Transcript
Speaker: Hey moms, it's Laura Olinger.
Speaker: Welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast.
Speaker: Because there's no manual for the hardest job in the world.
Speaker: Welcome today.
Speaker: My guest is Linda Alexander.
Speaker: I'm so excited to have you here.
Speaker: Linda, say hello to the Positively Healthy Moms.
Speaker: Yeah, thank you so much for having me, Laura.
Speaker: I'm so excited.
Speaker: Okay, awesome.
Speaker: Awesome.
Speaker: So let's just start right off.
Speaker: We'll dig in.
Speaker: So what is your story about being a mindset coach for moms?
Speaker: Okay, great.
Speaker: Yeah, my story really started when I became a mom myself because so when I when I was younger, I always knew two things.
Speaker: And one was that I wanted to be a mom.
Speaker: Eventually, I didn't know when and how that would look like.
Speaker: But I wanted to be a mom and I wanted to be successful in what I'm doing, like job wise.
Speaker: And again, I didn't know how that would look like and job lined up pretty good.
Speaker: And there was a time when it seemed perfect to become a mom.
Speaker: And I was like, OK, that seems perfect to line up.
Speaker: It was like one of those moments where everything seemed to fall in line.
Speaker: Like my husband got a new job, moved to a new city.
Speaker: I was ready to step back from my job and I wanted to be just there for a baby.
Speaker: And I got pregnant.
Speaker: It looked everything great at first.
Speaker: And then everything went sideways.
Speaker: My husband's job didn't come through.
Speaker: My job had to put me on pause because the projects didn't come through.
Speaker: And so instead of being excited about being a mom and like the whole pregnancy phase, I knew immediately I had to go back to looking for a job.
Speaker: And I knew that everything changed immediately because that meant like I couldn't take off as long as I wanted to.
Speaker: And that really threw me for a loop because I always envisioned myself to be home with a baby.
Speaker: And suddenly that complete vision was destroyed and it hit me harder than I expected.
Speaker: And then there are some couple of things more that just piled up.
Speaker: COVID hit after my baby was born.
Speaker: So I was kind of struggling with it.
Speaker: sitting in front of the laptop, trying to work from home, holding a baby, trying to not fail at doing what I'm supposed to do.
Speaker: And I tried not to fail as a mom.
Speaker: Didn't even know what it meant because like my hormones were so like messed up.
Speaker: I was still on this roller coaster.
Speaker: So I didn't know what it meant to be a mom or like a wife anymore.
Speaker: Our relationship wasn't in a good perspective anymore.
Speaker: It just, it just piled up.
Speaker: It just piled up.
Speaker: And it threw me for a loop in this downward spiral.
Speaker: And it went on and on and on and on.
Speaker: Until I found myself actually so deep in that hole and it was all mentally in my head that I was crying in front of my son's crib and I was crying and I just asked for help because personally I didn't know how to help myself anymore and I also couldn't talk to my husband.
Speaker: So I asked for help to throw it out in the universe, not knowing what it would do.
Speaker: And a couple of days later, this prayer was answered.
Speaker: It was late at night.
Speaker: I was lying in bed, couldn't sleep.
Speaker: And I wanted to watch a YouTube video.
Speaker: And this advertisement came on.
Speaker: And for some reason, you know, like when you have this feeling of like, this is it, this is meant for you.
Speaker: This is the feeling I had when I saw this advertisement.
Speaker: So at 2 a.m.
Speaker: in the morning, I got out of bed.
Speaker: I researched this event.
Speaker: It was about an event and signed up.
Speaker: And something in me told me this is the change I was looking for.
Speaker: I texted my husband.
Speaker: I was like, can you please sign up?
Speaker: In my head, I was screaming at him.
Speaker: Like, this is it, babe.
Speaker: Like, please.
Speaker: So we listened to, it was a virtual event, five days.
Speaker: We listened from our living room.
Speaker: And as I was listening, something started to shift in me.
Speaker: I realized I'm not the crazy one.
Speaker: I'm not the only one that struggles.
Speaker: And I also realized a lot of things are happening because I don't understand how my brain works and how humans function.
Speaker: So this kind of was like the starting point for me to get into personal development and really starting to understand how do we function?
Speaker: How do we work?
Speaker: What is like really like holding us back?
Speaker: And why do we, why are we so able to throw ourselves for such a loop when nothing is happening on the outside?
Speaker: And I,
Speaker: I fast like realized that everything changed on the inside.
Speaker: I was happy again.
Speaker: I felt confident.
Speaker: I felt good about myself.
Speaker: Like I, I was happy and nothing changed on the outside, but then sure enough over time, I would say, and that's when I had this crazy thought of like, wait a minute, if I can do it,
Speaker: Other moms can do the same thing and I want to help them.
Speaker: And that's really how my whole journey started because it was something that I needed and I didn't know.
Speaker: And now I made a promise to myself that no other mom should go through the same feelings where we are so stuck in our head because we just feel like we're not good enough and we cannot do it and nothing seems to go right.
Speaker: Because there's so many things that we can do.
Speaker: And it's often that we're just alone by ourselves why it's so hard.
Speaker: And that's why I committed to helping as many people as they can.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: Well, it's a great mission that you have for, you know, it's almost like bringing your personal and your professional life in together.
Speaker: It's all synchronized.
Speaker: So it's really must be very meaningful for you to do the work that you do.
Speaker: So speaking of the work you do, what exactly do you do?
Speaker: And I know I'm just sharing with the audience.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So I label myself as a mindset coach for moms, because for me, that's where everything begins, which means I help people understand, like I said, how they actually think, there's thought patterns.
Speaker: I help them understand where their limiting beliefs are coming in, where they're holding themselves back.
Speaker: Sometimes it's stories they put themselves on, sometimes it's experiences from the past.
Speaker: So I really help them understand where they're at.
Speaker: and where they want to go.
Speaker: And then I help them bridge the gap by supporting them along the way.
Speaker: What I found for myself was that there's a lot of emotions involved that are actually stuck in our bodies that hold us back.
Speaker: So one big component for me, and I do all of this one-on-one, is actually help my clients release stuck emotions by letting go of the big emotions like anger, fear, guilt, hurt, and sadness, because
Speaker: it's really sometimes we're so blocked that we don't even see the truth.
Speaker: And I truly believe that we all have like this, this, this, this diamond inside of us and like, like great things.
Speaker: And it's like these layers that have been put on us and we just need to take it off.
Speaker: So I really am a coach, a guide, helping my clients to understand who they truly are and,
Speaker: what they have inside them so that they can show up in the life the way they want to show up as like the present mom, as the happy mom, being confident and successful at work because I really want them to be able to have it all.
Speaker: just so that we really can do what they want to do and be what they want to be.
Speaker: That's amazing.
Speaker: So what is it like when, or could you give us actually an example of when you are working with a client and they are working through their own past traumas or triggers or anything like that?
Speaker: Like, what is it like?
Speaker: Like, give us an example.
Speaker: And then what happens after that?
Speaker: So,
Speaker: I was like such a big question and I love it because I could go so deep.
Speaker: So what comes to my mind here is for one, I use NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming in my coaching program.
Speaker: So it's a technique that really speaks to the unconscious mind.
Speaker: It's a specific language.
Speaker: That reaches deeper because if you and I were to have a conversation and I would ask you like what kind of fears or doubts or like emotions are holding your back, we're talking on a conscious level.
Speaker: The truth is though that there's so much stuck within us that we aren't even aware of because we all know how emotions can transfer, for example, from our mom's bodies to the baby.
Speaker: And if the mom is experiencing something that made her really sad or nervous, this emotion can be transferred to the baby.
Speaker: So this baby would never be aware that this emotion was actually brought into the world unknowingly, but still holding this person back.
Speaker: Now, it's not the fault of the mom.
Speaker: It's not the fault of the baby.
Speaker: It's not what this is about.
Speaker: It's more about understanding what is this event and letting go of it.
Speaker: And since we're talking to the unconscious level, it's a very powerful method.
Speaker: That is very often very surprising to my clients, because like I said, if I would ask you on a conscious level, you would maybe say like, well, the first time I felt anger was maybe like four when I played with like a friend or a sibling and they took my toy away.
Speaker: Well, when we dig deeper, though, it's a completely different event and it can be so difficult.
Speaker: relieving to actually let go of this it's actually very beautiful because often you can see it in the face of of people like their the skin color changes like they get rosy cheeks the smile gets bigger afterwards like you can see physically a change that really a weight was let go of a client this week actually she she described it as it felt like
Speaker: she had this rock like being released and this burden falling off of her that she didn't even know it was there.
Speaker: So it's super powerful.
Speaker: It's just so great to see the clients come out on the other side.
Speaker: That's so neat.
Speaker: And, you know, just to give the listeners a little bit of context, you know, what you're talking about, isn't just some like woo woo crystals and rainbows and unicorns and things like that.
Speaker: There's actually a
Speaker: So much science behind this with like epigenetics, you know, our DNA can have switches that turns on and off.
Speaker: And so that is how information can be passed from a mother to a baby.
Speaker: And it can actually be generational, you know, two, three generations down the line.
Speaker: So an example, I mean, there's tons of science about this, but like one that I heard recently was a study that was done on, I can't remember if it was mice or rats, right?
Speaker: And what they would do was they would put like kind of inject the smell of cinnamon into their cage and simultaneously they would shock them.
Speaker: So they got conditioned to think cinnamon is scary because they would get shocked every time.
Speaker: And so they could test the cortisol levels, you know, of the stress that's being happened.
Speaker: Well, then two, three, four generations down the line of little mice babies,
Speaker: they discovered that when they put the cinnamon in the cage, that the cortisol was still being released, because the epigenetics, you know, genes literally got passed down.
Speaker: So that's how these things can happen.
Speaker: And so I think it's so interesting that, you know, the work that you do, you're really tapping into, you know, it could be two, three generations of something that you have no idea even happened, but it is in you.
Speaker: Isn't that crazy?
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: And that's how it personally was for me, because I don't believe in teaching theory.
Speaker: So everything I teach, I experience for myself and I know it works.
Speaker: So I was led through the same process, which is called timeline therapy.
Speaker: And for me, it was like sadness was three generations ago.
Speaker: And that was so powerful to let go of that because, yeah.
Speaker: who would have known, right?
Speaker: And also the same practice to add on to this, you saying it's not woo-woo.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: That's actually a technique they use in Great Britain for soldiers that come back from war areas like Afghanistan or Iraq to let go of their trauma.
Speaker: So it's actually something that is used in that environment as well.
Speaker: So it's not something that it just sounds like it works.
Speaker: It actually works.
Speaker: And there's so much study behind it.
Speaker: What I actually love is that recently someone brought this whole picture for me together because...
Speaker: you probably also are familiar with the chakras that we have in our body, right?
Speaker: Yes, energy centers.
Speaker: Yes, energy centers.
Speaker: Well, NLP is just a different way of lifting the burden and the cages away from these energy centers because after we're so blocked that we cannot get what we want to get.
Speaker: And this is, if you want to see it that way, it's a different way of letting go of these energy blocks so actually energy can start flowing again.
Speaker: And that's why it's so powerful.
Speaker: Yes, I completely I think that's amazing.
Speaker: So next question.
Speaker: Why should moms put themselves first?
Speaker: Good response.
Speaker: Because it's so important, right?
Speaker: And I said, oof, because for me, that was the biggest learning.
Speaker: Like I, as women, we are so used to putting everyone else first.
Speaker: It's like we take care of our kids, of our friends at work.
Speaker: We take care of our coworkers.
Speaker: We make sure everyone else is taken care of.
Speaker: And then often we sit down last and eat a plate at the big family dinner after everyone is pretty much done.
Speaker: The truth is, though, if we do that, we don't do justice to ourselves.
Speaker: and other people either because we cannot actually not show up the way we want to show up.
Speaker: Like in the past, that was me, right?
Speaker: I would make sure everything is done.
Speaker: And for me, work was such a dominant field.
Speaker: Like I would work so much.
Speaker: I would put everything into work and then I had a baby and then I would put everything into the baby and try to put everything into work.
Speaker: And what it meant that it left me without energy.
Speaker: It left me without like, actually I was just drained at the end of the day.
Speaker: And then I realized this is not working on the longterm.
Speaker: And instead, when I started to put myself first,
Speaker: And said, you know what, instead of starting doing like the drawers on the weekend, I actually started with take care of myself.
Speaker: So I feel good.
Speaker: My cup is filled and I can actually help my family much better.
Speaker: Because instead of sitting there and saying like, oh, I wish I would have five minutes for myself.
Speaker: And oh my gosh, I've been running around all day and I didn't get a break to sit down and have a coffee.
Speaker: I can say, you know what, I had my break already.
Speaker: It doesn't mean that's the only one.
Speaker: It better not be the only one.
Speaker: But it feels so good to come from that place of like, you know what, I feel good about myself because I took the time to shower or to sit down with a coffee, like whatever it is that feels good, it's so much better.
Speaker: It's similar to when we're on the plane and they put down the oxygen mask.
Speaker: And I know you know that reference.
Speaker: Nobody says like, hey, take care of your kids and take care of the people in front of you and the people in the back.
Speaker: And then take care of you.
Speaker: No, you need to make sure that you are okay.
Speaker: So you can actually do what you want to do.
Speaker: And that is be there for your family and the people in your life that matter.
Speaker: So it seems like it's selfish, but at the end it's not because it's the best service that you can do for the people around you.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: I think that message is so, um,
Speaker: important for moms to hear for the ones who aren't doing that currently.
Speaker: It's like, just try it, try it for a day, try it for two days, right?
Speaker: Even if you don't believe us right now, just try it and see how you feel and see how much easier it is to give to your kids after, right?
Speaker: Because
Speaker: I don't think that this is necessarily a conscious thought that a lot of moms have, but at some point, maybe it comes and goes where you kind of get to there's a stage that moms go through.
Speaker: It's kind of like resentment and you're like, Oh, I have to do this again.
Speaker: Like I have to make lunches again, or I have to drive them again.
Speaker: Oh my gosh, this is annoying.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And the thing is, you can totally circumvent that.
Speaker: That feeling doesn't really happen when you've taken care of you and you feel great.
Speaker: You're like, oh, of course I'll do this.
Speaker: Of course, of course, because I love my kids.
Speaker: Like somehow it just gives you the energy and it takes away the burnout.
Speaker: And you just have like you're just operating on a whole new level.
Speaker: Do you have anything to add to that?
Speaker: I absolutely agree with that.
Speaker: And I also want to say I totally get all the people that are just listening to this and say like, yeah, yeah, I heard this before.
Speaker: This is, this doesn't feel right.
Speaker: Or this seems so crazy because I refuse this for so long.
Speaker: Like I,
Speaker: I actually, I would have been the same way.
Speaker: I would say like, yeah, yeah, of course I'm supposed to take care of myself.
Speaker: Like, yeah, sounds nice, but where do I take the time from?
Speaker: Because I'm already so busy with taking care of everything else.
Speaker: So how am I supposed to sit down for half an hour?
Speaker: The truth is though, once we make the switch and we take the time for ourselves, we see more of the opportunities because they automatically create themselves because they're so good for us.
Speaker: that we automatically, one, look out for them.
Speaker: And two, we realize sometimes it's just like a five minute break in the morning.
Speaker: Like for me, it was a big shift to wake up before my son does.
Speaker: Because if I am woken up by him, then it's like right in the middle of like, bam.
Speaker: Like mom mode, right?
Speaker: Like breakfast, getting dressed, like listening to the same story over and over, whatever it is.
Speaker: But if I wake up on my time,
Speaker: And I have actually time to sit down and like, just like, even if it's a couple minutes, it makes all the difference.
Speaker: I actually started doing like a little meditation while I'm still lying in bed.
Speaker: And it's just like a five minute meditation that, that
Speaker: changes the day completely because I take time to ease into it and take care of myself so I can show up the way I want to show up so I totally get the resistance it's totally worth it and it's fun at the end
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Speaker: And I hear that resistance, too, because I know I think that's pretty universal as well.
Speaker: Like, I remember feeling that way.
Speaker: And, you know, and even now, like, there are still still still sometimes where I go, I go in and out of that taking care of myself first, because I'm really busy with my work and my kids.
Speaker: And sometimes I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I didn't prioritize myself.
Speaker: And then I start to feel it.
Speaker: And I'm like, wait, but I know better.
Speaker: Why am I not doing this?
Speaker: You know, and I don't beat myself up about it.
Speaker: I just know I can reset and start tomorrow.
Speaker: But yeah, mine looks a little different.
Speaker: I'm, I've never in my whole entire life been a morning person.
Speaker: So starting off, I don't mind hopping out of bed and just jumping right into kid mode like that to me is not a big deal.
Speaker: Like I've just always done it that way.
Speaker: But to me, mine's nighttime.
Speaker: I like to have like my me time at night, settle down.
Speaker: I have my routine, but then also carving out a little bit of time in the middle of the day.
Speaker: I've been trying to prioritize my health in 2024.
Speaker: And so what that looks like for me is doing a workout in the middle of the day, which seems very disruptive to my flow.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because then it's like shower, not shower.
Speaker: How do we do that?
Speaker: You know, but I've been making it work and I can tell you, I feel amazing.
Speaker: I just have so much more energy to get through the day.
Speaker: And it's just like totally paying off dividends to my kids and my clients and my work because it's like the way I'm structuring it is working for me.
Speaker: So maybe that's another point that we make is everybody's can be different, right?
Speaker: We don't all have to do the same thing.
Speaker: It's just whatever feels good to you, whatever fills your cup and gives you energy so that you can be there for the people that you love in your home, right?
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: I agree with that.
Speaker: And also, when you were talking the workouts at night, for example, a trap we all fall into is like, oh, we do a little bit of this and a little bit of that.
Speaker: And I will just do this real quick.
Speaker: And I do the dishes at 11 p.m.
Speaker: at night because I want to get it done.
Speaker: And suddenly I find myself going and.
Speaker: to bed at like midnight, but I need to get up at five or six in the morning because the kids need to get ready for school and I need to get ready for work.
Speaker: Well, that's like burning the candle on both ends.
Speaker: It's just not working.
Speaker: And when we talk about
Speaker: putting yourself first as a mom, I actually want to say that sleep is probably one of the biggest ones.
Speaker: Because that is one that makes such a big difference when we actually give our body enough rest.
Speaker: Because we all know how it is when it's like, especially with like a baby, it's like sleepless nights and we're trying to operate in robot mode and like have to hold our eyes open because they just don't stay open by themselves.
Speaker: It's
Speaker: it's, it's just completely different.
Speaker: So I think that is so important to pay attention to the time we actually allow our bodies to rest.
Speaker: Yeah, speaking of sleep, it's funny, that topic just keeps coming.
Speaker: It's like the universe must want me to know that because it keeps coming in.
Speaker: It's just like sleep.
Speaker: But no, one of my guests a while back was a functional medicine certified health coach.
Speaker: She was actually one
Speaker: instructor in school.
Speaker: And so she just, we talked about all the modifiable lifestyle factors, which we're kind of veering off track a little bit here, but it's just all the, you know, diet, exercise, stress management, sleep.
Speaker: She said, if we could just pick one thing,
Speaker: It would be sleep.
Speaker: She's like, sleep is so important.
Speaker: And then I was at a conference this weekend, a health and wellness conference, and she referenced a book, the speaker referenced a book, and I can't remember the title right now, but they just have done so much science and studies about sleep.
Speaker: you know, if you are down to a few hours of sleep at night, even by, or like lacking like one or two hours of sleep, the cumulative effects on your body are like so bad.
Speaker: Like they're just like connecting all the connections to cancer and things like that.
Speaker: Like, it's like, how is that?
Speaker: That's not good for your family either.
Speaker: You don't want to be, you know, ideally having any type of disease in your body because then you can't be the mom.
Speaker: So it's like, do it now, take care of yourself now.
Speaker: So you're not like faced with like some more severe health consequences down the line.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: And I love how you said like, hey, this topic just keeps coming up because I think that is also a really big lesson that I was just aware once I entered the coaching world is if a lesson keeps coming up, then there's something like a topic that keeps coming up and there's something for you to learn, like something for you to shift.
Speaker: So when you say like, hey, this sleep.
Speaker: So yeah, maybe there's something to look at.
Speaker: But it's like,
Speaker: It's so fascinating because like sometimes we're like, oh, wait a minute.
Speaker: Why does this like the same topic or like when your friend shows up and it's like, you're like, wait a minute, I just went through this whole stuff.
Speaker: Like, how does she talk about this now?
Speaker: Because it's literally in your face.
Speaker: Like, yeah, this is the area you want to work on.
Speaker: It's so true.
Speaker: And I literally I do have to use a lot of discipline on myself to go to bed because like I said, I'm more of a night owl.
Speaker: I want to stay up and watch my show or wind down or whatever.
Speaker: And I literally have to say, Laura, go to bed.
Speaker: That's what I have to do to get myself because otherwise I don't want to.
Speaker: Like I just want the party to keep going.
Speaker: But yeah, I've learned my lesson over and over and over again.
Speaker: So maybe that's also what 2024 is about for me is just to have that discipline to just go to bed, even if I don't want to, because I know how important and how much better I'll feel the next day and how it's affecting my long-term health.
Speaker: I'm going to pause my conversation with Linda Alexander.
Speaker: If you'd like to hear more, listen to the next episode.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast because there's no manual for the hardest job in the world.
Speaker: Don't forget to subscribe and share with your friends.
