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18 | Through Our Own Eyes: Healing the Relationship With Our Bodies
24 Plays29 days ago
In this week’s episode, we open up about the complex and often challenging relationship we have with our bodies. From experiences rooted in childhood to the way we view ourselves today, we explore topics such as body dysmorphia, disordered eating patterns, and the discomfort many of us feel in our own skin.
This was a deeply personal and difficult conversation, but we felt it was an important one to share. While we are not registered dietitians or therapists, we strongly encourage anyone navigating these issues to seek professional guidance.
As you listen, please hold space for your own journey and remember that everyone’s story is unique. Comparison can be tempting, but our experiences are relative to who we are as individuals.
Thank you for joining us for this vulnerable conversation and for approaching it with compassion and respect.
Follow us on Instagram @weget2dothispod
Email us questions/comments at weget2dothis@gmail.com
Check out the video portion of our show at https://www.youtube.com/@weget2dothis
For business information hit up the links below: Dr. Kailee Acupuncture Website Oak Endurance Website
LASTLY -> If you enjoyed the show, please like, comment, subscribe and consider giving us a 5-star review wherever you listen or watch :-)
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Transcript
Opening Jokes and Nervousness
00:00:30
Jacob Oak
Thank you.
00:00:38
Jacob Oak
We need new stools. Yeah. Let's add that to the to-do list for Black Friday weekend. Okay, good deal. Or if anyone wants to get us a Christmas presents out there. My mom's been asking, mom, we would like Christmas stools. I need some bar stools. But before Christmas would be. These are no good. I feel nervous. I haven't felt nervous for podcasts in a while.
00:01:08
Jacob Oak
Why is that? Because the topic today is pretty intense and raw. And I think it's going to make both of us feel very uncomfortable. Although both
Being Real about Body Image and Eating Disorders
00:01:20
Jacob Oak
of us have talked about our bodies and body image and body dysmorphia and stuff before. Yeah. Not an entire episode. Right.
00:01:32
Jacob Oak
on our own podcast. Right. And, but I mean, I think it'll be good. I think that, you know, from what I had experienced working in the, in this industry was, you know, I kind of went into, I don't know, for the longest time, I kind of thought I was the only one that like looked very poorly at my body. And then I got into the endurance world and found out that a lot of endurance athletes struggle with how they look at their bodies, how they view view, how they view themselves in the mirror, weight, different, you know, things surrounding their bodies. And I think it should be talked about. I think, I think we should use the podcast as a way to talk about it. Yeah. Cause we want to be very real. We we said at the game, we're going to be real and raw and share things. And just as a little like,
00:02:33
Jacob Oak
for warning for thought for people like probably me talking about eating disorders like some heavy things today so just a forewarning for people like if you don't want to like listen to that stuff just know that like or if this isn't a time to be listening to that just know like we are going to be talking about those things so yeah um and we're going to talk about it very much you know as we typically do from our experiences we're not We're not going to say do this or do that or, you know, we're not, we're not giving advice. yeah We're going to talk about ourselves here. We're not, I'm not a
Childhood Bullying and Disordered Eating
00:03:10
Jacob Oak
therapist. I'm not a psychologist, right? We are not dieticians, nothing. So this is our personal experience with the, uh, with the subjects, things that we've found that we've struggled with, things that, you know, we've learned from.
00:03:28
Jacob Oak
And if you disagree with us, that's okay. Cause this is our personal experiences and I feel like both of our journeys have been like lots of highs and lows and no two people are the same. So I just want to say that before we get into it. I don't know where this is going to go, but just wanted to give that warning. How do you want to start? So.
00:03:58
Jacob Oak
You've probably already gathered. We want to talk about body image, weight, things like that. And I feel like for us, it's coming from the perspective of two endurance athletes who have been runners and in that kind of realm for a very long time in most of our lives. I mean, I started running in middle school. Same. When did you start again?
00:04:27
Jacob Oak
Yeah. there eighth grade ah from nearest cross entry It's been like our upbringings to be around runners and, you know, what you think of as the quote, typical runners body. And I started running. I mean, shit, this stuff started immediately. You know, I, I remember the first time I wanted to lose weight specifically, I was
00:05:01
Jacob Oak
I don't know, eight, nine, well but there is like a specific, like, like when I, when I kind of look back on, on like the first specific example that started this, it wasn't until, let's see, I just moved into my new, my parents were still together. They had just bought a house and we had moved kind of into like the country.
00:05:31
Jacob Oak
And so that must have been fourth grade. And Special K cereal was a thing. Which by the way, Special K, the chocolate delight and the like yogurt cereal.
00:05:47
Jacob Oak
hit but Special K was a thing and I wanted to lose weight. I had gone it was the summer after third or fourth grade or something and I around that time and I was like I'm gonna go into this summer and I'm gonna lose some weight and I'm gonna go back to school next year and I'm gonna be I'm gonna look different and I don't remember why I think you know like it wasn't I don't think I was old enough yet where it was really like a wanted like girls to like me or anything like that. It was more of like both my brothers were pretty thin at the time. Um, and I wanted to like look like them and I had like kind of gotten bullied and you know, made comments about like, you know, while swimming and like, like to, you know, put my shirt back on, put it away, you know, just different shit like that. And I just, I didn't want that. I wanted it to stop. I wanted it to be done. And I want people to like,
00:06:39
Jacob Oak
touch me inappropriately and like poking my belly and you just different stuff like that. And so and I saw in a special case cereal box that there was a special case diet and you could basically follow like eating only special K foods and you would lose weight. And so I tried that, but it turned into, this is like where my first like kind of disordered eating thing turned into. It turned into like I just wanted to eat special K cereal. Now, when you're younger like that, like
00:07:11
Jacob Oak
and I feel like parents see and whatnot. And I started like only wanting to eat special case cereal and like that it didn't last. ended It ended quickly, right? And then I went back to kind of to my own ways and was eating just typically like binge eat at that age,
College Struggles with Body Image
00:07:30
Jacob Oak
even early on.
00:07:32
Jacob Oak
whenever I was emotional or anything, I would like eat my emotions, right? So I didn't really like, that was just like my first time kind of that I can remember thinking about it, right? um And then every summer after that, I remember I was like, this is the summer. I'm gonna start exercising, right? I like, like P90X I think was one of the first exercise things. I was like, I'm gonna commit to this. You know, I was like a 10 year old, whatever it was and start exercising and get into that.
00:07:59
Jacob Oak
um And then there was one summer where it was not like seventh grade and from, I had signed up for the seventh grader. You can do like the high school lifting program.
00:08:14
Jacob Oak
write a sign that my parents signed me up, whatever. And we were two miles from our high school. So my goal is to run to the high school by the end of the summer. And that was where my relationship with running first kind of started because my older brother was a runner. And so I was like, if I can run two miles straight, but it's time I can run two miles straight, I'll be thin. Like that was kind of my thought process. And by the end of the summer, I did that, but I didn't change. And I had actually walked around the two miles.
00:08:44
Jacob Oak
And then so it was, you know, it became like, oh, I need to run two miles straight. In order to do that, I'm going to need to join like, you know, track or cross country or whatever. So then I like got into track and then I ended up joining cross country, you know, shortly after. And literally the thought process was, okay.
00:09:04
Jacob Oak
I couldn't run two miles straight, so I didn't like get my body to the point where I wanted it to be so that I could do that. Like that was my, that's how I viewed it, which was not good, right? And so then it became, so why did you do cross country? Well, they run five K's. Like, holy shit, that's far. If I can run five K straight, I can definitely do two miles straight. And by the time I can do a five K straight, I'll have the body I want, right?
00:09:31
Jacob Oak
And then, so in you know high school, you you do that, right? It's fresh for you, now I did it. And again, nothing changed. At least in my eyes. you know i Looking back, I don't remember exactly, but nothing changed in my eyes. So like now I'm doing the five Ks and nothing changes, right? So now it's what next? How do I get to this point?
00:09:53
Jacob Oak
um And my sophomore year, I started having gut issues. Anxiety induced irritable bowel syndrome is what I was diagnosed with because I did like every freaking test in the book. Then they ended up saying you have IBS. And then later in life, I was like, that was definitely anxiety. you know I was able to figure that out.
00:10:16
Jacob Oak
But what had happened was my biggest thing was I didn't like my stomach making noises in quiet settings, right? Gargling for like food or like digesting and having to go hit the bathroom, you know, things like that. um And so then I just wasn't really eating because I figured if I don't eat, my stomach won't make these noises. And what happens is happened with that is I started to lose weight.
00:10:43
Jacob Oak
And that was the first time I actually started losing weight. And from like, I think it was from like my sophomore to junior year, I lost about 30 pounds. So I went from, I was like, like 200 ish and make the lowest sales at 163 or something like that. And, but I looked unhealthy. I did not look well. Uh, and what came with that was I got faster in running.
00:11:08
Jacob Oak
So those combined gave me this like negative viewpoint of, oh, if I'm lighter, now I'm gonna get faster. If I'm not eating, my stomach isn't gonna make noises. It feels like awful all the time. I feel awful all the time, right? And from there, it was kind of like, I think I found something that could that could work, you know?
00:11:33
Jacob Oak
And if I'm being honest, I don't really know what exactly kind of made me realize that I was like having and a disordered eating pattern at that age. I really like looking back right now, I'm just kind of died like dissecting a little bit. I don't and don't know how I've realized it, but I mean, eventually I did. And I was like, okay, this is not healthy. I think I just kind of realized like I wasn't ever eating. and Did anybody like tell you, family, friends? I remember getting comments like it from high school. like People just being like, you are so skinny. like You need to eat. I remember getting comments like that. But no one ever like took me a aside or anything. it was like That I can remember. at Lisa and I was like, are you OK? What's going on? That I can remember. Do you think that's something that you would have like wanted? Or like do you think that would have helped? 100%.
00:12:31
Jacob Oak
yeah
00:12:33
Jacob Oak
I mean, I wanted, at that point, a lot of it was like, I want attention. Like now I do want girls to see me now, you know, in high school. And yeah, that was a lot different. I just, yeah, I'm trying to think back on like why, what, like what snapped me out of it. And honestly, maybe the truth is that nothing did snap me out of it. I think that that, cause I carried that into college a little bit. I just think I got more aware of it. And I actually senior year ended up gaining a good amount of weight back.
00:13:01
Jacob Oak
And then like struggled with that and went into college at like 215. So, you know, my weight was fluctuating a lot and whatnot. And then like, it was really college when i I think just kind of like looked back at high school and realized what was going on there. So yeah, I don't think anything snapped me out. I think it was just kind of, I got sick of not
Societal Pressures and Self-Comparison
00:13:20
Jacob Oak
like.
00:13:23
Jacob Oak
feeling well, I guess. Like I just always felt awful. And then once I was out of the school setting, I didn't have the excuse anymore to like not eat because my stomach was making noises, I guess. And then, yeah, in college and different college trends, I feel as though just like being in that setting, it kind of started to make me realize like, okay, you have a weird, you have a different relationship with food and the way you look at food. And then,
00:13:54
Jacob Oak
Towards the end of college, plant-based eating and veganism was a big thing going around. And I decided I need to eat more vegetables, so I'm gonna do that. And that actually also I kind of turned it into a weird disordered thing too that brought back like high school. Cause I lost the tunnel weight again, got down to like 170. And that was my senior year of college and I was running a ton again. And that was probably my second specific like incident with it, but high school was the really bad one. But yeah, the college was the second incident where I was like, okay, again, you have a weird relationship relationship going on with food right now and you need to like take a step back and kind of ask yourself why you view food this way and what you should maybe be doing differently. And um that was when definitely started talking to people more about it.
00:14:48
Jacob Oak
and started to look and teach myself to look at food a little differently and ask like about how can we nourish our bodies, right? Why is it so important that I look a certain way, you know? And so I later on, three years ago now, three years ago and three years post-college, I kind of decided myself that My specific stuff is more body dysmorphia related as opposed to it's like an eating disorder. Um, and body dysmorphia is defined according to a Google search. It's a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. And the reason that I believe in that is because not a second goes by of the day or like literally not a second goes by have the day where I don't think about my body.
00:15:47
Jacob Oak
And if I am running, anytime I'm running by a glass panel, I look every time. And it's not like an ego thing of like, oh, I want to see if I look good. Like in that sense, it's like, I want to make sure I don't look bad.
00:16:00
Jacob Oak
um And that's why I like i feel I fit in that category more. oh And I've kind of been there to kind of how to deal with that, what does it mean, et cetera.
00:16:16
Jacob Oak
There's my long story. Thanks for sharing. How, so as of right now, you're thinking more like body dysmorphia stuff, but like how, I guess, how do you like feel in general? Like, I mean, this is something that you still are thinking about all day, every day.
Gender Differences in Body Image Issues
00:16:41
Jacob Oak
Do you see this like, kind of like lasting for the beginning. This is something that you personally are going to deal with for forever and that like other people deal with for forever. Like how do you, I guess like, how do you see this like progressing?
00:17:01
Jacob Oak
Yeah. I mean, a lot of that comes down to, to answer your question, I see myself dealing with it for forever. Now the level in which I deal with it is different. And I think that therapy has helped me a lot too. And understand that I'm not the only one that deals with this stuff and that you can talk to people and these don't have to be those like taboo things. Cause a lot of people deal with this stuff. A lot of people do. And like that's not to sell any one person short. At the same time though, like I believe it is my responsibility to deal with it. Right? I guess no one else's responsibility to fix me.
00:17:41
Jacob Oak
fixed might be a harsh term, but you know what I mean? Like, yeah and I don't want to live like that way. I didn't like high school and like being controlled even off. Yeah. Cause I mean, a lot of it comes down to like, I want control. So I feel like a lot of times when I feel a lot of control in my life, I find something I can control. Right. And again, having that awareness. Now I didn't have that when I was in high school, you know,
00:18:09
Jacob Oak
So I think the bigger thing is like learning how to react to the different thoughts in my head react around it, right? Like if I have kids someday, I don't want to go home, have a super stressful day.
00:18:29
Jacob Oak
And then like eat an obnoxious amount and like them being myself up about it. You know, like I think working on that side of stuff so that like my kids don't see that. And I send. messages to them mobile like i those things That's more of, I guess, where I'm at with that and then learning how to, continuing to learn with how to like cope and deal with it. Cause yeah, I mean, I'm way different now than it was four years ago. You know, like I know for example, like as an endurance athlete, I know very damn well that I'm not, if I don't eat, then the endurance stuff gets taken away from me at some point.
00:19:14
Jacob Oak
that it has before, whether that's injury, whether that's lethargic, whether that's. We see that in other people. Exactly. Like it will get taken away from you or depending on like the level you 10 years from now, you're dealing with stuff that you didn't realize you did earlier because of eating, you know what I mean? Like hormones, but you're not balanced an injury that just does not heal itself. Things like that. I've seen it, see it tons of times, right? So.
00:19:47
Jacob Oak
Yeah. I feel like, like eating patterns, body image, those are like kind of, those are emotions that stick with you. And I was just talking to a friend yesterday about grief, for example. And like grief is something like after you lose like a loved one, it never actually goes away. Like it always stays with you.
00:20:16
Jacob Oak
yeah And I feel like this is something too that it's like, okay, it might not be at hopefully in the forefront of your mind and like forefront of everything every single day, but it's just something that you will continue to like develop tools for. And you already have like in the last hour, many years since like this started. And I think that's what kind of like every emotion in life, like it's not something that we need to say, like we need to fix this or we need to eliminate this thought or the way that we feel about something, but we do need to learn how to live with this and then develop those tools so that we can move on and not have it be like such a huge, like red flashing light at all times. And especially, childhood of things are like super powerful. When we start happening, if you've had those thoughts since eighth grade, those are like your formative years. right So that stuff,
00:21:14
Jacob Oak
is super impactful. And it doesn't mean that, oh, because it started in childhood or because I had this experience that therefore I'm like screwed for the rest of my life. But like you said, it's like acknowledging that and being like, okay, that did happen. And now how am I gonna work on this? Right. It's, I like the way you think about it with the emotions or what the way you tackle it with the emotions because, so like,
00:21:43
Jacob Oak
A good example is, I'm always thinking about food. I always want food. And the hard part about food is we have to think about food. Right. It's not like alcohol where I can just say I'm never drinking again. You have to eat, right? You can't put yourself around other people who don't eat because everyone has to eat food. Right. Right. And it's not only that, but it's If I go into our cupboard and I grab a chocolate covered almond, just one, my mind will beat me up so badly for that. So badly. And it's done that forever, you know? Like I remember when I was a kid, I would sit in bed and think about like how it's gonna be like 9.30 PM or whatever. And I would think, oh, there's chocolate covered.
Emotional Eating and Healthier Relationships
00:22:33
Jacob Oak
And then I would sit there and toss into her and I would say, I can go eat. I can convince myself I can eat more. I go, you know, open it. It's like while I'm opening, I'm getting mad at myself. Anxiety builds, you get frustrated, you're like beating yourself up in the head and then you're just like mad. And you eat it and then you like are beating yourself up. And then you look and you see that there's more in the box. And then it's, because I'm mad, I'm gonna eat now and just be more mad.
00:23:04
Jacob Oak
like oh you I don't even know. Right. It's just, and then, so miles always more like almost binge, like eating stuff that I've had to figure out, but like again, then you you get into the other side of it too, or like you, you say no to the granola bar and the next thing you know, you wake up and your belly looks a little more flat and you go, what if I don't eat breakfast?
00:23:28
Jacob Oak
And then that gets addictive and then you see the number on the scale go down and that gets addictive So it's like it's addictive personality. It's this battle you play with your head and Again, I just remember thinking even at like at younger ages like how do people not go back for seconds? I only like i I would literally I would be so full and I would think that looks really good And even though I just had a bunch of it, whatever it was, right? And I was just thinking, how do you not go back for seconds? And then I would eat until my stomach hurt. Like, I just don't, you know? So, the awareness around that now, and the tools that you know I use, for example, in like that situation, I tell myself, that will be there tomorrow.
00:24:25
Jacob Oak
and you need to trust that you're gonna enjoy it tomorrow and look forward to tomorrow. And instead of drinking a fourth cup of coffee, tell yourself in the morning you can have coffee. Like, I don't know, it's just like those types of, I think everyone's different. I think that's where I like working with a therapist comes in and developing those tools to,
00:24:49
Jacob Oak
like recognize the thought, react to the thought. All right. That's how humans are different. We can react. We don't have to just go like, you know, like dogs or whatever, like are there animals, not humans. Like they see stimulus react. We have a space between stimulus and reaction so that we can decide. And I think controlling that space, that's the ultimate control that you can then yeah right and having control of that space telling myself I can have control of that space allows me to have that control fix that I want and need even if I'm not quote-unquote in control because I control how I react and like again with the emotional side of it for me personally because you're saying
00:25:43
Jacob Oak
you know, how if you have that chocolate or whatever, you're immediately starting to beat yourself up. And I feel like I especially started learning this more in like school for like acupuncture and stuff and learning more about the nervous system and how like you don't even need to have eaten that granola bar to have started to like gain weight because you're your nervous system's already messed up.
00:26:11
Jacob Oak
And so that's why, again, everyone's different. But for me, I say, like, Kaylee, if you really want the cookie or if you want the treat, eat it, enjoy it completely. Like, enjoy it. And it's okay to have that and then be done. But I know, like, for us, like, we're different in that I don't typically, okay, stopping, for example. So I know it's not easy to say like, oh yeah, just like enjoy it and that'd be done. right But I do think that if you can fully like say like, yeah, it's okay to like go have that bowl of ice cream and enjoy it and not beating yourself up for it. Because then I've found, I started experimenting this, for example, I really like the Trader Joe's
00:27:06
Jacob Oak
organic white cheddar mac and cheese the shells for example and this is just a personal experiment but i used to like beat myself up so much if i would have a box of that even though i loved eating it but the whole time i'm like wow i'm like not gonna feel good tomorrow i'm gonna gain weight and every time i would gain like a couple pounds like the next day and obviously there's other
Self-Care and Personal Growth Practices
00:27:30
Jacob Oak
factors to this and stuff too i'm just But as soon as I was like, okay, it's okay to like have this mac and cheese, like and it's sort of a better option than you know just like your regular Kraft mac and cheese, yeah and then I would go and enjoy it, and then wake up the next day and be like, that's okay, that I had that, and it's fine. And I just realized how impactful the way we talk to ourselves is. And this goes for how you run, how you eat, how you,
00:28:02
Jacob Oak
how our businesses run. I mean, this there's so many ways that how we talk to ourselves plays out in our everyday lives. And that's always been a lifelong thing for me is looking at how I talk to myself before and after I've i've eaten. And if I go to bed thinking like, wow, it was really shitty that you ate that whole bowl of chips before you went to bed.
00:28:28
Jacob Oak
Like chances are I will feel worse in the morning and feel more bloated. Whereas if I just am okay with it and tomorrow's another day, I have a much different response.
00:28:43
Jacob Oak
So I think it's just important to always be recognizing like how are you talking to yourself and then picturing, you know, if somebody else was saying the same words that you're saying in your head to you, like,
00:28:56
Jacob Oak
if somebody was telling, talking to you, Jacob and saying, you know, whatever thoughts are going into your head, like, I can't believe you're eating this, like, you know, whatever those thoughts are and think of like me saying that to you. Right. And it's like, hopefully there's nobody in your life that's talking to you like that, ideally, but people, nobody else is judging you the way that you judge yourself. And again, that goes for everything, but just especially on our topic and I know even living with somebody is also an adjustment because I used to eat a lot like late at night and now I feel like you would never think that about me because usually I'd like stop eating at dinner but the eating like in front of people and I feel like sometimes like if you're going for chocolate in the cupboard you'll be like, don't judge.
00:29:55
Jacob Oak
It's like, I'm not judging like you do you, but just always like thinking about like, what are others thinking about me? And I used to do that, like, especially when I was like at my like with my family and thinking like, Oh, what are they thinking about me having like more of this or like going into the cupboards and having chocolate or whatever it is and trying to do it when they're not around.
00:30:20
Jacob Oak
And it's like, that's not good for your nervous system either. If you're like trying to hide it. oh yeah So it's just, it's a journey. Yeah. Do you want to share a bunch about like your story? Yeah. Kind of like how I did. Yeah. If you want. I feel like my body image stuff thankfully started, I feel like a little later.
00:30:48
Jacob Oak
in more of like high school, which is still not great, but I feel like I didn't, I grew up being a pretty small, petite kid.
00:31:02
Jacob Oak
Started sports pretty early, was always pretty active, grew up in a very active family, which I'm grateful for. um I feel like one of the first times that I really started to think about it was in high school and it's crazy how you can remember like specific instances in your life and it was 10th grade and we were standing in like, so I guess not that much, but we were standing in like the commons like locker area and there was this
Impact of Life Changes on Body Image
00:31:40
Jacob Oak
kid who was in my friend group and he asked if I was pregnant and like
00:31:48
Jacob Oak
I always had like I was small but like I don't know if it was just bloating all the time or what it was but especially like later on like I always had like a full like abdomen belly and I remember like the shirt I was wearing like everything about it and that was when I like really started to be like oh wow like other people are looking at me and maybe this is something that I should be thinking about so I was very much not pregnant and
00:32:21
Jacob Oak
Yeah, those things just stick with you. And then I remember like looking at myself like in all of like my track pictures and just starting to think about that. But still, I was still, quote, smaller in high school. um And then we started talking about more like health things in my family because my mom started getting more into like the keto diet.
00:32:48
Jacob Oak
And I never really thought much about food up until that point because we kind of grew up on more like packaged things, which I feel like would surprise people now because like my family is very focused on like whole foods and like healthy eating. and Like that's my career and stuff at this point, but we would eat like hamburger helper. I would eat have Pop-Tarts for breakfast. I remember like I'd have like a chocolate fudge Pop-Tart, a banana, and like a glass of cranberry juice.
00:33:18
Jacob Oak
and Eggo waffles and things like that. But then we started learning more about keto. And I remember my mom brought home like a bunch of books about it. And we started doing more of like eating less pasta and switching to like cauliflower rice. And, you know, the whole cauliflower craze with everything instead of potatoes. And then even less fruit because then fruit was like a sugar.
00:33:47
Jacob Oak
And even then I still, I guess, wasn't really thinking about body image as much until then I went into college and started gaining weight. I started on the tennis team, but like college was just extremely stressful. I was working overnight since the CNA. I was volunteering a bunch. I was in a bunch of organizations. I was had a work study job on campus. I was trying to get in.
00:34:18
Jacob Oak
all my prereqs to get into those nursing. It was a lot of stress. I had like, like a bad like friendship thing in college. So anyways, started like compensating with, you're just around different foods when you're at school. And I love free things. For anybody who knows me, I love giveaways and free things. And then they started having like frostgroom cookies, like for any event that you show up to. And I loved those things.
00:34:47
Jacob Oak
and in the cafeteria there's just like desserts all the time and like they have like really good like peanut butter desserts and for me when I'm like at least up until the last couple years if I was around that stuff I would eat it or I would be craving it and want it and even when I was trying to eat healthy there were just a lot of habits that Now I realize we're not healthy because I was trying to find substitutes for everything to eat what I thought was healthier. And so a combination of being around a bunch of foods I had never been around before, being unhappy with my situation in college, um, like the nervous system aspect, that's when I started to like gain more weight. And then sophomore year I joined cross country and I remember we had
00:35:41
Jacob Oak
I don't think she was a nutritionist, but we had somebody come talk to our team yeah and they said something about for every three pounds that you lose, I can't remember the exact things, but for every three pounds lighter that you are, you're that much faster. And then I remember starting to think about that because I was what I thought was one of the bigger people on the team at that point, because it was a bunch of college cross country athletes who were in my mind very skinny and a lot of them were. I mean, they were very good. And so then I started comparing myself to the other people and then trying to lose weight. But then every year I get shin splints. So then I would go to having to like go on the bike and cross train. And immediately I would start thinking about how I was going to start like gaining weight back. And
00:36:40
Jacob Oak
you know, just that then jumping to today, even I am not running as much. And I've been, you know, last week I talked about being more in like my instinct and slowing down. And I can already feel like those thoughts creeping back up again from not being as active. And again, it's just crazy how those things stay with you. It's not, it's not even that I'm not active. I'm lifting multiple times a week. I'm,
00:37:08
Jacob Oak
walking in and doing yoga, like I'm still moving my body. It's just not the intense like cardio hit things that I've been doing for years now. Right. And then going back, so then after college, then I moved to Hawaii. yeah And that was also an extremely stressful job.
Adopting Healthier Eating Habits
00:37:30
Jacob Oak
We had food at work, we prepared breakfast, lunch and dinner for all of our residents. It was a long term care home. So again,
00:37:36
Jacob Oak
but just around food all day and did not like my job so and then at that point I was like well I'm not gonna be here that long so I might as well go and try all of the food on the island because it's bomb food out there but I probably wasn't I was just choosing different things I wouldn't be having like at home so it's like well this is temporary then I moved to Seattle Same thing. I was like, I know I'm not always going to live here, so I might as well try everything. And again, I was was working night shift as a nurse, which if you're eating lunch at midnight or 1 a.m., you can eat the best diet in the world and it's still going to mess you up. And again, didn't like my job, didn't like nights, staying up all night, started getting more weight and
00:38:32
Jacob Oak
Then I would also, for a long time, you know, we were hearing, then we were in like the intermittent fasting stage and you heard lots about that. So then I would go from, I would wake up for like a, you know, five or 6am workout, go to the workout, fasted, and then not eat until like 11am to 1pm.
00:38:58
Jacob Oak
And I thought that was like a good thing. So I was like, well, now I'm having like one last meal in the day. Cause now I'm only having lunch and I'm having dinner. Little did I realize like now I realized like how messed up that is for your hormones. And you actually end up gaining weight doing that because then my body's like operating in a state of depletion. And then that's what I would get to nighttime and I would be not even like super hungry, but then I would eat dinner, but then I would be still hungry after that. And then I would want to eat like a bowl of chips and then I'd want to eat chocolate. I want to eat cookies. And for a lot of this time I was living by myself. So I'd, you know, get done with like an extremely stressful work day and then just get home and then just want to keep eating and like sitting on the couch and like watching a show or something because I was trying to rest after a long day.
00:39:58
Jacob Oak
and my body didn't know how to shut off at that point. So at that point, but when I left Hawaii back in 20, or when I left Seattle, so I was 2018, I was a little over 20 pounds heavier than I am today. And It was just, it was something that was always on my mind about like how I looked and same thing with like running my windows and seeing myself in like pictures at workout classes. Cause I was working out the whole time and just constantly battling, you know, our society on one hand is like, love your body no matter what. And it's okay. Like whatever size you're at, like you should love yourself. So I would battle that and be like, Keely, like it's okay that you're,
00:40:48
Jacob Oak
you've you know gained this weight and that you're you know bigger than you ever have been. But then on the other hand, it was like, but also I don't want to feel like this because I don't feel comfortable in my clothes anymore. like Things don't fit well. My seatbelt just doesn't fit the same because my like I feel like my weight typically goes to like my midsection area, which is very common in females.
00:41:15
Jacob Oak
so It was more of like it just, nothing was comfortable. And even like working out just wasn't as comfortable. And again, this is my personal experience. um But just again, it was that battle of like, okay, society tells me to love myself, but I don't really love myself. I don't love the way that I feel. And I feel like it could be different. And I had a lot of like the comparison to like,
00:41:43
Jacob Oak
then at this time, my mom was in like some of the best shape of her entire life. She still looks kick-ass, but like she was extremely fit, toned, like yeah and we have always been extremely close. And so then comparing to that, and my sister has also always been extremely thin. And so comparing myself to them,
00:42:11
Jacob Oak
And they saw like the whole journey too, like my family. Um, and yeah, so then I moved back to Minnesota in about 2018. And that's kind of when things started to turn a little bit. Cause I became more like content with my life. Cause I was back home, I was by my family and then I knew that I was probably going to stay in Minnesota for a while. So then I was able to like kind of settle a little bit more, start cooking more. I started alchemy classes, which were hit style classes, which I don't advise like all the time. And then I realized this is when I started realizing like, okay, waking up at 5 AM every single day to go to a workout class to hopefully lose weight is actually not the answer and if you're going to bed at midnight. Cause I was going to bed late at this point too, but I was like,
00:43:11
Jacob Oak
Even though I'm only getting you know five or six hours of sleep tonight, I need to get my workout in. And now I try to be a lot more intentional, like, okay, if we're staying out late, it's okay if I don't hit my run or my lift in the morning, or if i if I have the option, do it later in the day. And those just weren't things that I... like The workout was the most important thing to me, and then to not eat.
00:43:40
Jacob Oak
for a while.
00:43:43
Jacob Oak
yeah And then actually COVID I'd say it was probably one of the biggest like turning points because then I started to not have to get up so early because I wasn't going in, I was in school then at this point. So I wasn't having to get up so early to then get into school so I could do things more on my own time and sleep until seven and then work out at eight, for example. And then I wasn't around the free food of school. So I was cooking myself.
Seasons, Body Acceptance, and Lifestyle
00:44:10
Jacob Oak
and grocery shopping for myself and eventually like started to ah accept myself more and not that I needed to accept myself because I was losing weight but like I just started to feel better about myself and I started getting on different herbs at school and like that helped like my stress levels and the bloating and and not having as many of the cravings. And then I started doing different things that like gave me a lot of micronutrients where then again, it helped with the cravings where I felt like I didn't need to constantly be eating. Like I love baked goods. So I love, I still do this, but I would want to like go to bakery like every day. Like that's all I would think about. I go to bed thinking like, what kind of treat can I have tomorrow? And now
00:45:02
Jacob Oak
I never deprive myself of those things, but I just don't want it as much. And that's kind of been the story in the last couple of years. And the longer that I do it, the easier it gets. But again, that's not to say that right now I'm already having the thoughts of, okay, this winter, I'm not going to be training as hard like I normally have been. Cause I'm not training for spring ultra, like what's going to happen to my body and what am I going to look like? And.
00:45:34
Jacob Oak
Then I tried to think of like my acupuncture, Chinese medicine brain and what I would tell my patients. And it's like, especially as women, like it's okay to have a little bit of extra weight. Like we're meant to, like we have that to carry children like around our midsection. Winter, we're so also supposed to like not be in our quote, summer bodies. We're supposed to have more fats to keep you warmer in the cold.
00:46:02
Jacob Oak
And we are supposed to be resting more and not running every single day, all day. And that's fine if you want to do that. I mean, I've been doing that, but it's also okay to step back a little bit and to rest more because that's what we're made to do. And it doesn't mean that that's forever, but I'm very big on seasonal living and just being intentional with that. And thinking of like the time that we're going into, like we are going into like a darker, more restful time,
00:46:30
Jacob Oak
And it's okay to listen to my body and we're supposed to eat heartier meals, heavier meals, because again, that's warmth.
Personal Progress and Resilience
00:46:40
Jacob Oak
Whereas like in the summer, we're eating more salads, smoothies, fresh fruits, fresh veggies. But again, I'm still going to continue to eat whole foods as well, but it's just different things that might add some layers. So.
00:46:59
Jacob Oak
That's my long winded journey of some body things. And yeah, I expect it to continue changing for a long time as well, but I am really proud of myself for the work that I have put in for the last 10 years and experiencing a lot of changes. And the body's incredible and it's extremely, extremely resilient is what I've, what I've learned. Thanks for sharing.
00:47:29
Jacob Oak
Yeah. Sorry if that was too much, but. How do you, I have one question for you and then we can kind of wrap this up. How do you show gratitude or praise for your body?
00:47:49
Jacob Oak
I mean, I do reflect on like how far I've come a lot. And when I see pictures of myself, It's not even that I think of that I was heavier. It's like, wow, you were in some tough spots in your life. And the fact that you overcame those things that a lot of people like didn't didn't know about because on the outside it looked like, oh, she's in Hawaii. like She must have it really good. Or, oh, this relationship, like she must have it really good.
00:48:27
Jacob Oak
yeah Like you don't know people's stories of like what's going on inside and how that affects you physically. And so I try to give gratitude of this journey that I've been on and just being proud of myself for continuing to learn and grow and accept myself for who I am and for wanting to have like the strongest body and mind that I can.
00:48:57
Jacob Oak
And that's kind of my mindset now is like, how can I nourish my body the most? And how can I be at my absolute strongest? And what does that mean for me?
00:49:09
Jacob Oak
And just being grateful every day, like when I do go for a run or a lift or even like looking at our fridge that like last night, I was like, wow, like we're so lucky to have like all this fresh produce and to like have what we have and being grateful for my body to like be able to run, be able to Do these things. I think it's important to acknowledge that and have gratitude for it. What about you? How do you show your yourself gratitude?
00:49:48
Jacob Oak
Thank you, Bedroom. I think that.
00:49:56
Jacob Oak
You get sick for a few days,
Concluding with Gratitude and Growth
00:50:01
Jacob Oak
really makes you appreciate what you have. And I just think that's that, that kid who like couldn't mentally or physically run two miles and I think about what I'm doing now. know my body My body allows me to not only you know cover 50 miles a week for the past four months, but it allows me to go for pretty wild goals that I couldn't have even imagined doing ever when I was younger. And it allows me to help other people achieve their goals and be on my feet all day.
00:50:58
Jacob Oak
I don't want Beth to be taken away. So just celebrating that, being grateful for that, showing gratitude towards that. And yeah, I remember that we get to do this. I need to feel my body right and enough so I can keep doing those things I love to do. And also I know that exercise is not punishment.
00:51:26
Jacob Oak
Right. It's a way for me to take a break and feel strong and courageous and work through things. I don't want that to go away. You know, every time I know every time I put my running shoes on or I put my lifting shoes on or I start a class or I'm just talking to someone through my coaching call, like you just never know when that's going to end. If that's all I show gratitude, I just try to love every second of it, but I need to be better.
00:51:57
Jacob Oak
It's a lifelong process. yeah you know I think the key takeaways are just like, observe how you talk to yourself. right And if it'd be helpful, like even write down, like when you're in one of those like mindset things and you're talking so negatively to yourself, I could do this too because it's a long way to self talk. Write it out.
00:52:25
Jacob Oak
and look back at it and think if somebody else was like telling you this, like would you be friends with them? Would you keep them in your circle?
00:52:38
Jacob Oak
And I forgot what else is. I had a couple really good takeaway points, but now I can't remember. But just appreciating the journey that you've been on and that every person's journey is so different and will continue to be different and to do what's best for your body.
00:53:06
Jacob Oak
I'm sure we get to do this one for the week. Um, well, I have the most patients this week that I've ever had in a week and
00:53:24
Jacob Oak
I'm just very grateful that that many people, thank you, want to come and see me and that are going to me for help. I just, I'm super grateful for that and I hope that we'll continue to grow. And again, like another, like looking back to where you came from and remembering I had, you know, zero patients in a week or one patient in a week.
00:53:51
Jacob Oak
And always remembering like the growth that you've had. It's yours. Same. Business is doing really well. And the quality of life just goes up a little bit when you know, it's doing well. And I'm just so lucky.
00:54:19
Jacob Oak
We get to do this. We get to do this. Episode 18. Thanks for listening. Happy New Year. Thanksgiving if you celebrate Thanksgiving. Yeah. This is going to come all the day beforehand. So just know that we're very grateful for everyone and that listens and supports us. And like we can do this without without all of you guys. You, all of you. Eyes and girls. Thanks for coming to our therapy session. but Also, yeah, we hope it affects somebody out there. And just know that you're enough and you always have been.