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How Letting Go & Trusting the Process Found Me My Life Purpose
8k Plays3 years ago
Welcome to episode 2 of the Pass Around the Smile podcast! I am SO thankful for your support after episode 1 - I was completely overwhelmed in the best way possible! THANK YOU!
It's safe to say that this was a hard episode for me to record! I found it quite uncomfortable talking about my life for this long - but I thought it was necesary as in future episodes, I'll be referencing these pivotal moments in my life. Pass Around the Smile is also about being open, raw and vulnerable - so it's only fair that I do the same. I'm also trying to practice what I preach. I almost didn't post this episode because of the fear of judgement that could come with sharing my feelings and experiences. However I'm feeling the fear and doing it anyway!
So come along with me as I chat about my experiences growing up on H20: Just Add Water, navigating the competitive nature of the film and television industry and life beyond - where I finally was able to let go and trust the process, enough to be met with my life purpose through Pass Around the Smile.
Toward the end of this episode, I chat about how being attached to one outcome can block the law of attraction from working effortlessly for you. Often we think we know what's best for us, however if we are so focused on forcing something that isn't meant to be at that moment, not only are we met with blocks, but we are also missing opportunities and signs pointing us in the right direction. And usually, that direction leads you on a path that is more than you could have ever imagined for yourself.
I hope this episode can have you feeling inspired and ready to live a life true to you!
View my website here! (My very own oracle cards, journals, meditations + more magical stuff available!)
Find me on Instagram here!
@passaroundthesmile
@cleomassey
The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
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Transcript
Introduction to Pass Around the Smile
00:00:00
Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before. Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin.
00:00:30
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode two of the Pass Around the Smile podcast. As you can see from the title, this episode is all about how letting go and trusting the process found me my life purpose. And I'm not going to lie, I'm really nervous about sharing this episode because it was so hard and uncomfortable for me to record.
00:00:52
Speaker
I did, though, think it was really necessary to explain how I got to where I am, which is pass around the smile, how it was born, why it was born so that you guys who don't know me get a little insight of it all.
00:01:09
Speaker
I also wanted to say the biggest thank you to you guys for the response on episode one. I was honestly so overwhelmed with love, your messages, your comments, your voice messages, your shares. Oh, my gosh, I honestly couldn't believe it. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for the support. I am going to try my hardest to continue to make a podcast that has you guys feeling really supported, inspired and guided toward living
00:01:37
Speaker
the most positive life that you can. So, without further ado, let's get into it. As I said, I'm nervous and it's uncomfortable sharing this much about your life in one little podcast, but I did think it was necessary and I want this to inspire you as my listeners and my communities to be open and vulnerable about your lives as well.
Early Acting Experiences
00:02:02
Speaker
I've got to also be honest, there is so much more that I could have delved into
00:02:07
Speaker
But I've got to trust the process that this was enough for me right now And as I grow closer to you guys as my community and as a podcaster I know I will open up even more but for now this will do and let's trust the process together
00:02:25
Speaker
So I'm going to start from about 11 years of age because that's kind of when everything started happening for me. And before the age of 11, just so you know, for those of you who don't know me at all, I grew up in a really lucky, beautiful and supportive family.
00:02:41
Speaker
born in Tasmania, moved to the Gold Coast when I was three. So I've been on the Gold Coast ever since I was three. So skip to 11 years old. I at the time loved drama, loved performing arts. Performing was in my blood. My mum and dad were musicians. My mum was a performing arts teacher.
00:02:59
Speaker
and we got this audition sent from my agency at the time, and it was for a role on this show called H2O, Just Add Water, and we had no idea what that meant. We thought it was quite a strange title, to be honest, but decided to go along to the audition anyway. When we got to the audition, the casting director told us that if I got the role, I would have to dye my hair black. Now, I was petrified. I was 11 years old in grade seven,
00:03:29
Speaker
I had fair blonde hair so dyeing my hair the complete opposite color of my hair at the age of 11 really wasn't a common thing to do and yeah I was petrified so I didn't want the role but turns out I did a really good job at the audition because a couple of weeks later I'll never forget we were driving along Miami on the Gold Coast and my mum got the phone call and all I could hear was her responses and she was like
00:03:56
Speaker
Oh, wow. She got the roll. That's so exciting. And I was like in the back seat. No, no, mom, that's not exciting. I don't want the roll. I don't want to dye my hair. What's everyone at school going to think? Am I ever going to get my blonde back? Like, whoa, no, no, I don't want it. And then mom was like, oh, and she doesn't have to dye her hair. And I was like, oh, OK.
00:04:23
Speaker
okay, maybe I do want it, maybe I'll take the role. So I took the role, obviously, and I didn't have to dye my hair, which was very nice for me at 11 years old. And we started filming straight away. So the next four years was spent filming this show, which was so magical in itself, because if you haven't seen H2O before, it's all about mermaids. And I essentially
00:04:49
Speaker
was living in this magical world. Not only was the script magical, not only did I love my character and the other characters, so I was living in this kind of make-believe world, but we were filming at Warner Brothers Studios at SeaWorld as well. On our lunch breaks we'd go through the gate and go on the roller coasters. The catering was a hungry girl's dream. I would get like three servings of food with a waffle cone
00:05:16
Speaker
ice cream and hot choc fudge sauce for dessert, obviously hadn't hit puberty yet. And I was really just living my dream. I also thrived off being in front of the camera. I absolutely loved acting. I loved everything about it. I loved who I was working with. I was really thrown in the deep end at such a young age on such a big professional set. There was, you know, 50 to 80 crew around at all times. I
00:05:46
Speaker
was really cared for though and really supported on set. I think everyone was especially patient with me because I was the youngest on set. My mum had to chaperone me legally because I was so young so I had mum on set. It really was just such a great time. I really enjoyed
00:06:03
Speaker
I enjoyed so much of it. And I say I enjoyed so much of it because toward the end of the four years, the show started getting really, really popular. It was airing in 120 countries around the world. It was on, I think, Disney and Nickelodeon at the time. And as I was getting into the later years of school,
00:06:25
Speaker
life was getting a little bit more hectic so schoolwork was getting harder and I was also in more scenes especially to toward the last season of h2o so I'd have all these lines to learn I'd be getting up at like 3 30 in the morning dad would be driving me to set at this stage because mum didn't have to chaperone me anymore
00:06:45
Speaker
And I would be on set. I was on set pretty much all day. If I had scenes off, I was in the tutoring bus doing my tutoring work. But if I didn't have scenes off, I'd race home, do my homework, go to sleep and either go to school the next day or go to filming the next day, depending on what I had on.
00:07:03
Speaker
So not only was that side of things just getting really busy and quite a lot, I actually remember falling asleep in the shower one morning. I had my head on the glass and I woke up with my head sliding down the glass. So that was all getting a lot, but at the same time I was like 14, 15 at this stage. So I was really starting to care what people thought of me.
00:07:25
Speaker
I remember crying in the trailer with one of my other cast members because we hated what we were wearing so much. Like they would put us in these clothes that just did not suit our body type. Oh my gosh, it was full on. Between season two and season three, I grew 10 inches because we had like
00:07:43
Speaker
six months off filming and I remember being so embarrassed because they had to change my whole wardrobe because I didn't fit anything anymore and not only that I was coming to set with pimples on my face and I knew that in makeup they were trying so hard to cover them all up and I just felt so self-conscious. I knew that these scenes were going to be broadcast to millions of people around the world
00:08:06
Speaker
So it really did become quite a tense time for me, while at the same time still loving every minute of filming and knowing that, oh my God, I found my life purpose so young. I know exactly what I want to do. I know exactly what I need to do. I know exactly what I'm good at. I felt so grateful. And mum and dad would say, even from the ages of 11, I would come home from filming
00:08:30
Speaker
And I would just be so on top of the world, so elated, so full of energy because I just loved what I was doing so much. I was just so filled up, so fulfilled at such a young age by what I was doing as a career, which was, I guess, pretty crazy at an age like that.
Challenges of Fame and Cyberbullying
00:08:46
Speaker
So, season three, I also started, now I'm sorry, I'm going back to talking about when everything was getting a little bit hectic and I was a bit self-conscious. I also started getting cyberbullied pretty bad. Now, at the time, Facebook and Instagram wasn't really a thing. I think Facebook had kind of just started coming around, but I don't think I even had an account.
00:09:08
Speaker
So the only way to kind of gauge popularity at that stage was on YouTube and people would put little clips up of H2O and when I would tell my mum and dad that I was in my room doing homework, I would actually be scrolling through YouTube looking at all the hateful comments toward me. Things like, you're so ugly, you're fat, why is your forehead so big? You have a five head. I'm like, yeah, I know.
00:09:36
Speaker
I would get death threats. People told me that I should kill myself. Why would I choose to play a character like Kim? You should die. I actually ended up writing all the comments in a word document and filming a little video about it, which I think made a little bit of a stand because I actually barely got hate comments after that, which was really cool.
00:09:59
Speaker
But at this point, it was really bad. And of course it was getting to me, but I was so lucky to have the family and the friends around me to remind me that what these people were saying weren't true. I had support and I was lucky that I was emotionally stable at that time as well, because what infuriates me is that there are these people, these keyboard warriors that sit behind their computers and hate on people for sport almost, when you don't know
00:10:28
Speaker
what the other person on the receiving end is going through. So I was really lucky I had the support, but so many people don't. And it just aggravates me that the internet can become this awful, negative, scary place for some people. So that was a real lot at such a young age. Halfway through grade 11, we finished filming H2O forever. It was really, really sad, but I was also really excited just to finish off year 12 and go to school every day.
00:10:57
Speaker
So I went to school every day. I was doing auditions here and there throughout year 12 Didn't get any big roles there. I think I had a little role in a feature film But then I finished graduated year 12 and I was ready. I was so ready to live this
00:11:17
Speaker
life that I had in front of me. I had just graduated. I just got my license. I had like a really fancy and reputable agent in Sydney at this stage. And I thought to myself, wow, like I've had, you know, the greatest start to my career at such a young age on such a successful show. I just feel so lucky and ready to go. And I really did believe in myself. I believed that I was good enough. I believed that this is what was meant for me.
00:11:45
Speaker
So I was just full of all kinds of goodness. Now, at this stage, I had read the book The Secret for Teens, which is basically a book on the law of attraction. And I really recommend that you read The Secret for Adults if you are wanting to learn a little bit more about the law of attraction.
00:12:01
Speaker
So I had read that book, and at this stage of 17 years old, I believed I knew everything there was about the law of attraction. Ask, believe, receive what you think about, you bring about, which essentially sometimes can be true, but there is a lot more to it, which I would learn later on in life, of course. So straight out of year 12, I must have been vibrating high because I got a role on a horror film filming in Brisbane.
00:12:30
Speaker
I was playing a ghost that was, you know, I think like murdered in an awful way because I had to be in makeup for three and a half hours every morning getting prosthetics with like, you know, scars and blood. And when I was on this set, what I realized is
00:12:51
Speaker
Not all sets are as happy and as uplifting and as supportive as the set of H2O was. Not only were we going way over time, like we were arriving really early in the morning and not leaving until midnight, but there were just so many elements of it where I didn't feel supported.
00:13:09
Speaker
Now I should preface nothing really really bad happened on this set but there were just little things that added up and what I've now realized later on in life is that this horror film may have been a bit more of a horror film in real life to me than I thought. It really did start some fears and planted in some limiting beliefs to my subconscious
00:13:32
Speaker
from that early age that I then took with me throughout the film and television industry. For example, they teased my hair so much that bits broke off and they spray painted it red and put really big glugs of like fake blood in my hair.
00:13:52
Speaker
They then put eye contacts in my eyes that did not fit, and they were really milky so that my eyes looked scary because I was supposedly dead. These eye contacts, not only did they not fit, but I could not see out of them. So all day on set, I was being helped around the set. I could barely see what I was eating for lunch, and the makeup lady would stick her hands in my eyes, take them in and out when I just had had enough and couldn't take it anymore.
00:14:20
Speaker
So on the last day of filming, now I think I was only filming for four or five days. I can't really remember. I went to drive home at midnight. I had just got my license.
Reading 'The Secret' and Belief in Manifestation
00:14:31
Speaker
My eyes were so scratched and so read from the contacts and from crying. And I was driving home in this huge storm. And this is with the days of Refidex's. There was no Google Mac.
00:14:43
Speaker
Google Maps. So I had my Referex out, had mum and dad on the phone while lightning like cracked so loud over my car. And I was so lost. They kind of told me where to go. I ended up winding up at McDonald's at like 3 a.m. with blood all over my face, ordering a McChicken and a side of nuggies, please, because I was just distraught and obviously needed McDonald's to bring my spirits back up.
00:15:06
Speaker
And that was kind of it for that film. And while it wasn't that bad at the time, like I said, I didn't realize what an effect it had on me.
00:15:15
Speaker
So I let my agent know that I was all in. I was ready to put all of my energy, my time and my money into becoming the successful actress that I so desperately wanted to be and she was a hundred percent there to support me. She actually felt more like an auntie to me than an agent. We had a really nice relationship so that felt really nice especially coming out of that horror film where I didn't feel so supported.
00:15:40
Speaker
So she started sending me for a lot of auditions in Sydney. So I was flying down all the time and quickly my money was running out. So I got a job at a clothing store. And if I wasn't flying down to Sydney for auditions, I was driving to Brisbane or I was self taping them at home. Mum would help me or I would pay casting agents to help me film them and send them off professionally. And for those of you who aren't in the film and television industry,
00:16:07
Speaker
How it works is like this. Your agent gets an audition or your agent submits you for a role. You may or may not get an audition. So then let's say you get the audition, your agent sends you the audition, what it's for, the script, which could be from two pages long to like 10 pages long. It really varies. And then you obviously learn that and you either have an in-room audition or a self-tape back
00:16:33
Speaker
I'm speaking 2011 now. It was usually in room auditions. So like I said, I was flying down to Sydney all the time and
00:16:42
Speaker
I would visualize myself in these roles that I had just gotten auditions for and I would get myself so excited, so worked up. I'd work on the script over and over again, fly down to Sydney only to walk into the casting room, be in there for two minutes and they say, okay, thanks, next. And then fly home, not hear anything or get told that I don't have the role and the process would start again. So it had been a couple of months of this over and over again. And I guess,
00:17:10
Speaker
I did have such a positive and uplifting start to my career, I wasn't really used to this rejection. But I became quickly accustomed to the rejection, and I began to believe it was attached to me. And I also led into the belief that it was a really tough industry, because people in H2O, like the crew that cared about me when we were at the wrap party leaving, they said, you know, things like, be careful out there, Cleo, it's a really tough industry.
00:17:36
Speaker
And I guess I did lean into that. So I started to create this limiting belief that sat really deep in my subconscious that it's a tough industry. Now I didn't realize at the time, but I was visualizing myself getting these roles and I was using the law of attraction. But if my subconscious was saying it's a tough industry, those energies aren't going to match up, are they? But of course I didn't know this at the time.
00:18:03
Speaker
It was getting to almost a year out of high school now and I had not got one acting role and I had probably done hundreds of auditions that year. I was now working at a juice bar and I would have fans of the show see me working in the juice bar and the same thing happened at the clothing store and the gift store that I worked in after that where these fans meant well but they would say things to me like
00:18:27
Speaker
What are you doing working at a juice bar? Or, you know, why are you selling clothes? Aren't you on TV? What can I see you in that's not H2O? Have you got another job? And not only would this come from people I didn't know, but also people that I love. And they meant, well, you know, how did the audition go? You know, what are you working on now? It was 100% coming from a place of love and care, but it made me feel really defeated.
00:18:55
Speaker
because I was trying and I couldn't do the one thing that I so badly wanted to do. It just wasn't working out for me. While that felt really crappy, what felt even worse was the fact that this law that I believed in so deeply and the kind of only thing that was giving me hope wasn't working for me. I didn't understand why this law was not working.
00:19:21
Speaker
Now I look back and there's so many reasons why it wasn't working and we'll get into that in episodes to come but I'll keep going for now. So from 2011 to about 2015 this pattern continued. I got little roles here and there but nothing that
00:19:39
Speaker
really fulfilled me. Now my dreams just so you know at this time was a lead role in a big blockbuster film. I wanted the lead role in a comedy series or a musical. I was just so hungry for something big and at this stage I still did believe I was good enough but that was dwindling with the rejection because when I kept getting rejected I kept feeling like
00:20:07
Speaker
I'm not good enough. I'm not going to get this role. What's the point? And in this kind of four years, I can't count the amount of times where these industry left me in tears, left me feeling so depleted, so defeated, just
00:20:23
Speaker
you know terrible really. It was made harder for me I think too because out of H2O a lot of my um the actors that were in the show as well they went on to quite immediate success over in the states where they got these huge roles and I somewhat compared myself to them. Yes I was a lot younger but that didn't matter to me so I was stuck in this realm of comparison
00:20:49
Speaker
And I felt like I had all of this pressure on me from not only my agent, but also the people that I loved and the fans of H2O. I felt like I had something to prove that I wasn't just this child actor from H2O anymore. I was more than that.
00:21:06
Speaker
And I think one of the hardest bits was the auditions that I was doing, the self tapes that I was sending off, they were good. And I was really proud of them. But then I would just hear nothing. And this was a cycle that continued and continued.
00:21:23
Speaker
I began to feel really, really unfulfilled, so much so that I remember purposely sleeping in so I would have less of the day because I was so sick of feeling so empty. I was so sick of trying and getting nothing in return.
00:21:40
Speaker
I also remember trying to take my brother Joey to school as often as I could because it was the only thing that would bring me a sense of purpose and fulfillment. So at this stage, I was working for a lovely writer and producer on the Gold Coast. I was her assistant. I was also doing acting work at the medical schools. So I had some really good things going for me.
00:22:04
Speaker
But it was work here and there and there was so much space in between where I wasn't fulfilled.
Struggles with Auditions and Self-Doubt
00:22:09
Speaker
I was also still working at the cafe and I was trying to work as much as I could so I could spend the money to keep going down to Sydney. It was around this time that I had an audition and I went in and the casting director kept telling me to stop midway through. So I'd start saying the script and she'd be like, stop.
00:22:29
Speaker
you're trying too hard." And I was like, oh, oh, okay. Sorry. I must be, I must be nervous. Okay. I'll, I'll give it another go. And I would start again and she'd go, stop. You're trying. Stop trying so hard. This happened, I'm going to say five times.
00:22:46
Speaker
And it was like a one page script. She would not let me get through the script. It got to the like last take that I was doing. And I was literally talking like this, trying to not try so hard. Like I was like, what do you mean, woman? I, I'm, I, I actually have no words for this audition. Anyway, I left feeling so defeated.
00:23:11
Speaker
And I remember calling my agent crying. She kind of talked me through it, but I had to go straight to this course that I got into. It was this American director who had come over and he had picked just a few select people to do this course intensive for the day.
00:23:26
Speaker
So I got in there and it was very evident the energy in the room as soon as I walked in. I saw this girl and she looked as scared as I was. So I went over and sat with her and I was like, hi, let's stay together. And she was like, yes, please. This man was the most egotistical, nasty man I think I have ever met in my life. While the industry was already starting to really get me down, leaving me feeling so unfulfilled and
00:23:56
Speaker
Bye.
00:23:57
Speaker
just like a really bad version of myself, I guess. Like it really did bring every piece of self-doubt out of me and I do resent the industry a little bit for that. Well, I did. And this man stood there and picked on people like I have never, he was bullying, he was a complete bully. Two girls left in tears, one of the girls being the girl that was sitting next to me and I made friends with. I almost left with her to kind of
00:24:27
Speaker
show her support, but I was too scared in myself. And I also hadn't done my scene yet. And I was still in the mindset of, Cleo, you need to work hard to be in this industry. You need to do all you can to impress these people of power. And I hate that I felt like that. And at this moment, I didn't realize, but there was that moment. There was also the moment on that horror film where I did give over power
00:24:57
Speaker
to these people who I thought would help me get somewhere and I was lucky that none of these things were too bad. They were just things like you know the contacts and not sticking up for myself when they were teasing my hair on the horror film and with this man feeling like I have to do the best job possible even though
00:25:15
Speaker
You were treating me like I'm a piece of dirt. And I'm sure this happens within many different industries, but it's extremely prevalent in the film and television industry. So I did this scene and in front of everyone, he said, what's your character's motivation?
00:25:31
Speaker
And I was in this scene and it was a date. So I was on a date with a guy and it was just a conversation about, you know, general interests and things. And I said, oh, well, my motivation, like my character's motivation is to
00:25:48
Speaker
get to know him. And he said, wrong. That's a stupid answer. And I was like, Oh, okay. Um, I guess my character's motivation is to see if she likes him. Wrong. Stupid answer. Oh my God. Are you serious? Like think he told me think in front of everyone. This went on for about five minutes until I was so red in the face and he was trying to get me to read his mind of what this character's motivation was word for word of his opinion.
00:26:17
Speaker
I didn't get it in the end, of course, because I'm not a mind reader. And he ended up telling me what it was. And it was something like I can't really remember, but it was like, you want to see if he's the guy that you are going to marry. And I was like, OK, kind of what I said before, but in a roundabout way, I ended up leaving in tears again, went to my agency, got the support I needed, flew home and was like, something needs to change.
00:26:44
Speaker
In the next couple of months, I didn't change anything because I thought that giving attention to anything else meant that I was giving up on acting, on my one dream, on the thing that I had worked to this point where in like 2015, so hard for. So it was a couple of months after and I found out that my trusted agent had been taking my money from me, stealing it, hiding it, lying to my face.
00:27:12
Speaker
I felt so betrayed and so done for in this industry.
00:27:17
Speaker
It had taken so much of me and it was starting to show in other parts of my life, like with my family and my friends. So I should also preface, I know this is about my life purpose, but for those of you who don't know me, I at this time had Luke, my boyfriend, who is now my husband. I have a beautiful group of friends. My family is amazing. So I really did and always have had a really amazing life.
00:27:45
Speaker
However, this part of my life at the time was really taking over all of that and it was affecting all areas.
00:27:53
Speaker
I kept focusing on the good because that's what I like to do and that's what filled me up. But what that had me doing was not dealing with the actual problem. I was content being happy enough. I was like, it's okay. My life is fine. I'm happy enough. That's okay. That's enough for me. But what I've now realized is happy enough is not enough. We all as humans deserve to be
00:28:17
Speaker
deeply happy and fulfilled the majority of the time. Now I say the majority of the time because of course we're not going to be completely happy and fulfilled all of the time. That's unattainable. That is not going to happen. And that is totally okay. But most of the time we do deserve to feel that feeling of fulfillment. And I was getting so comfortable being happy enough.
00:28:42
Speaker
By this stage, the amount of tears and times that I would just say, I'm giving up, I can't do this became so heartbreaking for my parents to watch and for Luke to watch as well. It really was taking so much of my personality away and I started to resent the industry.
00:29:03
Speaker
Now, the only thing that was filling me up at this time was learning about the law of attraction, self-love, meditation. I would read every self-help book there was. I would watch YouTube. I would do little online courses. And it really was giving me that hope that there was something more and that I did have control over my destiny, over bringing my desires into reality.
00:29:29
Speaker
Not only that, but I would do what I like to call my angel cards all the time. So I would slowly but surely take my mom's decks until they all had a permanent place on my shelf. She had about seven of these angel card decks and I would use them all the time.
Creation of Pass Around the Smile Blog
00:29:45
Speaker
They would just give me that hope that I had this connection to my higher powers and that, you know, my nanny Waters was talking to me and giving me signs telling me that everything was going to be OK.
00:29:55
Speaker
However, it got to this point where I started to get angry at my angel cards, at my angels, at the universe, because they were not telling me what I wanted to hear. I was completely in denial that there may have been another path for me. So I would flip the cards and I kid you not every single time, I would get spiritual healer, writer and speaker.
00:30:19
Speaker
I would shuffle and shuffle and shuffle and no matter what happened, the same three cards would come out, sometimes in a different order, but it would always be the same three cards. And you might be thinking, why did you keep doing your cards if you were getting angry at them? Well, I knew deep down that they were right.
00:30:35
Speaker
because they kept coming out and because I was learning about coincidences and signs at this time. So I knew the universe was trying to say something. It was at this time where I had felt so betrayed by the industry and there had been many other things that have happened. But like I said,
00:30:50
Speaker
I'll go into everything in different episodes. But this industry had absolutely taken a toll of me. I was exhausted. I was over it. And I thought something really does need to change. Something's not working. So I am just going to trust the process and listen, be brave and see what happens. This idea came to me to start a blog called Pass Around the Smile.
00:31:14
Speaker
It was put on my heart for a reason and I trusted that. The thing about this was that I wasn't really excited about this idea, but I was trusting the process and I was honoring what came to me. So I started, I started writing these blogs and they were lifting me up. It was feeling really good. While it wasn't what completely fulfilled me and I was still day to day feeling quite unfulfilled,
00:31:38
Speaker
I was still doing the auditions, the courses, I was still getting the rejection. I was not understanding why anything, why, sorry, the film and television industry wasn't flowing for me. At this stage I was also searching for a new agency and I didn't realize that gaining new representation would be so hard and just another form of rejection. Every single agent that I
00:32:02
Speaker
reached out to was flat out rejecting me or not replying and I just felt like absolutely nothing. I felt like all my hard work in the industry was just gone, forgotten about, I was irrelevant.
00:32:16
Speaker
However, slowly but surely, people started to read my blogs and really enjoy what I was writing. Not only were they starting to enjoy what I was writing, my writing was helping them. And I thought, wow, the angel cards told me to write. I am now writing, and this is helping people. The fact that it is helping people was doing something inside of me that I couldn't really explain. I couldn't really put a finger on yet, but I really, really liked how it felt. It was then in around 2016,
00:32:46
Speaker
October, I believe, I woke up to an email from a manager in America. He had seen my showreel online and he loved my unique style of acting. He said, I will never forget because I needed these compliments so bad. I was craving this validation at this point.
00:33:05
Speaker
and he wanted to represent me. He ended up representing me, sponsoring me for my 01 visa, which is an acting visa for the States. And all of a sudden, things began to flow. Now, I should point out because this is a lesson that I kind of look back on and realize where I kind of went a little bit wrong. I was still holding on to the fear that just because another door opened with Pass Around the Smile the blog,
00:33:34
Speaker
doesn't mean another door closes with acting. I didn't realize that you can walk two paths at once. So I was constantly shutting down opportunities and signs and incredible things that were coming up with Pass Around the Smile because I'd just been offered this representation. I was about to go to America and everything was about to fall into place. Everything was going to make sense, I thought.
00:33:56
Speaker
I thought everything was leading up to this moment and that I was kind of being rewarded for finally listening to the universe and starting this blog. But at that time I was willing to just let the blog go and give everything up again for acting. So the next three years I was back and forth between the Gold Coast and LA. I would go over to LA for what they call pilot season, which is from around February to April.
00:34:22
Speaker
It's not so much a thing anymore, but it was back then where you go over and you just audition, audition, audition. And you're auditioning mainly for pilots, which is the first episode of series. What can happen is if you get a role in a pilot,
00:34:37
Speaker
and then that pilot gets picked up, your role could be recast. So I'm just telling you this to kind of get the energy around the industry and the feeling of LA at this point. It was full of competition. It was full of
00:34:56
Speaker
Rejection. It was full of people trying to climb the ladder for Fame and for money, which didn't sit well with me I was over there because I liked acting and it took me so long to find my feet and find my people So I was over there for a few months at a time I couldn't last over there for more than a few months because I missed everyone too much and I just to be honest didn't like it over there, but I
00:35:22
Speaker
Wow, it was challenging. I am so glad I did it because while I did have some incredible times as well, I mean, yeah, I had some awful times, but I had some really life changing times that taught me so many lessons that I use to this day.
00:35:38
Speaker
But there were so many points where I was like, this is everything. Everything is happening for me now. I'm over here with my visa, but then this industry would slap me in the face again. For example, my manager wanted me to get an agency in America. You're supposed to have a manager and an agent. And he sent me off on this meeting and the meeting went incredibly. This agency was like telling me how amazing I was and saying,
00:36:04
Speaker
how he can't wait to work with me and how my style of acting in this and that was so
Rejection in LA and Public Speaking Discovery
00:36:10
Speaker
great. And he wants to do more of this with me and he wants to take me to this industry event. And we're going to have such a bright future together. And this is the beginning for you, Cleo. And I left calling, you know, mum and Luke saying, oh my God, this is it for my manager to call me that day and say, he doesn't want to represent you. And I actually was like, what, what do you mean? I wasn't used to this form of dishonesty.
00:36:34
Speaker
I sat there and he told me about our future together and then flat out rejected me. I went and had another meeting that week and with another agency, they called my manager. So my manager called me after and said, look, they want to represent you, but they wondered why you look so different to your headshot. And they wonder why you didn't dress up or put makeup on for the meeting.
00:37:03
Speaker
For one, I thought I had a really pretty dress on and I also did have makeup on. I actually put in quite a lot of effort for me. I washed my hair. I curled my hair. What more did they want? I was proud of myself at this stage. I did not end up going with them because that kind of that did not sit well with me.
00:37:24
Speaker
Another example of kind of what I was dealing with over there was my manager who I actually really trusted and felt really supported by. He called me up after an audition one day and said, Cleo, you can't be an actor if you don't want to get nude.
00:37:41
Speaker
And I felt so disrespected. I felt so lonely and so homesick at that stage. Now, I have nothing wrong with actors who are comfortable with getting nude on screen. Like, good on you. That's amazing. Me, personally, it's not for me and it will never be for me. And I was lucky that I was strong enough in saying, well, no, but I can't lie. I've got to say, I did feel like
00:38:08
Speaker
that pressure to do things that I don't want to do in this industry to be that successful actress I so desperately wanted to be. And I think this fear was kind of planted into me from that horror film where they said, we have to tease your hair and we have to put these contacts in your eyes.
00:38:29
Speaker
In my head, it was like, we have to do this or you don't have the role. So I got in my mind that I have to do things that make me uncomfortable to be in this industry. So my third trip to L.A. was a huge manifestation story in itself, which I'll do a separate episode on. But I was over there continuing to write for Pass Around the Smile, and it was really gaining attention and attraction. So I started kind of doing some other things with my website, getting excited about it. And when I got home from my
00:38:59
Speaker
last trip to LA I was invited to speak at a women's event in Brisbane on the topics that I wrote about on my blog and I was like what do you mean like I've never spoken an event before like this is weird. I remembered back to my angel cards kept coming out saying speaking. I went along with my mum and friend and I cannot tell you the feeling that I felt during this event and I know
00:39:26
Speaker
I have had that feeling before. It was on the set of H2O. It was the same feeling and level of fulfillment and raised vibration of doing something that was so purposeful and was soul led by me. On the way home, I thought, oh my gosh, I need to speak my blog.
00:39:48
Speaker
Yes, my blog wasn't exciting for me at the very start when the idea was put on my heart, when the idea was presented to me, but that idea of writing and getting confident about these topics and gaining an audience led me to being invited to speak at this event.
00:40:03
Speaker
which then had me realize that I was good at speaking and that I absolutely thrived off speaking about these topics that made people feel excited and inspired and refreshed. So I decided in that moment that I needed to do a pass around the smile live event.
00:40:22
Speaker
Now, I wish I could say right then I just went and did it, but of course fear got in the way. I was filled with what are people going to think? Who am I to hold an event? I haven't been to uni. I'm not smart enough. Who's going to buy tickets? A few weeks later, I asked the universe for a sign. I said, universe, please show me a whale if I am meant to do this event. A couple of weeks later, I was getting stuck into that feeling of
00:40:51
Speaker
Being unfulfilled again and thinking that this industry is holding me the film and TV industry was holding me back my confidence back Telling me that I wasn't good enough to do this pass around the smile event Not only that but also if I did this pass around the smile event
00:41:08
Speaker
Is that me giving up on acting? Not only me judging myself, I was worried about what other people thought. Will other people think that I'm a sellout on acting because I'm doing something else? I was so wrapped up in proving to myself and others that I could do it because I had put so much work into this. But what I didn't realize was maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
00:41:30
Speaker
And now I look back and it wasn't meant to be at that time. And that is so fine. So often when we do something for so long, it becomes a part of our identity. And we feel like we have to prove to ourselves and others that is our identity forever.
00:41:46
Speaker
It's not, it's not attached to us. And it took me a long time to learn this, but as soon as I learned it, gosh, did it feel so damn refreshing. So speak more on that soon. A couple of days later, I went on a gratitude walk after feeling really unfulfilled. Gratitude walks are little walks I like to do where I just say thank you for everything that I have and just raise my vibration.
00:42:11
Speaker
And I was walking from point A, which was my parents' house, to point B, which was my favorite little spot on the beach. Now, I had this urge, like the strongest urge, to turn that down this street earlier and walk toward the beach that way.
00:42:26
Speaker
So I arrived at the beach, which was probably about two k's away from where I was actually walking. And I looked out to the front of the ocean and in so close to me was two whales playing, jumping about like I have never seen before. And not only just that, there were people on the deck going, look at these whales. And then we had a big conversation about whales. Everything was about whales.
00:42:49
Speaker
Now, when I'm telling this story, I always go to say, I ran home, but I didn't run. I don't run.
Success with Live Events and New Path
00:42:55
Speaker
I can't run. So I briskly walked home and I created the Facebook event for my first Pass Around the Smile live event. And it sold out. And yes, it was mainly filled with my family and friends, but there was a couple of people there that I didn't know.
00:43:11
Speaker
The next three months I had two more events. The third event was filled with 100 people and the majority of them were people I didn't know. Those three events changed my life.
00:43:23
Speaker
It gave me so much purpose. I did not realize that something like this could ever fulfill me. But what we don't realize sometimes when we are so in the depths of focusing on something that we feel is for us, is we don't open ourselves to the possibilities that the universe can see, that we can't yet see.
00:43:44
Speaker
You are you. I am me. I know what I want. You know what you want, right? But sometimes we don't know what's best for us. And I absolutely didn't know what was best for me. So since then, Pass Around the Smile has become a company where I get to guide and inspire thousands of people to realize their full power and potential. And I get to do that through events. I now do four week
00:44:06
Speaker
courses called a guide to happiness. I now obviously have a podcast and my most favorite element of pass around the smile is my own angel cards that I created except they're called positive guidance cards or oracle cards. I am absolutely obsessed with them. There's magic in them and there are thousands around the world now inspiring and guiding people.
00:44:26
Speaker
I've been able to create journals, flip books, meditations, clothes, jewels, all that make me so happy. And day to day now, pass around the smile is what I get to do. And it fills me up in a way that I never ever could have imagined.
00:44:42
Speaker
It's crazy what happens when you let go and when you give up on just one outcome. I was so desperately attached to one outcome. I was not giving the universe a go in interfering and allowing what needed to happen to unfold for me. I was completely blocking the process for so long. But what happened for me, and I think some of you might be able to relate to this as well, is
00:45:11
Speaker
Acting became a part of my identity. And I'm not saying that it might not be acting for you, but something in your life that you may have worked really hard for, may have become a part of your identity where it is really hard to let that part of you go. And while I haven't completely let that part of me go, where there will always be a performer inside of me and maybe in a couple of years or 10 years or 20 years, there is the perfect role waiting for me.
00:45:38
Speaker
But right now, if I never got a role again, I would be fine, which is so crazy for me to say.
00:45:46
Speaker
I could never say to 11-year-old me, 17-year-old me, even 24-year-old me, that Cleo, one day, I promise you, you are going to be so glad that you did not get these roles. It was a process for me. It took years. And while there were times in my journey where I did let go a little bit, but I was still holding on to that feeling of, no, this is meant for me,
00:46:12
Speaker
I was able to give up resistance enough for little things to come through like the idea for the blog, like the opportunity to speak at that event. So I really do encourage you to give up the need to control because when we do give up the need to control, we relax.
00:46:29
Speaker
We are open to the universe. We are seeing the signs and coincidences that are coming for us I wouldn't have seen that whale if I didn't say okay. This is not working. I'm listening now universe even though it's going to scare me I'm going to give what you are saying
00:46:46
Speaker
ago. Even though it doesn't excite me, it's presenting as quite small, I trusted that it was going to lead to something bigger and that it did. And not only did it lead to something bigger, it led to me being able to heal myself in a way that I never thought I would be able to be healed. Going through the acting industry at such a young age in the way that I did left me with scars.
00:47:13
Speaker
I'm now proud to say that I've been seeing a psychologist for over six months now and I have been able to heal these scars and these wounds and I now know that rejection is not attached to me and that I don't have to get an acting job to prove anything to myself.
00:47:29
Speaker
I have finally let go of the crippling thoughts that I constantly have to be chasing my dream and that success is hard and that I will have to put myself out of my comfort zone and to do things that make me feel uncomfortable to succeed. Of course we have to push ourselves in some way but not in the way that makes us really uncomfortable, really anxious or not proud of our decisions.
00:47:53
Speaker
I have now been able to set really healthy boundaries with what I will and won't accept in the industry, and it feels so refreshing. When I got myself to a point of filling myself up and treating myself with the kindness and honoring what I deserve in saying, you know, these are the boundaries that I am setting, that's when things started happening for me in the acting world again.
00:48:20
Speaker
I am getting opportunities in the acting world now with people who I love and respect in comedy work, which is the work, the only work that I want to do now.
Finding Fulfillment by Letting Go
00:48:29
Speaker
So it's come full circle where everything is unfolding because I finally trusted the process. I changed my outlook. I let go. I allowed life to happen for me instead of me creating every milestone for myself. And I think that's a thing.
00:48:46
Speaker
It doesn't have to be hard. Things, life, your manifestations, they can be easy. They are hard to achieve if you believe they're hard to achieve. But if you believe that everything is effortlessly unfolding in front of you, it will effortlessly unfold in front of you.
00:49:02
Speaker
I know it can be so hard to surrender when you want something so bad and when every part of you believes that that is your sole purpose, that that is what you are meant to do. However, if you are being met with block after block and things aren't unfolding,
00:49:19
Speaker
Maybe it's not right for you. Maybe there is another path or maybe there's something else that you have to do first to unlock this path. Maybe you're just not ready yet. And I know that can be painful to hear, but it can also be refreshing because what is exciting is how quickly the universe can respond to you when you work alongside it. It might be just one thought away. It might be one step away. It might be
00:49:47
Speaker
a slight change of direction for you or the part of you that is holding on to that resistance to finally just let go for the universe to say, here you go. It's very exciting how quickly things can change.
00:50:04
Speaker
So I know that this episode was a lot longer than last episode and I probably blabbled here and there but I really did just want to let this episode be a little bit more of a chat so you could learn a little bit more about me. Now as I said there are so many elements within finding my life purpose that I am going to extract
00:50:22
Speaker
from this episode and talk about deeper. There's also so much I didn't share and this will all come. Thank you so much for listening. Next episode is a goodie and I can relax a little bit more and not chat about myself as much. So thank you so much and I will see you all soon.