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Episode 17: What If Your Greatest Deficit Became Your Greatest Asset? A conversation with Jason Wahler
19 Plays1 month ago
Jason Wahler grew up in Southern California, became a household name on Laguna Beach and The Hills, fought a very public battle with addiction, and somewhere in the middle of all of it found the thing that actually mattered. A pillow fight with his kids on a random Tuesday night. Crying laughing. Nobody watching. Nowhere else to be.
In this episode, Jason and I dig into what it looks like to rebuild an identity after losing one, why the most influential experts are often the ones with the most lived experience, how comparison quietly destroys contentment, and why the people at the top of the mountain so often say they'd change everything.
Jason also shares the four questions he asks his kids every single night that turned into a 30-minute conversation with his eight-year-old daughter about friendship, heartbreak, and what it means to have a safe place to land. And the question that he now gives anyone who's wondering if something in their life has too much power over them. It's simple. It's just six words. And it works on everything.
So here's what I want to leave you with. You're chasing something right now. Maybe something big. But when's the last time you stopped and honestly asked yourself, is this actually adding to my life? Or have I just been too busy moving to notice it's been subtracting all along?
Find Jason:
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Transcript
Introduction: Meeting Jason Waller
00:00:01
Carl Lubbe
Hey friends, welcome to another episode of One Great Question. And I don't know that we've necessarily had celebrity yet on the podcast, but today can be our first day.
00:00:12
Jason Wahler
right.
00:00:14
Carl Lubbe
You can tell this because ah my friend here who's with me, Mr. Jason Waller, is a too good looking to be on a zoom with me and it's not a touch up the teeth are right the hair's right the beard's right i have real beard envy because this is about uh 11 and a half years of growth for me i'm still working on that five o'clock shadow that jason's got going um But today, all jokes aside, I'm incredibly excited because Jason and I met ah a little while ago and we were sitting down to lunch and it was just one of those things where i don't know, Jason, if you remember it this way, but I think there were like 10 or 12 people at this long table.
00:00:53
Carl Lubbe
And you and your wife were sitting across from me.
00:00:53
Jason Wahler
Yeah. Yeah.
00:00:56
Carl Lubbe
And it was kind of like everything else kind of goes quiet because you got this fascinating story. And so does she. And you guys are so engaging and so present. And I was like, oh, man, I just need more time with this guy.
00:01:08
Carl Lubbe
And so, you know, what is easier than that than just, you know, have a podcast and then have a conversation with the whole world? like You know, that's what we do in 2026. We have intimate conversations with our friends and then broadcast it to the world.
00:01:21
Jason Wahler
No, it was a special meeting for sure. I think it was definitely in God's timing of how we connected. And I mean, it's obviously turned into a friendship and multiple conversations later, which has obviously led us to this podcast. But ah No, that was ah it was it was funny i mean because obviously we were at this event where there's you know several hundred people and and you know you typically pull you know a few people away from that that you stay connected with, even if that, right?
00:01:48
Jason Wahler
And you were one of those individuals and it was just the timing of, we didn't see each other the whole other event besides at that specific lunch. And it was about three days long, I think. So um it was it was cool though.
00:01:57
Carl Lubbe
Yeah. Yeah, I think so, yeah.
00:02:01
Jason Wahler
I agree with how that kind of came to fruition and look at it look at where it's taken us now.
00:02:06
Carl Lubbe
There we are. There we
Reflecting on Childhood: Would 8-Year-Old Jason Approve?
00:02:07
Carl Lubbe
are. Well, I would love to, before we jump into our first great question, which is, you know, for those of us who've been on the pod before, the first question is always like, hey, if the eight-year-old version of Jason showed up,
00:02:21
Carl Lubbe
next to you right now in 2026. And it's like, oh, my gosh, we're doing what? That's so exciting. You know, what would they be most excited about?
Life Story: Career, Struggles, and Advocacy
00:02:28
Carl Lubbe
So before we get to that question, for people who are joining the podcast today who may not know the wonderful story of Jason, could you give us maybe a couple minute recap on you up till now? Because we love a good story and you've got a great one.
00:02:43
Jason Wahler
Yeah, man, of course. Well, thank you very much for having me here. I appreciate it. Uh, first and foremost, uh, I am a father and a husband. I have a beautiful wife.
00:02:55
Jason Wahler
Uh, I have three beautiful children. Um, my younger self spent a lot of time in the entertainment industry. Uh, was on several different TV shows. Uh, through that time, I went through a very public battle with addiction. Uh, ended up finding myself in, several different treatment centers over the course of time, gotten into some trouble with the law. Uh, but ultimately, uh, God has a ah ah funny way of, you know, allowing you to utilize your greatest deficits and have them become your greatest assets. Because after my time in the entertainment industry, I ended up finding
00:03:35
Jason Wahler
recovery. And it was an opportunity for me to be able to be a beacon of hope for those that are lost. And so it's it's been incredible to take my journey and everything that I went through with the trials and tribulations and be able to share that and how my life is is transformed. And so I spent several years working in the the treatment industry, speaking, doing a ton of advocacy work, which I still do to this day.
00:03:58
Jason Wahler
ah And now I serve as the director for Dr. Daniel Amon's Change Your Brain Foundation. and then I also am a spokesperson for the first ever transdermal alcohol monitoring detection band, which really helps with ah
00:04:13
Carl Lubbe
You said lot of really clever words right there that Jason just, I'll be honest, my brother is the neurologist. That all went from my head.
00:04:18
Jason Wahler
and
00:04:20
Carl Lubbe
Now, what is that? What did you just say?
00:04:22
Jason Wahler
so i'll break it down it's the first ever transdermal alcohol ah tracking wearable i think is the simplest way to put that through so through sweat it detects if there's somebody's consumed alcohol so it's a really good preventative tool uh but also more importantly is or not more importantly but just as important for people that are coming out of of treatment, it's a great way to reestablish trust, and to have higher levels of accountability.
00:04:52
Jason Wahler
And so been doing that for the last couple years.
00:04:53
Carl Lubbe
Amazing.
00:04:55
Jason Wahler
But yeah, man, I mean, love the Lord. And you know, had a ah a ah one heck of a ride as I grew up. um But I'm very fortunate to to where I've landed and in a place that i I love the life that I have today.
00:05:10
Carl Lubbe
Oh, that's amazing, man. And so if you don't mind refreshing my memory, which were the shows that you were on in that season of your life?
00:05:18
Jason Wahler
Yeah. So basically I started on Laguna beach and then i did celebrity or no, sorry. So I started Laguna beach, the Hills, and then I went into celebrity rehab. So you can see the nice story arc there, remove myself.
00:05:29
Carl Lubbe
Yeah.
00:05:32
Jason Wahler
And I did a couple other shows in between there. And then, entered into recovery, and then went back on the hills, the hills, the beginning, and i think it was like 2019 to 2021. And twenty one um and so those are the shows. But like I said, I mean, I'm not trying to actively pursue the entertainment industry, but I will, you know, I say I have one foot on the boat, one foot on the dock, where, you know, I'll leverage the media exposure to to bring awareness to mental health, addiction, and and other areas that need ah need addressing.
Values: Family, Faith, and Service
00:06:05
Carl Lubbe
Yeah, man, what a lovely place to be to be able to, like you said, leverage two worlds for the benefit of people who may not have that access or or that proximity to power so that you can use that for good.
00:06:16
Carl Lubbe
So going back then to the eight year old question, right?
00:06:19
Jason Wahler
Yeah.
00:06:20
Carl Lubbe
So Jason at eight is looking at the entertainment. I'm assuming you grew up in Southern California, right?
00:06:26
Jason Wahler
Yep. Born and raised, they're going to beat Southern California.
00:06:28
Carl Lubbe
I thought that's what we had said before. So that version of you probably was looking at a very different life. And so if all of sudden yeah he wakes up now and he sees Jason's life today, what would he be like?
00:06:35
Jason Wahler
Yeah. yeah
00:06:41
Carl Lubbe
Oh, my gosh, I can't believe we're getting to do this. I'm i'm surprised by that.
00:06:46
Jason Wahler
Well, think just to give context, you know the eight-year-old version of me was somebody who was very, very outgoing, loved athletics, just anything outdoors, you know very adventurous, very curious type of kid. And then I think you know looking at, you know if he was by me today,
00:07:10
Jason Wahler
I think one of the things that he would say is he would not believe that he ended up going through everything that he went through. um Because of the trajectory and the thought process and the life that he was wanting to lead, he did not foresee him going through ah the trials and tribulations that he did. i just it's I think he would be really shocked by that, to be honest with you.
00:07:36
Carl Lubbe
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, i don't know that any of us is waking up and like signing up for heartache and hardship. Right. um But I think the beauty of your story, and I think most human stories is like there's a redemptive arc if we will allow community and other forces, you know, ah in these spaces to kind of impel themselves in in that, you know, forward trajectory. So for you now, having been on the other side of a sobriety journey,
00:08:03
Jason Wahler
Yeah.
00:08:03
Carl Lubbe
What do you think that eight year old would be most excited about for you today? Like if they showed up today and you just got to hang out, what's the thing they'd be like, wait, we get to do what? And we do, you know, all of that.
00:08:13
Jason Wahler
Yeah. and And the reason I kind of give that bridge to your question though, is because I think, I mean, as I thought about it, you know, I mean, the content, like just how I grew up with, you know, the, the amazing mom, amazing dad, siblings, just all those different pieces that were there. I mean, it was just, I think,
00:08:31
Jason Wahler
you know, i was, I was set up for almost like if I were to look at it, let me, let me say that again. Can you edit that? Is that okay? or
00:08:41
Carl Lubbe
Good. Good.
00:08:42
Jason Wahler
yeah. Okay. So basically, because I think it's, it's interesting because as you ask this question, You know, I was really looking at and I think like when I really connect back at that younger self, like there was like such ambition and such drive to like see the trials and tribulations that I ended up facing were something that I don't think, you know, and nobody expects to, you know, struggle with addiction or different things or maybe they do. I don't know. But for me, that just I didn't see me ending up in the places that I did. And so I think there was that shock from that standpoint at that little eight year old saw that.
00:09:11
Jason Wahler
Two, again, like I'd stated earlier, is your greatest deficits become your greatest assets. Whereas like, you know, there's been so much growth from all of that stuff. And I truly believe everything happens for a reason.
00:09:24
Jason Wahler
And the life that I live today, if my younger self were to see that, I think he'd be very, very proud of everything that I was able to go through in general and being able to utilize that ah for for the glory of God, honestly, is i mean, I think that he'd be really excited about that. I think ultimately, too, when you see.
00:09:45
Jason Wahler
You know, the family that I've created and and the wife that I have. I think the the younger eight-year-old self would be would be very very happy and very content because even though that middle story he may not have seen coming, the story that I'm currently in today is exactly where he would want to be.
00:10:05
Carl Lubbe
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think also because now you live on the baseball field, it'd be like, so I can get cotton candy or concessions anytime I want, right? Because I'm the grown up and I have access to money and nobody's, know.
00:10:15
Jason Wahler
you
00:10:18
Jason Wahler
one And I think that's, you bring up another really cool point. I mean, baseball was a huge part of my life and, you know, you know, due to the the substance abuse issues and stuff, I did not pursue that avenue.
00:10:32
Jason Wahler
and I think that eight year old would be, you know, stoked to see me out there with the kids still playing and still pursuing that. And so I think that's something he'd be really happy about.
00:10:44
Carl Lubbe
Oh, man, I love that.
00:10:45
Jason Wahler
Yeah.
00:10:46
Carl Lubbe
And so as you know, I think about this first from the kind of eight year old angle, but then, you know, I'm I'm fortunate enough these days to get to coach teams and executives. And one of the questions that any company or culture, you know, whether it's Dr. Amen or, you know, my work with like a place like Lululemon, they're always wondering, like, what's the win?
00:11:09
Carl Lubbe
Like, we know what our mission is. We want to see this in the world. and they're like, how do I get this in this next space? And, you know, as well as I do, when you're around driven individuals, they'll sacrifice a lot to win.
00:11:20
Jason Wahler
Yeah.
00:11:21
Carl Lubbe
You know, you're talking about baseball. It's like, how much are you willing to get out there and take a BP? how How willing are you to get in the weight room? How willing are you to, you know, do these little drills to improve your hand-eye coordination? There's a lot of sacrifices in order to get to what we would consider the win or success. And so as you look now at the space you're in, what would you think was the thing that you what was the price you had to pay to be in this contented space, this kind of successful place you are now? And the beauty of what your story, I think, tells me is success can look a thousand different ways. But you decided success for you.
00:11:58
Carl Lubbe
It was not going to be inside maybe a media space, inside an entertainment space. It was going to be about family and about, you know, others and about service.
00:12:09
Carl Lubbe
But that still requires a lot of sacrifice to succeed around people like Dr. Amen, around the the work that you're doing with these wearables. So what has that thing cost Jason?
00:12:20
Carl Lubbe
And as you think about that, would you pay that bill again?
00:12:24
Jason Wahler
Well, I think it and if I'm hearing you correctly, and please correct me if I'm i not answering it in the format of the way that you asked it, but the journey that I went on to get to where I'm at today was you know, started at 18 years old,
00:12:46
Jason Wahler
um
00:12:47
Carl Lubbe
Hmm.
00:12:47
Jason Wahler
going through There was many times where there was a lot of highs, there was a lot of lows. And then I'd say, you know, by, you know, just a couple of years after, I mean, there was a lot more lows.
00:13:02
Jason Wahler
um And it was like just constant up and downs of where I was, I was going through a lot of different things within life. obviously with substance abuse, you know, mental health, identity crisis, uh, you know, self-worth, purpose, passion, direction.
00:13:21
Jason Wahler
and it took me several, several years of suffering, um, uh, to be able to get to a place of, of acceptance, willingness, honesty, and in a place of, of being able to take direction. And so,
00:13:40
Jason Wahler
um
00:13:42
Jason Wahler
you know, there was a lot of sacrifice. There was a lot of, of, and a lot of self-inflicted, you know, sacrifice, if you mean, and are self-inflicted pain, that there's a lot of things that I had to go through to get to where I was at, because i look at the space that I'm in and the things that I do you I often believe, and I'm not saying this necessarily about myself, but I think sometimes the best, some of the most influential experts are the ones with the lived experiences as opposed to people that go to school and get an education, which is obviously very important.
00:14:18
Jason Wahler
But I think had I not gone through everything that I had went through, i would not be nearly as relatable to a lot of different individuals that I come into contact with.
00:14:28
Carl Lubbe
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
00:14:28
Jason Wahler
and slow um And so when i look at that, Like there was a lot of sacrifice, man. And I think what what I've learned through that and everything that I got through that that journey, and again, this is a journey until the day we die,
00:14:46
Jason Wahler
as I was able to set up really healthy boundaries and parameters, which again, are always going to be a work in progress, because when you ask that question, you know, I'm very clear, you know, we often heard in business, like, is that risk worth or reward?
00:15:00
Jason Wahler
You know, I look at things now as is the sacrifice worth the reward. And, and I'm again, very intentional where I'm spending my time and what it is that I'm doing, because
00:15:05
Carl Lubbe
Mm-hmm.
00:15:12
Jason Wahler
I'm not willing in my life because i and again as i I learned and experienced a lot at ah at a very young age, um whether that's around success and again success looks different to every single person, whether that's financial, whatever it may be.
00:15:27
Jason Wahler
I know for me, the top priorities in my life right now is my relationship with God, is my time with my wife and kids, um you know, my health, my sobriety. I mean, there's there's there's a multiple things that that fall into my my priority list, which actually end also go into non-negotiables.
00:15:46
Jason Wahler
um that i that I will not sacrifice. And so again, as for me, I'm, you know, and with a lot of the people that you work with and and that are very driven and motivated and and I have that drive and motivation, but it's not necessarily
00:15:50
Carl Lubbe
Yeah.
00:16:02
Jason Wahler
towards worldly things, if you will, anymore. It's much more towards ah ah memories, love, relationships.
00:16:13
Jason Wahler
And again, yes, you have to work. You have to do put forth good effort and to do
Redefining Success: Happiness Over Achievements
00:16:17
Jason Wahler
things like that. And and I give it my all you know when i'm when I'm at work. um But I would say outside of that stuff, like, ah and I had this this really...
00:16:28
Jason Wahler
crazy moment because again, we live in a world that is obviously very influential. And, um you know, this was just a few weeks ago that this happened and it was at my house.
00:16:41
Jason Wahler
Uh, I, my wife was, you know, think she was playing some music on her phone. My baby, my 10 month old at the time was, you know, crawling around. I was 11 months. was calling around two up, my four-year-old and my eight-year-old, we ended up having a pillow fight for 30 to 40 minutes and we were just crying laughing. I mean, we were laughing so hard and it was one of those moments where i i literally like it was almost like a light came on like or not a like it was it was like there was just a very clear like it was just a very clear moment from where I'm just like this is like this is incredible. Like and it was nothing that it was like it was the most
00:17:16
Jason Wahler
special moment. I was so happy. I was so naturally high, just like embracing life, like to the fullest. And I'm like, it didn't have to do with any external things. You know what i mean It wasn't us being on a yacht.
00:17:27
Carl Lubbe
Mm-hmm.
00:17:28
Jason Wahler
It wasn't us being on some grandiose trip or, you know, like all these different things. And I'm just like, it's, And there's been a lot of stuff that was that was a part of my life growing up and and having a lot of those different things. And so I don't know, like, and I'm just like, as we have this conversation, i'm just in a very unique position in my life as things are really starting to shift and it's starting to change. But that moment stood out to me so much.
00:17:50
Jason Wahler
Because you know being fully you know a honest and upfront is like, there's moments where it's like, do I want to push myself further to you know to to have more success or different things like that?
00:18:02
Jason Wahler
But that is starting to mitigate more and more. And the success to me and in my life is being a really good husband, being a really good father, having a really good relationship with God, being a good friend, being of service, giving back.
00:18:06
Carl Lubbe
Yeah.
00:18:16
Jason Wahler
like Success looks completely, you asked me that like 10 or 15 years ago, it had been a ah complete the complete opposite of that. Uh, and so I've just been in a really, and I've been in this refining process for years, man. My life is like, it's been on a pottery wheel for so long, dude. It's, I mean, you start with like a square or like a rectangle type of clay. I mean, did my, mine was probably shaped like a star, if you know? So it was so like, or it was just so weirdly shaped, you know, when you first put it on there it's just constantly been, you know, refined over the course of time. And it's, It's looked so different.
00:18:53
Jason Wahler
But I also think that has to do with wisdom. i also think that has to do with this life experiences. um and i And I've i've i've experienced ah a lot of life.
00:19:04
Jason Wahler
um and i'm great like i mean And I'm very grateful to be able to make it through a lot of that stuff. And I've also been able to see people that are a lot older than me share their pieces of advice and and what they learned, even all the way to their deathbed.
00:19:17
Jason Wahler
and and like what is really important to them.
00:19:18
Carl Lubbe
Yeah.
00:19:21
Jason Wahler
I'm talking about very successful individuals that had everything you could think of. And there's there's a couple of them that I asked, you know, on in that specific moment, you know, what would you have done differently? And they said everything.
00:19:35
Jason Wahler
And um so, yeah, I don't know, man. I don't know if that answered your question or not. It's just like a very
00:19:43
Carl Lubbe
Listen, in yeah, that was great because what you said there at the end, I think, is so captivating. The whole piece is captivating, but you put a beautiful bow on it. When you ask somebody that the world looks at and goes, this is the picture of success. If you looked up success in the dictionary, there's their photo next to it and their life and their money and their stuff. And you're asking them on their deathbed, what would you change? And they say everything.
00:20:07
Carl Lubbe
And then in that moment, when you're in the pillow fight, if somebody to whisper into your ear, hey, I'll just change lives of anybody. And you're like, what would you change? And you go, nothing.
00:20:17
Jason Wahler
Yeah.
00:20:18
Carl Lubbe
This person says everything and you say nothing. And in that moment, it's almost like if I'm writing that chapter of Jason's story, it's like the pillow fight is the win. Because what the pillow fight signals is somebody who goes, I don't need to be somebody somewhere else. Because, you know, one of the thoughts in our work is,
00:20:36
Carl Lubbe
The greatest gift you can give yourself or anyone else is to be as present as possible right now. Because if you're not present, then you're going, oh, no, no. Hey, sweetie, can you can you put down that pillow? I like I got a thing.
00:20:52
Carl Lubbe
Or the wife is like, hey, let's do this and let's have a pillow fight. You're like, no, no, no you and I aren't in a good place. So the last thing i want to do is swing a pillow at you because I might swing a little too hard. Or no, the kids have been aggravating me and I don't even if I did have time off and me and the missus were good, I don't want to do that with a kid.
00:21:07
Carl Lubbe
And so what you've just illustrated in that moment is the beauty of this internal success where you're good with your maker, you're good with your wife, you're good with your kids, you're good with the order of your life.
00:21:18
Carl Lubbe
And so the pillow fight is encompassing all of those things. And the fact that you could giggle for 35 to 40 minutes and just go, this is the whole point
00:21:23
Jason Wahler
Yeah. Yeah.
00:21:30
Jason Wahler
yeah
00:21:30
Carl Lubbe
Like it's it's not a pause, it's not in the way, it's not a thing. Like this is the good stuff in the journey. And so, I mean, I love that. I love that you have, you know, this is gonna sound strange, but I do, I love that you've paid the price to get to the pillow fight because you could have paid lots of other prices and not got to the pillow fight, right?
00:21:51
Jason Wahler
Yeah, man. and and And I appreciate you you know saying that. But I think if I look back over my life, there's like I said, there's been a lot of fluxes. I mean, extreme highs, extreme lows. And and and I look at all that, man. And it's like, you know, specifically from like the worldly perspective of of, you know, from I'm talking about like more like from a financial standpoint and things like that. Again, like, look, I want to be I want to have success. I want to be driven and I want to and i and motivated. and And I feel like I am.
00:22:18
Jason Wahler
But again, is is that's not everything to me. You know what i mean? that's not That's not where my primary focus is anymore. and And like I said years ago, that's where all the focus was. And it's I'm just so grateful that I'm not constantly chasing something that is is, is, is, is never ending and there's never full fulfillment from it.
00:22:37
Jason Wahler
And, and I'm already, and and I'm already starting to see, you know, I'm only, you know, I'm 39 years old and I'm grateful that, you know, I'm seeing the things in my life.
00:22:50
Jason Wahler
that have been revealed in a way in the way that I am, because it's like, man, I want to be able to grab onto this stuff as much as I possibly can. And look, dude, by no means am I perfect, you know? And, and you know, it's, it's, I think life is, is always, there's no, there's no finish line, right? I mean, and until we, until we pass away, but I think we're always going to constantly be improving and striving to improve over the course of our life.
00:23:15
Jason Wahler
But I'm just I I'm just really happy with where where I am, is I guess what I'm what I'm saying is just it's a um again, it's it's teach his own. And but for me, like.
00:23:26
Jason Wahler
There's, there's true fulfillment and, you know, i just have a ah lot of gratitude for, for where I am. And, and again, don't get me wrong just cause I'm, you know, I entered into recovery and I, you know, and, and I'm sober, it doesn't mean that life doesn't happen. mean, look, there's still, you know, hard times ah that we go through and things like that, but um it just looks very different today than it did years ago.
00:23:49
Carl Lubbe
Well, and I think you're also highlighting something, I think, that is slightly broken on our culture. And what I mean by that is really kind of American Western culture. So being South African, i'm I'm not really fully South African enough to be South African anymore because the accent's a little muddled, but I'm not really fully American. So I'm kind of in this, you know, I'm ah ah a man without a country, even though now I'm, ah you know, an U.S. citizen. So nobody call ice on me.
00:24:16
Jason Wahler
This.
00:24:18
Carl Lubbe
As I call this place home, one of the things I think about and what you're you're you're saying here is even as you're sharing something beautiful, it feels weird in our culture to be like, but it's not all good.
00:24:28
Carl Lubbe
You're like, ah you know, and what I notice and the thing I think we're engineered for is all humans are designed to do two things. were designed to carry pain and celebrate pleasure.
00:24:40
Carl Lubbe
And what you're sharing here is like, hey, Carl, i just wanna celebrate the pillow fight and the marriage and the kids today. Like right now in this moment, i haven't arrived, I'm not a guru of any of these things. I'm just wanting to share and celebrate some goodness.
00:24:58
Jason Wahler
Yeah. Yeah.
00:24:58
Carl Lubbe
And simultaneously, Carl, could you carry some heaviness? Because this thing is still hard. I'm still working on this thing. I'm still in in process on this thing.
00:25:09
Carl Lubbe
Because both of those things are true at the same time. And I think what is difficult, especially about the world that you grew up in and the world that you know you found yourself in in entertainment is... Comparison is the enemy of contentment.
00:25:22
Carl Lubbe
And entertainment by nature is going, hey, let me put an image in front of you. And then by nature as humans, we're going to compare ourselves against to that image, whether we want to or not. That's just the way we're wired.
00:25:33
Jason Wahler
Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:34
Carl Lubbe
It's our survival mechanism. And so in that place for you to have grown from literally an industry that is built on comparison, good, bad or otherwise, and to find yourself even today in these current 15 minutes that we're hanging out together to go, Carl,
00:25:50
Carl Lubbe
feel like I'm in a contented space right here, right now. i don't know where I'll be in half an hour. Maybe going piss me off and I'm going to lose my contentment, Carl. I don't know what's going to happen. But in this moment, can we sit with there is both celebration of pleasure and there's also caring of pain.
00:26:04
Carl Lubbe
And those two things can live in the same place so that you don't have to minimize the pleasure. But we also don't have to like microphone the pain and be like, you know, it's both these things can live in the same space.
00:26:14
Jason Wahler
Yeah, man. Nailed
00:26:15
Carl Lubbe
And I think that's the beautiful thing about all of our journeys and kind of what you're sharing in your spectacular journey to where you find yourself now.
00:26:23
Jason Wahler
yeah know yeah that
00:26:25
Carl Lubbe
So I'd love to ask our third favorite question, and we're always looking for great ones. So if anybody's got better questions than what we're asking right now around the eight year old or what success cost you or this final one, ah we'd love to hear them. And, you know, Jason, if you have a different one, we can obviously always go different direction.
00:26:41
Carl Lubbe
um But, you know, you were talking about mentors in your life. I know your wife is incredibly wise and bright and you guys are partners in all things. Who has asked you a question or been a curious person in your life where you're like, oh, they asked me this when I was eight and it changed the trajectory of my life? Or, you know, somebody asked me this question when I was in my 20s or actually I was just filling up gas the other day and somebody said this to me and it it set my brain spinning in an interesting new direction. So it could be anything from, you know, life altering to, oh, it was small. Do you like Coke or Pepsi? Like it used to be very small or very large. But what's a question that when you're like, hey, this had an impact on me, what's kind of the the question that pops to mind? and And who is this person who asked you?
00:27:25
Jason Wahler
Well, first, I just want to say that like this, you know, after doing a lot of different podcasts and interviews, this is definitely one that's, um, you know, created the most, uh, uh, created the most like thinking, like I've had to like really think about this and it's been really, really cool to, it's just been a very different experience compared to any other podcasts that I've done. So I appreciate the way you approach us and the pray that you, uh, the way that you go about this, because it's, um, it makes you think and it makes you reflect and and and it's, it's ah a really good way to, to dive into self and kind of reflect and and to look at where things are at where things are going.
Influence of Mentors and Questions
00:28:04
Jason Wahler
um
00:28:05
Carl Lubbe
And it's all very selfish because i find you fascinating, as i do, luckily, with most people. I find humans fascinating. It's like, I think when we ask new questions, it gives you more permission to go, huh.
00:28:16
Carl Lubbe
And this is also kind of what I love about the podcast. Even you saying earlier, hey, can we edit that out? I'm going to tell you honestly, we probably won't just because it feels more like a conversation, right?
00:28:24
Jason Wahler
Yeah.
00:28:26
Carl Lubbe
I want us to go, huh, I don't really know because that's the beauty of a bigger question, right? And I just I like getting to go to deeper places of knowledge of Jason. And so I appreciate you being willing to go there.
00:28:38
Jason Wahler
Yeah, no, it's, it, and so I think Look, there's as you ask the question, there is nothing that's like, you know, fully like there's not like, oh, my God, there's this aha moment or this like this life changing moment.
00:28:51
Carl Lubbe
Yeah.
00:28:52
Jason Wahler
I think I've i've encountered so many incredible individuals over the course of my life that if I mean, there's been a lot of questions that have been asked and that have have steered me. But I think there's been so many of them I couldn't really pull out like one specifically.
00:29:06
Carl Lubbe
yeah
00:29:07
Jason Wahler
But, um you know, from from a specific individual, But a question that and that I don't even know if I heard this, I don't know if I heard this in the recovery rooms or from a therapist, but a question that was really profound for me, and people can utilize this for like, whether it's like checking their relationship with alcohol, their relationships with you know with anything, it could be it could be good and or bad, but is is is this adding or subtracting to my life?
00:29:47
Carl Lubbe
Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
00:29:48
Jason Wahler
and and it's something that i utilize often specifically with people that you know are questioning their relationships with you know substances or or alcohol specifically and um and it's again it creates the opportunity for you to be able to reflect and look at within yourself and to answer your own question right because people often look for seeking guidance and or advice and again it's not on me to tell you whether i think you have a problem or not let's let's let you answer that question And so I think, but it's, it's cool. You can use it in so many different areas or or variances in your life. Is this adding or subtracting from, from my life and especially from the life that you're designing and that you, where you're wanting to go.
00:30:27
Jason Wahler
Right. So that's a question that is, is I use often, I'm not exactly even sure where I heard it or where it was from.
00:30:27
Carl Lubbe
Yeah.
00:30:35
Jason Wahler
um but it was, it was good.
00:30:38
Carl Lubbe
Oh, that's amazing. Yeah, I love that one because I even think about, you know, you've got three kids, I've got two kids. What a great question to ask our kids as they're making friends, as they're making choices, as they're becoming like their own, you know, kind of humans out in the world is just asking the question, hey, is this choice serving you?
00:30:57
Jason Wahler
Yeah.
00:30:58
Carl Lubbe
Like, how how is it serving you? Is it making better? Is it making something worse? And um and I love that idea because sometimes the pushback on this anything, you know, you get pushback around therapy or self-care in in this day and age is typically about, oh, it's going to make us very like self-obsessed and narcissistic. And hey, look at how we just navel gaze and look at ourselves. And I was like, yes.
00:31:22
Carl Lubbe
if we leave it alone. But if we take the idea you know that you're giving us and then go, the reason Jason wants to know, is this good or bad for me? It's kind of the idea of, is this serving me so that I can serve others?
00:31:37
Jason Wahler
Yeah.
00:31:37
Carl Lubbe
Because the world, we need the best version. And when I say the best version, i actually mean the truest version of Jason to show up. We need the the most authentic, the the most real version of Coil to show up. Because that version, man fully curious, fully present, you know fully wanting to serve. And how much better are my wife and my kids and my friends and my colleagues and the people that I'm serving? And the same thing for you with your wife and kids and colleagues in the world that you're serving of sobriety when you're going, oh, is this serving me? Is staying up till two o'clock doom scrolling?
00:32:13
Carl Lubbe
Is that really going to serve me? And am I going to get to serve other people? Maybe not. But at least in that moment, you know in one of our tools around leadership, we talk about Leadership is a probably at this point, you know, $500 billion dollar industry and books and podcasts and people and entities and stuff. But it's really just three things. And we put it on a triangle. And and the triangle is what problem do you want to give your attention to?
00:32:37
Carl Lubbe
What two solutions will you give your intention to? And what result or deadline will you give your commitment to? And what I love about your question is it's just going, are we paying attention? Because most of the time we're not. When I'm popping the pill, when I'm taking the drink, when I'm staying up till two o'clock, when I'm ending this relationship or prolonging the relationship, it's mostly just on autopilot.
00:33:01
Jason Wahler
Yeah.
00:33:02
Carl Lubbe
And the moment we can go, hold hold on, pause. Let me just ask a question. Let me get a little curious. Is this doom scroll serving? Is this relationship serving? Is this alcohol? Is this substance? Is this whatever thing? Is this job that I'm in? Is it serving? And again, not from a narcissistic standpoint, but is it serving me fully becoming me so that I can help other people fully become themselves?
00:33:26
Carl Lubbe
And I think the moment that we do that, all of a sudden it's like, oh, that's a question worth asking. That's a journey worth going on.
Parenting Through Questions
00:33:35
Jason Wahler
Yeah, no, and I think to add to that too, just to to the importance of questions, a piece of advice that a buddy of mine gave me, i you know, for years now I've been doing this, but when I initially started, my my daughter and I would, you know, when she was four, we'd start doing gratitude lists together and just like develop connection and and and share just what, you know, what we're grateful for in life. My buddy Sam, about three and a half, four years ago, suggested that I start asking beyond what we're what my daughter and I are grateful for is four questions that now I do with not only my daughter and now my son who's four, but is what was good today?
00:34:18
Jason Wahler
What can I improve upon? What am I grateful for and what is my goal for tomorrow? And it's it's been incredible to see, you know, the sense of connectivity, the sense of safety that specifically even my daughter right now has already felt in doing this because I answer the questions as as well in an age appropriate way.
00:34:23
Carl Lubbe
Yeah.
00:34:39
Jason Wahler
But it's just created this very unique bond and connection that we have as we're able to navigate life together. And it's so it's, ah I would almost put that in there as like, it wasn't a question that they asked me, but it was a suggestion of questions to ask my kids.
00:34:52
Jason Wahler
And so it's, it's been really special to be able to have that. so that's just another really cool thing that I've, I've been doing for a while now with my kids.
00:35:02
Carl Lubbe
I love that. Could you give us the framework one more time and then maybe tell us something your daughter shared that surprised you? One of the answers.
00:35:08
Jason Wahler
Yeah, so it's it's basically the four questions that we ask each other is what what was good today? What could we improve upon? What are we grateful for? And what is our goal for tomorrow? And it was incredible just a few months ago.
00:35:26
Jason Wahler
ah We talked for and it was you know specifically around you know you know what can we do to and you know what can we do to improve? ah What can we do? What can we improve upon?
00:35:37
Jason Wahler
And ah she was talking about her relationship with her friend at eight years old. We talked for about 25 to 30 minutes, you know, just very deep conversation. i mean, to the point of where she was asking me like, Dad, you, you know, do you ever lose a really good friend? What did that look like? You know, you know, how did you address the situation?
00:35:56
Jason Wahler
and I was like, I was like blown away in the moment just by the the responses that she was having back and forth. And I was able to have these very, you know, sacred time with her going through this and helping her navigate these situations. And, you know, the whole goal of this and in doing this is I want them to always have a safe place to be able to come to.
00:36:16
Jason Wahler
um And I'm trying to instill that at a very young age and again, being very intentional around that. And it's, you know, cultivating this for years and years to know that they have this safe place to come back to. But for an eight year old to be in a place where she can open up for 25 to 30 minutes, I was just, I was completely blown away.
00:36:33
Carl Lubbe
Hmm. Man, that's so stunning.
Conclusion: Jason's Insights and Contact Information
00:36:36
Carl Lubbe
Well, Jason, what I love in all these stories is it just shows your attention, intention and commitment to being a great husband, dad, human on the planet. And it's easy to see why over that lunch ah all those months ago, i was like, oh, I hang with this guy. So I really, really appreciate you taking the time to be on the pod, man. And like you said, hopefully the questions will spark more and better questions.
00:37:02
Jason Wahler
I appreciate you, bro. Thank you so much for having me.
00:37:05
Carl Lubbe
is Before we wrap, is there anything for our audience to connect with? Like, is there is it social? Is it a website? Is there anything you're working on these days that you'd love to bring some attention to?
00:37:17
Jason Wahler
Yeah. If you just want to learn more about what I'm up to and the things that I'm involved in, the best place probably to go is either my website, Jason waller.com or Instagram just at Jason Walmart.
00:37:27
Carl Lubbe
All right. Well, we'll have them do that. And, you know, maybe they'll run out to you on the baseball fields.
00:37:32
Jason Wahler
Yeah. Let's go. Let's go.
00:37:35
Carl Lubbe
All right, man. Thanks for being here. Hope you have a great day.
00:37:38
Jason Wahler
too, brother.
00:37:39
Carl Lubbe
Cheers, guys.
00:37:40
Carl Lubbe
Bro.