Humpday HaHa's

Transcript

Speaker: All right. Okay, what we need, Britt, is some kind of a intro for Wednesday night show, Humpty Ha Ha's. What would you do for an intro?

Speaker: Humpty Ha Ha's? I feel like...

Speaker: don't know. What would you say to intro the show? What would you say to intro the show?

Speaker: Why are you putting me on the spot while you're recording me too, you motherfucker? and yeah notice recording Just do it. i Tell me of the show. We need an intro for the show, Britt.

Speaker: And go.

Speaker: ah Welcome, everybody.

Speaker: can't do this with just you. Welcome, everybody, to what? ah Welcome, everybody, to Hump Day Ha-Ha's. We're here for some laughter and fun times and chillax.

Speaker: Hope everybody's having a great night. Here with Michael and we got Brittany. Let's go. Let's have some fun with some comedy. Boom. I think that might work.

Speaker: Every time. What the fuck is this?

Speaker: so happens Did the intro play? Yes, it did. there's i out Sorry about that. up What's going on, Britt? but How are you doing? We're here to talk about comedy again, I assume? Yeah.

Speaker: Wait, what's what's comedy? What is that? That's a great question. As soon as I figure out my... Why didn't you tell me had no lights going I didn't realize. I'm on my phone because I forgot my laptop.

Speaker: So, sorry, everybody. i can't see very well. And I look like trash. You have your lights on. But maybe move your her lava lamp a little bit more over.

Speaker: Not the correct lights. That's my issue here. on, Mubo Trucker. Mubo Trucker. How are you doing? You just came back from an awesome honeymoon!

Speaker: It's accurate. I just returned home Monday night, late night-ish from taking my beautiful wife, well, from letting my beautiful wife take me on honeymoon. I was about to say.

Speaker: And as long as she okays it, I'm going to send her a yeah I'm going to ask her if she's so okay with it and then I'm going to play ah some video that we took. ah she has to it first She has to approve it first.

Speaker: But other than that, know what is comedy? Do you want the actual definition? Yeah, like or the origin. Well, we already did the definition, but we can do it again if you want.

Speaker: ah But the origin of comedy is like from back in the Greek or something. I can't look at it because I don't want my freaking laptop.

Speaker: The origin of comedy traces back to ancient Greece, where it emerged from festive rituals and celebrations. Unlike its counterpart, tragedy, comedy was not initially taken seriously and evolved slowly, leaving many of its earliest details obscure.

Speaker: Yeah. Which I thought that was cool. Of course, it's Greece. Well, it says the word comedy is derived from the Greek word komedia, komoidea.

Speaker: compound of Comos, Revel, and Olda, Sing. Its origins are directly connected to the Dionysian festivals held in honor of Dionysus, the god of wine and revelry. Do you know anything about the Doors?

Speaker: I love the Doors. Jim Morrison felt that he was a reincarnation of Dionysus himself. Did I didn't know that.

Speaker: According to Aristotle, Comedy originated in phallic songs and ceremonial processions.

Speaker: The rebel processions. Participants between rivaled and provide songs during festive processions. Seder plays, a theatrical form that included bawdy, obscene performances by actors dressed as satyrs.

Speaker: Lustful, mischievous, woodland creatures.

Speaker: ah that You know that one place that has like a bunch of penises, like the phallic sculptures and shit? Where is that? I can't fucking remember. the hell would I know? I don't know, because you're gay as fuck.

Speaker: You're a dick looker. You figure it out.

Speaker: don't want my laptop. No. um Fuck. well What else would I... Okay, so you know Jason Ellis? Not offhand. like family he is like He was like a boxer, but then he ended up having his own podcast. and um Wolf Knives is what his group is called. and They'll go on their podcast and people will go on and they make up their nicknames for the people that join and pay for it or whatever. and Mine was Hermaphrodite. Yeah.

Speaker: afro diette yeah Because my last name is Cox, so he's like hermaphrodite. I got a free skate deck and all that shit. yeah

Speaker: That's another podcast that I used to watch.

Speaker: He's dope. Give you some enjoyment. I know what you were looking for. oh boy. I don't think I can, actually. Can pass them? Yeah, I can. it's It's a little probably too graphic.

Speaker: ah Okay. Oh, geez. I don't want to say that, though.

Speaker: Are you talking about the bear what? No, I'm not. are Yeah, we're going to be okay. We're okay here. All right, so let me get back to you. thank

Speaker: Oh, jeez. I don't even want to know. She wasn't that close to the back. she yeah She brought it up. It was so funny, though. like What is this? oh Yeah, the penis museum.

Speaker: The Icelandic Phylogical Museum. That's awesome. Artisan coffee, craft beer, and penis waffles. Oh.

Speaker: I want to go. That dude does not look like he works at a penis factory. Penis museum. Totally big gift shop. yeah You can become a member.

Speaker: I want to. Every single day, 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Admission is 3,500 ISK. It's some kind of Kroners, I think. Where is this again? oh pen no Oh, Iceland. yeah, yeah.

Speaker: rajevik info at phallus.is. That's fine.

Speaker: There's an episode on The Office where Dwight calls Phyllis phallus, and he's like, oh, sorry, penis in the brain. It's so funny. Anyways, but yeah. No, there's also...

Speaker: Condom Kingdom in Philadelphia. i know you're not a big fan of Philadelphia, but Condom Kingdom, they just have like sperm, like giant sperm things like hanging from the ceiling and like a huge ass fucking wall of like different dildos and vibrators and shit. Why?

Speaker: For all you lady listeners out there. I told you, you know, of course you don't put head. yeah handsome The voice in the background you hear is a good good friend of mine. I don't want to necessarily out him for his name, but he's my cousin, Mike.

Speaker: He's my cousin, Mike. He's being a little... Go ahead say it. He's a little ball sack. He says you don't want to show up. You should be allowed to tell.

Speaker: No, I don't care with it. and said You said you're living in your toys are going to put us men out of business. Well, no, I mean, it's... I mean, you could use them too what them There there are also other things for men in there, like pocket pussies and shit like that.

Speaker: Again, that's weird. And that's strange. that Dude, that is the weirdest thing ever. Look at Condom Kingdom. just got lighter...

Speaker: pump later Oh, see, it's probably the same thing. it Exactly. It's a porno store or an adult mart or whatever. Yeah. why And that's another big one. see love This one was classy, though. It didn't have like a bunch of like nude shit all over the place. It was classy.

Speaker: Just a little perverted, a lot perverted, but it was classy. What were you there to purchase? Oh, I got a lighter that had a sperm on it. didn't have very much money at the time.

Speaker: i was also like 18 or 17. I don't know. Or maybe even 16. I don't know. Well, you were too embarrassed buy a big black dildo? You were there actually to get... No, I just didn't have enough money to buy a dildo.

Speaker: I would have. I probably would have. i had one chosen out. Every last person working there was male, yes? yeah No. that was No. No.

Speaker: There was a chick with blue hair, bunch of piercing shit. You're almost 20 years younger than me. I keep forgetting that. and You are. You are actually more than 20 years younger than me. just turned 31 or 32?

Speaker: 32. Awesome. I thought it it turned 33. Yesterday i had to remind myself. I was like, oh, wait. Math is hard.

Speaker: I don't number all that well sometimes. my numbering ain't so good. Nuts. yeah

Speaker: Yeah. When I first started to have like my experiences with those kind of stores, it was always dudes working there. Never, ever, ever ladies. Ever. Really? Oh, no. I'm talking not just my small market area, but Toledo, where else I did a porno source.

Speaker: Not too many places. Well, I lived across the street from a red light district. And they had...

Speaker: andation sorry i usually i used to go i would go to Red Light District usually just for the glass stuff. For the smoking devices. Not the sexual stuff.

Speaker: Yes. you're not It's the water pipes. I know what you're saying. Back then, that was considered taboo. If you say bong, they're like, oh god. No, no, no. They're water pipes.

Speaker: for tobacco use only and they even put like a little strip in there. I'm like, you're right. I'm smoking tobacco out of this huge ass water pipe.

Speaker: Anyways, next subject. I lived across the street from Red Light District and yeah. sure um I'm not gonna say anymore on live.

Speaker: ah um Why? i thought you were frozen for a second. I can barely see anything because I'm on my fucking phone.

Speaker: So. I have been testing out a lot of jokes on some of my friends and family. But I feel like they're biased. So. That's accurate. Yeah. Right.

Speaker: yeah right So when I come, I'll go out um to public. And, like, i I went to my friend's show on Saturday, Delinda, the super fucking mortal.

Speaker: um I tried out some of my jokes on some people that I haven't met. And I got some laughs. So what was the show? Was music show?

Speaker: Yeah. Metal. All metal. little, little, a little. So like in between sets or something, like you were just mingling with people? Yeah. When everybody was out like going to smoke their cigarettes and on everything.

Speaker: I'm not afraid to just go up and talk to people. Yeah. I noticed that. Good thing with comedy. Right. I mean... like your bread and You want them to not just like you, but absolutely fucking love you.

Speaker: It's not always going to the You need to

Speaker: And one thing I think you need to be with a person that is okay with you opening up to being open, basically. Because, like, I've had exes. Yeah.

Speaker: And, I mean, I understand why she doesn't want to be a part of it. But, um yeah, it's it's definitely... Like, I'm always, like... Anytime I go out, I at least give, like, three, four people a fucking comment.

Speaker: Like, ah a comment about how good they look. or some, you know... Like, oh, I like your shirt. Or something like that. Like, I just want to make people happy.

Speaker: and that's what I think comedy is all about. Just making people happy. Making people laugh. Right. Well, it's not just that. That's just that's respect.

Speaker: Well, that too. Yeah. You're right. Respect gets you a long ways in life.

Speaker: Yes, it does. And gee. Because, like, I mean, don't get me wrong. If I'm driving in traffic and somebody cuts me off, I'm like, motherfucker, get the fuck off the motherfucking road. Like, I will fucking go off on them. But, no.

Speaker: Other than that, ah i try I try to bring happiness to the world. And comedy. Sometimes I, yeah, make people happy. You might have hired me a couple of times.

Speaker: mean this or He might even been in a car with me once and somebody i'd done something I didn't like. <unk> The thing I like about my friend Mike here, he's family to me because he's a lot like me. Not exactly carbon copy or anything, but he's his own person every way.

Speaker: But he's honest. He's open. you'll just You always know where you stand with Mike. He don't bullshit you. He'll just tell you the flat out way that it is. He's a real friend. He what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. He's everything you can ask for. it enough You know, fucking homie. I'll tell you truthfully, and if you're ever out somewhere and if I ever seen you knew who you was, I promise you there wasn't nobody fuck with you. for Oh, I need you.

Speaker: I promise you. Take care of our people. Hey, I'll look them dead in the eye and tell them I couldn't pick a better day. Let's roll. Let's go.

Speaker: Allegedly. but here's the thing right again i am saying he's not a tough i know michael well and uh he and i can go anywhere and we're fine but also respecting man i mean we don't go in look under trouble we generally won't find any trouble and uh not only that we're out for a good time not to move make other people miserable and shit but if we find some miserable people i mean we're definitely going to make them understand

Speaker: Oh, I would. We're not there to be miserable. And that's the thing. I mean, you can dismantle any kind of like a hot, hot-headed situation with some well-placed, well-fucking-attacking comedy.

Speaker: Yeah, I'm yeah ready for it. have some jokes. That worked out great. I mean, it could have went violently, but instead it went swimmingly. And I also, you know, improved my life like that.

Speaker: But this right here. Exactly the reason I'm against crowd work personally. Well, see, that's the thing. You get a little motherfucker to talk to. Because he's got a guy for every fucking situation.

Speaker: And he'll show you up. He'll make you not the best comedian in that moment. Because motherfucker is quick as shit. He better fucking be there. Because, you know, I do like my a little bit of crowd work. it's i' I just like to have the crowd involved sometimes. It's not even necessarily crowd work. It's just, like, questions. ah And, you know, I'm not, like, bashing on people in the crowd work all the time. It's um just interactions with the crowd.

Speaker: because i feel like i work on just crowd work nobody out there can do that like we go ahead yeah but no i was just like i feel like people feel like it's better these days it's like a ah thing with crowd work um I'm usually fine with big boobs to be better comedians than flatty comedians. Okay, cool. um I'll make sure to stuff my bra for that day.

Speaker: the only thing that makes tits funny is when they're around a big old man. is Oh, those are the best. Likely some big juicy meats. Junior Goldtang. Damn it.

Speaker: dammit You're doing great. I didn't see Kat.

Speaker: Kat's over here by way She ran for him. and to work um Hey, Other Michael. go ahead. Other Michael, what do you think comedy is?

Speaker: aye good comedy Comedy's got to be in your heart. Yes, i I believe that. so that's That's just like a musician. If you don't have that in you, it's going to be hard.

Speaker: A fucking man, dude. a is fucking man. I think if it's inside you, it's almost guaranteed to be hard. You've got to just about be born with it throughout the generation of the family.

Speaker: yeah Kind of like musical talent, that sort of thing. i mean right you can't Here's, I think, what he's trying to say in a nutshell. It's what I said. It's what you've said. It's one of those things that's almost impossible to teach.

Speaker: You can't teach it. It has to come natural. and is in there It's in you. yeah that's right yeah like I can do everything for you for New Year's Eve to have a great show for yourself other than tell your jokes for you.

Speaker: and with this you I'll take care of the rest. yeah The opposite of rage. I like that. i did. Yeah, I was just about to say that. I like that. Coltrane, I want you to fun. That's what this is about. It's about fun. and we we' i I am unoffendable. You can't say anything that's going to hurt my feelings.

Speaker: The funniest people are the most oppressed people. i found That's also a big thing, too. I will say. That's huge. You'll never hurt my feelings.

Speaker: I've been going through a hell of a lot. and yeah But yeah and honestly, like it helps with the comedy at the same time. You know what mean? like Comedy is what like breaks free from that depression. your escape.

Speaker: your escape. It's how you get away from all the negative things in your life. And that's the thing about that. I'm not the type of person that's a middle of anybody's life, but I'm the type of person that that will let you know to steer you in the right way but like i tell everybody you can lead a horse to the river but you can't make it drink that's right exactly you could steer a human being down the right road but it's never guaranteed they're gonna take it right exactly yeah yeah

Speaker: yes yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, there's one way to do a lot of things. But what I'm saying, I've often said I wish I would have got into comedy earlier. But in reality, I'm glad I didn't just because there's no way I would have ah assistant no i would have been as dedicated as I am now with it.

Speaker: There's no way. Right. I've never thought about it. Really?

Speaker: Never thought about what? yeah yeah there what is i to say you know you know he's mentioned more than once he's really been thinking about you know well when i'm ready to retire and quit working all together i'm gonna get up there and do that shit with you i'll have people rolling man you never know what i'm gonna don't be a ball sack

Speaker: hey i'm doing it call Comedy is all about when you hit that stage, you work for them people you're looking at. Oh, yeah.

Speaker: That's. the You don't satisfy them people. I guarantee you half them won't be back at your next show. Exactly. Well, see, that's why i I like to be interactive with the crowd somewhat. Not all crowd work, but just like somewhat.

Speaker: You got to make them people feel comfortable.

Speaker: Thank you. so You get a crowd. You make them feel comfortable. You've earned that respect that, I mean, it's it's like it's like no other respect you'll ever get.

Speaker: I mean, that's the best thing in life you can ever receive is respect. I feel like it it just causes more connection, too, when you... Don't like cost you a dime. I mean, and it's totally full.

Speaker: Exactly.

Speaker: Words of wisdom right there, guys. I'd do anything in the world for anybody.

Speaker: I'd get a shirt off my back and walk through a blizzard. I'd just show your face on the camera. If it would just it would just make a child happy, if it made a child happy,

Speaker: I'd walk 10 miles in a blizzard of snow. That sounds fucking creepy, dude. That would make no child happy. Are you not allowed like 100 feet from schools? like Oh, no you'll You'll never have anything like that on me. Yeah, Mike's one the good ones. I'm just kidding. Shut your fucking face, bitch.

Speaker: I'm the type of person you never know about me. So you have to actually you know accept me accept me for who I am, not what I am.

Speaker: Exactly, yeah. I've learned that in the last few years. I feel that.

Speaker: yeah appreciate you saying that.

Speaker: Judge people of their appearance, of what you think they are, or their looks. That has nothing to do with it

Speaker: yeah they can you part on now Your personality tells it all. Amen. Man, Mike's preaching. yeah That's our preacher for the night. Not the first time I've tried to get him in here, just so you know.

Speaker: I swore I wouldn't even say anything. to see you know People you hang out with. Yeah, man. I'm glad you're in here, honestly. What you going to do? He still has trouble. He still can't beat me in the pool. Are you going to be there on New Year's Eve?

Speaker: Please be there on New Year's Eve. If nothing else, I'll make sure we get to do get to him afterwards. Are the pool tables still in there when all that's going on?

Speaker: They will not be active during the show, no. I do not allow them. Well, not during the show. Not during the show, obviously. i don't But no, i want to i want to play you. That's what i was waiting for at your freaking wedding um after after party.

Speaker: to good i wanted to play you in pool, yeah. but then Douche Canoe fucking showed up.

Speaker: I might have to come and watch. You might show me something i don't know. I am pool dolphin. I'm slick.

Speaker: I know that was lame. That was a bad joke. Whatever. Fuck off.

Speaker: I'm trying my best to friggin' pull up my thing. How do I do this? I want to post my room. Get Sue in the room. It'll get up real quick, I'm sure.

Speaker: I want to post my YouTube profile. ah Do you know... Oh, shit. I already lost his name. No, I haven't. You're in Coltrane. Who?

Speaker: That's right. They're here to see you, Sig. Who? Welcome to the show. Sig. Sig Maverick. He's a friend mine. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sig Maverick. I've seen him before. Because it's the day of time.

Speaker: Be a unique comedian and you don't have to be that funny because you'll be different. You don't want to be unique be on your own trip. just start sounding like someone else you're doing. Well, not necessarily doomed, but it's not your genuine self.

Speaker: For me personally, I found that ah when I started telling my stories and not writing jokes, I did a lot, a lot better. and Yeah, right.

Speaker: Which, like, I lay here and I forget some of it, but I have so many notes and i'm I've been trying to, what does that say? Darkness makes great comedy? like It does. It's going to be a happy comedian and I'll show you a basic comedian.

Speaker: I'm going to have to disagree with that just from my own personal experience. Yeah. People can say that, though. You just start getting real happy and you stop.

Speaker: But I don't go for edge. See, that's the thing about my comedy, Coltrane. Dude, you see how to spell my name, I hope. Not the... Oh, you can't see what i'm pointing at. The one on my hat hall actual ah face up here.

Speaker: No, it doesn't even... Why? Hold on, settle down. but I got my Christmas leggings Be proud of yourself. Don't worry about it. Be happy. what the fuck is happening Don't worry.

Speaker: Be happy. Don't worry. Be happy. I don't like that. You're doing great. You're and killing it, man.

Speaker: I don't care. There we go. So it's Michael, and I'm going to drop. my last name here. find me on Facebook, dude, and get a hold of me.

Speaker: I want to have you in studio with us and talk to us about what you do and how you do. That's my last name, brother. get hold of me on Facebook. I want to have you on the show and talk to you in person. You've always got stuff to say about comedy, and I'm more interested to know about you.

Speaker: I always say Copenhagen, like the dip. You and a whole bunch of people do. Yeah, I'm sure you hear it a lot, but... you and My last name is Cox. I hear a lot of shit, too. I'm surprised your first name's not Anita.

Speaker: say little I've never heard that one before. i know. That's me. about that local Dude, maybe that's my next tattoo. Instead of Knee Slapper, I should get Anita above my knee.

Speaker: No. Anita. Ooh, Anita.

Speaker: I don't know. My brain is going everywhere. Ass. yeah Uh. Me. ah And then just a dick.

Speaker: No, I'm getting... I want to talk a few more. Just say it. yes No, I'm getting slapper tattooed under here.

Speaker: Because I already have the Brit knee. I already have Brit knee. So, yeah, I'm going to get slapper underneath my knee. Or, like, right yeah right there. Is that your right or your right knee?

Speaker: It's my right. Knee slapper.

Speaker: But if someone's facing you, you'll read the right knee first. It's going to say slapper, Brittany. Not Brittany slapper. Yeah. No, it's not going to go under bri Brit is on my left knee.

Speaker: Slapper is going on my left or right knee. So, yeah, so knee slapper Brittany. wal school in my foot He doesn't know what the fuck we're talking about.

Speaker: She's not doing it lately, so it's all fucked up. Brittany. Well, I guess, yeah. My my tattoo on my knee. ah lost a little bit of weight, so it's a little higher up.

Speaker: I lost a lot of weight. Yeah. Brittany. here yeah You really took it out of there, you dirty shitbird.

Speaker: What did I take out? Her actual spelling is T-T-A-M-Y. Shut the fuck up. I will. No, no, no. That's not how it is. That's not how it is. It is not. It is not. B-R-I-T-N-E-Y. N-E-Y without the A. And one It's like Britney Spears.

Speaker: like brit yeah well it's and one t one it's like britney spears Yeah, the other rednecks gank. Oh, here he goes. You fucking suck, dude.

Speaker: I missed you.

Speaker: You want to be in his shoes because he uses words you can't spell. ah right too I got a divorce. Oh, well, sorry to hear that. Or happy to hear that.

Speaker: I don't know. if could go either way. Yeah. I have in-studio guest who didn't want to actually be on the show. just wants talk a little shit with him whenever he feels like it.

Speaker: A little ball sack.

Speaker: Who is the guest?

Speaker: I'm proud of you you. You remind me of my sister with no legs. We call her Special K. Oh, does she leave like a little snail trail when she walks on the ground and she gets wet?

Speaker: Hey, I'll tell you what. She just got through completing a 100-yard dash last week.

Speaker: That's what's up. She's making yards. You should have seen her running in the new flip-flops in between her fingers. Yeah. That's kind of like my toes. I have long toes. I high-five the ground every time I walk.

Speaker: That's weird. Well, I guess it's low five, but whatever. and that's why That's why she made so much money on only feet. Yeah, that's... i hate those free

Speaker: That's why I tattooed my toes because I'm like... They make them look not as long. I stick and poke my toes. I don't even want to give a little sneak peek because it's like a free... You know what? I'm going to give a free show. i got tattooed toes.

Speaker: Finally, I can't imagine. yeah Yes, dude. Amazing. That's the kind of person out there you love to chat with.

Speaker: Yeah, Brittany's never a dull moment with Brittany. I mean, it's like a laugh. I mean, that's what it's supposed to be. Exactly. One of there. to have ah her own show one of these days. She hosts all by herself called The Brittany Effect.

Speaker: It's going to be awful. ah Probably. They need i bigger socks. Yeah. That's why I buy men's socks. Or I borrow my ex-boyfriend's socks and then just don't give them back.

Speaker: That's borrowing a student. but Whatever you want to call in those who says Allegedly. what You know what they say about women with long toes? I don't.

Speaker: Actually. what What do they say?

Speaker: of the shit? We're having troubles with the Facebook stream. I can't control anything on here because of my phone. No worries. I'll look into it.

Speaker: You know what they say about women with long toes? They need bigger socks. Oh.

Speaker: I thought that was dudes. And like what is that a thing do people actually say that yeah bigger sucks okay is that what yeah of that is that what he was trying to say dude you faded without even fading

Speaker: ah Oh, God. I'm crying now. Fuck. I'm terrible. This is bad. New Year's is going to be great. I recently had a birthday.

Speaker: do Do her a favor. Cash out her some cabbage. She needs some equipment. She's about to become a big time live host soon.

Speaker: I'm glad you're MCing it. Oh, my God, dude. Handjobs are terrible. I wouldn't want a foot job. What the fuck? No.

Speaker: Handjob is funnier though. Oh, ah the foot job. We've already talked about that. yeah certainly was grade. no no its in ninth grade Me and two other girls gave this guy a foot job in science class while watching Bill and I, the science guy. And then later on, here he made a song about me when I was like 17 called Dear Brittany. ah His band made a song about me. it was super cool.

Speaker: Which band was it? It's nobody that you would know. But the they're called Go Home Freshmen. i moved away from where I was living at the time.

Speaker: ah So that's why they wrote the song. He wrote it. Whatever. It's still funny to say. But now he's married. is Sigmaverick says, hey, I do not have 12 inches, but it smells like a foot.

Speaker: Dude, what the fuck? i Yeah, that's my friends. that's That's the people I hang out with. yeah I love it.

Speaker: Mike made it funny it's for me. No, Mike didn't. I'm just saying the shit that comes to the top of my head. That's your premise. It's all you. But dude, I would fucking love having you in here ah to talk about your brand economy. because you have some You have some good shit to say. I don't even drive and get her. you poing I believe is a dude.

Speaker: I could be mistaken. i I don't understand. la la that f What do you think I'm doing? Nothing. i don't know. That little train de-revel is brought to you by Tourette's Syndrome.

Speaker: Fuck off. Ass. Shit. Shit. what else i'm It's gonna keep happening now that you brought a fuck and g click it up.

Speaker: Fuck. Glick keeps saying that he's gonna he's going to trigger my tics when I'm on stage. I'm like, you motherfucker. and but he was like... do also He's like, i won't I won't do it during your stand-up. I think you'll do good.

Speaker: But during the roast, he's like, already know what you guys are going to say.

Speaker: going to take the mic from you. I came up with some new shit last night. Oh, I'm so fucking ready. I'm so fucking ready. Let's go. yeah I'm pretty pretty pumped about it I need a recording of you do as some goddamn comedy. know, I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry i got caught up in some life shit. Don't be sorry.

Speaker: ah Junior, if you've still got your ears on, brother, do you do you videotape yourself on stage?

Speaker: Who the fuck is that? Coltrane. Junior Coltrane is the question. I'm just curious if he does. like I know we've talked a little bit about it before, but I can't go back to the old comments and shit.

Speaker: I believe he's been in it for several years now. Five, I want to say. Maybe four or five. I feel like i've seen his name before, but I don't know. I think he might have been in the movie show once as well.

Speaker: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, it's coming back to me now, sort of, kind of. Smoke more weed, they said. Sorry.

Speaker: Where do you get your material? As green as you are, I'm just curious where it comes from. um Well, like you said, what you like to do um is tell stories about your life.

Speaker: um Which is why I've been kind of waiting, because I've been getting new awesome material lately in life. So it's like...

Speaker: um um But it's like I want it to... Yeah, it's just from telling stories about my life. Really. um And then sometimes other people will do. ihah Before that, where were you pulling material from?

Speaker: Just like going off the cuff. It's always been just, yeah, just off the cuff. You're short handful of times on stage. And I'm not talking to trash about that. Everybody's yeah somewhere in your short few times on stage. You've told stories about you.

Speaker: Yeah. folks And then I would have like a little bit of like connection with the crowd. like That's my style.

Speaker: um but Give me an example of what you're talking about. usuallying with the ground

Speaker: um Okay, so... no See, because the only thing that I've been practicing lately is are my set for New Year's Eve, so I can't even like think about anything else or I'm gonna get fucked.

Speaker: What did he say? ors do do Did we see how lots of comedians are trying to use AI to write their comedy? What do you think about AI writing comedian to collect? Fuck that. i I think that's weak as fuck. Yeah, no. I'm i'm over AI.

Speaker: Not even just with comedy, but with art Because I'm also an artist. So it's like, what the fuck? Just any child can go on their iPad and make an eye.

Speaker: Or ass. Dyslexia. Woo. Ass. Ass. Sorry. But no, like any fucking five-year-old can go out there and just make some art.

Speaker: Can you drop a link to all the... I don't know what you're talking about. He says the Seinfeld AI is an exact match. I'm not sure what he's talking about. I definitely have a feeling he's not already. Not sure 100% what he's talking about. But I'm against AI so many different ways.

Speaker: Yeah. like I get it if you have no budget and you want to get like a a theme song or whatever. i kind of understand that. But at the same time,

Speaker: if you're doing something like this, got to have at least one friend with some kind of artistic skill. yeah And even if they don't, if you don't have a budget to pay them or whatever, they're your friend, you plug the shit out of them. and You make sure people know, know, they did this and this is, you know, blah, blah, blah. And find them here, download their stuff there, you know, listen to them, that type of thing. It's, there's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker: Authentic over AI. do me too. I don't like any of that crap. It's, disingenuous. And it's it just goes to the whole thing. Like I've often said like, okay, if you have to take comedy lessons, you're probably not going to ever be that great comedian you want to be. Right. However, I'm not saying there's no merit at all in doing something like that, especially if if it's going to fulfill you in some way.

Speaker: Not everybody goes into comedy wanting to be a great comedian, you know, beyond somebody's, hopefully somebody's, ah what do you call it? Mount Rushmore.

Speaker: Yeah. um But like, so like improv, I i did take improv classes for a short period of time.

Speaker: um But that's, that's not the same as like learning comedy. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not like I'm taking classes to be funny. I want someone hearing what I say like as I'm running them down or talking down on them. Right, right. There's nothing wrong with doing something like that at all.

Speaker: um I just, again, it's just my personal opinion. Like teaching timing is something that's not easy to do. Teaching, you know, self-awareness. That's the hardest thing to teach somebody.

Speaker: Coltrane, what's your thought on this? How many comedians do you experience running around your scene or traveling, however you're rolling, that have no self-awareness whatsoever?

Speaker: They think they're up there, absolutely killing it, when in reality, they're bombing. But they're having so much fun just doing it, they don't even realize how bad they are at it.

Speaker: And that's what I asked.

Speaker: um i've I've been watching different types of comedians and like how they react to the crowd or you know how they move around and stuff like that.

Speaker: um I totally talk with my hands, clearly. Partially Tourette's, partially just me talking with my hands. um So the one joke about annosh the shit I'm definitely going to do the waddle. You know what I'm talking about.

Speaker: Show them, don't tell them. That's a really good thing. That's part of advanced right there. Show them, don't tell them. Anybody can say something.

Speaker: But if you can add something like visual to it, that steps it up to a whole other level. Right. And that's why I said like the acting sort of... like acting is sort of

Speaker: Tyler motherfucking Harden. What up, dog? Who'd that be? This cat right here is one of my favorite people. um He was the first person to recognize me in public as a comedian from a show he watched.

Speaker: The very first? That was actually the day my dad stopped just thinking comedy was bullshit and I had no fucking future in it whatsoever.

Speaker: Yeah. I've been getting a lot of that. And it really, like, he was like, holy shit. I said, what was he talking about? He said, he saw my stage act. He thought it was really funny. He was just, you know, throwing me some props. goes, huh.

Speaker: And that was all he had to say about it. But was after that. This is my son. He's a comedian. He never did that before then. So Tyler kind of improved my relationship with my dad.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: funny It's always good to have somebody, you know, that has your back. I might have some people that we can sell tickets to that might show up.

Speaker: They don't want to stand up there and do I still do not have in my possessions. I still do not have the tickets in my physical possession.

Speaker: Fuck, I don't know what's going on, but it's sort of a busy season maybe, I don't know. I don't know. Love that origin story, that's right. That's how ah tell you and I became friends, bro.

Speaker: And we've had so much fucking fun together. Me and Tyler, just from that one random meeting on my way out, he was on his way into the hot dog shop in Warren. Mike, so many nurses to me just think that they're hilarious. They fail, so many total nurses.

Speaker: Because they think they're so special, not funny. Yeah, yeah. I could say some names, but I'm not going to. I want um i want to us to make it far. definitely just

Speaker: and And I'll give you that. many Too many wannabe comedians think they can just speak into a mic and that makes you fun. right technician what i promises probably Chris Technician, what what up, dude?

Speaker: Thanks for stopping by. Here's the thing, though, about what you might call a wannabe comedian. There's been a couple of people I thought were absolutely hopeless, but I've watched them over years become very solid performers.

Speaker: yeah I feel like I know who talking about. Tyler Harden, you know where we are. I'm in Warren. ah My partner, Brittany, here. She's over in, let's just call it Baltimore.

Speaker: Yeah. baltimoret' why Baltimore. Baltimore. But the show for New Year's Eve brother is going to be right in downtown Warren, the beautiful underground lounge and not so beautiful downtown Warren. You make it sound so bad. It's really not that bad.

Speaker: like working at the hotel a lot because I'll ask people, are you staying in the hotel or are you local? Oh, we're here. So why? Why are you here? This is not a destination, man. Why the fuck are you here? I hope it's not vacation.

Speaker: And only twice has it actually been vacation. Okay, okay. i get I get your point there. I was only there for your wedding. I wouldn't look up Warren, in Ohio to go to. You're right. Okay.

Speaker: I see your point. But it's not a bad area. It's cute.

Speaker: And then it has the underground lounge. There's a lot worse places to be. That's for goddamn sure. why oh Like where I live right now. It's kind of crumbum.

Speaker: It's low rent, run down. just The people, I love the people. i mean, we're down to earth, salt the earth type of people. oh Yeah, the people at the underground lounge are dope as shit.

Speaker: For sure, they're family. That's why I'm glad I got the house I got. It's nice, quiet. Show off. and I yeah love it there, man. It's quieter here. i I guess I can say I got a nice house.

Speaker: I ain't bad at I got a kitchen that would make me fall in love with. She can't cook. That's a fucking can. Oh, shit. I never trust a skinny cook.

Speaker: And as far as I know... Have you seen my mother? She is as skinny as I am almost. I'm never getting fat, bitch. Never trust a skinny chef. As far as I'm aware, a little bit of darkness.

Speaker: I know for sure he got better by working his minutes and being dedicated to the craft. I'm sorry I was talking over you. I'm just trying to answer Coltrane's comment. You're fine. Shout out Baltimore! Cherry Hill area.

Speaker: I'll try to get a pass to come if it is in Warren.

Speaker: Where's my fucking jersey? We gotta talk.

Speaker: Alright. I need to find my Baltimore jersey.

Speaker: Why? Because. It's right here. Baltimore! Let's go!

Speaker: Jackson's back. I can wear the jersey again. Let's go. All right. I'm done being Glick for a second.

Speaker: What jersey was that? Lamar Jackson, Baltimore. but i don't like the Orioles. ah

Speaker: Baseball is stupid.

Speaker: Oh, did I ever show you that video, my friend? We went to the Flyers-Caps game at the Washington, D.C. the Caps thing. My friend, he's my best friend from high school.

Speaker: ah This is his band. I'm filming him and he's like, man, this is the worst fucking football or baseball game I've ever fucking seen. and I just turn it and it's hockey. He's fucking hilarious. i want I'm trying to get him to go because...

Speaker: He actually... He's one of the reasons why I'm funny, too. Because, like, he's so serious. Like, he has the best, like, serious comedy, like, one-liners ever.

Speaker: he just, like, he'll say something and he'll just be like, and just stare at you. With his face. And I'm like, dude. He...

Speaker: Yeah. That's my best friend, Randy. Yeah. That's good. The people you hang out with do help form and shape your personality, who you are as a you know basic human.

Speaker: Hopefully they're all good people. i mean, I know yeah the handful of people I still talk to him from back back in the day. Eventually, a lot of people, not everybody, but a lot of people will end up disappointing you.

Speaker: yeah You're almost another pleasant surprise in life. right I've lost a lot of friends through death and just through not talking.

Speaker: But, nah, him and his mom, they've always been in my life. like When that I was at his wedding, I was at the family table. It was super cool.

Speaker: With his aunt, grandma. i'm I'm part of his family. That's my dude. Check out Delinda, everybody. i know this isn't a music thing, but whatever. okay.

Speaker: Put your people out there. Go ahead. Yeah. If you like death metal, like, who super weird, barely understand. I can't right now because I'm on my fucking laptop.

Speaker: Oh, that's right. Yeah. unfortunately. But no. They're good people. But yeah, who you surround yourself with is definitely important.

Speaker: Yeah, you shouldn't. There are people who help you be your best you and other people who bring out the worst in you. Or just leave you somewhere. This is a nice version of both.

Speaker: ah You always have... You always have to be aware of your surroundings. Always. There's so much I want to say.

Speaker: it. You already know what I'm talking about. Well, you know what? You don't have to name names. You can just talk about it. Well, I mean, I talked about it the other night. Glick lined it up.

Speaker: Just like... The Underground Lounge, I will say amen to them. They are amazing people because they helped me out when I was abandoned in the hotel by a certain person. Tyler is a definitely female fan.

Speaker: Friends bands at. Oh. but i Just. cangra that Link to Facebook. If you don't have it, i got link to YouTube.

Speaker: You can hit me up at either place. Comedy in Seattle super pulls you see culture to the point they actually say, what? Less white men doing comedy there. Have you ran

Speaker: What? Anti-white men. Yeah, I know what he's talking about. and yeah that is a thing, which is fucked up. Oh, yeah. it Yeah, that has been bugging me as well.

Speaker: um there's been and I'm too white to say anything about it. exactly. it should be.

Speaker: that's It should be, but people get fucking butt hurt. i best I do my best to populate my shows with some variety.

Speaker: right In a perfect world, it's not four white dudes or whatever. But sometimes that seems available. Sometimes that's, you know, somebody who's working on something. And again, they're the ones that were available.

Speaker: But I always try to have at least one female because women can be very fucking and funny. And everybody deserves a shot. Funny is funny, period. Like Kathleen Madigan.

Speaker: A lot of people don't like her at all. I think she's fucking hysterical. She's funny. um And then Jordan Jensen. i i like most of her stuff, but not all of it. like but There's nobody that feels to everybody in all ways.

Speaker: Right. this is

Speaker: Somebody doesn't know how to turn their damn ear off. It's okay. Don't worry about it. We're not professionals here. do more than that. I'll turn that damn ear off. down the commode and get it down to the sewer.

Speaker: I thought you were the professional idiot. We are professionals. and That's what because of the friends I have. I appreciate that. I got the A that's i don't mean Was that English that he just spoke?

Speaker: ah yeah aren um He was born in Cleveland but grow up in he'd done growed up down in Tennessee. Grow it up. Oh, okay. have family in Tennessee.

Speaker: In Georgia. In Alabama. I'm down from the south. You got a brother-in-law from Alabama, Pisgah. Oh, um my grandpa's from Bylebatry, Alabama, like Forrest Gump.

Speaker: Bylebatry. Down there are three times. Down by the bayou. I lived right in the middle of Cadena, Tennessee for about Oh, nice.

Speaker: i was two I was about two hours from everything. Gatlinburg. I love Gatlinburg. Alabama, Nashville, Knoxville, Memphis, Georgia. Okay.

Speaker: Do you know about the Tale of the Dragon? Like, Deal's Gap? Wrote it plenty of times. Fuck yes, dude. Let's go. hey that's nice. That's an Appalachian run, right?

Speaker: Yeah, that's one of the most beautiful roads you'll ever go on. They just repaved that road a few, like, maybe even a year ago. I don't know. So it was really slick. But yeah, I rode 318 curves in 11 miles.

Speaker: Nothing but windy curves all the way to the top. Fucking beautiful. it is. Sounds like the Million Dollar Highway. Yeah.

Speaker: No, but I'll tell you what, I've read about that a lot on that run, and there's not many cars that's made that without overheating. I believe it. That's a long run.

Speaker: Tale of the Dragon is fucking awesome. I recommend it to anybody that rides motorcycles. Do it. It's a hard run. It's hard on your bike. You're going to put your bike through a workout.

Speaker: Oh, for sure. cool And if your foot pedals are too low, they're going to scrape on every fucking turn. You're going to see it. You'll be surprised how much you have to lean in the tail dragon to get through that.

Speaker: Oh, it's amazing, and I fucking love it. Not every bike can go through it. To me, it's a rush.

Speaker: Yeah, we all went back through it. Me and my cousins, we did 1,800 miles in three days. Dude, it was rough. I've been there probably about three times.

Speaker: That's what's up. And then the the Ten Commandments Hill in Tennessee, we went there too because my family's really religious. Don't got to bring that up. I don't know.

Speaker: Hey, anything's talkable. ah But yeah, motorcycles. Fuck yeah. We're talking about comedy. Fuck.

Speaker: Shit. Asp. Asp. Oh, God. There we go. They can be funny. i love... We need Wally in here to talk about motorcycles.

Speaker: Bill Burr is finally going to fade away. That dude sounds like he is......doing a bad impression of Chris Rock... um Hey, Bill.

Speaker: You're white, bro. White, bro. ah But he is married to a hilarious writer who is not white.

Speaker: I wasn't going to say anything. Yeah, his wife is African-American. She's fucking funny.

Speaker: But I'm with him. I used to really, really, really love Bill Burr. I thought for a while there, he was the best working comedian. But I have a bias there.

Speaker: I'm talking about like, let it go. that's That's his magnum opus. He's never been funnier. But to me, a lot of that material really, really resonated with me and my own personal feelings and thoughts.

Speaker: I'd been saying some of that shit for years. right i didn't say I didn't say she was beautiful. I said she was very, very funny. She has a great personality. um but See, so that's the thing. I've been watching a lot of different stand-up comedians um and seeing how they interact on the stage and stuff like that and compared to what I do or what I want to do and I feel...

Speaker: But then I hear jokes and they remind me of some of the jokes that I have myself. And it becomes like, fuck. So now how do I switch my joke up so it doesn't seem like I'm copying off of somebody else? You know? But again, there's no such thing as a fresh premise, really.

Speaker: What makes it fresh is the way you couch it, the way you write it, the way you perform it, the way you everything. Right. Right. yeah Same culture and same.

Speaker: I cannot live without it. It's like how you handle yourself. What did he Comedy is my drug and I love getting high. Yes, Junior. I love that. A lot of sadness in Seattle.

Speaker: It rains and rains and rains and rains. I have to have you come over and set me up. You can do it right off your phone. Don't tell me that. Mike's getting the bug. He's like, well, shit.

Speaker: Is this all it takes to do this dumb shit? See, I can sit around and bullshit like this all the time. yes Get in here and show your face, bitch. I'm just kidding. what?

Speaker: robert was love is wow the see is not wealth You said you can't see them anyway because you're working off your phone. and they are Well, maybe the other people want to see your handsome face. Oh, look, it's Santa.

Speaker: Holy fuck. Hey. What up? Hey. Watch it. say I keep a list. You might make that thing one day.

Speaker: Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. I didn't mean to do that. No, did. No, I'm trying to bring... you that you She's done that. That's how she just swiped herself.

Speaker: Dude, you look like a sailor on like a shrimp boat. Huh? He's been in the background the whole time, junior You look like... Okay, I just saw the yellow at first, and you look like a sailor like on a shrimp boat.

Speaker: Ew, Steelers, get the fuck off the camera. Hey, you know what? I do have some feelings. I'm not going to go over here until I apologize. Mike's never sorry. So he's...

Speaker: like that for yeah so his He'll be over there all night. He'll fall asleep there. He'll have a fun with Mike.

Speaker: Oh, I'll be. I'll go. If nothing else, I'll make sure that he comes down after or something. I'll make sure he's in that room at some point. He's funny. i lose My best friend is a very good dude.

Speaker: As long as he doesn't leave me there.

Speaker: Listen, I'll make sure you have my phone number now stuff. Just make sure it's working in the time. You'll never have to worry about that again, ever. It's a story. We're not going to get into it but I almost hope he shows up

Speaker: up. Anyways, comedy.

Speaker: wow okay I wouldn't I'd pick up and carry the curb service oh thank you appreciate it I don't need that because I'm already on the curb oh kicks to the curb that's where I make my money I'm a store don't you know get it girl eat get it it's the most wonderful time of the year I have my Christmas leggings on. See, now gotta go show you. Oh, look.

Speaker: Dude. It's Michael on my knee. Michael's on Britney. How about that? I can't see you over the mouth of that. He did not take that swing.

Speaker: Damn. Michael's on Britney. See, every time you this on, there Every time you put them bottoms on now and you look at that, you can think of me.

Speaker: Oh, darn, I'm out immediately. should

Speaker: ah should probably just change right now, honestly.

Speaker: Oh, my God, there's a Santa on my crotch. I don't like this.

Speaker: No, it tastes funny. Michael, I'm Brittany. No, okay. I'm gonna fucking change. I'll get the hell out of there if you want.

Speaker: Hey, Robert Platinum. It's one tea Just one, fuckers. Why can't you fucking remember this?

Speaker: don't know if I can come to it.

Speaker: there's nothing a comeveent There's nothing a comedian hates more than another comedian doing better than them.

Speaker: There's a lot of truth in that. he is the Never mind. um I'm not going to do grammar shit. Ego's a big thing, man. Ego's a big thing. I produce a lot of shows and I don't care.

Speaker: If anybody comes up to me afterwards and says, you were the funniest one, you should have been the headliner. I don't need that. I want everybody to be happy. Everybody wins. The comedians have a good place to perform.

Speaker: The audience gets a whole bunch of good. Well, not a whole bunch. I like to do pro style shows. don't want to do a showcase stuff anymore, but um great the whole purpose is just to make people happy. That's right.

Speaker: Okay. I don't have to be your favorite. I'm still getting paid. love to do it. And I know oh I get a good response. I don't have to get the best response. I know i get a good response.

Speaker: Right. and it makes you happy. and that's all that I feel like is the most important thing. It makes you happy and you enjoy doing it.

Speaker: Right. But like Coltrane said, A lot of comedians, not all, but a lot of comedians, I would even go so far as to say most, cannot stand it if they aren't the best.

Speaker: Yeah. so I have seen that yeah um your funny so If I'm producing a show, don't want to do a lot of minutes if I don't have to.

Speaker: I'd rather let the people I'm doing shine. Well, to see, you're just like, I fucking hate saying this, but you're fucking, like, sweetheart for some fucking reason.

Speaker: i'm a prick. But a nice prick. Can

Speaker: you and Mike keep it together while I take a ah quick break? Oh, well, thanks a lot, you know. I don't think. No, I got this.

Speaker: I'd rather not. Cool. I do have to pee, so we can just throw up a song real quick. Take breaks.

Speaker: Pee breaks. It's to be a quick one. yes Yeah, quick, quick.

Speaker: Oh, shit. I'm not going to bring my phone in the bathroom with me. Aw. Damn. see I was making a New Year's resolution two months before time.

Speaker: I'm just kidding. Don't take me serious. Kelly up in this bitch. right. This is only two minutes and 48 seconds. You better hurry. I'm

Speaker: It's good for the soul. Good friends. Good music.

Speaker: Let's go for the soul.

Speaker: I couldn't pick a longer song. Robert Is is is there anybody there? Hello? Hello?

Speaker: Oh, nice. Hi, I'm Mike. Hey, that's what they call me. Do you have a nickname? lawyer Little boy?

Speaker: I thought you said little boy. Man,

Speaker: they must be talking about Leroy. Okay, I need to fix this. It's hard on my freaking phone to do this shit. We'll just get back in a second.

Speaker: Hold on. No, you're good. Because I still want to choke up a little bit. Everybody, like, share, subscribe.

Speaker: Two and a half minutes. It feels like two seconds. that

Speaker: God, did you have to take a shit or something? God. That's a long way. um My studio is far, far from my restroom. the fourth animals Oh, yeah and yeah. I'm going to ah pop in here a couple of minutes with some videos from our honeymoon. Oh, sorry.

Speaker: Awesome. from here Oh, from the honeymoon. Dude. Kinky. No. No.

Speaker: Not even a little bit. but

Speaker: Good, because nobody wants to see that anyway.

Speaker: Don't I cano it. Cano it.

Speaker: oh

Speaker: There's a... ah See, I want to tell you about some of the jokes that I want to say that are involved... With like real life shit. But I want to save them.

Speaker: For. than New Year's Eve show. So it's like. Fuck. yeah Well you can always talk. camera about it. Yeah.

Speaker: Because I'm not your target audience anyway. Yeah you know. want to do When it comes time. Well I mean. it If you're working on something. That's one thing. Like if you're working a new premise.

Speaker: Like. ah I do want to do that one these days. Start with something random. like Hopefully somebody in the audience just throws something out there. and Then we try to work out.

Speaker: and Then run it. and Then come back and shit. That's also what I've kind of been working on. is like because i i I know how I do my comedy. but I'm working on like making it more I don't know.

Speaker: The way I want it, I guess. And I'm... Word of the heart. What do mean the way you want it? Just like in my... so Yeah, my style and the way that I want it. Like you said, like there's no one way to do comedy.

Speaker: You have to do the way you do it. How you feel it. um And I'm definitely... going to have a little... It's not going to be crowd work. It's not going to be like bashing on people. It's just going to get people involved in the jokes that I have.

Speaker: You know what I mean? Give me example. Okay.

Speaker: Have you ever shit yourself? Raise your hand. and All you people that didn't raise your hand, you're fucking lying. There you Yeah.

Speaker: Nothing wrong with that. it's So it's just like small, minuscule, like, and that's part of my bit, by the way, that I just let everybody, all three people fucking see.

Speaker: That is part of my... Robert bottom, let's go. And then like the first date thing, you know, over.

Speaker: run into that just like my shit did. Anyways. Oh, okay. It looked like beef chili. it Was it like Kevin's chili from The Office?

Speaker: Yeah, truth, facts. I want to... No, I don't want to see that. i I almost said I wanted to see that, but I don't. I really don't.

Speaker: You're not German or Japanese. Got it.

Speaker: Oh, you pay. Did you shit yourself in public? What can Brown do for you? Yes? My mom wo your day my mom told me I was Mexican, but she talked a lot about German. I don't know.

Speaker: You're from Antarctica or in the North Pole. That's where you're from. we were just talking about Polar Day and Polar Night this afternoon. Coincidental. Well, Santa. He's not sad enough, but I'll take it. How?

Speaker: How? ah First thing son of a bitch says, haven't seen him in weeks. He's been on a little bit of a vacation, a little soul search. First thing the son of a bitch says to me is, God damn, she must have married a damn good cook because you put on a lot of weight since you've tied the knot. Yeah.

Speaker: only How long has it been since he... Only your best friends can see you after five, six weeks, and the first thing they say is, damn, you look fucking fat. See, you leave a month and a week, and you come back. he wasn't at fucking wedding? Hell, I almost reached over and pushed his belly and said, if he done that down wo yeah this Is this English?

Speaker: Oh, my God. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Speaker: ah We were standing outside last night before he left. He was hollering, hey, too late, and he turned around and looked at him.

Speaker: It's not even dumb. It's real fat. Why wasn't he at the wedding, motherfucker? Why weren't you at the wedding then, sailor man?

Speaker: I was on a beach in Florida. Makes sense. left the day before the wedding. Two days. I left Thursday morning wedding with Saturday. Right on, right on. say is there I wasn't even there. I can tell you more about your wedding than you can. You were involved.

Speaker: I'll tell you, dude. Dude, no. You were limping around like a champ. you You stuck it out.

Speaker: And I, was Sue, so I will say, do what? No, definitely not. I just wanted to say, sue is a fucking champ.

Speaker: Absolutely. That's why I married her. She's the champ, I'm the chump. yeah Yeah. All the congratulations for the marriage because she got me. What's what's that?

Speaker: I didn't want to miss his wedding, but he could probably explain it to you at another day, but I had to... It was a thing that I had to get away.

Speaker: Sometimes you just need to change your situation. Oh, for sure.

Speaker: It's the smartest decision I've ever known him to make. And I'm not very good with smart decisions. I believe that. you still From knowing you for this...

Speaker: Like hour and a half. I can i can i can tell. so Your beard's dope though. At least you don't diet like g like this. Hell no. That's all natural. because the there to Try to get a little credibility.

Speaker: You know i have to talk shit on him all the time. Yeah, that's what he swore. Love you, Godfather. wouldnt We wouldn't. that He's not even watching. He don't give a shit about us.

Speaker: I know.

Speaker: He left us with a babysitter. Hell, if people are talking about me, hell, I'm not. Because that's giving that other person a rest. That's something that's probably wore out. He's probably went through more Q-tips cleaning his fucking ears than he has anything.

Speaker: Yo, you remind me of my family straight up. Minus the Steelers thing. You can take that trash off. I love it when people talk about me. Hell, I think I'm famous. oh heaven You might be quite soon, honestly. And you're going to make my fucking accent come out now. I've been working on it so hard.

Speaker: And you let that motherfucker hang, girl. causezi Because once you got it, you'll I'll never get rid of what got. I'm going to let that cock hang. will never have the exact accent as Ohio has.

Speaker: Never. Oh, fuck no. They're like a little bit of like can can Canadian a little bit. they're like hey These people up here didn't even know what a damn knickknack was.

Speaker: Nicknack is one of my nicknames. Do you know what a knicknack is? Like a little... ah Words are hard right now. you You're making my accent come out. Oh my gosh. Fuck. Ass.

Speaker: Ass. Alright. That happened. Sorry. Fuck all y'all. A knicknack is like a little trinket.

Speaker: right talking about a little You talking about a little thing you put on your shelves? Yeah. Like little trinkets and stuff like that. Well, my nickname is Patty Whack, Give a Dog a Bone.

Speaker: I'm not a knick-knack. See, down south in Chattanooga, they're called Watnock, not knick-knacks.

Speaker: Whatnots. Whatnots. Yeah, my grandma would say whatnots. This and whatnot. A lot of people don't realize that, that you know, I said it up here and hell, I thought they going to put me in a straitjacket. I run for my life.

Speaker: I feel like you could get out straitjacket.

Speaker: What day? Oh, golly day. I mean, i already say, oh, my Atlanta, golly day. I already have. ah But I have been working on my accent for so long because I get picked on it or picked on for it, whatever. yeah it just

Speaker: Do what? and Here's what you say, Britt. Next time, you just be yourself. They say, oh, wow, that accent makes you sound stupid. You just say to them, i don't care who they are, what they look like.

Speaker: Well, I could always work on my accent if I cared. But you'll always be ugly.

Speaker: Fuck yeah. Hey, how you think you're talking about my sister? Leave her alone. Yeah, bitch. Wait. Deep fried stuff. Ooh, I love me some deep fried shit. Let's go. oh not deep fried shit. That's not what I meant. Deep fried anything but shit.

Speaker: Like Oreos. me worried chat new good I've never heard of the deep fried sauce before.

Speaker: Robert Platinum, I think he wants to propose. Lean into your infinite beauty. Oh, my lamp. See? There's my seven coming out.

Speaker: Fried is healthy. I need more fries because um I need to gain some f freaking weight. It wouldn't hurt.

Speaker: It is hurting, though, because I've been working out. I'm sorry. And then we're Tourette's. ah No, I got a few interviews on that, though.

Speaker: Lined up, though. but This motherfucker's making my fucking accent come out. Hey, you let it out. That's the sweetest thing ever.

Speaker: how do you How do you say this word? W-A-S-H. Wash. i don't ah No, no, no, no, no. My mom and my dad.

Speaker: wash Wash. It's not the wash? No, my mom says wash.

Speaker: She's wash the dish? I gotta wash the dish. I'm like, dude, it's wash.

Speaker: There's no wash. When they say warshire, I run out and grab a boat. There you go.

Speaker: I just laughed. Ain't nothing like a nut and boat will always go together.

Speaker: I used to live right on the water. How do you say W-A-T-R-E-R-F.

Speaker: Letters are fucking hard, I guess.

Speaker: W-A-T-E-R. No, fuck no. Fuck Jersey. Are you kidding me? No. Well, I know there they call it water. Water. i call it water water same well Well, no, like... water I live in the Chesapeake Bay.

Speaker: The Chesapeake Bay of Maryland. Fuck Jersey. You pay to get You don't pay to get in, but you pay to get out. Fuck Jersey. Sorry, except for Jersey that comes into the chat.

Speaker: You're cool. ah okay

Speaker: Turn on the light. If it's all free, I ain't paying to get out anyway. I'm saying. the right I'm sneaking out just like the people in Mexico. Sorry, never mind.

Speaker: Canceled.

Speaker: No, I'll just throw out an application for the furlough. I'll be back.

Speaker: I can't with him.

Speaker: ah see why. Dude,

Speaker: all your friends are dumb and I love it. save everything Night, Wyatt, Sprite.

Speaker: Oh, Sprite. Night, Wyatt, Sprite.

Speaker: Drink Sprite. Drink Sprite. Oh, yeah. No.

Speaker: Coming to you from Sprite.

Speaker: Watch this. Oh, no, no, no, no. yeah Ah, ah. Oops. Yeah. Say it. Sounded like the new series of days of our life.

Speaker: Fuck off with that bullshit.

Speaker: Come on now. Don't be a hater. Play with player.

Speaker: They misspelled it on the can. oh and Dude, i literally looked at the fucking can. Holy shit.

Speaker: Michael. What's he doing, boy?

Speaker: I literally looked at my can to see if they misspelled that. Fuck. I'm

Speaker: like, wait, no they didn't? Fuck. ah You know, smoke some more of this.

Speaker: Okay. Okay.

Speaker: I thought it was pretty crazy that comedy came from Greece. Because Greece... I don't know. i mean, that's where all of the, ah you know... Smart people came from. You know I'm talking about? the Like philosophers and all that jazz.

Speaker: And Greek gods and stuff. So... I don't know. i just it's I've been to Greece. I went there for ah two weeks. Who's the fuck?

Speaker: um That's you times two. Okay. But yeah, no. Just being there it just doesn't seem like a funny place. It's a beautiful place. Like I went to Santorini out of Athens, of course. Yeah.

Speaker: Maybe Mykonos. That's the party place. ah I don't know. I know how to say Troitou Munimou in Greek.

Speaker: Troitou Munimou means eat my pussy. Wow. Holy shit.

Speaker: One of my best friends...

Speaker: And then Malaka is like jack off or jerk off.

Speaker: See, they only learn the words they want to know. yeah One of my best friends for for years, he's from Greece. His family's from Greece.

Speaker: His mom is actually the one that taught me that but years ago. Yeah. I tried it out when I was in Greece. My dad didn't know.

Speaker: But the waiter, he laughed. My dad. Yeah. And my dad was like, what did you just say? I was like, oh it' was just hey, how are you?

Speaker: was like, why did you laugh then? i said it in a funny way, I guess. you know But no, I said eat my vagina. oh yeah Sounds awful.

Speaker: Cocktail sauce, please. Grease was a good time.

Speaker: I'd love to go to Jamaica. Jamaica would be dope. You've been to Jamaica? ra Yep. That's awesome. Grease is where all the hungry people are. at They all want turkey.

Speaker: Now i kind of want turkey. well You're making me hungry. Brittany's in Greece equals fried Brittany's. ah I did get pretty tan there.

Speaker: okay Jesus Christ. What is happening tonight?

Speaker: What is my life?

Speaker: I find myself saying that. I should have done this earlier. I don't think I'm going to be able to get the yeah videos up for this. so sure but its doing Everybody applaud for Michael.

Speaker: You're doing great, dude. If this is how you're going to be emceeing the New Year's Eve show, i don't know if I want to go.

Speaker: Your life is bad as a juice of an angel. Oh, Jesus. Okay. and

Speaker: Well, when the tickets come out, you can buy one. okay

Speaker: We'll see. Dude. Oh, God. I want to save so much, but I can't. I came up with some new risks. Well, because I want to save them from using you. Yeah, you have to.

Speaker: Um, because Glick keeps saying, and like, he knows what we're gonna say. Obviously, there's going to be obvious jokes that we're all gonna say. But I came up with new ones. Watching his old shit and stuff like that and listening to him.

Speaker: That's not what I'm most, ah like, worried about, though. It's the stand-up act. That's what I fuckin'... I'm laying in bed, dream like not even dreaming. i I can't even sleep because I'm just like thinking of all these jokes, typing them down, writing them down.

Speaker: i told you. Get out there and have your heart Yeah.

Speaker: Your heart has never seen me at all. Oh, Santa, you're so sweet. But your heart's not necessarily the funniest. No, it's not. No, it's not.

Speaker: i You know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right, actually. see what you're saying about that.

Speaker: um Yeah.

Speaker: It's just... one Is it your soul that you put out, basically? not just It's just you. You just put out you, basically. that's b Not everybody does that.

Speaker: report nine hour Which is what I've like kind of realized watching some stand-up comedians. like um I'm not going to say any names, but and some people just don't seem genuine. Are you a fan of Larry the Kid? Nope.

Speaker: a no You know that that is not at all who he is as a person. Right. I mean, there are some jokes that I've found funny, but no.

Speaker: But he's old blood or old money, like blue blood money. He comes from very, very, very wealthy family. All the stuff he talks about growing up poor is all made up.

Speaker: Yep. It's like disingenuous. Yeah. And he found a character that works great. And he's got ah he's got his audience. And that's good for him. I'm not saying anything bad about that.

Speaker: I just. I would not want to google it. it's There's a difference between like adding a couple things into your jokes that are like.

Speaker: maybe not true. Right, exaggeration. Um, instead of just making up a whole fucking, like, lie. Persona.

Speaker: Yeah, persona or whatever. ah That's, uh, what's that guy's name that I asked you about the other day, um, that you don't like, that he takes his shirt off?

Speaker: He has that podcast. Yeah. Um,

Speaker: um It's kind of like that, sort of. um Like, it they they have their whole persona. But that's also what kind of made him famous in the first place, too.

Speaker: Well, yeah. I mean, he came up doing Obi and Anthony and other things and Kurt Burt and all that stuff. Right. He's always going to be that lovable idiot. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: Other ones, like Matt Reif, I'm over him. he just People just think he's cute. I don't. I think he's ugly as fuck. I like some of his crowd work, but it just becomes monotonous.

Speaker: i mean I'm not denying it's funny. It is. But when you put his actual stand-up next to it, it really explains a lot of why he's got so much good crowd work.

Speaker: He doesn't have good material. But he's got two specials on Netflix and I don't. So what the fuck do I do? Exactly. that's I'm like, i I can't talk too much shit

Speaker: shit. Art is subjective. It's like music is subjective. It's an art. I personally hate the fucking Eagles.

Speaker: But they're super fucking popular.

Speaker: It is what it is.

Speaker: Why do you hate the Eagles? They're just balladeers.

Speaker: Okay. And for me, that's true, Robert Platinum. For me, that's true. But for a lot of people, it's not. The base of all funnys joke or all funny jokes is truth. Yeah, I i think so.

Speaker: Yep, Brittany. What?

Speaker: ass ass nope nope I don't want this to happen again tonight nope not every single buddy tells stories or talks about himself in a real truthful way yeah know um but i I feel like it's funnier when it's and true the all so do I personally yeah But here's the thing.

Speaker: Unless someone tells you, you might never know if it's true or not. Exactly.

Speaker: uh, one of my friends is one of his, my personal favorite story that he tells. I was bummed out when he told me, but it's not even his story. It's somebody else's story.

Speaker: They told him, yeah, you can use it if you want. And he's been telling it for so long that it seems like it's genuinely his story and really happened to him. But it didn't, even a little bit.

Speaker: See, like, I have some stories that have happened to some family members ah or friends that I have jokes about. and it's, like, I don't know whether or not I should tell those stories because it's not really my story to tell. But I have asked them, a couple people, like, if I could, like, maybe retell their story as a joke.

Speaker: And, I mean, they're down for it. I think a couple of my cousins are going to come up on the Year's Eve.

Speaker: You're coming from so far away. i know. I'm going to something I don't to do for you, that's you can have three comps. Three people you can bring, and they have to worry about paying to get it Well, I mean, we can talk about that later, but yeah.

Speaker: We'll see. When you get here, pick me. Alright. You better fucking be there. only if you're there. ah i'm I'm going to be there. There's no way she won't be there. If I have to, I'll show up at her house unannounced completely. I'll pick her up and bring her. I'll stay up for days. I'll come and get you now and bring you back.

Speaker: It wouldn't be the first time somebody showed up unannounced. Alright. I'm the type of person, if you need me, I'll be there. I don't care where it's at. I appreciate that. You're dope. I can tell that.

Speaker: My voice to text was all screwed up. And I sent him a message that said, hey, man, I got caught up. I have to take my mom to the ah bank. i'll get I'll let you know when I'm all done.

Speaker: Somehow, my voice to text translated that into, hey, can you take my mom to the bank? I'll talk to you later.

Speaker: I almost called him and told him was coming over. He called me daddy.

Speaker: I was about to say, what's she going to do to get a ride to the bank? She's awesome for me to be her date for Thanksgiving. I love that. His mom is sweet. i had I've met your mom before. She's awesome. got aleor She said, what do you got for Thanksgiving?

Speaker: I said nothing because normally don't do nothing. I just stay at home. and She said, well, you can be my date. You come here Thursday. I said, all right.

Speaker: you Thursday Thanksgiving. Mike better be on his best behavior. I'll tell you that right now. I'll tell you that right now. I'll bend him over my knee.

Speaker: I'm going bend him over my knee and spank his ass. That's what my mama said. You ain't never too old to get that ass. Go pick out of your Switch.

Speaker: Shout out to my good friend Stacy. What's up? Glad you're watching. Thanks for checking it out. Stacy, what's up? real Yeah, she's not commenting. I just know she's on because she's watching because she texted me to say she's watching.

Speaker: Well, still. har Talking about comedy, Miss Stacy. Well, hope you're enjoying it. Stacy's mom's got it going on. That's right. stay his mom dreamve got de to go on Oh my It gets with out the country to me.

Speaker: yes yeah show were fucking down don't tempt me with a good time here i'll be she dude i'll take my

Speaker: santas bringing out the country in me Yeah, ain't nothing a car. um'm ah I'm a shore Billy, though. ah Eastern shore Billy.

Speaker: Four-wheel drive and a dirt road. Shit, you'll make a few little dreams.

Speaker: Some dirty boots. but Brought you, babe. Hey, Stacy. Stacy's the shit. Her and her husband, Randy.

Speaker: I did their wedding. was I was their wedding. That's awesome. Brittany's gonna have me looking like Kuntukenta. Okay. I have no idea what the hell he's talking about. I know who Kuntukenta is. but From Roots, the movie Roots. yeah ahead yeah Yeah, yeah. It's a little too far.

Speaker: Yeah, little bit. I had a friend though. She had ah have to I have to disagree only because I was recently married. You couldn't make it. Sad to hear that. i would have loved to see you guys.

Speaker: ah Our wedding was pretty fucking amazing. Yeah, it was awesome. I cried.

Speaker: i literally... Yeah, I did. But then when you when the music was playing just off the phone... And you were just walking, shaking your head. That made me laugh.

Speaker: But then I cried after everything else. exactly It was beautiful. It looked fucking awesome. ah By showing up New Year's Eve to the next big comedy show.

Speaker: I don't think you guys have ever seen one of my show shows, but I'm not 100% sure. and Give Randy my best. I reach out every now and again. I don't know if I pissed him off or something. He never gets back to me. I'd love to hang out with you guys. reals. Miss y'all.

Speaker: I'm going to have to go to one of your shows. I'll do for him what do. You're all talk. Who's all talk? You, bitch. You got to wash your mouth. Or what? What are you going to do? Show up on New Year's Eve?

Speaker: Hey, let me tell you what. I've been around the block more hookers.

Speaker: okay Okay. I don't know.

Speaker: I'm not going to say anything. go Oh, come on now. i Let it out. No, no, no. ah I don't want to get canceled. most it is not this Ask the doctor.

Speaker: I'll say it in public. But not only not live. yeah Allegedly.

Speaker: Just in case y'all did not know. On Tuesdays in the big city of Champions. That's right. the professional idiot himself me me hosting trivia it's not for phds you come in for a great time and lots of laughs uh we piss around quite a bit it's not serious serious but it's a lot of fun you can win some nice little prizes it's good time it's good time that might not be a good place for me to go maybe not long boys

Speaker: looks like newport 100s no neither one of us smoking poop works yeah that's where my ex-manager hangs it might not be nice marlboro menthol black that's where my cousin jackie's when he calls himself a cowboy not me i do not come on now just last week you're in fucking Daisy Duke shorts and cowboy hat. But that's different.

Speaker: thought was He's the best at trivia. Did he film you and Sue together on your honeymoon?

Speaker: Who's that? Santa.

Speaker: No, no. Mike Oh, Jesus. I don't know if I was with them. Mike still be sitting there by the damn pool waiting on him fill it up.

Speaker: We had access to a pool and there was no way I had any interest in doing any of that shit. It was freaking chilly down there. I'll be right back. I'm sorry.

Speaker: It's okay. But yeah, honeymoon talk. ah My wife, all she wanted was to see a bear in the wild. ah bear in the wild and we did see one my best friend smokes those yeah shouldn't smoke it's terrible for you honeymoons means flipping the sx's all side by side I remember that I remember you tell me about that so you guys are wild the but it's been way too long since we've had a game night or real mistakes

Speaker: Rope Randy into it. You guys, us, ah we've got other friends, I'm sure. Yeah, side by side, I figured it out.

Speaker: I am an idiot professionally, but once in a while, I pull one out.

Speaker: And yeah, have a great time together. We always had fun. Yeah, lock him down, make him do it. I'm almost always free on Saturdays.

Speaker: Friday's a little late, but not super late.

Speaker: The Saturdays are probably best. hit kick on somebody else little dangers Favorite idiot. Thank you very much. Appreciate that.

Speaker: Hope the kids are all doing great. I see you got your verb, your brand new ah chicken coop up. That's a good husband. We got there. Good husband.

Speaker: He works for you. nice Everything he does is for you.

Speaker: i just had to sneeze like 20 times. Sorry, I didn't want to bug you over that. That was only a couple of weeks ago. I should have could not stop. yes Man, these kids going back to school and everything and bringing back all these fucking diseases.

Speaker: Little disease-throwing sons of bitches. Yeah. Little Jeremy bitches. That's right. No, but ah my roommate, housemate,

Speaker: her ah her son, he's 12 now. He's been starting to do like little stop motion things. and he He's been doing funny stuff too and trying to do comedy as well.

Speaker: He wants to come on one night for a little bit. ah yeah and Courtney said I was okay. She was like, that's fine.

Speaker: yeah It would just be next to me. i wouldn't have him on anything else. you know but now he's He's funny as shit. He was telling me some jokes on Halloween.

Speaker: It was awesome. oh Halloween was so fucking good. It was so good. I jumped out Yeah, I jumped out in front of a bunch of kids, scared the fuck out of them. even made a mom pee her pants.

Speaker: That was awesome.

Speaker: her father and The other mom was laughing. The other mom was laughing and was like, what? what Are you good? You good? Yeah. And she was like, yeah, she just pissed her pants a little. was like, fuck you.

Speaker: But the first kid that like, the first kid that like, she was the oldest, she saw me, right? And she like eyeballed me and she didn't give away my position. It was dope.

Speaker: I'm assuming. That's dope. Yeah, yeah. I'm assuming Cracker Jacks with George. the dollarler Her daughter Haley is turning 21 next Friday.

Speaker: O-Dip. Oof. That's a rough one, man. well it's not.

Speaker: I don't even remember 21. I know. I was just about to say, don't even remember 21. I don't even remember 31. i don't yeah remember thirty one ah Just keep me posted on this. I definitely want to go out and meet you guys.

Speaker: But I have a Friday night movie show. ah

Speaker: It's called and Movie Night. It was my favorite song. Starts 8-ish. Done usually by 10 o'clock. that's not too, too late. I know you guys will still be out. So let me know when and where and we'll definitely pop out. yeah Do you know what kind of movies are you doing now?

Speaker: proud of ah Do you know what type of movies you're doing now? Since we're out of Halloween season?

Speaker: um I'm going to do whatever. and okay it depends on who my guests is. With the rotating host, guest host, that's how I figure out what I'm going to talk about.

Speaker: It's going to be movie related in some way, shape, or form. Who's my guest? but I don't know yet. know. He told me I had to pay you know yeah his Are you a raccoon, Robert Black?

Speaker: Are you... Wait, what?

Speaker: Wait. Oh, my God. My brain fucking hurts.

Speaker: I told you. This is the reason right here I would not be comfortable just whipping out some crowd work and asking questions. Plus, I wanted to show you a video... Someone I actually know who got caught up and fucked up with crowd work.

Speaker: Okay. She was asking, what do you do for a living, ma'am? And she says, I don't work. I have cancer. Yeah. that's c i I might have seen that before.

Speaker: I think you might have shared that to me. I didn't. i was Well, I've seen something similar um where... like People get caught up in crowd work.

Speaker: They're like, oh, okay, well, I need to move on. I can't talk to you. then This is awkward. And then they move on to like other people.

Speaker: then they'll go back to the person and then they say another thing that's fucked up and they're like, well, I tried again. Fuck shit.

Speaker: that's just You never know what's going to happen, man. That's why I don't like that kind of shit. But me, I'm never afraid to just dive into it. I'm the type of person who would probably say something well, you're at the right place. Laughter is the best medicine.

Speaker: So ah laugh it up. Live longer. Or don't laugh and fucking die. Well, those are the questions that I wouldn't ask. I wouldn't ask like that type of crowd work.

Speaker: That's not the type of... crowd work I do. It's more just getting them involved in the jokes rather than asking them questions and fucking roasting them.

Speaker: You know what I mean Some people go to get roasted and that's what they hope for. I mean, i do like getting roasted because i I do have some comebacks, but I don't know how I'll be in that.

Speaker: I do pretty good with my comebacks. But some of them are so stupid, but that might be funnier because I'm retarded. That's the best ones.

Speaker: I love how you're just having your like background. okay You come out here and meet me. You won't meet somebody that will come back as quick as you can blink your eye.

Speaker: he's He's hit me with brand new ones I've never heard before. i mean I mean, Mike will tell you, he'll say something. hes He's like, right afterwards, he's like, man, how did you think that quick? if you get it win If you always stay two steps ahead, you'll never be behind your competition.

Speaker: True.

Speaker: I mean, I can't let anybody pull you back. That's life.

Speaker: Good night, Robert. is a call

Speaker: I disagree with that Not fundamentally, but in a lot of ways. Like um other comedians. I don't look at them as competition ever. there No, no.

Speaker: there' There's only a room at the top. You'll never hear me backbiting somebody or telling people don't book this guy or anything like that. There's no reason for that.

Speaker: My friend Mando. What up, Mandy? What's Appreciate you. We're talking. some

Speaker: The great Mandy from Toledo, Ohio. I met her way back when I was first met in Sioux.

Speaker: Motherfucker. You motherfucker. oh I cannot wait until New Year's Eve. Go dye your beard. It's looking not gray enough.

Speaker: give himself that fake cred.

Speaker: oh but that Big news in the little city today. I

Speaker: and know it was called but the glass city. I've never heard Pluto called the little city. i was looking for something and I can't remember what I was looking for. Fuck. When I was in Albuquerque a few times off, I was told Albuquerque is is known as the biggest small town in the world because it does seem like every freaking person is everybody there.

Speaker: But it's like two and a half times, almost two and a half times bigger than Cleveland.

Speaker: That's just nuts. Oh, when my dad came to pick me up when I was abandoned at the hotel, we were so we were going to go to Cleveland, but we didn't.

Speaker: What stopped you? Um, yeah he just drove seven hours to come and fucking get me. and We were going to stay at the hotel for a night.

Speaker: Um, whatever. um But we drove back the same night. um And so it was another seven and a half hours because of traffic.

Speaker: Yeah. Mandy, do you have a link to drop for people to make donations to your shelter? Yeah. Oh, I love that. The shelter I'm on the board. Yeah.

Speaker: yeah

Speaker: Shelter, I'm on board of this evening. Shelter I used to work for from closing. Oh, I'm down. I'm broke, but I will definitely find some people. i will share that shit.

Speaker: Put that link up.

Speaker: Please, and thank you. And send it to me directly, too, Mandy. You know how to get on. And thanks for checking us out. Appreciate you. I used to... um volunteer for a homeless shelter all the time where i used to live.

Speaker: Is it called volunteering if you live there? Yes. Because I would make food and bring it to them? Oh, wait. Shut up. You dick.

Speaker: yeah

Speaker: It took me a second, you fuck. Like you said, food grad is usually like 10 steps behind herself, let alone conversation. Hey, it's part of the humor though, right?

Speaker: Whatever. amazingly I love your meat.

Speaker: She's a farmer. Her and her husband have a farm. and they Oh, I love that. mean They grow little bacon seeds and the big bacon and it's so delicious. no ah We have milk and soybeans and corn.

Speaker: we can like swap.

Speaker: That's how it should be, you know? Like the old days where you like trade a chicken for a pig or something. but You'll never get those days back. That's the word I was looking for.

Speaker: Do what? You'll never get them days back again. They're gone. In big society, I agree. But in smaller societies, like show societies, like you follow tours and shit, certain bands.

Speaker: hippie bands generally. It's their own little like barter system and shit. Well, yeah, like one of my ah one of my best friends, she lives in New York.

Speaker: Her and Erica, they... ah They do that type of stuff. They want to... like We had always talked about committing sovereignty and like having our own land and like huts where we live. and Kind of like a cult, I guess it sounds like. But but no, just like living off the land and like doing our own shit.

Speaker: Yeah, hippies, basically. but Whatever, I'll take it

Speaker: My neighbor called me a hippie...

Speaker: My neighbor called me a hippie because she smelled the weed.

Speaker: That's a part of my bit, too. So I'm not i'm not goingnna i'm not going to go into that.

Speaker: Good call. Save us for New Year's Eve.

Speaker: Yeah. Comedy can be found in just about any place. But I'm not really looking forward to having it. I want to pick Coltrane's brain a little bit. like how his mind works.

Speaker: It is? You want to after free spirit. That's right. Spirit isn't even free. That's hilarious that your mom calls it anything.

Speaker: Halloween's over. The two sweetest families ever. Nice. Joining you too. with the One of my great pleasures in this life. I love that. I'm glad you guys are still here.

Speaker: But, ah you know, ah You know those poncho almost things? Like the Mexican pullover? pull Yeah, I have one. Yeah, Mexican drug rug.

Speaker: Drug rug. You've heard it called a drug rug before. Yeah. I have one around here somewhere. It's green and black.

Speaker: This lady, she was one of my very first trivia regulars. she was one of my very first ever trivia regulars And, uh, dude, it had me back in the fuck up. So her daughter told her, yeah, it's called a drug rug mom.

Speaker: Well, she couldn't remember that. They were out at campus or whatever. She was taking her on fucking college tours and shit. And she sees a couple of kids wearing them. And she's like, look, look, it's those pot blankets.

Speaker: yeah A drug rug, a pot blanket. a drug drug a hot band Pot blanket. I love that. I'm goingnna i'm stealing this.

Speaker: Just to let you know. that's just fun That That pot blanket. It's kind of like when my dad asked me, he's like, do you do the pot? I'm like, hey yes, dad. i i do the pot.

Speaker: yeah

Speaker: umly It makes me think of the movie Cable Guy. He's like, Stephen, are you taking the pot? And I don't even think my dad had even seen that before. So that's funny. Yeah.

Speaker: him Oh, I, uh, so that's totally off. It's not related. yeah i went in the mosh pit the other night with this on.

Speaker: Pretty cute. No, it's not.

Speaker: Did you make it fall? No, I borrowed it from her kid. Halloween, I actually did my makeup and everything. I think you saw it.

Speaker: Yeah. We went out for Halloween. Yeah. the hell did we go? Some place, somewhere.

Speaker: ah Well, the thing is, we had an Airbnb in the middle fucking Smoky Mountains. So we were up in cabin. We had to go down into town. And I don't remember what the hell we did. was getting new tape without that.

Speaker: I scared a bunch of fucking kids.

Speaker: That's what's nice about not having children. I'm on Sunday morning. I'm on Saturday. it's I love Halloween. We used to have big, big Halloween parties every year.

Speaker: They do like those murder mysteries and shit. Hell yeah, that sounds awesome. beautiful Yeah. um So my roommate and other neighbors had to take out the kids, so I took care of giving out the candy and fucking with children.

Speaker: I didn't find my Mexican drug rug, but I found my Pacho.

Speaker: ah This sucks. I need my laptop back. I'm going to go up with tomorrow i get

Speaker: and get it. all right You know, we're all still kids at heart.

Speaker: Oh, I don't think I'll ever grow I got my Pacho on.

Speaker: i got my patches grown-ups or something.

Speaker: Yeah, fuck them. ah Well, but that makes them sound like pedophiles, but okay.

Speaker: Wow. I know, I'm a terrible person. um It's inside out. Shit ass balls. Ass. There goes.

Speaker: There it goes. Fuck it.

Speaker: Bring out that twine. Mandy, did you give me that link? yes

Speaker: I smoked with my dad years ago. Okay, so when I finally like really hung out with my mom, and finally I finally had to smoke with her.

Speaker: And it was pretty dope.

Speaker: Oh, okay. How do you feel about people calling it dope?

Speaker: I don't. There's a difference. There's definitely a fucking difference.

Speaker: Anyways, that's where I'll leave it at that. This thing is inside out. I'm fixing

Speaker: it. I've got a great story about me thinking my mom needed to. Yeah. But that one is a... That's a stage story. I don't tell it on the shows. You probably don't need that one on there.

Speaker: See, that's what I'm saying. like i I want to say some things, but I can't because I want to save it for New Year's Eve. Use some of your tags, but it's not giving away the bit.

Speaker: Yeah, right. ah which still like kind of bugs it all right kind of helps you know because or saying it out loud makes me think about how I want to say it when the time comes so yeah saying the a little bit of what yeah whatever fuck off ask fuck

Speaker: Save the real jokes for the time when you need it and just change some words and just put it and just put it in a different way of a story, but don't tell it the way you want to tell it on a show.

Speaker: Right. She's working the minutes. She's got a hard time finding stages to work on. But when she gets these bits dialed in a little better, she's going to have to hit stages over and over and over again.

Speaker: Tell the same story, but maybe switch it up a little bit, change the order of things, make a pause different. There's all sorts of ways to work those minutes. My new favorite is Dead Dad Jokes. She says, my new favorite is Dead Dad Jokes.

Speaker: uh about a week or two after my dad died last year this kid we call him too far joe because it goes way too far and uh he says hey man uh knock knock i said who's there he goes not your dad because he's dead thank i was fuck and crying i was laughing so hard love those she hears the knock on the door

Speaker: Oh, I've heard this one. I've heard this one. This is the one I sent to you guys on the group chat. Remember? and the blind man.

Speaker: oh come in. Sorry, I won't ruin it for her. Whoa, he's there to fix the blinds. Yeah. Remember I sent you that one. Yeah.

Speaker: Where do you want me to put the blinds? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Speaker: Aww.

Speaker: Sorry, Mandy. I'm sorry.

Speaker: It's hard to get one I haven't heard before. Yeah, i know. That's the problem that I've been having lately. and That's why i'm been like I like watching the stand-up comedians, but also at the same time, I like i want to be myself and I don't want to... Yeah.

Speaker: How about three moles? The first mole, the father mole, stops short. Just stops real fast. So what are mama mole and baby mole doing?

Speaker: Smelling molasses.

Speaker: yes You can't tell us jokes without us being able to finish them. Hell, that's worse than smoother than a baby's ass. Why do you want to smell Smoother. You ain't never heard the song?

Speaker: I have. Smoother. Smoother. yeah Maybe you should stop talking about baby's asses, Santa. Okay.

Speaker: I'd have like to be naughty

Speaker: too. Let's go.

Speaker: Let's finish it. I'm ready. All right, all right, all right. Mike, do you got any advice for the audience? Do you got any advice for the audience before we take it off?

Speaker: Are you talking to me or Michael? Mike, the special guest. Yes. Be happy. That's it. Go with your heart with anything. You can accomplish anything you want to accomplish if you set your mind to it.

Speaker: Amen. It's proven fact over years and years and years. Nobody can make you do nothing you don't want to do. I mean, they can, but you won't be happy doing it. That's the thing. Anything. Figure out what you want to do.

Speaker: Figure out what you love to do and then figure out how to get paid for it. Life is too short to worry about a small glass of spilt milk.

Speaker: I love that. I'm going to get that. to You never know how long a life will be. you Can you write that down? why Make it the best.

Speaker: I want you to write down the spilt milk comment, and I'm going to get that tattooed on me with your handwriting. You only turn out the way you live life.

Speaker: Yes. Life is great. Life is the best thing you'll ever have. Compared to the alternative. I was like, it's the only thing we have, really. Yeah.

Speaker: You know, i went to the corner and sat in the found section for years, and I ain't never got me yet.

Speaker: Wait, what? it

Speaker: Oh, Jesus Christ. Boy, I tell you, if that was a 747, he'd have parted your hair.

Speaker: I can't with you, dude. I told you. He's pistol.

Speaker: You're going to have to look me up. Say hook me up. I'm thinking about towing. Let's ride around. You're going to have to look me up. Send me a fridge request.

Speaker: Okay. yeah ah well We'll talk backstage. He can probably send me the link maybe. He's old. God damn it. You always have one.

Speaker: i tell you always up You're still wearing that tread. Make the absolute fucking best of that. Every time someone says to me, hey, have a great day, I promise you I will.

Speaker: Every day above the dirt is great.

Speaker: Yeah, either that or I'll get it off of friend's request. Okay. Will do. You'll be like sister I had. I'm glad you got legs. That bitch can't do nothing.

Speaker: What the fuck? ah I got a bright knee. through She's the fastest thing on two hands. She won a 100-yard death.

Speaker: no Please eases like, share, and subscribe, gang. She's the only woman on earth that can tell you how many licks it takes to get to the middle of a lollipop.

Speaker: Way up, dude. I've asked somebody that. I like turtles. Oh.

Speaker: I'm wondering who that is. We'll talk about it later.

Speaker: I like turtles. Turtles are fun. I like the way turtles eat. It's so funny. They're, like, so slow. They're, like...

Speaker: Thanks.

Speaker: I can't. Are we ending this? you liked what we did tonight, please tell your friends. Yeah, if you hated what we did tonight, please tell your friends. It's ah well' only 9.30. I'm good to go for a little while longer.

Speaker: Turtle Turtle. yeah Well, can go until the bottle's empty. Turtle Turtle. Am I not turtling up for the Turtle Club?

Speaker: Master of Disguise? Come on. That is such a fucking terrible movie. It is so bad. But it's funny. it's It's so bad that it's funny. You know? like no Do you have any movies that are so bad that they're funny?

Speaker: Well, yeah. Okay. almost See, that was supposed to be comedy. It was so bad it wasn't funny. That's the way I look back. Stacy, I got you, girl. Those are awesome.

Speaker: Oh, wait, what? Which one? I didn't hear you. sorry Sorry. No, you named it. Yeah, named it. Master of Disguise.

Speaker: Velocipaster. Yeah, that's a great name. Velocipaster is the fucking greatest bad name of all time. One of. One of. I like Beaver's more. Beaver, huh?

Speaker: Nice. future Vagina? I don't know, man.

Speaker: How you think this beard got so white? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Glick.

Speaker: That's a Glick saying. That's how he got his stripes. Thank God for number two pencils. Yeah.

Speaker: Actually, wait I don't know what you mean by that. You're still young.

Speaker: Number two. I use them for drawing. i use them for pleasure. Oh, my God. Okay. Canceled. do you think got your chocolate right there?

Speaker: Okay, cool, dude. That's what's I'm for once, I'm speechless. like

Speaker: No way. Not the first time. Okay, yeah. before You guys get me. Fuck off. I ain't not woman yet to be speechless.

Speaker: Oh, you bet. Yes, that is true. but I can't. I just like I'm trying to think, but man. It's getting late.

Speaker: Getting tired. yeah if it Getting fucked up by his fucking mind-melding fucking shit. Santa over here is fucking everything up.

Speaker: He done made me start drinking. I've done drunk four cups of alcohol. That wouldn't make sense. I had a little bit. I thinking about calling the Amish for Texas.

Speaker: Yeah, we'll pick up an horse buggy and get on safe. Do it. Hey, if he brings a horse and buggy back up, If he brings a horse and buggy, if he don't bring that stripper pole, I'm going to pissed.

Speaker: What would the Amish Uber name be? You know what I mean? If it was like Uber, what would the Amish call their service?

Speaker: Horse and buddy.

Speaker: Hell yeah, dude. Dude, there's shit all over my fucking town because the Amish aren't live right everywhere. There's horse shit everywhere. It's so funny seeing them pull up to the gas station. I'll

Speaker: tell you what, though. There's some hard-working motherfuckers, boy, I'll tell you that. hell yeah. Definitely. They don't play, by God.

Speaker: I always make sure I show up during Rum Springer, though.

Speaker: How close are you to Amish?

Speaker: What do you mean? Like, to the Amish people? Or, like, me being Amish? Yeah. to I'm not Amish. Oh, yeah. Like, there's a farm literally, like, right a mile down the road.

Speaker: um and everywhere. This is a town known for the Amish. Sorry.

Speaker: so It's not the big one in PA. No, ah but I lived in Hanover as well. um ah But they're they're like, we have to pull over for the fucking horse and buggies.

Speaker: All the time. and there's horse shit all over my fucking tires all the time. think

Speaker: they ought to be responsible. I think they ought be responsible to get Yeah, that's what I've been fucking saying, dude. And it'll be like two little kids that are like five and eight.

Speaker: What? With one horse. No adults. Just doing the damn thing. Like the fuck.

Speaker: Which is good. I think i I approve of letting kids take care of shit early on. But like there's some creepy people out there.

Speaker: But I guess they ain't gonna fuck with the Amish. They have more time freedom than we do. Yeah. it's Yeah, they have more freedom than we do

Speaker: Weed and beer rules. Okay.

Speaker: Yeah, they do. no Like, when I went to Ecuador, there's, like, little three-year-old, like, toddlers walking themselves on a, like, dirt road to a little shack.

Speaker: That's their school. So, it's like... We're definitely privileged. ah So the Amish, I feel like they take that kind of stance life.

Speaker: You know, take care of yourself. um You live on the land type shit. But no, it's weird. And I'm tired of the horse shit on my tires.

Speaker: I'll get up first thing in the morning and I'll write a letter about that. Alright, we're... I'll take care of that in the morning. Dude, wasn't today the voting... Today was the voting day, too.

Speaker: i think. Today or yesterday. and To vote for... Yeah. yeah to vote for a government shit. I'm like, dude.

Speaker: Wow, that's informative. I just, I didn't do it because what what is my vote going to do?

Speaker: You know, I've sat and wondered numerous times is if our votes really even make a difference. Does they even count?

Speaker: Right. I didn't want to get into politics, but...

Speaker: Our opinions mean nothing. We don't have an opinion.

Speaker: What's an opinion?

Speaker: I don't even know what that It's just like an asshole. Everybody has one almost all states. well All of them are gay people. You can't tell me you don't know what it's... Wow.

Speaker: They all have hemorrhoids.

Speaker: You just learned a little bit about me. No, I don't get it

Speaker: it. It's a little kooky right here, y'all. Hey, if I had y'all's wife, I'd retire. do wait No. no no repeat that repeat that no i said if um if i had jobs life i'd retire

Speaker: no

Speaker: No, you wouldn't be able to, dude. I

Speaker: have like 11 bucks in my fucking bank account.

Speaker: What's going to be the difference? Because every time ah certain people get to the age of retirement, they move it up two or three more years.

Speaker: I do have a 401k. They don't want you to retire. They want to treat you like

Speaker: You're not wrong. Am I lagging? Because I feel like I keep cutting you off. I'm sorry. She's got all that hand motion and ain't a word one coming out of her mouth. I feel like I keep... Wait, what?

Speaker: For real?

Speaker: I just... I can't. Can you hear me? You fuck? Yes. Okay. Oh, shit. I wore my hair made tonight. I ain't done.

Speaker: I'm hard of hearing, so that's why i have a hard time sometimes. I usually read lips, but y'all are tiny tonight, so that's why I'm like

Speaker: like... Weed and beer rules. i still have to keep reading that. I can tell you you got something get to people, huh?

Speaker: A what?

Speaker: yeah I got something, people. White people. um You got something. You got certain people. Oh, no. Fuck off.

Speaker: No. um Well, maybe Asians when they're driving. off.

Speaker: Wow.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: No. Last time I rode with a woman, I was in the back seat and i had every seatbelt on.

Speaker: Fuck off.

Speaker: Yeah, I'll strap up and fuck you in the ass, boy. Oh my God. Can I jerk my eyes out? Fine.

Speaker: Just don't let me see it.

Speaker: By God, I'll be there in 12 hours. This is escalating quickly. You knew it was going to get dirty at some point. No, but I've really enjoyed this. ain't never done anything like this. I'm glad Mike had me come over.

Speaker: I love that. Awesome. yes You're a pretty big wild card. It'd be fun to have one. So now I got go home take my sister with no legs out of the wheel and put him in there.

Speaker: legs for the wind she's a little snail trail she's like a spider monkey buddy she climbs everywhere bro long one good it was nice to meet you man you were awesome Hey, it's a pleasure. I'm glad to meet you. is it's It's been a blast this evening, I tell you.

Speaker: Mike here, he's about one of the best guys I've ever known. I've known him for a while. I mean, he's just... I mean, to me, he's like a brother that I got that I don't have. Well, I have brothers.

Speaker: But, no, I feel the same way. um Fuck off, Michael, but, like, also... He is like, I call him like my brother. I love to hate you He called me today, said he had a flat.

Speaker: I said, well, do you want me to come over or what? Because he didn't have a four-way. I got a four-way. He said, I don't know if mom wants to go to the store right yet or not. And then we were sitting there and then i don't know what happened. It must have hit him or something.

Speaker: And then he said, well, just come on over now then. Yeah. Okay, I get over here where he's at. Hell, I don't know where he's at. Hell, I took the tire off the car, knocked on the door, called him. and as it were Michael, do you not know how to change a tire?

Speaker: What kind of man are you? I do. I don't have a four-way. yeah tools are all over the place. My dad just made a mess of all the tools. I still haven't got around to clean them up. He's been dead since five months. Hey, I'm here for him. He calls me. He calls me. That's awesome. Good friends.

Speaker: I wouldn't be mad at all unless he called me late for breakfast and then I'm going to be pissed. can eat breakfast. You got that right. I ate breakfast for that man. Yeah, I ate breakfast at night time. Hell, I ate nothing like 9, 10 o'clock sitting and watching a movie with biscuits, homemade gravy and homemade biscuits and fucking bacon and french toast, pancakes, all that jazz.

Speaker: I'm on there with Blueberry or strawberry? Any berry. just... just... just... just... I just... I I

Speaker: but It's like when I talk about like perverted shit.

Speaker: There's nothing perverted about parents. It's all a funny game if somebody winds up pregnant.

Speaker: No. No. No. I'm good on that. We're good. There's no children coming out of this taco.

Speaker: i like my taco the way she is.

Speaker: my ex-wife come in the living room one day and that and told me she was pregnant. I said, who's your dad? Yeah, because you're old. i said I said, don't tell me. I said, it's obvious the milkman's been running around.

Speaker: Oh, yeah. That's

Speaker: why I never got breast milk. I never got to have breast milk because my mom left me.

Speaker: That turned dark real quick. No, but they always said like my dad, ah the milkman joke.

Speaker: I have wondered if my dad was actually my dad.

Speaker: I did a... Well, on those days of the week, he had to take off once.

Speaker: oh Look up Cox Construction. We'll do some work for you. What construction?

Speaker: Cox Construction. year It is. yeah a bit My middle name is Love. That sounds like I have to fill an application out.

Speaker: Alright, go for it. He's not easy to work with. He doesn't always pay. ah It's been fun. Yeah, we won't work with him.

Speaker: His wife's account. ah I'm just going to leave it at that. all right ah The one from Ecuador.

Speaker: Ecuador was, yeah, it was super fun. It makes you, like, when you go to a third world country, it really opens your eyes to the shit, like, we take advantage of in America.

Speaker: you know what mean? I'm not trying to bring up politics. Like the little fucking three-year-old walking to school on a fucking dirt road to go to a shack. Yeah.

Speaker: With a fucking half of a pig on a pole on the porch.

Speaker: like ah it just like We have school buses and stuff like that. and Fancy school and shit like that. i just It opens your eyes.

Speaker: I know. My favorite bus was a short one. Oh, yeah. Totally. I...

Speaker: the one got to school. That motherfucker called me all about life. Our school broke, or our bus broke down, so we had to ride on the short bus, and was sitting on the floor.

Speaker: Fuck, I have actually ridden a fucking short bus.

Speaker: No wonder they brung out the short bus. thought the goddamn school broke. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker: I rode a short bus. I'm not surprised. I love them motherfuckers.

Speaker: Don't take long to lick the windows. They're small. Oh, I got my tongue stuck on it. It was winter. I

Speaker: bet it was stuck on there like a band-aid. I just like to lick things, so...

Speaker: so ah Too far, too far, too far.

Speaker: hu Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don't know if I'm happy that you brought him on, or I'm like... He's like bringing out all the fucked up shit in me. Come on, man. really no Don't hold it back. I can handle it. I can take it. The eyeballs.

Speaker: but straight i Straight up. i've been Straight up. Straight up. Straight up. And i would i wouldn I wouldn't look at you no different. I wouldn't look at you no different if you told me straight up.

Speaker: You might look me different.

Speaker: I'm not a Canadian, eh? I don't drink pop. Wait, is that what you just said? I can't fucking hear it. Wait, what? is that going to do with be canadian I thought you said Canadian. I can't hear it.

Speaker: You brung up Canadian. I know, because I thought you said... i thought i thought I heard you say Canadian. I'm sorry. Are you... a here Yes.

Speaker: it was Are you a Whirl Billy? ah No, I'm a Shore Billy.

Speaker: Eastern Shore Billy. I'm still i'm so not sure what that even means. She said it a bunch of times. When women get tired, they say they don't want to come out their mouth.

Speaker: Shut the fuck up. I'm glad you're here tonight, but like, dude. Come on now, me and Mike don't talk the rest of the night. You're cracking me up, dude. But you're also making my accent come out.

Speaker: I'm going to tell him things about you that you don't even know.

Speaker: All right, go for it.

Speaker: You can catch it on my next book.

Speaker: What the fuck? I learned how to read. Oh, yeah. Writing poems got me a long ways in life.

Speaker: Yeah. He was a poet writer. Hey, i was was the The president of the poetry club in 12th grade, or no, not second grade.

Speaker: yes President, y'all are dying. Like, <unk>s Jesus Christ. Why are we still here?

Speaker: That's because we're enjoying life. What else do you have to do?

Speaker: Yes, sir. God damn, that was aggressive. We intend enjoy the good company as the two people you have looking at me in the movies that are watching.

Speaker: How about we all cheers? and Cheers to comedy. i mean, you run if you're ready for both of us, I'll sing you wallabah.

Speaker: Could you not talk when I'm trying to take a sip? That'd be great. but

Speaker: What? It won't hurt as bad. Yeah, i know. But I have to go upstairs to do that, and I don't feel like that.

Speaker: I haven't been sleeping too great lately.

Speaker: Yeah, I never did. Yeah, insomnia is a bitch.

Speaker: Shit, I could drive 24 hours, lay down, sleep three, and be back up and ready to go for another. Oh, you well, props to you.

Speaker: Ew, I just said use. seats Is the Pennsylvania rubbing I think that Pennsylvania is rubbing off on me because I just said use. That's a Pennsylvania fucking word. Ew, I need to get out of here.

Speaker: on the good

Speaker: I need to go back to Maryland. i mean, i have been staying in Maryland with my friends. Shut the fuck up.

Speaker: That's my home, man. Frederick, Maryland, to be exact. Fred Neck. I'm a Fred Neck. What part of Maryland?

Speaker: Fred Neck. Frederick.

Speaker: I see. I used to drive a truck. I used to drop ah drop off and wait for another load up there in Baltimore at exit 57 at the port.

Speaker: Yeah. No, I know exactly what you're talking about. Maryland, we're trash, but some are good trash.

Speaker: The raccoons love us. I don't know, that was a bad joke. That was terrible. Could try operating it, but it failed.

Speaker: Yeah, no, Frederick, ah that's where I was born and raised. Yeah. and yeah I need to go back because Pennsylvania sucks.

Speaker: Sorry? Yeah, like Mike was saying, I was born in Cleveland, but I left here at like three years old, so when I come back 14 years ago, I couldn't tell you nothing about this place.

Speaker: Nothing. Nothing I can tell you this place. Well, it happens. Have you gone back since?

Speaker: Hell no. My ex-wife lives there. You think I want to go back here? Yes. Why did you get that left?

Speaker: You're going around to Tennessee coming home from vacation. From a vacation I run into her. He took the extra long route. I give her everything I own when I left to leave me alone.

Speaker: I feel like I've done that before. yeah I'll give her a new car. I'll give her a house paid for and everything and told her all I want is my clothes because let me tell you something.

Speaker: I'm a man. I'll get it all back again. I promise you that. mean, i don't think being a man has anything to do with it, but

Speaker: I'm sorry you had to deal with that. That sucks. But also, congratulations at the same time.

Speaker: he That was the best experience of my life. right Right. See, it like I dodged a bullet from my ex-fiance. Plural. Ex-fiance.

Speaker: Didn't get married. But I probably should have with the one. Because his family rich as fuck. I could have gotten some like.

Speaker: Money from that shit. What is it called? But at the time did it feel right? ah Well at first yeah. And I used to stream with him.

Speaker: um i hope to talk to you about that later Michael. But um. It felt right. it It did feel right, but also it's just like narcissistic controlling type shit that I couldn't deal with.

Speaker: When a rich family person and ah ah somebody like me that came from like

Speaker: poor type household come together, it doesn't always mend. I can relate to it in that part. Yeah.

Speaker: Because they're they're pompous and they think they're better than everybody else when you have dealt with so much shit, but they have been handed all their shit.

Speaker: It doesn't work. It just... it just yes

Speaker: People who get hinted at everything are generally not good people. Right. I've learned that from a few people. but Not just my ex-fiance, but... What? I'm sorry?

Speaker: What do you think of people like that? What's your theory on that? Well, see... Okay, so... My grandfather... He ended up being like super, I mean, rich. And I got a good chunk of money after he died.

Speaker: um But he always had this perspective of, you know, you need to work hard and do you're shit You know what mean? He wouldn't say that because he was a preacher at 11. He never took any church. He never took any money from the church, though. That's the thing that I respect the most.

Speaker: But he was wife. I'm talking about the rich people that thinks they're better than everybody else. Oh, fuck them.

Speaker: Fuck them. You know what my theory is?

Speaker: If their life is so miserable and what makes them get by on life is making somebody else's life miserable.

Speaker: through those companies

Speaker: Oh my God. Thank you for fucking saying that. Because like that's literally it. That's seriously like It's the fact.

Speaker: They have nothing else better to do but torment somebody else's life because they don't have a life. They want to wah, wah, wah when they have all this money. but and then they And then they show off, oh, I have... Right.

Speaker: Exactly. why is my light flickering? What the fuck is happening? your fault. That's the bad thing.

Speaker: You're responsible for their actions.

Speaker: Yeah, and then they want to and then they want to blame everybody else.

Speaker: Right. Their choices meant nothing. They were screwed. they were separate the ago And it sucks that the only way your life is to be happy is to make somebody else as miserable.

Speaker: Yeah. This is so funny. I'm glad we're talking about comedy. It is actually kind of funny. love it. I love people come see with that attitude because I'm going to hurt their feelings bad.

Speaker: No, and I'm hoping the people that are watching right now ah are listening to this. It's nothing personal. I have nothing against nobody.

Speaker: Everybody has an opinion. Right. Whether people like it or not. It's an opinion. It don't mean nothing. It's just what you think.

Speaker: Right. it's like It's all in your head. If you don't like it, then fucking fuck off.

Speaker: Well, they're taking it the wrong way and they want to take it to heart. That's it's after another thing. Don't take it heart. Right. That's another thing. Because as comedians, you know, like we make a lot of jokes just offhand.

Speaker: And if you take it seriously, ah it just That's hard for me. That's a hard voice.

Speaker: And that joke that you're doing has nothing against any human being on earth. Right. It's not like real life. I'm just making a fucking joke.

Speaker: Your job is to make people laugh. Right. And if you can't laugh about it and you take it too seriously, like fuck off them.

Speaker: That's the problem. They get offended over things that don't mean nothing. Right, exactly. It's literally just a joke. Did you hear that crowd out there clapping, laughing, hollering, screaming? with That one person seems to be the loudest voice.

Speaker: There's always one jerk out of a crowd. Oh, well, see, that's what i what we were talking about with the crowd work. Um...

Speaker: Like, somebody, if you talk to them and they're like, oh, well, I have cancer. You're like, oh, well, this is awkward. Or you get that person that's just an asshole.

Speaker: So, I understand. yeah Go ahead. Go ahead. Jinx, you owe me a fucking coke, bitch. Okay.

Speaker: um I was just saying... will you go ahead. like car Here we go. I need my laptop. sister does suck.

Speaker: My sister has done the same thing for years. Now she just stands on her head and says, oh, Lord, I'm coming. you That's gross. She

Speaker: made me say it.

Speaker: Okay, canceled just say what you're going to say, dude.

Speaker: We're not big enough to get canceled.

Speaker: Yeah, true. Oh, never mind. Who's going to cancel us?

Speaker: Ain't nobody cancels.

Speaker: You can't cancel us. I told my ex-wife the same thing. I said, how are you going to cut me off when you don't know where it's coming from?

Speaker: ah jo I told her two weeks before she left or before I left. I told her two weeks before I left. I hope she died before I did. She said, why? I said, because I'm going to stop you staying in the corner and you can watch me.

Speaker: My new younger girlfriend. yeah

Speaker: Hey, if you ain't happy, I'll mess you down and pour you on us like a peachy five gallon drum and you can join us. Can you shut the fuck up for a second so I can breathe?

Speaker: You can call me a Yankee. You call me, I'll put a little little hill Yankee in you. Oh my gosh. Please don't feed him any more alcohol. Oh my gosh.

Speaker: yeah and die are broke i Oh my god, that's one... Okay, I'm not gonna tell the joke, but that one of my bits is finding my grandpa's Viagra.

Speaker: In a drawer. And he's like over 70. He's over 70. And I'm like, my grandma has sciatica and has five pleats in her back and has surgery all down her leg. like Because he blew her back out. that's Stop.

Speaker: Stop. You're not supposed to tell my bitch. I'm a stranger. I'm stranger.

Speaker: ah But no, then my, ah one of my best friends asked, she's like, can I get some of that? So I sold her some of my grandpa's.

Speaker: That's fucking great. That's a drug dealer story.

Speaker: Allegedly.

Speaker: Yeah, my mama told me I was like a box of chocolate. You never know what you get. Alright, Forrest Gump. That's where my grandpa's from. That's where he sold his fucking Viagra.

Speaker: I can buy you the battery. That's nuts. I think it was a real fucking place. It is, yeah. That's where he's from. And it's funny because I tell people my grandpa when he alive my grandpa when he was alive

Speaker: Even though he was a preacher, him being from Alabama, Balabatch, Alabama, the Bayou, he was definitely a a lot like Forrest Gump. He was definitely goofy. He wasn't your normal preacher.

Speaker: he was mo he He was funny.

Speaker: You're not always your job. Right. one of the wild one of the wildest parents i ever knew was the local preacher. One of couple churches here.

Speaker: It blew my mind the way he talked to us and shit in high school. was like, get the fuck out of here. This guy's a man of the fuck. What? He was hilarious. And a super genius, too. it's like He could speed read for real. like You put fingers out like this, you just go down the page, go down the page, flip. I've seen that before. Fuck off. Fuck off.

Speaker: And he'll fucking quiz him, and he'll tell you what he read. It's fucking crazy. I don't know how that blows my fucking mind when people do that. Like, I'm like, words are hard.

Speaker: yeah I can't. You are not really reading that shit a voice, I am. So I quizzed him and he was like, yeah, what's now? What now, bitch?

Speaker: Don't call me a liar in my house. It was hilarious. I was laughing the whole way out the door. He was a fucking fun dad. That's awesome.

Speaker: Yeah, no, I met my best friend, Ricky, that is in this band. He's the guitarist. i Which is really weird. He used to be atheist.

Speaker: or And then, like, he was satanic also. But now he goes to church. Church. And um he just had a kid.

Speaker: And at his baby shower, they're preacher or whatever they call him ah was there and he was actually he was like my age maybe ah it was actually pretty cool so I was like okay and maybe hu i just like I've been to I just la I didn't want to bring up ask ask

Speaker: s Sorry. hu

Speaker: yeah Sorry. um but just but Religion is' tough for me and growing up in it. You know, yeah the one time at being or church camp.

Speaker: um That's definitely a part of my bit, by the way. I've heard all the stories. Yeah. I'm not going to say it right now, but yeah.

Speaker: It just... ah A lot of people have... um

Speaker: Things to say about preachers. Well, priests, especially. like You know. I'm not going to say it. What's the reason you have super help? Fucking little boys.

Speaker: I'll lead back to miserable people that have nothing else better to do with their life. Yeah, true. But, you know what? it's Because life can be would be wonderful if you let Right. All you can control is the reaction to things. Life stinks because you let it stink. opens traes you You can go through life not having a damn dime and live like a rich person.

Speaker: I don't know why I'm proud of that. I don't know why I'm proud of that, but... No, my grandpa, he was very humble about, like, his preaching. He didn't try to shove it down people's throats, you know what I mean? Like, a priest. Anyway. What religion was it?

Speaker: ah This is gonna be the part that I get to. Pentecostal.

Speaker: okay that's The ones that like Pentecostal Christian, which is my middle name. Why am I saying this? on my fuck ass.

Speaker: Pentecostals are... It was ah god a God of prophecy. Church God of Prophecy.

Speaker: Which was Pentecostal. Yes, of course. Oh, yeah. yes course set down george oh yeah get up heart will yeah It was a very small church. There was only like maybe 15 people that went and like my brother and i were the youngest ones at one point.

Speaker: And it was right like three houses down from where I grew up. So if my dad didn't want to go to church, he just like shoot us off.

Speaker: Like, go away. Because my mom left at an early age. And my dad raised us. And he's just like, fuck off, go to church. Basically. I think that's what is. But Pentecostal, usually they they speak in tongues. And they have like the snakes and shit. We didn't have the snakes.

Speaker: That's not Pentecostal. That's weirdo costals. like like how can like burn Have you seen that? iranian a Have you seen that video of the priest that like we had the snake and like bit him and like he literally died from that. He's like, I'm okay. God's got me.

Speaker: Blah, blah, blah. Like shit like that. i can't.

Speaker: ah He's in heaven now, I guess. Whatever. Anyways, I didn't want to get into it. That's my background. Snakes are like a dog. It's a man's best friend.

Speaker: I guess. I own one. I own the two and a half foot yellow albano python I had ever since it was two foot long.

Speaker: Oh, hell yeah. I love i love snakes. Maybe it's the Pentecostal in me. I don't know. And the hardest thing I went through in life was you getting rid of that snake.

Speaker: huh Thanks, Roddy. but I raised that snake from two foot to ten foot. Yeah, it was a fucking snake. that's how That snake slept with me in the bed. But you weren't you weren't in church speaking in tongues with the snake, right?

Speaker: good No, but I sure had a little reason. Dude, we had a snake. My my uncle bought for my ah my cousin. it disappeared. like it's It was like one of those little like orange snakes.

Speaker: Whatever. It disappeared. and We thought it died. So we like tried to buy another one to replace it but and like lie to her.

Speaker: its but and then ah yeah like years later it started coming out of the um air duct and it came back it survived the fucking winter dude and we're like okay now you have two snakes it was

Speaker: two holes nevermind Anyways. animalss The one went to the Keys. He come back tan.

Speaker: He said, God these people are crazy. got to get the hell up out here. Somebody call me cat.

Speaker: ah Oh, my God. Duval. I'll buy too.

Speaker: ah That's one of my jokes. is ah you know I'm going to start it No, I don't want to say it on here. I

Speaker: already said it. Whatever. ah Just saying that I can eat four cheeseburgers. but and They might be sliders, but I can eat all of them.

Speaker: I know I'm skinny. but yeah How long would it take you? ah That's another story. I'm not going to tell. Once you let everybody know, I'll let you know how much money I put on.

Speaker: Fuck you. That's what you get. I tell you what I get the best compliments everywhere I go appreciate that you are more than welcome you mess with the snake you get the facts that's what they told me at church oh boy

Speaker: the snakes at the church told me the same thing that's right you know snakes like a dog that's right no no A snake is like a dog.

Speaker: Do you realize that? and we Just please continue the fucking shit. Say it.

Speaker: Dog is like a snake. It will only strike at fear.

Speaker: ah A dog will only bite you if it fears you. Okay. I thought you were trying to...

Speaker: I thought you were trying to make a joke, but no, you're not wrong. Also with horses as well. They're very intuitive. It takes me seriously. I'm going to go going to get the message out.

Speaker: You should work in animal control or something.

Speaker: That's what I'm actually looking at i've been My cousin, Sierra, she does animal control. And I've been looking around. You don't even have to fucking go to school for it.

Speaker: You just have to be ready to die.

Speaker: you had and kate have to be a dog and cat person.

Speaker: You have to be good with animals, she said. Or you do an animal clinic, she said. She's talking about animals like wranglers. Like where you... Like a raccoon or possum. Yeah.

Speaker: Animal control where people call and like, hey, I have an animal. you need a can you Can you get rid of them? i'm I'm down. I'd go out and capture different kinds of predators.

Speaker: I don't care. Hell yeah. Bite me, I'll bite you. Nah, I got a cage specific. I have a cage specifically for him.

Speaker: i got one too. You already see the people looking at me in the front yard.

Speaker: Why haven't you been captured yet? I'm captured every day when I get in that goddamn cage. It's because you're with Rudolph. Believe me. start believeing

Speaker: Dude. That nose is so bright, I'll find you anyway. It's Christmas season, Santa!

Speaker: That's your boy. you linaling girl Oh, oh god Jesus. Thanksgiving. Not fucking Thanksgiving, but... i know everybody forgets everybody forgets about fucking thanksgiving not fucking thanksgiving but i just I fuck Thanksgiving. Now this is the truth. Now this is the truth. I used to love all holidays.

Speaker: yeah Now it's a different. Why? And i shouldn't I shouldn't use it as a reason but I choose to. Holidays to me is for kids.

Speaker: Oh, well, see. that ages well right

Speaker: When my holidays went out the door, when I lost my mom, she was my holiday.

Speaker: She was a friend, a mother, and a supporter.

Speaker: I took care of my mom. I think Mike remembers it. it got It got to a point to where I bathed my mom.

Speaker: Sponge bathing. I mean, I had to feed her. I had to cook for I had to give her her shots. I've done everything.

Speaker: For three months, I never left my home because she could not be alone. Yeah. ah i Actually, can we talk about something else? Because this is going to make me cry. i had to do the same thing for my grandparents.

Speaker: yeah I'm a little different because with me talking about it,

Speaker: it it pulls me through life stronger. Yeah, I get yeah get where you're coming from. i' I'm getting to that point, but it yes stuff it's just so fresh for me It's just so fresh for me. That's why it's I'm still going through the grief process.

Speaker: It's a happy grief, though. Yes. Because because when you look back on it when you look back on it after years, you smile Well, and it's... You know, they're not suffering anymore. Right.

Speaker: right Also, going through the grief of my cat, which... but shouldn't be funny. ah oh la la la I'm just trying to change the subject, honestly. I'm

Speaker: going through the grief of my cat, also. but yeah, I had to take care of my grandparents... ah We had in-home hospice care.

Speaker: And I had to wash my grandma. And she had... It

Speaker: it starts with a D. and Whatever. It doesn't matter. um It wasn't easy. Just to say the least. So I feel you, dude.

Speaker: Still going through going to the about They know what you're going through. You don't know shit until you've been through it. yeah the first time You have to be there tonight. Anybody can say, hey man, I know what you're going through. I feel for you.

Speaker: Well, yeah, you want to say that because you want to try to make me feel good and not down. I get that. But you don't know the way it is unless you let it. That's absolutely believe right.

Speaker: 100%. You gotta live that moment to know. And I'm sorry you had to go through that, dude. I'm sorry

Speaker: sorry. Everybody takes grief a different way also. like And it takes people by different time.

Speaker: Life is no parent should have to bury their child. Yeah. just We're on earth, and it's a sad thing to say, but we all know it.

Speaker: We're on earth bury our parents. My grandma had to bury two of her sons.

Speaker: The one that snuck out with a six-pack on the airplane. My grandpa's airplane. Remember, Michael?

Speaker: You're both, Michael. Fuck, this is fucking me up. that You can't get a better show than the M&M, Mike and Mike. but I'm digging it. I'm so happy that you are actually showed up. You're showing your Santa outfit.

Speaker: You know, we're M&M. He's Mike. I'm melting him out. Oh, God. just You know what? I take back what I just said.

Speaker: as This is your friend, Michael. yeah I know that. It's my brother. What the fuck's that? We was friends. I don't like him. I'm just here to meet my next wife. Hell, it got so bad that I really thought one time, I really thought I met my ex y i mean met my future wife, but then I turned out I was at the family reunion.

Speaker: Oh, God.

Speaker: Yeah. Got the right accent for it.

Speaker: She froze. ha That's a great one. i've got clip that. Somebody clip that. She froze solid. Yeah, she's froze, froze. Need to take your torch?

Speaker: Her phone might have died. Who knows? Her sound must have went off too, huh? Well, she's froze, so she's missing, missing. She's a missing person.

Speaker: You're going to have to try to pop back in and say goodnight. She can't be missing.

Speaker: Come on back, Britt. Well, there she is. She's gone. Hopefully she can come back. She might be dead. Not physically, but her phone might have died. See? So just in case, she doesn't make it back. This is the first time I've ever done anything like this or sat and watched anything like this.

Speaker: But I didn't want to say nothing. But, you know, once I get into it, I could go all day and I'm done. Right. I enjoy talking about it.

Speaker: been on This was a fucking blast. I would enjoy talking to her just you know as as friends on Facebook. Just bullshit. i'd I'd like to put some ideas on her head. You know we have that idea. Don't do that.

Speaker: She's still a good egg. man ah rur I'll come out with something, man. When she come out there, she'll be so hot that the fucking egg's frying not even out of the shell.

Speaker: That's a Phoenix, Arizona egg.

Speaker: I'll have to look her up. I'll send her your message. I mean, I'll tell you what. People like that, man. you I mean, you learn a lot about people just by talking to them. Absolutely.

Speaker: I talked to you for a day. I'll tell you your life fucking story. It might not be exact point, but I guarantee you somewhere through there, 30%, you've been there. You've done it. i promise you Her phone must be dead. She's not sending her message either. so

Speaker: Yeah, Britsa Goodick. Next text you saying, you tell her. You tell her I am so pissed. You're telling her. She's going watch the end of the show. I guarantee it. I can't believe she just, you know, throw this away like bad meat.

Speaker: I mean, what the hell? Her phone died, guarantee it. She doesn't think about charging shit. You know, we take showers. We're not defective. Y'all, it's been a good time hanging out bullshitting with you guys.

Speaker: Thanks for everything. Say goodnight, Mike. Goodnight, guys, y'all. Enjoy yourself and have a good life. lay above the very This is me recording and checking my sound. I don't know if it'll work good or not.

Speaker: I've got super lame looking hair. I hate this fucking haircut. It's fucking and stupid as fuck. But that's what Sue wants, so that's what Sue gets.

Speaker: She wants to make sure I'm unfuckable to the rest of the world. Whoop!