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The Effects of Fatherlessness
24 Plays4 months ago
In honor of Father's Day, we will be talking all about fathers in today's episode! The effects of fatherlessness, and even the benefits of having dads present and active in the home! It's a short episode, great for a quick listen if you are interested in hearing some shocking stats, and being reminded about why fathers are so important!
We'll see you again next week for another episode!
Your hosts,
Beth and Ayla
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Topic
00:00:00
Speaker
We just had Father's Day a few days ago, and Beth and I have been mulling over what we thought we could share in an episode for Father's Day. And this has been on my mind for a while, Beth's as well, to talk about this. But we decided to approach this episode a little differently. It's a little bit serious. And to talk about the effects of fatherlessness in families and in society, focusing on North America. So fathers are important. In fact, good fathers are actually crucial. The power that dads have to change the world, parent, incredible families, and to leave amazing legacies is actually endless. In fact, in this day and age, and probably for the last few decades, you can really trace things like drug use, alcoholism, crime, abuse, and mental health problems back to households without good father figures.
Personal Experiences and Exposure
00:00:48
Speaker
For Father's Day this year, we wanted to dive into the effects of fatherlessness in our society today, and of course, we're the Art of Intention. We're going to end it on a positive note and share the good that comes from the strong father figure. Welcome to the Art of Intention podcast with Beth and Ayla. Two best friends turn creative entrepreneurs. This is a place for us to discuss everything, business, friendships, and faith, and occasionally more. We're so excited for today's episode. We think you're going to love it. Stay tuned.
00:01:23
Speaker
Beth, I don't know about you, but I'm in a few like social media circles and I've kind of gone down a rabbit hole of seeing different stories, like I said, both on social media and actually in real life, really learning about this concept of fatherlessness in families and the long-term effects it has on not only the children in the family, but in society as a whole. like Would you say you're kind of seeing other stuff like that? Yeah. Yeah, definitely lately. But for me also, I saw a lot of it. Um, and then also I think there was a break from it. I'm seeing more now again, but a few years ago when I was getting into politics a little more, there were some people that I was following in politics that would talk about it. Um, not political figures, but like people who would like to talk on politics, um, yeah talked a lot about it. So I feel like I had a little bit of a interest in it and learned a little bit about it then too.
00:02:11
Speaker
Yeah, that's where I'd say I get a lot of my information from is like kind of more conservative podcasts, whatever, just things like that. Yeah. Indian that I listened to. Um, I think ideally for this episode, I would have loved to have like Chris or Chad or another one of my male friends or another like man in our life on here to talk about this because I think it's so powerful to hear about the
Understanding Fatherlessness: Definition and Statistics
00:02:30
Speaker
demands of a father's role from other young men. Um, but we're here and we're going to do our best to share our thoughts on, and the topic because there's a lot to see about it objectively anyway, but yeah. Well, yeah, for sure. Of course, we both believe in, for lack of a better word, like the nuclear family, family, um, a family with a mother and a father. So both parents are essential to the growth of both boys and girls. However, I do think there's something to be said for the bond of specifically mother to daughter and then father to son. And we've kind of addressed that even in like the the mother's day episode we did a while ago. So now here we're kind of talking about that, like father to son.
00:03:07
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Like both relationships are important. Girls need their dads, boys need their dads. And then, yeah, like probably pretty common sense that there's a deep connection between the two of the same gender, the father, that a son, mother, daughter. Yes. There's tons of research on the effects that follow. I'm about to say fatherlessness so much in this episode and it's a big word. So just pardon me. There is tons of research on the effects of fatherlessness and what it can have on young men specifically. And there is lots to tap into if you research the effects on young daughters without a good father figure. yeah And I also want to say, I want to preface when I say fatherless, I'm not only talking about households that literally didn't have a dad. um While there are homes with dads who either left or homes of divorce or something else that made the dad literally not present. I'm also including in that word and pointing out
00:03:57
Speaker
or like that there are fatherless homes that had a dad physically in them. This is referring to like absent fathers, abusive fathers, you know, uninvolved with their kid's life. They don't even know like what classes their youngest kid is in, whatever, things like that. That would also be a term of fatherlessness. So, um, that all kind of falls and under that umbrella when we keep saying that word today. Exactly. Oh my gosh. I love that you made that distinction because I think a lot of people might have clicked away if they didn't realize we we're covering that too, that that fatherlessness expands beyond that. And yeah, like you emotionally unavailable is also a form of that. Um, yeah, it it can get really sad when you have to break down what comes as a result of a poor father figure in a home.
00:04:37
Speaker
We know it's heavy, but we wanted to put out some statistics and facts regarding this topic, and we really want to hone in on the importance of dads and the household. So we recently did a Mother's Day episode, like we just said, and where we highlighted the amazing things we learned from our moms and how the world needs moms to run. Well, we believe the same is true for great dads.
Recommended Resources and Fatherhood Impacts
00:04:56
Speaker
So with that, here's our research we were able to gather on fatherlessness, not only in homes, but in society. Also, before we really get into these, I did some research and I did listen to a couple podcasts around this topic. And because
00:05:10
Speaker
Fortunately, I grew up with a really great father figure. And while all kids have their differences with parents from time to time, I knew I couldn't perfectly relate to this topic because I had a great dad. So I wanted to hear about it from others who maybe have gone through it. So I did stumble across this podcast called, it's called the Masculine Revival podcast. So definitely like a dude's podcast. but Uh, and their episode titled father's fatherlessness and the father wound. Um, guys, this, it was really fantastic. They did such a good job covering this topic. Like from a man's perspective, it brought me to near tears and they, they just did a really good job covering it.
00:05:49
Speaker
It's a fellow faith based podcast and it kind of helped me, um, start a lot of my research and know what to start looking for. So I highly recommend it. If you're in this kind of mood and want to find another podcast like that, when you're done with this one, feel free to go over to that one. You can probably just search it on Spotify and it'll come up. And then also, um, the heart and hustle podcast kind of had an episode like this. It's episode 292 with Jeremy prior. um His is about like building a family business and like how to include your family when you're an entrepreneur, but he just spoke really well on the role of fathers without such a doom and gloom. like Bad dads are terrible. terrible It was just like how to like still run your business but be present with your family. like Working hard doesn't excuse you for being present with your family. Really liked that. He runs a nonprofit called Family Teams that just has
00:06:39
Speaker
so many resources about the role of the family, the role of fathers, loved it, loved it. So in case you're in that mood, that these are like some of the resources i I used that I just wanted to toss out into the wind before we got going. Thank you so much for sharing those. Those are great resources. And we always like to share other resources because we're not experts, but that's so great. Okay, but let's kick this off with some quick stats like I was saying. um So the ones I'm about to list overall um kind of encircle the reality of fatherless homes right now. These stats quoted from the America First Policy Institute, AFBI. Okay, so number one. So there are 17.8 million children. That's nearly one in four children.
00:07:21
Speaker
who are without a biological step or even adopted father at home in America. That is so, death you guys, free that means one in four kids have no father figure of any kind. This isn't just biological of any kind in the home. Okay. Um, about 80% of single parent homes are led by single mothers. So it's a mother home. Again, a father's home, not a and that father home. um Number three, children from single parent families are twice as likely to suffer from mental health and behavioral problems as those living with married parents. That's a really big one. It's one that maybe you can kind of seem like, oh, that's crazy. But when you think about it, that's insane.
00:07:59
Speaker
Okay, for children with an actively engaged father, perform better in school and some data shows they are like 33% less likely to repeat a class and 43% more likely to get A's in school. So school performance way up there when you have a dad at home. and Engaged dad at home engaged like active father. So number five is the last one right now for from me ah In a study of 56 school shootings only 10 of the shooters Which is just 18 percent of the shooters were raised in a stable home with biological parents So that means 82 percent grew up in either an unstable family environment or grew up without both biological parents together.
00:08:42
Speaker
That is insane. That's it crazy. Just the power of like even single parent homes, mother or father, like those stats. And then like like the stats said, it's generally mother led homes. If it's single parent, that is yeah insane. And it's not to say mothers are are not doing a good job. It's to say that again, both have a role and your dad they need their
Media Critique and Benefits of Involved Fathers
00:09:02
Speaker
dads. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And I do want to say, I'm sure this goes without saying, and I caught myself wanting to write it like a bunch of times in this episode. So I'll just acknowledge it right now. We know there's people who've come from single parent homes that are great, like ah great members of society functioning, great, and know married, great. They're doing good.
00:09:18
Speaker
we know we know you're out there and we see. We're just were sharing in the math. i just I just went and found some math for this one, but um that absolutely gets that also gets brought up in that podcast I mentioned earlier about fatherlessness, the masculine revival one. They both talk about their upbringings with poor father figures, and then they're both like strong Christian men families now. So like, I think there's a lot of power for people who come through that. But anyway. No, a great, and it doesn't mean, and the great people who come from that, like that's awesome. That's your story. It doesn't mean you're not an outlier. So right. And they talk about these, they struggled, you know, yeah like they're better, but they struggled. So yeah. Wow. That is just crazy. Um, and then I have some other stats to share from an organization called the national fatherhood initiative. Um, I got some really great sources from this, uh, just, uh, this is regarding like the outcome of absent or poor fathers. So Beth kind of shared just what we're looking at right now.
00:10:12
Speaker
in America, the numbers as we see them right now, and then just here's like kind of what comes out of those numbers. Generally homes without a present father figure, ah they have greater risk of poverty. they' The kids of those families are more likely to have behavioral problems. There is actually greater risk of infant mortality, and we'll talk about this in a minute. yeah um Kids with absent fathers are more likely to go to prison or more likely to commit crime. They're more likely to become pregnant as a teen, um girls or you know guys causing that. ah More likely to fall into drug abuse and alcohol. They're more likely to suffer suffer obesity and more likely to drop out of school. Wow.
00:10:57
Speaker
And guys, we're not making this episode to put so much pressure on current dads. And we're not saying like, come on, dad, step it up. We're saying these are some of the effects being lived out right now of dads who've already failed. Like it's already happened. Um, and to show the seriousness that fathers do hold, I think a ton of the hurt in our society today can be tracked back to the structure of the household. And that's just, that starts with fathers. And of course mothers have an equal weight and responsibility with raising children. That's why kids kids need both parents. There are huge effects and problems when the mother of a home is not living up to who she needs to be, but you know, we're talking about dads today. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Um, and when talking about both parents, uh, kind of transitioning into our next point here, actually an amazing father naturally helps to build up an amazing mother. So of course this works the other way too. Great moms help build up great dads.
00:11:48
Speaker
Oh, you know, it's almost like God had a plan and a design when he made us. Oh my goodness. ah Um, but anyways, I do actually have some facts on the effects of a good and involved dad, um, that he can have on the mother of the family. So this is how great dads or just, you know, involved fathers can impact the mother. This is from the same source. So mothers, you know, we'll receive, mothers will receive a host of benefits when fathers are involved during the pregnancy and during raising children. And yes, it starts as early as pregnancy. So um they're more likely to receive prenatal care. ah Women are less likely to smoke during pregnancy when there's a father around. They have healthier births. They have lower risk of postpartum stress, lower risk of postpartum depression, lower parenting stress, of course, and more leisure time, of course, and higher marital satisfaction.
00:12:40
Speaker
Yeah, I loved that this article covered that, like the benefits to the mother too, because again, it's the whole United Front, it's co-parenting. We talk a lot about the kids who come from fatherless homes, but like, gosh, could you imagine being a mother in that situation? Oh my gosh. so Yeah, dads who are involved. And I think a lot of media and sitcoms can make it look like a good thing or a funny thing for dads to just be completely aloof and uninvolved and not caring about their wife's pregnancy. And you know we have sitcoms for humor but gosh you'd be surprised at like the things that actually get taken from that like the miscommunication and yeah the like I you know she's you birth
Positive Outcomes for Involved Fathers and Children
00:13:19
Speaker
she's just gonna go have that and I'm gonna not be involved whatever and like a Lou for like you know the rice hormonal and they're like jeez I don't know how to handle this like
00:13:27
Speaker
It's super unrealistic. It's super dangerous. Like you were supposed to be there, be involved. Um, and like this trope is, can be carried even before you have a family, like in wedding planning, it's very common for the guy to just be like, ha ha ha, my wife does everything and I don't know what's going on. Um, but I highly disagree with that take highly, highly, highly disagree. And Chris and I talk about this all the time when our time comes for a family. Um, I know I can sit here right now and be like, we're going to be perfect parents. I know that it's hard, but. um Having a family will have been both of our choice. We are both involved. We both carry the burden, not just him and not just me. like That was our decision together. There's no reason why he shouldn't be involved in the time leading up to when that kid's there and then you know coming home from work or getting them to school or everything like that. like I don't know when we thought the mom signed up for all of that. and like
00:14:20
Speaker
how your household works is up to you. But I'm saying like the dad's heart with being involved, like the heart. Yeah. Just like being aloof being unavailable, I think can be portrayed as funny, but it's not your kids notice that and it's super serious. I love that. I love even just the example you pulled up. it being all over TV shows and in movies as a comedy point but a lot of people forget that TV shows and movies especially comedy ones are exaggerated to be funny but I think over time a lot of men use what's seen there as an excuse like see everyone's like that that's just how it works it's just funny every guy is like that
00:14:56
Speaker
um whereas instead what the wife and kids are noticing is someone who could be putting in a lot more effort and doesn't or maybe it could be more patient and isn't or more caring and isn't or put more time in and doesn't and so that's really what stands out to me is like yeah i like what you said Ayla but like every household is gonna run a little bit differently, whatever works for you, but it's the heart behind it. you If you have time and the schedule to be able to be you know half the time you're picking up the kids or half the time you're dropping them off, there should not be the assumption that it only falls on on the woman. It should all be discussed. It should be discussed and have create a plan that works for both of you based on the time that you both have.
00:15:32
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. This is kind of random. It's like, I don't know, a little awkward, but Beth, I don't know about you if you have a take on this or not, but I also really dislike the trope in movies and like TV when dads are really freaked out by their daughter's periods and like act like they don't know anything about it. Like um it was actually that one movie Blended or whatever with Adam Sandler. I love that movie, but he like yeah he's a single dad And you know one of his daughters needs to go out to buy tampons and she's like dad I need to go out and he's like for what she's like an Aaron and he's like for what so then she tells him and he goes like oh gosh I forgot that you have that no man ever like sorry if you're married you're aware of it
00:16:10
Speaker
once a month. like There's no way for you not to be. Anyway, yeah I just don't like that trope ever. And it's, again, same thing that dads have to take on when they have daughters. like That's going to be around. And I just don't like that we make it okay. for them to pretend like it doesn't exist or they don't know what to do when their daughter needs, like. It's another way to be uninvolved. Yeah, and I don't think real dads are actually like that. It's the same with with dating or married relationships. Men ask like, they just don't want to know what's going on. But actually, if you're married to a good person, it's not really that hard to talk about. I mean, it's not even like a gross thing to approach. And they don't actually view it that way. Men are very aware that that happens. They might not know all the ins and outs of it, but it's just like, I don't know. That was like,
00:16:50
Speaker
We were talking about sitcoms and I just, I don't like that trope because it's not real and it shouldn't be. Yeah. That's so true. It's literally half the population that it happens to like, yeah, that'd be weird. to Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Listener Engagement and Father's Day Wishes
00:17:02
Speaker
That's a, yeah. I hadn't really thought about that, but yeah. Um, so the same article that we're going off of also had a section I really liked and thought could be fun. So we just talked about why being a good dad is good for moms. And this section is why being a good dad is good for dads. So. fathers have access to a world of joy and fulfillment in being a great father oh my gosh think about it with all of the doom and gloom that comes in talking about poor parental figures we talk about crime and drug use and here's the pressure of being a good dad but for all of that there is equal and infinitely more opportunity to be the
00:17:41
Speaker
best that you can be instill insanely great values achieve fulfillment in your own life like so many fathers that i love and admire in my own life like siblings that i've watched become fathers friends that i've watched become fathers who are all good people in my life ah not a single one of them has said like oh like i actually don't like myself as a dad every single one of them is like i hate I'm so much better than I was before. like I'm growing into somebody I was meant to be. like I think that sense of responsibility and importance works really well for men because men like purpose. They like responsibility. so I think you know if you're going into being a dad or you're our dad, you have such an opportunity to make such a difference.
00:18:21
Speaker
ah yeah Um, so anyway, that's your purpose in life. Yeah. Yeah. if it's Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. Um, yeah, but, uh, yeah. So anyway, this is how being a good dad can benefit dads. Here's some of those. When men become dads and are involved in their children's life, they transform in many ways. They are typically happier. They have better physical and mental health. They will typically live longer. They will ah be less likely to fall into depression, which is a big issue for men actually far more than women. Um, They will have an increased sense of self-esteem. They may actually become more active in their community. And then you know in life, they are moved to adopt a healthier model of masculinity. They are more likely to reduce alcohol and substance use if they were doing it before.
00:19:07
Speaker
um In a lot of cases being a father can actually help you reduce those things. Yeah. Yeah, they are more likely to find stable secure jobs They're more likely to better manage and save money and then strengthen their overall family ties um So like I said, I have had people in my life become fathers and the change that erupts in them is crazy. And that's what I was going to say. It's not like kids fix things. If your life's a mess, don't be like, I'm going to have a kid and fix it. Not what I'm saying at all. But I've just, it's been really cool to see, you know, it's kind of like the common joke. It's, it's been cool to see people who I've watched like be wild at a party or be thrown up in a backyard or something like that. And then wash them, like make breakfast for their daughter while holding her in one hand. yeah It's insane. Like i I think there's something that really clicks. And of course mothers and fathers, but like,
00:19:53
Speaker
responsibility does really well for men and like improving their life, their physical health, all of that. that's such That's such a good summary of that. And I think it really goes to show that if you're doing what you're meant to do in life, that change will look like that. It'll be a drastic change like that. And that that goes to say about anything. Like if you are in the, like say you're in the mission field and that's what you're meant to do and you get in there, there's going to be that same kind of change. Like whatever God has decided is the best thing for you to do with your life and you decide to like pursue that, that change is gonna be very big and instant like that because there are some men who become fathers and it doesn't look like that. And I would argue that some of those men were not meant to be fathers and if they were Christian.
00:20:31
Speaker
yeah and having I did to listen to God and do what God called them to do. Maybe it wasn't father. Maybe it wasn't being a father. Maybe it was being a missionary or maybe it was being some doing something you know different. And yeah, that's just such a good example of how when you settle into what you're supposed to do, you it'll just change everything in your life for the better. Right. As we start to wrap this up, although we're not fully wrapping up yet, um we're going to share some some happy stats. So here's some of the things that you're more likely to experience with a great dad in your household. So infants who play with their dads have better social and academic outcomes. We kind of hinted to that earlier. Children with involved dads have smaller chances of behavioral problems in middle school or high school. Teens with involved dads are less likely to experience depression. Involved dads make for successful co-parenting by way of support of the mother. When fathers are involved, kids are 80% less likely to spend time in jail, 75% less likely to experience teen pregnancy. so Also, number six, when fathers are involved, their children are two times more likely to go to college. That's pretty cool.
00:21:35
Speaker
um Number seven, engage dads, set goals, and achieve greater success. That's also cool. um And then eight, healthy habits become more important to the dads, but also to the family, just overall the whole unit, just healthy habits are valued more. And then number nine, the last one I'm gonna say is self-esteem increases as dads see their value. And I believe this is self-esteem increasing for the dad, but also for the children. having a father acknowledge your value is very important and will increase your self-esteem. I love that. And then I meant to throw this in earlier, but kind of forgot about it. But another thing that inspired me for this episode is actually, it's a quote in an interview from Denzel Washington. You know him, right? He's an equalizer. He's in many other great movies. i He's one of my favorite
00:22:20
Speaker
actors and celebrities. He's one of the more based celebrities in my opinion, but he was in this he was in an interview a while back and um he actually talked about fatherlessness and some of the context. like There's more in the interview. I highly recommend checking it out, but he talks about you know he was around a lot of kids without without dads. like He grew up a bit of a rougher life. He saw a lot of this and he said, if a father is not in the home, the boy will find a father in the streets. I saw it in my generation and every generation before me and everyone since and I think that's something else is like girls too but young men without a solid father they'll go find another one and that could be somebody good like a good grandparent or a pastor or
00:23:03
Speaker
somebody not good. So good yeah yeah, I just, I liked, I wanted to share that as well. yeah And then I actually reached out on Instagram before we hopped on this episode. So I haven't, seen if we've gotten any new ones in a while. But I asked um on Instagram, I just asked real quick, how exactly did I word the question? Let me read my own post. What's one reason you're thankful for your dad? So to kind of wrap out, if that's all right, just to, like we said, end on a happy note, happy stats. I asked Instagram, what is one reason you're thankful for your dad? So here's what the internet had to say.
00:23:41
Speaker
Beth, you're going to crack up. Love it. Okay. One of these was hilarious. So I will share that one first. And I know this girl in real life. I double checked with her that this is okay to share on the podcast. It cracked me up because I love dark humor, but she said, I'm thankful that he showed me what not to look forward to husband. Oh my goodness. Oh my gosh. Well, lady. Because I got so many ulcers. That I texted her. I was like, that was so funny. Can I please share that? And she was like, please do. But actually true, though. Yeah. Yeah. And I know the man she married, great, great person. They were doing great. Amazing. That was my sister-in-law, Abby. So Sam's like, what? Yeah, wanted to know. OK. Yeah.
00:24:25
Speaker
All right. Somebody else he's taught slash continues teaching me so much about the forest and wildlife. I liked that sweet. Yeah. Like, and I think a lot of people can relate fishing, camping, hiking with your dad, unmatched, unmatched feeling. Another response we got was, so again, the question was, what is one reason you're thankful for your dad? And this person said he was, he was a good example for his three children. Oh, that's so sweet. Short and sweet. one Somebody else, ah the last one actually said, for the great stories. And this one is so real. Dad lore and dad stories are wild. Like the older you get and you get to hear more of what your dad did. I love that. I'm not going to lie. My dad, my dad's dad lore was insane. He has some of the craziest stories. like
00:25:12
Speaker
shit Just off the wall. I mean, I don't even know how to describe it. So. Yeah. I love it. And especially the older you get, like stories that they wouldn't share with you when you were 10, but then as an adult, they'll just tell you real quick one day about like this random crime they committed or like yeah this place they trespassed or a night they spent in jail. And you're like, what? You're like, okay, good. Good to know. Yeah, that's crazy. And you're worried about me. Doing what yeah, right. No wonder we ended up so good. They were like not that Exact venue all the things to look out for that we wouldn't do all the warning signs. Make sure we stayed away from that's so funny
00:25:47
Speaker
But I think that's everything we have to share. Thank you everyone who submitted while you're thankful youre for your dad. Keep submitting them on my Instagram. I will keep reading them happily. And again, even though it is a few days past now, we just want to send out a happy Father's Day from us here at the Art of Intention to you. We are so thankful for great fathers in the world. Keep doing what you're doing. The world couldn't run without you and the moms too with both of you. You're both great. You can catch us again next week with our regularly scheduled content. We are here every Tuesday and you already know the drill. You can find us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Sunkaster. And real quick, while we're here, if you haven't yet, please leave us your five star rating or review wherever you listen and
00:26:31
Speaker
And it helps us out so much if you actually go to multiple platforms and leave a five star rating in review. So I'm a faithful Spotify user, but I could pull up Apple Podcast real easy, find our own show and give us five stars right there too. Just saying, tell us the podcast world that we're here. yeah Great way to support the show. Completely free to you. Tell your friends about us. We always really appreciate it. Make sure you are on our Instagram. You can stay involved in the community. Continue any conversation that we bring up. Our DMs are always open for your thoughts, episode suggestions, guest suggestions, anything like that. We want to hear it. So we are there at Art of Intention Podcast on Instagram. You can email us also at artofintentionpodcastatgmail.com. And we will see you to do it all again next week. Bye. Bye.
00:27:27
Speaker
Bye!