Transcript
Speaker: Hey moms, it's Laura Olinger.
Speaker: Welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast.
Speaker: This episode is part two of my conversation with Karine Zuleger, a transformation and mindset life coach.
Speaker: Um, okay.
Speaker: So I want to switch gears a little bit and get into some of like the, like, that was fun.
Speaker: Like I like talking about that, but I want to get into some of like the really like heavy stuff that people can't get elsewhere.
Speaker: Like this is why I have this show because they can get some real tools and resources and support just by listening to this.
Speaker: So I'm
Speaker: I have my own questions, but I see we did get a question that came in the chat from someone.
Speaker: And she said, what is one way to assist in forgiving yourself?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So it's a process of journaling.
Speaker: So what you're going to do is you're going to write out all the different names that
Speaker: that the first portion of it is where you write all the different names of the different people that come immediately.
Speaker: It's like a rapid fire writing, right?
Speaker: So you're going to write 30 different names that immediately pop to your head of like people that you need to forgive.
Speaker: What was so interesting the first time I did this is how far back it went.
Speaker: Oh, really?
Speaker: It was like maybe four.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And so it's pretty interesting when you're just sitting down and like, you know, I forget, oh, I forgive so-and-so for doing this, like in kindergarten, you know, or something, right.
Speaker: You don't realize you're carrying that in there, you know?
Speaker: And then there's a, there's a whole process that you go through in writing out that, you know, I lovingly forgive them, you know, release them.
Speaker: And then the second component of it is in the evening part of the day, you're going to write out, um,
Speaker: that you lovingly forgive yourself and all the names that are, you're used for, you know, that are used for you.
Speaker: So like for me, I had nicknames as a child, you know, or it might be mom or mama or, you know, my husband calls me baby or, you know, whatever, right.
Speaker: Whatever it was, all the different names that I have assumed for myself over the years that I lovingly forgive and release myself also.
Speaker: And it's just a, it's a process.
Speaker: that you go through and it's over a period of time.
Speaker: So you do it in the morning and you do it over at night and then you do it for seven days and we're looking at releasing, releasing ourself.
Speaker: And the reason we, cause when we carry all of that inside of us, it causes health issues.
Speaker: Oh, I believe that.
Speaker: Right, because that goes into that stuffing and that suppressing.
Speaker: So not being able to forgive ourselves, you know, we're carrying around a burden we don't need to be carrying around.
Speaker: Because what's so interesting is that we will keep ourselves on the hook for something that happened 30 years ago that somebody else has that person who we think we need, you know, that we did something to.
Speaker: They're not even thinking about it.
Speaker: Yeah, it's not even on their radar.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, it's not something that you ever need.
Speaker: In fact, I like to burn it.
Speaker: I just burn it and I allow it to be released.
Speaker: And, you know, because that really is, it's a conversation between you and your creator.
Speaker: You know, it's like, please forgive me.
Speaker: I did these things I need to be forgiven for.
Speaker: At least I believe that.
Speaker: And release it and release it.
Speaker: So every time it goes up in flames, I'm like, okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: I'm really curious about that process.
Speaker: Is there any benefit to going to the person or people if they're available in your life to have a conversation about that?
Speaker: Or would there be like, would that be good?
Speaker: Or what do you think?
Speaker: I think it depends on the situation.
Speaker: Often, what I like to ask for is what is the benefit of that?
Speaker: Because is that your ego talking?
Speaker: Is it the ego that wants to
Speaker: I need to be forgiven.
Speaker: Is that coming from a space of that?
Speaker: Or, you know, can I seek forgiveness, you know, do it through the creator, do it through the source, through energy exchange, as opposed to necessarily maybe going to somebody.
Speaker: If you believe that it's a situation where there can be reconciliations,
Speaker: And I guess that that would be a choice, right, that you could make.
Speaker: But I would really weigh the pros and cons and ask yourself, you know, really, is this ego talking, you know, or is this coming from my soul that I would like to have forgiveness for this?
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And just kind of see, like, what would the benefit of that be?
Speaker: You know, kind of explore that a little bit before you acted on everything, because, you know, the last thing you'd want to do is maybe cause more harm or more damage.
Speaker: You know, maybe assess and see where you are.
Speaker: And that's a great answer.
Speaker: So, OK, so the next thing I was thinking of, you know, you mentioned way much earlier in the conversation about.
Speaker: you know, childhood trauma and how you're, you know, you have this kind of knowledge about, you know, zero to eight or, you know, early childhood.
Speaker: And so can you kind of just explain like, what is that even, I mean, I know in my own definition, what like, I think that means because I think there's, there's the extreme trauma.
Speaker: Like we think of like a major incident, you know, whether it's a fire or a divorce or abuse or this or that, but
Speaker: But there's also little like micro traumas, right?
Speaker: Like small things that build up that most people don't consider trauma, but it's just like, you know, it could be, oh, I got embarrassed in front of my class when I was doing show and tell when I was in first grade, but things like that built up, built up, built up, and it never got like resolved.
Speaker: And so it becomes trauma, right?
Speaker: So like when you talk about trauma, which type are you talking about?
Speaker: Or is it everything?
Speaker: I'm specifically addressing big T's.
Speaker: So when we're talking about adverse childhood experiences, this was a study that was done in the nineties.
Speaker: This particular study was done by two doctors, doctors Felitti and Anda.
Speaker: And they actually kind of like, they kind of, they were working in a weight loss situation.
Speaker: They were doing a weight loss study and happened to trip over, um,
Speaker: finding this information and then they dug deep.
Speaker: So what we're looking for, and I have a list of the questions here.
Speaker: So prior to your 18th birthday, did a parent or an adult in the house often swear at you, insult you, put you down, humiliate you?
Speaker: Question number two, did a parent or other adult in the house often push, slap, grab, throw things at you, injure you, ever hit you so hard that you were injured?
Speaker: The third one, did an adult or person five years older than you ever inappropriately touch you, you know, in any sort of sexual manner?
Speaker: Did you often feel that no one in your family loved you or thought that you were important or special?
Speaker: Did you often feel that...
Speaker: that you didn't have enough to eat or had to wear dirty clothes or that there was no one there to protect you.
Speaker: Were your parents who drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor?
Speaker: Number six is were your parents ever separated or divorced?
Speaker: Seven was your mother or stepmother pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had things thrown at her.
Speaker: Was she ever physically harmed in front of you, repeatedly threatened?
Speaker: Number eight, did you ever live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or used street drugs?
Speaker: Number nine, was a household member depressed or mentally ill or did a household member attempt suicide?
Speaker: And number 10, did a household member go to prison?
Speaker: So with those, with adverse childhood experiences, what that does is they use the analogy of having the bear live in your cave.
Speaker: So our bodies are built
Speaker: fight or flight, right?
Speaker: Or freeze or fawn.
Speaker: But when the bear lives in your cave, there's no escaping.
Speaker: And so the body is in perpetual fight or flight.
Speaker: So what happens is the body is flooded with cortisol and flooded with adrenaline.
Speaker: And when we are flooded with those hormones, the long-term exposure to that
Speaker: causes health repercussions that may not be seen until down the line or in children, you might see, they might be asthmatic, right?
Speaker: They might be having night terrors.
Speaker: Um, there might be bedwetting.
Speaker: Um, you know, there's different things like that that can happen.
Speaker: Um, you were talking like a little bit of like the microaggressions.
Speaker: Um, you know, the, the second part of this that they look at is, you know, was the child in foster care?
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: Did they experience harassment or bullying at school?
Speaker: Did the child live with a parent or guardian that died?
Speaker: Was the child separated from their primary caregiver through deportation or immigration?
Speaker: Did the child ever have a serious medical procedure or a life-threatening illness?
Speaker: Did they hear something violent or something awful happen within their neighborhood?
Speaker: Cause you know, there's kids that walk to school that it's not safe, right?
Speaker: Was your child treated badly because of race, sexual orientation, place of birth, disability, religion.
Speaker: I mean, you and I talked about, you know, sexual orientation.
Speaker: It's like one of the highest reasons why kids commit suicide, you know, because they're being bullied for it, you know?
Speaker: So these things feed into, it all goes to our sympathetic nervous system.
Speaker: They become dysregulated.
Speaker: And when our bodies are dysregulated, we choose things to numb.
Speaker: What happens is the more we use of that substance to numb or to feel good to release a dopamine to our brain, because that's what food or drugs or alcohol or shopping or that's what's happening.
Speaker: Every time you do it, it lessens the receptivity to the receptor.
Speaker: The more you do it, it wears it down and it wears it down.
Speaker: Then you need more and then you need more and then you need more.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So exploring this is, is important because we can, we have the ability within us.
Speaker: This is where neuro encoding comes in.
Speaker: It's been super helpful.
Speaker: And the ramp technique that I use for the subconscious, because from birth till eight years old, we're,
Speaker: a pretty blank canvas.
Speaker: We don't have the prefrontal cortex of the brain developed yet.
Speaker: And so everything gets stored in the subconscious brain.
Speaker: What they see, what they smell, what they taste, what they touch.
Speaker: It can be from TV.
Speaker: It could be from music.
Speaker: It could be from the neighbors.
Speaker: It could be from kids at school, but it all gets stored in there.
Speaker: So you may not have a conscious awareness of what's in there, right?
Speaker: But it's wreaking havoc.
Speaker: on your health.
Speaker: That's what happened to me.
Speaker: Just actually a few months ago, I went to the doctor and she's like, how's your stress level?
Speaker: And I'm like, I don't have stress.
Speaker: I work for myself.
Speaker: I love what I do.
Speaker: My life is fantastic.
Speaker: I have an amazing husband.
Speaker: I have three beautiful children.
Speaker: You know, my life is great.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And she goes, Hmm, that's really interesting.
Speaker: That's not what your blood work says.
Speaker: Oh, really?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I was like, what, what?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So I was a little shook.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Um, but there's, there's so much that we can do.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So when we start to heal these things within our body, meditation, cause we can grow our telomeres.
Speaker: That's a whole, I could give you a whole science of, right.
Speaker: Um, but things like meditation, um,
Speaker: just, you know, just sitting in nature, right?
Speaker: Because sitting in nature is a form of meditation.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Again, you know, connecting with people, our skin was made to be touched.
Speaker: We were made and wired as human beings to connect.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I cannot stress the importance of that enough because isolation is another killer of people.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So, um,
Speaker: You know, getting into I could talk forever about at first childhood experiences and the importance of it for me.
Speaker: You know, healing, obviously, a personal journey and then also healing the trauma itself.
Speaker: I don't go deep with people.
Speaker: I'm not I'm not here to dig up all the old stuff and then we live.
Speaker: OK, we have an awareness of it.
Speaker: let's take it and we're gonna lessen the vibration of it, and give it a little bit of a look and help you move forward in your life.
Speaker: And that to me has been such a rewarding component of it is being able to see people step into things and out of situations where they didn't think it was ever possible.
Speaker: to have a different life, right?
Speaker: So I draw a circle.
Speaker: You live in this circle and all the people in your circle are the same, right?
Speaker: Because that's your community.
Speaker: Until somebody jumps out of the circle, steps a toll out of the circle, right?
Speaker: We don't know life looks any different.
Speaker: How do I know it looks any different?
Speaker: You know, if this is the way everybody around me behaves.
Speaker: But now all of a sudden I put my toe out there and I see there's a, Oh, there's a whole different world out there.
Speaker: And I want more of that.
Speaker: And I want more of that.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And then my hope is, is that everybody within the circle is going to take a look at me and go, wow, look at her, look at her and how she changed her life.
Speaker: I want that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What did she do?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What did she do?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's, if that's possible for her, you know, if, if she can come from, you know, I,
Speaker: I had two paths before me, Laura, but I was told of this, you know, I knew, I knew my dad drank a lot, understand, you know, got to be in my teen years and started to understand the word alcoholic.
Speaker: I was able to separate the being from the behavior.
Speaker: I see that, that alcohol now in a whole different light.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Or my mom who really struggled with a dealing with that and then B,
Speaker: you know, was it mental illness or was it a mental health issue because she wasn't living the life of her dreams, right?
Speaker: She wasn't, she wasn't out with friends.
Speaker: She wasn't allowed to have like, you know, there's so much that goes into that, right?
Speaker: So looking at, those were my two paths.
Speaker: And I was like, huh, but you know, like I wanted more.
Speaker: I wanted, I wanted different.
Speaker: I saw the out and
Speaker: the secrets that we keep as women, the secrets that we keep, that we keep stuffing down, you know, the shame, the guilt, the jealousy, the envy, the, the secrets that we keep from, you know, what's, what's going on within the walls of our house.
Speaker: The, you know, we stuff them down and we stuff them down and we stuff them down and then they perpetuate themselves as illness.
Speaker: So,
Speaker: I just, I'm here to blow the lid off all of that.
Speaker: And like you said, you know, we can't go out and I'm going to, you know, I'm going to be having open conversations.
Speaker: I've got a podcast coming called the secret keepers.
Speaker: And, and this is about having open conversations around.
Speaker: These are the secrets I kept.
Speaker: This is what I believed.
Speaker: This is how I healed.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's not just kind of an open up like grumble session.
Speaker: It's going to be like, this is the path I took.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: To heal this, you know, whatever was in me.
Speaker: So, you know, it's going to be.
Speaker: And I so appreciate you sharing all that.
Speaker: And I, you know, I'm a visual person.
Speaker: So as you talk, I imagine all these things and, you know, the ACE, I know it's called ACE.
Speaker: What is it?
Speaker: The adverse childhood experiences.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, I've seen that and I, you know, relate that to the education that I have, the master, I have a master's in education, health and wellness.
Speaker: So I did study that a lot and how,
Speaker: that does affect not just like you're kind of talking about it in the context of being an adult, right?
Speaker: The trauma as an adult, but like in my mind, I'm thinking of the, still the kid, I'm still thinking of the teenager and how they're trying, or, you know, younger kid, you know, elementary, going to school and they're trying to learn and learn if your limbic system is on fire and all your, you know, your,
Speaker: your prefrontal cortex is like offline and you're in that fight or flight stage.
Speaker: Like you're saying, like, you know, the, the, the sympathetic nervous system is just going berserk, right?
Speaker: Your memory, your retention, your learning is just not available.
Speaker: And so then what happens is that like, and I think I might be veering off track a little bit, but it just feels really important right now is then what happens is those kids, if they start to make bad grades or they get diagnosed with a learning disability, anything like that, then they're kind of like labeled as the trouble children or the problem.
Speaker: And they're getting like, you know, detentions and they're getting caught for substances and drugs when really what they need is something before that.
Speaker: They need some healing.
Speaker: They need some care.
Speaker: They need some, they need the bear to be out of the cave.
Speaker: Like you said, like I love that analogy and we can't always, we can't control their feelings.
Speaker: We can't take the bear out of the cave, but what we can do is care for the kids that are available to us.
Speaker: So that's why I'm really passionate about helping people
Speaker: you know, teenagers, and I don't specifically deal with trauma, although I'm capable of it.
Speaker: That's not specifically what I do.
Speaker: But if that is a struggle that someone's dealing with, I'm like, well, I want to help them because then it's setting up, like you said, like this path on your life, like, right, you have this path, and you have this path, or you have this path.
Speaker: It's like, I try to get to the path as soon as possible.
Speaker: You know, I work with I've had as young as a nine year old client, but I typically 13 to 16 or 19.
Speaker: I have some college kids,
Speaker: their clients and i try to get them on the right path so by the time they get to adulthood right they they're not as in that kind of painful space so to speak like whatever that is like the hard space the one that they're still fight or flight everything that you're talking about so you know i think it's awesome because you and i we both help people and we both want to heal people and we both want to give
Speaker: um hope to people and i love the analogy of the toe outside of the circle it's like oh then other people can see that that's possible like all you need to get one little toe and i want a better life and i can be like this and be an inspiration to people so i feel like what you're doing is beautiful and it's fantastic and cindy is saying hello youtube angus and beautiful women oh my gosh it's so great to hear from you oh we have a hello ladies how fun oh it's oh there's lots of people saying hi hi
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: Oh, lots of emojis, lots of hearts and fire.
Speaker: Yay.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: So we got to rename your upcoming podcast, The Secret Keepers.
Speaker: So that's so cool.
Speaker: I didn't actually know that about you.
Speaker: I'm really excited.
Speaker: I can't wait to find out about that.
Speaker: Okay, so man, I know I kind of jumped off track there for a second.
Speaker: I just threw the plane out the window, but I get excited when I hear what you're doing.
Speaker: And I feel like you are such an awesome example because you've lived this life, you've experienced it, and now you're on the other side.
Speaker: You've completely transformed yourself.
Speaker: And so therefore you're able to help, you know, women.
Speaker: So, um, I guess that would be kind of, you know, I know we're getting close on time.
Speaker: Like I know in the past you did work with kids, but who do you typically work with now?
Speaker: Like what is your ideal client that you do work with?
Speaker: Um, I have an umbrella.
Speaker: Um, I have an umbrella.
Speaker: Um, so women, moms, teens.
Speaker: Um, so, um, um,
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I spent 15 years working with kids in the school and I just can't say it enough.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: All it takes is one adult, one trusted adult to change the trajectory of a child.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: That's all it takes.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So one.
Speaker: And we can be that one.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And as a mom, we can really have such an impact.
Speaker: And I feel like if we could just.
Speaker: band together in in lack of arms because, you know, we're protective of our children and, you know, through all walks of life, you know, even even through seeing, you know, women that, you know, have gone through substance abuse.
Speaker: It's not that they don't love their kids.
Speaker: It's that they don't love themselves.
Speaker: You know, and so having that understanding really, it gives you a different perspective, right?
Speaker: So I think it is important, you know, to get the woman, if we can, ideally, this is what I see, right?
Speaker: If we can help a young woman heal prior to having children.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That to me, high five, high five.
Speaker: So what you're doing with teenagers is amazing, right?
Speaker: Because that's so important, right?
Speaker: So because from that epigenetic component of it too, right?
Speaker: We can pass some of this stuff on.
Speaker: So ideally that would be right.
Speaker: The place to start, but working with women to help other women to, to show that we can, we can heal this.
Speaker: We can lock our arms together.
Speaker: We can say, you know what?
Speaker: I used to hear not my kid, not my problem.
Speaker: but it is our kids.
Speaker: They are our problem, all of them, even if they aren't biologically yours, we have an impact.
Speaker: And I just feel like we can come together and just tackle this.
Speaker: So I just, it excites me.
Speaker: It like, it sets my soul on fire because I believe we're coming from such a loving space that, you know, this healing we started, you know,
Speaker: started with the women, started with the kids, you know, like, it's just, it's so beautiful to me.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: I love what you just said.
Speaker: It got me goosebumps because I feel like moms are the most untapped resource on this planet.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, goosebumps.
Speaker: I know, right?
Speaker: We have so much power that we have.
Speaker: We have so much power and we don't know it or we don't use it or we don't know how.
Speaker: Like we just don't know what we don't know.
Speaker: And I think like I'm starting to see, you know, the way I've impacted my clients, you know, who are headed on this different trajectory or, you know, I look back at my own path and I thought, oh man, if only I'd had a coach.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, when I was 13 years old and I was so insecure, so critical of myself.
Speaker: And I brought that negative dialogue, you know, log that I had in my head to my adulthood.
Speaker: And I brought that to a marriage and, you know, all the unhealthy stuff.
Speaker: And I'm like, ah, we can be, like, I feel like we're like the, like, we are the emotional mothership, you know, of this woman.
Speaker: I just made that up.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: In a family, you know, typically, you know, the women, the moms are, you know, the, the head of the household as far as emotions go.
Speaker: And we can be leaders in this, like we can help people.
Speaker: We can, we can reach out, you know, and like you said, at the very beginning of this, you said, there's no like, like a negative emotion doesn't mean it's a bad emotion.
Speaker: Like for me, it's, you said, it's just information.
Speaker: And I agree.
Speaker: It's just like, yeah,
Speaker: It's a signal that something needs attention.
Speaker: That's all we know that needs.
Speaker: Okay, so we are just about out of time.
Speaker: So Karine, how can people find you after today?
Speaker: Because you're just like literally a wealth of knowledge.
Speaker: I feel like I'm just getting so excited at the end here because we're running out of time and I want to hear more.
Speaker: How can people find you after today?
Speaker: Um, I think you can find me, um, on Instagram, um, at it's Kareen underscore Zulegger.
Speaker: Um, or my website is just, it's Kareen Zulegger.com.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's awesome.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Um, okay.
Speaker: Well, last thing, any last, like if you had to give one piece of advice to a mom who's struggling today, right now, what could be that one thing she could do?
Speaker: I want her to look in the mirror.
Speaker: I want her to look eyeball to eyeball.
Speaker: I want her to take her hands in her face in her hands.
Speaker: And I want her to say her name.
Speaker: So Corrine, I love you and smile.
Speaker: Then celebrate it.
Speaker: Pat your back, shake your booty, put some good music on and shake it around.
Speaker: I just start there.
Speaker: Remind yourself.
Speaker: I am the love of my life.
Speaker: and it starts here, right?
Speaker: We want to set that example for our children.
Speaker: We want to show them healthy ways to deal with our emotions, right?
Speaker: Because they're there, they're real.
Speaker: We get to acknowledge them.
Speaker: You know, am I going to go for a walk?
Speaker: Am I going to put on some good music?
Speaker: Am I going to color?
Speaker: Am I going to meditate?
Speaker: You know, am I going to cook some healthy food?
Speaker: You know, what can I do?
Speaker: Get out in nature, you know, take a nice warm bath.
Speaker: What can I do?
Speaker: You know, except, you know, besides blow up and, you know,
Speaker: who's my cool, right?
Speaker: Right, exactly.
Speaker: Because that is exactly the transformation that we need to be from like victims of our state that we're in or our situation or our circumstances to victors and leaders and, you know, having that power back that we need to heal ourselves and be such a great example and role model for our kids.
Speaker: And, um, okay, well that's it.
Speaker: Thank you so much, Corrine today for sharing everything and being so vulnerable, vulnerable and open and, you know, sharing your story.
Speaker: Cause I, and I know there's so much more to it.
Speaker: We didn't get to touch on today, but you're awesome.
Speaker: I love you.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to the positively healthy mom podcast, because there's no manual for the hardest job in the world.
Speaker: Don't forget to subscribe and share with your friends.
