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How to have "The Talk" - FF S2 E13
15 Plays6 days ago
This week on Fatherhood Friday, we’re diving into one of the most awkward, important, and unavoidable conversations every parent faces... “the sex talk.” 😅
Maybe your kids are getting older. Maybe they’re dating. Maybe they’re about to get married and you’re realizing, “Wait... we probably need to talk.” Whether you need guidance, encouragement, or just reassurance that you’re not the only dad sweating through this conversation, we’ve got you covered.
We’re sharing our own experiences, the lessons we learned, what worked, what didn’t, and how to approach these conversations with honesty, wisdom, and a little humor. Is it awkward? Absolutely. Is it important and completely doable? Also absolutely.
Pull up a chair and join the conversation. Your future self, and probably your kids, will thank you.
Email us: Dads@PreacherDad.com
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Transcript
Introduction & Content Advisory
00:00:14
Speaker
Hello, welcome to Fatherhood Friday.
00:00:26
Speaker
It might not be so great for your younger kids to listen to, so maybe, you know, pause and put them out the room or something. If you've done that, we're gonna talk about sex.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're going talk about how you can communicate to your children the importance of sexual relations. Not just the importance, but how to talk to them about the birds and the bees.
00:00:56
Speaker
What are the ideas we have? What are the things you've we've done wrong? What can we do better? We're going talk about that today on Fatherhood Friday.
Sponsor Message: Cornerstone Fellowship
00:01:04
Speaker
But don't forget that this podcast This episode is brought to you by Cornerstone Fellowship. Cornerstone Fellowship is that small little country church you kind of drive by, but you always wonder what's going on inside. Well, come on in. We're we're talking to Jesus. We're loving Jesus and learning about him and studying his word.
00:01:23
Speaker
And we just would love for you to be there. So you can find us online at cornerstonefellowship-ga.org. Cornerstonefellowship-ga.org. dot oh r g And we would love to see you there.
00:01:36
Speaker
So without any further ado, let's start Fatherhood Friday. Shh. Don't tell the little ones.
Meet the Panelists: Matt Stewart and Tony
00:01:49
Speaker
Well, hello, everybody. Welcome to Fatherhood Friday. I'm here with my two of my brothers on the panel tonight. We're here with Jumpin' Matt Stewart, who's ready ready to go and Rippin' Roran ready to to give you all of his his counsel and wisdom. And and then we got Too Little Hair Tony, who's ready to share with us ah again tonight from his experience as a dad. We are going to talk about how to have the
Personal Experiences of 'The Talk'
00:02:21
Speaker
talk.
00:02:21
Speaker
So, you know, guys, I'm not sure exactly how to jump off into this really, but um I thought maybe you might share a little bit about um ah your experience, like when you got told about the birds and the bees, and then maybe we can share a little bit of insight with ah like, you know, with our audience, what what we feel would work well and what doesn't. Well, thanks.
00:02:48
Speaker
well ah think I can answer that pretty quickly. And I don't remember having a conversation. oh ever? No.
00:02:59
Speaker
Did you need us to have one with you right now? you we need talk So when a man loves a woman very much. ah I mean, we I'm sure we talked about some stuff, but i don't it was never the official.
00:03:12
Speaker
So it doesn't seem to have hurt you that much. I mean, you have six children. We're still figuring it out. yeah You figured something out. It's not in the water. It's not in the water.
00:03:25
Speaker
That would all just be God's grace, I guess. I guess. Maybe so. Maybe so.
School-Based Sex Education: Tony's Story
00:03:31
Speaker
Well, that's that's that's really really interesting. I did not realize that.
00:03:35
Speaker
yeah Do you think that hindered you? I mean, maybe maybe this is something that our society doesn't really need to do. No, I think it's important. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I agree. I just, you know, willing to consider other options. Tony, how old were you when you, Don't consider that one. Don't consider that one. How old were you, Tony?
00:03:58
Speaker
I don't remember. Um, it would have been probably sixth or seventh grade. Um, I think, uh, we had, uh, I went to a public school, but the public school had a health class that we had to like get special permission slips to go attend.
00:04:15
Speaker
Uh, I remember that one was in the fifth grade. so I remember taking that one home and then going into that class and it was, they had the guys and the girls separated out. And of course they had this weird video system set up for us to come watch. So everybody was curious what was going on. And we saw a very clinical presentation of male anatomy and how it works. And um there were no morals or values or any kind that were presented. It was very, very clinical, very functional.
00:04:41
Speaker
And ah that ruined my life. I remember, like immediately after that, like I couldn't look people in the eye. didn't want to talk to any of my friends that were girls anymore. Cause they're weird. And I was weird and I didn't know how to do it.
00:04:54
Speaker
And, uh, it was, it kind of forced me into a little bit of, uh, into puberty, I guess a little bit early, from where I was probably ready. But a couple years later, my, um, dad, uh, was having, uh, he, he used to deliver vehicles as kind of like a ah side hustle. And, uh, he was running a car, I can't remember from where to where, but it was a pretty long road trip. So, uh, we all got in the car ride together with him, me and my brother, and he decided that was the time that he wanted it to do it.
Father-Son Talk: A Spiritual Perspective
00:05:24
Speaker
Uh, the problem was he jumped into it about 45 minutes into the car ride.
00:05:28
Speaker
And so we had about seven hours after the talk to awkwardly process what he just told us. So it was very quiet for a very, very long time. Um, I can imagine,
00:05:43
Speaker
um but his, his was far less clinical and far more um kind of about like everything that he regretted about high school.
00:05:54
Speaker
And like he was, he didn't fool around or anything like that. It was not that kind of a man, but he was in a lot of so of groups that didn't care much about any of that kind of stuff. So um he was kind of taking it from more of that angle like, this is something that you need to abstain from. This is something you need to protect yourself against. And he he took more of the,
00:06:13
Speaker
um, the spiritual perspective, uh, however clumsily that you can do whenever you're a dad for the first time, trying to figure out that conversation with your two boys. But, um, and I can't fault him for any of that. I haven't had that conversation yet with my son. So I'm, um, I imagine it will probably be within a matter of weeks, uh, if not days.
00:06:33
Speaker
Um, he's, he's pretty close to Um, but I don't know. I haven't, I haven't figured out exactly how I would like to approach that yet.
Role of Fathers in Sex Education
00:06:42
Speaker
Um, You know, I hear that if you live near a lot of farm animals or have a lot of animals around you, you don't have to have the talk because God just shows them.
00:06:52
Speaker
Um, but I, I haven't quite wanted to take that route either. but we're getting there. So, yeah, well, you know, I don't think any of us are ever ready.
Normalizing Sex Talk at Home
00:07:05
Speaker
No, I think me and Jackson are going to be equally unready at that moment. It's just, it's just awkward. Yeah. It's just so awkward. I remember when my dad told me, I think I was 12, uh, 11 maybe.
00:07:19
Speaker
And, uh, we were headed to visit somebody for some reason, I don't know, visit a shut in or something like that. And, uh, we got some sandwiches. I think it was Burger King and, uh, we're eating the sandwiches and my dad's telling me, you know, yeah, this is, this actually happens. And then this happens.
00:07:40
Speaker
And, and I was, and I remember going, Oh, dad, I'm eating. Oh, gross. And he said, son, you might think it's gross now, but you give it a little bit of time and it's not actually very gross. Oh man. I remember that so clearly.
00:07:58
Speaker
There was, there was one part of the conversation with my dad with us where you said, just reminded me of that. But he, my brother was like, Oh, gross dad. You did that four times. Cause there's four of us kids.
00:08:10
Speaker
my My dad was like, yep, I did it four times.
00:08:16
Speaker
That reminds me of my favorite birthday card. My favorite birthday card ever says, happy proof your parents had sex day. And then you up inside and says, eww.
00:08:30
Speaker
I love that one. Well, you know, I think this, I think you guys are right. This is important conversation to have. And I've actually done it three different times. And, you know, for whatever reason, I can't remember a lot of the details. so so I think they're kind of blocked out of my memory somehow.
00:08:50
Speaker
Uh, but they, you know, I try, we have tried really hard with our kids to make sex, not something that is wicked or evil and not something that we go, Hey, stop. You can't talk about that.
00:09:02
Speaker
Yeah. Um, you know, to help it be. more normal. If they say something kind of crazy and not trust me, I got some crazy stories, you know, we try not to freak out at them and say, Oh my word, what do you can't talk about that?
00:09:16
Speaker
We want them to understand that this is something God invented and it's very good and it's very beautiful. And if it's kept within the bounds of marriage, it's a, it's an excellent, wonderful thing.
00:09:28
Speaker
So, you know, that's, that's what we've, the, the approach we've tried to take with our kids. Um, We have about to be four teenagers.
00:09:40
Speaker
and We haven't always done it at the exact same time. We just kind of try to fill it out for, I think so-and-so is ready for this talk. We need to make sure we do it. We don't want them to find out about it from neighbors or cousins and stuff. We want them to hear about the nitty gritty from us. And so we try to be ahead of the game. you know We don't want them to be 15 or 16 years old before they know Um, so we try to get it, you know, right around puberty, um, or just a little bit before that, so that they're not caught off guard, especially, you know, if it's girls, we don't want to be totally shocked by things that start happening to their body. And we want them to understand that it's, it's perfectly normal and healthy and, and nothing at all icky about it. Um, it, we don't want them to consider sex to be icky or, or have a negative connotation. to that very important part of who we are as human beings.
00:10:40
Speaker
Let me ask you
Jared's Experience: Talking to Daughters
00:10:41
Speaker
a question, Jared. You said you had that conversation three times. I know your oldest go boy, girl, boy, boy, boy girl, then boy, right? So did you have the conversation with your daughter as well?
00:10:52
Speaker
um was that? Yes. You did. Okay. I mean, I think that my, if if I remember this correctly, my wife talked about, you know, times of the month and and kind of how to understand that cycle.
00:11:05
Speaker
um but I did have a conversation with her about sexual intimacy. And she is my daughter is very um stoic.
00:11:18
Speaker
So or when she's when she's uncomfortable, a lot of times she just kind of tries to not reveal what she's feeling. So it was it was very kind of like matter of fact and okay, okay, okay. ah She asked a couple of questions because she was confused about some things, but if I remember that right.
00:11:36
Speaker
um But yeah, yeah, I did. I did have it with my daughter. i think that,
00:11:44
Speaker
you know, i suppose there's varying schools of thought on that. I'm not sure which is best, whether or not to have dads do that with their daughters. um But I want my daughter to have a healthy relationship with men in her life.
00:11:58
Speaker
And I'm the main man in her life right now. And so I want her to be able to have a conversation with one day with her husband about this subject and not feel like it's completely, totally out of the blue weird.
00:12:14
Speaker
um You know, she needs to be able to have a conversation about this. Anyway, that was just kind of the way we approached it. I don't know if that's the best thing to do or not. Do you guys have an opinion about whether or not you should do that with your daughters?
Strategies for 'The Talk' with Daughters
00:12:27
Speaker
Well, I will. I haven't. That's not even really crossed my mind to do it. honestly, with with my daughters. And so the way that we have approached this, so my old my oldest three are girls. My oldest is 13, about to be 14. And my wife, probably when they were like eight or nine, started going through this book book with them individually. you know And it starts out very basic, just what are the parts of your body and what are they for kind of deal.
00:13:01
Speaker
And then It adds you know ads more in over a couple of years. And so y'all both hit on it earlier. You kept saying the word awkward, right? So she my wife is trying to make it, <unk> trying to get rid of all the awkwardness.
00:13:14
Speaker
Like you were saying, Jared, just this, it's normal. It's good. This is just kind of what happens, a matter of fact. And so um she's had the conversation multiple times with my oldest daughter, and she says it's not been weird at all.
00:13:28
Speaker
My wife has said that. It's been very easy conversations. um And then as much as I've said, it's just talk to her. ah i've just, when I say purity, she knows what that means.
00:13:39
Speaker
And so I've given her a ring and we've talked about, you know, you know, staying pure until she's married and stuff like that. And she, and she gets it, you know, and so we, our conversations have not been awkward.
00:13:51
Speaker
I mean, I'm kind of awkward in general talking about stuff, but, but it's been a good conversation with her, but no, I've honestly not thought about, I never crossed my mind to have the conversation but with my daughter. That's why I was kind of surprised to hear you say it.
00:14:04
Speaker
Well, can I ask you this question? Can you recommend the book to our listeners? Can you tell them what the book is titled? Let me text my wife. Hang on just a second. You just keep talking. I'll get you that information. That's a good point. That's fine.
00:14:16
Speaker
Tony, what's your opinion about tell having the talk opposite gender? i I don't particularly have an opinion, but I'm not going to do that. So i i I have other feelings, ah awkward, shame, know, whatever. I don't know.
00:14:36
Speaker
I don't know. like that's i don't There is absolutely nothing that would red flag me in like a moral sense as to why it might be good or bad um one way or the other to do any that kind of stuff. But um just knowing you know, my, my little girl's personalities, like that's, that's definitely something that, uh, I would not, um, succeed in an attempt there to maintain some sort of a relationship with them. That wasn't weird and awkward forever.
00:15:06
Speaker
Um, I think that letting, letting mama handle that would be best for both of us, but, um, but well, Jared, I'm sure that, that your wife and your daughter have had other conversations since kind going into more detail.
Teaching Sexual Purity & Christian Values
00:15:20
Speaker
Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I don't remember if I think, you know, I sort of introduced the subject a little bit and explain some things, but yeah, they've continued to have conversations, um, about it and, you know, trying to make sure that she is well informed, you know, and of course we encourage her to be pure and encourage all of kids to remain pure and to be, um,
00:15:46
Speaker
the scripture says in first Thessalonians, I think it says to let every everyone maintain their vessel in honor. And I really do think that's talking about sexual purity to be honorable in their, in their bodies toward one another.
00:16:03
Speaker
And so, yeah, we teach our, we teach our children to do that. We haven't really used a book or anything. We haven't used a ah pattern. We just have tried to um make sure that it's,
00:16:16
Speaker
It's not a ah subject that is taboo or you can't talk about that. We don't want to have a Victorian era mindset about sex. Oh, you don't ever talk about it. And, you know, husbands and wives, they sleep in separate bedrooms. And oh, my goodness, that you would even ever consider the fact how the how the human race survived the Victorian era. I do not know.
00:16:37
Speaker
But somehow or another, it it it they they figured out what to do. Yeah.
Balancing Faith and Practicality in Sex Education
00:16:43
Speaker
So, but that was just, you know, that was a big focus, I think, for us um was trying to keep it from being taboo.
00:16:50
Speaker
And then when we talk about it, just trying to say, hey, this is facts of life. This is what happens. This is how it's done. ah Tony, I'll turn this over to you in just a second. I'll tell you this funny story.
00:17:02
Speaker
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00:18:46
Speaker
But one of my children, who will be unnamed, when I was describing how things work, And what you do, this child said, wait a minute, are your clothes off?
00:19:03
Speaker
I said, well, it helps. It's better that way. that made me laugh so hard.
00:19:15
Speaker
the I think the the framework that you have is really important because I remember in growing up, like at the the messaging that you get, or a messaging I got from my parents was like, this is like 99% of this is evil. So whatever you think about this, it's probably wrong.
00:19:32
Speaker
Just go ahead and repent and, and, you know, strap that chastity belt on a little harder. You know, it was, ah I grew up in a very Victorian type conversation about all this kind of stuff where like, you need to think about this in terms of the darkness of your own heart. And in your parents, in your parents' defense, Tony, a lot of people did that.
00:19:51
Speaker
Well, and it wasn't it wasn't just them. It was literally any spiritual guidance I got it was all the same consistent line of thought. And when I got to Liberty, like they, yeah almost the pendulum swung too far the other way, almost. Like sex is awesome. You guys really need to know about sex. It's the best thing that God has ever made. There's not a flavor of ice cream as good as sex. You definitely are missing out if you don't get married. You definitely want to do this like right now. Like that was a lot of those messages were out there and it's like, okay, that's not helpful either. Like that's the, it's like, I know I want to do this right now, but I'm dating and we're not going to get married for, you know, years. So that's not the message I need to hear. But I do think that the the seasons of life that the kids go through is informative as to what kind of temperament you need to post on this kind of stuff. And I kind of, I think when, me and Angela were first married, there was a little bit of struggle at the beginning, overcoming so much of the negative messaging around where this was at. Because we we definitely, and we were were very much only by the grace of God were we able to cross that finish line as virgins.
00:21:05
Speaker
um And we did a lot to try to make sure that we protected ourselves to get there. But um that even in that, like there was, there was a lot of fight and a lot of struggle that when you first get married, you're like man, I just, I'm, I'm so dirty and filthy. And like, I can't believe that I wanted this. And it's like, yes, you're supposed to want this. Like, this is the way God built you.
00:21:24
Speaker
Um, this is, this is God's fingerprint. This isn't your sin. Um, and yeah, the ability to maintain it and to, to tender it the right way, uh, is, is what makes it, you know, part of the Holy gift of God. But the bigger thing is that it's once you get inside of marriage, it main it's a huge part how relationship succeeds.
00:21:47
Speaker
And if it's if you've come into it broken or with some sort of a super wall up where you think that this is some sort of a sin or desire for this is always evil, or like if i if I entertain any particular thoughts about how to improve upon this or enjoy it better or do whatever, that somehow I've i've i've hurt the heart of God, that's that's not true. that's that God does desire for you and your wife to have a love that replicates um the kind of intimacy that he desires with each one of us in a spiritual sense. So there's, it is important that that that element gets maintained for mature, um older children, young adults, whatever the case may be, once they start getting kind of close to the end of their hanging on with the family years and starting their own family years, like that's,
00:22:36
Speaker
trying to set them up to be able to transition well into that where they can have self-control and have self-discipline but not have shame is certainly the target. But i don't I don't know how to get there because I've never been there. but That's certainly the goal. So let me ask you question.
00:22:52
Speaker
i'll I'll just – I'll do it Matt's – I like Matt's methodology. Just let my wife do it.
Age-Appropriate Sex Education for Young Kids
00:22:58
Speaker
It'll probably work out. Yeah, but Matt's sons are not old enough. Just wait until he has boys. Correct. They're seven and three.
00:23:06
Speaker
yeah Yeah. I can see, I can see when they get of age, Matt's to be like, you've already done this like eight times, baby. You can go ahead.
00:23:16
Speaker
Yeah. um Question kind of going along with that. You mentioned, I mentioned my kids were seven to three um for either one of you, but mainly Jared, because you've had a lot more kids.
00:23:29
Speaker
um Yeah. Period. You've had a lot more kids and then, then Tony, but what let's say like a, you know, what are some of the conversations you're having with your with your boys, let's say boys, when they're like three, four, five years old, six, seven, eight years old, like what leading up to the talk, what are you saying to them? What kind of things you're going over?
00:23:53
Speaker
you Like, for instance, are you saying like, look, you can't have a baby cow without a mama and a daddy cow, like a boy and a girl. i mean, you having those kind of conversations or what? don't know.
00:24:05
Speaker
Well, I mean, not just with the boys, and the you know, the girls are like, where do babies come from? How do we get a cow? Why are they doing that? Daddy, you know, uh, stuff like that. um you know, i mean, we've had to have conversations because of things happening that have happened in the family.
00:24:23
Speaker
um you know, about, well, how did, how did this baby happen? Well, you know, you have to have a mama and a daddy to have a baby. You have to have both things.
00:24:34
Speaker
And so that that a lot of times is far enough. They're like, oh, okay, yeah, that's good enough. um I try to give them as sort of a, you know, flare prayer in the moment kind of a situation. I think for me, it's like, what do I say to that?
00:24:53
Speaker
um I think typically, you know, I'll just say something to the effect of, um you know, You don't, you're not always married. I've said this before.
00:25:04
Speaker
You don't always, people are not always married when they have babies together and you have to have a daddy and a mama and the mama has a baby when she has a daddy too.
00:25:16
Speaker
She has a baby in her tummy when the daddy helps, it helps put it there. I don't say that, you know, yeah i just basically see, I'm already awkward. You just, I'd say that you had a mommy and a daddy, but they're not always married because they've had to, you know, realize, oh, well, these people, some, sometimes people are pregnant and they're not married.
00:25:36
Speaker
um And I'm like, okay, that, that sometimes happens, but you're supposed to be married. And that's what's, what God says we're supposed to do is to get married. And then we can have babies once we are married.
00:25:49
Speaker
um And that's usually about as far as it's gone. yeah know before they're of age to really understand. And, you know, I have a 10 year old son who's, he's very observant, but he's not always talking about those serious things. So I know he's, he's paying attention and probably learning things. His older brother has probably told him some things he shouldn't have. I would not be surprised. um But, um you know, that's the way we do it. Tony, do you,
00:26:21
Speaker
You have any, uh, you hit on something, yeah just something that you said there has been a concern of mine. Like I, I know, um my, my son is 12. My daughter is seven.
Managing Sex Education Across Siblings
00:26:34
Speaker
And I know that, uh, the second I tell him anything, she will be the next one that hears about it. Um, they, so. That's kind of framing out the strategy a little bit. Like, do I go so awkward he can't possibly conceive telling anybody else in his human life like what this is like? Or like do I be so vague that even whenever he does go and tell her, they still both don't have any idea what's going on. um so I don't know.
00:27:04
Speaker
i mean, I certainly don't. they're They're close. They're good friends. And I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. But i there is... going to be the natural um slipping into maturity that is going to draw them apart no matter what. But it hasn't happened yet. And I don't want to, i don't want to preempt that with like, oh, I have a secret that's going to wreck your life. I can't wait to tell you. So, because ah the innocence of my seven-year-old is very significantly important to me to to hold onto that for a good more, bit of more years.
00:27:35
Speaker
And I don't want my son, even if he's, you know, not even intending to like just dropping stuff into her life that she's not ready for yet. I don't want that to happen. So I'm, I'm trying to trying to weigh that a little bit and try to figure out how to convey that to him in the messaging in a way where it's like, this is
Resources for Biblical Sexuality Education
00:27:55
Speaker
really important. Don't tell anybody. Well, I mean, you know, do you think that you could just say to him, listen, this is not something for little kids to hear about.
00:28:05
Speaker
and In most circumstances, you wouldn't talk about it with a person of the opposite gender in any situation. For sure, I could tell him that. And ah then he's going to be like, ooh, this has got special power to it. i that that My son thinks too much like I do. And he would figure out that that's really, really important, and therefore, everybody needs to know. So...
00:28:28
Speaker
So I can imagine him being the one in Bible study in Sunday school class being like, hey, I just have a praise report. I found out what this means this week, and I wanted to tell everybody. wanted tell everybody. Yeah, I finally know what my penis is supposed to do. Yeah, yeah. It makes sense now. Praise God.
00:28:46
Speaker
i I was going to jump in with a couple more thoughts real quick. Going along with the conversation, Jared, about unplanned or preancy pregnancy out of wedlock and all of that. Of course, we had that conversation as was well with the kids.
00:29:01
Speaker
But also, we talk a ah lot about how they are a part of mommy and a part of daddy, even as a younger age. Like tonight, we were talking about um skin color.
00:29:14
Speaker
Like, you know, some some daddies are going to a little bit darker. Some mommy's going to be a little bit lighter. Shades of brown, you know. we were talking him about that. And so we we'll hit on that kind of stuff a lot, just getting them ready for it. cause they know, they know that they're part of daddy they're part part of mommy. They get, they've got my, some of my kids have my bad ankle. Some of them have my bad a swallowing problem. Some of them have dyslexia, like all for me. Um, but anyway, so we talk about that a lot.
00:29:43
Speaker
Some of them, some of them look nice and that's what they get from their mother. Correct. Any of the, ah some of them are ugly ones that that can't be from you. So listen, so I think.
00:29:56
Speaker
So my wife is very, very athletic, played with boys, all sports of boys, mostly growing up, like just super fast, super good at everything. We've got some talent, but they're all slow.
00:30:08
Speaker
And that's, that's all me. I was, my dad would get so upset. Why didn't you make that tackle? I don't know. I just wasn't fast enough, but, um, but, um,
00:30:21
Speaker
Crap, that was I was going to say one more thing. I think that's a great suggestion, Matt, you know yeah to say, hey, part of mommy, part of daddy. yeah that's a good That's a good one. Yeah. Let me go ahead and give you the um the book.
00:30:35
Speaker
Yes. This is it's called The Talk by Luke Gilgerson. G-I-L-K-E-R-S-O-N is seven lessons...
00:30:50
Speaker
to introduce your child to biblical sexuality. um She says, this is the first one. It's by the guy who um has covenant eyes.
00:31:02
Speaker
Same guy. Okay. Cool. yeah So thank you. Maybe, maybe we can get them to sponsor the show. Yeah. It's been. Send us all a copy. We'll review it for you.
00:31:14
Speaker
Fully illustrated, right? You have to draw your own. It's it's it's fully illustrated, right? You have to draw your own wieners in there? bench Oh, man.
00:31:26
Speaker
well you know, i was trying to think of a ah I was trying to think of a scripture that might give us some wisdom here.
Timing & Approach in Sex Education
00:31:32
Speaker
And the only one that really came to my mind was the one in Proverbs that says, train up a child in the way he should go. And when he is old, he will not depart from it. And, you know, this part of our being, the sexual side of us, is a very important part. Anybody that's been married longer than five minutes knows that this is a very important part of your relationship as a married person. And so we want to train up our children in the way they should go as a married person, even into the bedroom.
00:32:01
Speaker
And we want them to know, you know, everything that we can give them to be successful in that part of themselves. And so I think it's right and godly and good for us to prepare them for that, for us to lead the conversation and not to just have one and done. i mean, it's more... conversations, especially as they, you know, are engaged and come close to marriage, you know, we want them to be ready for that wedding night and it not to be just a horrible experience. I've read some books that those wedding nights were awful, but, uh, we want to prepare our children well and train them up in the way they should go.
00:32:40
Speaker
ah well, I had a crude joke that I'll just leave on the table. Um, So do you guys have any closing thoughts?
00:32:52
Speaker
I did, but I guess I have to write them down for later. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I would, admit I would make the joke if we were off the air, but it's just too much for the, for the public to hear.
00:33:04
Speaker
Well, as, as far as the sexuality stuff goes, like the, face If you want it or not, your kids are going to get exposed. like theyre It's absolutely everywhere. It's every part of our culture, every part of you know entertainment at large. It's part of politics. It's part of everything.
00:33:22
Speaker
um and i The biggest fear I have is that I've sat on my hands too long to build the foundation first before they get there. But at the same time, we do what we can around here to try to make sure that we filter out their exposure to various things.
00:33:40
Speaker
And we also don't want to shortcut their their childhood. um There's, I think that there is a, that the conversation is is a specific moment that transitions you. You never forget for the entire rest of your life. um You know what it feels like after you've had to talk versus before you've had to talk. And you've never felt like before you had to talk ever again.
00:34:03
Speaker
And so i that weighs heavy on me as far as like when I'm, when do I, when do I finally end this boy's childhood? Cause that's essentially what it is. And he, not that he's going to have to know and understand absolutely every aspect of, you know, the doctrines of sex or anything like that, like on the, on step one.
00:34:24
Speaker
um But that journey begins and it will never, it will never stop no matter what. And I think that one of the things that you mentioned is a, is a really good sound piece of advice that it's not a one-time conversation.
Balancing Information & Innocence
00:34:35
Speaker
That it's a topic that requires repeat interjection over and over and over again. because they're going to be developing in different aspects of their journey and be ready for more and more and more of the significance of what that element of life is.
00:34:48
Speaker
And i' I'm in my framing. That's the way I anticipated going like that. There's so many scriptures, especially in the New Testament and especially geared towards young men surrounded purity and guarding your heart and guarding your thoughts and guarding your eyes.
00:35:03
Speaker
um it's It's not a topic the Bible hides from. it's It's a topic that's meant to be a part of how we develop our children. um But it's it's discipleship. It's continuous. it's not It's not one and done. It's not I had to talk and now they understand and you know let their friends fill in the rest. it's There has to be that continuous interjection. And I'm i'm assuming I'm crossing that Rubicon here soon.
00:35:29
Speaker
i had Based on the questions that have come. and the We'll pray for you. yeah my My final thought was, um ah as we're talking about having these conversations multiple
Final Thoughts & Listener Engagement
00:35:45
Speaker
times, but don't let that don't let that be the only time you sit you go you go into your room and sit down with your child and have some deep conversations with them. Like we need to be, like my wife does a really good job of of meeting with our girls like weekly for 30 minutes and they just talk about whatever.
00:36:03
Speaker
You know, so those type of conversations need to be happening. um Last thing, um the book that I recommended is for like, ah that's more regarding sex. It's like she said, like 11 year old or or older kind of book. But the one before that, is it's great to be a girl.
00:36:20
Speaker
um It's great to be a girl. And that's the younger one when they're and when they're introducing them to their period and stuff like that. So I just wanted to mention that. But I'm good. Awesome. Well, thank you guys. And hopefully all of you 12 or 13 listeners out there that are ah preparing your your life and your family for this step. um Hopefully you've gained a little bit of wisdom from us tonight. And we pray that this episode has been a blessing to you. If you have some good advice for us, if you're out there and you're an older dad and you're like, man, I need to tell these guys this, please feel free to share that. You can comment on this video wherever you might be listening to it.
00:37:03
Speaker
or this podcast. And you can also send us an email. The email address is dads, D-A-D-S, at preacherdad.com.
00:37:14
Speaker
D-A-D-S at preacherdad.com. And we would love to hear from you. And we may even read your comment on the air if you end up sending us an email. So God bless you. Thank you for sticking around this far on Fatherhood Friday. We hope you have a great weekend. And we'll see you next time.
00:37:30
Speaker
God bless