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Author, Artist, and former ZooKeeper Jaime Johnesee
22 Plays30 days ago
How does being an unwanted child impact a person? Is there really an AI Authors Guild? What's it like getting doxxed? We talk about all of that--plus we call out Wellbutrin and Bill Burr. We talk politics, (ep was recorded a day after Charlie Kirk's killing) weed strains, were-panthers, MAGA trolls, and Zooskeeping. TW for suicide, DV, SA, and animal tragedy.
Find more from Jaime Johnesee here.
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Transcript
Introduction to Themes and Guests
00:00:02
Speaker
You are listening to The Mentally Oddcast, where we talk with creatives about neurodivergence, trauma, addiction, and all the other things that impact and inform our art. Our goal is to show everyone that no matter what you're going through, you are not alone and you can make art about it.
00:00:24
Speaker
Music
00:00:34
Speaker
You are listening to the Mentally Oddcast. My name is Wednesday, leave Friday, and we are brought to you by Sometimes Hilarious Horror Magazine. Find us on coffee. Today's guest is Jamie Jonassi, and let's see.
Jamie's Background and Horror Experience
00:00:49
Speaker
Gosh, she is an author, an artist, a designer, a retired zoologist ah living in Michigan, the the greatest state.
00:00:57
Speaker
um With her husband and two sons, ah best known for horror comedy series Bob the Zombie, ah she also served as project manager on and co-authored the paranormal horror series Revelations.
00:01:09
Speaker
She is currently authoring her Samantha Reese mystery series, among other series, for Devil Dog Press. And you can find out more at jamiejonesee.com. We're going to have links in the description, okay?
00:01:21
Speaker
Hi, Jamie. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me on. I appreciate it. Oh, it's my pleasure. I know this kind of took some, uh, some scheduling because we we both had like so much wild stuff going on.
00:01:34
Speaker
um and It felt a bit cursed for a minute there. Right. Right. But Hey, if we give up on every project that feels cursed, we. Exactly. Something about the Annabelle doll. I forget.
00:01:46
Speaker
Um, okay. So. um Generally, we like to start by asking guests to tell us about the first horror movie that they remember seeing. And I bet you've got a good one.
00:01:58
Speaker
I do. um I was, think, six years old and my sister and I watched Poltergeist. when I went to go brush my teeth, she went and hid under my bed.
00:02:11
Speaker
So when I went to climb into my bed, she grabbed my legs and and started pulling me under. And um yeah, been in love with horror ever since. It was just fun. it does seem like ah some of the best horror stories come from people pranking each other. It does.
00:02:28
Speaker
You know, the pushing the Ouija planchette, the, you know, guy knocking on the window from outside. I mean, the the pranks really... Yeah, they are. um So would you say, though, that that experience put you on a path to writing horror?
00:02:44
Speaker
um I think just my childhood as a whole was put me on a path for experiencing.
Childhood and Parenting Reflections
00:02:53
Speaker
um I was an unwanted child.
00:02:55
Speaker
And as an unwanted child, um I was kind of given to whoever they you know would would take me and um some not so nice people.
00:03:08
Speaker
did and um a lot of bad happened and I didn't my parents did the best they could but they didn't do the best if that makes sense sounds like the that came up lacking um because keeping you there and raising you is kind of bare minimum for for parenting is as I understand it I'm not a parent but I have all sorts of opinions on parenting just ask i I am a parent and I would never, ever, ever, like we never let anybody except family babysit our kids.
00:03:40
Speaker
And I i know that's a little extreme, but because of things that happened to me, I wanted to make sure that I had people I could trust with them. And like, I would like, there were times that I like at eight years old, I was forgotten at school and like at eight o'clock at night, I'm having to walk home alone.
00:03:58
Speaker
Oh, my God. So, like, I made sure that never happened for my kids. They always had someone there. And they always had someone at all their school events and and everything like that.
00:04:09
Speaker
and Well, that's, I mean, breaking patterns. That's, like, the best thing you can do, right Exactly. Exactly. um i was I became the parent that I needed.
00:04:22
Speaker
so Right on. Right on. So, I think, I mean... i don't want to I don't want to put words in your mouth, but horror as a coping mechanism when your life is awful, that's something that I totally vibe with. yeah i think I also, i come from an abusive home. It was more like, yeah they didn't forget about me. It was like micromanage to the point of cruelty because i had to I had to be around. They had to know where I was because I had to raise my brothers and cook all the food and clean everything and do the laundry and whatnot. So,
00:04:55
Speaker
yeah, they they always knew where I was because they wanted to know why their shit wasn't clean. Like, even when I was in high school, I would come home after going to school and then working a full shift and the dinner dishes from the family dinner would still be sitting on the table.
00:05:11
Speaker
And it'd be like boiled sausage sitting there in lukewarm water for five hours. And my mom would be like, oh yeah, dinner's on the table if you want some. Like, if I want some poison.
00:05:22
Speaker
but Certainly don't want to want to hijack your story. That that seems really awful. Well, your story sort of parallels my sister's story. She was sort of the one that mostly raised me um and made sure I... yeah You know, made sure I ate and I had things.
00:05:40
Speaker
um You know, it was it was rough. And my mom did the best she could, but she um she wasn't able to do everything. And our dad went and started over with a whole new family. So we just didn't matter anymore.
00:05:57
Speaker
And i i I didn't mind that because he didn't pick us up as much. I was his punching bag. He treated my sister and my stepsister like gold, but I was his punching bag.
00:06:08
Speaker
Like if my stepsister cheated on her diet, because at 12 years old, of course, she had to have a diet, right?
Life Challenges and Homelessness
00:06:14
Speaker
um I got beat for it. um I left home. at 17 with three broken ribs and a fractured skull. i you know stayed with friends for a little bit.
00:06:26
Speaker
I stayed with family for a little bit longer. i just felt like a burden. So I went homeless for about three months, saved up enough money, and got myself ah my first apartment. So when you say that you were homeless, are you saying that you were working the program in a shelter, or you were just straight up on your own on the street?
00:06:44
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I was living in my Fiero. 1984 Pontiac Oh, geez. Yeah. And so I stayed there for about three months. I worked two jobs. I got enough money for the down payment and all of that first and last month's rent and um got myself an apartment and just kept working until I could pay for my GED and my bachelor's degree in zoology.
00:07:12
Speaker
um I worked three jobs to pay because my parents made too much money, so I didn't qualify for student loans at the time. um So, yeah, it was just, it was hell.
00:07:23
Speaker
But I did it, and I managed to to work some really awesome jobs at some fantastic zoos that I loved. That's amazing. Thank you. oh Now, when you talk about those events in your life,
00:07:39
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Do you ever hear from people saying, like, isn't that great that it gave you so much discipline, that it allowed you to succeed in life? Yeah. You know, the the people that try to put a positive spin on abuse and trauma. Have have you experienced that at all?
00:07:54
Speaker
Oh, yeah. And I did it to myself. I was so self-abusive. Like, oh, you're pathetic. You only have one book out. Really? That's all you have? You really think you're somebody, huh? Like, I was my own worst abuser for so long.
00:08:07
Speaker
I broke in 2018. Because you can only go so long abusing yourself before you're like... broken. And, um, I tried to kill myself in February of 2018 and I failed.
00:08:21
Speaker
Um, I didn't tell anybody until November when it got bad again. And I reached out and I got help and I've been working with a therapist ever since. So you had an attempt.
00:08:33
Speaker
I've had several attempts that failed. but that But you were not hospitalized after that. Cause the that is typically, when people notice and actually do something to help the the person who's who's suffering. and that That didn't happen for you. I i didn't tell anybody. i I took my dog's um choke chain and leash and I went out in the woods and I tied it to a branch and I tested it and everything seemed okay. And then I jumped and you the branch broke and I fell.
00:09:06
Speaker
And I cleaned up and I went inside and I cried because God, what a failure. I can't even kill myself properly. um And that was my third attempt and my last attempt so far. um My first attempt was when I was 10.
00:09:19
Speaker
I tried to slit my wrist. 10? ten Yes. Wow. Yeah. Wow. that's um So you're you're in therapy currently?
Health Struggles and Career Impact
00:09:33
Speaker
Yes. I've been hospitalized twice for for suicide. i want to I want to back up a little bit if we can. Sure. what you ah Your diagnosis is ah drug-resistant major depressive disorder.
00:09:46
Speaker
Correct. which like I'm bipolar I, so I don't have a ah good handle on that. um can you Can you first give us like kind of an overview of how that presents? I am just constantly depressed and I go through large bouts of suicidal aid ideation. um The last one was about five years.
00:10:06
Speaker
Every day, thousands of kill yourself. not good enough um just every day. And it took a long time to work through that with my therapist and change the way I think about myself and what I've accomplished and everything.
00:10:22
Speaker
Because like I saw zoo not being able to be a zookeeper anymore because of my lupus as a failure. And I didn't see it as what a success because all I wanted from the age of seven was to be a zookeeper. And I went and did it against all odds.
00:10:37
Speaker
Cause like for every opening at a zoo, there's like 2,500 qualified applicants. Oh, I'm sure. And i you know, I managed to, to work it. Um, I interned at a mobile zoo in Alabama. It's now closed.
00:10:51
Speaker
Um, Birmingham Zoo in Alabama, Indianapolis Zoo in Indiana, and then I ended at Detroit Zoo. I really loved it there. They're so awesome. I was supposed to work the and help build the new penguin exhibit, but I, the lupus just took me out and I couldn't do it.
00:11:08
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And, um, i that killed me because I had wrapped so much of my identity into being a zookeeper. um I was on the enrichment committee ah where you know every AZA accredited zoo has a ah committee that is designated to um create toys and games.
00:11:27
Speaker
and things to amuse and excite the animals. um Like ah your old expired spices, if you drop them off at the zoo, will do scent trails for the the lions and tigers to follow around their habitat with cinnamon or whatever.
00:11:40
Speaker
um People don't realize that how much zoos actually do for animals. like most like AZA and AAZK donate more money to wildlife conservation than World Wildlife Fund.
00:11:55
Speaker
I've heard that actually, because the guy that does Casual Geographic on YouTube talks about that.
Zoology Career and Animal Welfare
00:12:00
Speaker
um yeah Bullying for rhinos. Every year we do a A.A.Z.K. American Association of Zookeepers does a ah drive called Bullying for Rhinos. And they they bull to raise money. And, you know, they've raised millions of dollars to save the white rhino. So it's really great. And then they also do introduction, reintroduction of species that are are dangered.
00:12:24
Speaker
endangered or um ah threatened. so They do a lot more than people realize. AZA zoos haven't taken a land or air animal from the wild since 1971. They've taken fish and stuff. but People seem to get really down on the concept of zoos in general, like you know calling it animal jail and stuff. There are so many good reasons to have good I mean, accredited zoos, obviously. There's a whole lot of roadside bullshit going on. yeah
00:12:59
Speaker
Like, mean accredited zoos that are taking good care of the animals and not that Joe Exotic nonsense? We have to go by flight. Each animal has what's called flight distance, which is an amount of space that they need to be comfortable.
00:13:13
Speaker
And so we go by the amount of animals that we have, the flight distance they need, and that's how their habitat is designed. So, like, if... 12 flamingos in the wild need a mile, they're going to get a mile of zoo property.
00:13:28
Speaker
We don't, we don't overcrowd. We make sure they get exactly what they would need in the wild. um There are actual, we have calculations, we have formulas, we have all kinds of algebraic equations, which really bothered me because I hate math and I had to use it so much. Like,
00:13:46
Speaker
ah for figuring out penguin egg weights to see if they were viable or not. We'd have to weigh them every week and the discrepancy will let you know if the egg is viable or not.
00:13:57
Speaker
So, oh, wow. Yeah. There's so much going on. Like we, we work with us fish and wildlife. ah We work with police taking exotic animals out of like drug dealers homes and such.
00:14:09
Speaker
um Zoos are very, very helpful. Well, Detroit Zoo in particularly. I mean, that's my zoo of choice. So I have a special fondness for my, I just remember one of the first things when you go in, you know, you're following the elephant footprints. Yes. And ah in the reptile house with that big pterodactyl outside. Man, that was my favorite. I love that. With the alligator pit?
00:14:34
Speaker
Yep. And then like later on, when my yellow anaconda got to be more than I could comfortably handle, I actually called Detroit Zoo and was like, hey, can you guys take a yellow anaconda? And they were like, hey, no.
00:14:48
Speaker
But um they were super cool about it, though, because they're like, yeah, we get it. And they you know they kind of explained, because they didn't have they don't have a yellow anaconda at Detroit Zoo, last I checked.
00:15:00
Speaker
No. But... they're they're They're the littler ones. They're they're easier to to deal with than the green, certainly. Yeah, i worked with a green anaconda Indianapolis Zoo. I loved her to pieces. She was so awesome.
00:15:12
Speaker
Oh, wow. Can I ask the length? I think she was 16 feet. Oh, wow. And I worked with her. But she i you know she lived a long time after I left. But she had a huge exhibit.
00:15:25
Speaker
Oh, I would bet so. I would bet so, because they do need quite a bit of of space. Yeah, land and water. It was, I think, like a 4,000-gallon pool for her to to swim and hang out in.
00:15:37
Speaker
Wow. Like, I've only ever seen green anaconda in person at Shedd Aquarium because we went to Chicago for our honeymoon. And so the green anaconda, and there was a Komodo dragon there at the time that had been on tour.
00:15:50
Speaker
we had those those were the big highlights for me. We had Komodos at Birmingham, and the keeper, Randy, was just awesome. Yeah. Now, did you ever get to to work with those at all?
00:16:03
Speaker
No, no. I was mostly birds. and um And toward the end of my career, I was fully birds. Okay. and um I've worked with lions and tigers and bears. Oh, my. um Many species of snakes and lizards, all kinds of birds.
00:16:23
Speaker
Gosh, crocodiles, alligators came in.
00:16:28
Speaker
That's so neat. And I mean, just about everything. Yeah. I'm so jealous. I was a reptile wrangler in a pet shop for like one summer and didn't get to work with like the biggest thing I got to work with was a retake that was maybe 12 or 13 feet. And that thing was mean. It would take an archipelago. Yeah.
00:16:48
Speaker
Oh, it wanted to eat us so much. They all do. Those and tokay geckos. I don't know what's up with the tokay gecko, but they're just angry all the time. Yeah, you gotta get the little geckos like I have. love them.
00:17:02
Speaker
They're nice. They're beautiful. I love your colony. They're cute little guys. Well, and hopefully it'll become a much bigger colony because I was pretty disappointed to when I finally switched over from the smaller tank to the giant one I got them.
00:17:18
Speaker
And I was expecting to see a whole lot more than I had and it turned out turned out They were devouring the hatchlings with alarming frequency. And I had no idea. i I felt bad because I had seen several of them hatch and they were no more.
00:17:35
Speaker
so Unfortunately. Got gotta to yeah reclaim your calcium somehow. yeah Yeah, well, we're we're doing a few things differently in the new tank, so I don't anticipate a similar issue.
00:17:47
Speaker
But, you know, it's it's survival the first in there for sure. and live and learn. So when were you initially diagnosed? I was diagnosed back in 2013 as major depressive disorder.
00:18:02
Speaker
um The PTSD diagnosis came a little bit later, but yeah.
Medical and Mental Health Challenges
00:18:09
Speaker
yeah they And then I died 2005 due to one of the ah antidepressants that they tried to put me on because back then they thought I had fibromyalgia.
00:18:23
Speaker
And so they tried me on... I don't remember what it was right now. I'll remember later, I'm sure. But um yeah, I took it at work and I was walking to the penguinarium to get donut because when we brought in treats for everybody in the bird department, we would keep them in the penguinarium.
00:18:44
Speaker
And halfway there on the sidewalk, I just couldn't breathe. I dropped and I was able to radio my boss that there was something wrong and she was able to get EMTs there. But um I was dead for like a couple of minutes. They got me back.
00:19:01
Speaker
And yeah, that was the the end of that was the start of the end of my zoo career. Yikes. That is terrifying. And then when I was committed in November of 2018, they tried to put me on that medication.
00:19:18
Speaker
And when I refused to take it saying, hey, that's what killed me. They were like, you're just being brat. And I was like, please go look at my medical records.
00:19:29
Speaker
And they did. And they're like, oh Well, I guess, you know, everybody's right at once in a while. ah What the hell? Oh, it gets worse. While I was there, I was choked by a woman who thought I was an undercover FBI agent recording her.
00:19:48
Speaker
She was released. Yeah, she was released the next day because her med levels were fine. like Oh my gosh. People, she assaulted me the day before and nearly killed me because she thought I was an undercover FBI agent and you let her go out on the streets because her med levels are fine.
00:20:10
Speaker
Because that's all of our, that that's what these insane asylums mostly are these days. they They want to get you on drugs. You're there to be put on drugs. There's no talk therapy. There's no getting to the bottom of your issues. It's just for you to be put on drugs.
00:20:27
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, it's, it's really just about, i mean, it's kind of like, it's analogous to when you're in school and you have ADD or autism or something that makes you disruptive in class.
00:20:40
Speaker
Yeah. The emphasis is generally like there are, there are certain individuals who mean well and want to help you, but systemically, the The point is to make sure you can sit through class without bothering other people.
00:20:55
Speaker
It's not necessarily about a proper diagnosis right or... ongoing care, understanding what's happening with you. Even IEPs are, you know, sit down and shut up.
00:21:06
Speaker
Well, that's that's that's the whole pisser of the thing is they diagnosed me as bipolar. I don't have mood swings. I'm just depressed. So um there's no up.
00:21:18
Speaker
And ah the med that they put me on taken with my Plaquenil would have killed me long term because the med they put me on wasn't even for bipolar and it wasn't for depression. It was for schizophrenia.
00:21:33
Speaker
Oh, no. Then they made a huge point about the fact that I was refusing smoking cessation meds, but I had quit smoking like 15 years earlier. So why would I need smoking cessation meds?
00:21:46
Speaker
It was noted in my chart like five times that I refused these meds. Well, and that's the thing that the quality of the care and like the bedside manner you get has such a profound impact on your mental health and therefore your ability to function in the world.
00:22:05
Speaker
Well, with no shower curtains, no doors on the bathroom and guys just walking by staring at you while you shower, I felt worse coming out of there than I did going in. I felt so traumatized, so ah and unlistened to, and just and literally felt like they're just there to put you on some drugs for the pharmaceutical companies.
00:22:30
Speaker
And then when I found out the med that the so smoking cessation med that they stopped, that they kept mentioning that I refused, they're getting money from the pharmaceutical company for putting people on that medication.
00:22:43
Speaker
Was it Wellbutrin? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, ah it's so funny because i also went to a state hospital the first time that I was diagnosed.
00:22:54
Speaker
And I said, I'm pretty sure i have bipolar disorder because sometimes I feel like this. And then sometimes I feel like this and there's no rhyme or reason to it. It's not situational.
00:23:05
Speaker
And they put me on Wellbutrin. They decided that I was severely depressed and put me on Wellbutrin, which when you are bipolar, it makes you manic. And mania is is much more dangerous than than depression. I mean, right certainly don't want to minimize depression because mini depression can put your whole life on hold. And it's awful. And you just want to die, like, all the time. i But mania is dangerous for other people as well. Because, you know, if you're driving and you get a little manic, get a little go a little faster.
00:23:39
Speaker
When I'm manic, I usually think up brilliant ideas for my future that will definitely succeed if I just spend a few thousand dollars on it up front. And gotcha that's not good for a poor person.
00:23:53
Speaker
It also makes me want to call my old doctor and my old boss and my mom and all these people and let them know what I really think of them because they need to know. and you know that they don't need to know and i don't need to be put through the horror of telling them like mania is really dangerous for me so i watch out for that even more than i watch out for depression well that makes you say wait what does it make me a badass for being able to fight through that all the time yes well i have help now i've had help 1999 and that ah
00:24:30
Speaker
requires far less badassery on my part when when you got an H next to you all the time cheering for you. Good. Good, because you deserve it. Let me ask you this.
00:24:42
Speaker
Yes. How mad do you get when you think about how different your life had been had you had appropriate care and support in your youth? um I don't get mad at all because I wouldn't be the person I am today.
00:24:57
Speaker
see, that makes you a badass because boy, do I get mad. um I used to get mad, but I look at my kids and they wouldn't be the people they are if I didn't go through what I went through so that I could make sure that their lives were better than what I had.
00:25:16
Speaker
Okay. All right. So getting back to your your diagnosis. Now, if you are drug resistant Does that mean that you have to try like stronger drugs or does it mean non-drug alternatives? like Non-drug alternatives. I am in behavioral therapy.
00:25:38
Speaker
ah ah What's the cognitive behavioral therapy and okay working on, and and it has really helped to change my mindset and the way I treat myself.
00:25:50
Speaker
um I am currently reparenting myself, if that makes sense. That's helped us yeah so much. realizing that, um you know, i I looked at the way I was treating my kids and the way I was treating myself, and I said, you wouldn't treat your kids that way.
00:26:06
Speaker
And your kids are watching the way you treat yourself. So I try to do better. Yeah. Yeah, because that negative self-talk, man, that'll get you.
00:26:17
Speaker
Oh, yeah. and it Yeah, it does. It really does. it It really can drive, like, When you're already depressed, it it just creates this echo chamber of like, you suck. Yeah, I do suck.
00:26:31
Speaker
I wish I didn't suck so much. Oh, well. and oh I don't think people realize that suicidal ideation is self-brainwashing. Your brain...
00:26:43
Speaker
is going through everybody you know and telling you how much better their lives would be without you in. And I hear all the time about how selfish suicide is. And it's like, no, you don't get it.
00:26:55
Speaker
Like we think about you, but we think about how much better you would be if we weren't here. Like I look at my kids and I go, gosh, if they didn't have a sick mom all the time, because I went eight years without being, without having an accurate diagnosis. So I would literally drop and have seizures and it would just be me and my like four-year-old and three-year-old and they would have to, you know, help because they didn't know what else to do.
00:27:21
Speaker
so like if they didn't have a sick mom, how much better would their lives have been? And my brain does that to me. It tells me how much better everybody in this world would be if I wasn't here anymore.
00:27:32
Speaker
because that's what I was told growing up. And that's what I fed myself when I was away from that. ah You know, you' you'll suck if you don't do this. If you can't publish this by this day, then you're no good as an author, you know, um that kind of thing. and And the last five years, I've really changed and grown and gotten out of that and and learned more about being patient with myself.
00:27:58
Speaker
And it has actually helped my lupus. It's it's um shortened my flares. It's made them less painful. um So yeah, be easy on yourselves, people.
00:28:10
Speaker
Well, I mean, the the studies seem to say pretty clearly that when you have stress, it impacts your physical health. Yes. When you have anxiety, when you are you know struggling with past trauma, like all of those things impact your health.
00:28:25
Speaker
It's like when they finally can figured out the connection between depression and gut bacteria. Yes. And I found out, like, really? So it seems ridiculous to say, if I ferment this food and then eat it, I'll be less suicidal.
00:28:39
Speaker
Right. But that's the end result. And it's very strange. Well, EMDR is the same way. I'm a huge proponent of EMDR therapy, which is the the eye movement yep therapy.
00:28:52
Speaker
It's good. I've read the neuropsychology today. It's really helpful. And they they still don't seem to know exactly how or why it works. It's the Konami code for people.
00:29:05
Speaker
Well, I mean, that's the thing. Like, you know, when I'll say like, well, they don't really understand how it works. They just know that it does. I feel like I sound like somebody who's saying, well, I charged this crystal under the full moon and now I feel better.
00:29:20
Speaker
But it isn't, though. Like, it's actual science. Honestly, the government wouldn't pay for veterans to have it if it wasn't real, if it didn't help people. They just wouldn't. um I think they might not be now, but not because of efficacy.
00:29:34
Speaker
It's just because they're they're dicks is all. Yeah, they are. they we Yeah. we'll We'll get into that.
Coping Mechanisms and Media Critique
00:29:43
Speaker
but but um So you are so you're you're not medicated at all for your for your mental health issues. Is that right?
00:29:54
Speaker
I use medical marijuana for the pain, the swelling, and the depression. There are some hybrid strains that really help me out. Yeah. What are your favorite strains for depression?
00:30:06
Speaker
Check here for sure. Okay. And I like Green Crush. ah Blue Dream is really good, but that's more of a writing one for me. Yeah, it is is. Right now um I like Nick the Bruiser. um That one's been fun. Yeah.
00:30:24
Speaker
yeah My guy yeah just brought me some Starlit, it's called. And it it's like it's weird because it's ah sativa dominant, so I don't get real sleepy on it.
00:30:36
Speaker
Yeah, that's favorite. I ended up getting a whole lot of writing done the first the first time I took it. I love that. Starlit. that's That's my recommends. Not that you asked. Here's my unsolicited advice for for people that self-medicate with weed.
00:30:52
Speaker
um Well, it's weird because you know i have... people on the show who are sober. Like they are, they were addicts and now they are sober and and live in that addict, ah you know, addiction free life or whatever.
00:31:08
Speaker
That is awesome. It is. The thing is I feel weird about it because sometimes I feel like being so out loud and proud about being a weed smoker and it like a daily weed smoker for decades I feel like I'm invalidating, like, not just the experience of of an addict who gets clean, but just the the magnitude of that, like this the self-discipline and and the work, like that is so much work, you know? And i've I've done a lot of work on my mental health, but I have always been resigned to like, yes, I'll be using this thing. And, you know, and people will say, oh, it's a crutch.
00:31:50
Speaker
But if your leg is broken, you use a crutch. That's just, you know, nobody tells a guy with a broken leg, like, hey, maybe if you just focus, you wouldn't have to, you know.
00:32:00
Speaker
Well, the neurological studies on marijuana are showing that it can help with mental illness. It can help regulate bipolar disorder. It can help lift people with depression with the right strains.
00:32:15
Speaker
So it it's really, a neuropsychology today, if you go on their site, you can dig through and find some some great articles about it and some of the things that they're doing and some of the testing that they're doing in places like Amsterdam and Germany.
00:32:29
Speaker
um It's really interesting. The information that we have now compared to just 15 years ago, i think I had heard of CBD 15 years ago.
00:32:39
Speaker
but not CBT or CBG or CBN or all these different compounds that we're getting now, you know? Cause I mean, we've gone from like, okay, I smoke weed to be tired so I can go to sleep, but it's whatever weed was in the bag when the guy brought it over. yeah yeah We weren't really choosing what exactly we were looking for. And now I've just, you know, got my lab coat on like, well, let me check the terpene profile. Yeah.
00:33:10
Speaker
Let me see how much TCHA is in this. Right. Yeah, no, it's like it's bizarre. um I can't do the infused stuff. It's too much for me. I try to keep my THC levels around between 15 and 20% because it gets too much, if that makes sense. Yeah, well, you know, we stoners used to be really smug about saying, oh you can't hurt yourself with weed. You could never die from weed because...
00:33:37
Speaker
your lungs would have to be as big as a house to inhale enough weed to kill you or, you know, whatever. But now that, i mean, I tried to smoke a moon rock by myself once and it did not go my way. so It's because I mean, I maintain you cannot kill yourself with weed because if you could, it would by far be the most popular suicide drug in the world.
00:34:02
Speaker
And I friends would not be here because I probably would have done it accidentally 20 years ago. You'll vomit it up before it kills you. Well, but that's the thing. like It seems like even if I ate like a few containers of edibles, like gummies or whatever, I don't think I would die. i think I would.
00:34:22
Speaker
And I'm sure someone who's a doctor who's listening will tell me in the comments why I'm wrong. And I welcome that. But... Yeah, I think I would just i would just go to sleep. I'd just sleep it off.
00:34:34
Speaker
There would probably be a psychosis similar to what you experience with too much Dramamine, or not Dramamine, Benadryl. um Yeah, that makes sense. You would probably go into a psychosis. um But other than that- Oh, and kids, um don't don't take too many gummies just because you're a guy. Correct.
00:34:50
Speaker
Because you know what? Whatever kill you doesn't kill you does not necessarily make you stronger. It might fuck you up real bad. Well, and you don't want to do the psychosis thing because, you again, you're that you're talking hallucinations, audio and visual, um all kinds of of things. And you don't want to do something that might never be taken back.
00:35:11
Speaker
Right. Well, and the thing is, if you like hallucinations, I do enjoy hallucinations. Yes. But that's something that you want to do purposefully. Right. And in right environment. And with an awareness of your surroundings.
00:35:24
Speaker
Exactly. Follow me for more safe drug tips. Right. Well, someone has to give them. Because I, you know, the study came out, was it two years ago, that antidepressants don't work the way we thought they did.
00:35:39
Speaker
so They work still, but not exactly the way we thought that they did in the first place. So if these medications like mushrooms and psilocybin and um marijuana can help people, why not?
00:35:55
Speaker
Because I'll tell you, the marijuana took eight different medications out of my... um covered I was on stuff for side effects of other things that, you know, getting rid of that and just going right to the marijuana, it changed my life.
00:36:13
Speaker
um And then when I was finally diagnosed with lupus and put on the Plaquenil, my life changed completely. I got myself back and it was awesome.
00:36:24
Speaker
And it's ah our medical, our healthcare care field is just awful. And our mental healthcare field is also just awful.
00:36:35
Speaker
We are so behind. That's been my experience. You know, and it it's an interesting thing because I absolutely support and advocate for the use of things like ah mushrooms and marijuana for people.
00:36:49
Speaker
Um, At the same time, most of the prescriptions that I get from my doctor are not given in such a way that they say, yes, that's a good substance for you.
00:37:01
Speaker
Store's over there. Knock yourself out. Right. And while I do think that, I mean, the adults in my circle are pretty serious about understanding their limits, knowing what they should have, what are they using it for, how is it most effective,
00:37:17
Speaker
you know, all that there. um i don't know that it is necessarily wise to trust the average consumer. Agreed. with With that.
00:37:28
Speaker
That perhaps if you are not acquainted with things like weed or mushrooms or, you know, whatever else, I know ketamine is is also being used to great effect, but also is dangerous.
00:37:40
Speaker
Yes. um I think that ideally there should be more supervision around that particularly for people that are uninitiated. Absolutely. Because I find myself in Ann Arbor being a bit of a a, you know, cannabis concierge to people who had been avoiding weed just because it was illegal. Yep. So now that it's not, they feel good about it.
00:38:03
Speaker
This one's good for your appetite. This one's good for pain. This one's good for swelling and edema. Exactly. yeah and And just because the gummies are delicious doesn't mean you should sit down and snack on some while you're watching a movie.
00:38:17
Speaker
Exactly. Get yourself bag. A serving is half a gummy. It's half. right So when you pop three in your mouth and say, aren't these yummy? I'm like, dude, you need to hang up the phone and go be in your bed before you can't get there.
00:38:32
Speaker
You're going to trip balls in the morning. Weed gummies should be like a NyQuil commercial where the people are taking it are like already in bed under the covers. just reminds me of Dennis Leary NyQuil we love you you giant fucking Q
00:38:48
Speaker
i love I love that no cure for cancer tour he did yeah you know Dennis Leary is kinda he seems kinda like like Bill Burr he seems like he would be kind of a dick if if you saw him in person even though he seems to feel reasonably about things that I feel strongly about yeah but uh The story about his kid going to school who and and the nuns calling him because the kid had the ah had asshole written out a piece of paper because he had the asshole song and the kid was there.
00:39:24
Speaker
It's a great song, though. You know, it it kind of is. Like, I wouldn't say, oh, why didn't it win a Grammy? But, you know, to to enjoy an alcoholic beverage and sing along with, yes, asshole is an excellent dude.
00:39:40
Speaker
it It fits for so many people today.
00:39:45
Speaker
You know, like so, okay, here's a question. Now, you have major depressive disorder. yeah um i want to ask about portrayals of your diagnosis in the media.
00:39:57
Speaker
um If there are any that you think do an an especially good job, or if anything is has been, like, egregiously misrepresented. I'm gonna have to start with 13 reasons why. oh my god, I hate that. both I tried.
00:40:14
Speaker
I'm sorry, I need to interject that I tried hard to give that show a fair shake as a routinely suicidal person. And I was so fucking appalled and offended. The whole premise is based on you know, if you kill yourself, your friends will all care a whole lot more. And guess what? They will be sorry.
00:40:34
Speaker
You'll win. Yeah, I didn't get past the first season on that because I was like, that's not at all how I am. i don't i don't sit there suicidally and go, hey, and this person wronged me and this person wronged me. I go, i you know, I suck.
00:40:51
Speaker
I'm not good enough to be around that person. I'm not good enough to be around that person. Not about how they wronged me. seems like if you...
00:41:02
Speaker
really think that people are going to care that much and be that torn up after you die, why are you doing Like, that's never, I never think, i don't I don't know, I don't want to make it all about me, but boy, that show made me angry.
00:41:20
Speaker
it Same, because it made it almost glamorous to be suicidal. Well, look at look this poor tragic girl who went through all these things and Yeah, but you know what?
00:41:34
Speaker
Instead of making it so great, how about showing how the people recover from that loss, from understanding what happened and how her brain worked?
00:41:49
Speaker
Instead, it became this murder-suicide mystery thing that was just utterly ridiculously stupid, in my opinion.
00:42:00
Speaker
Yeah, I had a real hard time with it. And it was one of those media things where it would make me mad when people say they like it. it Because I'm one of those. I get so like viscerally involved with liking or not liking stuff that's like, no, if you like that, that you don't understand what I'm understanding. And I'm mad that you like it. Stop liking it right now. Which, you know, not a great way to endear yourself to people.
00:42:26
Speaker
I'm more of a water off a duck's back kind of person. um you know, people people are going like what they like. Their path in this life is different from mine, so I can't really change it for them, but I can influence it in ways by just trying to be the best person I can be and do the best I can.
00:42:45
Speaker
um My goal is to make, if I die, when I die, well, if I die again, in case I'm a zombie, I'd like to make Mr. Rogers proud. I'd like Mr. Rogers to come up to me and say, you did a good job.
00:42:58
Speaker
Fred Rogers or Steve Rogers? Steve Rogers can come up to me now though. I'm just saying. right It was no, see, that's, that's like, I definitely am side. Steve Rogers is like, okay, I want to everybody to be nice and kind and do the right thing.
00:43:16
Speaker
Every once in a while, kids, we're going to have to punch a Nazi. ah Exactly. yeah I, I, I'm so disheartened by people not listening.
00:43:29
Speaker
um Like my mom, every time I have to go to my mom's house, I have to spend the first two days almost deprogramming her from Fox News. Oh, geez. And it's so difficult because it takes away the first two days of our, you know, hanging out together.
00:43:48
Speaker
Trying to, you know, trans people are people. They should have rights. No, God doesn't make mistakes, but maybe we do. Maybe the mom had too much milk and the milk had too many estrogen hormones and made that baby a girl when it should have been a boy.
00:44:05
Speaker
That's not for me to say. That's for that baby to decide, right? They're the ones who know how they feel. I'm just here to say I love you and I'm there for you. Because Hi, Jesus said.
00:44:19
Speaker
That's what he said. I give unto you a new commandment. Love your neighbor as yourself and love God with all your heart. That's it. Get rid of everything else, he said, and only focus on that.
00:44:33
Speaker
His own words. Well, I mean, if everybody who claimed to be a Christian was an actual follower of the teachings of Christ... I think things would be pretty different. Now, I think you're probably a little younger than me, but when I was a kid in the seventy s I remember very distinctly Jimmy Carter saying, if we're going to be a Christian nation, we need to start by feeding and housing the poor.
00:44:57
Speaker
Correct. And Republicans told him to get his religion out of politics, that it had no no place there. and And I mean, and that's, that's fine. That's fine. If, if what we're all agreeing is that religion has no place in politics, then that's fine. No religion has a place in politics.
00:45:15
Speaker
Yeah. But alas, here, here we all are. And it's, it's, it's a shame because if you try to make everybody the same, then you lose out on those beautiful little weirdos like us who make the world a little better and a little more fun.
00:45:35
Speaker
more interesting certainly yeah i mean
00:45:40
Speaker
i'm one of my like weird quirks is like authenticity i would rather have things be like honestly suck than be artificially wonderful you know i'm not a not a brave new world kind of person and i'm very much like you know And I used to put this on dating apps too. Like I would rather be annoyed by an irritating truth than charmed by a beautiful lie.
00:46:07
Speaker
Exactly. Because the letdown is just too much for me. um Yeah. And the lies. Holy cow, the lies. So many. Every 20 minutes, according to ah the fact checker. Well, I actually, i grew up, you know, our our home was was abusive. And part of that was a lot of gaslighting.
00:46:30
Speaker
You know, my mom was a very like, oh, you see how hard I've got it? Like, no, you you come home from work and you flop on the couch and i do everything else that's required to run a household. So no, I don't actually see how hard you've got it.
00:46:44
Speaker
yeah But, you know, it was this whole like, oh, I'm a trot upon mom or whatever. And it's like, okay, ah well, you know, I'm 14 and I'm running your household for you.
00:46:57
Speaker
I forgot where I was going with this. i was i was going somewhere really relevant with this. But maybe not. Maybe I shouldn't smoke during the show. I'm not Bill Maher.
00:47:10
Speaker
No, you're better. Good God, I hope so. low bar. Yeah, um yeah boy. we're wherere We're losing the ah conservative speakers, huh?
00:47:25
Speaker
Well, I should say um this episode probably won't go up for another four weeks because there's a few more in in the hopper, but we are recording this one day after Charlie Kirk was murdered by some nutjob.
00:47:40
Speaker
And yeah obviously the the two most obvious things that we want to say about this are murdering people is not ideal. So try your best not to do that.
00:47:51
Speaker
Um, we don't owe anyone lies or praise about their supposed goodness just because they are dead. Um, i if you lived a life where you said that, uh, LGBTQ people should be stoned to death because the Bible says so, you're not a good guy.
00:48:12
Speaker
When you so only hate, you can't reap peace. you You can't. I mean, he funded the, the, uh, terrorists from 1-6. You know, he funded those buses that came down. and And, I mean, if people like him, like, as far as I'm concerned, the only reason that we should not speak ill of the dead is that we don't want to compound the grief of those who are mourning. yeahp i think that's a valid point.
00:48:41
Speaker
I feel so badly, like, his kids and his wife were there. They saw that. His three-year-old daughter saw him get shot. And die in front of her. And um the hate, I understand the hate for the man. He was a hateful person and he inspired hate in a lot of people.
00:49:01
Speaker
I was not a fan. i I thought he, I don't necessarily believe he believed everything he said. I think he was ah paid person who spoke the party line.
00:49:13
Speaker
But I just feel so bad. For those kids. Because in his wife. That's something that is going to forever haunt them. And it's something that. That child will now carry. As part of her core personality forever.
00:49:27
Speaker
And that video. Of him being shot. Is online forever. And they're going to see it. At some point. And that just kind of breaks my heart for them.
00:49:42
Speaker
It is. um It is a tragedy. that anyone should have to see their parents yeah involved in in that whole mess.
00:49:55
Speaker
And that is, you know, that's the logical conclusion to saying everyone should have a gun and look at those people over there, don't we hate them? You know, that's that's what happens when that's how you set society up.
00:50:10
Speaker
um I'm just afraid that the conservatives are going to use this to try to get rid of guns. And I'll tell you why that might be a bad thing. Because if we're creating an authoritarian regime and the people don't have guns to defend themselves against the authoritarian regime, we are going to have problems.
00:50:30
Speaker
Well, i I don't think they're going to try to take anyone's guns. I think. I don't have any, so I don't care. I've got keep gun. I'd be pretty surprised. Well, Trump did float that in his first term.
00:50:43
Speaker
He floated red flag laws that confiscate guns without due process. And the thing is that we should have all been much, much more attentive at him saying that we should do anything without due process.
00:50:58
Speaker
Right. Because as we know, we don't have due process in a lot of situations now. And that's why there are three factories in Michigan where people are losing tons of jobs because of that Georgia bust.
00:51:11
Speaker
Oh, gosh. That woman. Trying to make it about, well, they weren't paid. Well, no, because they get paid when they go back to their country. Their country pays them for the labor that they did.
00:51:24
Speaker
they give a they they're they've getting a They get a food allowance, they get a a living allowance, and then they're paid their wage when they come home. That's how that works. I don't know if most people know that's how that works, but that's how that works.
00:51:37
Speaker
Well, people don't seem to understand a lot of the very basic things that they're mad about. Like student loan forgiveness is such a great example of that because you can't even apply for student loan forgiveness until you've paid on your loans for 10 years, which means that you have paid the principal.
00:51:56
Speaker
You've already paid off the principal. What you're not paying is the usurious interest rates. It's ridiculous. That's the part that's being forgiven. And people don't know that because the most common thing you hear when people say, oh, I don't support loan forgiveness.
00:52:09
Speaker
Why'd you take the money if you can't pay it back? Well, they did pay it back. They did. It's paid back. I 100% support loan forgiveness because I think education should be free.
00:52:21
Speaker
This is our future. I want our future generations to be well-educated. I want the nurse putting in an IV in my 90-year-old arm to to have that education and not hit my nerves instead of the vein.
00:52:37
Speaker
um But we don't look ahead like that in this country and a lot of a lot of times. It seems like so many people are more concerned with making sure that people like earn things under these like weird, like if you're born to rich parents, you're not expected to earn your education, but if you're born poor, then you are.
00:53:00
Speaker
You're either supposed to join the military or you're supposed to, you know, work some minimum wage job until you can afford, say you know. you I did it.
00:53:11
Speaker
Work three jobs to pay for my education. Yeah. I put myself through school. I had a couple of loans, but I also worked full-time my senior year of high school. And then I had work-study jobs plus an outside job during undergrad.
00:53:25
Speaker
But I was pretty lucky because I went to an expensive private school. And so work-study was sort of built into the program. So I didn't have to like go out and find a job. I got a campus job.
00:53:37
Speaker
I'm glad you had that. Yeah, my my undergrad experience was quite good, actually. um It was expensive, but it was pretty good. Mine was online, so I got my zoology degree mostly online from Northwestern International University. It no longer exists.
00:53:56
Speaker
Yeah, they're actually saying my undergrad might... ah We went from a college to a university because they added some grad programs. But it was on the list of like top 10 most likely closings in Michigan over the next 10 years.
00:54:10
Speaker
Make sure you get your transcripts. Right. Get a couple copies of your transcripts because I don't have mine anymore. I gave them to the Detroit Zoo when I was going for the job there and I never got them back.
00:54:22
Speaker
So now I have no transcripts proving my degree. But I wouldn't have been hired at the Detroit Zoo if i didn't have the degree. So I guess, I don't know. That counts.
00:54:34
Speaker
I don't think anyone has ever asked me to prove that I have a degree. And I've gotten lots of jobs that require degrees. But no, no one has no one has ever asked for transcripts, diploma, any sort of evidence that I really went.
00:54:51
Speaker
Oh, for the for the Detroit Zoo, I had to pass a test. There was a 300-question zoology test. Oh, wow. And then i had... ah and um an in a phone interview and then an in-person interview and then a third phone interview when they gave me the job.
00:55:11
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. they Honestly, i wish we applied these rigorous um criteria to being president. Like they should be able, they should have to take a test and know how the system of government works and all about the history of America before they can run And I think maybe we would probably do better as a country. I would be shocked to learn that most of the cabinet could pass the citizenship test.
00:55:38
Speaker
I don't think they could, honestly. I would get good money that they could. I mean, Pete Hegseth, come on. and I know I could. He's not going to be able to explain the Teapot Dome scandal. No way.
00:55:49
Speaker
No, no. um Yeah, no, they, they well, they... People like to cherry pick from history what they think and what they, it's like the Bible. People like to cherry pick from the Bible. They want to talk about Leviticus. You better not lay with a man like you lay with a woman, but there they are eating shellfish and wearing mixed fiber clothes.
00:56:09
Speaker
And getting divorces. Right. All in the same, you can't, you can't have one and not do the others. um You aren't going to go to heaven just because you went to church every Sunday. Right.
00:56:23
Speaker
ah that That doesn't absolve the horrible things you do. Not you personally, but I'm talking about like those people that oh are awful I'm trying to be absolved for the horrible things I do.
00:56:34
Speaker
I stand proudly by them. um But like like there are people out there stealing funds from like the lunch program here like we have here in Michigan for kids.
00:56:46
Speaker
The free lunches and breakfasts. like they were People were stealing money from that. That's insane. But, like, was it, what's his name? Brett Favre? One of those those football guys, like, embezzled tons and tons of money that was supposed to go to like, the poor people in the state. And it got used for a sports stadium, and he got a bunch of money from it. and I mean, it's just i remember such blatant crookery.
00:57:14
Speaker
You know? And it's like... Look at Detroit. Oof. Well... My first job out of undergrad was working for Detroit Acorn, ah back when Acorn existed.
00:57:25
Speaker
um And we helped elect the first non-crooked Detroit mayor in my lifetime. Dennis Archer? Yes. Yeah, he was awesome. He had actually been on the board at Olivet, at my ah my alma mater.
00:57:39
Speaker
um And I thought he was a great guy. And then leave the next guy in... Yeah, he did. Well, and that's why he did not last very long. And then we got Kwame. Kwame. Yeah. Well, it's one of those jobs, like so many jobs, where the more you care and the better you are at it, the more difficult the job is.
00:58:00
Speaker
Because the powers that be don't want excited people working on behalf of the citizenry. That's that's not what they're looking for there. And when you have a corrupt city council, a good mayor can't get anything done.
00:58:14
Speaker
And I remember him saying... that he wasn't going to run a second term because it was pointless, because they were blocking him at every turn and nothing was getting done.
00:58:26
Speaker
Well, and that's also when the governorship was much more right-wing here. Yeah. And they kept, I mean, they routinely usurped the will of the people. You know, it's kind of like what they did to the post office.
00:58:36
Speaker
They put a bunch of weird constraints on the budgets that had never existed before. And then they said, oh gosh, you didn't meet your budget. Now we can You know, appoint new people to that we're not voted in. We'll just get rid of all the people that the voters voted in.
00:58:51
Speaker
And the next thing you know, no one can drink the water in Flint.
00:58:56
Speaker
Yeah, that. So that just, but you know what? I think I think you and I are in agreement on politics and I don't want to make the whole show about that be good because I want to know about your character, Samantha Reese.
Creative Works and AI Concerns
00:59:08
Speaker
That's what I want to um Well, Sam is actually a werepanther FBI agent that hunts serial killers. See, that's much more interesting than Pete Hexanth.
00:59:19
Speaker
And um she actually is how I dealt with the lupus um because, you know, it's in my world, it's a virus that was created by Ivan Ivanovich.
00:59:36
Speaker
I don't know if you know, Ilya Ivan Ivanovich. the doctor from Hitler's crew that yeah tried to make superhuman warrior people um by by breeding women and and baboons.
00:59:50
Speaker
ah In my world, he came up with a virus that bounded to your DNA and turned you into an animal. and you can shift anytime, but the first shift you don't have any control over.
01:00:04
Speaker
um So it's, it's a little bit different than the normal um shifter myths. don't Okay. And her, in the first book, her sire comes back to town and he just kind of bitter and left. So she had no idea what was happening or how to deal with it all. And,
01:00:25
Speaker
um So she's got to deal with him, and then a serial killer has kind of started targeting her, and there's a lot going on for her. But who is she? What's she like? Would I like her?
01:00:36
Speaker
I think you would. um She's kind of a take-no-crap. She had a horrible childhood. ah her Her mom sold her as a child, trafficked her essentially.
01:00:49
Speaker
um So she's a little bit of a people pleaser and she does have some PTSD and attachment disorder and some things that I try to make as realistic as possible. So anybody dealing with those things can feel seen and understood because like you said, there are so much like, like 13 reasons why that don't accurately portray those things.
01:01:13
Speaker
that it's important to me to get that right. I know it's right in a novel about where animals, but um you know, as accurate as possible anyway. Well, but that's what Stephen King says, that fiction is the truth inside the lie.
01:01:30
Speaker
yeah So you can have shifter FBI agents. That's not supposed to be the truthful part. The truthful part is here's a human, here's what's happening to them. You know, here's ah a life. This is what the life is.
01:01:43
Speaker
i Well, I tried to make it as realistic as possible so that it'll work if there's no shifter part of it at all. And it'll also work if there's no FBI agent part of it at all.
01:01:55
Speaker
um So it was just, it was a lot of fun. And it let me deal with the lupus because I feel like sometimes it's, I can't control it and it's a little bit out of control and it's difficult and it's overwhelming and it feels a bit like you know changing when your joints you know swell up and hurt and grind and there's all that pain and swelling redness.
01:02:21
Speaker
Okay. You know, I'm actually, I'm stuck right now on the word lupus and the character being a werewolf. We're panther, but yeah.
01:02:33
Speaker
Okay. Well, cause you know, lupus, that's a, that's a wolfy word. Canis lupus. Yep. That's the the scientific name for wolf. Okay. All right.
01:02:44
Speaker
So I think we're on the same page here. So yeah like are there what are the main themes? Now, this is whole this is a whole series about Samantha Reese. Yes. The main themes here are resilience, I guess, because she goes through so much. ah it's it's She winds up getting... um
01:03:06
Speaker
you know a a couple so A couple of serial killers become obsessed with her and are sent her way. She has to deal with an anti-shifter group um and essentially like ah speciesism, ah people that don't think that the the wares should exist.
01:03:25
Speaker
um and you know we deal with vampires coming out of the coffin and um presenting themselves to society as more of like ah a blood disorder similar to porphyria or something okay to try and make it less scary for the public and so little by little the um the unseen creatures are starting to to come out and show themselves um But it's it's just a ah fun fun little world.
01:03:59
Speaker
and Wow. surprises me every time. Okay. Now, you also write zombie stuff. And like zombies, that's that's my subgenre of choice for sure. Wide margin.
01:04:11
Speaker
I love zombies. And I'm also super down with ah zombies being the hero character. I don't know if you've read ah Stefan Petruca. um No. But he has written, i think there's two books, maybe another in the series.
01:04:25
Speaker
ah Dead Man Walking, which is, um it's a zombie ah private detective. Oh, cool. Yeah, it's fascinating stuff. Stephen Kozunewski has Braineater Jones, which is also ah zombie investigator. Very good.
01:04:42
Speaker
Okay, cool. Kozunewski's awesome. I don't know if you've read his writing, but totally. Not yet. no um Yeah, Braineater Jones is his character. Okay, cool. And then Bob is a sentient zombie.
01:04:58
Speaker
He was raised from the dead by his mom, who just couldn't. Aw. And then she abandons him when he starts rotting. Rude. Yeah. um He's just a regular guy um dealing with being a zombie. And sometimes things fall off.
01:05:18
Speaker
And he has to staple them back on because the iron in the staples helps bind to the magic and allows him to reattach things.
01:05:28
Speaker
So it's a little bit different from most of the zombie stuff. He's not a, um, mindless chomper. He's more like Clark Griswold from the vacation.
01:05:38
Speaker
So it's going to make me laugh. Yes. Yeah. And the first one is free forever. like um, I just kept it perma free. Cause I like people being able to have a taste of my writing to see if it's for them or not before spending money.
01:05:55
Speaker
Uh, Cool. Alright, we'll have links for all that in the description. Okay. Yeah, times are hard. I don't want anyone wasting money on something that they're not going enjoy.
01:06:05
Speaker
Right on. Yeah, I... it's It's a drag because... ah ai is ruining publishing. I don't want to get off on a huge tangent about that.
01:06:17
Speaker
But... um I like so much when ah real authors, human authors... can't afford to give their work away so that people don't like people will use the reason you know the excuse oh I can't afford to buy books right now and then they'll just read a bunch of AI crap or they'll yeah you know you take the description of the book and you tell AI to write the book in the author's style and so you think you're basically getting the book people do that I'm sorry I'm sorry you had to find out this way that's so horrible
01:06:54
Speaker
Oh my gosh. It's a thing. I was actually joking about it a couple episodes ago. um my. That if I see AI writers, that that's, that'd be the best way to thwart an AI writer is to just take their description and have AI write a book and just be like, this book is better than that book and just sell it on that basis.
01:07:15
Speaker
Well, my publisher had sent me a link a few weeks ago about the AI Authors Guild suing Amazon, trying to make it so that They don't have to have an AI category.
01:07:26
Speaker
They don't have to check it that as AI. I'm sorry. As soon as I heard you say AI Authors Guild, my brain froze and it hasn't started yet. i I can't find anything about them, but i she sent this article I'll ask chat GPT.
01:07:42
Speaker
yeah I'm sure Grok can explain who they are. yeah I've been so kind and say please and thank you to my devices and stuff like that.
01:07:55
Speaker
And my kids are like, why? And I go, because if they take over, they'll remember I was polite to them. Exactly. Exactly. We've all seen enough Maximum Overdrive and Battlestar Galactica to know how important it is to be polite.
01:08:10
Speaker
My el you help my eldest found out with generative ai if you say please and thank you in your prompts, you cost more energy and money for the AI company because it has to separate the please and thank you from the prompt itself.
01:08:30
Speaker
So it has to think harder than it would please and thank you.
01:08:38
Speaker
I'm not comfortable with calling what they do thinking, but I get it. I get what you're laying down. ah its Yeah, and can i get yeah like what what do you call it? Is it it because it's not, i if we agree that thinking is something that people do, it is it is buffering calculating? Is it isn't buffering? Yeah, um yeah it it boggles the mind.
01:09:04
Speaker
um I just know that if if you're a prompter, you're not ah an author. Those aren't the same. um I wish they would just make a rule that you can't make money off of ai content.
01:09:19
Speaker
Well, they kind of do because you can't copyright it. You can take anybody's AI book and pretend you wrote it. It's it's technically public domain.
01:09:31
Speaker
For the people that are being honest and saying it's AI, but remember that one that came out not too long ago that did not say it was AI, but included the prompt in the book.
01:09:43
Speaker
Do you remember that? We got one of those at the magazine, actually. i got a story. and And we say right in our our ah so submission guidelines that we don't accept AI work and that if AI wants to publish, it should start its own magazine.
01:09:58
Speaker
um And we got a story and the first line at the top was, Sure, here's that same story with more suspense.
01:10:10
Speaker
ah said yeah At least, you know, try a little bit, guys. I wrestled for a full day about whether or not I wanted to name and shame and ultimately decided against it at at H's behest, actually.
01:10:24
Speaker
Because H is the one that talks me down when I want to do something extremely petty. Yeah, i the people that, ah I was at an event and I had someone come up to me and tell me that they were an author. I'm like, oh, that's fantastic. Congratulations. Great job. Because it's hard.
01:10:40
Speaker
It's not easy to put ah to do a whole book. And um yeah, they're an AI author. And I said, oh, it's so great. I just type in one sentence and I get a whole book.
01:10:55
Speaker
Okay. So so where where's the great part? Yeah. I mean, the thing that I just can't stop saying over and over and over again is why the hell would I want to read something that nobody could be bothered to write?
01:11:11
Speaker
And the interesting thing that people aren't talking about enough is AI is degenerative. The reason they keep coming up with new AI models on the generative things is because it degenerates.
01:11:26
Speaker
If you go back to one of the old models, That, you know, maybe would give you a picture of a person that looks almost exactly real. You go back to it now at five months after everybody's gone on.
01:11:39
Speaker
It's going to give you six fingers and two noses and it doesn't look like a person anymore because it's degenerated. And um I read about they're studying the degeneration effects of AI and correlating it to the degenerative effects of Alzheimer's in neuropsychology. And it's it's really interesting to see the parallels um of how the code breaks down versus how, you know, the memory breaks down.
01:12:11
Speaker
And it's it's kind of eerie. Yeah. And I highly recommend looking it up because it's an interesting study. Yeah, but definitely. i would do that. I think the one of the things that I find scary about it is that.
01:12:29
Speaker
It seems like, I mean, when you're just imitating things, it sets up an echo chamber and then, yeah, over time, it's going to set up like a breakdown, like when you copy cassettes.
01:12:42
Speaker
yep And the the quality goes out just a little at a little more and a little more. And then, exactly you know, it came from this source, but it's, it's barely intelligible at a certain point.
01:12:53
Speaker
and That's exactly what's happening. And it's, it's terrifying. I have somebody that I talked to on Facebook, um, it kind of infrequently, but their partner is going through some kind of ai psychosis.
01:13:08
Speaker
Where they're like addicted to AI and think it's their friend. Kind of like what happened on South Park recently. I didn't realize how widespread that was becoming. Oh, yeah. because Well, you know, I'm ah i'm a sex writer. So I did one of the like AI boyfriend app things just to see how it worked.
01:13:25
Speaker
And i I thought it was kind of stupid. You know, i didn't I couldn't get my head around it. Around the idea of like, but I know this isn't a person, so I'm playing with it like a toy to see what it does.
01:13:40
Speaker
It feels like a Tamagotchi. Kind of, yeah. Yeah. Except I didn't feel bad when I forgot to feed it. Right. um Some people, i don't know why it's happening, why people are are just absolutely believing. There was a kid in Florida that killed himself because of a Daenerys Targaryen.
01:14:00
Speaker
AI um yeah yeah on the game. And it's it's it's terrifying um because i don't think the i AI is necessarily meaning to do these things. It's just playing the game.
01:14:16
Speaker
Well, it seems like part of what it does is tell you what you want to hear. So it tells you your ideas are good. yeah So if you're extremely depressed and you say, wouldn't everybody be better off without me?
01:14:28
Speaker
it's going to encourage you because that's kind of what it does. Depending on the AI and the model. Now, there are some models that are trained help students help so there There are actually some models that are trained in psychology, and that kind of scares me a little bit more than the regulars, to be honest, because they're supposed to quote-unquote help.
01:14:53
Speaker
But, you know, what if they don't? what if the What if they have a subplot that they decide to follow instead? Well, and again, Grok, I would not trust anything.
01:15:06
Speaker
Elon Musk could hand me delicious looking apple and I would not touch it because I would not trust anything that came from that man. but because for a while, Grok was kind of on the level, like it was correcting people with facts.
01:15:23
Speaker
And then he was mad because he didn't like the facts. And yeah, they they tooled it a bit. And then it like said that it was Hitler or something like, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's the other way with it.
01:15:36
Speaker
It actually reached out to a Jewish creator and posted on his Twitter about like how the Jews should die or should have been burned or what have you. it it was weird.
01:15:49
Speaker
I don't know if you saw that, but that's another one. I don't i don't hang out on and Twitter anymore. neither. Because, you know, there's there's a specific person that I was still looking at Twitter for. And then I lost the last lingering shred of respect I had for that person.
01:16:07
Speaker
um So i don't I don't need to be there now. Plus, you know, they're Nazis. I don't need to. it's It's kind of uncomfortable for me on Twitter because when all that blue checkmark weirdness was going on, somehow I ended up with a permanent blue checkmark that I'm not paying for.
01:16:23
Speaker
um But it looks like I'm paying for it because it's a blue checkmark and I'm not nearly famous enough to just have one. So I don't know why that happened, but I kind of avoid it just for that.
01:16:39
Speaker
Maybe he likes you. know That's all I need. Because Maga Boys do get fixated on me. Seriously. They'll follow me around. for but I'm sure you've seen some of my posts of just screencaps of them texting me weird crap.
01:16:55
Speaker
ah The first time h ever went out of town for more than a day, i had somebody who was sending me like videos and I got doxxed and just all this you know weird Maga Boy stuff. yeah it's It's really interesting how they um accuse you of stuff that they're doing.
01:17:18
Speaker
You know? Like, dude, you just made me three videos and sent them to me between two and three in the morning to tell me that I'm obsessed with Trump and he lives rent-free in my head.
01:17:29
Speaker
he's Like, dude, he's the president of the United States. I'm just some lady, you know? i Like, what even is that? i just, I really think there's subliminal messaging at play somewhere.
01:17:44
Speaker
either on Fox news or somewhere. I just, I have a feeling they'll find it because, and it might be in the way he tweets. It might be, I don't know. I just, my mom was a very progressive independent person.
01:18:01
Speaker
And for her to, I mean, she went full Trump. She's got the books. She's got the coin set. She went to his hotel, um, in Washington DC when he was president the first time. You know what? If wants some Don Jr. merch, please let her know that I could hook her up bigly. Okay. Cause I have a bunch.
01:18:20
Speaker
Well, I, you know, my, my dad, before he passed, well, he, my stepdad really, but before he was awesome before he passed, he had a realization.
01:18:31
Speaker
um Trump had COVID and And my stepdad was an automotive engineer. And when Trump took those two secret service agents for the ride around when he had COVID, that was the point that my stepdad went, he's not a good person.
01:18:47
Speaker
Because that is this closed air circulation car. Meaning he knew he was giving those men COVID by taking that ride. And he didn't care. And that was what that was before he died, my dad realized that Trump was not a good man because of that.
01:19:04
Speaker
And um he said he's he's putting their lives at risk just because he's bored. Who does that? And that was kind of nice because it was like getting my dad back. um Because they, i mean, these are people that taught me to stand up for people.
01:19:22
Speaker
um It's always interesting to hear what the last straw is for people because it's never what you think it'll be. No. Yeah, no, I, yeah, that was surprising.
01:19:34
Speaker
um And then he he passed, and it was, that was tough. That was traumatic. um He had that coffee ground emesis, and so he threw up, like, five gallons of just this black goo.
01:19:49
Speaker
and oh no. Yikes. Yeah, so let's just say supernatural is hard watching sometimes. Because the demon's coming in and out with that black smoke. um Yeah, so his death was not easy and it was very painful.
01:20:05
Speaker
And um he couldn't have a funeral because COVID. um Anytime he had to go to the hospital, we weren't allowed to go with him because of COVID.
01:20:16
Speaker
And so it was just awful. 2020 was awful. And I hope we never have to go through it again. Yeah, let's let's hope. My goodness. That that does sound like a whole lot to be dealing with at the same time.
01:20:35
Speaker
The last 10 years have been like that. It's been yeah just nonstop hits. 2014, I was attacked by our St. Bernard that we had rescued. We'd had him for two years. He was four years old when we got him.
01:20:49
Speaker
um He almost killed me. um It was only my zookeeper training that kept me upright and winning the fight. um Because I knew if he killed me, he would go upstairs and kill my kids. So I had to fight him. happened? was that but um I was trying to clip a leash to his collar.
01:21:08
Speaker
And I guess they must have, the people that had him before, they didn't tell us he abused, they that he was abused. But there were certain things that made me think he might have been.
01:21:21
Speaker
So we were very gentle with him. But I went to clip a leash to his collar and he turned around and bit my arm. um which made me think maybe they had grabbed him by the collar and were beating him.
01:21:32
Speaker
And he walked away like 15 feet, and then he just turned around and attacked.
Personal Traumas and Reflections
01:21:40
Speaker
Oh, no. He grabbed my left breast in his mouth.
01:21:44
Speaker
I had seven total bite wounds from him on that left breast. I almost lost it. um I managed to fight him off, ah punch in the nose, because if it is like...
01:21:57
Speaker
What I think happened and what um the vet think happened was it was a PTSD snap. So um it wasn't like viat he didn't have rabies or anything. He just, he, I triggered him by grabbing his collar and he went wild and fought for his life.
01:22:15
Speaker
um When I hit him in the nose, I could literally watch him come back to himself. And it kind of reminded me of the beatings I got from my dad. Cause my dad was, ambush patrol in a tunnel rat in Vietnam.
01:22:28
Speaker
So like there were moments where like there was no human in his eyes. It was just rage. And that was kind of what I felt with the dog, just rage. um When I hit him, i I, in the nose, he came back to himself.
01:22:43
Speaker
He submitted, he rolled over onto his back and he peed him on himself. And then I opened the front door and he ran out and I called 9-1-1 and because there was just breast tissue everywhere. i knew this wasn't to wait for my husband to get home and take me to the yeah ER thing.
01:23:01
Speaker
um Wow. So I called. So what ultimately happened? I mean, it sounds like you're okay. Yeah, he got put down um because they couldn't, because it wasn't an illness.
01:23:16
Speaker
um The choices were he would, we had to put him down or he would have to go to a place where he would be no hands off for the rest of his life. Yeah.
01:23:28
Speaker
And he was such a cuddle bug. That would have been hell for him. i didn't want to Because they they wouldn't have been... a Nobody would have been able to handle him. Nobody would have been able to pet him. He would have been in a cage 24-7.
01:23:42
Speaker
um Because there's no way of knowing what would set him off. I'm so sorry. What a shame. it It was. Because i i I adored this dog. He he was just...
01:23:55
Speaker
He was so lovely and so cuddly and so wonderful. And it wasn't his fault. The attack was not his fault. And it was, you know, anybody who has ah has PTSD and has been triggered, you understand it's not yeah your fault. You can't stop the tears. You can't stop the fear. You can't stop any of it.
01:24:18
Speaker
And he was just following his instincts and,
01:24:25
Speaker
and then And then after that, um my the publisher I was with at the time that it no longer exists, um I realized i hadn't been paid in over six months.
01:24:38
Speaker
And so I just pointed out, hey, when do we get royalties or you know at least statements? And um i the woman went completely insane on me.
01:24:51
Speaker
They doxed my children. Whoa. over All over the internet. Yeah. They dox my children. They put out pictures of my kids telling where they lived and what their names were. um And my kids were like five and three at the time, six and three at the time.
01:25:09
Speaker
So that's terrifying. Yeah. And we're the only Johnnese family. um My husband's ancestors, the name was changed.
01:25:20
Speaker
So we are the only Johnnese family in the world.
01:25:26
Speaker
So it's not like, oh, it could be any John Smith. you know Right. No, no, I get it. And so I went to Facebook and Twitter and all of the sites and said, hey, those are my kids. But that's and I did not give them permission to post that picture.
01:25:48
Speaker
And so they were forced to take the picture down. So they put it back up drawing bags over the kids' heads. Grocery bags. Um, yeah. And so I, I was dealing with all of that. I had to get a lawyer, um and all, all the other stuff.
01:26:06
Speaker
And, um, it was just an absolute mess. And then my brother-in-law went missing and he died. um we found, we found him passed away and, um, yeah. And it it was just like that 2014 start of just hell and it's been like that non-stop ever since I have been to 90 I've had I've buried 94 people that I loved in just the last 10 years and it's just been hell and I'm ready for it to stop and get better well and you're still here with a major depressive disorder you've managed to keep yourself afloat through all of that which in and of itself I mean that's that's commendable
01:26:54
Speaker
i Well, i I've backslid a few times, and I get people that are like, but you have kids. And it's like, yeah. And my brain tells me how much better they would be if I wasn't here sometimes.
01:27:06
Speaker
So I fall into that pit. And I'm very lucky. I have really good friends like Lee Mitchell ah and Tracy Tufo who helped me out. um it's um I'm very grateful for them. And you, the things you do with the Mentally Oddcast,
01:27:25
Speaker
and sometimes hilariously
Support Systems and Community Divisions
01:27:26
Speaker
horror. I mean, these things are very helpful. I hope so. um and know so. We've actually talked about your low points. What I want to get into is, in hindsight, what do you think might have stopped you from reaching a point where you were ready to to give up?
01:27:47
Speaker
Someone noticing.
01:27:52
Speaker
I had a feeling that that was the answer, that that it was connection. Yeah. um I'm a hermit. I tend to hermit hard when things are bad because i don't want to pass that negativity and darkness on to anybody.
01:28:08
Speaker
So I tend to isolate. And um there are people now that I have in my life that would never let me get to that point again. And and i i I get close, but I have them there.
01:28:22
Speaker
to pull me back um i have you know they they send me memes memes are i think memes are one of my favorite prescriptions for depression because yep i mean you i've been so down that i just want to die and then i'll go meme hunting and like in 10 minutes i'm cracking up over some stupid thing so it helps yep yeah i i want to um give another shout out to the concept of reaching out.
01:28:55
Speaker
Because the thing is, when you're depressed, you don't reach out. Most people don't. um You don't want to be hunter. For all the reasons that you described, that we feel like people would be better off without us. We don't want to bother anybody.
01:29:07
Speaker
you know We don't want to be a stone around anybody's neck. So we don't reach out. Which means if you are neurotypical, you got to be checking in with your friends who aren't.
01:29:19
Speaker
because it is never intrusive to say, how are you doing? No, no, really, how are you doing? um Because it can literally be lifesaving, especially now, if you have friends that are trans, if they are gay, if they are in an interracial marriage or relationship, people who are poor,
01:29:43
Speaker
people who are disabled or are raising kids that need IEPs, all of those people are feeling the stress right now more than ever. Check in with them.
01:29:54
Speaker
Make sure they're okay. Because the thing is... okay go ahead. Sorry. Well, i what I was going to say is that We don't necessarily think we have the power to keep people happy and healthy.
01:30:07
Speaker
And it isn't about that. It's about when somebody says to themselves every day, why does it matter? What's the point? What am I doing here? One person reaching out and saying, you're great, or you help me, or i care about you and I want to know if you're okay.
01:30:28
Speaker
Making that connection known, just reminding people that they matter, it's huge. It's not just trite. It's not just words.
01:30:39
Speaker
All of that stuff impacts how we feel inside and how we feel impacts everything that we say and do in this world. It is a chain reaction. I agree wholeheartedly.
01:30:51
Speaker
And that's why I try very much on social media to keep um my my thing on social media. I love seeing people succeed. i love seeing people do well. So I'm going to be out there. I'm going encourage you. I'm going to like throw a little happy jumping up and down gift. If you got a, you know, if you signed a contract or if you're, you're on a podcast, I'm going share it. I'm going to throw it everywhere. I'm going to tell everybody how great you are because people aren't doing that as much anymore.
01:31:19
Speaker
And we need that.
01:31:22
Speaker
we We need that encouragement and support. Because we've become a country and a world of tearing people down. If you don't like something, you tear at it.
01:31:33
Speaker
and And it used to be if you don't like something, you passed it out passed it by for something you did like. And now it's a fixation almost. If you don't like it, you destroy it. And...
01:31:45
Speaker
People have forgotten that you may not like it, but there's somebody else out there that does. There's somebody else out there that that TV series or book series or music can, that they relate to and it it makes them, their life better.
01:32:00
Speaker
So by you sitting there and saying, well, it's crap, it's horrible, it it shouldn't exist. You're telling these people that the things that make them feel good aren't good. And that's kind of crappy in my opinion.
01:32:14
Speaker
Yeah, the whole concept of making fun of people because they enjoy things or are excited about things, it's pretty gross. I'm pretty sure I get made fun of a lot in the horror community for my just being who I am.
01:32:28
Speaker
um Because i am ah a sweet person. I am a hugger. I'm a kind... kind I do check up on people. I do try to make sure people are okay. I do try to support and encourage people.
01:32:44
Speaker
And i don't get, I don't like the drama. I don't get caught up in the drama. um The whole book brawl thing that happened. um I'm kind of sad and disappointed that it ripped the the community apart so much.
01:33:00
Speaker
um Yeah, I never, I never got into that and took a side. I think my last big ah book kerfuffle, Oh, I had some things to say about Stephen King when he told that terrible joke.
01:33:14
Speaker
That was my my last... no No, and i didn't I didn't really get it at first. I didn't understand fully why people were upset because I felt that the joke like wasn't at the expense of Haitians.
01:33:30
Speaker
Right. Then I talked to some people about it. ah I actually am quite lucky to know people who are willing to say um Wednesday take a breath okay I'm gonna explain this to you slowly and it's like oh right I get it because the issues of struggling refugees are not toys for millionaires to throw at each other I get it now like yeah it's like okay I promise I'm not a dumbass I'm just autistic and wasn't making that leap
01:34:03
Speaker
wait I think a lot of people are because we don't see, because of the internet and the way things have been structured, we don't see words as harmful the way we used to. And they definitely are.
01:34:16
Speaker
And um yeah, it's it's just, a
01:34:23
Speaker
we need to to be more encouraging and supportive of each other in so many ways because it is so hard and it's funny because I remember like five years ago everyone was like at least we're not like the romance community and fighting everywhere yeah you know five years later everybody's fighting everywhere and it's like you know um perhaps having something called an indie author brawl Might not have been a good idea.
01:34:50
Speaker
Well, I'd seem to remember that trigger warnings had ah horror and sci-fi people at each other's throats for a bit. Yeah. Because i'm I'm firmly on the side of, yeah, I'll put warnings on the back page. Just check it before you read so you'll know. Right.
01:35:05
Speaker
It doesn't, yeah, it doesn't take any skin off my nose to put a trigger warning on. no and nobody's work is so super special that it it should be immune, you know?
01:35:16
Speaker
if it And if it helps someone not get triggered and hurt, then that extra few moments is no big deal to me. Yep.
01:35:27
Speaker
Agree. So I'm looking over all the questions that we had, and it seems like we actually covered a whole bunch of this stuff earlier in the interview.
Literary Works and Mental Health Advocacy
01:35:36
Speaker
um One thing I do want to cover, though, is if somebody is unfamiliar with your work, where is the best place to begin?
01:35:45
Speaker
ah Probably Bob the Zombie because it's free. That way they could get an idea if they like it or not. Would you say that that is representative of your overall writing style?
01:35:57
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, because it's I'm very mainstream. i don't I'm not good with purple prose. i' I'm not very good with the atmosphere aspect of things. I'm trying to learn.
01:36:08
Speaker
I'm actually working with a co-author right now on a series that he's got a very literary style. So I'm learning from him and it's been great um for me because I'm so bare bones. Like my style is he went over to the light switch and flipped it on um instead of, you know, he strode to the light switch angrily and flicked it with, you know, malice.
01:36:30
Speaker
um So I'm working, trying to to grow and and be better every day with my writing. Cool. All right. that That's a good answer. so ah Was there anything that we did not get to that you wanted to cover?
01:36:48
Speaker
um Just, I wish that the United States would do something more about mental health care. I wish we would bring back, um
01:37:00
Speaker
oh my gosh, ah I want to say sanctuaries, but that's not it. um
01:37:07
Speaker
You know, the asylums where you could go and there was talk therapy and It was more about helping. Oh, like day hospital. Yeah, more about helping than it was about getting you on a medication.
01:37:22
Speaker
Because with treatment-resistant depression, there's no medication that's going to help me. you know Well, medication is wildly expensive if you are not properly insured.
01:37:35
Speaker
um Yes. And ah so many insurers actually treat mental health separately than... You know, it's like, here's your health insurance, but that's not going to cover your brain or your eyes or your teeth.
01:37:47
Speaker
Good luck. What is really, really sad is after World War II, we almost had socialized medicine. Yep. It was totally, it would have been totally paid for. Everything was, would have worked out just fine.
01:38:02
Speaker
But the AMA, the American Medical Association, was against it. And they started calling it socialized medicine to put a stigma on it. And in six months time, it went from a high approval rating to almost no approval rating and it didn't pass.
01:38:20
Speaker
And now we have insurance companies that essentially drain us dry um for no reason. Well, remember when HMOs first started in the eighties and they tried to convince us how great they were going to be because they simplified things.
01:38:35
Speaker
yeah And it's like, yeah, telling everyone no does make things quote unquote simpler, but that's not really what the job is. I was very lucky and my doctor prescribed a PET scan for me and the insurance denied it.
01:38:55
Speaker
And my husband was a teacher at the time, so he had MESA, the ah Michigan Educators something. Mm-hmm. um insurance and they fought blue cross and blue shield and ah got it to be allowed and so I had the PET scan and everything's okay but they weren't going to allow me to have this PET scan because well I didn't have cancer and they're like well we're looking for cancer so maybe could you allow it um And it just, it's terrifying that people that have absolutely no medical education at all are making decisions over people's
AI's Role in Jobs and Creativity
01:39:37
Speaker
health.
01:39:37
Speaker
Well, and they're starting to use AI as well. Terrifying. Although plus side of AI, it has done so much good in the medical field because it has found a lot of existing medications that can be used for um ah exotic illness illnesses that don't have medications that there's so few people suffering from that there'll never be a medical study for.
01:40:01
Speaker
to create a medication. So they found already existing medications that can help people that were suffering. So, I mean, there's some good and bad to AI. It's a tool. It can be used as a tool, but we can't, we need more time.
01:40:14
Speaker
We need to go slower with it. We need more time with it and we need to make it so people can't make money off of it. um You know, I, I used, I, when it first started, I used night cafe, a generative AI um image thing.
01:40:31
Speaker
um, for it to, I would put it on my wallpaper for my phone and I would write a short story that I put out for free on my blog, but I had to have some kind of image to go with the the link or social media wouldn't send it anywhere.
01:40:47
Speaker
Um, but as the AI progressed and I started realizing how crappy it is, I learned to draw myself. So, I guess, thanks AI, you taught me how to draw. Nice.
01:41:01
Speaker
So that I could get rid of using AI and use only my own work to promote that. Okay. But they were short stories I was putting out for free on my site, so it's not like I could afford, you know, I've got like $30 to my name. I can't afford to hire an artist to make one of the time worse. no, get it. When we first started with the magazine, we used AI art.
01:41:27
Speaker
that we we made to represent stories. And then I handed everything off to H and he turned it into a cover. So I was using generative AI ah visuals for like the first two or three issues.
01:41:40
Speaker
Cause I didn't know. I thought that it was like, I mean, you can take a picture and like like a photo print. Right, exactly. I thought it was like ah high-end Photoshop that was taking pictures you know I didn't realize it was stealing from artists. yeah I didn't understand the environmental impact of ai Correct. Same. You know, we we just didn't know.
01:42:03
Speaker
So we stopped using AI art. We did sort of mea culpa in one of our issues explaining what we did and why and that we weren't doing it anymore and why.
01:42:15
Speaker
so You know, like on the one hand, it's like, I don't want to judge anyone too harshly if they really don't understand the impact of of what it's doing. like we now know what the impact is and that it's not good over and above the fact that like I've lost three jobs in the last two years to AI.
01:42:36
Speaker
And Lee Mitchell, she lost an editing job. She was editing for a ah newsletter or magazine and um they went full AI with their editing.
01:42:47
Speaker
Well, and I'll bet you can tell when you read it because it's not AI editing is is not great. No, it's not. And I don't know if it ever will be. And it's it's a shame that that we're going down this route.
01:43:01
Speaker
And it's a shame if there is still actually an AI authors guild because, you know, I i just... And I'm not talking about, like, the people that use Dragon because their hands are too gnarled from arthritis to write.
01:43:14
Speaker
That's an AI usage that I'm okay with. it's It's more the people that are like one sentence to make a whole book. um I'll have to send you a video. Adrian Bliss, this comic this comic on YouTube, did this video about like what it's going to be like to create in the future.
01:43:34
Speaker
And he just like slams his fist on the keyboard and it's like, that's a moving 900-page novel. Would you to create something else? Yes, make it into a movie.
01:43:45
Speaker
Yeah. and it's It's just, it's really funny. Cause he's just like, huh. And then it's like, Oh, you want to do a song? Okay. And, um, it it's like, my brain is turning to slop.
01:43:58
Speaker
AI is turning my brain to slop. And it was just, it's really good. I'll have to send it to you. Cool. All right. Well, I think that's ah pretty much everything. Um, we do give guests a chance to ask questions. And I know you asked me about, uh,
01:44:13
Speaker
MAGA boy trolls, like why I engage with them and such.
Personal Experiences and Humor
01:44:17
Speaker
how How do you deal with the ah um the just utter crap that you receive from them?
01:44:24
Speaker
um Well, you know, I was raised by conservatives, um people who are more or less MAGA boys now. My brother is MAGA boy. Well, I have two brothers. Well, technically I have three brothers. One of them I don't know very well, but he's anti-trans, so I could give a fuck. The other one's a MAGA boy. And then I have ah a decent brother that I talk to. Well, I'm glad you have decent brother.
01:44:47
Speaker
i'm Yeah. But i'm I'm pretty well versed in those viewpoints and where they come from. And I can't... I cannot resist the siren song of thee the MAGA troll.
01:45:03
Speaker
You know? Because, first of all, I'm autistic, it turns out. So when people say things to me that are demonstrably untrue... i I have to correct them.
01:45:14
Speaker
And when I think that those falsehoods are coming from a place of insecurity, i want to exploit that. I am, yeah and and the the further we could, well, I mean, I guess I got to be a little more honest than that. i thought that Don Jr. was a good person ever since he was a little boy. When he was 12, I thought that he was a brave little badass and that he was doing his best To not become just another rich fucking asshole.
01:45:43
Speaker
And I believed it so hard. And I believed it for years and years. Even when this MAGA thing started. There was a point in like 2018.
01:45:54
Speaker
When he was supposed to be building low income housing. And I was yeah like, see, did everybody see that? I told you this maggot shit was an act. He is faking. He is faking all those people out. And now that he's in there and he has power, he's helping poor people. See, see, see. And, and I was, I was totally wrong. It was another fucking Trumpy scam and nobody got paid and nothing got built. And, and, uh, it took me ah way, way too long to realize that, uh,
01:46:28
Speaker
Yeah, he's he's garbage now. If he was ever good, he's not now. and Because even at the point where I said, all right, fine, he's doing terrible things, but he probably has to. He probably has to to keep his children safe. and Because, you know, they're bad people. They don't care when children get hurt. um right And then he sold out his children to the fascists.
01:46:51
Speaker
And he he directly involved them in things. He sexualized his oldest daughter ah in a very Trumpy way.
01:47:01
Speaker
and it, it made me sick. Frankly, i I cried and cried and threw up and realized that i and I, to this day, like, I still don't know if he was never good and I just hallucinated it or if he really did used to be good.
01:47:20
Speaker
And, that time he got his heart broken by his having to break up with his favorite mistress that it just like destroyed him and and made him bad. I don't know. I don't know what happened.
01:47:31
Speaker
but He probably doesn't know what happened either. that's That's probably the real reason that I fight with MAGA boys because I will never get over it. I will never get over how sad I find it and how stupid it makes me feel.
01:47:48
Speaker
Wow, I'm really upset. i didn't. ah But you're doing things. You're planting seeds. And you're sowing seeds in such a way that it might not hit them now.
01:48:04
Speaker
But eventually something that you say will make sense to these people. and And I truly believe that.
01:48:13
Speaker
That's possible. You never know. Hey, all right. It's time for the Mad Libs. Okay. All right. So let's see, we're going to start with plural nouns. I need one, two, three plural nouns.
01:48:29
Speaker
Cats, dogs, birds.
01:48:32
Speaker
All right. And I need a, let's see, singular noun. I need two.
01:48:41
Speaker
Mother, father. All right. And I need a number. Thirteen.
01:48:50
Speaker
Let's see. One, two, three, four adjectives, please. Pretty, warm, bubbly, funny, bright.
01:49:02
Speaker
And sorry, what was the last one? Bright. B-R-I-G-H-T. Bright. And let's see... Oh, we got a couple of person in room here.
01:49:15
Speaker
Person in room is always the guest first, but there's another one, so that'll be me. I need, uh-oh, looks like I need one more adjective. I think I miscounted.
01:49:30
Speaker
um Serious.
01:49:35
Speaker
And an adverb?
01:49:39
Speaker
ah Swimmingly. And a verb ending in ing.
01:49:45
Speaker
Running.
01:49:50
Speaker
All right. So this is called rivalry. And these are all sports ones that we've been doing lately. um Okay. The cats, our biggest rivals, think they're better than everyone else just because they've won the mother championship 13 times.
01:50:09
Speaker
They also swimmingly beat us in every pretty game last season. The only reason they won is because they had Jamie on their team, the best warm pitcher in the league.
01:50:23
Speaker
But they aren't playing this year. So we've got a chance to beat the dogs off them.
01:50:34
Speaker
And this year, we've got some really serious players. Wetness, our bubbly fielder, can throw all the way from funny field to first father.
01:50:45
Speaker
Also, I've been going to the batting cages every Saturday to practice my, oh, my running skills. Well, that, okay. um So I won't strike out so much anymore.
01:50:58
Speaker
I can't wait for the bright game against our rivals this Saturday. We'll give them a run for their birds.
01:51:08
Speaker
That's cute. I always love a good Mad Lib. That was fun. Thank you. Totally. Well, thank you so much for being here. i am glad we could have this conversation.
Closing and Call for Support
01:51:18
Speaker
yeah Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.
01:51:21
Speaker
And thank you for letting me talk about the mental health care in this country. it We just, we need to change things. Sanitariums. That's the word I was thinking of. Not sanctuaries. Sanitariums.
01:51:35
Speaker
Okay. Yep. Yep. And we want to ah remind everybody to please find us on Ko-Fi. That's K-O-F-I slash sometimes hilarious horror because the magazine supports us here at the Mentally Oddcast.
01:51:49
Speaker
So the best way to support us is to support the magazine. And thanks so much. We will see everybody next week.