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Ep 20 :: Marriage Redemption - 10yr Celebration :: Pt 1
36 Plays25 days ago
June is REDEMPTION MONTH! This episode is the kick off to celebrating 10 years of God’s mercy and grace over our marriage. 10 years ago this month is when betrayal and infidelity was uncovered, and what I often have referred to as “D-day”. 10 years post discovery and we have so much to praise God for. “What the enemy meant for evil, God means for good - and the ‘saving of many marriages’.” This is a verse God gave me back in June 2016, and although it is a verse in regard to Joseph in Egypt at the time, God spoke to my heart that He would use this testimony to encourage others in their marriages to persevere, pursue reconciliation and bring restoration - all for HIS glory! Hallelujah!
Join Megan for the kick off episode as she sets the table for where things are headed this month.
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Music:
The Success by Keys of Moon
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Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
Hi friends, welcome to Diggin' In. I'm your host, Megan. This is a place where we discuss the things that really matter in life. We cut through the surface to dive deeper. So pull up a chair because here we're Diggin' In.
June 2026 Focus
00:00:17
Speaker
Welcome back to Digging In. It's Friday, another episode. i can't believe we are in June of 2026. twenty six It's pretty wild. um If you are just joining us for the podcast, welcome. Glad you're here. There's a lot probably that may not make complete sense in this episode and pretty much all of June. If you don't go back first, and episode two and three are kind of part one and part two of my personal testimony, which shares a little bit about our marriage testimony um And then the next episode is Adam and I together, my husband, and we kind of talked about it was right around um Valentine's Day or maybe it was on Valentine's Day. I think it was the day before. Anyway, um we were talking about what is love and just kind of what it meant to us as children and then getting coming into marriage and early adulthood and all that good stuff, kind of how that changed as far as like what we perceived love is, um kind of, you know, how did we grow up? And for me, kind of seeing the fairy tales of Disney and thinking that that's what marriage
Redemption Month
00:01:23
Speaker
is going to be. And um Anyway, all that to say, if you go back and you listen, those three episodes are really helpful to kind of get context for what we're going to be talking about in June. But welcome to June around here. It is not Pride Month. It is Redemption Month. So again, lots more context to come in the month. But also if you go back, you'll get a little bit more from episodes. Episode one was like an intro, why I'm doing this, all that good stuff. And so episode two, three, and four,
00:01:53
Speaker
Two and three are me, and then four is us together. And so that'll give you context to why this is now Redemption Month. So in June of 2016, our marriage pretty much as we knew it imploded completely, and it has been quite a journey. And so now it is June 2026, 10 years later. I mean, it makes ten years later i mean woof it makes me Sometimes it hits you, right? Like you never know when things hit you. And for me, wow, that is just like, it's a huge milestone. It's making me choke up and tear up thinking about it. But um yeah, 10 years post ah the enemy trying to destroy our marriage and our family. And now sitting here 10 years um past all of that, I often say when I share our story with people,
00:02:43
Speaker
I am married to the same man that I walked down the aisle to, but he is a completely new creation as we all are in Christ, but he is a completely transformed creation, um for all the better reasons. And so just so thankful for everything that, um, the Lord has done. i just kind of want to set the stage today for where we're headed for the month of June. um as I said, it's going to redemption, redemption month around here. um You know, 2016 when everything happened, kind of like the big revelation for me and ah uncovering what was going on um in our marriage,
00:03:24
Speaker
happened on June 16th, 2016. And so we will be together talking, you know, post that date and everything. um Yeah. I just wanted to have ah Adam on throughout the month of June and really talk about what does it look like to experience ah marital infidelity and betrayal in your marriage.
Discussing Infidelity and Forgiveness
00:03:43
Speaker
um And then what does it look like to walk in forgiveness and to move forward? So um it'll be a big month. I'm excited. And it's funny. I've heard from actually a couple of dudes who are excited that Adams is going to be on here. So welcome, yeah gentlemen.
00:03:58
Speaker
I will try to say guys and gal not just gals or ladies. I thought that I was pretty generic because you never know who's listening. But anyway, I just pray that this episode and all of them always, but especially this month in particular,
00:04:13
Speaker
would just be an incredible blessing, especially if you find yourself here because you are going through betrayal in your marriage. First of all, I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're walking through this brokenness. um you know Someone once said we are ah a space between two gardens. you know There's the Garden of Eden and then where we will end up in eternity in the new heaven. um in a new garden. And so in between that space, there's so much brokenness ever since the fall. And so I'm sorry that the brokenness of the world has impacted you in this way. um You're not alone. I think that's so important to say first and foremost. um
00:04:54
Speaker
Oftentimes, you know, in betrayal min ministry, we say, ah well, I don't know if it's we, but I have often said it's the thing that happens in your life that isn't something that everyone hears about, knows about, comes to comfort you in um offer their condolences. It's not like a death in the family or some sort of really terrible health diagnosis or you know um recovering after a miscarriage or um you know, whatever it can be. You know, there's plenty of things out there. It's not something like that that a lot of people often know about, especially off the bat. And so a lot of time you're suffering in
Rebuilding Marriage through Faith
00:05:33
Speaker
silence. And so I'm just glad that you're here. You're not alone. There are many of us out there and statistically speaking, there are way more of us out there that um oftentimes we'll ever know about. But ah my husband and I's heart in all of this
00:05:49
Speaker
First and foremost, as I said, is to glorify the Lord and bring glory to his name because it is only by his grace and his mercy on our lives, on our marriage, that we are still married and that we are not just like, you know,
00:06:03
Speaker
dragging, trying to get to the finish line. We are thriving again, praise God, um just because of the work that he has done in each of our lives individually and then ah in our life as one flesh married couple. And so for today, i just want to kind of lay some groundwork, as I said,
00:06:26
Speaker
Um, next episode, ah we will be kind of talking about early marriage and, you know, kind of laying the groundwork of, you know, I thought this, you thought that, how we kind of learned to live with one another in early marriage. And then kind of, um, infertility, at least for me was a huge, I don't want to say trigger, but it was a huge thing in our lives. It was the first real, other than we had a lot of drama around our wedding right before we got married, But other than than that, like this was the first really just heartbreaking, heart-wrenching situation in our marriage where um we
00:07:05
Speaker
had to cling to the Lord. We had to cling to one another and encourage one another. it really was the first time probably that we were living out our vows from the in sickness and in health um was when I was going through infertility because it was just such a huge thing. I mean, the very first night that we met. We talked about, you know, like how many kids would you want? And, you know, just we we had a very um quick, deep relationship. And so we talked about all of those things. And so for us to get married and, you know, we think we're going about things all the right way, not that we always did by any means, but we thought that we were. And then to get to, all right, I think like we're ready. We think we're ready to start a family and for that to be kind of the carpet, the proveral proverbial carpet ripped out from under us is what it felt like. And so that created in both of us probably some bad habits that now looking back and always hindsight being 2020. And I think also, you know, the Lord giving wisdom, giving eyes to see, and truly it's just like growth as a maturing process.
00:08:09
Speaker
adult, human, you know what I mean? I mean, even, even, you know, a child in their younger years versus an older teenager, there are things that you learn. It's just natural. At least you should, if you're not, then that's a problem. But you know, the Bible is really clear about wisdom and, and seeking the Lord and asking for wisdom and he will give it generously when you ask and you seek him and, um, you know, seeking his will. And, um, the father,
00:08:37
Speaker
loves to lavish his children. And so we've learned so much in doing things the wrong way. And the hope is that we can now help um people. you know i love meeting young couples who are early in marriage. I love when we're invited to weddings and we get to stand there and witness their vows because we truly are there to celebrate and so excited, obviously, of this union and this one flesh that is happening um, well, that is being created in that covenant of marriage.
00:09:07
Speaker
But we are also truly standing there when, you know, most pastors will say to the congregation, like, you know, you're here to witness this. Um, and the good ones will say, you're here also to hold them accountable, um, for when the trials come, because it's not if it's when, Uh, and so that's kind of where we are headed as far as next episode chatting about, you know, some bad habits, perhaps that were started, um, at that point in our marriage. And then, uh, the next one we will talk about kind of how everything came to light, um, and then kind of the destruction and then living in 10 years post-destruction. We'll probably take like just kind of a quick dip into that and then um we're gonna ah we'll figure it out a long way, but there will be two episodes to talk about kind of like how things fell apart and really the difficulty of that and how we both managed to come out of that dark cloud. And again, it's only by the grace of God, but there are choices that you know each of us had to make in that to participate. you know The Lord is ah not going to just –
00:10:14
Speaker
move you if you're not willing. um And so I'll come back to that in a second. And then just to celebrate again, once again, what the Lord has done. Just so grateful. um So for today, i am actually sitting in our sunroom. It's right off our bedroom. The porch is here. I've got the windows open because it's gorgeous. It's June, but it feels like April. It's really been a really strange like beginning to summer slash end of spring. um It's been really, really cool nights. We had a skunk last night. That was no fun. Had to close up.
00:10:46
Speaker
Woke up in the middle of the night and i was like, what is that? Anyway, so if you hear different sights and sound – or hear sights. You can't hear sights. If you hear different sounds, it's because I've got the windows open. There's birds. We've got some stonemasons here that are working on a projects that we've got. and i think I think there's some wood being delivered back at the chicken coop. I'm not really sure what's going on, but anyway, we're here. um In my mind, as I was planning this out and just kind of forecasting back in December and January, like where we're headed this year, what what in the world I would talk about on a podcast and all that good stuff, um I knew seeing June on the calendar, I wanted it to be, you know, and the month of redemption. And um so then as I sat down and kind of broke out, okay, well, what does that look like and what will we talk about?
00:11:38
Speaker
It was... in my mind back then, I was like, oh yeah, okay, one time I'll talk about, and you know, my struggles and like how I came out of that and then the next one. and And then I sit down to like really plan what I would talk about specifically. So, okay, for this episode, I truly wanted to kind of, you know, from start to finish, this is how, this is what recovery looks like. And that is just simply not possible, my friends. So,
00:12:07
Speaker
We will expound perhaps down the road. I'm totally open to doing that. It's just not possible to wrap everything into one setting. And I would really love to this summer. I'm really trying to balance. I'll just say.
00:12:25
Speaker
uh, my time with Noah and family and enjoying my garden. i was out there this morning. Maybe I'll circle back and tell you that little story, but it's just so peaceful. And my, i can feel my cortisol levels like going down and just like being able to i like to go out there in the morning and listen to my Bible app. And, um,
00:12:47
Speaker
have some time of prayer and meditation with the Lord and then um just water like and hear the birds. It's so peaceful and it's been so good. um i want to do more of that. I want to do more of like spontaneous fun with Noah. We're going to read three books together this summer. like I've got some things that are planned, but I want to be able to be spontaneous and So the podcast will not necessarily be as thoroughly deep dive, that kind of thing over the summertime, because I just won't have the time to sit and do that research. Maybe I will. I don't know. We'll see. But anyway, I've digressed already, but I just want to
00:13:30
Speaker
say that today will definitely feel like while we're digging in to really heavy topics as we do here on the Digging In po podcast, which is wonderful and I love it, it will feel like a very surface level probably flyover. And so without further ado, i just want to, again, speak to anyone who's been through this before, you know, at the beginning of like discovery, you You know, I had found some text messages and there was a lot that went into that. And again, happy to go back and and dive deeper into some of the details of it. um
00:14:09
Speaker
But like in that moment, it was – and in in that moment, but then there were just like marked moments in my mind over the next several weeks of like –
00:14:22
Speaker
It's almost like a movie scene where there's an explosion. And this is very indicative ah often of a PTSD-type response. And I want to be really careful. I have very strong
Science, Spirituality, and Healing
00:14:34
Speaker
feelings and thoughts about um mixing the scientific with the spiritual because I think oftentimes the or sorry the scientific takes precedent and gets lifted up on this pedestal of like, oh, well, this has been proven, whereas the spiritual side of things – is also proven in my mind through scripture, but it takes often a backseat. And I will definitely say that I've learned in my growing in this process that there were often um times where, you know, one time in particular, i remember a person in our lives trying to encourage me and the way that information was being shared was not helpful in that moment because I, I, I wasn't there.
00:15:19
Speaker
spiritually, if that makes sense. I wasn't, obviously this was years ago. And so this was like back in 2020, it's six years from that now, like I've grown immensely in, in six years.
00:15:31
Speaker
And i just remember, i know that this person's intentions were good, but I was so hurt in the moment. And then because of that hurt, my heart was very closed off to, being in that environment again, because I was so um jarring, if you will.
00:15:48
Speaker
So all that to say, when i talk about some scientific terms, those terms are all helpful. And again, we talk about this in betrayal ministry. In my personal opinion, having gone through so much, and not that I'm the authority on all of this, I am certainly not, but I can share with you my experience and the things that have helped or haven't helped. And i can also just point you to the scriptures because Ultimately,
00:16:15
Speaker
God's word is what's going to bring healing. Period. The end. End of story. Hard stop. That's it. All the scientific knowledge can only go so far. And yes, it absolutely is helpful. Like I remember when Adam first started going through mentoring with Tim and there was a book that's on my website, um, on my, um, myseedsofhope.com and under resources, at least it better be. If it's not, you can shoot me a message. I'm happy to share it with you. I've got to update some things. Um, but, um,
00:16:47
Speaker
the The book that they went through together is called Surfing for God. And I can't remember the author's name off the top of my head, but it was just so helpful for him. And so a couple years later, I ended up reading that book as well because I wanted to see what it was that was so helpful for him because then, you know, when you're in this type of thing, you start talking to people, you find out there's a lot of people out there that have experienced some degree of betrayal in their marriage, not always looking the exact same. But anyway, I just wanted to know like what was so helpful. And there were so many terms in there that were, you know, more scientific-y.
00:17:24
Speaker
I've done several studies of my own in, you know, my healing journey. And again, it's very helpful to understand this i took at the psychology, you know, like what's happening physiologically in the brain to make us respond in this kind of way. For me, what is it in the brain that makes me have that – flight, like I want to, or flee, you know, flight or flee, fight, flight, or freeze. I said it wrong the other day when I was talking on here, um, fight, flight, or freeze. Those are typically the, you know, the stress response. Um, and mine is typically flee.
00:18:01
Speaker
I will just, I want to flight or flee. I want to run like, There's a reason that that happens in our minds, in our bodies. um And so Katie Talento, when she was on a couple episodes ago, which if you haven't listened to that one, go back. Amazing. She was talking about how there are so many things in our body. She was talking about in the context of giving birth, but she was saying, you know, Um, the, the, the flight is a good thing when you're being chased by a bear, right? Like your body's natural instinct is to kick in and your adrenaline, your cortisol, your adrenaline, they go through the roof, which is all God designed for survival. That's a good thing.
00:18:42
Speaker
But when your brain is constantly doing that, it's a really bad thing and actually can lead to a lot of health complications and, um down the road there's there's fallout from it because it's just not a healthy way to ah live um in an ongoing basis.
00:18:57
Speaker
So all that to say, going back to when I was here, you know, discovering these text messages or those first few weeks after discovery and everything that came to light,
00:19:08
Speaker
It was like a bomb went off to go back and use the the analogy that I was going to use earlier. It's like I could, there were so many moments where I could almost see myself, you know, i was like outside of myself looking onto the situation or I was in my body experiencing the situation.
00:19:25
Speaker
If you've seen the movie Inception, it very much felt like the at the end of the movie when they're in the van and the van is falling from the bridge down to the water and everything is like in just like complete suspension, you know, and there's like items and particles that are like floating in the air.
00:19:44
Speaker
And it just, it's in such slow-mo. So it it feels like in one sense, everything's going like a million miles an hour because that's what your brain, your heart rate are doing. It's like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:19:55
Speaker
But then at the same time, it's like, oh my goodness, what is happening around me? I mean, that's like the pace of things because your brain almost can't keep up with processing things.
00:20:09
Speaker
So Um, the first few weeks after, you know, finding out everything, there were a lot of those experiences and that was a lot. Um, your body definitely goes through a lot when it comes to trauma. And I don't use that word lightly. We will in, uh, in episodes down the road, I do hope to go back and really look at, okay, here's the science and then here's the spiritual.
00:20:35
Speaker
and look at those words side by side, you know, and when it talks about when you read books and they talk about the mind or the soul or the spirit, you know, what are all those things? They all are different and, uh, they're all very different, especially when you're talking about the spiritual world versus the secular world, um, and how we view things. So,
00:20:59
Speaker
All that to say, when you hear me say trauma, I am very careful when I use that word. ah But the trauma response is a real thing. And so, again, that that instinct that your body experiences to want to either fight, flight, or freeze, depending on what the event is God designed your body with purpose, um, in every single sense. And so those are good things. But again, when you experience trauma can be a car wreck, it could be a difficult birth, um, uh, pregnancy or birth. It can be, you know, something tragic in your marriage. It could be the loss of a loss of a loved one tragically. Um, and suddenly any number of things there are, there are a number of things. Um, obviously when you hear terms like trauma, PTSD, those types of things, uh,
00:21:49
Speaker
at least for me, I very much think about our veterans. I think about, um, our military and their spouses, because the truth of the matter is, especially if they're married, they're one flesh and they experience it together. And the trauma that they bring back with them, um, ends up getting lived out in the family as well, which brings its own set of traumas. Um, so all of this to say the books are helpful.
00:22:13
Speaker
It's helpful to understand the why scientifically speaking, that we're responding in the way that we are when we encounter different things in our life. But at the end of the day, if we are not pursuing the Lord in his word, in prayer, then none of that's going to go anywhere. It's just knowledge at the end of the day.
00:22:34
Speaker
Same with reading and studying your Bible. If we're just consuming it and it's word on words on a page and it's just like rote exercise and it's not penetrating our heart and our spirit, then that's a problem. And I'm not saying that, you know, oh I've been having ah a dry spell in my quiet times and I'm reading the word and I want desperately to be connecting with the Lord in this, but it's just kind of dry. We all go through those seasons 100%. But I'm saying if it's more like a religiosity of it and I, okay, I'm going to wake up and I'm going to read my Bible because I have to and because I want to feel good about myself for the day. And I want to check that off the box. then that's a problem. That is making it more about you. So there's going to be times. But um Terry Hamrick, when she was leading our women's ministry, she, I call them little ditties. can't remember what she said, but it was like a little song the Lord gave to her when she was reading his word one time in preparation preparation for a women's Bible study. And she said that the Lord just spoke to her heart
00:23:40
Speaker
And she had this little just thing that she would sing to herself that the Lord gave her the lyrics for. And then she taught it to us. And so I'll sing it from time to time. But basically you're asking the Lord before, and that's where prayer is so vital in so many ways, but you're asking the Lord before having that quiet time. God, what do you want to speak to me? Um, and I'm not going to sing on here because I will spare all of you, but, um, it's a joyful sort sound to the Lord. That's all that matters in his eyes, right? And his ears. But she would say, come Lord, speak to me, come and share your heart. Um, in the quiet moments I spend with you, come and ah come Lord, speak to me. And so we would, we would just sing it very slowly and quietly. And it was so beautiful because it just took, at least for me, especially, you know, and, and I think for a lot of women, a lot of people, you're rushing from one point to another and da, da, da, da. And if you're bringing kids in, you're getting them in childcare. So just just come into the sanctuary and all sit together quietly and like have a moment to, to just take a deep breath and then allow the Lord to speak to our hearts. It was very impactful. And so I actually use that quite often now in my quiet times, especially if I'm sitting down and I find myself, I love having my paper Bible.
00:24:53
Speaker
Sometimes I default to my phone, if it's if especially in the summertime when I'm outside. and the end the beginning of the year when I'm trying to get everything established in the garden, there will be a time when I'll go and just sit out there with my bible paper Bible, which is great. But when I'm listening to my audio Bible and sometimes I'll be swiping like, oh, got to go over to the grocery list. I got to remember I need to get this. And then I'll go back over and then, oh yeah, I wanted to just tell so-and-so, blah, blah, blah. So I'll do that. And then I'll listen to a little bit of scripture while I'm watering and the Lord will bring someone to my mind and then I'll text them. And I'll be like, oh my goodness, the Lord had you on my heart today. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:25:29
Speaker
And I'm all over the place. Then I'll think of that song and I'll think, oh my goodness, Lord, I want to immerse myself in your word. Please help me to put away the distractions. And that's why it's so good to put your phone away completely and just open up your paper Bible and be alone with the Lord. But I just want to encourage you if you're
Leaning on Faith in Dark Times
00:25:53
Speaker
in this situation or if it's something different,
00:25:57
Speaker
first of all, allow yourself to be right where you are. It's hard. There are days where it is really, really hard. There are days where it's really, really dark. And then there are days where you're like,
00:26:10
Speaker
okay, I'm still alive. I'm still breathing. I put my feet on the floor today and something feels different in a good way, which is awesome.
00:26:21
Speaker
But I don't, I don't know about you. For me, I was like, okay, what, what, what's going to happen? You know, like I was waiting for the the shoe to drop and that's all part of, you know, living through something traumatic and all of that. But There will be days that are good and that's good. Bask in those, those days that are good and just praise the Lord over and over and over in those days. And the days that are dark and the days that are really, really hard, praise the Lord over and over and over again. I love, you know, in my Bible reading where I am right now is going through ps sos some of the Psalms. They like overlap and then Proverbs and I'm going through like first Kings and,
00:27:04
Speaker
ah Solomon and like all this stuff. And so just got through David, obviously. And he wrote most, maybe not most the Psalms. He wrote a lot of Psalms. I know that. And so just hearing his heart in that, you know, the lamentation of it, but then also the praise of it and then counseling himself. Why are you so downtrodden on my soul? You know, like,
00:27:24
Speaker
so many things, but we have to counsel ourselves in the truth. And so that's why I say that. And there is a Psalm and it's like, you know, even though the valley is low, these aren't the exact words, but it's basically the gist of it is like, even though the low is low, I will praise the Lord. Even though the high is high, I will praise the Lord. Even though the journey is difficult, I will praise the Lord. Even though it's wonderful, I will praise the Lord. all Let everything that I am praise the Lord. And so that's what we're called to do. And so um one of the pieces of advice I always give the ladies in our betrayal um groups ah is there will be days where you can't, you don't even know what to say. You know, like there's, I think about, i think it's in Romans where
00:28:04
Speaker
we're given the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf in grumb when all we have is grumblings and moanings and like intercedes on our behalf in that because we don't even know what to say. We don't even have the words. And so there are times that I remember we were living in our old house at the time and I remember walking through the house and just like,
00:28:25
Speaker
I'm blasting praise music on the good days and on the bad days, I would try and blast praise music because I knew that that was counseling my heart. I was trying to change the tide and not sit in my hurt and not sit in and think about the things that I could choose because it is a choice, quite frankly, whether or not to be bitter about something. I can choose whether or not to forgive. And I definitely did not always first choose forgiveness. I allowed, unfortunately, the root of bitterness to grow down several times. um And it's still, I mean, i'm a sinner. It is my nature to want to default to that when I'm offended or I'm hurt. The natural sinner response to that is to allow that to get in there and it is insidious. And so I've learned, you know, in taking every thought captive, as it says in the Corinthians and making it obedient to Christ. So meaning when an old thought creeps in you know, like an old, again, scientific ah not scientific, but psychological, like psychology term, trigger, when there's a trigger that happens, when something comes up that reminds me of the past in a negative way, i have to, and oftentimes audibly out loud say, no
00:29:40
Speaker
In Jesus name, I rebuke that thought that is not the truth and that is not the victory that we stand in today. And something along that line, like there, it isn't always the same thing that comes out of my mouth. But and then sometimes it's just Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. I remember walking through our house on multiple occasions and I've done it here too.
00:29:59
Speaker
And everywhere we've lived, the only thing that I could get out was Jesus. And I'd be angry and I would just say Jesus. I would be praising the Lord, tears streaming down my eyes in a wonderful place.
00:30:11
Speaker
Praise Jesus, you know, and all I could say it was Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, and wave my hands in the air. I mentioned before about the movie, which I totally butchered. It's War Room with Priscilla Shire, um where she there's that scene and she's talking about you know there's a new sheriff in town. You're not it. Get out in Jesus' name. you Leave this house. You are no you no longer have a seat at our table. You no longer have a place here. Get out. um And I did that. I would walk through our house and I would i would do that. um
00:30:43
Speaker
I would oftentimes when I was doing laundry, I would have to pray over our laundry, over our sheets. um One thing I will share, and I might may have already shared shared this on here, but something I share with betrayal ladies often is the a big trigger that I identified, I identified for myself with Adam was when he, when I was doing laundry, the enemy would want to creep in and
Rebuilding Trust and Communication
00:31:09
Speaker
I would be folding his boxers and the enemy would be like, what if this was a pair that he was wearing when that happened or this happened or, and it would just, and there were times, like at first when it started happening, I would just get so upset. Often it would be anger, but then I would just be sad. And sometimes I would start crying when I'm folding this laundry and doing these things.
00:31:29
Speaker
But then it kept happening over and over and the Lord just spoke to my heart, tell Adam, tell him. And so I did, i shared with him. It was really scary to do that, but I was like, i just need to tell you that when I've been doing laundry recently, like the enemy has been using it to ah try and grow down a root of bitterness and, you know, at the very least make me sad and remember the past in a negative way. And it's because I'm, this is the thought that I keep having. And so one day I'll never forget. He came home and I think it was a Marshall's bag. He came to the kitchen and he like dumped the bag out on the countertop and it was like,
00:32:05
Speaker
all these boxers. And I was like, well, okay, what you got some new undies. I don't get it. And he was like, I just want you to know that I'm getting rid of every single pair of underwear that I own currently. And I got all new. So that when you're doing laundry, you never have to have that thought again of was this a pair that I was wearing when x Y, or Z happened. And I just was like – I kind of was in shock and didn't know what to say. But it was so meaningful because at that point too, something that Adam –
00:32:38
Speaker
learned in his, you know, mentoring with Tim and counseling was just, you know, ask her what she can do to build, what what you can do to build trust with her. And so he would ask me that question and I would get frustrated a lot of the time because I was like, what do you mean? What can you do? to You figure it out. Like, what do you, know I'm not doing the work for you. Um, but it was sweet and it was convicting and only the gracious and loving way that the Lord can do. He spoke to my heart in that moment to say like, this is it that you're doing it now. Telling him about this is allowing him the opportunity to build trust with you in a way. And so I didn't ask him to go do that. That was something then that he took the onus and was like, the Lord spoke to him and said, you can do this. That will help. And it did. it was amazing. You know, the phone used to be
00:33:31
Speaker
a secretive thing. And so he would come in and he would lay his phone, you know, it was always face down, face down, face down all the time if I saw it. But often it was put away somewhere or always on his person. And even now to this day, like his phone is always face up.
00:33:48
Speaker
not always, but most of the time it's face up and it's somewhere public, like on a public surface, you know, around our house. And I just so appreciate that because it's become a habit that he has built, um, to just prove that he has nothing to hide and that he's trustworthy. And so there's little things like that, that, um, I hope that we can talk about next week, uh, together, maybe not next week, but the following week, um, together about like rebuilding trust and what that looks like. So,
00:34:17
Speaker
I'm going to leave it here for now because i feel like there's a million things that i want to say and could say, but they would need more time and attention. and so Friend, sister, or brother, wherever you are, whatever it is that you're struggling with, whenever you're listening to this, or maybe you're coming back and listening to it again with a different thing, i just want to encourage you. this is something that I always tell the ladies with betrayal, especially at the end. I usually say it at the beginning, but I don't think that they actually hear me. Maybe they do. Some of them perhaps do. But at the end to say, you're still here, sitting here at the end of this study because you have chosen
00:34:57
Speaker
to be a willing vessel. You are willing. And it's not always pretty. And it's not like a linear, you know, they often say healing. And it's it's like life. It's not a linear, like from here, you know, point A to point B. It's point A to point Z, beginning of our life to the end of our life. And some of the letters are over here and down here and over there. And it's just like a zig and zag and, you know,
00:35:22
Speaker
our old pastor used to use this analogy and I love it. And it's so vivid for me. I'm a very visual person, but he said like, God is weaving the tapestry
Life as a Tapestry - God Knows
00:35:30
Speaker
of our life. And I don't know if this was his thing or if he ah learned it from someone else, but God is weaving the tapestry of our lives and he sees the front of it or you know, like maybe we see the front of it. i don't know. But it's going to be a beautiful tapestry is the point. But if you flip that you know oriental rug over, that tapestry over, it looks like a mess. It's just you know threads all over the place, no sense whatsoever. And that is kind of what our life looks like. And we are not going to see the full picture until the end when we get to your eternity and we see the front of it. um We don't know what that beautiful tapestry is going to look like until...
00:36:08
Speaker
the other side. And so fan he also said that we're often looking at that tapestry on the backside, which looks like a hot mess, through a straw.
00:36:19
Speaker
So we can only see a little intersection and a little mess over here and a little thing over here, a little thing there. We can't see the big picture, whereas that's what the Lord sees. And he He knows what he's doing. He's the weaver of the tapestry. He's the potter of the clay. He's the one who is orchestrating all of it, but we have free will. And so the willingness to be a vessel is everything in my opinion. Um, often, you know, the only difference I'll say between, you know, Adam and I story and someone else's story that doesn't work out in redemption
00:36:58
Speaker
is one or both party not being willing. there are you know There are women that I encounter with Betrayal Ministry who come in and they are so broken and they desperately want to make their marriage work, but their husbands have left. They chose not to pursue reconciliation. And my encouragement to them, i've I've heard stories and books and you know i used to listen to of ton of podcasts at the beginning when we were going through all of our stuff. And I just wanted to i needed to cling to someone's story that had gone through something difficult and survived to tell the tale. And that's what I needed. And it was really hard specifically at the time for me to find Christian redemption stories of betrayal. um And so I mean, even then the Lord had spoken to my heart that we would share our story one day because he was going to a great, incredible, mirror miraculous work. And that the whole point of it was to bring him glory through it. And again, not to toot our own horns at all. It is only by the grace of God, but we did have a choice. We all have a choice every day. I can choose to get up early and work out or I can choose to sleep in for me, choose to sleep in, but there's a consequence to that, right? I'm not going to have a workout. I'm not going to have the, the, uh, endorphins flowing through my body after that workout.
00:38:19
Speaker
If you make the choice to pursue healing and wholeness in the Lord, there's going to be fallout and there's going to be consequences of that. And it's going to be beautiful. If you choose the flesh and to stay stuck in the bitterness of whatever it is, then there's going to be fallout from that. And it's not going to be pretty. um And it's so fitting. you know Pastor Gary was just going through – we're going through Colossians right now. and He was just going through um this weekend talking about suffering. And it was just such a beautiful, um timely, I feel like, with um just so many friends of mine that are going through some really difficult things. And then just it's always an encouragement to me in talking about suffering. And so –
00:38:58
Speaker
you know, he used a J, uh, Joni Erickson Tata. He's in a wind wheelchair since she was, i think 17. I can't remember. She had an accident. Um, I believe she dove into the Chesapeake Bay. If I remember correctly, I'm not sure, but she's a quadriplegic and she's in, I think her sixties. Sorry. I don't know the details very well, but she's an older lady now. And she has had this incredible life,
00:39:24
Speaker
some really difficult things also got diagnosed with breast cancer at one point, but like the whole time she's been so open and sharing her story, um, to praise the Lord through all of it. And so that's our desire. That's our hope. And you too can have a story of redemption. You too can live, um, in freedom in what the Lord wants to do. You know, I, I say, I think it's 48. I'm really terrible. You guys, I think I say this all the time. Um, at knowing, anything the knowing the exact address, but I know it's in Isaiah, um, where he talks about, um the Lord is saying, see that I am doing a new thing. Don't, you know, like forget the former things. I'm doing a new thing. I'm making a way in the wilderness. I am making um, a path through the wilderness and I'm making, you know, a way through the desert. Like he is doing a new thing and not to look back. And that's another thing, um, that I've learned so much in this experience. And I, I, I live by it. Um, and again, counsel myself in the truth and remember that,
00:40:27
Speaker
The Lord always calls us to look back to remember what he did, look back and remember his hand of redemption, his deliverance from Egypt, his, you know, what he did on the cross through Jesus Christ so that he could reconcile us to himself.
00:40:43
Speaker
look back and remember what he did. But for us, he says, forget the former things because that's flesh. And ideally we're going from spiritual milk to spiritual meat every single day of our lives. And that might look like, you know, when I was a first believer, I was going from spiritual milk to like cottage cheese. Whereas now, I mean, hopefully I'd like to think that it's going from like, you know, ground beef to a big old steak. And you're like, you're learning to chew and you're learning, you're growing is my point every single day.
00:41:14
Speaker
by the grace of God, as he is willing and you're willing and to allow him to work in your lives. So that's my encouragement for today. As always, all glory and honor to God. i just, to him be the glory in it all, always. I'm so thankful just for the opportunity to be able to share his hand of redemption and his goodness in our lives, um, that we can sit here and point to what he has done, and forget the former things of our flesh. So, uh, I hope you'll come back next week. Adam will be joining me for the rest of the month. So it'll be he and I, I believe there are four episodes together. i don't remember, but he'll be around for a bunch and then we'll just kind of see where that takes us. And we'll go from there and Lord willing, we'll come back and keep chipping away at it, uh, deeper and all that good stuff. But, uh, reach out to me on social media. That's the best place to reach me. Or, you can go to my website, uh, my seeds of hope.com and you can connect with me there.
00:42:14
Speaker
but let us know. i will try and share some on social media, um, ah for just places for you to give questions, specific questions that we can try and answer and that kind of thing, because some of this stuff is really tricky, but, um, you know, I don't think it has to be, I just pray that um,
00:42:37
Speaker
I just pray that this is a blessing to you. ah i love you, even though I don't know you. um If you're a sister in Christ or a brother in Christ, I can't wait to meet you on the other side, if not in person for real life. um But yeah, this is all going somewhere again, Lord willing and for his glory. So I'll stop rambling for today, but we'll see you again next week. hope you have a great weekend.
00:43:01
Speaker
Thanks so much.