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We talk about the P-word (Part 2) - FF S2 E4
7 Plays22 hours ago
In this second part of an important conversation about P--n, the guys discuss ways to overcome and keep fighting the battle that all men face. It seems to be harder in today's world than ever before...which is why it is so vital that men behave as men and fight for what is right! Listen to this episode if you need help, if you need encouragement, if you're not sure what to do next. Strength and Honor!
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Transcript
The Power of Perseverance and Resilience
00:00:01
Speaker
And that's that's the the first dark thought that's going to come into your brain. studio I told you, you're never going to get out this. This is always going to be who you are. And that's going to perpetuate. Don't give in to that nonsense either.
00:00:13
Speaker
Two steps forward, one step back is still progress. Keep fighting. Keep fighting. The more you experience the same darkness, the same temptation, and walk away, the more strength you have for the next time.
00:00:28
Speaker
You're not going to win every battle. that doesn't mean that you've lost all of them. It says a righteous man falls seven times but rises again. The definition of a righteous man is not avoiding falling, it is continuing to rise.
00:00:45
Speaker
But you're not gonna get back in the fight if you're doing it alone. That's why finding those brothers is that important first step.
Introducing Fatherhood Friday and Listener Caution
00:00:56
Speaker
Well, hello, everybody. You've made it to Fatherhood Friday, brought to you by the Preacher Dad Podcast. My name is Jared, and I am the Preacher Dad, and I'm so glad to have you here with us today. i hope that you are encouraged in the Lord after listening to our last episode, maybe, and I hope that you'll get some more encouragement today.
00:01:16
Speaker
i want to remind you that this is part two of an important conversation. subject matter that we started last time on the subject of, ah hang on, pause the pause the video, dad, the subject of the P word.
00:01:32
Speaker
All right. If you have to explain to your little ones what the P word is, it's your own fault. You should have paused it. But I hope that you will at least realize that today's episode will deal with a subject matter that is not for little ears.
00:01:47
Speaker
Although it is incredibly important, it's something we should be careful about with our little ones. So that warning is for you. And so with that in mind, I hope that you'll stick around and have some hope Maybe you clicked on this because you're really struggling and you're really battling and failing in your walk with the Lord.
Sponsorship and Marriage Challenges
00:02:07
Speaker
And so we want you to have some hope here as we share a little bit from our own personal lives, the things that we have wrestled through.
00:02:14
Speaker
I want to remind you that this podcast is brought to you by Cornerstone Fellowship. Cornerstone Fellowship is a small little country church, just a little bit of north of Tombsboro, Georgia in the heart of the great Peach State. We would love to love you if you want to come by, if you're in the area, or if you want to check us out online, you can find us at
00:02:39
Speaker
Come and check us out. You can find sermon notes, doctrinal beliefs, videos. We would love to see you there. Actually, not too many sermon notes now that I'm thinking about it. Well, that's enough from me. Let's go ahead and start Fatherhood Friday.
Navigating Desire and Leadership
00:02:58
Speaker
And that's the the the, whenever you're trying to attack this issue, when you're trying to find liberty away from pornography, you just should never find liberty away from your sex drive. that A lot of men think that's where they're supposed to attack it.
00:03:13
Speaker
but I desire this thing. I desire intimacy. i desire ah you know Especially when you start dealing with married men who start to struggle with this issue, it's not as much about curiosity of the beautiful.
00:03:25
Speaker
Now it's more about, I don't feel desired in my marriage anymore. And here's some sort of a simulated reset. And that's, that is a, it's a hard, dark place to be in.
00:03:37
Speaker
But when you, you feel that you feel undesired, you feel like you're not, um you know, you're you're not the object of your wife's attention anymore.
00:03:47
Speaker
Yeah, because 48 kids are sitting between you and them. oh It's, there's,
00:03:55
Speaker
The struggle is you go after the desire and think, i need to I need to start chilling this out. I need to find a way to nuke this. Otherwise, I'm a bad man. And a lot of the church applies that mindset. And a lot of the church celebrates the the the sexual fulfillment of women at all costs.
00:04:12
Speaker
And this the the cultural generally ah wants men to feel like sexual desire at all is part of your corruption.
00:04:23
Speaker
And it's not. And you got to start reframing the battle from there. um the When you start to understand, okay, I really, I need to be desired.
00:04:34
Speaker
That's great. you're You're meant to have that craving. You know who else has that craving? Your wife. Lead her with your desire. Show her how desirable she is. And no, that doesn't mean that she's going to hop in the sack with you every time want her to.
00:04:49
Speaker
But Start using these things that have once been fuel for your temptation as as fuel to be able to reignite your marriage, to reignite that intimacy. It's good. It's good fuel.
00:05:03
Speaker
It's supposed to go towards something beneficial and helpful for you. Don't give yourself the outlet that's going to destroy you, destroy your wife, destroy your kids, destroy your intimacy, destroy your confidence as ah as a godly leader.
00:05:15
Speaker
Don't do that. Of course. But don't get away from the desire itself. The desire is healthy and part of something that's supposed to make you into the leader you're supposed to be. That's right. No guys, I want to throw out.
00:05:27
Speaker
Okay, go ahead, Nate.
Insight from 'Wild at Heart' and Deeper Issues
00:05:29
Speaker
Real quick. This ties in with what Tony's saying. I want to throw out a book that has really, I've read it probably. I think I've, I've gone through it three times. It's called wild at heart by John Eldridge. I've recommended it on this podcast before.
00:05:41
Speaker
um but this particular topic that Tony's talking about here, I'm going read a little excerpt from it. well He's specifically talking about the the issue of porn. um And ah believe, if I'm not mistaken, you was talking about in the context of of a marriage.
00:05:56
Speaker
um But the the root cause, like Tony said, the reason it's addictive is because it makes a man feel like a man without requiring him to be one. And so he has the all of the release, all of the reward without any of the work required.
00:06:14
Speaker
but to to to to get that release. um But specifically here he says, so this is my AI overview here, just searching this section that are came to mind. It said, um John Eldridge, author of Walter Hart and founder of Ransom Heart Ministries, approaches the issue of pornography not merely as a moral failure to be managed through willpower, but as a critical battle in a larger spiritual war for a man's heart.
00:06:41
Speaker
And that right there is he was talking about there was this one man that he was counseling that said he began to see freedom when he no longer saw it as a moral failure, but a battle to fight.
00:06:52
Speaker
um It's the fight. It's the battle for a man's heart. But he goes in there in that chapter a lot. i don't remember what chapter number is, but that's a great book. um And it addresses a lot of the root cause for a lot of the root causes for a lot of the struggles that men face.
00:07:09
Speaker
beyond just the issue of pornography, um but it goes deep into the father wounds that all of us have. um You can have a great dad, a great godly dad and still have father wounds um because none of us are God. None of us do this thing perfectly. All of us are going to fail at raising our kids to some degree or another. um It's not something to beat yourself up over, but it is something to recognize and to reconcile with your children when you can. And also for us as men to no longer sit in the, um, uh, victim mindset, whether we, you know, are doing it, whether, whether we are victims consciously or not, but to address those areas that we think, oh, we have no control over this, but deep down, you know, the porn is not the root problem. That's the symptom of a deeper problem.
00:07:59
Speaker
Um, whether that be sin or whether it be something that was done to you at a young age or just a lack thereof, um, But anyways, that's a great book. I highly, highly recommend it. But just wanted to throw that in there real quick. Yeah, thank you.
00:08:11
Speaker
You know, that that reminds me of um something that I learned as I was in recovery and as I was talking to these other guys who were dealing with the same struggles I was having and ah also recovering pornography addicts, you know, um it took some time. And I'm not sure I really ever got to the root cause, the root cause, I just started seeing that this is deeper than just ah a struggle with lust. This addiction to porn was rooted in something deeper in me, a deeper need or a deeper deficiency that I had to really take some time to root out. And I needed the help of my Christian brothers to help me um figure that out and understand things better. And so it was just incredibly helpful.
00:08:59
Speaker
to go to a support group and just talk with them about the things I was struggling with and hearing about their struggles. And it helped me to begin to identify some of the things in my own heart that I hadn't been able to put my finger on very well. And so that was incredibly
Hope and Practical Advice for Addiction
00:09:18
Speaker
helpful. um I want us to to think about a little bit, the guy out there that's listening to this episode and just really feels that he is just so alone and doesn't know what to do and is not sure where to turn, is very embarrassed and ashamed to talk about this at all. He's hidden it for most of his life.
00:09:44
Speaker
um I want us to speak to him and I want us to try to, um you know, if you've never been in that place, guys, I want you to try to put yourself in that place.
00:09:56
Speaker
But I want us to try to speak into his life, whether he's married or whether he's single, whether he's ah currently addicted to pornography or whether he's just in recovery or whether he's just dealt with lust maybe in the past. But the guy out there that's really just feeling like, I don't know what to do and i don't know where to turn.
00:10:17
Speaker
And is there any hope for me? Or is um i am I just doomed to be forever in this spiral? on this cycle of failure and then shame and then self-medicate with more failure and then more shame and then and then try harder and then have some victory and then fall again and then it's just horrible death spiral.
00:10:40
Speaker
ah let's Let's talk to that guy out there. I think there's some guys out there that are like that that are listening and I want us to try to give them some hope. What would you say to that man out there riding in his car or maybe he's working out or whatever he might be doing, what would you say to him to give him some hope and give him some practical advice yeah for dealing with this very real issue in his life? And I'm not just talking about lust. I'm speaking specifically about pornography, pornography addiction.
00:11:11
Speaker
That is a very, very real thing that a lot of guys are dealing with.
00:11:18
Speaker
What would you say? you want to go, you want to go Tony?
00:11:22
Speaker
I'll go. i My first piece of of advice would be that you're your entire spirit and thought process is corrupted because of this. So don't trust it.
00:11:33
Speaker
There are other things that you know are true. You know that forgiveness is sound in Christ. You know that there is strength in the body. that When the three or more are together, that is a cord that cannot be broken.
00:11:45
Speaker
You need to find fellowship. um The part of this experience that makes you feel isolated, that makes you feel alone and like you're super dirty and super untouchable and super un uniquely broken, um that's all a lie.
00:12:02
Speaker
But it's a lie that you very firmly believe in and are are probably having a very difficult time getting over. But it's okay to know that it's a lie. it is It's not true.
00:12:12
Speaker
It feels true. Because it's part of the disease of the pornography that you've ingested. The way you view your wife, the conflicts that you're having with your wife, if you're married, same thing.
00:12:24
Speaker
They are stemming from the poison that is in your heart right now. From all of this this nonsense, the the way that you've misapplied this gift that God has given you. But there's there's redemption for this. there's There's a way out for this. There's forgiveness of this.
00:12:40
Speaker
Not only that, but once you find your way on the other side, this turns instead of ah into you know a crippling effect in your life. It turns into a weapon that you have to be able to help others defeat it, to be able to find strength in your own life moving forward, to empower yourself to success moving forward.
00:12:58
Speaker
Step one, though, is you've got to understand that you can't trust your own thought process right now about yourself, about your wife, about you know your your place before God. None of it's going to be honest. None of it's going to be in in the light of a holy thought process. It's all corrupted.
00:13:13
Speaker
So you've got to get to a place where you can start with that. You've got to get into the body. You've got to get around the church. You need to get around godly brothers. I understand that that's not necessarily something everybody has access to.
00:13:25
Speaker
However, in the world that we live in today, there are enough groups online that people have access to all over the place where you can even anonymously go sit with some other brothers in Christ to be able to figure out how to move your way forward out of this type of thing.
00:13:41
Speaker
Or at least confess and at least you get to that first step where your brain to light is a dark thing to the point where it's exposed and others can pray for you.
Victory Through Support and Scripture
00:13:50
Speaker
You've got to start with that to to put this thing out into the open so that it's not this secret weight inside of your soul anymore.
00:14:00
Speaker
it's not It's not that magical thing that Satan has over your head. Now it's something that's part of your testimony of redemption. It's part of your story of recovery. Get with some brothers.
00:14:12
Speaker
If they're people you know, that's the best. If they're people that you can trust that are you can see face to face, of course, that's the best. But just because that may not be an option that's available to you, don't give up.
00:14:23
Speaker
Keep searching for that type of a tool set to be able to help you move forward. The other thing is, the this is one of those things where it's not all or nothing.
00:14:35
Speaker
It's not like, and Nate, you are the very rare exception to this. I know this, but I know that. where you you You switch a flip and everything's better. This is going to be one of those things where you you might battle for with this thing and have great success for months.
00:14:54
Speaker
And then something happens. You're just not in the right headspace. You fall again. And that's that's the the first dark thought that's going to come into your brain. See, you I told you, you're never going to get out of this.
00:15:05
Speaker
This is always going to be who you are. And that's going to perpetuate. Don't give in to that nonsense either. it's Two steps forward, one step back is still progress.
00:15:16
Speaker
Keep fighting. Keep fighting. It does get easier with time, with practice, with experience. The more you have, ah the victory begets victory in this type of a situation.
00:15:29
Speaker
The more you experience the same darkness, the same temptation and walk away, the more strength you have for the next time. You're not going to win every battle. That doesn't mean that you've lost all of them.
00:15:41
Speaker
And you can fight and you can fight and you can fight and you can fight. You can always get back in the fight, but you're not going to get back in the fight if you're doing it alone. That's why finding those brothers is that important first step.
00:15:52
Speaker
Those people that can help pick you back up again whenever you do fall. This is definitely a winnable fight. This is definitely something that you can have victory over. that A lot of brothers don't believe that that exists.
00:16:05
Speaker
There are a lot of brothers out there that don't believe that there's genuinely people who can live their life without this element being a part of it. They exist. They're out there. And you can most certainly be a part of that group.
00:16:18
Speaker
We're talking to one right now. yeah Nate, thank you for your testimony. that That is so encouraging about how God has helped you. And that's just, I think that we need to know that that is possible. yeah Now, it's possible. Tony, Nate, just second. Tony, a scripture verse it came to my mind as you were talking is this one. It says, a righteous man falls seven times but rises again.
00:16:46
Speaker
The definition of a righteous man is not avoiding falling. It is continuing to rise. yeah ah that That is the definition of a righteous man. who Not the one that never falls, but the one that keeps getting back up.
00:17:01
Speaker
And so no matter how many times I have fallen, I have always been encouraged by that verse to keep getting up and to not stop fighting.
00:17:13
Speaker
And, you know, that I think that's a very important thing for guys to remember. You are not, you you you cannot just simply lay on the ground and say, well, I give up.
00:17:24
Speaker
You got to keep getting back up and keep walking that fight every single day because that is very important. Nate, go ahead. You're good. Is everybody finished? Because I have a million thoughts here.
00:17:37
Speaker
Go ahead, brother. Why don't you share some? Yeah. Well, first off, I want to say i probably earlier on i should have said this. I have not given my wife enough credit. I haven't given her any credit in any of this.
00:17:50
Speaker
um But that this is something that she has made abundantly clear to me over the years that pornography is absolutely not acceptable in our marriage.
00:18:02
Speaker
And That is something that I've been very open with her about. Hey. and You need to go back and get in the room with OK? That's fine.
00:18:16
Speaker
We're behind closed doors for this conversation. This conversation is not for you, sweetheart. That's right. um So my wife and that little girl right there and the other one that's sitting in there.
00:18:32
Speaker
um yeah I'm i' going to i going to bounce around here, but that's that's probably a really good time with that entrance. That's that's that's divine providence right there. um A mindset shift for me when I had kids, specifically little girls, is that every woman in those videos, in those magazines, in those pictures, whether it be a Victoria's Secret advertisement or the most horrendous thing in the depths of the internet, that is somebody's little girl.
Impact on Marriage and Importance of Accountability
00:19:04
Speaker
and somebody's sister and i cannot imagine what I would do to a man that put my daughter in a situation like that and the fact that I patronized that for seven years is one of the deepest regrets that I have um does that you know minimize the struggle that people have no it does not but that has been a mindset set shift for me going back to my wife She's made it abundantly clear that it is just that will not be tolerated in our marriage.
00:19:36
Speaker
And I took that to heart from the very beginning. And so that's another thing that has been sitting in the back of my mind. Something we've not done, but I've recommended to other people before. um I don't do covenant eyes. I don't have anything against covenant eyes. If you don't know what that is, to it's basically an accountability program that you can sign up for. I don't necessarily know that it blocks websites. I'm sure it probably has some type of control on there, but the, the concept behind it is that it sends your browser history to your accountability partner.
00:20:06
Speaker
Um, and so that's not something my wife and I have done because honestly, I, we don't feel the need for it. Um, she has access to my cell phone at all times. She has the password to my phone.
00:20:18
Speaker
Um, I don't hide my phone. My phone is almost always, you know, screen up. You know, I don't ever have to worry about who's texting me or what's popping up.
00:20:29
Speaker
um So that's, I think, just open transparency with my wife has been a massive, um a massive thing for us, for me. um Yeah, I mean, Jesus said, if you look at a woman with lust, you can commit adultery with her and her in in your heart.
00:20:46
Speaker
And I take that seriously. and and i'm not nothing that i'm saying i don't want to imply that other men don't take those things seriously or that um holier than thou because i am just as prone to to stumble or fall as the next guy um and so just because you know i have my story doesn't mean that i'm in the clear doesn't mean that i'm unable to fall um i've witnessed and many men that i look up to um in my church um
00:21:17
Speaker
in the youth group that were adult leaders. It's like I'm not the only one, Tony.
00:21:26
Speaker
There's many men that I look up to that unfortunately are no longer married and have broken relationships with their families. um Don't know all the details, but almost always pornography is is in there. um So that's couple things.
00:21:42
Speaker
um But yeah, i just want to i want to give my wife the credit because She is my driving force. And, you know, obviously we have faith in the morality of it all and, you know, wanting to please
Motivation and Identity in Recovery
00:21:54
Speaker
the Lord. But my wife is is the driving factor behind why I've fought so hard. And we've talked about, you know, flee because you're not strong enough. But genuinely, ah you have to have you have to have a why.
00:22:06
Speaker
And I think that's where the conversation differs between, um you know, a young man that's not married and doesn't have the ah the responsibility of ah of a wife and children I think once you enter into the context of a marriage, the stakes are dramatically higher and um I feel the weight of that every day.
00:22:25
Speaker
um And you have to have a why, you know, in the underlying all that. Obviously, Jesus is your why, but, you know, we want to please him and it's we want to honor him. But at the same time, my wife and my girls are are my underlying why um i want to get into a couple ideas here. So, Jared, I don't know if this, I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this, um because it sounds like the support group you're in probably follows the more traditional um Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, format of recovery and, i work you know, used to I don't know how the the group works there, but um it's interesting we bring this up because I just heard this at a conference the other week about how whenever you start out, you know, in your AA group, you know You start, hi, my name is Nate and I'm an alcoholic. um
00:23:20
Speaker
Kind of questioning some of that, to that methodology there for a second. Hey parents, if you're looking for a fun and entertaining way to teach your children about character, then I've got the right podcast for you to check out. It's called Character Stories Podcast.
00:23:37
Speaker
On the Character Stories Podcast, we do voices of other shapes and sizes, and we have occasionally sound effects as well. And I would love for you to come and join us over there and hear a great story that has a great lesson and moral in it as well.
00:23:55
Speaker
So come on over and check out the Character Stories podcast today.
00:24:03
Speaker
um Because when we think about our identity, we are new creations in Christ. And so while I understand and i'm not going to pretend like, you know, I don't have a college degree. I'm not the smartest guy in the world. I'm not going to argue with PhDs and people with psychologists and all that stuff. so Don't you know take all this with a grain of salt, but I do wonder just from a theological standpoint, of what at what point do we move from I am an addict to I've been set free in Christ?
00:24:31
Speaker
When does your identity shift? And there's interesting psychology on this too. um ah ah ah just began reading this book. I don't believe the gentleman's a Christian. He might be. I just don't know.
00:24:42
Speaker
um But Atomic Habits by James Clear, in one of the first chapters, he talks about psychology behind identity, informing habits and breaking habits. And so, for example, here's the difference.
00:24:53
Speaker
Imagine somebody is trying to quit smoking, okay? And somebody offers them a cigarette and they say, no thanks, I'm trying to quit. Now, contrast that with somebody who's trying to quit smoking. They say, no thanks, I don't smoke. And you change the mindset, you change the identity. You've gone from somebody that's trying to quit to no thanks, I don't smoke.
00:25:15
Speaker
And so you can almost feel the the difference in being able to say no. And again, I don't want to give too much weight to um secular psychology, if that makes sense. But I think there is something to be said there because when you compare that with verses like, hang on, had to pull it up.
00:25:39
Speaker
um Yeah, Romans Romans six just taught those all the way through, you know, knowing this that our old old man was crucified with him that the body of sin might be done away. Don't say he has died has been freed from sin. Now if we die of Christ, we believe that we should also live with him knowing that Christ having been raised from the dead dies no more. And so um again, you know, it's not to say that you'll never fall or never never struggle, never come into contact with, you know, a temptation that could take you down.
00:26:07
Speaker
But I think when we begin to put our identity in Christ and we begin to mentally identify with the new creation, um identifying with the um the freedom and the authority that we have in Jesus,
00:26:22
Speaker
um I do wonder if that's been part of why I've been able to... I'm trying not to give myself credit here because I know I have the ah the odd exception story, but i have I've spent the last five years trying to of kind of decipher this and pick it apart because, um you know, I don't want to lessen someone else's struggle just because I'm different. But I am curious to hear your thoughts on the identity thing, Jerry, because that's just yeah it's that's not an angle I ever hear this
Practical Tips for Resisting Temptation
00:26:56
Speaker
attacked from. and that's before I tell you what, before I i want to mention one more thing, and this is this is a practice because you want to you you asked us to give practical tips.
00:27:06
Speaker
um This is something that I have done over and over and over and over and over again. And I should know the reference by now, but but in the moment, I just say the verse.
00:27:19
Speaker
of that upper ah Here it is. or Did I really lose it? Take every thought captive.
00:27:30
Speaker
The verse the first reference, but take every thought captive. Paul tells us to take every thought captive. And that is something that I will either say out loud if I am alone. Sometimes I say it there's people around. I definitely pray it in my heart. In a moment where I feel threatened, where I feel tempted, where I know that I am vulnerable, I will either say out loud privately or in my heart, Lord, I take this thought captive and I surrender it to you. And sometimes I have to pray that two times and three times and four times.
00:28:00
Speaker
And eventually the temptation will flee because if you resist the devil, he will flee. and that has that if that if there's one practical tip i can give anyone it is that practice right there i think that prayer has saved me more times than i can take credit for um you know it's not the prayer that's saving me it's jesus answering the prayer but yeah um so i don't know anyways what's what's your and nothing thing just because that's something that i've been bouncing around trying to I have a few thoughts about that because I feel that identity is incredibly important as a Christian. We need to understand who we are in Christ and and that we've been given a new identity in Jesus. um But there's also a danger if we um adopt this idea of speaking it into existence
00:28:53
Speaker
um or or they're called affirmations. you know If I want to be a New York Times bestseller, I get up every morning and say to the mirror, I am a New York Times bestseller.
00:29:05
Speaker
I am a bestseller, New York Times. And if I say it enough times, I can actually make it a reality. And that's an ungodly teaching. Manifesting. Sir? Manifesting. That's the big thing. Right. That's the word. Manifesting.
00:29:19
Speaker
And there's a there's such a thing as Christian manifesting, you know, where I just, ah I'm just claiming it. I'm claiming it and it's true. i am not addicted to pornography. I'm claiming it, I'm not addicted.
00:29:30
Speaker
And, you know, there's a fine line between understanding who I am in Christ and not accepting reality as it is. And, you know, you you start to kind of like, I'm denying the truth. because I want to see that the i want to see my reality go this direction. So we have to kind of we have to find the complete the complete truth here. And that is, I don't ever say I am a pornography addict.
00:30:01
Speaker
The terminology I was taught to use and that I feel is appropriate for myself is I am in recovery. I am a recovering pornography addict. that is to say it is part of my story, it's part of who i who I was at least, and who God is redeeming me from is pornography addiction. And so I'm i'm a pornography a recovering pornography addict, which means I'm not accepting that that that that is just who I am.
00:30:32
Speaker
i am moving away from that and going in the direction of greater degree of holiness at all times. And so You know, i I really understand kind of where you're coming from because I struggled with this for a while. I'm like, look, should we be saying, hi, my name is Jared and I'm an addict. You know, I'm not sure we should be doing that. But at the same time, accepting the fact that there's there's a place here, Nate, where i i want I want for myself to admit the truth and to be repentant.
00:31:07
Speaker
and speak speak the light, yeah you know bring bring my own struggles to the light. And so for me, saying even saying to myself, I'm addicted to pornography was very hard, but it was very helpful because I was repenting and confessing my sin.
Confession, Prayer, and Seeking Help
00:31:28
Speaker
Well, I think that also goes back to James. you know If any man says he has no sin,
00:31:32
Speaker
He makes himself a liar and the truth is not in him. So i think you can. Right. So it's kind of like admitting my sin and confessing it. But at the same time, saying I'm a recovering addict for me is like saying I've repented of this and it's part of my life, but it's not something I'm satisfied with or or just accepting. I'm moving on. i'm can i'm i'm I'm always, you know, just ah have to admit my own weakness.
00:32:00
Speaker
But when I am weak, then he is strong. By the way, i think the scripture that says take every thought captive is 2 Corinthians 10. Thank you. I think. But I can say, i can identify with that tip that you gave because I know all of us at times have been attacked by these intruding thoughts and just thoughts that are evil, just, just steeping into our mind and we can't stop it or we, we don't even want to think those things and they just keep coming and coming and attacking us.
00:32:32
Speaker
And, uh, There has been so many times when I have been in the depths of that and it often leads into lust or masturbation or other types of problems.
00:32:44
Speaker
And um i have so many times stopped and said, Lord, please take these thoughts captive. I have prayed, Lord, Lord, take these thoughts out of my mind. I don't want to think them, but I can't stop it.
00:33:01
Speaker
Please help me. And some some prayer to that effect, dozens, literally guys, dozens and dozens of times. And every single time I have stopped and sincerely prayed it, not like just giving mouth service, yeah when I've sincerely just said, Lord, please take these thoughts away from my mind.
00:33:22
Speaker
The thoughts leave my mind. And I have had experiences where i literally would go, what was I just thinking about? Like I couldn't trace my thoughts back to what I was thinking about even seconds before because God answered that prayer.
00:33:42
Speaker
And so I think that that is a very helpful thing that I hope somebody out there takes to heart that, look, yeah you're not in this alone and God is on your side. He wants you to be victorious. And so if you say, Lord, please deliver me from these thoughts, And then after you've prayed that prayer and hopefully God takes the thoughts away, pick up your phone and text your brothers that Tony was telling to find. And say, guys, pray for me. i'm I'm in the heat of battle right now. And just saying it out loud, even if they never see the text message in time to pray for you in that moment, saying it out loud to your brothers is key.
00:34:24
Speaker
It is so important to bring that out and bring it to the light. I was listening to a podcast that had Christian Stanfield, a worship leader, and um he had a secret sin alcoholism um for a long time. He wrote many massive worship songs that the church sings, all while he was dealing with that secret sin of alcohol.
00:34:46
Speaker
And um he's since confessed it publicly and has gotten much help. But he was discussing that time that he was going through that. And one thing that he mentioned on that podcast was exactly what you're talking about, um where you it might not be lustful. It might just be anger. I might be bitter about something, he says. But there has been moments where I have gone out or about I'm about to step out on stage to go lead God's people in worship.
00:35:11
Speaker
And I've just had to stop and pick up my phone and text a brother and say, hey, getting it off my off my chest and getting it into the light. He used the word, get it into the light. Just say, I am really struggling with this right now. Will you pray for me? He that he goes, I can tell you right now that has changed, you know, the way that you would, you know, serve the Lord in a in a worship service.
00:35:31
Speaker
And so that's, I think, yeah, you're spot on there, Jared.
00:35:37
Speaker
Amen. Well, guys, um I think we're kind of, pushing our time at this ball at this point, but I wonder if you have any any final thoughts that you want to give to our our brother out there that is ah that is wrestling through this in his life. What is your what is some of your final thoughts to give this ah this brother in the
00:36:03
Speaker
Lord? Tony, you go first. Tony, you're first. don Don't ever stop fighting. It's a war. It's not a fight. It's a war you're going to have as long as women are beautiful.
00:36:14
Speaker
So fight. But here's here's the deal too. Especially if you're a married man and only if you're a married man, you have an extra weapon in the fight. Your wife.
00:36:25
Speaker
She's not your enemy. And she and can absolutely help you with this. The biggest thing is one of the very explicit reasons why God gives us the blessing of marriage is to have as much sex as we physically can.
00:36:40
Speaker
ah So the. Hallelujah.
00:36:45
Speaker
That one of the things that this, ah this sin tortures to death in marriage is that element. God desires for you to have a very rich, frequent sex life with your spouse.
00:36:58
Speaker
This, this desire that you have is ultimately to serve in that purpose. not in the the service of this degeneracy that you're trying to run away from. And keep that in mind because these are the wars that are fighting. This is the war that you're fighting. Use the sides that you're on.
00:37:16
Speaker
Don't serve that that wicked enemy. Serve your wife. Love the crap out of your wife as many times as she'll let you. It's amen good. Amen. Go ahead, Nate. What are your what are your thoughts, Nate? um Yeah, i I think if you can take away Two things. One, I just want to drive it home.
00:37:38
Speaker
Pray. Just pray. When you're in the moment, just pray. And if you, like ah you said, get it in the light, text somebody, call somebody, tell your wife. have their believe We've already given the PG-13 rating. Let me just say, have the balls to tell your wife.
00:37:54
Speaker
Because I'm telling you, i mean, really. Like, I mean, good luck struggling after that. That's smart. But um that's, no, um I will say this. I'll go take one more scripture.
00:38:10
Speaker
Jesus is very, very clear on this. Matthew 5. This is a very severe thing. He says, if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.
00:38:21
Speaker
It is better to enter into life maimed with one hand than to your whole body be cast into hell. He says the same thing about the eye. it causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away. He's not literally telling you to cut it off and pluck it out.
00:38:34
Speaker
But what he is saying there, the reason he's using such great hyperbole is he is trying to get across this point that, hey, this is not something you mess with. Proverbs proverbs over and over and over talks about the immoral woman. Her house leads to the grave. Her house is full of dead men. She is the doorway to hell. And Tony's point, hey,
00:38:56
Speaker
so on his point you know hey God made them beautiful, but at the same time, um there is a there is a perversion of that, that the enemy has sadly come in and corrupted. But um man, treat it like your life depends on it. don't ah Don't play with it. Don't take refuge in the struggle. you know Don't take refuge in the fact that, oh, well, I struggle just like everyone else, and therefore I don't have to do anything about it. No, that's not what Jesus said. you know don't don't Don't take refuge in the fact that, oh, we all sin, we all mess up. Yeah, you do, but that's not a good thing.
00:39:28
Speaker
And we can't We can't throw softballs to it. We need to treat this um like it's going to send us to hell if we don't deal with it. And this isn't a this isn't a conversation about can you lose your salvation? That's that's not what I'm alluding to. And it's that's a whole different conversation for another day. But um it is very much something that we need to take seriously.
00:39:51
Speaker
So take it seriously. Amen. Amen. I think that what I would say to ah to anyone listening is you need therapy. you can go Go get therapy.
00:40:05
Speaker
yeah I really found a lot of- That's not a feminine thing. That's not feminine to get therapy. It's really not. No, no it's it's not. And it it really is it is a pariah to say, oh, I got to a therapist and we think somehow you're broken if you go to therapist. I found therapy to be so helpful to me and counseling.
00:40:24
Speaker
that I think everyone should do it. Even if you supposedly don't have any issues, I think it's still incredibly helpful. I've never done it, but I want to so bad. and the only reason I haven't is because I don't have the money to do it. Right. Well, there's so many people that have said exactly what you just said, Jared. there's some There's some ministries out there for people that maybe can't afford to pay a professional, but um you know i think everybody needs to get counseling. And I think a man who's struggling with this needs to go.
00:40:56
Speaker
Like Tony was saying, find a group. Find a group, guys. um Find some brothers in the Lord that you can go to and you know see if you can find a professional counselor to help you through these issues because they are deep and they are challenging.
00:41:11
Speaker
And it's not something that you're going to just click. At least most most of the time. Now, I'm not kind of contradicting anything these guys have said. You definitely need to pray. If you are married, you got extra weapons. And that is completely true. um And you're not going to have any victory without the blessing of God. So pray, pray, pray, pray. pray But in addition to that, practically speaking, go try to find a biblical counselor and try to find a group of brothers in the Lord that you feel safe with, that you can talk with.
00:41:43
Speaker
And look, if you're out there and you're like, I have no idea who i was going to talk to. i would be, I'm too afraid to talk to anybody at church. My pastor is not the guy I can trust. Send us an email.
00:41:55
Speaker
You can email the guys on this podcast and we can help you find something, some place for for you to find help. We don't want you to be out there alone.
00:42:06
Speaker
You can send us an email. The email address is dads at preacher dad.com. dads at preacherdad.com or make a comment on this video or something. We want to help you. And so reach out to us or reach out to someone in your life to have to have some help because it's very hard to go on this, to go to fight this battle by yourself.
00:42:31
Speaker
um I'm not going to say it's impossible, but it's very, very hard. Let us help you. There's plenty of other brothers in the Lord that want to help you too. So don't give up.
00:42:42
Speaker
Keep on fighting, hang in there. We are in this with you and you know we're gonna stand so shoulder to shoulder and we're gonna keep on getting up.
00:42:53
Speaker
And when you fall down, it's a lot easier to stand up when you got a guy next to you that can pick you up by the shoulders and help you stand up. So stay together and stay most of all in Christ because we are new creatures in him and he has given us the victory.
00:43:10
Speaker
He said, the old man has passed away. Behold, all things become new. And, you know, we have strength in him that we know not of. So he's already won the battle.
00:43:23
Speaker
We just need to believe it. So God bless you, brothers. And keep in there. And we will look forward to sharing more with you next time on Fatherhood Friday.
00:43:35
Speaker
Thanks so much for coming. Bye-bye.