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Guest: Author Pandem Buckner
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TW for discussion on DV, SA, and suicide.
This week, discussion with Pandem Buckner includes Disney, horror movies, consent, shelter work, and the fact that there are no white people in the bible. Also rage toward education, depression, ADHD, and we accidentally invent the concept of propaganda. Find more from Pandem Buckner here.
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Transcript
Introduction and Sponsor
00:00:02
Speaker
You are listening to The Mentally Oddcast, where we talk with creatives about neurodivergence, trauma, addiction, and all the other things that impact and inform our art. Our goal is to show everyone that no matter what you're going through, you are not alone and you can make art about it.
00:00:24
Speaker
Music
00:00:34
Speaker
You are listening to the Mentally Oddcast. My name is Wednesday, leave Friday, and as always, we are brought to you by Sometimes Hilarious Horror Magazine.
Guest Background and Focus
00:00:43
Speaker
Find us on coffee.
00:00:45
Speaker
This week, our guest is Pandem Buckner, who is a native of Greenville, Mississippi. And after attending college in Arkansas, he went to Seattle for a two-week vacation in 99 and has yet to return.
00:01:01
Speaker
Apparently, no one in Arkansas has noticed. After working in a variety of fields, he has spent the last two years focusing on working for non-profits that support survivors of intimate partner violence, a cause he remains deeply passionate about.
00:01:17
Speaker
ah He still lives and writes in Seattle, and no one in Seattle has noticed. i that That's a feeling I know well. Welcome, dude. Thanks for being here. ah Thank you for having me.
00:01:28
Speaker
really appreciate appreciate the invite. And we're going to let everybody know that you're outside today and not that you live with a bunch of birds among the traffic, just in case, you know, and um will he awesome though right.
00:01:43
Speaker
I don't know. I kind of, I was homeless for a while in my twenties, not like a long while, but a couple weeks. And I did not care for it. Frankly, my, my, uh, iteration of nature aside, uh, I, I'd prefer to be housed given the option i find.
00:02:00
Speaker
um Understandable. Right. We, um, we typically, start by asking guests to tell us about the first horror movie that they remember seeing. So I'm sure you've got a good one. Let's hear it.
00:02:14
Speaker
I kind of do. Um, I believe it was Jaws 2. Okay. And I was like seven or eight years old. was watching on a network TV.
00:02:28
Speaker
So, you know, of course it's, you know, cleaned up a bit from the, uh, from the theater version.
00:02:37
Speaker
But even with that... I'm trying to think what would have been cut out of it. Because it really... I mean, there's a little blood in those movies, but they're not sweary. They're not super gory. mean, there's still plenty scary in that movie. Yeah, there's jump scares, of course, all over the place. But I still ended up throwing up a lot and had to go to the emergency room.
00:03:00
Speaker
Oh, no. so yeah, that was my introduction to horror movies. ah Did you keep up with them after that? I mean, that seems like it would turn a lot of people off forever.
00:03:10
Speaker
No, I'm still not a big fan of horror movies. But I don't throw up anymore, so that you know that's a good thing. Yeah. Wow. that's That's quite a tale. Who were you with?
00:03:24
Speaker
i was at home with my mother, siblings, and my grandmother. And, yes. Wow. So they probably didn't let you watch another horror movie for a while after that.
00:03:35
Speaker
No, I don't think we ever did sit around and watch a horror movie again after that. Um... um okay Okay, goodness.
00:03:46
Speaker
um You know, wow, i'm I'm looking at the next question that I wrote, and I'm like, damn, we're just getting right to
Media Influence and Representation
00:03:53
Speaker
it, right? um No, the the next question is actually about consent in relationships, which is something that I think you and I agree is both under-discussed and poorly understood.
00:04:05
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And with regard to media, like... how much i mean i actually think that movies and TV contribute a great deal to that, and that heroes, when I was growing up at least, people like Han Solo or Bill Murray and Ghostbusters, did not take no for an answer, and they badgered women, and they told women what they wanted, and there wasn't...
00:04:29
Speaker
I mean, it wasn't even just that they weren't talking about consent, but that it was seen as heroic to let women know what they were thinking so they didn't have to worry their pretty little heads about it. What what is your take on that?
00:04:43
Speaker
I have to agree. um Especially with the romantic comedy genre where they like have to, the protagonist has to convince their loved one to to love them or give them a chance. And it's just like,
00:04:57
Speaker
She already said no, that's the end. That should be the end right there.
00:05:02
Speaker
Like a big for a much shorter movie, but a much better representation of consent. questions Yes. um And especially now with so much content in the Manosphere about you don't have to take her no for an answer and try that particular video that circulated around that kind of pissed me off.
00:05:25
Speaker
And just saying, oh, just have to keep trying, you have to keep trying, have to trying. No, she said no, walk away. Well, that's the thing, trying to what? To convince someone that they should like you after you disrespect their boundaries? Like, what are you even trying?
00:05:41
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um I always think of the movie UHF, because that is one of my favorite, favorite movies, one my favorite comedies. And I love Weird Al, and I think Weird Al is really wholesome.
00:05:52
Speaker
Yet, even in that movie, when his girlfriend breaks up with him for very good reasons, like he did that fix a problem that she felt very strongly about. So she broke up with him and he left a preposterous number of messages on her answering machine that were screaming and begging.
00:06:12
Speaker
And then he somehow managed to get inside of her apartment and fill it with flowers and a big, like light display and just like things that like, you would call the police if someone did that in real life.
00:06:26
Speaker
Like that's breaking and entering. That's a crime. Yes. And that's not a romantic gesture. I recently, I recently watched, And this is going to sound hilarious because i didn't I had never seen these movies before. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark from the 80s. I watched it for the very first time. It's free on YouTube.
00:06:48
Speaker
And then there's another one, Elvira's Haunted Hill, that was released like 16 years later. And I loved how she was in charge of herself. Like when she said no, she meant no. And some dudes like groped her, she punches him. And it's like, love that.
00:07:07
Speaker
Like Elvira, the paragon of feminism. Who knew? Right.
00:07:15
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Well, I mean, she is lesbian in real life, so that all adds up. um Yeah. but i I actually didn't know that for a long time. i think there was some reason she was in the news recently and she was out somewhere with her wife, not at all dressed as Elvira.
00:07:31
Speaker
Yeah. Um, so, so what do we do about it? I mean, is it a question of, of encouraging movies and TV to be better? Or is it about more emphasis on that not being how people are supposed to conduct themselves in real life?
00:07:49
Speaker
Like, how do you address it? How do you address it with young people?
00:07:55
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Um, on a Hollywood level, I don't know how much is possible, really. Um, We can ask for more positive representation. We can ask for more boundary respecting and sales and plot.
00:08:10
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But ultimately, they're going to choose what's easiest to do.
00:08:18
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And that's going to be sticking with what's worked before with the boundary pushing over the comedy. Yes, exactly.
00:08:28
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large corporations especially are just risk averse. They want to make the most money with the least risk of losing money.
00:08:36
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Which is why it's so weird that this is happening with Superman right now. How mad people are about Superman. Which is awesome. I'm glad they're mad about it. That he's like a decent person.
00:08:49
Speaker
Yeah, it's just so like, I don't understand how you can not know that you're the bad guy if you're mad at both the concept of kindness and also Superman.
00:09:00
Speaker
Like, that's what a Superman villain is. He's someone who doesn't like kindness and doesn't like Superman. Who's completely selfish, doesn't have empathy, doesn't have compassion, doesn't have consideration.
00:09:13
Speaker
that's a villain but even even lex luther isn't mad that other people have empathy course lex luther also divested from his businesses when he became president but i digress um
00:09:29
Speaker
that's the thing that that bothered me um with movies and and tv and comic books especially because i'm still a big comic book fan um Like, who would they have as a 47 analog? And I'm like, there's no villain bad enough to be a 47 analog.
00:09:53
Speaker
Like, even Doctor Doom is respectful. Like, that's just not gonna yeah not going to work. Even Lex Luthor has, like, standards and limits. I don't
Comic Culture and Social Themes
00:10:03
Speaker
know. ah Did you watch Harley Quinn, the animated Harley Quinn show on HBO?
00:10:07
Speaker
I watched the first season. I didn't watch the rest. Okay, so you know there's a point at which a villain calls Wonder Woman the C word and people are not having it Yes, I love that scene though. Because it's like, okay, yeah, you're villains and everything, but there's there's no reason for that kind of talk. Just calm down.
00:10:27
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And he has be the look on everybody's faces. Just killed me. and other clue Oh my God. He said, oh my, wow. and Like, oh, that was so great. Oh, they need to do that more.
00:10:40
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Well, and you really should keep watching because it gets so, so much more fun after season three. Plus, there's a spinoff. Kite Man has a show now. Oh, God. Why Kite Man of all people?
00:10:55
Speaker
Well, you know what? It's actually a ton of fun because what happens is Kite Man finds a girlfriend who's actually into him, which he deserves that. He means well. And they buy that bar that everybody hangs out at.
00:11:07
Speaker
So it's them in the bar. And, you know, people are, they introduce some new characters, but also Bane is hanging around, which I love because my husband does the Bane voice. And it is so hilarious. Oh, awesome.
00:11:21
Speaker
Yeah, right? Right? So speaking of TV, right? Matlock with Kathy Bates. That first season was baller. Loved it. And one of the themes is that the main character, Matty Matlock,
00:11:38
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is she gets away with things. She's sneaking around, trying to prove something, sort of masquerading in this law firm as someone who's very different than herself. And what she says is that she can get away with it because she's larger and she's older and such women are pretty much invisible.
00:11:57
Speaker
Any thoughts? are for I think, first of all, I don't know in what universe Kathy Bates is invisible.
00:12:08
Speaker
I don't understand the laws physics of that universe. Well, the character, the character is not her. burger um I think there's one that's common in current American society is that older women and larger women tend to be invisible or derided and harassed online.
00:12:31
Speaker
I do see it often. I do follow a lot of like Instagram models and such. A lot of them are older or larger and I think they're beautiful, but they still get harassed a lot online.
00:12:44
Speaker
Oh yeah, well I sure do. And people say I ask for it because I comment on political matters on political pages. How is that asking for it? Yes, yes, I exist as a woman with opinions. I'm so asking for it.
00:12:58
Speaker
Right. Yeah, and it's, I mean, I know part of that is that there's a certain stripe of man for whom attractive women are meant to bolster their reputations among other men, you know?
00:13:15
Speaker
And so that's really what it's about more so. Because, I mean, I can tell you from my own experience, I've been fat my whole life. And I've had lots and lots of boyfriends.
00:13:26
Speaker
And because I'm autistic and I didn't know for a long time, I didn't pick up on things like, oh, he's taking me to a restaurant way, way out of town. He must really like this restaurant.
00:13:38
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Not occurring to me that he didn't want to be seen with me in any of the places that we would normally go. You know, when we're just friends. If we're going out romantically, then suddenly it's this, like, secret thing.
00:13:50
Speaker
i mean, I was engaged to a guy who dropped my hand at the mall because we ran into some girl that he went to high school with and wanted to date. He just straight up dropped my hand like he wasn't even with me.
00:14:03
Speaker
am I allowed to curse on this show? Because I'm about to in response to that.
00:14:10
Speaker
Yeah, I'll get you map after the episode. Okay. No, he, and he has a child now too, which is also just awful. and Well, the bitch of it is after he and I broke up, he started dating a girl that like was basically my same size and attractiveness level.
00:14:28
Speaker
So it it was, it was never about that. It was about what other people thought of him about that. that That's an interesting perspective. I hadn't thought about that, about the, the reputation thing.
00:14:41
Speaker
Um, my reasons as to why older women or larger women tend to be invisible are like patriarchy and societal beauty standards and i think a big one is can't get pregnant can't have children so who are you providing for other than your wife who you should be you know helping provide for anyway Right. Well, that all ties together. Absolutely. Because, I mean, that's what patriarchy is.
00:15:05
Speaker
Patriarchy is like a beer commercial. Every man, even the dumbest, homeless homeliest, laziest man, deserves a super hot win woman. And if he doesn't have one, then he's like, you know, if if she's flawed in any way, then he's settling and she should be grateful.
00:15:22
Speaker
You know, and we see that reinforced on TV over and over and over again. Peter Griffin, Homer Simpson, you know, every TV dad has some like wonderful suffering wife.
00:15:34
Speaker
mean, we grew up watching All in the Family. And that is the quintessential dad has a ah job, he comes home, and that's all. And the wife is going to do literally everything else.
00:15:46
Speaker
Right. You know, it's especially telling on Elle and the Family because she literally kills herself for him doing work when she has phlebitis and isn't supposed to be on her feet.
00:15:56
Speaker
And she doesn't even say like, hey, I'm not allowed to do this thing that you want me to do. She just does it because that's who she is and was. But I feel like that show, based how Archie Bunker acted,
00:16:10
Speaker
is not supposed to be like a role model. You're not supposed to look to this guy and this relationship. I think that point got lost somewhere. Well, even as Archie like grew and came
Personal Stories and Mental Health
00:16:23
Speaker
to understand things, you know, like when the the trans character, the drag I guess she was a drag queen, Beverly LaSalle, when her character was killed on the show in a hate crime,
00:16:35
Speaker
I mean, Edith took it terribly. Like, she stopped going to church and stopped believing in God for a while. But even Archie was like, yeah, that that's not okay. That's not cool. You know, whereas he had up to that point, like,
00:16:49
Speaker
use Beverly in a practical joke to like trick his friend and just you know all these ridiculous bigoted things but then when it came down to it it's like when Archie was asked to join the clan because they thought he was on their side because he said a lot of fucked up things but then he was like well no that's that's no that's not who I am I'm not professionally hateful like you guys right right I feel like a lot of that show needs to be on a cable channel somewhere on loop for people to watch and learn from.
00:17:25
Speaker
Well, yeah, that should be like, I always wished when judges were given out like crazy sentences for people that that's one of the things that they did was just subject people to specific media.
00:17:37
Speaker
Like, oh, go ahead and sit down and watch both versions of Roots and then we'll discuss racist views in America again. you Stuff like that. Some of the really prominent, like, you obviously need perspective you don't have. Let's use art to get that to you.
00:17:54
Speaker
Right, let's do that. buts Let's build like a hate crime prison and put progressive shows on loop in the prison and nothing else. And maybe it'll happen to change. Get creative with it, judges. That's all I'm saying.
00:18:06
Speaker
Well, yeah, I mean, the thing is that like we want to say, oh, well, watching TV doesn't impact people. But anybody whose parents started watching Fox News, you know, their their family can tell you that, yes, it absolutely does influence people.
00:18:22
Speaker
Disney knows that. I mean, how many people think Pocahontas and John Smith got married at the end of their story because that's what Disney said? I mean... It's a little ridiculous how much influence TV could have.
00:18:35
Speaker
Yes. Very much so. Which is why it's really important that it it be sending good messages over and above like what the profit is. But alas, it's a business. So that's not how it works.
00:18:50
Speaker
I'm trying to get to watch a lot of Archie Bunker when I was growing up, but I did watch a lot of the Golden Girls and I still watch a lot of the Golden Girls. And as much as I love the show, and it has its problematic parts, of course, everything from the 80s does.
00:19:06
Speaker
But it's also kind of sad that we're still dealing with a lot of the same issues that they were dealing with 40 years ago. The same side issues still pop up like We learn nothing? Like, what?
00:19:21
Speaker
Why are we still dealing with this issue? And that team that did Golden Girls is mostly the same production and writing team that did the show Soap. Which I love that show, too.
00:19:33
Speaker
Well, and that's the first gay character ever on primetime. And it was problematic the way that it was handled because the show didn't seem to know the difference between a gay person and a trans person.
00:19:47
Speaker
So they talked about Billy Crystal's character, like, true you know, shaving his legs as a child and stuff that's like, eh, that's not ah universal. Maybe let's not pretend it is. But but they also, i mean, they really tried to tackle issues.
00:20:06
Speaker
in a way that like outside of Rod Serling and Star Trek wasn't really happening with a lot of frequency like in the 60s and 70s. Agreed. So I appreciate them trying even if they didn't do that well with it. At least they tried.
00:20:21
Speaker
Well, and it seems like now there's even more, the resistance to that kind of programming is even louder because of the internet, which is why you have people online thinking they're justified and being pissed off that Superman is woke.
00:20:34
Speaker
Like, how do you live in the world and think comic books are not political or shouldn't be political? And largely progressive. Yes.
00:20:45
Speaker
I wish Stan Lee was alive so he could say that to more people's face. like speaking of Stanley when people complained in the 60s that there weren't enough white people in the Black Panther comics.
00:20:59
Speaker
And Lee and Jack Kirby next issue had him beating up the Klan. it was like, there you go. There's a bunch of white people. Yep, there they are. That is brilliant. And we need more of that.
00:21:12
Speaker
Yes. And that's another thing that is very frustrating as as fascism rises in America is how many people sort of like concede in advance.
00:21:25
Speaker
Like Disney has been so disappointing in a lot of their decision making over the last couple of years. You know, because there were supposed to be an Okoye show and they decided not to do it.
00:21:37
Speaker
And there was supposed to be Princess Tiana show. Which they also were like... And that show was supposed to have a black female director. And I'm not familiar with the woman that they hired.
00:21:49
Speaker
But that alone is like, really? really And then the Lilo and Stitch. that was that That second movie, I guess, was supposed to be a whole show. It was supposed to be a series. you know So they had a first season planned with an option for a second.
00:22:05
Speaker
And then they were like, eh, no... And then the thing they did with Inside Out, which was that, or not Inside Out, what's the name of the show? it was a ah new show they did with girls ah playing softball.
00:22:18
Speaker
And one of the girls was trans. And they hired a trans actress to play the character and then decided against making them trans.
00:22:28
Speaker
I had not heard about that. But there's not a trans storyline. Not only did they take out the trans storyline, I covered this for Culturist. That's like the only reason that I know about it, because I'm not a big Disney person, really.
00:22:40
Speaker
But instead of having the trans storyline, there they put in a scene where a girl is seen praying to Heavenly Father.
00:22:52
Speaker
Which, I don't know, man. That's, I mean, there's so many things wrong with that. It's hard to know where to start. Probably with... With Disney, like, I feel like they did, in some ways, concede in advance. But they also put out The Acolyte and Ironheart, which I don't know if you've watched either of those shows yet.
00:23:15
Speaker
We just finished Ironheart. Okay. Ironheart has one... did watch The Acolyte as well. Ironheart has one white dude in the main cast. That's it. So I respected him for that. Shea Coulee was on it.
00:23:28
Speaker
As a main character. And i was like, okay, I respect that as well. And Shea Coulee was awesome. that That whole season, like it I guess we're not getting another season. Which is a shame.
00:23:40
Speaker
Because there's so much going on with that that character. And liked... the i like I mean, i like when Disney does something and I sit down as a middle-aged white lady and say, okay, this isn't for this this was definitely not directed to me. This is directed to a different demographic.
00:23:59
Speaker
I am learning so much. Like watching Ms. Marvel, I learned so much about Muslim culture and that's not what I had showed up for. i showed up to see a teenage hero and I got to learn all this other stuff.
00:24:12
Speaker
So I love that, but we know in the world that there are people that are offended by the idea that they should learn something. Or that their culture isn't the only culture in the world and people do live by other cultures.
00:24:26
Speaker
Right, right. And you'll hear things like, oh, well, why doesn't anyone ever talk about white culture? Like, because we don't call it white culture. We call it culture. And then every other culture that isn't white culture gets a label on it. That's how otherizing works. That's the whole concept of it.
00:24:44
Speaker
That is exactly it. And people don't seem to understand that. I don't know why. Yeah, they don't want to.
00:24:55
Speaker
i like I mean, it's just like the Epstein list. People know. They're just pretending they don't know. they have plausible deniability, they think, and that's enough.
00:25:06
Speaker
That's a depressing turn. It really did. And the thing is that you actually live with depression and anxiety. yeah And and it's it's even possible that you, like me, are looking at a late-life diagnosis of autism and maybe ADHD. so So what's going on with that? When were you first diagnosed?
00:25:27
Speaker
um I was first diagnosed with depression, I want to say 1998.
00:25:33
Speaker
And it okay scared me a lot. Because at that time, the only person i openly knew was dealing with mental health issues was a friend of mine.
00:25:47
Speaker
And I remember having to sit with him when he switched medications, because you know, you have to wait for one to wear off before you start the next one.
00:25:58
Speaker
Yes. And in that like three day period, he turned very, very suicidal. And I sat with him. took all the sharp objects out of the house and decided to keep them going until they could start the new medication.
00:26:13
Speaker
But when I was told, oh, you have depression, too, that scared the hell out of me. I didn't want to end up that way.
00:26:22
Speaker
Wow. First of all, you're a really good friend. Okay. Let me say that first, because I have had that friend for me as well. um because Yeah. I mean, switching medications is such a dangerous time or like anytime you have to start or stop.
00:26:38
Speaker
Because people don't realize that going on medication when you've been severely depressed is also a very dangerous time because if you're unmotivated and depressed, you don't do anything. But if you start to get your motivation back, it's a really dangerous time for potential suicide. Because you're feeling like doing something and the only thing you've been thinking about is ending it.
00:27:04
Speaker
So, yeah, that's, it's awesome that you were there for your friend, but it sucks that that experience made you more frightened of your own diagnosis.
00:27:15
Speaker
So, so what happened next? Um, I just didn't do anything about it. Um, as for that friend, i'm sorry, um, he survived.
00:27:30
Speaker
He, the new medication worked. He went on, i'm not going to say his name because I don't have his permission to say his name on the air. No, please don't. But he is now a yeah a doctorate in African-American history studies.
00:27:45
Speaker
And he teaches at a university in the South. And I'm really, really proud of him. Great guy. Great with how far he's come. Glad I was able to keep him going through those three days.
00:27:57
Speaker
And I likewise had a friend do the same for me after that depression diagnosis when I had written, you know, my goodbye notes.
00:28:09
Speaker
I'd picked the knife, I had started running water in the bathtub. And this friend showed up unannounced at my house.
00:28:19
Speaker
And got the feeling something was on it was like, what are you doing? I'm like, nothing can you leave? Like, why are you even here? But he wouldn't leave to the until he until he talked me out of it.
00:28:32
Speaker
Damn.
00:28:35
Speaker
That's not amazing. I still keep in touch with him. He's still around, still back in my home state. so But yeah, he is one of the people I credit with genuinely saving my life.
00:28:49
Speaker
Well, and you know, i think that that kind of thing gets downplayed a lot. That people don't think that they're literally saving someone's life when they reach out, when people are depressed or they're having grief or they're dealing with trauma.
00:29:05
Speaker
And I want to go on record as saying that it 100% can be and often is life-saving because suicide, i mean, there are a lot of different ways that a suicidal ideation can present.
00:29:20
Speaker
But a lot of times it comes down to a day or an afternoon or, you know, even less time than that, that there's just this little hump that you need to get over.
00:29:31
Speaker
right Things seem clear again. And having a support network just where people check in on each other on a regular basis is so important.
00:29:41
Speaker
Like, I have a short list of people that if I know they're in crisis, I will call them, like, every day or every day other day. Like, you don't have to talk to me. Just let me know you're okay.
00:29:54
Speaker
If you do need me, I'm right here. You know? Because it really... I mean, on the one hand, we don't want to tell people, oh, you could have saved their life. Why didn't you? Of course.
00:30:04
Speaker
But at the same time, if they're still around, reach out. Even if they tell you, oh, fuck your yourself, it's still better to reach out and hear that from an alive person than to not and have to experience the alternatives.
00:30:20
Speaker
Right. There's a lot of a lot of why didn't they reach out? Why didn't they reach out? Well, why didn't you reach in? Yep. Yep, very much so. Check on the people you're worried about. You just can't.
00:30:32
Speaker
When you're depressed, not only do you find yourself unable to reach out, but you are convinced that it doesn't matter whether you live or die and that everyone else would be better off without you, without having to deal with your sadness, with your depression.
00:30:47
Speaker
You know, you get to feeling that everybody hates you and it doesn't matter and they'll be annoyed if you call. And it just turns into this huge thing that... You just can't always see your way out of it yourself. And if you don't have that support structure, if you can't, I mean, you know how sometimes you're on Facebook in the middle of the night and you'll just hear that, you'll see that one sentence posed from somebody that's like, I can't take it.
00:31:13
Speaker
I can't stand it. I'm done. You know? Right. Yeah. And they're begging for someone to reach out to them. And it always makes me so happy when I reach out to someone like that and they're like, oh, my God, 25 people are emailing me right now. I can't talk. Like, good.
00:31:32
Speaker
That is awesome. You should be inundated with... Because when you're feeling shitty having 25 of your closest friends and somebody that always likes those pictures of your dinner just hitting you up and saying, I want you to be okay.
00:31:49
Speaker
The world is better with you in it. Because you can say that to most people who aren't named Trump and it'll be true. The world is better with you in it.
00:32:01
Speaker
I'd widen that net to Republican voters, but that's just me.
00:32:08
Speaker
Well, if you're still supporting them at this late date, then that means you're okay with a lot of things that decent people are just not okay with. And we don't have to go into that at length. Cause I think most people that listen to this show we're, we're all on the same page here.
00:32:26
Speaker
Fashion isn't bad, hurting other people on purpose, bad. Right. But I'm sure after this airs, I'll get one of those emails from somebody that's like, oh, it's not up to you to say who's allowed to be treated bad.
00:32:40
Speaker
No, no, it is. It is. Yeah. Decent people should be treated good. Not decent people should be treated worse until they're decent. That's, I mean, come on. Just just be nice. It's not that hard to do.
00:32:53
Speaker
Also, hang on. There's a lawn care crew, I guess, walking around the neighborhood, i'm going to move inside. oh It won't take long. I just keep talking while I'm doing this. I just to pick up my laptop and move.
00:33:07
Speaker
Okay. I thought I heard like music or something. hope that's a weed whacker. Oh, weed whacker. How funny. People have to take care of yards.
00:33:19
Speaker
One of the best things about apartment dwelling and there are not many, but but no yard work.
00:33:26
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think I could do that. I don't think I could live in an apartment. appris yeah It ain't great. And i'm I'm sad that i can't i can't have a cat. I can't have a garden.
00:33:36
Speaker
I can't have a dog. Like, I would love to have all of those things. Maybe it'd be hard to have a dog and a garden. It's probably more expensive to have to keep those things separate. But, you know, I'd risk it.
00:33:51
Speaker
A garden is nice to have. Okay, so I am indoors now. Okay, cool. Now, we did bring up politics, and I do want to kind of talk about one thing in particular, which is that before this most recent rise of fascism, we kind of were at a pendulum swing where, like...
00:34:11
Speaker
Gay
Social Issues and Theology
00:34:12
Speaker
people were starting to be treated like full citizens and, and you know, trans people had like rights and and some legal protections. You know, women could do a lot of the things that men could do.
00:34:26
Speaker
We started putting our foot down about certain kinds of harassment and men started having to listen. And then, oh my gosh, the next thing you know, fascism is here. Like, a certain stripe of person who has always benefited from the white supremacist patriarchy lost their goddamn minds at the fact that women didn't need men anymore to function in the world, and that they had to compete with everyone and not just other rich white people.
00:34:56
Speaker
um I bet you have a take on that. Yeah, evil overly loud... social minority of people who just started speaking up and started, I don't want to say bullying, but started having an outsized influence on the overall social landscape was insane.
00:35:24
Speaker
ah don't know where they all came from. i wish they'd go back.
00:35:30
Speaker
Hell is empty and all the devils are here.
00:35:34
Speaker
um I mean, fundamentalist Christianity, i don't know if it's always been like this. Has it always been like really white supremacist-y and super male-dominated?
00:35:48
Speaker
mean, that's kind of the point, right? Because the book is about how women screwed us by talking us into eating an apple of being smart or something. And, i mean, Christianity is very much set up as a men good, women bad, just shut up and do what we say kind of book.
00:36:07
Speaker
But it's also open to a lot of different kinds of interpretations. And I really, I guess I don't know enough about the history in general to know if... like the more Christian you are, the worse you are about you know women and brown people. but what and what What gets me about that, about the interpretation of the Bible for the purposes of white supremacy, that white people aren't even in the Bible.
00:36:38
Speaker
We sure aren't. The closest you get is Italians, who for a long time were not accepted as being white. Yep. So howard how is this book supposed to say white people are supposed to be on top when they're not even in it?
00:36:54
Speaker
I don't understand that mentality. I mean, that's why Mormonism is a thing, right? So that they could invent a white guy that God talked to.
00:37:04
Speaker
But it's a church that even christians that Christians don't seem to like very much. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and that's, I mean, the infighting between the different sects of Christianity is kind of one of the most amusing things about it, because it seems like if there was a God and like what is in the book is is real and true, that God would send all of those people to their rooms to think about what they've done until they can come out and like stop fighting.
00:37:33
Speaker
Right. It seems like fighting over the Bible would be the last freaking thing that, I mean, certainly the the Jesus of the Bible that we know, he would not be down with people killing each other over that. Of course, always praying private was also, you know, though they they were always against performative prayer, according to the Bible.
00:37:56
Speaker
Very much. And so it's just mind-blowing for people who do, oh, let's say, mega churches and the performative nature of that. Versus, you know, keep it to yourself.
00:38:08
Speaker
Yep. Is what the Bible says. Like, what how does it make it make sense? Because it really doesn't. Well, in those giant houses the televangelist has, like, no, dude, those should be homeless shelters, according to your book.
00:38:22
Speaker
Right. We could sell Joel Osteen's mansion right now and provide food and housing for how many people? Yeah, a lot. So, and it it just seems like if there was a God and he was punishing people for things, that's the kind of thing that he would do it and not like, I don't know, gay marriage or you know, books about penguin dads or whatever. Like the the people, it you ah it just always seems like the worst people are the ones that scream about how God is on their side.
00:39:00
Speaker
Right. And that is, is I think, a form of insecurity. Like they know on some level, some deep subconscious psychological level that this isn't right.
00:39:15
Speaker
So they tell themselves, well, God is on my side because nobody else is. And then they find some people of similar minds and like, okay, well, God and these people are on my side, so I must be right.
00:39:27
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, that's interesting because i always used to think of it in terms of like, okay, I've accepted Jesus into my heart, so now I'm done being good for the day.
00:39:38
Speaker
And I think the reason I came to that conclusion is because when I was a McDonald's breakfast manager, the after church Sunday crowd was the worst, worst people of the week to deal with.
00:39:51
Speaker
Right. mean it could be saturday and nothing but girl scout troops fresh from the zoo and they would all be better and kinder and more wellbehad than adult leaving church who felt like they'd just been blessed and now are screaming at some sixteen year old cashier over the shade of their pancake right So, yeah, I think.
00:40:16
Speaker
um Oh, please go ahead. You just reminded me of a joke from my college days. And I went to a Baptist university, Southern Baptist university. Okay. Don't worry. It didn't take, um but there was a joke going around and the joke was, how do you tell the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist?
00:40:38
Speaker
Okay. How a Methodist will say hello to you in the liquor store.
00:40:48
Speaker
me I get it.
00:40:53
Speaker
But a Baptist will look away at the porn store. Exactly. Right. ah there have so many funny stories about that place. What was the note? Oh, our student council president got fired when he got caught writing checks to a liquor store.
00:41:11
Speaker
yeah. Because we were in a dry county. You had to go to the next county to get liquor.
00:41:18
Speaker
That's so weird. So they don't do communion in church? Baptists, no. That's a Catholic thing. Well, Baptists can do it, yeah. But we didn't do it on campus.
00:41:30
Speaker
Okay. Well, I mean, it's not just Catholics. Because, ah you know, Lutheran... Well, I guess Lutheran is like Catholic-like. It's like... I think Lutherans to tet to Catholics is kind of like the difference between a sugar daddy and a Splenda daddy. It's like, okay, we're just going to tone down the opulence and then do the same basic shit.
00:41:51
Speaker
I know missionary Baptists will do it because my home church was a, my family church was missionary Baptist and we did like a communion thing. Do you know like why there's a prohibition against alcohol in the church?
00:42:04
Speaker
Cause I mean, it's well known that Jesus drank wine. I am not entirely sure. I've never really looked into it. There's prohibition on so much that I just didn't bother.
00:42:16
Speaker
Like, why the rules the rules against dancing? I don't really understand that. Well, they the nuns told us that Jesus didn't want us to smoke pot. And they one of them told us that it was in the Bible.
00:42:29
Speaker
And that is what occasioned me the first time that I read the entire Bible, because I wanted to find it, because I had seen, i think, Footloose and was like, oh, you could use the Bible as a weapon.
00:42:43
Speaker
thinking that it would be so like smart and funny if i use the bible as a weapon not realizing that like most churches had been using it that way for centuries and the thing is like i want i should probably say my husband is a christian his whole well not his whole family but much of his family are practicing christians and i have a guy that i call my spiritual advisor he's a dude i went to undergrad with who is a uh episcopalian minister now And if I need to speak about a religious matter and like square it up in my head, I know that if I call this guy, he will help me talk through it, you know, from a from a Christian perspective, because even though I myself am not a Christian, I give money to Satanic Temple. That's that's the church that I feel best about supporting because they do so much good political work.
00:43:35
Speaker
Well, socio-political work. Right. um But I still have, like, theological and philosophical questions. And when I discuss those, I always want to discuss them with someone that has a very different perspective from my perspective.
00:43:53
Speaker
Because, you know, that's the only way to learn anything. It's the only way I'll learn.
00:44:02
Speaker
assume you've learned a lot that way. Yeah. ah So you're you're a writer as well and you write erotica and you have some stories dropping soon. So I want to know all about that.
00:44:16
Speaker
ah Yeah. i have it's kind of complicated in terminology. I have a series coming out that is titled Jason and the Church Ladies.
00:44:31
Speaker
Right. and And it starts with Our protagonist, who 25-year-old half-black, half-white guy living with one of his mother's friends, and he ends up in a and a sexual relationship with his mom's friend and two of her friends.
00:44:55
Speaker
Oh, my. Who are all white, by the way, and all Christians. Okay.
00:45:02
Speaker
So it is just navigating. And they're all older. They're all like late 40s, early 50s. I don't get their exact ages ever. Because it's not polite to ask a lady for her age.
00:45:13
Speaker
No, it is not. So I don't ever nail it down, but roughly twice his age. So what it is like an age gap, interracial, erotic dramedy.
00:45:27
Speaker
There's a lot of drama, but it is is also kind of funny. So now i need to I need to ask you then, you're hitting you're hitting some pretty specific beats there that are often fetishized.
00:45:37
Speaker
So is that being done like in a satirical way? um No, not really. I do acknowledge the fetishization,
00:45:50
Speaker
but it's not where they're coming from. Like they're all coming from places of genuine affection, but they also like Real sex with real people, they also bring all their own issues to the table and they leave with their own resolutions and their own answers or no resolutions.
00:46:08
Speaker
Like they don't find what they're looking for. Okay. So this isn't like straight porn. these are nice These people are going to have development and character arcs and things that are going to keep us emotionally invested as well.
00:46:20
Speaker
Yes. Awesome. Yeah, there's a plot. There's a plot. um There's no gratuitous sex. all Every time there is sex in the story, and there's a lot, but it always has a point. It's always showing us something about a character, showing how they relate to each other, helping them deal with some issue mentally.
00:46:41
Speaker
it It always has a point to it. So okay I can't call it pornography, because porn is just, you know, people fucking. Erotica should actually have a point to it. Okay.
00:46:53
Speaker
All right. And these distinctions are not only are they important, but they're kind of out of my wheelhouse because in horror, we break things up in very different ways. That's fair.
00:47:05
Speaker
I wonder. um So this is this is in the Bible Belt. Is that what I'm hearing? this that where this takes place? I have thus far avoided giving it a specific location.
00:47:21
Speaker
but really thinking more Eastern Washington. Okay. Well, I ask because i well, you know, I'm a sex writer and one of the things that I was doing towards the end is, is stats.
00:47:33
Speaker
So I have a lot of like, you know, Google information about who searches for what, and I'll tell you that perversion in the Bible belt. And I don't even mean like, I don't mean perversion negatively, but I mean, the things that you hear are perverted from people in the Bible belt are the most popular searches in the Bible belt.
00:47:55
Speaker
Yes, things I this from experience. those folks be freaks. And the thing is that i what I wonder is if it's a matter of people were were taught young that certain things were like bad or dirty or whatever, or that God didn't want them to do it, and that's why they became so fascinating to them, or if it's a matter of the fact that it's forbidden makes it more erotic because they know they're not supposed to be doing it.
00:48:28
Speaker
Yeah, the taboo nature, i think really just increases the desire for it.
00:48:35
Speaker
Most people don't like being told no, or no, you can't do this, you can't have access to this. So of course, when they get on their own, they, they reach for it, they try to see if they like it. And that taboo nature, i think adds to the pleasure of it for them.
00:48:57
Speaker
Like when I went to college, as I said, I went to a Baptist university, Southern Baptist university. h But a lot of these kids were away from their homes for the first time, like out of their parents' reach for the first time.
00:49:13
Speaker
h And they went off. So much alcohol, so many drugs, wild freaky parties. It was just like, wow.
00:49:25
Speaker
Did y'all not know what the world was like before you left home? They did not because they lived in very sheltered homes. No, i I hear that. I went to a religious college as well.
00:49:36
Speaker
It was a congregational church, so a little more progressive. But still, lot of churchy types, people who had didn't have TVs at their house or they were only allowed to watch PBS, you know had no concept of like network TV. you You'd bring up Happy Days and they'd have no idea what you meant.
00:49:58
Speaker
And yeah, so there was a lot of like, and I'm not saying like teach kids how to drink when they're young, but no concept of the fact of like, what four alcoholic drinks would do to you if you had them in an hour, you know, right like,
00:50:14
Speaker
No idea that, like, no idea why you shouldn't let a person that you've never seen before walk you back to your room. You know? Things that, like, you shouldn't have to be aware of that. Like, it's a shame that you have to tell...
00:50:29
Speaker
For example, young women that a strange man who offers to help you may in fact not be trying to help you. You know, it's it's a drag, but it that makes it all so much more dangerous. And that's, I think you and I are in agreement on that, that like providing information to people about...
00:50:49
Speaker
You know, not just about sex and birds and bees stuff, but things like consent, like what it means, you know, and when you can give it and how to tell if someone is like too young or too drunk to give consent.
00:51:04
Speaker
Yes, for boys and for girls and for everybody, that should be part of at least the teenage experience, learning about these things before you go out into the world, before you leave the desk. You should definitely know about these things.
00:51:18
Speaker
And when people prevent sex ed being taught in public schools, that's part of what isn't being taught are things like consent. And, you know, and again, you're so right when you say it.
00:51:32
Speaker
Girls and boys need to learn that because girls are told that smiling is consent, that wearing something or trying to look pretty is consent, that you're like asking for this or that.
00:51:45
Speaker
So it needs to be really clear. to to everyone that, you know, because because remember when they first started suggesting that if you're making out with someone for the first time that you get permission for every stage, you know, you ask someone if it's okay to kiss them, you ask them, you know, about touching in specific places or removal of clothing or reaching into clothing, like anything like that.
00:52:14
Speaker
And even people, and this is kind of gross now when you think about it, but like Bill Cosby had a whole routine about how unromantic that was. And the thing is, first of all, I think it's super hot to be like, do you like that? Do you want me to do this? Do you want me to do that?
00:52:31
Speaker
Like, I think it's way hot. And if you can't think of a way to make it hot, you're probably bad at foreplay and sex. I mean, let's let's let's be honest about that. yeah There are ways to make that entertaining and amusing and arousing. There's there's ways. You just got to work at it.
00:52:47
Speaker
Yep. Well, that's true of most relationship things. it's all it's It's usually workaroundable, but everybody has to try. And that's so much of the problem that we get into, not just with sex things, but with just general like acceptance and equality and equity things. Just like...
00:53:05
Speaker
Listen to people when they tell you about their experience and try not to be a dick. You know, learn something new once in a while, because even though you're an adult, there's still plenty of things you don't know.
00:53:20
Speaker
And people... You know, people don't like to be caught out because there's a ah certain psychological thing, and and I don't know like all the terms for it offhand, but where people, you know, ah especially people that have been like heavily criticized as children, that anytime you are wrong about anything, it feels like you did something bad and you're about to get a punishment.
00:53:45
Speaker
And so people will do anything to avoid that feeling. And I get that, because I grew up in a house full of violence, but because I'm an adult and I wanted to be better, you know, i'd like, work through it.
00:53:57
Speaker
So I developed tools. and And, you know, not always 100% with it, but that's the whole point, is to do the best you can all the time. And if you hurt people, you know, do something about it. Don't, like, blame the people for being hurt.
00:54:15
Speaker
Right, but I think that... I think everyone could stand to be better. There's all, we're all flawed. We all have things we should work on. But I also can understand how some people hear that, that be better or you can do better and take it as an insult as if they're not already the best them that they can be, or they're not already doing their best. And it's not really meant as an implication that you're not perfect and you're not perfect anyway.
00:54:39
Speaker
Nobody is. Yeah. Well, my husband is, but – Okay. I have not met your husband, so I don't know who might be. Again, haven't met him.
00:54:50
Speaker
But I think people take it as an insult or an offense when they really should take it as a chance to learn. Yep, yep. There's nothing wrong with learning.
00:55:01
Speaker
No matter what age you are, age does not automatically confer wisdom.
00:55:07
Speaker
True. Well, and I mean, if that, I think honestly, that's like one of the best things about being alive is getting to know new stuff. As long as I'm here, I want to know more than I knew yesterday.
00:55:20
Speaker
Right. Because that's why people like read and watch nature shows and talk to new people. So getting back to your work, like we'll have a link tree in the description, but if someone is unfamiliar with you and your work, where do they start?
00:55:40
Speaker
I would say the best starting place for familiarization with me and my work is my first published novel, which is called The Burial. um hi It's about a young man whose estranged father passes away and no one wants to deal with him, so it falls to him to come back to his Mississippi home and hometown and make the funeral arrangements and all that and deal with the, the damage his father has done to their whole family or at least try to deal with it.
00:56:25
Speaker
And is that, does that reflect something in your life? Reflects a lot, actually. um A lot of it is based on things that actually happened in my life.
00:56:36
Speaker
I didn't, When my father died, I didn't have to take care of funeral arrangements. But we were restrained. had not talked in years. It had never been close before. so okay yeah There's a lot of issues, me working out issues in that book.
00:56:55
Speaker
Okay, well that's pretty common for first novels. I know my first novel is like a hardcore Mary Sue. Like just super, ah almost embarrassingly so at this date.
00:57:07
Speaker
um But, um so that's that's your first novel. When was that originally published? twenty fifteen 2015. Okay. All right.
00:57:19
Speaker
And then, so so your erotica would be separate from your noveling then? Yes. um The erotica, which is the erotica I have publishing I'm coming out with this year was like my first erotica.
00:57:35
Speaker
This is a series of short stories publishing at one a month for nine months. Then the end of that, I'm calling them seasons.
00:57:49
Speaker
And then the end of that, I'll do like a collection of all the seasons in one book. But in addition to these nine episodes, publishing again once a month, for my Patreon people, there will be interleads that you don't have to read to get the main story. They just show, they provide a bigger picture of things happening in the background or off camera. Oh, nice.
00:58:15
Speaker
Nice. Yeah, so you have to join my Patreon for those. And there'll be three those. guess they do. Okay. So each season ends up being a total of 12 stories.
00:58:29
Speaker
Okay. All right. And so are you writing those like as you go? or do you Because like when I write, i have to always go back and like put things in because I think of things later. But when you write and publish in a serial format, you don't get to do that.
00:58:46
Speaker
No, you don't. You really have to have it all planned out in advance. And I do have most of it planned in advance. There's some small details here and there i want to go fill in. I have an outline of the whole series from beginning to end.
00:59:02
Speaker
It's 75 pages long. Your outline is 75 pages long? Yes. A lot happens. Damn! Okay. ah
00:59:16
Speaker
The first 12 episodes are already written. They just have to be edited. Because I didn't want to start publishing until I had enough that I had enough time to write all the stories afterwards.
00:59:28
Speaker
Sure. And now I've gotten it down to, it takes me about three weeks to a month to write a story. think it's good enough time for me to proceed. Okay.
00:59:39
Speaker
Like I said, already have most of it planned out. Maybe some details that change in like second or third season.
00:59:47
Speaker
But yeah, it's planned out. It's ready to go. It touches on a lot of social issues. Like I said, the age gap thing, the invisibility of older women, the invisibility of plus-size women, fetishization of black men. There's an my episode where Jason deals with that from someone else.
01:00:06
Speaker
Abuse. One of the women is in a isn't an abusive marriage, so there is lightly touching on that. Not getting any too deep into it, but lightly touching on that.
01:00:19
Speaker
Perhaps she gets out of that situation.
01:00:24
Speaker
one of the women is a widow and he's still dealing with things that are coming out about her husband now that he's gone.
01:00:36
Speaker
like Wow. So there's a ton going on there. Yeah. what What I'm curious about is that, like, you were saying earlier that it's possible that you will we have a an ADHD diagnosis or possibly autism.
01:00:51
Speaker
And what I'm wondering is if that is related to going from long-form noveling to writing in a format where everything is broken up into into much smaller pieces.
01:01:06
Speaker
Like if that's a way of of compensating for the symptoms of ADHD. Because I'll tell you, i used to write novels and now that I know that I'm having, like that I know that I have ADHD and that I'm i'm autistic,
01:01:23
Speaker
it it it makes so much more sense to me that now I'm writing mostly novellas and short stories. So is that kind of what you're going through or no? I hadn't thought of that, honestly. ah When I start writing a story, when I have an idea and I actually sit down and start writing the story, I'm not thinking about length. I'm not thinking about publication. I'm just thinking about telling the whole story.
01:01:46
Speaker
Okay. And I do have other books I want to work on once I get further along with this. That may end up being novels or novellas. I don't know. I just want to tell the story.
01:01:59
Speaker
Including a possible horror novel. Ooh.
01:02:05
Speaker
We'll have to come back when that... and And we know it won't be derivative because you hardly ever watch horror movies. So that's that's exciting. That's something to look forward to.
01:02:15
Speaker
Um, now I am aware that you work with nonprofits that help victims of family violence and intimate partner violence. And I want to hear more about that.
Nonprofit Work and Challenges
01:02:26
Speaker
Okay.
01:02:26
Speaker
I can tell you more again, I'm leaving out the names of the agencies that don't have their approval for this. Um, I started working with an online nonprofit back in 2013, I want to say mostly doing their social media stuff.
01:02:45
Speaker
And did you have specific training for that kind of work? I did receive some training for it. social media per se, but okay. One of the women on the staff was, or is, well, was, I haven't talked to her in years, but she was actually an advocate at a shelter in Florida. And so she sent me the training material so I'd be familiar know what to deal with with it.
01:03:07
Speaker
And that stuff was very helpful. um I was there for a few years until...
01:03:16
Speaker
How to put it. Until the owner got red-pilled. and then Oh, no. Then I took my leave. What a shame. Really was. She was a really nice person up until that. But once 2016 hit and the nationalistic fascist wave started going, she jumped on it. And it was time for me to go.
01:03:41
Speaker
Damn.
01:03:45
Speaker
After that, I went back to work in security, and I ended up working – man, have to leave so many names now.
01:03:52
Speaker
I was working at a warehouse that provided a lot of goods, but also sometimes had to get rid of a lot of stuff. And one of the managers has said, hey, do you know of any charities that could use some of this stuff we need to get rid of?
01:04:06
Speaker
was like, well, let me look around. So I called a local DV shelter and asked them. They said, oh, sure, we'll be glad to take it. So they came did that. And then that ended up being a recurring program. Like every couple of weeks they would come pick up donations and stuff from the warehouse.
01:04:23
Speaker
Awesome. and then Well, a lot of times in shelters, they're like helping residents get back on their feet. So sometimes when you leave a shelter, it's like you get to leave, and also you get a couch.
01:04:36
Speaker
you know they They give people things just to kind of start out in their new home. Because it's it's depressing. it's It can be like really demoralizing when you have literally nothing, even if you have yeah space suddenly.
01:04:50
Speaker
ah very much is. it but so It's an emptiness. You feel an emptiness. and we shouldn't be so part of in material possessions, but it does matter when you don't have anything.
01:05:01
Speaker
But that led to me leaving the warehouse to work for this shelter. Oh, wow. They liked what I was doing. They liked that I cared.
01:05:13
Speaker
They liked my organization, I guess, and setting up that whole deal. So when I left security, I went to work for that shelter. And that was very rewarding, but also very traumatizing.
01:05:28
Speaker
Yep.
01:05:31
Speaker
Yep. I was a volunteer at both a homeless shelter and for a while at a domestic violence shelter. And i also stayed at a DV shelter as a client for a short time in my twenties, long before I met my husband.
01:05:43
Speaker
And the, it's one of those places where it's very, Like empathy has such a cost because you really want to I mean, it's impossible not to feel for these people's stories because, you know, people say a lot of nasty things that are presumed about homeless people and, and people that, you know, are in abusive relationships.
01:06:10
Speaker
Why did you choose that? Why did you stay? Why did you, you know, this and this and that. And, know, talking to these people for a very short amount of time makes it clear that it's not, you don't always get a good choice.
01:06:25
Speaker
Sometimes you're just choosing the most survivable of your bad choices. And that's, those are the only options you have. I think that's not understood enough in society.
01:06:38
Speaker
Totally. And and to to be reminded of that and have that demonstrated to you again and again and again. And then you go home and Fox News is telling people about, you know, single moms buying lobster with their WIC money and whatever bullshit they're spewing.
01:06:55
Speaker
that it it doesn't take very much time with a person that is truly disadvantaged to see that they didn't do anything to get where they were. That there's system failures over and over and over.
01:07:11
Speaker
as As we can both attest, since we're both adults that have mental health issues that were never addressed. And we just lived our whole lives. And, you know, without treatment, without accommodations, without you know, meaningful support in a lot of ways.
01:07:28
Speaker
And then, you know, when the homelessness becomes imminent, people are like, well, guess you should have made better choices, huh? Tough luck. Why should we pay for you? this and that.
01:07:40
Speaker
And so part of being in the shelter system and and helping people out, I mean, it it is so rewarding because you know you're making a ah good difference in people's lives.
01:07:52
Speaker
But there's so much like anger and frustration that you take with you at the end of the day. There really is
01:08:03
Speaker
is. How did you cope with that? I just got up and kept going. like I didn't know what else to do. the One of the most traumatizing parts of it to me was we had a crisis line, and I was on the crisis line most of the time I was at work when I wasn't dealing with clients.
01:08:21
Speaker
Oh, wow. And it's so horrible. And again, traumatizing is the only word I have for it. When you have to tell people you can't help them.
01:08:34
Speaker
You don't have the resources. You don't have the food. You don't have the shelter space, especially shelter space. We only had, think, 12 rooms in the shelter.
01:08:45
Speaker
And there was a waiting list month long for people to get in. is And all the other shelters, because we don't have enough shelter space in this country.
01:08:58
Speaker
We've never had enough shelter to space in this country. Yeah. I see more posts complaining about lack of animal shelter space than I do DV shelter space. I'm like, I believe in, you know, saving the animals. I believe in taking care of animals as well. But can we also look at this too?
01:09:17
Speaker
Can we look like more low income housing? Because that would help a lot. but Yeah, just making things affordable would keep a lot of people from having to be trapped with abusers.
01:09:28
Speaker
Right. You know, disabled people in particular, because you're not even allowed to save money to escape. If you're on disability, the amount of money that you're allowed to have in your possession is not enough to escape an abusive relationship.
01:09:44
Speaker
Because you would need at least first and last on your own apartment for that. right And you you would not be legally allowed to save it. They would cut you off. So like there are a lot of ways. That holds the meeting overhaul. up Tell me about it, man. my know You know why I can't get on disability? I mean, I'm very clearly disabled.
01:10:05
Speaker
And I can't get on disability because I am married. that' That's it. Like if I explained our finances, you would not think that we were opulent living at all.
01:10:16
Speaker
But that was the question I had. actually I was going to ask, is that true that when you get married, you lose disability? Well, wasn't on it before. Okay. But yes, that is true.
01:10:27
Speaker
that If you're married and your spouse works, like if your spouse is also on disability, then you can get it. But if they have an income, it is just presumed that they will support you with it and that they can support you with it.
01:10:41
Speaker
Okay, but you're not less disabled just because you're married. like No, I'm sure not. In fact, I'm more disabled now than I was when I got married. Because I was in my thirty s then, and I am in my 50s now.
01:10:53
Speaker
so Like it really needs to be on a scale. Like if your spouse makes a certain amount of income enough to support two people on their own, okay, maybe then we start dialing back the disability benefits. But if they don't, if they're not above a certain level, then should be able to keep those full benefits.
01:11:12
Speaker
Like why do you want to a look at this? I've met people, and I'm sure you have too, who were told that they couldn't get help because they had too many possessions.
01:11:23
Speaker
For example, they're living in their car. They needed to sell the car so that they had a small enough amount of assets that they could get help. And it's just it's just not reasonable that people have to put their themselves into straits that dire.
01:11:41
Speaker
Right. Just to get assistance. Because, again, we're the richest country in the world. And now the people in charge are making it pretty obvious why the government doesn't want to help citizens. Because they want the rich guys to hoard all the money.
01:11:56
Speaker
But... it I mean, it's it's been bad for a long time. I mean, I think that really started with Reagan. like And it's it's the same thing. It's the pendulum swing.
01:12:07
Speaker
Like once we started reasonably saying we need to do something to help underprivileged people, people that need more help, we need to have a better social safety net.
01:12:19
Speaker
That's when people like Reagan started coming along, talking about welfare queens and people having babies on purpose to get more stuff. Yeah, it's it's pretty outrageous.
01:12:34
Speaker
It's just astounding to me how that that Black welfare queen myth, complete myth, came along and caught on and stayed stuck in the American consciousness. Meanwhile, how much are we giving out in corporate welfare every year? It's the ultimate distraction, and it worked so well that I almost have to begrudgingly respect it for its success.
01:13:01
Speaker
Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, everything else you could say about the Alt-Reich, we have to admit that their messaging is exquisite. It is so effective because I look at it and I say, my God, what fucking idiot would believe something that, oh, look, it's a third of the country that it just takes it all at face value.
01:13:25
Speaker
And I understand it's basically playing on prejudices, preconceived notions, and biases that already exist within these people. Well, and I think the fear of victimization, like it like it's that victimized victim blaming thing that says, you must have done something to deserve this because I can't go through life knowing that this could happen to me at any moment. So I need to pretend that you made some error that I would never make that brought this on you.
01:13:57
Speaker
Yeah, but I think that could be a big part of it. Because I've heard that a lot. Like, my mom was that sort of person. Well, I say was. She's only dead to me. She's alive in life and death kind of way.
01:14:08
Speaker
But that was one of her things, was that, like, if any of my friends were getting free lunch, she would explain to us, like, what their parents probably did to make them have to need that.
01:14:20
Speaker
And it was never nice. It was always like, yeah, you know, I bet so-and-so and those kids don't even have the same dad and blah, blah. Just like gross.
01:14:32
Speaker
Why are you saying that? But also why to a kid, though? Well, yeah, why are they telling you that? You don't need to know. Right. Also, the way you describe that And this is just my experience going through like Facebook posts and how people react to things on Reddit and such.
01:14:53
Speaker
I think they have the preconceived notion and then they make up a complete story and assume that story that they've made up is the truth. And then speak from there. Oh, yeah.
01:15:06
Speaker
well, you know, MAGA boys, they tell me who I am every day. that i That I sit home and get disabilities is like one of the main things they say. That I i have 15 cats and they'll talk to me about my cats that I don't have. it just But I mean, in general though, yes, presumptions about...
01:15:26
Speaker
you know, single moms. Like the whole single moms trap people. They trap people and they trap men and then they live off the government. You know, and they need to keep their legs closed. Like how often have we heard that?
01:15:37
Speaker
and that way A million times. That like, actually, i could keep my legs open all day long, 24 hours a day. I could have one orgasm after another for 24 hours straight.
01:15:49
Speaker
And you know what? No pregnancy will occur until some man shows up slopping his man stuff around. And if that happens, he doesn't get to turn to me and say, why did you trap me? Because i was just laying there.
01:16:05
Speaker
So, sorry for that visual, everyone. but I turned off the mental image part of my brain, so I'm really glad I did with the man slapping around part there. Really glad I turned off the mental image part.
01:16:16
Speaker
Really glad.
01:16:21
Speaker
Anywho. So, are you still a shelter volunteer? I am not right now. i'm working with a different nonprofit right now that focuses on writers and giving more opportunities and resources to independent writers in the area.
01:16:38
Speaker
Oh, wow. That's fantastic. take So you basically, you just go from one thing to another, making the world a better place in like a myriad of different ways. Trying to. Yeah. Oh, I love that.
01:16:52
Speaker
There was one thing I wanted to say about the shelter experience. Please. Um, And I ended up getting laid off because nonprofits don't always have a stable budget.
01:17:03
Speaker
Yep. So I ended up getting laid off from that, which I kind of hated. but Sure. Before I left, I had one client who had been there a long time, and ah finally, after a year of trying, I finally managed to get her a Section 8 grant for housing.
01:17:25
Speaker
Oh, nice. And she got fat. She got out of the shelter. And now she works in the field. Awesome.
01:17:36
Speaker
And that is like, I am so proud of her. Like that is my best story because I know that the help I gave her enables her now to help others. And I just, I just love that.
01:17:48
Speaker
oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well, paying it forward in the recovery community, whether it's homelessness or substances. Like, yeah, I don't know if you know a lot of substance abuse recovery people become nurses.
01:18:00
Speaker
They get into nursing and and patient care. Oh, I know that. When you go through something like that, like long-term homelessness, you end up with a lot of gratitude. And the best thing to do with gratitude is to give it back.
01:18:15
Speaker
So that is so wonderful that you were able to give someone that kind of help and that they they paid it forward in in such a great way. Like, that is dope. And that's the kind of thing that, like, if society would pay more attention to the importance of that, it would just multiply. Because it's already well-established that it's less expensive and better for everyone to just give homeless people homes.
01:18:41
Speaker
Yeah, it is Numerous countries around the world already do this. But the U.S. is super easy to learn. Yeah, well, because they want to make they would rather let houses sit empty than let people live in them.
01:18:55
Speaker
And I learned that when I was a teenager, because I worked for McDonald's. And the food that you throw away at the end of the night, they want you to take it outside, put it in the dumpster, and then pour grease on it so that no one would steal it and eat it.
01:19:09
Speaker
like Because homeless people would wait outside the McDonald's. And I was written up twice for just handing them the bag of food at the end of the night. You know, what no put it with the garbage. Like, come on. That's stupid.
01:19:22
Speaker
but Who does that hurt? Who does that hurt giving them this food? Yeah, it makes no sense. Like, there is no... And they would lie and they would say, oh, it's it's for insurance because they could sue us.
01:19:35
Speaker
Like, they can't sue They don't have How are they going to afford a lawyer? Yeah, I mean, ah it's all just ridiculous.
01:19:46
Speaker
Also... If you're pouring grease on the food, is anybody going to notice? Because McDonald's food is already pretty greasy. Yeah, I mean, it's it's gross, but you you really wouldn't eat it after that. But but no, it's it's just the the point of the thing is that there is a stripe of personnel that is proud of their lack of empathy. And so that permeates every attitude they have in every situation that they're in.
01:20:15
Speaker
And it's infectious and it is spreading. And so many people are laying down for it instead of fighting and it just gets more frustrating every day. So, I mean, that is the way to fight back, man.
01:20:28
Speaker
The way to fight back is to be good to people and help people and make art and spread kindness. And that's like the most revolutionary thing we can do right now. And it's kind of the last thing that they expect because they're trying really hard to make us too tired and angry and scared to be kind to each other and to keep making art.
01:20:52
Speaker
So it's kind of the best reason to do it. Yeah, and I think for truly creative people, we're going to make art no matter what because we have to. It's our drive. It's our passion.
01:21:03
Speaker
We're going to keep doing it. Yep.
01:21:07
Speaker
Yep, yep. All right, so it's time for this question because we ask our guests if they've ever been in a situation where they were in legitimate fear for their
A Chilling Tale and Stereotypes
01:21:18
Speaker
life. And this is something we only ask consent with consent and you have given us consent. So please do tell us your story.
01:21:28
Speaker
Okay, this is a funny one. I think it's funny anyway. Okay. I think it was
01:21:37
Speaker
1997. And I didn't have my own car. I was at home on break from college. I borrowed my sister's car to go hang out with my friends. I was on my way home and decided to stop and have a cigarette.
01:21:50
Speaker
Because at this point, my family didn't know I smoked.
01:21:57
Speaker
So I tried to hide it as best as possible. And just cigarettes.
01:22:02
Speaker
So I stopped the car about two miles away from the house. Turned the radio on, got out, and was smoking. And it's early January. It's the Mississippi. Temperature's like five degrees below zero, something like that, or five below freezing.
01:22:18
Speaker
Yikes. So it's cold. There's ice on the ground, et cetera. But wasn't too bad. Okay. So get out, have a couple cigarettes, and go to get back in, and the door's locked.
01:22:34
Speaker
I'm like, wait, no, I did not just lock myself out of this car. cause The car is still running cause the radio is going. like Yeah, the keys are in the ignition, and I locked myself out of my sister's car. Oh, shit.
01:22:46
Speaker
So,
01:22:49
Speaker
my mother's house now was my grandmother's house. but She passed away, so it's my mother's house now. was out in the country.
01:22:58
Speaker
I mean, out out in the country. wasn't even on Google Maps until like five years ago. Oh, no. So I was like, okay, um where can I go?
01:23:10
Speaker
And there was somebody's house that I knew about half a mile from where I was. So first I went there. Half a mile? Half a mile.
01:23:20
Speaker
So first I walked to his house and he wasn't home. It was a Saturday night. He wasn't home. He was out doing and whatever dudes do on the Saturday night. I don't know. I didn't get into saturday night stuff Yeah, but he wasn't at home.
01:23:35
Speaker
I'm like, well, there went the only person I knew on this side of my grandmother's house. Well, plus you must have been freezing half to death by that point after walking half a mile. Oh my God. The story's freaking me out, dude. Then what happened?
01:23:52
Speaker
So I looked around. There were other houses sporadically, but all the lights were off.
01:23:59
Speaker
And I saw one house that still had the light on. It was about a mile away. across cotton fields. Oh my gosh.
01:24:13
Speaker
That were muddy because it had rained, but also icy because the rain had frozen.
01:24:19
Speaker
I walked a mile. and So I walked a mile through this cotton field, breaking ice on puddles, freezing, because again, it was really freaking cold to get to this house.
01:24:35
Speaker
got to the house went up to the back door and not
01:24:40
Speaker
nobody answered. But I said the light was on something somebody's got to be awake in this house. So I knocked again. Nobody answered. Like, okay, I, at this point, I'm like a mile and a half from my grandmother's house. If I have to, I will try to walk that.
01:24:58
Speaker
But I knocked one more time. And then the curtain drew back on the on the window in the door. Oh, wow. Okay. And when I looked,
01:25:12
Speaker
okay, i used to study World War II history and a lot of military history in general. So I recognized the gun. Oh, shit. It was a Mauser C96 from World War II, German pistol.
01:25:30
Speaker
But... That's terrifying. Yeah, it's World War II pistol. But the man holding it looked like a World War One veteran.
01:25:40
Speaker
Jesus, and his hand was shaking so badly that I was like, he's going to shoot me by accident. Because his hands are shaking that badly.
01:25:54
Speaker
So then I was, I was genuinely fearful for my life. Not that I bought this dude, this random supremely elderly white dude was going to shoot me all purpose, but because He's shaking so badly, he might just shoot me on accident.
01:26:07
Speaker
So what happened?
01:26:11
Speaker
He asked who I was and what I was doing there. And I said, hey, I locked my keys in my sister's car. Can you help give me a ride home? And he asked, again, who are you?
01:26:24
Speaker
I told him my mother's name. He didn't recognize it. I told him my grandmother's name. And he recognized her name. And once he heard her name, he put the gun away.
01:26:35
Speaker
And then went and got his keys and gave me a ride home. And I had explained to my sister that I locked the keys in the car. I think I told her. Well, I mean, surely the battery was dead by the time he got back, right? Oh, no, fine.
01:26:49
Speaker
Oh, wow. It was still going.
01:26:53
Speaker
But yeah, he was nice enough to give me a ride home. Again, after that. And yeah, got the car back. told her ah that the car was making a noise and I got out to check it or something like that. sir And that's when locked the keys in the car.
01:27:09
Speaker
And yeah, it worked out fine. Is it commonplace to answer the door with a gun in some neighborhoods? I mean, I grew up like around Detroit and I used to hang out there a lot and it was not commonplace in Detroit. Like I, my first job out of undergrad was for ACORN and we used to go door to door because we're creative organizers and that's what you do.
01:27:31
Speaker
And no one ever, I mean, granted, I'm a chubby white lady who didn't look like she could run away from anyone, but no one ever answered a door to be with a gun.
01:27:44
Speaker
Day or night. not Not ever. When it's after midnight in the South and you live in the country, it's a sensible precaution.
01:27:55
Speaker
See, I would... I would be more much more likely to assume that it was an emergency than that it was nefarious, because I would think that a burglar wouldn't knock. Maybe that's that's like my own foolishness. Maybe ah five burglars are going to knock on my door by tomorrow, now that they know I wouldn't be suspicious.
01:28:13
Speaker
But that's terrifying. It's terrifying. But I learned an awful lot about racism once I started hanging out with my husband because, you know, he's he's a black man over six feet tall. And according to Michael Moore, that's the scariest kind of man in the country.
01:28:33
Speaker
um Really? ah Yeah. Yeah. Statistically, that is a black man over six feet is is the scariest type of person. I'm seven I will take short-keying privilege. That's fine. Yeah. Please do. Please do. um Yeah, and it's funny because I say this every year on Melania's birthday. Like, hey, babe, my hundred husband actually is 6'1", 220. So if you'd like to know what that looks like, I can hook you up.
01:29:00
Speaker
No. Because her husband is not 6'1". He may be 6'1". I don't think so, but I suppose it's possible. But 220, he is not.
01:29:11
Speaker
At this point, I don't even think that's his real name. I don't trust him so much.
01:29:19
Speaker
Well, it's not, actually. The family name is Drumpf.
01:29:24
Speaker
It's D-R-U-M-P-F, Drumpf.
01:29:30
Speaker
See, that makes sense. Doesn't it? The family built on lives. Well, I mean, yeah, that's, uh, it's uncomfortably German. Let's say that.
01:29:42
Speaker
Um, it's, it's German in all the ways you'd expect a family of mostly blonde, mostly white supremacists to be named. Um, the, the Germany, the kind of Germany is now ashamed of.
01:29:57
Speaker
Right. Right. Wish we were. um
Male Assault and Support
01:30:00
Speaker
So there's one more topic that I know you wanted to talk about because you are also an advocate of a male sexual assault victims.
01:30:10
Speaker
um And I know that SA on men are actually more underreported and often more minimized than those of women, which is already pretty bad.
01:30:21
Speaker
Why are we all so bad about taking sex crime seriously and prosecuting them effectively? Like what is going on there? In general or for men specifically?
01:30:34
Speaker
Well, I mean, probably, i mean, I think both are important, obviously, but like, why is this the one area where men are not treated better?
01:30:46
Speaker
You know, why is this like more shameful for men?
01:30:53
Speaker
the The short answer is patriarchy.
01:30:57
Speaker
Patriarchy and toxic masculinity. Um, I think in those cultures that being a sexual assault victim means you're weak. Because rape is something that happens to women.
01:31:12
Speaker
Right. it happens to you, that makes you less of a man, right? That's the thinking. Right. But it's also something that doesn't happen to women because whenever women make allocations, they're lying.
01:31:24
Speaker
Right. The first defense of the patriarchy and toxic masculinity is they must be lying. They wouldn't need to do this, et cetera, et cetera.
01:31:32
Speaker
But with men, I think it is mostly it's seen as being weak.
01:31:39
Speaker
and But it's not a matter with something that could happen to anyone, literally anybody could have it had could happen to you anything you don't consent to is a sexual assault.
01:31:51
Speaker
I don't know. I don't understand why society had such a hard time with that.
01:31:56
Speaker
Well, yeah, because, I mean, even famous men with privilege, it often takes years and years for things to come out. Either because they don't, they're like, I mean, it's mostly the same reasons. Being afraid of stigma, being afraid of not being believed, making it a big news story that opens you up to the horror that is the public commentary. Right, and being a afraid of harassment.
01:32:24
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. so So what do we do about it? How how does how can the average person improve that situation?
01:32:35
Speaker
Okay. For the average person, assuming that this average person genuinely cares about the issue of male sexual assault, the very first thing I recommend is to bring it up on its own.
01:32:52
Speaker
not Use it as a rebuttal when someone is talking about a woman being sexually assaulted. Yes. Let it be a standalone subject or in a conversation where you're talking about sexual assault generally, not as a tool to silence a woman talking about her experiences or someone talking about the experiences of women.
01:33:13
Speaker
Bring it up as its own topic, discuss it for its own impacts and put it out there more, which I probably should do. I should probably talk about it more.
01:33:26
Speaker
Well, I think the show Baby Reindeer had a lot of people talking about that the topic. I don't know if you saw it, but it's a pretty central part of of the main character's story.
01:33:40
Speaker
And it's based on a true story. And I think one of the things that's very problematic about it is that he stops just short of naming the public figure who did this to him.
01:33:54
Speaker
And it's an industry person. Like the story is is ah like a lightly fictionalized version of of the main character's life. It's the writer's life, you know, so it's it's a real story.
01:34:06
Speaker
And he's talking about his own experiences, but he does not name the perpetrator. And I'll tell you, I was pretty torn about it. Because yes, if you ask me what my opinion is, um i i definitely believe that ah assault victims
01:34:26
Speaker
Little background noise there. um it's Assault victims shouldn't be required to come forward if they don't want to, and they shouldn't have to name their attackers.
01:34:37
Speaker
But my God, you can't just tell everyone that there's a predator out there and then not say who it is. you know It just feels wrong. So it's it's been difficult for me to to parse, you know?
01:34:50
Speaker
Because it's not safe for victims to come out and no one should require them to to do so. It absolutely isn't. We also need to know who these fucking people are. I mean, they're they're monsters. they they People need to know to stay away.
01:35:06
Speaker
Exactly. and it's And I'm with you there. I understand the ah difficulty of parsing, the need to protect yourself and stay safe.
01:35:20
Speaker
But also other people need to know. Right. Exactly. you know Honestly, there just should not be that other people, there needs to be better protection for victims who speak out.
01:35:37
Speaker
I think we need better protections for them. But how to enact those that I don't have an idea of other than legislature. we're terrible at protecting people. I mean, for example, you know ah the one six terrorists that all got pardoned?
01:35:54
Speaker
A lot of those dudes were turned in by their ex-wives. And then they were just freed. So, I mean, you know, these women can't afford round-the-clock security. So what's happening to these women that did their patriotic duty and got of domestic terrorist locked up and are now, like, I mean, some of those guys got arrested again right away because they're criminals and they like hurting people.
01:36:23
Speaker
but a lot of them didn't, you know, and it's, it's pretty terrifying. I have to imagine at least some of those women are in fear for their lives. Now as these people have been released.
01:36:34
Speaker
Yeah, I would be. Cause I think as far as I know, when it comes to court and you turn someone in that becomes public record.
01:36:45
Speaker
So they know who turned them in.
01:36:49
Speaker
And that's terrifying. I like, I, It's terrifying. Scary to think of that they did the right thing and there's no help or protection for them.
01:37:01
Speaker
Well, I mean, we deported people that helped us fight terror and crime in their own country, and then we just sent them back there. So where're we're we're not great right now. i'm not Not feeling a whole lot of pride in in, not that I was ever a big rah-rah nationalism person, but there there's there's always been stuff about America that I like and I'm proud of, and right now there's not as much as there used to be.
01:37:29
Speaker
um madly No, there is not. So I want to ask, like, how much of your personal political activism finds its way into your fiction?
01:37:43
Speaker
Hmm.
01:37:47
Speaker
I would say a lot of it does, though I'm not necessarily aware of it.
01:37:52
Speaker
I do tend to write more progressive stories, like... from looking at the Jason and the Church Lady series, the church that these women go to is a very progressive church.
01:38:06
Speaker
It's one that's accepting of gay people, trans people, polyamorous people even. Nice.
01:38:16
Speaker
And it because of that, the church is looked down on by other churches in the area as being that quote-unquote weird church. thats That's on brand.
01:38:28
Speaker
Yeah, but it's but that's like true Christianity is being loving and accepting of all people.
01:38:35
Speaker
All right. Well, yeah, that makes sense. comes up more later on in the story as things expand.
01:38:44
Speaker
Cool. First season, not so much, but it does come up again later. All right. Well, that's good to know. So, yeah, a lot of my beliefs do come out in this. I wouldn't necessarily call it like woke erotica but a lot of my beliefs do come out cool all right so was there anything that you wanted to talk about that we did not get to i feel like we covered a lot of really good ground goodness we have covered so much right right this was a good conversation
01:39:20
Speaker
okay this came out of a recent conversation i had with a friend
01:39:25
Speaker
And I want to say this to
01:39:29
Speaker
women, trans men, anybody with a vagina, however you define yourself. If you're with a partner, new partner, you just started dating, whatever,
01:39:45
Speaker
and your body is not responding the way it normally does to this person, Your vagina knows something is up with that person.
01:39:59
Speaker
This is the conversation I
Reflections and Farewell
01:40:00
Speaker
have with friend. She was dating someone. Her body wasn't responding quite the usual way. Turns out he was a serial cheater and actually had ah was in a relationship already and never told her and all this.
01:40:10
Speaker
A lot of other stuff came about a dude. But the bottom point of it was the vagina always knows. Well, I mean, listening to your body signals in general, you know, if you're around somebody that makes your stomach hurt every time they open their fucking mouth,
01:40:25
Speaker
It's probably not not got your best interest at heart. like Yeah, I think if that happened to me, I would wonder how I ended up at the Republican National Convention. yeah ah Damn that Uber driver.
01:40:37
Speaker
I'm not.
01:40:40
Speaker
Yeah, well, no, I think listening to your body, you know, regardless of which part you pay the most attention to, yeah, that's definitely essential.
01:40:51
Speaker
Oh, I'd also like to give guests a chance to ask me a question if they have if they ah have one. So if you do, now is the time. Okay.
01:41:02
Speaker
And you don't have to. I'm not that interesting. I would not say that I would disagree with that quite heavily. I think you're a very interesting person. This is this is why we're friends. I think you're a very interesting person.
01:41:14
Speaker
And everyone is interesting in their own way, but you have a definite, you definitely stand out as an interesting person.
01:41:23
Speaker
So here's my question to you. With all you've been through in your life, I know is a lot.
01:41:32
Speaker
If you woke up tomorrow and you were, let's say 18 years old, it's your 18th birthday,
01:41:41
Speaker
would you do anything different? Oh, holy fuck. Are you kidding? I would do everything different. I would do everything different. Because the thing is, on my 18th birthday, i was already an undergrad. I think I had just had sex for the first time with my first ever boyfriend, who was a nice guy. But if you can believe this, my 19-year-old boyfriend was not emotionally available. um Imagine that. He was not a great communicator.
01:42:09
Speaker
no like, I had no self-esteem. And I had a million mental health problems that I knew nothing about. And... I think I had also just gotten eyeglasses because I had started saying I couldn't see right when I was in second grade.
01:42:24
Speaker
My mom didn't want to get me glasses. So she told all the doctors I couldn't see because I was in the back of the room and people's heads were in the way. it was pretty ridiculous. So, so yeah, um, like knowing what I know now, i would have done everything differently. I wouldn't have bothered with like any of those men.
01:42:44
Speaker
um, I probably would have gone right to grad school like I wanted to after graduation. um which Which is a drag because it kind of it it probably means that I would not have met H. And I would not knowingly want to do anything that would have kept me from from meeting H. um But yeah, i think I think if I had the self-esteem at 18 that I have now, everything would have been different.
01:43:13
Speaker
Everything. I wouldn't have taken shitty jobs. I would have started writing for publication much earlier. ah Yeah, lots lots and lots of things. Okay. Damn, now I'm sad.
01:43:29
Speaker
Which is okay, because it's actually time for the Mad Lib. Oh, okay. um So you know how Mad Libs work, right? Basically, yeah. Okay, so first thing I need is one, two, three, four singular nouns.
01:43:47
Speaker
Singular nouns, okay. Foot.
01:43:52
Speaker
Fence.
01:43:55
Speaker
Cat.
01:43:58
Speaker
House.
01:44:02
Speaker
Okay. I think that's all the nouns, but now I need one, two,
01:44:10
Speaker
three plural nouns.
01:44:14
Speaker
Three plural nouns. Okay. Let's have a little fun with it. Vaginas.
01:44:22
Speaker
Mask.
01:44:26
Speaker
Dances.
01:44:29
Speaker
Barnacles.
01:44:40
Speaker
Okay, wait, I think I didn't have room for barnacles. That's too bad. That's a good word. I know, right? Actually, i'm going to change one of these other words to barnacles.
01:44:52
Speaker
Are taking the vaginas out? No, I am not taking the vaginas out. Well, maybe for a nice dinner, but in general. just All right.
01:45:03
Speaker
So this one is person in room. So that's always the guest. ah Adjective. I need one, two, three adjectives.
01:45:17
Speaker
Pretty.
01:45:20
Speaker
Salty. What is it? Salty. Okay. And charismatic. Okay. And a verb? Obfuscate.
01:45:32
Speaker
And a verb ending in ing. Speaking.
01:45:37
Speaker
Speaking.
01:45:41
Speaker
Okay. There's another person in room. So I'll put me and a number
01:45:50
Speaker
three And another person in the room. Geez. Alright. um Well, my lizards are in the room, so I'll put the name of one of my lizards, and this one I'll put Joan Jett.
01:46:02
Speaker
Because the lizards are morning geckos, so they're all lesbians, so they're named after famous lesbians. um Okay. So, a part of the body. Earloan.
01:46:19
Speaker
An article of clothing.
01:46:24
Speaker
Stockings.
01:46:28
Speaker
And one more number.
01:46:32
Speaker
Eight.
01:46:35
Speaker
Okay. So this is called sporty... Oops, my mic is falling. Okay. Sporty superstitions. Our little league foot is on a winning streak, and some of the vaginas on the team are getting superstitious.
01:46:56
Speaker
Pandem always puts a four puts four barnacles inside his baseball cap for ah Oh, for... Wait.
01:47:11
Speaker
See? This sucks. Okay. Puts a four barnacles inside the baseball cap for ah prettiness. Okay. See? that They had that like wrong. Okay. no yeah So it sounds charismatic, but he keeps catching bulky high fly masks.
01:47:28
Speaker
Wetness is convinced that she needs to obfuscate in a circle three times before stepping up to the cat. It works.
01:47:40
Speaker
She has the best speaking average on the team. Joan Jett's superstitions have gotten out of earlobe. She has worn the same dirty stockings for eight games in a row.
01:47:54
Speaker
I like to win, but if it means sitting in a dugout that smells like rotten dances, that's going beyond the call house.
01:48:05
Speaker
Wow. Wow. That is like probably one of the... It's not very well written, though. I'm going to have to write to the Madlib people. I'm meaning to write to them anyway, um to tell them that their stories are too binary and they need to do less... ah less binary phrasing which i think they actually are and they're more current books because i use a big compilation book i've been using the same one since the beginning and i actually bet that uh when it gets full i'm hoping that by the time it gets full that my show will be popular enough that i can auction off the mad lib book for charity oh that'd be awful
01:48:42
Speaker
Wouldn't it? So I have to get super famous. I don't know how I'm going to do that, though. Because the problem that I have is like, and this is true of like pretty much all my writing and the the magazine too, kind of, is that every time I get it into someone's hands, they're like, wow, this is so great.
01:48:57
Speaker
And I'm like, cool, please tell several hundred people about it. Because no one knows that I'm doing anything because I don't have a marketing budget. So, yeah, that's my little complaint for the day.
01:49:10
Speaker
But, dude, I am so glad that you could be here and be on the show. It was great having you, and I think we um gave people a lot of great information. I hope we did.
01:49:23
Speaker
Awesome. So thank much. I hope didn't too much. No, see, the problem I have is I tend to i tend to talk too much. And the best episodes are really the ones so where I talk less and let my guests really like have more to say. So I hope I didn't do too much of that today.
01:49:42
Speaker
don't think so. Cool. So we want to remind our listeners. Oh. ah sorry. I was going to thanks for having me here. It's been great. Hopefully do it again sometime.
01:49:54
Speaker
Oh, definitely. Definitely. Well, when ah your series is like all up and you need to hype it again, you should definitely come by and so we can let everybody know that it's all up and what you're doing next. So that's kind of how that goes.
01:50:08
Speaker
Okay. i Yeah. So I want to remind all the listeners that the best way to support the show, aside from listening and telling your friends about it, is to find us on Ko-Fi. That's K-O-F-I, where we are sometimes hilarious horror because the magazine supports both of the podcasts, this one and Gratis Guignol, which is all short horror stories read by me and friends, and it's awesome.
01:50:35
Speaker
So yeah, thanks everybody. We'll see you next week.