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036 - The Dance of Masculine & Feminine: Unlocking Gender Intelligence with André Paradis
18 Plays12 days ago
The Dance of Masculine & Feminine: Unlocking Gender Intelligence with André Paradis
On this captivating episode of Vulnerability Muscle, host Reggie D. Ford engages in an eye-opening conversation with André Paradis—a former professional dancer turned relationship expert renowned for his insightful teachings on gender dynamics and relational harmony.
Born from challenging childhood experiences, André Paradis’ global journey—from the dance floors of Japan and Bangkok to the classrooms of acclaimed programs such as The Mankind Project and PAX—has given him unparalleled expertise in male-female relationships. Through years of deep personal development and study under masters like Dr. John Gray and Dr. Pat Allen, André has become a powerful voice, championing gender intelligence and empowering men and women to build meaningful, thriving relationships.
In this honest and thought-provoking dialogue, André shares profound insights, including:
- The Truth About Vulnerability: Exploring why vulnerability looks different for men and women and how to approach it healthily in relationships.
- Navigating Masculine & Feminine Energies: Understanding how these natural dynamics influence romantic partnerships, career trajectories, and personal fulfillment.
- Why Gender Intelligence Matters: Discovering how learning about the opposite sex's instinctual drives can transform relationships and workplaces.
- Leadership & Gender Dynamics: Examining common workplace conflicts and misunderstandings rooted in differing masculine and feminine communication styles.
- Overcoming Past Trauma: André candidly discusses his personal struggles, healing journey, and how he uses authenticity and vulnerability as powerful tools for connection and growth.
Reggie and André challenge each other, diving deep into sensitive topics with authenticity and openness. Their exchange will leave listeners reflecting on their own relationships, their understanding of gender roles, and the courage it takes to live authentically and vulnerably.
If you’re ready to better understand yourself, your partner, and the hidden dynamics at play between men and women—this episode will illuminate, inspire, and equip you to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
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Transcript
Introduction to Vulnerability Muscle
00:00:00
Speaker
When things are complicated, when things are hopeless, you lean in. So in in men's work, we don't say, oh, it's so terrible that you lost your job. Oh my God, it's so terrible. You bought such a douche. We don't say any of that.
00:00:11
Speaker
We go, wow, you got fired. How'd you let that happen? oh right in the face and then how you gonna get yourself you know on the other side because we're not gonna sit here to hold your hand and cry with you and go like what are you gonna do about it so you put men to action when men are in action mode right and go and conquer mode go fix it mode this is how they come out of feeling bad it's in the doing Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength.
00:00:44
Speaker
I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
00:00:54
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability and fostering meaningful connections. healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are.
00:01:09
Speaker
So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle. ah Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle. I'm your host, Reggie
Andre Paradis' Journey: From Dance to Coaching
00:01:16
Speaker
D. Ford. And today I have an amazing guest, Andre Paradis.
00:01:21
Speaker
Andre's journeys led him from ah professed being a former professional dancer to a relationship coach who worked his way out of a difficult childhood. His experiences worldwide from Japan to Bangkok have made him into a teacher and educated him in the fields of male-female dynamics.
00:01:39
Speaker
and Andre has been immensely successful in what he does, and he's taken his incredible knowledge, discoveries, and insights from his successful programs such as mankind projects and PAX. Is that correct, Andre? Facts. They call it taxes. Hacks. All right. To spread his message and help others.
00:01:58
Speaker
He puts in immense effort to change the world. One person at a time, passing on his profound understanding of relationships and aiming those, are arming those. He works with tried and tested communication tools that often produce tangible and lasting results. Okay.
00:02:16
Speaker
Andre Paradis, everybody, welcome. Thank you. It's always crazy to hear an introduction of me because I'm like, but who's that guy? Wait, it's me? well You're pretty phenomenal guy and I'm excited to get to learn a little bit more about your journey and your story.
00:02:33
Speaker
But first I want to open up with a quick segment um and it is called What Comes to Mind. so yeah
Is Vulnerability a Weakness for Men?
00:02:42
Speaker
Three questions. What comes to mind when you hear the word vulnerability?
00:02:50
Speaker
Oh my goodness. That's a big question because it's different for women and for men. oo okay. So vulnerability for women is to reveal, well, I guess it's the same thing. that they They kind of come around differently. Women want men to be vulnerable, to open up.
00:03:05
Speaker
Tell me what you're thinking. Tell me what you're feeling. Tell me what's going on inside you know You give me the one word answer, like I don't know what's going on inside of you, which makes women very uncomfortable. So women want us to be vulnerable so they can they can emotionally connect to us.
00:03:21
Speaker
The problem that doesn't work, and again, this is going to sound kind of weird, but it's factual. I do a lot of men's work. This is my whole life. when yeah When men become vulnerable and express their fears, express their troubles, express their insecurities, ah freaks women out.
00:03:39
Speaker
They don't want to hear it. yeah They say they want to hear it, but they don't want to hear it because literally it makes him look in her eyes weak. This is an instinctual response. So if he's weak, then he can't protect her. If he can't protect her, is she doing with him? kind of thing you Do you know what mean?
00:03:54
Speaker
So the idea of being vulnerable that way, men revealing their troubles, it actually destroys the dynamic with the the the woman, the girlfriend, the wife.
00:04:06
Speaker
So... what I say with to this, like, you know, so the women get to never hear anything about us. It's not that like you, your, your fears, your vulnerabilities, the thing to freak you out. She doesn't need to hear about.
00:04:17
Speaker
And this is why you do men's work and have immense groups and men mentorship, because this only man can help a man with his men problems.
Action-Oriented Approaches for Men
00:04:24
Speaker
So now your girlfriend, not your wife, not your mother, which is a big mistake, right? Cause you do this, you've turned, put yourself in a a boyish position.
00:04:33
Speaker
And women can't respect you. Just saying. so Interesting. Interesting. So ah I want to tap into that a little bit more later. I'm going to these other questions. cause I mean, you're already warmed up, but I'm to warm you up a little bit more.
00:04:48
Speaker
What do you do to center yourself when you're feeling stressed or maybe even depressed? As a male... i'm say this again this is basically the default system for us to to to linger in doubt questioning feeling bad right feeling weak that's what kills men to feel weak and and and not capable this is what kills us at our core against this nature is instinct so my my go-to the way we teach it in in the world like the in the men's work and
Stress Management Techniques
00:05:19
Speaker
i've done it myself i do it every you know
00:05:22
Speaker
It's that when you're troubled, when things are complicated, when things are hopeless, you lean in So in in men's work, we don't say, oh it's so terrible that you lost your job. Oh, my God, it's so terrible. You bought such a douche. We don't say any of that.
00:05:37
Speaker
We go, wow, you got fired. How did you let that happen? Yeah. Oh. Right in the face. And then how you go to get yourself, you know, on the other side? Because we're not to sit here to hold your hand and cry with you. We're going to like, what are going to do about it? So you put men to action.
00:05:52
Speaker
When men are in action mode, right? And go in conquer mode, go fix it mode. This is how they come out of feeling bad. it's and How do you do that in your life personally? how did what What's action look like for you?
00:06:04
Speaker
For me, it's... It depends of the state, ah but action for me will go go to the gym, take it out on the weights, go for a run, right? Get my he my head, my oxygen level higher up and get myself to, because when you run, when you exercise, creates a lot of um hormones like dopamine and endorphins actually soothes the body, soothes the brain, soothes the nervous system.
00:06:31
Speaker
So there's a way to use your body to literally get it get yourself in a place of clarity where then you can think again or think more clearly as opposed to be in the fog and go, okay, how am I going to do this?
00:06:42
Speaker
Okay, what what's in my hands? Who do I know? and Oh, solution. Oh, solution. And then go do it. That's great. Yeah, I love it. Exercise, getting active. that That's a part of what my my my my strategy as well.
00:06:55
Speaker
um And then last, what is one of your favorite childhood memories?
Therapeutic Childhood Memories
00:07:01
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:07:09
Speaker
That's a tough one, huh? Oh my goodness. Give me a second. have to go get it.
00:07:23
Speaker
I have some terrible ones. That's why I'm trying to kind of filter through them. All the bad ones are popping. but The big ones, big implants, right? That negativity bias is strong. It definitely ah highlights those negative experiences. i I think it may be. I'm just like, the that's the one just showed up now when yeah we had horses when was a kid. So we spent, we were born, I went to school and we lived in the city, but we had a summer house about 30 minutes away that was in nature where we had horses and, you know, so we spent summers and weekends, you know, in the, in, in the country.
00:08:01
Speaker
We had horses, we had motorcycles, we had all kinds of fun stuff. Snowmobiles, because this up in Canada. But as a teen, as a teen, things were so
00:08:14
Speaker
challenging. It was so lost. And so what I would do, I had a horse, the name was Sandra. She was four years old. So those are very feisty, feisty. Four-year-old is a baby, right? Like it's like a toddler and almost like so, so hyper. Yeah.
00:08:30
Speaker
And I remember many times being so upset not being able to stand being in my house, literally my family, that I would suit up, I would go to the stable,
00:08:42
Speaker
at midnight, you know what mean? All out of sorts. yeah And we'd go to Sandra, open her stall. She would hear me coming. shoot She does a happy noise, like, having the happy noise.
00:08:55
Speaker
And go, yeah, I'm here. But she, i don't know if you know this, but horses are very telepathic and very kinesthetic. They feel you in a way that you can't imagine much more than we feel each other. So the woman I got in there, I opened her stall and she looked at me. She's all happy to see me. She's stomping around. She's 1,100 pounds. She's a big horse.
00:09:13
Speaker
And the woman, she literally looked at me and go, oh, you're not okay. She went, oh. And I'm just walking into this hyper monster love loves to stomp around. I would get snuggled under her neck.
00:09:26
Speaker
right? And she put my arms on her neck and she, if she could put her paws around me, her legs around me, she would, she would just like completely calm down and put her head on my shoulder. and Just nurture, not nurture your little soul. Not move a muscle.
00:09:40
Speaker
as long as I was holder and then she would like, she would take it from me. Wow. So that's probably, yeah. Wow. I, I, I've not done any equine therapy, but it sounds like you got a dose of that early on without even like signing up for it. Like this was a part of what you had experienced. That's a, that's beautiful. And, and thank you for Sandra. Cause I, I bet there are a lot of moments where you needed to escape that house and, and feel that.
00:10:08
Speaker
Oh man. that is That is amazing. how Yeah. Well, i want to I want to get back to a question or the talk around vulnerability, male versus versus female. And so you've done a lot of work in in male and female dynamics.
00:10:26
Speaker
And in your earlier questions, you spoke from a
Instinctual Gender Differences in Vulnerability
00:10:29
Speaker
male's perspective. And I'm curious, what what are the big differences that you see in men and women and how we present, how we show up, what that what that instinctual nature looks like?
00:10:40
Speaker
So very good question, man, you're good. So for the for the ladies, what most of us aren't aware of men and women, this is sort of the way we operate without understanding well how things work necessarily.
00:10:55
Speaker
But when a woman um is resisting being vulnerable to her man, right? To her boyfriend, her husband, whatever. When a woman is not revealing her vulnerabilities,
00:11:09
Speaker
emotionally the man cannot connect to her.
00:11:13
Speaker
Interesting, you understand? So like the vulnerability is is an invitation for him to come in and be the hero, to be the fixer, to be the provider, to be the the one to alleviate her pain, ah discomfort per her her revealing vulnerabilities.
00:11:28
Speaker
And like I said earlier, the other way around doesn't work. yeah She loses respect for you, not because she wants to, it's because you actually, you so appear weak, So for us, it's the other the other way around. So when a woman reveals her vulnerabilities, their hero instinct kind of kicks in and we want to fix it.
00:11:47
Speaker
Yeah. we want to help. And now we have accomplished ourselves. This is how meeting how you meet women and their emotions, which is what we're supposed to do, right? so and and And the other way around, I said, it's completely different. So our responsibility is really to respect their emotions and to be present to their emotions, to walk them, help them through their emotions, to relieve the things that makes them emotional, right? We're supposed to take it off of them. The things they don't want to do, the the thing that stress them out, step up, dude, step up, fix it, right? Ask her how, if you need to, right? That's what, that's how, this is really our job as men is to,
00:12:23
Speaker
You know, be responsible and be accountable and be aware and connected to her emotions to help her through this. This is how she chills out. It's like, you become a hero on the other side. They have to respect us in that.
00:12:35
Speaker
And it's a whole different story, whole different paradigm. booh yeah What do you say to the person who hears that and they think that is rooted in patriarchy, that is keeping women in the damsel of distress ah mode where men come in as as a hero and um and actually have emotions and and vulnerabilities that they want to get off their chest? What do you say to that person who yeah who says that is a form of the patriarchy?
Challenging Cultural Gender Norms
00:13:03
Speaker
okay well then you caught up in the culture and the the the ridiculousness of something everything i talk about is not my opinion it's not my choice it's my it's all based in my training in psychology uh anthropology the chemistry of our bodies how we our brains are functioning different we operate different it's all nature and science everything i teach is nature and science it's not my opinion so when somebody comes back with well men should be able You can say that all day long, but that's not how it works.
00:13:32
Speaker
You know what mean? What helps men is other men. That's it, right? And I had somebody last week, I was on a podcast, and I'm trying to explain this the ladies. For a man, he has to take action to feel good about himself and take an action, whether he's helping with the women, they helping with his girlfriend, helping himself in the world. like He has to start with himself first so he can be good to anybody else.
00:13:52
Speaker
He's like, I don't think that's true. I don't think all men are like that. I'm like, Of course, there's a variety of of ah flavors and colors here. But she goes, I don't think men work that way. i'm like, so now you're telling me how men function.
00:14:04
Speaker
Like, it was ridiculous, right? She's telling me how men work. I'm like, I'm a dude. and ah t This is my work. This is what I do with men all day long. And you're telling me, no, it doesn't sound right. So that's not true. Hmm.
00:14:15
Speaker
That's part of what's out there in the culture. So people can say that it's the patriarchy's fault. It's not. It's nature. It's science. It's biology. It's the way we function. It's our instinctual system that is a yin-yang thing.
00:14:26
Speaker
One is exact opposite of the other, but in this culture, we're trying to everybody the same. So men should be like women. That won't work. Women should be more like men. Look what happened.
00:14:37
Speaker
yeah So it's not about being the same. It's about you know embracing our differences. And we're very, very, very different. And that is the point. This is how we kind of come together complementary.
00:14:48
Speaker
Yeah, we do. same compliment We do each other. and This sounds to me like, what is the book? ah Women are from Venus, men are from Mars. Yeah, I studied with him. he's he's one of the He's one of the masters I stand on. on on this I'm standing on the shoulders of five masters in the field.
00:15:06
Speaker
And John Gray is one of them. so John Gray? John Gray, not Mars from Venus. Now, that book is 30 years old. The past 10 years of his work is a lot more about the chemistry of our bodies and why we think, behave, respond differently to each other, how we process everything differently as men and women.
00:15:23
Speaker
you know, testosterone brain as opposed to, you know, estrogen brain is a different machine. It's a different engine. Right? It's like a diesel engine and a gas engine. There's two engines, but they're completely different.
00:15:35
Speaker
they do it is They function on a different fuel. I'm a car guy. Can you feel? so So that whole paradigm, like, you know, our chemistry drives us. The way men process feelings is not the way the women process feeling.
00:15:47
Speaker
Right? But again, in a culture with we should be the same. You know, it's on paper. It says, it looks right. you know what mean? Empower women, soften the men. We even have the playing field. It sounds good on paper.
00:15:59
Speaker
in the realm of relationship because it works for money and business, the equality paradigm, but in in the realm of relationship, it's a kiss of death. It absolutely is what doesn't work.
00:16:10
Speaker
ah Okay. So, so let me, let me hear that back from my own. face So like when it comes to 50, 50 in, in other areas of life, whether it be business, whether it be like equal rights and things like that, you were saying that is that 50, 50 there, let's go.
00:16:28
Speaker
But in terms of romantic relationship between a man and a woman, there is something that needs to be different. but Because there's an emotional attachment, right? So when you get the difference between men and women that happen at work too, by the way, women you know in the workforce, women in the world often collide with men left and right.
00:16:46
Speaker
And they'll they'll shout you know ah misogynistic because they don't respect me and that kind of stuff. Yeah. There's a reason for this. I don't want to go there, but there's a reason for this. i want to go there. We'll go there. You want to go there? Oh, yeah God. Okay. People get to hate. people to get a hate Again, not my opinion. Haters hate. They hate. They are always going to out there. Fine.
00:17:06
Speaker
So what happened is, again, if we're going to talk about nature in our operating system, right? Men are hunters. Women are gatherers. we We think we're beyond that or not. It still drives us to our core. Right?
00:17:21
Speaker
Every freaking moment of the day, you know, not even aware of it. And that's part of what people, i teach people so they ah understand their reflexes or instinctual much more than their thoughts.
00:17:32
Speaker
Yeah. Right. So when you go back into the, the, the making of human beings, the way we survive, there was a hunter and it was a gatherer and they're two different jobs, but they come together for survival.
Historical Gender Dynamics and Modern Influence
00:17:46
Speaker
The hunter takes all the risks, the gatherer takes care of the nest, right? The children, the fire, the berries, the mushrooms, the collecting the the know food, the working together, right? As a community, the women would stick together to take, you know what mean? some would Some would go to the the river to to wash. Some would attend the fire. Some would attend the children. Like there's a community system that works in order for everyone to survive and the kids and the ladies when the men were doing this dangerous work out there.
00:18:14
Speaker
That's how we survive. Right? And this is still how we come together, like it or not. Right? I don't care what the culture says. This is, you you can't undo, you know, a billion years of evolution.
00:18:26
Speaker
It's in there for, you know, 40 years of feminism ain't going to change any of that. But we try and we think it's, but it's, it's in our ingrained too much. So,
00:18:38
Speaker
The question is, when men work together, there's a natural, you'll know this right away as a male. We don't, again, have these conversations very much, but there's a hierarchy in the men's world.
00:18:49
Speaker
men know how to work together men if you put 10 20 guys and i've experienced myself you put 20 guys in a room with a problem to solve right there's a guy who's gonna the the alpha is gonna go to the top and take the lead and if nobody and if he's not and if there's no nobody that stands out to to lead will elect somebody to lead Cause we need that. So just like in any team sport, right? There's a captain and everybody's got their position underneath the captain. Everybody's very clear where the positions are. Nobody's the same.
00:19:23
Speaker
Nobody's the same, right? there' it There's you know there's the um the coach and the coach's coach, right? And all the hierarchy underneath it. This is how men work naturally. There's always a leader and ah everybody knows their place and do their job. And together survive, we succeed.
00:19:40
Speaker
You see it? In the female paradigm, in the gatherer paradigm, not hunter paradigm, which is producing results. The gathering is the machine of it, is the connectivity of it.
00:19:55
Speaker
And again, women aren't aware of this, men aren't aware of this, typically. But women are equal egalitarian thinking. It's all about being the same. For us, we have to elect a leader and we have to take our place for it to work well for all of us to survive in the, in the community of women, it's all equal equalitarian. So it's all the same. So who the hell does she think she is to try to tell us what to do? Right? like yeah So you're supposed to share all your feelings together and all agree on what's the right thing to do and all agree on the right approach to something problem solving or whatever.
00:20:30
Speaker
And in that there's a lot more talking, than men do, right? Again, for us, we define the roles and go for it. So it's a different machine. So what happened is when we put women in the men's world,
00:20:44
Speaker
They bring that connectivity, that bring the, we have to talk about it, we have to feel good about it, right? We have to feel safe here, we have, right? This is how HR was invented. If you put men together working, ah HR is irrelevant.
00:20:57
Speaker
It doesn't exist. So now we put men and women together in the same space, in a workspace, which is about producing results. but you still have a male female dynamic in place where women want to connect and want to feel good. They want to be of all these things that are fine, but they don't, men don't need this in the workplace. It creates a lot of collision.
00:21:16
Speaker
And if a woman is disrespectful because in a business world, leaning in women will emulate masculinity and lean in and, you know, micromanage. And well I think it sounds like they have to, when you um say they're in a men's war world.
00:21:35
Speaker
Yeah. Right. And, and I'm curious, like what, what, how is it defined as a man's world? Well, how are you defining that and what makes the world a man's world? And if in your, in your world travels, you've seen it where it was opposite.
00:21:50
Speaker
It's a men's world in the sense that you know if you're going survive, you got to lean in. You got to go and conquer and fight and compete and push and make your place. That's masculine. right So now we expect women to do this. right there we used to raise you know We used to raise women to not necessarily have to do this, but now we raise them. You have to be a boss, babe, go out there, make some money, which puts them in their masculine.
00:22:13
Speaker
Do know what mean? and And that, when you go back to nature, when they decide after to being successful or independent, which is fine, except a bite, again, nature has a way to kind of bite you in the butt,
00:22:27
Speaker
By the time they get to be 30 plus and they realize money doesn't make them happy, their career is exhausting, they wanna pull back, they wanna chill out. Now they're thinking maybe I want a relationship, maybe I want kids. They've never wanted kids before.
00:22:38
Speaker
this These are all my clients. Every one of my clients is this. So women kinda come to that place. where they realize, you know, genetically, organically, and their physiology, their essence doesn't want to fight, compete, push, and be in charge of everything all the time. They don't want to be in this masculine paradigm all the time.
00:22:57
Speaker
And then they look to, oh, now maybe I should start looking for as husband, boyfriend, whatever. except the problem with that is they're so masculine that they don't attract masculine men. They irritate masculine men and it becomes a shit show.
00:23:12
Speaker
And this is my work. This is a shit show. So in our culture, we flipped the role. We soften the men, we made them vulnerable and and talkative. Women can respect that. They say they want a nice guy. They don't want a nice guy. They can't respect them.
00:23:23
Speaker
They look down on him as opposed to look ah up on him. And we make women boss babes and strong independent. It's just great. But when it comes to relationship, it becomes a disaster eventually. So I'm just sounding the alarm. There's things that are normal now that don't work in relationship and nobody on understands why it doesn't work. It should work.
00:23:42
Speaker
why We equalize the playing field. It should be better. It's not. It's the worst thing in the world in relationships. No, I hear you. And and like from a biological standpoint, and like you said, the the billions of years of evolution, our brain hasn't evolved in in that way to catch up to what society...
00:24:02
Speaker
is asking of us in today. And so I hear a lot of that. And I'm curious, again, ah it in your travels or in your studies around the world, are there different cultures where it's the opposite of that?
00:24:15
Speaker
Which is what? Opposite? Where the women, where it's a woman's world or um just a different paradigm than what we are conditioned in the Western world around? again, it's not conditioning as much as survival.
00:24:30
Speaker
right If you of you ever watched the yeah ah the survival shows, one of the survival shows, I forget what it's called, a bunch of them. and There was a beautiful experiment on the question you just asked me. They put 10 guys on an island with nothing, with nothing, like no tools, no nothing, just like pretty much naked. They have a bucket. They had a bucket and i think a shovel. and They put them on the island and go, go ahead and survive.
00:24:55
Speaker
and They put 10 women on an island with the same thing. And in two days, the women were collapsing and dying of thirst. And in 24 hours, the men had figured out a system to collect water. They'd figure out some spears to be able to fish, right? Again, the hierarchy kicked in. they They elected a chief and then everybody decided what's their specialty, what they're good at naturally and tap into this for us to survive. So in in nature, males survive you know without women.
00:25:25
Speaker
In nature, women don't. Now, call it whatever you want it. That's just nature. And again, this TV show proved it over over again. Every season, the women collapse in two days. They run around going, how are we going to this? we going do this? It's not their fault, right? They're not made to literally sort of the hierarchy of equalitarian keeps them from somebody taking charge.
Influence of Parental Dynamics
00:25:48
Speaker
And so it's a man's world.
00:25:51
Speaker
That's fascinating. I'm curious. What... what um What dynamics did you grow up with and did they fall in line with with what you have seen to work in your research and studies?
00:26:05
Speaker
Or were they kind of challenging that in the lines of feminism today? how how How did you see that when you were growing up? All right. this is ah this is a it's it's not a black and white kind of thing. there's Everybody's got their story. Everybody's got their injuries. Everybody's got their trauma.
00:26:23
Speaker
Mine was my dad was very toxic and my mother would come at me with her trouble about him. So she would she would signal to me, don't be like your dad, don't be like this, don't be like that, don't be like this, be nice, be sweet, be kind. So she tried to like soften me up because he was rough, I get it.
00:26:41
Speaker
However, what happened is I'm half him and half her. when this is again with things that people don't realize when you talk shit about your you know your your kid's father or mother, you're basically destroying half of him.
00:26:59
Speaker
you make You create toxic shame within the kid by destroying his father or his mother. right Now, men don't destroy their mothers ah you kids' mothers c typically. Women will destroy the father because they're mad, because they're angry, because they feel whatever.
00:27:12
Speaker
So in destroying my dad's, which is the part of me that's masculine, And agreeing with her because it was constant, I emulated the feminine energy more, my mother, sweet, sensitive, kind, right?
00:27:27
Speaker
And rejected my father's paradigm, which is a terrible problem for a boy, ah man, right? Because I became too feminized, too soft, right? I didn't want to lead. I couldn't lead. I didn't want to be toxic. way And that cost me most everything as a teen.
00:27:43
Speaker
That is what doesn't work. So I had to, I started doing personal development right away. as I could freeze. When said it cost you as a teen, can you elaborate? Well, like I said, if you if if if you don't as a man, if you refuse to do the things that men do naturally to, like a man has to prove himself to the world.
00:28:00
Speaker
So like what is ideal is to have a father role model to teach you to be appropriately masculine, to provide, to protect, to cherish, but also to conquer your fear. your fears to conquer your your shortcomings, to lean in, to fight through it, to build yourself up, to build your character, which builds your confidence, which typically comes with success and money.
00:28:22
Speaker
That's a natural masculine. But if you don't step in, if you don't if you're afraid of your fears, if you stay passive, you stay soft, you don't lean into your life, you become what I call a boy. You're soft, you're sweet, but you don't make women feel safe and you can't take care of anybody because you're not doing it.
00:28:40
Speaker
Right? And women don't want these guys. just that a good You get in the friend zone. So I realized i was i need to bring back my masculinity
Reclaiming Masculinity and Balancing Traits
00:28:50
Speaker
back. So I had to be filtered my dad's what needed to be rejected or altered. But...
00:28:57
Speaker
bring back in the part that is capable and do and leaning in and actually fighting for building my life. So that's how I got to it. Yeah, no, I'm i'm glad because like you you mentioned like your dad had toxic traits.
00:29:13
Speaker
And so like being able to distinguish what was toxic and what was healthy masculinity, bringing that healthy part and not disparaging the entire being who was your dad because that created shame in you.
00:29:26
Speaker
But that's what happens a lot. like yeah When I decode clients, male or female, there's always that dynamic. you know So daddy is supposed to be a healthy role model for the sons, right?
00:29:38
Speaker
Go and and be devoted masculine energy. It's not toxic. It's not dictatorship. It's devoted. Men are devoted to their wives and kids and family, and right? But they lean in hard to make all that work.
00:29:52
Speaker
that That's beautiful and natural, mean but if daddy is not a role model, there's no role model for the son. he doesn't know how to be a man. This is what you see out there. This is shit show. and What happens is without a father role model, the little girls don't feel safe in the world without a father like figure above above them.
00:30:10
Speaker
So they are hierarchy would be here, man, woman, and children. Because when men provide protect their wives and and women, and when men are the safety over the household, the woman can the mother can be can fall into her feminine nurturing natural ways, and then she nurtures the children.
00:30:31
Speaker
And when she's in her feminine, because dad is masculine, the boy has a role model to appropriate masculinity, and the girl has a role model for appropriate femininity. Now we both have both inside of us, but we have to develop it, right? But that's when the things are ideal. So when there's no daddy figure, the boy has no idea who he is. Does it not be a man?
00:30:50
Speaker
He becomes too much like his mom who tells him to be nice and sweet and like me, right? vulnerable Which is terribly destructive, not knowing, but this is you raise a girl.
00:31:01
Speaker
And when there's no daddy, mom is mama bear. Mama bear is masculine. She has to provide and protect for the kids. So the little girl doesn't have a female role model. She has a male role model in a female's body.
00:31:12
Speaker
It doesn't allow them to grow into their femininity. And this is what I see every single freaking day. This is this is what's not working again now. wow Sometimes life isn't working. Sometimes people have to break up.
00:31:24
Speaker
But we know that we need both masculine and feminine as children to grow up balanced and healthy. Wow. I... There's lot to what you just said. And I think yeah like there, there, I can see it.
00:31:37
Speaker
I grew up to a single mother who had a lot of masculine energy and choice i and similar to you, there was a lot of disparaging comments about my dad who was absent. And so it,
00:31:49
Speaker
To the same degree, I think there was shame in that part of me of of my masculinity. I think it showed up in different ways. ah And and in I think ah I probably overcompensated.
00:32:06
Speaker
and um But it it is very interesting because, like you said, the yin and yang, like we need both. And we all possess both. We have masculine and feminine in us. Um, but I, and, and I'm curious what your thoughts are because I have a lot of fathers and men who are, are in a position now of nurturing their children.
00:32:26
Speaker
Do you see the dad or the father as a nurturer as well? i mean, 18% of the American family are now led by fathers, which puts the women into man mode, masculine mode, push mode, conquer mode.
00:32:41
Speaker
Now, again, here we go. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna trigger some people here again i But it's not my opinion. It's just what it is, right? The way men, you know, genetically, is in ah in our essence, in our biology, we are we have 15 to 30 times more testosterone than the females.
00:33:04
Speaker
This is the jet fuel that we need to conquer and fight the world. We're built for that. We have the jet fuel for doing this. Women have very little testosterone, like I said, 15 to 30% less,
00:33:16
Speaker
right And the conquering, pushing, competing fuel is testosterone. So what happened is when you put women women in a place of competitiveness to that level, they actually live, they get that energy from the adrenaline glands.
00:33:34
Speaker
So there's a fight and flight in women fighting on the world, acting like men, and it burns them out. So I'm going to give you an example of this. That's, you know, I'm a car guy, so you understand, I'm going to explain it for the audience if they're not familiar, but the formula, uh, formula one races for, so if you know what that is, it's like the guy in the middle and four wheels going 500 miles an hour. That's a formula one race.
00:33:59
Speaker
And the guys will get in that and that these cars are actually run, actually run on jet fuel. Right? They go with 400 miles an hour all day long. They spin, spin, spin, spins right? That's the race. And then the guy who's more resilient, ah more ability, more able to focus, more able to, right? There's the guy that gets on, like, they're all the same cars, except there's one that wins every time. Because he's a little bit better, a little sharper, a little faster, a little more calculated, a little more experienced.
00:34:27
Speaker
Okay, right? So, this is what, this is a man's world, right? yeah Get in the world and go compete. But now we actually, what happened, we invite women into that that world.
00:34:38
Speaker
Sure, I get it. Fine. Makes sense to a point. But women in the world. Wait, wait. what wow what That is what's going to trigger some folks. So it's a man's world. We invite women into it. Where does that idea come from?
00:34:54
Speaker
Well, because we did. The feminist movement is about you know choices for women. If you want to be a mom, you could be a mom. But if you want to be at work, we open up the channels that nobody, nothing's in your way. The system's not in the way. Right.
00:35:06
Speaker
That's opening the channels. That's fine. Except this is what I'm going to tell you. Right. If women lean into that so hard away from their essence, their nature, they don't have the chemistry for it. Blame God. It's not me. I'm just reporting. Blame God. It's not me. It's biology.
00:35:21
Speaker
It's like jumping in a formula one race. right? Women want to jump in the race, the rat race. Okay. We have Formula One cars with jet fuel and you jump in the race in your Toyota Camry.
00:35:37
Speaker
You're going in the race. going to get around a bunch of times and the engine is going to blow out. Not made for that. So yeah what I'm saying to you, not sexy, people get triggered, but most women in their 40s plus in that kind of lifestyle experience is all kinds of diseases, breaking down to the bodies.
00:35:56
Speaker
Because we now know, because they're living off their adrenaline glands, we now know that 20, 25 years being adrenalized, right? it's adre Adrenaline in your blood burns out your organs from the inside. It's like battery acid in your blood.
00:36:12
Speaker
This is how you kill a woman. man What's that? And that's not happening in men. Men use testosterone. We have the fuel for it. For them, they use, you know, adrenaline, which kills everything eventually. so my So my own sister, dude, I'm saying, again, this is my experience. This is my work. This is what happens. Every one of my ladies that are older have to, like, are sick left and right. You know, we call that kind of lifestyle. Again, if you can live 100 miles an hour like a man, right?
00:36:40
Speaker
Cancer training. It's that um my sister who was in the financial world, which is the biggest, most competitive dog-on-dog business in the world, right? Money investment, the guy next to you who works with you tries to steal your accounts.
00:36:54
Speaker
It's the most stress you can imagine, Right. Burned out at the age of 62. started Her body broke down with all kinds of stuff. The last one was a lung disease. And now she's now she has fake lungs inside of her. And that's what it took to stop her.
00:37:10
Speaker
I tried to stop her. sent her articles. I sent her all this documentation. This is not my opinion. It's the work. And I saw her burn out. And she refused to stop because she was so proud of her boss, Babe Ways. Now she's sitting in the chair with two somebody else's lungs in her body.
00:37:25
Speaker
That stopped her. So that's the engine blowing out. That's the Toyota Camry in ah in a Formula One race. yeah I said that to my assistant. when't she My assistant is 29 years old, young girl, and she wants to be a boss and she's in LA, right? So that's that's in the culture. She's not thinking about it.
00:37:41
Speaker
And when I taught her that, she goes, that's not fair. i don't like that. I don't like that. That's not fair. I'm like, well, blame God. I'm just reporting here. We're not built for that stuff. So you could jump in the race gently. You could jump in the race, you know, that without...
00:37:59
Speaker
you without going full time, balls to the wall, and then only no man, this is what's going to kill you because women need support, women need help, women need companionship, women need somebody to go, I got this, don't worry about it.
00:38:12
Speaker
But if you're going to be too much of a boss, you can't be vulnerable, you don't let men help, you can't trust anyway, because they're going to do wrong, you become my sister. and I'm sorry. It's not cute. It's not cute. Right. It's ah it's tragic, but nobody's talking about this. go girl is what we say. Yeah. And women are miserable. What inspired you to get into the line of work that you're doing to be able to understand male and female dynamics? It was yeah rather accidental.
Accidental Journey into Gender Dynamics
00:38:42
Speaker
if I may say so, I've been doing personal development and transformational work since was 23 years old. Again, because of my circumstances and I was didn't know who I was, what I was going to be, I was going to... Why am I here? I didn't even know why i was here.
00:38:54
Speaker
It was very weird. So, ah started I wouldn't quit even though I didn't think I was going to be here long. I didn't quit. So, I had to find ways to stick around.
00:39:07
Speaker
Literally. So, personal development, 23 on... um kind of started decoding my traumas. I started decoding, it's not me. It was what what I concluded about me from my upbringing and my shitty parenting.
00:39:22
Speaker
If you're not loved right, it causes trauma. We take it personally and we think it's us. And we think we're really, you know, Loser's piece of crap. And because, but no, it's the conclusion we come because if I was, north if if I was, if I was a good kid, they would have loved me right. Right. So anyway, so we take that personally.
00:39:40
Speaker
My point is personal development, personal development. And it's actually got a hold of myself, got a hold of my brain, understood using my body to change my chemistry, to get out of depression, right. To be able to be ah feeling alive and wanting to conquer. Right. it took It's a whole, there's a whole machine of that.
00:39:58
Speaker
And the more I understood this, the more I'm like, oh, okay. So I got i got better and better and better and better and better and better and better and ultimately saved my life. um But it too so, and I never stopped. I never stopped taking personal development. Like never stopped. And in 2006,
00:40:14
Speaker
I was in a workshop in San Jose, in Northern California. i don't know where you are, but I was in a 3D workshop up north and on the flight back to Los Angeles, I was sitting 200, this is when I thought life was random.
00:40:27
Speaker
That was the last thing, the last pivot in my life that
00:40:32
Speaker
tells me that destiny is already written. we just have to like go and find it. So I'm sitting on the plane with 200 people and a, and you know, three, three rows kind of thing.
00:40:43
Speaker
And I'm sitting in the row with two people I met at the workshop, a couple men and women. And I'm at the third wheel, which I thought, okay, interesting. for Of all the play people I'm sitting with these two. Okay. Right. That's kind of, kind of thank you universe. Right.
00:40:58
Speaker
The woman at one point on the flight says to me, what do you do next weekend? I go, next weekend and I'm free. Why? She goes, you want to come to a workshop? It's on me. I'm like, absolutely. Because I'm a workshop brain, right I don't even know what it's about. It doesn't matter. I'm going to learn some stuff. that's My brain is curious. And the more I learn, the more I know what I don't know.
00:41:15
Speaker
So I became a ah student of life in every way that just... What do you got? What do you got? That became my go-to. Curious about everything. So then after say, of course, it'll be great because these workshops, it's on her. she She's comping me. These could be expensive.
00:41:33
Speaker
Right? Blah, blah, blah. So i'm yeah I'm a yes first. And I go, so what's the workshop? After accepting. After already saying I'm good. Yeah. Right. She goes, oh, it's called Understanding Women.
00:41:47
Speaker
Really? And what happened to me, when I tell the story to my friends, I'm dude, there's no such thing. You can't understand these girls. They don't even know how, they don't even understand themselves, right? Which is, but we experience we've always experienced that, right?
00:42:00
Speaker
That wasn't my reaction. My reaction was, big and I can't tell you, I now don't understand what that was, but the time I didn't, that my experience with women was I always attracted sweet, sweet, sweet women.
00:42:14
Speaker
I didn't do the crazy stuff my friends did with the yelling and the screaming and the, you know, F you. And, you know, like I never, right? If you meet my wife, you'll go, oh, oh, wow. Like just, just looking at her.
00:42:27
Speaker
Like there's a sweetness to her. That's always where I attracted. it So now i'm going to spend a weekend in a workshop and understanding women when I kind of got this. Like I got this and I thought it was me. I'm artistic ways, I'm easy going. i thought it was me and it was, but not, but I couldn't have explained it. Now I know what it was, but point is, in that workshop at the time I'm married with two little kids.
00:42:53
Speaker
When I'm not looking for this information, we're not in trouble, we're not, right? I'm just putting my life together slowly. randomly in that workshop, I felt, thought it was gonna be cute. So I ended up going because I said I wouldn't, and thought it was gonna be cute.
00:43:09
Speaker
Be nice, you know, be kind, be nice guy. That's that's what I thought, right? i All I can tell you is came off my chair about seven times in that workshop. I came off of my chair with disbeliefs, the things that we we know were different, but when you actually kind of decode it, it's insane. yeah And so it freaked me out. What were a few of those things that made you- Why did they take everything personally?
00:43:36
Speaker
They take everything personally, whether you made it personal or not, right? There's a reason for that anthropologically again. It's anthropology. It's a cavewoman in her and the cavemen in us that are so, again, completely different machine.
00:43:48
Speaker
So taking things personally, we don't. How many times have you said to woman, that's not what I said. That's not what I meant. That's not i's not at all what I was meeting. No, i don't know how you got there because they take everything personally and they they they have this urge and this need to decode if it's their fault.
00:44:05
Speaker
So It's interesting. So that was one. Part of it was we hurt their feelings. We don't know they we're hurting their feelings all the time.
00:44:16
Speaker
The same way that they disrespect us all the time, but they don't know they're doing it. The same way we don't know we hurt their feelings. But to them, it's so obvious that you don't say that or do you do say that, that you don't do this. or Do you understand that you could not say something and hurt a girl's feelings?
00:44:33
Speaker
Explain that to me as a man. Yeah. yeah If I didn't say something, I hurt her feelings. I didn't do anything. But she you're expected to, right? You're supposed to notice her dress or her new haircut or whatever.
00:44:47
Speaker
We don't really have a mind for these details. So you hurt her feelings because you didn't say something or you didn't do something. What? So we hurt the feelings all the time. We have no idea. But I get this. This is what a one of the coming off my chair moments.
00:45:02
Speaker
And I recognize that as soon as I hurt it is that To a woman, it's so obvious. You don't say that. You don't do this. You know it, right? You're you' attentive. Like the stuff that we hurt the feelings with, to them, they think it's insane that we don't know.
00:45:18
Speaker
So they think that we know. this is it. This is right there. This is insane. Think about it They think that we know that we're hurting their feelings. the So it means we choose to do it. So we're doing it on purpose.
00:45:32
Speaker
How long do you think my sweet wife can stay in me
Understanding Women and Continued Learning
00:45:36
Speaker
you know thinking that I'm actually hurting her feelings. I know what I'm doing. I'm doing a purpose. don't know if she hates me. This is what happens in relationships.
00:45:43
Speaker
So that was like one of the seven big moments. So I came home upset because I realized I did nothing about women, which means I did nothing about my wife. I have two little kids. My siblings, have four siblings, all divorced many times.
00:45:57
Speaker
I have my wife. i have my life. Everything is working. I'm building a ah kingdom here. i know nothing about my wife, dude. yeah the The liability of that made me nuts, and that's how it started. So I took that company's entire curriculum.
00:46:11
Speaker
I did all their workshops. After you do the workshop and you pay for it, good money, by the way, until you pay for it, you're actually allowed to step back and assist the workshops, right, for free, just to be in the space, in the room, and assist.
00:46:23
Speaker
I was in, every weekend, was in a damn workshop, right? And we traveled like an hour and a half from here because of all over Southern California to be in a space, to be in the room, to get this material, to understand. the more I learned, because even the same workshop will have different teachers different questions that come up right so the the level of depth that um i might realize i didn't have so the more i learned the more realized what i didn't know and i never stopped since then 2006 and then i became a workshop leader for that company on track i decided not to go to go with them there was too much politics behind the scenes
00:47:01
Speaker
which is very normal, very typical for a lot of companies, whatever. yeah But then that's when I continued researching with Dr. John Gray, Esther Perel, Shanti Felhann,
00:47:13
Speaker
And Dr. Pat Allen here. So my last chunk of training is with Dr. Pat Allen, which is family child marriage therapist here in Los Angeles for 46 years. And she, I spent three and a half years with three or four of the people like in in semi-private settings.
00:47:32
Speaker
with her teaching us, teaching me everything she learned into and into it her entire career with men, women, marriage,
00:47:44
Speaker
masculine, feminine, yin-yang. So this was a cherry on a sundae. So that's when I say it's not my opinion. It's all these people i on which shoulder I stand on, plus my own research, plus my own observation, plus my own you know data.
00:47:58
Speaker
So I have a... I know what I'm talking about. So I can decode it all. I've just... And people can challenge me left and right. I might bring it respectfully. I'll i'll explain to you. Whether it's anthropology or science or chemistry of nature, like it's all... The cocktail just...
00:48:15
Speaker
goes across the board. So that's how I got to be here. Wow. Wow. That's really cool. And I'm curious how you see the work that you do applicable to ah companies and corporations, because I think in the way that it that you've described it earlier in the in the, you know, even the pyramid of there needs to be a leader. And that's how we see our organizations run. So how do companies learn from what you have researched and studied and and worked in so long?
00:48:43
Speaker
Well, I mean, they, you know, it's when you understand these things that you could manage and and work with them, right? So, like, often what happens is we force women in the workforce to act like men because it's about production.
00:48:59
Speaker
We don't care how you feel about it. Let's go, right? Anita's mindset for, you know, you didn't it was so rude the way you did that. Like, so, again, HR was created in the mixing of men and women together at work.
00:49:12
Speaker
just fact, right? So understanding really the dance between men and women, if you force women into being masculine, it throws them into feeling bad.
00:49:24
Speaker
understand? If you force a woman to like act like a man, think like a man, be logical and let your feelings behind, it's impossible. So they get, there's a lot of conflicts within the system and they they know they should be not taking things personally. They know they need to leave. They know.
00:49:41
Speaker
that they have to let that go, but they can't because a woman's feeling is what drives her. So for us, it's our logic to be masculine, it's to be in your head, be to be feminine, it's to be in your body.
00:49:52
Speaker
We both do both, but we spend most of our times on our heads. Women spend most of their time in their bodies. So the idea of really, you know, and knowing your feelings at work is inappropriate, cause a lot of turmoil.
00:50:05
Speaker
So how do you approach, there's a way to approach women at work, right? In a way that actually is in line with their essence, right? If you understand what they need in order not to get emotional or triggered into feeling angry, there's a way to do this.
00:50:22
Speaker
right and same the other way around if you're a woman manager and men just suspect you you feel that men are resisting you men are not responding men are you know digging their heels you're disrespecting them enough for them to make you pay and then women call misogyny you know and the company's misogynistic and all that stuff and i'm telling you the story one of my one of my clients uh 38 years old works in office in los angeles And the manager that they had for the floor, he's on the floor with some the other guys and the manager who got ah promoted and the women came, a woman come in and came in to be managing.
00:51:01
Speaker
Right. And this is what happens a lot. You know, you don't lead men like men lead men because men have a, well, this is very delicate. People are going mad, but give it to me. Let's hear it. Right. you You're going to hear me.
00:51:16
Speaker
So, Men have a respect barometer. right I could be talking to you at work and go, dude, you need to get that. Okay, you completely missed that thing.
00:51:28
Speaker
I need you to go back and fix it. You're not going to get your feelings about this. You're actually going to feel a little bit of shame. right And you go, oh, I'm not doing my job right. I missed the boat. And you go fix it.
00:51:39
Speaker
Do you know Now, I'm never i'm not going to this out loud in front of others. That would be disrespectful. I will not destroy you in what ah my request. That would be disrespectful.
00:51:51
Speaker
right I will not micromanage you. I'll let you go fix it. right And then you have to prove it to me that got your stuff together. right This is all the the the but barometer of respect man on man. It's built in.
00:52:02
Speaker
It's natural. We have it. we know like We know how to not cross lines into disrespect. Things we never talk about. what why Why do you think that is? It's in our bodies. It's still in our bodies. Like you know and I know that you don't yeah you don't date your your brother's last girlfriend, right? Or her mother.
00:52:23
Speaker
You know that, right? It's in there. It's coded. There's an instinct about this. There's things you just don't cross. things you don't do. You don't viciously just do destroy somebody's reputation because you're mad at them.
00:52:35
Speaker
That would be your feminine side. You see, so men have this automatic kind of barometer, men on men, they know how to not disrespect. The feminine emulating the masculine at work often will cross the line, micromanage, disrespect, shame in public, correct in public, right?
00:52:53
Speaker
And what happens to the masculine, even though he's supposed to follow her lead, she's doing it disrespectfully. They resist, they ignore, they turn their heads. My point is, in the end, is if and the more she leans in trying to make them, force them, control them, which that's not how you inspire men, then she feels disrespectful and they're misogynistic. Anyway, my point is, my my friend here in Los Angeles that experienced that the female manager became so micromanaging, so disrespectful, so over the top, so like...
00:53:28
Speaker
I'm not understanding respect paradigm that is masculine. It's not her fault. It's just, she's it's not built in. know what mean? They ended up within nine months or so, it eight or nine months, they ended up going to the manager on the floor and said, either she leaves or we all do.
00:53:43
Speaker
She can't lead. She's disrespectful. She's micromanaging. She's in our faces. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She's trying to be right about everything. That happens a lot. So what happened is some of the guy got promoted her place.
00:53:58
Speaker
right? ah guy that came in two years after the company, she thought she would get the next promotion. She didn't. And then she tried to sue the company because misogynistic and it's because she's a woman. No, no, because she doesn't know the lead, which is, again, it happens a lot.
00:54:13
Speaker
So yeah the more, the more we, the more we put ourselves outside of our true nature, right? The more trouble we have. It sounded like that, um There is no way for a woman to lead a man. Is that correct?
00:54:29
Speaker
You said it. So said there's nothing she could have done in that job to have been ah better what she was doing. Some women honestly understand this. It's a little bit rare, but but some women who have raised with fathers and brothers understand this. They understand accountability. They understand respect. understand honor.
00:54:49
Speaker
In a way that most women who don't have, who've not been privy to masculinity when they're growing up, brothers and fathers, don't understand at all. So they lean to the feminine way.
00:55:00
Speaker
That's the only way they know. It's not their fault. I'm not blaming anybody. But that creates a lot of problems. And they then they call patriarchy massage misogyny, all that stuff. And that's not it. It's disrespect most of the time.
00:55:13
Speaker
That's good. see it? It's huge. It's huge. It's not sexy and triggers people, but this is what this is this is the mechanics of it all. Yeah.
The Concept of Gender Intelligence
00:55:23
Speaker
i want to I want to ask about gender intelligence and and the the role that that plays in your methodology and your coaching.
00:55:33
Speaker
What does it mean? And then how do you ah employ that? So that was actually Dr. John Gray. Mars and Venus came over with that term. And people start complaining that's just toxic. And so he stopped using it. I don't think it's toxic. I use it all the time and they I stole it really.
00:55:50
Speaker
And you understand emotional intelligence. Women think they're emotionally more intelligent than men. That's not really true, but it's emotional intelligence. There's different, right? Gender intelligence is,
00:56:02
Speaker
you have to learn what the other part, the other side is just everything we talked about today, right? Like as as a, if you're a woman wanting to be in a relationship with a man, but don't know anything about men. you didn't have a father, didn't have a role model, right? You're going to collide with men hard, not understanding respect, not understanding, you can't control them, not understanding, you can't take them over, not understanding, you can't make them do anything.
00:56:24
Speaker
You just can't. ah So and gender intelligence as a woman would be to cross the bridge into men's world and go learn. Why men do what they do? What motivates us? Why? How do we process feelings?
00:56:35
Speaker
We have deep, deep, deep feelings. if We just don't share them. this would be There's a reason for that. How do you get him to reveal himself? There's a way to do this. That has to be taught because men naturally will conceal.
00:56:48
Speaker
Again, survival mechanism. ah So as if you're a woman or a man who wants to build a relationship with somebody of the opposite sex, you have to learn.
00:56:58
Speaker
You have to cross the bridge into that world and learn. And I will tell you this, when I teach women about men, our instinct, what drives us, why, they go,
00:57:09
Speaker
flashback of their entire lives, all the mistakes that they made. And my favorite part is when they understand men's instinct, what drives us, what brings the best out of us, 50% of everything that they take personally as women falls off.
00:57:23
Speaker
That in itself is a different life. That's gender intelligence, go learn. And the same with men, men will say, i what I can't make her happy. She's always mad at me. you know She says stuff like it's the small stuff that, you know why can't I get the small, I need so little, right? We don't know what that means.
00:57:39
Speaker
and So as a man, cross the freaking bridge into a woman world, understand what that means. What does that mean? is It's very coded. Understand her instinct, her understand her the cavewoman inside of her.
00:57:51
Speaker
Understand what brings the best out of her. Dude, that's a smart dude, right? So you could try to make women more logical. but Ridiculous. That's not how they function.
00:58:02
Speaker
That's not right. There's more about their emotions and you have to like learn how to embrace that and actually kind of manage that so she can respect you. Right. So cross the bridge to men world, cross the bridge to a women world. And in what I say is my whole life background comes from dancing, right? The metaphors with dancing, which is beautiful.
00:58:21
Speaker
So, and then you could actually both walk on the bridge, meet in the middle and learn to do this.
00:58:28
Speaker
See it? Yeah, that painting. Oh, man. That's beautiful. That's ballroom dancing. So that's that's building a relationship. When I'm in dancing with my wife, I'm leading.
00:58:41
Speaker
She's supporting the lead. Is that toxic? I don't think so. She loves it. Now, again, again this the the metaphors is beautiful here. As a lead in dancing, in ballroom dancing, as a lead, i also still have to have a certain amount of sensitivities because I could i could i could overlead her. I could break her arm.
00:58:59
Speaker
I could literally be a bully, which means she's going to want to dance with me. So men have to lead with sensitivities for women to get on the boat. Do you know So, and with sensitivities, that means I'm aware of her. I'm actually, so dancing is all tactile. We communicate with our fingers, right? And I'm super aware of what's come back at me. I'm super aware of the resistance, the lack of it. like there's ah There's a huge amount of communication without a word that nobody could tell, right? But I'm completely connected to her and aware of her. Again, so for her to be comfortable and and allow me to lead her, trust me to lead her,
00:59:38
Speaker
knowing that I'm not going to spin her into a wall or a table under the couple, right? Because she's at my mercy. in order for her to be vulnerable, here it is again, talked about this in the beginning, her vulnerability comes into letting go of control, which I have with sensitivities.
00:59:54
Speaker
And when she could let go of control and be completely in the flow, and in a moment, she shines and radiates like a beacon. Everybody's looking at her. no one's looking at me, even though I'm doing most of the work.
01:00:07
Speaker
Now she's not passive. She's holding herself. No, she has to hold her frame so we can communicate, right? There's a certain like tension she has to hold so we can actually communicate physically.
01:00:17
Speaker
And she's doing everything backwards and high heel and dress. It's not easier. It's different. So that's the yin yang of ballroom dancing. That's the yin yang of relationship relationships. There's like, you have to lead with sensitivities. That's the only issue. can be vulnerable they go of control.
01:00:33
Speaker
and being a feminine where she's more comfortable and I'm more comfortable. And in that, I'm telling you, I think my wife dancing still,
Ballroom Dancing as Relationship Metaphor
01:00:40
Speaker
right? And they to this day, I can still make her squeal.
01:00:43
Speaker
What I mean by that is she's so open and vulnerable to my lead that I can still surprise her. And she goes, whoa. Right? like She's gloriously in her feminine. She loves it. She's let go of everything. She's present in the moment, which makes her feel good.
01:01:02
Speaker
Now I get to lead this. It makes me feel good. Yeah. No, that's the that's nice. I like the metaphor of dancing. um I think there, I thought about that as we were ah talking and just about you know, the male always leads in dancing. You always like, and and that's the way that it goes. And I think I will respectfully ah say that I, I, we see things differently in, in, in many areas of relationship, but I love,
01:01:31
Speaker
the way that you were able to explain it. And ah and I know it's it's backed by a lot of research and a lot of science. um And I think when when we first started talking, you you mentioned um that there were negative childhood experiences that came up and and it was harder to find a positive one.
01:01:55
Speaker
And I just wanted to circle back to that real quick. um And not but dwell on the negative thing, but I want to ask about specifically a girl or a woman that you lost out on because you were operating from the the feminine energy that your mom put on you and what that has done for you in life. Like what has that loss done for you?
01:02:19
Speaker
All right. So the first love, we all have one. Right. But at the time I was 15 years old. It was a dork. It was awkward. it was a nice guy.
01:02:30
Speaker
Right. That women don't like ah this thing. This little girl wasn't pretty at all. She was little like that. and And I just thought she was as dorky as I am. You know, me and her ah perfect fit.
01:02:43
Speaker
We were hanging out the same circle of friends. It was 10 of us. We'd always get together. At 15, back in those days, you get into somebody's basement and listen to records. That's what we did, right? We didn't drink, we didn't smoke.
01:02:55
Speaker
We get downstairs, drink some soda pop and listen to music and dance around. We literally would dance to the music like in the basement. So this one, this cute little angel, like the one I got to know, the one liked her, like I said, we were perfect fit in my brain and months into this, because you know, I'm a dork and don't move fast. And when I asked her to meet my girlfriend, she's like, oh, God, no.
01:03:23
Speaker
And broke my heart. Right? So I remember being in a funk for like three weeks. Like just took my heart out. I was just like hollow, right?
01:03:34
Speaker
right Like I just, I found a deficit, my first love, the my first crush. So I didn't understand the silly, that it was my feminine side. Like I got instantly put in the friend zone.
01:03:48
Speaker
you know what mean? I discovered that later, but I know exactly what happened there now from understanding this dynamic. Yeah, definitely. No, I think there's a lot to be learned from you and your work and and i' ah I'm going to give you a chance to shout that out later, but I want to hop into a segment.
01:04:06
Speaker
This is fill in the blank. Vulnerability in relationships means blank.
01:04:13
Speaker
Revealing your fears and your weaknesses. And what happens is typically has to be started by the feminine because the masculine will be stoic naturally. So you have to invite him into his vulnerability, which means you have to be vulnerable first. Again, i don't people don't like that, but it's a fact.
01:04:31
Speaker
Men won't be vulnerable first. Women has to start opening that channel. When a woman is vulnerable, he's going to meet you in this vulnerability. When you reveal something that's scary that you're afraid of, he's going to meet you there, right?
01:04:43
Speaker
There's something, there's something in the human condition that when you can go to a complete stranger, or somebody in casual, no, just even a little bit casually, and you get vulnerable with them.
01:04:54
Speaker
They find that very flattering that you trust them enough to open up to something that's insensitive and it brings people in closer. That's how you get close together. That's how men and women kind so vulnerability starts by the ladies typically.
01:05:07
Speaker
If the guy's masculine, he's not going to start. And then you invite him into your world that way with your fears and the things you're uncomfortable with and you know that kind of stuff. So that's vulnerability for women. I like that. And going to challenge you because ah this is going back to the dance ah yeah where men lead in the dance. I think men can lead in vulnerability as well. And I think that has been one of my superpowers.
01:05:31
Speaker
And in this podcast, in this life of of op if leading with my vulnerability and getting to deeper connection and deeper conversations with other people through that. But I do think there is there is a ah there It has to start somewhere in order to invite the other person in. For sure. Now, I'm going to challenge you.
01:05:50
Speaker
does that look like? How do you vulnerably start first? i think um for I think we had a beautiful example of it in this conversation.
01:06:01
Speaker
right we you We talked about our moms and the impact of, of that. And I think that is a common thread with a lot of men of their relationship with their mom, whether it be positive or negative, there is a relationship there.
01:06:18
Speaker
yeah Um, and even the absence of a mother is, is a relationship is just non-existent. And so, I think leading in that way of like, what was your relationship with her mom like?
01:06:30
Speaker
Or how how did the influences of your past, that's why I asked the childhood question, how did that shape who you are today? Or can you even pull memories from the past?
01:06:41
Speaker
And then going from there, I think I've done a lot of work in ah uncovering my own um traumas and how they've influenced me. And a lot of them are tied into a sense of self ah worthliness worth worthlessness yeah um because of the shame that I carried around.
01:07:01
Speaker
the abandonment from my father, the abandonment from my mother and things like that. And so that shows that showed up in relationship. that's Of course. or And I know i I won't say no longer carry any shame, but I carry very little shame associated to those things today where I am able to be vulnerable about them.
01:07:19
Speaker
And I think, When I am other people, it disarms other people so that their shame can drop. And then they realize that we're just human with human experience. So again, give me an example of being vulnerable and then starting it.
01:07:32
Speaker
Cause I don't think that's what it is, but go ahead. Say it again. Give me an example of you being vulnerable first that opens those channels. I just did. Like there was no one. concrete them I tell you about my relationship with my mother.
01:07:48
Speaker
Right. How do you make that? Okay. So what I'm, what I'm picking up, this is again, just saying, yeah it's not you being vulnerable as much as you being authentic.
01:07:59
Speaker
Okay. And authenticity is magical. When, when you meet somebody who's authentic, they are who they are because they just discovered, they know who they are. They did the work, they peel the onion.
01:08:09
Speaker
they They fix their traumas. They understand their strengths and their weaknesses. They know where they stand. They don't have to wear a mask to try to pretend to praise impress anyone. They just are who they are. It's incredibly attractive and magnetic, and people will come up to you, right? And that energy makes people vulnerable in your presence.
01:08:33
Speaker
And then you have these conversations. But it's not you going after a girl going, I'm feeling terrible about this and I don't feel that you're, you know, you're meeting me halfway. That's not what I'm, you know what I mean? That would be what doesn't work.
01:08:47
Speaker
It's how you define vulnerability. If you define vulnerability in a form of weakness and um needing or lacking of something, then yeah, then you're being open. Ultimately, vulnerability to me is about being open.
01:09:01
Speaker
opening your heart to being either receiving to receiving or giving and so if i open my heart whether it's something that i feel good about bad about something that's bad as happened something that i need help with like all of those are forms of vulnerability you're just honing in on the negative aspect of vulnerability i am yeah no no not at all like so vulnerability takes actually a lot of courage yeah You can't be vulnerable if you're not courageous.
01:09:28
Speaker
yeah right Most people don't want to step into courage. So they don't step into vulnerability. you know People that are broken have a um a hard time with that. So i'm saying what I'm saying to you is his vulnerability is literally the ability to reveal some weaknesses, to reveal some fears, but you have to be courageous as hell.
01:09:47
Speaker
to do this with with people, especially maybe people you don't know very well, though it pulls them into your world and that's how you create bonds, right? But the more you kind of peel the onion for yourself and you get to be okay with yourself and and but land in your body, I call it, land in your body, not be talk is stuck in your head and your traumas, you shine and you invite everybody, like you're like a magnet. so And then those that come in that magnetism attracts people who resonate with that.
01:10:20
Speaker
And the quality of your life changes per the quality of people that you attract because of the quality of your energy. That it's not, it's a product of vulnerability, but I think vulnerability comes secondary to peeling the onion into being authentic.
01:10:36
Speaker
that then allows you to have these moments with people. The other way around is what I'm saying that doesn't necessarily work. The other way around, like, it's different. It's different story.
Authenticity and Vulnerability
01:10:46
Speaker
it's a different It's a different way to look at it.
01:10:48
Speaker
No, I like that. I like that a lot. And authenticity is is definitely a precursor to vulnerability. So yeah, let's let's ah go to the next. So we were supposed to rapid response, these fill in the blanks, but I love that. Thank you for that dialogue.
Impactful Coaching Experience
01:11:01
Speaker
Sure.
01:11:01
Speaker
My most rewarding coaching experience has been Me? like That was that that that workshop in 2006, being coached by women in the world of women and falling off my chair and understanding how much I didn't know and how dangerous that was for my relationships.
01:11:20
Speaker
Like I was not going to be a statistic because i didn't know like that made no sense to me and it scared the life out of me that's how i step in i've stepped in 100 miles an hour so that was one of the mike i mean i've had a bunch but that one life changing life changing change the curse course and the path of my entire life okay that's dope um if i could tell my younger self anything it would be blank oh now you type tap back Now you're tapping into my
Family Dynamics and Personal Introspection
01:11:46
Speaker
traumas. My trauma is
01:11:50
Speaker
I was in accident. I come from a Catholic family. There was a plan for each child every three years as a child. I guess I got drunk one night and I came in sideways. My mother hated being pregnant with me, which I transgressed into she hates me, which she kind of did, right? Not to the point that I felt it, but it so and as I was born, out of cycle, out of place, right? She was sick for nine months when she was pregnant. and She hated all of that.
01:12:19
Speaker
I picked all that up, hated, hated, hated, hated hated all of it. And when i was I was born again, not supposed to be here, out of place, and kind of pushed me aside. So my trauma was I don't belong here.
01:12:32
Speaker
There was a terrible mistake. I'm not supposed to be here. I carried that my whole life. It took me to the age of five to get my thoughts and my feelings together when I realized now that I talk about a big moment. I can tell you where I was in the house, sitting in the stairs.
01:12:47
Speaker
After something had just happened, then I realized I'm born in the wrong family. These are not my people. They hate me. I don't like them. I don't understand why I'm here. And that was the beginning of my journey in observing human beings, trying to understand my circumstances. But I became fascinated with the human condition, trying to understand my crap, but starting to watch people.
Reframing Cultural Beliefs
01:13:09
Speaker
And that was like at five, I started doing that.
01:13:12
Speaker
And, you know, I was always the guy in the corner of watching. But I'm telling you, when you watch people, again, we you understand we're made of energy, electricity, and vibration and frequencies. You start picking on people. You know what's going on with them. You're just looking at them.
01:13:26
Speaker
I can. But I've been doing this since five. We all have that ability. So that's part of my work is really be able to tap in into stuff that you can't even express. I do this in men's work. Men will choke and cry and they can't talk. And I go, is this what's going on?
01:13:43
Speaker
Right? So that was my big one. Like I'm not supposed to be here, but I had to discover it. Are you going to tell that younger version anything else, a different story?
01:13:56
Speaker
Exact opposite. It was not an accident. It's not, it's not supposed, I was supposed to be here. Part of the trauma and all the, the crap was actually how I got to be this guy.
01:14:09
Speaker
So without that, it wouldn't be this guy. This guy is up to, something really big, something really good, right? He's of service. He wants to help the world. He wants to be a service to the world. He wants to, the big calling, my God calling is, it's my job to, to reframe the cultural belief in relationships.
01:14:28
Speaker
I like that. What's out there doesn't work. There's more traditional ways to do it. that's not There's a modern way to do what works. What's out there doesn't work. So my God calling is to reframe. I have to teach this to the masses.
01:14:40
Speaker
So that's the calling. so But that's impossible without all the crap that I went through. So I embraced that and realized that I don't belong here. it out of place. It was a conclusion, not a reality.
01:14:51
Speaker
And kind of putting all that in place that I'm actually here for something much bigger. And that was all essential part of it. Okay. I'm good with that. I can take that. Yeah. No, that, that is great. I, Andre, I think, um, are there, so this is open for you now, um, anything that, that you want to leave the audience, um, just final thoughts, things that are on your mind, things that are in your heart that you want to share.
Promoting Traditional Values and Independent Thinking
01:15:19
Speaker
Yeah, and I also i have two guests for listeners so when we're done with this. so um The thing that I like to leave everyone thinking, and I'm going to say it, right like it's very, very hard to go against the cultural tidal wave out there.
01:15:35
Speaker
Everything that's crazy is the new normal, and everything that's normal is stupid. right And it creates a lot of chaos. Look into the world. like Especially in relationship relationship, everyone's confused. They don't understand why it doesn't work. It should work.
01:15:48
Speaker
It should work. you know, soften the men, and empower the women. It should work. should It doesn't in relationships, right? So my assistant, the same girl I was talking to you about earlier in Los Angeles, 29 years old.
01:16:03
Speaker
She wants a traditional life, three kids. Cannot say that out loud. The women attack her. Girl, you're better than be some guy's slave and children ruin your life. Really?
01:16:16
Speaker
Really? Again, if we go back to nature a little bit, a woman's body is made to reproduce and make babies. That's the, you know every month a reminder of that. Oh, no babies this year.
01:16:27
Speaker
Oh, no baby this year. Right. That's the, this that that's their bodies, right? Ours is made to fight and, you know, create build a legacy. And so the legacy is babies. Our legacy is babies.
01:16:39
Speaker
This is how the whole society, the whole world continues know what I mean? So my point is my assistant is actually very feminine has learned that she can't say out loud that she wants to be traditional woman.
01:16:53
Speaker
Women shame them, attack them. She's a bit, she's a bit, she's, she betrays, she's betraying the sisterhood ah we don't need no man. And you could do all on your own. That's, that's, that's, what's not working.
01:17:07
Speaker
So I want to say the message is ladies and gentlemen, think for yourselves. I forget what the culture is hard to do Forget the cultural crap. Forget everything that's not working.
01:17:18
Speaker
You want to be traditional? Be traditional. You want to be a boss? Be a boss. But I want to tell you when you go so far against nature, nature is a way to bite you back in the ass.
01:17:29
Speaker
And these are my clients. I don't understand. I'm ah miserable. I'm unhappy. i have done everything my mother culture that told me. I'm not happy. I'm like, I know you live like a man.
01:17:40
Speaker
It doesn't make you happy long-term. There's an in-between. There's an in-between. And I'm not saying go back to the kitchen barefoot. I um get accused of that all the time. That's not what I say, not even a little bit.
01:17:53
Speaker
right But there's a way... to to come together as men and women that is, harm you can create a harmonious relationship, you can create a dance, right? You know, bringing your strengths on both sides together to build the entity called a relationship, a marriage, a family.
01:18:13
Speaker
It's not black and white. It's not he controls everything and she's passive. There's all kinds of negotiation between. Some of this stuff, because we both have masculine and feminine within us. So some of the stuff that I take on in this house would be considered feminine.
01:18:26
Speaker
but we made a deal. I'll take care of this. Right. And some of the stuff she does, this part of our lives, the negotiation is, or would be considered more masculine. Well, we talked about this.
01:18:38
Speaker
I'll do this. If you do this, I don't want to this. I'm not just at night. These are all the deal makings. So ballroom is black and white, yin and yang, with sensitivities and vulnerabilities. Right.
01:18:49
Speaker
But our, the The true dynamic is really the understanding, the negotiating, the give and take, and the agreements that we make that we can flourish together as opposed to make each other wrong.
01:19:02
Speaker
And in a culture where men are toxic, men are dangerous, you can trust them, how how is that going to work? Hmm. How's that going to work? Right? So again, we're in too far out of bounds. So there's there's a there a modern way of putting all that together where women are happier, men are happier, living more through their actual essence of their bodies.
01:19:24
Speaker
A woman in a feminine who's going to live longer, is going be happier, is going easier going. She's going to be softer, gentler, more feminine, feeling safe in the world with a man who takes the brunt of the fighting out the world, right?
01:19:39
Speaker
Typically, men take out take care of the outside world, women take care inside world, but there's a hole in the modern way to do this, and but it has to be negotiated. Yeah. how can How can people reach you, contact you, work with you if they want to?
Accessing Resources and Coaching
01:19:53
Speaker
What what what are ways they can- get Beautiful.
01:19:56
Speaker
So I have two gifts for your listeners. um My website is projectequinox.net. Equinox is a perfect balance between night and day. Get it? i thought it was clever. But I do a lot of podcasts, like three, four weeks, sometimes more, because I'm trying to spread the waves.
01:20:14
Speaker
There is hope. Relationships are, you could build healthy relationships in ah in ah even nowadays with a cultural. The problem is everything that's out there will keep you from getting into healthy relationships.
01:20:26
Speaker
The false narrative is terrible. And again, to decode that, right? and so I'm sending hope. Yes, ladies, there is hope. Men are out there, right? You have to know how they function for you to appeal and appeal to their instinct and vice versa, right? Women, because men complain about the same thing. We're all the good women. They're all gone they're all trash they're all bossy they're all mean they're all disrespectful okay so we all have the same complaints really because we flipped the script anyway so i do a lot of podcasts to send the the waves the hope right there's a different way there is an actual way that works in the modern style um but i noticed there's two types people who listen to podcasts because i used have my own and i realized there's two types so
01:21:11
Speaker
One type, we'll let the audience qualify themselves. The one type are in information seekers, I call them, right? They kind of understand things aren't working. They're getting frustrated. They're getting older. They understand, like, you're supposed to be feminine if you're a girl, but i don't know what that means. And how does that work? And why is that i important? You know what mean? for Information seekers and men, the same thing. What's this masculine and feminine crap that I keep hearing about?
01:21:35
Speaker
Because we don't think in those ways. So if you're an information seeker, I'm going to send you directly to my email. Are you ready? Andre Coaching, the number one at Gmail. N-D-R-E-C-O-A-C-H-I-G, the number one at Gmail.
01:21:49
Speaker
And in the subject box, this is if you're an information seeker lady. I'm gonna send you a copy of my book. It's called a Five... feminine qualities, high value men find absolutely irresistible.
01:22:03
Speaker
Ladies, this is my work with men. This is men talking, not me, man, also a man, right? But it's it's a 30 pages. It's a workbook. You have to fill it out. It'll make you think, right?
01:22:17
Speaker
And things that ladies, you think it's your hair color or your butt, it's not. It's the energy that you bring five, So audio coaching one and in the subject box, just write irresistible book and I'll send you a digital copy.
01:22:32
Speaker
gift I sell on my website. I'll give it to your listeners who are looking for information and you'll understand a little bit more what I'm up to. i might just tune you in a little bit more that I'm not this pig who's trying to put Gwen back in the kitchen. That's exactly opposite.
01:22:46
Speaker
I want human beings to create healthy bonds. That's my mission. And that means decoding what works as opposed to what doesn't work. Okay, so just them gift number
Decoding Personal Patterns in Relationships
01:22:57
Speaker
one. Gift number two is I noticed some people, right?
01:23:01
Speaker
Oh, this guy's got something. Oh, wait a second. It resonated, right? Oh, I felt that, right? So if I resonated with anything, if you resonated with anything I said, and you're more of a action taker,
01:23:14
Speaker
takes courage. talking about courage, right? So Andre Coaching1 at Gmail. In the subject box, just write talk now. And what I'll do is I'll send you a link to my calendar. You'll book yourself a space that open. we're can have a one-on-one call like you and I are having right now.
01:23:30
Speaker
And in that call, we'll decode what's not working, right? Because... People come to me when they realize they're trapped in a loop. same results Same result, same result, same result.
01:23:40
Speaker
Different guy, different girl, same crap, same crap. Oh, it's me. It's got to be me. Eventually, you got to look in the mirror, right? It's you. You're the common denominator. And that call, it's an hour plus call, a little bit over.
01:23:52
Speaker
And 15 minutes will decode your childhood. And we'll we'll put the finger on where the wheels came off for you. Why as a woman, you're traumatized to being matt more masculine.
01:24:03
Speaker
Why as a man, if you're traumatized being more feminine and or somewhere in the middle, that's confusing. So in 15 minutes, we kind of decode because I can't get anybody in a healthy relationship until we decode and release the crap from your past.
01:24:15
Speaker
But we have to even know what that is first, right? So part of the work that I do is we start here, we remove the trauma, then we step in into the dream life. you know what mean? so that call, like I said, will take a little courage, but will literally, you're gonna, you're gonna walk away with understanding, you know, that there's nothing wrong with you. not broken. You're the product of your past.
01:24:40
Speaker
So if you're not broken, we could fix it. We can release it. And if the dream is whatever it is babies, marriage, or just companionship long-term, Right.
01:24:51
Speaker
What's the dream? And then we'll talk about ways you could jump in with me. There's all kinds of, there's five different ways to get in small, medium, large. Right. But like I said, that call alone for some people is liberating because they understand not broken.
01:25:05
Speaker
So that's my gift. Oh, that's great. And I'll put that in the show notes so people can reach out to you and connect with you.
Creating Safety in Relationships
01:25:12
Speaker
And, and Andre, with all the things that you could be doing, and all the places you could be, i appreciate you being here with me, embracing vulnerability.
01:25:20
Speaker
Same here. I have to tell you, I appreciate your line of questioning. Like I said, I do a lot of these and often it's the same questions and over and over and you kind of went sideways and up and under and around the corner and, and allowed me to break it down again. i say this all the time. It's not my opinion. and It's not my judgment.
01:25:40
Speaker
It's the work and you know, we could decode it in different ways. And ultimately it's liberation and freedom when you understand it right if you know how to bring out the best out of a woman by the way that's what i was doing when i said earlier in my life that i was always attracting sweet women when i found out through the work is the it's not that i attracted sweet women is that i brought it that i brought always brought her the best out of them the sweet out of them the feminine out of them ah how how did i do this i don't know how what i learned and i heard over and over again is to be with me felt safe
01:26:17
Speaker
They felt safe with me. So when a woman feels safe, she relaxes, she's radiant, she's feminine, she's happy, she's right anxiety like, there's no tension, there's no anxiety, right?
01:26:28
Speaker
So it was easy for me. but So I don't know how I made them feel safe. I guess it's my energy, right? But again, how do you bring out the best out of a woman? She has to feel safe.
01:26:40
Speaker
How do you make a woman feel safe? We're not aware that they need safety, but they do. And how do you bring the best out of a man so that he provides, protects, cherish, gives support, like you know lead with with sensitivities that you get to enjoy a life more leisurely as opposed to get in the race and you know potentially risk blowing up the engine?
01:27:02
Speaker
That's not worth it. How about we do what works best? You know, why do we, let's do let's do what works best. Just saying. Yeah. All right, Andre, it was good talking to you. Thank you, my brother.
01:27:13
Speaker
Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle. If you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability, please consider leaving a review. Your feedback not only motivates us to continue to do the work that we do, but it allows other people to witness the power of vulnerability.
Embracing Vulnerability as Strength
01:27:30
Speaker
Share your thoughts. on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts, or wherever you're listening from. And don't forget to spread the word. You can follow us at vulnerabilitymuscle on Instagram and me personally at Reggie D. Ford across all platforms.
01:27:46
Speaker
Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support. And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength.
01:27:57
Speaker
Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability muscle.