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Co-Parenting Made Healthy
27 Plays5 months ago
Welcome to The Positively Healthy Mom Podcast! I’m your host, Laura Ollinger, and today’s episode dives into an essential topic for parents navigating the challenges of divorce. Joining us is Andra Davidson, a certified divorce coach, mediator, and creator of the Better Than Divorce program™. 🌟
Andra specializes in guiding individuals through the emotional stress, anxiety, and overwhelm that often accompany the divorce process. She shares actionable strategies to help moms reduce conflict, rebuild confidence, and establish healthy co-parenting relationships. Her mission? To transform divorce from what she candidly calls a 'shit sandwich' into a manageable process that leads to growth and healing.
In this episode, Andra provides insights on how moms can balance self-care while parenting, minimize the impact of divorce on their kids, and build sustainable co-parenting “bridges” with their exes. She also addresses common struggles like emotional entanglement and the dangers of blaming a co-parent in front of children.
If you're navigating divorce or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers wisdom, empathy, and practical advice for moving forward. Grab your coffee, settle in, and join us for this empowering discussion. 🎧
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Transcript
Introduction to Positively Healthy Mom Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey moms, it's Laura Olinger.
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast.
00:00:05
Speaker
Because there's no manual for the hardest job in the world.
00:00:11
Speaker
Hello and welcome to today's episode of the Positively Healthy Mom.
Meet Andra Davidson: Divorce Coach
00:00:15
Speaker
I'm your host, Laura Olinger, and today I am introducing Andra Davidson, who is a certified divorce coach, and she is the developer, I guess, so to speak, of the Better Than Divorce program, which is trademarked.
00:00:27
Speaker
So, Andra, can you tell us a little bit about what you do and how you help people?
00:00:33
Speaker
Yes.
00:00:34
Speaker
Hi.
00:00:35
Speaker
So I, like you mentioned, I'm a certified divorce coach.
00:00:38
Speaker
I also am a trained mediator and I have a psych background for what it's worth.
00:00:44
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But my focus really is on helping people get through the emotional stress, overwhelm, anxiety related to the divorce process.
00:00:55
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We all know that divorce can be a really excruciating process.
00:01:01
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I hope your listeners won't mind, but I call the divorce as a shit sandwich.
00:01:06
Speaker
And that, you know, my goal is to help make it a little bit more digestible as we go through the process.
00:01:13
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There are things that you have to get through, but it also doesn't have to be horrible
Navigating Emotional Stress in Divorce
00:01:18
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at every step.
00:01:18
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There are steps that we can take and actions we can take to
00:01:22
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minimize conflict and improve the outcome.
00:01:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:28
Speaker
And what do you think that people, when they are going through a divorce after, you know, if they've got kids, it's probably a slightly lengthy marriage.
00:01:38
Speaker
What do you think people kind of lose or lose sight of?
00:01:42
Speaker
Like, what are they missing?
00:01:44
Speaker
Oh, that's such a good question.
00:01:47
Speaker
The hardest part, I think, for people as they go through this process is
00:01:52
Speaker
Remembering that it is going to be okay on the other end every day can feel like a year and that there are going to be benefits that come out on the other side, a willingness to be open to possibility, to change.
00:02:08
Speaker
Imagine what your future might look like post-divorce and be willing to let that in as you start this process, which can feel so depleting and overwhelming and sap all your confidence as you go through it.
Impact of Conflict on Kids
00:02:24
Speaker
But that's partly why I get involved, why I recommend people have a support system,
00:02:33
Speaker
so that they can set themselves up to get through it as successfully as possible.
00:02:38
Speaker
Because when you're in the thick of it, it's hard to remember to do that sometimes.
00:02:42
Speaker
Yes.
00:02:43
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And especially for parents, but we're talking to the moms when they really need to manage themselves, but they're also still being a mom at the same time.
00:02:52
Speaker
And so it's kind of like balancing.
00:02:54
Speaker
So how do you help moms do that?
00:02:57
Speaker
Yeah, I think this is truly the reason that I started doing this because
00:03:02
Speaker
I do think most people, most moms want to reduce the impact of divorce on their kids.
00:03:09
Speaker
And there are really important ways to be able to do that.
00:03:13
Speaker
I think it's so valuable for your listeners to know that it isn't divorce itself that causes damage to kids.
00:03:20
Speaker
It's the conflict that kids are exposed to throughout the process that causes the damage.
00:03:26
Speaker
So remembering that can be a really great first start to think about how am I going to rebuild this relationship from what it was.
Co-Parenting and New Pathways
00:03:38
Speaker
You're not married anymore.
00:03:40
Speaker
You're changing that.
00:03:41
Speaker
I like to picture it almost as a bridge.
00:03:44
Speaker
There's you on one bank, there's your ex or your spouse on the other bank, and the bridge that you previously had doesn't work anymore.
00:03:52
Speaker
You have to build a new one.
00:03:54
Speaker
What is that going to look like?
00:03:56
Speaker
What bricks, what materials, what choices are you going to make to build a sustainable bridge to get you to this new relationship with your ex so that you can be a healthy co-parent?
00:04:08
Speaker
That's a really important...
00:04:11
Speaker
Part of this process is acknowledging that the relationship that you had is now done.
00:04:18
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That part is over, but you have to have a relationship going forward and hopefully you will.
00:04:23
Speaker
Hopefully you can have a productive and healthy co-parenting relationship.
00:04:27
Speaker
And that looks different for all kinds of couples.
00:04:29
Speaker
So there's not just one way.
00:04:31
Speaker
healthy co-parenting relationship looks, but figuring out what it does look like for you, what works for you in your family and your kids, and then taking the actionable steps to build that is a really, really important part of this process that you're not going to get from the lawyer.
Legal vs. Emotional Aspects of Divorce
00:04:50
Speaker
So that's something to think about as you go through divorce.
00:04:55
Speaker
Your lawyer is there and plays a really important role in the legal dissolution of the marriage.
00:05:01
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That's an incredibly, obviously vital part of the process, but it's not the only part.
00:05:07
Speaker
And if you don't build in some systems to deal with those other parts, then you're likely missing some real opportunities for growth and change and to creating a healthy co-parenting relationship.
00:05:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:24
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And something, you know, what I hear just in conversation, because this isn't my specialty, but what I've heard from because I coach parents is a lot of times there's usually one partner that is kind of
00:05:38
Speaker
grieving it a little bit deeper because they were the one that didn't want the marriage to end.
00:05:42
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And so I see these parents like kind of like holding on or grasping on.
00:05:47
Speaker
And the best thing I've ever heard was that, you know, it's no longer like,
00:05:53
Speaker
one family, it's now two separate families.
00:05:56
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And I think just like visual is like, oh, well, you're now a family over here.
00:06:00
Speaker
You're a family over here.
00:06:01
Speaker
And then kind of, I love your visual with the bridge is that you're, you're building a new bridge and how can you still parent these children, but not as one family, but two separate families, so to speak.
00:06:12
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Yeah.
00:06:12
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I love thinking of it like that.
00:06:14
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That's right.
00:06:15
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And I call that phase that you sort of described where someone's hanging on as divorced, but not separated.
00:06:23
Speaker
So it's like this emotional entanglement that they're unwilling or unable for whatever reason to let go of yet.
00:06:33
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And the acknowledgement that you're stuck there can be very, very powerful and important because it's a hurdle to letting go and transitioning into the next phase of your life.
Respecting Emotional Timelines Post-Divorce
00:06:47
Speaker
If you're still treating your body
00:06:50
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X, like you're one family, not two, as you described, then you are stuck, right?
00:06:56
Speaker
And it makes it very difficult to say, what is my future going to look like if all I'm doing is focusing on the past and what it used to be?
00:07:04
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So that phase of letting go, of transitioning, finding acceptance, what does acceptance of this new situation look like for you and moving into it is so important.
00:07:17
Speaker
You're very correct that
00:07:21
Speaker
people grieve differently, right?
00:07:22
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People come to situations differently.
00:07:24
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So one party is likely not feeling the same about the dissolution of this marriage as the other person.
00:07:31
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That's probably the norm.
00:07:33
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:07:35
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But respecting that your spouse, your partner may be in a different place and may need time to adjust accordingly to get to where you are and that that process is going to look different maybe than what it does for you can be a really eye-opening process for some who are going through it.
00:07:54
Speaker
Oh, that's right.
00:07:56
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I've had time to think about this.
00:07:57
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They haven't.
00:07:58
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Or
00:07:59
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They've had time and I haven't.
00:08:00
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However that works, you know, we're all just different.
00:08:03
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We all process information differently.
00:08:06
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Yeah.
00:08:06
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Yeah.
00:08:07
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And what about the idea of that kind of, you know, the more, I guess I'm going to say kind of like injured of the two spouses.
00:08:16
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In my opinion, just observation and kind of personal experience, I've seen that that's the partner that wants to kind of
00:08:26
Speaker
blame the other parent or like tell the kids like, hey, you know, we're getting divorced because they did this.
00:08:32
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Yeah.
00:08:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:34
Speaker
Advise against that.
00:08:35
Speaker
So kind of can you share a little bit your philosophy on that?
00:08:39
Speaker
Yeah, I'm so glad you asked that question.
00:08:41
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I think it's so important.
00:08:43
Speaker
So often parents say to me, but they need to know who their parent really is.
00:08:48
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They need to know.
00:08:50
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It's important that they understand.
00:08:52
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I fundamentally disagree.
00:08:54
Speaker
I actually think it is more your job to help them have a productive and healthy relationship with their parents.
00:09:02
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other parent.
00:09:04
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The reason being there are studies that show that kids see themselves in both of their parents.
00:09:12
Speaker
When you're criticizing the other parent, they feel like you're actually criticizing them as well.
00:09:17
Speaker
And that really stopped me in my tracks.
00:09:20
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I'm not going to say something negative about my ex-husband when my son or daughter thinks then that that's something negative about them.
00:09:29
Speaker
Yeah, that is not a choice that I am willing to make.
00:09:33
Speaker
And as a parent, our job is to give them the love and support to know that they are safe, that the adults around them are going to be okay.
00:09:44
Speaker
They're going to get through this, even if they're sad, right?
00:09:46
Speaker
We're sad sometimes too, as parents, we're sad, we're angry, we're frustrated, but we're going to be okay.
00:09:52
Speaker
And our job is to be the parent and say, it isn't your job to take care of me.
00:09:57
Speaker
I'm going to make it.
00:09:58
Speaker
My job is to take care of you.
00:10:01
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My job is to be there for you and let you know that regardless of whose home you're in or where you are at any one given moment, we both love you and are here for you.
00:10:12
Speaker
And we are here to protect you from that kind of negativity, actually.
00:10:18
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we're both going to be okay.
00:10:20
Speaker
And our job is just to give you the support, space to grow, tools you need to get through this time.
00:10:28
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That's your job as parents, as opposed to get your kids on one side or another.
00:10:34
Speaker
What that actually does is create stress and angst and anxiety in your kids.
00:10:40
Speaker
And I don't think that any of us truly want that.
00:10:42
Speaker
I know it can happen even sometimes in the best of intentions.
00:10:46
Speaker
So I'm not saying that parents have
00:10:48
Speaker
negative intentions.
00:10:49
Speaker
I actually don't think they do.
00:10:50
Speaker
I think most parents have the best of intentions almost all the time, but they just don't know better.
00:10:56
Speaker
Right.
00:10:56
Speaker
And sometimes we need to realize that we do need to do
Healthy Emotional Outlets for Parents
00:11:01
Speaker
better.
00:11:01
Speaker
It is our job to step up and take the high road during this time as hard as it is.
00:11:05
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:11:06
Speaker
And I think that last word is just, it is hard sometimes.
00:11:09
Speaker
There are times when you really have to bite your tongue as hard as you possibly can and breathe it out and use as much as you possibly can because you do want to get there.
00:11:22
Speaker
And sometimes it's just like you get so triggered.
00:11:24
Speaker
It's like, oh my gosh, you know, you feel like you're going to just have a meltdown or something.
00:11:29
Speaker
And you might, and you might, and that's okay.
00:11:31
Speaker
You know, people are going to have meltdowns.
00:11:34
Speaker
Come up with some healthy outlets, right?
00:11:37
Speaker
It's not that we're not going to need those outlets.
00:11:39
Speaker
So what does that look like for you?
00:11:41
Speaker
Is it exercise?
00:11:42
Speaker
Is it fresh air?
00:11:43
Speaker
Is it screaming into your pillow?
00:11:45
Speaker
Is it, you know, a walk with a friend, someone you can vent to that's a really safe space?
00:11:51
Speaker
Those are necessary.
00:11:53
Speaker
I definitely don't underestimate the importance of having those coping mechanisms in our lives, but they're not appropriate for your kids to go through with you, regardless of their ages.
00:12:05
Speaker
So people will say, oh, but my kids are, you know, in college.
00:12:10
Speaker
it doesn't matter.
00:12:11
Speaker
Your kids are still kids.
00:12:13
Speaker
You're still the adults and let them figure out their other parent on their own.
00:12:20
Speaker
They don't need your help.
00:12:21
Speaker
They'll figure it out.
00:12:22
Speaker
They see more than we give them credit for.
00:12:24
Speaker
We all know that, right?
00:12:25
Speaker
So we know they're seeing and watching.
00:12:29
Speaker
They'll figure it out on their own.
00:12:30
Speaker
You don't have to do it for them.
00:12:31
Speaker
And when they do that,
00:12:33
Speaker
they'll be grateful to you for not having shared it.
00:12:36
Speaker
And I know that personally, because that's happened in my life with my kids, for sure.
00:12:42
Speaker
And I think it's interesting what you brought up about the ages, because that's something I did want to bring about.
00:12:47
Speaker
I think that, you know, a lot of this is very common sense to when you have kind of like elementary age kids or young kids.
00:12:55
Speaker
But a lot of times I think that parents think when they're once their kid is like a teenager, it's more like their friend and they're more like, you know, sharing way too much.
00:13:04
Speaker
And it's like, oh, this is my best friend.
00:13:05
Speaker
And they're not really treating him as the child that they still
Communicating with Kids Post-Divorce
00:13:09
Speaker
are.
00:13:09
Speaker
Right.
00:13:10
Speaker
Right.
00:13:10
Speaker
And I love that you even brought college age into that because that's true.
00:13:13
Speaker
Right.
00:13:14
Speaker
They're still your children.
00:13:15
Speaker
And no matter how old they are, they really don't want to be caught in the middle or used as a weapon or as used as a sounding board or venting kind of.
00:13:25
Speaker
person because that's not their job.
00:13:26
Speaker
Their job is to be your campaign.
00:13:29
Speaker
And if they're in college, I mean, most of us hopefully can remember being there at that time and that age.
00:13:36
Speaker
And they want to focus on their friends and their studies and living their life.
00:13:40
Speaker
And they don't want to feel guilty that you're not okay when they're not home, right?
00:13:47
Speaker
They don't want to feel like it's their responsibility to take care of you as the parent from far away.
00:13:53
Speaker
Even if they're, you know, close in college, they're still...
00:13:58
Speaker
hopefully focused on college and not on taking care of the grownups.
00:14:02
Speaker
And it really can be easy to get into that trap of, you know, they're older, so it's okay to explain everything to them.
00:14:12
Speaker
And I really would just offer words of caution that, you know, I love to ask a question as these decisions come up.
00:14:21
Speaker
What is my true intent?
00:14:24
Speaker
Is this based in love?
00:14:26
Speaker
So is my true intent for telling a kid about this background, this history, whatever the situation is,
00:14:35
Speaker
to cause harm to my ex, to get them on my side?
00:14:39
Speaker
Is it to really give them important information that they need?
00:14:44
Speaker
When you're honest with yourself about what your true intention is when you're sharing something, it can really help clarify whether or not it's a good idea, right?
00:14:54
Speaker
And is this decision based in love?
00:14:57
Speaker
I really love that too.
00:14:58
Speaker
For the child, for myself,
00:15:02
Speaker
Am I taking the high road for myself?
00:15:04
Speaker
Am I going to look back on this time and feel like I did the best I could during this time?
00:15:09
Speaker
Was that the choice that I'm going to be proud of?
00:15:12
Speaker
And if it isn't, why not?
00:15:14
Speaker
And what might you be able to do differently?
00:15:18
Speaker
What if that intent is...
00:15:21
Speaker
kind of muddled in the parent's mind in that they think it's through love or for love because I love my child.
00:15:28
Speaker
I want to tell them this.
00:15:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:30
Speaker
And framing it in their head that it's like, oh, I'm teaching my child kind of like what not to do or what
00:15:37
Speaker
who not to marry or what age to get married at.
00:15:40
Speaker
Like, oh, you should wait longer to get married.
00:15:42
Speaker
Like it's framed almost as this educational learning opportunity, but it's like somehow like really a job at the other parent.
00:15:50
Speaker
Like how do you help a parent like separate those two things?
00:15:56
Speaker
Yeah, well, that's such a valuable question because I think that's the message that some parents tell themselves to justify sharing a message that they know in their heart is probably inappropriate or right on the line anyway, right?
00:16:12
Speaker
So again, I think if you go back to asking that question of what is my true intent and you really listen to the answer, then you'd be pleasantly surprised that you...
00:16:25
Speaker
you know what the right answer is to that.
00:16:29
Speaker
I will also say that, you know, one of the greatest challenges we have as parents in general, I think, and that certainly extends far beyond divorce, is letting kids figure some things out on their own, have their own experiences and learn from them, consequences and benefits and failures.
00:16:48
Speaker
And what does that look like?
00:16:49
Speaker
And what will they learn from that all on their own?
00:16:53
Speaker
It's very hard as parents to let them have those experiences.
00:16:56
Speaker
I know it is for me.
00:16:57
Speaker
I think it is for most of us moms, right?
00:17:00
Speaker
We want to keep our kids safe and happy and protect them and all those things.
00:17:06
Speaker
And it really goes against our instincts sometimes to let them experience some of this on their own.
00:17:12
Speaker
But it does apply in this situation too.
00:17:15
Speaker
The older they get, the more important it is that they establish and maintain healthy relationships with both parents on their own.
00:17:22
Speaker
It's not our job to have those relationships with the other parent for them.
00:17:25
Speaker
They have to figure that out.
00:17:27
Speaker
It can be hurtful sometimes.
00:17:29
Speaker
Do they forget a birthday?
00:17:30
Speaker
Do they not show up for something?
00:17:33
Speaker
That's not fun.
00:17:35
Speaker
But sometimes that's what has to happen for the relationship to evolve too.
00:17:41
Speaker
We can't necessarily protect them from every single
00:17:45
Speaker
challenge that will come up in a relationship with their other parent as hard as that is.
00:17:49
Speaker
And it is really hard.
00:17:50
Speaker
And I don't say it lightly, but I do think that knowing that it's out there and how important it is, is a really important guide by which to choose our actions.
00:18:01
Speaker
Yeah, and I think that's very kind of soothing to hear that we almost have to detach a little bit from that protector role and kind of trust that kids can learn and grow and figure these things out on their own and that they are capable and resilient and that they have, you know, at least that maybe not all the tools, but like enough information that they can like learn on their own and kind of piece that together.
00:18:25
Speaker
So I want to go back to the moms because I feel like
00:18:31
Speaker
Just again, this is kind of going off of kind of experienced people I know.
Rediscovering Strength After Divorce
00:18:35
Speaker
The moms are usually the ones that it feels like takes the confidence hit because their role has been so tied up or their identity has been so tied up in the marriage as moms and as wives that when the marriage does end,
00:18:50
Speaker
I mean, I'm sure men experience their own version of this, you know, depending on what happened.
00:18:55
Speaker
But how do you support moms with kind of redeveloping their confidence and identity and their strength?
00:19:02
Speaker
Yeah, that is so much of what I work on all the time.
00:19:08
Speaker
And the first thing I would tell moms is that you can't get around it, right?
00:19:13
Speaker
You have to go through it.
00:19:14
Speaker
So there's no way to skip the step of accepting this and in a lot of cases grieving it.
00:19:22
Speaker
and thinking about what you're letting go of.
00:19:26
Speaker
Are you letting go of the dream of a lifetime marriage, of your role as the hub of this family, and what that looks like?
00:19:35
Speaker
Is there embarrassment or shame in the societal pressure to stay married, and does it feel like a failure?
00:19:41
Speaker
When you start to really be honest with yourself about some of those questions, what is it that is causing you that stress, then you can start to solve it.
00:19:51
Speaker
But you can't really dig into some of those.
00:19:54
Speaker
And if you're just reacting or you're stuck in that victim mentality of, you know, this happened to me and this was so terrible and I'm going to take it out on everybody.
00:20:06
Speaker
Look, we've all been there a little bit and it's understandable, but...
00:20:11
Speaker
It needs to be a phase, hopefully, right?
00:20:13
Speaker
That you don't want to stay in because it doesn't serve you.
00:20:17
Speaker
Not because your ex deserves better, right?
00:20:22
Speaker
The strength that I help my clients build is not because their ex doesn't deserve whatever is coming to them.
00:20:33
Speaker
It's because they don't want to live with it.
00:20:35
Speaker
Does their ex know that they're walking around angry and grumpy and frustrated and, you know, unable to mobilize and do anything positive going forward?
00:20:46
Speaker
Probably not.
00:20:46
Speaker
Right.
00:20:48
Speaker
The only person who knows that is them, right?
00:20:50
Speaker
You're the only person who knows that you're causing your own life to be put on hold right now.
00:20:56
Speaker
So,
00:20:57
Speaker
accepting that I have to look at this and figure out how I'm going to move through it.
00:21:05
Speaker
I can choose.
00:21:06
Speaker
I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to say, maybe there's some opportunity for growth and transformation in here that I hadn't seen.
00:21:16
Speaker
Maybe something positive can come out of this that I hadn't thought of.
00:21:20
Speaker
Maybe this is actually a gift.
00:21:26
Speaker
I might not see that now.
00:21:28
Speaker
hope that I could look back on it and eventually see that this opened up a different set of options and possibilities for me.
00:21:36
Speaker
Maybe you can role model for your kids being in a new healthy relationship first with yourself before you're with anybody else, right?
00:21:46
Speaker
Because if you don't go in and figure out what it is for yourself that you want to change, breaking those patterns are going to be really, really
00:21:57
Speaker
challenging.
00:21:58
Speaker
Yes.
00:21:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:00
Speaker
So figuring that out first, um, there's one other, um, idea and exercise that I love to do with parents to build their strengths.
00:22:11
Speaker
Um, I guarantee all your amazing moms who are listening to this have been through other hard things in their life.
00:22:19
Speaker
whether it is a job-related thing, a family relationship, an illness, an addiction, a loss.
00:22:28
Speaker
We've all been through really hard things.
00:22:30
Speaker
What did you use to get through that?
00:22:32
Speaker
When you go back to that hard situation that you overcame, what did you use?
00:22:38
Speaker
What attributes about you got you through it?
00:22:41
Speaker
Are you really strong?
00:22:43
Speaker
Are you determined?
00:22:44
Speaker
Are you a really good researcher?
00:22:45
Speaker
Are you creative?
00:22:46
Speaker
You're willing to ask for help?
00:22:48
Speaker
What are those attributes that you brought to that situation and how might you utilize them again now?
00:22:54
Speaker
Because divorce...
00:22:57
Speaker
has this way of making us forget that we're strong and that we have these tools and confidence and strengths.
00:23:04
Speaker
What we do, they're just hidden or a little bit dormant at the moment.
00:23:09
Speaker
So thinking about what you have and what you already have inside you that you can reignite and bring to the table for this situation is a really wonderful way to re-engage some of your strengths so that you can get through this challenging time.
00:23:26
Speaker
Yes, I love that.
Releasing Pain and Moving Forward
00:23:28
Speaker
And kind of going back to what you said earlier about, you know, the other, you know, partner, ex-partner doesn't know the feelings that you're carrying.
00:23:36
Speaker
And so I've heard this analogy of like, these people are carrying around suitcases of pain.
00:23:43
Speaker
And they just let go of the suitcases because they're so heavy and it's not hurting.
00:23:48
Speaker
It's not helping or hurting.
00:23:50
Speaker
It's only hurting yourself.
00:23:51
Speaker
It's not hurting the other person.
00:23:52
Speaker
And so kind of letting those go.
00:23:54
Speaker
But then kind of like what you're saying, the next step is starting to rediscover yourself.
00:23:59
Speaker
Remember how you're a resilient person, what skills you've used in the past, what are your strengths.
00:24:04
Speaker
And how can you use those to pull yourself forward and pull yourself out into a new situation that could be, like you're saying, be amazing.
00:24:12
Speaker
It could be, you know, it could be the best thing that's ever happened to you.
00:24:15
Speaker
Sometimes people can't really see a forest through the trees.
00:24:18
Speaker
Sometimes you can look back and be like, wow, that was, you know, it wasn't a great time, but it was somehow a blessing that all this has happened because now I blah, blah, blah, you know, all the things that happen after.
00:24:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:30
Speaker
there can be a happy story.
00:24:32
Speaker
You are a great example and a great role model.
00:24:35
Speaker
You know, you've done this, you've lived it.
00:24:37
Speaker
You now have this amazing blended family.
00:24:40
Speaker
So any last tips, ideas, advice for the mom before we wind down?
00:24:46
Speaker
The biggest thing I really just remember, I hope moms will remember as they navigate this challenging time, is that an amazing, fulfilling future is out there for you and you deserve it.
00:24:59
Speaker
That everybody deserves to live a life that they love, that's full of joy, that's something that they are embracing.
00:25:08
Speaker
And it does probably feel very far away today and unimaginable.
00:25:14
Speaker
But it is out there.
00:25:15
Speaker
And trust me, if I can go through a 20-year marriage and be living the life I am today, I think anybody can.
00:25:22
Speaker
And I truly believe that.
00:25:24
Speaker
And it's why I do this work because I know how hard this time is.
00:25:28
Speaker
But I also know that you can get through it and come out better on the other side.
00:25:33
Speaker
Hmm.
00:25:34
Speaker
And I can tell, like, I feel your authenticity.
00:25:39
Speaker
I can feel the jayness.
00:25:40
Speaker
Like, you just have a very, like, light feeling.
00:25:43
Speaker
You know, when you talk to somebody, they just feel really heavy.
00:25:47
Speaker
I can tell you've always, obviously done all the work.
00:25:51
Speaker
You're fully healed.
00:25:52
Speaker
You're living your, you know, ideal life post-divorce and in a new, happy, blended family.
Resources and Support for Navigating Divorce
00:25:58
Speaker
And so I'm just, I feel like just through osmosis, you probably,
00:26:03
Speaker
are just giving this light and being an example and showing the moms that it is possible.
00:26:09
Speaker
You're living proof.
00:26:11
Speaker
And I think you're just a great resource and very valuable to so many moms and dads, you know, who need someone like you, need somebody to help guide them through all the emotional changes because it is, you know, they say the most stressful, biggest thing that will happen in your life besides, you know, a major death, but it is a loss.
00:26:29
Speaker
And that loss is very similar.
00:26:31
Speaker
So it's right up there.
00:26:32
Speaker
with kind of the, the peak, uh, you know, difficult life experiences.
00:26:36
Speaker
So, okay.
00:26:37
Speaker
So how can people find you going forward?
00:26:39
Speaker
So the best way, um, is at my website, which is better than before divorce.com.
00:26:47
Speaker
And, um, I have a LinkedIn, uh, Instagram, um, all the, all the things, um, you know, Facebook, all there's a YouTube channel.
00:26:56
Speaker
So, um,
00:26:57
Speaker
but those are all available via my website.
00:27:01
Speaker
And there's a lot of free resources there that people are welcome to use.
00:27:06
Speaker
I have a digital course on the emotional tools that you need to get through divorce.
00:27:11
Speaker
If, you know, a one-on-one coaching relationship doesn't feel like the right fit, I still think everybody needs emotional support tools.
00:27:18
Speaker
So I created that, which is very affordable and accessible.
00:27:23
Speaker
And that was really why I did it like that.
00:27:25
Speaker
So,
00:27:26
Speaker
I hope that listeners will just remember that they're stronger than they think.
00:27:30
Speaker
And I really am grateful for your reflection on how this comes across.
00:27:36
Speaker
That's my hope.
00:27:38
Speaker
And I appreciate it very much.
00:27:39
Speaker
So thank you.
00:27:40
Speaker
And thank you for the wonderful conversation.
00:27:42
Speaker
I'm sure that anybody who either...
00:27:45
Speaker
you know, that's the thing with the divorce rate.
00:27:47
Speaker
So hi, we either are going through it ourselves or we have a friend or a relative that might need this guidance.
00:27:52
Speaker
So hopefully people will share this so that everybody can have the support they need.
00:27:57
Speaker
So, Andrea, thank you so much.
00:27:59
Speaker
I really appreciate the conversation and you have a wonderful week.
00:28:03
Speaker
You do the same.
00:28:04
Speaker
Thank you so much for having me, Laura.
00:28:06
Speaker
Thank you.
00:28:08
Speaker
Thank you for listening to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast because there's no manual for the hardest job in the world.
00:28:15
Speaker
Don't forget to subscribe and share with your friends.