Transcript
Speaker: Hello and welcome to another Every Nation Commentaries, a commentary for December, 2024. I'm your I'm your co -host Chris. And we have a special guest, Joe, joining us this time. Hi, Joe Penta. And it's our annual tradition of watching a Home Alone movie for the Christmas holiday season. We've ah you know we've seen the best. We've seen possibly the worst with hopes of Home Alone, but the one we're watching this ah year is, I think, widely considered the worst Home Alone movie, Home Alone 4, taking you back the house. ah Surely we've gone through all of them at this point. There's there's one more. We got one more year of this. so yeah Home Alone 5, The Holiday Heist is the next year, and then we're done.
Speaker: a
Speaker: No more movies about kids being stuck alone. Unless Disney Plus decides like we got to make another Home Alone movie. Or they make a TV ah version of Home Alone like the TV series. The the Home Alone what if?
Speaker: so this So this was a TV movie. This was made for the Wonderful World of Disney back in 2002. um After the, I guess, failure of Home Alone 3, I mean, it made a little money, but I guess it wasn't enough to justify having home loans in theaters anymore, so they relegated it to a TV movie. And I guess it was also, I was reading on INDB, it's like, they were hoping this might be a backdoor pilot to a Home Alone TV show. It's like, well, we can just have this be the first episode of a TV show, then we just have these same actors as the same characters in a Home Alone TV show.
Speaker: No, no, French Stewart wasn't getting away from that third rock from the Sun money. Yeah. <unk>s a They would have to find like a Harry to like, like a Bobo Harry to like, join him at the TV show. They didn't sell enough of those RC cars from number three. Yeah. Dang.
Speaker: But yeah, so we are on Dizzy Plus, which I believe is the only place you can legally stream this movie. And we are at zero. So basically start the movie and just pause it because it gets right, like the second you start, it's gonna jump right to Home Alone 4 title screens, like jump, like yelling at you. So get it right at zero, pause it. And then when you're ready, I'm gonna give a countdown and we'll get started. So five, four,
Speaker: three, two, one, play. Home Alone 4! Oh, they waste no time.
Speaker: Is that that is the same house? Is it called French Stewart? Are they in French Stewart? They're in French Stewart. In alphabetical order. Within alphabetical order.
Speaker: So are they supposed to be at like the original Home Alone house? Yeah, and it so it's like everybody is like so much younger than they are like the the other movies. Yeah, it's so weird. That's Buzz. Yeah. What new Buzz looks like. Oh man.
Speaker: Michael Weinberg as Kevin. also I like how they just like didn't even attempt to cast like an actress that looks like Catherine O 'Hara just like I don't know. She's currently here now. It's fine. Yeah. America's funny. Some videos wait for the end 64. Although I guess at this point it'd be a game cube.
Speaker: No, I don't think he even has that. Is it still a nineties? Even though this was like from 2002. Oh, Hey. He's a PS one. A PS one. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: And then he has a bunch of random Genesis games.
Speaker: We're gonna go to New York and leave you without you. Yep. So yeah, is this supposed to be like canonical to the first two? Because it seems like If you're thinking about the timeline and the age, this is all like the next year. It's like first year was the first movie. Then year three was two. This is year five. Well, according to IDB trivia. Um, so in the first movie Kevin's eight and then in lost in New York, he's 10.
Speaker: and this maybe he's nine so if this if this is like canon this takes place between one and two holy shit the one year that like the heavens parents divorced for like a year yeah this is the home alone the pre sequel yeah Kevin's dad just had like a midlife crisis and just like I have to leave it I believe my family like I mean, what he leaves for is something crazy he exchanged his family in his, like, history for. It's like he lives in Richie Rich's mansion.
Speaker: Also, not to spoil much, but I'm not sure this is a movie that ends with them still being divorced because she's explaining how divorce works in this and it's like, Is it one of those movies where in the end they get back together and it's like, that's not how that works in real life, dude. They get back together and they plan their trip to New York. But it is how it works in a made for TV Disney movie. Yeah. Because I feel like Disney didn't have the balls in this movie to be like introducing divorce to kids. Because this is a true Disney movie. Either their parents are together or one of them's dead. Oh.
Speaker: oh they've ah They've also like disappeared or killed like two of Kevin's like siblings because there was two siblings. There's like two sisters and two brothers. Oh yeah. there there was It was like 14 people get into the van. It was the two parents, the aunt, the uncle. Wait, did the mom just cosplay as the guy from like Yakuza?
Speaker: ah If you see her business suit, it it looks like she's cosplaying and has Kiryu. Kiryu.
Speaker: Oh my god. I can't unsee it. I'm just like, wait a minute.
Speaker: the pop double pop collars what does it for me that's like why is the mom either doing like a Japanese Yakuza outfit or like disco like she's gonna go the fucking like disco party I'm pretty sure that guy's on like one of those made for TV yeah that's Chicago like PD he's the big he's the big guy in Chicago PD yeah that's That's why they had to get divorced. It's not it's not what we were saying before recording, where Kieran Colkin is secretly his step -brother with the aunt. yeah it just It just wouldn't work out. Her being a Japanese crime lord, me a secret Chicago cop. yeah You're a cop. I'm the dragon of Dojima. It will work.
Speaker: Yeah, I didn't realize this. Like, this just changes everything about this movie if the mom keeps wearing this outfit and we just can't take her series whatsoever. Oh my god.
Speaker: Oh, who's Natalie? Do you think Natalie has an eye patch? And a snakeskin... I hope so. ...sport jacket? You're not wrong in a way. Oh man. Here it comes.
Speaker: Do we secretly discover that like fucking a Home Alone 4 is like the Yakuza origins? Yes, maybe. I mean, if you think about what happens in this heist, they're kind of stealing money out of a vault and then it's like exactly what do you think. like um the two factions, the like, oh, we're two different sides of things like a divorced parents. Oh, we we might have discovered where they get all the money to take 12 to 15 people on international trips every year. Yeah. Infinite wealth. Yep. we We never we never know what they do. Like we never know what Kevin's father does for like the business living. Yeah, he's just dad.
Speaker: Also, it's it's it's insane. Buzz is insane, but like I think Meghan's even more insane, because Meghan was like a grown woman in like the first movie. Well, she was like... Yeah, 18 -year -old. Yeah. Now she's 14.
Speaker: How is the mom not aware of how... like menacing buzzes to, like, Kevin. Yeah. It's a whole Malone movie. The parents are always very, very and unaware. Yeah. and But Buzz is like a prison warden in this. Like, it's so fucking crazy. But then it became a cop.
Speaker: Like, what if Kevin just refuses? What's the punishment? Yeah. A wedgie.
Speaker: Back from a day of racing cars. yeah Where'd you get that pink scarf? A side quest? Yeah, she looks more like a mafia Dom, more and more.
Speaker: Well, you already wish, like, so two of them are already dead but or something, things so it's like... there Wait, does she even bring up the pass?
Speaker: It's like, you know, the first time you have that first incident in that family, they're gonna harp about that every fucking year. they They're wiping this off, like at like it's like, oh, nothing's like, well, what are you going to do? I don't know. You have like a ready to experience of what happens when the kid is in grateful or something like that already. Like, you know what I mean? Like that happened. Hmm. Well, that's why in the second one, when like she samps back, it's like a callback reference to the first one. And I think that's what's like.
Speaker: um The like, it's not the same as being grateful because you wish your family dead, like in the first movie.
Speaker: But in this, it's like, he wants his wish again? Oh, he's already learned. It's not about making wishes, it's about making money. Yup. He's like the Fresh Prince.
Speaker: I love my new wife. there
Speaker: It's a smart house.
Speaker: Oh, he's a public. Oh, no. Is that what he was in the first movies or is this like finally like I don't I don't know what he was, but my immersion is broken. So. Was she his client? Or it's like they just happen to be like.
Speaker: Oh boy.
Speaker: I don't think this is the real Marv. I didn't kill the real Marv in prison and took his identity. Yeah. Well, it's Marv. He dresses like Harry. But why would she wound up Robert? This is Christmas. Not Easter.
Speaker: It's pretty yeah
Speaker: Oh, he wants to. I mean, this is kind of kidnapping is kind of more dark than. Yeah, I would say it's like a huge escalation from like breaking into someone's house. Yeah. Maybe you're on to something about him taking the identity in jail. Yeah. Yeah. Like he definitely killed like the I could see Harry killing Marv escaping. Right. Like when that make more sense, then then Marv being the like um Killer because Joe Pesci in the first movies was gonna like bite Kevin's fingers off and then shoot him with a gun. Yeah Like he pulled the trigger and it didn't go off because it was full of paint but like Joe Pesci was willing to kill in that movie ah so i like They approached Daniel Stern and he's just like no this this movie looks like absolute garbage like He made the smart move yeah
Speaker: Oh, also another fun fact, they they've shot this entire movie in like South Africa. What? So I can't even stay in front of this Home Alone house? No, you can't.
Speaker: I told you the guys where I i went saw i went to see the Home Alone 3 house and like it had no line whatsoever.
Speaker: There was like no signage or anything. It was like I stopped by. but The people who owned the home figured out like I was there to see their home and like not some creep as they left the lights on, but then they didn't want me there anymore and they turned the lights off.
Speaker: Oh, new wife is not happy about this. She's hiding that behind the smile.
Speaker: You little cock blocker.
Speaker: That used to be the sex room, wasn't it? Like the 50 shades at the red room. like yep Or that, or did the but housemaid and her have like a thing? That loving wink? I don't know. Until that wink, I thought she was going to be the analog for the, uh, the old lady from number three. Oh, like the friendly neighbor. ah I mean, now she's friendly.
Speaker: Anyway, this is the back room. It just like a set up shot, but it's so like, uh, it could have been anything. Okay. So home alone one was Coca -Cola. Why did, why does this like, like rich women have like a kid's room, like a Michael Jackson room? Yeah. she the Michael Jackson room.
Speaker: Like she's got like a, like an arcade machine, like,
Speaker: No, I don't understand this. This is creepy for an older woman to have this with no kids in her house. Yeah. Wow. Her, his dad is a very good publicist.
Speaker: I mean, he was able to, I don't know who tricked who, but I mean, it's crazy. But I guess if she was like a tech person and she has this like geek outro. Maybe she's secretly a geek, but I did not see that coming. No. Well, she did say it was a children's charity that they came from.
Speaker: So she stole a bunch of children's equipment. Like she took a bunch of their toys. Or maybe she like works for like a hospital or something. it's this caia like Like sick children coming into that room. Just be like, here, you can spend a day here before you know what happens. Employee. Oh my God. like a Make a ad a makea wish sort of thing. Yeah. This is a make a wish mansion. Yeah. Oh, it's so sad.
Speaker: And she also, he made the the dragon of the dungeon. This was last week. Oh, what comic is that?
Speaker: Okay. So, Home Alone 1 had, had Coca -Cola. Home Alone 2 had that voice recorder. Home Alone 3 had the RC car.
Speaker: Home Alone 4 is Google Home. Yeah, pretty much. Wait, wasn't that a thing in Home Alone 6?
Speaker: um Well, yeah, he like, Home Alone 6, he was like a rich dude, like asshole, spoiled kid, like... but But nobody remembered this one happened. Yeah.
Speaker: I feel like, I feel like the people that wrote this were like, oh yeah, Home Alone, the one where like the mansion, like the mansion, all the gadgets, like, no, that was Richie Rich. It's like, oh no, it's, it's fine, it's Home Alone. McClellan was in it. Yeah.
Speaker: For a big house that looks like she lives in it, it has no real form. Like, it does not look good. I bet it needs to be clean, though. Yeah.
Speaker: But she has like a butler like ah and then like a maid and it's like her house looks just like like a show floor. Oh, don't want to break anything.
Speaker: Anything that's there. There's nothing there. Yeah. This is definitely like Disney rented this for like the weekend. They try to get as much content out of this mansion as they could. Yeah. How many other movies do you think they filmed over this weekend?
Speaker: Like five, one of them was a horn. Whatever like the s season, of like what if we're with Disney was shooting?
Speaker: I mean, I think some mansions, they just own it so they can rent it out. Like it's one of those things where you rent out your mansion for productions. And it's like, this is your spare mansion to do this.
Speaker: Oh, and this is, this is, it's still Chicago, right? Cause like, he just took a taxi here. So it's like, nope yeah it's like the same neighborhood or like same, so like somewhat close area of Chicago.
Speaker: So you said this is filmed in South Africa. It's still in South Africa. Yeah. But I think it's supposed to be Chicago. I know. But I'm like, maybe the interiors were cause I feel like this is a sound stage or something. And then the outside was probably from LA.
Speaker: or Anaheim. Let's see if we can see like European plugs or anything. What like country they're in. a Because right now, I'm not noticing any outlets.
Speaker: And I say this is a set because I feel like this place is not the scale. like It's so weird to look at the architecture here and just be like, Look at the size of that bed. Look at the size of that TV. There are no outlets on the walls at all. Yeah, man. You start noticing things like that after a while. That's how I'm like, this is not a lived in place. They definitely this is all like in a sound stage, but they didn't. They forgot the key details of like setting it right.
Speaker: Like for a tech nerd, nothing is plugged in. Like you don't see any wires. Yeah.
Speaker: So is he going to be the friendly elderly friend? Probably. Every movie up until now, I think had that.
Speaker: I think Six had that. I think we pointed out Six didn't have a helpless elderly person that but is befriended. Well, and that was the problem with Six was they weren't inherently evil people that they needed to be. Well, there was the grandma, but the grandma was asleep. The half the movie. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: And she's like, I don't even do a job. I just like just tell the house to clean itself and I get paid $100 ,000 with health insurance.
Speaker: You think he's learned his lesson? Nope. Also, Is, like, the other house more, like, organized now without Kevin? Like, did this work out for both of them? Yeah. Because it's not like Buzz is like, I miss Kevin. Like, I miss the bullying. Like, the sister pretty much left the movie. We don't even hear from the sister anymore.
Speaker: Oh, no, he's going to break the nothing that's in there.
Speaker: So voice tech technology wasn't perfected like yet. 2000. I think some things had like voice activation, but it was like very tricky. I don't know. Even my, my Siri doesn't like to listen to me half the time. Same thing for me for like, uh, I have things in my house that are smart operated by like, you know, code words. So.
Speaker: I get mad slightly if my lights don't turn on. So like I can't imagine like door open. It just like doesn't work. I'm like, door't door open. And it's just like, I have things in my hand. I need to go. Door open now.
Speaker: It's like, there's a baby in the other room. Door open. Oh, man. I can't ah can't imagine. I don't think the power goes out or anything. I get freaked out if like I have to like put more WD -40 on my keyhole for my door front door.
Speaker: And it's like, Oh no, the key's not turning. Yeah. And now you're like the voice activated door that like doesn't work. I'm like, Oh shit.
Speaker: I like that they still have like a creepy van. like Yeah. How did they find a creepy van? Like I, it's like in the first one I get it. That was like,
Speaker: their thing because there were career criminals. But then did they go back and get it? I don't think it was towed or anything, was it? Well, they didn't bring it to New York. They left it in Chicago. He got arrested. Yes. Yeah. This guy pounded. Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, no. What are we going to do?
Speaker: how did he get that did I miss something from earlier in the movie
Speaker: how did he get that
Speaker: did i miss something from earlier in the movie Nope. It just jumps right into that, but I think it's going to pay off later. If it's clever enough, it will, but you have high hopes, sir. Yeah.
Speaker: It is weird that the Marv and Harry dynamic is now Marvin like His wife, his wife. Yeah. But then it's like he can still just like kiss her at any moment. It'd be like weird. It's like, oh it's like I prefer their bumbling partners than they are like a couple. Even though she's sort of like a bootleg Harley Quinn in this movie.
Speaker: I want to call her Missy, but that's actually a real actress's name. Yeah. It's Vera. Vera, OK. Yeah, Vera is just like a Jersey Brooklyn girl, like from Chicago, Chicago. Yeah. And it's like it makes her sound like a weird like Harley Quinn to the Joker of Marv. I mean, do do Harry and Marv have Chicago accents? No, Daniel Cernan sounds like he's from New York. And Joe Pesci sounds like Joe Pesci, so he sounds like from Brooklyn.
Speaker: Yeah, they just sound like New Yorkers. They make more sense in Boston, New York than Chicago. But, I don't know, Daniel Stearns' Chicago accent could just be very light, because he was in... Rookie of the Year, was that Chicago or was that LA? I think it was the... they were playing with the Cubs, so... So that's Chicago. Yeah. See, that makes sense for Daniel Stearns. I guess Daniel Stearns is the real Chicago person?
Speaker: So Marv should be from Chicago, but he's French Sewer?
Speaker: Oh god, I thought that was her head. He's like, oh, he killed her. I don't know how this fully functional electronic comb is going to handle all of this water. Also, how is Kevin not wet? Like he was in the shower.
Speaker: Did they see Kevin and just like, we need a kit him like.
Speaker: I feel like the way they escalated this, this is so crazy as a first act in the movie for a Berberly. Oh, I half expected them to like rush down all that water and like go out the front door or something.
Speaker: This will just walk out like
Speaker: add Adding to the this is definitely just a soundstage all of that water was perfectly like Sealed up in that little lowered section So I'm like they built that this I could imagine South Africa they're like we're gonna flood your mansion like they're not gonna be happy about that
Speaker: house is broken. My self -destruct.
Speaker: She opened the door, the water's still there. Yeah. Did she like have a porch?
Speaker: there's like a li There's like a lip
Speaker: No. All of this was happening. What was he doing? because definitely you would have heard all the water running yeah definitely you would have heard him screaming and then how would how would they have this such high tech house and not have any cameras when marv and and what's your face
Speaker: We're like walking around. They were walking around. They came in through the front gate.
Speaker: I'm thinking like, OK, even you saw the security system. You're like, oh, no, they they have this on film. Like, go check the surveillance. I don't know. Kevin didn't probably think that. But I think that now as an adult was like, oh, no, like there has to be cameras approved, like. Time and place. But as we have just learned, nothing in this house is plugged in.
Speaker: It's all for show, not functional. Although technically he did wreck the place because he's the one who set the trap with the super shower. Yeah.
Speaker: Kevin, the hot nerd is talking.
Speaker: I'm a millionaire. Yeah, it's not like she lost any couches or anything. There's a furniture. There's moving boxes in the frame behind Kevin. Yeah.
Speaker: Which those moving boxes are perfectly dry because of the awkward lip in the living in the foyer.
Speaker: Oh, okay. Also for home alone counts, I think a pizza needs to be like somewhere. So we're still got some time left, but no pizza yet. No pizza, no soft drink. Oh, here we go. They do have cameras.
Speaker: You see the VCR is a Japan V20.
Speaker: Oh, so we we are just being cynical old men. There were cameras and Prescott seems to be in on it because it looks like he deleted the footage.
Speaker: Oh, geez.
Speaker: So did Marv and Harry have this kind of relationship where they were almost like lovers too? like
Speaker: But also the parents are home now. Where are they?
Speaker: Wait, what's up with that like quick cut of like that was this that was the the scream Not him like trying on aftershave or anything or it was wow I think you're right. screaming
Speaker: It was her.
Speaker: Well, it could have been the water or so.
Speaker: But I mean, like, what are you doing exactly? That's like terrible to work here.
Speaker: Kevin only bring like one shirt, like he's wearing the same shirt like this entire movie. Well, he did just pack his own clothes as a nine year old and get into a cab. Yeah, he didn't even bring his teddy bear.
Speaker: I mean, there is a nice deduction thing going on, but I feel like um now as an adult watcher, this is like too early as a big reveal.
Speaker: It could have been a home or, I mean, it could have been like a bigger, like it could have been, it could have been her, it could have been the the maid, it could have been the butler, could have been the pizza guy, like somebody.
Speaker: ah No, it can't be the pizza guy because we have yet to see the pizza Could be buzz Plus the mastermind secretly use the you just has the like the not What was the one where it's like blow fell reveals that's like oh, I'm your brother I'm the architect of all your pain. like Yeah Buzz's secret dark moment and he's like, we are like brothers. We are brothers, Buzz. But you, you're like the cuckoo.
Speaker: Holy. shit ha Ah, holiday are they fun. This is definitely like the Disney music. This is like whoever this is trying to promote this time, like.
Speaker: Do they still do that, promote like a Disney singer? I don't even think there's a. Is there is like, does he really mean a thing anymore? Is there a Disney channel anymore? I think there might be.
Speaker: But I mean, you used to see more of the singer when they were doing like cross promotion.
Speaker: Everyone like Cheetah Girls? Is this a Cheetah Girls song? But we'll see it when the credits roll. All two seconds of them. I'm like, I'm super serious this could be a Cheetah Girls song. Yeah.
Speaker: like Hilary Duff or something like Raven Simone when she wants to be a singer he turned down the cheetah girls
Speaker: Was that a Neon Genesis Evangelista reference?
Speaker: There was the Japan VCR. Yup. Yakuza.
Speaker: going out, solving some crime, running a host club. Oh, no, that's the mom. I mean, he is also wearing a maroon button down shirt. But his ah his sport jacket was black. Oh, he's the anti Kiryu. He's the other guy who's not Majimo.
Speaker: Sometimes.
Speaker: Really young? What? i
Speaker: Hitting on rich girls? You know, you'll understand me Kev. Oh my god. When he said I know all about the internet, child I thought he was going to say I know all about the internet, dad.
Speaker: What does he know about leaving on a trip with luggage? He'd only pack the backpack. You know, he just gave hypocritical advice because Kevin walked away from his mom and his brother and his sister. For granted, like, he was being treated like shit in that house.
Speaker: Like,
Speaker: we got they like I was like, like, like this version of like, like, uh, like Kate is like already young. So say how, how young were they when they like get married? And like, it's like, and they had like these like 14 year old kids.
Speaker: like
Speaker: See the household that but without Kevin seems like they're a loving family. comedy He's the problem.
Speaker: It's so weird. They, present like, if they' like they're, like, either crying, they're sad, I get it. And it's like, oh, I miss Kevin. They'd even have that. They're just like, I love you guys. Just the three of us. Yeah. Maybe they're just better off like this. Yeah. I get why she's the mom. Of course she's going to miss her kids and her, like, her her prime family.
Speaker: but then you go back to this life and I'm like, Ooh, is this movie saying that like you should stay together no matter what brat tax bracket you're in? And like, don't, don't worry about the superficial life here.
Speaker: That's what we were saying before about getting a, A real tree versus a plastic tree. Mm hmm.
Speaker: Do you think this tree is real or for plastic? Oh, super plastic. Look, there's no pine needles on the floor. Oh. Is it real or is that like? Why is it such a giant box for the recorder? It says because my talk boy, but it's fine.
Speaker: Wait, was that the or origin of the Talkboy? That was like the proto one and it's like, oh, we stole this idea and it's Talkboy now. yeah You want to see dad's new side piece?
Speaker: His siblings. They could stay here too. Yep. She's like, okay, guys, this is where you live now for the next week. Oh boy.
Speaker: Oh no, she's first second day meeting. Oh boy. Christmas Eve.
Speaker: I love bragging about my multi -million dollar home. I mean, 2002. It might just be $100 ,000 for this house. Especially without furniture.
Speaker: Wow, they're like a better family in this house. Whoever said money can't solve all your problems. I never saw this movie.
Speaker: He's never been introduced in any other movie, but he's super important in this movie. He's got giant lore behind this teddy bear. Yep.
Speaker: There's like uh -huh uh -huh uh -huh yep If I if like If my guardian wife had a flashback talk with their, like, significant other like this, like, ex -significant other, like, I'd just be like, okay, we - can we - what?
Speaker: There's some strong windows. That was a rich windows. That rich people glass. Oh no. Oh my god. She's a vampire now. Yeah. That is a revenge outfit. You put that on to like, I'm your now your wicked stepmother. Yeah. Oh no. Does that mean the dragon in Dojima is going to die?
Speaker: This vampire ball is so important. What's the thing from Blade, like Malagra? L 'Amagra, yeah. L 'Amagra. They're just gonna go to a warehouse.
Speaker: Anyway, back in the same mansion, just redecorate it. Yeah.
Speaker: Wow. Great disguises.
Speaker: oh so i guess I guess Mr. Prescott is just the inside man.
Speaker: You've been demon sold.
Speaker: you've been deemmon sold
Speaker: Well actually, do you want someone to be out yet for another like... 10 years? 10 years, yeah. I don't know, just like baiting traps in obvious places. Reza Prescott was the head of security, yet he got tricked by like a nine -year -old. Yeah. Because he said open freezer door. And he didn't check his corners. Yeah. Also, how would the freezer doors not have the inside button that you just push it and it releases the lock?
Speaker: I guess you have to special order the kill dungeon edition of a freezer, a walk -in freezer. ah Yeah, do you want the safety feature for an extra year like char - like for a free charge? Like no, actually can we take away the safety feature so whoever gets locked in must freeze to death.
Speaker: Is Kevin in like vaulted or anything?
Speaker: Call the caterer. Tell them not to open the caviar.
Speaker: Was that the Zelda chime? ah We saw the dungeon.
Speaker: Oh boy. Wait, they're doing the engagement party? and I think they're getting married.
Speaker: Peter's divorce is the final. He can't do that. shit Yeah. I mean, you can have the ceremony. You can fake a wedding, but you can't call yourself like the wife without like getting a bunch of paperwork done.
Speaker: on Christmas Eve too.
Speaker: Also is taking back the house. This is the subtext of the movie. Yeah. Yeah. This isn't his house. This is like another, like his, his potential like stepmother's house. And they'd also play like, like, like, uh, like Harry and veer, like take take over the entire house, like direct style. They don't seem to have that. No.
Speaker: I mean, unless the other wait staff are also. they're all in and ah They're all terrorists. Like I would love to see a movie where it's like you think the one it's one burglar team, but it turns out it's like four, like in the one location, try and to do like different scores at the same time. Like, like here, like.
Speaker: like they're like they're trying to do this like kinetic pop and then turns out like oh also there was like this group of terrorists that are trying to go to this house because the prince is going to be here yeah and it turns out like now kevin and marv have to team up wouldn't that be an insane home alone movie yeah and then it's like kevin teaches marv like kid tricks then marv teaches like kevin i don't know if youre other yeah
Speaker: Or like he teaches like Kevin had to like heal from in crazy wounds and stuff. Because that's definitely Marv and Harry's secrets. Like they were able to like recover from these horrific injuries. Oh no. Speaking of horrific injury. Oh!
Speaker: That's the weight of like his wife in his butt. Yep. In a hole. And glass in his face. Oh my god. You know what he's got? Buns of steel. Oh!
Speaker: I'll take you back to the house.
Speaker: Shut up. The little moron.
Speaker: That's the bud loss.
Speaker: Nobody's checked outside. That seemed like that was a front window. Yeah. Nobody's nobody from the wait staff has gone to the freezer for anything. Unless they completely did their job and they just left.
Speaker: Oh, no, there's a giant party going on. Yeah. These are all the Disney investors.
Speaker: And third -degree burns. Yeah.
Speaker: Man, this party has hot nacho dip. This is an awesome party. Well, at least it's supposed to be like fondue. It's like nacho cheese.
Speaker: Oh no, her her indescriptable ice sculpture. What the f - Wait, that was him? He was in the ice sculpture?
Speaker: Does he just not feel it? You know, honest - Well, I mean, maybe that's his power, too. It's like he secretly, like, dulled senses. It's like that new, like, Jack Wayne movies coming out next year, like, Novocaine, where you can't feel pain. Yeah.
Speaker: Trust me, I'm a cop.
Speaker: You know, I do like Missy Piles acting in this. It's like she gives it her all in this one.
Speaker: I want Peter to be like, you ruined my first marriage. yeah I won't let you ruin my second marriage. yeah
Speaker: I need the alternate version where he just goes home to his mother, the prince gets captured, and everybody else has egg on their face. It's like, well, Kevin, you were right.
Speaker: but They also have egg on their face because of some elaborate wacky trap that was left before he, before he left the house. Just a box of eggs to drop on them. Yeah.
Speaker: I'm just having a mental breakdown.
Speaker: God, like, why would people watch TV like this? This, like, all guy version?
Speaker: Maybe they're flies. Natalie, I get like the multi thing when you see different. OK. Oh. OK, you got the same thing like me.
Speaker: ah
Speaker: Okay, that went away for me. that Oh.
Speaker: Yeah, both Penta and I lost like sound for like a second ago. Oh, good. I thought I was having a stroke.
Speaker: i don' No, no, I wanted to confirm. i'm Just like our version decided to like censor that whole conversation. And it just went right back as it ended. It's too sappy. You can't hear it.
Speaker: I just want to assure you, I did. This is what happens when you just watch a copy of Home Alone without test running it.
Speaker: I will steal your car, Kevin. You hear me? I will fuck him so good he will leave you and never want to see any of your family again. Okay. But this is like the opposite because she's the one with the money. So she's not a gold digger. She's being true with Kevin.
Speaker: Yeah. I thrown him with my fucking body.
Speaker: Me neither.
Speaker: I mean, she has sort of a point where it's like, Hey, like I'm your new wife. We need to make new memories together. We can't just live in your past. I get, but he's trying to share, but how long have they been dating for like five weeks? And then it's like, you're just discovering about your new wife like this now. Is this their first Christmas together? It must be. Well, it happened to be because last year was the trip to Paris. Oh, wow.
Speaker: OK, does Kevin have a plan? Because he sounds like he's just like fucking up the house as revenge now. Right.
Speaker: Yeah, I think now he's just fucking up the house for. Because he could have played that tape for them. I guess they're like, they don't want to listen to him at all.
Speaker: oh no the presents are multiplying
Speaker: Have they said like what countries royal family is from? The royal family. Yeah. Like the British royal family or like up like from like Wakanda or something? Just the royal family. Yeah. We know that they were snowed in at some point. We don't know where. They could have been having a layover in New York, by but it's beautiful and sunny and 75 degrees there in Chicago. Yes.
Speaker: This classic, sunny, warm Chicago winters. Not a speck of snow. Look at all that green in the window. Look outside. Can you see the window? Look at it. It's just a straight shot of the window, too. Yeah. Yeah, there's like tropical foliage in the background. You notice it a little bit. Like it's definitely like a different climate. There's no maple trees. Yeah, it's Chicago. Chicago, California.
Speaker: Chicago, South Africa.
Speaker: That's been like 80 degrees outside wearing all this clothes, too, for these shots. Yeah. Yeah, yeah you pretend it's like winter. And was she wearing open toed shoes? Oh, no, she's got boots. She's wearing the same clothes as before, like this is all filmed in like the same two days they filmed the these uh shot outdoor shots Kevin you almost gave me frostbite on my hands no uh he got over it he was a frozen block of ice on the table he was in his own fucking like prison also nobody noticed that he was a frozen block of ice and said anything when they were pulling him out of the freezer to put him on the table
Speaker: They thought it was some human sacrifice. It's one of those retrieval parties. Ah, that's why she's wearing the red black dress. This is secretly a satanic colt.
Speaker: And that samba is an African South African product. You see like the things in there.
Speaker: Uh oh. Oh my god. oh
Speaker: It's the twist from 30 minutes ago. I like this double twist.
Speaker: Let's look at drunk. Has Prescott never read the cask of Amontillado? but
Speaker: uh 9 1 1 yeah oh my god don't call buzz what the fuck are you doing i thought he pressed 9 1 1 also call the parents call call your mom call the police call no call uh natalie yeah
Speaker: don't Don't try anyone else.
Speaker: quit napping.
Speaker: ah He's talking about whacking off, right? Yeah. He definitely is just like, i he's actually not looking. I find the one area of the house that has no camera. I lock myself in my room. Jesus Christ, man, this is so weird of a conversation with a nine year old.
Speaker: You're entering a time portal. What's going had no problem calling the brother before. Yeah. Buzz was like a 90's cell phone.
Speaker: like
Speaker: All the plugs are European.
Speaker: Yeah, look at the power thing on the right near the phone. That's a standard Chicago, your UK standard electrical work.
Speaker: I like that Molly's basically like, it's like Hattie Shaw from like, the best period. It's like, I'm the crime boss.
Speaker: Remember you don't if you don't leave your milk and cookies out for Santa, be sure to leave out paint cans and cookies for Marv.
Speaker: Oh my god, these people are so selfish.
Speaker: But Natalie can't do anything wrong. She's completely right. He's trying to sabotage her. In any other like real scenario, yeah. But because she's a crazy wealthy and and like, I don't know. This girl seems like she could have anyone. Why? She's just like fascinated with Peter. like Peter's obviously still in love with his family. And it's like.
Speaker: She just wants that. She's like, I want Chris's moments with you. I gotta get off like destroying families. You're part of my conquest of like
Speaker: Dang.
Speaker: There's like more boxes in here than my local Wegmans.
Speaker: 30 dozen eggs? Man, these people are rich. See? He just gave Kevin like terrible advice. Oh, just because like, oh, you don't have to work for someone you don't hate. He's like, he's like,
Speaker: This is a rough economy, it's like 2002, like... There's no like safety door to stop stuff from falling into that shaft.
Speaker: This isn't America, you don't need OSHA standards. Oh man, Marv is under the one trap that Kevin set. Oh! Marv is dead. Yeah. Broke his neck.
Speaker: My head's getting... He's gonna get Final Destination. Yeah.
Speaker: See, I'm not sure if the pot swings the same because it's just an empty like stock pot. It's not like a paint can or a pipe.
Speaker: Meanwhile, in O 'Hare in Chicago, Yes, Chicago. I can't believe they drove.
Speaker: Oh, no, the dragons taking flight.
Speaker: This is a holiday movie that besides this one house or like but the size of two houses have no Christmas decorations and like the minimum of Christmas decoration in this house. It's like the Christmas tree and the banner banister had like so Christmas decoration.
Speaker: Also, did they not have the licensing rights to the like Home Alone Jingle?
Speaker: Like John Williams score. Yeah. Probably not. I wonder if it's a weird thing because this is free because like Fox owned Home Alone.
Speaker: And this is before, like, you know, Dizzy bought Fox. They they probably wanted to pay, like, Fox, like, rights to, like, the music and stuff. Right.
Speaker: They probably just bought, like, the ah or license, the title or something.
Speaker: Oh shit, she z -snapped. Oh, she is Harley Quinn. See? What is the mom doing? but Like a, like a shade? Yeah.
Speaker: Okay, he saw that and he let it happen. Yeah, he wanted to let it happen. That, that, that was like Austin Powers level, like the steamroller. like
Speaker: A good thing the tech person here is also like a crazy like supervillain thing. o Like who has the voice active rotating bar
Speaker: All right. So Kevin's hacked us to their house somehow. Yeah, that was when he opened up the ah the spy kit. He changed something yeah and switched the remotes.
Speaker: But he broke like the limit. me beat Yeah, he programmed like all like the like the house functions.
Speaker: That was an interesting take on the Wilhelm scream. Also the splat sounded sounded like bone. Yeah.
Speaker: oh Oh, they're dead. Yeah, they're actually dead.
Speaker: but Jesus oh wow she was going for like a kill hit yeah You're my new daddy
Speaker: They didn't say door open.
Speaker: How strong are those kids ankles? Yeah. They've had practice with Kevin. This is a rest.
Speaker: Is it this when Buzz decided to be a cop? like Yes.
Speaker: Oh, my God, what is that thing? What the hell? What the hell is that? Like hell with fire. We learned like a voiceover. Yeah, we learned what the royal family is from. They're from hell. You can't tell me that's not Damien, child of the devil. It's the vampire, like the vampire high council.
Speaker: I guess how that's like a fake Chicago cop outfit.
Speaker: Is there the ones with the checkered hats?
Speaker: Whoa. Oh.
Speaker: Uh, but money. He was probably making a crazy amount of money to watch his empty house. An empty house that cleaned itself.
Speaker: Right in front of the royal family right now.
Speaker: i say Peter, can we do this not in front of like royalty? This is gonna be really bad for my brand.
Speaker: If I were her, I'd be like, oh, I'm sorry, is your new wife turns out she's not like a loving woman like to you? Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, if I were her, I would pull out a street sign, swing it around, throw a garbage can, a dragon flash kick. yeah yeah All the special moves.
Speaker: So this is sort of like if you cocked Mark Zuckerberg, I guess, like family cocked Mark Zuckerberg. That's what's happening. Like she's such a tech guru. Wait, and then. Wait, what? Why is it snowing down? He said snowfall with the house. Is she like a GI Joe? Like weather dominator?
Speaker: Uh, and the royal family are just saying hi. Hello. Yeah. Hello. Oh, you're the servant. Oh cool. We're saying out in Nanny's lawn. yeah You know, like their infatuation, the house brought them together. Like the rich person house did all that. Yeah. Also there there were, there was like no traps, like the entire, like,
Speaker: point of home alone. There's like, like he, what what did Kevin do? He rigged up like a, a pot to like fall down a straight. Oh no, there was, there was the pot. There was the dresser that fell on him. He hacked yeah the spinning turntable bar. Uh, the, the, the voice vader change. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like four, the elevator wasn't really a trap. It was just a chain. It was a physical trap. Hmm. It was a literal also the, that was the credits too. so Okay.
Speaker: isn't that a lot of people want to know they won't be credit in this they want you want to let us watch this again it's the uh... mark twain or uh... whatever his pen name was yeah absolutely i try to i try to think of this was like as i think hopes the home alone is still worse than this yeah this is so entertaining in weird ways but like Like Kevin, like like Kevin was in this one, was at least still like somewhat likable. Like the kid, like the kid in homes you alone was just like a i got nasty like monster. Yeah. Yeah. This one, like the Kevin is just like unnoticed, and which is fine. And then like he just enjoyed the rich life and he honestly was like, um, telling the truth. No one's believing him. But in the other one, it's like, you just hate that kid.
Speaker: Oh, not just the kid. You hate and the the parents who are trying who are essentially the Marv and Harry that were just trying to get the doll back. Yeah, but like there's a lot of empathy with them super early that by the time the flip over happens or if it was a route for the kid, you're just like, I don't want to.
Speaker: this yeah this This rich, this rich, spoiled kid is like destroying, like you like like the couples can lose their house if they because of what's happening. They're going to get foreclosed on, on Christmas day. yeah like keta this Yeah. This one is this rich tech guru lady is too rich for her own good.
Speaker: Is she a tech girl? Do they even say what she did? i don't think they They wouldn't... They only said that she worked for children's charities, which means yeah she played around with other people's money and other people's men, as it we turns out. But she has such cool, fancy like gadgets in her home that wasn't standard in 2002. Now it is. now you know I mean like i like add smart devices in my house, I don't live like that. you know Well, it's it's we switch goes like, yes, her house is like the blank check house. It's like, it's like the kid, it's like, you know, they pressed it from blank check, like made up like this mansion. It's like, but she's like, uh, like, uh, a ah young, like a young, sexy, like, like, millionaire. Like, it's like, why would she have like a room with like snowboarding posters and like arcade machines?
Speaker: No, unless she's like luring children there, but then she yeah hates family things. So I'm like, yeah, she hates, but she like secretly hates kids. Yeah. That's such a big twist. Unless she's the vampire. And we said, like we said before, it could be a make a wish house and but like oh my god so she soul. Yes. She, she loses like the kids from the charity come in and then she drains their blood when they sleep and in the, in the special room. They they were dying anyway. Yeah. oh you see that's why she was okay with like the maid being a criminal mastermind because she's like oh no we all we do all do crimes in here Prescott's not free like Prescott's got a record and when the cops show up he's ready to leave yeah he's like all right I just i'm I'm out here I'm out I gotta go no witness statements for me please
Speaker: But yeah, no, this is better than I thought. like I knew this was the weaker one of the series so far that like I remember seeing or hearing about, but I still have not seen like um Home Alone 5. So that's still - I've never seen Home Alone 5, yeah. Next year, we complete the sex -tology. Is that like but what a sex -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -f -
Speaker: Um, yeah, I'm like, I don't know. Like it, it sort of has the spirit just because of like super graspy things of like regret, but Kevin learned nothing about that. Like it never comes full circle about that. Oh, it does come full circle that the parents are back together for what, what chronologically would be home alone too. Uh, but where are the other, the other siblings that just weren't around?
Speaker: they They got locked in the attic and forgot about us. That's how um the dad met the the vampire queen. like The two kids went there first, and then it's like, oh, hey, have you seen my kid? And she just like hypnotized them. Yeah. that That's why she likes the but father. He knows how to get children. Oh my god. He's got yeah he's that he's got so many kids. like He has yeah kids plus all the all the the nieces and nephews. Nieces and nephews, yeah. She's like, yeah, you should you should bring your whole family here. like But you'll do it my way. Oh man, what a crazy theory. The secret vampire horror movie of Home Alone 4.
Speaker: Well, it is Friday the 13th - Well, I don't know. Are we getting this by saying it's Friday the 13th when we're recording it? And well the surprise this will be up sometime before Christmas, but yeah, we're crazy. But and then spooky it's home alone for and for is like the unlucky number for Asian countries. Yeah. So this could be it. This is the secret like Yakuza movie slash like demon.
Speaker: Well, or was the sleeping sleeping dogs spin off where they were fighting zombie vampires? Yeah, they did that both sleeping dogs and then they had the the like undead zombie thing for Yakuza. Oh, there wasn't a Yakuza one, too. It's all like all that comes back and waves. Yeah.
Speaker: Man, that outfit that Kate wore was like wild though. That was like so crazy. My brain put that together real quick. And I was like, no. Like, what? Like, I saw the shirt in the pants. I was like, all right. Then she was on the blazer. I was like, what? It like perfectly fit like the puzzle piece. I was like, what is happening? And then she came back with the jacket and the scarf and like pure mob bust. Yep.
Speaker: The hard day beating up thugs on the street. We don't know what the mom does either. Nope. Well, I think she's a real estate agent. Oh, yeah. But I also feel like Kiryu Kazuma. Yeah, I'm like a tax driver um yeah real estate agent, like a matchmaker.
Speaker: Oh, man. I mean, that about does it for us. ah Yeah, before we go, do you want to like plug or mention? ah Well, we have.
Speaker: We're not joined by Sam. He is out on business, but he did have a new album and a YouTube premiere of his video. If you link to that, I am still doing the Instagram thing until I figure out if I want to do Twitch. ah Penta underscore penguin with a three where I'll do the weather report on weekdays and whatever conventions we go to. I'll probably have stories about that. ah But that's it.
Speaker: And you can head over to every national account and check out all of our stuff. You can check out our past. Check out all the the previous Home Alone commentaries we've done. We've got one, two, three, six, and now four. And then all we have left is five. And then we'll have to figure out some new holiday tradition after this. I feel like we just collected the Infinity Stones in like Home Alone movies. Yeah, we we which Infinity Stone would correlate to which Home Alone? We've got to figure that out for next year.
Speaker: Is this is like this was like the reality stone because it's like the reality doesn't matter like make sense. Yeah. it for the other one sure Or this was the space stone because of the inside of the house versus the outside of the house.
Speaker: yeah
Speaker: whatever Whatever the worst one is a six. i would were the word snow I would say one would be the soul stone because it's the the heart and soul of it. It's gone. You you sacrifice it for like that.
Speaker: Holy shit, this works this works perfectly.
Speaker: we'll We'll figure it out before it next Christmas. Until we turns out five is like completely like a bumble, like we don't know where this goes. We're just like, what? Can this be the gauntlet? It's the trials of Thanos. Richie wishes to gauntlet itself. Yeah.
Speaker: But yeah, so that'll do it for this month's commentary. Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays to everybody listening. And we'll be back next month with another commentary. And yeah, so for printing Chris, I'm Zach, and we will see you next time. For more for Everything Action, head to www .everythingaction .com.
Speaker: You can also find us on Facebook at facebook dot .com slash everything dot .action and follow us on X at Evieaction. We're also on Instagram and threads at everything .action. Find more episodes of the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your at podcast epic choice and be sure to rate and subscribe.
