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90: Using Your Platform For Good (Part 2)
130 Plays1 year ago
In this New Year, Jill Devine would like to challenge you to embrace the uncomfortable in 2024 and see how it provides growth in your life.
Joining Jill this week to discuss embracing uncertainty and discomfort, Emily Elam. Emily loves to travel, serve the community, learn new things, and have fun! Her self confidence had been shaken by a painful divorce and she was looking to gain back the confidence she lost. She discussed how an uncomfortable solo journey helped her mental well-being. Emily also referenced the retreat episodes Jill talked about in 2023.
Episode 79: YES Moments - The Importance of Retreating
Episode 80: YES Moments - The Importance of Retreating (Part 2)
Episode 81: YES Moments - The Importance of Retreating (Part 3)
Emily’s IG: @emcandoanything
Normal Goes A Long Way Website: https://www.normalgoesalongway.com/
Normal Goes A Long Way Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/normalgoesalongway/
Normal Goes A Long Way Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Normal-Goes-A-Long-Way-110089491250735
Normal Goes A Long Way is brought to you by Messiah St. Charles: https://messiahstcharles.org/
Two Kids and A Career: https://www.jilldevine.com/podcast
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Transcript
Misconceptions About Christianity
00:00:00
Speaker
The following podcast is a Jill Devine Media production. Christianity has become known for judgy people, strange words, ancient stories, confusing rules, and a members-only mindset. This is why I stayed away from the church for so long, but it's not supposed to be that way.
Introduction to Podcast
00:00:17
Speaker
I'm Jill Devine, a former radio personality with three tattoos, a love for a good tequila, and who's never read the entire Bible.
00:00:24
Speaker
Yet here I am hosting a podcast about faith. The normal goes a long way podcast is your home for real conversations with real people using real language about how faith and real life intersect. Welcome to the conversation.
Continuing a Conversation
00:00:40
Speaker
We are going to continue the conversation with Emily Elam this week in our part two episode. If you didn't get a chance to listen to part one, please do so so that you can get caught up to speed. And we're talking about getting uncomfortable. We're talking about living our best lives and making sure that we do that. And sometimes it looks different in different ways. And that's what we are going to talk about a little bit more in this week's episode.
Solo Journey to Honolulu
00:01:09
Speaker
I kind of realized I can't wait forever to live the rest of my life for, you know, something magical. I need to start living my life now and using these days and I can either sit around my house and feel sorry for myself or I can do something fun. And so then I kind of thought, well, if I'm going to go by myself, where would I, where would I want to go? Where would I be comfortable?
00:01:40
Speaker
wanted to go somewhere warm and you know initially I was thinking well maybe I'll go to Florida or you know something perhaps more manageable and then I just thought I'm just gonna look at flights to Honolulu and from there I think you know it was totally inevitable at that point that this is what I was gonna do so I found some flights and
00:02:06
Speaker
I'm sitting here thinking, the woman that just across from me said, I do not go out to eat by myself. And then you booked a flight to Honolulu. We're not talking Herman, Missouri, where you could drive to. We are talking about completely mind blown.
00:02:34
Speaker
But in some ways Jill, I think I needed to do something I couldn't back out of. So I booked these flights too far to come home early. And I booked a nice hotel right on the beach.
00:02:54
Speaker
You know, I'm not giving up that that money that I put down on, you know, you lose a night's stay if you don't go. And so it was kind of a way of holding myself accountable for doing it, too. You know, if I think if I would have just said, oh, I want to get out of town, I'm going to go to Chicago for the weekend or something, you know, real easy. I might have been tempted to back out.
00:03:17
Speaker
And to be honest with you, leading up to it, I was, you know, I remember you saying this in your podcast, you wrote the dates in pencil and I did the same. I keep a paper planner and I wrote them in pencil. And, you know, I remember being on calls with people from work or telling friends like, oh, I think I, you know, I might go to Hawaii if I don't chicken out. And, but it was like, there's no, there's no chickening out. You know, I,
00:03:45
Speaker
I'm just going. All right. So you get on that flight and you get there, walk through the journey.
Embracing Freedom and Signs
00:03:55
Speaker
Yeah. So I, like I said, I didn't, but I intentionally did not book a lot of activities for myself because I thought, I don't know how I'm going to feel. I may just want to sit on the beach and read or, you know, I might feel sad. I don't know how I will feel.
00:04:13
Speaker
but I'm just going to take this step and remind myself that I can do things on my own. And there doesn't always have to be someone right there with me and see if I can have fun in this most beautiful place on the world. So, you know, I, and I wound up actually just by sheer coincidence, having a friend on the first leg of my flight,
00:04:42
Speaker
somebody I ran into in the airport, and you talked a little bit on your podcast about kind of what I'll call God winks, the term we use here at our church, about one of your friends texted you right before you were gonna go, and the house wound up being similar to someplace you'd stayed before. And I felt like that was just kind of like a little wink from God. Like, here's somebody with you on your first leg of your journey that you know who's going someplace else connecting on from our first flight, but that kind of set the tone.
00:05:10
Speaker
And I think I knew in that moment, this is gonna be good. And it was and I got there and I check into this hotel that I'm real familiar with and I get my room and I look out and I can see the water and it was just good from there. And then I wound up doing things more than I had even planned.
00:05:37
Speaker
Tell me about those things.
Pushing Comfort Zones
00:05:39
Speaker
So I did a hike, Diamond Head, which for anyone who has seen kind of the iconic postcards of Waikiki Beach, it's the little mountain that you can kind of see there. Crater is what it really is.
00:05:53
Speaker
And so, you know, I walked there from my hotel because I didn't have a car, so it's kind of a long walk. And I did this hike and that felt good. And I booked a catamaran ride, which is something I've done before in Hawaii. I love being out on the water. I absolutely love it.
00:06:11
Speaker
And I thought, is this going to be so strange by myself? And it wasn't. It was great. I loved it. I took a surfing lesson, which I had never done before in these prior trips. And I was kind of thinking, what would be a good activity that you don't really need another person for, that something new that I haven't done that, and I intentionally at this point wanted to push my comfort zone. And they have all these
00:06:40
Speaker
little stands on the beach where you can just, you know, book a surfing lesson. And so I did that and surprised myself that I was able to get up and, you know, ride the wave, which I would not have imagined I would be able to do. And, you know, I went to the restaurants that I wanted to go to some of my favorite places and just, I just didn't care.
00:07:10
Speaker
You know, I just was there to have fun. I just lifted up.
Dining Solo and Self-Acceptance
00:07:19
Speaker
Did you get met with a, you know, obviously questions from people like, oh, what brings you here? Or are you on vacation? Are you married? Like, did that happen a lot? A little bit, yeah.
00:07:37
Speaker
It was interesting the reactions from people and I would say, you know. i'm just on vacation and i'm just having fun and.
00:07:47
Speaker
people were like, wow, that's great. You know, that's so cool that you're doing this. And people were really friendly. I mean, I didn't walk around advertising like single woman here alone. Thank you for not doing that, Emily. Folks that I would chat with and it was great. And I, you know, I thought, oh, it's going to be so weird sitting down at a restaurant and ordering by myself and
00:08:15
Speaker
It just wasn't because I was just present in my surroundings and present in my experience. And I don't know if you know this about me. I'm actually an only child. I don't know. No, I did not. And I kind of reminded myself going into this trip and on this trip because I am a very social person and I really prefer to have people around me all the time.
00:08:44
Speaker
And I just kind of reminded myself, I'm an only child. I can play alone. And that's what this was. I played alone. It was okay. It was better than okay. It was great. And it's interesting too. We talk about this all the time with just everything in life, like perceptions, like,
00:09:08
Speaker
I, it's easy to say, oh, she has it all together. I would never think that she would, I would think you would walk into that restaurant and own it. And it is true. You never know what someone is going through. You never know what's going on in someone's mind. And that's inspiring in itself because
00:09:34
Speaker
you have to remember like every person is so uniquely different and you walking into that restaurant could have been a catalyst for someone else who may have seen you and thought whatever but maybe they're like oh I can do this myself or they're listening right now and saying locally I can do this myself and that like that's not something that we should forget
Confidence and Privilege
00:10:00
Speaker
So you're in Hawaii and I know that you were thinking through things and you were thinking about
00:10:11
Speaker
stuff and just like tell me with whatever you're comfortable with like where some of the moments that you had with your mental well-being or like you know what happened that made you think a certain way or opened your eyes to something. I'll share that Audrey
00:10:34
Speaker
had said that she went on her journey and one of the things that she was looking for was some sort of epiphany with God and she was honest and said she didn't get it.
00:10:46
Speaker
but there were other things that she got. And what I loved that she shared was there were definitely so many highs, but there were lows too. And she recognized those and then was able to kind of focus on the highs again. I just wanted to know if that was something similar for you, were there things, it could have been all highs, that's good too. But like things like that that happened throughout your time there.
00:11:15
Speaker
Yeah, there were definitely highs and lows and it was a real confidence builder for me in my personal confidence. So, Jill, you know about my career, I'm extremely confident in the workplace and there are aspects of my life where I feel really comfortable and I really feel like I do have it together. I know what I'm doing. This is my swim lane. And in my personal life and my sense of self,
00:11:45
Speaker
had and self-confidence had really been shaken kind of coming into this. And so it was a real confidence booster for me to be in this place. And I do want to just acknowledge the privilege position that I'm in. I mean, not everyone can go to Hawaii and I want to just acknowledge that. But I think anyone who can do anything and step out of your comfort zone is an opportunity to gain self-confidence. And I was in this place where you
00:12:15
Speaker
I don't think you can help but feel good in Hawaii. And just taking in the beauty, the sunshine, the rainbows, it was totally, it was just, it was a blessing. And there were those moments where I'm just, you know, maybe sitting on the beach or just walking around and I feel like,
00:12:46
Speaker
It's okay, like I have value as a person and I am gonna be okay and I can do things. And I don't always have to be surrounded by another partner or an entourage or a friend group or anything, it can just be me and that can be okay.
00:13:15
Speaker
And there were some moments that were things that reminded me of kind of my prior life. I thought, oh, I'll do some shopping on the trip. And there's kind of some mid luxury and luxury brand stores.
00:13:44
Speaker
I went out one day and was kind of walking in that environment. And that was a little triggering of kind of a past life for me. But I recognized it in the moment. And I said, you know what? This is not good for me. I'm going to exit this setting and go back to the beach. And that was, I think, a good thing that I was able to just recognize it and acknowledge it and move on to something else.
00:14:16
Speaker
There are so many different things that you have said that Audrey also said that she experienced and that's really cool. Like that clearly cannot be a God wink. That's more than that. And that is in itself just an inspiration too. I told Audrey this and I'm telling you this too, it is inspiring to see what you both did.
00:14:46
Speaker
and to not lie and say that it was easy to do either. Just a little bit of a backstory for the listener. I had emailed you about something work related for the church and you said, okay, I'm getting ready to head on vacation. I'll get ahold of you. I'm like, no, no, no, no, vacation is sacred. Like do not email me. And that's when you told me that you were going on this trip solo
00:15:15
Speaker
to Hawaii and I'm like, what? And my office partner and I am like, did you hear what Emily is doing? Emily is going to Hawaii solo. Like, I don't think I could ever do that. And we started, we had this long discussion about it. And I know that, but you were also open and honest and said, um, I'm worried about feeling lonely at times. And the only thing, the best advice I can have for anything like that is to,
00:15:47
Speaker
own it, accept it, acknowledge it, and then take your next steps, which is exactly what you did for the trigger. Like so many times people will just suppress it and like try to make it go away. But if you do that, it's going to come back and bite you in the butt like a thousand times harder. Yeah.
00:16:13
Speaker
Okay. Now we need to talk about like where you are now. As I mentioned in the retreat for me, um, in my episode, you come back and you are on that high. And of course the high doesn't last. And that's the most difficult thing for me. I try to go back. Now I got journaled all about it and I, uh, will sometimes go back and read what I experienced, but,
00:16:40
Speaker
Dang, that high. It sucks when it goes away. And I'm really glad that you addressed that in your podcast. And that was helpful because it does. I mean, you come back and you're just like, yeah, like life is great. You know, I think I remember emailing you like, yeah, you got a victorious life for me. Like it's going to be amazing. And then you kind of get back into your normal and you're like, well, isn't that great? Right.
00:17:09
Speaker
Oh, man, I really wanted to talk about it. And now I don't have anybody to talk about it. And now it's too late. Nobody cares. I'm not feeling victorious every day. And so two things that have been helpful for me. One is to mentally go back and reflect. I'm not a journal person, you know,
00:17:33
Speaker
Two years ago, I would have told you I'm super uncomfortable talking about feelings, and now I just kind of were there. Yes. But I'm not that person who really enjoys quiet or solitude and journaling and some of those more reflective pieces, which might be funny considering what I did.
00:17:59
Speaker
But I just kind of mentally go back there. And so when I'm feeling kind of down or whatever the situation may be, I remind myself how I felt about myself and about what God has in store for me.
Resolution for Adventure
00:18:20
Speaker
And so I take myself back a little bit and
00:18:24
Speaker
We talked, or you talked at the very beginning about kind of New Year's resolutions and goals. And so I'll tell you mine is to get out of town at least once a month. It doesn't have to be solo, but to just shake up my routine and just mix it up and, and keep experiencing new things regardless of where
00:18:48
Speaker
I'm at in life or regardless of whether anyone else is going or not going, just keeping that momentum of living life where you're at.
00:19:04
Speaker
not having barriers or like, hey, how many times have you tried to schedule something with people? And it's like, I can't make that date. I can't make that date. And then you get frustrated and then
00:19:20
Speaker
Just stick with the date. And if you're the only person that shows up, and that's hard, but if it's something you want to do, then you should do it. And if you're right, we shouldn't always rely on somebody else.
00:19:38
Speaker
My mind is like thinking of all these things. Cause I will say to, and as you mentioned, you know, being able to have the privilege to go, I know in my seasons of season of life with two littles, it's not always easy for me to jump and go somewhere or my husband and I to even take a date night. But we also have to be more intentional and we have to,
00:20:07
Speaker
be creative. I think that that's part of my thought process for this year is stop making the excuses, whether it's because it's not in our budget or it's whatever, I'm tired. Okay, then let's figure out another solution for it. And that could be hard, but I think
00:20:32
Speaker
You know, I mean, gosh, it's so cliche when you hear YOLO or you hear you're not guaranteed tomorrow. No, but we also are living our lives and we still have responsibilities and we still have the bills to pay and it's just very hard. So like let's try to figure out a way to also experience life. Yeah. And I think it's finding a way that works with where you're at in life.
00:21:01
Speaker
you know, it's going to look different for everyone. And, but finding ways, you know, so for me, getting out of town is a way to connect with myself. And I have, you know, in my 2024 agenda, this idea of I'm going to go where I want to go and do things that maybe nobody else wants to do. And,
00:21:32
Speaker
It's going to be okay because now I know I can do that by myself and I'm going to gain something from that experience. Somebody who's in a different season of their life, maybe it's not getting away. Maybe it's leaning into where you're at, leaning into your family, leaning into those relationships and making that a priority. So I don't think it has to look the same for everyone, but for me, it's about finding a way to have a full life and to
00:22:02
Speaker
not just tolerate the season that I may be in, but to take advantage and fill that space.
00:22:12
Speaker
and take up space. So yeah. Well, that was what I was going to end on is what's next for Emily. And you just really answered it. I mean, on that agenda, I love saying the agenda. That's a really cool way of saying things. Do you have a couple of specifics you'd like to share?
00:22:34
Speaker
Yeah, I can tell you my next trip. OK.
Next Stop: Carter Library
00:22:37
Speaker
And so I am going to the Carter Presidential Library. That is one of those places I'm not sure is high on a lot of people's lists. But I find huge inspiration in former President Carter as a person, what he has done. And I've read a lot about him for humanity and just this idea that
00:23:01
Speaker
He used his platform as a former president of the United States to do amazing things, things he couldn't have done as just a peanut farmer from Georgia, right? And I don't have a platform like that, but it really inspires and motivates me to use whatever little platform I might have in this world for good. I am not, I've told you, I don't see myself as a spiritual leader. I'm not the person out there
00:23:30
Speaker
preaching the gospel, but I try to live my faith through service. And I kind of take former president Carter as an exemplar in that. And I don't mean to compare myself to him in any way, but that that's something I want to strive to be like. And so I've always had an interest in going to his library.
00:23:50
Speaker
And I've never been in part because like presidential libraries aren't real high on a lot of people's bucket list. Maybe they should be. Maybe they should be. I think we can all learn a lot. And I love history too. I should add that. I love history and I'm a huge nerd.
00:24:08
Speaker
That's my next one on my list. You said that you don't consider yourself a spiritual leader and it's because you're not, you know, evangelizing and talking about gospel and scripture, but that's, that's what makes you a great spiritual leader.
Faith Through Actions
00:24:25
Speaker
we don't have to do those things. We have to, I'm talking about you, me, everyone, we have to be and want to be and should be good people that show
00:24:42
Speaker
how amazing this world is and how loved we are by God. That's it. The good works that we're doing, the kindness that we spread, the helping others. I mean,
00:25:00
Speaker
I can't believe I'm going to say this because I'm still mind-blowing. I'm in ministry, but that is what? The second commandment? I am quoting scripture here and saying that's the second commandment to love your neighbor. I mean, you know what I'm saying here. I do. Yeah. And I think you're right. I mean, we all have gifts and we all are given
00:25:25
Speaker
different opportunities and different ways to express or live our faith and so for some people I think that gift is teaching and theology and we desperately need people who can do that and for some people you know it's maybe um
00:25:43
Speaker
different types, you know, maybe it's a children's ministry or it's, um, you know, it could be anything. And so, so for me, it's, it's service is kind of my, that's, that's how I connect to my faith more than, you know, some of the other ways. Yeah. And mine is love. Like that's, oh,
00:26:04
Speaker
Thank you for sharing, Emily. It's for inviting me. Do you have a blog or anything? Like, gosh, I feel like we need to... Do you have a website that we could follow along? Oh, Emily's journeys. I have Instagram. Okay, give us the Instagram. It's mcandoanything.
00:26:21
Speaker
I will also have it on the show notes at normalgoesalongway.com. Yeah, you're inspiring. I hope that this inspires some other people. I know it will. And I appreciate you. So thank you so much for coming on and for talking about uncomfortable stuff.
00:26:38
Speaker
Well, I mean, any chance to talk about Hawaii, Ryan, you know, like these are this is great. Oh, so thank you, Jill. You are so welcome. And yes, get uncomfortable. Get that agenda going. And maybe you one day could be on this podcast just like Emily.