposter syndrome as like, like a Karen. And then you can just kind of yell at it. I've had I've tried that before. And it's actually kind of worked. Because like, you know, like
00:45:43
Speaker
My brain is just like, Oh man, you know, you only got here because you're lucky, you know, because you're feminine presenting and, and you know, you, you did, you know, you just, you just knew the right people at the right time. And then I'm like, wow, shut up Lillian. What the heck? If you just phrase it that way, I think it helps a lot. You're like, Deborah, you need to lay off me. Like if you, if you give them, if you give them a name, it kind of helps. Cause then you're like, you need to shut up Deborah.
00:46:12
Speaker
It helps a little bit. That's another tool. Sometimes I use, I haven't used it in a while, but I think I'm going to pick it back up again. You name it, right? Like you give it a name and you can then.
00:46:24
Speaker
The other thing I was going to say, we talked about a little bit. Do you mind if I take one? Oh, yeah, go ahead. It was one kind of follow up to that. Because for me, for my social anxiety in particular, I kind of did the reverse, where I kind of thought of it as like this really overprotective friend that was trying to protect me from ridiculous things that don't exist. And like, you know, the social anxiety was kind of how I got there is kind of
00:46:48
Speaker
thinking about it like this part of my brain that has decided that being embarrassed was the equivalent to being eviscerated by a saber-toothed tiger. And so I needed to try to avoid it at all costs. And by kind of making it that absurd, that helped me kind of contextualize this. And then that just kind of pulled the personality of, okay, this is just the overprotective impulse that's trying to protect me, but doesn't realize the harm that it's doing in trying to protect me from things that don't actually exist.
00:47:18
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's exactly it. When I was referring to the spiral before, it's that self-renewing process of you looking forward, anticipating this unavoidable horror show, and just creating that horror show in the present when you don't have to. And a lot of times, I'll absolutely
00:47:48
Speaker
be doing that of like, you know, thinking like, you know, this horrible thing is going to happen. Oh my God, like I'm going to turn this story and then they're going to know. Oh my God, they're going to read it. And they're like, what were we thinking with this guy? Right. And, and just like imagining like horrible emails or, or like, you know, even very nice emails that are basically like, uh, okay, you can leave now. Um,
00:48:16
Speaker
And at those at those times, you know, I kind of have to force myself like, all right, stop, stop right here. Stop. Do not think anything like it doesn't matter why you're in this moment or doesn't matter how you've gotten to this particular predicament. You know, you've had you're here. This is the this is the goal or challenge in front of you. How how are you going to
00:48:46
Speaker
negotiate with it. How are you going to get through it? Don't think about the pain that will come afterward or don't think about the consequence or just how do you get through this moment right now? That has helped me so many times. Yeah, being in the present moment, right? Like it's just you're not trying to like Alex said, there's kind of like the the forest for the trees analogy or kind of looking at the horizon. And Chase, you mentioned kind of the waltz piece to it.
00:49:16
Speaker
Which makes me think of too, their analogy is thinking of like animals in the brain. Like, you know, they might be miserable, but then like, as soon as they're inside, they forget about it. Whereas humans, we tend to really hold onto that. And we don't just like experience it. We kind of take ourselves out of the present moment and we're wallowing more so than we're acknowledging. Oh my God. Yeah. Today. Today.
00:49:39
Speaker
I'm not saying anything about like today, but like today, like it's just like, I was looking really like stressed out about drama and I'm like, wow, I'm just feeling really stressed out about drama. And then I called my friend cause I was in my feelings and I was sad and I was like, Hey, do you want to go get tacos? And he was like, yeah, let's go get tacos. And then we got tacos. And as soon as we were like walking down my apartment stairs to go get tacos, and I was talking about him, I'm like, wow, I feel infinitely better because I'm just like focusing on
00:50:07
Speaker
Real life and and what I'm doing right now and not the imaginary things I I really Hobbs I know I've talked to you about you know things that your child should watch on TV because obviously I am very good at you know, hey Childhood mental health. Yeah. Yeah, obviously we're what you're saying is we're approaching the Steven Universe talk again It's not Steven Universe this time is whoa, it's adventure time, but fun, okay
00:50:31
Speaker
Rebecca Sugar, who made Steven Universe helped out with Adventure Time. So, you know. Gwen is approaching the age that I was going to start reaching out to you and Alex to have another discussion about Steven Universe. Please do. Make your child watch it.
00:50:47
Speaker
And I'll just say in Hobbs, I have the entire series on DVD in a single box set that you can just bring home for a while. It's OK. OK, so but anyway, Adventure Time. Yeah. So there's there's one thing that that Jake the dog said specifically that really stuck with me from Adventure Time, so much so that I've been
00:51:09
Speaker
I'm planning on getting a tattoo about it. You know, because it really has impacted me so much. It's where Finn and this isn't so much as imposter syndrome, but as a good way to I think handle imposter syndrome is where Finn is, you know, stressing out because he his girlfriend didn't laugh at his joke.
00:51:32
Speaker
Um, and he thinks that, you know, oh, she didn't laugh at my joke because, um, she wasted all her laughs on some other guy's joke, which I always think was, um, was really, uh, like a really good, uh, you know, like kind of way of like focusing on something. And I don't have the exact quote in front of me. So this is me kind of ripping, but, um, Jake goes, um, you know,
00:51:55
Speaker
You're focusing all on imaginary problems, man. And then he lifts up his coffee cup and he goes, you see this? This is my favorite cup. And then he threw it out of the window and he threw it out of the window and it crashed and landed outside. And he goes, see, now it's gone. It's out of my life and it doesn't matter anymore because it's not real.
00:52:17
Speaker
I'm not sure I'm ready to show when who has been having a lot of emotion regulation issues, this idea of throwing the mug yet. Yeah, it's really fun. Funny that he's just like, you know, it doesn't. He's like, now it's out of my life and it doesn't matter. You know, you're focusing on imaginary problems. But I thought it was very sweet that at the end of the episode, you see Jake is outside trying to find his mug that he threw out of the window. Yeah. And that broke and like,
00:52:45
Speaker
It's stuff like that. Like, you know, we, we, we build these things up in our minds to be these big monoliths of like immovable objects that are, you know, we can't move past them because they are barricading us.
Real-Life Focus to Alleviate Worries
00:52:58
Speaker
But when you really kind of reframe it in that way, I mean, obviously don't throw a cup out the window, but like, you know, I, I, and I know this might be harmful for others, but when I look at it as, you know, like, I'm really caught up on something that hasn't happened yet.
00:53:13
Speaker
I'm caught up on something that isn't real. It's not tangible. I can't put my hand on it. Um, and I'm, but I'm letting it affect me in such a way. I'm letting it make me anxious. I'm letting it make me doubt myself. I'm letting it make me cry. But when I put into the context of, but it's, it's not real, it's not tangible. And if I put it, if I put it away, if I make it tangible and I chuck it out of the window where I put it in a cupboard,
00:53:39
Speaker
It's gone, you know, and that's something that I also feel kind of helps. I hope this makes sense. I'm going to show you the clip later so you can understand. Link the clip in the episode. I'm giving you something to touch your head. I mean, all of us are kind of talking. I think, you know, Reinhard, I really appreciate you throwing this to all of us to then go, I think, stay fairly on topic.
00:54:09
Speaker
But this idea that, you know, a lot of this is coming back to, you know, imposter syndrome, it is not something that is going to respond well to just the fact checking, right? There are certain things that you talked about, Chase, that there are times that we can use fact checking. There are times that we can bring ourselves out of this because of that. However, the idea behind this, and as you said from the beginning, Reinhardt, you could write down the list of what your credentials are. You still feel that somehow that is going to be discovered and not be
00:54:39
Speaker
either the correct credentials or the right one. So it's not just a simple matter of like, oh, I can look on a piece of paper. I've been licensed for seven years. I've been doing this. Like obviously I'm not going to be found out at this point and kicked out of this job.
00:54:54
Speaker
Yeah, a piece of paper is not going to change the fact of how you feel. Yeah. And so we are talking a lot more about mindfulness here and acceptance.
Mindfulness Over Credentials
00:55:04
Speaker
And maybe that is that, as you said that imposter syndrome, and I think this is why I was struggling with it a lot earlier, is about Alex, you said this on the last episode, but this is our cliche version of fake it till you make it is that you just keep going.
00:55:17
Speaker
And I kind of wanted to circle back to that. So that's perfect. It's almost like we've worked together or something. I don't know. That was in the show notes, everyone. I didn't get the show notes. I have been riffing. You got the show notes.
00:55:36
Speaker
But so they can see you make it. And in this in particular, I think can be most helpful for when you're trying newer things, newer skills that you're not going to be
Persistence and Practice in Overcoming Self-Doubt
00:55:45
Speaker
as skilled at. Because let me tell you, when you haven't done something that you want to try out, you're generally going to mess up a whole bunch. I mean, you may mess up a whole bunch as you get working on it, but
00:55:54
Speaker
you're going to like when i started writing when i started i mean doing this now i'm working on i'm actually writing the first article for for a magic site that i have uh for like five years now it's been it's been at least five years since i've written one and it feels a little weird to get back and try to kick the rest off but
00:56:11
Speaker
When you are starting something like a skill like this, you have to get better. You do the thing, you get better. That's how most skills work. But especially if it's something that you really enjoy. If you read a lot of magic content, you read a lot of novels, you read a lot of books, you listen to a lot of podcasts, and you start trying to do the thing, you're going to have an idea. You're going to have a good idea of quality, or at least quality for you. Things that you like, stuff that's good for you, and you're not going to hit that right away.
00:56:39
Speaker
because you haven't worked on it. And as you start to work on it, you start to learn skills. You start to learn skills you didn't know you needed to, you didn't know existed. It's kind of the cliche joke on sitcoms where people help somebody move their entire apartment and they're like, I'm hurting in muscles I didn't know existed. It's a similar kind of thing when you're doing any sort of creative work or any sort of skill. You're going to run into things you didn't even know existed beforehand. And so it takes some time.
00:57:07
Speaker
to start to learn that and start to build that up. But until you kind of start to do that, you're going to see your own work and be like, well, this is bad. And it's like, but that's how you build your skills and some of that you're going to be able to use depending on the thing.
00:57:21
Speaker
And some of it you're going to have to just keep reworking on. But that's where I think fake it till you make it to be really helpful. Sorry, someone want to jump in there? Oh, I jump in really quick. Yeah, I think everybody is watching the waves. I'm like, Oh, look at everybody's ready to go. Fight for your place to speak. I love everything you said. And it really triggered this this kind of
00:57:48
Speaker
So the thing that I love to do the most kind of in the world is karaoke, which sadly I haven't done since the pandemic because if you think about it, it's possibly the worst thing you could do in a pandemic that involves a respiratory disease.
Community Support as Confidence Booster
00:58:08
Speaker
But a lot of people are scared of going up and singing a karaoke song, even though in general,
00:58:18
Speaker
been many, many karaoke bars all over the world. And universally, it's been a really supportive environment. But of course, you're up there alone. You feel alone. You have this spotlight on you. You have the song that maybe perhaps might be in another language, but oh my God, you had signed up for it. So anyway,
00:58:42
Speaker
a trick that I always have. And I tell the people who are like, dude, I want to I really want to participate in karaoke and you feel like more comfortable being there. And I want to try doing something, but I don't know what to do. And I'm scared. And I'll tell them it's natural, you know, like as someone who's bombed so many times, it's not funny. Actually, it's still funny. But
00:59:08
Speaker
Sometimes it's really good to have just a trick in your pocket, meaning something that you know you can fall back on if you feel that you need something. You want to do something, but you have this little trick that you know will get you past that line once. And that trick in karaoke is called Backstreet Boys. I want it that way.
00:59:31
Speaker
So if you look at it and listen to it, it is an exceedingly easy song to sing. It's in a single octave. You don't have to sing all that. If you just sing the straight melody, it's super easy. And everyone loves it. You will be there.
00:59:54
Speaker
king, queen, whatever, ruler of the roost for that song and you will feel glorious. Everyone learn it. Just go to New England and do Sweet Caroline. You don't even need to be a karaoke bar. Sweet Caroline is another one. Start it anywhere and you will feel better about yourself. What about Don't Stop Believing? Oh, don't stop. Well, that's got to be the right group. Yeah, I could do that. Yeah.
01:00:18
Speaker
It's any group, honestly. I don't care where I am. I think if anyone does that in like a 10-mile radius, my ears perk up. So definitely. Okay, well we know it. In the group, I want to say on at least two occasions, I've heard people's impromptu start singing Bohemian Rhapsody as a group at 4th Street. Oh my God, wow.
01:00:46
Speaker
Mama. Just kill me. Some other people are starting to think you can just pitch in just a little bit and feel like you're contributing, but no one's looking at you because they're all looking at the people who started it. Everyone's there and having a good time. When you pass that threshold where you're like, oh, wait, it's cool, then that's when you can feel yourself open up. I think it's realizing that there are more spaces like that than you think.
01:01:16
Speaker
Mm hmm. In a similar vein, I actually discovered this yesterday and I'm trying to implement it. I'm only on day one of implementing it, but I really like it. It's it's called like the lucky girl effect or whatever.
01:01:35
Speaker
Um, which is a fancy way of saying like fake until you'll make it. I call it the lucky girl effect. Um, and I mean, like I'm non binary, but like I still call it that, but it's like you, you start to just like, you have to constantly think that you were like the luckiest person in the world.
01:01:52
Speaker
You're like, I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I'm like, he's a guy in the world. I'm the luckiest person in the world. Like I'm just like, great. I'm hot. I'm good. What I do is really lucky. And like eventually it's just gonna, it's just gonna work for you. And I know this, it's like, you know, faking until you make it, but I'm not gonna lie. Like I was like, you know, doing that today. I'm like, man, I'm like the luckiest person in the world.
01:02:15
Speaker
Then my favorite book series had a limited edition cover that was dropped a day early and I got a very expensive Blu-ray 50% off and I'm like, so lucky. See? Lucky as girl in the world. It's a small thing, but I think taking those little small things and really reveling in the enjoyment that you have of them,
01:02:39
Speaker
Like, you know, like obviously like me saying I'm the luckiest person in the world did not manifest those things. But saying that made me enjoy the fact that I got those things more. And I think it really impacted my attitude for the day and my perception of the day.
01:02:55
Speaker
In a way, it's kind of like you're highlighting the positive instead of letting yourself highlight the negative because it feels like, at least for me, the default is always to highlight the negative and to group the negatives. This is the thing I've talked to Hobbs about in private chats and he always laughs when I send him a little message about all or nothing thinking. That's a thing that I go through to tie it back to cognitive distortion. So in times where I have days where I'm late for the bus and so I miss the next connection and then I get to work late and then something else small.
01:03:25
Speaker
And all it takes is two or three really fairly small and innocuous things that my brain goes, it's a pattern. Today's a terrible day. It's going to be awful. Nothing good can happen. And I found the way that I deal with that recently is I go, no, no, I'm going to manufacture something good. I'm going to go out to lunch.
01:03:42
Speaker
or I'm going to do order this food. Like the last time this happened, I went and talked to my coworkers and the two of us ordered poke because I love poke. And so it was like the morning was shit. Things were rough, but I had poke for lunch. And then it felt like a good day through the rest of the afternoon. You became a lucky girl. Exactly. Yeah.
01:04:02
Speaker
frame it that way. It really does like do things like you're like, I'm gonna do this nice thing for me because I deserve it. And then you're like, yeah, I'm lucky girl. And you're like, yeah, if you come, I swear to God, if you tackle everything in your life with the confidence and unabashed unafraidness of Elle Woods, you are going to conquer everything. And that's our show for today. You can find both of the hosts on Twitter,
01:04:32
Speaker
Hobbs can be found at Hobbs Q and Alex can be found at Mel underscore chronicler. Feel free to send us any questions, comments, thoughts, hopes, and dreams to goblin lore pod on Twitter or email us at goblin lore podcast at gmail.com. If you would like to support your friendly neighborhood, God slugs to our link tree on our Twitter account and listed in our show notes, this has everything from our discounts for the grinding coffee company to our Patreon.
01:05:01
Speaker
The music for today's show was by Vindergotten, who can be found at Vindergotten at badcamp.com. The art was done by Steven Raphael, who can be found at Steve Raffel on Twitter. Goblin Lore is proud to be presented by Hipsters of the Coast as part of their growing 4thos content. Check them out on Twitter at hipstersmpg or online at hipstersofthecoast.com. Thank you for listening. And remember, goblins like snowflakes are only dangerous in numbers.