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Episode 55: Ambition
33 Plays7 months ago
In this weeks episode Amy and Janessa discuss balancing ambition with a chronic illness - this was another listener request, thank you so much! Message us on Instagram to share any ideas you have @woundedhealerspodcast
Don't forget you can get 15% off any product from our sponsor Just Thrive with promo code WHP to support your gut health this festive season: https://justthrivehealth.com/
Our commercial break is brought to you by professional voice actor Emory Tibbetts. You can inquire about his services on IG @ emorytibbettsvo and on his website EmoryTibbetts.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Listener Engagement
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Wounded Healers podcast.
00:00:09
Speaker
I'm Janessa. And I'm Amy. We were brought together by our shared wound of an autoimmune condition in our early 20s. This is a place where we explore our wounds with our listeners and guests who recognize the challenges of being human in hopes of helping all of us let the light in. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the Wounded Heels podcast. I'm Amy and I'm here with Janessa. Hey, everyone. It's nice to be back. Yay.
00:00:41
Speaker
excuse ah Oh, I just slammed my elbow on the table. I'm sorry to anyone if you heard that. um'm We have an exciting episode today. We have another listener request. So this is two in a row. Thank you so much for requesting and please keep requesting. We really do love it. It would be great if we could just have another one and then yeah. So yeah, any ideas? Shoot them our way, please.
00:01:13
Speaker
Yes, and please send them to our Instagram at Wounded
The Joys and Challenges of Christmas Shopping
00:01:18
Speaker
Healers podcast. Yeah, just putting it out there. That's where you find us. Yeah Sorry, I'm never with the practical instructions. I'm just like la la la send us your request that said question how Okay, so hot or not this week is very festive. Obviously we're recording this on the 3rd of December. So festivities are on the mind. Janessa's just had Thanksgiving. I've just been doing Black Friday stuff at work. So it's been top of my mind. And I was thinking, is it hot or not to go Christmas shopping in real life?
00:01:59
Speaker
in person at the mall. IRL. Look at me using big terms. I'm just kidding. So i think oh I think it is hot personally um only because there's certain things you'll find at malls or at shops while you're there and you might just be like, oh my gosh, this is perfect for that person.
00:02:22
Speaker
um Yeah, and then selfishly, and I have to keep a lock on this during the holidays. I love to shop. I am a little shopping girl. And um I just like to look around and see what's going on. And every now and then I end up leaving with just a little something for myself too. You know, I can wrap it, give it to myself.
00:02:42
Speaker
Um, but no, I think it is. I think it's pretty hot. There's things I found that I was like, that's perfect for my sister or that's perfect for my mom while I'm out there. Um, yeah. Other thing is sometimes, and I don't know if this has happened to anyone else, but like the internet, like ah It catfishes me sometimes. Like there's things that look really good on it. And then I order them and I try them on and I'm like, what the actual, yeah i did I just spy? Um, and the worst is like understanding the actual size of things on the internet.
00:03:14
Speaker
like a a cautionary tale is like um two Christmases ago my husband wanted a Tibetan singing bowl and he sent me a link to a bowl he liked um but it was like the general Amazon link and I just was like oh that's a great price so I ordered it and it came and it's the size of my palm it was the smallest option and he wanted the big bowl um so it was really funny when he opened it he was like oh Oh, and I was like, I'm so sorry we can return it. But we didn't. We actually love this little bowl now. ah But yeah, so I think it's hot. Yeah, sometimes the ones that go kind of wrong-ish are the ones that like end up having the most meaning in a way. um Yeah, so that's interesting because I was going to go fully, it's not hot.
00:04:02
Speaker
isn But you've just swayed me in the fact that you do see things for people that you don't get on the internet. So that is, yeah, it becomes a bit more of a experience, especially when you're gifting, because there's inspiration everywhere. So that has got me thinking, but the things I hate about it is the people.
00:04:26
Speaker
yeah I cannot bear to be around people, especially in shops, because everybody has a different pace and a different rate of browsing and looking. I also will never understand, well, I do understand it, but it bothers me that people take their children. And I know that there aren't just magical places for you to drop your children off free of charge. like I know that doesn't exist, so people don't really have a choice.
00:04:53
Speaker
but to bring their children, but they create chaos in shops. And while we're already at max volume, I don't like to have children under my feet, especially when I'm shopping on a mission. um And another thing that I've just thought about is last night after work, because our our Christmas party is tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the theme is like sparkles. And I'm not a very sparkly girl, never have been so I kind of need to stop somewhere and like look for sparkles so I was trying stuff on in Zara and
Balancing Ambition with Rheumatoid Arthritis
00:05:28
Speaker
holy lord I was getting so hot it was unfair like why are they why do they make this change you're so hot not that you do that when you're Christmas shopping for like other people but
00:05:41
Speaker
It was horrendous. And I was like, I could just have some sparkly things delivered to my house and try these on in peace um at a temperature that feels right to me. um So yeah, I think, yeah. That shows a lot of ambition too, because that means you're willing to return them.
00:05:59
Speaker
I literally have a pair of shoes like I think I ordered them like before you came out for Yosemite years ago and they were new balances and I thought I ordered size 11 in women's but it was size 11 in men's they're sitting in my closet because I missed that 30 day return date I just was like oh I'll bring it eventually and then it just passed and I was like oh I just have these shoes now So I need to put them on like Facebook marketplace or something, or give them to someone. Just give them at this point. Yeah. Yeah. Make that someone's Christmas present this year. And look, I know you didn't ask for them, but they are still.
00:06:36
Speaker
ah Yeah. Yeah. But then you still sometimes have to take things back to the shop, even though I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. There's pros and cons. I guess the part that is a con for me is like, there's almost this like,
00:06:49
Speaker
moment of if I've been shopping for too long where I become almost dissociated. Like yeah I just like feel literally numb. Like I'm not enjoying myself anymore. I'm like numbed out and I feel almost lightheaded sometimes. yeah And that's when I'm like, you need to leave. You gotta to go. and yeah I don't know why that is. Maybe that's just cause I feel a lot of energy around or maybe it's cause I'm not drinking enough water. Who knows? But yeah, yeah the negative.
00:07:17
Speaker
probably all of the above and I experience that all the time too. But that is the good thing about going to a big mall is there's normally loads of fun little food stops and like you can get like another little pick, a shopping pick me up as always. So fun. I feel like it's very guilt free. But where, wait, wait Where was I? So, cause I basically, my new job is right by this huge mall in London called Westfield. So it's absolutely, mad it's like the biggest thing, big the biggest mall I've ever been to in my life. And one of the foods, so in the UK now, they have this thing where big chains have to put the calories on the menu because of like, you know, the obesity epidemic and whatever. So Cinnabun, you know, like cinnamon buns. Yeah.
00:08:06
Speaker
they had one of those there I was like oh maybe that would be good and just the basic one with icing just like the bun with icing on was 890 calories I was like how have they made it that calorific one bun? Like what have they put in there? It's like they purposely made it as, I was like, I couldn't even can even wrap my head around that. i'm Sorry, side note. Yeah. And also mind blowing, cause I love getting a Cinnabon at the mall, but we don't see the calories necessarily. They like hide them from us in the US. He cares. Just get it. Just buy it. We're like, okay.
00:08:46
Speaker
Yeah, um well lot that never going on to a whole other topic, can't we? all Well, okay, I guess my final stage is the top. Yes. I feel like you can find stuff. Yeah, I love that for you. I love that for you. And I do think there's benefits, but I'm going to say not hot because that was my initial. Yeah, that's what I initially felt. Stay away from the calories. Stay away from the children. Do your Christmas shopping at home.
00:09:12
Speaker
Yes. All right. Well, there you go listeners. You can choose what you think. I'm sure some people are going to feel, I don't think there's much of a middle ground for that. I think a lot of people are either like shop from home or shop in person for that stuff. So yeah. Interesting. Well, today's episode, you guys, like we said, it's a listener request, our second one, um, this year. And so we're very excited to hear that. Um,
00:09:40
Speaker
I thought we'd start off maybe by reading their request and because I think it was worded really nicely and then we can kind of hop into it. But this listener sent us the request saying, I'd love to hear more about balancing ambition and the realities of having RA. No rush, no pressure, just something I'm going through right now and I'm struggling with it.
00:10:00
Speaker
Love y'all. You're the best. By the way, that was the sweetest. Like literally my whole heart was like so warm. I was like, Oh my gosh. So that is our episode topic today is how to balance ambition and realities while living with chronic illness, especially RA. Um, side note before we get into it, as a British person,
00:10:24
Speaker
I just love being referred to within a y'all group because that just doesn't exist here. That makes me so happy. It's just that I'm included in the y'all. But yes, Ambition and R8.
00:10:42
Speaker
my ah like this I will start by asking Janessa because when i when we got this, I was like, I'm not sure if I do consider myself ambitious. Do you? Oh, man. Yeah, I actually thought the same thing. I use the i used to be very ambitious. um Yeah.
00:11:04
Speaker
and and it's It's interesting. My ambitions have really changed. you know And it actually it led me to even look up, because I was like, am I ambition the right way? Because I just think boss girl. you know yeah um So I did look up the Oxford Dictionary definition of ambition, which they have listed as a strong desire to do or to achieve something typically requiring determination and hard work. um So yeah, that that's about what I remember. The only things that I noticed in here with
00:11:34
Speaker
coming through this with a chronic illness lens, like when you're actively flaring up and you're at your worst, is it says determination, requiring determination and hard work. And that's the problem. You can be really determined.
00:11:49
Speaker
but your body might not be able to put in the hard work. And I think that's kind of the crux of the whole thing, you know? um So we'll get into that more, but to kind of circle back, Amy, like i I have little ambitions for myself, but my ambitions have changed a lot since I've found more of like an inner peace for myself. yeah Yeah. I'm kind of living more for myself my family and something greater than me rather than my job right now. Yeah I think you've just hit the nail on my head because my initial thought was like oh ambitious at what like career based ambition which I did have that for a long time and
00:12:30
Speaker
still have like a decent-ish job like you wouldn't like you know without any not trying to god what am I saying I'm just like oh be modest Amy because I'm not like like some high flyer but like I'm at a decent level at my job that you would like you wouldn't get to without being somewhat ambitious We'll just brush that, we'll just like brush that to the side. um Because for some reason that embarrasses me. No, it's a dream. You worked hard. But yes, that ever since kind of the recovery period from RA, not that there really is a recovery period, but ah for some reason in my head, I kind of see the last like three or four years as like a recovery period from when I was an initially diagnosed.
00:13:16
Speaker
I completely agree with you that my ambitions have changed and that I'm not that focused on my work anymore, but I will always be ambitious to live a good life, which is which is like, you know, and as much of an ambition as having a decent career.
00:13:38
Speaker
um I guess what we don't know in this is what the listen what kind of ambition the listener meant. I'm gonna assume she meant ambitious outside of just having a good life, like whether that's like school ambitious, career ambitious, like sporting ambition, something, I'm gonna guess that's what she was like struggling with, aligning with RA.
00:14:04
Speaker
Yeah, I, that would be, I think the most educated guess I can make as well on that. And no, it's just, it's so interesting because that's the other thing too, is it's like, when I thought even more about the definition of ambition, it was like, all right, it's really difficult because you can be a very ambitious person. And then the second your body says no girl, and it just holds you back, all of a sudden your ambition starts to get chipped away at.
00:14:34
Speaker
You know, and that can just, there can come points where I remember in college where I just, I was working really hard in school. I was working outside of school and I was maintaining these friendships and then my ambitions got chipped away at a bit at that time because everything I thought was important, again, like, you know, the the school, getting the degree, getting, you know, a good job eventually, staying in good social standing.
00:15:03
Speaker
You can't uphold all of those when your body is needing extra attention. so yeah Some of those pillars have to either get a little bit lower to the point where you're able to manage them and manage yourself for a bit. and It doesn't mean it's always going to be lowered, but at the time,
00:15:21
Speaker
i took it like oh my gosh if i can't focus fully on my career right now because i'm balancing a job friends and i'm really sick yeah then i've failed i just looked at it as a total failure which is not the way to look at it like at all um yeah yeah um I was going to say one of the kind of the thoughts that I'd had around this is that what the one of the best pieces of advice you can take from having a chronic illness and being ambitious, like if you're ambitious in one thing, you have to go all in on it because with RA and the work with anything in life really, but especially with RA or a chronic illness, you can do anything
00:16:07
Speaker
but you can't do everything. So if you have like one goal that is non-negotiable for you, you will have to let some other things go in order to achieve that, which is kind of what you were just saying. Yeah. No, that is so spot on. And like some things I wanted to bring up too is just like, how do we, so the the big question here was like, how do we manage,
00:16:34
Speaker
our ambitions while having RA. So I wanted to like take it just in the way that I know how to how I've done that. And necessarily, to be honest, like I haven't necessarily been the greatest model of this. like when When I was really in the trenches of RA, I actually lacked a lot of ambition. And I think it was because my mindset, and Amy and I have talked about this,
00:17:01
Speaker
in the first year of recording we talked about mindset a little bit more but when your mindset is stuck on what you can no longer do the way you used to be able to do it you start to chip away at your self-worth and who you are and you just will chip away at that slowly but what that can look like is you know, I, for example, wasn't able to put my hair up. I still can't do a ponytail on my own um because of my right elbow. But when my elbows started to flare, I couldn't put my hair up anymore. And I kept being like, Oh my gosh, you can't put your hair up. Like everyone else can put their hair up and you can't put your hair up. I remember thinking that and I didn't feel bad for myself. I felt upset with myself for some rude reason where I was like, how did it get this bad? How could it get to this point where I couldn't,
00:17:52
Speaker
put my fricking hair up in a ponytail, you know? But that, i see, that's the issue is we we have to start to kind of shift our focus when we're going through it. When you're really, really in a deep, deep flare, you have to be gentle with yourself, very graceful. And um I guess that leads me to think, you know, at least in my experience as grace and ambition can go hand in hand, but the experiences I have had Ambition usually kind of knocks grace out of the park. It knocks out this kind of gentleness with yourself because you're saying like that all or nothing mentality. I mean, that's true. Yeah. Like a lot of times we hear, you know, give it your all, like go all the way. But you know, when you have RA or any chronic illness, you,
00:18:39
Speaker
sometimes you can't give it your all and that's okay. You gave it something, you know? yeah That's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's where um adapting what your view of ambition and what your view of your goal is to make it achievable to you really works and breaking it down. So you're less focused on one specific end goal and more what do you you know little and often what you can do a little bit at a time and is it even more relevant when you have chronic illness because you it's so much harder to get there but if you're trying to weave in the grace and trying to weave in being kind to yourself that's really the only way that you can do it is by doing it a little bit
00:19:37
Speaker
At a time and giving yourself The praise and the yeah, like the positivity for each little step that you take. Yes. Oh, yeah that brings me to um The word gratitude I feel like it's just like really overused a lot it's sometimes but it's really important and I think something I wish I could go back and tell myself is like I to understand that gratitude doesn't come from the end goal of something. So so you know how we often hear like, I'm so grateful that I got to go to this concert, right? I'm so grateful I got to go there. Well, yeah, they're a store, for example. Well, that is a form of gratitude, but I think a lot of the times we forget to thank ourselves for what got us there.
00:20:27
Speaker
and that's something that actually came up and i've been like attending a spiritual center or i call it a church but it's more of a spiritual center and it was really beautiful the reverend brought up this concept is like gratitude can be in the little actions you take to get to the end result so that regardless whether or not you reach that end result you still have the impression Like the literal neural pathway of gratitude for what you did. And so example would be instead of, you know, or to reframe, not instead of, but to reframe, I'm grateful. I got to the era's tour would be like, I'm really grateful that when the tickets came out for the era's tour, I took a second to like really look at them, you know, and I really decided, you know, can I financially do this? And I'm grateful that I made a financially smart decision for myself, which was I could afford the ticket. So I got them, right?
00:21:20
Speaker
and And so that's a way of being grateful so that in the end, let's say you had COVID really bad, or you're in such a bad flare, you couldn't go to the Arizona store, you're still grateful for the little steps you took. um So yeah, I think just thanking yourself for the little steps, like don't lose yeah don't lose sight of the amazing things you are doing. And I guess that would even be like if you Like I remember my feet would hurt a lot when I was first diagnosed. My feet were in such a flare it hurt every morning getting out of bed. And um some mornings I literally just laid in bed and i I didn't get up until I had to pee until I could no longer wait anymore because I just wanted to avoid the pain of getting out of bed. um And I really wish I was kinder to myself instead of judging myself. I wish I would have been like,
00:22:10
Speaker
o I am grateful that you know like I was able to make it down these stairs to the bathroom in this flare. I'm grateful for my body and my mind working together to get me there. It's a really good way to center yourself back to what really matters, especially when you're in a dark place or when you're flaring because everything can run away from you like your thoughts can run away from you your body can't but like your mind can really take you to a different place it's even different to your reality um so yeah like being grateful and remaining centered um yeah it's really an essential part of like staying on track like just
00:22:57
Speaker
fighting in a way the like the negative self-talk which undoubtedly always comes or as we spoke in our fear and episode like false evidence appearing as real, all of that sort of stuff, like the just really watch the narratives that you're telling yourself because you are controlling the story that you're telling yourself, which is the reflection of your reality that you believe and
00:23:28
Speaker
in any circumstance, you can tell yourself a story about what you're perceiving in a, not only he positive, but like in a way that serves you versus one that doesn't serve you. Just make sure that your story is always serving you and always serving what you're trying to get to, whatever that ambition is, whatever your end goal is, always try and serve it in the story that you're telling yourself. Yes. And that also it reminds me too, like when you are,
00:23:57
Speaker
chronically ill I really feel like the most double-edged sword of the entire experience for me and I think for other people has been it will remove you from the illusions that you previously saw and subscribed to and what I mean is like if we're thinking of ambition and we're looking at the boss girls of the world who are amazing and we're not hating on them we need them um But if we're looking at others and comparing ourselves to where they're at, then you're still in the game, babe. You're still in the game because that's not what's up anymore. You have been selected, and I hate to say that because I would have hated to hear that back in the day, but it's that my truth is I was selected somehow for some weird reason. I'll never understand.
00:24:46
Speaker
to experience life in this way on this level right now and what that did for me is it plucked me out of the rat race a lot because now yeah i cannot compare myself to other people because my body doesn't even function like other peoples so why would i keep trying to like harm myself over trying to be something I cannot be at this moment doesn't mean you won't be there it just means you need to rethink it reimagine it and discover how it will work best for you with where you're at with your body so it it it removes you from an illusion and I think yeah the more I've stepped into that the more I've
00:25:24
Speaker
you know, been at a place that's more regulated with RA where I'm not in constant pain.
Transformative Power of Hardship and Self-Care
00:25:30
Speaker
It's been easier for me to see how deceptive that is for other people that the comparisons. Yeah. I mean, this is another way that you can spend it like rather than seeing your chronic illness as something that's holding you back, use it as your fuel. And like I feel like, again, this is just stuff that we It's like the thing I cling to and constantly talk about. But it's true. It's really the only thing that you can do with it if you want to move forward in life is yeah use it as your motivation. ah We know, we've spoken about it before, there is a really transformative power
00:26:12
Speaker
within hardship exactly like what you were just saying to Janessa like you are undeniably set apart because of what you've been through and what you're going through and try and see that as like something that makes you extra special rather than something like seeing it as like ed an illness or a negative thing make it make yeah make it seem like an accolade to you that you've been through that and you've still got to where you are um and use it as motivation. he Yeah. Yeah. And so I'm thinking too, so for this question, I'm just going to like bring it back up and there's aspects that I do think we could talk to a little bit more in terms of like, how can we preserve that individual energy?
00:27:09
Speaker
So again, that's like the balancing ambition and realities of having RA. So this kind of brings me to a few things that I, again, it's so much easier said than done, but I really, really wish I knew this back in the day when I was first diagnosed. I was really, really deeply in the trenches of it. Um, I wish I knew how important things were like sleep.
00:27:32
Speaker
like and I know that sounds so just so you're like sleep yeah I mean literally sleep I was reading a study before we started recording this episode and it's a really good study and basically I want to read you guys this little tiny paragraph from it, but it says, experimental cohorts and longitudinal studies have all demonstrated that restricted sleep is linked to greater pain. Poor sleep before, oh, sorry, poor sleep, therefore, not only affects the general health, but has a direct impact on inflammation, the pain response, and the experience. Improving sleep in people living with musculoskeletal, oh my gosh, you got eyes.
00:28:14
Speaker
Musculoskeletal conditions ah with chronic pain has the potential to deliver great benefits. So you guys, we are those people, and I can barely say that word, musculoskeletal conditions. RA does count as one of those, and this whole study So I read the majority of the study, but it was an experiment to see how sleep impacts chronically ill individuals. And um what they found is it deeply impacts them um because during the nighttime, our body is repairing itself.
00:28:50
Speaker
um It needs to repair itself. It needs to go through and make sure everything is good for the upcoming day. It's hard at work, even though our brains are in another dream realm or not dreaming, just chilling, you know? So in the body, it hasn't stopped working for us. So sleep though, just getting sleep is so important. And yeah, I can't even. And and truthfully,
00:29:16
Speaker
Why I wish I knew that earlier on is because I was staying up late um when I was at my worst with RA. because I felt like I didn't do enough that day because I felt like I didn't earn my sleep and I know that sounds really dumb but like I felt like there were days where I was in bed the whole pretty much the whole day and just up to eat and like use the bathroom because I was just hurting so bad and then at night all of a sudden when everyone else was asleep I would be up thinking
00:29:47
Speaker
I'm not happy with how my day went. Like I didn't do anything today and then I wouldn't sleep. I would just ponder on the fact that I wasn't productive when sleep actually would have been a very productive thing for me to do for myself. Yeah, they go like seeing it as Productive seeing it as part of your Like training regime or just seeing it as part of your regime in your self-care But it's so funny. Just I have such a different take on sleep when I was in the trenches I couldn't wait to go to sleep cuz I was like finally I won't have to deal with all this shit for like Nine hours. I was like, I was literally going to bed at night half seven pm. I was like goodbye world. didn Like windows shut down. du and and I couldn't wait to be, ah yeah, to be out of here into that, the fifth dimension. I don't know. It's not the fifth dimension. Yeah. whatever we can add Yeah. But no, that's amazing. Like you, you can't just use like the fact that you have RA as your fuel. You also have to use actual fuel in terms of
00:30:56
Speaker
sleep and in terms of food and all the stuff that we normally go through if you're trying to get somewhere if you're trying to be ah Exceptional not even exceptional versus of the people but exceptional in the way that you perceive something that would be exceptional and yeah, you have to you have to put the time and energy into that yeah, and it's chronic so I hate to say it's lifelong because I think you know it will rear its head at different parts of our life but there will be times of of hopefully some peace for you you know there will be times where it won't be as rampant as
00:31:41
Speaker
it was and that's something that I don't think I would have believed in my first two years because they were so painful if I had heard that I'd been like yeah well for you never for me but I can tell you you know sitting here I do still have little tiny flare-ups but nothing like I used to have and I'm very grateful for that and if it happens again then I'll have to deal with it then and that's kind of where I love this podcast is because it serves as like almost a time capsule for me so i'll be able to listen to myself again and be like oh she exists like we'll get back there you know um so you know it's just it's interesting and i think as far as the balance that this listener is asking for the balance has to start at least it started for me i should say
00:32:30
Speaker
For me, it had to start with evaluating, like Amy said, what are my new priorities? Because my life has shifted in a way that I can't continue to live it the way I was. um yeah you know You have to make some adjustments. So you have to see what is what is of the most importance. And yeah it almost helps to write out like your own little declaration of self-care and independence to yourself.
00:32:56
Speaker
like you know right now it is most important for me that i can you know feel some joy in my day like i just am not happy in general you know that that's a top priority for sure um so it's just you you kind of have to shift your lens for a bit but in turn i would also say from my experience and you know i wish it to be quicker honestly for others but it really took me three Years to get balanced. Yeah, and I and I don't want to say that and Make anyone worry if they're on year one, you know, don't worry Your your timeline is yeah And I will always wish you a quicker experience But for me just an awful honesty it took three years and in those three years it took me changing my
00:33:50
Speaker
diet honestly to you know something it wasn't as inflammatory I went vegan yeah and it also took me opening up to people about what was going on because I was holding it all inside because I didn't want to be a burden and I was also really yeah scared to talk to people because I didn't know what the heck I was talking about because you don't really get that much background information you're just like oh I have this joint disease and now I'm tired all the time and they hurt you know
00:34:21
Speaker
yeah it just yeah um Yeah, for me it took like a solid three years to find that balance. And and to be honest with you, once you find that balance, It's like literally balancing on a ball. You're always going to be trying to maintain balance, but you're going to slip a few times. Like you'll slip and and it's okay and it's totally human and you're going to get back on and you're going to find your balance again. But yeah, but Amy, what about you? How do, you how do you feel about your timeline with finding kind of that balance?
00:34:50
Speaker
du we Do you know what I've just thought while something I've observed while we've been having this conversation is we took, I think we took the meaning of like the question of what balance and ambition means in RA.
00:35:06
Speaker
in complete opposite ways like I think you're seeing this as how to be less ambitious and to to take care of yourself and like take like balance your um illness whereas I saw it as if you are if you have RA and you're like lacking motivation and you're not like where you want to be, how to be more ambitious. And I just think that's interesting that we have perceived it in different ways and I wonder what that says about us. But um yeah, so that's, I think,
00:35:45
Speaker
where I was thinking in terms of like, I maybe have held myself back because of my RA. Okay, yeah, just now it fully clicked for me. I see what you're saying. Yeah. And I was just like, how can we get this girl to not hold herself back because of her RA?
00:36:06
Speaker
OMG, let's, let's shift. Let's do it. Oh my God. Tell me, please. Cause yeah, my brain was like, my brain was thinking like if you're overly ambitious and you're just beating yourself up because you're not where you want to be at right now, you know? And I just remember how that was for me as like, I was super ambitious and I did have to take it down a couple notches and change my ambitions to self-care.
00:36:29
Speaker
and feeling, and now, now I have it together where I can be more outwardly ambitious. But I didn't think of that. That's so good, Amy. Like, what if you already have gotten through your first couple years, you're existing living with RA, and you're just like, dude, I don't want to do shit. Okay, dude, that's so cool. Okay, lead it lead us, Amy. I'm so interested. oh Hey there, healers. We're going to take a quick break to introduce you to some of our sponsors.
00:36:58
Speaker
Hey healers, it's Janessa, and I'm here to remind you about Just Thrive, which is a pre and probiotic brand. We spoke with them briefly on our nutrition episode, but I'm here to remind you because after getting certified in nutrition, I found that a hot topic was pre and probiotics. Now, unfortunately, research shows 95% of probiotics don't even make it to your digestive system, which is where they're needed most to help our flora and fauna. Thankfully, Just Thrive has created a product that does just that. It just thrives.
00:37:24
Speaker
So it makes it all the way to your gut in support of your flora and fauna. And let me tell you, I have seen a huge difference since I started using their products. In fact, so much that I reached out to them and said, can we please, please get a promo code for our listeners? And they said yes. So they picked us up with a 15% off promo code.
00:37:40
Speaker
which is WHP and that's WHP for Wounded Healers podcast. You can put that in on their website for any of their products to receive 15% off. Thanks so much listeners and continue to let the light in. No, i but I think that's really nice that it's happened that way because now we can serve they yeah both mindset, like both people that needed to take a step back and people that needed ah kick up the ass. And I also will say something that me and Janessa have always spoken about between ourselves is that that isn't enough.
00:38:12
Speaker
kick up the arse out there like on the internet like I'm guilty of it on my rheumatoid girls account I was all like softly softly forgive yourself don't do anything like take care of yourself and that is really appropriate because that's not what the world always tells us but now I think with time like time has taught me that that's not always the best advice you can give someone like sometimes people do need to be told that they can do it um even if they have RA you know because you don't want to be
00:38:49
Speaker
setting yourself back and missing out on life because you're making excuses and me from like three years ago would have been freaking out that I just said that like I would be like don't tell them that they're using it as an excuse like everything you see on chronic illness talk not that that's the thing but like everything you see on Instagram is like, you you are allowed to use it as an excuse. And sometimes, yes, but also don't use it to the point where you're selling yourself short. um Because you like the limit the only limitations you have are the ones you put upon yourself. And something I always think about is um Dr. Joe Dispenza, right? This dude literally rebuilt his spine
00:39:40
Speaker
in his mind from a bed that's the that's he claims that to be true and um i don't i didn't know i'm not sure if anyone's actually fact checked him on that but i assume he would have been called out for being a liar if he like actually had had some surgery um so yeah truly the only limitations we have are the ones that we put on ourselves um and i don't want to be limiting any of you like i want to be encouraging you as much as i can so Maybe if this makes some of you feel uncomfortable Take only what you need from it um and do not take anything personally. um And maybe you'll come back to these words one day and you'll be like, oh no, yeah, now I'm ready for that.
Overcoming Societal Pressures and Personal Growth
00:40:24
Speaker
Like you're not gonna be ready for the ass kick at all points of your journey. Like if you're not ready for the ass kick, go look on Room of Toy Girls. And listen to my little speaking videos that I used to do when I was just like, forgive yourself. um Yeah. ah her But something that really came to mind, um
00:40:45
Speaker
is David Gorgins. Do you know who David Gorgins is, Janessa? I do. He was like the Navy SEAL. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I actually haven't read any of his works, but I've seen him around and I understand that he's a great example of really severe hardship and still pushing through and getting everything you need to get done done.
00:41:09
Speaker
So his story very briefly is he had a lot of childhood trauma. So his dad was an alcoholic and used to beat up his mum. And then when David got a bit older and when he was trying to protect his mother, um started beating, his dad started beating him. And then they moved, him and his mum moved and he experienced like racial bullying because he's black. um He saw one of his friends get run over by a school bus, literally saw his head like flat on the yeah tarmac or ass flat if I think you call it asphalt. ah flat like but
00:41:47
Speaker
So um yeah and then he um he had learning disabilities as well and then he got into the military and found like a bit of a pace for himself and then was medically discharged because he had like sickle cell anemia so he finally thought he was getting somewhere he was pushed back again um because of these physical disabilities he gained a hundred pounds um and then he turned his life around so this is like ah just that's just the kind of story that you can keep in your mind of someone defying the odds like people defy the odds all the time all the time there's no reason for you to not
00:42:28
Speaker
defeat the odds as well. And he has the most powerful quote and that is, denial is the ultimate comfort zone. So it is so comfy to say that you can't like it's that to deny yourself something because you're scared to do it. It's the easiest thing in the world. But the only person you're hurting is yourself when you do that.
00:42:56
Speaker
Oh, ah so breaking isn't that Isn't it good? Yeah, I can't take credit for it. It's him. It's him, but that just resonated with me so hard. Denial is the ultimate comfort zone. and But we're not here to deny ourselves.
00:43:12
Speaker
Yes. We had to take it. Oh my gosh, Amy, you just set off the light bulb in my brain. Okay. This is so exciting. So the, okay. What did it remind me of? Wow. I got to put my excitement into where it's hard. Anyway, what it reminded me of too is like something that also i think this may rub people the wrong way so take what you want out of this and just know that it doesn't have to be true to you but this is my truth is that what i have witnessed in my lifetime is that society the world wants us to be in boxes like literally boxes so when we talk about the like
00:43:49
Speaker
whole binary of things it's everywhere and i'm so sorry but like even if you say you're not in the binary you're still in the binary babe it's just that's literally how our society is and i'm not talking about gender i mean literally our society we go by like are you awkward are you outgoing are you ambitious these are all boxes and truthfully these boxes are comfortable i totally get it because it honestly would have been and I think you know Amy and I have talked about this in earlier episodes but personally being and this is
00:44:27
Speaker
you know I'm just going to speak my truth. I'm just not even going to apologize. I'm just going to say it the way it is. I'm sorry if everyone's either the wrong way, but being a victim to your own circumstances, I want to make that clear not to being you know abused, but a victim of your own circumstances is very, very difficult because it is super easy, like David Goggins just said, to stay there.
00:44:53
Speaker
to stay disappointed in yourself and your experience and to just like basically make yourself smaller put yourself in a box and you know who love you know what loves that society loves that because you're the more boxed up we are and the more kind of we dampen our true light, the easier it is to, I don't want to say control, I feel like that feels scarier, the easier it is to influence us, genuinely. um I mean it. like Literally, it it is easier to influence people who don't feel self-worth, it's easier to influence people who don't feel that you know they look pretty. um it's just It's easy to do, it makes it easier for big corporations to sell their shit on you.
00:45:35
Speaker
um So yeah, I just popped into my head and so consider I'd say if you're listening to us right now consider what boxes you've put yourself in because the boxes are just as Relieving because when I got my diagnosis I said I knew something was wrong with me like I'm finally there's a name that was relieving what wasn't relieving is that I started saying you know I I I basically am RA. Like that became my mantra. Like I have this disease. I have this disease. I have this disease. I forgot. Well, I'm not just RA. I'm Janessa. I like animals. I like to rock climb. I like to play guitar. Like I like to do these things and they have nothing to do with RA.
00:46:15
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. You gotta be so careful of that. And I think we both did that. um We just went, we went all in on the RA, like being our personal brand. its yeah Hot as sad as that. It's like, because like making rheumatoid girls as powerful as it was at that time, the community that it brought me and the way that I helped people always, I will be grateful for the way that I was able to help people but it made the RA my entire life like I was living it anyway and then ah I would be making posts about it and then I would be helping I would be talking to you guys about it it was just all the time um and that that doesn't help you recover being in something all the time you can't recover from it you can't move on from it if you're constantly in it and if it's if it's what you're making your life about
00:47:14
Speaker
um And that's when having ambition or goals that are set apart from your illness can really be what saves you because it can be what takes it can be what draws you away from your RA. And exactly as Janessa said, takes you out of that box. And yeah, you can be a box breaker. That's really lame. I wish I hadn't said that. I kind of ruined kind of ruined something quite powerful. I like it. You're breaking the boxes. Recycle that shit. We're done.
00:47:43
Speaker
No, that's such a good point and like I guess, you know, I really like Ed Milet and he, I also make fun of him at the same time, cause he's very Jim bro. If you listen to him, it's almost like he's yelling at you with compassion. Like he wants better for you, but he's like one of those guys who's like, I love you brother. Like, like that happens in episodes, you know, when he has guests on that's always, I always hear him say that he's just kind of like that. But what I will say that he has said that has just totally helped me with my own motivations and ambitions as he said,
00:48:16
Speaker
It would make me very sad to get to the end of my life and let's hypothetically give this scenario Let's say I passed away Janessa is done on earth and I have gone up to some other dimension or maybe heaven or whatever you believe and Instead of any other spiritual figure standing there. It is my highest self It is Janessa if she wasn't afraid to do what she wanted to do if she wasn't afraid to speak the words she wanted to speak you know if I had to face my most true authentic self and she looked at me and said girl I wanted so badly to manifest physically but you kept me here because you were afraid you were afraid to step up and be me and this is who you could have been and I would literally just be like please put me back and she's like dude that was your one shot I'm sorry you know whereas I would
00:49:09
Speaker
Love to meet my future self on the other end of things when I'm done with this life and she's like there you are Hugging me like I am proud of you like you stepped in into like Who all the aspects you could have been or at least you tried you tried you brought me through in certain moments of your life ah That literally just like haunts me in the right way. There are some things that should haunt us and that's one of them is that yeah this's ah what we know of this is it and and I would hate to let my highest self down.
00:49:41
Speaker
yeah Oh my God. I love that. That was, yeah. If you take one thing away from that, I think take that away. I had something similar written down. I was like, when you're looking back on your life, what do you want to see? Which is basically the same thing without a vibey, higher power included. But yeah, you are you're only answering to yourself at the end of the day. And if you're letting yourself down, it's you that's going to have to face that in the future. And that should be your biggest motivation.
00:50:08
Speaker
um Yeah, I also just want to take a moment for my favorite quote because I will literally just work this into anything I possibly can. The obstacle is the way. So yeah this is from Stowick philosophy. Marcus Aurelius was the person that like originally coined this.
00:50:30
Speaker
um What he said was, our actions may be impeded, but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting.
00:50:50
Speaker
The impediment to action advances action, what stands in the way becomes the way. the The hard thing that you need to do is going to be the breakthrough for you, is what's going to take you to that higher self. So don't be afraid of your obstacles. Don't say you can't overcome them because that's the thing that's hardest for you is the one thing that's going to get you to where you need to go. So the obstacle becomes your target. Like it's not an obstacle. It's something for you to break down. It's something for you to overcome and it's what you need to be focusing on. And I think that's really important in the conversation of ambition because procrastination is like the
00:51:38
Speaker
the antidote of ambition when you're like, that's too hard. I'm not going to do it. You need to do it. You need to do the hard thing. So thank you. I just will take any chance to work that in. It's my life mantra. I love it. I love it. Yeah, that's it's amazing too, because that hard thing in that quote, like again, just to tie it back to earlier, you, it might not make sense to anyone else. yeah Like on the outside, people may not even know that you're facing.
00:52:11
Speaker
that adversity within yourself especially if it's not like a literal outwardly adversity and yeah um no one can see it but you and so it's it's your responsibility whether or not you're going to work on taking that on and there's aspects of I think this would be some deep advice for me is With RA, there's aspects where I wanted a doctor to come and save me, or I was waiting on some medicine to come and solve all my problems. um And in fact, I found it to be not as disappointing as I expected, but to be very enlightening to find out no no one's going to do that for you. I'm really sorry. No one can hop into your physical body.
00:52:56
Speaker
and take care of you make sure you're getting your sleep make sure you're getting your right foods in make sure you're getting hydrated no one can do that for you nor should they have to they are managing their own bodies so the sooner you start to realize i am my own most great responsibility in life and you start investing in yourself because you are all you've got then you start to be able to approach ambition I feel like in life again yeah you are your own obstacle you are your own cure like it's all you
00:53:37
Speaker
Yeah. And so, the power yeah. And I would just say like, cause again, I kind of, now I wish I asked more questions when, when this listener messaged up, cause they might be like, yeah, I
Final Reflections and Holiday Wishes
00:53:48
Speaker
got that. I know that. So listener, I'm sorry if this is redundant for you, but at the same time, I think it actually is a really lovely open question because I think it can yeah and be interpreted many ways and yeah we implore our listeners to, you know,
00:54:05
Speaker
Take a moment with that question. That's such a beautiful question for all to reflect on. like how am i How am I balancing my life right now? like and There's no such thing as a perfect balance. so you know what are What are you taking from? like Right now, if if my balance is being held together because I'm lacking in physical activity but I'm putting more into my family dynamic right now, then how will I need to eventually rebalance that to to be good? Okay, well then sometimes I'm gonna need to pass on hanging out with my family and do something like go for a walk, you know? yeah So it's an individual balance and yeah, I love the way that this episode turned out. It was so different in my head and that this is like my favorite outcome for an episode.
00:54:49
Speaker
Because I was just like, oh my gosh, Amy, you just turned on my light bulbs. I was like, wait a second. What? I love it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really glad. And that's the beauty of like having a podcast where there's like two different people because you, yeah, you got the power of like more than one mind. um And I just have one more thing that I didn't really get to work in in any fluid way. But I think it's just like a nice piece of practical advice that even was something that I have held myself back from and still do so this is advice to myself as well but we need to be okay with like asking for preferential treatment and for help and it's something I could never do will never do like still now I commute all the time you think I'm asking someone for that priority seat no
00:55:42
Speaker
and I would rather like yeah I would rather be like crippled by the time I get home in pain than ask someone that I could if I could sit down um but you deserve it and it will help you and that's even more important if you have a specific ambitious goal in mind so me not sitting down on the seat on the train that's not a good example but like additional time in an exam or like having an extra like work from home day or like having like flexible hours at work like all of that stuff you are entitled to people before you fought for you to have it so you're doing like you're honoring them and their sacrifices and like their life's work if you take
00:56:30
Speaker
them not them but like people up on the offer of preferential treatment and and yeah it's one of those things like if you want to get somewhere in life you got to do you ought to do it by any means necessary and one of those means is sometimes asking for help So yeah, I just wanted to get that in because it's something, I know you don't do it either, Janessa. ha ha Yeah, seriously, I need to work on this so bad. But you know what you know what came to mind when you were saying that, Amy? Is I had the literal visual representation of the boxes we were talking about earlier that pulled us back. When you ask for legit help and you are um somewhat vulnerable about it, you are allowing someone to take the lid off your box and reach their hand in to pull you out.
00:57:16
Speaker
yeah sometimes we just can't take the lid off ourselves it's just a little too much for us and that's where our community or our people around us can be very very helpful so yeah agreed to escape some of those boxes you're gonna have to ask to get out of them you know needs help yeah of okay those were all that's all my thoughts did you have any more thoughts Um Not necessarily, but I just want to like put out into the ether because I just feel it coming through me right now It's like just a just a wish for all our listeners like again we just so appreciate you reaching out to us and I I just want to spread you know from Amy and I just this Deep we deeply wish you well like we really really do and we know we don't know all of you face to face but
00:58:07
Speaker
our listeners are really special in a way to us you know that we we can't even even put into words so our wishes for you and the holidays are coming up and life is getting busier that you'll take a moment of peace for yourself that you'll prioritize yourself you know do something good for yourself today or you know even if it's just for a moment you must take a deep breath so we just deeply wish you well and we just wish you all the light in your life yeah we we are often praying for you like we're often thinking of you we're definitely proud of you and we love it that you're here so thank you thanks you guys well we look forward to hearing from you guys soon and talking to you guys again in two weeks and until then remember to let the light in bye