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Episode 62: Random Acts Of Kindness (are good for the brain, heart & soul)
42 Plays3 months ago
Join Janessa for the Wounded Healers first solo episode. This episode is intimate and short but drives home the essence of being a recipient, giver and or an observer of random acts of kindness. We explore stories from strangers about their experiences with kind strangers. We discuss the psychology of the impact of good deeds and the reminder of the interconnectedness of humanity.
HuffPost articles:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/strangers-helping-someone-they-dont-know_n_5ae385fde4b055fd7fcbd035
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Transcript
Introduction to Wounded Healers Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Wounded Healers podcast.
00:00:10
Speaker
I'm Janessa. And I'm Amy. We were brought together by our shared wound of an autoimmune condition in our early 20s. This is a place where we explore our wounds with our listeners and guests who recognize the challenges of being human in hopes of helping all of us let the light in.
Solo Reflections and Listener Gratitude
00:00:29
Speaker
Hello healers, this is Janessa. I am here with you for a short, intimate episode. It's just you and me today. um our first solo episode on the Wounded Healers podcast, so that's pretty impressive. We're going for like, what, two years now?
00:00:46
Speaker
So I just want to say thank you for being here. Thank you for listening and my, Do I miss sweet Amy's British accent right now? So you just have mine for today.
The Power of Giving and Personal Grief
00:00:59
Speaker
But today's episode is going to be around giving. um And I want this to be the gift of giving and how service can transform us. I'll be 100% transparent with you guys right now.
00:01:14
Speaker
I am currently moving through a season of deep grief and I'm not ready to talk about it. um But what has been standing out to me lately are the many acts of good service and the gifts of time and love that people have been giving to not only me, but other people I've seen impacted by grief.
00:01:40
Speaker
So friends, we're going to skip the hot or not and just get into the goodness of this episode together. And I want to start off with sharing some stories that I found online.
00:01:51
Speaker
These ones are coming from the Huffington Post and they did an article on stories um from a project called The Good Kind and that seeks to highlight unexpected kindness that people have received from somebody they didn't know.
00:02:06
Speaker
And just want to say there's something really beautiful about people doing good deeds, big and small, for people they don't know and not expecting anything back, not expecting any recognition, not doing this to put on some kind of show for other people.
00:02:27
Speaker
Just genuine goodness is just that. It's just so good. So there's a few stories I wanted to share with you.
Unrecognized Acts of Kindness in History
00:02:36
Speaker
So the first story takes place in the mid-60s, and it starts by saying, It was in a restaurant in downtown Chicago in the mid-60s. I was sitting across from a table of maybe 10 or 12 soldiers, and when they headed to pay their bill, they were told that a guest had already paid and that they wanted to be anonymous.
00:02:56
Speaker
The soldiers looked around the restaurant searching for the benefactor and said, Whoever you are, thank you. They were the ones who deserved the thanks. I've never forgotten that moment of grace.
00:03:08
Speaker
Made me aware of the impact of acts of kindness with no need for recognition. And this came from Mike Grunsten in Chicago. So...
00:03:20
Speaker
These stories, there's going to be a few of these. um But I would ask if you're facing anything like, oh, but they're soldiers, but they do this for a living, that you just allow yourself to put your thoughts on pause about the people receiving the goodness.
00:03:41
Speaker
Because the act of giving does a lot for the person who's giving as well as the person who's receiving. So we don't know why this person bought their dinner other than wanting to do a kind deed.
00:03:57
Speaker
We can't make up the story that maybe they were a soldier themselves or their dad or they just had respect for people in the military. We don't even know that. This could have just been... literally most random act of kindness.
00:04:09
Speaker
So I'd ask us to just keep our hearts open while we listen to these stories, as i know a lot of you do. So i very much appreciate that.
The Ripple Effect of a Simple Coffee
00:04:19
Speaker
This next story starts out by saying, A few years ago, i was circling the block to find a parking space so I could get a cup of coffee.
00:04:27
Speaker
A woman walking by flagged me down and said she would go in and get me the coffee if I gave her my order. While she was inside, a spot opened up and I was waiting by my car when she exited.
00:04:38
Speaker
I thanked her when she came out and went to hand her money. She said the coffee was on her and she went on to explain that she had metastatic cancer. And with the time she had left, she wanted to do as many good deeds as possible.
00:04:51
Speaker
I shared with her that I was a cancer survivor, and the two of us, complete strangers, shared a hug and some tears. She asked me to pay it forward as often as possible, and ever since that day, I make sure to do random acts of kindness for others as often as I can.
00:05:09
Speaker
And that's coming from Sarah Marcy, and that's from Providence, Rhode Island.
Connection Through a Blanket Gift
00:05:16
Speaker
This next story is not from the Huffington Post and it is anonymous, but there is so much beauty in this.
00:05:23
Speaker
This next story starts with saying, I was on my way to go sit in a Catholic church that I wasn't even a parishioner for. I just needed to sit in there, I was going through a tough time, and that day it happened to be raining.
00:05:37
Speaker
On my way in, as I turned into the parking lot, I saw a homeless man sitting on a milk crate in a black coat drenched in the pouring rain. It was cold out and I thought, what can I do to help this man? and When I looked in my trunk, I saw I had a gallon of water and an old Mexican blanket that I would use whenever I'd sit in the car or go out to places like the beach.
00:06:03
Speaker
I looked at the water and said, I can give him the water. I looked at the blanket and said, but I love that blanket. i have memories of where I got that blanket. And then it dawned on me that I was wealthy in blankets.
00:06:17
Speaker
And while I couldn't give this man ah night in the hotel, while I couldn't give this man a bunch of money to get what he needed, I could provide this man a moment of warmth. And so it was in that moment I realized I have more blankets and more blankets will come into my life.
00:06:35
Speaker
So I exited out of the car. I walked up to the man cautiously and I offered him the gallon of water and the blanket. The man revealed to me that his name is Thomas, and he gave me his life story.
00:06:51
Speaker
As it poured down on us, the blanket around his shoulders caught much of the rain, yet he said it kept him very warm. At the end of this interaction, I couldn't help but thinking that somehow in his eyes and through this act of service, I served something greater than ourselves, something more alive and here in the universe.
00:07:14
Speaker
I stepped into the church, I sat down, and I prayed for myself and I prayed for this stranger. And I thanked God that this stranger saw me and I saw him.
Small Gestures with Big Impacts
00:07:26
Speaker
This next story is one of my own and happened rather recently, um but I'm a Trader Joe's girly. I love Trader Joe's. For our listeners in the UK, it's just a fun market that you can shop at and it just happens to be well-priced with some pretty good options and the people who check you out at the counter typically or really chill.
00:07:47
Speaker
So that's why it's my go-to place. However, recently when I went to Trader Joe's to go pick some stuff up for dinner, I went to go grab a basket and there was a lot of people coming in the store and out of the store and not gonna lie, I felt a little anxious. I was like, o I gotta dive in here to get a basket.
00:08:05
Speaker
And a girl who was in like the cutest athletic outfit ever, this has nothing to do with the story, but I just had to tell it tell you guys how cute it was, um She grabbed the basket and instead of just taking it and then me coming in and grabbing a basket from the stack of baskets, she handed it to me.
00:08:22
Speaker
And I just thought, wow, that's really sweet. that That really, that did something for my heart because it's hectic. Everyone's trying to get their stuff and get out. And yet she just took a moment to do something so simple.
00:08:36
Speaker
so kind just to hand me this basket so that I can get out of this kind of flurry of people. um and that's one that I love because it wasn't anything that she had to give like money or any material item.
00:08:52
Speaker
This act of kindness was just being of service. So that stood out to me recently. And I wanted to share that one because I think sometimes i think of acts of kindness as extreme cases.
00:09:05
Speaker
Like it's got to be all or nothing. um But that's a total common misconception.
Science of Kindness and Mental Health
00:09:11
Speaker
Acts of service and kindness, they don't have to be grand to be, you know, beautiful.
00:09:17
Speaker
And they also don't have to be time consuming. Now something I want to go back to about the Huffington Post um stories that I read, the first two, is that in the article it starts off by saying sometimes the person you need most in a trying moment isn't a person you know at all.
00:09:37
Speaker
And I just want that to settle in for you. i hope it does. Truly, um people we know, the people we love are amazing.
00:09:48
Speaker
But there's something so divine and so outside of ourselves when a stranger goes out of their way ah just simply be kind to one another. And it's it's so strange because sometimes for me, it feels like, uh, what's the catch?
00:10:04
Speaker
And that's really sad for me to admit, but it's my truth. Sometimes I think, what's the catch? Because we live in a society where everyone's self-centered. Truly.
00:10:14
Speaker
i don't mean by looks, i don't mean by popularity, I literally mean we are always thinking of us in the first person. And I know you you might be thinking like, okay, that's normal. Like I am the first person. I am the only consciousness i know how to be um While that's true, sometimes it's really good to step back and just see the people around you and just remember that each person is going through their own griefs in life and their own happiness, their own joys, their own frustrations, their own angers.
00:10:43
Speaker
And just if you can do something kind, even if that person can't reciprocate it or fully appreciate you for that, that still adds value to the world, the value of kindness.
00:10:57
Speaker
I did want to talk to you guys though about some aspects of being of service and doing good acts of kindness for others. So not only does it feel good to be a recipient of this, and I don't even just mean to receive these acts of kindness directly, like when the woman handed me the basket, but it feels really good to receive these in story form.
00:11:23
Speaker
um When I read the stories that I read to you guys, i felt in my heart this kind of lightness. Like, truly. Like, I feel like, oh, that there is good in the world.
00:11:36
Speaker
um Which I do know that in my heart of hearts. But it's just nice to hear these stories. I feel like we just hear such terrible things so often. So, one aspect of doing good things is psychological.
00:11:49
Speaker
And I just wanted to go over that with you guys because it's really impressive. So, like I said, I've been in a season of grieving. And something that I'm doing during this season is, one, I am taking care of myself.
00:12:05
Speaker
Two, I do have my amazing therapist. Three, i have family. before I started leaning into acts of kindness. And what I found is that when I do something for someone I don't know, ah do something good for them, I feel good too.
00:12:26
Speaker
And I wanted to understand that more. And I learned that when we do this, when we engage in acts of kindness, our brain releases the feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.
00:12:39
Speaker
And this leads to feelings of completeness, like satisfaction, ah well-being, connection. And also for my chronic illness, amazing community, and beyond, it also can help reduce physical pain,
00:12:56
Speaker
and stress. Can you believe this? That an answer to help us move through our own grief resides in helping people we don't even know.
00:13:10
Speaker
And that if we can find small ways to do this, that ultimately we're not only serving others during our times of difficulty, but we are serving ourselves.
Starting Small with Kindness
00:13:26
Speaker
the the rule reward there. It's not about the reward, but the point is that there is the potential for this psychological reward for you as well. That goes beyond any material thing. You can't buy happiness.
00:13:41
Speaker
I'm going to just say that. um Part of my insides are like, but you can buy puppies. That's true. You can buy things that bring you happiness, but in the end, all things will come to an end or they won't come with you after this life.
00:13:55
Speaker
So the things that are not physical that bring you that joy are very, very special. So there's this aspect of personal growth that we've been talking about through doing these acts of service and good deeds and And after time, if you just think about this with me, when we start to do things, sometimes I feel a little awkward at first.
00:14:17
Speaker
When you're new to doing something, especially if you're new to doing acts of service or good deeds for a total stranger, you might think, what if I think I'm weird? Like, I felt this way one time when I bought someone's coffee in back of me.
00:14:31
Speaker
um i was going through a drive-thru at a Starbucks and I was like, okay, I'm going to try this thing out. So I bought his coffee and um then I got out to the stoplight and he was right behind me for this long duration. it felt like forever that the stoplight was red.
00:14:46
Speaker
And I was like, oh, this is awkward. This is really weird. um Truly, it wasn't. Truly, it felt weird because it was a new thing for me to do. And I was worried about the way I was going to be perceived by other people, which is such a silly, silly thing when you are doing good into the world.
00:15:03
Speaker
So I just want to reassure you that at first it does feel a little strange sometimes. But there's so much personal growth available there because once you start integrating these small acts of kindness, like holding the door for someone who's coming in of a restaurant or out, even if they don't say thank you, just doing that.
00:15:23
Speaker
ah Pulling, i don't i don't even know pulling out, I was gonna say pulling out someone's chair for them. ah That's really old school, but I mean, someone might appreciate that. Maybe you got someone who likes those old school things.
00:15:38
Speaker
um Man, there's tons of examples, but ah one even is like, if you go out to eat with your co-workers and you're grabbing napkins, you Grab your coworkers napkins.
00:15:49
Speaker
Grab them for the table. Grab them their fork. Grab them their spoon. um Those are simple acts of kindness, like truly. um But they all can lead to this compounding effect of having shifts for your own mind and for how you see the world.
00:16:07
Speaker
There's something called the reticular activating system and it's a part of your brain that when you are seeking specific things, it starts to notice.
00:16:19
Speaker
And a very famous example is if you are looking to purchase a brand new red Honda Civic. Let's just say that.
00:16:30
Speaker
Let's just, I don't know much about cars, but let's say that's what you're looking to purchase and you're saving up. Well, your reticular activating system is going to be geared towards sorting out all the data that you see every day.
00:16:43
Speaker
And you're probably going to start noticing more red cars around you. And you might even start seeing red Honda Civics. Way more than you remember seeing. But it's not because there just is an influx of these cars around you all a sudden.
00:16:56
Speaker
It might be that. That might be very rare, like if you're at a 4th of July parade. But what it typically is, is your brain is now filtering to recognize these things. So when you start doing these acts of service and these good deed things, they start by feeling a little uncomfy sometimes. You're like, oh, I don't know um But then your mind, the the
Practicing Self-Kindness on Tough Days
00:17:18
Speaker
reward for you is that your mind starts to recognize acts of service that people are doing around you.
00:17:27
Speaker
that aren't even for you. And that's the most beautiful thing. You'll start seeing it everywhere. You'll start seeing strangers hold the door for people. You'll start seeing people help other people bring groceries to their car because they can't hold these bags on their own.
00:17:43
Speaker
It's pretty amazing. it's It's really extraordinary and such a gift to give yourself and others. So, Yeah, I think it just it gets you more involved in your own life and in the community around you.
00:17:59
Speaker
And I also want to say, you know, these acts, while they can become a part of your life, you also can control when you are able to do these.
00:18:11
Speaker
Like if you are chronically ill, like myself, there are days when you just getting out of bed is hard. You know, taking a shower takes all my energy. And those days I might not be able to prioritize other people with acts of kindness, but I might need to give those acts of kindness to myself.
00:18:30
Speaker
And that's just as valuable and just as needed. So of course, you don't want to burn out on acts of kindness, but they are available to us. They're free to do and they feel good and they're good for us and good for the world.
Challenge: Perform an Act of Service
00:18:43
Speaker
So friends, we are wrapping up the episode now. Like I said, this is an intimate... one-on-one short session, and I want to start our kind of wind down together with saying thank you for being here, that it truly means the world to us, that people listen and they gain value from what we say,
00:19:09
Speaker
Or the silly things we do here. um Just knowing that we bring some of you joy it when we haven't even met you in person yet is really extraordinary. it It adds to that interconnectedness like we're talking about when someone does good for complete strangers.
00:19:27
Speaker
Um, and that's not what I mean. I'm not like we're doing good for complete strangers, but you guys are doing good for us. Truly, truly. Some of you have messaged us and, um, we may not know you and we may never have met you in person, but your words have been a soothing balm to our hearts and our minds.
00:19:46
Speaker
Truly, we truly appreciate it. So with the wind down, friends, I am going to challenge us, myself included. im going to challenge us to try one small act of service this week, this coming up week or weekend. Hey, if you want to get a head start, I'm not against that.
00:20:07
Speaker
But I want you to notice when you do this act of service, how it makes you feel. How do you feel? I don't mean how does that person feel about it you did it for? Because like we said, you could hold the door for a complete stranger and they can say, they won't even say thank you. They barely will notice, right?
00:20:27
Speaker
But how did you take, how do you feel taking a moment to do something for someone else, whether or not it's recognized? So ask yourself, how do I feel about this? And I also want to just encourage you to seek stories of kindness.
00:20:44
Speaker
And something that I'm going to try to do, and I'm mustering up the courage for it, is asking people in my family about when were times that they had random acts of kindness done to them.
00:20:57
Speaker
just feel like it's such a beautiful way to engage with people and hear about what touches them. You know, by asking that to my family, I'll kind of get a little bit of an insight too on like what really touches their soul and their heart.
00:21:12
Speaker
um And it it might surprise you. It might surprise you. So before we say our closing goodbyes, I'd like to remind you of that line I read from the Huffington Post that sometimes the person you need most in a trying moment isn't a person you know at all.
00:21:32
Speaker
So just remember we i don't know what anybody's going through. Truly, even even if we love them and we've known them our whole lives, everybody has things going on inside their mind, inside their hearts that are weighing on them.
00:21:47
Speaker
but they also have a lot of love inside their minds and their hearts as well. And um yeah, just remember when you do these, maybe you're just the person that they needed to do that for them.
00:22:01
Speaker
Maybe they really needed you to hold the door. Maybe they really needed you to give them that shopping basket. Maybe they really needed someone to treat them to dinner. They were struggling already.
00:22:13
Speaker
Maybe they really needed that blanket because they were so cold in the rain.
00:22:20
Speaker
So, you guys, we will see you back here in two weeks. And until then, please remember to let the light in.
00:22:32
Speaker
Goodbye.