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Letting it Out & Setting Boundaries
3.8k Plays2 years ago
In today’s episode we chat on two topics; ‘letting it out’ and ‘boundaries’. These topics came from cards I pulled from my very own Positive Guidance Oracle Card Deck.
LET IT OUT - This created SUCH a good conversation! Not only do we chat about how important it is to let your feelings out to a trusted person or professional, we chat about how integral actually feeling, acknowledging and voicing your feelings are. When anger, pain or confusion is residing in our minds, it can seem easier to suppress the feelings and push forward, rather than to face the problem. However by doing this, you’re letting the negative feelings grow which leads to anxiety, a clouded mindset, poor judgement and tense conversations. When we suppress our feelings for too long, it can also become difficult to actually identify what the negativity exactly is.
BOUNDARIES - A big topic, so I was super happy this card popped out! When you give too much of yourself, others can become reliant and your energy can be taken advantage of. To be able to set healthy and clear boundaries that suit you, take a look at what is most important to you right now. It can be challenging to set boundaries if you have spent your life pleasing others, so I chat about some things to make this process easier. It is time to love and respect yourself by setting some clear and healthy boundaries! Not only will this have you feeling empowered and free, it will have you living in alignment. When we are living in alignment, we effortlessly manifest.
Hope you love the episode! If you did, it would mean the world if you left a rating!
View my website here! (My very own oracle cards, journals, meditations + more magical stuff available!)
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@passaroundthesmile
@cleomassey
Join my Facebook community group here!
The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
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Transcript
Introduction to Pass Around the Smile
00:00:01
Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before. Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin.
Guidance from Oracle Cards
00:00:29
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the Pass Around the Smile podcast. This is an exciting episode today. You will already know what it's about because of the title, but I don't know what it is about because I am actually going to pull a card or two depending on timing.
00:00:45
Speaker
out of my oracle card deck and we are going to talk about it. I used to do this little series on my Instagram called the trust and chat series. So basically I would use any of my three decks. I would just trust that whatever card needed to come out
00:01:01
Speaker
would come out and that that card needed to be talked about on my Instagram for whoever needed to listen to listen. So we're going to try to do that today, which is like this, I guess, essentially is a trust and chat episode. And I'm just going to shuffle my cards now. I'll probably fast forward so you don't have to just listen to me shuffle my cards. But I'm just going to trust that we are going to pull the most perfect card and we're going to chat about it.
00:01:28
Speaker
Okay. Oh, oh, okay. This is a good one. It actually came out really fast, so I didn't need to fast forward.
Expressing Emotions and Seeking Support
00:01:35
Speaker
The card that popped out is the let it out card. Your feelings need to be felt, acknowledged, and talked about with a trusted person or professional.
00:01:45
Speaker
A positive mindset isn't always achievable and that's okay. Oh my god, I have shivers for so many reasons. I have shivers because we've never really touched on this kind of topic on, well the topic in general, yes, but like specifically letting our feelings out with a trusted friend or a professional and how a positive mindset isn't always achievable.
00:02:08
Speaker
we haven't gone into the depths of that in this podcast. And I've done so many episodes on all of this kind of things. So I just love that this card came out because I think it's going to give us a lot to talk about. And yeah, I'm just, it's so cool. Like when you do your cards, it just always.
00:02:23
Speaker
You just always get what you need to know. So let's jump in. Depending on time, like I said, we might pull another card. So this episode is just going to be a fun one, a juicy one. I have not planned anything, obviously, because I've just pulled this out. So we're just going to see what comes out of my mouth and hopefully it inspires you or helps you.
00:02:42
Speaker
And yeah, so let's get into it. Let it out. I think where I want to start is when we have an issue or we have something that's holding us back or bringing us down or repeating negatively in our minds, it can be easier to stay quiet. Maybe we don't want to be a burden. We don't want to bring those around us down. We don't want to let negative energy out. Maybe we think that talking about our negativity will manifest more of it into our life.
00:03:10
Speaker
many different reasons as to why we kind of stay quiet when lots is going on in our heads. But I really think the most healthy thing that you can do for yourself is to let it out. And depending on the severity of what you are going through, it might be through a trusted friend or it might be through a professional. And see, seeking professional help can be really daunting at first. When I first started seeing a psychologist
00:03:36
Speaker
I had a lot of things holding me back. Like I felt, you know, I'm not really, really down or I'm not extremely anxious. I can't cope. So I shouldn't be taking someone else's place with this amazing psychologist away. And then I also had feelings of, you know, I guess I was a little bit embarrassed that I was seeing a psychologist. I didn't want people to think that.
00:04:00
Speaker
I couldn't handle my own emotions, but really everybody should be seeing a psychologist and having that hour to just let it out to someone who just listens and gives really great advice. It really has changed my life for the better.
00:04:20
Speaker
I know I've spoken about this on the podcast before, so I won't go into it too much, but I really do want to encourage you that it is so normal to seek help. And no matter what you're going through, it is relative to you. And you might be going through something that maybe seems small in comparison to someone that you know, or someone that you've seen on TV, but that small thing could also spiral into something bigger. So I want to encourage you to fix the problem before it becomes bigger.
00:04:48
Speaker
and know that you are deserving of help just as everyone else is. And we can't compare our problems to other people's. We are all so different. And I just don't think that there should ever be any judgment in this space. So if you are feeling like you need professional help, go see a psychologist. It is so incredibly powerful. I haven't only found it powerful to let go of anger and bring up
00:05:14
Speaker
a lot of things that kind of happened to me growing up in the film and television industry and kind of shaped my beliefs today. But I also find it really, really helpful in a positive way where I leave feeling ready to manifest more because I'm in a clearer mindset, a more positive mindset, a more confident mindset. So yeah.
Acknowledging Feelings to Prevent Negativity
00:05:36
Speaker
But let's say right now you have some things going on in your mind that's really bringing you down, that's really frustrating you, that you really do just want to let out to a friend or a family member. I think that there's a big difference in, you know, having a gossip and event compared to letting your feelings out because they need to be felt and acknowledged and talked about.
00:05:57
Speaker
So I think going into these conversations with a mindset of I am doing this because I am wanting to be brave and I'm wanting to help myself, because what happens when we let things out that are holding us back, bringing us down, all of the negativity in our minds, as soon as we speak it, the severity decreases. I don't know why this happens. There's probably some scientific reason as to why.
00:06:24
Speaker
But we make it so much bigger and so much worse in our head. And we do, we look at the worst case scenario and then next minute we're feeling the worst case scenario because we know that our minds can't tell the difference between what we are imagining and what's happening in real life. So if we are, you know, fearing that this one friend is upset with us, for example, and then we start thinking about it in our head, our body perceives it to be true. So our vibration perceives it to be true.
00:06:54
Speaker
And then all of a sudden we might be making up all of this stuff and assuming in our minds these awful situations that aren't actually happening, but we're creating the vibrations that they are happening in our body. But when we actually say it out loud, we might realize how silly we're being or how we've totally taken this small thing out of context or how we really did just need to talk to someone else so they could assure us that
00:07:21
Speaker
you know, what we are thinking is this way or that way or right or wrong or whatever it is, if we just need answers to move forward. So I want us to all feel worthy of letting our feelings out to someone. You might have the one person that you go to, you might have a heap of people that you go to, but I think we are all worthy and deserving of having a conversation judgment free where we can let our thoughts kind of just go and release
00:07:51
Speaker
And it really does just kind of put things into perspective and bring us clarity. And I think too, if you don't have someone that you feel comfortable talking about, because maybe it is about someone else and you don't want to go and gossip or maybe share news that isn't yours or make a situation worse.
00:08:09
Speaker
then get out your journal and let it out. You can let it out in your journal as well. You can let out everything that you want, knowing that no one will ever see it. And I find that really, really helpful in bringing clarity. When I felt really kind of confused and stuck and I've let it all out in my journal, I look at it and I'm like, oh, wow, it's actually not that complicated or it's not that bad. And on this card we pulled out, it says,
00:08:36
Speaker
your feelings need to be felt, acknowledged and talked about. So let's talk about the actual feeling, our feelings. Because as I said at the start, sometimes it's easier to just be quiet and not talk about what we're going through, but it's also easier to be really, really quiet within ourselves and actually not allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling.
00:09:00
Speaker
And I think that is quite dangerous because that is when it builds up and up and up and up. And that's when we actually don't understand why we feel a certain way. So we might wake up feeling really anxious and we're like, why am I feeling so anxious today? Why is my heart beating so fast? Why is my chest hurting? Why is everything triggering me today and making me feel sick in the stomach?
00:09:23
Speaker
Well, maybe you haven't acknowledged how you've been feeling and actually allowed yourself to feel your feelings for the last few months because you were scared of feeling those feelings of resentment or of guilt or of unworthiness, whatever it is, which is again, so normal because we're trying to protect ourselves, but
00:09:42
Speaker
We have to feel our feelings. Yes, pass around the smile is a lot about positivity, but it's not about positivity all the time. It's not about being positive 100% of the time because that is so unachievable. And I never like to step into that toxic positivity realm. When you are feeling like crap, we do just need to let ourselves feel like crap sometimes.
00:10:08
Speaker
And to get to the bottom of it, we need to understand why exactly we're feeling like crap. Who is it? What situation? What thoughts? Where are the thoughts? Where are we feeling them? What are they making us think? What are they making us do? So really getting clear on why you feel how you feel before it spirals and you are waking up anxious being like, why am I feeling like this? Or you are lashing out at certain family members for no real reason, it might not be about them.
00:10:38
Speaker
But, you know, maybe you're lashing out because of something you haven't dealt with for the last three weeks. So I really want to encourage you, whatever you need to feel now, even if it's uncomfortable, feel it, write about it, talk about it.
00:10:54
Speaker
and acknowledge it. That's the next step in this card. All about acknowledging how you're feeling and this is just within you. This is not something that you have to do with other people, like we don't have to prove that we are feeling a certain way because of XYZ to other people, to external sources to kind of get that validation or that protection. I know that can be a really common thing that humans do, especially when there's conflict with
00:11:18
Speaker
Within friends or within workplaces where we want to get people on our side to kind of understand us and validate our Fears or our anger or whatever it is that we're feeling but acknowledgement is a really personal thing and It's skipped over a lot. I think because it seems small, but it's actually really huge All it is is acknowledging in your mind how you are feeling. So for example, I am feeling
00:11:48
Speaker
really sad because this person went on a date and I really like them, let's say, okay? That's your situation. And acknowledging that you are sad because of that, it seems small and it seems obvious, but do you know how many of us don't do that? And we just overlook it because we're trying to protect ourselves, or maybe we're trying to prove to others that we don't care, so we won't even let ourselves acknowledge it to ourselves that we're upset.
00:12:17
Speaker
or we'll try to prove to ourselves why we shouldn't be upset. Oh, you know, if they went on a date with that person, then why would I even wanna see them or, you know, whatever it is. So I really wanna encourage you to acknowledge how you are feeling. I know it seems small and it seems obvious and you're probably thinking, oh, I do that, but do you really? Do you really go, oh, you know, I'm feeling really triggered right now because I,
00:12:43
Speaker
ate all of this junk food that I promised myself I wouldn't for the third time today and I'm just feeling really crap about myself because of this exact reason. But when we acknowledge it, that is the first step to moving forward and moving away.
00:12:59
Speaker
If we don't acknowledge it, we bury it, we bury it, we bury it, and we allow it to get worse and worse, and we allow ourselves to get away with it more. So, acknowledgement may seem small, but it is huge. So, we've talked about feeling our feelings, we've talked about acknowledging our feelings, and then we've talked about talking about our feelings with a professional or a trusted friend or family member.
Managing Negativity and Fostering Positivity
00:13:23
Speaker
The last bit on this card is a positive mindset isn't always achievable and that's okay.
00:13:28
Speaker
If you are having a crappy day, a crappy week, a crappy few months and you are not feeling positive, it is okay. It is normal and it is temporary.
00:13:40
Speaker
Acknowledgement around this is huge as well because the acknowledgement is like the key to unlocking you moving forward and moving away from this negative space. I've talked about putting time limits on your kind of negativity before so I won't go too much into that today but
00:13:59
Speaker
I think it is good to know that you know we don't want to get stuck in negativity because it can be comfortable to get stuck in negativity. We can have a wind, we can have a cry, we can have a gossip, we can be angry, we can feel sorry for ourselves and that can just be really comforting sometimes but we get
00:14:15
Speaker
too comfortable and we can stay in that negative mindset for way too long when it's not necessary. Sometimes it is necessary to stay in a negative mindset when we have some really low stuff that we are trying to deal with in our minds. It is okay if we need to stay away from positive mantras, from you know feeling on top of the world because that is not always achievable.
00:14:39
Speaker
But putting a time limit on it really helps because at the end of the day, we don't want to be negative forever, do we? And of course, there are things like loss and grief and anxiety and depression that, you know, we really don't have any control over and you can't just switch your positive mindset on 100%. But what about the times where we are just negative for too long where it's not necessary?
00:15:03
Speaker
then we kind of, I think, need to put a time limit on it and make some changes to free ourselves to move forward. And then we're not blocking our manifestations from materializing. We're not blocking the good things from coming to us from materializing. But when you are having a bad day here and there, again, it is important to feel it before putting a time limit on it and moving on because
00:15:28
Speaker
If you just bury it, you're going to make it worse for you down the track. So still acknowledging it, feeling it, talking about it, letting it out feels good. And like I said before, it really does just decrease the severity. It makes us look from an outsider's point of view.
00:15:44
Speaker
and go, oh my God, why was I so confused about this? It was so clear to me the whole time or why was I so angry about that? The poor person on the other side is going through X, Y and Z. It just gives us a better perspective by letting things out and feeling things rather than burying them and assuming the worst, which is so normal.
00:16:05
Speaker
So I think we've kind of covered that card. I was going to read the booklet out, but I don't think I will because we've kind of like covered it. And I might shuffle the deck again and bring out another card because why not? We have time. This is so exciting. I hope you're liking this. All right. Just trusting that whatever needs to be talked about.
00:16:24
Speaker
Oh, oh my gosh. Okay.
Setting Personal Boundaries for Balance
00:16:26
Speaker
Oh, boundaries, boundaries. One of my favorite topics. And this is something else that we really haven't delved into too much on the podcast. Thank you universe. Also, I said thank you universe out loud, so loud at the bakery today because I really wanted a Vegemite scroll. Like it's all I wanted and it's all I felt like.
00:16:48
Speaker
And I went up and the lady in front of me took the last one and like my heart hurt. But I was like, I'm just going to go to the post office first instead. Like something will happen. Went to the post office, came back and there was still none there. But I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Hello. Can I please like, is there any more vegemite scrolls? And she's like, we've just got 12 fresh out of the oven. And I literally, I thanked her and then I turned around and I was like, thank you universe. And I said it so loud and yeah.
00:17:17
Speaker
A few people looked at me, a few pigeons as well, but you know what? Thank you universe. It was amazing. But thank you universe for this card on boundaries. So what the card says is, love and respect yourself by setting healthy boundaries. You have every right to use your time and energy how you wish. Oof. Is that not just like, boundaries is such a big topic.
00:17:42
Speaker
And it's something that when you master, it feels so incredibly empowering. I mean, look, to be completely honest, I haven't mastered the art of boundaries yet, but I definitely have improved by miles to what I used to be.
00:17:57
Speaker
I used to say yes to absolutely everything in the fear that if I said no I would upset someone or make someone you know uncomfortable or whatever it was so what I would do is I would say yes to everything and I would dread you know going to that work event or going to the party that I didn't want to go to
00:18:21
Speaker
to get there and yeah like not want to go and that is not honoring myself and my needs and where I was at at the time at all but I would do it over and over again because I just thought it was easier saying yes and especially if someone really wanted you there or if it was a work thing where you were really helping someone out
00:18:41
Speaker
Of course, it feels good to say yes, but then it feels worse in the lead up when you are dreading that thing and when it's really not aligned with who you are and what you want to be doing. So I think it is so important, first of all, before setting boundaries, is to get really, really clear on who you are as a person. It sounds so like kind of...
00:19:03
Speaker
simple, but also big at the same time. But like, who are you and what do you want? This is your life and you get to live it how you want. And I know there's probably some parents listening as well being like, yeah, well, I can't just drop everything and set these huge boundaries when I have kids. I totally hear you with that. I'm talking relative to your life right now. There are still some things where you have every right to set
00:19:31
Speaker
clear rules and boundaries to protect your energy.
00:19:35
Speaker
because we know that when we're protecting our energy, we are better people to the people around us, to your kids, to your parents, to your friends. So you're actually doing them a disservice by not honoring you and setting boundaries that you need to be the best version of yourself. So next time you are feeling selfish or uneasy about setting a boundary or about saying no when you really don't want to say yes, remind yourself that this is actually helping those around you.
00:20:05
Speaker
It's not about you being selfish. It's actually you being selfless and saying, no, no, this is my life and I'm honoring who I am and what I want. And that's then going to have a spillover effect to all the people in my energy circle. So I want you to think about all the things that you have said yes to in your life, like maybe even after this podcast, get your journal out and write about all the things that you did that you didn't want to do.
00:20:31
Speaker
or the times where you have felt guilty for saying no or the times where you have felt guilty for calling in sick to work or for not going to a social occasion because you were too tired. The kind of guilt from saying no and setting boundaries unapologetically go hand in hand because it's this
00:20:52
Speaker
realm of like no this is what I want and I'm not going to bend for you and it can be really uncomfortable at the start but I promise you once you start setting boundaries you will start to feel freer and really really quite empowered in who you are and not only will you feel those good things
00:21:11
Speaker
But what happens is life starts to flow with you a little better because your energy is more centered, more balanced. When you are living a balanced life for you, you are saying yes to the things that you want to do and that feel right. And you are saying no unapologetically with no guilt attached to the things that aren't right for you right now. And I think that is when our energy lifts and is in alignment. And we know that when we're in alignment, we are seeing the science, we're experiencing synchronicities and coincidences.
00:21:41
Speaker
We are manifesting without even trying because we are, oh, I just went American, wow. We are living a life that is for us, not for anyone else. And think about how you feel when you see others setting boundaries. I know personally for me when I started setting boundaries a few years ago, I would look at other people who set boundaries who said no and just didn't seem to feel guilty or who just didn't go to things because it didn't serve them.
00:22:09
Speaker
I would be so inspired and I would think why can't I do that or why do I judge myself when I do do that? So think about how you feel when other people set boundaries and do you want to be one of those people? Do you want to use boundaries for yourself?
00:22:24
Speaker
because it really does make life so much better. And I know for so long there was this big thing around like, you know, the yes here and say yes to everything and go for every experience and yes, yes, yes, yes. That can bring like a lot of excitement and adventure and enjoyment and new opportunities. But I think there still does need to be an element of boundaries because you don't wanna be saying yes to things that don't align with your values and beliefs.
00:22:53
Speaker
because you never know where that will end up. And I think again, what can happen as well going back to the first card is if we start saying yes to things that are small, we start saying yes to things that are bigger and it becomes a habit and all of a sudden we're living this life that is just so off balance with what we wanted, but we've come too far. We've said yes to too many things. We haven't set any boundaries. So we're living a life for other people and not us.
00:23:18
Speaker
but it becomes quite hard to kind of untie because there's just so much of it. It has become your whole life, not an instance here and there. So we want to simplify things. We want to bring it back to the essence of you. I'm going to read the in-depth meaning that is from the booklet of the Oracle Card Deck just because I love it and I'm proud of it. So it says, this is about boundaries of course,
00:23:40
Speaker
It is time to step into your power and become unapologetic about how you want to live your life. When you give too much of yourself, others can become reliant and your energy can be taken advantage of. To be able to set healthy and clear boundaries that suit you, take a look at what is most important to you right now. It can be challenging to set boundaries if you spend your time trying to please others. So to make this process easier, become clear on where you want and need your energy to be going.
00:24:10
Speaker
That way, when you set these boundaries, you know that you are doing it out of love and respect for not only yourself, but for those you care about also. This card is encouraging you to be firm.
00:24:21
Speaker
You can still be loving and empathetic while also being assertive and bold when needed. I actually remember writing this paragraph in the booklet and being so proud of it. I think that's really powerful because it is true. There are so many of us who are people pleasers and we want to just make everyone happy and comfortable before we make ourselves happy and comfortable.
00:24:42
Speaker
But people do become reliant on that and that can become really hurtful and it can become quite a habit of those around you, even though they don't know exactly what they're doing intentionally, it can really hurt you in the long run.
00:25:00
Speaker
that reminder that we can still be loving and empathetic people while still being assertive and firm with what we want, when we want, who we want to be around, when we want to be around certain things, when we want to say no, and not allowing feelings of guilt to be attached to the word no all the time. And then the affirmation that you can use for setting boundaries
00:25:26
Speaker
is my wants and needs are important and I am comfortable setting healthy boundaries which benefit me and those I love. Oh my gosh, I think I'll leave that episode there because I think it's given us enough to think about and talk about and feel inspired about. I am so happy with those two cards we pulled and what we talked about today. I hope you liked it too.
00:25:49
Speaker
Get in touch via the community Facebook page if you did and if you have any questions. I hope you're all having an amazing day. I hope you let out your feelings today in your journal with a friend, a family member, a professional, whoever. And I hope you set some clear boundaries today unapologetically because you have every right to feel empowered while doing so. Thank you so much for listening to another podcast. You are all amazing and I will chat to you next week.